#I'm nostalgic for other friendships that faded more naturally but im still sad over them
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Sad to b left behind
#bestie married and moved away. steph moved out and married and might move away#oldest sister might move away#parents want to move away in a year or two#i am always left behind. or left out.#i left myself out of my first friend group we were friends since kindergarten age and around middle/end of high-school#i realized i didnt feel a part of the group. i felt like no one wanted me there. i was weird and awkward and annoying.#so i stopped reaching out and stopped going to shul tbh and drifted away#and idk if they missed me or still do. idk what they thought.#tbh i was struggling w depression and didnt realize it and idk maybe i couldve been happy staying friends w them#idk#and i let go of other friendships bc of a potent mix of#no spoons/ no energy/no time/autism adhd depression anxiety combo#i miss the depth of the highschool friendships and im nostalgic for the friend group#I'm nostalgic for other friendships that faded more naturally but im still sad over them#i have no connections. i have nothing but pieces of memories i store away in boxes and my parents tease me for the colletions but#they cant understand#I'm so lonely and i will be so much more alone if they move#i cant even take care of myself completely on my own yet. i need support and i need commections#i cant go with them bc they want to go where its warm but those places hate me for being queer#i want to stay here i want my city and my home i don't want to lose anything#more than i have already#i want more time at least please#5 more years not 1 or 2. in the past 5 years i came this far in that i have a pretty good full time job and can cook and have a credit card#i pay bills i go to work i read i have my art and i can do the humira injections half of the time with my dad there#I'm not low-support needs.
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