#I'm kinda glad I obsessively trimmed them the other day

[neon-angels-system]

I'm feeling a lot better now. still not good, but better.

[meraki24601]

hii i found ur blog the other day and im kinda obsessed with it now. i was wondering if u could write something with a gothic victorian vibe?? between a servant and their master, where something bad happens to the servant (sickness, exhaustion, etc) and now the master has to take care of them. love ur writing :))

Welcome, friend! I'm glad you're here. I'm not very good at gothic Victorian vibes, but I hope this is close enough! My first thought was of a large manor with one of those giant garden mazes in the back and a party. Enjoy!

Falling Ill

-----------*-***-*-----------

Servant wasn’t allowed to be sick. Half of the servants had already taken ill, and most of those still well were busy caring for the sick. Even Servant’s father, the Butler since before Master’s father’s father passed on, was trapped in his bed. It was up to Servant to take control as they had been taught. They wouldn’t let the Master down. 

It was possibly the worst time for the house to fall ill. In only three days, the Master was scheduled to host a crucial party. This would be their chance to establish their role as head of the fastest-growing company in the country. Many important people would attend, and for Masters house to be in such disarray would be a disgrace. 

In other words, Servant didn’t have time for the cough settling deep in their chest. 

They attended a meeting with the Master shortly after the Master had eaten their breakfast. The original plan had been to narrow down the list of essential tasks before the event as the Master ate, but the smell of the rich bacon and eggs made Servant’s stomach churn. The Master had assumed the extra time was needed to care for Servant’s father and agreed, and Servant didn’t correct them. 

“Don’t misunderstand me, Servant. I don’t enjoy your father being sick, but I’m glad you’re beside me for this.” Master whispered. “When your father served mine, it wasn’t him but you who stayed with me. I’m grateful for your loyalty and understanding of how I want things done.”

It was a lot of pressure, but that was alright. By the time supper rolled around, Servant’s stomach had settled enough for a small meal. They and the rest of the staff had also completed more than half of the list of tasks. 

The next day, nearly half of the remaining servants were bedridden. A few of the first to become ill were beginning to recover but would not be well in time to assist with the remaining preparations. However, those who could stand and move were able to care for the others, keeping Servant from losing any more hands. 

Servant found they couldn’t keep their own hands from shaking as they attempted to write down a few last-minute additions and changes the Master gave them. Their head drooped, and they kept their eyes down to avoid allowing the Master to see the bags under their eyes from the largely sleepless night. 

“Servant?” Master asked as Servant nearly dropped their pen. “You’re not ill, are you? I don’t think I can do this without you.”

“Of course not, Master. I will see you through this event to the end. It will be a party like no one has ever seen.”

And Servant kept their word. They were careful to keep the sickness contained within the servants’ quarters. The list of tasks was completed with time to spare, and, as the gardeners were all bedridden, Servant themselves trimmed the hedges in the garden. The maze of tall plants and decorative fountains was to be the highlight of the event.

Holding tall, Servant ignored the weight of their arm as they guided the others to their next tasks. They lifted their feet high while walking the arriving guests through the manor so they wouldn’t drag across the clean carpet. Gloves kept the uncomfortable sweat on their hands from bothering the guests, but they still found themselves pulling their suit jacket tighter around them against the chill.

In all, Servant was miserable. The party, however, was splendid. They could see the smile on the Master’s face each time they made eye contact across the room. As the Master looked a little too long, and their smile turned to something that imitated concern, Servant would look away. Their Master didn’t have time to be distracted.

Eventually, the guests began to leave. Each sang the Master’s praises as they walked through the door and requested Servant communicate their interest in setting up meetings to continue working with the Master. They took their sweet time, not caring that despite the sun’s steady march toward the horizon, Servant still had work to do. 

Though this party had not been particularly rowdy, Servant had to hold back a groan at the trash and decor that needed to be cleaned before the night was over. 

Once again, Servant found themselves out in the garden. Though the hot summer sun was setting, the warmth was finally enough to begin to breach the chill that felt like it had sunken its claws into Servant’s bones. At least, it was warm as long as they kept their slightly damp jacket on. 

Servant’s head throbbed as they bent over to retrieve a fallen napkin from the center garden. It was amusing how weak they had become. They would have laughed if they’d had enough air to do so. Most of the mess in the large maze was not worth worrying about for the moment. It could wait till tomorrow when Servant had recovered more of their strength. So, they gathered the bag they had been working with and began to make their way back. 

They walked. And they walked. They walked toward the exit of the maze until the sun had dropped below the horizon, leaving the maze in shadow. The lights in the garden had all been put out when the last of the guests left, but Servant could still see the manor lights shining over the top of the tall hedges. They would be there soon. They had to keep walking.

“Servant!” The Master was running toward them.

“Master.” Servant stumbled slightly as they bowed their head. “I was on my way back inside. I fear I could not finish the cleaning in the garden today, but I will see it taken care of first thing tomorrow morning.” They had to stifle a cough at the end but felt a sort of pride they could explain themselves despite finding it challenging to take in enough air to support their words.

Master sighed as they stepped closer to Servant. Their gaze was a little too intense for comfort. “Forget about the cleaning. I’ll help myself tomorrow. The rest of the staff have been ordered to rest. We couldn’t find you.”

“My apologies, Master. I should have been there to communicate your wishes for you. I was in the central garden.”

“I sent someone to look in the central garden nearly an hour ago. You weren’t there.” Master took Servant’s hands and slowly removed their gloves. “You’re still wearing this heavy jacket. Why?”

Servant took a step back. “I’m sorry, Master. I did not lie. I was only just in the central garden. There was a slight breeze there that kept me cool. I didn’t notice the heat.”

A hand wrapped around the back of Servant’s head, pulling them ever so close to the Master. The back of Master’s free hand pressed against Servant’s forehead as their lips turned down in a frown. “Servant. Can you tell me where you are right now?”

The Master’s hand was cool against Servant’s forehead. They found themselves having to resist the urge to press against it. “Of course, Master. I’m in the garden maze.”

“You’re in the far east corner of the maze. About as far from the entrance as you can be.” The Master’s foot nudged the bag Servant had been carrying. “Can you pick this up?”

Servant’s legs shook, and their head swam as they bent to follow their Master’s request. They felt hands pressing them against something warm. “If you had told me you were sick, I could have taken care of you sooner.”

The green leaves of the garden blurred together. At some point, they were sure they heard voices. All they could understand was their Master’s hushed voice sighing, “It’s alright. I’ve got them now.”

Oh. Their Master was carrying them.

The world slowed somewhat as the Master entered through the lounge door. It would be a long walk back to the servants’ quarters, but hopefully, their stomach would settle when they were back on their feet. If only their Master would set them down.

“Please, Master. Set me down. I can make it to my room on my own. Thank you for your help, but I would rather the others—”

“You won’t be going to your quarters tonight. From what I’ve learned in the past hour, the others seem to respect you as well. They knew you were sick, yet you did your best to protect them from the illness and ease their workloads.” Master set Servant down on soft sheets they immediately recognized. They were in their Master’s room. “The others seem to be on the mend, though your sickness is only just reaching its worst. Rather than risk spreading the illness through the servants again, I believe it would be best for you to stay here with me. This way, I can take care of you.”

Despite Servant’s concern, they found themselves drifting off. The cool icepacks they couldn’t remember being placed around them felt almost as nice as the hand brushing through their hair. 

[mistressemmedi]

i might be very very late to the party but i constantly see you reblog GIFs/text posts about a couple asian dramas (i don’t wanna assume ethnicities) series and am kinda intrigued??

would you mind explaining the ones you reblog frequently (kinnporsche and gap)? based on the GIFs and text posts they seem like something i would want to watch, but i’m admittedly pretty new to asian dramas in general and don’t even know where one would watch them haha. you don’t have to spoil anything major, just kind of a general synopsis & where you watch them would be great 😊

I'm glad that my incessant posting is making people curious 👀 about these shows lmao

Both KinnPorsche and GAP are Thai shows! KP is a BL (boy love) drama and GAP is a GL (girl love) drama.

KinnPorsche

Tells the epic love story of Kinn and Porsche (hence the name lol). Kinn the heir to the Theerapanyakul mafia empire who crosses paths with Porsche, bartended and part-time street fighter who is then hired (against his will) to be Kinn's bodyguard. It's got mystery, intrigue, family fuckery, a pet hedgehog, way too many Maseratis, Tankhun, a Ducati that sees a lot of action, Deutsche Bank being an A+ LGBT ally, eating bread as a form of foreplay, abundance of daddy issues, a boatload of emotionally constipated men, etc.

Essentially 10/10 would recommend - also, I am obsessed with the second lead couple (Vegas and Pete)

There are some TW: potential dubcon, mafia stuff (murder, drugs, etc), Vegas (the guy, not the city. No, for real. The entire character is a walking red flag and a pathetic meow meow at the same time. You need to watch to understand), torture as a form of foreplay (again... Vegas), Jeff Satur serving gender, and probably something else that I am forgetting.

Where to watch it: IQIYI (Paid subscription) or dramacool/kisskh if you cannot don't have the spare $$$ for a subscription service

GAP

Tells the epic love story of Sam and Mon. GAP is the hottest sapphic drama in town and it's got it all: forbidden office romance, lesbians who are dating but are unaware of it, miscommunication (by the boatload), a very important learning moment on "why your nails need to be trimmed in order to avoid disaster", a wardrobe department to die for, a homophobic grandma I would like to kill, a scorned (maybe) fiancée', the average lesbian experience of falling in love and planning your wedding in the span of a week, major disrespect towards the singles community etc.

It's got quite a few camp moments that made me want to climb walls tbh but overall I loved it.

Where to watch it: Youtube (free!!!!)

Other shows that I've watched and enjoyed: Semantic Error [Viki -free] (Korean: enemies to lovers, university edition), Not Me [Youtube - free] (Thai: be gay, do crimes against the corrupt government and institutions. Amazing soundtrack). Currently watching (and crying over it): Moonlight Chicken [Youtube - free] (Thai: a one night stand develops Feelings™️. Featuring a social commentary on how to process grief, how to survive as a lower middle class person in a post-pandemic world, how to navigate the end of a relationship when you fall out of love with someone, how having a disability can make you feel so isolated, and many other ever day issues)

[bcofl0ve]

kaia gerber bookclub brief - cleo wade episode

(as a kaia fan these summaries will be more kaia centric than guest centric, if you guys would prefer me do more summarizing of things the guests say lmk!)

beginning bit with just kaia, says she's excited to try the prerecording thing because it takes away the pressure of being live/timed/cut off (austin i am ounce again asking you to fix y'alls router!!!!!!)

nooo kaia don't say you dogear your books nooo (it's okay i do too)

the way she says "hi!"to cleo at the 1:46 mark is SO cute i'm gonna trim it down later and post she's so baby girl

lauren dern is who introduced kaia to cleo

first question was asking cleo how she's found her voice in her writing- which kaia prefaced by saying she feels intimidated by poetry.

cleo brought up mary oliver and kaia mentioned that she also really liked her

kaia saying she researched by reading past interviews cleo has done was a real cute moment wah she's such a sweetie

i assume this was filmed a while ago bc of the following:

"i had a friend say to me the other day- i'd rushed home from a really long flight and it was her birthday and i rushed to a dinner and i was so tired but i was like i need to show up for everyone this is what i have to do. and she goes- she was turning 28 (so this was ayo then? the flight i assume coming back from paris)- "i can't wait till you turn 28 and you text me and you say i'm tired i don't feel like coming i love you." she's like- i'll be so proud of you."

realizing midway through that was about ayo made me read it in her voice typing it LOL friend of the year!!! she truly seems like such a great gal

next question is about forgiveness and remembering love even when it's hard. really liked cleo's answer to this essentially saying that everything can be seasonal f you look at it a certain way and to embrace the nature of things.

kaia saying friendship breakups are harder than relationship breakups and that they feel like open wounds that live in us...soooooo real.

skipped typing the 3rd question oops but it was about showing love to yourself

4th question: how do we move forward from [unhealthy] things we've learned especially from our family dynamics

cleo mentioned being obsessed with a guy in her twenties and kaia's little exhale laugh (17:42 time stamp) made me giggle...#real i'm obsessed with him too dw!

topic is moving to social media, kaia says she tries not to go on it very often

5th question is about what social media has done to people's empathy.

while i listen to cleo: there's a few jump cuts and i can't help but be a little nosey about what was maybe edited out but i think that nosiness defeats the purpose of what they're talking about rn so maybe i shouldn't say that haha

kaia said it's reflective of how she's doing when she chooses to obsess over the one negative comment as opposed to the positive ones. bby ):

"i think social media has made it so these thoughts that we convince ourselves no one else would ever notice about us are written for everyone to see"

i'm glad she has her comments off for herself but man it makes me sad that she sees the nasty shit people say else where.

generally speaking listening to this niche of talk from celebrities is always so interesting in that i'm like wow so true! while at the same time typing this on a gossip blog and in a very big way being a "part of the problem". much to think about.

cleo talked a lot about people thinking celebrities belong to them and kaia very much echoed all of that

kaia circled back to the positives of social media and talked about the march for our lives. as someone who has on and off worked with march that made me smile! jaya, laura dern's daughter occasionally goes to events too lol i have friends that have met her.

okay now we're getting to the blurb that she posted on Instagram so i feel like summarizing that would be kinda redundant haha

but kaia holding her book open with her hair like this is sooo princess belle core.

i like this format a lot better than the instagram lives tbh

for some reason it's easier for me to pay attention?

little end bit with just kaia. her little thank you to the viewers was so youtube vlogger core but in a very endearing way. okay miss youtuber!!!

and that's it! excited for the revamp of book club that seems to be in the making and the future of it. you can tell that kaia loves doing it and i like listening to her!

[typinggently]

I'm still obsessed with that Wincest scenario you came up, based on Coast to Coast, with one brother behind bars and the other free (esp if the one locked up is Sam? Wow)

babe thank you sm...🖤✨✨ honestly the concept is super intriguing to me, too — I love when they’re forced to interact with others independently from each other, I love how weird they are. Honestly, with that concept you could go serial killer AU (which was my first thought, very delicious), or just regular them? Weirdos. Either way, I hope you don’t mind that I’ll take this as an opportunity to, you know —

.🖤.

When you work at a prison, you see all kinds of shit going down during visitor's hours — break ups, reunions, first dates. Tears, laughter, fits of violent rage. You see a lot, you get used to it. And honestly, this here would be endearing.

Would be, if they weren't so fucking odd about it.

It's been about a month now, and the guy's been — difficult. Not like he's out to pick fights, no. Not him. He spends most of his time quietly doing a task or other, always silently busy with something. At this point, they’ve given up on trying to figure out what exactly he's been doing and how he keeps getting his hands on all these tasks and duties, but there's basically not a moment in time when the man isn't doing something. Silently, keeping to himself. But he's pretty, alright? He's got the tan, the handsome face, the trim waist. Guy like him at a place like this — well. So they, the guards, they kinda watch him, watch the way the others watch him. Placing nonverbal bets. Except —

Except, five days in he breaks Trooper's jaw, dislocates Anderson's shoulder and smashes Big Tiger's nose to bits. It's a fucking mess, blood on the floor, shoes slipping on wet tiles, men howling and stumbling, tripping over each other, and the guy at the centre of the storm, tall, pretty, dripping blood. Self-Defense, arguably. Definitely, actually, and by the looks of it, he could’ve done a lot worse but chose not to. So yeah. He's difficult.

It's been about a month now and the other men usually avoid him, let him be pretty and silent in peace. He doesn’t seem too bothered by it, though. Doesn’t try to rise through the ranks despite the fact that he proved he could, easily. Doesn’t open his mouth for more than two words at a time, in fact, letting attempts at conversation slip and drop from him like rain from a lotus flower. Except for Tuesday afternoons, that is. Visiting hours.

Because every Tuesday, 3pm on the dot, the brother will come in. Drop dead gorgeous, tall, summer-sweet ease in every move. Show stopper, that one. He'll sit down, hands folded on the tabletop, shoulders back. Right across from the glass where the guy waits, mirror image. He’ll sit down and open his mouth.

"Look at you," he'll say. "Fuck, I'm sorry, man. This is my fault, isn't it?" That's the usual, of course. Except this guy's pretty like a doll and just as cool, saying the words with the conviction of someone reciting a poem. One could think he’s doing it for an audience, except his eyes don’t seem to register anything in the room that’s not the other guy, hands folded on the tabletop, shoulders back.

"Fuck, baby, 's all my fault, huh?" Face cut from marble. "Let you play with those guns, they always say that oughta mess a kid up in the head. But how are we supposed to know, right? Hell, you never had anyone to teach you good and proper, just me.” Absent father, vet who brought guns and a history of violence into the family, then left. Tragic story, but one has to wonder how it only ever affected just one of them. And for all of those expressions of guilt, the brother is perfectly innocent. Never hurt a fly, apparently, which is at odds with what the judge had to say about the tall one, at odds with what he’s not quite saying now.

“Shoulda known, baby boy." And that's - it's a bit weird. Baby boy, Handsome, Sugar. He says Princess, once, and the other one cracks a smile. Exhales through his nose, flicks his head to the side and the corner of his mouth twitches. Not a word from him, but the brother's pink around the ears, sniffs. "Ah, Sammy, don't gimme that look. Make a guy blush." He doesn't call him Princess again.

"Was it the fuckin' shit you been taking? Break my heart, why don’t you? You said you were clean." - "Clean? Nah, not me." They stare at each other like it's a joke, except no one's laughing. And of course he was tested, right when he came in. The kid hasn't touched pills, syringes, powders in months.

"I'm glad they caught you, man. You were scaring me, baby boy, with the guns and the silver and the chanting at night. They'll fix you right up, I promise. Send you out as a changed man, do a better job of that than I ever could." And he never mentioned that in court, it kinda contradicts some of the other shit he’s reciting, but no one knows what it means. Chanting. The guy sits on his bed at night, sometimes, staring at thin air, a shadow in the dark with glittering eyes, but no one's been smooth enough to sneak a glance at his lips to check if he's whispering.

"Sugar, I shoulda done better by you. You're my baby boy, I shoulda seen it. Always too smart for your own good, baby, too sharp. Shoulda kept you on a tighter leash, kept you closer. Kept you away from those bad influences. Fuck, not like I don't know you like to put your dick where it doesn't belong. Call that nature and nurture, huh?" That’s — yeah, that’s another thing that doesn’t make sense. The guy worked alone, not a trace of any kind of influence to be found. No one but the brother, who’s got a spotless white vest, who’s doing nothing but prove his sorrow, two hours at a time.

And then visitor's hours are over and they get up simultaneously, mirror images, and turn to leave. Neither of them says a word of goodbye, never. As if it’s self-evident that next Tuesday, they’ll be back on opposite sides of that glass, hands folded on the table top, shoulders back. And they are, again and again and again, until one day, neither of them shows up.

-

("Next time," Sam says as he balls up his third wet wipe and drops it into the little trash bag with the others, tinted pink and smelling of iron, "you go in. The food fucking sucked."

"Aw, baby," Dean purrs, "I'll make it up to you. Besides - you look cute in apricot. Your colour, I say."

"Fuck off." Sam shakes his head, but the corner of his mouth is twitching into a smile and he melts into familiar leather seats. Hot with adrenaline, smoke in his hair and sweat shimmering on his cheeks, his temples.

Dean takes his eyes off the road to stare at him, his gaze heavy and greedy, like they haven’t seen each other in months. "So, you make any new friends?" Sam hums, drops his head back, undoes the zipper of his jumpsuit. Rolls his eyes, too, not that Dean would notice. “Yeah, lots.” Dean clicks his tongue, hums, deep and dirty in his throat. “That’s my boy.”)

-

Gotta be all that coco, ayy? Playin' too much of that GTA Playin' too much of that Dr. Dre Doom, Quake, where'd you get the gun from, eh? Really think that metal gonna make you safe? Playing peek-a-boo with the devil these days Black cap back with a trench coat, ayy Living in the valley cuttin' porno tapes