#I'm not being coherent and it took me forever to write all this

[sims3fiend]

Some dumb sims 3 updates/stuf

Or, how to develop severe brain damage in 10 easy steps.

Sooo… This is going to be more of a blog post than anything of any real substance, more of a whinge with maybe a few teasers for some stuff I may or may not release (probably not). Feel free to skip if you're after hot tips or coherent writing.

Stutter "fixer"

Sooooo…. The sims 3 has some stutter issueeesss… Incredible discovery, I know! I started looking at remedying them with settings, found some hidden settings that help reduce some of the issues but that can only do so much when the game was made in 2009 for 2009 computers.

So I had a looky at some things I thought could be causing it, mainly WinAPI functions because that's the easier route (h-haha…), and started to try to "optimize" some of the more common ones:

ReadFile: Was the first, and looking at the sheer volume of like 12783972198 calls a milisecond every time you move the camera, I thought surely I can speed it up a little r-right. Not really. I tried all sorts of… interesting things, file caching in memory, implementing the overlapped flag (took ages), etc. Oh and the performance increase? Literally nothing. It's called weirdly from wherever it's called and so we must suffer.

Threads: So, I had a look at other areas that were potential targets for speedup, ran an actual profile and it showed a problem areas namely threads and some other stuff I don't remember. ZwWaitForMultipleObjects and WaitForSingleObject take up a lot of time, so I very poorly attempted to optimize them, adding some timeout optimizations (and a bunch of other failed attempts). Despite being the most insane, this actually worked, and I got like a 40% speed increase in a very very niche metric that did not noticeably effect the game one single bit. I plan to combine all my failures into a single script eventually, maybe once combined they'll do something…

Actual insanity - Memory IPC: Then I had an idea, everyone hates e12, why don't we shove the games memory into another process and that'll fix it. No brain moment. No clue what past me was thinking, for some reason I thought you could like, access another processes memory if it was spawned from it, but uhh.. no, that's not how things work… I tried a few other things in a similar vein but it just crashed and crashed, so for now I'm just gunna work on:

Alloc/free mee - Current insanity: Currently, I'm still working on VirtualAlloc and VirtualFree (which is what I was redirecting to another process), but more from an optimizing memory usage standpoint than a… whatever the IPC thing was. There's a lot of things to try, and I've had some luck in some areas and some abysmal failures in others. There's a few promising functions calling VirtualAlloc/Free that seem to be potentially pointing towards memory leaks (004e54d0), but I'm too dumb to investigate that. At the moment, I'm going mostly just gathering more logs which takes forever and hurts my brain real bad.. On testing there's like 180 allocs that we could probably yeet no problem, which is like 750mb saved… Maybe idk.

I have plenty of ideas for deduplication, memory pool implementations to reduce churn/fragmentation, shoving things aggressively into pagefiles if they're not being used, etc. etc. Basically, there's a lot of avenues to explore, and I feel like there's potential… though I've definitely said that before and been dead wrong so…

Anyway, rambling over. I plan to release a dumb little renderer settings mod maybe-soon-ish that'll let you do dumb stuff that might be useful for reshade like turn shadows/drop shadows off and post processing off and on. I guess I could add max lots and other settings eventually too since they're static values.... Might also do a mythbusting post for some performance "tweak" stuff I see thrown around that isn't super accurate but I also don't want people to be angry at me so maybe not.

Sorry to whoever read all this, but also thanks :)

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

dark/cunty raphael, devils being devils (this has been done to death but i just wanted to write him being awful) once again thank you @pouralaura for your advice and encouragement you are the best

Read on AO3

-

He wasn't supposed to be back yet.

He wasn't supposed to be back yet.

Tav panicked. Wide eyed, she pleaded with Hope's flickering apparition. “Are you sure?” She hissed. “Are you sure he's back?”

“YesyesYES can't you feel it?! He's home, the master is home and he brings blood and pain and death!” Hope shrieked. “I have to go, you have to go, we all have to go!”

“No, Hope, wait! I need your help!”

“I can't help you anymore,” the poor crazed thing said, coherent for this moment just to fix Tav with a sad, pitying look. “Just like you can't help me anymore. But thanks for trying. I'll remember it forever. He's going to hurt you and he's going to kill you and I'm sorry.”

Her phantom faded into nothing and Tav was left alone in the claustrophobic halls. Maybe she tripped a hidden alarm or ward. Maybe she simply took too long. All she knew was that, if Hope was right, she'd squandered likely the only chance she had of sneaking into Raphael's home and taking the hammer. And Hope was definitely right. Tav felt it. A change to the air. The wailing of souls muted, exhalated. 

He was here.

The plan had been very simple: her friends distract Raphael by pretending to consider and discuss his contract “behind her back”, and she heads to the diabolist to get a portal open, go in, steal the hammer, and leave. It was much easier to sneak a single person through, and Raphael would've been none the wiser. Only, she wasn't prepared enough for the House of Hope. She wasn't prepared for its namesake. She wasn't prepared for Raphael's dark, dirty secrets parading in her face. 

Gale called her ludicrous. Mad. Idiotic. And yet when she pressed him for a better option, for a way to keep the crown and save Orpheus from the Emperor's vile clutches, he came up empty. They were stretched thin, resources and resilience at their breaking points.

“Let it be me, then,” he'd said. “Let it be me who gets the hammer.”

“I'm a better sneak than you,” Tav had argued. She was willing to take the risk for him. So he could be free of Mystra, free of the orb. Free. He knew. He'd pressed their foreheads together, holding her close.

“Come back to me,” he'd whispered. “Promise you'll come back.”

Tav might not be able to deliver the hammer, but she could still escape. All she had to do was hide, and sneak back to her portal before Raphael found her. The house was so big, like a damn maze. Tav tried to remember where she'd come from, where she'd left her portal, but the gaudy halls and creepy gilded statues all looked the same. She thought she recognised the dining room from when he'd first brought her here so long ago, taunting her with the offer of aid. The table was covered in rotten food. Mutilated skeletons filled the seats. Shaken, Tav moved on.

Shit.

She caught sight of Raphael prowling the corridors outside, his expression stormy. He was still in his human guise, but his hellish fury bubbled just barely beneath the surface. Swallowing a sharp inhale before it gave her away, Tav tucked herself behind a pillar and prayed he hadn’t seen her.

“I know you're here, little mouse,” he rumbled, burning brown eyes scanning every nook and cranny. Tav bit her lip. Her stomach dropped. He exuded overwhelming diabolical power. Tav knew she stood no chance against him alone. “You must think me a dullard. Your friends show up at the Devil's Den without you, interested in a contract of all things when they were so staunchly against me before, and then I feel my wards breached telling me there is an intruder scurrying about my home…why, such coincidental timing. I wonder, who could be creeping around? What could they be looking for?”

In hindsight, the plan was never going to work. Of course he had wards everywhere. Of course he was too clever for their ruse. But they were desperate. Just as the devil promised they would be, by the end. Just the way he wanted them. All hope wasn't yet lost. If she could only escape…

“Did you think you could fool me? That any hair-brained schemes concocted in your simple, tadpole-addled minds would succeed? It's almost amusing, were it not so outrageous.” Raphael ranted. So verbose even in his anger. And yet, Tav could hear his liquid smile in the words he purred next. “How about this? For old times’ sake, for my most cherished client who never was… If you show yourself now and beg me well enough, I might make your death quick. But the longer you hide, the longer it takes for me to find you - and I will find you - the longer I'll spend peeling your pretty skin from your flesh.”

The devil was striding away, deeper into his house. Tav snatched the opportunity to dart out into the foyer. She remembered now, those big metal doors. Where Hope had first been waiting. Tav’s portal was behind them. Poor Hope. Rejuvenated by relief, Tav vowed to find a way to save her. Even if she had to storm the house again, with her team this time, and swing the cudgel of justice down on Raphael’s head. Smash his dirty devil brains out. She’d relish doing so. The doors were ajar. Tav slipped through. She could practically taste her safety. The grungy corrupted streets of Baldur’s Gate had never been so welcoming…

Except there was no portal.

For a moment she simply stood there in disbelief. Denial. A scorched circle on the marble floor was the lone indicator that a portal had ever existed in the first place. A taunting shadow. As she stared at nothing, the damned souls forever trapped - just like her - seemed to laugh. 

Despair. The likes of which Tav hadn’t felt since she awoke on the beach and realised everything that happened on the nautiloid wasn’t a bad dream. It crawled up her throat and threatened to make her scream. She stuffed the meat of her hand in her mouth and bit down. The pain grounded her. Panic wouldn’t help. There had to be other portals. Ones Raphael or his cronies used to get about in the material plane. She’d jump through one of them. It didn’t matter where she ended up; it would be easy enough to get back to Baldur’s Gate. She crept out into the halls again. A flash of red in the corner of her eye catapulted her into motion. She’d never been more aware of the noise her boots made, how heavy her footsteps were, how loud each panting breath was. She ran, crawled behind a big statue, and made herself as small as possible. 

“Come out, little mouse,” the devil crooned sweet poison from somewhere, his voice drifting through the empty spaces of his home, echoing off the walls and floors, impossible to ignore. “Come out come out, wherever you are…”

Fear bubbled in Tav’s churning  gut. Her heart pounded against her ribs in protest. In her ever-shrinking world of mind flayers, crazed cultists, monsters and apostles and madness, Raphael had been but a blip on her threat radar. She hadn’t given him much concern, or consideration. A mistake. One she might not live to rectify.

I’m sorry, Gale…

“It was bold of you to come here alone, you know. Bold, but so very foolish. I suppose you got the idea in your worm-eaten skull that you were faster than your companions. Stealthier. Or was it they who convinced you?” Raphael’s tone twisted, honed into a dagger aiming at a specific target. A soft target. “I wonder, did they do it because they really thought you might succeed? Or because they knew you wouldn’t? A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, after all…”

Tav chewed the inside of her cheek. Raphael, she’d learned, was very good at hurting people without even raising a finger. Words were weapons for him as much as his claws or infernal magics. She wouldn’t let him bait her.

Peering out of her spot, the coast was clear enough for Tav to risk moving. She thought about it. The devil was quiet, had been for a little while, either out of things to say - unlikely - or finally far away enough that she could no longer hear him. After another few moments of hesitation, Tav took the chance, flitting down an empty corridor. Prayed the next room she entered would hold something useful. 

She never made it.

As she rounded a corner, a hand shot out and snatched her by the hair. Thick fingers dug into her scalp, yanked her so harshly a joint in her neck popped. 

“Got you,” the devil snarled, right into her ear. Tav shrieked, instinctively scratching at Raphael’s hand. All it seemed to do was incense him further. 

“Let go of me!” She yelled.

“Oh, how the mouse squirms when it’s been caught,” Raphael intoned, low, almost sensual were it not for the bite of murder lingering in the depths. He manipulated her to look at him, so she could see the contempt and loathing on his handsome face. “But you aren’t a mouse, are you? No. You’re a rat. Just like your little friends.”

“Did you hurt them?!” The pain of her hair being pulled at the roots made tears bead at the corners of Tav’s eyes. She fought to regain her footing. Glared at Raphael anyway.

“And what would you do if I had?” The devil jeered. He released her hair, only to close his fist around her throat instead. “No, no. Despite your collective stupidity, someone still needs to clean up the mess that is the netherbrain. Although I don’t imagine they have much chance of success after this…” Raphael squeezed her throat harder. Claws dug pinpricks into her skin as he let his rage change him, shed his human disguise. He shook her, easily lifting her from the ground so her legs dangled, black and orange eyes ferocious. “You had every opportunity to accept my deal. It was fair. The hammer for the crown. An artefact you cannot even hope to use or understand, for the only chance you had to free yourself from the Emperor. To free Orpheus. And yet you’ve chosen to spit in my face despite my patience, my clemency. Why?” 

Tav gagged, struggled to speak around her crushing windpipe. Black spots began to dance at the edges of her vision. The devil loosened his grip enough so she could answer. His pride demanded it. “You…the crown should…go to Mystra. For Gale. He spoke to her. She said…said she could fix him, get rid of the orb if…if he…the crown…” Tav broke off, coughing, choking, gasping for air. Her tears finally spilled over, dripping down her cheeks.

“You’ve done this for Gale?” Raphael seethed with peculiar jealousy. He dropped her, watched her stumble. Then he laughed; a cruel, sharp sound that went on for too long. “If you truly believe your precious wizard intends to return the crown to his cantankerous trollop ex-lover instead of using it for himself, then you are more naive and gullible than I ever imagined.”

Tav scowled, rubbing her neck. “He promised,” she rasped. “He…”

“He promised,” the devil mocked. “Oh yes, I’m sure he did. I’m sure he meant it.”

“He wouldn’t lie! He’s never lied to me!”

Raphael tilted his horn-crowned head. Stared at her like she was an idiot. “Hasn’t he?” 

Just like before, Raphael was aiming for her soft spots - but this time, this one, was already bruised. He was right. Gale had lied. About the orb, about his feelings for Mystra, even about abandoning his desire to ascend. The first thing he’d done when he learned the true nature of the crown was consider how he could take advantage of it. Not the behaviour of a man changed. But Tav had faith in him. Believed in him. Her niggling doubts meant nothing. 

“No.” She said in defiance. Ignored the way her weak voice wobbled. “You’re just trying to poison me against him. You don’t understand anything.”

“Don’t I?” Raphael crooned, viciously amused. “I think it’s you who doesn't understand. Let me put it this way, so that even you can comprehend: why would a power-hungry magelet with a chip on his shoulder abandon decades of ambition for some little bint he found on the roadside, when he could have hundreds – thousands of warm and willing holes to wet his cock with if he becomes a so-called god? Do you think you’re worth that sacrifice? Does Gale think you are? I’m sure he says lots of sweet things when he’s inside you, just as I’m sure he said the same things to Mystra, and we all know how that worked out…”

“Stop,” Tav begged. Sobbed. 

“No,” the devil sneered. Utterly merciless. “It’s high time you faced the reality of your actions. You have doomed a future for the githyanki free from tyranny, you have doomed your friends’ chance to escape the emperor’s machinations, and you have doomed yourself, sweet pet, to reap what you sow – all for the sake of a man who rolled over you because you were the first woman in years to say yes. You wanted to enter my house without permission? Fine. Then you’ll stay for eternity.”

She recoiled in horror, the implication making her blood run cold. She’d rather he killed her and he knew it. “You can’t keep me here!”

“I think you’ll find I can, girl,” Raphael said, malicious, quiet. His gaze flayed her alive, peeled away layers of skin and muscle to stare at her very soul. “For in this house, in this pocket of Hell, I am the master, and that means I can do whatever I want.”

A sick, bitter pill to swallow: he was right.

“Fine!” Tav laughed maniacally, the futility of the situation driving her to reckless anger. “Fine, you evil bastard! I suppose you’ll have a pet squid soon, then. Have you always wanted one of those? Was it a boyhood dream, if you were a boy once? I hear ink stains are a bitch to get out of silk rugs.” As soon as she said it, Tav wished she had kept her mouth shut. She’d done everything wrong since entering that portal. Everything. Raphael’s shrewd hellish eyes narrowed as he considered something. Tav watched him raise his fingers, ready to snap, with dawning horror; if he did this, she wouldn’t just be stuck with him forever. She would owe him forever. A fate so much worse. “No! Wait! You don’t – I’m sure I won’t transform! It’s different in Hell, right?!” 

“I’d rather not take the chance,” Raphael murmured, enjoying this moment of despair. “I’m not too fond of tentacles, you see. And besides…I promised I could be your saviour, didn’t I? Even though you hardly deserve it, I'm nothing if not magnanimous, after all.”

CLICK. 

Such a small sound heralding a monumental, irreversible change.

Agony. The likes of which Tav couldn’t comprehend. Her skull splitting apart, bursting from the inside, her brains chewed up and spat out, eyes and teeth and tongue destroyed, sinuses burning…it only lasted for a few brief seconds, maybe, but the next thing she knew she was on her hands and knees. Frothy blood and bile oozed from her nose and mouth. Her body shook violently. Her head felt like it was full of water. She wasn’t sure, but she might have pissed herself a little bit. She stared up at the devil through bleary wet eyes and saw him watching her. Savouring her suffering. Floating in his palm was her tadpole, sluggish and covered in gore. Covered in her brains. 

“Hmmm…I suppose I could have used less force for the extraction,” Raphael mused, unapologetic. He squinted at the ugly cosmic horror larva with disdain. “I was led to believe these things were near-impossible to remove. Clearly not. Such weak magic. That worthless boy still has a lot to learn.” He curled his fingers inward and the tadpole caught fire, writhing and screaming as it died. Rendered to ash. Then he smiled at Tav, placid, almost business-like, as if he hadn’t just up-ended her entire existence. Her suffering had greatly improved his mood. “There we are. Now you won’t have to worry about those lovely guts of yours dissolving any time soon. Not before I get to sample them, at least.”

“I’d rather be a mind flayer,” Tav slurred quietly. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She felt hollow. Without that tadpole – as awful as it had been – she couldn’t reach her friends or even the emperor to beg for help. She knew they were pragmatic. They would stick to the plan, even Gale. They’d realise something went wrong and cut their losses. Poor Orpheus. She’d known the risk, being the one breaking in. Made certain they wouldn’t risk storming this infernal psycho’s little castle to rescue her, not when the elder brain was so unstable and they were so close to vanquishing the Absolute cult, but at least pretending it was an option would’ve given her something to hold onto. 

“And ruin that delightful complexion of yours? Perish the thought.” The devil reached to wrap one big paw around her forearm and tugged her upright. Tav was too weak to pull away. She barely stayed on her feet. The room and everything in it swayed. Until it was forced to stop by his hot clawed hand holding her jaw firm. Raphael’s image swam into focus. He gently turned her head this way and that. He was examining her; examining his new property. His new trophy. “Can’t fault the magelet’s taste. You are a pretty little thing. And now you’re my pretty little thing.”

He pushed his thumb into her mouth. She could taste the sulphur and hellish magic even over the copper sticking to her gums and teeth. She bit him, tried to, but Raphael wasn’t phased. He dug his thumb claw into her tongue instead, pressing until he pierced the muscle, until Tav cried out. Fresh blood welled from the small puncture wound.

“Behave,” the devil simply said, like he was talking to a naughty puppy. 

“Never,” Tav spat. Raphael seemed to like that answer, if the sparkle in his eyes and his rich chuckle were any indication. 

“Oh, you’ll learn, my little pet. One way or the other.” He dragged his thumb out of her mouth, smearing blood and spit across her lips. His pupils expanded as he looked upon her. He found this arousing, Tav realised, more repulsed than she’d ever been in her life. 

“You make me sick,” she hissed. 

“You have no idea just how sick I could truly make you,” he purred around a sinister smile, “but we have all the time in the world for that, don’t we? Thanks to you, I’ve got a lot more work to do now. Plans to tweak, contingencies to set up, that sort of thing. I don’t expect you to understand, but unfortunately it means I won’t be able to break you in quite yet. But fret not, you shan’t be alone. Haarlep can keep an eye on you until I return.”

Tav didn’t get the chance to ask what a Haarlep was. Raphael displaced them both into the boudoir. So sudden, and she was still so unsteady. She’d have fallen on her face if Raphael wasn’t holding her. Instead she leaned on him until her vision stopped spinning. He chuckled cruelly. 

“Not to worry, love. I’ve got you.”

Tav yanked herself free – he let her go this time – and staggered away from him, collapsing onto the big bed nearby. She wasn’t the only one sprawled on those red silk sheets; a creature that looked like Raphael but softer, younger, and dressed much skimpier, lounged. He perked up with interest, peering at her. Two of them…Tav truly was in Hell.

“What’s this?” The lookalike asked in a perfect, if airy, imitation of Raphael’s voice. 

“A new pet. Clean her up. And don’t do anything else or you’ll be skinned and hung out to dry like Nubaldin. I mean it, Haarlep.” 

Another click of those devilish fingers and Raphael was gone. Haarlep crawled across the bed like a huge, nasty cat, eyeing Tav up and down.

“Hmm…not quite breeding stock, but I suppose you’ll do.” He pawed at her. “Come on, then. Get up.”

“Take your hands off me!” Tav cringed away, drooling pinkish red froth. “I’ll kill you, I swear it.”

Haarlep tutted, amused. “You couldn’t kill a mouse right now, little pet. And I don’t need your compliance to get you off this bed. There are many ways, and I can’t promise you’ll enjoy all of them…”

The suggestion in his voice made Tav grit her bloodied teeth. Her skin crawled. “You’re just as twisted as Raphael, aren’t you?”

Haarlep cackled. “Oh no, sweet thing. I’m much worse.”

Tav ended up in the luxurious bathing pool, only after Haarlep callously pulled her clothes and armour off, telling her she should get used to it because the concept of her privacy no longer existed. The steaming water seemed to heal her physical injuries, easing the savage pain in her skull, but that simply meant she had more cognizance to think about how awful her situation really was. Her attempt at drowning herself was thwarted by a heavy clawed hand pulling her head out of the water by her hair. They seemed to like doing that, these fiends.

“Now, now. Don’t make me charm you,” Haarlep chided as Tav coughed and sputtered. “As funny as it would be for my brat to come back to a floating corpse, he obviously doesn’t want you dead yet, and I’d rather not be flayed. It’s not as erotic as those priests of pain make it out to be, trust me.”

“Fuck you,” Tav spat, digging her nails into Haarlep’s hand. He didn’t seem to feel it. Just like his master. A fly biting a dragon.

“In due time, lovely. In due time. Now…do you prefer red or gold?”

Like an overzealous child with a new doll, Haarlep stuffed Tav into a gold silken house robe – sheer, reaching just above her knees, thin enough that her nipples were easy to see. By this point she was despondent, allowing him to pull her this way and that. When he deemed her “good enough” he grew bored of her and went back to lounging on the bed. Tav wandered the boudoir aimlessly, not really seeing anything, until she found herself on a balcony overlooking the destitute landscape of Avernus from a great height. The House of Hope must be floating somewhere, she thought absently. Isolated even in Hell. If she jumped, Tav wondered how long she’d be falling before she hit the ground and what kind of mess she’d leave behind.

“Don’t even think about it,” Haarlep cheerfully called to her. 

Tav slid to the ground, buried her face in her knees, and wept. 

-

Time passed differently, strangely, in Hell. Tav existed in a fugue state of misery, unable to be sure. Days, weeks, months could have passed since she failed to steal from Raphael; since Raphael stole her. Almost all of it had been spent in the boudoir, an incubus and cambion her keepers both. 

She sat on the balcony when Raphael came to her, as she often did. Passing the minutes, hours, staring out at Avernus. The devil had been away for a while. He smelled of fresh air, of the material plane, taunting her with what she’d never experience again. He seemed strangely pleased despite all his plans going awry. “I thought you might like to know that your friends destroyed the brain,” he told her as he poured himself some wine. “Baldur’s Gate – and Faerun as a whole, is saved.”

At least that was a relief. 

“And you should also know that Gale decided to use the crown of Karsus to ascend. I believe he is now calling himself the god of ambition…how very droll.” Although Tav had come to accept this was a likely outcome, the information still sank like a rock in her stomach; of course, the devil wasn’t done. “I had thought he might come knocking at my door, threatening to smite me should I not release your soul, but…it seems your darling has forgotten about you, pet. Much more interesting things to do now that he’s reached the Heavens, I would imagine.”

Tav bit her tongue. Hope truly came to these cursed halls to die. Snuffed out before it had a chance to unfurl, but she wouldn’t give this wretch the satisfaction of knowing she was upset. 

“So…what are you going to do, then? The crown is completely out of your reach.” She thought that would sting him. An acknowledgement of his own failure. Of a dream ruined. If he lashed out, all the better, because she’d know she’d got under his skin. Small (miniscule) victories. 

“Hmm…for now,” he hummed. He swirled the wine in his goblet as he spoke. “You see, I came to quite an interesting realisation. Had you honoured the deal, I could have taken the crown and ascended to Archdevil Supreme. Yes, I could have conquered the Hells and perhaps moved on to other realms to unite under my power, but there would have always been a place I simply couldn’t reach.”

“The heavens…” Tav breathed in slow, horrifying realisation. Raphael smiled widely, dark eyes glittering. 

“Yes, very good. Right where your little godlet is now. The very place he will eventually destroy. Just like Karsus, Gale Dekarios’ hubris will ruin him. Unlike Karsus, Gale will bring the heavens down with him, and when he does, who shall be there to gleefully sift through the ashes but I? You see, I will get the crown, my dear, sweet pet. All I have to do is wait.” He reached forward, tucking a lock of Tav’s hair behind her ear. His touch deceptively tender. Like a lover. “I should thank you, in fact. If you hadn’t broken into my home, it’s likely you would have convinced Gale to give the crown to Mystra, and then it truly would have been beyond my grasp. But without your voice of reason and support, well…old habits die hard, don’t they? I must say, I’m looking forward to the day the heavens crumble. The collapse of Karsus’ empire was breathtaking, but this…oh, this will be something else entirely. And don’t worry, pet. Whether it happens in one hundred years or one thousand, I’ll make sure you’re there to see it, too.”

[simpingforblackfire]

OMG I DIDNT KNOW YOU CONTINUED WRITING PLATONIC YANDERE STARFIRE AND DICK ELWKWIQJAKA

They were one of my favourite platonic yanderes, can you do one where the reader gets sick and starfire starts panicking because she doesn't know what to do and dick has to calm her down??

A/N: Haha yes I'm still writing DC is one of those fandoms I just don't think I'll ever leave like I have never not liked it. My bad this took so long I actually wrote most of this fic a lot closer to the time it was requested but then it was so close to being done that I procrastinated in finishing it anyway I hope this works for you babes x

Had you not been in the agony you were in and had you been fully coherent you would have thought of some snarky comment about how under any other circumstance you couldn't have possibly felt any worse than you already did but knowing your captors the pink-haired idiot and the simp would undoubtedly manage to find a way.

But you weren't. Pain rippled through you and your eyes felt as though they would forever sting with your tears and all you could do was lie there and take it all.

You brought your knees to your chest, tucking into yourself like an infant and quietly cried.

Unfortunately you could be silent in your pain and Starfire would still be able to hear it. 

Dick had been in the living room when Starfire practically shattered the door against the wall with how hard she smashed it open.

"Dick! Dick! Something's wrong she-"

Dick took in Starfire's appearance. Her face frazzled with worry and his hands itched to reach out and smooth all of her pain and all of her panic out of her expression as though he could simply massage the tension away. He couldn't. But even still his hand reached across and soothed her face.

His free hand he cautiously placed on the back of your head that was exposed to him, gently turning your head until your skin peeked out. 

"She has a temperature" Dick mused quietly.

"What does that mean! Humans you- she cannot survive past certain temperatures I know that! she-"

"She" Dick cut through Starfire's sentence before she spiralled any further "will be fine".

Starfire's panic seemed to press on "How can you be so sure?"

"She has a human illness Star. I know you don't understand it, but if you could you'd know she's not in any danger"

Starfire held your lithe form a little tighter "I know that she is in pain Dick! I know that she is suffering!"

"Still she needs rest and for us to take care of her. Her fever should calm down soon. You're being-"

"No" Starfire glared viciously.

"Do not tell me I am being paranoid! I am not being paranoid! That is my baby!"

"Star" Dick grabbed Starfire by the shoulders.

"I know. You're not being paranoid you're being concerned. But I love her too. I know you're scared. I know. But it scares me when I see her like that too and I need you to remember that."

"I don't know what to do Dick" Starfire said quietly. Her throat chafed from screaming. "What do I do Dick"

"This is a human illness, Star." Dick gripped her shoulders, assuringly. If he could not ease her pain he'd hold her through it. "I know you don't know it and that is why. So, I need you to trust me when I tell you it won't kill her. Can you do that?"

Starfire wasn't listening her eyes stuck looking at you. Dick snatched her sight away from you when he grabbed either side of her face and tilted it to look at him "I said can you do that Star?"

She nodded and brought her hands up to hold his arms there.

His stare softened as her look of terror eased "I promise you she'll be okay. I wouldn't lie to you about her. She's mine too."

"I know" Starfire nodded "I know".

Dick let Starfire see you first. He knew she would not cope well with waiting and he did like the furniture in their home in a non-destroyed state.

She had been deeply emotional. She thought she lost you and she just grabbed onto you and broke into tears whispering earnestly against your cheek “I love you I never want you to think I don't because I do I always do no matter if we're laughing or fighting. You are mine. Mine to raise, mine to hold and mine to love.” Her fingers brushed the skin of your cheeks tenderly and she knew you were alive because she could feel your little heart beating against her and she remembered just how delicate and fragile and little you were.

She cherished the moments where you just let yourself be still with her. In a world that always seemed to find a way to spite her it was beautiful that she could just lay down and hold you in her arms. She relished in knowing that in that moment she was your shield from everything bad in the world "as long as I am here to do so you will always be loved and you will always be protected"

It doesn’t matter how big you were physically because Starfire was both bigger and stronger by a mile and you were always going to be her little baby.

You couldn't make out much more than the figures outline, but in your turmoil you couldn't help but reach out to the only comfort you could get. You nestled into the warmth and your body seemed to ease at the comfort. Starfire gladly took up all of the contact you were willing to share.

Eventually Starfire had calmed down enough and while Dick hadn't wanted to overwhelm you he couldn't resist seeing you the moment Starfire was out the room, though by then you were barely conscious at all having been overrun with the attention Starfire had undoubtedly smothered you in. He tucked you into bed, pulling the sheets over you carefully and pressed them down on either side of you before leaning down next to you and placing a tender hand on the side of your cheek before pressing a kiss into your hair. You looked so small and sweet and young and you were all his. Your eyes sleepily closing and smoothly shifting from a crumpled up exhaustion into a gentle tranquility as your body relaxed against the soft soothing of your pillow that you couldn’t help but just melt into like warm butter. Dick couldn’t help but be quietly affectionate to you “I love you” he spoke the words quietly into your hair and pressed another kiss to your cheek, smiling as he lingered by the warm, softness of your skin. 

So few times had he had the privilege of admitting love to someone verbally without it being on their deathbed. He almost hadn’t even noticed until he was already outside your door. It was so sweet and mundane and he was immediately addicted.

A/N: I was too lazy to proofread this so hopefully its okay and everything makes sense lol

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

Hi👋. Can you write a oneshot of kappa meeting a very subby and shy reader, flirting with them, realizing that they get flustered very easily. The flirting gets more intense as they go on (he calls them petnames like puppy and kitten) reader gets sooo flustered every time cuz of the pet names and everything he says. Smut ensues.

Pretty please🤭🙏

Hello my dear nonnie! 🖤 I know, this took like forever, but I hope you still like and are okay with the changes I put to it 🫶🏻 It got a bit out of hand and a bit dark 👀

Sugar

Summary: Is it love? Is it lust? Is it grooming? And does it even really matter?

Pairing: cultleader!Kappa x virgin!fem!Reader

Word Count: -1.8k

Content Warnings: Cult Flavoured Smut 18+!, Fingering, Loss Of Virginity, Unprotected P In V, Very Intentional Breeding, Age Gap (Reader is in her early 20s and Kappa somewhere in his late 40s), Strong Hints Towards Grooming, Praising, Kappa Being A Manipulative Piece Of Shit, From Consensual To Non-Con, A Forced Orgasm

A/N: The demonic ovulation hornyness is at it again, folks 🫡

Tagging the horny horde:

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @cc-luvr @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @blueberrypancakesworld @rocketqueen-world @lifelessvessel @doddernix @svgarcaine @amayalul @basementgrl222 @kristennero-wallacewellsver @iiheartsai @fan-goddess @shady-the-simp  

And I know this doesn't make a lot of sense

But do you really wanna think about yourself now?

All I'm asking for's a little bit of faith

You know it's easy to believe

- Mantra By Bring Me The Horizon

Not even the first, just somewhat coherent thought had worked itself through your sleep-drunk synapses as you felt your body buzzing, a certain sense of warmth tingling through every muscle leading you to instinctively press your thighs together to ease the growing pulse between your legs. The sun wasn’t even up yet, a scarce handful of early morning birds were chirping outside in the twilight zone of it not being pitch black outside but also not really daytime already. 

Shuffling a little under your comfortably warm blanket, you arched your back, very offensively pressing your ass into the crotch of the softly snoozing man behind you. To you, he wasn’t just anyone, no, he was the man you’d been looking up to for nearly as long as you could think, from the very moment your mother had joined the commune you’d been infatuated with the sharp-witted man with the curly black hair and intensely blue eyes. At first, it had been a childish, innocent kind of fascination, of course, but over the years and over the inevitable course of you growing into a proper woman, you’d started to feel different, less pure sensations pulling you towards him, sentiments like the one that was holding you in a very tight grip for the past few days now and you couldn’t really piece together just how you’d managed to turn his attention towards you, but somehow it had ended up with him showing up at your little corner of the hideout night after night, presumably stricken with the same need to fulfill his bodily desires. 

Simply thinking about it caused you to bite down on your bottom lip, pushing back a needy whine wanting to emerge from the depths of your ribcage. Vibrant memories of how he’s been touching you night and night again flooded your drowsy train of thought, sending even hotter, more urgent jolts of need amidst your thighs. This man had made you feel things you could hardly put into proper words, all you knew for sure was you couldn’t have made yourself experience any of those sensual hights all on your own. No arousal-covered fingertips of yours, greedily rubbing over your clit, and no pillow, oh so desperately pressed between your legs, had been able to so far.

“G’morning, sugar.”, A hot exhale getting lost in your neck led your head to loll back against his shoulder, “Oh, babe…need me again already, huh? Such a perfectly needy, little thing.”

You nodded vigorously, the tell-tale heat of embarrassment creeping up into your cheeks in no time upon your nonverbal confession.

“ ‘M sorry, Kappa. didn’t mean to wake you.” You muttered, not having yourself in control enough to refrain from rubbing your behind in his lap.

“Issokay, sunshine, everything for you.”, Kappa cooed into your temple, his voice still a little raspy and raw, which sent a wash of goosebumps down your body, “Been such a good girl for me, no? Might just be time to give you all of me, hm? What do you think about that?” 

His words of praise murmured right into your ear like this had your face burning in a mix of hammering embarrassment and aching need for him to finally take you fully, devour you whole, and have his way with you.

“Please…” You mewled out, the heavy pulse between your legs fogging up your mind, intoxicating you with an unbridled desire to eventually feel him inside of you, filling you out as no man before him had.

“There, there…”, The older man behind you hummed, his tone laced with satisfaction as his left hand snaked along the curve of your waist, fingertips stroking across your hips before dipping down following the round your thighs, “Oh, so wet and warm already. Don’t you worry, I’ll help you with that and make you feel so, so good, you just trust me.”

You wanted to answer with just something, but every word got stuck in your throat as you felt his lean, nimble fingers pushing between your fold, gathering your arousal to not rub you sore as they started flicking over your swollen clit, instead, a wanton groan got lost in the dark of the room. Wanting, needing more of him, you tilted your hips a little to the side, sliding your left leg over his to give his hand more room and to simply show Kappa just how much you wanted him right now.

“What an eager girl you are, no?”, His lips brushed over the side of your forehead leaving soft, little pecks, “Always knew you’re the special one in the herd and with that, you get some special treatment, of course.” 

Kappa’s saccharine-sweet endorsements went straight to your head, rendering you plain dumb with his and between your legs, his fingers causing one wash of pleasure after the other to ripple through you. Simply by the sheer amount of unreleased hornyness and pent-up desire for finally being touched, you knew that you wouldn't last long at all if he kept on toying with your clit like that, seemingly knowing the ins and outs of your body already.

“C’mon, breathe for me, sugar. Calm down a little, don’t wanna get you all spent just now. Would much rather wanna feel you cumming all around my cock this time.” Under mewls and whines of your protest, he halted in his movements to adjust himself behind you, making you gasp out as you felt the tip of his pulsing, stiff hard-on prodding against your cunt from behind.

“Please, I want you so bad…don’t care if it hurts, I-” Kappa cut you off right there and then by allowing his hips to snap forward, his full girth spearheading into you, stretching you out unlike anything before.

“Shit…fuck, oh fuck…” It shot out of your mouth in a somewhat pained whimper that got chased by a breathy moan caused by Kappa’s fingertips stroking over your clit again.

With his cock buried deep inside of you, you didn’t really know what you felt. It was too much all at the same time but not necessarily in a bad way, no. Although your senses were reeling, physical sensations burning you from the inside out, you’d never felt more present and in the moment than right now. Pain turned into pleasure with every nudge of his fingers against your aching clit as your walls pulsed and throbbed around him, pulling him in deeper whilst a very distant part of you wanted to get him out to make the intense sensation of getting stretched out to accommodate him stop. It felt good and yet so, so wrong to a degree that had you lost in all kinds of conflicting sensations.

“Shit, good god, you’re such a perfect human, sugar, taking me so well, fuck. Can’t fucking wait to knock you up…” Kappa’s voice turned sinister, almost menacing all of a sudden, praise clashing with the carnal instinct to just rut into you, to fuck you into the mattress underneath until you were nothing but a whimpering, filled up little vessel for his deranged ideology.

“Knock me up?!” It sputtered out of your mouth, feeling how his free hand cupped your hip in a tight, nearly bruising grasp before you could only so much as try to get away from him.

“Oh, of course, sunshine. Why do you think I’ve waited about a week after your period stopped to finally fuck you, claim you, hm? That’s not all just for you, honey, and you better be thinking about the service you are doing for all of us right now.” His words started an avalanche of worry and panic to ignite in your chest, spreading into your breathless lungs whilst he started thrusting into you at a heavy, painful pace.

“No, stop, please…I don’t want to…” You tried scooting away from him but his hold on your waist was too tight.

“What did I just tell you?”, Kappa shushed you with a sharp sneer as he drilled himself inside of you again and again, pain, confusion and build-up arousal thrashing through your system, “Don’t just think about yourself now! It’s not just about you!” 

“It’s gon’ be, I promise.”, He went on, planting a deep kiss to your heated cheek, “Allow yourself to enjoy it, we both know it does, no?” 

With every rut of his hips against your rear, your body betrayed you more and more, your walls tightening around him and what you knew were the first, now unstoppable contractions of an oncoming orgasm he ripped from you.

“There you go, good girl, c’mon, cum for me.” Kappa’s tone rendered a little sore upon feeling your violated cunt clenching down around him, muscles erupting into heavy spasms as you tried to choke back each and every moan that wanted to gush right out of you.

With his fingers still pleasuring your clit, his cock balls deep inside of you, you helplessly fell apart. Your eyes fluttered shut and every nerve ending felt to be in overdrive as he tore the most intense orgasm you’d ever felt right out of you. You wanted to cry out, weasel and squeeze your naked body from his bruising grasp but at the same time, you saw stars flickering up on the black of your eyelids whilst your legs grew numb as the release washed through you. 

“Fuck…pulling me in like a desperate, little slut.” He laughed out, shoving himself into you as deep as he possibly could before spilling his load all the way inside.

You took note of this new sensation, a sticky warmth flooding your insides, filling you up that extra bit which drew a new, softer wave of contractions from your cunt, your body making sure to keep it all in, practically sucking it up.

“See?”, Kappa cooed against your temple, “You did so well, sugar, ‘n I’m gonna breed you again and again until I see your belly swelling up with my child.” 

[dharmasharks]

Heyyy hope you are good? Have an ask! ❤️❤️❤️ Ignore if interested but saying hi and that you are great!

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love! <3

Hello wonderful and great Zenaida! Thank you for asking. I can't seem to talk about my own fics without also talking about myself, which is horrifying! And why I took forever! Anyway!

Here are my personal favorites with just so, so much commentary (all stevebucky because that's what I do here!):

Keep a candle burning

A sweet and silly exes-to-lovers Hanukkah fic that was also a bright spot for me during an otherwise bummer of a time in my life. Basically, for the two straight weeks while I was posting, I pretty much stopped doing my actual job and wrote fic all day, because said job had just majorly screwed me over and I knew I was going to quit after the holidays. I had so much fun writing this to distract myself from dwelling too hard on the existential crisis of careers, what are they, why do I need one, what do I really want to do with my life, oh god, etc. No one was more surprised than me to learn what the fucking ~themes~ of this fic ended up being! Existential crisis avoidance aside, the holiday season can also be a pretty weird and lonely media consumption experience, because "holiday" almost always = Christmas. So sometimes you have to make the cute holiday = Hanukkah romcoms you wish to see in the world.

Always you

Part 3 of my canon-divergent shrinkyclinks series in which Steve and Bucky reunite in the mid-50s. I gave myself all my favorite SteveBucky flavors, ie the things that make me the most unwell about them: Steve n Bucky’s unshakable faith in one another, love as a choice you keep making, and the agony-hope of another chance to get it right. I also decided the best way to achieve all of that was via a nonlinear narrative and an amnesiac narrator, which was…really hard to do! I did not have fun writing this! I did, eventually, have a lot of fun trying to get it just right. It’s my favorite part of the series, so far.

Wanna do right, but not right now

A mid 50s (yes, again) no powers AU about peacetime Steve and purpose and restlessness. And also cheating on your wives at a cookout. I have written a fic for Steve's birthday every year since I started writing for this fandom but hooboyy was I scared to post this one. I'm glad I got over it, because the whole mood just really works for me. The problem though, is that I did all this world building for less than 4,000 words of story, so now I've got the rest of this whole ass world that I obviously find interesting rattling around in my brain forever, I guess! (What did I mean that Bucky was a POW in the Pacific Theater?? Why did I have to bring up the possibilities of stevebucky visiting mid-50s Miami?? Who the fuck is Dot?? Sigh. Ignore me. Ignore me!)

Till there were no more wolves in the West

It's a Civil War Western that I feel like I've talked about way too much already! But I was chatting in the comments of another fic about dealing with the loneliness that comes with toiling away on a historical fic and it made me think of this one. Look, eventually, some people found it and connected to this niche thing I was compelled to write. But in the beginning, I toiled so much, and it was really isolating. Where am I going with this? I have no idea. Writing is very lonely sometimes! But I guess I'm glad I didn't talk myself out of loving this, which is easy to do when you're alone in your google doc wilderness with all your ridiculous research notes.

The art of shadowboxing

Okay, I need more distance from this one to say anything coherent about it. So I'll just mention that the unifying thread of this whole bonkers list is "ambitions that exceeded my skillset, but I did it anyway, even if it took me way too long to figure out." Probably because there's nothing I wouldn't do for boxer violinist Bucky and union leader Steve!! I'm biased, but I think they just turned out so cute and sweet and brave.

[silverwhittlingknife]

I noticed something in a lot of your Dick and Tim fics. It's probably so obvious, but you always write that Tim is watching Dick. In your newest one, Tim's watching Dick, in The Return Tim's watching Dick, and you even write that Tim is always watching him. Is Tim trying to read Dick? Trying to understand? Or does he understand him by watching? What is he trying to figure out by watching Dick? What does that say about Tim? I really hope this is intentional lmao because I would be embarrassed. Maybe this is just something so obvious that I'm just getting now.

YES IT’S ON PURPOSE <333 Anon. Anon. I'm so sorry this answer took forever, but listen, this was a really delightful ask <333 I think about this a lot.  I really love origin stories—I like stories that resonate through a character’s history. 

And for me, a whole lot of what interests me about Dick and Tim is that theme of watching and being watched. Seeing and being seen.

"Watch me on the trapeze, Tim. I'm going to do my act...'specially for you." | "Timmy, don't look." | "I turned away... I couldn't watch. Then I heard you crying and I turned back... I'm sorry, Dick. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you all this." Dick's watching me. Gauging my reactions. (Tim watching Dick watching Tim!) | "I'm taking off the blindfold." "No!" | "I can't see him. You can't see him. But I know Robin. And Robin's always there when you need him." | I love that kid. Too much to let him see me like this. (But Tim spots him anyway.)

Spotlights and lighthouses and cameras and photographs. Blindness and vision and masks and detective work and trust.

I'm going to try to be coherent about this but it's gonna be incoherent sdfsf BUT I'M GOING TO TRY so. Below the cut, a really long grab-bag of my rambling on vision and watchers and watching.

Tim + watching / Dick + being watched / different dynamics

Tim's origin story

Being watched goes with vulnerability/exposure

Incomplete list of moments with Dick and Tim and vision

Tim + watching

The first time we see Tim's face in LPoD: a close-up on his eyes looking for Dick, a close-up on his eyes at the moment that he sees Dick, a pullback to his face at the moment of recognition, a pullback to his face + his camera (you could maybe even argue that Tim comes into existence at the moment that he sees Dick, like, conceptually. the act of seeing is his defining characteristic. it is the thing that makes his character happen. he is the kid who's watching.)

Tim's a very vision-centric character: he's first introduced as a camera, then as a pair of binoculars, then as a pair of eyes. His whole backstory is about watching: watching Dick's parents die, watching Dick on TV, watching Batman and Robin. I've grabbed a few panels above with Tim watching Dick but there are so many more. His major deductions are all vision-based: he sees Dick-the-acrobat and later recognizes Dick-as-Robin; he sees Bruce-in-the-past and recognizes him as Bruce-of-our-time; the climactic moment in Red Robin is about going into a dark cave with a torch so he can see what's there.

And he's a detective. He pries into secrets. He analyzes people. He's a worrywart and a fusser who always wants to understand what's going on with other people. In a lot of those panels where Tim's watching Dick, his inner monologue is busy deducing Dick's emotions and trying to psychoanalyze him. Tim's caring and watchful and intuitive... but all those qualities also make him very very intrusive.

Dick + being watched

Dick performing acrobatics for Bruce, Donna, and Tim in Detective Comics 38 (his first appearance), New Teen Titans 16, Batman 441, and Nightwing 88 (where he reflects he's glad to be back in the hot glare of the spotlight)

Dick's a detective too, of course - Tim deliberately mirrors Dick, both in-universe and out-of-universe. But also Dick's a performer who loves being watched and also wants to control how he's seen. He gets a kick out of showing off, making puns, kicking ass, taking names, and he gets a kick out of having an appreciative audience. And he's got a kind of yearning for recognition - it hurts, when Bruce won't look at him, and in fights with Bruce, Babs, Roy, he'll often bring up the past, trying to get them to acknowledge a shared history.

At the same time, he's a very private person who withdraws and hides and pushes people away when he's upset. Right before Tim shows up, Dick's just ghosted the Titans because he's having emotional turmoil and doesn't want to have it in front of them, and they're trying to respect his wishes... but that solitude doesn't last long, because then Tim tracks him down. Tim will do this again when Dick's having an emotional crisis and trying to avoid everybody in Nightwing 110.

Possible dynamics

Tim watches Dick in Robin 11, while silently analyzing Dick's anxieties about Two-Face

"The watcher and the person being watched" is a dynamic that really interests me, partly because it can be so complicated?

You can see in Dick and Tim their very first roles: enthusiastic performer and the enthusiastic audience member. Dick likes to perform and show off and entertain; Tim likes to watch; those are roles they both easily slide into and they have a lot of fun together! But also you can look at the harsher side: the crime victim and the voyeur, the amateur photographer and the guy who hates being photographed. Dick's intensely private about his vulnerabilities; Tim's intrusive and watchful and constantly trying to figure out how other people tick. Sometimes Tim's the caring friend who watches Dick closely, reads him well, understands him; sometimes he's the nosy mini-detective who pries into Dick's secrets. And that's just two different ways of describing the same thing!

One of the things that kinda fascinates me about Dick and Tim's relationship is that in a lot of ways it's built on a bunch of low-key boundary violations. A lot of their early relationship is driven by Tim's desire to know more about Dick vs. Dick's reluctance to get close to anyone from Gotham; Tim's often out-of-line, but without his pushiness, it's hard to see how they would've developed a relationship at all. Later on, their friendlier relationship is marked by Dick teasing and low-key bullying Tim; it's pretty obvious that Tim isn't actually bothered by this, but it does involve Dick ignoring whatever Tim's claiming he doesn't like ("Quit it!" "Shh").

And one of the aspects of those boundary-violations is that Tim has a habit of witnessing things that Dick would prefer that nobody see. Tim's a witness to Dick's first and most miserable tragedy; he sees the aftermath of some of Dick's fights with Bruce; he's there when Donna dies. And he's sharp and observant and analytical, and I like to imagine this as being something Dick's not entirely comfortable with.

When Dick first meets Tim, it's before he's learned to wear a mask. And Tim spends a lot of time trying to see through Dick's masks, and he's pretty good at it, and a lot of that prying comes from love and care, because one of the ways that Tim shows love and respect and admiration is by trying to absorb absolutely everything about you, like a little sponge. But there's also something unsparing and even threatening about the search for the truth of someone else. It can be comforting or threatening, to know someone's watching you.

And I love how all that complexity is wrapped up in Tim's origin story? Both the giddy childish "Watch me on the trapeze" and then the awful grim reality of what Tim actually sees as a result and then the difficult connection when Dick and Alfred finally get Tim to explain how he knows their secret identities.

Tim's origin story

Tim (recounting his origin story in LPoD): My parents held me back as the thing moved to you. I cried out to warn you. (Two panels where we see just Tim's eyes, as he watches a crying Dick. He sees Batman approach and start trying to comfort Dick.)

I think fiction sometimes presents "being understood / seen / known" as an uncomplicatedly good thing, and there's nothing wrong with that! But I like complications, and I like the way Tim's origin story frames that moment of witnessing as difficult and fraught. Tim doesn't want to tell Dick how he knows their secret identities because he thinks it'll hurt Dick to know it: I don't want to hurt you, Dick, and I'm really afraid I might. And he's not wrong. It is painful; it does hurt; it's not something Dick's happy to know.

Dick's a very private person, and there's a painful intimacy to Tim's origin story - it's not Tim's fault he was there, but at the same time, it's not like Dick chose to have the most traumatic moment of his life on stage in front of an audience of strangers, you know? It's kind of a violation. In NTT/NT/Nightwing, Dick's pretty violently hostile to photographers, and he's intensely private about trauma in general, and I like to imagine this as partly a reaction to that foundational trauma of losing the most important people in his life and also doing it publicly.

And Tim's part of that audience. And he sees the worst part, the part that Dick can't talk about. He sees the bodies and the blood. He has nightmares about it for years. He hears Dick crying and sees him holding onto his parents' bodies. Not at all the kind of first impression Dick would want to make. Not at all the kind of person he wants to be seen as. And that understanding can be painful, because it's so close to the bone, and when Tim's just a stranger, it's upsetting, because Tim knows things that Dick would never have chosen for him to know. Their few conversations about it are awkward partly because Tim's thirteen and awkward... but at the same time, it's not Tim's fault so much as the situation! There's no way for Tim to talk about what he saw that wouldn't be uncomfortable for Dick.

... And yet, and yet. Tim's also one of the last people to see the Graysons alive. He sees Dick and his parents together; he even takes a picture with them. He remembers the whole thing so vividly he'll recognize Dick's somersault years later. He sees the grief. And so I think of that connection as kind of a metaphor for witnessing. Tim sees these things and they become real; Dick can't hide from them; in the act of being seen he's caught, he's in a spotlight, all the grief made real. You can't hide, that way. And Tim's got this unforgiving memory; he won't ever forget; he won't ever stop knowing.

But then, too: Dick's seen, he's known. Even at the very beginning, when Tim doesn't know enough to understand what he knows, he knows the important things.

So that shared memory is a barrier and a bond between them. It can be a source of discomfort or a source of comfort. And that's how I think about Tim watching Dick in general - it's complicated, and sometimes Dick's glad of it, and sometimes he resents it, and also it just is, it's a fact of Tim, that Tim watches. It's notable when he's not watching, when he's turned away.

Being watched goes with vulnerability/exposure

So I'm going to talk about the fraught feeling of being watched more in a little bit, but first: I think it's fascinating that Dick likes screwing around with games where Tim can't see!

Here's Nightwing 25 - Dick's come up with the idea of trainsurfing while blindfolded:

Tim: Are you sure this is such a good idea? Dick: Shh! Listen. Tune into the changing sounds and - Tim: I'm not so - Dick: JUMP!

Here's Robin 49 - clambering through a tunnel into No Man's Land:

Dick: Hard not to think about the river. All the water above us. And bugs. This tunnels' probably full of 'em. And rats. Big ones. Big blind rats with teeth as long as -

Here's Gotham Knights 9 - ambushing Tim in a sorta game of hide-and-seek:

Dick: Gotcha! Tim: Augh!

I feel like mmm I don't want to emphasize power dynamics too much because it's easy to overplay it BUT when I think about headcanons it's interesting to me to think about how maybe when Tim can't see, Dick's more in charge / in control, and so he feels more comfortable and less vulnerable, and that's often when he's most relaxed and playing around the most?

Whereas the moments when Tim's looking at him are often a bit more fraught, as here in Lonely Place of Dying:

Tim: I'm sorry, Dick. I really am. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you all this. Dick... Dick: It's all right, Tim. No matter how old you are, there are some things you never forget. Or get over. (Silent panel: Tim's watching Dick as Dick turns away and stares into the window.)

Or here in Nightwing 6, when Tim wakes him up from a nightmare:

Dick (internally, imagining a kid falling): He shouts to me. He always shouts to me. I never hear what he says. Tim: Nightwing! Wake up!

Or here in Gotham Knights 26, when Bruce is accused of murder:

(Silent panel where Tim's watching Dick.) Tim: I'm sorry. This must be hard for you. Dick: Me? Why? Tim: Well, I mean, it'd be one thing if we really knew he was innocent, but as it is - Dick: Wait, what? Stop right there. What are you saying, Tim?

Here's Tim spotting him before he can get away in Nightwing 110:

Dick (watching Tim from a distance, internally): Still, Timmy played it through nice and clean. Disarmed the perps, protected and avoided the cops. Kept any civilians from getting shot. God, I love that kid. Too much to let him see me like this. Tim: Hey! (appearing on the roof above him, fake-cheerful) You weren't gonna leave without saying hi, were you? Dick (looking away, very quietly): Hey, Timmy. Tim: Look at you, man! Back on both feet! Think you're done stopping bullets with your body for a while? Dick: Hope springs eternal. (Silent panel with Tim watching Dick, who's turned away.) Tim: You okay, Dick? Dick: I'm fine. Tim: Well, where're you staying these days? Dick: With some people.

Of course, sometimes Tim's watchfulness is frustrating but also a comfort, as in Detective Comics 874:

Tim (watching Dick, who's looking away): Are you listening to me, Batman? I'm saying the gas the Dealer used on you was powerful stuff. Dick: I'm fine, Red Robin. Besides...you're here now. Tim: You're not fine. And with or without me, you shouldn't be out on patrol ye - Dick: Sshhh. Here they come.

(Later in the comic, Dick mentally concedes that Tim's right that he hasn't really recovered from the gas, and Tim saves him from drowning when he's hallucinating. So Dick feels kind of exposed by the scrutiny, but also... he invited Tim along, so there's trust there, too - Tim's perceptiveness can be a good thing, too, when things are serious.)

Incomplete summary of moments with Dick and Tim and vision

I think I already mentioned a lot of these but here is my LIST

almost the first thing that Dick says to Tim is "watch me on the trapeze, Tim" and then Tim does and he basically never stops watching;

Tim watches Dick's parents die and watches Dick sobbing on-stage and watches him on TV and recognizes him by seeing a particular trick because he's dreamed about Dick doing the trick in his recurring nightmares about that night;

in New Titans 65 which is their very first team-up comic after Tim's origin, Dick's training pre-Robin Tim and gives him a test about watching for details and later Tim's takeaway is "I saw how [the Titans] listened to you";

there's a moment in Showcase '93 12 which is just Tim watching Dick and analyzing what's going on with him and there's another moment in Prodigal which is the same thing;

in Nightwing 6 Tim sneaks into Dick's apartment and hides in the dark and Dick spots him and tackles him; one of their most important bonding comics is Nightwing 25, where Dick insists on blindfolding him to get him to rely less on vision; when they sneak into No Man's Land they're in the dark and Tim can't see again and Dick's teasing him;

there are multiple moments when Tim can't see Dick for a bit and panics about his safety, in Nightwing 25, in No Man's Land, in Transference, in Bruce Wayne: Murderer;

Tim's there watching when Dick's wedding to Kory falls apart and he's there watching when Bruce and Dick fight and he's there watching when Donna dies and he's watching when Dick and Bruce swing together on the night before Infinite Crisis, and when Dick goes down and almost dies in Infinite Crisis we cut to Tim watching and seeing it happen and screaming;

there are multiple moments which are just silent panels of them staring at each other trying to figure out what's going on with each other or having a stand-off - in Bruce Wayne: Murderer, in Resurrection, in Red Robin;

in the aftermath of Donna's death there's a panel where Dick's watching Tim from a distance and not approaching;

in the aftermath of Blockbuster Dick spends half the comic just staring at Tim from a distance and hiding himself because "I love that kid - too much to let him see me like this," but Tim sees him anyway and chases him down and then they lie to each other and *ranting* LISTEN TO ME the whole comic is about Dick trying to AVOID being SEEN both literally but also METAPHORICALLY AND --!!!

(the only thing i'm even as halfway obsessive about for them is the heights thing because also there are a bunch of moments involving falling or Tim being anxious about heights and worried that he'll fall or Dick will fall)

In conclusion

Consider the progression in all these moments where Tim's watching an upset Dick and worrying about him!! From reaching out instinctively-but-pointlessly when he's too far away in the LPoD flashback, to almost reaching out in LPoD but hesitating, to putting a hand on Dick's back to walk him back to the Cave in Gotham Knights 10, to physically dragging him clear of the water in Batman: Black Mirror!

In conclusion I don't have a conclusion but basically YES, "watching Dick" is a core Tim characteristic as far as I'm concerned, and Tim watches Dick a lot and that can mean all kinds of things from admiration to nosy intrusiveness to worry to care to gratitude to trying-to-figure-out-what's-going-on-with-him, and sometimes Dick's resentful and sometimes he's relieved and sometimes he's playful and sometimes it's a mix of all those feelings.

And at first it's always Tim watching Dick, but later you've got Dick watching Tim too, and there's that moment where Dick's secretly watching him fight but Tim spots him in Nightwing 110 and there's a silent panel where Dick's watching him in Resurrection and at the very end of Robin there's a scene where Dick's secretly watching him fight but Tim spots him and in the very last issue of Red Robin Dick's watching the end of the confrontation with Boomerang and in Prodigal Dick's the one who notices his face is bruised and aaaaaaah

Anyway I think they're neat <3

[raelle-writing]

DFF is such great show and I enjoy the portrayal of the characters and the plot. Although I am not much into JinPhee ship (even though their scene was hot) - meaning I won't actively search fics of them;-D. But I absolutely don't understand the hate this ship gets. Or Jin character gets? Like, did I miss something? Why there is so much hate towards this pairing? I don't get it. Or do they dislike Jin character so much?

So I think there are 3 main reasons that people hate PheeJin and specifically Jin as much as they do, and I'll see if I can explain it coherently below lmao

First is cultural differences.

I've noticed that by and large a lot of the hatred directed at Jin comes from international fans being extremely harsh, and I think it's partially because they don't understand some of the nuance of Thai culture. Which to be fair, why would they?

One aspect is that they get angry that Jin lied to the police without taking into account that the police are corrupt - both in the narrative and also in Thailand in general.

Another is they get mad at Jin for recording Non - which to be fair, really does suck lmao. But they make it about Jin recording Non instead of reporting the assault happening, without taking into consideration that the age of consent in Thailand is 15, which means that what happened with Non and Keng isn't technically statuatory rape. Still bad and awful and Non was coerced and assaulted, don't get me wrong - but that makes it slightly less clear cut IMO when it comes to the question of Jin seeing Non "cheating."

You can even see within the show that the reactions to that video are by and large slut-shaming and not "omg that kid was assaulted."

So to recap: Taking the video = bad. But I think people get a bit too self-righteous about the reasons why Jin took it.

Second is purity/cancel culture.

I'm sure it hasn't escaped your notice that in the internet age, if you make one mistake you're a terrible, irredeemable person and should be canceled forever. I think that's playing a part in this. All of the characters make mistakes, and because of that they're all irredeemable pieces of shit who deserve to die. Except for Non who is just a victim and has never done anything wrong (sarcasm).

In seriousness, I think that's part of it. And the fact that Non is SO sympathetic it kind of overrides people's sympathies for the other characters. I'm not 100% sure why people hate Jin the most out of everyone else considering he's the one who has tried to help Non the most out of the friend group... I guess they just have higher standards for people who try to help? Idk. Either way it seems to me that they expect Jin to be a perfectly-well-adjusted little hero who always does what's right and never makes mistakes. Instead of what he really is: a kid.

And last is fan favorites/shipping.

A big part of the reason that PheeJin shippers are getting so much hate is because TaCode shippers and PheeNon shippers have decided their ship is The Ship of the series, and think that Phee is just using Jin for revenge and anyone who genuinely ships PJ is fucked up, etc.

It's just ship war bullshit waged by largely Barcode stans, but it's certainly tiresome.

To be clear, I have nothing against PheeNon. I am of the opinion that Phee and Non were a cute high school romance that wouldn't have lasted because they had conflicting styles of showing affection and love (I'll write a post about it someday lol) but that doesn't mean I hate the ship. I thought they were very cute and it was fun to see TaCode on screen since I wrote MacauChay in my KPTS days ahahaha I just like the spice and fire of PheeJin better, and Jin is my favorite character.

I just wish that PheeNon shippers would live and let live instead of acting like they're waging some moral war. They were even crying in BOC's comment section on IG today after they posted the PheeJin poster for episode 9 saying "nooooo Phee is there for revenge he can't really have feelings for Jin!" It's exhausting... 🫠

General disclaimer: if you don't like Jin or like PheeNon better I'm not saying any of the above things applies to you. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, I'm just dissecting some of the over-the-top hate I've seen/experienced in fandom spaces lately.

[cheesenames]

20 Questions for Writers - I was tagged by @batrachised and then took forever to actually do this, oops.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18, but some of them are anonymous so officially it's 16

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

65,647

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars (a shocking confession to make on my Star Wars sideblog) and Jane Austen

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The one where Anne de Bourgh is the Regency It Girl who everyone's desperate to marry

The one where I lost steam and will never finish it and kind of just ignore that it exists <333

The one where Mary Bennet is a serial killer

The one where a bunch of normal office workers and medical experts exchange increasingly concerned emails about the Vader suit

The one where Bail Organa accidentally starts a rumor he had an affair with Darth Vader

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, and I always overthink it and worry I'm annoying whoever I'm responding to

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't know if this would really be considered angst, but the "Mary Bennet serial killer" fic I wrote ends with the implication that she's going to kill again lol

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is hard to quantify, but Bail Organa's accidental affair reveal does distract everyone too much to blow up his planet, so I guess that one

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I'm unanimously loved but I sometimes get people telling me I should have done something differently

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, but I write innuendos if I think they're funny. I've got one fic that's just "how many double entendres can I fit in 850 words?" and it's incredibly immature but I'm told it amused people

10. Do you write crossovers?

Officially no, unofficially I've had a concept marinating in my brain for like three years and simply haven't bothered to do it because I got distracted by Star Wars

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it yet!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I started translating one of my own fics, and then I never finished it. It's really difficult!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes and it was a DELIGHT. It felt like it transformed the entire process to be only the fun parts (bouncing ideas around) and none of the difficult parts—just like yayyyyyyy I'm having fun and then suddenly you look up and realize you've hit 10,000 words

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Yodpatine

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have been working for a while on a Padmé + handmaidens fic that's mostly just me projecting about "how do you move on when your lookalike dies?" and I would like it to become a coherent story I can share someday but I am not optimistic about its prospects

16. What are your writing strengths?

Being silly

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Being serious

18. Thoughts on writing in another language in a fic?

Please stop using google translate for this, I find it so jarring when a character starts speaking a comedically poorly translated version of a language I actually know. In my own writing, I would much prefer to use the "'Words words words,' said Character in Language" construction, even if it's a language I speak

19. First fandom you wrote for?

sigh. I think it was Sherlock

20. Favorite fic you've written?

anyway I think the one where Palpatine lost his job and ended up becoming roommates with Anakin and Obi-Wan was fun, so we'll say that one

tagging: @no-where-new-hero @animazi @ozvezdja

[tiredeternal]

Hello i'm Tired and I am currently in the middle of writing a story Based off of @nunalastor's Spawn of Evil AU Called

Demon? No, Dominion!

Where Roo, the root of all evil who was once Eve mother of humanity is bored, so she decides in a fit of curiosity to see what would happen if she were to separate someones sins from their soul. After finding and approaching a still alive Alastor, she tricks him into a deal promising that his sins shall forever be viewed as a separate person from him. Just to be safe Alastor volunteers at local charity projects, while donating the wealth of those he slaughtered to their battered wives as well as struggling mothers if his victims were unmarried.

He eventually suffers his canon death and wakes up to Roo cooing over him while gently rubbing at his distended stomach. Before Alastor can get his bearings Roo tells him not to worry, for as soon as he gives birth to her heir his soul will once again be his own. Shakily he listens to how he has actually been in a coma for months as the parasite within him devoured most of his sins.

Absent-mindedly as Roo is slowly being pulled back into the fabric of hell, tells him he should be fine so long as long he keeps devouring the flesh of sinners as doing so will allow him to safely bare her child.

For a few moments Alastor takes in the forested territory Roo left for him, Then he slowly walks back inside the cottage to stand in front of a full length mirror watching his form flicker back and forth from his canon design to what seems to be some delicate, doe eyed, pathetic Angel. Soft, wavy pastel red hair that fades into a light cream and on his back sticking threw his ruined shirt two sets of wings.

Knowing there is nothing he could do Alastor goes into the city to sate his growing hunger

Now be aware that your choice effects the path i take this story.

My take on this story will not be as brutal and gory as Buckshot anon made it on Nunalastor's blog mostly because staying coherent is hard enough for me.

If you can't tell this took me multiple days to write

The Relationship end goal for this story is two Bad bitch Besties sharing a sweet dork of a husband.

[voxofthevoid]

Hello! Hope you're doing well. I just found your tumblr after reading your fics for a while and I just wanted to let you know I absolutely adore your writing. Frankly I'm obsessed. I started with your JJK stuff, but then I saw you also wrote for YOI ( when I tell you I died). The way you write Viktor is fantastic to me.

Okay back to JJK and this is gonna be long. Honestly I'm just gushing. The way that you write Yuji and Gojo individually as characters drives me insane. Yuji is such this terrible mix of innocent boyishness and eagerness. It's as if you took what's underlying in canon and then ramped it up. Obviously he's not fucking Gojo and other characters in canon lol, but you captured this sense of horror to an extent. I have no idea if that was your intent, but to me, it's this perfect precipice of a kid balancing between selfishness and selflessness. He feels innocent in a way that makes you distinctly aware of how screwed the world he exists in is. Plus, I love the way he's a biter. honestly, if there's blood I'm sold 100% of the time.

Ahh and Gojo. Gojo, man. A masochist, of course, but there's so much depth to it in your writing (even in just short smut scenes). Sure the painful sex is attractive etc, but it feels like there is so much more there. Like an inherit need to self-punish or to feel something or idk idk. Just absolutely fantastic.

You just balance, intimacy, eroticism, and horror in a way that scratches an itch and drives me insane.

Notable mentions that I loved. The choso/yuji fic is so good so far, and Im super excited to see where it goes! The Yuji/Higuruma fic was one of my favourites. I loved Higuruma's slight disgust at both himself and also at Yuji and Gojo's relationship. Both extremely sexy but also mildly unsettling. And Yuji's thought process and characterization was top tier.

Anyways, love your writing, man. Please continue forever and forever. Some of the best stuff I've ever read. I was wondering if you have any recommendations for stuff that you enjoy or get inspiration from? Either fics or literature recs?

Excuse me while I just…melt.

So, zero exaggeration: I saw/read this message while in bed, and I got to the end, put my phone down, and quite literally rolled around like a dog. Noises Were Made.

Seriously, I can’t tell you how happy I am 💖

I’m very glad that my stories are bringing you joy. My YoI days in particular were a while back—and between the pandemic and some drastic life changes on my end, it feels even longer than it is—so it’s always a treat to hear that those stories are still being enjoyed. I had a lot of fun with Viktor and Yuuri back in the day.

It’s even more delightful to read your thoughts on my JJK writing, especially because yes, that’s exactly what I’m going for with Yuuji and Gojou both! The “perfect precipice of a kid balancing between selfishness and selflessness” and the "need to self-punish or to feel something” are significant parts of the core of my characterization for them, for the sex and also outside of it.

Yuuji’s duality—his equal capacity for compassion and violence; the selfishness and selflessness inherent in his self-sacrificial tendencies; his naivete and innocence as well as startling insights about himself and others’ hearts—is my favorite trait of his, and trying to synthesize all that into coherent characterization has been a challenge and a joy from the start. And the biting! And blood. Can’t go wrong with biting and blood 🤝

Gojou honestly had me going “masochist masochist masochiiiiiiiiiiist” from his first proper scene, and the more I read, the more solid that impression became. A character with perfect control over what will touch him, what he’ll feel, is inherently ripe for explorations of touch—whether it’s touch deprivation or extremities of sensation—and Gojou further kicks that up a notch with how damnably lonely he is.

It’s incredibly gratifying to hear that’s what you like about how I write both of them.

And I’ll just be hugging this to my chest for the rest of eternity: You just balance, intimacy, eroticism, and horror in a way that scratches an itch and drives me insane.

Cool? Cool.

I’m also glad you like those fics in particular; I have soft spot for the hiita tbh, and I hope you’ll enjoy the rest of the chosoita as well!

As for recs, this is going to be a mix of stuff. I don’t often clock specific stories or authors, within or outside fandom, as an influence; it’s more that some things leave an impression, in a variety of ways. I also forget a lot! So a very incomplete list—

Hannibal, directed by Bryan Fuller (it was a formative influence)

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir (everything here is gold)

Crush and War of the Foxes by Richard Siken (fucks me up, in a good way)

Anita Blake series by Laurel K. Hamilton (not a rec because these books go downhill fast, but the sex in this series unlocked...many a thing in my teen self)

I've also got a fic rec tag that's got specific fics as well as general recs for JJK, femlash, and a couple of themed recs. Toward the end, it's mainly MCU/stucky. For copy-pasting to a browser because the app will break that link:

https://voxofthevoid.tumblr.com/tagged/fic+rec

[carmenized-onions]

reading this chapter was truly an emotional journey for me - i wrote a page of notes while reading that are completely incoherent but i will recount here anyway

firstly, of course chip is a pun girly we have known this forever, but every time she makes a joke i laugh out loud like yes you are so funny

my next focus was him forgetting to turn his location off - i hear the black dog by taylor swift playing in the background. i need this girl and this boy to realise that neither of them hate eachother because this cat and mouse game is getting on my nerves (in the best way no offence to you author)

wondering why i wasn’t invited on the richie carmen road trip - mainly because i want to hear their conversations and secondly because it would be the perfect opportunity for a tag team

as soon as i read the bit about the chance that they would interact being low i thought ,,,, ooo this will be disproved by our favourite author extraordinaire and i was right!

random request but can we have a christmas / holiday themed chapter i just want to see all the presents chip gives out i love her

also enjoying the use of kitchen as a verb when talking about richie being bad at kitchen - it’s giving ken’s job being beach in the barbie movie

thankful that you gave us some sydney/chip moments and some richie/sydney/chip moments plus some marcus later as i don’t know if i could have handled this chapter without seeing my babies having a sliver of joy for at least a couple of lines

i could be completely off base with this but was the reference to cherries when chip talks about carmen doing her prep an intentional callback to her favourite ice cream flavour? i could be majorly reading into it but if im right you are a genius and if im not you are still a genius without even knowing it

the knife tattoo being the hand she focuses on is a metaphor a mother figure english teacher should explain to me, but i am too tired to fully comprehend the meaning of this right now

sorry but who puts their wedding cake in an uber, creds to marcus for saving the day my small boy

i can’t even explain the neil fak moment but it is so fucking classic for him to misread a situation SO SEVERELY, i wish this was an actual scene because i need to physically see the facial expressions

and then we get to uncle lee. i had to put my phone down when carmen said his name, genuinely i let out a singular clap. we have never seen chip like this and i don’t know if we ever will again. this interaction consolidated the chip being a sponsor theory for me as it is so clear that she cannot stand the way people talk about drugs and addiction - especially regarding mikey

a callback to the italians loving their unions, you love to see it

i wrote very minimal notes on the carmy chip interaction at the end of the scene as there is really nothing for me to comment on except for how beautifully you wrote it. it is so peaceful but so angry i don’t know how you manage to do this every time. such a great reveal (despite the theories) as it did feel like a suprise to me still!!!

amazing work once again, i am sorry if this is completely incoherent i dont know how else to say this hahha

I DID GET THIS ASK!! I just took ten years to get to it, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE LOVE!! It's all coherent dw let's fuckin LOCK IN!!!

list format let's fucking go

I remember when I first read this (the pun thing) it really had me kicking my feet because it just sounds like-- Like when a girl will laugh at fucking anything someone she has a crush on says. everyone be honest do you have a crush on tony? I'm moving the keep reading down so everyone legally has to answer.

AND THE LIST RESETS BUT IF I SIMPLY JUST PRESS ENTER ITS LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED

I'm not a huge taylor girl but I will put it on in the background as I write the rest of this answer lets fuckin goo. These two really needed the under the counter talk we were TIRED

LMAO So many people wanted to come to that road trip-- You all dodged a bullet. Also so did I. because i didn't want to have to figure out how it would've gone. that sounds like so much work and i just wanted to have cute wedding time. sometimes we do time skips because we just want to have cute wedding time and no one admits this

of course it'd be disproved!! and

SHHHHHH you babies always be making requests, I DONT PUT GUNS IN THE FIRST ACT FOR NOTHING YOU KNOW ME!! but SHHHH!!!

he SUCKS at kitchen! Sometimes I use terms as verbs because it seems like how kitchens do things and i want everyone to think i know what it's like to work in service and i'm NOT just googling it and asking my bartending/server/linecook friends how it is. that's definitely NOT what's happening

ive said it a million times, who really cares about this carmen guy in this carmen fic. it's all about literally everyone else.

100% it's a call back! I reference cherries honestly more than i could ever expect. it's the flavour of the series now.

The knife tattoo thing though that was just me and my thing with hands. i have a thing with hands. so canonically tony also has a thing with hands. she just thought he was hot. but also about referencing it twice i did think-- or i guess wrote it-- i just think it's interesting how Carmen put his hand on her mouth and then ran that same hand through his scalp. just think thats interesting. just. thats something huh? or this could mean nothing

YOU'D BE SURPRISED I'VE HEARD HORROR STORIES OF PEOPLE HAVING THEIR CAKES DELIVERED BY UBER THINKING IT'LL BE SAFER THAN GETTING IT THEMSELVES AND THEY EAT SHIT ON THE WAY OVER

I wish so deeply I was a writer or director on the bear and could film this man. MATTY!! MATTY ARE YOU OUT THERE!!? HIRE ME BABY PLEASE?!?!?! I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR IT AND EVERYTHING COME ON!

Putting the phone down I think I've heard is one of the highest honours one can achieve? I've been told. AND A CLAP!? Let's fucking go. I won. I won boys! I can't think of a moment in which we will ever see Chip get this particularly hyphy-- Not to say she won't get mad in the future, but this was a very specific type of mad. genuinely if this wedding wasn't a lovely wedding it would've been so over.

The Union Italians scene was so much longer in the original version in my brain-- But I condensed it upon writing because it didn't really add much. But it was essentially gonna be Tony tired and then while ordering they look at her and go "wait,,, have you taken a break?" :( "no" "WHAT??? KNOW YOUR FUCKING RIGHTS!!!!"

This makes me so happy that I nailed that feeling, I was worried honestly that it was too peaceful? But that peaceful sort of like tempered anger is exactly what I was trying to go for. Like we're trying to problem solve and it's all kind of funny but I am still so mad.

AND ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS I EAT EM FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER LOVE YOU!! I hope you love the next chapter it's a fucking DOOZY that I honestly think is going to throw everyone for a fucking loop. I'm so excited to see immediate reactions as they come through.

[decadentpostnacho]

I like that your OC has a personality of her own that doesn’t fade in the background and is not a carbon copy of feyre. It’s hard fitting a fourth sister into an established trio but you’ve been able to craft kyara into a character who can stand on her own in scenes. I always come across fanfics of OCs being cool with the inner circle and what not but no thanks cause waking up in Velaris surrounded by the inner circle would be a nightmare isekai lmaoo. I love that kyara is sick of the inner circle lol.

Please don't think I didn't want to answer this, darling. It took me embarrassingly long to word a more or less coherent answer, I'm sorry. I tried (and failed?) to keep it short x

First of all, I hope you know how much I appreciate you, because you are literally the sweetest. Seeing you in my notifs always makes me light up. I will be forever thankful that you stuck around during the literal year I was gone <3

I am so happy that there's someone out there who likes my ✨️intellectual outpourings✨️ and the character of Kyara, because I was kind of scared to write her as she is, sometimes I feel like female characters have precisely one role within the acotar fandom and that is being the 'fighting bad bitch' type. While that's not inherently a bad thing, I'm all for it and I adore some of them (Valkyries *cough*), female characters that differ from this type are often disregarded (prime example Elain) and made out to be weaker.

I don't like the IC and it shows in my writing, and I'm happy (again) that I seem to have found a bubble here with similar opinions, where I can be frank with my dislike for them, be it by writing acocf or making trashy posts like on my sideblog.

DW though, we won't need to put up with them for much longer, Ky is just as fed up with them as we are. 👀

Thank you for being there, darling <3

[verecunda]

aaaa! 1, 7 and 8 for the choose violence thingie please! :D

Eheheheh, thank you. :D Sorry this took so long, apparently my days of struggling to write coherent sentences are coming to a decided middle. >.>

1. the character everyone gets wrong

Every character ever exposed to prolonged fanon. I'm going to chime in on behalf of Aegnor here. The number of times I've seen people call him spineless or stupid for breaking things off with Andreth, and I'm like, no!!! Part of the whole tragedy of their story is that his reasons were very understandable. No one else had ever been in their situation before! The peace didn't last forever! Personally, I think it was the wrong choice, I think he should've just gone for it and damn the consequences, but it but it was an understandable, sympathetic choice. He wasn't spineless for not wanting to drag her into danger with him. Where I fault him most is that he clearly didn't manage to explain his reasons sufficiently to her, because years down the line she clearly feels snubbed because of Elven snootiness, and it needs Finrod to chime in and assure her. (AIKANÁR THE SHARP-FLAME LOVED THEE!!!!!) But his actual reasons were heartbreakingly valid.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Gosh, I don't actually know!! I don't think there are any characters in Tolkien that I truly can't stand, and since I only got into the fandom a couple of years ago, I'm fandom-old and fandom-cynical enough that I could guess the sort of hot takes that would be swirling around the characters I'm neutral-to-negative on (eg. Fëanor, Maeglin) so I made a pre-emptive decision not to go near those corners of fandom. XD

But that's no fun for a Choose Violence meme. So I will say I have have bouts of getting irritated about the popularity of Fingon. I don't even dislike him - as someone who grew up very close to my cousins, but ended up growing apart and am forever sad about that, his reasons for going to rescue Maedhros actually struck a real chord with me - but... I don't know. But apart from the rescue episode, I really don't care that much about him, so his fandom fave status does have me sometimes sitting in the corner going "...why tho?"

Also the neverending trial of being someone who loves Maedhros but doesn't ship Russingon. Sorry, Fingon, you're gonna have to bear my irritation on that score, too. It's all just amounted to giving me a kneejerk reaction of, "Fingon, can you kindly fuck off please?" XD

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Answered that one here. There are probably others, but none I can think of at the moment!

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[atherix]

Hello hi good evening, I am having some Thoughts and Feelings about the latest midnight chapter and I thought I would share.

First of all: aaaah adkjsahkjahdasjkhd

With that out of the way, some more coherent thoughts.

I love the way the cultural/class differences between Grian and Scar are highlighted in the camping conversation. Just a really good character moment for both of them. And also? Scar knowing about the greenhouse project? Scar knowing specifically because Grian just asked him about his theoretical dream greenhouse? I love them all dearly, they are all gay disasters <3

Scar being like *talks about that time he was ready to sacrifice everything so his son could get home safe* *talks about the times he took his son camping so they could bond* *talks about how he taught himself to cook for his son* and he still doesn't think he compares to his own father? My dude. Scar. I love him so much but pls.

*Taking notes on all of the new fae lore*

I love the sentence "They glimmer with Fairy and firelight, and for a moment Grian isn’t sure if the golden glow is reflection or magic." It's so evocative and such a good use of the third person pov. There's several other examples of that I could mention, this one was just my favourite. I stopped to read it out loud several times over.

Really enjoying how Grian is once again surprised Scar treats him differently now that they're together. Man is really like "wait there's boyfriend in this boyfriend???" Love that for him 😂

Oh and speaking of Grian. Really eyeing the way he always reacts so strongly to fairy lights. It is very Interesting. I mean, definitely fits his character, but I am also always a little suspicious of you and your amazing foreshadowing.

I love love love fae characters being deceptive and cunning and uncanny, and anything that shines a light on how disturbing their suggestion magic can be, so I was eating this whole thing up. Scar getting to be cool and powerful, while the story also makes it very clear that he is still holding back because some things are Too Far. And the fact that he can still be pushed to do it? Yes, amazing, stunning.

On that note, I am also encouraging your writing the Scar's adventure aside, btw. I love how you write Scar doing magic, and how you handle his character in those moments. It's always so evocative.

Lastly? I adore those moments where you can tell that Mumbo and Grian are slowly going from being Tubbo's dad's boyfriends to being his stepdads. The way he complains about them flirting the same way he complains about Scar flirting with them? Good (but also poor kid 😂).

In conclusion: I am once again asking everyone to go and read Midnight.

hgdfjkgfjk <3 I love to hear thoughts and feelings even if I take forever to get to answering them <3

beautiful, eloquent, couldn't say it better myself <3

I absolutely love contrasts, it's so fun to write about them <3 Especially since Scar and Grian were raised in similar yet extremely different environments and just hjgfdhjk The ONLY time Scar isn't oblivious to something is when Grian hopes he will be LMAO. Flirt with him for a couple months and the man won't think "oh gee I think maybe they have feelings for me" but ask him about his theoretical dream greenhouse and "Ah I see what they are doing here" hfdjh

Scar loves his father more than he has ever loved himself </3 He can't see that he is repeating the cycle just as good a father as his was </3

I am always happy to toss out Fae lore. I have a couple more Fae lore points that will come up in the next few stories 👀 Including a Fae story hehe-

I am a poetic bitch and I LOVE writing lines like that <3 I have been known in other fandoms to write lines that wham people so I'm glad to see I can continue that here hehe-

"Wait there's boyfriend in this boyfriend??" WHEEZE jkfgdsjkfgjhsd I cackled at this omg but it's so true. Grian really over here forgetting for a whole minute that Scar will actually respond to him flirting/his advances now because he's allowed to lmaoooj hjkfd

:) Well I mean it DID lead him to getting kidnapped before so uh :)

Hehehe when you really think about it, the suggestion magic all Fae have.... is really quite disturbing. It was used to kidnap people in the past, used to lead people deeper into the woods to never be seen again.... and I am excited that I get to explore the more disturbing and less sorcery-feeling side of Scar's magic now <3 I mean certainly it doesn't mean something that NOW he's started letting his more Fae-ish side take precedence... hmhm I love him <3 something something humanity and human isn't the same something something it's not the how it's the why something something-

hehe how could I not write this :) So he doesn't cast his magic like he usually would in this little fic, he is 100% using Fae tactic here instead of his typical Fae-Sorcery mix, buuuut... hehe-

Stitch and I made a joke about the moment Tubbo realizes he has three dads, not one, but I can't share it because it is MAJOR spoilers. But :) Just know that Tubbo is the last person to realize LMAO but I am having so much fun writing the evolution of their relationship hjkfdg

hhh <3<3<3

[2n2n]

theevilthatismokke holy…! I’ll read everything more calmly later but the summaries were so thorough, you guys even added analysis too! thank you for your hard work, so so much! translation is a bitch even when you’re fluent, so I can only imagine how much effort you guys put in this… you even have interviews saved!! which are so, so difficult (for me at least) to find bc of the sites!! again, thank you, really

Thank you... TT_TT I felt a little silly adding analysis (to something best served being fairly clinical?) hope its liked a bit.... but it also felt at least a little necessary for me...! just to try to tie different results together and compare them, and not let the 'choices' feel only like bulleted lists of random sequences, but things of consequence at times! (its so hard to summarize a VN with overlapping route events it turns out....)AND YASS, when Bird was able to randomly stumble into all of the interviews, one day we were paroozing, I was like, AAAAAAA I NEED TO ARCHIVE THIS NOW SOMEPLACE THAT CAN'T BLOW UP, AAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much goddamn information we can access by sheer luck....!!!! It adds so much context, which helped in feeling 'on track'....

omg I can admit it wasn't easy, pure thirst guides us.... it was such a... '3 translators and a dictionary at all times to supplement Bird's knowledge'.... doesn't help that VN have more kanji than less formally written things... its just fortunate Bird's skills were enough to illuminate meanings.... I was glad the game felt quickly coherent and we never FELT 'lost'..... events made sense.... so, I hope that means it was effective, if time consuming.....

maybe I’ll finally get around playing this game one of these days… even tho it’s so annoying to get it to run on my computer TT_TT. Also, I only scanned the polls real quick but the fact that END 3 ranked so low is pure heresy!! Still, nice to see that Iro (and Aida too) have had… these tastes for so long (of course Lio is their fav, lol), every day I get more hopeful for JSHK’s end and whatever we learn abt the twins (and everything else, really)

END 3 is sooo rivetting, I'm so despondent that Iro had said they wanted to write a little thing about how Lio reacts to Ras & Neige found like that, IT'S NOT FAIR..... I WANT TO KNOOOOOW, IROOOOOO COME BACK HERE....!!!

Really, it all makes you SO excited about learning about the Yugi, wtf.... TT_TT

It is such a bitch to get to run! For many reasons I just don't want to demand everyone play the whole game to get to its delicious secrets.... there are so many hurdles..... I will just expose...... and we were using a text hook of course to be able to copy+paste any dialogue, and THAT took forever to troubleshoot (and then one day for NO apparent reason it simply started to recognize the game and work, and then we were worried it would simply break down again if we sneezed, so we felt this pressure to play it fast without rest before the text hook broke again.... lol....)

[atsa-star-wars-daydream-verse]

Alex the Space Ace: Main Blog and Side-Blogs.

Unrepentantly myself:

Main blog: Alex the Space Ace. Has a bunch of "it me" type posts. ATSA: Godless Snarker: because every day some manner of religious bullshit reminds me that being an atheist is something to be proud of. ATSA: Politics: My politics are in flux right now (drifting leftism-ward from liberal), so this side-blog will have a range of opinions. ATSA: Further Left: What it says on the tin. Should have just posted this stuff to politics. White workeness is a journey, not a destination. Me making an effort to do the background reading listen to diverse voices, but again, these reblogs could have just gone to politics. Might consolidate the three later. Alex IRL: Empty for now. I intended this to be for things I write about my life and pictures I took myself instead of reblogs. I do at least intend to post some pictures (none of myself or relatives, but relatively safe stuff like my own art projects or the sandhill crane I saw near the building where I work recently) eventually. ATSA: That Queer Shit: Because I am queer and support other queer people. ATSA: That Kinky Shit: Because I am kinky and support other kinky people. Most of my kink life is what I read and write these days, so this blog is mostly reblogs of kinky or kink-adjacent stuff I wanted to see again. ATSA: Canned Turnip: Things that made me laugh out loud at least the first time (Side-blog title from the old account's Canned Turnip Off Cockslap, which gets its title from this fic (link goes to AO3).

Arts and Crafts:

ATSA: Arts and Crafts general crafts blog. I have too many hobbies already, but I love looking at art projects, even if I never make one. ATSA: Pixel Art: in which I pretend I'll ever cross-stitch anything as complicated as what's reblogged here. ATSA: Yarn and Floss: pretty pictures of things made with yarn, embroidery thread, and occasionally string.

Fandom stuff:

ATSA: Fic Links. Because if I put these in any other fandom blog, they'll get lost in the other reblogs. ATSA: Fandom Dork, for all my past and sort-of fandoms, except for Star Trek (my first and forever fandom) and whatever my current obsessive fandom is. ATSA: Space and Sci-Fi: Space, science, and science-fiction that sometimes overlaps with the fandom and derisann stuff. ATSA: Star Trek Forever: My first and forever fandom. Like, since watching Next Gen as a kindergartener in 1989. ATSA: Star Wars: My current obsessive fandom. I've always been aware of it through cultural osmosis, and got into the prequels for a bit when they were new (they began right before I started high school and ended in my early adulthood), and I got into the Sequels a bit (mostly the fic because fuck everything that happens after Episode VII), and then in May of 2023 I got back into Star Wars in a big way. Cue watching tons of youtube videos and reading tons of meta and fanfic and, oh yeah, the canon and legends material. I'm working on an AU of an AU fic-verse that is kind of all over the place and is spawning multiple timelines, but if someone, somewhere, read any of it and left a comment, I might cry from joy that I'm not just typing into the void. ATSA: Star Wars: Daydream 'Verse: A side-blog I made for the above AU of an AU fic-verse. ATSA: Reaction Gifs: Reaction gifs, gifs from movies and TV, and recently screencaps from movies and TV, because obviously I already have too many side-blogs. I started the original gifblogforsim before it was common for social media sites to make reaction gifs available, and it was bad "netiquette" to hotlink from someone else's space.

Writing:

ATSA: Writing: posts about writing, writing tips, writing encouragement, the occasional infographic, and probably some prompts if I forgot on the day it was queued that the plot bunny pet shop was also a thing. ATSA: Plot Bunny Pet Shop: Story ideas that I like. I will likely not get around to writing any of them myself (I'm struggling enough to post coherent pieces of my current immersive daydream), and I hope that someone else will--and ideally tag me so I can read it. ATSA: Quotes: Because I have so many of them in my likes and they deserved their own space. ATSA: Book Love: Because books are my first love (you'll see a lot of my old account side-blogs like derisann and booksaremyfirstlove

Other:

ATSA: Music and Video, because most of the time when I'm browsing Tumblr I'm already listening to a podcast or half-watching YouTube videos on the other screen. I'll get back to these, no really. ATSA: Health and Fitness: Exactly what it says on the tin. Also a lot of mental health and disability stuff. ATSA: Food and Drink: Recipes. I reblog simple ones that look tasty and don't have ingredients that are too expensive. Now that I have a kitchen again (as of July 2024; for a year and a half before that I lived in a crackerbox of a studio with just a microwave, a toaster, and an electric kettle), I might actually try to make some of these. ATSA: Read Later: Stuff I intend to read, but not right now. Kind of like the thousand or so dead tree books sitting in stacked crates or the thousand or so ebooks on my external hard drive. I've read many, but the rest of the stack is aspirational. ATSA: Reference: Exactly what it says on the tin. Should probably have combined with ATSA: Useful. ATSA: Reverse Hope Chest: Called such because the original version was as I was leaving my ex and looking for my own place. I've been on my own (though occasionally with roommates) since 2014, but I'm always on the lookout for neurodiverse-friendly cleaning and organizing tips and other general adulting-in-the-home type stuff. ATSA: Sidetrackedery: interesting articles. Began as Sidetrackedery on LiveJournal (that started in 2009) and moved to verticalfile on LiveJournal. This is something I'd like to have kept up, but there just aren't enough hours in the day to do the stuff I want to do online AND do all the art projects I want to do when I also have to do stuff like commute and work and sleep and stuff. Stuff I wanted to hold onto but which didn't fit in any of the other side-blogs: ATSA: All the Rest ATSA: Useful: More stuff I wanted to have easy access to. It's a little bit different from reference, but they probably could have been combined. Unsmoted Art: NSFW/18+ type stuff that's managed to survive on Tumblr. ATSA: Best of the Best: when it's a great post and I remember this side-blog exists. ATSA: Derisann: Blog of pretty things. There will be much (but not total)) overlap from the old derisann.

Not Reblogs:

Out of Context Puzzle in a Thunderstorm: Out of context funny quotes (and otherwise quotable bits) from various PIAT podcasts, including D&D Minus, God Awful Movies, Citation Needed, The Scathing Atheist, and The Skepticrat. Not affiliated with PIAT, but I did ask Noah Lugeons when I saw him at FREEFLO 2023, and he said to ask their social media guy, and their social media guy said it was okay, so it's okay. This is another one of those online things that I'd love to keep up with if I had more time/attention span.