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eroscomet · 3 months ago

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Make it Right

Chapter two- Hauting for Home

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Paring: Astrid Deetz x Fem!Ghost!Reader

Warnings: Mentions death, a bit angsty, bad writing. (Let me know if I missed anything!)

Word count: 3k+

A/N: Hello, lovelies! I'm so sorry that this chapter took a while to make. I was busy on the weekend; however, I found time to finally finish the chapter for you all! I really do hope you guys enjoy this one! I will try to get a specific schedule for updates on certain stories. If you guys are wondering about updates for 'Picking Up Pieces That Aren't Yours,' I will try to update that as soon as possible. I will also be doing a couple drabbles on different characters and or drabbles of characters I've already written for. I would also like to thank you guys so much for all the support you all have been showing me! I am so thankful and grateful for each and every one of you! Thank you so much for every like, reblog, and comment, it means a lot to me!

Not proof read

╰┈➤Series Masterlist

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"You talked to my dad?!" Astrid had exclaimed with an amused smile on her face. There it was, that twinkle in her eye that you had missed so much. She hadn't been very happy recently, with you not around and everything else in her life that had been happening.

"Yeah, when I had first died. I got sent to the immigration office, and what do you know? There he was behind the glass. He's just as kind as you always told me he'd be. Surprisingly, he immediately recognized me. He told me that he had been watching after you and practically watched our love 'blossom,' as he put it." The two of you continued walking outside.

You couldn't help but think about how people must be seeing this. Astrid looked as if she were talking to herself from an outside perspective. Aware of her past, you knew people had a tendency to bully her, so when nearing Miss Shannon's School for Girls, you tried to get her to talk as much so that others wouldn't look at her funny. So, you took up most of the time on the way there, talking as much as she could so that she didn't have time to talk. Which was odd because she was usually the one who'd talk while you'd listen.

"He said he liked me, which is a relief. Sometimes, I feel like your mom is more confused but is trying to be supportive. I mean, remember when I had first come over, and she started talking about how she too 'experimented' as she said. Anyway, that isn't the point. I met your dad, and we actually frequently visited you together. It's funny, sometimes we'd bond over how much we missed you."

Astrid's eyes had furrowed as she had begun to notice that every time she began or wanted to speak, you only spoke faster, almost sputtering out information. A frown tugged at your lips as she had caught on.

"I just don't want people to look at you even more weirder than they already do. If you're talking to yourself, they'll find that an easy target. Try...putting on some headphones and pretending you're on the phone? Or you can just put your phone up to your ear?"

She smiled as she took her phone out of her pocket and brought it up to her ear.

"Thanks, you're right. So, what else did he say about me? Did you see my grandfather? What's the afterlife like?" Astrid felt like she had a million different questions to ask.

"Your dad says he's proud of you and that he sees himself in you all the time. As for your grandpa, no. I mean, I feel as if it's harder to find him since he did lose his head to a shark. The afterlife is a bit weird. I can't tell you much about it since I haven't exactly crossed over. I basically only know what headquarters and a few shops look like. I mean, there's a 'Soul Train' which essentially takes you to the 'Great Beyond,' but I never went because I don't want to risk not being able to watch over you."

You grabbed Astid's shoulders, moving beside her to walk toward the street end of the sidewalk. Even though you were dead, the sidewalk rule never really left you, even while Astrid couldn't even see you.

"Yeah, I figured. I almost can't believe that a shark bite ended his life, I knew my family wasn't normal, but we can't even have a somewhat normal death? The Great Beyond, huh? Soul Train is a clever name though. Does no one know what's on the side?"

"I mean, I've never seen someone leave then come back from the train in the full year, almost two years that I've been here. I'm not taking the risk and crossing anyway, I can't lose you again after we just got back to each other."

"You're right..." Her eyebrows furrowed, her attention on the sidewalk as they continued to walk. She thought to herself for a moment before speaking again.

"So, you don't have any ghost tricks you learned?"

"Of course, you'd ask that, would you be disappointed in me if I said I didn't?"

"I mean, you've been gone for a year almost two, I'd expect you to know at least something to make me feel better for all the time you've been gone."

"Okay, uhhh... I can walk through walls and, I guess, float a bit."

"That sounds like every other ghost."

"Just because i'm a ghost doesn't mean I have super powers, Astrid."

"Just saying."

"I mean, I do have this nasty scar from the accident." You lowered your shirt neckline, showing the scar on the lower part of your neck. Astrid winced at the scar before looking away.

"Right. Weird how all it took was one neck twist for you to die.

"Well, it's more like my neck twisted as if I was a cartoon character that got punched, and my head began spinning-"

"Ew, shut up. Don't talk about it like it's something light."

"I'm sorry, you're right."

It was silent for a bit as you guys walked into the school, Astrid opened one of the doors while you phased right through the other door. Astird put her phone back into her pocket as she walked upstairs and past the other students. You followed after her, your eyebrows furrowing at the other students nearby her dorm. Some of them whispering to each other while giggling.

That's when Astrid opened her dorm room's door, a bedsheet attached to the ceiling by a rope coming straight towards her. The bedsheet makes out a ghost with a 'Boo' sign in its chest area. Astrid stumbled back before turning around and looking at the other girls, who began to burst out into laughter behind her.

"When you're all driving carpool and banging your pilates instructor to fill the empty voids in your life, we'll see who gets the last laugh."

The girls smiles and laughs quickly died as she finished speaking. Astrid turned around as she went into her room, shutting the door behind her. You smiled proudly, a laugh escaping you as you saw the looks on the girls faces as they disburst from Astrid's door.

"Witty as always." You said as you phased through her dorm room's door. The make-shift ghost on the ceiling startling you a bit as you had almost 'ran' into it. Sometimes you forget you're a ghost even if it's been a year.

"They have not toned down with the comments? You had always been careful about this topic, not wanting to bring it up too much with Astrid.

"No." It was a simple and straightforward answer that made you not want to question further. A part of you felt angry that you were helpless to all of it now that you're dead. You had gotten so used to defending her against everyone but now your words would only fall on deaf ears.

You sighed as you plopped yourself onto her dorm room's bed, thinkiing for a moment on how to steer away the conversation of bullying that she obviously did not want to talk about.

"Did you hear that my sister's pregnant? I know that I shouldn't bother looking over them since they're perfectly fine.."

"I'm not surprised."

"She's naming the baby after me."

"God, that's ridiculous! Naming their kid after a relative who isn't even dead yet-" Astrid's voice faltered for a moment. The fact that you were dead and have been for almost two years was still a punch in the gut after all this time.

"That's what I said, baby." You offered her a small smile as you played into the bit that you were still alive for Astrid. She still wanted to make her at least feel a bit better.

'Baby.'

Your words - and your smile, even if it was for her benefit - just made Astrid's heart twist further in her chest.

"You're killing me here."

"Why?" Your head tilted to the side as you looked at her.

"Because you're supposed to be dead." Her voice came out in a strangled whisper as she looked down at the papers scattered on her desk.

You bit your lip, you didn't want to show that what Astrid had said hurt you. Even if you were dead, you still had emotions and feelings. You paused for a moment before deciding to drop the topic.

"So, they're having a baby shower. You should go."

"Oh god, a baby shower? Is it too late to make you disappear again?" Her face had immediately scrunched up with distaste at the idea of being forced to go to a baby shower - especially your self-centered sister's baby shower where she'd name her child after you for her own gain.

"Come on, you couldn't see me for a whole year, and now that you're finally able to, you already want to get rid of me? That's cold, babe, even for you. Even for me who's dead cold. Get it? Huh? Dead cold. Because i'm dead? And i'm cold now because I have no blood. No? Okay."

"Oof, that was horrible." She said as she shook her head and grumbled in response.

"Come on, admit you missed me. I heard all your late-night talks that you thought weren't reaching my ears."

"I did miss you - I've missed you for a whole year." She confessed, sounding a bit surprised by her own confession. The room fell silent, the weight of everything that had happened falling onto the both of them. Neither of them wanted to address it, though, they didn't want to have to deal with it now.

"Did you ever-" She paused for a moment as she thought of the right words to say, "When I'd lay in your bed and mope, were you just...watching me?"

"No, I hated that. I'd still do what I would've done if I were alive. I tried holding you and whispering sweet nothings into your ear that never got to you."

"Sweet nothings, huh?" She teased, which earned an eye roll from you. Again, the room had fell silent as the two were lost in thought before Astrid spoke again, breaking the silence.

"How bad did it hurt?"

"Uh.. Well... I just remember being on the ground one second, then in the air the next. I landed, and well- You know what. It had hurt for that second that I was alive, but it had been an instant death if anything."

Having to talk about your death wasn't an easy topic. It was a reminder of how quick you had lost it all. The blood in your system, the beat of your heart, Astrid. The sight of you nervously fidgeting with your own fingers made Astrid's heart ache.

"I hate that." She muttered, her voice coming in strained, almost as if she was forcing herself to get the words out.

"I'm sorry." Your words were mumbled as she continued to fidget with your fingers, now more anxiously than before. The apology caused Astrid to shut her eyes, trying to hold herself together. She felt that now was not the time to start breaking down.

"Don't. Don't apologize." She had almost snapped at you as she opened her eyes to shoot a glare at you.

"Okay." You were never one to go against her word, you didn't want to start a fight. Especially not now. All you could do was bring up one of your hands, beginning to gently pull on the hairs on the back of your neck as you avoided Astrid's eyes.

"Is that a nervous habit of yours now? Pulling your hair." She asked as she reached her hand out idly to brush your hair out of your eyes.

"I had gotten it when I first reached the afterlife. When you watch the people you love hurting, and all you can do is ghost around them..." Your voice had faltered, forcing yourself to clear your throat and then begin to speak again.

"You feel so helpless. Watching everyone who used to be around you and love you so miserable about your death. It makes you feel guilty but, most of all, useless. There's no way to hold, touch, talk to, comfort them... It's hard."

The room had fallen silent after your words. Astrid's fingertips gently brushed along the back of your head - tracing the place that you usually pulled at. She let her hand rest there, trying to keep you from pulling at your hair again.

"How cold am I?"

Your words made Astrid pause for a moment. Leaning closer to you as she wrapped an arm around her now ghost girlfriend. The chill of your skin made her shiver involuntarily - but Astrid tried not to show the way her body automatically wanted to shy away from the cold.

"Really damn cold. It's like you're an ice cube almost." Her words a mumble as she got closer to you, laying next to you as she rested her head on top of yours.

"I'm sorry that I'm not warm anymore." Your own words come out as a mumble as well, instinctively, your head rests on her shoulder.

"I know you don't much like when it's really cold. I thought I was keeping myself with this sweater but now that someone's actually able to touch me, I realize it's doing nothing for me."

"Gosh, you don't have to apologize for that. At least you're here." She pulled you closer against her, her arms wrapping around your waist - burtying her face into your shoulder, even if your skin was freezing and caused a slight burn against her own warm skin. She ignored the way that her body had involutarily shivered at the contact - focusing instead on the fact that her girlfriend was here.

"Barely." You mumbled quietly as you gently pulled away from your girlfriend, knowing that you were probably burning Astrid's skin with your own cold, dead skin that was now a pale blue hue.

"Don't be like that. You're talking as if you have no more hope."

"Death has a way of doing that."

Astrid let out a quiet huff at your words. Her eyes flickered back and forth from you and her own hands that were now gripped tightly on her bedding - but in the next moment, she let go. Almost as if with a full burst of speed, she darted to you. Her arms wrapping around your body, hauling you into her bed in a tight, crushing embrace.

"Astrid-" You had said in surprise and protest. You knew that you were cold. Dead. The cold would burn Astrid at one point, and you didn't want that. Not when you used to be alive and warm for her. You used to keep her warm and now you can only burn her with your icy dead skin.

"Don't even think about complaining. I don't care if you're cold." Astrid snapped as she held you impossibly close against her. Her body shivered once again as your cold skin was like a bucket of cold water dumped over her body - but she ignored the cold, focusing on the sensation of her girlfriend in her arms.

A frown had tugged at your lips, knowing that eventually, Astrid would get too cold, but after a year of being a lone ghost who watched your loved ones move on or suffer because of you, you couldn't help but be a little selfish. Your arms wrapped around her as tightly as you could.

You missed your girlfriend so much. Watching over her for a year, her suffering for a full year over your death, had done a number on you. You'd cry if you could, but all you felt was this deep internal sadness. You had no heartbeat, you had no blood to warm your body, you had no tears to shed from your dry eyes. Your chest was the most still it had ever been, you had no air to breathe anymore.

It had begun to feel like too much for the both of them. Being this close to each other after a year of thinking they'd never be able to have contact again, feeling each other's skin despite the feeling of a small burning on her own skin from your own. It was almost enough to make Astrid cry.

The cold was beginning to seep into her skin - making her shiver and leaving her skin prickled. But Astrid wouldn't - couldn't - let go of you. Not when it had been a year since she was able to hold you. You had only frowned as you held her tighter. A small hiss escaped Astrid from the cold contact as she tried to get herself impossibly closer to you.

"Damn it, it's getting too cold." She hissed, speaking between clenched teeth as she tried to bury her face into your shoulder further.

"Warm up with the blankets, I'll just lay beside you. I promise I won't disappear." You pulled away, gently moving Astrid off of yourself as you carefully pulled her bedsheets over her body. When you finished tucking her in, you lay beside her, admiring every detail you could land your eyes on.

She only huffed a bit, feeling oddly petulant about the fact that she had to let go of you However, she did as she was told. A small shiver rattled her body as her eyes locked onto yours. She managed to mumble something incohereently as she reached for you, trying to tug you close again.

"Too cold, baby. Just give it a moment. I'm here, you see me." You tried to reassure her as you gently tugged a strand of hair behind her ear.

'Baby.' The soft nickname only made her want to pull you close again, but she knew that you were right. Her body was cold - skin still pricked and burned from being in contact with her girlfriend. She snuggled further into the bedding, her hand gently reaching out to yours. Linking her own pinky with yours, causing you to smile. Her eyes looked into yours as if asking if it was okay to which you had nodded.

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A/N: I don't know why this felt like such a short chapter to me despite it being the most words I've written so far?? I might have some filler chapters for this and 'Picking Up Pieces That Aren't Yours' sometimes. Then again, there is still a lot to write for the storyline themselves. Thank you, lovelies, for all the support on my posts! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm so sorry if some days I do not have time to update. Also, if there's anyone that wants to be tagged for updates on this story, leave a comment saying so! Bye, loves!

#jenna ortega #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x female reader #tara carpenter x reader #jenna ortega x fem #jenna ortega x reader #jenna marie ortega #jenna ortega imagine #beetlejuice 2 #beetlejuice #astrid deetz x reader #astrid deetz #Make it Right #eroscomet

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rockrosethistle · 8 months ago

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Workin Boys was literally the only thing that saved Hidgens from being flanderized beyond recognition

(Spoilers for Workin' Boys)

So what I think a lot of people don't give much thought to is how much Professor Hidgens as a character has evolved since tgwdlm, essentially becoming a parody of himself.

Think of Hidgens as a character. What are his defining traits?

Did you think about how he is a doomsday prepper who has been stockpiling supplies for 20 years? Because that's how he's introduced in Guy.

Did you try think about how he has a weird relationship with his Alexa? Or did we forget about that?

In fact, for the majority of TGWDLM, Hidgens' main character trait is that he says weird shit with a Doc Brown voice.

The whole concept of Workin Boys isn't even introduced until the last half hour of the show. That's where he reveals his real motivation: to live out the musical he wrote as a young man.

Actually, no, that's not right. Because his motivation was world peace, and Workin Boy's was just a convenient means to that end.

I won't disregard the fact that Hidgens clearly has an emotional connection to the show, but in Guy, it serves as a punchline rather than a driving force.

So now we have this lovely, morally-grey, multi-layered character that we can work with.

By the time we get to Time Bastard, the fandom is expecting a show stopping number reference, so of course we get that.

But at this point, Hidge is still that multi-layered character. Sure, showstopping number gets a callback, but we also get a callback to his strange relationship with robots. They make up an equal part of him as a character.

By the time we get to Honey Queen, we have lost several aspects of Hidgens altogether. He is no longer a doomsday-believing recluse. He is now active in the community and his only motivation is to get his show funded. He brings it up at every chance he gets, and his loyalties lie with whoever is more likely to make Workin Boys happen.

So how the hell do we come back from this?

Well, at first it seems like we're not going to. Workin' Boys (the short film) comes out, and it looks like we're leaning even harder into this aspect of his personality than before. But then we get hit with something we're not expecting: Hidge gets the Ted Spankoffski treatment.

I'm referring to Ted's backstory in Time Bastard, where we learn that all of his actions actually stem from a single, traumatic moment, which in his eyes forced him to alter his behaviour, so as to not go through the same trauma again.

Can you see where I'm going with this?

The backstory we get from Hidgens certainly puts things in perspective. No, it's not enough to explain why his behaviour has been so laser-focused on this one show, but it's a start.

Then comes the part that changes everything.

It's left up to interpretation whether these ghosts Hidge is seeing are actually there, or just hallucinations, but that doesn't really matter.

Hidgens had been through a horrible experience, so traumatizing that he is still literally being haunted by it decades later. For one reason or another, he believes that the only way he can relieve himself of these ghosts is by bringing honor to the loved ones he's lost and telling their stories.

This reveal recontextualizes everything we know about Hidgens as a character. Suddenly, this isn't a story about some guy who just really wants to put on his musical, this is a story about guilt. Of course it would be the driving factor in his life. Look at him apologizing to his boys. He feels like he is slandering their memories with everything that goes wrong for the show.

This is supported even more with the ending.

Henry Hidgens dies with a smile on his face, believing he's finally achieved his goal: to tell the real story of what happened that night.

It finally makes sense as to why we've lost those parts of him--we've retconned the character by revealing that all that simplification of his goals and traits wasn't flanderization at all, but a steady downward spiral of grief over his loved ones. It wasn't Hidgens getting a little too into being a playwrite, it was him descending into madness caused by the inability to please the part of himself (or the literal ghosts, if that's how you interpret it) that believes he's not doing enough.

And if not for Workin' Boys, he would have remained that one-dimensional character.

#starkid #hatchetfield #npmd #tgwdlm #hatchetverse #team starkid #professor hidgens #henry hidgens #jeff blim #nightmare time #nightmare time 2 #nmt #nmt2 #character analysis #analysis #rose rabbles #honey queen #time bastard #the guy who didn't like musicals

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talaofthevalley · 6 months ago

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Wonder what woulda happened if Ai hadn't interrupted here.

Cause like, Yusaku and Spectre are like mirrors of each other, this episode establishes that pretty clearly. And even though Playmaker starts out thinking every victim thought the incident was alike to hell, you do see signs that he's trying to understand Spectre's perspective. He asks Spectre questions, and interestingly Spectre answers, honestly at that.

Playmaker asks, and listens, and it seems like he's on the verge of something when Ai interrupts the conversation.

I don't exactly think Ai was wrong to pull this, they had no time and Ai is correct that it's pointless to talk to Spectre right now, since nothing except for Revolver's word would have made him let Playmaker pass. But the more interesting part for me comes from what he says after;

Beyond showcasing Ai's ability to manipulate, if Ai meant this seriously and thought it would play a big part in putting Yusaku into complete duel mode, then Ai doesn't understand Yusaku very well.

He says Yusaku and Spectre are nothing alike, which a normal watcher who's paid attention can pretty easily dispute. Playmaker doesn't acknowledge this claim, only realises they're on a time limit and they need to move. It's the reminder that the Tower of Hanoi is activating that gets him moving. Being told they're nothing alike isn't reassuring for Yusaku, because he's already realised him and Spectre are alike.

It's those similarities that make Yusaku understand Spectre a little, relate to him in a way he couldn't with any other Knight of Hanoi. But even when Yusaku relates or understands his opponent, it doesn't stop him from fighting. Yusaku's thrown from meeting someone with such a opposite perspective on the incident that ruined his life, but still possess such large similarities to him.

While Yusaku cannot comprehend enjoying the incident like Spectre did, I think he understands and relates to some of what Spectre describes here.

What little we know of Yusaku's life post-Lost Incident is that he recieved treatment for what he went through, tried to forget the incident and live a normal life. When we're shown flashbacks of young Yusaku after the incident, he's notably distant from everyone, if not physically then in his expression.

A big empty room filled with toys. No reaction to a kind-looking woman gently holding his hand. Introduced to what seems to be a new class of kids he doesn't know. Sat at the back, apart from the rest. Even if Yusaku was treated nicer than Spectre was, it was obviously not enough and came with its own hardships. And if he couldn't even talk about his experiences like Spectre, it would make adjusting even harder and the distance between him and others larger.

I'm especially honing in on the comment Spectre makes about Yusaku's life before the incident.

"If the incident hurt you, you must've led a happy a happy life before."

Spectre doesn't know that, he's drawing a conclusion based on observation and the information he has. But it's a conclusion Yusaku can't affirm or deny, because he doesn't have any memories of his life before the incident. The idea that the reason it affected him so much being because he was happy beforehand might not have even crossed his mind.

And then we have this fun little tidbit;

A place to belong. Something we in retrospect knows Yusaku feels he doesn't have, but wants. He can understand that desire very well. And if Spectre feels he has found that place with Revolver, then who is Yusaku to tell him he's wrong?

This framing tells a thousand words I think, cause we have Playmaker and Spectre in the same shot, but the focus is on Playmaker's face. It's hard to read his expression, but to me it comes off as thoughtful, still serious but he's considering Spectre's words and conviction here like he would any other opponent. It's like watching Yusaku building an understanding towards Spectre in real time.

Yusaku can understand that kind of loyalty. That unwavering dedication to someone who saved your soul when you needed it the most.

There are so many moments in S1 where Yusaku pulls on the memory of that person to gather strenght, to accomplish his goal of not only defeating Hanoi and learn the truth, but to meet that person again and save them if they are still in danger. Yusaku has survived this far on the memory of that kind voice that reached out to him at his lowest. He's dedicated in a way that, if he ever came to learn of the details, I think Spectre would similarly relate to.

dunno man it's fun to think about. I still have the rest of the duel to rewatch so who knows maybe my brain will be tickled even further or I've said something super contradicting that will be shown in just the following episode. The amount this show can give me to gnaw on in a single episode is kind of amasing.

#yugioh vrains #yugioh #ygo vrains #yusaku fujiki #fujiki yusaku #spectre #spectre vrains #spectre yugioh #see this #this is why i wish vrains had more character interaction beyond s1 #we'd have gotten more shit like this that makes me insane #like imagine if spectre and soulburner'd had a chance to have a go at each other #i want to see spectre dissect soulburner right to his face i think it'd be funny #valley archives

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dreamcatcheratdawn · 9 months ago

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"Until then, I'll wait for you"

I hope this is what you wanted @is2sae, please give feedback 🥹♥️.

Emparelhamento: Itoshi Sae x Fem!reader

Warning: slight mention of blood, a bit of angst, relationship established implicitly, mentions of Itoshi Rin, mentions of Sae's departure for Spain, fluffy ending.

Itoshi Sae, from the start, was a weirdly cute person. Starting with his dream of becoming the best striker in the world. The first time he told you this was when you were standing under a giant fig tree in the park, recovering from the exhaustion of playing ball for almost an hour. Hearing him say it was the cutest thing, his eyes full of sparkle and a smile on his face as he looked up at the blue sky full of clouds.

Oh, the way you met was also highly unusual. A mistimed kick from him resulted in the ball going straight into your face as you made your way home, since school was out. It was when you were both 7 years old, in a playground where there was a soccer field with lots of kids playing on it.

Your nose itched and you felt a warm liquid run down your skin. Taking your hand to the spot, you saw that it was blood. When Itoshi Sae saw it, he immediately despaired and ran towards you, too nervous about the situation to remember his soccer ball. Despite the fact that you, who had been a calmer person since birth, said that everything was fine, he insisted on treating you, resulting in him taking you to his house so that his mother could stop the bleeding.

From then on you started seeing each other quite often, you taking the same route and him playing in the same place at the same time. It started with little nods to each other, then Sae mustered up enough courage to call you over to play with him. And if you didn't know anything about soccer, he was willing to teach you everything from scratch.

Despite being a closed person, Sae was affectionate in his own way with both you and his older brother, Rin. Speaking of his younger brother, you met a month after your new friendship with Sae, when on another occasion you were going to play with Sae, but he had a little boy next to him, a mini version of Sae's total opposite. Rin turned out to be just as good at soccer as his brother, in your eyes that is, since you didn't understand the soccer perspective.

Years passed and the trio's friendship grew stronger every day, where their refuge was now a nice game of soccer. Did you need to calm your nerves? No problem, call Sae and he'll have a game with you. Were you sad? Rin was there to cheer you up too.

Everything was a bed of roses until the day Sae brought the news that he was going on a trip to Spain. The spoonful of ice cream in your mouth stopped in mid-air, making you raise your eyes in his direction. "You're kidding, right?" you said with a smile on your face, staring at him. His serious face showed that he wasn't joking at all.

"I need to go after my dream." That's what he said, lowering his gaze to his already melted ice cream. A lump began to form in your throat, and you frowned, praying that it was just your hearing failing once again. "I'm sorry I'm only telling you now. But I'll be back" Sae looked up, a look of determination on his face "And then I'll take you with me" And just like that, there went your best friend on his journey to be the best striker in the world.

At the airport, you cried in his arms before he left, your arms encircling Sae's body tightly. Words of comfort were whispered from both of you, making promises you didn't know would be kept until then. A silent kiss on the lips was given, neither of you found this act strange, it felt natural and even seemed like you had been dating for years. Rin didn't show up, which indicated that he was too sad to be able to say goodbye to his own brother.

Since that day, you've worked harder and harder to get a good job and earn a living. You missed your passion, of course, but you respected his decision and were there to support him. Your friendship with Rin was still there, and he became more open with you as he grew up. As you were older than him, he saw you as a sister he could lean on for anything.

You and Sae still exchanged messages, albeit rarely, because he was too busy chasing his dream.

A few years passed and you were watching Rin play with the ball that used to be Sae's, in the field now covered with a fluffy blanket of white snow falling from the gray sky. Until Sae appeared, approaching you while carrying a suitcase. He was wearing a team uniform, and he looked...tired?

Rin, obviously delighted at her brother's arrival, ran up to him, starting to chatter happily about everything he'd done over the years that Sae had been away, hoping that her brother would be proud. Sae just patted his little brother on the head, muttering "good job".

Now looking at you, he asked the two of you to go somewhere quieter to talk. Not that that wasn't an ideal place, but Rin was there, so you figured. You nodded, telling Rin you'd be right back, to which he nodded as he went to play with his ball.

Going to a nearby park, you sat on the toy swing there, waiting patiently for what Sae was going to say.

"I couldn't fulfill my dream." It was the first thing he said after an eternity of silence. Your heart skipped a beat, seeing Sae's face looking down, her lips being bitten with such pressure that you feared they would bleed. His hands clenched the rope that supported the swing, his knuckles turning white with the force he put into it.

You didn't have to ask why he hadn't told you before, why he had omitted that fact or even why he hadn't gotten what he wanted so badly. Maybe it was shame, but it didn't matter. You just stood up from your seat, gently hugging Sae's trembling body, without so much as a peep. A kiss was planted on the sweet lips of the man you loved so much, drawing his attention. That's all he needed right now, a little consolation, and he knew he'd get it from you, the person he loved from the first time he saw you.

It was short, but I hope you enjoyed it. Our boy Sae needs comfort, no one can get it out of my head *inner cry*

#itoshi sae x reader #itoshi sae #blue lock #slight angst #itoshi sae angst #blue lock x reader #blue lock manga #im crying

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gamingblur103s · 14 days ago

Text

my thoughts on neo the world ends with you

long but probably not very good to read. spoilers and allat

i have to admit that i have a knee-jerk resentment towards a lot of the twewy franchise outside of the original game. every port and remake and reimagining of the original is simply worse off because something fundamental about what made the original experience so fantastic is removed. granted, this is often out of necessity for it no longer being a DS game, and from a business perspective, something like the anime adaptation only makes sense when a sequel is coming out practically immediately after the anime ends. still, in regards to these rereleases, i can easily see them as things that only add to the franchise rather than remove from them. the mobile port, despite screwing with the art style and the gameplay, added new music that is on par with the original game's score. the anime adaptation, despite its truncation, occasional mischaracterization, and format the story was not made for, looks pretty great and is still fun enough to be an effective recap, which was its precise purpose. it is much harder to say the same for final remix.

final remix is a port of a port; it maintains the streamlined and exponentially less engaging gameplay of the mobile version. granted, it comes with new pins which work well enough with this new base, but that doesn't change the problems i have with these fundamentals. to make up for that (as well as bridge the gap between it and neo), final remix comes with "a new day": a continuation of the story that is necessary to experience in order to understand neo.

to be blunt, a new day is where my previously mentioned resentment began. the story it tries to tell is so emphatic on its mystery that it foregoes any actual depth. as something that is expressly being tacked onto the original story rather than its own entity, its poor quality leads to directly detracting from that story.

the reaper's game (for og twewy at least) was meant to act as a symbolic prison for neku that colored every bit of his progress. yes, his character development is fairly blatant, but if anything, it benefits from that. the framing of the reaper's game actually makes the arc more grounded in how arduous it is, in how it was so much longer than neku could have ever expected, in how it hurt in all the ways he was scared it would.

it's all perfectly embodied by the fact neku is still wearing his headphones when the original game ends on the sublime emotional note of him taking them off. it's careless storytelling, to such an extent that it colors everything that came before it as the last canonical events we get to see, made all the worse by how it (and consequently, the game) ends with Neku dying. again. the only thing that keeps me from being completely outraged at the comical disregard of his arc is that it at least doesn't take away his emotional development.

there's also the iffy characterization overall, once again to serve a mystery the plot cannot afford to answer the larger reaching implications of. mind you, there's nothing outright OFFENSIVE about its portrayals (i actually think fake joshua is the best example of characterization in the whole thing; it's fun to show what a character is by what they aren't), but it's all just so vapid. forgive me for being smarmy enough to use an antimetabole, but when you go through a whole-ass video game that has its plot function in service to its characters, playing such a blatant sequel-bait that has its characters serving the IDEA of a plot feels like a disservice to those characters. if there's a connection to be felt, it's not indicated or made stronger by what happens here; it's all for the sake of hype.

i'm rambling, but hopefully that embodies my emotions going into neo comprehensively enough. i couldn't help but see a new day as utterly counterintuitive, and as a result, i had my typical territorial nature for my favorite things cranked up to twelve. i couldn't even fully trust the original staff with this game. for a while, i couldn't shake the feeling that the franchise of twewy outside the original game tarnished my experience with it. i did everything i could to convince myself to go full "death of the author": everything that isn't the original game simply isn't canon. but that didn't feel right to me, so i still kept this deep curiosity in me. then, about two and a half years after its release, i started up neo and spent my winter break exclusively on playing it through to the end (college made it so if i didn't finish it then, i'd have to wait till the summer).

this FINALLY leads me to my thoughts on the game this post is supposed to be about.

in a word, neo feels derivative. mind you, that's by no means the full story. for certain aspects, that description is either deeply unfair or outright untrue; for others, it's frankly generous. holistically, however, it feels like a continuation of what twewy had to offer, when it could've been an evolution. this by itself would make it worse than the original, but then there are times where it can't even accomplish that much.

on that note: the presentation.

og twewy didn't just have a fantastic style, but phenomenal direction. it was a multi-pronged refutation of the idea of "style over substance". the pause menu alone is so informative, yet so digestible because of its adherence to the game's style, what with its inspired choice of music and cute lil thumbnails for all the menus you can navigate to from there. there's also accounting for what players will most often check the menu for and an effort to make such features particularly accessible. the shining examples of this are dedicating nearly all of the top screen to the map and the fact that all the combat options aside from the pins (your level, partner behavior, game difficulty) are available on that screen, rather than hidden in another menu. hell, credit where it's due, the rereleases' version of this menu are all just as good; the attempt to depixelize the visuals makes it look a little too much like a gacha game for my liking, but absolutely nothing about it was changed in such a way that it becomes harder to navigate

in general, i think ui/ux design is way more important in games than it's given credit for, though that's undoubtedly changed in recent times. it's always been listed as a separate career from other graphic design jobs, and rightfully so, but for games especially, it can't be stressed enough how much they make or break a game's flow and "vibe". fact of the matter is, a significant chunk of a player's time is going to be spent in menus no matter what. i'm sure there's exceptions to this, but all i can think of is very primitive examples like pong which obviously don't apply to what i mean. as a result, making those menus feel fun and/or natural to use elevates the entire experience in ways even the most diligent game developers might not realize. an article from gamesradar has a translated quote from persona 5 director katsura hashino which really emboldened my feelings on the topic

"In Japan, UI design is often handled by new employees. ... Top level designers are usually in charge of characters and background graphics, with the UI being secondary. I think that’s a mistake. That’s why Atlus' UI designers are paid so well."

(side note: as great as the menus in p3r mostly are, the change for the in-battle menu from the revolver chamber is criminal. i know they still kinda have it, but i still prefer what the original did)

with all that said: neo twewy has three pause menus.

the first menu, which i will call the main menu, is where most of the options that relate to gameplay are. your current objective, social network (no jesse eisenberg in sight), equipment, map, and collectible progress. each of those five things i mentioned are their own menu within this menu, except for equipment which is actually two menus in threads and pins (to be fair, just like twewy).

the second menu, which i’ll call the pause menu, has all the shit that give off system setting vibes. saving, loading, going to the title screen, volume control, subtitles (always yes), voice track (we’ll get to that), the works. worth noting that this menu has absolutely no style to it. it is laughably barebones. sauceless, if you will.

the third menu, which i’ll call the combat menu, has all the combat options twewy had at the bottom of its main menu. this menu is also pretty lacking in sauce, though i suppose there’s only so much that could be done without it feeling obtrusive.

an insane person would argue this is a good translation of the immediate access in twewy’s ui. this division means less navigation is needed for certain option and it makes clutter a non-issue (in theory). while i’m sure this is true for some, for me, it became a consistent headache which would often undermine what i think are its design goals. the main menu’s subdivisions are a good example, but i actually didn’t have too much of a problem with it since switching between the menus was fairly snappy. the pin menu, however, was COMICALLY clunky. it becomes far too difficult to navigate your list as soon as week 2 starts. neo is a home console game, so there is zero need for a single pin to take up THAT much space on the screen, especially when that same pin at a different level of progress is listed separately, effectively doubling the amount of shit you have to sift through. the attempts at giving me shortcuts and filters ended up only confusing me. by the end, i resorted to exclusively consulting the full list every time, because even if it was tedious as all hell, at least i understood it and could eventually memorize the positions of things.

granted, it’s not all bad. you can actually access the combat menu while you’re in the main menu, so you can experiment with your level and view the drop rates in the noisepedia simultaneously. this version of the map, while it takes extra steps to access, also has features twewy’s map did not, namely the ability to see the kinds of noises that spawn in an area. you can even zoom in and out! for some reason!

these undeniable improvements are not only things twewy did not have, but in some cases (i.e. the map's new features) couldn’t have. however, it’s still missing the forest for the trees; the fundamental flow is still so disjointed that these features feel like a bandage on a tumor. i fully concede this next complaint is at least partially on me, but i cannot tell you the number of times i pressed the button for the wrong menu. because each menu has important shit that i need frequent access to, my muscle memory for the “i need menu things” neurons are always confused. if i’m not wasting time by going to the wrong menu, i’m wasting time by hesitating on pressing any button in case i’m wrong.

i’m being cruel here to an extent, and i acknowledge that. in isolation, these problems aren’t even a fraction as damning as i make them out to be, but when it’s something repeatedly experienced throughout the entire game, i cannot ignore how i dread having to interact with these menus and how they color my experience. granted, you could argue these complaints refute my thesis statement on neo being derivative. it may have failed, but is this not neo trying something new? to that, i would make the distinction that this is not a case of neo evolving, but rather, simply adapting.

allow me to branch back out to the more general subject of the game’s presentation.

i am by absolutely no means going to be calling the presentation of neo bad. that might be shocking to hear after me going so hard on the ui of all things, but i'm not an idiot. the soundtrack is a delight ("the beginning of a happy life" is genuinely, no bullshit, honest to god one of my favorite vg songs i have ever heard), the visuals are never any worse than ok (fret's design is by FAR my favorite, but i also liked shoka, rindo (mainly just his mask continuing the theme of neku's "hear no evil" with "speak no evil"), and susukichi), and when the two combine, it consistently achieves a familiar vibe throughout.

VERY familiar.

again, the presentation of neo is not bad. i would go so far as to call it good overall. but i genuinely struggle to think of any way it substantially iterates on what twewy has to offer. from where i'm standing, it feels like a complete copy-paste (with one exception that i swear i will get to soon cuz this is now like my third time alluding to it).

it's a bit of a mainstream example, but when you look at something like final fantasy, there's a clear throughline in the presentation of pretty much the entire series. even at its most vibrant and cutesy, there's this particular breed of gothic or sci-fi or—and i truly do not mean this disparagingly—edgy you can feel in the foundation of a final fantasy game. conversely, even at its darkest, final fantasy has its own brand of whimsy and bombast in chocobos or summons or the bajillion leitmotifs throughout the franchise. through it all, final fantasy has maintained a strong fundamental identity, but has managed to express it in a myriad of ways that, rather than dilute said identity, only bolster and refine its spirit.

i use final fantasy specifically because of its similarities to twewy. granted, these similarities are largely surface-level, but that's also kinda my point. final fantasy as a franchise achieves the variety it does through acknowledging what is fundamental to it and innovating off of that. by contrast, twewy (the franchise, not the game) is afraid to change its spirit and seeks purely to preserve it. because of that, the only way you could really differentiate twewy (the game, not the franchise) and neo at a glance is because of the hardware they are on. acquiescing to the merciless march of time, rather than embracing it.

that's why i still think my complaints about the ui ultimately fall back on the critiques of neo being derivative. while the problems with the ui in isolation seem like the developers trying something new, when you look at neo holistically, it is so clearly just an attempt at merely adapting, and sometimes it feels like neo fails even on that level. it isn't even innovation by necessity; every change feels like a sacrifice more than anything.

and on that note: gameplay.

i would say i generally enjoyed playing neo. the overworld exploration is very bog-standard, but i still appreciate it. remind is cute (it and telewarp's mechanics are obviously scripted but successfully "feel" cool to use) and dive fights are cool. i didn't mind the lack of fast travel, and in fact ADORED beat's soundsurf. having it add to your groove makes so much sense it hurts, and i love what it does to the music. but all of this is kinda window dressing when compared to the combat.

i'm sure my utter obsession with rpg (especially traditional rpg) gameplay aids my love of neo's combat, but i think most people can appreciate the gameplay loop. assigning party members to specific buttons is an undeniably fun concept. the hyper-customization of the combat is also something to be admired (to an extent); i'm sure i'm not particularly special for this, but i adore any opportunity to play a game "my way". the pin list is a teensy bit bloated with repeated ideas but with a higher number and/or different and somewhat arbitrary "element", but i sincerely love it overall. with how diverse the ideas are, there's a shocking few that i would consider objectively worse than the others. for example, the strength of the game's combo system "groove" means that a pin having a lower power doesn't actually make it necessarily worse, since less damage per attack allows for longer combos, which allows for more liberal and consistent use of the special moves unlocked by reaching the 100%, 200%, and 300% thresholds. inversely, as a compulsive grinder, the game's progression felt fairly natural even when i was pretty blatantly overprepared. fights are incredibly busy, and the boss fights especially are designed so that a single mistake can become a slippery slope of punishment. i died fairly frequently, particularly from getting too big for my britches and taking on a reduction chain i just couldn't handle. thus, fights never felt thoughtless the whole way through, which i was frankly REALLY impressed by.

i would accredit each of these compliments (or a stronger version of them) to twewy (to the point where i'm strongly tempted to derail this whole thing into how much i fucking love twewy's gameplay), but to its credit, neo does take different ways to get there in a lot of cases. to be doubly fair, though, as i've previously stated, these different approaches feel like they needed to happen rather than resulting from a distinct and passionate vision. to be TRIPLY fair, though, what's here has so much polish and depth that there was clearly some kind of passion present. my mind made a strong connection to kingdom hearts; i am not a big kh fan, so that is either indicative of just how similar neo and kh are (that someone like me could point it out) or how ignorant i am to action rpgs (accusing neo of being similar when it's really not). i'm open to either option.

the hyper-customization also feels like a double-edged sword, in that there is virtually no difference in how each of the six party members play. making your party members distinct from a gameplay perspective is INCREDIBLY important, because it's such an effective tool of storytelling. for better or worse, how a character performs during gameplay will directly influence how a player will view that character holistically. if, either by pure luck or bad game design, a character underperforms, a player is inclined to view that character less fondly. while neo's method of little if any distinction seemingly circumvents this slight dice roll, it closes off a unique opportunity entirely and settles for something that feels a little bland. mind you, this doesn't change anything about what i liked about the game's customization and customization as a whole. i do believe, generally, that the more customization the better, but that can't be an excuse to homogenize the party members.

none of how the game handles levelling up and stats really helps this. yes, characters will have different tastes in terms of food (leading to potential bonuses on top of the stat increases that food already does), and some clothes will have secondary benefits exclusive to certain party members, but it's not nearly enough.

i'm tempted to say that the solution to this would be to find a better balance, and that is still true on a fundamental level, but i also don't think making party members distinct and customization are mutually exclusive, or even necessarily things that mitigate the capacity for the other. if you want to go as extreme as what neo attempts, then yes, a focus on customization will undermine uniqueness, but there's also ways to let them heighten the other. in twewy's case, the dynamism of neku's gameplay vs the static "gimmicks" of his partners spoke not only to the personalities of each character individually, but also of neku's relationship with those partners and with people as a whole. more contemporary and popular examples of this would be pokemon (especially nowadays with nature mints and streamlined ev training) and persona (especially 5 royal).

the latter of the examples i bring up is an interesting one to me: taking advantage of a protagonist who is a canonical blank-slate (not to say joker or any persona protag from 3 onward has no personality, just that they are wild cards) to let them fit whatever mold the player wants. it's a big indicator of what i mean when i say that customization and uniqueness can coexist, because in this case, they're two almost completely separate spheres that manage to function without overpowering the other. when they DO interact, such as with the intended evolution of the mc's personas or the customization allowed for non-mc party members, it only enhances what it touches.

i should stress, despite these critiques, that i think neo's gameplay is good. i had fun with it. there are aspects of it, such as its pin selection, that i found memorably impressive. but i want to stress why i stick so strongly by my thesis—that neo is derivative—even for its best aspects.

and on that note: the story.

let's get the big thing i've been alluding to out of the way: i ADORE neo's localization. i really, truly, sincerely think there wasn't a single time in the entire game where i felt some piece of dialogue was awkward, and that is not only a compliment for the localizers, but for the writers as well. don't get me wrong, i could sometimes notice that things were localized, but that realization never jarred me. rather, it made me that much more confident about what that piece of dialogue could tell me about the character saying it, the situation they're in, and/or their relationship(s) to whom they're talking to.

i won't act like it's absolutely perfect, of course. however, my complaints come from failures to achieve the goal of localization, rather than with the innate nature of the practice. for example, probably my biggest hang-up on it is that it undersells a lot of the sentiment when shiki and neku finally reunite, though the voice acting is partly responsible for that (likely moreso the voice direction rather than the actors themselves, but i can't say for sure).

back on the positives, i do find the english voice acting pretty good. miranda parkin as nagi is my personal highlight; her performance reminds me a LOT of erica lindbeck's futaba sakura, and you should absolutely look into her work on her youtube channel "ParkinArt" when you get the chance, because she is superbly talented. shoutouts also go to xander mobus as kubo (i struggle to think of a sleazier voice) and pretty much every returning va.

in general, i am pretty massively defensive of localization and localizers; whole lotta people who don't know shit spouting, well, shit. to be fair, i'm not much better, but at least i'm on the side of the people who do this shit for a living. and i'm also on the side which appreciates those people for the work they do, because i can't help but feel like it's really fuckin hard. you're not just translating the literal words, but finding ways to synthesize it to maintain the SPIRIT. This short video by "Jehtt" about the opening line of Sonic Adventure is an excellent example of what I'm talking about.

youtube

as for the content getting localized itself, final remix (and specifically a new day) made it clear that whatever sequel comes out, it's going to be some kind of direct continuation of what's been established, rather than a self-contained story in the same universe or something along those lines. personally, i would've preferred the latter if a twewy sequel HAD to exist, and to its credit, my favorite things about neo twewy's story tend to be the things which THEORETICALLY make it stand on its own. obviously, your enjoyment is enhanced if you play the first game, but there's enough in neo to make it possible for someone who doesn't to still understand it.

for example, new characters are fun, even if occasionally half-baked. i'll get the riff-raff out of the way: the shinjuku reapers felt like goofy personifications of gimmicks that served their purposes well enough, coco is a bit less annoying this time, tsumugi is hilariously half-baked after being hyped up as much as she was, hazuki... exists, and i struggled to see any of the other team leaders as more than an impetus for other characters (though i am DEEPLY grateful kanon isn't as bad as she could've been). speaking of which, how about those characters?

my favorites were nagi and fret; i see their concepts as a bit tropey, but executed well all the same. the ways their arcs intertwine were surprisingly compelling; nagi's dislike of fret wasn't just a weird gag, but an inevitability of fret's compulsion to put up a front and nagi's keen perception and hatred of "fake" people. once nagi learns why fret puts up this act as he makes an effort to move past that instinct, they start bonding almost immediately as she tells him more about her inner workings and that she'll take care not to be so judgmental thanks to his influence. the reveal that she got fret on elegant strategy after the events of the game made me smile way more than the game trying to get me to like rindo and shoka as a couple ever did.

on that note, i could take or leave rindo as a protagonist, and in general, my interest in the shinjuku reapers (especially shoka) waned as they became more significant. that's not BECAUSE of their significance, mind you, simply that they ended up disappointing me in one way or the other (with the possible exception of kaie who was just kind of a silly little guy). it comes back, yet again, to my thesis on this game failing to meaningfully iterate. i understand and agree that there's a lot of value in establishing parallels between characters, even if the plots of their stories are disconnected. i would go so far as to say it's ideal to make a sequel expand on the subtext of what's been established like that, as long as it and what's new bolster each other. in the case of rindo, i struggle to appreciate things about him that aren’t some extension of neku when he was a protagonist. i found his arc about making his own decisions sudden and a bit inexplicable, especially with how blatantly it was stated. felt like a case of saying a character was having a specific arc without actually giving them that arc.

as for shoka, i do like her more than rindo. in fact, it’s her relationship with him that made me lose interest; it felt like all the things that endeared me to her, like her relationships with the other shinjuku reapers and her brand of snark, got pushed to the side in favor of said relationship. it dominated everything else about her character in a way it felt like it just didn’t with rindo. granted, this could just be because he’s the protagonist, and her “snark” is a surface level reason to like her. however, i don’t find that first concession to be an adequate excuse, and it was precisely her personality that got me interested in the character to begin with, only for it to feel discarded (albeit probably not completely, i’m sure there’s a cute lil moment or two i’m forgetting). considering shoka’s love of gatto nero and shiki’s presence in the game, i imagine the parallels between the two have to be somewhat intentional, including with their relationships to their respective mc. like with rindo, these parallels make it hard for me to appreciate the character, but unlike rindo, shoka’s parallels seem to actively oust the things unique to her, as opposed to rindo’s leaving little opportunity for appreciable distinction to begin with. again, i ultimately prefer shoka, as tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

that just leaves the three elephants in the room/party: all of them are returning characters. two of them are characters you played as in twewy.

i do want to make it clear that even at my most territorial, i don't think i was ever completely against the idea of there being returning characters; if anything, my ideal twewy sequel would actually feature characters like joshua or hanekoma more prevalently than they were here. rather, much like most things, it comes down to how you implement them, and neo does so in a way that pretty blatantly relies on them. even that isn’t a necessarily a bad thing, but remember what i said about this story attempting to stand on its own?

what shocks me about their sheer prevalence is that very little of it feels necessary. i don’t get the feeling that any of the og gang were needed to make this story work on a thematic level (as happy as a lot of their scenes together made me), and in fact, as i alluded to with rindo and shoka, it actually seems to impede or dampen a lot of what the game is trying to go for. i see it as perhaps the single most blatant example of my thesis statement. neo plays with the concept of a self-contained story, but is unable to let go of what's already there, innovate enough on the franchise and original game’s core, and pull through with something standalone, because it seems generally unwilling to embrace change, and consequently, key aspects of creativity and what makes a good sequel. i understand if others don’t share this opinion, but to me, it really feels like neo only changes when it has to, and that reflects in the changes it makes as well as the ones it doesn't.

and on that note: the conclusion.

sorry this feels so disparate. i definitely wouldn't call neo a bad game, and in fact, i think given some time, i can comfortably call it good. plus, i can, after some difficulty and deliberation, say it and even final remix's existence only add to og twewy. impulsive territorialism be damned, it makes me happy to see stories and characters i love be added on to like this. the aspects i consider bad, even if they might be fundamental, are not enough for me to avoid embracing and appreciating the good. my silly little headcanons are not “threatened” by things like final remix, even if it felt like they would be in the moment. it is still possible to imagine all my favorite characters living happily ever after with each other, even that cunt with the mop for hair joshua, and if anything, certain scenes in neo only add to those delusions. i may have complained about them, and i do stand by those complaints, but i cannot deny how much i love them in isolation. i think the only thing that could've made me hate them is mischaracterization, but the only instance of that which stuck out to me (neku and shiki reuniting) seems to be a translation issue, and the real sentiment of the scene aligns far more strongly with my views of the characters.

that said, i'm still definitely disappointed by it all. neo's derivative spirit felt very pervasive to me the whole way through, and by the end, i felt a strong urge to replay twewy. that's not a necessarily bad instinct to have after playing a sequel, because it's the idea of "wanting more". it is, however, bad in this case, because it was a mix of that and the idea of "wanting better". i wanted to play something where these good ideas were new, or better yet, something where the new ideas were good. as it stands, i'm left the slightest bit hollow; just enough to be noteworthy, but i still feel like a dick for bringing it up.

i'm happy i played this game. i may very well play it again in the future. there's aspects of it i like to the point of loving. and yet, i hesitate to say i like it.

my feelings on this game continue to be jumbled, even after all this. still, writing a lot of it out definitely helped, and it was really fun to make! thank you oh so very much for reading; i hope you enjoyed it!

oh, and i would rather rip my dick off than play scramble slam again-

#ntwewy #neo twewy #neo the world ends with you #twewy #the world ends with you #might be forgetting smth #ah well maybe later #i don't wanna include character tags cuz i don't wanna be the fucker that interrupts someone's search for fanart of their fave

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odinsblog · 2 years ago

Text

When most people talk about expanding the Supreme Court, they're talking about adding a few Justices, two or four to the bench. But I am not most people. I do not think we should add a few Justices to get into an endless tit for tat with Mitch McConnell and his Federalist Society forces. I think we should blow the lid clear off this incrementally institutionalized motherfucker, and add 20 Justices.

I'd like to tell you about my Court expansion plan and explain why adding many Justices instead of fewer Justices is actually a better reform, fixes more underlying problems with the Court, and works out to be less partisan or political than some of the more incremental plans out there.

Let's start with the basics.

Expanding the number of Justices on the Supreme Court can be done with a simple act of Congress, passed by the Senate and signed by the President. Court expansion does not become easier or harder based on the number of Justices you seek to add to the Court. From a civics perspective, the process to add two Justices to the Court is just the same as the process to add 20.

Arguably, the rationale is the same too.

The current plan, supported by some Democrats, is to add four Justices to the Supreme Court. Their arguments are that the Court has gotten woefully out of step with the American people and the elected branches of government, which is true.

They argue that the country is a lot bigger now than it was in 1869, when Congress set the number of Supreme Court Justices at nine, which is also true. Basically, all of these arguments flow together into the catchphrase, “we have 13 Circuit Courts of Appeal, and so we should have 13 Justices.”

See, back in the day, each Supreme Court Justice was responsible for one lower Circuit Court of Appeal. Procedurally, appeals from the lower circuits are heard first by the Justice responsible for that circuit. But now we have 13 lower Circuit Courts of Appeal, meaning some Justices have to oversee more than one. If we expanded the Court to 13 Justices, we'd get back to a one to one ratio for Supreme Court Justice per Circuit Court of Appeal.

But it doesn't actually matter how many circuits each Justice presides over, because all the Justices do is move an appeal from the lower court to the Supreme Court for the full Court to consider whether to hear the appeal.

Their function is purely clerical.

It doesn't matter.

One justice could oversee all 13 circuits while the other eight went fishing, kind of like hazing a rookie on a team. And it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference in terms of the number of cases the Supreme Court hears. It's just a question of who has to work on Saturdays.

Indeed, I'm not even sure that I want the Court to hear more cases. These people are unelected, and these people already have too much power. More cases just gives them more opportunities to screw things up. I don't need the Court to make more decisions. I need the Court to make fewer shitty decisions. And for that, I need to reform how the Court makes those decisions. And for that, I need more people. And I need those people to make their decisions in panels.

Those lower courts, those 13 Circuit Courts of Appeal, almost all of them operate with more than nine judges. The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has — wait for it — 29 judges!

All the lower courts use what's called a panel system. When they catch a case, three judges are chosen at random from all the judges on the circuit to hear the case. Those three judges then issue a ruling. If the majority of the circuit disagrees, they can vote to rehear the case as a full circuit.

The legal jargon here is called “en banc” when the full circuit hears the case.

But most of the time, that three judge panel ruling is the final ruling on the issue, with the circuit going en banc only when they believe the three judge panel got it clearly wrong.

Think about how different it would be if our Supreme Court operated on a panel system instead of showing up to Court knowing that six conservative Justices were against you, or the one or two conservative Justices that you invited onto your super yacht are guaranteed to hear your case.

You literally wouldn't know which Justices you'd get on your panel.

Even on a six-three conservative court, you might draw a panel that was two-to-one liberals, or you might draw Roberts, Kavanaugh, and Barrett instead of Thomas, Alito and Gorsuch, which could make a huge difference. Either way, you wouldn't know which Justices you'd get.

Not only does that make a big difference in terms of the appearance of fairness, especially in this time when some Justices are openly corrupt, it also makes a big difference in terms of what kinds of cases and arguments people would bring to the Court. Without knowing which Justices they'd get, litigants and red state attorney generals would have to tailor their arguments to a more center mass, mainstream temperament, instead of merely shooting their shot and hoping their arch conservatives can bully a moderate or two to vote with them.

Now, you can do panels with nine or 13 Justices, but you pretty much have to do panels with 29 Justices. Overloading the Court with Justices would essentially force them to adopt the random assignment process used by every other Court.

That would be good.

Sure, litigants could always hope for en banc review, where the full partisan makeup of the Court could be brought to bear. BUT, getting a majority of 29 Justices to overrule a panel decision requires 15 votes. Consider that right now you only need four votes, a minority of the nine member Court, to get the full Court to hear a case.

I'm no mathlete, but I'm pretty sure that 15 is just a higher bar.

That brings me to my next big point about expanding the Court to 29: Moderation.

Most people say that they do not want the Court to be too extreme to either side. Generally, I think that argument is bollocks. I, in fact, do want the Court to be extreme in its defense of voting rights, women's rights, and human rights. But maybe I'm weird.

If you want the Supreme Court to be a more moderate institution, then you should want as many Justices on the Supreme Court as possible. Why? Because cobbling together a 15-14 majority on a 29 member Court will often yield a more moderate decision than a five-four majority on a nine member Court.

Not going to lie. The law is complicated, and judges are quirky. If you invited five judges off the street over for a barbecue, they wouldn't be able to agree on whether hot dogs and hamburgers count as sandwiches.

It's simply easier to get five people to do something extreme than it is to get 15 people to do something extreme.

Think about your own life.

If you wanted to hike up a damn mountain, that is an activity for you and a couple of your closest friends. You're not taking 15 people to climb a mountain. That's not even a hike. That's an expedition, and you're expecting one or two of them to be eaten by bears on the way to the top. But if you're organizing an outdoor activity for 15 people, you're going to go to the park, and your friends will be expected to bring their own beer.

Most likely, adding 20 Justices would moderate the conservative majority just by putting enough people and personalities in the mix that it would be harder for them to do their most destructive work.

Just think about how the five worst senators you know, or the five worst congresspeople you can think of, often don't get their way because they can't even convince other members of their party to go along with their nihilist conservative ride.

Note, I said Conservative majority.

The astute reader will notice that I have not said that I want to add 20 fire-breathing liberal comrades who will stick it to Das Kapital for the rest of their lives. No, I believe the benefits of this kind of court expansion are so great — panels and the moderation from having more justices trying to cobble together en banc majority opinions — that I'd be willing to split the new justices ten and ten with conservative choices.

A 16-13 conservative leaning court would just be better than a six-three conservative court, even if my guys are still in the minority. The only litmus test I'd have for this plan is that all 20 have to be objectively pro-Democratic, self-government. All 20 have to think the Supreme Court has too much power. You give me 20 people who think the court should not be rulers in robes, and I'll take my chances.

However, there's no objective reason for elected Democrats to be as nice and friendly as I am when adding 20 Justices. Off the top, seats should be split eleven to nine, because Mitch McConnell and the Republicans must be made to pay for their shenanigans with the Merrick Garland nomination under Barack Obama. Republicans stole a seat. Democrats should take it back, full stop. I will take no further questions about this.

From there, this is where Democrats could, I don't know, engage in political hardball instead of being SAPS like always.

You see, right now, Republicans are dead set against court expansion because they are winning with the Court as it is. I can make all of the pro-reform, good government arguments under the sun, and the Republicans will ignore them because, again, they're winning right now.

But if you put forward a bill to add 20 seats, the Republican incentives possibly change: obstruct, and the Democrats push through court expansion on their own, and add 20 Justices of their own choosing, and you end up with people like, well, like me on the court. Or Mitch McConnell could release Senators to vote for the plan, and Republicans can share in the bounty.

It puts a different kind of question to McConnell: Join, get nine conservative Justices and keep a 15-14 conservative majority on the court, or Obstruct, and create a 23 to six liberal majority on the court, and trust that Republicans will take over the House, Senate, and White House so they can add 20 of their own Justices in the future.

Note that McConnell will have to run that whole table while overcoming a super liberal Supreme Court that restores the Voting Rights Act and strikes down Republican gerrymanders. Good luck, Mitch.

My plan wins either way.

Either we get a 29 person court that is more moderate, we get a 29 person court that is uber liberal, or McConnell does run the table and we end up with a 49 person court or a 69 person court. And while Republicans are in control of that bloated body, everybody understands that the Court is just a political branch there to rubber-stamp the acts of the President who appointed them.

Perhaps then, voters would start voting based on who they want to be in control of that court, instead of who they want to have a beer with.

The court is either fixed, or neutered.

It's a win-win.

I know 20 is a big number. I know we've all been institutionalized to believe that incremental change is the only change possible. And I know it sounds fanciful to ask for 20 when the starting offer from the establishment of the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, and President Joe Biden, is zero.

But like a doctor with poor bedside manner, I'm less interested in people's feelings and more interested in fixing the problem.

If you give me two Justices or four Justices, I can reverse a number of conservative policies that they've shoved through a Supreme Court that has already been illegitimately packed with Republican appointees. If you give me a few Justices, I can reestablish a center-left, pro-democracy majority… at least until those new Justices die at the wrong time, under the wrong president.

But if you give me 20 Justices, I can fix the whole fucking thing.

—ELIE MYSTAL, In Contempt of Court

#politics #elie mystal #scotus #court packing #packing the court #roberts court #john roberts #federalist society #the federalist society #republicans

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/raven-at-the-writing-desk/765084948516503552/maybe-we-simply-underestimate-how-difficult-and?source=share if i'm not mistaken Jamil idk in what book i think 5 mentions smth about how different his and Jade UM are, but on my opinion imagine this irl if someone tells you to jump you'll probably do so bc in your perspective is smth easy but if someone tells you to give them the most honest true or a piece of your mind you will filter it or even lie some people spoil it and say something they're truly thinking yeah? after that they're usually more careful around the person that made them spoil those thoughts which is how Jade's UM probably works he doesn't like telling you his UM bc if you knew this random person is smooth and makes you feel safe enough to tell them a piece of your thoughts even when you know they're dangerous as hell you will be wary you will try to held your thoughts tight to you

[Referencing this post and this post!]

Aaaaah, you’re talking about 6-60! The way Jamil describes it, his UM, Snake Whisper I refuse to call is Snake Charmer allows him to “control […] a target’s will.” Jade’s UM, Shock the Heart, differs in that is useful for “[extracting] very specific information from a target.” They’re both magic that manipulates the mind, but specialize in different aspects of it.

I think an issue with comparing the jumping to confessing is that jumping is a very limited example of what Jamil’s magic can do (whereas a confession covers a large span of information). Jamil has a LOT more range than that, and seemingly no limits imposed on him. He even suggests that he could achieve the same results as Jade if he uses Snake Whisper or gives orders in a certain way. So… Jamil’s UM still comes off as purely better than Jade’s. It can just be so much more.

How far could Jamil take his commands? I feel like there should be a ceiling to what Jamil is able to get others to do if there’s limits to what Jade can make people confess. Like, what if something really strongly goes against someone’s moral compass??? Is Jamil still able to order his victims to like… go to ANY extreme if he wanted?? Including murder?? Surely at some point the target’s will would kick in and push back against Jamil’s control??? And how is Jamil able to get the subjects under his thumb again after they’re already cognizant of his UM? Shouldn’t they be able to better resist him…? But no, apparently his UM hurts them if they put up a fight?? Again, this is something Jade lacks. I feel like Twst should have just said “it’s harder for them both to successfully recast their UM on the same people after one use”; this would make sense (because targets would be more wary of making eye contact with them) while better equalizing the two spells. You would be equally as unlikely to trust someone who makes you speak the truth to them as much as you are someone who makes you act as they command.

The other thing is, I think we’re assuming a lot of energy and effort is put into retrieving information (which may very well be true!), but we’re also assuming that forcing others to act a certain way is less demanding of energy and effort. I feel like that isn’t the case at all. Yes, finding secrets in your memories, filtering them, and sharing takes considerable executive function to achieve—but so does planning movement and behaviors, then executing them. Your brain and muscles have to coordinate to figure out what you’re going to do and say… as well as what to NOT do and NOT say. This, too, is also filtering and refining, and it’s just as complicated as the systems involved in Jade fishing for the truth.

Lastly, I also feel like sharing usually hidden details isn’t an absolute; it could be dependent on the circumstances such as emotional state. For example, if you’re charged on anger or sadness, you may be more loose-lipped than you would be at a neutral state.

Those are my thoughts, anyway ^^ Very interesting stuff, I can’t believe we actually haven’t talked that deeply about this topic until very recently (ie this month)!

#twisted wonderland #twst #Jade Leech #Jamil Viper #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #notes from the writing raven #book 6 spoilers

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non-operator · 2 months ago

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Death Mark II thoughts

I'm like 8 months late, but I finally finished it-- and by finish, I mean I watched a playthrough.

It's been a year, but just in case: Spoilers Below

I think it's pretty significant that in order to get the true ending, Yashiki has to make it extremely clear to Sakamoto that his relationship with Michiho and Himeko is completely platonic. In fact, it seems that this is the only difference between the Good and True Ending.

In the Good Ending, he doesn't get that message through and that leads to Sakamoto pushing The Departed even harder to distance themselves from Yashiki, ultimately leading to her demise. I think this outcome happens because Sakamoto's insistence that the two girls keep their distance still expresses to The Departed that there is still a real possibility that they can get together with Yashiki. And as much as they want love and marriage, I don't think that was their ultimate desire-- and I don't think Departed!Douryou was lying when she said she disapproved of student-teacher relationships.

So then, Yashiki making Sakamoto understand that his rapport with the girls comes from concern for their safety and taking their worries seriously rather than anything else is what turns the tide. That Sakamoto allows Michiho to continue to investigate with Yashiki implicitly tells The Departed that Yashiki isn't interested-- and as such, he won't take advantage of their love (for him).

When The Departed died, their excitement for marriage and (most likely undeveloped) love for their chosen grooms were exploited by the adults they trusted. At that age, even if they later turned to feel indifferent or even hate their husbands in time, it was a time they should've been allowed to cherish those emotions. Kind of like that one reading of Romeo and Juliet, where the tragedy lies in the fact that children were not allowed to experiment with love due to the adults and the situation around them. I think this is also shown with how Departed!Douryou just wanted Yashiki to acknowledge Departed!Michiho loves him even if he can't accept it. Just because he knows that it is a love that will fade or immature, it is a real emotion to the girls experiencing it and it would be cruel to disregard it; unlike the priests who took advantage of these feelings to arrange the marriage only to ignore them once they started the ritual, if that makes sense.

(It might also be why Sakamoto later apologizing and allowing Departed!Michiho to continue investigating with Yashiki plays into her survival and the True Ending achievement: before while she was worried about keeping the girls safe from a potential predator, Yashiki has already made it clear to her before this point that he's not interested in them, but her main issue laid in how the situation could be misconstrued from an outside perspective regardless of intentions; even if she did accept that Yashiki wasn't going to go after the girls, she was largely worried about the girls' reputation and future-- as well as the school's. It's only when Yashiki makes it clear to her that his concern involves the general student population with all the "disappearances" as well as actually listening to his (temporary) students that Sakamoto relents. The priests had been preoccupied with tradition and the appearance of the brides, even the standards of choosing the grooms and brides were based on social reputation, somewhat reminiscent of Sakamoto (even if she genuinely cared for the students, it was in a way that overlooked their actual thoughts and feelings [i.e. the rising fear of The Departed or in the girls' case, wanting to be listened to]). So Yashiki's stubborn compassion and perseverance created change in the girls' environment that gave audience to their voice in a way.)

Which is all to say: The Departed truly let go of their grudge and "changed" for the better/"chose their humanity" because Yashiki had been a safe person to love-- not because he would love them back, but because he never would. The "marriage" in the True Ending then is a way for The Departed to safely live out a romantic daydream without the fear that they'll be hurt by it, as they had been when they were sacrificed. And I think it's Yashiki's adamancy on maintaining that boundary as well as making it clear to the adults around him and pushing for them to change their focus to treasure the girls' opinions that pushed The Departed to hold hopes and dreams once again, which they entrusted to the real Michiho and Himeko.

#could also be why that the bad ending is yashiki guessing the departed's identity wrong #because he was blinded by his affection for the girls and unwilling to doubt them #even if it isn't romantic affection. it is still yashiki overstepping a bit over the student-teacher/child-adult boundary #and him being unable to properly view the relationship from an outsider/more mature perspective #death mark #anyways. i thought that part of the game was nice. how they kept repeating that yashiki didn't at all see the girls like that #and how that is the key to obtaining the true ending where yashiki actually saves some students #instead of having all of them die/go 'missing'#though. i still find it so uncomfortable that they just continue having the girls crush on him #and he just fucking. lets them have coffee inside his house #like. come one... yashiki. set a stronger physical boundary...#also found it just weird how he immediately caves to leaning on high school girls for emotional support #even if he didn't know they were the departed. actually /ESPECIALLY/ since he didn't know they were the departed

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deripmaver · 1 year ago

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Did Kentaro Miura Confirm Casca "Enjoyed It"?!?!?!

LOL another day another weird google translate from kojion causing a stir in the Berserk fandom. Explicit discussion of rape and feeling physical pleasure during rape to follow, be careful if that's not something you can read!

While at first everyone was furious and demanding a source, and rightly so, someone posted the magazine this interview came from:

I have absolutely no japanese language skills at all, so I have no idea how much this translation matches up with kojion's post. I did a bit more digging and found a second English translation, which I've helpfully flipped horizontal so you don't have to crane your necks like I did LOL:

To be clear, the specific phrasing of Casca experiencing pleasure, and reaching "ecstasy" (I'm assuming that means orgasm) are FROM THE FEMALE ARTICLE WRITER. She is saying that to HER it's clear that Casca is experiencing pleasure and reaching orgasm.

The response from Miura is a lot harder to parse, in my opinion. Per the writer, he responds, "Even without the God Hand, Casca thought she would feel pleasure if the person being raped was Griffith" (kojion, I think this is supposed to say something like "she would feel pleasure if the person she was being raped by was Griffith") or "Even if we didn't mention the God Hand, I thought Casca would feel that way (ie from the previous paragraph, that the rape would feel good) if the other person was Griffith."

I suppose I have two sets of thoughts about this, the first set being that I really don't think this is the smoking gun of "Miura says Casca liked being raped!" that people are interpreting it as. It's very possible that Miura is only referring to physical feelings of pleasure and orgasm during rape and not actually enjoying it in like... a NTR hentai kind of way LOL. The question really is whether Kentaro Miura in 1996 had the nuanced perspective on sexual violence to say that sometimes during rape the victim feels an unwanted pleasure response, but that doesn't negate the traumatic psychological effects of it, and in some ways that unwanted arousal can create its own host of traumatic psychological effects. It's possible imo, but I can't say for sure. Either way, simply having your main character experience orgasm during rape isn't in and of itself a bad thing to do (Diana Gabaldon did it too, in Outlander), it's more about the intention behind it.

What I CAN say for sure is that everything about Casca's character during and after the eclipse is meant to indicate that the rape was mind-breakingly traumatic for her. From how she tells Guts not to watch, to of course how she completely regresses into this infantile state, to her reaction to seeing Griffith on the Hill of Swords being panic and terror, I really don't see any argument within canon for the idea that she "enjoyed" the rape beyond possibly being physically aroused, which I've already discussed.

The second set of thoughts I have are basically: this article is from 1996. It was published twenty seven years ago. In a much more recent article from 2019, Miura had this to say on the topic of sexual assault in Berserk:

Though this again isn't the smoking gun of "Miura regrets the sexual violence in early Berserk" people make it out to be, it's very clear his perspective has grown and changed as he got older. I think, in order to understand Miura's thoughts about Casca's rape at the time of his death, it makes much more sense to look at his words about the corridor of dreams chapters, and the chapters themselves. At some point in between 1996 and 2019 he clearly came to the conclusion that specifically being raped by Griffith was what caused her to shatter mentally, so honestly... Even if you take the least charitable interpretation of the quote from 1996, I think you have to acknowledge that he clearly doesn't feel that way now. Or, didn't. Like, in ~2019, this is how wrote Casca having PTSD:

I also want to include this quote from kojion's account about how Miura reacted after the eclipse:

There are a bunch of other quotes of Miura feeling depressed after the eclipse, I was gonna find more but I forgot kojion has a habit of posting the most explicit eclipse panels uncensored on his twitter and I'm not gonna wade through those for them. Either way, I just don't think there's much to support the idea that the eclipse was supposed to be anything BUT horrible and traumatic.

Anyways, tl;dr, Miura doesn't ever say "Casca enjoyed being raped," that's from the interviewer. He could very well be referring to an unwanted arousal response. And even if he wasn't and did really mean she was kind of into it, though I don't think this is supported by canon, he clearly has grown a lot since this was published twenty seven years ago.

#berserk #casca berserk #casca #berserk meta #fandom wank #dont get me wrong LOL miura is a weird dude #but idk man

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antigonick · 7 months ago

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just stumbled into one of your snippets and i'm OBSESSED with your writing style. it is so fluid and punchy and such a delight to read. if you ever feel like answering, how does your writing process works? what are your inspirations, style and tone-wise? and what themes do you enjoy exploring the most?

have a lovely day! 💌

Oh, that's... WELL. That's! The best compliment you could have sent me, thank you so much, I don't know what to say.. I'm actually trying to write a... I'm gonna call it a novel when it's just a mess of fragments right now, but—yeah. Fluid and punchy is exactly what I strive to achieve with the character's voice so this is so nice to hear. WHATEVER. THANK YOU.

Anyway! My writing process is really... steeped in rhythm, I guess? It starts with character writing, which leads me to character voice, which leads me to finding the right "mind" tempo, and from it cascades the headspace I need to write. In that, in the idea of perspective and voice influencing the story first, I'm indebted to Faulkner, to Marlon James, to Woolf's The Waves, to Shirley Jackson—to the perspectivism twists of horror and gothic writing as a general rule. Rereading her, I think Emily Brontë has shaped my metaphorical network very early on, and my handling of violence, especially in dialogue—though more recently, Tamsyn Muir made me tick about dialogue too. Malin Rydén is one of my utmost inspirations, not a little because the main character of my story was first created for his story, but also because he was my gateway into harder, grittier speculative fiction and digital literature, which both inspire me now for the story I'm trying to shape—horror out of the gothic castle and into the terrible anticipation of what comes next, with more politics, with ghosts and body horror twisted to technology. In terms of pure form, I'm extremely impacted by poetry—E. E. Cummings, Alice Oswald, Emily Dickinson—those who deconstruct syntax to wrangle it into breath. He didn't influence me because I discovered him too late, but I feel a kinship to some of the early stylistic experimentations of Frank Bidart too. Hanif Abdurraqib, whose first name I gave to one of my main characters too because his voice is incredible: it moves. Charles Olson's Projective Verse gestures at what I feel when I write, you know? "ONE PERCEPTION MUST IMMEDIATELY AND DIRECTLY LEAD TO A FURTHER PERCEPTION (…). Always one perception must must must MOVE, INSTANTER, ON ANOTHER! (…)" and then "Breath allows all the speech-force of language back in." Even silence can be your story-weapon.

I'm interested in... blowing apart labels, dichotomies, I think, making them harder to grapple with—right and wrong, love and hate, personal and universal; transgressions, fluidity; how language fails, how language betrays; the way human connection can both fuck you and raise you up, in its constant failure and constant trying, in the violence of intimacy, in the tension between hardness and vulnerability—more than anything, I'm interested in the way individual desires clash with collective needs or personal ideals, in the lies and justifications you can find for yourself, in what it means for you when you come to dismantle them (or refuse to). I love palimpsest, stories retold again and again, and/or I love difficult, ugly settings, speculative and dystopia topics, I want the story to be political in itself, even when it's not politicking; and I LOVE mindfucks: using our terribly faulty, terribly subjective perception / perspective / memory / dreams / FEARS / intellect to tell a story that is both fascinating because it's unique, and trapped by it. Can't escape yourself. What are you gonna do with yourself (against yourself, for yourself) now?

Formally, I try to use that in writing: trapping the reader in one voice that swallows them really, ideally that jostles them a little, that blurs the boundary between them and the character: extreme immersion. I like to try and convey emotion / impression and even action as it is experienced, rather than explaining it clearly. In that phenomenology has influenced me, I guess? Deleuze, Guattari, Merleau-Ponty, and poetry again, I guess. Archibald McLeish says "a poem should not mean / but be...", and that's what I try to do with the character I choose, and then I let them be, and they drive both the story and the writing that should echo it—form and content cycling each other like mirrors.

Goddamnit, that got so long. Anyway. THANK YOU for being interested, I'm really touched.

#on writing #u #whisperers

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forbiddentaako · 3 months ago

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Ghostfuckers spoilers ahoy, I have more rambly thoughts like with the Apology Tour post

Forget Stolitz and Blitzo's depression era for a second I need to talk about Blitzo and Millie's friendship bc I'm actually so feral about them its not even funny!!!! Like congrats to Helluva for getting me to care about stolitz and all but hitting me with a best friendship that was deeply important was diabolical and Im gonna get unhinged about their friendship in the same way people are unhinged about stolitz.

Like Millie and Blitzo being close friends didn't come out of nowhere to me because its very clear they are close from their other interactions in other episodes, but a lot of those involved the group dynamic being the focus, so it was really nice getting a look at what Blitzo and millie are like between just the two of them. And like the biggest moments are obviously the 2 conversations they have and the implications of said conversations, but also just the dynamic they have is really cute??? And overall narratively how Blitz and millie's relationship matters so much especially at this point in the story makes me want to bite things the longer I think about it.

With the first convo they have after Blitzo is having a hallucination induced breakdown the sticking point for me was Millie explicitly telling him her life is better with him in it, because first of all I don't think blitzo really ever hears that explicitly even from those he is close with, which must hit even harder at the moment with Blitzo feeling like he makes everyone around him worse without fail. And the fact that this comes after the 'what ifs' of how millie could have died in ways that would have technically been because of him-outcomes in which Blitzo's involvement in her life *did* actively make it worse-feeding into Blitzo's insecurities but simultaneously showing the audience that this is not an objective truth, something that millie reinforced verbally to Blitzo in their conversation?? I just think it was really well done.

Also with Millie it wasn't just that him being a part of her life makes it better, but the things that Millie points to as reasoning are just who Blitz is s a person and are aspects of himself that he doesn't even think about or realize have any affect on others, let alone a positive one. The fact that these are subconscious traits help to catch Blitzo off guard and force him to question his previously held beliefs about how he affects people because every other action we see him fixate on is something he has thought about or is aware of whereas he had never even considered this. They also force Blitzo to acknowledge that he does have good traits and is in fact a complicated person rather than an unequivocally bad one, an important step in actually breaking his cycles.

One thing that stuck out to me so much in this episode too was that Blitzo and Millie have excellent chemistry, which makes their relationship feel very organic and helps us as the audience being able to understand why the episode plays out the way it does.

Blitzo is not actively engaged in his friendship with millie in the same way he is with his other relationships, and thus its harder to pick up on the effects he's having, which in turn makes it much easier for his preconceived notions to be challenged than with a relationship like him and stolas (more on that later if I decide to make another post about it). It's very similar with Millie's side as well in terms of not having to actively engage, and thus its very easy to reassure blitzo the way she does in the episode, because again, it's not a conscious effort to try and make him feel better, it's just her telling the truth from her perspective. Which not only makes their friendship feel so natural but also makes it so much harder for Blitzo to deny what she is telling him, because even if he doesn't want to believe it due to his self hatred he still trusts she's being honest. And the fact that Millie is someone he trusts like this!!! That this is just a part of their relationship!!! Matters so much to me!!

While in most of his relationships the work Blitzo puts in to analyze them would rely on trying to convince himself that he *isn't* a piece of shit, with Millie he would have to work to convince himself that he *is* one, and this shift mentally is gonna force him to re-evaluate what he holds as an unequivocal truth about himself and his relationships. Because he cannot hold onto the idea that he unconsciously ruins those around him when him and millie's relationship exists as it does with him unconsciously improving her life.

The second conversation also showed what I was hoping for coming off of apology tour with Blitzo genuinely wanting to make a change in his relationships with those in his life, and in some ways actually starting to. Ghostfuckers made things pretty clear that Blitzo's deeply rooted insecurities and self hatred are part of the reason he's stuck in these self destructive cycles and why he views his role in his relationships in such a negative light, but his friendship with Millie is the first step in him feeling comfortable enough in the thought that he is even capable of doing good and becoming better to start to correct his thinking. And this is shown at least subtly in the episode with the heart to heart they have at the end of it!

I really hope that going forward Blitzo is going to be leaning more heavily onto this relationship with Millie not only because I love them but also because it is the only relationship in his life currently that he perceives as stable, and the only one where he has been reassured that his presence is wanted and positive. It's very possible that because he hasn't dealt with his deeper issues yet he views his friendship with Millie as just an exception to his beliefs, but its still so important that he now has to acknowledge there are exceptions that he had never considered. Thus to some extent he has to grapple with the fact that he is not viewing himself objectively, and that can be a turning point into improvement because he can no longer belief that the way he is is simply beyond help.

Basically I liked apology tour forcing Blitzo to rock bottom, to have to confront his flaws and face the people he's hurt, and to understand why he needs to change because he can't keep living like this. But I liked Ghostfuckers because it forced Blitzo to acknowledge that he *can* be a better person, that things are more complicated than he was willing to acknowledge, and that he isn't a lost cause because if he dwells on the hopelessness he *still* won't ever be able to change.

Basically I can't believe the show about Blitzo's relationships with others is getting me attached to blitzo's relationships with others, and the fact that a pivotal relationship to both him as a character and his narrative arc is a platonic relationship means the world to me actually.

#helluva boss #ghostfuckers #thoughts and spoilers but I mostly talk about how much I love Blitzo and Millie #syd rambles

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the-blossica-fan · 2 months ago

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*Takes a swig of Root Beer and shoves two dark chocolate Lindors down*

Sonnetto chooses to join with Vertin and the others in the breakaway incident, but instead of Vertin being the only one left standing it's Sonnetto, much to everyone's shock and horror. Sonnetto becomes the Timekeeper.

How screwed up is the timeline of events over this?

*Takes root beer away from you*

You are banned from the silly club, get out.

I may need some help from my emotional support smart mutual @ihaveforgortoomany for this 😞

I can imagine things would be wildly different when it comes to the start of the game, recruiting Regulus, meeting Schneider and stuff.

Sonetto is more logical with what she does, which is a complete difference from Vertin's easy-going attitude. She finds it harder to win over people the same way Vertin does because she tried to think logically, as the foundation intended.

I don't think it changes much during her period as the Timekeeper before meeting Regulus. I think she tries even harder to fit in what the foundation tells her to be, and becomes disheartened because she can't save anyone inside the suitcase that would have belonged to her classmate.

Thus, her story of recruiting Regulus goes wrong, as she doesn't think outside the box.

It could be a great turn having Sonetto convince Regulus to join, because it also means Sonetto starts to think differently from the foundation to get someone like Regulus in her team. It also takes convincing from Mr. APPLe who doesn't seem to mind Sonetto.

Then there's Schneider, who didn't cause any harm to Sonetto just because she's also an arcanist, but didn't have any intent on helping her out because, well, not her type of person.

I feel like the first chapter is Sonetto breaking off from the rules the foundation has given her to be able to win over other people and make them join her team.

Sotheby didn't need much convincing after all, she's Sonetto's good friend, but finding a solution to Druvis' problems is harder.

I think Schneider is more useful for talking during this than Sonetto is. Her team is messy, Regulus doesn't trust her much, Sotheby doesn't change much just like Mr. APPLe, Schneider seems to do it out of pity and Druvis has a harder time believing a small little foundation puppy.

I do think Arcana finds her more entertaining than Vertin. A foundation puppy in such a big world, slowly unveiling and letting go of her past to the future walking right to her palm. Impulsive and following the rules, unable to think outside the box while relying on a traitor to understand things from a different perspective.

Forget-me-not doesn't change at all. His arc doesn't revolve around the Timekeeper, he's an enemy but not tied to Sonetto. Still as antagonistic as ever, but to Druvis.

Saving Miriam goes almost exactly the same, but now the things deviate when Sonetto stays with Schneider and the others go find more help for the timekeeper.

Green Oranges scene might not even exist if I'm being honest. Sonetto is not as emotionally involved with Schneider, same from the other person. It's more of a "Will I or Will I not" kind of situation.

Will Sonetto join Manus Vindictae to save Schneider, a stranger she doesn't have a deep connection with, and herself? Will she run away?

Can she even follow Schneider's plan and shoot her and survive the shoots received in return?

If Sonetto joins and does shoot Schneider, her body might not handle the shoots received in return like our other Timekeeper who left unfazed. But if she doesn't, she might have a chance to run away with Schneider... Not too far.

There's nowhere to run so it's a hide and seek game with an injured person and being helped by another traitor, Druvis.

It's quite complicated to think how much the relationships may change. Druvis trusts Sonetto because of her unwavering loyalty, but Schneider is barely involved there if not because of her sister Miriam.

And Sotheby, Miriam and Mr. APPLe are outside without a leader to tell them what to do, if they should go in an attack or go back and plan a strategy.

#reverse 1999 #THE BUNNY #you have asked the least knowledgeable in these stuff #Comrade Forgor bless me with your wisdom 😔🙏#No doomed yuri unless you can come to me with a convincing story over how Sonetto and Schneider fell in love in two days #because they're opposites and it may take WAYYYY longer #slowburn yuri #but Schneider still dies though #sorry it's the narrative I can't rewrite it #or can i...

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4me2knowandyou2wonder · 1 year ago

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As a fandom we have come to the conclusion that Graves has mommy issues. This got me thinking… So hi i'm here to talk about some of the southern parenting I’ve seen in the form of Graves’ mother head canons. Welcome!! (or at least I tried to do that jury is still out lol)

This post is dedicated to @captain-mj ! and is based on This poll where, we can all agree, the answer is Graves! LMAO

now, onto Mrs. Graves:

Phil's Mother is seen in her community as a kind and strong willed woman. People might describe her as ‘a joy to talk to,’ ‘always ready to offer a helping hand,’ and ‘a strong leader’ but there are also people in her community that refuse to describe her at all. ‘Oh do you know Mrs. Graves?’ these people may be asked. ‘We're not close,’ these people will reply, letting their tone carry the end of a topic.

This is because, to those who meet her in passing, she’s a wide smile, a southern drawl and sugary attitude—What they don’t see is this is all done because she is using kindness and charisma to craft a careful social narrative that is designed to keep criticism at bay, and people complacent. (Have you ever noticed that humans are more willing to let people who we consider ‘good’ get away with hurting others?) Mrs. Graves cannot handle anyone challenging her authority, and she is constantly fighting to make sure no one may question her.

To those who spend more time with her, her personality becomes much more clear. She’s the woman who won’t hesitate to tell the farm hand what they’d done so wrong, the woman who will demand hard work and harder hours, the woman who is seemingly blind to the struggles of anyone who she deems under her. (Which is everyone except the people who will grant her social power btw.)

Those who are unlucky enough to get closer to her have seen even more of the cracks in her mask. Mrs. Graves holds her power over the others heads, she will claim she deserves privileges beyond a reasonable expectation, she often uses the lord’s word as justification for unjustified opinions, and (in some cheap version of making herself look Better) Mrs. Graves complains about those she deems ‘under her social level’ to ‘peers.’

The largest crack in that ceramic smile, however—the one that reveals the raw flesh beneath—is how she treats her son.

Her “mini me.”

Mrs. Graves enacted strict control over all activities Phil did. Privacy was a luxury not a right, and it was a luxury he didn’t have. “You shouldn’t have anything to hide,” was a common phrase uttered. Phil had limited and monitored access to any ideas outside of the christian ideals his mother wanted for him. Phil went to christian school, and any friends he was allowed to hang out with outside school hours were either from his church or approved by his mother. Phil didn’t fight this. He was a kid, this was his mother. She said she knew what was right for him, so she knew what was right for him. He liked it when his mother thought of him as a good son and letting her approve of all his friends would make her think that.

Mrs. Graves used her husband’s authority for her own gain, using the “man of the house” as a tool to inflict her will. Mr. Graves’ parents did have a hand in his matrimony :/. They found him a nice christian woman for their good (read: bitter and emotionally closed) christian son. Mr. Graves shares the same perspective of gender roles as his wife…

Actually I need to stop talking about Phil’s father, this is a post about mommy issues.

Point is, if Phil did something wrong in Mrs. Graves eyes she would threaten Phil with his father’s wrath. And if Phil did something wrong in his father’s eyes his father would rage on his own. Phil hated disappointing his mother, but he feared making his father mad.

Phil’s mother of course forced him into community activities as much as she could, church groups, 4H, anything that had a community where her boy could make her look good. She would make him participate and do the best work he could even if he hated it, he had to win every paper boat race, every mini science fair. Sometimes she would do the work for him to make sure it was done ‘right.’ Mrs. Graves would berate Phil if he ever did anything that might make her look like a “bad parent” (Like losing the boat race … Ma’am please…)

Mrs. Graves also believes emotions are a weakness especially from women and believes emotions are simply not allowed for men either. Any Big feelings Phil showed as a kid were frowned upon and chastised. He was made to feel pathetic for fear, sadness, and even anger.

Mrs. Graves is unafraid to use humiliation to punish her son, she will happily drag him aside and chew him out in front of his friends. Sometimes it's a show for Mrs. Graves' friends, other times no one is around and she is just angry at something he did.

As an example of how Mrs. Graves handled parenting, A kid on the playground once shoved Phil to the ground and stole the toy dino he was playing with. Phil wanted to cry, but “Buck up” was one of his mother’s favorite phrases, and Phil hated to be told to Buck Up so instead he got angry. He rips the dino out of the other kid's hand and yells at the other kid that he hates them. I’ll spare you a whole play by play about what happened and give you the footnotes:

-Phil gets his toy back, but his anger didn’t go unnoticed by his mother

-His mother realizes that the other Kid’s mother has now seen Phil act up and can’t handle the perceived judgment.

-everything Phil does she takes as a direct reflection on HER so she is blinded by this hit to her ego

-she now must prove to the other mother that she is a Good Mom who has her kid Under Control

-She yells at Phil, grabs his ear, forces him to apologize and gives the dino back to the other kid (it's Phil’s toy) she tells him they’re going home.

-the other kid has realized their own mistake and quietly gives Phil back his toy.

-Mrs. Graves doesn’t realize Phil has the dino back until they’re in the car.

-She grabs the dino, breaks it and throws it out the car window

wow… That hurt to write

Anyway~

It wasn’t always bad, When Phil did something good he was showered in praise and affection. If he was cute for a picture, If he complimented his mother in front of her friends, or won a school competition (remember this reflects well on her), that's when life was good. She’d get all sweet, maybe they’d get ice cream later, or maybe she’d even tell him that she loves him.

I hope you’re picking up what I'm putting down: that Love was inherently conditional for Phil.

But you see, Phil has known no other type. He never knew unconditional love, this was just how life was. As long as he worshiped his mother, sung her praises, was successful, was good and listened to what she asked, he was loved. As a long-term consequence of this Phil is always looking for praise and reassurance, he has deep rooted self worth issues that he can’t see.

Phil’s mom has always been described to him as powerful, a woman to respect, (no one is going to insult someone's mother to their face. Though they probably should have, because now…) Phil has internalized these ideas, and he can’t see how flawed his mother truly is. Phil has idolized his mother, becoming blind to her faults in some twisted compensation for all the pain she has caused him. (Phil is the type of person to say “sometimes I just needed a good slap” and MEAN IT.)

His worship of his mother was of course more extreme when he was a naive child. So during his tween and teen years when he was a bit more of his own person ‘all the sudden’ a rift definitely started to develop between him and his mother.

Phil’s mother has always made jokes about never wanting Phil to grow up, never wanting him to stop being her little boy. Once he was grown they just shifted to wishing he never had. Sometimes when she’s feeling affectionate towards her son, (normally after being particularly doted on by her adult child,) she’ll say ‘You’ll always be a little kid to me.’ Phil thinks its praise, thinks its love. He can’t see how toxic the narrative is. She’s expressing love for the young kid who worshiped her, and denouncing the teen or adult that is his own person in front of her. ‘I wish you were still that little kid, I wish you’d never gotten bigger.’ These are words that hurt, but cut in a way that isn’t felt on the surface.

(sorry, the timeline ran away from me. We’re going back to roughly Phil’s teen years again, weeee!)

Speaking of hurt that isn’t felt on the surface! While corporal punishment wasn’t uncommon in the Graves’ household,

(sometimes in the classical sense when he was younger, but also as a teen in the sense of off-handed corporal corrections, like the quick hards knocks over the head if he talks back, the swift yank of taking something from his hands, and kick in the shin under the table if he talked too much to guests about something that interested him.)

There was also an undercurrent of causal aggressive physicality that Graves hasn’t identified as abusive to this day, because, well, these family interactions that were always spoken of positively. Why should reality be any different? These are all just loving family play? Right?

The dig of nails into his side to jumpscare him around the kitchen counter, (only to be laughed out when he yelped). The trick that got him to picking up something hot when he should’ve ‘known better.’ The throw his favorite canned cranberry sauce into his shoulder hard, as a ‘gift’

Graves got mad at that one at first, telling his mother to not throw hard cans at him, as duh, it hurt?? She chewed him out for 15 minutes about how she’d done something nice and gotten him something he liked and his ungrateful ass was so selfish that he couldn’t even say thank you“Th-”“Do not interrupt me!”

She ‘didn’t hurt him’ and ‘he was being dramatic,’ ‘a real man could handle a light hit to the shoulder!’

Graves tried to show her the already forming bruise. She offered to give him a real one.

That was her joking with him… right?

These are the interactions that Phil would never see as trauma inducing. These are positive memories starring playful family rough housing.

He doesn’t give a second thought to why he remembers each one vividly.

Okay, almost done!! Adult years!

Once he was 18, Phil left to join the army and Serve His Country as the Good American he was, but even out from under her rein Mrs. Graves’ influence can be felt.

Mrs. Graves always demanded respect, and like a good southern boy, Phil has always given it to her. Even now as an adult Phil loves his mother and tells everyone he couldn’t ask for a better mom. (He really could…) He has disregarded his own emotional well being in a desperate attempt to be a good son, and can’t even see it.

I mean, of course he did. Taking care of his mental well-being was frowned upon. If he wasn’t pushing himself to perform for his mother he wasn’t being a good son. But now the last time Graves cried was at 15 years old, and he’ll need to do a lot of healing before he’s able to again.

When he visits his mother she without fail tells him he doesn’t come home enough. All mothers think their kids should come home more, but Mrs. Graves makes it sound like a personal affront. When he’s home the light bullying hasn’t stopped. He can’t do much without being chastised. Even when he does something she can’t criticize like taking care of himself she can often find a way to make a remark. (like putting on sunscreen? ‘Scared of a little son, don’t want a thick skin?’)

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