#I'm lazy and picky

[cartoonsbyandie]

Any Case Closed fanfic recommendations?

If you're into Kogoro as much as I am then I really can't recommend Known Associates and Exemplary Damages enough, I don't like to read v much and I binged most of Known Associates, it was that good. Masterclass in writing interesting metatext/narration, and if you're not a Kogoro/Old funimation dub simp then I can recommend This Is Not A Ghost Story. I've only read the first chapter but it's by the same person, @halfpennyjones

Posting this because it has to do with one of those fics, I guess you'll have to read em if you wanna know context

I tend to read a lot of bite-sized one-shots, I really like a bird in the hand and Rock, Burning Up in the Air in that department, especially the former because fics from Ginzo Nakamori's POV are extremely rare, and I love what that one does with him. I gotta remember to post my podfic of it one of these days.

Aaand finally because I might as well use the chance to shamelessly plug, there's my three fics too!

[miralyk]

the irony of representing myself as a fox but never properly drawing a fursona,, i should make a ref sheet at some point for myself

[vaultsixtynine]

ive decided to become a bitch who does the whole body moisturizing

[majimasleftasscheek]

Wait, wait, wait

Now I need more Nishida and Goromi content😭 After your recent post I'm imagining Nishida so depressed because he upset Goromi and even Goromi is feeling some type of way (feeling bad, maybe but no one would ever know) so she's just like "Nishida! Come with me! I'm going shopping and need someone to carry my bags!" And he jumps at the chance to go and the whole time he's complimenting her "Looks great on you ma'am!" "That color is perfect!" And Goromi herself starts getting flustered at all of the compliments (itmayormaynotendinsmuttdontask)

Fam, brother, homie, you have awakened the writer in me again. It's been months since I've written anything fanfic related but NOW IM ITCHING TO WRITE THIS.

ohoho I plan on doing a lil more for tomorrow! I'm so glad you like it 😭💖

this sorta Goromi stuff is MY FAV and I'm always happy to do stuff like this 😩💦 also super flattered I could inspire too!!! I hope you can end up writing something 👀👀👀

I have a big ass headcanon post in the works so I hope yall will enjoy that too!

[kashilascorner]

the way the lotr movies didn't really bother to properly close (or acknowledge) Eowyn and Faramir's story arcs and they just kind of threw them in together at the end

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

I'm so starved for rainworld content

I'll fix it myself someday just you wait. I want to write so bad but school..impotrant.....

[wistelligence]

i need. some lineart to Do Things with.

[savingthrcw]

re-adjusted this in my rules:

I've added some a.ssholeish characters myself in the last few days so know that it goes both ways if you don't want to interact with them! also I'm sorry for many who followed me but write characters that I know my muses don't want to interact with? Obviously I'm not judging you personally, it's super fun to write hardasses, people with obsession, people with zero morality!

It's just that I know I wouldn't have fun writing those threads where I just can't see why my muse hasn't killed yours yet or hasn't simply left. And 'tied together by the plot' only works if it's a superficial problem, if yours for example can't wait to kill people or is rude to her, it's canon that Lucy M.acLean will run away or fight them or that Janey would kill them (and no, I'm not always going to say she's too weak, that only works with the Ghoul and special characters, she's been fighting 20 years in the Wasteland) and so on.

[floofsnoot]

I figured out what it's like to deal with a child (he's a grown adult). And damn. I'm so glad I don't want to reproduce sometimes. I'm not putting up with that shit again.

[victorluvsalice]

It's Winter Tuesday in the Chill Valicer Save, and we're into the final stretch of prepping the store to actually open! Don't worry, though, this particular update is not primarily them just standing around fishing. XD Instead, we're spending a lot more time at home on the farm, with the gang catching up on a few things and plumping up a few skills --

-->Smiler started their day entertaining Shadow and feeling the love, mopping up some mysterious symbols in the barn, and singing a few songs while jamming on their guitar -- soon joined by Shadow and Shock, the latter of whom decided to start singing along. XD I may not have planned on these darn kittens, but they are very, very cute. :) They then headed back out to the barn to tune up Bugs and Elmer again -- gotta keep those garden-bots in good condition if we want the help in the greenhouse!

-->Victor eventually woke up and got put on perfume-making duty, as I only had a couple of slots to fill on those shelves and figured Victor could stir up a few pots at home as easily as he could at work. He made a bottle of Happy scent, which got him up to Perfumery skill level 4, which allowed him to make a Flirty scent as well! :) Always great to be able to make something new for the store!

-->Alice, meanwhile, got up, used the toilet, and then immediately had to fix the toilet when it broke right after she got up off it. And then got sent downstairs to finish taking care of the laundry before she herself could get dressed. In case you were wondering why she looks depressed in that picture. :p She eventually got clothes on and sped upstairs to try starting another book for her Bestselling Author aspiration (a fantasy title based on Looking-Glass Land, called "Knight To E-4") -- but then her werewolf instincts started getting in the way, first demanding that she take a nap (she LITERALLY JUST GOT UP), and then demanding that she got outside. *shakehead* Being a werewolf is tough sometimes, y'all!

-->Though being a medium isn't particularly easy either, as Victor found out when he went out on the back porch to try and clear the specter there by giving it a Nimble Mind potion. It did NOT appreciate the present (perhaps because it doesn't have a brain to learn skills with?), and Victor quickly fled into his greenhouse to tend his plants instead. Fortunately, by this point, Smiler had finished tuning up the garden-bots and had wandered upstairs to mix some drinks at the bar -- I let them make a Fruity Fizzy Drink so they could try giving it to the specter later. Perhaps a "juicy" drink would work where a skilly one had failed?

[suashii]

꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ 𝐵𝒜𝐵𝒴 𝐼𝒯'𝒮 𝒞𝒪𝐿𝒟 𝒪𝒰𝒯𝒮𝐼𝒟𝐸

info ⭑ nagi seishiro x reader ﾉ 0.9k wc ﾉ sfw ﾉ fluff 

note ⭑ something short and sweet for the boy! it's been a while since i've written so forgive me if i'm rusty :3 

“jeez, sei, walk any closer and people might start thinking you’re my shadow,” you mumble into your scarf, tipping your chin up so your next words will be more audible. you’re walking home with nagi now but instead of the man taking steps beside you, he’s closely tracing your footsteps, arms wrapped around you and his hands stuffed in your pockets with yours. 

he’s stuck to you like super glue—like you’re his personal space heater.

“can’t help it,” he speaks up from behind you. if he’s able to get any closer, he does with his words. “it’s starting to get cold.”

besides being a notorious homebody, your boyfriend hates the cold. he hates how it makes his fingertips numb and his skin flush bright red and he especially hates how it makes his nose runny. even now, when the temperatures have yet to hit their coldest, he has a coat zipped up over his hoodie and a crochet bunny beanie sitting atop his head. snowy tufts of hair stick out from the hat but he’s sure to have the tops of his ears tucked away.

“poor baby,” you coo, fumbling for his hand in your pocket. you give it a squeeze before bringing up a suggestion that might help chase the chill away. “want some hot chocolate when we get home?”

you can practically feel him perk up behind you at the offer. nagi may hate the cold, but he loves getting warmed up—especially if it’s with you. he settles his chin on the top of your head and hums a confirmation, the vibration giving you all the answer you need.

he can’t see it, but you smile as you give his hand another loving squeeze. “anything for you, my snow prince.”

nagi groans at the unwanted nickname but it does little–nothing, really–to deter him from hanging off of you the rest of the way home.

it’s not long before the two of you are back at your apartment, settling into the warmth of the unit. while nagi readies the living room for your cozy night in, you stand at the counter with two mugs in front of you and a pot of milk heating up on the stove. the lyrics of the song that’s been stuck in your head these days drift through the air as you make your way about the kitchen to grab whipped cream from the fridge and marshmallows from the pantry.

when you’re back at your workstation and preparing to assemble your warm drinks, you call out for nagi. he’s particularly picky when it comes to the ratio of toppings and you’ve learned it’s best to simply have him supervise. you expect to hear his heavy footsteps alerting you of his arrival but are instead met with his icy hands snaking up beneath your hoodie.

you flinch and then squeal at the sensation, turning around in his hold to scold him. “sei! your hands are freezing!”

any attempt to push him away is futile. despite his lazy exterior characterized by oversized clothes and his floppy-eared hat, nagi is stronger than he looks. his grasp isn’t painful but it’s firm, like he has no intention of letting you go.

he pulls you closer and buries his head into your neck. his voice is muffled when he says, “i know,” he draws out the vowel, “but you aren’t. just help me get warm.”

“i’m trying to do that but it’s a bit hard when your ice packs for hands are up my shirt.” you turn your head to leave a kiss behind his ear as an incentive for him to let you get back to your task. it works, nagi loosening his hold on you in favor of standing at your side. there’s a pout on his lips but he silently watches and waits for you to continue making the drinks.

without the cute distraction, you’re able to pour the milk into each of the mugs and combine the liquid and powder to make the rich, chocolatey base. you add a pretty swirl of whipped cream to your cup before turning to nagi and spraying some of the sweet foam into his mouth. his cheeks puff out and you giggle at the sight before returning your attention to the mugs and beginning to add the whipped topping to nagi’s. through a mouthful, he tells you when to stop.

fluffy marshmallows come next. you sprinkle the minis on between each cup, glancing at nagi to see when you’ve reached his desired amount. he licks the lingering cream off of his lips while he nods in a silent gesture for you to continue. you’re sure you’re going to run out of space to pile them on when he finally says you’ve added enough. like usually, you dig into the bag for a few more of the bouncy treats to feed to your boyfriend.

he happily chews away while you return the ingredients to their place in the kitchen. you join him at the counter as he’s swallowing and like a magnet, he pulls you into him. you don’t fight it this time, choosing to melt into his hold instead.

nagi dips his head down, whispering a quiet, “thank you,” against your lips before capturing them in a kiss. he tastes like dessert, his mouth sweet from the whipped cream and marshmallows, lips soft from the chapstick he’s consistent about putting on in the colder months. and, unlike the rest of him, they’re warm.

you pull away with a smile, jerking your head in the direction of the mugs. “shall we go get warm under the blanket?”

he nods. “sounds good.”

hey there, it's manon :3 ! thank you for giving this a read! if you enjoyed, please consider reblogging and/or leaving a comment! much love from me to you ❤︎

[bl0odyh3art]

little drabble for now bc I'm tired!!

sorry if the grammar is bad or if there's typos....im too lazy to fix it

Leon is a good puppy. such a good boy.

he always listens, never a bad day with him! he's clean, very clean. no worms, no fleas, but not neutered.

there's just one problem. he's too horny. he can't stop! he can't help it! it's not his fault that he's always in heat!

he need a mating partner, he needs you.

he's just a dumb puppy so he doesn't know it's bad to hump you in public, he's bred you over and over again! that's all he knows! even if you're too tired who cares?! he needs his daily release!

hybrid or not, he will get that sweet cunt either way.

he has the toys for when he goes in heat but that doesn't work! too rubbery, too weird, too uncomfortable…. he's so picky…all he knows is how to breed and fuck, he's so sloppy and uncontrollable with it.

[tiamathh]

What Sin do you Need?

Note: Hi!! Repost of an Old PAC hope you enjoy, like/reblog and comment if you do~ take what resonates leave what doesn't and please don't steal my work! Also follow my 18+ readings acc @xoxotiamathh (no minors pls!)

Masterlist <3

Pile 1: Greed

Strive for more, thirst for more, it may seem like greed is bad but a little bit never hurt anyone. You're limiting yourself a lot of the times because you refuse to let yourself want more. What's holding you back? Is it your past? Moving on from the past is important and will help you achieve the great heights you're meant to.

Be greedy for a better life, stand up for yourself and the life you want because if you don't start now than when will you? Greed isn't all about money and material objects, sometimes it's about oneself and what they want, what their ideal life is both socially and emotionally.

Pile 2: Gluttony

This might be a sensitive topic for some and I completely understand that so feel free to pick another pile and take care <3 TW// weight mention, ED, body shaming, starving, anorexia

Pile 2 I'll start off with this, I'm so so sorry if you've been through instances in your life where people have been rather unkind to you regarding your weight and looks, but please know they're all wrong. You don't need to starve yourself; you're doing so well just as you are. Instagram diets and diet suppressants are not what you or your body needs. You need proper nutrition, and healthy meals give you just that. I'm not telling you to be over indulgent of course not but keeping yourself from nutrition is doing more harm than good. For some of you, you've had run-ins with eating disorders, do what's good for your body, mind and soul, delicious food from different cultures will bring a lot of flavour, expand your palette. (Also, for some of you, stop being such picky eaters! Try new things!)

Take care pile 2 and stay safe <3

Pile 3: Sloth

GET REST PLEASE (sorry for screaming). Constantly working and burning the midnight oil and sleep, rest, take a pause. Inactivity isn't always laziness or negative sometimes you need to give yourself space to breathe and sit with your thoughts and feelings.

You're human after all, you need rest and relaxation to recharge. Or maybe you're running from something and distracting yourself by constantly working. You don't need to always work to prove your worth. Don't overwork yourself.

Pile 4: Wrath

Anger can be therapeutic, feel it. Anger can help you set boundaries, and establish your self-worth. A lot of people have probably hurt you before and taken advantage of your kindness, or calm demeanour but don't let them do that. Fearing conflict will not resolve anything, getting angry isn't bad especially when you have been wronged several times by the same people. We've always seen anger be a force for change, so use it in a way where you can change things about your life that you don't like and don't approve of.

Don't let people walk all over you, don't take the route of toxic positivity, your negative feelings are there to help you grow and are just as important for your overall development.

Pile 5: Envy

Have you guys heard of benign envy? I have, an exhausting amount to be honest and what I've learnt is it genuinely helps push you forward in life. It can often be bitter but it can lead you to work harder or be more determined towards achieving your goals. It can positively influence our attitudes towards life and help bring in good changes to your routine that will help you grow. And although it's said envy is rooted in low self- esteem, all that's needed is an abundance mindset to make it work in your favour. If you feel that pang of envy now and then that's not bad, use it as a driving force for to grow more in your own individualistic way because you may have been afraid to in the past. If you envy someone's style (this is coming through strongly) or their way of life, try to manifest and work hard towards making that your reality rather than wallowing in envy and self-pity.

Pile 6: Lust

Here I feel that lust is being talked about in terms of the self, not solely in a sexual manner but also in terms of desire. Pile 6, you need to understand that you are desirable and hot and stunning. If you feel sexual fantasies there's nothing wrong with that, it is a part of your human experience embrace it. There's nothing wrong or dirty about it, it helps you explore yourself more imo. You are sexy don't overindulge and sexualise yourself for others, external validation will not bring you the satisfaction you want, it needs to come from within.

Pile 7: Pride

Guys, pile 7, my loves, pride is not bad. Especially when it comes to the work you do, I feel like this is my artistic pile. Authentic pride is important to the integrity of your work, getting happy, feeling proud, getting satisfaction from an art piece or a written piece after putting in hours, days, weeks of effort should not make you feel guilty. Don't let people tell you that your head is too big or anything like that, it's not. Your pride will help you maintain your standards in everyday life, don't lower your standards for anything or anyone, you're too good for that. I would go as far as to say pride is one of the most important feelings/emotions but be careful to not let it turn into an inflated ego.

All Rights Reserved tiamathh©® DO NOT PLAGIARISE, REWORD, STEAL!

P.S. this is one of my favourite PACs I've ever done 🩷

[writingoddess1125]

Just a Peak- 👀

Crack-Head Headcanon

You accidently see the guys naked

Spicy Themes 🔥 including oral 18+

Buggy, Mihawk, Crocodile, Shanks,

Support me on Ko-Fi! I'm very poor and this is my job for now

Also a quick side note for everyone, This took forever since I had to do actual math! I looked at ALL of these damn characters and their height then based off of Odas fucking drawings figure out how their anatomy would lay in how he drew pants. Was it excessive- Absolutely 💯 was it worth it IDK

Buggy

• You all had been drinking on the ship, it was a fun party in all honesty. Buggy of course wanting to be flashing and show off how fun he was. Buggy who was fairly well drunk stumbled out for some reason you didnt hear-

• You stumbled out to potentially puke over the rails, However when you did you saw your Captian standing there clearly having finished relieving himself and now simply too drunk to put himself away as he stared out over the open ocean.

• You now knew why Buggy was so damn confident all the time...

• Thicccc, easy 8 inches flaccid and fit so well in his gloved hands it damn near looked picturesque.

• Have you ever seen a pretty cock!? When are cock pretty!? It's literally a perfect shape and color, with nicely trimmed ocean blue curls at the base.

Mihawk

• "AHH!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" Buggy screamed as he caught you staring- His face as red as his nose as he quickly tried to tuck himself away with sloppy hands.

• You quickly doing a U-Turn back into the hull of the ship- Face as red as a cherry and the image now seared into your brain.

Crocodile

• Being acquainted with Mihawk definitely had its benefits, in case really good drinks and the Bartender giving you free drinks cause they were hitting on The famous pirate!

• Mihawk had disapeared around 4 drinks ago, so you walled out of the bar to see if you could spot him. Turning the corner you spot him, but he definitely wasn't alone.

• There he was with thay flirty Bartender, her on her knees sucking him off. He looked mildly bored as well as he glanced down at her- However you couldn't help but stare when you saw her pull back for air.

• Long a solid 9+ inches , A bit thin for what you expected but clearly he made up for it in length. Pale, Slender, curved ever so slightly and thick hair at the base.

• You now understood the wide walk-

• Seeing the young female Bartender taking him fully into her mouth once mkre with a deep blush. Her nose pressed against the thick layer of black hair at the base- You see his eyes go up from the Bartender right to you

• His eyes met yours and he smirked- Like he was amused you had caught him this way, or that he was turned on by this possibly.

• Your face burned as he stared such strong eye contact with you. Quickly you snapped from your thoughts and hurried back into the bar. Finishing your drink quietly as the memory played in your mind.

• When Mihawk returned he sat next to you, not saying a work but you felt his eyes following you.

• Being a secretary was hard- being one for a famed dangerous pirate was harder- and then there was Crocodile

• He was a very picky and meticulous man that you knew better then to displease. So you had gotten his clothes from the cleaner (sands a bitch to wash out) and was dropping them off at his current residence. You had a key anyway so you walked right in, not expecting him there anyway.

• You were dead wrong however- Walking in it seemed Crocodile had just left the shower and didn't bother with a towel either. Stepping out steaming and having water running down his form.

• He was a big man (8ft3in -253 cm) you knew that... however you never connected it how that would translate in terms of.. his other anatomy however this just didn't seem fair!

Shanks

• It was easy 11 inches, the size of some people's forearm! Paired with it being very girthy it looked more like a weapon then an organ

• Paired with the lazy mess of wavy black curls at the base he clearly didn't bother taming.

• His eyes locking on your shocked face and how red you looked. A noise similar to that of a chuckle leaving him as he didn't even bother closing his robe.

• "Come here-" He said, taking a drag from his cigar and waving you to come back in... it seemed you would have a much closer look now-

• It had been a eventful day- A successful treasure hunt were the whole crew had pulled in a few billion berries for their own pocket. So you had all celebrated, Getting far too drunk in a short amount of time- Paired with delicious food.

• You still feeling buzzed you decided to drift off to get some rest before you got totally shitfaced

• Walking into one of the near by rooms to get some rest, the alcohol still making you fuzzy you realized far too late you'd stepped into the Captian's Quarters- and Far far too late into noticing their was your Captian half undressed clearly about to retire himself.

• A lovely white and pink member laying at a easy 8 in flacid and a forest of untamable red curls are the base of his cock that just lead your eyes there and only to there.

• He blinked at you surprised before cracking one of his signature smiles-

• "You okay Darling?" He said with a laugh, seeing your face so red and shocked.

• A twinkle in his eyes as he gestured for you to come fully inside.

• "Seems something has caught your eye, why don't we close up that door and talk about it?~" He said with a smirk. You nodding and closing the door behind you with a shy smile.

• Now how could you refuse that?

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

routine vibe check: what’s the best starter pokemon and why are you right (pictures and long paragraphs of evidence welcomed and appreciated)

Gonna get a good grade in vibe check, normal to want and inevitable to achieve because I have objectively correct Pokemon opinions and will block naysayers

OKAY LET'S GO

I decided to do, like, a top 5 list or something, because I'm bad at picking a single favourite of stuff. And then even that overwhelmed me, so I found one of those tier ranking list sites and produced this:

It was done in less than a minute, so if I wanted to get really picky, I don't know if I would be fully wedded to it (not sure if maybe Sceptile should be one higher) BUT it did help to highlight the important ones.

So!

5. Bulbasaur

It's. Just. So. Nice.

Like you can find cooler, more beautiful, cuter, fancier... there's a whole bunch of ways for a Pokemon to be great. But you will never ever find a nicer Pokemon than Bulbasaur. It's so lovely. Look at it. Look at its face.

I can't put it higher, because the rest of the line is fairly bland in terms of development. It's good and logical and fun, don't get me wrong, but Ivysaur and Venusaur just look like bigger versions with More Flower and Less Cute rather than creatures in their own right. To be honest, if it weren't a starter requiring a three-stage evolution, you could do away with Ivysaur. Something I don't like about a lot of lazy three-step lines is that the middle step just looks like a transitional mid phase rather than a Proper Creacher, like they were artificially inflating the Pokemon number count. Meanwhile it took us until Paldea to get a Girafarig evo that would actually make the giraffe tall. Madness.

However my first ever Pokemon was a Bulbasaur I called Daffodil, and I have traded him forward onto every single successive generation since. He is, quite literally, my First Ever Pokemon. I love him desperately. I still have him. Not many people still have their First Ever Pokemon. But I do and I love him. So, Bulbasaur gets the fifth spot.

4. Snivy

Again, a victim of the Banal Transitional Middle Evo, but both Snivy and Serperior are incredible, and as Meatloaf took such pains to tell us, two out of three ain't bad.

But Snivy! It's so snooty! I was super lucky with mine, too, because I beat the 12.8% odds and got a female, and I loved her. Normally the initial baby starters are designed to be cute but Snivy has SO MUCH PERSONALITY, she's great. And the design of Serperior is utterly gorgeous. She keeps the expression, but rather than the Animal Crossing-style snooty-cute vibe of Snivy you get this thousand yard withering stare of an empress whose servant (you) has just turned up dripping mud in her throne room and asked her for money. Her green and gold colour scheme is exquisite. Her filigree design, including her high collar, give off the air of wealth and sophistication befitting her immaculate pedigree. And all this! In a simple snake. Incredible design work, 10 out of 10, no notes.

Begone, you miserable peasant. Have him boiled.

3. Torchic

Now I'll be real with you, lads, but Pokemon design hit its stride with Hoenn and then got better.

It's partly a fashion thing, of course - you look at some of the Kanto designs and they are remarkably 90s, because that's when the franchise launched. Others are clearly a product of what the 1990's were capable of producing in pixels on an already over-stretched cartridge medium. Like we like to clown on Red and Green/Blue now, but my god, those game designers performed a miracle with Pokemon. Every single square inch of space was used to make that game, and complex designs weren't going to cut it.

(With that said, there is still no excuse for Dragonite.)

And then Johto came about and its Pokedex sucks ass. It's mostly new evolutions for existing Kanto stars, useless babies to inflate the dex number, or poorly thought out single-evos like the inexplicably short Girafarig and the unacceptably dreary Dunsparce (our greatest thanks to Paldea for fixing both of those).

BUT THEN CAME HOENN (trumpets intensify)

And we get habitats! Biomes! A different regional climate, gifting us a brand new area of Pokecology! And therefore a brand new flush of creativity in Pokemon design across the board; less dated, and more inclined to be unique rather than a rehash of Kantonian stuff.

Which brings me nicely to this lad:

Now, I mean. Just look at him. Fucking hell. Cute starter stage, check. LOOK AT HIM FACE

AND THEN he became, at the time, a brand-new unique typing: Fire/Fighting. I realise that is now the norm for like, half of the Fire starters, but that's because of Torchic, actually. He was super popular. In fact if you ever play Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald and you do what my husband and I like to call a Mynci Dave run (use one Pokemon almost exclusively, meaning it gets all the experience points and therefore over-levels to a terrifying degree, allowing you to sweep the game; so named after the noble Primeape we first did this with, Mynci Dave), Torchic is the PERFECT Pokemon to choose, because almost everything is weak to either Fire or Fighting in that region.

Anyway, Combusken is, again, kind of mid (although props for the inverted colour scheme and the fact that it actually does look like a teenager.) But Blaziken, on the other hand... Blaziken is a six foot ninja chicken with wings for hair whose Pokedex entry describes it as able to leap tall peaks in a single bound, a feat it achieves after strengthening its legs by hoofing Geodudes down mountains like they're fucking footballs

Also an impressive bulge.

My first was called Gilgamesh, and he was fucking great. For a long time, this mad lad was my actual favourite Pokemon, not just starter. Brilliant. Love him. Five stars out of three. King.

2. Fuecoco

It would probably surprise you to know I've not actually used one. I chose Sprigatito, and I do really like Meowscarada, actually. But pretty anthro cat boys have been done in Pokemon quite a bit at this point; cats, dogs and rabbits are over-represented in terms of Poke-taxa. Possibly this is another reason for a toad, a snake and a chicken being 5, 4 and 3 so far (ooh, basilisk ingredients, I've just realised.) They're new and unusual! I like an Eeveelution as much as the next person, but they're a whole family of cat-dog-rabbits, like.

However.

Nintendo has tried its hand at Pokecrocodilians three times (Feraligatr, Krookodile, Skeledirge), and they have gotten so much better at design each time that the three of them are basically a scale proxy for ongoing design improvement. Look, I've made a diagram:

EXCEPT

(Strap in)

This one is that rare thing: a three step line that deserves to be a three step line. Let's talk Fuecoco first:

SO CUTE. It's charming, it's charismatic, it's adorable.

It also has hints of its evolutionary end goal, but not like an undeveloped middle evo. It likes singing. The white face hints at the eventual calavera, and it looks a bit like a lil chilli pepper - a ghost pepper, probably in reference to the eventual Fire/Ghost typing. But the colours and shape right now also look a bit reminiscent of a babygro, because this thing is a cute starter. Lookit them teefs. That tuft. Its lovely smile. Beautiful.

And then, at the point you expect it to turn into just the awkward teenage version of the adult, instead we get Crocator:

Oh boy. Oh there's so much to say. Okay okay:

The region it's from is based on Spain, but this thing is incorporating Hispanic elements from across the board. It's a mariachi in a sombrero, except the sombrero also looks kind of like a ring of Mexican marigolds and kind of like a Catalonian Easter cake called Mona de Pascua that has an egg (or egg-shaped confectionary) in the middle. Body shape and markings look kind of like a piñata. The white face is now on its way to a calavera, with the cheek and nostril markings more defined. And it sings, with its open mouth (also how crocodiles release heat, appropriate for a Fire type) and signified by the mariachi theme.

THAT IS A LOT.

And then it becomes Skeledirge. A Fire/Ghost crocodile.

Now the obvious design here is the calavera and the  Día de Muertos theming, which is part of it. But there are also many examples of crocodile figures in Spanish folkloric ghost stories: the Catalonian Cocollona, the Lizard of Magdalena from Jaén, or the Drac de Na Coca, or even the Cuca - that one is Portuguese, but turns up in both Brasil and the Iberian Peninsula including in parts of Spain. It's got a Gaudi vibe (like Barcelona). It's got an alebrije vibe (like Mexico).

And the bird! Nile crocs have a cleaning symbiosis with Egyptian plovers; it also sits at the tip of the snout where male gharials have a sort of bulbous bit to help them make sounds (the singing thing).

But this is what the bird does when Skeledirge uses Torch Song:

It becomes a microphone, then grows in size and attacks the opponent in Phoenix form. Phoenix: Fire/Ghost. Resurrected from the ashes.

Quite simply, your fave could never.

5. Rowlet

My god. (My god)

gasp

Look at this lovely creacher. He is so round and so soft and so lovely. He looks like that baby Yoda meme. He looks like that cat that someone's landlord said they would make an exception for because he looks very polite. Look!!! At his lil bow tie!!! He is a smartly dressed young man and he is kind and he is... well, a bit vacant behind the eyes. A himbo, if you will. But he is all the better for that. What a lovely owl.

He looks a little like a barn owl, perhaps, and those were imported to Hawai'i, where Rowlet is from. But I think he looks a little like a Pueo owl, and given that he will eventually be a Ghost type, that seems right - pueos are one of the physical forms assumed by ʻaumākua in Hawai'ian culture, as I understand it.

And then, hang onto your tits, lads, because this is another banger - THE MIDDLE EVOLUTION IS ITS OWN DESIGN!!! (confetti cannons)

I said earlier that boring middle evos are like just awkward teenagers of the adults. Here, I present to you, a very deliberate Awkward Teenager, in Dartrix:

IT'S A DANDY

I love him I love him I love him

He plays with his fringe and if you touch it without permission he has a tantrum. God, he's so charismatic. Also, that fringe further suggests the pueo - they have pronounced outer rims around their facial disks like that. Look at his bow tie and tail coat. So smart and handsome

This one is so good that it could be the final evo. This is actually my issue with the Delphox line - Braixen is amazing, and then it becomes the bland boredom of Delphox. Braixen should have been the final stop. Here, Dartrix is much the same - good enough to be a high-quality end goal.

Where they differ is that Decidueye is better again.

IT SHOOTS ARROWS MADE OF ITS OWN QUILLS

Also, fun fact - This line is the only starter to change secondary typing. Dartrix is part Flying; but on evolving a second time into Decidueye, it switches to Grass/Ghost. In this evolution, it's definitely mostly a pueo, so the ʻaumākua reference is IN, but actually barn owls also have their associations with the dead in various cultures.

The crown of feathers around its head are also reminiscent of an ayaigasa - a hat worn by Japanese samurai archers. And yet! AND YET!

It still has its lil bow tie look. Bigger now, more of a cravat; but there it is.

A perfect Pokemon, and a perfect evolutionary line. No notes.

Anyway, thank you for this chance to waste three and a half hours writing this essay

[finniestoncrane]

shuffles in here hiii I was hoping to request KTJL!Boomer x Fem nb reader (she/they with feminine genitalia and the like, who is on the curvier side in terms of body type) who are in an established relationship and just having a fun night in together

I’m not super picky on what directions things go and honestly it could just be pwp but I would love to see the following things included in no particular order:

boomer being his usual sleazy self lol

mean but playful flirting

praise kink

squirting

overstimulation

reader being really into Boomer’s hands

mating press

i love love love your writing, the way you write boomer is so good! I hope you’re having a good day!

Messy

KTJL!Boomer x Fem!Reader, word count: 1.2k okey dokey i THINK i managed to cover everything, even if i did get sidetracked by the squirting!💙 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: fingnering, squirting, overstimulation, flirting, teasing, good old fashioned fuckin

You held his hands, stretching the fingers out, holding them, placing your palm against his, before letting your fingers fall between his, pulling him to you, clutching at his hands as you pressed them to your sternum.

"I like your hands, George. They're big. Strong. And very skilled."

Flattery was alwas the way with Digger. Stroke his ego, and you got the same result as if you were stroking anywhere else on his body. In response to your compliments, he lifted his hand, taking yours with him, kissing the back of it before letting it rest back on your chest.

"Comes in handy, I suppose. There's a fair bit of you to grab, I like to make sure I get the most out of ya."

You giggled, delighting in the way he smiled wide as he stared over your body. Trying to hide your own beaming grin, you took your hand from his. When you let go of it, he walked his fingers down your body, stopping at your abdomen and grinning as you whined.

“You really that desperate for it?”

Familiar by now with Digger's brand of playful teasing, you played innocent, knowing he preferred to tease you, to see you blush.

“I’m not desperate at all.”

“Oh yeah?”

With one hand on your waist, he reached the other down under your panties, fingers splaying you open, one of them sliding between your lips to collect your slick.

“You seem pretty keen.”

Splaying you open, fingers spreading your lips, he drooled at the sight of your pussy, shockingly wet already.

"I could drown in there, and you're gonna lie and say you're not absolutely frothing, huh?"

Biting your lip, you tried to avoid eye contact with him, your blush and giggles already giving up your true feelings under his scrutiny.

"Hey, no worries, babe. Let the Captain take care of you, no judgements. I'm ready for a dirty, wet root myself."

The way his voice rasped on the words, almost growling, had you unconsciously opening your legs wider, giving him complete access to you. And he took that invitation, immediately curling his fingers up inside of you, his thumb lazily circling your clit as you began to moan, warmth spreading over you, the heat of arousal spreading.

It always felt good when George was giving you his full attention, focused on only your pleasure, his long, strong fingers stroking and fucking you, much more manageable than his cock. This felt slightly different though. You coudn't tell if it was the build up, the romantic, lazy way you had been curled up in his arms before, or if he was trying a new technique, but there was a pressure in your abdomen that was new.

And you were closer, far quicker than usual. Orgasm imminent, you clutched at the bedsheets below you, certain that George was about to make you cum in record time, his sexual expertise once again impressing you. But instead of a body clenching climax, your thighs wet with your own arousal, you let out a scream unlike anything you thought you were capable of. You gushed, streams of liquid exploding from you, splashing onto George, his chest dripping, covered in you.

“Fuck me, babe!”

“George… I’m so sorry, I didn’t even know I could-“

“You got another one in ya?”

He thrust his fingers back inside of you, free hand tapping lightly on your clit as he pumped his digits into your walls, crooked up and tapping at the exact spot that had made you gush before. There you were, writhing under his touch, skin still flushed in embarrassment after making a mess everywhere. And there he was, on top of you, grunting with exertion as he tried to recreate the explosive burst of pleasure, his body positioned in a way that meant he would be soaked, covered in you. Mouth open. Tongue hanging out. Hoping to get a taste.

“I really don’t know if I FUCK!”

A quick spurt emanated from your quivering pussy, legs shaking, body trembling as you squealed in delight. But it wasn’t enough. It was a tiny dribble, and George was intent on making a splash.

“George… I don’t think… I can’t take much more…”

“Just a little bit longer, sweetheart.”

He caught your eyes, keeping his locked in to yours.

“You can do it, eh? Make old Digger happy, huh?”

The pleading tone, the way his crooked smile made his long, hooked nose curl up slightly, made your heart flutter. It was too much. You were over the line, body convulsing, tears forming in the corners of your eyes from the strain. Every one of your limbs felt like they were twitching and spasming as the continuous orgasm coursed through your nervous system. And then finally.

"That's it... good girl... what a good girl!"

With a scream, you felt your muscles relax, body falling into the mattress, your legs still kicking a little as you felt the liquid erupt from you. One quick spurt, followed by another, and then a long, splashing wave that soaked George as he leant in. Smiling wide, mouth gratefully receiving everything he could catch in it, moaning and gargling as he spat some back over his lips and down his chin.

Licking his lips, he once again caught your eyes, a predatory, hungry look glinting in his light green irises. Shuffling inelegantly on his knees, he lined himself up with your body, your legs open and resting at either side of his hips. Before you could get comfortable in that position, however, he caught you under your knees, pulling you to him, his cock resting against your cunt as he pushed your legs back, carefully and slowly, until your ass was raised and your body was pressed down to where he wanted you.

Rubbing the head of his cock along your slit, coating it in your own cum, he slid himself into you and began pumping his impressive length in and out, alread stretching you, bringing you close to yet another orgasm as you whimpered.

Everything about you in this position made his heart pound. The way your stomach folded, jiggling as he thrust, how he could see your eyes closed tight, teeth biting down on your lip, your breasts bouncing with each brutal pounding of his body into yours. Pinned down, submissive, ready for him to fill you up.

And it was equally good for you, having him take control, a little raucous, a bit dirty, like you were being used by him. The thought of that alone, that you were there to take him, for him to empty himself into, made your clit twitch, the heat in your stomach growing as you reached another climax.

"George... I think I might... again..."

"Yeah, no shit princess, I'm actually counting on it!"

He grabbed onto your hips, thumbs digging into the plush skin there to get a better hold of you as he pummelled your body, desperate to see if he could have both of you finish at the same time. He imagined that would be quite messy, and that was how he liked it.