#I'm not affiliated with this release but i do work with a couple of the members who made this release possible

[arimiadev]

A few members of the original team have brought Katawa Shoujo to Steam and it's now playable there. A whole new generation will get to experience one of the landmark EVNs.

[makingqueerhistory]

I'm from the USA and am trying to take hope and inspiration from our queer predecessors who faced dark times in the past. How did they keep going even when it felt like the world was ending?Do you have any recommendations for queer historical essays, poems, books, anything to find comfort and hope for these dark times?

Yes, I have a couple of stories for this.

Claude Cahun

A queer surrealist photographer from 1920's paris, Claude was Jewish and recognized the rise of antisemitism in their home country and watched it become fascism. Here is a quote from their article:

"In 1937 Claude Cahun and Marcel Moore cut off many connections because of the war and ran to Jersey to avoid anti-Semitic violence. Upon arrival, they went back to using their birth names and laid low until the Germans took Jersey. Moore and Cahun set to work. They used their experience with art and disguising their genders to create works that spread misinformation, seeds of rebellion and implied that there was a large-scale resistance happening when in reality, it was just the two of them. Though some of their work was based on confusing the soldiers, they also translated and transcribed BBC transmissions into German, detailing the war crimes that were being committed. They would have these translations on pieces of paper that they would slip into soldier's pockets, matchboxes, and anywhere a soldier may stumble across it and possibly read it. An investigation was started, and Nazi authorities believed there to be a group of people doing this. When the two were discovered to be behind the actions, Claude Cahun and Marcel Moore were sentenced to death. Fortunately, the sentence was never carried out because the island of Jersey was liberated from German rule only a year later. Claude took a picture upon their release in front of the camps with a Nazi eagle pin between their teeth."

And Jarosław Iwaszkiewicz

who wrote:

"Poetry readings and concert attendance—and often a chat over vodka—were not only forms

of escapism, but also a search for better, more substantive aspects of human beings, a search

which would end, more often than not, in complete disillusionment. If it could be possible, to

discern, in these notes even if only for a moment a measure of humanity in that time of

inhumanity, the goal of this publication would be fulfilled.”

I think his whole article is worth reading.

Also here are some books to read:

Your Art Will Save Your Life

Beth Pickens

Double Cross: The True Story of the D-Day Spies

Ben MacIntyre

Nepantla: An Anthology Dedicated to Queer Poets of Color

Christopher Soto

The New Queer Conscience

Adam Eli

(Some of the links are affiliate links)

[otomehonyaku]

DIABOLIK LOVERS アニメ公式ノベライズ Official Novelization ☽ Chapter 1 Translation

[…] ☽ [Next chapter]

Hello everyone! It's been a while. I went back to Japan for the first time in ages last month and immediately fell back down the Diabolik Lovers rabbit hole when I went to the Rejet shop...

I recently found this so-called 'anime novelization' on eBay, and thought it might be fun to use it to get back into translating. This book was released as a novel counterpart to the first season of the Diabolik Lovers anime, thus following the storyline of the anime rather than the visual novels (almost to a T).

Please let me know if you like reading these and want me to translate more of it! I'm not exactly sure how active the fandom is anymore, so I think I'll just test the waters with a couple of chapters and see if it'll be fun to translate the entire book. Who knows!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Originally written by Yukuzuki Hiroha 結来月ひろは Translated from the Japanese by @otomehonyaku

STORY Following her father’s job transfer, Komori Yui is sent to live with the Sakamaki brothers. However, these six brothers turn out to be sadistic, ill-tempered vampires. The men are after Yui’s sweet and incredibly rare blood, and go to great lengths toying with her body and soul to get it. Before long, Yui finds herself trapped in an alluringly dangerous love game(1)...

1. 吸血愛戯 (ラブゲーム): Stylised as ‘love game’ but written with the characters for bloodsucking (吸血), love (愛), and play (戯). The latter character also has a connotation of playfulness/mischief.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

DISCLAIMER This is an unofficial translation intended for those interested in reading the story of the Diabolik Lovers game/season in a slightly more literary format in English. I have no affiliation with Rejet or Frontier Works whatsoever. All rights belong to them, but PLEASE DO NOT POST THIS TRANSLATION ELSEWHERE OR TRANSLATE TO OTHER LANGUAGES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

Now that that’s out of the way—have fun reading! ❤️

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Episode 1

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

That day, like any other day, the sky was aglow with twilight. In the quiet forest, which was dimly lit by the evening sun, the sound of a car engine pierced the air. It was a taxi, driving alone on the narrow forest path.

What a pretty sky… Komori Yui thought as she gazed at the sky from the backseat of the taxi.

Yui was an ordinary second-year high school student. She lived with her father, who was a priest, before he had to relocate for work. Yui was sent to live with the Sakamaki family, who were acquaintances of her father's, and so she was currently on her way to her new home.

A lake came into view from the taxi window. The setting sun glittered off the surface of the lake. The wind, carrying the scent of the forest, rustled Yui’s hair when she opened the car window. She spotted a large mansion nestled between the trees through the window on the opposite side.

So that’s where I’ll be living from now on… 

The closer the taxi got to the mansion, the wider the girl’s eyes became. Aside from what looked to be the main building, which was built around a courtyard, there were even several auxiliary buildings and a gazebo on the property.

I’ve never even seen a mansion this big before.

Before long, the taxi stopped before a gate that was large enough for two cars to easily pass through at the same time.

“Thank you,” Yui said to the driver and stepped out of the car. The taxi returned into the direction from which they had come.

Yui took her suitcase and looked up at the large, Western-style building beyond the gate. It was a three-storey brick building that might as well have belonged to a family of European aristocrats. Briefly taken aback by the view in front of her, Yui opened the gate and went into the courtyard.

“Wow… I never thought it would be such an elegant house.”

Pulling her suitcase behind her and eying her surroundings with astonishment, Yui made her way to the front door. The entrance was still quite a ways away from where she was, and Yui couldn't quite make it there as she kept falling from one surprise into another.

There’s even a fountain!

The stone statue of a gargoyle was perched on top of the fountain and looked down at her. Yui wondered briefly whether this was the personal taste of the mansion’s owner. As she passed by the fountain, the shadows of raindrops started to appear on the stone tiles underneath her feet.

“Rain?!” Caught off-guard, Yui looked up. 

The sky that had been so clear earlier was now black with rain clouds. Just as Yui thought she'd seen a flash of lightning pierce the dark sky, a loud clap of thunder rumbled through the air. Startled by the thunder, she let out a small cry.

“Oh no, even thunder…” Yui clumsily hurried in the direction of the front door. The rain began pouring down the moment she reached it.

Thank God I didn't end up soaked. It wouldn't be appropriate to show up at your new host family’s doorstep drenched to the skin with rain, after all.

Yui faced the door. It was huge and covered in decorative engraving, and she used the ancient-looking door knocker to announce her arrival. The sound of the cold, iron knocker reverberated through the mansion once, twice, but nobody came to answer.

“Excuse me!” Yui called, and extended a hand towards the door.

Before she could reach it, the door inched open by itself with a loud creaking sound.

“Ah!” 

Yui flinched backward in surprise. Out of curiosity, she gingerly peeked through the gap in the door. Nobody was there. Did that mean she was welcome to go inside?

As if she'd been invited in, Yui stepped inside, and the door immediately slammed shut behind her.

Once inside, the first thing that greeted her was a lavish entrance hall lit by a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Still, the entrance hall somehow looked quite gloomy, stretching out far into the shadows on either side of her.

“Um… Is anybody there?” Yui ventured once more, her voice echoing off the high ceiling. 

“How strange. I wonder if they didn't know I would be coming today,” Yui muttered to herself as she paced through the hall. When she stepped onto the red carpet spread out on the floor, a large staircase came into view. She paused before the stairs, only barely visible under the dim light of the chandelier as she called out again, “Excuse me!”

Once more, her voice rang through the air to no avail. Nobody came.

What should I do?

She might have been looking for the master of the house, but that didn't mean she should feel free to snoop around in someone else's home. Yui was at a loss. She stood stock-still, trailing her eyes over her surroundings, and then she noticed something.

For a brief moment, a bolt of lightning outside cast a sliver of light on a sofa by the window. 

Wait, what was…

She only saw it for an instant, but Yui made her way over to the sofa. She saw a figure not unlike the shape of a boy laying on top of it. He seemed about the same age as her, and wore what looked to be a school uniform, but it was completely dishevelled. Under his head was a cushion, which he used as a pillow as he slept.

  What an odd place to sleep in… But I’m glad I managed to find someone.

The boy looked to be sleeping soundly when the lightning illuminated his face again. Even though Yui knew it would be rude to wake him up, she called out to him.

”Um… Excuse me.”

She reached out and touched the boy’s hand, but withdrew immediately.

“So cold!” 

The boy’s skin had been much colder than she’d expected. Regardless of how long he’d been sleeping on that couch, his body temperature shouldn’t have dropped that much.

He doesn’t even have a temperature to begin with…

“Are you okay?” 

Yui started panicking and held an ear to the boy’s chest, but the heartbeat she should have heard never came.

“His heart isn’t beating… Oh no, I have to call an ambulance!”

Yui pulled her phone out of the bag slung over her shoulder, and hurried to call the emergency number, but a hand shot out from beside her and swiftly took the phone right out of her hands.

“Ah!”

“…Shut the fuck up. Who do you think you are, walking into someone’s house yapping like that?”

The boy Yui had assumed had been dead suddenly stood up from the sofa, her phone in his hand, and shot her an irritated glare with his emerald eyes.

“Y-you’re alive?!” 

“What?”

The words had escaped Yui’s lips in an involuntary whisper, but the boy didn’t bother hiding his annoyance when he responded.

“Obviously. Who’d you think Yours Truly is?”

The boy responded like this was the most normal situation in the world, but it didn’t make sense to Yui at all.

What’s going on…?

Without realising it, Yui slowly started backing away from him. “But… Your heart wasn’t beating…” She was absolutely positive that she hadn’t heard a heartbeat.

And yet… Why did the boy in front of her look so calm and composed? 

A flash of blind panic urged Yui to make a run for it, but the boy caught her in his arms and pushed her onto her back on the sofa.

“Ah! What are you doing?!”

“What, isn’t it obvious? I’m gonna eat you up.” The boy’s face dipped in close, but bent down further to lick the nape of Yui’s neck.

What on Earth…

Yui’s mind reeled at the boy’s unexpected behaviour, and she yelped, but that only made her assailant’s face twist into an amused grin. He bent down again in an attempt to bite into her neck. 

“Ayato! What is this? Tone it down.”

The boy—Ayato, apparently—clicked his tongue and glared at the person standing next to the sofa. “Reiji.” 

The person Ayato referred to as Reiji was a highly strung-looking boy with glasses perched on his narrow nose. With his calm and polite demeanour and white gloves, he almost looked like a butler, but when Yui looked closely, he was wearing the same uniform as Ayato.

Reiji looked at Ayato over the rim of his glasses with an exasperated expression. “This is the entrance hall. A place where we welcome guests. Please take these sorts of activities to your own room.”

“Ugh, boring.” Ayato reluctantly sat up.

Did this boy just come to save me?

Yui flung herself off of the sofa and scurried to Reiji’s side. “P-please help me!”

He gave her a puzzled look when she called for help. “And you are?”

“Komori Yui. My father arranged for me to stay here.”

“I don’t recall hearing about that.”

After listening to Yui’s explanation, Reiji returned his attention to Ayato. “Ayato, will you explain what’s going on here?”

“What? Like hell I know,” Ayato answered gruffly, and swung a leg up onto the sofa. He looked directly at Yui. “Y’know, Pancake, you could’ve told me all of that earlier.”

“That’s because you attacked me all of a sudden.”

“Huh…”

Somewhat unsurprised that she wouldn’t be able to have a normal conversation with the person who had just plainly assaulted her. Ayato turned away from her as if he hadn’t done anything wrong.

What’s wrong with him? He’s been nothing but rude… Yui thought, and suddenly something occurred to her.

“Wait, you said Pancake… Did you mean me?”

“Of course, you idiot. You really that dense, Pancake?” Ayato cast her an amused sideways glance, clearly making fun of her. 

Next to Yui, who was still fuming at the rude nickname, Reiji crossed his arms in thought.

“Strange indeed. Nobody has reported this to me, either.” 

Then Yui must have come to the wrong mansion. But still, there aren’t any other houses around here.

“Ah, um, so you are…”

“Let’s not discuss this here. Please follow me. Your luggage will be taken care of.” Before Reiji had even finished talking, Yui noticed that a butler had appeared beside her suitcase. 

“Oh!” When did he get here?

The butler acknowledged Yui with a little nod and disappeared with her suitcase. What on Earth is going on in this mansion? A front door that opens by itself, and a butler that appears out of thin air, without a sound. And then there’s…

When Yui cast a glance toward Ayato, who was still sitting on the sofa, his eyes met hers with a disgruntled expression. Remembering what he had done to her earlier, Yui quickly looked away and followed Reiji instead.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Reiji led Yui into a spacious living room. The chandelier hanging from the ceiling gave off a dazzling light, and firewood was burning in the hearth.

“Please, have a seat.”

“Thank you.”

Yui did as he said and took a seat on the sofa.

“You too, Ayato. We cannot have a proper conversation if you do not.”

“Ugh. Fine.” 

She watched as Ayato took a seat next to her, and Reiji started to speak.

“Firstly, please do us the courtesy of explaining why you barged into our home without permission.”

“Ah, yes.” 

I didn’t really barge in here, though… However, to Reiji and the others, that’s what it must seem like. I should apologise and clear up the misunderstanding.

“Um…” Yui straightened her spine but was interrupted before she could speak.

“Oh, oh, oh! What’s this?” a voice laughed from above. When Yui looked up, she saw a boy peering down at her from the mezzanine. “To think such a cute girl would show up here!” He looked about the same age as Ayato, but wore a black hat on his head. His bright green eyes bore into Yui’s, making her a little nervous.

Has he been there the entire time? I couldn’t even tell. Just as she took in the strange circumstances, a tongue trailed over Yui’s left cheek.

“Ah!” 

Did someone just lick me? 

Touching her cheek in surprise, Yui looked to the side and was met with the boy who had just been on the mezzanine. What? How did he get over here so fast? Feeling as though she’d been pinched, she cast him an accusatory look.

“Hm… She smells so sweet.” 

When Yui pressed her back against the sofa to get away from the boy, another voice suddenly sounded from right behind her.

“Please let me have a taste, too.”

Someone licked her ear this time. Yui spun around and saw a purple-haired boy of small stature there. She cringed at the moist sound of his tongue, pressing a hand to her ear. 

“She tastes sweet, too.”

What on Earth is going on? The two boys looked entertained by Yui’s confusion. 

Reiji seemed unable to look on, and broke the silence. “You two. That is no way to treat a lady whom you have only just met.”

The boy with the hat whined in protest at Reiji’s reprimanding tone.

“Do you have anything to say, Laito?”

“Well, if something so delicious-looking is put in front of me, I just have to taste it. Right, Kanato?”

“Yeah,” the purple-haired boy replied with a nod.

“Fuck off, all of you!” Ayato wedged his way into the two boys’ conversation.

 “Yours Truly found this one, so I’ll be the one to take all of her firsts.”

“...Asshole.”

Ayato frowned at the source of yet another voice filled the living room.

“With your ‘Yours Truly, Yours Truly,’ just shut the fuck up already.”

“The fuck did you just say?” Ayato flung himself off the couch with unnecessary force, and looked around the room. “That’s Subaru, isn’t it? Show yourself, coward!” 

“I’m right here.” The sullen voice came from a boy leaning against the wall, presumably Subaru. The white shock of his hair, which covered his right eye, was a stark contrast with his red eyes, which leered at Yui. “I was just thinking it reeked of humans in here. So it’s you. How are you going to compensate for my lack of precious sleep?”

“W-where did you come from?”

“I asked first!” Subaru yelled in annoyance, and slammed a fist against the wall behind him. Cracks began to form in the wall from his fist outwards, sending plaster crumbling to the floor. He fixed his gaze on Yui, who was at a loss for words.

Seeing the dilapidated state of the wall, Reiji sighed heavily as he repositioned his glasses. He turned toward his brothers gathered in the living room.

“Are any of you listening? The lady will be living here from now on.” 

There was no response.

“Um, I think there’s been some kind of mistake. I’m sorry for troubling you. I’ll be on my way now.” Yui resolutely rose from the couch.

“Please wait.” Reiji’s voice made her freeze in place when she attempted to flee the living room, her eyes trained on the floor. “I am still confirming the facts. Do you not think it would be rude to leave now?”

“B-but…”

Reiji certainly had a point, but considering the mansion’s other inhabitants certainly weren’t intent on following his orders, Yui could not bear to be there much longer. They’re scaring me…

A new, listless voice came from the direction of the window.

“Are you the woman he told me about?” 

When Yui turned to look, she spotted another new face. The boy was spread out lazily on the sofa by the window. He wore the same school uniform as the others, but instead of a jacket, he wore a beige-coloured cardigan over his shirt. He appeared to be listening to music, as a pair of earphones plugged his ears.

There’s one more brother?

“Shuu, what do you know about her?”

“...Nothing much.” Shuu replied dismissively, his eyes closed. Could he hear Ayato even though he was wearing earphones? 

“Nonsense. Please elaborate,” Kanato urged.

Shuu reluctantly began speaking. “He… contacted me the other day. He told me we’d be receiving a guest from the church, and to ‘treat her kindly,’ ‘make her feel most welcome,’ all that.”

“The hell? You mean Pancake’s the Chosen Bride?” 

An involuntary noise slipped from Yui’s lips at Ayato’s remark. What does that even mean, the Chosen Bride? At the very least, she knew that her father, who had to move away for his job as a priest, had arranged for her to live here, but this was the first time she heard of this whole ordeal. However, contrary to Yui’s astonishment, the brothers listened to Shuu’s explanation rather calmly.

“Ah, I see.”

“A bride? Well, more like a living sacrifice, right?”

…Living sacrifice?

Yui was taken aback by Kanato and Laito’s exchange. 

Then, Shuu opened his eyes and spoke as if to deal the final blow. “Right, he also ordered us not to kill her, so…”

Not kill me? What the…?

“Huh… Well, then we’ll be enjoying her company for a long time.”

Meanwhile, Yui had frozen in place. 

Reiji ignored her shock as he called her to attention. “Wonderful. It appears that the issue has been cleared up. Then, let us properly introduce ourselves.” He first turned to Shuu. “That is the eldest brother, Sakamaki Shuu. I am the second son, Reiji.” He paused briefly before turning to Ayato and the others. “Those are the triplets. Ayato–”

“I won’t let you get away next time.”

“Kanato–”

“Please let me taste you again. Exciting, isn’t it, Teddy?” Teddy must be the name of the one-eyed bear Kanato was cradling in his arms. The boy tilted his head and giggled.

“And Laito–”

“Let’s have fun together, Bitchlet.” For such a crude name to call a woman, Laito was laughing as he said it.

“Lastly, that’s Subaru, the youngest brother.”

“Ugh, this shit sucks.” Subaru looked displeased at Yui’s presence, and turned away immediately.

Reiji had properly introduced all of the brothers to her, but still, she did not know how to make sense of everything they had said to her. “There must still be some kind of mistake. I haven’t heard anything about a bride…”

Something suddenly occurred to Yui, a peculiar thought poking at the back of her mind. Many strange things had happened to her since she’d arrived here, but the most unsettling thing of all…

“S-something’s… off about all of you…” Yui asked, her gaze gingerly shifting from brother to brother. All of their eyes were trained on her.

What on Earth…

Their cold, piercing gazes radiated danger, and Yui’s fight-or-flight instinct kicked in. I have to get out of here.

“I-I have to contact my father…”

Yui reached for the cell phone in her pocket, but, somehow it had ended up in Ayato’s hands again.

“Ah!” How did that happen? Never mind, this is not the time to think about that. “My phone! Give it back!”

“I dunno about that.” Ayato toyed with her phone, a sadistic smile forming on his face.

I won’t have any means to contact my father if I don’t have my cell phone…

“Give it back, please!” Yui tried to take the phone from him, but every time it seemed just within reach, Ayato dodged her. He seemed to be enjoying the look of despair on her face. He then tossed the phone to Subaru.

Just as she thought he would return it to her, Subaru’s expression changed to a look of disgust, and Yui knew immediately that he wasn’t going to.

“W-what are you doing?”

“This.”

With one swift movement, Subaru snapped the phone in two. 

There went Yui’s lifeline to her father. Why are they doing this? 

“This is cruel…”

“Shut up.”

Watching the tears forming in Yui’s eyes at the sight of her broken cell phone, Subaru shot her an irritated glare.

“Oh, Bitchlet, don’t be sad!” Laito said cheerfully and patted her shoulder as if to console her. “We’re going to get along great, so you won’t need your cell phone anyway. Okay?”

Before she had time to think about it, she had been sandwiched between Laito and Kanato.

“I’ve been so hungry.” 

Kanato edged closer to a now distraught Yui as he spoke, and Laito simultaneously leaned in to whisper in her ear. 

“Ah… You smell so good, Bitchlet.”

Huh? I’m not even wearing perfume.

Just as she pondered his remark, the light reflected off something in the corner of her eye. She tilted her head to look, and it turned out to be the canine teeth poking out from Laito’s mouth when he bent down to her neck as if he was going to bite her.

The thunder rumbling in the distance coincided with a fearful scream from Yui, both reverberating through the room. 

I have to get out of here. Now.

She dashed for the door, but in her haste, her foot caught on something and she fell flat on her face. Yui scrambled back up, but a flash of pain ran through her leg. Looking down, she saw blood welling up from a cut in the skin of her knee.

Suddenly feeling the brothers’ attention on her again, Yui raised her face. She was met with their ominously glistening eyes. Their unusually sharp canine teeth were now plainly visible. It’s… like they’re…

“V-vampires…”

Yui reached for something in her pocket and held it up in front of her face.

“Eat this!”

It was the rosary that she’d gotten from her father. 

Vampires should be weak to crucifixes! However, much to her disappointment, the brothers didn’t cower in fear. From the sofa by the window where Shuu lay, Yui even heard a low, mocking laugh.

“Huh?” 

Why didn’t it do anything?

“Good grief…” Reiji said, exasperated. “The theories that vampires are weak to garlic, crucifixes, the sun, and that sort of thing… are all myths invented by humans. Did you earnestly expect that to work on us? That only proves how foolish you humans really are. This is most displeasing.”

Oh…

Yui made a dash for the door.

“You really haven’t an ounce of discipline, have you?” she heard Reiji say irritatedly from behind her as she ran.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The sound of Yui’s desperate, careless footsteps echoed through the entrance hall as she ran. The thought that they were not just no ordinary humans, but actual vampires, was incomprehensible. 

I have to get out of here as fast as I can!

Having run blindly focused on getting away, Yui came to a halt. Wait, which way should I even go? She wasn’t sure if it was because the mansion was so big, but there were so many hallways that looked so similar to one another that she quickly lost track of where she was. However, she had no time to hesitate. I have to run, or they’ll catch up to me…

Yui sped off again at the memory of the threatening look in their eyes.

Shortly after that, she spotted a table loaded with different kinds of sweets at the end of the hall. What is this doing here? As she eyed the sweets in suspicion, Kanato suddenly appeared from the shadow under the table. 

“I’ll break you.”

“Oh!”

The way Kanato smiled at her made her quickly continue her path. What was he doing there?

A small desk with a landline phone on it caught Yui’s attention when she turned the corner into another hallway. 

Good, I can use it to contact my father… If I can, I could make it out of here somehow… Yui picked up the receiver, but the cord that she thought had been connected to the phone before had now been cut. 

Oh no… Briefly stunned, she lost hope. 

From somewhere in the distance, Laito’s voice called out to her. “Hehe… I told you you wouldn’t need a phone anymore living here.”

Yui frantically looked around to see where he was. Laito was nowhere in sight. 

“Come and find me, Bitchlet…”

He probably enjoyed the sight of her frightened. Laito’s voice made her shrink away in fear. While scrambling backwards, she bumped into someone, and Yui held her breath as she felt hands closing around her shoulders.

Please, no…

“Guess who?”

Yui yelped. 

Terrified by Laito whispering so close to her ear, she quickly shook off his hands and ran. 

When she somehow finally reached a door, it wouldn’t budge. No way! Why won’t it open?

“Please, please open!” She pounded her fists on the door, but it didn’t help at all. I’m going to have to look for a different way out…

Before she could move away, two hands reached out on either side of her and pushed Yui’s body against the door. It was Ayato.

“Where are you going? This is the part where you scream for my amusement. Let me hear you cry out, at the top of your lungs.”

Yui was trapped in his arms.

“You can’t run away, you know.”

The girl was somehow able to shake Ayato off as well, and ran in the opposite direction, deeper into the mansion. I’m better off finding a place to hide…

Upstairs, Yui found a room that looked suitable for hiding, but the door didn’t open when she turned the knob. As she ran down the dimly-lit hallway on the second floor, she heard the sound of something unlocking. 

Yui spotted a spiral staircase further down the hall. Did it come from up there? 

She followed the stairs and came to a stop in front of yet another door. Padlocks and chains were scattered on the floor before it. 

It’s unlocked. I should hide in there.

Yui went in and shut the door behind her.

The dim moonlight gave the room a gloomy atmosphere. Yui looked around. There were many pieces of furniture and paintings with sheets draped over them, as well as different kinds of tools. Everything was covered in a layer of dust, making it seem like nobody ever came in here. It might be a storage room, Yui thought as she padded through the room to a dresser. Her eyes fell onto the accessories spread out on top of it, which were adorned with gemstones and glittered in the moonlight. But if they’re laid out like this, this must be someone’s room after all? 

Yui’s gaze unintentionally shifted to the window.

A woman was standing on the balcony.

The woman’s back was turned to Yui, so she couldn’t see her face, but her long purple hair shone in the moonlight. She gave off an elegant aura in her long dress, which was almost as purple as her hair.

The purple-haired woman noticed Yui’s presence. Just as she turned to look at her, an intense pain spread through Yui’s torso.

Yui choked on air.

What’s happening? 

She had never experienced such pain in her chest before. 

I can’t breathe… Her heart started beating erratically, her vision slowly becoming blurry. The pain was so severe that she lost her footing and collided with the bookcase along the wall, sending books tumbling to the floor. Yui could only focus on bearing the agony. 

After a little while, the pain subsided. 

What on Earth was that?

Yui snuck another glance towards the window, but saw nothing but the new moon in the night sky outside. Did I just imagine all of that? The pain in her chest and the illusion of that woman might not even be so strange in the line of things that had already happened today.

The books that had fallen from the bookcase caught Yui’s attention. Alongside a number of books was a leatherbound notebook. Her eyes stopped on a picture that had slipped out from between the pages when she had bumped into the bookcase.

“This is… Dad?!”

The picture depicted a priest holding a small, sleeping baby. So that baby is…

“Me?”

But how did this picture get here?

When Yui looked at the notebook from which the picture had slipped out, the writer summarised their day’s events and achievements in a familiar handwriting.

“So this is my father’s diary. But why?” 

Why would it be here of all places? I might understand if I look inside.

She opened the diary and began reading.

Yui brings me so much joy. The fact that she is not my own child bears no meaning at all. She is truly a blessing, and I am nothing but grateful for every day I get to spend with her…

Yui could not believe her eyes.

“What does he mean, I’m not my father’s child? What is this diary even doing here?” 

Am I not his biological child? It couldn’t be so…

“To think you went into this room, of all places.”

The sudden sound of Reiji’s voice made Yui look up, and she saw that the Sakamaki brothers had somehow all gathered in the room in the blink of an eye.

“This is a forbidden room. Nobody is allowed inside.” Reiji glanced at the door and let out a heavy sigh. “I will have to put new locks on it.”

“Really, though. How did you even get in, Bitchlet?” Laito asked and crouched down before her, but even Yui did not know why the room had been unlocked. 

I didn’t even unlock it myself…

Yui tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t quite come out.

Kanato stood before her as well, leering down at her. “You’re nothing but food, so please stay still so I can eat.”

“I-I’m not food…”

“Quit complaining already.”

Yui shrieked when Subaru slammed a fist into the wall like he had before, sending more books falling from the bookcase to the floor.

“Oh, not again, Subaru.”

“Fuck off.”

While Laito and Subaru bickered with one another, Yui looked on, frightened beyond her wits. What should I do? I’m surrounded. There’s no way I can run now. 

What are they going to do with me?

“That face…”

Someone grabbed her chin and forced her to look up. There was Ayato, his face splitting into a satisfied grin.

“It’s so tempting.”

“Let me have a bite, too!”

“I want to lick her.”

“N-no…”

The triplets started towards Yui.

“You have no right to refuse. The only thing you need to know is this: you can most definitely not run from us,” Reiji stated plainly.

“Beating around the bush, as always. What he means to say is that we’ll kill you if you try to get away.”

Yui had no choice. She was surrounded by the triplets as she quietly took in Reiji’s and Subaru’s words. On either side of her, Ayato and Laito took turns turning her neck this way and that, and when Kanato stretched out a hand towards her, Yui let out a fearful scream.

“Please stop!”

CRASH!

Yui screamed, and the sound of glass breaking pierced the air. The triplets, who had been swarming around her in an attempt to steal her blood, snapped their heads in the direction of the sound.

A few landscape paintings had fallen over by Shuu’s feet, and glass was scattered all across the floor. 

“My bad,” Shuu said, and turned his back toward her. Yui’s eyes must not have conveyed her desperate need to be saved from the triplets.

While she was rooted in place, terrified, the realisation dawned over Yui.

Even if I run, I have nowhere to go.

“Hey, Pancake.”

Yui, still startled at the nickname, turned around. Her mind could barely keep up when Ayato grabbed her by the throat and pushed her down onto the floor.

“Are you ready to accept your fate?”

His eyes had a dangerous twinkle in them as he hovered over her. Yui could no longer find the resolve to move away. Ayato pinned her to the floor and held her gaze, his sharp fangs glistening in the light of the new moon peeking through the window. 

Please, save me…

“Oh, God!”

However, Yui’s voice never reached Him.

[lol-jackles]

https://www.tumblr.com/lol-jackles/729572938237558784/i-cant-give-a-link-but-its-been-said-several

This sounds familiar. I can’t help out with a link because there have been too many cons this year, though I think this was said during the writer strike, but before the actors strike. But, I Remember a J2 panel where Jared mentioned something like this. But, I didn’t get the impression that he and Jensen couldn’t, or hadn’t thrown around some ideas for a revival privately, but rather they can’t officially talk about it with writers or producers, etc. To me he didn’t imply they (J2) couldn’t talk about it, but rather they couldn’t move forward with anything official right now.

Actually, this just made me think of something. If Jared and Jensen really do plan to do a reboot/revival, but they know it would be couple years at best before it could be released, Jared might see it as even more important to take this time right now (or 2024 anyway) to do more cons on his own and get his name out there without it being attached to Jensen’s while he can. Because if they DO shoot another short Season SPN, they’d surely go back to sharing a lot of cons to capitalize on the show, promotion, etc. That’s a lot of years of being perminantly tied to another person, even if they are your friend, without any break in between.

Or, Jared is just calmly backing away from CE, SPN, and constant-affiliation with Jensen with no true intention of brining SPN back in any way, but trying to let the fans down easy with revival talk. Though, he and/or Gen mentioned Jensen at least three times in their Fan X panel last weekend.

Okay that makes sense regarding the conventions + strike.

Both of your hypothesis can work, though I'm more inclined to think Jared is not backing away from SPN entirely. He returned for the Gilmore Girls revival for just one scene in part because GG is still going strong nearly 20 years later, especially on streaming, and he wanted to make sure his character's arc is wrapped up on a positive note in the minds of veteran and new fans. Jared will return to SPN to at least make sure Sam Winchester and his completed arc doesn't get retconned into something unrecognizeable and taint his legacy.

[auspicious-voice]

New Site Revamp! (+Updates)

Hi! This site hasn't been all that active in a while since I've focused on other interests. Nothing too bad, but if anything, it's helped me learn that being engaged in other interests helps with getting burnt out less.

With that being said, I have a lot of things to say, so as usual, everything else is under the cut.

Site Overhauls

Since releasing my DiffSinger voicebanks, I figured that this site needed a major revamp, and I've been working on it on-and-off when it came to figuring out which theme I wanted to go with. It took a couple of tries to get the theme I wanted, but I've settled with the Vermillion theme from ricecodes. It's responsive, has a dark/light mode, has an all-in-one sidebar for important information, and many more features ^^

I have also removed any unnecessary pages from the site to make it less cluttered. We also moved (most of) the Frequently Asked Questions page to the Ask tab for easier access. Additionally, the Terms of Service page has been renamed to Guidelines, but still need to be followed in order to use the voicebanks and resources hosted on this site. The Menu tab now has a directory of pages and tags via the Navigation section, and an Affiliates section.

Also, Maria and Mario's trivia sections in their character profile pages have been revamped to keep up to date with their current lore.

Affiliate Applications Are Now Open!

I would like to announce that affiliate applications are now open! If you so happen to manage your own voicebanks (regardless of platform), have a website dedicated to said voicebanks, and are at least acquaintances/mutuals with HIRATELIER, you are qualified to apply. Just shoot me an ask with the following info:

Site Name: [INSERT HERE] Creator/Manager: [INSERT HERE] Voicebanks Managed: [INSERT HERE] Icon Image: [INSERT IMAGE URL HERE]

The Affiliates section in the Menu tab should look like this for reference.

DiffSinger Updates

The 1.1.0 update for Fuwa Maria and Fuwa Mario's DiffSinger voicebanks is on the way! I'm not sure when that will happen, but if anything, it could release before or on their 10th anniversary. New updates with DiffSinger mainly have to do with the VR tension parameter option and proper multilingual (XLS) implementation, and there could be more coming in the future.

I'm still in the process of labeling new data for Maria and Mario's datasets, each with 8 new songs. They contain a mixture of strong singing (mostly to further improve their power vocal modes and range) and English singing (to also improve their English pronunciation). There's also a possibility that they may support newer languages via parallel training, and if possible, I would like to implement Tagalog, Chinese and Korean support.

10th Anniversary Plans

Maria and Mario's 10th anniversary is next year, and I have some big plans for it...if everything goes to plan. So far, you can expect the following things once it's their anniversary:

Newly revamped fullbody illustrations for UTAU and DiffSinger (+ new designs...?)

New graphics

Cover + PV

BUT...for the first time in AUSPICIOUS VOICE's history, I'll be celebrating Maria and Mario's half-anniversary, which will be on October 3! It probably won't be as big as the actual anniversary itself, but you can expect a cover, or art, or even both of them. It entirely depends on my time and energy.

I've got a lot on my plate when it comes to juggling a bunch of personal projects, but here's to hoping I can get through all of them without burning myself out.

Peace ✨✌️

[purplekoop]

ngl I'm curious about your ideas for Venture and spaceranger. I saw a theory SR could be Fio from Blackwatch and I think Venture could be our Portuguese hero, maybe has a build (turret, wall, etc) made of duravidro. Still hoping for heroes 42 to 45 being Lynx 17, Maximilien, a Roman champion fighter, and an Afro-American New York firefighter.

Okay lot of parts to this one to answer

Starting with Venture, here's their art for reference:

Now, with their pretty apparent explorer/excavation-themed design, with giant drill and what looks like climbing/excavation gear on their back, my first thought for what map they tie into is actually Petra, the deathmatch map set in Southern Jordan's wonder of the world. The map is littered with details alluding to an ongoing excavation project, so I think Venture could be part of that team. Plus, I think the slightly darker skin tone could possibly fit an Arabic character.

While I can't make it out with just this little image, I think the insignia on this sleeve could be the key to figuring out this character's faction.

As for kit, I don't really have any great ideas yet. While their drill at first appears to be a melee weapon, letting you just drill into people for rapid close-range damage, but I feel like it could have some kind of surprise projectile component.

In addition to me thinking they're from Jordan and not Portugal, I also doubt they're a "builder" character due to those being an ongoing struggle to balance in the Damage role. My belief for what Esperanca is alluding to is still a Tank hero that we won't be seeing for a while. Considering how long it takes heroes to be developed (note Mauga was just revealed today after being first teased in 2019), I think something as relatively recent as Esperanca won't lead to something new so "soon".

(I actually have a character for my original hero/class shooter project War Bots who uses a drill in a couple ways, and they are actually a builder character who uses it to build buildings and also tunnel underground to move around safely. They deserve their own post soon though.)

As a reminder, we are due to see some early gameplay footage of Venture tomorrow in the "Overwatch 2: What's Next" segment of Blizzcon tomorrow at 1:30 PM PST (so 4:30 for me in the EST), so we won't have to wait long to see some of how they play!

Going from underground to out of this world, let's talk about "Space Ranger" next!

(I gotta say it if I haven't already that I love both of these designs, even if they're still certainly still concept art and might actually change a fair bit before release, especially in the case of Star Command here releasing all the way in the far off galaxy of Season 12. Still, very cute, love the colors and overall vibe, big fan.)

So starting off with the theory you saw, the idea that this is Fio, the Blackwatch pilot from Retribution, certainly is... interesting, certainly an idea with precedent if Sojourn is anything to go by. I didn't remember what they looked like so I checked the wiki and...

...Yeah no these are completely different people, sorry. Fio has what looks to be red hair underneath the helmet and... I wanna say a European face? Ranger meanwhile has the dang Twilight Sparkle hair, and her face strikes me more like how East Asian characters tend to look in Overwatch's art style, like D.va and Kiriko with their slightly more "anime-esque" faces. Not to say I wouldn't welcome Fio to the roster (even though they'd be. Far, Far from my first pick for an established character to join the roster), but this definitely ain't them.

As for who I do think this could be, or rather what characters they're related to, I think between possibly being Asian and also being more obviously space-themed, I think they could very likely be affiliated with Lucheng Interstellar, the Chinese aerospace company behind Horizon Lunar Colony. According to the wiki, they also have other space station projects they are/were working on, so Space Ranger could be related to either of those.

As for kit, I don't have much to say for them either. Some neat ideas I saw were that they could be another hyper-mobile support like Mercy or Lucio, and could possibly even have some sort of gravity-manipulating buff. I really don't have much to say yet, but there's plenty of room for cool ideas!

Speaking of cool ideas, lemme take a sec to go over all yours!

Lynx 17 is definitely a popular pick I can get behind, between their fun design and the capacity for a support hacker-themed character. My Sombra Role Requeue was just one way to take the concept, I feel like there's even more room to start from the ground up! Though I do also wanna shoutout Franky, a character from the Deadlock Rebels novel that was essentially the other main founding member of the gang along with Cassidy and Ashe (and B.O.B. too, of course), who's also a hacker. I don't blame people for giving Lynx 17 higher priority, both due to being around longer and also being another cool Omnic, as well as being canonically non binary already. I would like to see a human NB character sooner than later, (hence why I've been referring to Venture and SR gender-neutrally this whole post) but Lynx still slaps so I'd be happy to see them too.

Maximilien is I think probably the most notable lore character that's yet to be playable now that we've finally got our greasy mitts on Mauga. Another fun established design and personality who's been around the story even longer than Mauga actually. Shoot, we've even seen the bastard in one of the story trailers, with Doomfist implying that he's got a job to do that the greedy omnic seems uncomfortable with. That could easily mean he has to get his hands dirty when he doesn't want to, so... could be teasing him being playable? My main objection to his inclusion on the roster is that I don't have a great idea for what exactly he'd... do. He's basically a cowardly civilian who just happens to be bankrolling a terrorist organization. This could definitely work into his kit, making him a support who sucks in direct fights but has ways of backing up allies. The one solid ability idea I got for him though is that his gun would be a silenced pistol. that's it. Now obviously some creativity on the hero design team's part could fix that issue, but still, it's something to consider.

Now for the characters who aren't as established, a roman gladiator is another one that's been tossed around a lot since the map was first revealed. Like I said with a character teased by the Portugal map though, OW heroes take a long time to develop, and they're still catching up on established characters like Mauga, so the teasers from OW2's new maps could take a WHILE to get to at this rate. Which isn't shocking really, they wanna keep Overwatch going for a while and I personally can get behind that, so I understand them setting up so many teasers they can follow up on later. As for the gladiator specifically, this idea still hasn't actually excited me that much. I struggle right now to think about what could make one of the mech gladiators unique from the tanks we already have on the roster. A melee weapon and shield? Reinhardt. A spear? Orisa. Again, creativity solves a lot of problems, but it's why I've never been that excited for this idea since Colosseo was first revealed.

That last idea though, THAT has me interested.

I've honestly never heard that idea before! It's so cool too, a firefighter would have such a fun pool of ideas to work from. Overwatch doesn't really have any water-themed heroes, and as far as I'm aware the team hasn't considered it aside from one rejected concept for what eventually became Lifeweaver. I'm honestly not even sure what role would fit a firefighter better, because the bulky outfits and some kind of water pushing ability would fit Tank, but the whole "life saving" part could fit Support better. This is such a cool idea, I'd honestly love to hear you elaborate on it more!

So yeah, wanted to give a thorough response talking about all of these future heroes, confirmed and otherwise. I'll almost certainly have more to say tomorrow when they talk about the two new faces, but that's for 20 hours from now. Thanks for the ask though, fun to talk about all this!

[wrestlersownmyheart]

“Chances Are” Ch. 9 (Book 2 In the “Chances” Series) Finn Bálor X OC

Pairing: Finn Bálor X Female OC Summary: After a traumatic childhood and a murder attempt that left her with a heart condition, Miracle Seanoa wants nothing more than to find some peace and fulfillment in her life. Working as a writer for WWE, she's shocked when Stephanie McMahon takes a gamble on her skills and assigns her to a new RAW roster member. None other than Finn Bálor—the man who'd long ago saved her life and captured her heart.

Finn Bálor left his career as a police officer behind in order to chase his true dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Working incredibly hard within NXT, he soon finds himself drafted to Monday Night RAW. He's shocked to see Miracle again, but even more shocked is he to see what a stunning woman she's become.

However, someone else has had his eye on Miracle for a long while. With his infatuation turning to a deep, dark obsession, he's not going to give up on her easily. Finn will have to resort to his past skills as a cop, to protect the woman he loves.

Because if her weakening heart doesn't kill her, her stalker just might... Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination.Chapter Content & Trigger Warnings: discussions of an attack

Chapter 9

"Where. Are. They," Joe demanded, pacing back and forth in Gerald's office. His black eyes had gone even darker if that was at all possible.

"I'm sure Finn is hurrying her over here as we speak," AJ said softly, leaning nervously against a medical cabinet. "You only got off the phone with Karl a couple of minutes ago."

"I don't care," Joe shot back. "He's not bringing her fast enough," he grumbled under his breath as he paced once more.

"Just try to stay calm," Gerald said, readying an oxygen tank for when Miracle arrived. "You'll only upset her more."

"Stay calm," Joe scoffed. "My little girl was attacked!"

"She'll be okay," Luke said softly, placing his hand on Joe's shoulder.

"Yeah, she's a tough girl," Karl agreed.

At that moment, they heard a commotion in the hallway and turned to see Finn carrying a limp Miracle toward them.

"Let me t'rough!"

There was an urgency in Finn's voice that Joe nor AJ had ever heard before. Everyone else seemed to notice it too because they began parting like the Red Sea.

Instantly, Finn was in the office and laying Miracle down on the cot. He took her hand gently, not wanting to be separated from her, but immediately released it at her pained moan. Everyone in the room stared at her hand then, and took note of the broken pinky finger.

"God," Joe cried, moving closer to his daughter. "What did he do to her?"

"Can't...breathe…." Miracle cried softly in her unconscious state. "Please, help me…"

"How do we know for sure it was a he that attacked her," Gerald asked, placing an oxygen mask over Miracle's nose and mouth and adjusting the straps around her ears. "Hasn't Maryse got some beef with her?"

Finn spoke up then. "Her clothes are ripped open, lad. It was most likely a man."

"WHAT?" Joe demanded. He peeked underneath Finn's hoodie and took note of Miracle's torn clothing, then growled. "He's dead when I find him."

"Yes, he is," FInn agreed.

Joe glared at him. "This wouldn't even have happened if you hadn't-"

"Joe," AJ cut in. "This wasn't Finn's fault-"

"Yes, it was," Finn interrupted AJ. "If I hadn't hurt her then someone wouldn't have found the opportunity to attack her, because she would have been with me."

"Everyone needs to shut up so I can check her over," Gerald said, taking control of the situation. "That glass needs to stay in her arm for now. If it's nicked an artery and I pull it out, she could bleed out. Now, none of her injuries appear to be life-threatening at the moment, so I'm going to focus on her heart till the EMTs get here and can take over."

He gathered her heart meds should she wake up enough to take them.

Joe had had all he could stand. "Miracle, wake up. Please."

The woman remained unconscious save for a twitch of fear here and there. Suddenly her whole body lurched on the cot and she began struggling with an unseen force.

"Baby! Baby, calm down!" Joe took hold of her arms, careful to avoid her broken finger, and held her still.

A frightened wail passed her lips as she continued to struggle.

"Honey, it's us," AJ said softly, stepping up to her bedside now. "It's your Daddy and Uncle AJ. You're safe now."

A sob jolted her slight frame as her eyes finally opened and landed on Joe and AJ. Recognition dawned at last. "Oh, God, Daddy…" She cried and lunged forward, latching onto her father. Joe secured his arms around her and held her close. "He's coming back for me," she cried weakly, into Joe's shoulder. "He said he'd be back." She trembled in her father's embrace and sobbed again.

"Over my dead body," Joe pulled back only enough to look into his daughter's eyes. "He'll never touch you again as long as I'm here to stop it."

"I'm scared, Daddy," Miracle cried, obviously struggling to stay awake. She fought to keep her hold on Joe. "So scared."

Before he could respond, a couple of EMTs entered the office with a gurney and began preparing Miracle for a trip to the hospital. They lifted her onto the gurney and began taking her blood pressure and oxygen readings.

"Her blood pressure is elevated at 160 over 115. Her O2 levels are at 76 percent."

"Please, help her," Joe practically begged.

"We will sir. Just let us work on her."

An IV was started and various meds were administered, along with more oxygen, and soon she was being wheeled on the gurney to the ambulance in the parking area. Joe was following close behind. She lost consciousness again due to the meds she'd been given to calm her down. So the EMTs got a move on and hurriedly pushed her to the ambulance, and began loading her. Joe climbed in beside her and got his cell phone out to call Ella.

"What hospital are you taking her to," AJ called out, digging his rental keys out of his pocket.

"Mercy Hospital of Buffalo," one of the EMT's shouted back.

"Can I ride to the hospital with you, AJ," Finn turned to his friend and asked.

"You know Joe isn't gonna want to see you there, right?" AJ said.

"I don't care," Finn replied, his blue eyes flashing. "It's my fault she's hurt. I'm going to be there with her."

With a roll of his eyes, AJ motioned for Finn to follow him to his rental.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Miracle slowly awoke in an uncomfortable hospital bed and was startled initially to feel two hands holding hers. As her eyes opened, she saw her mother sitting next to her bed grasping her uninjured hand, while Joe sat on her other side gently holding her injured one.

"Mama," Miracle whispered. "Oh, Mama…"

"Shh shh, baby girl," Ella Seanoa said softly, reaching over and brushing some long hair from Miracle's face. Her fingers lightly brushed over the bandage on her forehead and Miracle felt a twinge of soreness.

Ella's eyes were red from crying. "You're safe now sweetheart. Nothing is going to hurt you."

"He'll come for me, Mama. I'm so scared." She shook uncontrollably, her entire body shuddering.

"He's not going to touch you," Ella said, determination in her voice. "Ever."

"She's right," Joe added. "As long as you're with us, you'll be safe."

"But I can't be with you 24/7," MIracle replied softly. "I have a job-a life-Daddy. I'm not going to be babysat for the rest of my life."

"Shhh, we'll discuss it more later," Ella said, squeezing her hand. She reached up and pushed the nurse's call button to get a nurse's assistance.

"How can I help you?" Came a female voice through the room's speaker.

"Miracle is awake," Ella announced. "Could you send a doctor?"

"Consider him on his way," the nurse replied.

"Do you have any idea who did this," Joe asked Miracle. "How much do you remember?"

Miracle hesitated, not wanting to worry her parents with the fact that she apparently knew her attacker. "I just remember being in a hallway and then someone got me from behind. Smacked my head into the wall. And then I was carried into a closet…" She trailed off, not wanting to discuss any more.

"Joe, she's going to have to tell the police. Don't make her hash it out more than once," Ella reasoned.

Joe nodded, "I get it."

"Who found me," MIracle asked, grateful to whoever had saved her life.

Before Joe could answer, however, the doctor knocked and entered the room with two uniformed police officers. "Hello Miracle. How are you feeling," he asked kindly, approaching her bed.

"Sore. Frightened," MIracle replied cautiously.

"I'm sorry for what you went through," the doctor said sympathetically. "It was horrible." He paused for a moment. "Is it okay if these officers ask you a few questions after I examine you?"

She nodded, albeit begrudgingly. "Yes, it's fine."

The doctor began his examination of her to see if she had a concussion or any other dangerous injuries. Upon his studying of her, he did detect signs of a mild concussion. Thankfully everything else was minor save for her broken pinky finger which was now taped to her ring finger.

Once the doctor was done checking her over, he left for the time being and let the officers take over.

"Are you okay with us letting in a Finn Bálor and Karl Anderson during the interview? We understand that they are the two men who found you."

"Finn was one of the ones who found me?" Miracle was flabbergasted. She had no idea that Finn had searched for her-let alone found her.

The officers nodded, and motioned to the door. "Do you mind them joining us?"

"No, I don't mind," she said. Mostly because she felt she wasn't really being given a choice.

At her answer, one of the officers reached over to the door and opened it, motioning for someone to join them. In the next instant, Finn and Karl were in the room. Miracle immediately noticed a suspicious bit of shading over Finn's eye.

A black eye. Daddy?

"Now, can you tell us what happened," the remaining cop asked Miracle.

"I was walking down a hallway and was attacked from behind. They threw me into the wall and I hit my head."

"They? More than one perpetrator?"

"No, I'm sorry, it was one. A man."

"What happened then?"

Miracle looked down. "I can't remember much. I just remember hearing a cell phone go off and he told me he'd be back for me."

"You have no idea who it was, correct?"

"Correct."

"Okay, Mr. Bálor, Mr. Anderson…" The officers turned their attention to the two wrestlers. "How did you find Ms. Seanoa?"

"Sheer luck," Finn replied. "I found her ring lying on the hallway floor. Karl and I began checking all the rooms and closets. We came to a locked or jammed door and I kicked it open after hearing Miracle's voice. She was inside."

"You saw no one suspicious leaving the area?"

"No, I did not. I then checked her for injuries, and carried her to the trainer's office where she was treated till the ambulance came."

The cops turned back to Miracle then. "DId you notice anything about the perpetrator that would give him away? His voice or any distinctive features?"

Miracle shook her head, "No, he sort of disguised his voice. It was really raspy. And as I said, it was so dark I couldn't see anything."

"What did he say to you?"

Miracle looked down at her clasped hands. She didn't want to rehash what the man had said to her about Finn not being the one for her, but that he-the attacker-was the one for her. She shuddered suddenly. She also didn't want to talk about how the guy had said they'd make love "soon".

"What is it, baby," Joe interrupted her thoughts. "You can tell us."

"Nothing," Miracle said, with a slight shrug. Then winced as a pain shot through her bicep. The glass cut, she thought. It felt tight, as if it was stitched. Which it probably was. She had no idea how long she'd been out cold. "I can't remember anything of importance." She looked down again, avoiding their eyes.

Finn stared at her as if attempting to read her thoughts.

"Okay, well we have your information if we need to ask more questions," one of the officers told her. "We'll be in touch."

"Thank you," Miracle said with a nod to both of the cops.

And with that, the officers left and Miracle was left with her parents, Finn and Karl.

"Well, I'll be going now," Karl said immediately, looking uncomfortable. "You all obviously have some talking to do."

"Thank you Karl. For helping to find me," Miracle said softly. "I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"Don't worry about it, Doll," Karl answered with a slight smile. "We're all just happy you're safe now." Then he turned and left the room.

"I'd like to talk to Miracle," Finn said as soon as the room's door clicked shut.

"You have a lot of nerve," Joe said, curling his fingers into fists. "What if she doesn't want to see you?"

"I'd still like to talk to her, if she'll let me," Finn replied, his eyes growing sad.

Miracle stared at him a moment. Why can I not say no to him, she wondered to herself. Even after the way he hurt me, I can't deny him. "It's okay, Daddy. I'll listen to him."

"I don't want him anywhere around you," Joe started.

"Daddy," Miracle said tiredly, "If he wasn't anywhere around me I might still be locked in that closet. And that man might have come back for me by now." She paused for a moment to take a deep breath. "I am not a little girl anymore and you're going to have to face that fact."

"Come on, Joe." Ella had to gently nudge him before he'd move and leave the room. Within a few seconds, Miracle was alone with Finn.

He slowly moved to the side of her bed and sat down in the chair Ella had vacated. "There's something you're not tellin' us, lass."

"What are you talking about?" Miracle looked at him quizzically.

"You're forgetting that I was a cop once," Finn replied. "A good one. I know how to read the body and how to look for signs of lies. Your pants should be on fire by now."

"How dare you," Miracle exclaimed.

"Why are you protectin' him," Finn went on as if she'd not spoken.

"I'm not," she insisted. "I just didn't want to go into detail of some of the things he said to me. It was hard enough to hear it but to have to repeat it…" She shuddered again. "Besides it was nothing that would help find him."

Finn stared at her.

"How did you get the black eye," Miracle asked, changing the subject. "Daddy?"

Finn's lips quirked up a bit at the corners. "Your mum has quite the right hook on 'er."

"Surprisingly, I'm not surprised." Her lips curved up in a sad ghost of a smile.

To Finn's surprise, tears burned his eyes then.

"Miracle... I... I'm so sorry, love. I'd like to explain-"

"There's nothing to explain, Finn," she whispered, looking away from him. "We have no ties. You're free to sleep with whoever you want. You never indicated—nor said—you loved me. I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have believed-"

"I do lass," Finn cut her off; his words soft and almost timid. "I do love ya."

"I know you care about me and love me as a... friend, I suppose. But-"

"No." He shook his head and took her uninjured hand gently. "I fell for ya last night. It happened fast, and it-"

"You have a rather poor way of showing it."

"I was—am—scared, Miracle. I've never been in love before. I-"

"Finn? You're not in love now." She stared into his eyes as a tear spilled down her cheek. "If you were, you wouldn't have felt the need to... do what you did. Or rather, your first instinct would have been to... share it with me—and only me. Besides, don't you think I'm scared?"

Not giving the Irishman time to reply, she shakily rose from the hospital bed and winced as she stood to her feet, refusing his assistance when he reached out to steady her. "I'm... I'm going to the restroom. And... I need you to be gone when I come out, Finn. Please." She gingerly walked to the bathroom and entered, clicking the door shut behind her.

Sighing in defeat, Finn walked out of the room.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

The next morning, Miracle was being released from the hospital. Ella and Joe were helping her get her things together to leave when there was a knock at the door.

"What do you want," Joe demanded upon opening the door and seeing it was Finn who had knocked.

"I came to return Miracle's things," Finn said sheepishly. He indicated a computer case, a purse and a shopping bag from Toys R' Us.

"Fine. Leave them on the chair and leave."

"Daddy, stop it," Miracle said, making herself known and stepping toward FInn. "Thank you, Finn."

She reached for the bags and immediately handed the Toys R' Us bag back to him. "That was for you."

"I can't accept that, love."

"Please, Finn. I can't..." She recoiled from the bag as if it would burn her. "Just take it."

"Are ya gonna erase me from your life completely, Miracle?"

Having heard enough, Joe stepped forward. "If that's what she needs to do to feel better, then yes, Finn. She will."

"Daddy, stop it." Her dark eyes flashed briefly. Softening her tone she continued, "Could you and mom give us a few minutes? We do need to talk."

Reluctantly, Joe and Ella left the room, and Miracle sat down on the edge of the bed while Finn took a seat in a chair across from her.

"I was promoted to Creative," Miracle began softly. "Stephanie told me that I'd possibly need to fill in once in a while as a correspondent if they're short handed, but that I'll be part of the Creative team."

Finn gave her a cautious smile. "That's wonderful. When do you-"

"Stephanie had told me to take two weeks off for a vacation," Miracle interrupted him, the look in her eyes somewhat vacant. Finn wasn't sure he was going to like where her somber tone was headed.

Shouldn't she sound a bit more happy about it?

"But this morning I called her and told her about what happened. I told her that I need more time."

He nodded, "Well, I hate d'at ya won't be around f'r a while, but I agree d'at ya need some time. When do you think you'll be back though?"

"I don't know that I'm coming back at all, Finn."

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[ella-cooper]

"Yeah well drugs and solitude will do that to you dude," they replied with a soft laugh. These days Ella mostly smoked weed, but they had done their fair share of party favors and still did. It had been the worst during their teenage years they felt like but in recent years, since their failed engagement and since being involve with the Enterprise, the usage had definitely become pretty constant. "Oh hating is easy, you ever met the guy who works at the gas station downtown? He's such a dick for no reason. Always has been. Always goes overboard on calling me a lady and shit, can't stand his ass," they admitted with a laugh but the idea of a crush had them laughing a bit more. "I try not to waste too much time on crushes these days, especially with how much I know people here. There are definitely some attractions, I've slept with a lot of people," they added with a shrug, "But right now I'm just enjoying myself." They paused, fingers tapping against the steering wheel for a moment. "I was engaged a couple of years back," they admitted. "We were together for five, almost six years. I had my shit together then, too. Mostly. It's how I got the plans to get the Lounge together but before then I was mostly working job to job. Doing some freelance social media shit, fixing boards, selling things," they added with a shrug. They may not have had any affiliation but that didn't mean they hadn't dealt drugs here and there.

"Anyway, I fucked it up. I...left her at the altar. Not I didn't show up, I did show up and then I left," they added, not having really talked about it in ages but something about telling Mal felt safer than it had with anyone else recently. That and most people in town knew because they had been at the wedding or heard about it. "Haven't talked to her since, heard she's seeing someone new," they added as if they hadn't found out via social media through Maeve's account. "Since then I've just been coasting. Kind of dont' want to get close like that ever again, you know? And I already have enough regret for a lifetime because of it." It occurred to Ella for a moment that he might think of them differently after this but they had a feeling he wouldn't. "Yeah well it's good to remember the whole world is out there. Makes shit feel possible. Now that's what I'm talking about. A solid tropical vacation. I mean you got choices, could go to any of the islands in the Caribbean, DR and PR are pretty nice. I think you'd love Bali though. You'd have the time of your life. Sweat your ass off but it'll be worth it. Whenever you get to travel again, we're going somewhere, mark my words," they said, figuring his release came with some kind of parole or travel restrictions but they hadn't asked the specifics around it. "Cheap food, all the coconuts you could want, beautiful waters, great culture. It's a beautiful place to be. Imagine you and me on vacation? Shit, they could make an indie movie out of it."

"Fuck off," Malcolm laughed, reaching over and giving the other a light shove-- though, they had a point about the colonial energy that the city radiated. "Yeah, that was pretty much my costume until I was too old to trick or treat, then at that point I was really just usin' it as a cover for my parents when I'd actually be out getting high with my friends." So much of his teenage years had been wasted sneaking around, getting absolutely shit-faced. Years he couldn't get back even if he tried. "Damn, that's cold. Kind of her fault, though, isn't it? I mean, if I woke up with a person's normal face three inches from mine when I opened my eyes in the mornin', can't say I wouldn't start throwing punches." He shrugged, eyes lingering on them for a brief moment as they trailed off, seemingly doting on a far away thought, but allowed for a swift change of subject. If Ella wanted to up about something, it would be on their terms. "Guess so. I dunno, After I got out of prison, bein' sober for the first time at all, it was if the entire city just...changed. And I mean, it did -- I was gone for five years, y'know? But even things I recognized, I couldn't really pinpoint why I recognized them." His memory was spotty thanks to the harder stuff he'd been hooked on for over ten years. Even now, Malcolm didn't have the easiest time forming long-term memories.

"So, who are you crushing on then these days? Or hating? Need to see if our bonds about to go deeper." He brought the cigarette to his lips once more as he awaited Ella's answer, brows arching slightly. "Damn. Sounds like you've been everywhere." Mal's parents had never gotten bitten by the travel bug -- the most they would do for family vacations was a quick road trip to the Finger Lakes or the occasional flight to Disney World. "I get it. It's a part of your DNA, you got roots here." Malcolm felt that way about Boston, really, but considering all the ties that had been cut, it didn't much feel like home anymore. Regardless, he didn't know how he could stay in a place that still saw him as the worst version of himself. "I dunno, I never much thought about -- hell, Tonopah's the farthest place I've ever fucking traveled too, I think." He narrowed his brows, considering. "Someplace tropical would be nice. An island, somewhere I could kick back and relax. Learn how to surf, drink out of a coconut, get a tan. Any place you'd recommend?"

[acandrewswriter]

Why would you affiliate yourself with Amazon? Is there another place people can buy your books?

Hi disasterhimbo: Because a huge majority of indie LGBTQ authors have little choice but to use Amazon to publish. When you are an indie author, your choices are to go "wide release" through a company like Ingraham Spark (which can theoretically land your book at Barnes and Noble, etc), or to go Amazon exclusive with enrollment in Kindle Unlimited.

Here's the thing: Every author I’m friends with, including quite a few who are making a full-time living writing MM romance and MM fantasy, who has tried wide release has regretted it and gone back to Amazon.

Most books sales these days are ebook sales, and 90% of that market is Amazon. So if you go "wide release," what happens is that you only gain a tiny sliver of marketshare and available audience for your books, but you end up losing out on what turns out to be massively important boosts that Amazon adds to its KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) authors.

Those benefits are:

Higher royalties: Amazon exclusive books earn 70% royalties, as opposed to 35% on Amazon for wide-release books, and much, much lower on other platforms- traditional publishers tend to max out at paying 15% royalties at most. Coupled with Amazon's dominance of the ebook market, that makes wide-release a losing proposition, financially, for any indie author who isn't going to sell millions of books (which is most of us).

Kindle Unlimited: Amazon exclusive content is made available through Kindle Unlimited. Of the thousand or so readers my first book got, 60% of them were on Kindle Unlimited. Without that boost, I would have made even less money on a book I lost money producing. So I would have had 60% fewer readers, and been earning only half the royalty rate.

The effing algorithm: Amazon boosts your sales during the first 90 days of publication by putting your new release higher on search results and category lists. The more sales you make within a short period of time, the more the algorithm boosts the visibility of your book.

It's far more expensive to do wide-release (because, for example, you have to pay out hundreds of dollars to buy ISBN numbers- while Amazon gives them to you for free), and it is never made back in sales (Wide release results in massively lower royalties- a financial loss that is not made up for by the wider release- because Amazon dominates the market). Worse, it is a lot more work to manage- and those of us working full time while trying to write only have so many spoons to go around (especially when we are our own promotion team, our own ARC team, - we are basically doing all the work of a publishing company ourselves).

Even with the support Amazon gives to KDP authors, I'm still not breaking even doing this- I pay out money to produce my books, hire editors so my books aren't awful (dev and copy editing typically costs around $2k dollars), hire out professional artwork for decent covers (around $800), pay sensitivity readers among my beta reading team (again, hundreds of dollars), etc.  And none of that covers the costs of promotion, which is the single most expensive thing in the whole process- more than all of the above combined. In short, to have any prayer of breaking even you need higher sales and higher royalties, and Amazon is the single best chance of either.  

I am lucky that I have a full time job that pays enough that I can afford to do that (a privilege that too many LGBTQ writers can't afford at all). Until I got a higher-paying position at my workplace just before the pandemic, I couldn't afford to do any of that then either. It was a dream out of reach.

If it weren't for Amazon, these books-and a lot of other excellent indie LGBTQ content- literally wouldn't exist. The cost of publishing would be too high, and the returns too low to offset it (let alone make enough actual profit to make a meager living as a starving writer).  

Sure, Amazon is the evil empire- and frankly, it treats its KDP authors in shitty ways a lot of the time (the Amazon marketing platform is a joke, designed to mostly get you to throw your ad money at Amazon while getting almost nothing in return for it- and Amazon frequently jerks authors around without much transparency- we basically can exist as authors only at Amazon's mercy, and that does suck).

That's also why traditional publishers are kind of a joke now- because only the most wildly successful authors stand to gain anything from having a trad publisher (of course, they still have enough clout to “create” wildly successful authors). Small presses force you to do your own promotion (literally, two of my best friends wrote a novel with a trans protagonist published by a Simon and Schuster imprint, and the company did *no promotion at all*, no ARC services, nothing... like, if you are a trad publisher, what's the point of you then? To give an author a lousy 7-15% royalty in exchange for literally nothing except having a publisher's name on spine? wtf?).

Amazon has, smartly and evilly, made itself the only financially viable game in town for niche indie authors.

There are a lot of indie LGBTQ authors on Amazon. A lot of trans authors, queer authors, gay authors, non-binary authors, getting their books published because Amazon/KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) makes it affordable for them to do...

Like most things in the world, Amazon's evil is a mixed bag, and sometimes it's hard to pry apart the good from the bad.  Long story short: If you like or want to read more indie LGBTQ books, Amazon is still evil but it’s also your best bet. 

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret - Chapter 2

A/N- I'm still so excited for this series! I love writing angst, so this is perfect for me. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. Please let me know your thoughts, I've left it on a cliff hanger but I promise in the next chapter you will find out who is who. 💛

Summary- You've got a secret to hide and it's going to cause complete and utter destruction.

Word count- 2742

Warnings- Mature themes, swearing, smut, angst, deceit, lies

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

18+ Only!

Taglist-: @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @mostly-marvel-musings

Posted- 16th May 2021

Part 1

Watching the steady rise and fall of your boyfriend's chest as he sleeps, the sound of his heavy breath filling the deathly silent room. Counting every time you see him inhale and exhale... Sixty... Sixty-one... Sixty-two. Trying, desperately to make yourself fall into the heaven of slumber, where your thoughts can't follow you like a stalker in the night.

No such luck - You were wide awake, rolling onto your back with a huff. Jealous of your boyfriend beside you, no worries or guilt to keep him awake at night. Of course it was your own fault, no one to blame here but yourself. You'd allowed this to go on, allowed it to consume you and eat away at you for almost a year. You could've avoided it all if you weren't so weak and selfish, giving in to your own personal needs and not thinking about anybody else. The amount of people that are going to pay the price make your stomach turn - there's no way of escaping it.

Bile rises in your throat, burning its way up your oesophagus like a fireball. You swallow it back down, the taste lingering in your mouth making you feel even more nauseous. Coming to terms with the fact sleep wasn't going to happen you swing your legs over the side of the bed slowly. Looking back to make sure you didn't wake him and seeing him still lost in the land of nod.

You tiptoe out of the room, bending down to fish your phone from the pocket of your discarded shirt as you went. Memories of your steamy love making replaying in your mind. 

- Why are you not answering me?

- Please answer the phone, just go to the bathroom or something.

- Are you fucking? You're fucking him aren't you, I can't handle this.

- Please answer the goddam phone.

Ah fuck. The last message was sent thirty minutes ago, he's still awake, of course he is. He's just as much to blame as you, he's got just as much to lose as you and he feels just as much guilt as you - enough to keep him awake at night too. Well that and the thought of you fucking someone else but let's not think about that right now.

You turn the kitchen sink, tap on - trying to muffle the sound of your voice so your boyfriend can't hear while you press call.

"Fuck, finally" he answers on the second ring, the anger in his voice more than apparent.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't get away" you apologise, ignoring the pangs you feel just from hearing his voice.

"Yeah -" you hear him take a deep breathe before he continues " - You were fucking weren't you?" His voice was oozing with resentment, you hate that it's come to this.

"I mean you don't really want me to answer that, do you?" You whisper, looking down at your hands imagining the hurt on his face.

"Fuck... - " You were both silent for a painfully long time before he finally spoke up. " - I think you've already answered it." The hurt in his voice broke your heart. You wish you could take his pain away.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I fucking hate this but you know the situation." Your voice was becoming shaky, filled with tears.

"I know -" another deep sigh " - Will you come meet me now? Even if it's just for two minutes, I need to see you." The desperateness in his voice makes your stomach flip, you need to see him too but you know you shouldn't.

"I can't. Baby, you know I can't. What if he wakes up?" 

"I don't fucking care, he's had you all night" He spat, the venomousness in his voice making you close your eyes and whince. 

"Don't talk like that, please" 

"I need to feel you Y/N please, I've been sat thinking about you in bed with him all night and I can't stand it. I just need to see you. I need to see that look in your eye, that thing that happens when we touch. I need it, it makes it all worth it. Please..." He pleads, the sincerity in his voice is pulling you apart. How can you say no to that? 

"I'll come to yours but I can't stay long" The rush of adrenaline you feel when you give in, makes you feel light headed. It should be a rush, it should make you excited but it's the opposite. 

"Thank you." The deep sigh in his voice is full of relief.

You check in to make sure he's still sleeping before you set off, thinking of the excuses you can use if he does wake up while your gone. He's still fast asleep, you know he can sleep through a tornado so you shouldn't have any problems but still, you take one last lingering look at him. The innocence on his face as he sleeps, unaware of the things going on around him that will tear his world apart if he found out. Fuck sake. You hang your head back, looking at the ceiling, doubting yourself.

You have to do it, you can't let him down as well, not after you heard the need in his voice, the way it cut deep like a knife to the heart.

                               ****************

As soon as you knock on the door he's already pulling you into the house by your hand, his lips on yours instantly.

"I've missed you so much." He breathes against your neck, planting kisses sloppily on the skin. Wrapping his arms tightly around you, savouring every last moment before he knows you'll have to leave again.

"I've missed you too - " You sigh, fighting back the tears. " - I can't stay long" 

"Please can we just pretend like you don't have to rush off for just a minute, can we just pretend you're all mine." His words sting, they hang heavy with a deep neediness. The way his hands cling to your body, kneeding your hips with the softness of his fingertips, makes your body tingle. 

"I want you so bad" he says through gritted teeth, his eyes screwed shut while he rests his forehead to yours. You can feel how much he wants you by the buldge in his pants, pushing against your stomach as he holds himself tightly against you. 

"I want you so fucking bad" The lust in his voice makes you feel weak, hard to resist. You've always been weak for him which is why you're in this predicament in the first place. 

"I want you too - " Your breath quickening as he fumbles under your dress. " - But..." 

"Please don't say but - " You're both panting with adrenaline now " - I'll be quick" he finishes, leaning back to unzip his jeans. Looking down to scramble with the zip as fast as he can. "Fuck" 

You can't help but whine when he finally pulls his dick out, desperate to feel it inside of you. He wastes no time in picking you up with one arm and pressing your back against the wall, moving your panties to the side and easing his cock straight in.

The way his cock fills you up so perfectly, you're in ecstasy but it's doesn't last long. There's no pleasantries, no romance just a quick dirty fuck. A need for him to get his end away, to feel you wrapped around his cock. He's selfish with it, a couple of pumps and he's already coming. You wish you hadn't rushed him now, it's made you feel used and dirty.

"Fuck, I love you Y/N."He says breathlessly against your chest, feeling satisfied.

"I need to go." You say harshly, unable to hide the hurt and anger in your voice. 

This has never happened before, you usually feel the love oozing from him, the deep connection you have. It's the reason it's been going on for so long, you know he loves you, you can feel it. When you're together it feels right - usually - it doesn't feel like a betrayal, you're in love. Now you feel a deep shame, this feels like betrayal, like a cheap whore in a dirty motel. You didn't feel his love, he used you for his own selfish satisfaction

"Wait - " he grabs you by your arm as you turn around, hiding your face from him. "What's wrong? Are you crying?" You're pulling against him, desperate to leave. "Fuck, Y/N. Look at me" 

You turn around to look at him, tears silently falling down your cheeks involuntarily. 

"You were selfish, you couldn't stand that i fucked him, you know, my boyfriend -" He whinced like you'd just slapped him in the face " - So you had to get your end away too, you... You. Used me" The tears fell silently from your eyes, a look of pain on etched onto your face. All the emotions consuming you all at once, not just this, but everything. Everything that's happened in the last couple of years finally being released all at once. You know you were taking your anger out on him, the only person you could take your anger out on and now you were feeling guilty again. You needed to get out of here, you needed to be alone, to not feel pulled apart between two people.

He rubs his hand down his face, closing his eyes tightly, realising how much he's fucked up.

"Y/N it's not like that at all, I'm so sorry. I can't believe that's how you feel - " he moves towards you, gently cupping your face " - Fuck - " he thinks for a minute " - I was selfish wasn't I, I knew you had to rush off and I... I needed to feel you" 

"That doesn't mean all romance needs to go out the window" You say softly, looking down at your feet, anywhere but into his eyes. 

"No. No it doesn't... Shit Y/N I'm sorry, that will never happen again" 

"I have to go" You say, turning to leave.

"Please don't leave being angry with me, come here." You stop with your hand on the door handle, turning slowly to look at him, tears still falling.

He tenderly holds your face in his hands, looking into your eyes, searching your face. 

"Shit Y/N I fucking love you, I'd never purposefully hurt you." He says bleakly. 

Your eyes soften as you hear the sincerity in his voice and see the love in his eyes. He reaches down to kiss you, softly and tenderly, full of his love.

"I love you too but I can't carry on doing this for much longer, it's tearing me apart" You say with your eyes still closed.

"What are you saying?" He looks worried.

"We'll talk about it Friday." you say finally turning to leave.

"Wait a minute, you can't just say something like that and then leave." He catches you by your hand again, brushing his thumb softly over your palm.

"I have to go, I've been gone too long. I promise we'll talk about it Friday." You murmur, giving him a apologetic look.

"Fuck." He lets go of your hand, brushing his hand through his hair wearily and watches you leave helplessly.

You sit in your car for a while, thinking, you're in no state to go home. You'd have no way of explaining why you were in such a terrible mood. You could text and tell him you couldn't sleep and you've gone for a coffee before heading into work early to catch up on your deadlines. That could work and it would give you plenty of time to think before actually going into work but you'd have to sneak home first and get clothes and just hope you don't get caught.

All this sneaking about is exhausting and you were serious when you said you couldn't do it for much longer. You wanted a life even if it meant a life without either of them in it. You loved them both dearly and didn't want to lose either of them but being realistic - you can't keep this up.

There's going to be one hell of a shit storm when it all comes out, especially when the tabloids find out about it. Which there's no doubt that they will, they find out everything, another reason for it to be out in the open. Imagine if he found out that way, it would break him even more.

                             *****************

Later that night you stand in front of your front door, getting ready to put on the mask of happiness before you have to face your boyfriend. Faking a smile you walk into the kitchen - there's no smells of delicious food today but there is flowers, beautiful pink lily's. You sniff their amazing scent, ignoring the pangs of guilt once again.

"Hey, I'm home!" You shout, waiting to hear his voice.

"Hi babe, how was work?" He says coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Oh you know, the usual. What about you? Have you had a good day?" You ask turning around in his arms, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"I've been reading through this script, amazing... Do you like them?" He gestures his head towards the flowers, his face buried in the papers he's holding.

"Oh they're amazing baby, thank you -" You kiss him softly on the lips. " - What's the script about?"  

"It's an action movie, sounds a lot different to anything I've done before. You should read it, I think you'll like it." 

"That sounds awesome babe, you should take it" You say excitedly, you love the way his face lights up when he talks about acting. Planting kisses softly on your lips, chin and then down your neck.

"What we doing for dinner?" You murmur.

"Take-out? - " He says in-between kisses, unbuttoning your top buttons while he makes his way down to your chest " - Maybe dessert first?" He stops to cock his eyebrow at you questioningly.

"Mmm" you agree, your head still hanging back loosely. Taking the lead he finishes unbuttoning your shirt, caressing and kissing your breasts tenderly. You can't help thinking about this morning, about how differently you feel now than you did then.

He lifts you up on to the counter, pushing your skirt up and pulling your panties off. You still can't stop thinking about leaving him in the lurch like that, the way his face looked as you walked out of the door.

Unzipping his jeans brings back another memory, no time to think as he kisses you making you forget for just a minute. Holding on to your hips affectionately as he trys to ease himself in, you're not wet enough - too distracted. Fuck! You try to wipe away your thoughts and focus on the moment, concentrating on watching him instead of being inside your brain.

You gasp as he pushes his fingers inside of you, loosening you up, kissing your neck at the same time. Those long fingers can reach your spot perfectly, you feel sick when you think about how similar they are. Definitely not something you should be thinking about - it's wrong on all levels.

Curling his fingers around and stroking your spot, biting his lip as he looks at you. You notice him furrowing his brow, he knows something is different, you're struggling to hide it.

Finally easing himself into your opening, it feels amazing, tightening around his cock. You lean backwards on your hands watching him, so why can't you stop thinking about him.

He searches your face, he's concerned, you're not in the moment.

"Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?" He asks worried.

"No, god no" You really didn't want him to stop, you were just completely distracted, it still felt amazing you were just dwelling in your guilt.

You can see he's nearly ready, you knew you weren't in the right place to finish. You could enjoy it and still not finish right?

oh shit, you're going to have to fake it. For the first time in your whole life you're going to have to fake a orgasm with the love of your life, the guy you thought was your everything. That was until you met his Brother.

[artekai]

dojiruki vampire/researcher au?????????????? 👀👀👀👀👀👀 (i'm already weak for vampire aus............. but with this ship???????? OvO) i would like to know more................

HONESTLY IT IS A CRIME THAT I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR THIS AU CAUSE IT'S IS SO DEAR TO ME <3

Under the cut cause this got unexpectedly long oh lord

Okay, okay, so it's not an AU as much as it's a mess of vaguely related ideas I've been trying to organize into something coherent for over a year BUT it’s a slice-of-life-y slow burn and basically the gist of it is that Takuto is a supernatural researcher who gets captured by Dojima for blood.

Dojima has no interest in humans and avoids them whenever he can, but he needs to feed Nanako somehow, and Takuto is the perfect target because Dojima doesn't like supernatural researchers very much. He says that their research makes monster hunters' jobs easier, thus putting Nanako in danger. Takuto begs and cries for his life, insisting that he isn't affiliated with monster hunters, but Dojima doesn't listen, until both of their screams wake up Nanako, who walks in on them and instantly becomes fascinated by Takuto, because she was born a vampire and barely gets to see any humans due to Dojima's rules about staying away from them except for feeding purposes.

So, Nanako looks at Takuto and goes, "Whoa, a real human! :O :O Aww, he's cute! :D But he looks so scared... :(( Can we keep him? :3" and Takuto is like "GOD YES yes yes I'm very cute and very scared please let me go - wait WHAT?!"

Fortunately, Dojima is like "uh. no. that's a whole ass human right there. I'll get you a wolf or something instead." But Nanako keeps saying that she wants the human because they can talk and do tricks, so, eventually, he manages to strike a deal by telling her that they can't keep a human as a pet, but he'll spare Takuto's life and release him into the wild.

And so, Takuto gets kicked out and Dojima warns him to never come back again because he won't be so merciful next time.

Of course, Takuto does what any sane, rational person would do in that situation. He writes about his encounter in his diary and then goes back to the Dojimas! :D

For some reason, he has decided that Dojima's place is a prime spot for some field research, and that, if he gets captured again, he can just exploit Dojima’s soft spot for Nanako to save himself. He tries to sneak in as silently as possible, but, because vampires have amazing senses, of course he gets caught, first by Nanako (who doesn't tell on him, of course) and then by Dojima, who, despite his threats, has no option but to kick him out again, because Nanako is watching. However, Takuto is very persistent, and the same happens a couple more times (I'm assuming he only sneaks in at night, at a time when it's guaranteed that Nanako will be around), until he realizes that sneaking in isn't working for him, so he begins trying a more aggressive approach, with more traditional methods to ward off vampires, like garlic. His attempts fail, though, and Dojima calls him a joke of a researcher ("If you had told me you were a fraud, I would've let you go a lot sooner"), which only makes him want to set his research right even more.

Anyways, Takuto's repeated attempts wear Dojima off to the point where he reluctantly accepts that this lowkey masochistic human coming over every other day is just a thing that happens now, I guess. Don't get me wrong, he's still tough on Takuto, scolds him for the tiniest things, and doesn't like that he's a researcher, but at least he doesn't want to suck his blood anymore because he does have a personal policy about only feeding off bad people, and, now that he has seen more of Takuto being a dumbass who can't defend himself, he feels hesitant to try to kidnap him again. Like... what harm can he even do? He’s a dork and a weakling. Besides, there’s also the fact that Dojima hasn’t seen Nanako so happy in a while... (she's. very lonely ;-;) And, the more Takuto keeping coming back, the more he bonds with Nanako (especially when Dojima is away), which means that, if Dojima were to hurt him now, it would just break Nanako’s heart even more...

Eventually, as he reluctantly gets more and more used to Takuto's presence, he just begins letting him in, much to Nanako's excitement. He’s tired of going through all of the song and dance of having to play hide and seek with him and threaten him with murder, so he might as well just leave him alone. Besides, if Takuto ever steps out of line, Dojima can still take him pretty easily. And, on the other hand, he is kinda curious as to why Takuto keeps coming back, or, rather, why is this research so important to him that he's willing to put his life on the line like this for it.

Okay, so at this point Takuto is really close to becoming part of the family. He starts joining the Dojimas for dinner, observing their behavior from up close, asking questions, and making notes, helps them with chores, keeps them company, and begins earning their trust until he practically finds himself babysitting Nanako whenever Dojima is away.

So, Takuto and Nanako develop a symbiotic relationship where Takuto answers Nanako's questions about humans and, in turn, she answers his questions about vampires (which Dojima is reluctant to answer). She's still young and isolated from supernatural creatures other than her dad, so she only knows so much, but, of course, as a primary source, her input is still infinitely valuable to Takuto. As for Nanako, she's fascinated by the human snacks and human food that Takuto brings with him, so she becomes interested in learning human recipes, and that’s how they start cooking together :)

(Well, part of the reason why she's interested is because she still kinda sees Takuto as a stray animal and wants to feed him, but give her a break, she's trying, she still has to unlearn all of Dojima's conditioning cause he deliberately taught her that humans were an inferior species that's only valuable for their blood T-T)

Okay, but, the more Takuto hangs out with the Dojimas, and the more Dojima sees him and Nanako acting like a family, the more he warms up to Takuto, until he even asks him to come over himself. Of course, he says that it's for Nanako's birthday, that he wants Takuto to be there because his presence makes her happy, but, on the other hand, you don't invite someone over for your kid's birthday unless you want them for be there, am I right?

Anyways, one night Takuto cooks some gyoza and the enticing smell brings back memories for Dojima, so, in a rare moment of vulnerability, he admits that he doesn’t let him hang around just because it makes Nanako happy, but that he actually enjoys Takuto’s company too (he’s. also very lonely ;-;). He finally opens up to him, telling him that he appreciates all of his help around the house, and he reveals that the reason he's such a cringe fail vampire that couldn't even follow through with his threats towards Takuto is that he used to be a human not too long ago. He’s so overprotective of Nanako and unsure of of his parenting skills because he had to figure out how to raise a vampire all on his own after Chisato (the vampire who turned him) died. I dunno when he was turned exactly, but it was probably shortly before her death, but, either way, that explains why he had a more down to earth view of humans, as opposed to Nanako.

(Not to mention that he might’ve also sympathized with Takuto over his loss of Rumi... I think Dojima generally sees a lot of the human part of him in Takuto)

In any case, Nanako tells Takuto that the reason Dojima is so wary of humans is that they were the ones who killed Chisato, and she makes him promise that he won't hurt them, cause he’s different to other humans, and both of them like him a lot :)

And, well. Takuto feels icky about his research now :)

At this point, the Dojimas barely see him as a source of food, if at all, and he barely sees them as an object of research, so he has begun questioning if  publishing his paper is worth it. Technically, he doesn’t need their consent to study them because they’re not human, but.... that’s literally his boyfriend and his daughter... his research might be important to him, but he can’t sell out his family for it!

Okay, so here’s where the mess of vaguely related ideas I mentioned comes into play, because I’m not really sure how Takuto’s research fits into the grand scheme of things and how that affects the plot. My initial idea was that he used to work for Wakaba until she died, and thus honoring her memory is a huge part of the reason why he’s so intent on finishing his paper even if it costs him his life (he thinks it’s honorable that Wakaba gave her life for science and that anything less than that would be unacceptable for him when she’s such an inspiration for his work), but now I’m considering letting Wakaba live so that she can encourage Takuto to continue his research when he starts having doubts about it. Either way, Takuto starts questioning her methods and her intent after bonding with the Dojimas, cause. you know. let’s not forget she’s a mad scientist on her own right <3

Oh, and I guess I forgot to mention there was initially supposed to be a political subplot where Namatame and Shido are running for office and they both have their eyes on Takuto, cause Namatame wants to hire him and Shido wants to kill him for his research. Namatame is also a well-known monster hunter who thinks Takuto is on his side, but the bigger threat here is Shido, of course, With him on Takuto’s trail, it’s only a matter of time until his supporters track him down and find out about the Dojimas, which can’t end well... But, to be honest, I think I’ll probably scrap that entire subplot because it feels out of place within the overarching narrative, even though I do like the idea of Dojima entrusting Takuto with Nanako’s care so they can run away while he holds them back, since he’s the only one who stands a chance...

Anyways! What I mean to say is that the main issue here is that I don’t have an ending and I thought that adding some external conflict could fix it, but I haven’t been able to get that to work either  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m. not good at external conflict cause I’m too much of a sucker for internal conflict lol. Either way, everything else is extraneous haha, the main focus is the love story between Dojima and Takuto and their respective arcs as Dojima overcomes his fear and his prejudices against humans and learns to open up while Takuto overcomes his prejudices against supernatural creatures and starts reflecting upon his own morality and what he truly wants out of life. And so the moral of the story is that Nanako is the number 1 Dojiruki shipper ever and we owe everything to her. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk :)

[widows-writings]

THEORY ABOUT BUDAPEST

So- THEORY

Let's lay down the basics:

×Natasha Romanoff was born in 1984 (but in the comics she was born in 1928)

×Clint Barton was born in 1964

×Nick Fury was born in 1950. (Comic birth date is 1920)

×The cold war ranged from 1947 - 1991

×Movies Budapest was mentioned

•Avengers (2012)

•Captain Marvel (2019)

•Endgame(2019) - just as a passing joke, not important

When we first hear Budapest it's as a passing joke in the very first Avengers movie. It was never explained after the movies release and it's been a burning question cause it was never answered

Then in Captain Marvel, Nick says "- It's the Cold War. We were everywhere. Belfast, Bucharest, Belgrade, Budapest." It's meant as a passing line, but he says that for the past 6 years, he's been riding the desk, and Carol had been gone for 5-6 years. So he stopped being an agent for about the same amount of time. Captain Marvel takes place after the cold war, I'm assuming around 1995, because they bet that he couldn't make it 30 years without calling for her help. But by 1991, which is right before Carol went missing, was when the cold war ended.

If we go by the comic age(which is more plausable, because even if she had only joined shield in 2000, it would take a few years to reteach her how to use her skills which means that she would have been an agent in like 2004, and then she had to be a probationary agent for a few years. So that's means that Clint and Nat only had a few years to become as close as they seem as they do in the first Avengers.) So if we go by her comic age, that means that she was found around her MCU birth date. Giving her more of 28 years to become that close with Clint

So if they had found her in 1984, that means it was in the heat of the Cold War, which makes Nick's statement even more true. "It was the cold war" and if he had gone to Budapest, he was already affiliated with Clint Barton, who was 20 at the time. And this also works since S.H.I.E.L.D was founded by Peggy Carter, Hoawrd Stark and a couple other people after World War 2. The thing is, in the comics, Nick was born in 1920, and he also served in World War 2, which means he probably joined S.H.I.E.L.D, but not as a founder. So he was a spy for that branch. Clint could have been put on as a brand new, sqeaky clean agent and the two could have been going on missions together and they had been sent to take down The Black Widow. where as Nick wanted to take her down Clint was new and wanted to give her a chance and they bring her into S.H.I.E.L.D. After they take her back to the States, Nick becomes a higher level agent while Clint takes the time to work with Nat and missions and how they work. This is like the testing period to see if the Russian spy can actually be changed. And during this time Coulson joins and that's the partnership we see in Captain marvel which is 1997-1998. Which means that Natasha is a long time member of S.H.I.E.L.D which is how she has a high level clearance in the first Avengers.

My theory is that Clint and Nick were sent to Budapest to take down Natasha Romanoff and that's why Clint says "You and I remember Budapest very differently." Natasha remembers it as just Budapest, Clint remembers it as going to take down The Black Widow. Because her birth year in the MCU could work as her 'rebirth' into S.H.I.E.L.D in 1984-1985.

It's a working theory if any of you want to add anything or fix it, I'm totally down for it. This is for y'all to read and figure out and if you disagree with it please be respectful and just tell me nicely.

Thank you for reading if y'all made it to the end!

[ataehone]

Excuse me if I don't believe Ukrainian courts are going to be any more fair than Russian courts 🤷🏻‍♂️

Re: Medvedchuk. He embodies everything you might fear about an oligarch buying his way into power, but the condition he was paraded in before the cameras, as well as the wonky story of his daring escape from house arrest and getting caught RIGHT when it would be convenient for Kiyv to parade him before cameras kinda stinks. (The rather stupid offer to exchange him for ALL the Ukrainian POWs at the time was also an interesting way that feels deliberately engineered to force Putin to re-enact Stalin's legendary refusal to do a prisoner exchange for his son).

Re: Shariy. Guy flees to Spain, blogs not very pro Russian statements from there, gets arrested and is about to be extradited to Ukraine on very vague charges. Some claim he will be made an example of, but who knows if Spain will actually give him up?

Re: extrajudicial killings. David Zhvania's odd death is already claimed as an execution by pro-Russian media, Denis Kireev was likely assassinated for his pro-Russian stance, then simultaneously claimed as "shot during resisting arrest for treason" or "killed on a special undercover mission", this page lists several more cases. Sure, nothing as bold as the Nemtsov case, but I'm sure that if Kiva (who's also facing treason charges) or Shariy ever are returned to Kiyv that can be fixed.

(we should also discuss the curious case of Gonzalo Lira, who was in Kiyv working on some sort of documentary when the conflict began, then decided to stick around and watch, and ended up critiquing the Ukrainian government a lot, was the target of several smear jobs, then vanished suddenly even provoking rumours of his death - and the day the Internet's hashtag activism flared up, he was released by the Ukrainian security forces that also kept all his equipment to themselves)

Re: eat the rich. Misinterpretable laws are a CIS specia-- owait, Ukraine left the CIS. Misinterpretable laws are a former Soviet republic specialty. I would need to hunt down a full text of the law but on the surface it looks like a "we can nationalize the property of any person we don't like" law, which nominally looks like something ready-made for Volodymyr Saldo (who led one of the banned parties and is now the Russian Army-appointed mayor of Kherson (to be fair, he used to be the mayor-elect some years back, so he wasn't just picked at random for the position)) Ihor Kolomoyskiy now that he is no longer Zelenskiy's apparent financial backer (I'm getting Boris Berezovskiy flashbacks here, TBH) or any other oligarch not named Petro Poroshenko (his assets had already been seized), but it might as easily be a convenient "we don't like your political affiliation" repression mechanism. Time will tell.

Re: Poroshenko. I'm still curious how he went from coming back to Kiyv to make a last stand on his charges of treason in January, and then vanish for a couple months only to resurface brandishing machine guns, yelling patriotic slogans and riding a Banderamobile (it was a play on a dumb accusation several Russian politicians made, mad props for the balls he showed doing this). He is now again a political player in Ukraine as the headlines are telling me, despite the fact that his treason trial is still ongoing.

Similarly, Timoshenko was pretty quiet the entire time Zelenskiy was president until she showed up, armor vested and in high heels, for the oddest PR action yet.

The real reason both of them weren't acted against was because neither was ever pro-Russian (despite Poroshenko doing a lot of business with/in Russia on his pre-presidency days) - which, I suppose, proves the point ohsalome was making.

I can't convince you I don't have an agenda - obviously all of us want our country to smell like roses despite the best efforts of our governments and nowadays it's a crime just to be Russian - but if the other countries were allowed to talk shit about Russia's anti-gay law (which was also a clear case of "we don't like these people" law, and still badly misinterpreted in the West), why can't we do the same for Ukraine?

Maybe it will honestly help fix Ukraine's corruption problems, but if it took Zelenskiy this long to do something about corruption (that was part of his election platform, right next to peace with the East), please forgive my concerns about how it will function in practice.

(or maybe he is fighting an uphill battle against the behind the scenes people that got him elected which is the reigning conspiracy theory on why he changes stances on the peace talks with Russia every two days)

Apologies to Minette for dumping all this on her dash.

In the meantime, Ukrainian legislators quietly passed a law that allows immediate confiscation of all property of anyone found guilty of “supporting Russian aggression” by court ruling. Given how swiftly they outlawed all opposing political parties and jailed or executed all the major people in those parties that didn’t leave the country in time, one can imagine how just, swift or honest those courts will be.