#I'm mostly a stupid so this is my brain done for the day !!

[inchidentally]

I've got a few asks that are all actually roughly under the same umbrella in terms of my replies - and be aware I've had to get way more serious then usual so pls skip if you're not here for that <3

mmmmm yea you can feel as you want anon but I personally am not going to want to parallel that relationship with Oscar and Lily's. my main cause when it comes to wives and girlfriends is that they all deserve to be protected against rampant, casual misogyny in fandom spaces. but also to not to project any reflected good will onto her boyfriend or husband simply because he's the boyfriend or husband. and there's so much about the 2000s drivers that makes me hope that at least some of their behavior isn't being carried on with the current younger guys on the grid :///

also just as a reminder: I was raised by intersectional feminists and I've witnessed what even supposedly "loving" het relationships can do to people who identify as women* - so I'm never going to be rooting for heterosexual relationships as far as women are concerned. I'm not overly prejudiced and I fully support any woman's choices for herself - and I don't have the smallest delusion that I have a right to an opinion on those choices <3 but equally I'm not going to lie to myself that women don't statistically always lose or sacrifice something of themselves when they become a partner to a man and that the man loses and sacrifices nothing - and if he makes the most basic effort he's praised as a god among men. especially not a man who's career has and will always take priority over his relationship and especially if the woman has to navigate or alter her life to deal with the man's profession, public image or his fanbase. I will always want women to pursue life on their own terms without men in any way dragging them down or altering their lives - that's just my opinion and it's fine if others disagree or hopefully project onto those relationships for any reason. so far, to me, the only driver's relationships that seem at all truly balanced and not negatively affecting or requiring compromises of the women that the man doesn't have to repay, are Lily and Alex and Melissa and Nando - and while I don't know much about them probably Tiffany and Valtteri. those women were already fully adults when they met these guys and would be able to leave the relationships whenever they want without having their own individual lives and incomes affected or altered in any way. I do not see any excuse for a woman to be in a relationship in any other way or with any further sacrifice and especially not because of a man, who will always enjoy economic and social power above hers.

*I know this is a whole unique point but as far as I'm concerned identifying as a woman is how I'm referring to women at any time. TERFs DNI.

-

ok so I've heavily edited these next two bc my blog is not the place to get into All That and I don't want to bring stress and negativity to moots

I think the funniest part of this rumor is how everyone's been asking for a screen recording of this and absolutely no one can produce anything other than one screencap of Rebecca at one brief time offering subscription content with no explanation for what - and that was something all models and influencers did for a while to make some money when a bunch of platforms screwed over their engagement. everyone's just running with this as if it's anyting and wtfff you're saying all she was offering were 'pictures of Carlos from the back' LIKE BFFR what are y'all even saying here ??? who was being robbed what crime was committed how is this even worth remembering ??? the reach being rought!!

but on the serious side, I'm gonna need all of you to sit yourselves in a quiet place and start taking this spontaneous and erratic morality that magically shows up when women are involved and start actually applying it to your pookie bears in F1. because not only does Carlos and the rest of the grid exploit the media, fans and sponsorships for cash, gifts, engagement and popularity - they also endorse and personally directly fund and engage with entire companies and individuals who actively perpetuate and uphold the absolute gutter of amorality and social iniquity that is the foundation of this whole sport !!

like here you guys are hunting for any tiny scrap of something to further the prejudice that these wives and girlfiends are not your ideas of Perfect Pure Sainted Angels - meanwhile you're looking at hugely problematic words and actions from your favorite driver and literally assuming that they've suddenly "had a change of heart" or are "better people now" based on ???? nothing ???? and THEN you start hoping that the girlfriend or wife is "good for him" or that she won't "be bad for him" I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind since when does a girl or woman over the age of 15 think that rich, powerful white men in hugely problematic fields of work are the ones being cruelly corrupted by the women they personally choose to date ??? if these men are shitheads then they did it all on their own babes !!

and I have to assume that even die hard Carlos fans on here are aware of how he's very much not perfect and that anyone sensible has to admit that unless he made the decision to publicly and loudly make a statement to the contrary then all of his opinions and affiliations are the same. you can absolutely compartmentalize these guys - we all do! - in order to like certain things about them or engage in content about them, but nobody should be out here so woman-hating as to take nothing of substance and use it to award these men virtues that have no foundation in reality. all while vilifying their wives and girlfriends over literally the smallest thing or making the most tenuous of connections to try and prove why they shouldn't be with your fave guy. or because while the men can fuck and cheat all they want, you've decided the women they date or marry have to conform to regressive ideas of female purity.

(just to clarify, the stuff I'm referring to "men" or "drivers" as doing is not specifically referring to Carlos or one man in particular but about the wider issue of double standards between drivers and their girlfriends and wives)

so a wife or gf of a man with an all-consuming career that involves her altering her life and plans to go all over the world just to be with him, decides to do exactly what he does and utilize a fanbase and popularity for gain? suddenly she's an evil conniving witch capable of manipulating and controlling poor widdle rich, white, powerful, influential man !! even though he dumps women and cheats on women whenever he wants and doesn't face a single bit of criticism for fans' perceptions of problems in his relationships but oh he's just a helpless hard-working victim who is nobly doing his dream job that his one percenter family and/or social status and/or race and gender made completely effortless for him and how DARE his wife or girlfriend get any of the financial benefit from a field of sports where women are so hated that even the most powerful woman is publicly accused by the highest authority in the sport of collusion based on nothing more than one gossip columnists lie !!

I could go so fucking far about how the women these men date and marry have been socially groomed from birth to be beautiful and silently supportive of their man and told they're not good enough or smart enough to succeed in a "serious" business environment - and that the drivers conveniently always end up with beautiful women who suffer at the hands of his fans who blame women for how men treat them all while he says nothing so as not to upset his base of support - then fuck it, let them all sell you people subscriptions for pictures of the drivers! let them scrape even a tiny fraction off the top of this imbalanced and unfair socioeconomic dynamic compared to the huge, unearned kickbacks and handshakes that make these men so effortlessly successful and rich. you can see those subscriptions as payment on your part for spreading rumors and hate about women and using double standards.

the rich famous man will NOT change his life to either fit your rpf ship - or to stay single so that you can continue your parasocial relationship with him uninterrupted - or choose a woman based on who you deem to be an appropriate self-insert. no matter how many rumors you believe or spread or how often you post content hating on his partner, his choice will not be affected by you. so keep those delusions and misogyny to yourself - or at least away from my blog and inbox !

honestly anon, I've already known the content of all of your messages over the past few months and I'm choosing the least offensive one for a reason to post (edited ofc so no one can accuse me of slander or whatever)

listen: if I was at all saying that Carlos is unproblematic or publicly promoting him in any way then I'd absolutely deserve what you're saying. but for myself personally, Carlos is part of am f1blr specific hyperfixation where I stay on my blog and write stupid narratives using drivers for fun. I'm not contributing anything to his overall fanbase or giving him any of my financial or personal support. I stick to fandom spaces only and not any platform that the drivers or anyone in wider F1 circles use.

and the thing is that not only would it be putting the burden of his problematicness on me if I were to post your asks bc I alone would have to answer for them, it would also probably just be informing people of what's fully and easily available to find elsewhere. everyone I mutually follow and most people I see are fully aware that we're taking these men and for the most part using them for our own fanon rather than their actual reality. so for me to pick one driver and say look at these awful realities then I'd have to do that with all of them, including the drivers who are at all friendly with known problematic drivers and people. so while I totally understand if someone wants to kick all of F1 out of their fandom experience bc Men then jfc absolutely go for it. I'm not at all pretending that what I'm doing on my blog is worth the smallest shit! but me deciding to pick one driver out of all of them to put on blast would do nothing but make me a hypocrite and rightfully have people asking me why I don't talk about this or that driver too.

and quite frankly unless someone never supports with any male-majority content and solely focuses all of their time to intersectional feminist content then there ain't a leg to stand on to blast any other fanbase or focus on one particular person. it's fully fair to be critical! but not to get on a high horse if there's even one cishet man in your list of fandom things. honestly that could even be broadened in some cases to one cis man.

absolutely, take the truth to people who are out there on public platforms trying to claim that any of these drivers are saints and perfect humans where they could potentially be recruiting to a fanbase using false narratives and covering up problematic behavior. but ask yourself if you're time is best spent mostly attacking women and girls in fanbases over this or going right to the comments and tags that squarely target the men themselves.

but on here I've got to kind of assume we all know what the score is and nobody's in denial that these are mere Rich Powerful Men and none of them deserves our actual serious allegiance yk ??? I feel like we're all aware this is us having fun and we're all accepting that while we can block and blacklist tags based on personal preferences, none of us in f1blr who likes a male driver can pretend to be superior to liking a different one. at best they're better at keeping their mouths shut but they also permit and overlook a LOT. and yes, that includes Lewis even though my god he has a gigantic lead on the rest in terms of progressive actions and deeds compared to any other man in F1. and that while he still has unaddressed problematic associations and behavior, all of us white fans need to be fucking vigilant of going after him if we're not fully going ten times harder on the white drivers.

[loulovingho]

Sleep Talking

(Dedicated to my niece, who wakes me up weekly with very detailed sleep discussions about roblox)

Before Buck slept over for the first time, Tommy had given him a warning.

“Sometimes I talk in my sleep,” he'd said. “It's not always, and usually only when I'm overly tired or stressed, but... just in case, wanted you to know.”

He'd given Buck the option to change his mind. He could stay in the spare room, or go home if he wanted, but Buck simply pulled him closer and told him there was nowhere else he'd rather be than right here.

Nothing happened that first night, or the next time they slept together, or even the next time.

Buck was starting to wonder if this was something from Tommy's childhood. Something he'd grown out of a long time ago, he just didn't know it.

And that's when it happened.

“I don't want those teeth,” he'd mumbled out, pushing a hand out in front of him. “No. Thank. You.”

He'd just gotten off a 48 that turned into a 52 and had barely gotten any sleep. He'd passed out as soon as his head hit the bed, and Buck sat up beside him, quietly reading a book with the lamp light on low.

Buck was a little startled at first, looking over at him with furrowed eyebrows. “What?” he'd asked, thinking for a split second that Tommy had woken up with something to say.

But when he saw Tommy's eyes shut tight, his face scrunched up in that way it did when he was annoyed, Buck knew.

He was sleep talking.

So, Buck waited. He waited to see if Tommy had anything else to say.

A couple minutes went by, and Tommy's face relaxed again, so Buck went to turn back to his book, then-

“I'd rather die then get veneers.”

Okay, so maybe he wasn't done.

“I just don't like them,” he continued, again shoving his hand out like he was pushing something away. “Take it all. Not my pearly whites.”

Buck closed his book and laid it on the nightstand, shutting off the light and scooting further into bed. As he did, Tommy turned and immediately snuggled into his side, resting his head on Buck's chest. “I go home with all teeth,” he commanded.

Buck wrapped his arms around him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “You'll get to keep your teeth, Babe,” he whispered. “I promise.”

“Hmph,” Tommy huffed. “Giddy up says the cowboy, I guess.”

Buck tried and failed to contain his laughter, but still he held Tommy closer as he drifted off to sleep himself. Luckily, he didn't mind the noise.

*****

“I don't care if she wants to go home. She is here, her leg is'a half mile down road. She going to hospital now stat!”

Tommy had mentioned having a difficult day at work. Buck was already at his place when he got home, food coming out of the oven and ready to eat as soon as Tommy showered and got changed.

They'd had a comfortably quiet dinner, Tommy mostly speaking about how good the food was, and asking Evan to please stay the night.

He didn't need to be convinced.

They'd fallen asleep with their naked bodies tangled together, too lazy to get out of bed and put anything back on.

If it wasn't for the fact Tommy was talking nearly directly in Buck's ear, he probably wouldn't have even woken up.

“Lady, you don't have a leg to stand on. Literally. I'm takin' you to hospital and you get help with leg.” He moved his head as though he were turning to speak to someone else, “And help with brain,” he muttered.

Buck tried to unravel himself from Tommy. Get some distance between them so he could go back to sleep without Tommy talking right in his ear. But as soon as he moved, Tommy was rolling over and wiggling around until his head laid directly over Buck's stomach. “People are so stupid,” he whispered into Buck's bellybutton. “This is a comfy sandwich though.”

*****

“Evan makes better casseroles than this.”

It was the middle of the day, and Tommy had fallen asleep on the couch. They'd spent thirty-six of the last forty-eight hours moving Buck's things into his place, and that was after Tommy had come off of a forty-eight hour shift. So, while Buck and Eddie finished eating lunch at the kitchen table, Tommy had decided to lie down and rest his eyes for a few minutes.

“This casserole tastes like sewage.”

Eddie peered into the living room, then looked over at Buck, who was eating his sandwich like nothing was happening at all.

“What's he talking about?” Eddie asked.

Buck's eyebrows furrowed. “What? Who?”

“Evan uses chicken breast. So much better than this.”

Eddie waved in Tommy's direction. “Come on, Man!”

“Oh! Yeah, he's just sleep talking. Does it when he's overly tired.”

“He... He sleep talks about your casseroles?”

Buck smiled, nodding. “He really likes them. You know, I wasn't sure if he was just telling me they were good to be nice, but he doesn't have a filter when he sleep talks so that's how I know.”

Eddie glanced at Tommy again. “Does he ever sleep talk about me?”

Buck's posture straightened and he pursed his lips. “I can't break that trust, Eddie.”

“He does!” Eddie exclaimed. “What's he say? Did he talk about Muay Thai? Because headbutting is an illegal move so technically he didn't win.”

“I said I can't break his trust,” Buck repeated, getting up to throw his trash away. “Although, if someone was losing so they made it look like they got headbutted... Well, I wouldn't know anything about it.”

“I knew it! Your man is such a sore loser, Buck.” Eddie got up and walked over to Tommy, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke. “I spent my day off unloading boxes for you,” he whispered over him. “I could have left you alone with Buck. Everyone else made excuses but I didn't.”

“Only thing better than casserole is his soup,” Tommy said, one hand going to his stomach. “I call it sex soup, cause it goes down the throat 'n straight to my-"

“Okay,” Eddie grimaced, walking away. “I'm about to lose my lunch.”

“Did he mention sex soup?” Buck asked.

“Mhm.”

Buck nodded. “Always ends up there after casserole.” He shrugged, “It is really good soup though.”

“Ugh,” Eddie groaned. “I hate you both.”

*****

Buck learned over time that Tommy's sleep talking from being overly tired versus his sleep talking from being stressed were two very different things. Overly tired Tommy was funny, sarcastic, and a little bitchy. He was much like awake Tommy, things just made less sense and he had no filter whatsoever.

Stressed Tommy was like listening to the saddest, most angsty drama you've ever heard in your life.

“Please,” he muttered out, sounding like he was on the verge of having a breakdown. “Please, listen to me.”

Buck was mostly used to the sleep talking now, but the difference in Tommy's voice shook him awake. He knew Tommy had a bad day. It was the anniversary of his mom's death, which was already rough, but then his dad called and said he'd be coming into town. He expected Tommy to meet with him for lunch. When Tommy declined, there was a fight. Mostly on his dad's side, with Tommy sitting there and listening, becoming more and more disconnected with each word. His dad just kept going and going until Buck reached out for the phone, taking it from Tommy's hand and hanging up for him.

He'd gotten quiet after that. Withdrawn in a way Buck hadn't seen before. He was usually an open book about his life. He'd told Buck all the good and the bad, and there was a lot of bad, but something about the phone call was different.

“I don't want you,” Tommy groaned, his head moving left to right so quickly his neck made a popping sound. “I want...” his voice trailed off. Buck slowly lowered his arm over Tommy's waist, hoping that would help him rest, but it only seemed to stir him back up. His legs kicked out quickly as he turned onto his side, facing away from Buck. “You don't listen to me!” he exclaimed. It made Buck's heart race a little. He never usually shouted when he was sleep talking.

“It should have been you, not her!”

The next noise Tommy made sounded less human and more like a dog crying out in pain. His body thrashed out, his arm nearly smacking Buck on the chest.

“You always hated me,” he said, quieter this time. “I see it in the mirror.”

That was all Buck could handle. He quickly sat up and turned the lamp on. “Tommy,” he whispered. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, but he knew that was probably the worst idea at this point.

“It's not... It's not fair. It's not fair. I don't-”

“Tommy!”

Tommy's eyes shot open as he sucked in a breath of air.

He blinked a few times, eyes darting around until he met Buck's.

“Was I..?”

Buck nodded. “I think it was a nightmare though. You- I couldn't touch you.”

Tommy looked so tired, his eyes struggling to stay open even as his chest heaved. “I'm sorry.”

“You don't need to be sorry,” Buck replied, moving closer to Tommy now that he was awake. “I was just worried.”

“Was it... about him?”

“Yeah, I- I think so.”

Tommy pulled Buck close, nearly wrapping their bodies together like a pretzel. “I really hate him, Evan,” he said, voice breaking as he settled his head into the crook of Buck's neck.

Buck ran his hand up and down Tommy's back. “I know you do, Baby. I know.”

*****

There was one conversation Tommy had in his sleep more than any other, and Buck never got tired of that one.

“He's so pretty. Like a teapot.”

The things he called Buck were always different, but the overall message never changed.

“This Evan, he is love my life.”

Buck grinned. He loved when Tommy missed a word here and there.

“Nah, he won't bite you. Only me.”

Tommy let out an exasperated sigh before speaking again. “He's my special on menu. I like him and me like peanut butter and jelly. Apple jelly, duh, are you crazy?”

Another sigh, and Tommy wiggled his legs a little. “I know you drive thru, I wants fries with that. He's my chicken nugget. Love my chicken nugget.”

Buck turned to his side, pressing his body against Tommy's and wrapping an arm around him. He pressed a kiss to the back of his head. “Your chicken nugget loves you too.”

[percyluvr]

percy jackson x aphrodite cabin counselor!reader summary: valentine's day at chb brings you and your best friend closer than ever wc: 1.4k

Today was your favorite day at Camp Half-Blood, Valentine's Day. Maybe it was cliché considering you were an Aphrodite kid, but there was just something about Valentine's Day that was addicting to you. Maybe it was the weeks leading up to it that you played matchmaker even more than you normally did as counselor of the Aphrodite cabin, or maybe it was the cute and overpriced chocolate that the Stoll brothers smuggled into camp for the annual Valentine's party.

However, one thing was for sure: it was not because you had a valentine or were in love. Well, you were in love but still had no valentine which came as a huge surprise to all of your siblings, but even more so your friends at camp. 

Since you were 14 and made cabin counselor, you always had a date to your own Valentine's party. This year was different though, you'd realized your crush on your best friend at the Christmas party and knew then that you couldn't break another person's heart by taking them as your date to the Valentine's party and then dumping them the next day. After you completed the 'rite of passage' as an Aphrodite kid, you decided that you didn't have it in you to break anyone else's heart, so whoever you dated next had to be it for you. 

Today you'd woken up nearly on cloud nine. You'd gone about your routine as normal and then got to work assigning tasks for your siblings to set up the party. While everyone at Camp Half-Blood was invited to the party, you still liked to make invites, because really, why have a party if you can't make cute pink invites for everyone?

Usually, parties like this for 'minor' holidays wouldn't be allowed at Camp Half-Blood, but Mr. D and Chiron, mostly Chiron, made an exception because of how much it meant to the Aphrodite cabin. Mr. D only let you host it because you somehow convinced the Olympians to let his wife come down to accompany him to the party. 

Now, after assigning your siblings to their task, handing out invites, and making sure the party was ready, you were sitting at your vanity, redoing your makeup and hair, while your best friend, Percy, laid on your bed and juggled your stuffed animals, which you usually would have found weird or annoying, but now you couldn't help but notice just how beautiful he was. His black hair always sat messily atop his head, nearly never fully dry because he couldn't keep himself from jumping into the water whenever he felt like it. Before last year, you would've fixed his hair and chastised him for jumping into the lake because it made his hair all weird, but you just admired it now. 

Not wanting to get caught staring, you turned back to your mirror, not noticing the way Percy stared at you with hearts in his eyes in the back.

"You look so cute," he said mindlessly, his brain immediately yelling at his mouth for always saying things he meant to keep to himself.

"What'd you say?" You ask, mad at yourself for not hearing him and hanging onto his every word.

Percy had never felt relief like that in his life.

"Nothing, I just said you look like a fruit," he said, mentally facepalming. "You look like a fruit," what the hell is my problem?

"That doesn't even make sense, but okay," you say, rolling your eyes. 

"Sure it does, if your mind is as awesome as mine."

If your eyes could roll to the back of your head and stay there, yours might as well have already because of how many times you roll your eyes around this boy, but never out of real annoyance. How can someone who would typically be so annoying with his stupid jokes be so cute.

"No," you say to yourself. If I keep thinking like this, I'm just going to mess up our friendship.

Little did you know, the boy you were thinking about was thinking about you in the exact same way.

"Hey, when are you going to be done? The party is in like 10 minutes."

"Yes, Percy, I know, it's not like I'm hosting the party or anything," you say, feigning annoyance. "You can go on your own if I'm taking up too much of your 'precious time', y'know," you say, hoping but deep down knowing that he wouldn't go without you.

"Oh come on, you know damn well I would never go to a party without you, especially a party you're hosting, we're best friends," he says, immediately regretting the last words he said as soon as he heard himself say them.

Friends. That's all you are to him.

"Right, what am I thinking?" He hears you 'laugh', and if Percy Jackson knows anything about anything, he knows that is not a real laugh, but he doesn't know what to say to make it better. 

"Well, I'm done now, I just need to put on my dress, just stay here," you state, sauntering off into the walk in closet. You choose your cutest red dress to pair with your darling white cowboy boots, but can't manage to tie the straps into bows yourself, so you decide to ask Percy for help.

"Hey, can you come in here? I need your help tying this!"

Percy blushes, but walks in nonetheless, and is immediately astonished at the amount of clothes in just your closet alone.

The sight of your bare shoulder and small manicured hands holding up your dress was enough for him to combust on the spot, but he held himself together. 

The sight of the dark red tint on his cheeks brought a cheeky smile to your face, knowing that your plan was set in motion.

His fingers shakily grabbed the ribbons on the dress and tied a bow on each shoulder, but not without him accidentally touching your shoulders with the pads of his fingers. 

His touch could've lit you on fire, even though he was a son of Poseidon, not Hephaestus. Even the tiniest touch was absolutely intoxicating.

You turned around and grabbed Percy's hand. If touching your shoulders was just the first step of becoming addicted to you, he was fully ready to do anything for you now.

It's not like you two never touched each other, but it was never quite like this. Not when you both had a sneaky feeling that the other felt the same way that you did.

Even when you got to the party, you stayed near each other. When you went up to the front of the party and went over your yearly Valentine’s spiel, he was at your side. When you went to get some of the definitely not spiked punch, he was at your side. 

When the slow dance songs came on, he gently grabbed and moved your hand from his to his shoulder.

The way you looked into each other's eyes could in itself be a public display of affection. The pure love in your eyes for each other shut all of your admirers down without you even having to say anything. Your faces slowly got closer to each other, still staring into each other's eyes.

"Are we about to kiss right now?" he asked, mostly as a joke, but a small part of him still had hope.

What he didn't expect was for you to softly, with your honey-like voice, "I don't know about you, but I definitely hope so."

With your consent, he felt like his lifelong wish was coming true, and he immediately pushed his slightly chapped lips onto yours. 

The feeling of finally getting to kiss each other was like the best thing in the world but 500x better. He tasted vaguely like a weird but good combination of saltwater and cookies. 

The longer you kissed, the more passionate it got, and this was definitely pda now. His sharp teeth gently bit down on your bottom lip, causing your mouth to open, allowing his tongue in. You'd never felt something so perfect in your life.

When the two of you finally split, it felt like when you were a little kid and your parents took away your toys.

"Not sure about you, sugar, but that was singlehandedly the best kiss I've had in my life," he said with a smile.

a/n: book!percy my beloved also happy valentine's day to everyone reading this! <3

[wasteddmoondust]

an old diary || remus lupin

pairing: remus lupin x reader 812 words, fluff, remus finds your old diary from this request! a/n: i twisted the request just a teeny bit away from what you might have been expecting. but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless! this was so fun to write and the scenario is just too cute hehe

"Hey, Remus?" He hears your voice call from the library . "When you're free, do you think you can help me organise the storage room? There's a load of books from years ago that I need sorted."

Remus doesn't even hesitate on his answer, he knows he'll do anything for you. The both of you have stuck close since your school days, and took care of each other through the war. He feels forever indebted to you especially for that.

And that's how he finds himself in said storage room, the musty smell of yellowing paper wafting around him.

He scans the stacks of books. There's not many, compared to the rest of the library at least. This should just take the afternoon.

He starts to sort each stack, slowly making a system in his brain on how to tackle this task. But as he's on this third pile. a glimmer catches his eye, and he turns towards the direction of it. Underneath a pile, something familiar is sticking out, but he just can't put his finger on it.

He decides to abandon whatever task he was supposed to do and reaches for the book. Carefully, he slides it out of the stack.

The name on the book knocks his breath.

Y/N L/N, 1977.

That's what is was, your old diary from seventh year.

Remus finds himself frozen. That year was wild, to say the least. The bittersweetness of his final year, relishing of how much youth him and his had left. But mostly, it was the prelude to most of the pain he would experience in his life. This book is holding whatever you were feeling in those days.

He knows he shouldn't peek.

He flips the book open to a random page.

15 September, 1977 Today we went out to the lake, and I realised no words can describe the amount of love I have for my friends. To my dearest girls, Lily, Marlene, Mary, and Alice. I hope we are never too far apart. We shall grow old together gossip even as we do now.

Remus' heart swells at the sentiment, knowing each of the mentioned girls' fates. He flips to other pages, which mostly are written about the daily life of a Hogwarts student. However, a glimpse of his own name gets his attention. He stops to read the page.

25 January, 1978 Remus Lupin. Oh the man that you are. You and your stupid jumpers and stupid books and stupid tea you take with milk and two sugars. What I find the most stupid is the way you treat me. It makes me question who I am to you. Your friend? Maybe more? I can only dream. I don't think you'll ever see me that way. I'm perfectly happy where we are as friends. But somehow if I get even the slightest chance I will be taking it. Even if it comes ten years from now.

He's stunned, to say the least. He never knew you harboured these feelings back then, and wonders if you still had them now.

It's funnier especially when after all this time he never found a way to say he has those feelings too.

He knows what he should do. There's a newfound feeling of courage and bravery in him, and quickly finishes his tasks before you leave the library for the day.

"Oh, done already?" you ask, packing your work bag before leaving. "That was quick. Did you have much trouble?"

"No, not at all. Found some pretty good things in there," he says, trying to act casual. He hides the diary behind his back.

"Really? Do tell."

He pulls out the book from behind. You gasp.

"No way!" You grab it from his hold. "That was in there the entire time?"

"Mhm, I took a peak, if you don't mind," He says.

You furrow your brows. "You did?"

He nods slowly.

"And what did you read...?" you ask. He knows that you know what was written in that diary.

He shrugs. "Let's just say..." he looks around avoiding eye contact. "You said ten years, and it's been fifteen. So would you still?"

You frown, but you know exactly what he's talking about. "Still what?"

"Take the chance?"

You groan and cover your face, feeling your cheeks heat up. You hear Remus chuckle. "So is that a yes?"

Your hands leave your face, showing a pout. "I can't believe you read that!" you swat him playfully. "But yes... I would..."

"Brilliant," he says, smoothing your hair down and smiling at you.

"Now what?" you ask. You mentally kick yourself for asking such a question.

Remus grins, the same grin you've grown to love over the years. "I'd like to kiss you now, if it's alright with you."

The both of you lean in. In the library after fifteen years, he's finally yours.

[vellichorsmystique]

The Little Things

⭒ kuroo testsurou, oikawa toru, bokuto kotaro, iwaizumi hajime x gn!reader (all seperate)

⭒ w.c. ~2.1k

⭒ Drabble set that I'm reposting from my old and deleted blog, it's mostly the same I only did some minimal editing at some parts. Established relationships for all of these. Hurt/comfort for a couple but we're mainly focusing on the comfort aspect. Genuinely most of this is like domestic fluff

⭒ No use of y/n...implied spoilers for the time skip in Bokuto's part, Iwaizumi's part takes place during the time skip as well however any concrete details are left to be ambiguous so no spoilers are actually mentioned for him.

⭒ In a world built upon the convenience of communication, and where the testament of love can be waxed poetically with a wide array of synonyms; sometimes you find that it's the actions that speak much louder than the words ever could. Aka it's the little things they do for you.

Kuroo:

It happens when you're sick, muscles and limbs sore, throat raw from sinuses, and a desolate feeling seemingly carved from within your chest. Just sleep it off and skip school for the day is the brilliant plan your ailed brain could conjure at the moment, so you do just that. It’s not like you’ll miss anything important right? 

Wrong- waking up to the sporadic texts from Kuroo, while usually a good thing, instead left your palms slick and mind running wild. Afterall the chemistry class you two shared together had an important lab done today, and it would be featured in your upcoming unit test. Raising the pads of your fingers to your forehead you began to massage your temple, wincing at the oncoming headache. Lamenting over your decision of whether you should email your overworked teacher or just go back to sleep. You find that your pondering is interrupted by the front door slamming open. 

Revealing none other than Testurou himself. His usual insufferable smirk is plastered across his visage, and he seems to be exuding a lackadaisical continence. While giddy you still roll your eyes as he saunters in, and that's when you notice the few bags in his grasp. Before you can even question he’s already setting the contents out, a college ruled spiral notebook is being pushed towards you, and when you open it to the recent notes his usual chicken scratch is actually legible. 

Looking back up you're greeted by the sight of a couple empty glass beakers, some vials of different chemicals, and wait… is that a bunsen burner? Eyes blown wide you look up at Kuroo, downed in a haphazardly placed set of lab goggles, arms crossed across his chest, and a beaming smile revealing pearly whites. 

“Did… Did you steal lab equipment from our teacher?” while a rasp it still leaves your mouth an octave higher than your usual voice. All he does is laugh at your stupefied expression. 

“I wouldn’t call it stealing, more along the lines of borrowing, besides I'm sure she won’t mind…” he trails off, but that stupid smirk is back on his face, and you begrudgingly decide it would not be smart to kiss him– afterall you were sick. So instead you sit up and lean forward, eyes squinted and a mumbled ‘you're an idiot’ leaves your lips. And Kuroo, well all Kuroo does is laugh at the statement, eyes glimmering, and grin stretching impossibly wider, because yeah he may be an idiot, but he’s your idiot.

Oikawa: 

You're on the edge of this mental precipice, eyes zeroed in on the red ink, the bold lettering taunting your very intelligence. You…you failed? How, you had studied so hard though? Hunched over text after text, eyes blurring from the onslaught of study material. But you had pushed through, you were determined that you were going to pass. All that effort was for naught. Snagging your bottom lip between your teeth, you begin to blink slowly as a way to staunch any pesky tears. Breathing deeply you straighten your back into an attentive position, pointedly ignoring the chocolate brown eyes staring at you with concern.  

Of course Oikawa was always too attentive for his own good though, after all one sly glance towards the paper you shielded with your arms and he could see a sliver of red scrawling. So putting two and two together he figures it out. Words would not suffice his point and thinking quickly he settled for his speciality.

 Annoyance Physical affection. As soon as the teacher had looked away he all but melted against you, a heavy sigh, and half lidded eyes pointed in your direction. 

“Toru, get off of me,” it’s a whispered threat as you try to shove him off, yet he just won't budge. As if to pester you further he turns his face towards your cheek, tip of his nose ghosting the flesh, and puffing out his own cheeks he forms an ‘o’ with his mouth and blows. Reactivity you nail him with your elbow, and although he winces he remains undeterred as he nudges your cheek with his nose. Flyaway strands of brown colored hair tickle your own skin, and from your peripheral you can see the goofy expression that Oikawa had fixed onto his face. You can not help but let out a small stream of giggles, and remarkably enough the bad grade isn’t weighing so heavily on your psyche. 

Oikawa finally removes his weight off of you, right before the teacher notices, but he still stares at you. Eyes slightly squinted, lips upturned into a soft smile, and body tilted towards you. While he was successful in his endeavors of cheering you up, that doesn't necessarily mean you’ll not be plagued by it later. So he formulated yet another plan. 

And when you get home to your apartment, only to be greeted with Oikawa in your kitchen, a serving of your comfort food on an outstretched plate, and him dawned in a regifted frilly apron from Iwaizumi (it used to say ‘Best Wing Spiker” but the words wing spiker were now crossed out, and instead placed above it was the word “Setter” in loopy strokes). Well that's only something you and him would need to know. 

Bokuto:

It’s too bright. It’s too loud. It’s too, too much. Nausea rolled around heavily in your gut. All while blinding pain racked across your entire temple. The glaring stadium lights also did not help with your situation, spots of your own sight conjured flashes and random blurbs of black to settle over your vision. You really didn’t want to come to this game… but a promise was a promise. You can practically feel the pitying gazes of the patrons surrounding you, their minds probably chastising you for not leaving yet. But you wouldn’t, dawned in a black jersey with the number “12” printed on it in a bold font, reminded and added to your resolve to stay.

Risking a furtive glance in the direction of the scorekeeper, you thanked every higher power out there that the game had ended. However you quickly took it all back at the resounding buzz that signified the end, leaving you breathless and dizzy. The Jakles won and for that you were happy, after all that would mean the man you came here for would be exhilarated at the results. As much as you wanted to run over to Bokuto, lightheadedness tugged at your lead like limbs, and now your neck was starting to hurt. Plus the unbearable staccato pounding on both sides of your temple wouldn’t let you focus well. So you stayed behind, shoulders hunched, hands desperately trying to magically massage away the pain, all while moisture began building in the corners of your eyes.. 

Time seems to pass agonizingly slow in the monumental stadium, and all you can do is sniffle and wither at the sound of your own quiet whimpers. You aren’t aware of the presence in front of you, at least not until they press their index finger on your arm right below the sleeve of the borrowed jersey. A rhythmic tapping leaving a comforting warmth to convalesce around you. It’s a fleeting touch, and oh, so ever gentle. That momentarily your sniffles pause, and when you finally crane your head up you find yourself locked eyes with golden ones. Although your everything hurts, and though the lights may be too bright, and the sounds may still be too loud you can’t help the giddy smile that stretches across tear stained cheeks. 

“Hi Ko,” the breathless rasp leaves you almost instantaneously, and he hums in response, head dipping in action and streaked hair swaying in sync. For a moment you feel touched after all you knew he would be so giddy and excited to share the thrill that he felt in the form of grandiose gestures and onomatopoeias, but he noticed what you're going through and he’s trying to mitigate it. Gently he encircles his arms around your shoulders, pulling you from your upright fetal-esque position, and the two of you (him basically carrying you) head out of the building. He had said his goodbyes to his fellow teammates already considering you two had just breezed past them to get to the exit. 

And when you two get home, he’s already flipping off the lights, guiding you into a comfortable position on the duvet sheets of your shared bed. When he comes back his hands hold a heat compress (as well as a cold one) and some random soda that had been sitting in your refrigerator. He passes you a Tylenol as well, and you take a sip of the drink. The dark complimented by the blissful silence blankets you and you can feel the migraine recede into baby thumps. Nothing too painful for you to manage. In the dark, you fumble around until your palm finds a warm one near you, grasping it you can practically picture the childish grin he’s wearing. Instead of voicing out your thanks, you instead scooch forward, sitting up right in front of Bokuto you lean your head against his shoulder, hand squeezing his own tighter. And he hums happily in response, chest moving as he lets out the sound. Whatever you need he’ll do it, gestures and all.

Iwaizumi:

When Iwaizumi enters the house, at a time where the stars are high and dancing in the sky, he notices your slouched form on the couch. Laptop toppling dangerously close to the edge of your lap, neck rested uncomfortably on the arm of the couch, and the lights off- minus the tv which had some random cartoon sending flashes of vividly tinted light splashing the room. 

Soft snores spill from your lips, and all he can do is sigh, heavy footfalls nearing your slumbering figure. Warm hands save the laptop from falling off its precarious position in your lap, should you fidget any longer, and he can only squint at the brightness. Of course, falling asleep while working on an assignment…how in character for you. Placing the item down on the coffee table he gradually rises back up, hands resting against his hips as he forms some type of plan. 

A thin line of drool had dribbled across your cheek, and some hair was messily swiped in front of your face, so you seemed to be deep asleep. Hypothetically speaking he could just leave you there- but one more glance at your uncomfortable position makes him wince. So he reaches down grasping at the beaten remote, (months of falling off of various heights has led to its predicament of duck tape keeping it together) before finally clicking the button to promptly shut off the tv. Now bathed in darkness he gathers up the near forgotten laptop, as well as your barely alive phone, the battery symbol showcasing the color red. So he plunders forward, past the empty kitchen the smell of whatever you had cooked to satiate yourself lingering gently in the air, past the hallway filled with different portraits of you and him(as well as his former Seijoh teammates), until finally entering the threshold of your shared room. 

There’s a soft light spilling from the mess that is your desk, probably some random desk lamp you had said you needed when you already had others. But it’s not like he could resist your carefully calculated pouts, so you still ended up getting it anyway. Placing the laptop down softly in a clear spot on your desk, he connected the lonesome charger to its port. Before plugging up your phone as well on the bed side table. 

In his momentary absence, he notes, you had somehow moved from your position on the couch- into haphazardly dangling off the arm of it. Unable to hold back the exasperated snort that leaves his mouth, he finally reaches under you, hefting you up in his hold. A tense silence freezes him from walking when you let out a sudden exhale, but the sigh that leaves you soon after, makes him step forward. 

When he finally gets you both situated in bed he doesn’t expect you to subconsciously wiggle closer towards him, nor does he expect the whispered sigh of his first name to leave your lips. So when he finally goes to sleep, he goes to sleep with a flushed face and you tucked in his chest, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

⭒ end notes: GUYS HAIKYUU IS SO BACK RAHHHHH. Anyways this drabble set was wrote in 2022 (yikes) but I figured what better way to soft launch the fact that I've fallen in the vices of Haikyuu then by posting it on this account. I have another haikyuu piece in the works, but if you all are interested in a part two of this let me know! I quite like this concept of loosely connected vignettes :))

[astermath]

The touch starved prompts are making me be in my feels :') If you're still open to requests for them, can I have either "how long has it been since someone hugged or?" or "you don't need to earn my affection, not now and not ever." with Steve? Those two really hit hard for me... :')

omg i almost completely overlooked this ask i'm so sorry! the first one i answered not too long ago with this oneshot, but i'll happily write the second one!

send in some touch starved prompts! ♡

word count: 1K

You’ve been sick for two days already, and frankly, you’ve had enough.

It’s not that you feel bad for missing out on work. Seriously, you could have used a break from 10 hour shifts a long time ago already. And you don’t really have any other commitments you regret not being able to attend either.

No, Steve is taking care of you.

And it’s very conflicting.

On one hand, you love it. He’s your boyfriend, of course he takes care of you. He makes you soup, makes sure you have a blanket and a nice hot water bottle at your disposal, does everything around the house. It’s like heaven. Well, almost like heaven.

Because you can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt about it all.

It’s stupid, you know it’s stupid. You would do the exact same thing for him if he was sick.

But there’s this awful feeling gnawing away at you, making you feel like he’s slaving away for you and that you’re ungrateful, that you don’t deserve it. That he doesn’t even like taking care of you, he just pities you.

That’s why when he comes to sit down next to you on the couch, reaching out for a cuddle, you pull away.

You don’t dare to look his way. You know the expression on his face already, a mixture of confusion and hurt. Mostly confusion. You’re sick, maybe you just don’t want to make him sick as well?

“Come on, we can cuddle, right? I’ve got a strong immune system, I won’t get sick from giving my girl some attention now.” He chuckles, but you don’t give in. It’s starting to concern him now. His sweet girl, not wanting to be enveloped in his arms? Maybe your sickness has gotten to your brain, or he’s done something seriously wrong.

“Hey,” He ducks his head under a little so he can get a look at your face, but you turn away. “What’s up baby? Did I do something?”

That makes you look at him, because you can’t have him thinking your insecurities have anything to do with his actions. He’s perfect, literally the dream boyfriend. And yet you feel like he’s being too good for you right now.

Your eyes are watery, and that you cannot blame on the illness. Steve’s expression softens, and he suddenly feels a lot worse for joking around just now.

“It’s just— you’re being so nice to me, and I… I don’t know…”

“Peach… If I’m doing something wrong, you can tell me. You know that, right?”

“No, it’s— you’re not doing anything wrong, it’s just—“ you sigh, sniffling a little. “Feel like I don’t deserve this.” you pause, eyes quickly darting his way and back. “Like I don’t deserve you.”

Steve’s facial expression contorts into one of worry and confusion in a matter of seconds. “Oh, baby… C’mere.”

He reaches out, wrapping a strong arm around your shoulders and pulling you flush to his chest. The warm scent of his cologne overtakes your senses, and you can’t help but feel comforted by it. His large hand rubs over your back, gently, soothingly, and he presses a kiss to the crown of your head.

“Y’know, sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you.” He mumbles against your hair.

You scoff; why would the Steve Harrington ever feel that way?

“Seriously, like,” he leans back a little, still holding you, “I used to be such an asshole. And you knew me back then, you’ve seen me during my worst times, when my ego was bigger than Hawkins itself, and you still decided I was worth your time. The fact that you stuck with me all that time, that really does count for something.”

You close your eyes to reminisce for a moment. He’s not entirely wrong, he was an asshole, but if anyone is the living proof that a person can change, it’s Steve.

He looks down at you, eyes full of love, glad to see you're starting to come out of your insecure cloud of thoughts.

"You know, even if you're not sick, you don't have to earn my affection."

Your head peeks out of the embrace he has you in, all curled up on his lap. Your eyes are a little glassy from almost crying, and though he hates seeing you sad like this, you do look so pretty.

"Yeah?" you ask, voice a little fragile.

"Yeah," he replies, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, "not now," peck, "and not ever."

You giggle softly, returning the gesture. The kiss deepens by the second, your lips melting together in what you could only describe as "getting lost in each other". And that's exactly what you do, because while his tongue slips past your lips and your fingers slide into his hair, you forget all about the sickness you'd been so tormented by.

Your eyes open suddenly, a soft gasp erupting from you as you pull away. "Wait, no-- no, I'm sick Stevie!"

He simply chuckles in return, pulling you in again before you can protest. "So what?" he mumbles against the plushness of your lips, "if I get sick, you'll take care of me too, right?"

"Duh," the tip of your nose rubs gently over his, "I'll make you chicken noodle soup and everything."

"Good, so," he shifts your positions, laying you down gently under him, your back flat onto the couch, "a bit of kissin' won't hurt."

You grin, the pure love and affection flooding your body making you forget all about being sick. "You're impossible, Harrington."

"You love it." He leans down to peck your lips once more.

"Yeah," your arms wind around him, "you got me there."

tag list ₊˚🖇️✩ ₊˚

@palmtreesx3 @inkluvs

[kusakiguzen]

Bts x Reader (8th member)

A/N: Okay hear my tf out. I abolish one of my rules of not writing about human people, I hate being hypocrete hence i'm getting rid of this rule, in which i say i don't write about people (still a lil uncomfy but this fic has been on my mind and it is hindering my writing of other fics). Just sit back and enjoy this bullshit since i haven't read anything like this. One of the scenes were inspired by song like "My R" English version. And other songs too.

Warnings: Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, copying,etc idk. I do not condone the behavior done by the reader in this fic. There are events that did happen in real life. If you feel like the doing the shit that the reader did, please contact help as its not healthy. This is mostly fiction and a fragment of my imagination.

You were a normal person, going through a tough time. Depression and stress taking its toll, You took up selfharm, scars littering all over your arms and stomach. Pressure from parents about their expectation getting heavier and heavier.

But then you heard them.... Their song for the first time. BTS or 방탄소년단; RR: Bangtan Sonyeondan. Their heavenly voice, their goofiness was your comfort in those dark times, you even stopped cutting your self because Namjoon (RM) said he'd shave the eyebrows of people who don't take care of themselves ( and if you don't study, Listen to him people), Laugh with them and be goofy while watching Run BTS, Eat with Jin while watching EatJin. They saved you, helped you, behind the screen, even without meeting them in person. They were you saviors. You even learnt Korean, so you can understand and learn their songs, all 230 of them.

You hated when people judged them for smallest of things, unnessecary hate they got, stupid rumors.... Everything like that. You wished you could protect them like they did to you. But you couldn't.... Its fine All of you and Army together can. So it was fine. They were your escape, Escape form reality and this world.

But you can't escape reality forever. It always catches up, it haunts you. And soon even they couldn't save you from you attempting to take your life. But I guess they did save you by going live when you planed to end yourself. But good things never last. On a particular day, it was too exhausting, you felt numb, lifeless, like a shell with no purpose. While on the end of the side walk, waiting for the light to turn red ( for the cars?) You were picking a song to listen to, you started walking, didn't see the truck coming.

You saw two headlights coming closer by the seconds, your fingers clicked on a song, just before the impact, You heard the lyrics of "I NEED U" and the only thought in your mind was

"Ah shit, I'm gonna die without even going to their concert..... haaaahhh"

And you saw black, and were welcomed by nothingness.

You were in there for what felt like hours, before being welcomed with bright light and the smell of sanitizer and disinfectents. Hissing, you opened your eyes and saw the white ceiling of the hospital, and two people on each sides who noticed your conciousness.

They were calling your name, asking if you were okay, the only problem was

They were speaking Korean

Words came out of your mouth instinctively. Matching the language of the two strangers,

"Who are you?"

Yo were terrified, did you get kidnaped while being unconscious? or is you brain playing tricks since the last thing you heard was Korean?

You saw doctors panic and checking every thing, But before you could say anything your head started spining and you lost consciousness again, The last thing you hear was the sound of doctors and the two strangers telling you to stay with them.

Welcomed by darkness again, but soon something started playing in front of you like a movie. You realised that it was a child's life story. A child who was lonely, isolated and extremely shy. You say the child be bullied, picked on, the two people who were with you in the hospital room dismissing the child. It stopped after you saw her get hit by a truck.

Then it stopped. And you saw the girl crying in what looked like a puddle. You went up to her and you guys talked, laughed and all in all had a fun time.

Then she said something and you again woke up in the hospital.

Please take care of my body and live like you want to in this life, for the both of us...... Don't try to avenge me, Okay Unnie*?

You woke up in the same hospital bed surrounded by the same people. But that girls words just kept spining in your head. What did she mean?

You sat up and saw your hands and dread washed over you, These were hands of a child, specifically the little girl you met the darkness.

You shouted asking for a mirror which the women beside you gve it to you....... No Fucking way, you became a child? The same child you met? Then it clicked, the words of the girl. OH MY GOD! you thought reincarnation only happed in Manhwas or Anime. So Wtf is this? did you get reincarnated in a Manhwa? Anime?

You were utterly shocked, absolutely baffeled. But composed yourself immediately, and asked for the date. It was February 15th 2007. Then you asked your age and were told you were 14, go to Gwaneum Middle School. Why did that name sound so familiar to you?

You were soon discharged and taken back home in Daegu Town, Again it sounded so familiar to you but you brushed it off as it being the body's memory.

After a month your school started and you met him.......... Min Yoongi..

WTF? Huhh? how? wat?? Okay you are probably dreaming, yup this dream.

You walked up to him and introduced yourself to him, but he just looked at you nodded and left, leaving you behind before you could say anything.

'Okay that was awkward' you thought

After that day, you started to befriend him, atleast try to, but he was extremly shy and isolated. But you still stayed, sometimes buying him food to show your sencierity and help him out knowing he didn't have much .

You also wrote all the BTS songs in a diary with a lock. wrote some other songs that were your favorite in another diary, since now you know why you were here. To help and protect them like you wanted and promised. That's right you were going to work a million times harder. Yes For them.

You weren't making progress in breaking down the walls around Yoongi's had built around his heart all of these years, but you weren't going to give up. So you kept trying, and trying. Doing things like joining him for lunch, buying him food and telling him you brought too much and he can have the extra, taking the bus with him and paying for him. Helping him without hurting him.

You finally broke down the walls he created after one incident. Yoongi being shy and unconfrontational stayed out of trouble, So if he'd get bullied he would take it.

One day Yoongi was late for lunch so you went to look for him, found him in the back of school wet with milk, and the carton lying near him, being bullied. He was clutching another one refusing to let go of it. The boy was hitting and slapping Yoongi's head and laughing at him while other boys record.

You saw red, Fucking bitch try to touch your Yoongi? Your SUGA? The kind hearted boy? You started voice recording and approaching them. With a sickly sweet voice you told them to leave Yoongi alone and asked him to come behind you. The boys whose name you didn't even try to get to know started insulting you and calling you names. Going as far as grabbing your shirt and ripping off some buttons. You screamed on purpose and started to "cry" and then the boys stopped recording, Bingo. You sneakily stopped recording yourself and then got up and said

"You Got 5 seconds to apologize."

5....

4...

they started laughing and mocking you

3..

Yoongi telling you to get away from there

2......

the boys again try to touch your chest but....

1.....

Lets just say they will never think of even looking in your direction after that.

You were called to the principal's office for that, and Yoongi wanted to accompany you to testify but you told him its fine and left alone. He never felt so powerless in his whole life. If you didn't know how to fight, who knows what would have happened.

You stood in front of the principal's office and pretended to cry. You guess all the extra curriculars your paents made you take did come in handy. You entered with puffy bloodshot eyes, red nose and cheek. Right of the bat the parents of the boys started accusing you and calling you a bitch and other derogatory names. You calmly told them that what you did was self defence. Again it went right over the parents head and now they were calling you a liar. Okay they refuse to settle this normally, you pulled out the recording from you phone, and placed it in front of them, playing it. They obviously were taken aback but composed themselves, It was the the principal's turn. He started to berate you, and took the recording and broke it.

Okay, so they chose the hard way, hhhaaaaaahhh you hoped they wouldn't be like this but it has to be done.

You fake pouted, looking at them. Looking back at the broken record and just started laughing.... Hard like a mad man. Then said...

"I guess it was real, what they show in all the k-drama. So I have to take revenge like how they do in them... Pity i was hoping to settle this peacefully."

Then you played something else.... The video of them bullying Yoongi.

How do you think your company will fare when they find out about this and the things you said right now? Hmm?

Taking out the recorder that you had kept ON for proof.

You smiled as you saw all their face turn pale. They started begging you, apologizing, While on their knees. Ahhhhh this feels good. You got up and tried to leave, when they asked if you'd forgive them. You looked back and smiled saying...

"Apologize to Yoongi like that and maybe I'll consider it, ne~~"

They did, They apologized to him on their knees making Him extreemly surprised. This is when Yoongi and you became close. After school that day, he grabbed your sleeve gently while you guys were walking to the bus station, you turned around and he was holding the same banana milk carton. He looked at you and then offered you the milk, catching you by surprise. He then said how you mentioned you liked banana milk but kept forgetting to buy it, so he bought one for you. You gently took it from his hand and started drinking it, you said it was the best thing you had tasted/drunk in a while, while a blush coated your face.

Your relationship changed and you both became inseparable, he became more expressive and talkative with you too. This lasted till Yoongi got a girlfriend. She was a sweet girl from your class whom you both befriended, when they announced that they were dating, everything changed. You often found yourself alone while they went on awkward dates, and the girl did tell you to keep a boundary now that he was in a relationship. You understood where she was coming from but you wanted to maintain the friendship.

This caused an argument, and you backed off. You distanced yourself from them to the point you stopped talking to either of them. And during that time you were selected for a compitation to represent Daegu Town. You went to Seoul to compete in it, and thats where you met another member, Kim Namjoon aka Rap Monster, representing Ilsan. The compatition was tough and you lost by 1 point. You and Namjoon did become friends after that and kept in contact. Till the few months Yoongi was dating, you got close to Namjoon. But after a few months Yoongi's girlfriend broke up. And boom a heartbroken and rain soaked Yoongi was standing in front if your door looking absolutely heartbroken.

Without hesitation you let him in, shoved him in the shower while cleaning up the water all over the place, reheating some food for him, You had made rice and Kimchi-guk (kimchi soup) since it was raining. Yoongi came out soon as you plated the food, a towel on his neck, still with the blank face which he made when he tried to hide his emotions. You sat him own on the floor, giving him the food and taking the towel to dry his hair. He was eating quitely but then suddenly spoke up...

"She broke up with me....."

"Huh?"

"My girlfriend.... she broke up with me...."

You knew this would happen but it still hurt to see him like this, you had realised that he didn't want you to press further or feel guilty for his sake. So you just hummed and then got up to get another towel because the one you were using got too wet and wasn't absorbing the water. Just as you were about to get up, his hand grabbed yous and a soft whisper of "stay" came out of his mouth. You wanted to tell him you'll be back but as soon as you turned around you saw Yoongi barely able to hold back his tears.

The towel was long forgotten and you immediately wrapped your hands around him bringing him into a hug, sat in silence while his tears soaked your shirt and you alternating between rubbing his back and playing with his hair. After he calmed down, you showed him to you spare room and made him sleep there since he is not n the right mind to drive or even walk.

After you made sure Yoongi was asleep, you slowly crept out of the room and went into you room. Because today, you and Namjoon were going to talk on the phone. You apologised for being late and explained that your friend had an emergency, he was understanding and you guys talked for hours about music and switching to studied whenever his parents or sister entered the room. You guys had planed to meet in 2 days but you had to postpone because of Yoongi. He said he didn't mind and you scedueled it for the next weekend.

The friendship between you and Yoongi grew even more, which you didn't even know was possible. He never put you second, and tried to redeem himself for the time he lost. On the other hand you visited Namjoon every other weekend and your bond grew stronger with him as well.

Few years passed and nothing really changed much, You life remained the same. Until for your high school trip you all were going to Gwangju Metropolitan City, where you bumped into Jung Hoseok. The world is a really small place. You both apologized and went your own ways, but fate had different plans for you. You separated from you group and strayed away to an unfamiliar area, and your phone was dead, suddenly 2 creeps started questioning you and trying to get you to come with them. That's when you saw Hoseok, and feeling scared you just loudly screamed "There you are!!! I was waiting for you" jogging up to him, he was sharp enough to understand the situation. He grabbed your hand and "reprameneded" you about staying from the group. He started leading you away as your hands trembled, as soon as they were out of sight, you knees gave out, if not for him you would have fallen hard. He was extremly worried. After few minutes you regained your composure and stood up with his help, You both walked to the nearest park where he sat you down, ram to a vending machine and got you a drink.

He gave you his phone so you could call for help but you were still a little shaken up. Absentmindedly you dialed Yoongi's number and gave it to Hoseok so he could talk since she was shaken up.

On the other hand You felt pathetic, at 14 you defended Yoongi from some rich and entitled people and now your trembling because of some random stranger? The reason was because this is an unfamiliar teritory, you don't know anything about this place. You really didn't want think about what could have happened if Hoseok didn't show up.

After Hoseok was done talking to Yoongi about the situation, turned his attention towards you, Yoongi had told him that he called your teacher and asked if Hoseok could keep you company while the teacher arrived, He already planed to do that so he agreed. You teacher came, obviously very worried and took you back not before thanking Hoseok. You handed him a note that had your number telling him how it would be nice to become friends with him.

During that week of your stay there, you met up with Him almost every day. You and him became pretty close and even after you left, you both kept in contact.

A year later, Yoongi told you about how he was going to audition to become a producer, which you encouraged and also told him how you'd accompany him. So in 2010, at the ripe age of 17, he joined the Big Hit Entertainment. You also got accepted, which left you confused but you weren't complaining. You were introduced to Namjoon by Yoongi, expecting you to not know him, but was very surprised to see you give him a hug and tell him how you missed him. You also met Hoseok again, and told Yoongi about him and how you met in the high school trip, and how they both talked. This eased the tension between the members, having a common topic to talk about, YOU.

A year later, you met the younger members during their training, an extremly shy Jeon Jeong-guk, The cute Kim Taehyung. But due to the age difference you couldn't get close to them, which made you sad, but it was understandable. You also met WWH, Kim Seokjin, you didn't get along immediately but still got along fine.

Another year later you met Park Jimin. He got along with Taehyung, as expected. And soon enough another year passed and BTS was formed, with an addition, YOU, L/N Y/N. Which the Hyung line (except Jin) was happy about since they already knew you, you were their back bone, Helping in every way possible, from cooking for them to helping them practice, no matter how tired you were. You always made sure they ate and healthy.

Their first song, "No More Dream" was released. Not getting much attention, which you expected but the others were much more disappointed. But you were there this time, helping them through it all.

And you made a solo album but the twist you copied songs like Labour by Paris Paloma, Alone by Nico Collins, Favorite by Issabel Larosa, and many more. You made sure they will still get the attention in the future.

For years, they worked hard but to nothing satisfying enough to make too much profit. It caused rifts between the member and the mental and physical exhaustion taking a toll on them. You yourself were barely holding it together, with the constant arguments, them neglecting their health. You were practically holding all of them together. But you were only human, during one argument between the members, you snapped, so fucking hard that it scared all of them. Tears rolling down your face, while you voice getting Hoarse from the shouting, after you were done, you felt nothing. And words came out with nothing but a whisper...

"I can't do this anymore...."

And with that you left the apartment, with nothing. When the members recovered from the shock, you were long gone. Yoongi being your childhood friend, ran out the door trying to search for you. It was late at night hence not safe for you to be outside, especially alone. He was soon followed by the others, Shouting your name, running around the neighbourhood, Tears clouding the younger member's eyes, fearing your safety, and about your words before you left. Your words playing in everyone's mind, haunting them.

After an hour of searching with nobody being able to find you, they returned home, hoping, begging for you to come back.

On the other hand, you felt like shit, the last thing they needed was you snapping and walking out on them. You took a walk for a while (like 2-3 Hours) without realizing the time, collecting your thoughts.

Back with the BTS members, they were coming to realization, you cooked for them 3 meals every day. You were up before them and slept after making sure all of them ate and were comfortable. You made sure they get a healthy and nutritious meal 3 times a day, atleast 5-6 hours of sleep, and also made sure to clean the apartment. Fuck, for years you did so much. You held them together. But who held you together? You had their backs but who had yours? You let them unwind in your arms but where did you take out your emotions? You helped them but who helped you? Not them... not anyone... Because you never showed it, Never once... They were too busy dealing with their own emotions to notice yours....

Man they felt like shit. No wonder you left. Who could blame you? They would leave too if they were you, long before this, you held on for soo long.... You were so strong, so amazing. God they couldn't describe what they were feeling in that moment. And their tears started to fall, without them realizing it.

You obviously came back to apologize for your out burst, but met with tear filled eyes of your other members. They were apologizing, with broken voice and sobs. You were surprised and also started to apologize, hugging them, and they compalined how you were still worried about them, to which you laughed and told them its second nature to you at this point.

After that day, they started to help out more around they house, with another rule, you will sleep with one of the members (not like that you unholy little shits), cuddle so they could make sure you get enough sleep too. They soon realized how different you acted when you were calmer. Your bond grew as a team and also this also stopped them from disbanding. They also became very over protective of you. Any signs of discomfort and they were beside you. Which you were grateful for.

But nothing goes as fucking planed, like fate loves to fuck with you, Since you all shared a place means no privacy, just your luck. You had brought your diary with you, the same diary you wrote all their songs in. It was locked obviously but one unfortunate day, it was found, by none other than your Leader. You didn't have to worry about it before since you always cleaned, but things changed and the others started to help out around the house. And everyone got curious when Namjoon brought it out, there were 2 of them, one obviously filled with what looked some pages added. There was one more thing, an old carton of banana milk, Yoongi recognized it immediately and got extremely flustered. Yoongi was unfortunately able to figure out the code, how? It was his birthday 090393, As soon as he started to read it, he felt sick, and vas about to vomit, dread washing over him, it was so sick. What do you mean when you wrote that you had died and woken up in someone else's body? What the actual fuck was this. Yoongi dropped the diary and ran towards the bathroom and vomited all the contents of the lunch. One by one all of them read it, not the whole way just the few pages. But all of them realized something and they needed answers. So they waited for you to come home.

You came home ready to tell everyone to freshen up while you cooked. But the moment you entered, you saw all seven of them sitting on the couch and their lied your diary. You dropped everything you were carrying as their gaze turned towards you, trembling with a face that show how horrified you were, instinctively your hand came to cover your mouth, griping it tightly. They were just looking at you until Jungkook spoke up.

"Noona... please tell me the things in this diary is a joke" looking at you, pleading for you to agree with him, hands trembling. Jin was next to speak up

"Y/N..... answer him... Is it true?" His voice betrayed the face he was making.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE ANSWER HIM!!" Yoongi shouted at you making you and the others flinch since Yoongi never raises his voice. That moment, all eyes were on you, waiting for an answer.

Your voice was soft, they wouldn't have caught it if the room wasn't so silent.

"Yes.... Everything in it is true.... I did die and woke up in this body... I- I wanted to tell you guys but...." Your voice was trembling, you were terrified of the changes that will come in your relationship. Shocked and horrified, they just left you there in the living room, to comprehend what you just said. It hit Yoongi the hardest since he knew you for the longest.

Everything changed after that day, they started to avoid you like a plague. No matter how hard you tried, hell they wouldn't even eat the food you made.

You were getting more and more numb as the days passed, this was torture for you. You had made your life's purpose to help them, stay with them... Live for them, but they don't want you there, No reason to live... Right? You reached you breaking point when they excluded you from the song you all were working on. That day you returned home, lay on the bed till it was almost time, thinking about what could have been while waiting for the others to return. Just before the time of their return, you grabbed your phone and left the house. Tonight you were going to end your suffering along with the burden you've been carrying with you.

You didn't know they returned early. Jimin saw you leaving, and his gut had this feeling he couldn't describe it, it could be called dread but it was much worse. So he inform the other members and they understood, and then all of them started to follow you, secrately.

You were out of it while walking to a certain building. You've been watching it, observing the time people left it and when you could access it, without disturbance. You reached the building, it had about 12 story high, so death won't be instant but you could take a few minutes of pain. You took the stairs, slowly making your way up. When you reached the top, you started to walk closer to the edge, there was space on the other side of the railing. You too off your shoes, let your hair down ( if you have short hair ignore this line) and went on the other side and just sat down. Hair flowing with the cool breeze giving you moments of comfort before it was all about to end. You got up, closed your eyes while turning to the roof top, holding the bar, and leaning over the edge and then you let go. Suddenly you felt a hand hold yours, leaving you dangling over the building. You opened your eyes to see Jungkook holding your hand with all his strength while also holding the railing with the other.

He was grabbed by Namjoon, so he let go of the railing and held you using both of his arms. Hoseok also joined him to help while Jin held him. You smiled at them softly and then whispered

"I'm Sorry." And then used your feet to push yourself out of his grip, but Hoseok caught you and Jungkook didn't let go.

When they were finally able convince you and coax you , to pull yourself back up on the roof with their help, you did. And then were met by a slap by Jimin and then hugged by him, speaking incohearent words between his loud and heartbreaking sobs, soon others were also hugging you trembling but Jungkook and Hoseok stood a little far looking at their hands. After the others let go of you, you made your way to the two members standing looking at their hands. How could you be so stupid? Traumatizing a literal child because of your selfishness. Softly you called their name and they snapped out of whatever they were thinking and look at you, back at their hands. Tears now steaming down their face as they tackled you in a hug crying loudly.

After everyone clamed down, They asked you about your past life and you told them, leaving the part out where they were famous because you were scared something might happen to them if you did tell them. They were very curious, and you found that adorable. While you were reminiscing, you casually mentioned about your suicide attempts in your past life, and how they saved you then as well, Traumatizing them further.

The other members then told you that they were avoiding you because they wanted to process things and also ask about the whole back story, Yoongi apologized for yelling, telling you he wasn't angry, Just scared for you and what you went through alone. You understood their reaction, and told them it was fine. This raised even more concerns because you are acting like you didn't just try to kill yourself just a few seconds ago. This was voiced by Yoongi and you told him that you were used to dealing with mental burdens alone. Which RM interrupted and told you you aren't alone like you were in the past life. You have them, everyone nodded at that statement and you chuckled due to how cliche it sounded and how comical they looked nodding like that. That night on that roof, all the secrates you kept to yourself, all out in the open. You felt vulnerable but it wasn't necessary a bad thing.

You were happy that it was now no longer a secrete because, you can express yourself more and not act like everything was okay every time.

Its Okay Not To Be Okay. ( see what i did there?)

After that incident, they never left alone, atleast one member will accompany you, everywhere. You want to cook, let Jin join. You want to paint? Jungkook is ready with supplies. You want to produce music? Suga is waiting for ya. You wanna perfect your choreography? J-Hope and Jimin are waiting in the dance studio. You wanna nap? You can ask anyone. You want to practice your vocal? V is ready to help.

You also released a SOLO called "HEAL" which had 2 songs ' My R' and 'Miss wanna die'. which represented the sucide attempt but also a senario where "what if Jungkook wasn't able to reach you." It stared every members and their grives when it happend, it was raw with feelings. The music video replaying the events of the day with some extra touches. Like a devestating screem of Yoongi as you fell from the roof. and some more emotional stuff. It was there to serve as a reminder to you and the group of what you went through together. You also got a tattoe, a mix of a semicolan and a butterfly sybolising new begining.

Every day was the same until.... You got a call. Caller ID displaying the name "Eomma" (mom). You picked up and greeted her, she returned the greeting and then started to ask about your how your music and stuff was doing, you told her it was going great. To which she replied how happy she is and then told you how your whole family was in Seoul and they wanted to meet. You were suspicious because the last time you saw her or even spoke to her was in the hospital, when you woke up in this body. You reluctantly agreed, She was happy to hear that and told you to wear a pretty dress and look decent and the coming Sunday meet them at the Wangbijib Sicheong Mugyo. You told the other members, Yoongi told you in private that he also has the same suspicions as you and asked if he could accompany you along with Jin. You agreed since it would be more comfortable with them around.

Since it was a fancy restaurant, you made the to males wear tux, and you wore a a Gown (something like this or you can imagine whatever you want). Soon you all reached there and met with the sight of 4 unfamiliar faces along with your family. You made your way to them slowly and after reaching politely greeted them with a low bow. Your mother introduced the women as Ji-eun, the man as Dong-hyun, the boy as Hyun-woo and the girl as Jin-a. You introduced yourself while taking seat and also introduced you band members Min Yoongi and Kim Seokjin.

Your mother asked why you were being accompanied by them to which you replied policy. They understood and stated ordering, while holding a pleasent conversation. The food arrived and everyone started eating. You knew something was up because Hyun-woo kept stealing glances, and Ji-eun was gushing how well mannered you were and how beautiful you looked. Then they came to the point which made you deadpan. Marriage.....

You Parents decided to arrange your marriage with one of their bussiness partner's son. The moment this was brought up Jin choked on his drink while Yoongi's mouth fell open. You calmly wiped your mouth with the napkin provided, and interrupted the two women who were gushing about how you both should get engaged as soon as possible, by saying something that horrified both of them...

"Sorry to burst your bubble but i have no interest in marriage."

I mean why would you wanna marry someone when you have dedicated your whole life to BTS? You planed to stay by their side and marriage or even a relationship will hinder with your plans. So its a big No.

You mother tried to brush it off as you being funny but you interrupted again telling them you were serious. Your mother became furious and started to go on rant about how you need to have a good husband and children before its too late and you should stop wasting time. Your brother who was silent the whole time spoke up saying he respected your choice, infuriating your mother even more.

Jin and Yoongi stayed silent not knowing what to do. Ji-eun started telling you about her son and how successful and hansome he is. You pointed at Jin calling him the most handsome man you've met also using his infamous nickname WWH. This infuriated her and the dinner ended right then and their. Your brother drove you and the guys, telling you that he will always be there for you and not to worry about mother, and he will handle everything. He told you to live your life, which not gonna lie made you a bit emotional.

After your brother dropped you off, you gave him a hug and told him to keep in contact. The two elder members had told the others while you were busy with your brother effectively causing chaos.

Your brother kept his promise and shifted all of you in a bigger home for privacy and comfort, but mainly he didn't like the idea of you sharing a room with hormonal men who can take advantage of your kindness, his words not yours. Life went back to how it was.

Years passed and BTS then blew up, and hate for you started to pour in, about how you were ruining the group. It didn't bother you though, it was natural. But you couldn't say the same for the others. They made a firm statement on every platform, saying any hate towards you is a hate towards all of them, as they were a team.

But one incident where an interviewer had targeted you, bringing up all the hate and rumors to try to fluster you, but even before you could respond, the members got up and started walking away, you were picked up by RM and all of them just walked off. Since it was live the moment they stepped out, all the members reposted the statement and also stated that they will no longer be going to interviews like these.

Everyone soon found your solo album and boom all the haters who questioned your singing and dancing shut up. You don't show off in the band music because you wanted them to shine, but you don't have that restriction when you do solos.

Your other SOLO "HEAL" was also discoverd and people started to hate on you again for writing a song so sensitive without experiencing what those feelings were. You and all the members went live after having enough of the contovercies and reveled your sucidal past. This made people feel very guilty but you understood. You alsi made a statement saying misunderstanding happen and its fine. You were loved more after that.

You also made another solo, This time it had Alan Walkers future songs, You made sure to include him since he did produce so the only thing you did was sing his songs. SUGA was also there to help produce since you aren't allowed to be alone. He wouldn't admit it but he was a little jealous that you went to another producer and not him

That album blew up even more and you got your own fan club like the rest of them. And you were happy. But you didn't consider something..... Their developing feelings for you....

Namjoon was the first to fall for you. For him, it was love at first sight. The day of the competition in Seoul, he saw you and his heart beat increased. The way you'd carry yourself with such elegance and confidence, and during the competition, your voice was smooth but carried authority. Plus he never met someone who could match him like such . He was so sure you would win but you didn't, you lost by a single point. He wanted to congratulate you, who knows maybe get you number..... He over heard you telling someone that since you found him cute and let him win.. He left but then you came up to him and congratulated him and also gave him your number. Overtime, the more you chatted, the more his feeling developed,.......

Yoongi, even after being self aware, did not realise his feeling towards you. After getting a girlfriend, he subconsiously started comparing her to you, never saying it out loud. But all the little thigs you did to spoil him, or when you always hold his his hand while crossing the road or when you both are in crowded places. And after you started to avoid him, he would do the little things only to realize you weren't there. His girlfriend noticed, and decided to end the relationship. Yoongi was a gentleman, but it was you you who made him a better version of himself. She realized and ended it, Of course as expected, Yoongi didn't know, or understand why, She actually felt bad but it had to be done. She did offer they stay friends, He accepted and left, And for some reason it felt right to her. She figured Yoongi went to you. The next time they met alone, it was awkward but she finally told him,

"It was Y/N-nie that you have feelings for, not me. The feeling you felt towards me were just a reflection of what you felt towards her. I can guarenty it since i just know that you went to her after our break up, not that it bothered me since its a habit of yours.... You always go to her in the time of need and you always look relaxed with her... It isn't platonic Yoongi-sunbae.... You love her, more than you realize it. Please think about it."

She then left after giving a shallow bow. Reaching home he laid in his bed wide awake, even when his mind and body were begging him to sleep, her words fresh in his mind 'it isn't platonic...... you love her, more than you realize' . Does he? I mean he finds you absolutely breath taking, he also love all the small quirky habits you had. And god that smile, That smile which lights up his world....... Fuck he really does love you doesn't he.... And after realising it, it just started to grow him. Maybe he might act on them, maybe in the future.

Kim Seok-Jin's feelings were developed the most normal way. It became from friends to crush. He was delighted to find out that you would be a trainee with him, and he also helped you better your pronounciation skills, and you helped him with dancing. And he slowly started to fall for you. He was going to act on it but stopped when you mentioned you aren't looking for a relationship and want to focus on being a better idol. It made him sad but he understood. It also made him fall for you more, you passion and determination.

Jung Hoseok's feelings were complicated due to trust issues and past relationship, where his girlfriend cheated on him. So he prefered platonic since you were also popular with the guys, and you were also best friends with a guy, Min Yoongi, a fellow trainee. He didn't want to make things complicated, even though he belived you both will never be in the same group. He remembers you from when he saved you, and how you dialed Yoongi's number instead of your parents, and you two were practically inseprable even during the training. He had mixed feelings about this since you never talked you the other female trainees (you did but just never showed it). But he couldnt resist your charms, your passion, your hard work..... And your caring nature. He fell, Hard. He knew there will possibly be a love triangle but he didn't mind.. Its not like his rivals will be in the same group right? (lol)

The Maknae line fell for you simultaniously. Taehyung fist, then Jimin and lastly Jeong-guk. Taehyung was a normal teenager who went for looks and you were his type, but he started to truly fall for you when you all became a Band. He remembers you taking care of him, making sure he was alright, but one perticular incident stuck out to him which solidified his feelings for you. When you stood up to the manager about his cloths, Taehyung has cholinergic urticaria, meaning sweat and high body temperature cause hives all over his body, His manger was forcing him to wear tight cloths but you drilled the manager ( since you have a rich brother who was also an investor) and made sure he was comfortable. You also carried a a small electrical fan for him. These small gestures were arrow to his heart, like cupid struck him. As these gestures continued, his feelings also grew.

Park Jimin saw a side of you that only Yoongi had seen until then, It being your clumsy side. You were always careful during your trainee years, and even after the group was formed, but he'd always see you stumble and catch yourself, sometimes even chanting 'don't fall' like a mantra while carrying and walking. He found it absolutely adorable, he noticed your silly quirks and loved them. He also loved how caring you were and also extreemly passionate about your practice. Every time any of the manager would give them a hard time, you would be there to defend them. He loved it, He developed feelings soon after, when one of the manager was giving him an earful for something which was never his fault and he couldn't control, the manger who you later called was on 'power high'. You had shut the manger down so hard that the dude quit. He considered you his and everyone's 'Guardian Angel'

Jeon Jeong-guk, a.k.a Jungkook, joined the Big Hit when he was no older than 13. When he joined, he expected to do everything by himself, and probably not have a childhood. But he was roomed with you due to the lack of space, he was reluctent to share a space with a women much less a pretty one. But all the hesitance vanished the moment he met you. You were so warm and caring, even letting him skip out on chores sometime, but being warm didn't mean you weren't strict. You had always made sure he completed his school work, and kept a balance between spoiling him and disciplining him. You were also very cool in his eyes because of how you defended him and the other younger trainees. He didn't feel any romantic interest till the prank that BTS pulled on his 16th birthday, ( this one, if you haven't seen it). The moment cake came out, you immediately hugged the boy, and he started crying, after a while you were calming down Jungkook with hugs and kisses. Jungkook had then told them that, he was scared that his hyungs and producer were scolding him but the moment you said that you were disapointed in him, he couldn't keep it together and was scared you'd stop spoiling him. He also realised how jealous he got when you'd spoil other members the same way, and then went to Namjoon for advice. To which he found out he was in love.

You trying to kill yourself was a wakeup call for them and they had a meeting on your day off, without you. Every member confessed their feelings for you to each other, and realised it was either they had to fight for your affection or they could share it. They came to the decsion of sharing and protecting you. Since they all loved you, and you care so much for them, You must love the too right?

When they became famous, they kept seeing edits about you and another members, romantic ones. They even started to ship you with the Boys. They had requested their then manager to ask your opinion on it. To which you told him,

"I find them hilarious, I mean have you seen the boys? They are wayyy out of my league. If it were true then damn I'd win the loterry, But it won't happen, cuz I'm like a rock between Diamonds" while laughing.

What...... You think you don't deserve them? How could you? Can't you see how amazing you were? Truth be told they are the ones who don't deserve you....

I guess they have to just show you How important you are to them, Now don't they?

Why don't they recreate some of the fanfics you have been reading hmm....?

You'd like it right....?

A/N: OMFG FINALLYY, My blood, sweat and tears like by god it took too long. At this point i had another idea which i will write and almost dropped this one but i didn't want to keep others who actually look forward to my writing, waiting. Its been more than a month, Which I'm sorry about. I hope you enjoy!!! And wait for part two (it will take a while since i have another fic in mind right now) For right now i kept an open ending but in part two I'll write more about the romantic development in their relationships. Feel free to leave me ideas in the comments and how you thought Y/N ended up with the members?

Stay Safe, Healthy And Hydrated

[afniel]

84,206: didn't I tell you I had the brainworms today? I was not even in the vicinity of fucking around. I'm just gonna slap another quote in because all the writing juice is getting used for writing.

I wish you were better too. I don't know why you aren't, either, but I love you even if you never get better forever.

This is so very blatantly written by disabled fucked-up people, about disabled fucked-up people, for disabled fucked-up people, and I love that for me and also for the rest of the disabled fucked-up people.

New Thing: to keep myself from just yelling at all times what my current word count is with no further context, I'll post it and whatever is currently happening, except it'll be a spoiler-free Describe Your Story As Badly As Possible version of what's happening (and if I can't even do that, then I can shush about the word count until I can).

So, without further ado...

Sequel word count: 10,071, and Valentina is painting X's nails, because why the fuck not, GIRLS NIGHT GIRLS NIGHT GIRLS NIGHT (even if only Valentina is a girl and neither of them have a terribly strong sense of gender to begin with).

[a-mel0n]

This stupid "Your Name" Bucktommy AU won't leave my brain, and while I don't have enough faith in my writing skills to actually write the damn thing (and it would be my first fanfic... ever?? and that's a project that seems a bit too big for me lmao), I DID write down what I'm picturing some of the "rules" Buck and Tommy have for each other while in the other's body. Mostly just for fun. (Because Tommy would be switching in 2006, the iPhone does not exist yet, so all of his notes are written in an actual physical journal. All of Buck's notes would be on the Notes app of his phone)

TOMMY: 1) Evan, stop running into burning buildings when you don’t have to while in my body. If I wake up in a hospital bed for the fifth time this month, I might actually lose it.

its part of the job to save as many ppl as possible. also u don’t even feel the pain when i get injured in ur body.

You’re right, I don’t. Unfortunately, the pain from having a wooden beam fall on you doesn't just magically go away when we swap. Just... be more careful? Please?

fine. i’ll try and keep ur hospital visits to a minimum.

2) Can you stop flirting with people on calls? Or at the very least give them your number and not mine? In the last week alone my contact list has nearly doubled because you keep giving people my number. 

dude its not my fault you’re more popular while i’m you. just think of it as me being ur wingman! how u dont have a girlfriend is beyond me btw. hot chicks love firefighters and ur a good looking dude

Jesus Christ, Evan. For the last time, I’m single by choice.

3) Don’t shower while in my body

already dont

4) Don’t go to the bathroom while in my body 

done

5) In fact, unless you’re at work, don’t change any of my clothes while in my body. 

fair

6) Do you really need to spend so much of my paychecks on cooking supplies? I have enough pots and pans already. 

whats the point of a pantry if its half empty. be thankful ur getting actual food now via my leftovers instead of the utter tragedy that was the state of ur fridge when we first started swapping places.

7) Don’t make a scene while at work. 

your boss sucks ass and his stupid orders are going to get people killed. im not gonna listen to him if hes making bad calls while lives are on the line

Evan.

8) Don’t pick up the phone when my dad calls.

got it

BUCK: 1) quit going to eddie’s basketball pickup games. he keeps inviting me while i’m in my own body and its getting harder and harder to come up with excuses as to why i can’t go. it's kinda awkward.

I thought you’d be more grateful, Evan. You’re the coolest guy on the court when I’m you. 

2) are you making movie references when ur me? bc chim keeps asking when i got so “cultured” and the other day maddie asked when i watched the princess bride. 

You haven’t seen the Princess Bride? I’m leaving you a surprise for tomorrow. Check your couch when you wake up. 

did you spend my OWN money on a dvd??? i don’t even own a dvd player. i own every streaming service imaginable.

3) keep the finger guns to a minimum?? idk why you do them so much but both hen and chim have said smth abt it

4) if u get a call from someone called connor or kameron on my phone just let it go to voicemail its personal stuff and i'll deal with it

Evan, you could have told me you agreed to be a sperm donor yourself. Finding out because Connor and Kameron showed up at the fire house was more of a shock than finding out over these memos would have been. 

they did what?????

5) don’t talk to my parents

Done.

6) No rule about undressing? 

dude idc. i’m not gonna stop you from taking a piss in my body if u need to. as long as you like. don’t have sex with someone while you’re me? oh wait hang on i DO have a rule about undressing

7) DON’T HAVE ANY RANDOM HOOK UPS IN MY BODY. 

Wasn’t planning on it, but good to know. 

[eternalchiyo]

Everlasting Spark ~MANIAC: Prologue~

A/N: Author's Note on top for once Hi I'm alive and back with the continuation of this storyyy~ It's been a hot minute, because it took me ages to find the energy for editing. As always, the general warnings of my blog apply, but I will also tag the chapters accordingly, please see the "tags in use" for more information. Thanks and have fun!

Masterpost here

The Mukami manor was different from the Sakamaki mansion.

For one, the people there seemed to actually like each other. They enjoyed their meals together and cooked together and they all did their separate chores too. To say that it made Chiyo feel uneasy was an understatement. It was so hard to believe that people could eat their lunch in perfect peace, without hating each other, the only disruption being the occasional whining from Kou that he would rather eat Vongole Bianco than whatever else the meal plan said. A meal plan! These people had a meal plan! And they followed it! Granted, most of the time it consisted of soup, and she really did not like soup that much, but the point was still standing.

Chiyo regretted stepping foot inside as soon as she found out she had to play along with all of that. She had never cleaned anything in her entire life. She also wasn’t talented at cooking, as her cooking sessions with Yui had proven previously. Having to be responsible for a house was such a pain, Chiyo wished she could just go back home to her father, and that had to mean something!

Oh, and there was also the case of Edgar walking among the living now, too. Only that his name wasn’t Edgar anymore; it was Yuma, and he was a Vampire! This had come to be yet another mystery she had to uncover if nobody else felt obligated to. She wondered how Reiji felt about it, how did he sleep at night knowing that what he had planned so meticulously all those years ago failed so miserably? Personally, Chiyo did not sleep that great, but that had been the case for a long time already. The things just kept on piling up like that.

Setting fire to that human village at the border to the demon world and killing Edgar was probably one of his prouder moments in life, being able to take away something so dear to Shuu. Something dearer to Shuu than she had ever been… or would ever be. Thinking back on it she had been a stupid child back then. Not only had she trusted Reiji with his top-secret lunatic plan, but she also had faith in him actually getting the job done, and now look where it got them! Everyone hated each other and Edgar was not even dead! She probably would have had more luck trying to assassinate the boy in his sleep herself, not that she would have ever done it. The thought of killing someone hadn’t exactly manifested itself in her mind before Reiji planted the seed for it in her brain. She hadn’t even been aware of him wanting to burn the village down until she arrived there herself and saw it with her very own eyes. Sometimes she still felt like she could smell the burned human flesh from afar. Needless to say, grilled meat was not exactly her favorite meal from that time on.

She sighed to herself as she attempted to clean some dishes. She had already broken a plate or two and had been scolded by Ruki for it. Luckily everyone agreed not to let her near a cooking pot anytime soon – for safety’s sake. Even with her semi-arsonist background she was not looking to burn a house down that had so many potential clues to the answers she was seeking. Chiyo chewed on her lip; she came here to find more information, not to play house! But Ruki did not cooperate and did not even give her an opening to dig deeper into the situation.

In general, Ruki seemed to have made a 180 in personality. He was extremely strict and demanding, and did not respect her personal space a lot. Just the other day he walked into the bathroom, not even bothering to knock, while she was getting ready for bed. Luckily, she had been mostly done by that time, so all he ended up seeing was her ugly face mask. Not to mention that he kept calling her guineapig without even offering an explanation to the weird nickname. She kept wondering whether his previous attempts at getting closer to her had been fake and only served as a means to an end. But she really had nothing of interest to offer, so either Ruki knew something about her she wasn’t aware of, or he was an idiot who liked to toy with women. At this point both options seemed valid to her. The man was an enigma and no amount of her thinking about him made it any easier to understand him.

She also was not allowed to attend school for the time being. The details were not quite clear to her, but she didn’t particularly care about going to school anyway, so she didn’t question it much. Although it did leave her quite isolated from everyone else, which on further thought was most likely the reason for it. Chiyo wondered how Yui was faring so far… and Shuu, did he miss her? Or was he glad she was finally gone? The last time she ‘spoke’ to him was back in his room, where they had kissed. She sometimes thought back on it, it was definitely better than when they ran into each other in the forest, but it still left her feeling empty and sad for the most part.

“Hey, Kitty, you’ve been rubbing that plate for a long while now, don’t you think?”

Surprised, she turned her head around, to see Kou standing next to her. Another person that did not value personal space. She did not really like the bubbly idol, because while he did bright up the place with his comments and overall personality somewhat, he still was way over the top for her. Not to mention that this shiny dazzling personality was but a persona he would put on for appearances.

“Huh? Oh…” she said, putting the plate down.

Kou let out a grumbling noise. “Seriously, when Ruki-kun brought home a stray I thought it would be more exciting. You’re so dull,” he said and eyed her critically. From the day he saw the inside of her wardrobe, he had been nothing but mean about it.

Chiyo rolled her eyes. What was it with those people always naming her after animals? And what did he mean ‘dull’? She wasn’t here as a circus attraction for him to throw peanuts at.

“In any case, I’d hurry up with this, if you don’t want him to get mad at you. But maybe you should break another plate, it’s kind of irritating that their number is uneven~”

Kou took off again and Chiyo was left alone in the kitchen. She didn’t really feel like she had a place in this house yet and it made her feel uneasy. At least back at the Sakamaki mansion she could walk around comfortably. Here she felt like a criminal for even daring to sit on a sofa, so she would spend most of her time in the room she was given upon her arrival. She liked the plant in it a lot.

She sighed when she finally put the last cup in the cupboard. Housework was dull, but at least she didn’t break anything this time. However, the plates really were at an uneven number and now that it got pointed out to her it started bothering her as well.

“Oh… Lilith… you’re still here…”

Azusa was standing in the doorway, looking a bit on edge. Chiyo would be lying if she said she wasn’t freaked out about most of his antics. She couldn’t be mean to him because he enjoyed it and asked for more. He even tried to get her to cut him with a knife once. What fun was there in bullying a person that wanted to be bullied?

“Lilith… say. Did you… see my knife laying around here… somewhere?”

Azusa for some reason had also taken a liking to calling her Lilith. This was the only hint Chiyo got that told her that these people knew more than they let on. Would she really have to seduce Ruki to find out his secrets? Would that even work? It did make her feel a little bit uneasy. At the same time, it seemed like he was the top guy in this house, calling himself master and inflicting punishment upon people if they failed to do their tasks properly, so if someone had valuable information it would be him. How utterly frustrating.

“I haven’t,” she said shaking her head slowly, focusing on the present situation again.

“If you see it… let me know...?”

“Sure…”

She watched him hurry off down the hallway. Letting out a defeated sigh she decided to exit this room as well. Just as she was about to round the corner in the opposite direction, she bumped into someone.

“Ack! Ruki—”

“Guineapig, do me a favor and do watch your step while walking,” he said. With how much she had messed up the household lately, she could hear it in his voice that he was slowly growing tired of it.

She rubbed her nose which stung a bit from where she bumped into Ruki’s chest. “Sorry…”

They stood there awkwardly for a second. She wasn’t sure how to act around him, ever since the situation on the staircase. No, actually she had never known. Only that now there was also the confusion of her own heart that made it hard for her. Who was Ruki Mukami anyway? He had called himself a snake before, but the snake tempted Eve, not Lilith, that much she gathered from her brief bible discourse. Whenever he looked at her it made her skin crawl, but for some strange reason she felt herself seeking it out more and more. Something was wrong with her for sure.

“I came to see whether you were done with the dishes, but I see that you are,” he said.

“Don’t worry, your plates are fine, I spared them my rough treatment,” she said, trying to sound casual or funny about it.

Ruki apparently did not find that very amusing since he didn’t react to the joke. And she always thought she had no sense of humor. Maybe she didn’t and that’s why he wouldn’t react to her attempt at defusing the tension. Though, Chiyo had not seen Ruki laugh genuinely even as much as once since she started living here, and that was a little bit unsettling. Shuu also wasn’t one to laugh often, but she had witnessed it in the past, at least.

“You broke enough as is, I hope this will not be a common occurrence or I will really have to punish you, until you learn your lesson,” he said.

Chiyo’s face contorted in distaste. He really was all about that master of the house thing. A little bit too intense for her taste. She wondered what a punishment from Ruki would entail, but then decided she’d rather not know. Although she was yet to find the Mukami torture chamber, if they even had one.

“You look like you are thinking up filth… or are you that disappointed you will not be getting a punishment?” he asked, slightly amused.

“W-what? No!” she protested.

Chiyo’s eyes widened in shock and her face felt like it was burning up. Being punished sounded bad enough as it was, and she wasn’t exactly into that type of play… was she? She hated how Ruki made her doubt herself in even the aspect of her life she thought she had figured out and under control!

Ruki eyed her with a curious look on his face, barely hiding his amusement. He looked as if he was thinking about something while he studied her face, though he didn’t voice any of those thoughts. As he made his way to the kitchen, Chiyo anxiously followed.

The tall Vampire investigated the cabinet that they used to store all the plates in. Then he looked back at her. Chiyo didn’t like the way this was going, and she was sure the look on her face was one of pure horror by now.

“Now that I think about it, this odd number of plates does irk me. You will be a good guineapig and make up for it.”

This man never failed to trigger the flight instinct in her. She took a step back and bumped into the kitchen counter, knocking over a box of sugar. Ruki sighed.

“Clean this up. I expect you to come straight to my room once you are done with that,” he said.

She wanted to protest, but something in the eyes of this man told her that it was best not to argue.

“Do not dawdle,” he said and left her alone with the mess she had made.

Chiyo watched him walk out of the kitchen and sighed. Just what was wrong with her? She wasn’t feeling like herself ever since she had left the Sakamaki mansion and started spending her time here.

She started to be increasingly jumpy and clumsy. That never used to happen to her before; was Ruki making her this nervous? Her heart sure was feeling as if it was going to jump out through her throat whenever she interacted with him. Or was it because she wasn’t used to doing housework? She really wanted to leave again, but she also really wanted to find out more about the mystery surrounding her, Yui and, apparently, both Vampire families. Lately she was starting to think that maybe Shuu was correct all along in saying that his father liked to spin fate however he pleased. Did he send her those dreams about Lilith? Was that even in his powers to do? How much power did the Vampire King have anyway? She never succeeded in grasping the extent of his powers.

She shook her head and sighed. What did it even matter? Maybe she should just give up and go back; she never had this strange dream again afterwards, so maybe it was just that? A simple weird dream? Pure coincidence that it was also strangely biblical and just like Yui’s dream proclaiming her as Eve?

No… these guys knew something she didn’t, and she wanted to find out what at least, since she already went through the trouble of coming here.

She tidied the counter from all the sugar and made her way to Ruki’s room reluctantly.

[plantoyoon]

New experiences. part 1

I am writing this because I'm actively thinking about it and writing it seems like it would help to get it out of the depths of my brain. (I think I mostly wrote it in second person, haven't proofread it, I don't know how much sense it makes)

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Synopsis: You need someone to help you with your needs

Genre/Tags: First time meeting, Friends with benefits, maybe soul bound

Mostly inside talks, then some fluff, not much action though... it will follow soon

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This is the most stupid thing you’ve ever done! An improper way to say hello, but if you're actively thinking about me in your goblin ways, please stop! Message sent.

Voice 1: Why have I done this? Should I delete the message? I still have time... but I'm sure he already saw it. Why isn't there an answer? Am I being that insane?

Voice 2: Well, probably yeah... because you just sent a text to a dude you stopped talking to more than a month ago. In a kind of crazy way. Let's cover it up for a bit, shall we? So I know that in those periods of talking or not talking, he told you that every time you texted him, he was always thinking intensely of you. Given the kind of relationship you had and the person he was, it was smutty thinking. I might sound like I'm actively judging, but it was the same for you. Texting him when you were so close to touching yourself or after, depending on how needy you felt that day. Therefore, my insane message!

Alright, he's typing... Typing... still typing...

You're a nervous wreck at this point, still uncertain if you should delete your message. That would be even more insane now!

"Hi! Maybe I am. Would that be so wrong?" came the answer, dry and flirty. As he usually does, but the lack of honesty bleeds through... he would usually write more, not be that mysterious.

"Not wrong, but..." In your usual style, you overthink what to write next. Should you say: "Yes, stop! I need to work, not think about you," or "I miss your hugs and you," or "I am a dumb thing who needs to get her shit together. Sorry for writing!" But you don't. Your fingers go flirtatious and say, "Not wrong, but I know you could do better than just manifest me into your couch."

"What do you mean?" The conversation feels strained, but you go further in your stupidity and inquire, "Text, ask, and receive." Wow, so bold! You clearly don't recognize yourself; it's like you never left being his go-to friend with benefits for six months.

Looking at the messages, your mind starts thundering with anxieties. Did he get a girlfriend? Is he upset? Does he hate you? Does he think you're so lame for texting him like this after the last time he refused your meeting request? You wisely put your phone down, put on some music, and close your eyes, trying to ground yourself for a moment... Why did "Drowning" start playing? The universe is aligned with your personal saboteur.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You drowned in a similar moment in your life, having the same urges and desire for connection. It was hot outside, the AC being your only hope, but it was an old one... so there was still a need to lay like a starfish on the bed to properly cool off. But your life was another thing—working part-time, doing this and that, and just focusing on your health, hobbies, doing some sports, painting... you know, trying to enjoy life.

According to your friends, you lacked a boyfriend. You denied it strongly until recently, when all those couples' activities started to creep onto your wish list. The fact that all the novels you were reading also contained a relationship here and there put even more pressure on you.

But as much as you'd like to stick to the novelty of it all, the reality was simple. You were horny, and your hands and toys couldn't keep up with your appetite anymore. So you did what every girl not in her right mind does... went to dating apps.

You said to yourself: We're just doing some friends with benefits, not a relationship, so we can be as picky with looks as we want.

So you set up your account and started swiping. Lots of lefts, until someone caught your eye... Dark hair, fair skin, an artistic pose, and another one in the mirror with a camera pointed towards it, where his hands seemed like the main attraction. Long and elegant fingers, yet strong with prominent knuckles. Have you ever had a thing for hands? you ask yourself.

Swipe right and matched. Oh, that was fast, considering you made the account less than half an hour ago.

You try with a bit of conversation so you wouldn't be the direct asshole you usually are. You had prior experience with dating apps, so you expected the conversation to drift quickly to the action part. But this time it didn't. The conversation was quite smooth and cute, getting to know each other, talking about photography. As enjoyable as the conversation was, you had a purpose, so for the first time, it was you who moved the talk to meet and fuck.

Always a smooth talker, but this was your moment as a weird robot who suddenly had needs and needed to focus on her purpose. After a few hours, you managed to have him at your door, inviting him in and playing the part where you present your house with him complimenting the size of your apartment.

He is cute, you thought. Longer dark hair, dark eyes, whose emotions played between curiosity and reservation, and dark clothes. You definitely need some wine to gain your confidence in this situation.

"Wine?" you ask, at which he confirms while checking out what was running on TV. It was a Star Wars series that you've been watching recently. You've kept it running in the background for some months until now, so you kind of forgot to change it to some music or something more appealing. The atmosphere between you two was a bit strange, not knowing what to say, what to talk about. He seemed uncomfortable. You cringe for a moment, but who would have thought that Star Wars was your saving point because the awkwardness disappears as he starts to talk enthusiastically about watching that as a teenager, his memories around it, and the impact it had on the world. Of course, he enjoys Star Wars; now it feels less intimidating.

The conversation runs smoothly and a few hours go by unnoticed, laughing, talking about random aspects of films and how life correlates to them. It felt nice and natural to talk to him, sharing quirky thoughts together and even throwing some jinxes in there. At this point, even though you were still horny, you would have been happy with this night. You notice the wine left in the bottle, so you pour all the remaining content into the glasses and drink it. You feel how this last sip got you more dizzy, and you feel more comfortable with the silence and just look in his eyes with intent. He reflects the lust simply and surely, getting closer to you, placing both hands on your hips, closing the distance between you two while slowly pecking your lips. He feels smooth, his lips perfectly matched over yours. His perfect hands start to move on your body, his fingers pressing harder into your skin. He takes a breath to look at you with big eyes for a second then crashes his lips against yours, his tongue licking your lips eagerly and you grant access, slowly feeling out of breath and dizzy of desire.

The way his tongue dances with yours feels completely like him, balancing between assertiveness and shyness, between wanting to engulf you and protect you. You're having so many emotions in this moment, that it's starts to creep on you that you just met today. I think he senses something is clouding your mind, slowly pulling away from the kiss to look at you, caress your hair with one hand and cup your cheek with the other. The look of understanding he gives to you, brings so much reassurance and makes you take the lead in the following kiss.

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[tyrantisterror]

Fantastic Rants and Where to Find Them

So, back when the Herbie Porber movies were still being made, Warner Brothers saw the cash cow on their hands and decided they had to lock that shit down as much as possible to make sure they could milk it until its teats were chafed and withered to nothing. To that end, they bought the rights to every book the Terf Queen had written by that point - which included all the Henry Pansley wizard school mystery books, but also two gag books set within the Henry Pansley world: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which was presented as an in-universe biology textbook for wizard children, and Quidditch Through the Ages, which was an in-universe book of trivia for a fake magical sport.

And at the time everyone with a brain who'd read those two books was shaking their head and thinking how dumb those corporate executives were to do that because, like, those aren't novels or novelas or short stories or narratives of any kind. They are, and I cannot stress this enough, a fake textbook and a fake trivia book about fake things written in a slapdash manner as a cheap gag. They existed for three reasons:

First, to sell something Herbie Porber related at a significantly lower price point than the actual novels so the Terf Queen could get more of that sweet, sweet Scholastic Book Fair money by having something poor kids could buy.

Second, to give a portion of the proceeds raised from that poor kid book fair money to charity so the Terf Queen could get some nice tax writeoffs.

And as a distant third, to expand the world-building of the Henry Pansley setting a teensie bit.

Now, as far as I'm aware, they succeeded at the first two well enough - tons of kids bought those cheap-ass thin as shit paperbacks when I was a kid, myself among them. Well, ok, I only bought Fantastic Beasts and skipped Quidditch because even during the height of my Herbie Porber fan days I thought the Terf Queen's imaginary sport was really fucking stupid and every time it popped up in the books I was bored as shit and tried to skim it as quickly as possible to get to the interesting stuff. I think I looked over the book once in a Barnes and Noble and thought, "Wow, I knew I thought real sports were boring as shit, but it turns out fake ones are even more so."

But back on track - goal number three was... kind of successful, I guess? Like, I don't know if you know this, but bestiaries of fictional animals are one of my big interests. I love a big book of made up creatures, and have collected many in my long life of thirty-four years. And as I said, I got a copy of Fantastic Beasts - technically several, because those cheap ass paperbacks disintegrated if you read them more than once, and I haven't met a bestiary that I haven't poured over several times, no matter how shitty. And despite how often I read it, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was, well... pretty mid, honestly. It's a book that's 99% world-building, and like all of the Terf Queen's world-building, it's overall mediocre and undercooked.

Like, in pure Herbie Porber style, it's mostly concepts that have been done in fantasy fiction and mythology dozens of times before with no real original spin on them whatsoever, often stripped down to their most recognizable elements alone. There are a smattering of original ideas that are actually interesting an novel, a few more original ideas that have potential but don't seem very well-thought out as is, and then some that are clearly just there to be a joke and are amusing for, like, a second, but also would quickly become annoying if they were given any focus.

I'll give a very me-specific example. As a fan of vaguely medieval european fantasy tropes, one of the metrics by which I judge a bestiary is "How does this handle dragons?" Because, like, I don't know if you know this, but I love dragons a lot, and the sheer variety of dragons in fiction is one of my favorite things in the world. There is a smorgasbord of different dragons a person can choose from just in folklore and mythology alone, and that variety is reflected in a given bestiary, the higher I think of it.

The Terf Queen's bestiary gives us ten dragon breeds... and they're all more or less the same except for scale color and minor variations in size. Oh, and their names, which are all based on different dog breeds because the Terf Queen thought that was funny. It's the worst of both worlds because it gets your dragon-loving hopes up that there'll be lots of unique dragons but no, they're just different colors, ho hum. Even the Chinese Dragon sticks to the same basic bitch wyvern body plan as the rest, when, you know, Chinese dragons have SUCH a different body plan than any of their European counterparts. It's downright insulting to the variety and creativity of this iconic folkloric archetype to reduce it to such a samey-set of monsters. Absolutely the most disappointing dragon entry in any bestiary I've ever read, just infuriating.

BUT, BACK ON THE INCREASINGLY DERAILED TRACK: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was never meant to be a "great" book. Remember goals one and two: it was a cheap cashgrab, a gimmick, a gag book. It was meant to be a disposable bit of fun - "Tee hee, here's a goofy textbook from this goofy wizard story that you kids will likely grow out of in a few years, you can read it in twenty minutes and not feel bad when you pitch it because there's very little substance to it, and it only costs three bucks."

The Terf Queen doesn't write textbooks, gag or otherwise, she writes novels, narratives, and in its original form Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was clearly just her fucking around with something whimsical and stupid for shits and giggles (and money, sweet sweet money). The original version of it was published with notes in the margin written by Henry Pansley and Donnie Stoat themselves, the two wizard hooligans writing little jokes and messages to each other with further references to other characters from the series, both to add more humor and because, again, the Terf Queen writes novels, and it was clear she couldn't commit to the "fake textbook" bit without working in some characters riffing it for her own sanity. And that makes it work as a gag book - you get a few laughs from the wizard hooligans playing MST3K with their shitty textbook, learn a little about the (undercooked and poorly thought out) ecosystem of the wizardy world, and then when you reach the back cover the spine of your cheap as shit pulp paperback book falls apart and, unless you've got a weird obsession with bestiaries, you throw the dying book in the garbage without a second thought. Three bucks spent well enough.

BUT, TO GET BACK ON THE INCREASINGLY DERAILED TRACK AGAIN: Warner Brothers bought the rights to this cheapo cashgrab gag textbook, and goddamn it, they were/are determined to squeeze Herby Porber's sore teats until every last drop of money milk spills from his chapped and bleeding nipples. They announced they were going to make a Fantastic Beasts movie towards the end of making the Herby Porber novels into films, and everyone with a brain sat there and thought, "Well, that's going to be a stupid cashgrab. Bet the Terf Queen's laughing her ass off at how dumb it'll be, too."

But the Terf Queen was not laughing, at least not for long, for once the Henry Pansley movies wrapped up, she was left with the horrifying knowledge that people didn't care for her non-wizard books all that much, certainly not enough to keep her rolling in sweet, sweet money. She needed that mega millionaire cash, and she needed it in abundance and she needed it quick. So when Warner Brothers asked her to write a movie based on her cheapo cashgrab gag textbook, she said, "Yeah, I can make a novel out of that! I - I'm a talented writer! People love my writing! They definitely love my writing and they'd love to pay money for things I wrote that don't directly feature Henry Pansley!"

So now she had to pretend that Fantastic Beasts, the cheapo cashgrab gag textbook about made up animals in a made up world, has a narrative. Not just any narrative, but a grand, sprawling narrative, one to rival, nay, SURPASS Herbie Porbie and the Seven Books of Wizard-Themed Coming of Age Nonsense. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, she assured us, was to be a magnificant tale, and one she planned all along, and CERTAINLY not a marriage of convenience to a completely stupid idea for a film that she was desperately sculpting into a narrative it had no ability to support for the sake of trying to recapture her already passed glory days as a writer.

And I think, in retrospect, this is a great illustration of the Terf Queen's great character flaw. She just can't fucking admit to a mistake, even when it's obvious to everyone that one was made. She will hop on board a sinking ship and keep doubling down on trying to get it to sail even as the water is up to her neck. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a serious narrative now, not a gag textbook written to wring a few more dollars from school children goddammit!

Recent editions of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them took out the Herbie and Donnie commentary, by the by. They also added many of the new half-baked monsters that were introduced in the movies, in a shoddy attempt to pretend this was the plan all along, and that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them was always meant to be the seed of something great.

But it wasn't, and no matter how hard the Terf Queen pretends otherwise, it's obvious it wasn't. It's a cheapo cashgrab gag textbook, and that's all it really had to be, until greed and ego demanded otherwise.

[doin-just-fine]

Hiya!! I saw you were inviting people to ask you system stuff, so as a questioning/newly discovered plural I have a couple questions!! If you're uncomfy answering these please feel free to skip any or delete this ask! I know they're potentially quite personal.

How did you find out you're a system?

What does internal communication look/feel like for you?

How do you personally handle self doubt?

The People Wanna Know:

🛸 Hello!! Thank you for submitting this question! I know as a newly discovered system reaching out about system things can be scary!!

For you're first question, the initial "discovery" was after I had gone off my ADHD meds for a week due to the shortages that were/are happening. I have been medicated for my ADHD since I was 8 and hadn't had a break from my meds greater than a day or two since that age. Let me set the scene, I'm finally living on my own, dating a system, and under a lot of stress from other things in my life. I start questioning if I'm a system just a little bit, more of a check in with my psyche and less of theres evidence pointing me here. Then BOOM no meds for a week or so. As I start questioning this and checking in (something I have done before quite a few times since learning and researching about plurality off and on the past 5 years) I notice that theres a really loud voice telling me horrible things about myself every time I try to think and check in about this. At the time this was a very uncommon thing for my mind. As the week progressed the voice and it's emotion got more and more distressing each time it piped up but I kept pushing back against it until it almost felt like a bubble popped. I was fighting the rude voice and suddenly I got a wash of this voices name/identity. It felt like a voiceover layered with different ways of identifying with the name Cloud mixed with telling me off. Ex (tw: aggressive language ): "You're a fucking idiot" "This is stupid" "Dumb ass" "Fuck You Fuck You Fuck You" ((Bubble Pops)) "cloud" "You're a fucking idiot" "name-" "This is stupid" "You're just lonely" "name: cloud" "You're not a system just stop" "i am cloud" "Fucking idiot you're so stupid" "Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off" "cloud" To be clear, it was more like the bubble popped and suddenly a new sense of identity started transmitting to me. Before just his words where being projected to me almost like over a loud speaker and then suddenly I was sharing a consciousness with him. This interaction was able to happen because my meds create a bit of a barrier that makes communication more difficult and therefore easier to hide the plurality from me. Once my meds were out of my system it made that negative voice louder and pushing against it easier until everything gave way.

Plurality is covert, meaning it doesn't want to be discovered and will do what it can to stay hidden, thats why gatekeepers exist and why denial spirals happen. You're brain doesn't want you to acknowledge it because then that means you are going to acknowledge what it has deemed unsafe memories, emotions, thoughts, feelings, patterns, ect. It also takes practice to navigate and communicate in your system and you won't be able to be sure of things right away. Things will change as you understand them better. For you're second question about communication I will be referencing how our varying levels of "fronting" works and to avoid making this response incredibly long I will direct you to the original post we first explain it in. We mostly feel each others thoughts rather than hear them. The only time I can every "hear" someone else's thoughts is if they are right next to me and/or feeling something very strongly. Usually if we want to "talk" to each other we talk out loud so everyone can hear what's being said and respond, or we right it out. But usually we rely of deciphering feelings. I can hear my own thought in my head but no one else's usually but they can seemingly hear mine. So I can talk to them in my head and then try to feel what they're emotional reaction is to what I'm saying and decipher their responses. It's a lot of yes or no questions or statements. like playing 20 questions. I can try to expand on our communication more if anyone would like me to. I do plan on making a post about it at some point.

As for your last question that ones very hard. I'm lucky that I told my therapist and she validated me making me feel clinically seen even without a formal diagnosis. She is far from being an expert or specialist but just being told by a medical professional "hey you're valid" was enough to take away the MAJOR denial feelings we would get. Early on it's gonna be very common and very hard. I had a could people go quite when I was first learning because they felt that me just wrapping my head around clouds existence alone first might be a better plan that 3 new people. And even now, it isn’t gone. It rears its head now and then especially because we are an atypical system so a few things that people use to fake claim kinda apply to us and we get worried we’re mistaken. If you have trauma, leaning on that when you have a denial spiral can be helpful like reminding yourself it makes sense for your brain to operate this way. If you don’t have trauma right down moments that feel particularly real and plural and when you start spiralling read those moments and try to remember how real that felt.

I hope this was helpful let me know if you have any questions or need clarification!!

REMEMBER: You're gonna be ok. You're gonna figure it out. Be kind and gentle with yourself and others. Asks are open. Have a nice day.

[a-s-levynn]

Okay so i finished Kaos a few days ago, and all in all, it is a fun series to watch. In short: it is a fresh take on the "ancient gods in the modern era" and i love that. It does some clever takes on the myths. I like it.

A bit (a lot) longer, and maybe a smidge spoilery in one particular case, as spoilery you can get with something with a pretty well known source material:

So. Let me get through the more.. negative-ish things? Ish, because i wouldn't say there is anything de facto bad with the series. Everything boils down to preference. What could become a negative is usually used in a way that at least levels out or even turned into an advantage. The writers clearly knew what they had to work with and what they wanted to do with it and pulled through.

I have to preface this, the series is very very contemporary and very much netflix. It is super consistent with it tho, which creates this effect of not really feeling too much or forced. It also makes some parts feel safe, but it doesn't affect it neither positively nor negatively which is both surprising and really cool. Especially these days. It just is. And i love that for it.

Also it is not my favourite thing ever. Here is where the personal taste thing comes in. I usually don't really love to see our contemporary (tho mostly western) world in a fantasy (even if urban) setting this heavily but this one does it in a refreshingly campy, not too serious way that makes sense for the story. I can't say i was able to be fully immersed but it never pushed me out either. It kept me hooked and i very much enjoyed my time with the show. I'm also sad i never going to get to see the conclusion because netflix canceled it like everything worth watching for the past few years.

There are some changes to the myths and mythical characters that some people would not vibe with, but i don't mind. I love recontextualizations of things i know when it is done with both purpose and thought behind it. I'm not saying this is the smartest series ever but the writing is consistent, a story makes sense and thank fucking god the dialogues are actual dialogues.

There is some inherent stupidness to all of it but we are in the realm of dark comedy. It works. The show knows exactly what it is and works with it very nicely. It's cohersive, and enjoyable. It does not want to be more than it is. Which i appreciate.

Also way too fucking short. For god sake can we start making 10-12 episode series? The amount of exposition they dumped into these handful of episodes, not leaving room to breathe is painful. Or just leave out some exposition. I don't have to know everything verbatim. Let me think, let me use my brain. Let me get to really know the characters.

But on the other hand most of the characters being stereotypes work here beautifully. Because we are based in the myths. Which all work with stereotypes. And this. This is why i say this is a smarter than most your average shows. They know what they have to work with and how turn it to an advantage. Or at least don't let it become a hindrance.

That said, i like this show. No small part to that is the cast, and boy this thing has an awesome cast. I am biased. Heavily. But this is a great cast of actors on all realms. Goldblum as Zeus is such a based idea and so fittnig. Also this show probably has the best depictions of Hera, like, ever? I kinda wish D had a bit more to him, but i figured his character was supposed to grow more over the planned three seasons. Well alas.

Also shoutout to my man Thewlis as Hades. I love that man in nay everything. No wonder he is one of the main characters of my favourite movie. Anyway. The rest of the cast is great. Probably the weakest for me was Killian Scott as Orpehus and even he wasn't bad. Just mostly one tone.

That said. I enjoy the spins on the mythos'. Especially our main pair's. The most well known part of the Orpeus and Eurydice story is the you can't look back, trust that she follows and i was waiting for it the whole time. I was kinda sad not seeing it and that is why Eurydice asking Orpheus to look back at her, and him saying "i don't want to look at you, because you are not coming with me" part hit so much.

I kinda wish he would have just left without looking back. I understand the scene (and the series at this point) needed some release of the tension and somberness but man.. imagine if he just... walks away, never looking back. And maybe it get's resolved along the line in like the next or 3rd season. If those ever would be a thing.

Anyway.

I think i rambled on long enough. I could cherrypick moments i aslo liked and maybe make an attempt at those i didn't but i feel it's redundant. This is a good show at the end of the day and i don't want to over analyze it in my head.

Because as i said, all in all i loved this show a lot. It is a fun watch, and i might rewatch it again somewhere along the line because there are exceptionally cool moments peppered through. Especially the darker ones. Both the writing and the acting is great. I am genuinly bummed there is not going to be further seasons.

[the-art-of-sanshoku]

1 2 and 8 for the toku questions! ^-^

Okay #1+2 is honestly kind of a long winded answer but I will unapologetically let it be that way (but I will tl;dr toku anime got me interested in toku and the first proper live action toku was Kamen Rider Den-o):

I don't think I really grew up watching any toku like power rangers or godzilla movies or anything I just watched a lot of anime and really liked anime mostly

So the first toku property I watched is technically the Garo 2014 anime

And even though I really liked this show I think at the time I just didn't have an interest in live action toku (although I have checked out the original Garo recently and its cool and I do want to watch more but I'm too rider-brained rn so its on hiatus for now)

After that Kamen Rider was something I kind of thought now and then that I might like just because I thought the aesthetic was kind of cool but honestly I didn't know much about it, and it really was like a super passing thought not really on my mind

But then in 2018 SSSS.Gridman (another anime based on a toku property) came out and I really, really love Gridman (and the sequel dynazenon) and it's vibes and the fights and like everything about it so I became a bit more interested in the genre. I think it helps that the toku roots are a bit more obvious in it than in the Garo anime which felt more like just a cool fantasy show.

At some point I think because I would watch like gridman related clips and the openings and stuff on youtube the algorithm thought it should recommend me tokusatsu stuff and one day this video was on my homepage (or some version of this video) and I clicked it on a whim I didn't even know it was Kamen Rider related until I looked at the comments

And I had somehow never been exposed to the sillier sides of Kamen Rider and honestly still knew almost nothing about it other than like what Ichigo looks like (and actually writing this I realize I watched the first episode of Fuuto Pi in 2022 when it came out just because I checked out a lot of anime premieres at the time- making that the first Kamen Rider I'd watched but I dropped it after that episode) and when I watched this I was like "What the hell this is Kamen Rider? It can be like this?? This is so stupid and fun looking I have to watch it at some point"

But it would still take like a year or two for me to decide and commit on a series and if discord is to be believed I funnily enough started watching kamen rider on april fools day last year, and I eventually decided on den-o partially because of that video kicking things off

And then the toku obsession slowly grew over time and now it's overtaken me, I watch very little anime and read a lot less manga nowadays 😞

#8: Comically obvious from my blog but it's Kuuga which is wild since I really do love my other rider seasons I think they're all like 9-9.5/10's but Kuuga is like an 11 and I'm not even done and it's making its way into my like Top 10 fictional media list. It kind of just hits all my personal biases and clicks with me and I will probably write the world's longest most rambly post on it when I'm done.

Anyway world's longest answers over :))

Ends it with Godai jumpscare

[lizardperson]

come all sufferers

part 8: doing the right thing [on ao3]

fandom: fallout new vegas characters: female courier/original male character rating: m wc: 757 prompts: "it's okay to be scared" for @sweetspicybingo; #fff255 in the heart for @flashfictionfridayofficial

[hurt/comfort bingo masterlist]

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Gabriel scanned the empty cocktail lounge of the Lucky 38 - there she was, spread out on one of the couches in front of the big windows, staring out at the desert. He was sure he'd find her here - this had become one of her comfort places when she needed to be alone.

Mika had been in a bad mood all day, snapping at him at every opportunity, and eventually stormed off. They had been basically attached at the hip for months now, of course there were days where they annoyed each other for no particular reason - Gabriel didn't hold it against her. And he suspected there was more to her bad mood anyway, so he just gave her some space to cool off for a while.

He dropped down on the couch beside Mika without a word. After a few moments of silence, she sighed and snuggled into his arms.

"Sorry for being a bitch earlier."

"Don't worry about it." He pulled her closer. "You want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," she shrugged. Of course that wasn't true, but Gabriel knew her well enough not to push it. Instead, he waited patiently for her to start talking on her own eventually. "You sometimes wonder if we're doing the right thing here? All of it, the whole…" She made a vague gesture, not finishing her sentence.

The mission. The quest. That batshit plan. Call it whatever you want. They never openly talked about it while in the Lucky 38, assuming House could probably hear everything they said. He would learn of their scheme eventually - right now they were mostly working for him, until the time was right to kick him out of the game. If House knew that they wanted to replace him with a smiley-faced robot, he would probably tune down the hospitality.

"What if we only make it worse."

Gabriel took a moment to sort his thoughts. It was so rare to get a glimpse into her like that, actually seeing those doubts she usually buried deep inside her brain. "We've done a lot of good so far," he answered softly.

"We got people killed."

"No, we didn't. We just couldn't save everyone. That's a difference." Mika sighed and they sat in silence for a bit. "You want to walk away from all this? You don't have to be the savior of the Mojave, you know that, right?"

She chuckled at his dramatic choice of words, they had joked about that before. Then she turned serious again. "I don't know, I'm just…" Mika hesitated, looking for the right word. "…scared, I think. Scared that I'm in over my head here."

That kind of honesty from her was so damn rare, she tended to play off any negative emotion with a silly joke. Gabriel was grateful that she apparently felt safe enough with him to be this vulnerable. "It's okay to be scared."

"Hm." Of course Mika didn't agree. But at least she didn't outright argue with him either. After a few moments, she looked up at him. "You didn't answer my question - you think we're doing the right thing here?"

"Yes." There was not a bit of doubt in his voice.

"You believe in our stupid plan?"

"I believe in you."

That one hit. Mika looked at him half-doubting, half-grateful, not sure what to do with all these emotions, and eventually just put her head down on his chest again, closed her eyes, and tried to ground herself.

Part of him wanted to leave this whole mess behind, just grab her and start over somewhere else. What did he care about the Mojave, about the Strip, or Freeside, or all the little groups and factions meddling around. But Mika cared. She cared so much. He knew in his heart that he could never convince her to walk away from all this, the entire mess. Not now. Not when all the little pieces of the damn plan were finally, slowly, clicking into place.

Savior of the fucking Mojave. It was a joke, but at the same time very serious. Mika would only rest when House, the NCR, and the Legion were out of the picture, and the region would be free. So it was on him to stay by her side through all this. Someone had to, after all. And he would never trust anyone else with that job.