#I'm not changing who I am. I'm changing all my tags to accurately reflect my content. I'm updating the summary to show what I contain

[neverendingford]

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[dewdropdinosaur]

Original Sin

LUCIFER x (GN ACE) READER Summary: Lucifer really likes you and so flirts with you constantly. You like him too...just not in the way he thinks Warnings: I am not asexual so I asked my ace friend for help on this but please let me know(kindly) if I need to change anything in order to more accurately represent the ace community I can't remember who requested this - so if you did please comment below and I will tag you! REQUESTS OPEN

In the bustling streets of Hell, where chaos and debauchery is always afoot, Lucifer Morningstar, the charismatic and mischievous ruler, was a force to be reckoned with. With his devilish charm and striking yet..short presence, he commanded the attention of demons wherever he went. But amidst the chaos, there was one individual who seemed immune to his advances—Y/N. 

Y/N was unlike anyone Lucifer had ever encountered. They possessed a quiet demeanor that intrigued him, a calm amidst the storm of Hell's insanity. Despite his best efforts to charm them with his best sinful lines and flirtatious looks, Y/N remained seemingly unaffected, an imaginary barrier shielding them from Lucifer's flirtatious antics. Y/N's innocence and purity amidst the sea of sinners intrigued Lucifer, and he found himself drawn to them in a way he couldn't quite explain.

Yet, despite their differences, Y/N found themselves drawn to Lucifer in a way they couldn't put their finger on. His wit, his confidence, his undeniable allure—it all fascinated them, even if they didn't fully understand their own feelings. Despite Y/N's  sexuality or lack thereof (which was something they were still coming to terms with), they couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement whenever Lucifer flashed them one of his signature smirks or delivered a smooth line their way. They admired his confidence and charisma from afar, secretly harboring feelings for the devilishly handsome demon.

As days turned into weeks, Lucifer's advances grew bolder, much to Y/N's confusion and internal turmoil. They found themselves torn between their growing romantic affection for Lucifer and their uncertainty about how to navigate their asexuality in a world where desire and passion ran rampant and was ruled by the original sin himself! They enjoyed his company immensely, relishing in the moments they spent together that weren’t full of his attempts. Those quiet moments when he would let down the persona and be the kind, caring, and intelligent fallen angel. But still, Y/N couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort whenever Lucifer's flirtation veered into more intimate territory.

One fateful evening, as Y/N found themselves alone with Lucifer in the opulent lobby of Hazbin Hotel, the demon king seized the opportunity to make his feelings known in the only way he knew how - more flirting. 

"Ah, my dear Y/N," Lucifer purred, his voice dripping with charm as he leaned in closer. "You've been on my mind quite a lot lately.~"

Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the sight of Lucifer's devilish grin, their cheeks flushing with a mixture of excited apprehension. "Oh, um, h-hi Lucifer," they stammered, their voice barely above a whisper.

Sensing Y/N's unease, Lucifer softened his expression, his eyes reflecting real concern as he reached out to gently cup their cheek. "Is something wrong Y/N?  You seem...distant. Oh shit…did I make you uncomfortable?"

Y/N hesitated for a moment, their heart pounding in their chest as they prepared to reveal their truth to Lucifer. Taking a deep breath, they met his gaze, searching for any sign of judgment or rejection. But all they found was genuine curiosity and concern reflected in his eyes. Y/N swallowed hard, their mind racing as they searched for the right words to express themselves. 

"I...I like you, Lucifer," they confessed, their voice trembling slightly. "But...I'm not like everyone else here. I...I don't feel...desire you the same way they do."

A flicker of understanding crossed Lucifer's features as he processed Y/N's words. Despite his reputation as the literal embodiment of sin and temptation, he was no stranger to the complexities of human emotion and nature. 

"Ah, I see," Lucifer murmured, his tone gentle as he brushed a stray lock of hair away from Y/N's face. He lowered his voice to a calm purr as he gave them some space. 

Lucifer's expression softened, a genuine curiosity replacing his usual playful demeanor. "I do believe the term is asexual?" he repeated, his tone gentle as he sought to understand. 

Y/N's eyes widened in surprise, a wave of relief washing over them at Lucifer's understanding. "Y-yes," they whispered, feeling a weight lift off their shoulders as they finally spoke their truth aloud.

With a tender smile, Lucifer reached out to take Y/N's hand in his own, his touch surprisingly comforting despite the fiery aura that surrounded him. "There's nothing wrong with that, my dear," he reassured them. "You're perfect just the way you are."

With a grin and a twirl of his cane, Lucifer plopped down on a lush chair beside Y/N. 

"Tell me more, my dear. I want to understand."

And so, Y/N found themselves explaining their asexuality to Lucifer, revealing the complexities of their identity and the emotions that accompanied it. To their surprise, Lucifer listened attentively and asked questions when appropriate, his curiosity evolving into genuine empathy.

As Y/N poured their heart out to him, Lucifer's admiration for them only grew. In that moment, he realized that their connection transcended mere physical attraction—it was rooted in something deeper, something far more meaningful.

“Thank you for trusting me with this knowledge my dear, I am very grateful you told me! But not onto important matters…what color should your rubber duck shirt be now? Would you like it to be your pride flag? OOooo that would be so FUN!” 

In that moment, Y/N felt a wave of warmth wash over them, their fears and uncertainties melting away in the presence of Lucifer's understanding. And as they gazed into each other's eyes, they knew that their bond was stronger than any fleeting desire—it was built on a foundation of trust, acceptance, and unconditional love. All of Hell did agree, they did make the cutest couple in the end carrying those twinning pride flag rubber ducks around.

[gillianthecat]

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Although I hadn't been particularly following Build or the Kinnporsche actors in general, that show was my entry point into BL fandom and I still see a lot about it and the actors crossing my dash. I tend not to seek out behind the scenes or "real life" information about actors (with occasional exceptions of hyper-fixations on specific people) and stay well aware that I know next to nothing about what actors and their relationships are really like, that what they show about themselves is crafted and intentional and may or may not reflect reality. And so I was slightly surprised to find myself feeling emotionally discombobulated by the news coming out about Build and Poi.

I do not know what happened, and I offer no opinions and guesses on what actually happened, and who in their circles knew what. This post is about me, not them.

I have the urge, always, to know what's happening, to seek out information, to understand the truth of the matter. I thought could stay "neutral" about this, that is, not seek out information but calmly consume what came across my dash. But I just now filtered all the relevant tags I could think of. I want to understand, but the truth is simply not available to me right now. And may never be. And while a part of me feels like it's disrespectful to the victim, whoever they maybe, to not want to know the truth of what happened, the fact is my knowing or not knowing doesn't change a thing about their lives. They don't know me, I have no power over their lives, and that is how it should be.

I think I find this upsetting for a couple reasons. First, I did like Build as an actor. He was the one in the cast who's acting I found most compelling, who seemed the most skilled to me, and I have been curious to see what he does next. So there is that feeling of loss, or worry about loss, that if these allegations turn out to be true, I will not get that. Because even if he gets to keep acting (although the climate for a relatively unknown Thai BL actor is very unlike that for someone like CK Louis so I suspect if the allegations are true he wouldn't get more work) I would not be able to watch him anymore, and so that would be a loss. And, even though I hadn't thought I'd had expectations for him as a person (and even less so after I'd heard bits and pieces about previous bad behavior of his) I am surprised to find I do have a sense of betrayal about it. He does seem like a nice guy. I do like the way he presents himself, at least in the little bits I've seen.

And of course, abuse is just unpleasant. Thinking about real people hurting each other of course is going to make me feel unhappy. In fiction, it's safely contained, there's a narrative arc, and no real people were actually harmed, so I can analyze it, get in my feelings about it. But with rumors of abuse by real people, there is no catharsis available.

And then lastly, there is the confusion of it all. They both have bad reputations in some way or other, there is evidence presented that may or may not be credible, I'm getting everything third or fourth hand and through at least one layer of translation that may or may not be accurate. Fans have strong opinions on either side, "she is a known awful person and so she must be lying," "she posted photos so he must be guilty," and I get overwhelmed by the certainty they show, the stregnth of the connection they seem to feel for these actors and writers they don't know personally.

Most of the people I follow have much more measured takes, recognizing that we (that is, everyone outside of Poi and Build and their inner circles) don't actually know what's happening, but it's only natural to have opinions and guesses about it. And I'm finding that even reading those makes me feel like I too should know what's happening, even though I don't need to and in fact it's impossible for me too. My internal tension between, believe victims, accusations are rarely lies versus everything I've read about her makes her sound like an abusive harasser versus of course that doesn't mean that she's lying and abusers can also be abused themselves versus I don't know what stories that I've read about any of them are actually true. And perhaps a few of the facts I could verify, but, as I said above, it wouldn't help me understand much more and only make me feel worse.

I was reluctant to post anything, because I don't want to add to the speculations and unfounded opinions about this, or clutter up the dashes of anyone else trying to avoid the topic altogether. But I decided for my own sake I needed to get this stuff out of my head and onto the page, so here it is. Not sure if any of the words make sense or manage to convey what I'm feeling, but at least its not rattling around in my brain poisoning my mood.

You are all welcome to come talk to me about your feelings about this news, and how it's affecting you personally, although I'd prefer not to get speculation about what happened, or opinions on who is telling the truth.

[dangerously-human]

@starspray tagged me ages ago for this, and I swear I have had it half drafted ever since, but as we've established, things have been languishing for eons in my drafts lately!

Writer identity game: If someone is completely new to your writing, which 3 fics would you recommend they read? List the fics with a one-line summary. Then, tag 3 of your writer friends to do the same.

Ooh, interesting challenge. Like what I think gives the most accurate impression of who I am as a writer, or my best works? Maybe a little of both. Hmm...

Those Binary Stars: An AU which initially follows + expands upon canon, until Joan runs into Morse after S6 and offers to help set up the new house, and their relationship develops from there.

An Endless Remaking: Shortly after the Peacekeeper Wars, Aeryn and John address some of their fears as parents, and Aeryn reflects on how much her life has changed.

Not Even a Doorknob Between You: A "missing scenes" collection of conversations Lockwood had with his sister throughout the series, chronicling his developing communication skills, emotional intelligence, and relationship with Lucy.

These are three of the works I'm proudest of, plus I think they showcase my usual style and topics/themes pretty well. Mostly canon compliant or only slightly canon divergent, a little bit of melancholy with a whole bunch of hope, with lots of introspection, processing trauma, wounded people learning to lean on each other, figuring out family life and parenting together, and emotional hurt/comfort all around.

Tagging @astridcontramundum , @paranorahjones , @womaninwinter , and @clawedandcute (some truly excellent writers!) to do this if you'd like!

[drippingheart]

howdy, worms and germs. this is an indie rp blog dedicated to Getō Suguru and Fushiguro Megumi from Jujutsu Kaisen. my portrayal is both anime and manga based. manga events will not be spoiled.

! ! ! themes present but are not limited to: violence, gore, abandonment issues, childhood trauma, depression, mass murder, child soldiers. this is not to say all my threads and headcanons will be violent or solemn. I do enjoy the light hearted side of friendship and bonding, but the trauma of being a jujutsu sorcerer is very important in my portrayals.

also important : I do not condone Suguru's actions. this is fiction. I love delving into his psychology and motivation. I try to understand it to a point, but his actions and mentality are not a reflection of mine. I am pro villains; their accurate portrayals are interesting.

𝟎𝟎 details on megumi. 𝟎𝟎 details on suguru. 𝟎𝟏 promo. 𝟎𝟐 megumi visuals. 𝟎𝟐 suguru visuals. 𝟎𝟑 plotting call. 𝟎𝟒 memes. 𝟎𝟒 meme call. 𝟎𝟓 character study. 𝟎𝟔 alternate verses. 𝟎𝟕 introspection.

Rules are below the cut.

I’ll spare you anything long winded though these are definitely subject to change and certainly up for lengthening in the future!

—   𝟎𝟏   I run a mutuals only blog. If I follow you, I want to WRITE with you. I don’t collect followers and like to keep a tidy blog of people who interact with me. Since you’re reading this, that means you care enough to do so. I won’t bite your head off; please feel free to send memes or hit me up for a thread idea. I often clean up my follow list through soft blocks.

—  𝟎𝟐   I don’t write one liners or semis. The more you write, the more I’m inclined to reply rapidly. Quality and quantity fuel my motivation! I truly enjoy world building and scene progression, so novella length threads are sought. Plotting and winging things are equally enjoyed, however for lengthy and detailed threads ( esp crossovers ), plotting is preferred. I have a plotting call linked above.

—   𝟎𝟑  This is an 18+ blog as I am nearing my thirties. I don’t foresee posting NSFW images, but I write heavily graphic scenes thus don’t feel comfortable writing with minors. Any suggestive aesthetics or sinday memes will be tagged as " after dark .".  I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and I don’t want to make any of my followers uncomfortable. More regarding potential smut is below.

—  𝟎𝟒  I don’t have any triggers and don’t tag any triggers. Threads are generally rated M, but I can go PG-13 depending on who I am writing with. I do not shy away from violent and graphic scenes fyi; I really enjoy writing them actually! I encourage you to message me if you would like to write out something extremely graphic. Violence aside, smut may make an appearance. It is not the goal of my writing. If there's chemistry in the thread and between the writers, well ... who am I to say no. In the case of potential smut, aging up characters is fine; I know some people are sensitive about this. Smut will only occur with male characters as I am gay in real life and choose to depict Suguru and Megumi as gay, albeit not openly.

—   𝟎𝟓  When it comes to ages, I think it's vital to keep character ages canon. Yeah, JJk is great with all the lore and action, but the ages of the characters and the soul crushing and life threatening lives they live is the heart of the series. What everyone goes through as a child and as a teenager is incredibly vital. The only time I think aging up is alright is in terms of smut. Having said that, I'm not opposed to writing crushes or romances during their teens. 

—  𝟎𝟔  I do moderate edits and formatting. Formatting isn’t a deal breaker with me honestly. I prefer length over pretty aesthetics. I do ask that you cut posts; I won’t be following if you don’t cut your posts or fail to tag your posts — all of your posts especially your ooc and negativity posts.

—  𝟎𝟕 Crossovers are loooooved to other animes/mangas, video games, to shows and movies. Do not be afraid to reach out with crossover ideas. I am also very much interested in AU threads especially involving Suguru since there is a lot of potential with him. So far, I have FFVII verses written up for both of the dudes. Provided interest, I will write up verses for Bleach, Castlevania, and the Witcher among other things. 

—  𝟎𝟖   As stated earlier, currently I am all caught up with the manga. For those who are only watching the anime, I will not incorporate any manga elements in our threads. I do not openly discuss spoilers for the sake of other people. If I do discuss anything that may be considered a spoiler, it will be tagged as "jjk spoilers ." Headcanons and drabbles including the events of the manga will be tagged with the aforementioned tag.

—  𝟎𝟗   Regarding Suguru, it is my preference to write him just as Suguru not as Kenjaku, however I am not opposed to it for the sake of an interesting thread. On that similar note, I am happy to write Suguru as a teenager and Megumi as a little kid for any relevant threads.

—  𝟏𝟎   I encourage you to like the content you see. If you like the images, headcanons, songs I post, you are more than welcome to like them. Do not reblog my personal edits, headcanons, and even images I find and post ( still tag with art credit ) unless I have tagged you in the post. You are also welcome to tag me in posts; that would make me very happy! When it comes to memes, please reblog from the source. PLEASE.

—  𝟏𝟏   When it comes to asks/memes, I treat them as independent little snippets. Sort of like insights with some or no background information. Sometimes I write them intentionally vague because it's what comes to me at the moment. I do not treat ask responses as starters, however you are more than welcome to continue a response of mine if you like it enough! Also, I have an ask box call linked above, and you are always welcome to like and comment it whenever you want to be sent things. Seriously. You'll never pester me. You can like request ask box things 24/7.

—  𝟏𝟐   IMPORTANT — I am a firm supporter of people being able to write whatever the fuck they want. This is all fiction; people tend to forget that. I will never judge someone nor post anything to harm/bash someone for their choices. Let people write what they want just as famous writers do. There's really no difference except famous writers get paid to do so. This is a creative journey, bruh. Images used in my banner were found on an ai image website. Don't like that? Do not interact.

[isobug]

fair warning for discussions of bigotry, n*zism/antisemitism, r*pe, and "tr*nsx" content

( to avoid issues with the post going into undesirable tags, an asterisk is used in place of the letter "a" in some places. sorry to everyone with screenreaders. let me know if there's an alternative method !! )

INB4 anyone misinterprets this post, I don't "" ban "" people from identifying with or using my works. It'd be silly of me. I also support anyone archiving them ( yes, even if it means not directly reblogging the source post from me !! all i care about is that you're accurate with your archival / don't change anything just in case the source post gets wiped or we have another mass wikia purge event like what FANDOM did )

From now on this blog is officially NOT "tr*nsx" friendly for reasons I will get into under the cut. I genuinely had a very open mind about this community but I've constantly had my personal interaction boundaries broken by those in it. I'm going to be reworking my rentry ( both my main and request guideline pages !! ) to reflect this soon.

People in this community have frequently broken my one hard rule about bodily minors with eighteen plus explict content on their blog not directly interacting with me through said blog. This is an issue because I am a tr*ns adult in a shitty country that stereotypes me as a pred*tor, so interactions like that are uncomfortable and even potentially dangerous for multiple reasons.

I can understand some of the terms used or coined in "tr*nsx" spaces, especially in regards to BIID. But things like "transr*cist", "transn*zi","transr*pist", and similar being posted and fully accepted ( especially by those saying things like "but they aren't saying they're r*cist! just that they feel they should be!" or similar ) made me realize that the "tr*nsx" community is actively unsafe for me as a multiply marginalized/minority individual even though it claims to be incredibly safe/progressive for those like me.

I feel the need to point out, this is one of many posts that makes me feel like I need to set this personal safety boundary. There are multiple posts promoting child/animal *buse ( "pro-cont*ct/*ction" ) which is also just accepted. It's really easy to just stumble on, especially if you're checking out a new follower or note.

I would not be or feel safe letting people who accept/identify with/condone terms and community standards like this onto my blog or in my DMs. Especially since many of my followers and those I interact with are similarly marginalized like I am.

I'll be going through my follower list and blocking people soon. If you're in that community and going "oh but this post doesn't apply to me !! why do I get grouped in with these guys !!", maybe work on the N*zi and *buse problem to the point where I can't stumble on it ten posts into your blog and I'll rethink it.

ALT text is provided but I will NOT be adding it uncensored to this post, sorry again screenreader users. (EDIT: I had linked the OP here so people who thought this might be a sockpuppet could go through the notes and see it wasn't, but OP and most of the notes have been deleted by staff)

EDIT: this is a warning post that includes more Tr*nsn*zi symbols, so this isn't a one-off person making a joke term or something (it still wouldn't be alright if it was btw)

[wily-one24]

fic writers: 2, 5, 6, 12, 46

Here we go!

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

-> Angst (Ha!)

-> Smut (Well, yeah).

-> Tumblr Prompt (haven't gotten one of those for a while).

Angst. Smut. Tumblr Prompts. Yep... absolutely reflect my writing style. (For reference, the rest of them were 'Alternate Universe'/ 'Alternate Universe: Stripper/Exotic Dancer'/ Dubious Consent/ Plot What Plot/ Humor).

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now!

You didn't specify which fic you're asking about. So... uh... I don't know. Like, I'm always ready and willing to discuss my fics. People just need to ask away. Send me an ask on tumblr. Comment on the fic itself. Send me an email. Message me... whatever. I am the easiest person to approach, honestly.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of [insert fic] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

Again, you never specified a fic.

Imma gonna go D5 (Deep Deep Down Where the Darkness Dwells, but honestly, who's gonna type that out all the time? D5 it is. I really wanted to find a place to explore a scene that I want to add, but there just hasn't been room/ a time/ a place for it. It would disrupt the flow of it. But I can picture the scene. It would be more of a flashback regarding Elliot's past... but the flashbacks belong to Olivia's trauma.

I am planning to bring it up, more in conversation style, it's just... I can PICTURE IT, it's a very strong scene in my head.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

Not that I am aware? I'm actually fairly open to writing things and have explored a lot of things outside my comfort zone when prompted, but I don't have any strong dislikes for tropes... at least not that I have changed my mind about.

I don't really read cheating fics. I don't tend to read pregnancy/baby fics (which are different from fics which HAVE pregnancy and babies in them, but really revolve around other things), or alpha/omega, or like... twee AUs like "they're all in high school and every character no matter where and how their ages lie in canon are all in the same year level"... or "basically the same, but the character defining bad thing didn't happen, so they're all happy and fluffy". I don't enjoy things that erase canon.

I take my fics to weird/extreme places, but I start them in canon and cleave to the canon closely. At least what is canon up to that point.

None of these have really changed, tbh.

In the opposite direction, I guess, I used to be a fan of, like, teacher/student fics when I was much younger, but I have really gone off that trope the more I have learned about it and the older that I get.

46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer (or something else)? Do you think where you write affects the way you write?

I used to handwrite my fics. I have pages and pages of handwritten stuff in old notebooks from my uni days. It flowed so well from ink to paper, it helped my brain I think. Maybe I should try and start doing that again?

But right now I pretty much exclusively type on my computer. I need a keyboard and a screen (and a word processor type program).

A phone? Which psycho is out there writing fic on their phone? omg.

I mean, maybe somebody could... but not me. I could never write an 18,000 word chapter on a fuckingi phone screen. That's insane.

Because I use my laptop, I mostly write fic in my house, in my loungeroom, on my work desk, sometimes on the beanbag. Rarely watching TV, usually with music on. Although, sometimes I can half watch/ half write. But if I really need to concentrate, then it's music.

When I was handwriting, I used to write on the train all the time... or even at work when I had a spare moment. Wherever I could, really. I can't say whether or not if affected my fic, but I was awfully more prolific. I could update in a matter of days, rather than weeks. Same amount of words per chapter, too.

To be fair, let's not blame the handwriting/typing, train/work/home ambience 100%. It's been a decade and a half, lots of things have changed, including my mental health and physical health.

Cool quesitons, @dahllaz.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi. You made a post a couple of days ago about how queer historical fiction doesnt need to be defined only by homophobia. Can you expand on that a bit maybe? Because it seems interesting and important, but I'm a little confused as to whether that is responsible to the past and showing how things have changed over time. Anyway this probably isn't very clear, but I hope its not insulting. Have a good day :)

Hiya. I assume you're referring to this post, yes? I think the main parameters of my argument were set out pretty clearly there, but sure, I'm happy to expand on it. Because I'm a little curious as to why you think that writing a queer narrative (especially a queer fictional narrative) that doesn't make much reference to or even incorporate explicit homophobia is (implicitly) not being "responsible to the past." I've certainly made several posts on this topic before, but as ever, my thoughts and research materials change over time. So, okay.

(Note: I am a professional historian with a PhD, a book contract for an academic monograph on medieval/early modern queer history, and soon-to-be-several peer-reviewed publications on medieval queer history. In other words, I'm not just talking out of my ass here.)

As I noted in that post, first of all, the growing emphasis on "accuracy" in historical fiction and historically based media is... a mixed bag. Not least because it only seems to be applied in the Game of Thrones fashion, where the only "accurate" history is that which is misogynistic, bloody, filthy, rampantly intolerant of competing beliefs, and has no room for women, people of color, sexual minorities, or anyone else who has become subject to hot-button social discourse today. (I wrote a critical post awhile ago about the Netflix show Cursed, ripping into it for even trying to pretend that a show based on the Arthurian legends was "historically accurate" and for doing so in the most simplistic and reductive way possible.) This says far more about our own ideas of the past, rather than what it was actually like, but oh boy will you get pushback if you try to question that basic premise. As other people have noted, you can mix up the archaeological/social/linguistic/cultural/material stuff all you like, but the instant you challenge the ingrained social ideas about The Bad Medieval Era, cue the screaming.

I've been a longtime ASOIAF fan, but I do genuinely deplore the effect that it (and the show, which was by far the worst offender) has had on popular culture and widespread perceptions of medieval history. When it comes to queer history specifically, we actually do not know that much, either positive or negative, about how ordinary medieval people regarded these individuals, proto-communities, and practices. Where we do have evidence that isn't just clerical moralists fulminating against sodomy (and trying to extrapolate a society-wide attitude toward homosexuality from those sources is exactly like reading extreme right-wing anti-gay preachers today and basing your conclusions about queer life in 2021 only on those), it is genuinely mixed and contradictory. See this discussion post I likewise wrote a while ago. Queerness, queer behavior, queer-behaving individuals have always existed in history, and labeling them "queer" is only an analytical conceit that represents their strangeness to us here in the 21st century, when these categories of exclusion and difference have been stringently constructed and applied, in a way that is very far from what supposedly "always" existed in the past.

Basically, we need to get rid of the idea that there was only one empirical and factual past, and that historians are "rewriting" or "changing" or "misrepresenting" it when they produce narratives that challenge hegemonic perspectives. This is why producing good historical analysis is a skill that takes genuine training (and why it's so undervalued in a late-capitalist society that would prefer you did anything but reflect on the past). As I also said in the post to which you refer, "homophobia" as a structural conceit can't exist prior to its invention as an analytical term, if we're treating queerness as some kind of modern aberration that can't be reliably talked about until "homosexual" gained currency in the late 19th century. If there's no pre-19th century "homosexuality," then ipso facto, there can be no pre-19th-century "homophobia" either. Which one is it? Spoiler alert: there are still both things, because people are people, but just as the behavior itself is complicated in the premodern past, so too is the reaction to it, and it is certainly not automatic rejection at all times.

Hence when it comes to fiction, queer authors have no responsibility (and in my case, certainly no desire) to uncritically replicate (demonstrably false!) narratives insisting that we were always miserable, oppressed, ostracised, murdered, or simply forgotten about in the premodern world. Queer characters, especially historical queer characters, do not have to constantly function as a political mouthpiece for us to claim that things are so much better today (true in some cases, not at all in the others) and that modernity "automatically" evolved to a more "enlightened" stance (definitely not true). As we have seen with the recent resurgence of fascism, authoritarianism, nationalism, and xenophobia around the world, along with the desperate battle by the right wing to re-litigate abortion, gay rights, etc., social attitudes do not form in a vacuum and do not just automatically become more progressive. They move backward, forward, and side to side, depending on the needs of the societies that produce them, and periods of instability, violence, sickness, and poverty lead to more regressive and hardline attitudes, as people act out of fear and insularity. It is a bad human habit that we have not been able to break over thousands of years, but "[social] things in the past were Bad but now have become Good" just... isn't true.

After all, nobody feels the need to constantly add subtextual disclaimers or "don't worry, I personally don't support this attitude/action" implied authorial notes in modern romances, despite the cornucopia of social problems we have today, and despite the complicated attitude of the modern world toward LGBTQ people. If an author's only reason for including "period typical homophobia" (and as we've discussed, there's no such thing before the 19th century) is that they think it should be there, that is an attitude that needs to be challenged and examined more closely. We are not obliged to only produce works that represent a downtrodden past, even if the end message is triumphal. It's the same way we got so tired of rape scenes being used to make a female character "stronger." Just because those things existed (and do exist!), doesn't mean you have to submit every single character to those humiliations in some twisted name of accuracy.

Yes, as I have always said, prejudices have existed throughout history, sometimes violently so. But that is not the whole story, and writing things that center only on the imagined or perceived oppression is not, at this point, accurate OR helpful. Once again, I note that this is specifically talking about fiction. If real-life queer people are writing about their own experiences, which are oftentimes complex, that's not a question of "representation," it's a question of factual memoir and personal history. You can't attack someone for being "problematic" when they are writing about their own lived experience, which is something a younger generation of queer people doesn't really seem to get. They also often don't realise how drastically things have changed even in my own lifetime, per the tags on my reblog about Brokeback Mountain, and especially in media/TV.

However, if you are writing fiction about queer people, especially pre-20th century queer people, and you feel like you have to make them miserable just to be "responsible to the past," I would kindly suggest that is not actually true at all, and feeds into a dangerous narrative that suggests everything "back then" was bad and now it's fine. There are more stories to tell than just suffering, queer characters do not have to exist solely as a corollary for (inaccurate) political/social commentary on the premodern past, and they can and should be depicted as living their lives relatively how they wanted to, despite the expected difficulties and roadblocks. That is just as accurate, if sometimes not more so, than "they suffered, the end," and it's something that we all need to be more willing to embrace.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

You are the one in my heart (Part I)

(11x11/11x12)

Hello my friends! Here we go again with another meta about season 11!

This time I'm gonna talk about the way this season makes us see that Dean is in love with Castiel and the angel being the only one in his heart. To talk more thoroughly about this, I divided the topic into two parts.

I want to say thank you to @destielle for beta reading this for all of you! Thank you girl! 💕

Get it out of my head!

Just a little thought about this quote that was repeated several times by several characters in episode 11x11 'Into The Mystic'. Of course they referred to the Banshee, but it was clearly a mirrored description of what was going on with Castiel, at that time possessed by Lucifer.

Cas left when Lucifer occupied his vessel, but while Sam openly worries about him, Dean confronts Sam and us with his trust in Cas and him disappearing… 'Cas is always fine!' 

He was so embedded into his drama with Amara that he had no time for additional worries. And Cas was always fine... Right?

This momentum is important because of the drastic change we will see in Dean’s stance on this after he discovers that Castiel is possessed by Lucifer. From then on he won’t rest until he is able to rescue him. His priorities will change and Amara will drop lower, behind Cas, on the list. But we will talk about this in the upcoming metas.

Oak Park and Broken Hearts

I need to talk about the two songs in the beginning of the episode: they're extremely romantic, talking about two lovers and how they meet again. So… these may be just little hints of Castiel coming back to Dean after being possessed. 

But let's jump to The Residence Oak Park. We meet Mildred, I know, but there's another interesting character, named Arthur. Arthur is the man in charge of the residence, but the reason why he sleeps at this place is because he separated from his wife. He starts talking about it with Dean, and it’s obvious he got his heart broken. He says this sentence to Dean…

ARTHUR: I should have sent the heart. I can be so stupid.

The meaning behind this? He regrets how they broke up over phone, but even more that he didn’t do more to keep her by his side. And these regrets are exactly the same Dean will be struggling with after discovering that Cas was in fact Lucifer the whole time. Maybe he should've paid more attention to what was going on with Cas, acting so weird… but because Cas is always okay, as he claimed... and with Amara on his mind, worrying him a lot, he just couldn't see it.

When Arthur is killed by the Banshee, we encounter through Mildred that he had a heart condition (valves issues), so we, as the audience, connect that bit to the symbolism of the broken heart. This also applies to Mildred herself when she says she has Atrial Fibrillation, another cardiac pathology.

So… why wanted the Banshee to kill Dean? What made Dean vulnerable? Also his heart! It was broken by his encounter with Castiel (Casifer) in the bunker!

Don't use me as bait

Before jumping to Casifer’s and Dean's scene, I want to point out how blatantly the writers helped us seeing the subtext.

First of all they made the Winchesters talk about broken hearts. Because they needed us to see that case revolving around that topic.

Secondly, after Dean and Casifer had their moment, Dean was very offended by the thought of Sam wanting to use Mildred as bait. Why? 

Because writers wanted us to see that what Cas inquired to Dean was to make him act as the bait to catch Amara. And that was the cause of Dean's vulnerability and broken heart… he thought Cas was asking him to play the bait, thus putting him recklessly in danger. His Cas, who always had been loyal to him and who would never hurt him, always took care of him even. It broke Dean’s heart, because he thought Castiel didn't love him the way he did. Again, the shadow of the unrequited love…

And that’s said scene:

Dean enters the bunker and finds Casifer searching for something, looking disheveled with rolled-up sleeves and no overcoat, especially without his trenchcoat. It’s an odd sight of the angel. And rightfully so, because it’s not the real Cas…

After this they start talking about Amara…

DEAN: Yeah, I know. Saying you're gonna kill is one thing, but... Actually doing it's something totally different.

LUCIFER/CAS: What do you mean?

DEAN: I've had two shots at Amara. I struck out both times.

LUCIFER/CAS: What are you talking about?

DEAN: I don't even know where to start.

LUCIFER/CAS: Dean... Tell me everything.

Lucifer found something that sparked his interest: why isn’t Dean Winchester able to kill or harm Amara? So he plays the concerned friend right here to gather more information from Dean.

DEAN: I tried to kill her.

LUCIFER/CAS: Well, the two of you are connected somehow by the Mark.

DEAN: Yeah, no, it's, uh... It's more than that.

LUCIFER/CAS: Attraction? Oh, Dean.

Gif set credit @starlightcastiel

DEAN: I know. I know. Okay? Whatever it is, a... Attraction, connection... I got to tell you, man, it scares me. I don't know that I can stop it. I don't know that I can resist it.

Dean defines his issue with Amara with the word ATTRACTION, but he doesn't know exactly what it is, because he can't control it. Because it’s a dark force that drags him to her. So he doesn't know what it is, but he knows what it’s not (I will talk about this in the next meta). So, Dean is terrified… he doesn't like it. 

Lucifer is lucky because he can use this against Amara, but he tries anyways to act like a comprehensive friend… but he fails… his first mistake is to place his hand on Dean's right shoulder (and that's when Dean looks at him suspiciously) because that's not Castiel's shoulder (profound bond shoulder).

And after this Lucifer says those unlucky words that will break Dean's heart, proning him to become a Banshee's victim.

Gif set credit @starlightcastiel

LUCIFER/CAS: Hey, it scares me, too. But we will find out what this is, I promise. In the end, it may help draw her out. This could be a good thing.

Dean looks at him hurt and confused. Why does Cas want to use him as bait? Doesn't he care about him? 

Dean is pining for Castiel

Gif credit @demondetoxmanual

Mildred was introduced in this particular episode as a wise character, with Dean she talks about watching sunsets and FOLLOWING YOUR HEART. Dean listens to her, and really reflects on those words as we will see in the final episodes of this season, when he follows his heart trying to rescue Castiel from Lucifer despite the main plan. It will be a war decision, more accurate in the circumstances, revealing he never changed his mind and will and has always put Castiel first, because Castiel comes first in Dean’s heart.

Another interesting and wise observation Mildred made about Dean, and writers were very specific to make us see it, is the following…

MILDRED: Darlin'... If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else.

[Dean smirks]!!!!! Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember? I don't know who the lucky lady is, but I am damn sure jealous.

Mildred saw it, just like the banshee, Dean is pining for someone. The lucky one that has his heart however is not Amara, we know that Dean is afraid of her and he knows it’s not love that he feels for her. But Dean smiles nonetheless… he smiles, because Mildred found out. Yes. He is in love. Yes, he is pining for someone. And it’s a very hot, blue eyed and winged man. 

A little Destiel mirror

Just a couple of words about episode 11x12, we have Alex here with a boyfriend that turned out to be a vampire ( a monster) which she didn't know about before.

Pay attention to this dialogue after Alex finds out her boyfriend is a monster.

ALEX: (To Henry) Nothing? None of it was real?

HENRY: Seriously Al? You were a complete freak! I mean, you were an angry loner, creeping around the school like some kind of trench coat mafia?

CLAIRE: You're gonna burn in hell, you sociopath.

HENRY: (Still looking at Alex) I could never date someone like you.

It’s a switched mirror, Alex represents Castiel now, and the disappointment of being rejected will come at the end of the season when Dean calls Cas their Brother. Oh yes, the car scene… and the coward We/Us speech… my heart.

To Conclude:

Mildred served as a channel to show us Dean is pining for Castiel, delivering an advise Dean will follow once he finds out Cas is in danger.

Dean had his heart broken because of Cas (Casifer), drowning again in the idea that his love is unrequited.

Alex/Henry relationship was a switched Destiel mirror and a premonition of the "rejection" Castiel will feel when Dean calls him a BROTHER later on.

I hope you enjoyed this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, here you have the links Vol. LXII, LXIII, LIV.

Buenos Aires, June 9th 2020 3:17 PM

[jaskierskisses]

The Monster Inside Of You

1x01 meta. THE WITCHER NETFLIX. Geralt meta. Geraskier meta.

Hi! Here I am, I feel strange talking in this fandom because I'm new is like to enter in a party and not knowing the people, if you know what I mean 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

But hey, I can always share my thoughts and art with all of you, right?

As I said before, I'm rewatching the show so I can put in order my thoughts and write them down. I will make a meta for each episode, while I will keep reading the book and writing down by separate, my thoughts and meta about books related to the Netflix's Show.

I want to say thank you to my dearest friend @agusvedder , she made the majority of the gifs in this meta, Thank You for your time girl! You're amazing!

Okay, my first meta is settled in the first episode, in which I saw the topic coming down my neck: MONSTERS. Not just the monster Geralt hunts, but the inner monsters.

Hope I won't rant too much... Let's see...

Geralt perceives himself as a monster

The first scene they show us is Geralt hunting a monster...

Emerging from the waters and stabbing him.

Gif credit @mistress-light

And we see black eyes, and white skin... Why we are seeing Geralt's monstrous side?

Because is a reflection of how Geralt perceives himself and how writers wanted to board his character in the first episode.

Is Geralt a monster? No, but he thinks he is. He lives with this ghost inside of him. Fears and insecurities, that drag him to solitaire.

Just remark the word solitaire, because is not the same that loneliness... But I will talk about this in my next meta.

Now... We had the first encounter with Renfri, and this scene...

Geralt bowed his head... As if he was ashamed... He is carrying with the risponsability of that word. MONSTER. And he is like I'M SORRY BECAUSE OF THAT, I'M A MONSTER TOO. Si ashamed, is so sad to see him doing that.

That's another proof of Geralt feeling himself a monster.

And by the end of the episode, when he kills Renfri in a battle of swords... Even if he said he doesn't kill humans... The monster inside of him will torture him... And it will be reflected on this scene...

Gif credit @stormborndean

Strogobor naming Renfri, a human, a monster

The encounter with Strogobor is very interesting, because it's settles the new interpretation of a monster.

Is not just what Geralt hunts ...but can be humans too...

When Geralt hears this, he rejects the offer, because is against his rules. His moral.

But even so... Geralt will confess later to Renfri that the first monster he killed, was a human.

Another characteristic Strogobor pointed to make the Witcher less human, is his lack of feelings...

But we will see in this episode, Geralt feels. Not just feels, but he fears to feel. Because deep inside of him, he thinks he doesn't deserve be loved, he doesn't deserve a family, or any kind of bond.

When Strogobor is trying to convince Geralt to accept the job, he had an apple in his right hand.

The apple is a recall, from my point of view, to Snow White (Renfri in the first Book The Last Wish, is Snow White from another perspective) so, this apple, as in the Bible and here, represents DECEIVING. So, Strogobor was trying to MANIPULATE Geralt with his speech, but he failed.

He also talks about Renfri's cursed life. Born under a Black Moon, surrounded by other deformed girls. The only one surviving when all of them were killed. She can be beautiful by the outside, but is very dangerous. This, my friends, is a description of Yennefer, so, is a foreshadow of her apparition in the next episode.

Yennefer, a deformed girl, that will suffer a huge transformation through a big sacrifice, becoming a dangerous but beautiful sorceress.

Destiny has different faces

Strogobor recited these words too to Geralt, and we could travel in this episode and find interesting scenes foreshadowing the connection and the encounters Geralt will have in the next episode.

First of all, let's talk about Marilka.

When I first saw Marilka, i didn't realized she was a mirror of Jaskier and Ciri.

But when I rewatched the episode I saw it clearly. So I ran into the fandom because I recalled a very funny but accurate post here, posted by @silent-odd-moth .

Geralt and Marilka walking down the street and Marilka talking without stopping, trying to decipher that mysterious Witcher there, was Jaskier tryin to get to Geralt some way.

But let's check this... Marilka starts to name monsters...

And this is a foreshadow of Geralt meeting Jaskier in the tavern my friends, because, our bard will start to name monsters, and Geralt will answer THEY DON'T EXIST.

So... The parallel here with Marilka...

She is not afraid of the Witcher, just like Jaskier will do.

She is VERY CURIOUS about Geralt, just like Jaskier will do.

She asks a lot of questions trying to know more about him, just like Jaskier will do.

She is placed in the same spot while walking down with the Witcher and Roach that Jaskier will be.

She names monsters and Geralt replies with THEY DON'T EXIST, THERE'S NOT SUCH A THING. The same answer will give to Jaskier in the tavern when he starts to name monsters.

She wants to be stronger, because she needs to feel worthy, just like Jaskier will feel in episode 1x06, he would want to feel worthy to be Geralt's partner.

But also, this...

And this is the most important, for her (Jaskier) GERALT IS A HERO. Geralt sees all the bad in him that transforms him into his inner monster, but Marilka/Jaskier see the hero, all the good qualities Geralt has. Marilka/Jaskier is the vision of their goodness.

But... We have Renfri... Seeing all the thing she felt identified to... The solitary soul. The discrimination, the fears. And she empathize with that, just like Yennefer will do.

"You don't believe in Destiny (...)" She would say to the Witcher... But guess what?

In this piece of dialogue is settled the foreshadow of Geralt next encounter with Destiny, is Marilka represents DESTINY she is mirroring Jaskier, as we saw here, then, logically, to find Jaskier in his way, will drag him to his destinies. So, Jaskier (the vector) will lead him to Ciri and Yennefer (his destinies) but also, because Marilka was the destiny who lead him, Jaskier is his destiny too. Full circle. Because Destiny has different faces.

To Conclude:

The first episode presents Geralt from his POV, as a monster. He is a solitaire Witcher who will experience the crashing in his world with three characters that will change everything for him: named as Destinies, we will have Jaskier, a fresh bard not afraid of him, but curious, that only sees the good things on him, a daughter who will show him what family is, and a storming lover, who will empathize with his fears and loneliness and his will to make good.

I hope you like this meta! See you in the next one!

Tags: @legendary-destiel @mrsaquaman187 @spnsmile @jawnlockwinchester @casualpandabeliever

If you want to be tagged on my metas, just let me know.

Buenos Aires, February 28th 2020 5:40 PM