#I'm kinda proud that I can't eat anymore but that's kinda cringe idk
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really thinking about how my only options are to continue starving and stay skinny or eat but gain weight. I can never be normal
#ed tw#today I saw a video of someone showing what her friend eats#and it was a whole pizza and then pasta and whatever#how are some people capable of doing that#realistically some of it is my fault bc I've slowed my metabolism by restricting too hard#and the only way to fix it is to eat more BUT that will cause weight gain#and yeah I can lose it but I'd rather not gain any in the first place#also I'm genuinely not able to eat that much anymore#today I ate a fairly small amount of food and my stomach starting getting uncomfortable halfway through#even though that was the only thing I had in awhile. idk#I'm kinda proud that I can't eat anymore but that's kinda cringe idk#anyways. I really just wish I could eat normal amounts of food but still have a really low weight#I don't want a healthy weight tbh so yeah it makes sense that I can't eat healthy portions#still sucks tho#ALSO it sucks that alcohol has calories but tbf I don't need to drink much if I haven't eaten anyways#and my tolerance has never been high actually bc I don't drink that much#Sera
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