#I'm like 3 months late because I forgot about this blog but hello!!

[zundamind]

wow, would you look at that! it's been a full ass year since you fucked me over! september 29th.... yeahh..... XD our fuck-you-versary! hi clifford!

in case you dont remember, the name piko might jog your mind. yeah thats me!! hellwo!! honestly you shouldve known better than to stick with your old username but hey props on you for changing it last minute! almost didnt find you for a second lolll!!

i wanted to drop in and say HEY! HELLO! HI! and give you some status updates :3

update one: i'm getting better!! no thanks to you, of course. and actually i should say we're getting better. yep! thats what happens when you suffer so bad your brain cant take suffering solo! XD

update two: while my mental health has been at an all time low ever since you fucking dropped me like a fucking ROCK, ive been getting over things lately! my clean streaks are now longer than a week! i no longer want to kms! im even making friends again!

update three: while both of the above statements are true, you still live in my mind rent free. i remember when i first stumbled across your blog a few months ago, i had a full on spiral! not anymore, though. i am STEEL, BABY! also you spinning in the mental microwave rent free is why i'm sending you this heartfelt ask!

man.... even when i try, i still find you somehow and its never intentional. like imagine scrolling the tptm tag only to be straight up jumpscared by your ex best friend's username! how embarrassing!

also i'm sorry but i have to say the reason(s) you left are sooo fucking stupid..... what, cus i was weird? come on. everyones a little weird. even a little deviantart weird. oh and because of some stupid opinions that shouldntve even mattered if you were actually a friend? get real, trey. what if i left your ass because you had a fuckin biting kink? that wouldve been funny actually. like making a sad callout post on twitter thats just "my friend left me because i wasnt vanilla enough!" XDDD

oh, and if you ever see your "stalker" again, assuming you're not thinking its me and that its actually your previous qpr or whatever the fuck, say hi! i find it funny as FUCK, since, you know, you were considering cyberstalking me at one point. and tell chaos i said hi too. i'd also mention mayu, but do you two even keep in touch anymore? probably not, considering the weird things she's done.

anyways thats the end of my relay. if you dont want these kinds of asks again, i suggest either turning asks off or just straight up deleting your tumblr and/or making another one that is NOT connected to any username youve used in the past, because in that case i'll just find your ass again lmaooo. remember! every year on this day will be the day i remind you that you are NOT allowed to stay sane X3

sincerely, your most hated, piko. (i hardly use my old blog anymore, so have fun finding my current blog! and do what you want with this ask, make a callout post, scream into the ethers, reply to it, idc.)

this should stay private but idc

i know what i did was wrong piko! i was 12-13.

dont take this as me excusing myself. i had horrible emotional regulation back then, ive healed from everything back there. you dont deserve to be called out because ur like. 14-15.

do not bring mayu or chaos into this,weve all healed and forgot abt you.

i overreacted bc of very worthless things because i was basically obsessed witj you, you were my fp, if you didnt know.

completely forgot you even existed, i havent been checking your profiles at all in months. you shouldnt either, please forget about me. you'll drive yourself crazy.,

if you think im going to "cancel" you, no im not. for your sake, please dont interact with me anymore. i apologize for how i acted over stupid things, but we were both young and idiotic. im also a system, i dont even remember half of the things you did bc of that.

move on. ive moved on, weve all moved on.

dont bother yourself with me, you dont need to.

[circular-bircular]

hello! im currently questioning whether I am disordered or not. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your experiences if you're comfortable or maybe share some good resources about what its like being disordered because im really lost rn. this blog is great btw! take care of yourself <3

Hey there! Glad you enjoy my blog, sorry it took a bit to get to this. This is the first night in like a month that I have any free time whatsoever (and that's cause I'm putting off grades, lol...)

I hope you don't mind a bulletpointer on this one!

Disordered experiences...

Firstly, I cannot overstate how fucking everything about me is impacted by trauma. Physical health? I get sick more often because my body has fought as hard as it has to survive -- it's an actual thing that traumatized people get physically sick more often. Mental health? Shit. Depression's comorbid, anxiety is comorbid, and I've even seen discussions about the connections between autism and DID, and those two do not mix well in me. All of my everything is constantly fucked.

I cannot goddamn sleep. Sleep is a goddamn hellscape. I run from somewhere between 2 to 6 hours of sleep most nights, and have to take plenty of naps just to survive. That makes it next to impossible some days to get the energy I need, or if I did get enough nappies, to get the free-time I need.

In terms of my actual DID... Amnesia is the biggest one. I constantly have gaps. I have to write every single thing down. I have plenty of accomodations, sure! But even those fail from time to time, and then it's just a spiral. Like, today at work, I had a surprise meeting I did not write down, because I just forgot to. I forgot about the meeting until 10 minutes prior, when I got an alert in my email about it. This meant I skipped lunch, and had to try and focus without having eaten since 9am. This made my day harder, which led to...

Dissociation!!! God fuck. It's so hard to focus sometimes. I am so spaced out. Today was one of those days where I had to cling to my phone for survival and grounding. Not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it's better to be writing posts on tumblr during class than forgetting I'm in class at all. And none of the kids snitch on me -- just get a little pissy if I don't call on them quickly enough.

Trauma flashbacks. Ough. If I get stuck in one, goodbye ability to think for awhile. It's been happening more and more frequently at work lately, so there goes my 30 minute lunch spent in the bathroom forgetting I exist because I feel like I'm going to my parents house after school.

That ties into paranoia. I have to convince myself more often than not that, when I get home, my abusers won't be there. I'm 26 and haven't directly lived with them in 3 years, and I cut them off close to a year ago. I still wake up thinking they're breaking in.

That's about all I can think off quick, off the top of my head. Basically... owie owie my brain is a big ol bruise.

[shiftingsoup]

🫧 Welcome ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔*

ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔* to a world

of pure ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔*

ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔* imagination! 🫧

࣪𖤐.ᐟ 🪷 ♡₊˚ 🫧 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩₊✧⋆🌷⋆ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

࣪𖤐.ᐟ 🪷 ♡₊˚ 🫧 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩₊✧⋆🌷⋆ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

🌷 welcome to my blog! 🌷

Get to know me! ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔*

࣪𖤐.ᐟ 🪷 ♡₊˚ 🫧 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩₊✧⋆🌷⋆ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

hello! my name is mars and I'm a 16 year old shifter & manifestor. I was originally a part of the subliminal community on youtube (from 2016-2019 ish??) and that is where I discovered the law of assumption and shifting, although I didn't actually start attempting to shift until 2020, kinda felt like a sign, yk?

my goal (?) from shifting is to experience. I was the kid who answered "everything" to the question of what I wanted to do when I grew up, I was the kid who daydreamed 24/7 of different realities, I was the kid who believed in magic, I was the kid who felt like I was destined for more, I was the kid who knew there was more to life then what I saw. And in my desperation, I found shifting. (or did it find me?) My favorite part of shifting is being truly unlimited <3

one thing about me though, I choose peace. I get princess treatment in all of my realities and I script out major plot points from my dr's source material if it disrupts my peace....

I am 16, Black & Hispanic, LGBTQ+ (I identify as queer and asexual), Female who uses she/they pronouns

I have a lot of interests.... let's try to name them all!!: kpop (bts, loona, twice, txt, red velvet, itzy, enhypen, katseye, bibi, iu, aespa, ive, newjeans, lesserafim, g(idle), blackpink), ariana grande, kendrick lamar, musical theatre, legend of zelda, minecraft, animal crossing, night in the woods, life is strange, undertale, sims 4, steven universe, star vs the forces of evil, the amazing world of gumball, bobs burgers, clarence, summer camp island, cartoons in general, studio ghilbi, my hero academia, kdramas, gaming youtubers in the late 2010s, commentary youtubers, collecting things, poetry, plants, baking, animals, oh and did I mention bts??, and probably more!

ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔* My realities!

࣪𖤐.ᐟ 🪷 ♡₊˚ 🫧 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩₊✧⋆🌷⋆ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

[insert list of badly thought out, completely non scripted ideas here]

salem's universe: main dr, fantasy, kpop soloist, a melting pot of all my interests

cupid: own kpop gg, 4th gen leaders, summer 2019 core

royalty: princess, ft. bts, will most likely have fantasy

aesthetic perfection: one of many better or's (I use or as old reality)

encanto: forgot about this movie, but still wanna shift here

life in pink: another better or centered around wonyoungism

black joy: for the culture & for healing

my hero academia: is it a bad time to say I'm still on season 4?

undertale: a game that shaped my childhood

bts 8th member: purple blooded 4 life

steven universe: a show I love with all my heart, I literally grew up with steven

bee & puppycat: originally found the show when it was on youtube, just my vibe!

island living: a mix of moana, fantasy, and the fact that I love tropical places

loona 13th member: I miss my moon girls.. also don't ask me what the 13th month is.

life in the 'burbs: a better or where I live on a farm, my midwesterner is coming out 💔💔

euphoria: don't ask what possesses me to shift here because I don't know either

luxury: my favorite better or, living a life of luxe and glam, my luxury self inspired by zendaya

wednesday: I also forgot about this show, but I love the addams family

the amazing world of gumball: yk what? hell yeah

bobs burgers: another show that I love with all my heart

quiet life: I wasn't kidding about protecting my peace. another better or but kind of like a waiting room too?

hyyh: an era of bts that lives in my soul. I have to be there

cloud 9: my dearest waiting room

and many more ideas!! but since I hate scripting (but love the idea of it) completed scripts for all of my realities are kept in my waiting room!

When you see this, dream of me! ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔*

࣪𖤐.ᐟ 🪷 ♡₊˚ 🫧 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩₊✧⋆🌷⋆ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

warm rain, boba, froyo, spring, summer, magic, ballgowns, poetry, clouds, bubbles, tote bags, trinkets, porcelain dolls, shorts, skirts, windows wide open, cafe vlogs, anteaters, calico cats, park jimin, hearts, strawberry shortcake, hello kitty, new york, chocolate ice cream, brownies, summer nights, s'mores, shopping sprees, pink, green, cacti, hydrangeas, forests, lily pads, strip malls, poetry, books, watercolor, curly hair, gold, anklets, big smiles, water, beaches, seashells, jewelry, face piercings, fruit salads, garlic, ramen bowls, eggs, lemonade, chai, blankets, walking around, "ugly" or "creepy" things, sleep, stuffed animals, sandals, strawberries, kindness, cartoons, video essays, pinterest, philosophy, lush trees, grillz, unconditional love, snails, hibiscuses, funky nails, culture

ʚଓ°❀.ೃ࿔* Goodbye for now!

࣪𖤐.ᐟ 🪷 ♡₊˚ 🫧 𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩₊✧⋆🌷⋆ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

I hope I'll see you again soon!!

[lizuchann]

Hello, There. It's been a while since I posted my art work. But today I'm gonna post a diary instead just to update how I'm doing lately and cheer myself up. :)

Today is the 5th day of Ramadan.

Idk why, whenever Ramadan comes, there is this blessed yet melancholic feeling inside me. Like I want to do things I used to do every Ramadan. It reminds me of my high school times, when my parents still had black hair, my computer wasn't problematic, my sister hasn't married yet, and I sat in front of the computer a lot to play Feeding Frenzy, Zuma, Osu, read manga, or open my Plurk and Tumblr a lot.

Lately, I even installed Tumblr after 6 years not logging in. It's so precious. I uploaded some of my arts that I drew on high school. Ramadan always gives me that nostalgic feeling idk why. Even I am writing a diary here right now.

Oh ya, I almost forgot to mention that I enrolled on a postgraduate school majoring Media and Cultural Studies. The preparation was so hectic wkwk, but I made it on time anyway. The announcement is around April 19. I don't know how to feel about this study plan. I'm either excited or anxious. I'm excited to enter college and gain new experiences, but also anxious about my health, adapting skill, and motivation. 

Some of my friends have entered that uni majoring Linguistics before me. I'm the only one who choose Media and Cultural Studies I guess. And unlike most of my friends who get master degree to gain higher salary or have a dream/project awaits them, I want to enter postgraduate school purely because of curiosity and the urge to learn more. Honestly, I don't know what to do next other than working (again). All I know is currently I want to be involved in **censored content**. And I still had no experience in it at all.

By the way, I also did my 4th rontgen a few days ago. I've been coughing for like a month and losing 3 kg of my weight by now. I'm still waiting for the result next month after Eid and currently swallowing some pills. My 1st and 2nd rontgen results showed that I had pneumonia. I wish nothing bad happens this time. 

I've been so anxious about my old days as well and feel like I can't forgive myself for being who I was, but then I read my old blog diary. It's like I'm having a conversation with my old self and now I want to hug her for entertaining the present me. 🤗 I want to eat well, sleep well, do more exercise, and manage my stress well. Hope everything goes well too. Aamiin. Yosh!

[japanessie]

Hey! I found your blog recently and I also just started listening to MFS and I really like their music. I'm a bit lost as to where to start to learn more about them and their motivation/thoughts behind their music since it's been a couple years since they've debuted. What would you suggest?

Hello (^^)v Welcome to the fandom.

I’m guessing you probably discovered them through their more popular songs like ALONE, 不可逆リプレイス or the more recent ones like Missing You. Firstly, too many people get caught up in singer Hiro’s family relations and ignore the other members. So, I would highly encourage a new fan to NOT follow that crowd XD

There are basically 4 aspects to MFS that all fans need to know OR you won’t understand the band and what diehard fans talk about:

1. Band members & the personnel changes.2. Their musical roots especially the main songwriter Sho Tsuchiya + their twin band named fromus.3. Hiro’s lyrics in relations to his life story.4. The important people in their team especially their boss GEN, A&R exec KTR (Kentaro Suzuki) from Japan Music System (JMS) & circle of friends. Also, their earliest mentor K ( Kei Goto) the late singer of Pay Money To My Pain (PTP).

BAND MEMBERS

1. Sho Tsuchiya ~ leader, guitarist, main composer (currently only functions behind the scene & as a non-touring member)2. Nob @ Nobuaki Katou ~ bassist3. Teru @ Teruki Nishizawa ~ guitarist (many like to categorize him as rhythm guitarist when Sho was in but I personally disagree because he played both lead & rhythm guitars even from the 1st album)4. Kid'z ~ drummer (officially joined on 3 Mar 2016)5. Hiro @ Hiroki Moriuchi ~ vocalist, lyricist6. Masack @ Masaki Kojima ~ drummer (officially left on 3 Mar 2016)

Note: MFS current members “deactivated" from public social media in early 2016. So, don’t bother looking XD

PERSONNEL CHANGES

Sho’s hiatus:Sho remains as a member. He announced his hiatus in October 2015. I won’t call it “inactive" like some people do because he’s still composing with them and most recently served as the Sound Producer for ANTITHESE. He’s just not a touring member for now. He didn’t give specific reason other than family matter.

Drummer change:Masaki didn’t state why he left but it looked like he didn’t want to be tied down to only one genre of music. He was active playing outside MFS before his departure. So, he probably wanted that musical freedom even though he loves MFS. But his decision was enough to badly crush the two youngest members at the time, Hiro and Teruki, from what I observed. Those two younger men were still emotionally dealing with Sho’s hiatus at that moment.  Kid'z is their friend / labelmate who had always got along well with Teru & Hiro. He had worked together with Sho & Nob before too. Co-incidentally, his band officially split up in Nov 2015. So, he was the natural choice to replace Masaki. But Kid'z was drumming as a sessionist musician for singer ナノ(nano) at the time MFS took him. He stopped using his real name and took on a stage name Kid'z* after that. 

* I personally don’t use his real name in public anymore out of respect for his decision. Understandably, he was initially worried about MFS fans’ reaction. Also, it was and probably still is an awkward situation for him regarding his former bandmates when their band split up and he went to their biggest rival band just a few months later. So, I chose to respect his wish to start anew.

THEIR BEGINNING

On my blog so far, the interview that tells their formation year story the most is this one from GEKIROCK.

MFS GEKIROCK Interview March 2016 Translation

The band did describe how they got together in this video interview around minutes 01:42 to 02:58.

My Japanese listening ability is not up to that point yet though, sorry. Hiro explained how he and Sho met at a PTP concert. Couldn’t catch what Sho said about Hiro & Masaki with the music playing in the background :-/ Hiro also said he and Teru knew each other when they were high school students. Well, the GEKIROCK interview is a pretty good picture of their history.

FOR OLD PHOTOS of MFS, check out these places:

My First Story Unofficial fanpage on FBMy First Story Thailand fanpage on FBex-drummer Masaki Kojima’s Twitter @kojimasa 

THEIR TWIN BAND fromus

Ignore whatever musical comparison people made about them and OOR. The real band to compare MFS to is their real twin band fromus, a piano-rock unit. I made an entry about them here.

http://japanessie.tumblr.com/post/140215899677/meet-fromus-mfs-real-twin-band

I personally feel that musically, MFS first two albums are the direct guitar edition fromus. Just take MFS, change the singer & then the guitars to piano. You’ll get fromus.

OTHER MUSICAL INFLUENCES

They do have influences from old school hard rock & metal. Sho and Nob are already in their 30s. Both men said they started on guitar with British rock legend Deep Purple’s Smoke On The Water. Guitarist Teruki grew up with a heavy-metal-music-loving father and would often cite Ozzy Osbourne and Metallica as his early influences.

DISCOGRAPHY

If you want to see their musical & lyrical evolution, try to listen to their songs chronologically from the 1st album to the current work.

Albums & Singles

1. MY FIRST STORY ~ MV Second Limit & Take It Back2. THE STORY IS MY LIFE ~ MVs The Story Is My Life & The Reason3. 最終回STORY (Saishukai STORY)4. BONEDS (a joint 4-band project in which they contributed 2 songs)5. BLACK RAIL ~ MVs Black Rail & FAKE6. 不可逆リプレイス ( Fukagyaku Replace) ~ their breakthrough song IMO7. 虚言NEUROSE ~ MVs 虚言NEUROSE, Child Error & Someday (lyrics MV available on Livehouse iOS App & STORYTELLER website)8. ALONE ~ MVs ALONE & 失踪FLAME * 9. ANTITHESE ~ MVs The Puzzle (exclusive for STORYTELLER members only), Missing You (there’s another STORYTELLER-only version too) & Last Call

Update: 12 Jan 2017. Sorry I forgot the MVs from the ALONE single XD

They also have a special 2-track single dedicated to band leader Sho Tsuchiya, released to the public at the Budokan called:

We’re Just Waiting 4 You (available at MAGIC ROOM while stock lasts)

DVD Collection so far:

1. THE STORY IS MY LIFE Final at Shibuya Club Quattro (bundled with 最終回STORY) ~ the only official DVD released when Hiro still sported his natural black hair colour.2. The Ending of the Beginning at Ebisu Liquidroom.3. BONEDS Tour Movie (with AIR SWELL, BLUE ENCOUNT, SWANKY DANK).4. ITSUWARI NEUROSE Tour Final at Shinkiba Studio Coast.5. MFS at A.V.E.S.T. Vol.9 (released as a free bonus for ANTITHESE Pre-order)

TIDBITS Info (^_-)

Hiro called 虚言NEUROSE creation process as “creating a human-like superhero" & the sound as “listening to the radio in the city“. Does that make any sense to you? LOL. Read what he said in this interview:

Hiro’s Interview with Rockin’ On Japan magazine Jan 2015

HIRO’s LYRICS

Sho let Hiro be in charge of lyrics writing from the start (from an interview for Yamaha Music).

Hiro comes from a famous family thanks to his parents and his successful brother. As a result, he was heavily thrashed on the internet by people who disliked his “easy entry” into the music industry. Hiro used to be very active on Twitter but the criticism against him soon turned into cyber-bullying. I personally had seen the cruel things people wrote about him on Japanese 2ch forum.

I can only guess what happened that drove Hiro to leave social media. Other than abusive online comments, some people probably took advantage of his Twitter presence by sending inappropriate messages or even being intrusive about his brother Taka’s personal life. He tweeted an angry response about 2ch on 14 Feb 2013. Then he wrote on his blog on Ameblo (now deleted / deactivated(?)) that “people’s words can hurt". A few months later, he tweeted “I started blocking fucked up people" in English. Not long after, he tweeted his final tweet “Goodbye forever" and abandoned Twitter in Sept 2013.

He then channeled his anger through the song BLACK RAIL in 2014. He explained it in this interview.

Hiro MFS Rolling Stone Japan Aug 2014 Interview Translation

From then on, a lot of his lyrics reflected what he was going through while writing them.

It must be noted that the special project singles ALONE & 不可逆リプレイス (Fukagyaku Replace) were written for the themes of those projects. Hiro talked at length about ALONE around its release and there are a bunch of them that I posted on this blog.

For details on ALONE Project with HAL College, read these posts:

HAL Project Special Musician Interview with MFS Translation

MY FIRST STORY Flying Postman Interview Translation

Hiro’s ALONE Blog Translation

What is HAL Project & HAL College?

不可逆リプレイス / Fukagyaku Replace was made for the historical anime Nobunaga Concerto. Interesting to note that Hiro wrote the lyrics not from the main character Saburo’s point of view but the other guy Michi. The lines, “I don’t know why but you saved me ………… “ all the way to “I will follow you ….. keep you close to me,” were directly inspired by what Michi said to Saburo in the finale or Episode 10.

The lyrics of Someday are for the late K.Hiro said in Kaohsiung, Taiwan that “This is a very important song to me,“.

His blog entry translation on K’s death

ANTITHESE Lyrics & Hiro’s personal stories

The Puzzle & Tomorrowland are about his heartbreak over Masaki’s departure.Home is about his family who split up after his parents divorced.

IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MFS TEAM1. GEN ~ boss, owner of INTACT Records, owner of Zephyren, organizer of AVEST Project, formerly of Subciety clothing brand.Twitter : @Zephyren_genInstagram : Zephyren Gen2. KTR (Kentaro Suzuki) ~ A&R + marketing exec of JMS, marketing exec of Deviluse clothing, regularly seen at MFS video shoots and concerts.Twitter : @kkktttrrr, Instagram: Kentaro Suzuki3. The late K @ Kei Goto ~ vocalist of Pay Money To My Pain (PTP), mentor in MFS early days.4. Nori (producer), Makiko (merchandising) but she’s better known now as the lady who covered Rassungorerai with Hiro XD

* Update (Jan 2018): I believe Makiko is not in the staff team anymore but she remains a close friend. Here is the YouTube link to the video of her and Hiro.5. Japan Music System (JMS) ~ the music distribution company specializing in indie music and the one that markets/promotes MFS musicYouTube Channel: JMSTVOnline shop for bands’ merchandise: MAGIC ROOM ONLINE STORE

5. Circle of friends among many:  Shirakawa-san (SAKAEYA clothing shop manager) ~ the members regularly visit his shop.Twitter: @sakaeyatenchonano, SWANKY DANK, AIR SWELL ~ artists they had musically collaborated with.

The funny interview with Hiro & KOJI about the Sink Like A Stone collaboration in which Hiro admitted the song’s high notes were difficult to sing is here.

STORYTELLER Fan Clubhttps://xxxstorytellerxxx.comAll MFS members let go of their individual public social media after the club was launched in 2016. If you’re interested to join, feel free to ask questions on how to do that.

In case you have an iOS mobile device ……..

JMS created a Japan-only iOS App called LIVEHOUSE where they feature videos from JMS artists. The videos vary from live performances, interviews, behind the scenes etc. However, if you create a different Apple ID specifically for Japan iTunes account, you can still download the App and watch those videos even if you don’t live in Japan.

*Update (12 Jan 2017): You will then get to watch videos like this one!

**Update (15 June 2017): JMS decided to stop the App by 31 May 2017.

Lastly yet very important, don’t believe any ridiculous claim about Hiro and his brother Taka hating each other because they don’t. You’ll find such comments at some point, I’m sure. These two brothers love and support each other away from the public eye and rightfully keep their family relationship private.

I hope that will give you a good start (^_-)