#maybe I can convince a headmate to shower for me
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I'm feeling a lot better now. still not good, but better.
#vent#getting 7 hours of sleep will do that to a person#I still want to claw at ny arms until they bleed#but cutting my one (1) long nail helped with that#I'm kinda glad I obsessively trimmed them the other day#obviously it was the nail-biting driving it but it worked out#I was thinking I'd have to get my partner to hold onto a couple of other things for me but it seems like we're good#I need to have a shower. I'm scared.#maybe I can convince a headmate to shower for me#fuck. I've been treating my headmates so poorly. they do so much for me#and I've been pushing them away#they deserve so much better#I need a fucking week of self-isolation to process and talk with my headmates and get myself sorted#I don't have that time. it's not fair to anyone#it's not fair to my headmates. it's not fair to my partner. it's not fair to my friends. it's not fair to my parents#my mum's worried about me. I know.#I'll be fine. I don't really have any other choice#this breakdown can't be postponed forever. my brain and body are keeping fucking score#case in point: today#but it's going to have to wait until I have the stability to break down without destroying my life in the process#...I'm not sure that's possible but it's as good as we're going to fucking get#god system shit is so fucking frustrating#um. I ran out of tags so the system rant is getting cut out. teehee.
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