#I'm like 19 so this might change | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

astonmartinii · 4 months ago

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copycat | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem reader

they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but really it's just annoying

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

note: sorry to all of the chloes of the world, i just chose a random name!

f1tea

liked by user1, user2 and 27,305 others

tagged: yourusername, chloereed

f1tea: SHE STRIKES AGAIN! y/n y/ln, oscar piastri's girlfriend, recently changed up her style with some bangs and surprise, surprise chloe reed shared her updated look just days later. then to really pour salt in the wound, reed posted yet again in mclaren merch. will she ever give up?

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user3: BRO YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED AT LEAST A WEEK?

user4: i think all subtlety was lost when she copied a literal TATTOO

user5: the way it's y/n's tattoo dedicated to oscar as well...

user6: at what point do we get a restraining order?

user7: the day that girl ends up in the paddock we should let y/n fight her with no consequences

user8: this has been going on for so long i feel like y/n has a lot to unleash on her

user9: at this point i think all of us y/n fans should be able to get their lick in

user10: i'm new to f1 can someone explain this lore to me? (srs)

user11: y/n and oscar have been together for nearly four years now, they got together when they were like 19. this chloe reed girl went on one date with oscar when they were 17 and now copies everything y/n does to try and get his attention? like down to haircut and tattoos ... it's kinda crazy and y/n has made some references to it but like we're nearing like the third year of this so i think she might snap soon

user12: it's even got to the point where chloe has like started talking with y/n's accent? she has a very obvious accent so like it's INSANE

user13: and to think all of this over a single date SIX YEARS AGO

user14: on a brighter note - y/n was MADE for bangs they look so fucking good

user15: obviously she should stop but if there's anyone you want to look like, it would be y/n

user16: at this point is it even over oscar anymore? or has chloe lost herself to journey to BECOME y/n

user17: the fact that she still camps out under all of oscar's posts and constantly posts in mclaren merch

user18: and don't even get me started with how she's always in the comments of oscar's sisters' comments

user19: someone needs to get nicole to put this girl on blast

user20: remember before elon took away public likes that mark went on a liking spree about chloe being a lil weirdo

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, logansargeant and 1,209,566 others

tagged: oscarpiastri, landonorris & maxfewtrell

yourusername: summer breakin' with my boy (and his boy)

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user24: MAMA THERE'S A BITCH TRYNA BE JUST LIKE YOU 💜

user25: i unfortunately think she's very aware of it

oscarpiastri: i know you love me because you didn't get annoyed about THEM gatecrashing our couples getaway

landonorris: what if we are a couple HUH???

oscarpiastri: max literally has a girlfriend?

landonorris: ur so close-minded osc

yourusername: i love you osc even with these little stray cats you've picked up

landonorris: did we or did we not organise a super romantic dinner for you?

oscarpiastri: i organised a dinner and you two are so fussy that you left to find some chicken nuggets?

landonorris: therefore giving you a romantic evening on the water?

yourusername: you fell in the water trying to get back on board from the tender and i had to jump in and save you after a fish touched your foot and you began to have a panic attack

landonorris: god you do something nice for people and all you get is SHAMED

mclarenf1: you nearly drowned ???

user26: is chloe going to attempt to drown someone so she can claim she also saved an f1 driver

user27: @georgerussell63 alert the GDPA - NO WATER !!!

georgerussell63: understood 🫡

user28: has it not gotten to a crazy point now that we're warning drivers that this crazy girl might DROWN them ???

user29: at what point do we put oscar and y/n is witness protection

user30: the day she manages to get in the paddock me thinks

charles_leclerc: i see our invite got lost in the mail?

yourusername: please refer to whatever the fuck was going above your comment

charles_leclerc: that you're a victim of identity theft?

yourusername: we been known, but BEFORE THAT

charles_leclerc: oh. you should've let lando drown

landonorris: ???

oscarpiastri: i think that might have gotten me fired?

yourusername: no more papaya rules?

chloereed

liked by user31, user32 and 11,045 others

chloereed: summer breakin'

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user33: oh brother this guy STINKS

user34: i am feeling sufficiently creeped out on the behalf of y/n and oscar

user35: i really don't understand her game here though? does she expect oscar to see this and actually mistake her for y/n and leave y/n for her?

user36: at this point i think she's lost in the sauce

user37: also oscar is hilariously down bad for y/n like he could probably recognise her via vibrational field he would not fall for this cheap imitation

logansargeant: this ain't it btw (it's never been it)

user38: not logan tapping in

logansargeant: who gon check me boo? i ain't got a job

chloereed: i don't know what you're trying to say, but i don't appreciate you spreading misinformation and hate

logansargeant: you have literally copied everything about my best friend down to her sentimental tattoos and you've essentially stalked my other bestfriend for nearly seven years ?

chloereed: it's not stalking if i know i'm what he really wants? she's the imitation of me

logansargeant: you like need help

user39: GO LOGAN

user40: bro has been let of the leash

user41: tbf when you think about it, logan has been friends with oscar for years and by default friends with y/n for just as long so like he's probably seen how this has effected them personally

user42: i don't really see how this is such a big deal, people try and imitate celebs all the time ?

user43: i think it's because she knows at least one of them personally and is very viciously pursuing oscar

user44: also there has to be an aspect we don't know because i don't think logan would be publicly taking her on in the comments if it weren't a lot worse

user45: also ... like it probably feels like shit as a person generally to have everything you do copied and not even get a tiny bit of credit

liked by danielricciardo, patooward and 1,784,039 others

tagged: charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 & oscarpiastri

f1: we're ready for you monza

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user46: OMG IS THAT?

user47: i'm being so for real y/n needs to fight her

user48: OSCAR RUNNNNNNNNN

landonorris: do i need to inform the legal department?

yourusername: you might want to give them some sort of heads up

chloereed: why you afraid i'll steal back my man?

yourusername: no i'm afraid i'll get hit with a manslaughter charge

chloereed: that's a threat - my lawyers will be hearing

yourusername: tell them bitch, oscar would still choose conjugal visits with me over ever being with you

user49: came for the fast cars, staying for whatever this drama is omg

user50: i once went on a reddit deep dive about this drama where they compiled all the evidence and holy moly this confrontation has been a long time coming

user51: the best (or maybe worse) thing abotu all of this is that her claim of being with oscar first and dating him when they were 17 is based on one 'date' where is was just a joint ball between their schools where there was a compulsory dance in which they were partners

maxverstappen1: yo this shit is insane

user52: aren't you meant to be in the car in 20 minutes?

maxverstappen1: drama waits for no one @yourusername i got ur back

charles_leclerc: at this point i will mobilise the tifosi @yourusername

yourusername: i can handle her, i might just need some money to fix my nails

oscarpiastri: please do not fight her, she's not worth it

chloereed: she won't fight for your love but i will

oscarpiastri: can you just fuck off

user53: i fear she's pushed them over the edge now lol

user54: i'm glad they're both letting her have it in the PUBLIC INSTAGRAM COMMENTS <3

f1tea

liked by user55, user56 and 34,982 others

f1tea: she's finally done it? chloe reed was spotted in the paddock at monza. will we finally see a confrontation between the two girls?

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user55: i FUCKING hope so

user56: if i were y/n you'd have to hold me back i'm being so serious

user57: i'd be in oscar's mclaren so fast and be driving down the pit lane to look for her

user58: i'd already be in an italian prison sorry not sorry

user59: y/n needs to give me lessons on being this graceful

user60: at this point we should just have an undercard for the race that's these girls tussling it out

user61: at this point i think logan, charles and max are ready to jump in

user62: charles and max being in the comments just before FP getting the scoop is so insane i love them

user63: imagine getting these f1 drivers this pressed over an aesthetic

user64: if you think this is just about an aesthetic you're just being dumb on purpose

user65: but like y/n is just a girl with bangs and a basic look, u could say like half of the female population are copying y/n

user66: but like please look at the actual evidence, it's way deeper than bangs babe

user67: also the TATTOO WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE TATTOO

user68: whatever happens y/n will always be better than me

user69: she needs to bash her publicly if she won't beat her physically lol

oscarpiastri

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 3,984,022 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: please leave us alone, you'll never be her and i don't want you to be

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user71: STUNT ON THEM QUEEN

user72: a man who vocally defends you >>>

yourusername: love you bby

oscarpiastri: if anyone wants to take me away from you they'll have to defeat me in combat

yourusername: not saying i want that but you would be so sexy in full armour

oscarpiastri: for you... i would wear anything :3

user73: bro said his piece and immediately went back to simping like a pro

user74: if he doesn't offer to wear a suit of armour in the bedroom is he really in love with you?

user75: i guess we're not getting any dad!oscar content any time soon

landonorris: ???

user75: it's a joke about protected sex genius

landonorris: OH

chloereed: that's not what you said then oscar

oscarpiastri: THAT WAS SIX YEARS AGO IN A CONVERSATION I WAS OBLIGATED TO HAVE GET A GRIP WOMAN

oscarpiastri: YOU WILL NEVER FEEL SATISFACTION IN YOUR LIFE IF YOU CONTINUE TO COPY EVERYTHING SHE DOES AND REFUSE TO BE YOUR OWN PERSON

oscarpiastri: so PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND LEAVE US ALONE

oscarpiastri: oh. i'm blocked

oscarpiastri: slay

user76: so ... oscar... when can we get this level of reading on the radio

yourusername: don't make him do community service :(

user77: but him being sassy is a service to the community

yourusername: you make a good point

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 2,045,677 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: you can be a copy cat all you like, but you'll never beat the original

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user78: i am sorry i exist at the same time as you

user79: i know this a whole love post but i have a confession, i am IN LOVE WITH YOU GET RID OF THE AUSSIE

oscarpiastri: 🤨

charles_leclerc: this was a whole saga, i'm happy it's all worked out for you guys but this was hella entertaining - when can we do it again?

yourusername: never again hopefully

charles_leclerc: boring!

yourusername: it literally got to the point that you offered to leave your car keys in a 'special spot'

charles_leclerc: well obviously i don't mean to THAT extent but i just want a bit of drama, let a girl live

user80: shit stirrer charles leclerc i love you

user81: we should've known he was in the trenches with this, the inchident knows no bounds

oscarpiastri: i love you and i'm sorry this happened. but you do slay so i could see why people would want to be you

yourusername: i knew me with bangs would be too powerful 😔

oscarpiastri: you're the most beautiful girl in the world no matter what

yourusername: ugh you have me blushing pretty boy

landonorris: cringe

yourusername: maybe if you copied oscar's flirting techniques you'd actually be wifed

landonorris: i thought we just established that copying is bad

yourusername: trust me, you need the help

user82: i'm glad we've returned to peace with the lando slander

user83: they're power is insane

maxverstappen1: can i say helping you come up with this caption is my community service

yourusername: fuck yes

maxverstappen1: stunting on hoes is very much in the public interest

fin.

note: i'm back in a rhythm !! this is not so subtle so i'll expand here: please please please do not steal my work, idc if you change the driver, if you're blatantly stealing my ideas and concepts - to the point that people are messaging me to make me aware, please don't! or at least credit me rather than pretending this a completely original thought. mamma mia didn't bother me as much because it's obviously the musical's idea, but omg undercover verstappen? big reputation? and guilty as sin - down to the series name? i haven't made any posts about this but know it's very much bothering me and if i see anymore i may have to put it on blast. thank you all for reading, soz for the rant but this has been going on for months.

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #f1 social media au #oscar piastri instagram au #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri social media au

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sakurapika · 1 month ago

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A (possibly) helpful guide to the Nikki-verse for Infinity Nikki Players

❄️Updated December 28th

Although it’s not at all necessary to know the lore of the previous games (Love Nikki, Shining Nikki), here is some info that you might benefit from if you’re joining the fandom with Infinity Nikki!

❄️General Info:

Love Nikki, Shining Nikki, and Infinity Nikki are all stand-alone games with self-contained stories, but they have some commonalities that I will get into later.

Love Nikki (LN) has a 2D art style, and is where many of us "veteran" players began our journey. Shining Nikki (SN) has both 2D and 3D art. Both of these games are stunning, so check them out!

Before Love Nikki, there were two other dress-up games in this series that did not involve being transported into a magical world. They were called NikkiUp2U (released 2012) and Hello Nikki (released around 2016). These games are more obscure, with the latter currently only being available in China, so not much is known about them to international fans.

The developers of the game are Chinese, so expect to get a lot of goodies around Lunar New Year and other major Chinese holidays!

According to Hello Nikki, our main character is around 19 years old. In Shining Nikki, she talks about how she used to go to college before getting transported to Miraland. Her birthday is December 6, which is why Infinity Nikki came out last week and why we got a free outfit (we’ll get a new one every year!)

Nikki's Chinese name is Nuan Nuan, how cute!

Momo claims he’s not a cat, but a member of the “Momo Clan” (LN). He was a little annoying in Love Nikki, but he’s more endearing in later games.

Nikki and Momo are the only recurring characters in the franchise.

The biggest advice I can give as a veteran is: Don't bother with trying to make a visually cohesive outfit for styling battles unless you have a lot of clothing. We've all tried it. It won't work. For now, just layer on everything that has high stats. You're always free to wear your fashionable outfits during regular gameplay, and "glow up" your favorite clothes when you have enough resources, so that you can make better outfits for later battles.

I've seen a lot of people in other places asking about whether the Nikki games will have more androgynous or masculine clothing, and they probably will! It took a while for these clothes to appear in LN and SN, but there are definitely several options out there, from ouji fashion to streetwear to military-style outfits. Read about the seven nations below to find out more.

A lot of people also seem curious about representation for people of color. Unfortunately, the options can be quite limited, as it took a while for textured hair options to appear for players in Love Nikki, and I'm not quite sure about the situation in Shining Nikki. Different cultures are represented in Miraland (as explained below) but they still have their limitations. With Infinity Nikki being more oriented towards an international fanbase than previous games, though, perhaps the developers will be encouraged to branch out more.

❄️Worldbuilding

The world that Nikki has been transported into is called Miraland.

Miraland is composed of seven nations, each with their own distinct fashion style. That means that if you do not like the style of clothes we’ve been seeing so far in Infinity Nikki, do not worry! They’ll have everything eventually.

For some reason, they changed the names of the countries in Infinity Nikki, and I’m not sure why (I’m going to keep mixing them up…). Below, I’ve listed their LN/SN names first, and their Infinity Nikki names second.

The seven nations are:

🎀Lilith/Ninir/Heartcraft Kingdom: In the older games, it was known mostly for fairytale-inspired clothing and lolita fashion, with the occasional “pastoral” suit. It looks like Heartcraft Kingdom in Infinity Nikki has been leaning more into the pastoral aesthetic, but Nonoy’s outfit seems to be in the lolita style. Also, the suits we have been crafting so far for catching bugs and petting the animals is at least lolita-inspired. (People who wear lolita fashion, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the Chinese version of this fashion is a lot more loose with the rules than the Japanese version I am more familiar with). This kingdom is always the first to be introduced in these games. Expect drama to follow whenever we get introduced to the royal family of this kingdom…it always happens. Nikki's first friend is always from this kingdom--we started with Bobo in Love Nikki, then Joy in Shining Nikki, and now Nonoy in Infinity Nikki.

🐉Cloud Empire/Lanling Empire: Known for traditional and modern Asian fashion. A vast majority of the fashions are going to be inspired by Chinese fashion, so if you’re a fan of period dramas or xianxia, you’re in luck! Aside from hanfu and qipao, they also usually have some representation of other East Asian cultures, featuring several kimono and the occasional hanbok. (Due to some controversies in Shining Nikki relating to conflicts between China and Korea, however, I’m not sure if the developers will continue to add hanbok in future games). Love Nikki also included some outfits for Chinese ethnic minorities like the Miao, and Vietnamese ao dai if I remember correctly. All games also have at least one Peking Opera costume—it’s like an industry staple. Overall, Cloud Empire is usually the second kingdom to be introduced in the game, so I’m sure we’ll see it pretty soon. Maybe we’ll go along with Tan Youyou, depending on how the story will go.

👠Apple Federation/Starhail Federation: Known for streetwear, high fashion, and casual clothing (like what you’d wear on an average day). I think Dada and Bebe’s outfits would be classified as Apple, even though they live in Heartcraft. Unlike the rural towns we have seen so far, Apple tends to be a very urban, city-based environment, filled with spies and shady businessmen. Nikki's girlfriend, Kimi (from Love Nikki), is also from here.

👑Pigeon Kingdom/Twinmoon Kingdom: Known for European fashions, including fairy costumes, witch/sorcerer outfits, Rococo dresses (with long skirts, compared to the lolita style in Lilith/Ninir/Heartcraft), and anything else you’d expect to see in a Western fantasy or period drama. Funnily enough, there is always at least one scene in the Pigeon Kingdom that has to do with a cathedral, so expect some fashions with gothic and Catholic-inspired imagery as well. Some of the inhabitants who live there are elves and fairies, like Timis. Although most of the ability outfits we have so far look like they're from Lilith/Ninir/Heartcraft, the "purification" outfit strikes me as something more typical of Pigeon.

⚔️North Kingdom/Empire of Light: A cold country best known for winter clothing—heavy scarves, overcoats, and hats—as well as military attire. There is also at least one "ice queen" style suit in every game. If I recall correctly, this kingdom has been having civil wars since Love Nikki, so expect a lot of action in this area. I suspect that Bettina is from here, but I'm not sure yet.

🐪Wasteland/Terra Alliance: The original name of this country sparked a lot of controversy, so I'm glad that they have changed it. This kingdom usually has desert-themed clothing, ancient Greek/Egyptian clothing, clothing inspired by nature, bohemian clothing, South, and Southeast Asian clothing (the cultural representation isn’t always the best, unfortunately…but I am optimistic that Shining Nikki and Infinity Nikki are more culturally sensitive than Love Nikki).

🤖Ruin Island/Whaleport: A mysterious island that features “futuristic” or sci-fi inspired clothing. In previous games, we have seen medical doctors with dubious legitimacy, scientists who experiment on themselves (?) and androids, so I’m curious to see who we’ll meet this time. Many players from the previous games who liked this style have felt that the developers often neglect this kingdom, unfortunately.

❄️Story and gameplay advice

Without spoiling the older games, I can say that, generally...

Most of the story is based on conflicts between different characters and sometimes different kingdoms. These problems, as mentioned before, are solved through styling battles.

Infinity Nikki seems to be going for a cozier vibe. However, both of its predecessors have sometimes gone into dark territories, featuring themes of war, violence, and betrayal. (I may or may not have cried over the death of a certain someone in Love Nikki...)

Therefore, dramatic things could very well happen in Infinity Nikki. I'm not saying that it can't be your comfort game if that is what you are hoping for, as the other games can still also be light, funny, and cozy. I just want to warn more sensitive players who might not be expecting it from a dress-up game.

When I first wrote this guide, I initially thought that the miracle outfits were like the "lifetime suits" of previous games, where crafting them was optional and not necessary to progress through the story. However, this seems not to be the case. Nevertheless, take your time while crafting them--there's no need to rush.

I'm not sure how f2p-friendly Infinity Nikki will be, but I haven't spent anything on either of the other games and I've been able to buy many of the suits I wanted. Just make sure that you budget accordingly and remember that if you want one suit but can't afford it at the time, another suit with a similar aesthetic might come out in the future. Also banners can re-run!

Keep an eye out for redeem codes! These are often posted by the game's social media, and you can get a lot of free stuff.

The fan-favorite kingdoms are usually Lilith/Ninir (Heartcraft) and Cloud (Lanling), followed by Pigeon (Twinmoon) and Apple (Starhail). The other three tend to get neglected, so if you like the sound of those the most, I'm sorry... :(

The last two sections include speculation, trivia, and an explanation of some inside jokes from the other games. Feel free to skip them if needed!

❄️Continuity and Fandom References to Other Nikki Games

Like I said earlier, the Nikki games can all work as standalone games, and the only returning characters are Nikki and Momo.

However, I've added this section to discuss possible theories and connections, as well as catch others up to speed on some of the inside jokes and characters that we Nikki veterans like to talk about.

If you keep hearing names like "Bobo," "Lunar," "Kimi," and "Nidhogg," these are characters from Love Nikki.

Bobo and Lunar are some of the first characters we met in LN. Kimi is the closest character we have to a canon love interest for Nikki. All of them are fan-favorites, so we're hoping to see any references to them in Infinity Nikki as well.

I can't say much about the very controversial and very popular Nidhogg without spoiling LN, but at least you now know where the name is from.

In Love Nikki, there is a "blood curse" that prevents people from using violence. Therefore, people often resolve conflicts by entering styling battles and destroying each other with the power of a good outfit.

Never ask a Love Nikki player what happened in Chapter 15.

Shining Nikki takes place roughly 700 years before Love Nikki, where there is no blood curse (which means certain people have managed to commit certain crimes...). Several SN characters are the ancestors of, or otherwise related to, LN characters.

Nikki veterans often like to make references to Ashley, Lilith (the person), Joy, and Qin Yi. These are all Shining Nikki characters.

So far, we haven't seen such a connection between old games and Infinity Nikki, so a lot of people suspect that this might be an alternate universe. When more about this version of Miraland is known, I might make another post.

❄️My predictions for future updates

Every time we enter a new country in Miraland, we will have new ability outfits to craft to fit the style of the new setting. This is because most of the outfits we have so far look like Lilith/Ninir suits in previous games, with very few influences from other nations.

The next country to be introduced will most likely be Lanling. I originally thought that they'd let us visit Lanling in time for Lunar New Year, but with the scope of the story, I think it may take some more time before that.

The next big update will be around Lunar New Year, where they'll probably hold some five-star banners, give free diamonds as a login event, and make a new short story, if they celebrate the same way as in Shining Nikki. They're probably also going to give us another free suit. (I hope it's Legend of the White Snake themed, since next year is Year of the Snake!)

Then, we'll probably see the equivalent of the Apple Federation, followed by Pigeon Kingdom.

We will get a new version of this stunning dress. It's called the Star Sea and has shown up in every game so far. I'm actually surprised we haven't heard about it in Infinity Nikki yet.

Please let me know if this guide has been useful, and if there's other parts of the games you'd like me to cover!

#love nikki #love nikki dress up queen #shining nikki #lnduq #sn nikki #infinity nikki

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cocklessboy · 1 year ago

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The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

#transgender #queer #transmasc #lgbtqia+#trans man #sexism #medical sexism #feminism #male privilege

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godmadeaterribleerror · 6 months ago

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No Love Lost Series Masterlist

Read on A03! - Listen to the Playlist!

Rating/Warnings: 18+ for canon-typical violence, swearing, mental health issues, mentions of rape/non-con, and sexual content.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff.

Series Summary

Three years ago you were normal, the only demons you had to fight were your own, and you the most you knew of Vought and the Boys were what you saw on TV. But then you met Homelander at a stupid party, and woke up the next morning in a cell.

After almost two and a half years of you being Homelander's little project, Soldier Boy was woken up only go rouge and be put back under. Somewhere in there, you escaped. And before Queen Maeve went underground, she told William Butcher about the Anomaly, a powerful supe who recently escaped Vought captivity and may have an agenda against Homelander.

One month later, the Boys found you.

You spend the next five months helping them best you can, though your control over your powers is weak and your fear of Homelander makes you useless in combat. But you get an idea. A stupid, dangerous idea that turns you into Soldier Boy's keeper, giving him a second chance to take down Homelander, you hanging over his shoulder, a threat should he want to go nuclear again. It's exhausting and frustrating, and you might kill him and yourself as soon as this is over, but you said whatever it takes.

And this is what it takes.

Author's Note

This story is non-canon compliant, with the two main differences being;

1) Butcher doesn't have brain cancer, because I said so.

2) All of Gen V didn't take place, because I don't want to deal with the whole supe-plauge thing. Also that's too many characters to keep track of squad.

Because of this, the story will start in a similar setting as s4e5, but with different events leading up to it, and will deal with similar themes and have similar events to the rest of s4, but at an inconsistent rate. If you have any questions about other, smaller changes I have made, feel free to ask!

Navigation Key

❤️‍🔥 = Smut

🚩 = Additional Warnings

Chapter List

Chapter 1 - Where Winning Looks Like Losing Chapter 2 - A New Kind of Tension Chapter 3 - You've Torn Your Dress 🚩 Chapter 4 - You Might Be The Same As Me Chapter 5 - Popped, Cool, and Ready to Go Chapter 6 - I've Been Searching for a Fortified Defense Chapter 7 - The Blinding Ultra-Violence 🚩 Chapter 8 - I Just Find My Way Back ❤️‍🔥🚩 Chapter 9 - Can't Cover It Up ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 10 - Lead Me To The Ark ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 11 - The Wolves or The Ocean Rocks Chapter 12 - While My Blood's Still Flowing Chapter 13 - The Terror of Knowing Chapter 14 - Choke on Sun Chapter 15 - I Found A Martyr ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 16 - Let It Flood ❤️‍🔥 🚩 Chapter 17 - Make My Chest Stir Chapter 18 - Something In The Static ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 19 - Don't Look Back 🚩 Chapter 20 - Forget to Fall Down Chapter 21 - Some Things You Just Can't Speak About ❤️‍🔥 🚩 Chapter 22 - I Stayed In The Darkness With You Chapter 23 - Wherever You're Going ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 24 - You'll Never Be Alone ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 25 - All I Know ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 26 - I’ve Loved Everything About You That Hurts ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 27 - Just A Shot Away 🚩 Chapter 28 - Something That I'm Supposed to Be ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 29 - All My Bets On You Chapter 30 - Every Demon Wants His Pound of Flesh 🚩 Chapter 31 - I'd Do It All Again ❤️‍🔥

More Than You Could Ever Know - A No Love Lost Christmas Special

Part 1 - The Boys start Secret Santa, Ben pretends to do his job. ❤️‍🔥 Part 2 - Ben and Ryan go shopping, and you all try to find a tree. Part 3 - You and Ben have a Christmas Eve date. Many gifts are opened.

Bonus Footage (Standalone Chapters)

Dying’s Up to Me - A Prologue. Takes place 6ish months before Chapter 1. 🚩 They're Never Gonna Find You A Home - Request! Everyone adjusts to your life with the Boys. Takes place 5ish months before Chapter 1. 🚩 Back to Here - Request! They get horny at the dining table, and Butcher takes it personally. Takes place in Chapter 14. It's So Simple - You make Ben do icebreakers. He's a little bitch about it. Takes place in Chapter 14. Just Your Time - You give Ben internet lessons. Takes place in Chapter 14. As Much As I Do - Request! Ben finds you dancing, is immediately very normal about it. Takes place after Chapter 14 and around Chapter 15. Calling Your Name - Ben's first birthday awake isn't great. Takes place in Chapter 19. ❤️‍🔥 I Skip My Pride - You share some music with Ben over text. Takes place in Chapter 22. The Only Place That I Call Home - It's team game night, and everyone is sick of you and Ben's shit. Takes place in Chapter 24. ❤️‍🔥 Can't Help Myself - Request! Ben has a breeding kink, and you're incredibly horny, so it works. Takes place in around Chapter 24 and Chapter 25. ❤️‍🔥 Anywhere Else Is Hollow - A halloween special episode! Takes place in Chapter 25. It Was Smiling Down - A Ryan pov Chapter. Takes place between Chapter 26 and Chapter 27. A Call To Motion - Request! There's a lot of things you're good at. Sex with Ben is one of them. Takes places in Chapter 28.❤️‍🔥 I Want You Only - You and Ben go shopping. Takes place in Chapter 28 ❤️‍🔥 I’ll Hold Your Hand - Request! You get your period, and Ben has to do his job and take care of that. Takes place post series.

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psychoticallytrans · 1 year ago

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There's this idea, fairly common in society, that mental illness is for teens and up. Children are happy little creatures, generally, right? Sometimes they're abused and the trauma can make them mentally ill, but that's not common.

There are two fundamental problems with this attitude. One, it's incorrect to assume that trauma is the only reason a young kid can be mentally ill. Two, trauma is more common than people think. I'll be covering the first problem in this post through the lens of my particular experience.

Where I live, you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18 years old. You cannot be diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a minor. This poses a problem because my age of onset was in first grade, roughly six years old. Because of the fact that I was very young and new to the world, this was also the age of my first suicide attempt. Thinking I wouldn't be able to pass a spelling test genuinely felt like something worth trying to die over. So, I ate some hemlock, since I'd read about Socrates being killed with it. Luckily, I ate western hemlock, an unrelated species, and just felt kind of sick.

I'm not recounting that for fun or pity. I'm recounting it because children with mental illness are in genuine danger because they have little to no experience with managing their emotions, have little to no concept of the idea that their life can change and improve, and are dismissed by adults. I told a teacher that the test made me want to die, though not that I'd attempted to, and it was brushed off as little kid hyperbole. If I had used a method that was effective rather than one I thought would be, I would have been dead at six years old.

I would not receive medication that worked even a bit for another two years. I would not receive treatment for bipolar disorder specifically for ten years, and that required my PCP fudging the reason for the medication because she was afraid I would die if she didn't, and diagnosis was still two years off at minimum. I received a formal diagnosis at age 19, thirteen years after onset.

But surely that's uncommon, right? This story is a huge edge case, right? I actually have no idea, because age of onset and age of diagnosis are massively conflated for most disabilities. Policies like the one in my area that restricted bipolar diagnoses by age can artificially raise the age of "onset", in my case by thirteen years. The general idea that children are somehow immune to mental illness can also delay diagnosis by several years, perpetuating the idea that young children can't be mentally ill. The data on when people start experiencing mental illness is inherently skewed upwards, and I frankly don't have a good estimate on how bad that skew is. If anyone does have that data, please chime in.

Listen to children. If they're saying they're sad all the time, that they don't care about anything, that they don't see a future for themselves, those are signs of depressive symptoms. If they say that tests make them feel sick, that they can't do anything because they're scared, that they can't breathe and freeze up, those are signs of anxious symptoms. Many children talk about imaginary things, and that's just fine, but slip in a question or two about them to make sure that the kid is just playing, and not experiencing psychosis.

Children are new to the world and vulnerable, and they don't know what's normal and what isn't. They need people who are more experienced watching out for problems they might be having, and listening when they talk about having problems. If you can, try to be the person who perceives them, and tells them that things can be better.

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awakenedevildays · 8 months ago

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「bathtubs and requests」 Art Donaldson x F!reader

you can read the other parts here!

━━━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━━

"you should move in with me" Art's voice echoes off the bathroom walls of his apartment, it's all so relaxing: the heat of the water around your bodies, his chest pressed against your back and his arms wrapped around you are so comfortable that it takes a while for you to realize what he just said.

"what?"

"you heard me" he murmurs against your neck "come live with me" an incredulous laugh leaves your mouth and you try to turn completely towards him, but his arms clench tighter around you and prevent you from moving enough to do so.

"may I ask why you are asking this now?" you move slightly to the side to see his face emerging from the hollow of your neck.

"I feel like we're ready to do it" his eyes avoid yours and focus instead on his fingers as they start caressing your shoulder "and it's also the next logical step in our relationship."

"You think so?" this time, despite Art's protests, you turn towards him: your breasts press against the boy's chest and his eyes fall down quickly before being brought back to yours by the hand under his chin. The tease is evident on your face and Art feels his ears warm up quickly to the realization of being caught in the act.

"I know so" and kisses the smile off your lips to distract you.

"My answer is not a no, but how do we know that our relationship is ready for this?" you ask him and, without realizing it, the agitation inside you rises: how did you know if you were ready for this step? and if you break up because you went too fast?

The tennis player frowns "what do you mean?" and the sight in front of you distracts you for a second: Art sits back against the back of the tub to stand more upright and listen to you better, his arms, after moving his curly damp hair out of his face, leans on the edges of the tub, his wet and smooth chest shines and his legs are open and bent to the sides to give you more space between them. If you weren't so determined to finish the topic you are having you'd kiss him to death, but you're a woman on a mission and you can't get distracted.

"I mean, some of my behaviors might irritate you or we might fight about serious things and then we wouldn't be able to run away from our problems by going back to our apartment, we'd have to deal with these situations and be mature about what bothers us and-"

"love, you're getting worked up over nothing" he says and his expression relaxes into a smile: now that he understood that your reasons are motivated only by insecurity and not by the fact that you don't want to take the next step with him, he feels it will be easier to convince you otherwise.

"You see? this is exactly what I'm talking about! if we move in together we can't belittle each other's feelings and concerns like this. It wouldn't be healthy and-"

"love," he interrupts you again, and your hands that were gesturing in the air fall on his chest, your eyes avoid his.

Out of your mouth comes a small "…yes?" that makes the man in front of you chuckle.

"we're ready" his calm tone makes its way into your chest "we're 24 years old and we've been together since we were 19, we both have a steady job and we already know everything about each other, there's nothing you can tell me that will change my mind".

"what if we fight?"

"I can't promise you we won't fight, we fight even now that we don't live together, but it seems to me that we are pretty good at making up, if we fight we will solve it as always" it's true, you never went beyond a day without talking to each other, even if you were angry.

"what if we break up?"

"It won't happen," he answers immediately, his fingers move the locks of hair behind your ears and then rest his hands on your face, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks.

His head lowers to chain your eyes together and you look up to facilitate his task "I won't let it happen", the security in his eyes makes you exhale a breath you didn't know you were holding.

Your eyes move around to look at the bathroom, "but I wouldn't be able to pay half the rent of this apartment"

"I don't care about that".

"but-"

"If you really want to pay something, we can split the bills," he answers hastily, at the moment Art doesn't care about how to split the expenses, he would pay everything if it meant he could spend the rest of his life next to you… he just needs your 'yes'.

Your face gets close to his, your lips a few inches away.

"okay" his eyes still fixed in yours

"'ok' what?" his smile gets brighter, he wants to hear you say it.

"I'll move in with you" you smile too.

"that's what I like to ear" he kisses you again.

Now he only has to ask you to marry him… but that will have to wait a little longer.

━━━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━━

Hope you guys will like it as much as I liked writing it! 🩷

(in this fic he still has long hair cause I said so)

#long-haired art dondalson supremacy #art donaldson x reader #art donaldson x you #art donaldson fluff #art donaldson imagine #art donaldson #challengers fic #challengers #tashi doesn't exist here... again lol

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genderqueerdykes · 1 month ago

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holy shit wait…your 32???

I…im gonna cry

I didn’t know we can live this long…

not just trans mass but…

alterhuman…and plurals..and…

I can’t…

so happy

gonna cry……..

yes i am! i was born in 1992 :)

that's exactly why i have my age in my bio- i've wanted to show people that you don't "outgrow" fundamental parts of your identity. it's natural to adopt and shed identities as we age, but i've been out as genderqueer since 19! nothing has changed, i'm still the same genderqueer person i was all those years ago!

and if anything- life has gotten better in my 30s. as a word of advice to most people out there: your teen years and your twenties FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!!! they tell you those are the "best years of your life" but they're NOT- you're growing into a world that is terrifying and doesn't understand you. you're scared. your brain and body are still developing and you're constantly facing new challenges. those are honestly i think the HARDEST years of your life, hands down

when i was a teenager, i would think to myself "phht there's literally no way i'm making it past 25 lmao" and figure that life ends after 25. well, that day came where i turned 25... and nothing changed.

and then i turned 30. still, nothing changed

now i'm 32 and... nothing has changed. maturation happens with age, yes, but it doesn't mean that you're suddenly a completely different person. people have such a shitty view on 30 year olds, like it's somehow "embarrassing" to be above the age of 25 years old. people in their 30s are constantly picked on, we're constantly told to "act our age" when... we are. i'm happier than ever realizing that I made it to my 30s, still trans, still nonhuman, still plural

i've been in treatment for DID since 2017, and while i've healed a lot, i have not integrated with my alters, and i never will. i don't want to. this is how my brain functions. the dissociation can be a nightmare for me, but my brain needs different people inside of it in order to be able to function properly. we tried to force ourselves to live as a singlet for 3 years and what ended up happening was that host at that time cracked from being under the constant pressure and still has never returned. the amount of stress it placed on us to try to live as a singlet was not worth it. at all

there hasn't been a singular moment in my adult life where i stopped being nonhuman, either. that was something that i never even tried to force myself out of. i never viewed it as weird or something that i should "outgrow"- i told my own mother that i did not identify as human as a child and that never left me. even now, i still wear dog collars, ears, tails, and take nature walks and do things to make myself feel more like my nonhuman selves. i'm still a furry, too!

i might not be a queer "elder" yet, but i'm happy as can be to be able to be an older queer person who can use their experience to help younger folks. thanks for sending this message! trust me, there really is a life after your 20s. your teens and 20s suck massively. but after i passed 30 i became more down to earth about my age. it's not a bad thing to live past 20- in fact, it's a badge of honor. i made it. i'm still breathing, i'm still here, still queer, despite all attempts to prevent me from still being here.

i'm going to continue be here for a long, long time, and you can be here with me, too.

take care of yourself! thanks for stopping by!

#asks #feedback #positive #about us

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megalony · 3 months ago

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Finally Coming True

This is a new Evan Buckley imagine that I am very happy with, I hope you will all like it.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: (Y/n) has come to terms with the fact that she can't have children of her own. There are other ways for her and Evan to have a family. But their luck might be about to change.

(I'm thinking of making this into a little series if anyone is interested)

Enjoy.

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Adrenaline sparked in (Y/n)'s stomach when she felt a familiar pair of arms curve around her waist and a pointed chin perch on top of her head due to their height difference. She loved the feeling of his fingers squeezing her hips lovingly and the way he tugged her back so she was pressing into his chest like they were two pieces of a puzzle slotting together perfectly.

Evan's firm chest felt like a wall supporting (Y/n) as she leaned some of her weight back into him and felt the way he barely moved at the extra weight leaning on him.

Reaching her hands down, (Y/n) held onto Evan's wrists and gave a little squeeze, letting her shoulders tilt back a bit more so she was slouched down against him.

Her eyes cast up and her head tilted back until she managed to catch his eye and grin up at him. She felt him press a kiss to her temple and the sensation had her nerves tingling with excitement and love, all at once. She melted against his lips, wanting them to stay there forever, but she had to look back at the scene in front of them. Evan wasn't the one she was supposed to be admiring.

This was the first time (Y/n) had witnessed a hospital wedding, and the first time she had actually heard of one that wasn't just in movies for dramatic effect when someone was dying.

It was a different experience, having everyone cramped into the same room, all coiled together. Some smartly dressed, others wearing something casual that they slipped into last minute to make sure they were here on time.

She was glad both she and Evan had stayed somewhat smartly dressed. (Y/n) was in the plum purple dress she would of worn to the original ceremony, had the wedding taken place back at the manor hotel. And Evan was in a smart pair of trousers and a pale blue shirt with the top few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled neatly up to his elbows.

They didn't look like they had received a last-minute invite and rushed down here, they looked good enough for family photos.

Although (Y/n)'s heart was melting at seeing her niece in her cute little dress and the balloon she was still holding which she refused to let go of.

(Y/n) glanced her eyes up towards her husband when he murmured "Remember the words?" into her hair.

She did indeed remember the words Bobby was uttering since he was officiating the wedding. They were a little different from two years ago when (Y/n) and Evan got married, but it was all along the same lines and if (Y/n) closed her eyes, she could still hear Evan repeating those words to her at the alter.

She felt a little guilty that her and Evan's wedding day had gone without a hitch and poor Maddie had received the fright of her life with Chimney and had to have her day ruined and postponed like this. But at least they were still getting their wedding day with their family and friends, and they seemed happy which was enough for everyone.

"Course I do," She murmured back and turned her head to kiss Evan's bicep. She grinned when he squeezed his arms tighter around her and tilted his head down to attach his lips to the top of her head, kissing her hair.

(Y/n) couldn't stop her eyes from glancing back down towards Jee who was stood right beside Maddie, smiling brightly with all the excitement. She looked so cute. Sweet enough to bring tears to (Y/n)'s eyes that she willed away before anyone noticed.

But it was as if Evan could sense what was running through her mind because his arms squeezed into her waist and he tugged her back into his chest. His body curled around her a bit more like he was becoming a security blanket, engulfing her in his frame.

Evan could feel the longing radiating off of (Y/n), and it was breaking his heart.

Looking at Jee always broke something inside of (Y/n) at the same time that her niece also managed to heal those shattered pieces.

(Y/n) couldn't have kids. Her likelihood of having children was less than ten percent, which was enough of a reassurance to (Y/n) that she was never going to have a child naturally. She had spent many nights crying, telling Evan the family he'd always envisioned, the one he wanted to make and grow and nurture so much better than his own parents had, was never going to happen.

Adopting was going to be their future, it was something they were looking into and as much as that helped, it still hurt to know (Y/n) wasn't going to get the pregnancy experience like every other woman.

She and Evan practically took Jee in when Maddie had her breakdown and went for treatment. She had become a daughter to them for a short time and even now, they took Jee out on day trips, they had her for sleepovers and generally showered her with love because she was their family. She was the child they couldn't have.

"…You can now kiss the bride."

Evan snapped out of the trance he had put himself in when Bobby's words registered in his ears. He looked over at his big sister and one of his closest friends. He couldn't be happier for them. When Maddie married Doug, the ceremony had been small and their parents didn't even turn up. Evan had felt dread in the pit of his stomach that day, and he could never get over how it felt like she was making such a big mistake.

This time, it was invigorating to feel warmth and happiness and a general sense of ease at knowing his sister was going to be happy this time. She deserved it. She needed it.

Evan took a step back, subsequently tugging (Y/n) back with him so they weren't too cramped between everyone else. It was lovely and endearing to have the closest people in their little circuit in here for the ceremony, but it was also unnerving. There was no space between them all. Everyone was nudging elbows and leaning on each other and it was very, very warm in here now.

Pushing up on her tiptoes, (Y/n) pressed a kiss to Evan's cheek and grinned when Evan tilted his head to catch her lips with his. She felt his tongue tracing her lower lip as if begging for entrance, but he pulled back before he could get any further. It was as if he remembered they were in public, at a ceremony. They couldn't be too touchy-feely in public.

Her fingers danced along his jaw and traced up towards his ear while she leaned up towards him and pecked his cheek.

"Love you." He whispered softly into her ear, feeling the way (Y/n) took a deep breath and the feel of her heartbeat pulsing beneath her skin. There weren't many special moments in Evan's life that weren't overshadowed by other things or people he'd rather forget.

But he knew this memory wasn't going to be tainted. This was going to be something that stuck with him for all the right reasons and made him happy. He had his wife in his arms, his family surrounding him and a moment that made all the difference in their lives right here and now. It felt like everyone in this room had someone to share the moment with, and Evan was glad he had (Y/n) here with him.

So many moments in his life he had witnessed alone, good and bad, and it always ate away at him. Not anymore.

Having (Y/n) in his arms, making him feel loved and happy and whole meant this day was going to be a good day. It was going to be a memory that wouldn't be tainted by bad thoughts or moods or by something bad happening.

"Love you too." (Y/n) let her temple rest against Evan's jaw and she took a moment to close her eyes and savour in the feeling of his embrace.

Her lips curved up and her hands tightened around his wrists when he gently but firmly started to tug her backwards with him again so they were melting into the background. Moving them both out the way so that Maddie could move and some pictures could be taken.

Pulling on Evan's arms, (Y/n) pushed up on her toes and hovered her lips over his ear.

"Just going to the bathroom, save me some cake."

"Will do." He muttered against her cheek, turning to steal another kiss from her lips before he eventually let her squirm out of his arms.

(Y/n) tilted her head down, a shy smile gracing her lips as she coiled her arms into her chest and slowly weaved her way through the other guests in the room. She tried not to push or bump into anyone and wormed her way out the door, taking a deep breath when she was finally back in the corridor.

It was lovely to see so many people enjoying the ceremony, but it wasn't great for them all to be cramped together like that. The room was starting to feel like a sauna with all the body heat crowding together and (Y/n) was glad for a little breathing room.

Once the room had started to fill up, Evan had graciously looped his arms around (Y/n) and moved her in front of him to keep her close and so she didn't have to be too close to anyone else. He knew wrapping himself around her would make her feel at ease with her anxiety. The last thing he wanted was for (Y/n) to feel uncomfortable or start to panic.

Rattling her fingers through her hair, (Y/n) smiled to herself and made her way down the corridor and turned the corner.

It didn't take long to find the nearest toilets and when she was done, she slowed down her walk to have another minute or so to herself before she went back into the enlightened room with the raised atmosphere.

She stuck close to the wall, letting her head lean to one side when she watched Jee trot out of the room, the balloon now tied to her wrist so it would follow her like a shadow without risk of floating away. She stopped in her tracks and watched Evan trail after her, but when he reached down and swooped Jee up into his arms, (Y/n) could feel her heart constricting.

Her hand moved to her chest as if the way her heart clenched was the beginning of a heart attack. She could feel her lungs becoming taut and narrow and she couldn't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes when Evan kissed Jee's cheek. He sat her on his hip and wandered down the corridor with her.

She wondered where the pair of them were going, but it didn't really matter. It was the sight of them that made (Y/n) feel like someone was driving an ice pick through her heart.

"Hey, you okay?"

Tremors rattled through (Y/n)'s chest and she shuddered, pushing off the wall to twist to the left. She felt a wave of relief when she noticed it was only Hen and she let herself relax and turned to press her shoulders back into the wall. Her arms coiled around her waist and she nodded before she tilted her head down to fight off the rest of the tears threatening to overwhelm her.

"I'm good, you?"

She hadn't realised Hen had slipped out of the room too. She felt like she had a close friend in Hen. Of course, Evan had Eddie who was like a brother, and Chimney was now technically a brother to him, but there was a strong bond between Hen and Evan. He could tell her anything, and therefore, (Y/n) had gotten close to her too.

Hen glanced back down the corridor but she didn't make a move to go back towards the room just yet. Instead, she moved to stand beside (Y/n) with her hands tucked into her pockets and an understanding look on her face.

"Are you okay, really?"

(Y/n) managed a smile and let out a small laugh that almost sounded broken. She swiped her hand beneath her eyes, making sure she wasn't actually crying, before she ran her hands up and down her thighs to give herself something to do and create a distraction.

"Yeah, just… he just looked so cute, with Jee. I got a bit emotional, I know it's silly."

"It's not silly." The tender look in Hen's eyes made (Y/n) feel a little better, but she still felt like she was being too emotional without much cause.

Her arms moved to fold over her chest and she tilted her head down while her shoulders and back stayed pressed into the wall. It didn't matter that (Y/n) had already resigned the idea of being pregnant and having a child naturally, seeing Evan with Jee made that frustration and anger creep back up her throat.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. (Y/n) hated that her body was so against her like this. Sometimes, she wished she'd never found out she couldn't have kids. At least then she and Evan would have a small morsel of hope rather than the damning knowledge that it was never going to happen.

"That sight might be familiar in a year or two, you never know, you two might have a baby." Hen reached out to rub (Y/n)'s arm softly and she smiled, right until (Y/n) lifted her head.

The sorrow in her eyes wiped away Hen's smile and made her think she had said something wrong.

"I doubt it." Her eyes cast down towards her shoes that were tapping out an uneven rhythm against the tiled floor. "I've got cystic ovaries… he's got no chance of having a child with me."

No matter how many times Evan reassured her, (Y/n) always felt nervous when the subject of kids came up. She feared that one day Evan was going to wake up and realise he'd made a mistake, sacrificing any biological kids of his own to have a life with (Y/n). She worried he would turn around one day and say that it didn't matter how much he loved her, he needed to find someone he could have a proper family with.

And could (Y/n) really blame him if that happened?

"Oh, I- Buck never mentioned it. I know how hard that can be, IVF didn't work for me and Karen, and she took it hard."

Evan had never brought it up with anyone on the team, he barely talked about it to Maddie. It was something that brought Evan down at times, but it wasn't something he was hung up on. He didn't care how he and (Y/n) had kids, as long as their future would contain kids at some point, then he didn't care about the method.

And he had never said anything to the team or had that longing look in his eyes when they had to look after kids on shift or come into contact with kids in emergencies. He was always good at calming kids down and keeping them occupied and giving out random facts. Evan was great with kids, everyone could see it and if he was ever asked if he had kids, his response was always 'not yet.' with a smile that said he would have kids soon. Eventually.

"I just, I feel like I'm letting him down sometimes. You've seen him with kids, and he's amazing with Jee. I can't make that happen."

"There's always adoption… I know it's not my place, but Buck has found the one with you. Kids don't have to be biological, and that doesn't matter to Buck, I know it. Any kids with you, no matter how it happens, would be his idea of a blessing."

Hen's words of wisdom sounded surprisingly like what Evan had said to her one night when they talked about the future.

Evan didn't care if they fostered or adopted or ended up taking in ad caring for a child he met on a call out at work who needed a safe loving home. All Evan cared about was them making their family together, the exact way that happened wasn't an issue for him.

And (Y/n) knew deep down that whenever they got round to adopting or fostering, it would feel envigorating and as if their family was that much closer to being complete. It was just taking time to get used to the fact that it wasn't going to happen quite how she had always pictured when growing up.

***

A jolt ran through Evan's body and he shot up from the bed, sitting upright when a horrid sound seemed to vibrate through the house. His eyes scanned around the bedroom, momentarily panicked about why there was so much light creeping through the curtains until he remembered it had to be sometime in the afternoon.

He had been on a double shift. He didn't sleep last night, he came home this morning and completely crashed the moment he climbed into bed.

He sat up in the middle of the bed, feeling his heart hammering against his chest as he scrambled to get up off the bed and find his bearings. Whatever crash he had just heard in the house wasn't normal and Evan knew he wasn't home alone. (Y/n) was here. Either that noise was from her, or someone was breaking in during the day.

"Baby, you alright?" His voice was apprehensive as he headed out the bedroom and took a look around before he wandered quickly into the hall. "(Y/n), what was that noise?"

"Evan…" The weak call of his name had panic bubbling up inside Evan's stomach and he surged forward, hurrying towards the stairs.

Before he could even call out and ask (Y/n) whereabouts she was in the house, he saw her.

Crumpled at the bottom of the stairs. She'd fallen.

"Shit."

His heart jumped into his throat as he thundered down the stairs, pulling his lower lip between his teeth at the sight in front of him. (Y/n) was sat on the floor in front of the stairs, her legs curled beneath her with her back up against the wall and her body slouched to the side like she was about to curl up on the floor and go to sleep. Her hands were covering her face, partially smothering the small whimpers she was letting out along with each harsh breath she took which fanned against her palms.

When Evan got closer to her, he realised she was trembling. He clung to the bannister and used it to climb over (Y/n) since she was right at the bottom of the stairs.

He spun round and moved to kneel down beside her and he gingerly rested his palms on her thighs, unsure where to touch her because he didn't know where she had gotten hurt.

"Baby, look at me. Are you hurt?" His thumbs stroked up and down her thighs while he leaned closer to try and inspect her for any signs of injury or pain.

(Y/n)'s hands continued to tremble even as Evan carefully cupped her wrists and pulled her hands away from her face so he could look at her. He lowered her hands to her lap until (Y/n) whimpered and her left hand jerked up. His attention darted down and he brought her left hand up for inspection.

His lower lip sucked between his teeth. Her middle and fourth finger were trembling and bent at odd angles. They might be broken.

Evan went to say something, but when his eyes lifted to lock onto (Y/n)'s face, his expression fell and a sigh parted from his lips. He let go of her hand and reached out to cup her face in his hands, tilting her head back so he could try and inspect her forehead.

She had a rather large gash on the right side of her temple and a steady flow of blood was trickling down her head towards her cheek. It didn't take much guessing to figure out that she had fallen which such a bang that she cracked her head on the unit in front of the stairs that housed the shoes.

"Oh baby… I think I might have to take you to the emergency room."

(Y/n) couldn't help the way she groaned and the quiet mewl that left her lips. She could feel the blood trickling down the side of her face and her head was throbbing like she was a drum constantly being whacked. Tears were streaming down her face as she pushed forward and slumped her face onto Evan's bare shoulder.

She felt bad for getting tears and streaks of blood smeared onto his skin, but he didn't seem to care at all. His arms enveloped around her frame and he cupped the back of her neck as he kissed the top of her head softly.

She knew she was accident prone, but this was the first time (Y/n) had fallen down the stairs the year that they had lived in this house.

Her hand was twitching in agony on her lap, her head felt like it was swelling up to the size of a helium balloon and she felt queasy.

Ragged breaths left her lips as she tried to regulate her system for a few moments until Evan gently slid his hands down to hold her waist.

"Shall we try and get you up? I wanna get you checked out."

(Y/n) moved her hands to his biceps, keeping her face tucked into his shoulder and her eyes tightly closed to see if it would help with the headache throbbing in her temple. Her body was rattling like a pill box but once she was on her feet, (Y/n) felt like her bones had turned to jelly.

Her knees caved in and her weight fell onto Evan as her mind short-circuited. Her hands lost their grip on his arms and she slid down until Evan quickly buckled his arms around her torso and pinned her against him.

"Woah, baby, baby you still with me?" The quiet noise that clawed past her lips was enough to alert Evan that she hadn't passed out yet.

He tightened his arms around her and carefully turned her to the side and leaned her backwards until she sat down on the stairs. He let her slump against the bannister and crouched back in front of her, cupping her neck so she was looking down at him.

"You're definitely concussed. I'm gonna get changed and then we'll go to the emergency room, okay?"

(Y/n) sighed as she went to rake her fingers through her hair before she remembered that her hair had been tightly tied up at the back of her head. It induced the headache she already had and made her skin feel tight, but it had been necessary so the nurse could inspect the cut on her temple that started at the tip of her hairline and went down towards her brow.

She moved her hands down to her lap and ran her fingers up and down her thighs to try and keep herself busy and give herself something to do.

Her eyes locked on the cardboard sick bucket laid at the end of the bed and she grimaced and turned away from it. That was the second one she'd had since coming down to the emergency room. The nurse hadn't even started to patch her up and (Y/n) had clammed up and threw up on the floor. Then again five minutes later when she was handed one of those sick buckets. Since then, Evan had kept that one nearby just in case.

He knew concussions often made people sick, he had seen enough people throw up after a bad accident and once, someone had even thrown up on Chimney.

"You okay?" Evan whispered softly and when (Y/n) looked in his direction, he leaned closer to the bed she was sat on and reached out for her. His fingers cupped her chin and he tilted her head down so he could inspect her cut. Again.

The nurse had said it was deep but rather than stitch it, she had glued the cut together. Now (Y/n) couldn't get it wet for almost two weeks, which meant if she wanted to wash her hair, she was going to have to enroll Evan's help to carefully wash her hair and keep the water off her temple.

"The pain relief isn't helping," (Y/n) hated how her head throbbed and continued to feel like it was being hit with a hammer.

Whatever the nurse had given her when they arrived hadn't been enough to take away the throbbing headache (Y/n) had or the queasy feeling overwhelming her stomach. She felt like someone was about to rip her head off with how horrid the pain was and (Y/n) didn't want to think what it would feel like if she hadn't of had the pain relief at all.

"You'll feel better soon." Evan mused quietly while he dragged his thumb along her lower lip and leaned forward from his seat to peck her cheek.

He looked down at (Y/n)'s hand, noting that her fingers were starting to swell and she could barely bend them at all. She needed an X-ray, but that had to wait as the gash on her temple took precident, especially considering (Y/n) didn't have the willpower to move when they arrived. She had been drowsy and the concussion was only just starting to taper off.

At least she was conscious and properly alert now.

Evan had held her good hand and tried to take her mind off the bloods she had to have when they arrived. Then they had to wait until she had pain relief and was back to her senses before the nurse glued her head and left her to feel a bit better. Now they were waiting for someone to guide them down to X-ray because once her hand was in a splint, Evan could take her back home.

(Y/n) leaned over the side of the bed, keeping both hands on the bed so she wasn't in danger of losing her balance and toppling off onto Evan's lap. She brushed her nose against his and leaned down to steal a kiss from his lips. She felt his thumb grazing up and down her chin as he sat on the edge of his seat to be as close to her as possible.

But the moment was broken up when there was a light knock on the cubicle door and a nurse entered the room.

(Y/n) managed a small smile and moved her hands to her knees which were crossed beneath her on the bed. She watched Evan sink back in the chair while his hands began smoothing up and down his jeans in a nervous habit.

"Can I get an X-ray now?" (Y/n) gingerly held up her left hand which was still trembling and her two suspected broken fingers were partly curled, unable to bend in any direction.

"I think a doctor is organising that for you now. But we've had all the results back, you do indeed have a concussion, but your bloods have come back clear from any infection,"

"Good." Evan murmured softly and reached over to run his hand along (Y/n)'s thigh.

It hadn't been a big worry that she might have any kind of infection or illness, but with (Y/n) cutting her head and coming in with a lot of concussion symptoms, they had to make sure. They didn't want to send her home without antibiotics if she had any infection or anomaly in her blood, it was better to be safe than sorry.

"But, we do have some good news. The bloods show that you're pregnant, congratulations."

The smile on the nurse's face was a beaming one and it dazzled (Y/n) to the point she thought she was going to go blind. She looked like a young nurse, as if she hadn't been in this job long because she was overly happy to give them the wrong news.

(Y/n) couldn't help the way her lips curled down and the headache thumping at her temple got louder and harder. Why were they doing this to her? How stupid could they be that they managed to switch her results with someone else's?

She couldn't have kids. She'd been to her doctor many, many times for all the problems she'd had with polycystic ovaries. There were a few of them around her fallopian tubes and they were large and blocked the eggs from being released. (Y/n) had less than a ten percent chance of having kids, that was what she had always been told.

And even if she did somehow get pregnant, the exams and treatment she'd had confirmed that her cervix was small and weak. It meant she probably wouldn't carry a baby to full term anyway.

No matter how many people tried to calm her nerves, (Y/n) knew she was irrevocably damaged.

"I c- I can't get pregnant." The little huff at the end of her voice almost sounded like a laugh and she turned to look at Evan, exasperation on her face and a broken look in her eyes. As if she were asking him to step in and make this right, to get this nurse to see whatever mistake she had made with those results she had in her hands.

The look on Evan's face was perplexed as he sighed and began tracing his hand up and down his jaw.

Out of all the people in this hospital, they had to mix (Y/n)'s results up. Couldn't this of happened to someone else? It was cruel. This was going to give them a sense of false hope that they couldn't believe in. Evan used to try and make (Y/n) feel better about their situation with kids, he'd say because the doctor couldn't say she was one hundred percent never going to get pregnant, that they had a chance.

But with their likelihood being so low, any sense of hope felt foolish and he could see it didn't help.

"Oh, but the results-"

"I have polycystic ovaries, they- they got damaged. My doctor said I have a two percent chance of having a baby. I'm not pregnant. Don't-" Her desperate eyes darted between the nurse and Evan who was now standing up beside the bed. "Don't do this to me."

They had a false alarm before. (Y/n)'s condition meant she often had missed periods, heavy periods and they were never regular. But when she went three months without a proper period, she hoped. She prayed that they had a small slither of a chance at being pregnant. A trip to the doctor had left (Y/n) in a slump for weeks when she found out she wasn't within a chance of having a baby.

She didn't want any more false chances like that.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she tried to regulate her breathing while Evan stepped as close to the bed as he could. Both his hands moved down to squeeze her shoulders and he leaned down so he could kiss the back of her head. Not wanting to go near her temple and cause her any pain or dare touch the glue that was still setting in her gash.

He let (Y/n) lean into his torso and when her hand reached up to cling tightly to his arm, he felt her starting to shake again. He gripped her shoulders and leaned his cheek on top of her head for a moment or two before he looked over at the nurse.

"Your hormone levels show you are pregnant, these tests are hardly ever wrong. But I'll go find you some water to drink and I'll book for you to go for an ultrasound right away. Just to make certain."

The nurse looked very uncertain and panicked and Evan figured she thought she may just have given the wrong person the wrong results or the labs might have made a mistake.

But Evan jolted back when (Y/n) scrambled up from the bed before the nurse had chance to step back.

(Y/n) reached out and snatched the paper from the young woman's hands and stepped to the side so the paper couldn't be taken from her too soon. Her eyes blurred as she scanned over the words and numbers, most of which washed over her head and looked like jumbled nonsense to her.

She scanned down near the bottom of the page, fingers almost crumpling the paper as she read over the elevated hormone levels she had. This was her results. That was her blood group. Her name and date of birth at the top of the page. And there it was in black and white at the bottom of the page.

*The presence of these hormones indicate pregnancy.

Horrible tremors rattled through her arms and caused her knees to quake back and forth like tooth picks about to snap in half. She could barely take in a proper breath until her lungs were gasping for air and her throat was tightening up in panic.

The page crumpled in her hands, crinkling and tearing at the sides as all the words blurred into one big mush of black and white swirls like it had been drenched in water.

She could feel her knees giving way on her but before she hit the floor, Evan's arms bolted around her waist. His fingers laced together and his hands imbedded into (Y/n)'s stomach so he could reel her back into his chest to stop her from crashing to the floor.

Evan curled over her like some kind of blanket, moulding his chest into her back and he smothered his lips against the side of her neck as (Y/n)'s weight leaned on his arms and he held her up. She dropped the crumpled piece of paper to the floor and switched to digging her nails into Evan's wrists like she was reassuring herself that this was real, this wasn't some kind of dream or awful nightmare.

The nurse rushed forward to try and help but she froze when Evan shook his head. (Y/n) hadn't fainted, she hadn't blacked out or gone unconscious, she was just in a panicked state and Evan would calm her down.

"Book that ultrasound please."

The nurse did as requested and disappeared from the room. She would find two bottles of water for (Y/n) to guzzle so she could get (Y/n) booked in for an ultrasound within the hour. She didn't fancy waiting and seeing what kind of panicked state (Y/n) might go into if she didn't receive some clarity soon.

Tears began to fall from (Y/n)'s eyes as she clung to Evan's arms and gasped for air when her lungs finally started to take in proper breaths again. She flopped her head back on his shoulder while he carefully moved her over to the side. He twisted around and sat down on the bed, shuffling back enough so that he could pull (Y/n) up onto the bed and sit her between his thighs.

She slouched back into his chest, reduced to tears and despite the pounding agony in her temple, she leaned her head on Evan's shoulder with her forehead touching his neck.

"Hey, hey, it's alright. Our luck might be changing, sweetheart."

***

It couldn't be true.

That was the only thing circulating through (Y/n)'s mind as she and Evan walked into the ultrasound room. No. The test had been wrong. Her hormone levels must just be elevated due to her polycystic syndrome. It had to be a mistake. (Y/n) couldn't allow herself one second of false hope because no matter how small that hope lifted her, the fall was always catastrophic and the landing was even worse.

But every time she looked back at Evan, he had that faraway look in his eyes that made (Y/n) want to scream and kiss him all at once. He would dither on the edge of hope, and if this turned out to be wrong, he would somehow manage to hold himself together and hide the rushing agony from his face.

(Y/n) knew he was anything but calm, she knew there would be one hundred and one thoughts raging through Evan's mind right now, but he hid it so well that it was infuriating.

She felt his hand on her lower back as they headed into the ultrasound room and looked over at the doctor.

The doctor looked like a calm lady who took everything in her stride, and by the look in her eyes and the nurturing smile on her face, she had been told. She had been informed about (Y/n)'s adamance that the results had been wrong and this was not going to go the right way.

"Hi there, Mrs Buckley, right?"

When (Y/n) nodded, the doctor ushered her to sit down on the bed. (Y/n) knew the drill. She had suffered through far too many ultrasounds relating to her condition, especially when her symptoms flared up. Only one had been to check whether she had been pregnant or not, and this was going to work out exactly the same.

(Y/n) rolled up her shirt towards her bra, but when she looked to her left, she reached out and took Evan's hand. She gripped it tightly and pulled his hand to rest against her side. She wanted to smile when she felt him kissing the top of her head, but she couldn't manage it.

"Okay, let's take a look."

She was suddenly glad that the screen was turned away from them. (Y/n) didn't want to look. She didn't think she would understand what she was looking at anyway, but seeing an empty space was only going to make her heart break all over again.

It was an uncomfortable but familiar feeling to have the sonogram pressing down on her abdomen, making her bladder squeeze and feel like she was about to burst.

She tilted her head away from the doctor to look towards Evan; she wanted badly to press her face into his torso but knew she couldn't in case she wanted another agonising headache.

"I can see a few cysts, roughly the same as your last ultrasound."

(Y/n) muttered a quiet "As normal," under her breath because that was exactly what she was expecting to hear.

"And then there's a baby in here too."

Her words caused (Y/n)'s head to snap to the right as her jaw hung loose. She could feel Evan's hand tightening around hers while he pushed forward into the bed harsh enough to make the frame rattle and unbalance (Y/n) by mistake.

"No… no, I- I can't," (Y/n) looked between Evan and the doctor, begging for one of them to tell her that this wasn't happening. Since she was nineteen she had been told that it wasn't likely to get pregnant, and then her doctor all but put it in stone that this wasn't going to be her reality.

"Then what'd you call that?" Evan murmured against the shell of her ear, his smile so wide (Y/n) could feel it against her skin as he leaned into her and pointed at the monitor when it was turned in their direction.

Evan was no doctor, but he knew what that grey, blurred shape was on the screen. He knew that was a baby. Their baby. No one was lying to them or mixing up their results, this was happening. Finally, after so many restless nights crying and resolving that they weren't going to have a baby of their own. It was finally coming true.

Her grip tightened around Evan's hand until he had no circulation left in his fingers, not that he minded at all. He kissed her cheek, then her lips when she turned her head up in his direction and (Y/n) could feel her tears soaking into his skin. She couldn't help the flood wave of tears beginning to stream down her face.

"I'd say your about eleven weeks, all looks good. I'll add some notes to your file, and you should get in touch with your doctor as soon as possible. You can be put on antenatal care now."

That was something (Y/n) never thought she was going to hear.

A small laugh tumbled past her lips before she turned to the left and deadlocked her arms around Evan's neck. She pulled him down to her and burrowed her face in his shoulder, ignoring the blinding sparks in her temple that were nothing compared to the adrenaline sparking throughout her system and the butterflies swarming through her blood.

She felt Evan's arms loop around her waist so he could pull her into his chest and he attached his lips to the side of her neck, unable to stop from grinning into her skin.

"What did I tell you? Our luck is changing, sweetheart." He knew it. Something just told Evan that those results weren't a mistake. It was like intuition in his gut. They were going to have a baby.

This was really happening.

#imagine #911 imagine #evan buckley #evan buckley x reader #evan buckley imagine #buck x reader #pregnant! reader #buck imagine #request #eddie diaz #bobby nash #maddie buckley han

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pandemic-info · 4 months ago

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"Any chance we're wrong about Covid?"

It's a valid question many people earnestly think about — even the very cautious.

'it becomes important to ask: "what does the data actually say?"'

Quoting a few good answers from a thread:

"Covid left me disabled in 2020. I know with 100% certainty that I am not wrong about Covid. I live with the proof every minute of every day for the rest of my life."

"The insurance companies and government statisticians care, or rather they have taken an objective interest." > https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/LNU01074597 > https://insurancenewsnet.com/innarticle/insurance-industry-coalition-forms-non-profit-to-study-excess-mortality

"There are parallels between how governments are responding to COVID-19 and how they responded to tobacco back in the day. “it would be a mistake to assume governments would automatically protect people from a public health threat in the face of more immediate economic considerations…there would be resistance to change that might be costly until evidence to justify it was overwhelming.”" > https://johnsnowproject.org/insights/merchants-of-doubt/

"I suspect most of us entertain this thought from time to time, especially when it’s this absurdly difficult and lonely to maintain a Covid Conscious lifestyle. But it’s important to remember that history is littered with people making terrible choices en masse: with handling past pandemics, the holocaust, slavery, witch burnings, etc. Hell pretty much everyone used to smoke and putting lead in everything was A-ok. Just because a lot of people believe something doesn’t mean they’re right. So it becomes important to ask what does the data actually say? The research and the statistical data on this subject paint an ugly but fairly quantifiable picture by which we can gauge our understanding of the situation and our choices in response to it. Read the science. Look at the data on things like Long Covid. There are also many of us who have already had our health absolutely ravaged by this virus or lost loved ones to it etc., and everyone in that position has first hand evidence for how dangerous this virus is. It’s tremendously difficult to swim against the current like we are and self-doubt is natural in those conditions, but that’s when seeking out factual information on the subject is the best course of action."

"But what it all comes back to for me is - say we're wrong, and covid is a big nothingburger and lockdowns are the root of all evil. Ok, well, what I'm doing is acting on the best information available to me at this time to protect my family. I can't regret that. I will always be able to look my kids in the eye and say "I did my best with what I had."" ... So if we're wrong - well, we wore masks, changed our social habits, reduced our consumerism and our contribution to the destruction of our planet, and reduced how often we got sick. None of those things are bad. If they're wrong, they and their kids are screwed. I'd rather err on the side of caution.

#covid #long covid #commentary/opinion #look at the data #read the papers #science #reddit

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littleprinces · 8 months ago

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A Tale of Forbidden Desires

Belle x M!Reader

I couldn't believe my luck when I found out my stepsister, Belle, was coming to visit for the summer. She was a half Korean and American girl, barely 19 years old, with an attitude that matched her blonde hair. Little did I know, that summer break would change our relationship forever.

Belle and I had always been close, but there was an undeniable tension between us, growing stronger every day she was in town. One day, she asked to use my bathroom before we went out for dinner. I couldn't help but notice her shapely ass as she walked away, and I felt my cock stir in my pants.

I heard her giggle from behind the closed bathroom door, and I knew she caught me staring. "You like what you see, oppa?" she teased. I was taken aback by her boldness but couldn't deny the attraction I felt.

"Maybe I do," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. "But I don't think it's appropriate for a stepsister and brother to act on their desires."

"Who says we can't?" Belle challenged, opening the door and stepping out, her eyes locked with mine. "We're both adults, aren't we? And it's not like anyone has to know."

My heart pounded in my chest as she walked over to me, her hips swaying seductively. She placed her hand on my chest, and I could feel the warmth of her touch through my shirt. "What do you say, oppa? Let's have a little fun."

Without saying a word, I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers, kissing her passionately. Our tongues danced together in a French kiss that left us both breathless.

Belle pulled away and looked at me with a mischievous grin. "I knew you wanted me. Now it's time to show you what I've been hiding under these clothes." She reached for the hem of her shirt and slowly lifted it up, revealing her perky breasts and flat stomach.

I couldn't take my eyes off her as she undressed, and soon we were both naked, our bodies pressed together. I couldn't resist burying my face in her neck, licking and nibbling her soft skin while she moaned softly.

She pushed me onto my back on the bed and climbed on top of me, straddling my waist. Her pussy was already wet and ready for me, but she had other plans. She reached behind her and guided my cock to her tight asshole, slowly sliding it inside.

"Oh, fuck," I groaned as she began to ride me in the in doggystyle position. Her ass felt incredible, and I couldn't help but grab onto her hips, guiding her up and down as she fucked me.

"Harder, oppa," she panted, her voice breathy and needy. "Fuck my ass like you mean it."

'Yes belle, you are mine, i love you my sister' i moaned hardly and still pounding her ass so bad

I did as she asked, pounding into her with all my might. She screamed my name, her orgasm building until she finally let go, her body shaking with pleasure.

I pulled out just in time, my cock throbbing as I watched her cum drip down her thighs. I knew what I wanted to do next, and Belle didn't object. I positioned myself between her legs, my cock still rock hard.

"You want to breed me, oppa?" she asked, a smirk on her face.

"Fuck yes, I do," I growled, slipping my cock back inside her soaking wet pussy. I thrust into her hard and fast, my balls slapping against her ass with each stroke.

"Give it to me, oppa," she moaned, her fingers digging into my back. "I want to feel you cum inside me."

I couldn't hold back any longer. With one final thrust, I filled her pussy with my seed, breeding her like she asked. We lay there, tangled in each other's arms, our bodies slick with sweat and cum.

As we caught our breath, I knew that our relationship would never be the same. But at that moment, all I could think about was how good it felt to have my stepsister's body wrapped around mine.

Sorry for late post, i'm so busy

#female idol smut #girl group smut #kpop x reader #kiof smut #belle smut #kpop smut

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yandere-sins · 6 months ago

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Yan-Poll #19

"I hate it here! It's cold and wet—I hate being locked in the basement!"

Your captor hummed thoughtfully, rubbing his chin as you stumbled over your words, your anger making it hard to form sentences. It's only been a few days since you've been kidnapped and taken to an unfamiliar place, locked in a dark basement, and ogled at your captor's pleasure. But you were fed up with this treatment!

"The food tastes like shit, and I keep feeling bugs and spiders crawl over me! It's enough! I don't know what I did to you, but this has to end, please!"

Tears were dripping from your eyes, your voice cracking as you were overcome with emotions. You reached up to wipe them away, but they were quickly replaced with more, your eyes unleashing the floodgates without you having any say.

"I'm scared; I want to go home," you whimpered, and you heard your captor sigh, his steps coming closer. You flinched hard when you felt his arms wrap around your body, pulling you close. In stark contrast to you, he smelled pleasant—someone seemed to have the opportunity to shower.

You felt crazy when you buried your face in his chest, accepting the hug, relieved that he wasn't touching you inappropriately. He was also warm, so damn warm! Everything about this made you angry, but all you could do was continue crying into his shirt, spitefully hoping it would stain.

How could someone be so cruel yet treat you so kindly, his hand rubbing up and down your back comfortingly? He didn't push you away, no matter how much you must have stunk after days without showering, and he gently brushed out the knots in your hair while he let you cry your frustrations into his chest.

"There, there," he mumbled calmly as the tears began to dry out, and you wanted to kick him in the shin now that he was close enough to hurt him like he had hurt you. But it also felt like a childish rebuke, even though he deserved it.

"You can come upstairs with me. There's heating, and we can cook your favorite meal. Also, I have a TV and books waiting for you."

His sudden suggestion surprised you. You opened your mouth to agree but luckily stopped yourself in time, so you didn't agree blindly right away. There must be a catch if he suddenly offered you this change of scenery after being so dismissive and cold towards your complaints before. You already knew he was up to no good, so could this perhaps be another trick?

"Can I really?" you asked, carefully probing at the possibility of leaving this horrible basement. Going into detail on how he mistreated you and how you deserved at least that mucht might just upset him again, and who-knows-what would happen if he was the one to get angry. It didn't help the feeling of submitting to him and his whims, but you liked the idea of at least not being isolated down here anymore.

Your captor pushed you away slightly, and you looked up at him, noticing the faint grin playing on his lips in the dim light of the basement. He looked at you with the madness of a movie killer, but his touch remained gentle, and his eyes even softened when he looked at you.

"Of course. I hate seeing you unhappy. I told you I'm doing all of this for you, didn't I? If you feel ready to accept me the same way I do you, we can finally be a family, hang out, and talk. I'd love to show you the new bed I got for us, it's so nice and comfy, and I'll buy you all the things you always wanted but couldn't! That is, of course, as long as you behave appropriately. Would hate to have to send you back down here."

That wasn't what you wanted at all! Sure, going up there inevitably meant you'd see more of him, but you never intended to play house with this man! "What if... I don't want that?" you asked hesitantly, noticing his grip tensing tightly around you.

"Maybe it's too early still..." he muttered, disappointment dripping like venom audible in every word. "You still don't know what is good for you."

With that, he let go of you, walking away with a sour look on his face and stomping up the staircase as if he was a spoiled brat whose fun got ruined.

"W-Wait!" you called out, running towards the end of the staircase, your ankle chain rattling as you stretched it out full. To your surprise, he stopped, looking back over his shoulder condensendingly. "You'll buy me everything I want? Can't we just start there, maybe try to make this basement less... icky?"

"Oh?" he hummed, turning around and leaning against the railing. And what's in it for me? Are you going to treat me to something I want if I do that for you? My offer was already quite generous. Aren't you going to give me something for your demands?"

"What... would you like?"

Another thoughtful hum escaped him as he thought briefly. Not long enough to make you believe he hadn't considered this before, but in this negotiation, you'd always draw the short straw, so it didn't really matter. Your captor walked back down two steps, standing just out of reach.

"I'll get my phone, and then you'll sit on my lap—you can't get up until I tell you to—while we order three things you want. You stay in this basement until they are delivered, and then you have to fulfill a wish of mine in exchange for each of the items. So, three wishes in total."

You gulped. Honestly, it sounded almost worse than playing house with this crazed bastard, especially with him grinning smugly as he talked about the wishes. You wanted to inquire more, get all the details but he cut you off, wagging his finger at you as if he knew what you were going to ask.

"Ah-ah," he chuckled, "It's a surprise! But you can choose: Come upstairs with me or earn yourself some comfort down here. Of course, you can also stay in the basement indefinitely without comfort, but you should stop complaining when I have given you so many options, or I might just get angry with you."

Chewing on your lip, you thought for a moment, his grin widening as he watched you contemplate your options. Of course he'd find enjoyment in your struggles—that was just the kind of psycho he was.

(Reasoning and discussions welcome! ♥)

#yan-poll #yandere #yandere talk #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere scenarios #yandere fanfiction #yandere writing #yandere stories #yandere oneshots #yandere oneshot #yandere drabble #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #Yandere TW

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stellas-and-tonitruses · 11 months ago

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Everything we know about Project Apple (and, by extension, Anya's past) thus far

thought i'd compile all of that now while endo's on break Just In Case the next chapter happens to start anya's backstory (i don't Think it will but endo likes surprising us LSDFKLFS)

important disclaimer that project apple and the organization in charge of anya's experiments have not been confirmed to be related! there's evidence that they have things in common, in particular employees, but that's our only real connection between the two thus far. still! worth looking into

more under the cut!

so, starting very strongly with the very first mention of anything related to the project: anya's introduction in chapter 1

despite her being a main character, we know very little about her past at the moment, and this little blurb at the beginning makes up a very big portion of what we know.

things to note here:

as an experiment, her name was "Test Subject 007". important to note that the notation differs between her and bond: she was Test Subject 007, bond was Subject 8, no zeroes in there;

she had been made thus by accident, the phrasing itself implying quite heavily that she was just a normal child before said accident (but this is the translation! i don't know japanese so i can't cross-reference with the raws to clarify if the phrasing changes anything, but the fanbook uses the word "gained" to describe her powers too);

because her mind-reading is an unintended consequence, that means the scientists were presumably not, at least initially, trying to achieve cognitive enhancements in humans, and were instead trying to achieve something else, whatever that might've been;

she escaped from the facility and then moved from institution to institution, looking for a family.

so, crucially, through this little introduction we learn that there is an organization, government-funded or otherwise, that is or was conducting human experiments for unknown purposes. we also learn that whatever family anya had prior to being involved in the experiments is more than likely unreachable, at least as far as she knows, and so she has settled for finding a new family to take care of her instead.

in terms of the facility itself, here we see they clearly drilled it into her that she can't ever reveal her secret (and the darn plush is there too -- in the anime it's even more emphasized, as you can see in the gif i made)

through her reminiscing though, we get our very first look at the scientists that were in charge of her! they're in the gif above but here they are in the manga too. it's so interesting that the anime actually shows their eyes behind the glasses though, fascinating choice.

the insistence on world peace is important, as it explains her own personal obsession with it and shows that it's not just because of twilight's own focus on preserving the peace. i also don't think twilight ever really talks about "world peace," only about "preserving the current peace between westalis and ostania" -- anya seems to be the only one talking about WORLD peace (even in the very first scene where either of them mention it in proximity to each other in ch 1, loid says "understanding the other party is the first step towards peace" and anya's interpretation is "understanding me makes world peace?") but take this with a grain of salt because i might be wrong! going through every single mention of peace in the story just to fact check this one little trivia fact is a bit much i think so i'm not doing it JSDFKLSD

but yes

remember mr hair strand and baldy, we'll see them again. not her though, ig she wasn't in charge of bond

now, fast-forwarding to chapter 19, we finally get a name and a premise for the experiments:

"but oana," you might say, "this is talking about animals only! how do we know it's the same project as anya's, which involved human experimentation?"

i don't think it is, is the thing! i think it's related to the experiments anya was a part of, which is evidenced by the same scientists being featured in project apple too, but there's more going on that we don't know about. there wouldn't be such adamancy on keeping the two separate in every official mention of them if they were just the same thing, imo!

back to the evidence, we learn that the project, conducted and funded by the previous ostanian regime (meaning donovan's related to it one way or another, since he was prime minister), was marked by franticness and desperation -- a prime place for accidents like anya's telepathy and bond's future vision.

we also learn that the project was sacked by the new administration and that the former test subjects ended up on the black market.

(this makes it very important, imo, to learn when anya escaped the facility vs. when the project was sacked. it's clearly no longer in function, but while we've heard nothing from them thus far, i'm willing to bet the shady dealings around the desmond group are NOT related to the war, as W.I.S.E. has been led to believe, but rather to reignite project apple. that is speculation however so i'm going to refrain from theorising much on why the desmond group is focused on acquiring pharmaceutical companies!!)

ok speculation tangent over, back on track

so, that's already a decent amount of info! but moving to chapter 22, when bond is finally home, and we finally see some familiar faces

behold! baldy and mr hair strand!

and 2 other guys we don't know but will see again in another bond flashback!

that's 2 out of the 3 scientists we've seen thus far from anya's own time as subject 007, confirming that there IS a connection between anya and bond's experiments, regardless of whatever the project anya was a part of might've been named.

this is also the chapter in which we learn that bond himself was subject 8 (or, if we take it from the fanbook, subject #8. still, diff notation from anya!)

in chapter 31, we learn an interesting tiny piece of trivia. we don't get any further info on it, but it IS mentioned as something that is known by W.I.S.E.:

ostania is rumoured to have done human experimentation! and W.I.S.E., and by extension loid, are aware of that.

do i know how them knowing may be important later? not really!

the next droplet of info we get is in chapter 40. we see that project apple had collaborators that are still functioning unhindered.

of course, born industries is only rumoured to have been involved with project apple, but regardless of whether or not they actually were, the rumour itself implies that the project likely pulled scientists from various other companies' R&D departments.

(this makes the desmond group's acquisition of glooman pharmaceuticals shadier, but anyway)

as a side note, twilight is emoting so much at just his wrong assumption that bond is seeking revenge against the scientists. imagine how he's going to react when he finds out about anya JKSDFKLFSD

and now aaaaall the way in chapter 58, we see the bald guy who anya also knows, the two scientists from bond's previous flashback, and one whole new guy!

and thus ends our current knowledge of it all!

the only other thing worth discussing is anya's knowledge of classical language

but plenty people have already discussed these scenes, especially recently, so here are some links: 1 | 2 | 3

the only thing i can add is that i'm fairly certain that classical language is a lot more likely to be latin than old english, because it's a very common language to learn in school (in europe at least, and ostania is based on east germany so it makes sense to me. i learned mandatory latin in school for a few good years too, even if i wasn't that good at it lol) and because one of the most common modern usages of latin are in medicine and science, it would make sense that she'd be better at it due to exposure.

a possibility is also that the scientists would think in latin to conceal their thoughts from her, and that's how she ended up learning so much. she's not fluent in latin, she's just well acquainted and that cicumstance would explain the how.

BUT THAT'S SPECULATIONNN

also i don't think "ANIA" is an acronym, nor do i think anya's been misspelling her own name out of lack of knowledge. "ania" is a polish diminutive of anna and an alternate transcription of Аня, so i think it's far more likely that anya isn't ostanian or westalian than it is that her name comes from an acronym.

now,

TL;DR!

what we know about project apple (and the "mysterious organization"):

project apple was funded and conducted by what appears to have been donovan's regime and, from what W.I.S.E. knows, aimed to create highly intelligent animals for military purposes;

W.I.S.E. is aware that ostania is at the very least rumoured to have dabbled in human experimentation;

the project is presumably no longer on-going, though it is likely there are efforts behind the scenes to revive it;

it is rumoured but not confirmed that project apple had collaborating companies that are still functioning perfectly fine;

the same scientists who were in charge of bond were also in charge of anya, signalling that there is a very significant connection between project apple and the "mysterious organization;"

based on what they were telling anya, they were/are very focused on "world peace";

their experimentation methods include but likely aren't limited to electrocution.

and what we (vaguely) know about anya that relates to this:

she is at the youngest, 4 years old, and at the oldest, 5 nearing 6. we don't know her real age, all we know is she definitely lied about being 6;

she is very fixated on specifically world peace while twilight is focused on peace between ostania and westalis. the scientists are the very first we see talking about this, so it's likely their fault;

she is unreasonably well acquainted with classical language;

she has escaped the facility at LEAST 1 year ago;

and, one tidbit from the fanbook (page 29): "Anya has been reading minds for as long as she can remember," implying that her memory of a life before the lab is muddy at best and absent at worst.

that's all we know that i know of!!

if you got this far, thank you for reading :D hope any of this was interesting or sparked any theories >:] have a good day!

#sxf #spy x family #manga spoilers #project apple #anya forger #bond forger #sxf manga #spy x family manga #sxf manga spoilers #spy x family manga spoilers #analysis #meta #I DIDN'T OWN THE FANBOOK WHEN I FIRST MADE THE DRAFT FOR THIS BUT THEN I BOUGHT IT well my brother bought it for me #bless his heart #AND SO I WANTED TO READ THE ENTIRE THING BEFORE CONTINUING ON!!! didn't find much out in relation to this post specifically but #there's quite a lot to infer on how anya's powers work #and there's a distinction between what she reads (internal voices vs mind reading which would be digging into someone's subconscious)#so that would be super interesting to talk about but uh not in this post KLSDFJSDKL since it has little bearing on the project itself

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edenesth · 10 months ago

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The Way to His Heart [19]

Pairing: general!Seonghwa x wife!reader

AU: arranged marriage au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 3.9k

Summary: Life has been hell ever since your mother's passing many years ago. Despite being from a prominent family, you've never received the privileges associated with it. It only got worse with the arrival of your stepmother and her daughters. When the intimidating General Park was in search of a wife, your father seized the opportunity to dispose of you, simultaneously securing a connection with the powerful general—killing two birds with one stone.

Part 18 | Fic Masterlist | Part 20

"What do you mean it will take weeks for me to fully recover? I don't have that kind of time, Yunho. This war isn't over yet." Your husband frowned, his gaze fixed on the physician from his position on the bed.

You sighed, stepping closer to the doctor, your concern evident, "Seonghwa, Physician Jung is doing his best. How can you return to battle if you're not physically strong enough? What good will that do, hm? And remember, you've acknowledged Officer Song's strategic prowess. Perhaps it's time to have a little faith in him for now."

Like magic, your words softened the general's hardened expression as he nodded in defeat, "Fine, I suppose you're right," He offered you a smile before turning back to Yunho, "I trust you've at least written back to Mingi to assure him I'm fine, right?"

"It's done, my lord."

"That's good; things should be stable for now. We dealt a significant blow to the Ruhon forces in our last battle. It's unlikely they'll launch any new attacks soon, considering their diminished numbers. If things continue to go well, this war might conclude sooner than expected." Seonghwa remarked, feeling optimistic.

"I certainly hope so, for everyone's sake. I made sure to inform Officer Song that you'll need a few weeks to recover. If they need you urgently, I'm sure he'll write back promptly," The physician assured, relieved to see your husband immediately agree with him, calming down so quickly with your presence, "Yes, I'm sure he will." Yunho knew for certain that without you there, he would have had a much harder time attempting to soothe the older man's frustration.

Sensing the general's longing gaze toward you, the doctor suppressed a knowing grin. Understanding that he was interrupting your much-needed private moment, he decided it was time to leave you both alone. With a final bow, he excused himself, "Well, that's all from me for now. I'll return tomorrow for your bandage change and medication. Good day, General Park and Lady Park."

After the physician left the room, you approached Seonghwa to ensure his comfort, tucking the comforters snugly around him and adjusting the pillow behind his back. His eyes remained fixed on your face, which he had missed dearly, as you fussed over him, "Is the temperature alright? Let me know if it's too hot or cold," You inquired. He nodded, and you continued, "Are you hungry? You must be. I'll ask the kitchen staff to prepare something for you—"

Before you could step away from his bedside, he grasped your wrist, his expression displaying a small pout, "Stop, my love. I just want you to stay with me, please."

You softened, placing your hand over his and giving it a reassuring squeeze before brushing some of his hair away from his face, "I'm sorry, I was just worried about you. You've been away at war for so long. I wanted to make sure you have everything you need now that you're home before you eventually return to the battlefield."

He smiled, his hold on your wrist tightening slightly, "All I need is you." He murmured, gently pulling you closer into his arms.

Feeling your heart melt at his words, you relaxed into his embrace on the bed as he pulled the comforter over both of you. Nuzzling your head into the crook of his neck, you sighed contentedly as he kissed your temple. He felt complete with you so close again, "God, I missed you so much," He confessed, "Out of all the wars I've fought, this has to be the most dreadful one. Not because it was tough, but because I couldn't stop thinking about you throughout it all."

"I missed you too, Seonghwa," You confessed, drawing in a deep breath to savour his familiar scent, "I never thought I could yearn to be near someone this badly."

His eyes instinctively fluttered shut as you nestled closer to him, pressing his nose against your hair, wishing for this moment to last forever. After a moment of comfortable silence, he couldn't resist asking, "I've heard a lot has happened while I was gone. I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you through it. Tell me everything, my wife."

Taking a deep breath, you started from the beginning, recounting the events that unfolded after the general had departed for war. You described encountering Jinjoo during your visit to the fabric factory with Hongjoong, the surprise visit from the prince to the estate, and his unexpected invitation to the birthday banquet. You explained how he lied about you representing Seonghwa at the event and your gratitude for Wooyoung and San's help in preparing for it.

As you narrated every little detail that occurred at the supposed royal birthday celebration, your husband's heart swelled with pride and admiration. He listened intently, feeling his love for you grow with each word. Your courage in standing up for yourself and defending him in front of Prince Yeosang filled him with immense gratitude. He realised how fortunate he was to have you by his side.

"I'm so proud of you, my darling Lady Park."

With a light scoff, you teasingly pushed him in the chest, "Are you now, my dearest General Park? I still can't believe the first thing you chose to do after coming back was hurt me and push me away."

Guilt immediately clouded his expression as he drew closer to you, emitting a small whine, "I'm sorry, my love. Truly, I am. Speaking those cruel words hurt me more than this damn wound. I promise I didn't mean any of it. You're not troublesome at all, and I do want you with me for the rest of my days. If anything, you're all I need from now until the end of time."

At that, you could no longer bear to continue making him feel bad. Turning serious, you gently caressed the bandaged area on his abdomen before speaking, "I understand, Hwa. I really do. But I swear, if you ever pull something like that again, I won't hesitate to let Hongjoong loose on you."

His heart skipped a beat at the nickname you used for him, one you had never used before, "What did you just call me? Say it again."

Embarrassed, you blinked rapidly and cleared your throat before repeating softly, "I called you Hwa. It's your name, isn't it?"

He nodded with a cheeky grin, covering your hand with his, "Indeed it is. I love how bold you've become, my love. Now, along with that nickname, tell me you love me again."

You blushed at his request, feeling he deserved to hear it as many times as he wanted now that he'd returned to your side safely. Relenting, you bit your lip and murmured, "I love you, Hwa."

"Again." He demanded, resting his forehead gently against yours.

"I love you, Hwa."

"Again, my love." He whispered, leaning in closer with hooded eyes.

"I love you, Hwa."

"Say it for me just one more time."

"I love you so much, Park Seonghwa."

Intoxicated by your presence, he could no longer resist cupping your face and pressing his lips firmly against yours. You kissed him back fervently, eyes fluttering shut as you relished the sensation of his lips on yours. Both your hearts raced as you made up for lost time, pressing close to one another under the sheets. Your cheeks burned up, realising this was the most intimate moment you'd shared with your husband so far.

Gently pushing him away by the chest, you looked up at him, worry evident in your eyes, "That's enough, Hwa. You're still injured—"

But before you could finish your sentence, he leaned in, capturing your lips in another loving kiss. You gasped in surprise, but your resistance crumbled quickly as he deepened the kiss. Maybe just for a little longer, you thought to yourself, giving in to the moment.

As he savoured the feeling of having you so close, Seonghwa's emotions swirled within him like a tempest. He needed this closeness desperately, especially after the fear he'd felt earlier, thinking he might be close to death. The regret for hurting you with his words gnawed endlessly at him, and he despised the idea of being separated from you again. How could he have ever entertained the thought of you being with another man? The mere thought of Prince Yeosang in his place, holding you, touching you, kissing you, filled him with an uncontrollable jealousy that bordered on madness.

These thoughts fueled a surge of aggression within him as he flipped you around on the bed, trapping you beneath him. He loomed over you, his gaze intense as he whispered, "Mine. You're all mine."

As much as the sudden action flustered you and caused your heart to skip a beat, you frowned at his stubbornness, realising he wouldn't know when to stop unless sternly told off, "Are you out of your mind, Park Seonghwa? Such big movements could affect the wound, you idiot." You scolded, disrupting the intimate moment.

He blinked, momentarily speechless at the abrupt change in tone, protesting, "I'm fine, my wife—"

Before he could continue, the dressmaker barged in with raised brows, "Oh, we're all fine now, aren't we? I guess you're well enough to take a beating then."

The general panicked, hastily laying back in his spot, "Hongjoong, please, it's rude to enter without knocking." He chided.

You snickered when his friend rolled his eyes, "Well, it's also rude to disrespect your wife, but here we are."

"Oh my god, stop reminding me—"

"I'll stop when you learn to grow the hell up."

"Says you?!"

With a deep sigh, you stood up from your husband's bed, "You two fight to your heart's content; I'm going to prepare something to eat for this one." You said, gesturing to Seonghwa, ignoring his silent pleas not to leave him alone with his friend.

Hongjoong grinned at you, "Don't you worry, I'll take good care of him in the meantime."

Oh, I know you will.

"Have we heard from Physician Jung yet?" Mingi inquired as he was being suited up in preparation for the impending attack by the approaching Ruhon men.

"No, sir. It appears we're facing this battle on our own. But with your exceptional strategies, we should manage well even without General Park." One of the soldiers replied, striving to maintain optimism despite the military commander's absence.

"Let us hope so." The strategist muttered, unable to bring himself to reveal that his strategies had been devised with the assumption of having the best warrior in all of Joseon leading the army. Officer Song hadn't seen battlefield action since his promotion, and his combat skills were far from polished. Just why did this have to happen in the general's absence? Mingi feared the responsibility; if they failed in this battle, it would fall on him. The prospect of leading these men to their deaths was enough to make him feel nauseous.

He still couldn't grasp how Ruhon had made such a swift comeback. It seemed implausible given the significant losses they had suffered in the last battle. After all, the enemy nation wasn't known for its strategic prowess; they were often predictable in their actions. Unless... they were intentionally misleading Joseon into underestimating them? If so, the strategist might have played right into their hands as part of their plan.

Oh god, what do I do?

As General Officer Song meticulously went through his preparations for the impending battle, a sense of unease settled over him like a heavy cloak. Even with his efforts to focus solely on the task at hand, his thoughts kept drifting back to Seonghwa. The absence of their commander, his superior, and one of his closest friends weighed heavily on his mind.

With each passing moment, his worry for the general intensified. He couldn't shake the feeling of dread that enveloped him, wondering if his friend was safe and well. Had the older man managed to make it home? Had Yunho received his letter, informing him of General Park's condition?

These questions nagged endlessly at him, gnawing at his insides as he grappled with the uncertainty of the situation. Despite his attempts to maintain a facade of confidence for the sake of his fellow soldiers, Mingi couldn't shake the underlying fear that something terrible might have happened to Seonghwa. All he could do now was hope and pray for his friend's safety, even as the spectre of war loomed ever closer.

A sudden wave of fear washed over him, unlike anything he had experienced in a long time. The general's absence felt more profound and impactful than ever before. It was as if the very foundation of his confidence had been shaken, revealing the stark reality that his sense of assurance had always been rooted in the presence and trust of his commanding officer.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, the strategist found himself questioning his own abilities and worthiness. Without General Park by his side, his confidence wavered, leaving him feeling unsteady and uncertain. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt such panic in war.

With a heavy heart, he squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, attempting to steady his nerves. Doing his best to ignore the doubts that plagued him, he knew he had a duty to fulfil. With trembling hands, he reviewed his strategies once more, desperately seeking reassurance in the plans he had meticulously crafted.

As he waited for the cue to head out and face the enemy, Officer Song resolved to push aside his fears and doubts. He may not have Seonghwa's guidance and leadership at this moment, but he knew he had to stand firm and lead the troops to the best of his abilities. With determination set in his heart, Mingi braced himself, ready to face whatever may come in the battle that awaited him.

Just as he was hoping to receive any updates about the general or word from Physician Jung, a soldier burst into the main tent, his breaths coming in ragged gasps. The strategist's heart skipped a beat, looking forward to some semblance of reassurance amid his mounting anxiety. However, instead of providing the updates he had been desperately seeking, the soldier stammered out his words.

"S-sir, I'm afraid it's time we head out and be on standby," The soldier managed to say between breaths, "The Ruhon army should be arriving anytime soon."

Mingi's hands clenched involuntarily, his mind racing with a mix of apprehension and determination. Despite the lack of information about Seonghwa's condition, he knew that duty called and he had to lead his troops into battle. With a firm nod, he suppressed the trembling in his hands and resolved to face the conflict head-on.

"Let's go out and make General Park proud." He declared, his voice steady despite the turmoil within him. With resolve burning in his eyes, he led his men out of the tent.

Moments later, Officer Song found himself mounted on a horse, the weight of his armour pressing against his shoulders as he surveyed the Joseon army lined up behind him. They stood at attention, ready for his orders, their anticipation palpable in the air.

As he gazed out at the empty land ahead, where the enemy forces would soon emerge, Mingi could hear nothing but the thundering of his own heart in his ears. His hands tightened around the hilt of his sword, a familiar weight that offered some measure of comfort in the face of uncertainty.

With a deep breath, he forced himself to focus, pushing aside the uncertainties that threatened to overwhelm him. He may not be Park Seonghwa, but he had undergone rigorous training and was a capable fighter in his own right. Reminding himself of his own combat skills, he squared his shoulders and steeled his resolve.

"We stand ready." He declared, his voice carrying across the ranks of soldiers behind him. Despite the nerves gnawing at his insides, he projected an air of confidence, determined to lead his troops with strength and determination.

I hope you're proud of me, hyung-nim.

His breath hitched in his throat as he finally spotted a tiny speck on the horizon, growing larger and more distinct with each passing moment. His heart raced as he realised that these were the enemy soldiers they had been waiting for. With a loud voice, he yelled the order for all soldiers to get into position.

Tensions were high as everyone readied themselves, their nerves stretched taut with fear at the absence of their strongest warrior to lead them. But as the figures drew closer, Officer Song's brow furrowed in confusion.

Something was not right.

Instead of a formidable army, only a few Ruhon soldiers were riding toward them, their arms raised in what appeared to be a gesture of surrender. Mingi's eyes widened in disbelief as he heard their cries.

"Soldiers of Joseon! Please don't attack! We have come to surrender!"

A sense of astonishment rippled through the ranks of the Joseon army as they processed the unexpected turn of events. One of the Ruhon men even went so far as to pull out a white flag, waving it frantically to signal their willingness to concede defeat.

The strategist's grip tightened on his sword as he studied the Ruhon soldiers before him, their faces worn with exhaustion and defeat. Despite their assurances, he couldn't afford to let his guard down yet, not after the treacherous tactics they had previously employed against Seonghwa.

"Hold it right there! How can we believe you're telling the truth?" He demanded, his voice firm and unwavering.

The Ruhon soldiers let out heavy sighs, their arms still raised in a gesture of surrender, "Please, we're telling the truth. Most of our troops have been depleted from the last battle," One of them explained, his voice tinged with desperation, "Our ruler has sent word just this morning to put this war to an immediate stop. A messenger is on the way to your royal palace to convey the message to your King as we speak. We come in peace to relay this message, and that is all. All remaining Ruhon troops will be retreating from our camp after this."

Mingi remained silent for a moment, weighing their words carefully. Finally, he lowered his sword, signalling for his own troops to stand down, "Very well," He said, his voice tinged with caution, "But know that we will be watching closely. Any sign of treachery from you, and we will not hesitate to defend ourselves."

The Ruhon soldiers visibly relaxed at his words, nodding quickly, "You have my word." One of them assured before they turned around and began riding away. The tension dissolved as they disappeared from sight, leaving Officer Song and his men standing in disbelief. Relief washed over them, dispelling the earlier fears. The strategist's expression mirrored the collective sentiment of his troops—a mix of relief and disbelief.

"Well, I guess we should head back to camp and await confirmation then," Mingi said, his voice filled with a hint of exhaustion. His soldiers nodded eagerly, grateful that the tense situation had been resolved peacefully. They began to disperse, their spirits lifted by the unexpected turn of events.

Now, everything fell into place, and the pieces of the puzzle aligned once again. His earlier suspicions about Ruhon's swift recruitment of soldiers now made perfect sense. It was clear that they no longer possessed enough manpower to continue fighting this war.

Returning to the main tent, Mingi was relieved to find a messenger waiting for him, "Officer Song, there you are! You have a letter from Physician Jung Yunho," The messenger announced eagerly. He hurried over to receive the paper, unfolding it with urgency. His eyes scanned the neatly written words at lightning speed, absorbing the contents. Once finished, he released the breath he had been holding, sinking into the seat behind him, "Oh, thank heavens the general is alright." He breathed out, a weight lifted from his shoulders.

The messenger's face immediately brightened at his words, and he quickly left to share the good news with the others. Mingi couldn't help but smile; everything was finally falling into place.

Peace, at last.

But his moment of relief was short-lived as a commotion erupted outside. The strategist frowned and left the tent to see what was happening. He found his soldiers blocking the entry of a woman, which puzzled him. Women weren't allowed in this area.

"Forgive us, ma'am. Women are not permitted here," One of the soldiers explained. Mingi pushed through to hear her response, "Yes, I know that, but you don't understand. I'm here on His Majesty's orders. We received word that General Park has been poisoned, and I've been sent specifically to treat him."

As he caught sight of her petite figure, his eyes widened in recognition. Not because of her uniform, which indicated she was a female royal physician, renowned for their medical expertise, but because she was the one he had been searching for all this time.

I finally found you, my one.

« Preview of Part 20 »

"The audacity of those Ruhon bastards, attempting to poison my strongest warrior. That's nothing short of treachery, isn't it, my Queen?" The King grumbled, his concern for Seonghwa evident in his furrowed brow. He had even dispatched their most skilled female royal physician to the war zone, trusting her to heal him.

Anxiety filled his being as his wife sighed beside him, offering a comforting hand on his back. She had yet to muster any courage to mention the trouble caused by their fourth son during the general's absence, not wanting to add to her husband's worries, "I wish I had an answer for that, Your Majesty." She murmured sympathetically.

Before the royal couple could further drown in their pool of misery, the royal secretary rushed in with a few letters. He hastily performed the formal bow, only to have the King wave it away.

"Forget the formalities, Secretary Choi! Tell us what updates you have this instant!" His Majesty's voice was urgent.

San nodded, swiftly unfolding the papers and reading each one aloud. With each letter, a weight seemed to lift from the room.

"The first letter is from General Park," He began, "He reports he's safely home and receiving treatment from his own doctor."

Relief washed over the King's face.

"And the second?" Her Majesty pressed, her tone hopeful.

San's voice steadied as he continued, "The second is from the ruler of Ruhon. He acknowledges defeat and officially surrenders. He is also requesting an audience to discuss a peace treaty. It would seem the war is over, Your Majesties."

"Oh, thank goodness it's over."

After a moment of everyone digesting the news, His Majesty furrowed his brows in slight confusion, "Wait, General Park is home already, you say?" His voice carried a note of incredulity, "How odd. That would mean he began travelling back before there was even news of the enemy's surrender. Why would he return home all of a sudden? Did something else happen?"

The Queen's heart sank at that. For weeks, she had harboured the hope of shielding Yeosang from his father's potential wrath, but now it seemed fate had other plans.

I'm sorry, my son.

Woohoo, only the final part is left, and we're done with the main story! Psst, try going over to the Spinoff Masterlist to see if you can spot anything new HEHE🙈

As always, thank you so much for reading, and please let me know your thoughts! <3

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