#I'm just talking your average systems worker)

[variousqueerthings]

started just telling job'n'benefits related stuff that i'm disabled. used to tiptoe around it and talk about how certain work-spaces "might" be a bit much, because I get too tired and overwhelmed (because they kept saying I should go work in hotels, hotels!!!!), and they'd give me some of this odd modern "oh we just need a good change of attitude, believe in yourself" nonsense that's really just repackaged "stop being a lazy cashdrain" rhetoric.

so now I tell them straight: if I work for 4 hours on one day in a stressful environment, then I will need the whole of that day to prepare for it and the whole of next day to recover because I will be too exhausted, so I will have lost out on two days for four hours of work and then I make them agree with me that that isn't sustainable for a good deal of employment (the simplest version ofc, I know it varies depending on how supportive the environment is, how many breaks I can take, how interesting the work is etc. but they don't need all of that. they don't get it, so I don't tell them).

it's not going to change anything in their systems, because they're all only tuned in to two kinds of work (high physical continuous effort or calling a million people on the phone per day to get yelled at by), but it's at least a little victory watching the job people do a double-take on that piece of information. yeah I'm not just tired like everyone else. I am measurably too tired to do the work you're trying to push on me. now what? nothing? cool, good talk. until in two weeks when we will have the exact same talk.

[nighterwriter]

Waiting for You

Jason Todd x reader

Word Count: 783

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was late. Jason knew that as soon as Gotham fell into its momentary lull before the burst of early morning workers trying to make it to work before the streets were full of traffic, and the sidewalks were jammed with businesspeople and average joes starting their day.

He slipped into the bedroom through the window, sighing as he slipped his boots off, placing them in their designated corner, and disengaging his helmet. He frowned as he glanced toward the empty bed. Usually, you'd already be asleep, and he'd have to pry his pillow from your ironclad grip in your half-asleep state. But you were gone. Taking a deep breath, he started to trek through the apartment, checking its crooks and crannies for you (he doesn't know how you get yourself into such tight spaces, all he knows is that he's impressed.) The bathroom, the office, and the living room were devoid of your presence, leaving only one location. He quietly lumbered towards the kitchen, only to stop abruptly at its entrance.

You had a hand tucked under your head as you quietly snored on the kitchen table, dinner left cold and untouched, and dessert waiting on the counter. And by the look of the pots and pans left soaking in the sink and the 'secret' notepad you'd use to write down Jason's favorite recipes, you'd spent most of your time cooking and waiting for him.

"Sweetheart." You hummed, eyes still closed. "Baby, I'm gonna move ya, 'kay?"

"S'okay." You grumbled out, turning into Jason as he gently picked you up, and grimacing at the feeling of his hard chest plate under your head. "Why're you like this?"

Jason snorted, moving your head to rest higher. "I just got back."

"Want some food?"

"Did you eat any of it?"

"Was waiting for you."

Jason closed his eyes as guilt twisted up from his chest and into his throat. "I told you not to do that. You're starving yourself, waiting on me."

"Yeah I know, but I had a dream of you sitting on your own in the kitchen and it made me sad." Jason bit his lip as you clutched the lip of his chest plate when he tried to put you on the bed. "Sitting there alone, in the dark. I don't wanna see you like that. Ever."

He could blame your delirium on the lack of food in your system or the fitful sleep you'd forced yourself into, but something tightened in his throat when he realized that you were just like that. You were always overthinking the most minor things, never wanting Jason to be faced with something that would cause him any problems. You were each other's rhyme and reason, but it seemed that all he could do was come up with lousy excuses and half-ass his way through the day. And you still loved him for it. Because he was there with you. And it didn't matter what you were doing, whether it was the simple act of sitting next to each other or going out. The feeling of warmth and the stability he provided you was enough.

"Okay let's get you under the covers before you start talking about Flowers for Algernon."

"He was just a mouse." You choked out, leaning into Jason's palm as he cupped your face.

"And you're a crybaby when you don't eat or sleep." He stood and unclipped his holsters. "Give me ten minutes and, I'll be back with some snacks. We'll eat dinner tomorrow. I promise."

"I have work."

"Don't go in."

Sensing Jason's guilt, you just nodded and grabbed his hand to kiss his glove-covered knuckles. "Okay."

True to his word, Jason took a quick shower and stored his suit before returning to the bedroom with a plate full of various snacks. You were fighting the overwhelming wave of sleep as he slipped under the covers and raised a cracker to your mouth. Leaning your head on his shoulder, you nibbled on the salty square as the two of you sat there soaking in each other's presence.

You didn't care how many nights you'd fallen asleep on the couch or in the bath. How many times you'd put dinner in the microwave. Because there was something about moments like this. Small moments. Vulnerable moments with the man you loved who'd devote his entire life to you if you'd let him. You'd wait on Jason Todd coming through the window every night if it meant he was the last person you saw when you went to sleep and the first person you saw when you woke up.

Because that's how it worked with him. And you wouldn't change it for anything.

[violentviolette]

ASPD diagnosis anon again.

Thank for responding, I really appreciate it.

You mentioned your bipolar diagnosis affecting your rights/freedoms, what did you mean by that? I ask because personally, I have lots of things i need to address, and process, but therapy as a whole just seems like a massive risk. I'm not asking for a "do this/dont do this," I guess, but more of your perspective and experiences.

Thanks again, just let me know if it's too personal. :)

so in the us at least, it can affect a lot. bipolar disorder is considered a legal disability tho and is protected under the ADA so some of these things u can fight, while others u cant

things like workplace or educational discrimination for example, both are required to provide accomodation for bipolar individuals, but them knowing ur diagnosis at all puts u at risk for discrimination. i know most places wont hire u if they know that upfront, and in some fields (like medical, govt work, ect) outright state that u cannot have a mental health diagnosis like bipd in their field and they straight up will not even consider hiring u

it can affect ur ability to get or renew a drivers liscence, especially specialty liscences like CDL's and motorcycle

it greatly affects ur medical treatment overall. ive had problems with some dr's not taking me seriously because they see i have a bipd dx. i had a bone tumor the size of a baseball in my shoulder for years and when i told dr's it felt like i couldnt breathe and that something was pushing my shoulder out they dismissed me as being a hypochonriac and told me to talk to my therapist. i also need to make a point to appear put together when i see certain dr's or else they take it as a sign im declining mentally

were often at an increased risk for involuntary hospitalizations, especially if healthcare workers believe u to be manic or having an episode. this leaves us more vulnerable to things like guardianships/conservatorships. it is much more likely for judges to rule against us in cases where someone is challenging our legal rights or trying to gain prolonged control. this can be especially dangerous for people in abusive relationships or with abusive parents.

it also counts negatively against us in family court proceedings. judges are much less likely to side with a bipolar parent in custody cases and it's much easier for partners, family members, and the state to seize control over ur children

we also cant buy or legally carry any kind of firearm or other weapons. even knives that are legal to carry for others can become issues for us if the law becomes involved. we're much more likely to be given harsher punishment and prison sentences, and more likely to be mistreated in police custody

overall tho it's about weighing the pro's and cons for u personally. for me with my bipolar, i Need medication or i will go insane and kill myself and so i really had no choice there. u need a diagnosis to access bipolar meds consistently, wheras with something like aspd, u dont need a diagnosis to access treatment so it was easy to keep that one off the books

generally tho, unless ur out here telling ur therapist ur about to shoot up the grocery store or kill ur dog or throw urself infront of traffic, getting hospitalized when ur just seeking average talk therapy is fairly unlikely. hospitals are overfull and the mental health system is way overworked and understaffed and most places dont want to fight with insurances that dont want to cover stays. so u do generally have to be saying some extream things to risk being coded currently, at least in my experience. ive been held for 24hr stays before, but never longer than that. they almost always dont have a bed and so unless ur really losing ur shit infront of them they dont want to have to keep u.

also if u seek out dbt centered therapy and resources they tend to be better about handling hearing the nasty symptoms without getting too nervous. things like issues with empathy and anger management are much more common for patients seeking dbt. it also helps if u tell them these things upfront. this makes u appear more self aware and in control, which works in ur favor and makes it less likely they'll view u as an active threat to urself or others. but it really just comes down to what ur looking for personally

[meraki-yao]

An exchange student from Canada saw me crying and gave me a tissue. We talked. He's really nice. I'm sane now.

This is going to be a full vent. This is my full story on this situation. Only read if you want to and if you're okay with it. Also warning, this is long as fuck, I really trauma dumped here.

tw: suicidal thoughts, self-harm

Backstory: High School

I was labelled as a jack of all trades, master of none. I'm naturally a more art/social science/emotion/humanities person, but I took STEM subjects in high school (Physics, Chemistry, Information & Technology/ Computer, and Calculus & Algebra), partly because these subjects had objective, standard answers, which supposedly makes getting marks in exams easier, partly because I felt like I had to as my parents are both PhD in engineering, and at that point I still thought I had to be "my parents' daughter".

So throughout high school, all my external achievements were humanities/arts related while my studies were STEM orientated. But I struggled a lot with my STEM subjects (except for Computer because a lot of that is just stuff you would know if you use one a lot), and I mean, a lot. As in failing quizzes, fucking up assignments. Thank God I had really kind teachers who cared more about my mental health than my grades and were willing to help and accommodate my needs. But there were many times when I straight up broke down during a lesson and ran off to the social worker's. I skipped several lessons because I just couldn't go to class and try to listen when voices in my head were all yelling at how much of a useless piece of shit I was. I would spend three hours on a single question, and still get it wrong. It always felt like no matter what I did, I would go nowhere. And it didn't help that when I asked for help from my parents, their response would always first be "How can you not know something so simple". By senior year I gave up and started asking my friends and the internet.

On the contrary, I thrived in my language classes and liberal studies class. Even if I initially sucked due to the change in the system, I asked, I studied, I worked and I improved. I got somewhere. Effort paid off in a fair ratio. I never needed to ask my parents anything about that. I never needed to ask anyone other than my teacher. I loved doing my homework in those subjects. My writings were printed out as examples for the whole class. It was great.

Backstory: College Selection

By the time college choices rolled around I had no idea what to choose. At the same time, my mother was also suggesting I go to mainland Chinese universities for my undergrad, and I didn't want that. Going to the States or the UK wasn't affordable for my family, so I opted to stay local, to the dismay of my whole extended family.

So in the mess of all of this and no parental support because they are Chinese stereotypes who think the only courses worth studying are doctor and lawyer, my school's career counsellor suggested Bachelor of Arts and Studies to me (here's their website) a new personalized interdisciplinary degree in HKU. And I was so happy. It felt right. It felt like putting a on tailored dress. And despite my parents' protest, I put that as my first choice.

College entrance exams came and went. Overall I did pretty well. Got top scores in Chinese, English, Liberal Studies, and Computer. Got average for Chemistry, Math and Physic despite spending most of my study leave on these subjects. Just passed Calculus.

So the way the local system works (it's called JUPAS if you wanna look it up) is that by the end of November, you need to submit your 20 university programme choices, but after the public exam result is released, you're assigned 24 hours to change your choices.

And this is where everything started going to hell for me.

My parents, who in the first round of selection, compromised and let me put what I wanted, looked at my marks, and my choices, and vetoed everything. They said I'm not gonna get a job with an interdisciplinary degree, there's no career path for psychology, that the arts and science degree was created because the art, social science and science faculty didn't have that many people.

A different advisor, one who didn't know me personally suggested my current programme: biomedical engineering, which basically combines medicine with engineering. They said it's a lucrative career since health service is in demand, and with my basis in STEM subject I would do well, and that it's easier to go from a science subject to humanities if I want to do something different in post-grad than vice versa. By this time I had 2 hours left before confirmation.

If we were to completely ignore me as an individual, they're right. This would be the logical choice.

But at that point, I already knew it felt wrong. But unfortunately for me, all I could say is it felt wrong, which isn't a strong rebuttal.

With no "logical" rebuttal, two yelling parents and a fucked up head, sobbing, I changed my first choice to this programme. I cut my arm with a cutter over the myriad of scars I gave myself over the years. I told my best friend who was asking if I was ok, that I'll give it a go, and if it doesn't work I'll find a way out. I told the rest of my close friends that my undergrad will be me paying a debt to my parents, and I'd figure out my own dream in the future.

I shouldn't have caved in.

Back Story: University

University started. Immediately it felt wrong. Save for my elective (HKU has this really cool thing called Common Core, look it up if you're interested but essentially it's compulsory electives) I felt so detached from my engineering courses. I couldn't explain, just an inherent feeling that I don't belong here.

It didn't help that it was at this time that I realized I straight-up don't like biology.

Managed through year 1 first semester with average grades. Semester 2 I didn't have any courses directly related to the programme save for a probability & stats course that I fucked my way through. The rest of my grades were pretty good, even got two A- s. The feeling that I didn't belong persisted but popped up a little less.

Now: Breaking

Year 2 came, and from the moment in August when I had to sign up for courses, the feeling of wrongness came back in full force, amplified, even. It felt all-consuming.

This is from my diary:

"I don't wanna be here. I don't want this degree. I don't want this career God I don't want it. It's doesn't fit. I don't fit in this space. This isn't mind. It feels like dysmorphia. It feels like tar, black and toxic and vicious, sticking to my skin, trying to mould my body into something I'm not, to seep into my skin and dye my blood a dull shade of grey. I wanna fucking run away. I wanna fucking die. I don't fucking know what to do."

You guys kind of know the rest, because that's when I met you guys and started feeling safer here than anywhere else, and vented here. But for reference

September

October

November

December

January, January, Fuck you January

I skipped class. I got antidepressants. I binge ate and became overweight. Failed three classes. Parents didn't find out anything until the grades came out. Then they lost their mind.

Now: Not Enough

They blamed me for not trying hard enough.

They said oh failures happen, you have to learn from your mistakes and try again.

I have to set up a proper routine. Dedicate all my time and energy to staying physically healthy and studying. Spent my "free time" thinking. I even got berated for listening to music with headphones on.

Dad asked me why did I fail biochemistry. I said it was hard, the pace was fast, and I don't like the subject. He said there's no point in not liking it.

Mom said I needed to get rid of the idea that this degree is against me and accept it, that I shouldn't dwell on what-ifs from the past, and all the reasons they convinced me to choose this still stands, that learning is a fun and interesting thing that I should take joy in, that I won't be able to handle being a psychiatrist, that I used to be such a star student what the fuck happened to me, that each path has their own difficulties and I'm already on this road so why won't I just keeping going for the next two years, that if I quit and start over I'll be older than my cohort and my friends will all graduate before me and why won't I just follow the normal path dammit

SO EVERYTHING IS MY FUCKING FAULT HUH??

I don't fucking know anymore.

Now: The present

The reason I was crying earlier, was that I went to have a meeting with an academic advisor to ask about the possibility of transferring to a different programme.

There are two ways.

One, apply for an internal transfer by June. But that requires exceptional grades, and I don't have that.

Two, quit university and re-apply with my college entrance exam results. But then none of the credits I earned in the past two years will be transferred. All will expire. I went through shit for nothing except to confirm my mistake is a mistake.

I might figure something out when I'm not crying my brains out but right now neither option sounds like an option to me.

I could barely ask anything intelligent afterwards because I was trying so hard to stop myself from breaking down immediately.

Now: How I feel

I'm not supposed to feel like this. This is not normal. This is not how my university life is supposed to go. It cannot be normal to want to die every day.

The moment I realised this was fundamentally wrong was when I looked at my high school friends' social media, and saw them living their best lives: dating, joining the committee of societies, getting awards and scholarships, jobs and internships, travelling, going to parties, everything a young person should be doing. My best friend is chasing her dreams to became an actress at NYU TISHC, already getting paids acting jobs at year 1, going to prominent events, maintaining a 3.9 GPA, goes out partying all while maintaining a long distance relationship with her athletes boyfriend who is the best of the best in Asian youth, handsome, and just a great guy in general.

I'm supposed to be on the same level as them.

I'm from an elite class of an elite school in an elite city. I've been on city radio four times and city-wide broadcast television once. I was on four department/society committees, two of which I was chairlady. I wrote and directed my own play. My name was followed by seven internal awards when it was my turn to get my diploma during the graduation ceremony. I aced my classes. My drawing and writing had been in my school's anthology and yearbook. I genuinely enjoyed learning.

I'm not supposed to be this.

I'm not supposed to be this depressed, overweight person who can't get out of bed and skips classes and fails courses. I'm not supposed to be this stagnant, I was always moving. I was always giving it my 100%. I'm not supposed to not make any friends and want to stay in my bed all the time. I'm not supposed to be insomniac, or sick, or depressed, or overweight.

I was always fighting.

I don't have any energy in me anymore to fight.

I'm not supposed to turn out like this. This isn't who I want to be/ I hate whoever I am now. This isn't right.

But I'm fucking stuck, I don't know what's the truth, I don't know how valid "I don't like this" is.

A lot of people tell me to just ignore what my parents say but it's really not that simple. I only realized they can hurt me despite loving me and it's not my fault last year. And even then it's hard to stay firm on this belief. Because truthfully, I don't know what's right, I only know what feels wrong.

Fuck this. I want to fast forward until the day I figure shit out. I want to live here on Tumblr.

Fuck everything.

[skruffie]

In light of the situation that happened with my manager, she informed us today that she is planning to move back farther south where her primary community and support system are. I think we all saw this coming; the doctor predicted it like the day after we got the news about what was going on and for privacy's sake I'm not going to expand on it here even if I'm not naming names. It's the kind of situation where nobody would blame her for wanting to no longer live in that house.

She hasn't told her boss yet. The typical situation here is that the assistant manager would take her position and that would potentially put me in as assistant manager since I'm third down from the top, but our assistant manager is not enthusiastic about this idea. He moved up to WA to go to school to be an optometrist, not an optician, but was already kind of talking about moving again maybe in a year or two where there are better schools. They wouldn't promote me to general manager from my position just yet, especially without actual management experience, but I know when I started with this industry I showed a lot of promise and there were conversations had about what I wanted my future to look like. I'm not sure if I am ready to be a manager but I would feel comfortable as assistant.

This then leaves the potential they bring in someone from a different store, which is what I would prefer over an outside hire. The tech and I were talking this evening before they went home about how they're hoping whoever will take our boss's place will still be just as queer friendly and chill with our various disabilities, and that would be ideal. I've become a much more fully embodied worker with this team where I don't have to mask any aspect of my personality with who I'm working with--do you know how rare that is at a job? An outside person isn't going to be able to put that light out, and I already said outright that if they pick someone shitty I am absolutely not afraid to leave. I love my job, but I have a feeling they're going to be hunting for someone who is a lot more aggressively sales focused since we haven't been doing too well.

What we've been trying to tell the higher management is that the demographic of the area we live in is a lot more low income than the newer locations they put out. It's not really much of a secret but part of optical, especially at retail chain locations, is exam conversion: we want you to both get your exam done and also purchases glasses and/or contacts with us the same day. Everybody gets their prescription to take home with them regardless if they actually buy anything or not, but we stay in business when people buy. That's how it is with any retail industry.

Our exam conversion is actually pretty damn good but the average amount of money that people spend is lower than other stores and we don't get a lot of new patients. It was busier the first year this place opened but then they opened three new locations farther south and east and it took patients away because now there was a place closer to them. We've been trying to market up north where there are no other locations but it's a bit more of a schelp, especially now that one of the primary routes to get from city to city is going to be closed down for four months for construction. The area of the city we're in specifically is pretty low income and has one of those stupid reputations for being the "bad" part of town. We've had some of our luxury frames stolen. It's a thing. We have these magnets on the frames but over in one of the newer, more affluent locations, their lux collection has no security tags at all.

Optical is a niche industry and whenever I have my profile set on Indeed to "available to work immediately" I'm often getting messages from people desperate to hire me. Even without a license, I can still start an apprenticeship and be making a lot more pretty much anywhere else. I've stayed here because of the location and the team and I think quietly I've been emotionally preparing for knowing that can always change. I always had a feeling our manager would leave at some point because she also has a more specialized industry she left for this one + makes frequent weekend trips down to Portland for friends and keeping her connections, but the way this is happening is the worst fucking possible way.

[hearth4days]

You can delete this if you don't want to answer, but why is it so bad to want to have a system? It gets very lonely and I wish I had a support system I could rely on since I don't have friends. But people say that's rude.

I'm not a whole person. I never have been, and I never will be. Imagine your life. Now take one minute part of yourself. Say you had something traumatic happen once when you were nine. That's now your every waking moment. You do not exist outside of that moment. Even if you spend years building yourself up outside of that event and your responses to it, you would know you inherently only exist to let that event consume you. Sometimes you even get stuck just feeling one single emotion or sensation forever. Imagine a neverending panic attack. Or constantly feeling an open wound no matter how old it is. Or even a more positive outlook. Maybe you like cooking. That's all you exist to do now. You never do anything but cook. You are asked to cook all the time. All your hobbies and thoughts revolve around cooking.

As a system, your life is split up into little sections. Even ignoring the previous parsgraph, let's do some math. My system has about 400 documented alters. If all of them were to front for an equal amount of time, I as an individual would front for 0.0025% of our lifetime. The average American lives for about 80 years. Meaning I would get to front for a total of about a fifth of a year. That's my whole life as an alter. And we probably have thousands of alters in total. I probably, genuinely, will never front again in a few years max. I've only been alive for 2 and a half years.

Not to mention what causes DID. Trauma so repetitive and inescapable that a child's mind cannot survive itself and literally divides itself so the child can keep going. A child. The cutoff age is somewhere around 10. We have at least one flashback every day. At least one huge dramatic breakdown every week. Debilatating headaches from switching and splitting almost every day. Along with a billion other symptoms that manifest physically and mentally.

And alters are not your friends, most of the time. Especially starting out. Some of them will want nothing to do with you. Some of them will actively want to hurt you, and will. Even now, most of us think of each other more like co-workers, just people we're stuck with and have to be polite to. And even when you do get along with your system, it is still an incredibly lonely disorder. Systems tend to be more isolated. We come with everyone we could possibly think we need. That doesn't fulfill any social needs. I could talk to my headmates forever and still feel lonely. Because at the end of the day, it's just myself.

You do not want DID. For this and a million other reasons. Even saying so is frankly insulting /lh

[reasoningdaily]

NPR: Bias against older people in health care settings is common and harmful : Shots - Health News

Dr. Louise Aronson, a geriatrician and author, speaks with a patient at UCSF's Osher Center for Integrative Health in San Francisco.

/Julia Burns

A recent study found that older people spend an average of 21 days a year on medical appointments. Kathleen Hayes can believe it.

Hayes lives in Chicago and has spent a lot of time lately taking her parents, who are both in their 80s, to doctor's appointments. Her dad has Parkinson's, and her mom has had a difficult recovery from a bad bout of Covid-19. As she's sat in, Hayes has noticed some health care workers talk to her parents at top volume, to the point, she says, "that my father said to one, 'I'm not deaf, you don't have to yell.'"

In addition, while some doctors and nurses address her parents directly, others keep looking at Hayes herself.

"Their gaze is on me so long that it starts to feel like we're talking around my parents," says Hayes, who lives a few hours north of her parents. "I've had to emphasize, 'I don't want to speak for my mother. Please ask my mother that question.'"

Researchers and geriatricians say that instances like these constitute ageism – discrimination based on a person's age – and it is surprisingly common in health care settings. It can lead to both overtreatment and undertreatment of older adults, says Dr. Louise Aronson, a geriatrician and professor of geriatrics at the University of California, San Francisco.

"We all see older people differently. Ageism is a cross-cultural reality," Aronson says.

Ageism creeps in, even when the intent is benign, says Aronson, who wrote the book, Elderhood. "We all start young, and you think of yourself as young, but older people from the very beginning are other."

That tendency to see older adults as "other" doesn't just result in loud greetings, or being called "honey" while having your blood pressure taken, both of which can dent a person's morale.

Aronson says assumptions that older people are one big, frail, homogenous group can cause more serious issues. Such as when a patient doesn't receive the care they need because the doctor is seeing a number, rather than an individual.

"You look at a person's age and say, 'Ah, you're too old for this,' instead of looking at their health, and function, and priorities, which is what a geriatrician does," says Aronson.

She says the problem is most doctors receive little education on older bodies and minds.

"At my medical school we only get two weeks to teach about older people in a four-year curriculum," she says.

Aronson adds that overtreatment comes in when well-meaning physicians pile on medications and procedures. Older patients can suffer unnecessarily.

"There are things...that happen again and again and again because we don't teach [physicians] how to care about older people as fully human, and when they get old enough to appreciate it, they're already retired," says Aronson.

Kris Geerken is co-director of Changing the Narrative, an organization that wants to end ageism. She says research shows that negative beliefs about aging - our own or other people's - are detrimental to our health.

"It actually can accelerate cognitive decline, increase anxiety, it increases depression. It can shorten our lifespans by up to seven-and-a-half years," she says, adding that a 2020 study showed that discrimination against older people, negative age stereotypes, and negative perceptions around one's own age, cost the health care system $63 billion a year.

Still, beliefs can change.

"When we have positive beliefs about age and aging, those things are all flipped," Geerken says, and we tend to age better.

Geerken conducts anti-ageism trainings, often over Zoom, including trainings for health care workers. She also advises older adults on how to push back if they feel their medical concerns are being dismissed with comments like, "It's to be expected at your age."

Age-Friendly Health Systems are another initiative designed to curb ageism in the health care industry.

Leslie Pelton is vice president at the Institute for Healthcare Improvement, which launched the concept of Age-Friendly Health Systems in 2018, along with the John A. Hartford Foundation.

She describes the effort as one in which every aspect of care, including mobility, mental health and medication, is centered on the needs and desires of the older adult.

Pelton says 3,700 sites across the US - including clinics, hospitals, and nursing homes - are now designated age-friendly.

She describes the system as "a counterbalance to ageism, because it requires that a clinician begins with asking and acting on what matters to the older adult, so right away the older adult is being seen and being heard."

That sounds great to Liz Schreier. Schreier is 87 and lives in Buffalo. She walks and does yoga regularly. She also has a heart condition and emphysema and spends plenty of time at the doctor. She lives alone and says she has to be her own advocate.

"What I find is a disinterest. I'm not very interesting to them," she says. "And I'm one of many - you know, one of those old people again."

She goes from specialist to specialist, hoping for help with little things that keep cropping up.

"I had a horrible experience with a gastroenterologist who said I was old, and he didn't think he wanted to do a scope on me, which was a little insulting," she says.

She later found one of his colleagues who would.

Schreier says navigating the health care system in your 80s is tough. What she and her peers are looking for from health care workers, she says, is kindness, and advice on how to stay active and functional no matter how old they are.

[jerkycampbell]

Is Tumblr still a thing???

... trying it out again with some new content including original #songoftheday now accompanied by #recipeoftheday and #articleoftheday first post is an #articleoftheday I’m very aware that everyone is “over” talking about covid, but immune compromised, disabled & their family members don’t really have the option to just forget about it and move on. I fit into those categories. here are 8 (recent) articles to read about covid: Accountability for Canada's covid-19 response — The BMJ "Covid-19 led directly to 52750 deaths in Canada with more than 4.6 million reported cases as of mid-2023. This cumulative covid-19 death rate of 1372 per million exceeds the global average of 855 per million" I'm immunocompromised, so COVID-19 is still a big risk for me. When I got into grad school, I had to choose between my health and my education — Insider "When I expressed my fear of getting sick, well-intentioned friends asked, "If COVID could kill you, why go to grad school?" This question pained me because it reinforced the idea that my immunocompromised status should prohibit me from pursuing the opportunities my peers had access to. The question also placed the weight of my well-being on my own choices rather than on the actions of systems and institutions." Restrictions likely helped curb spread of COVID-19 in N.S., Dalhousie researchers find — CBC "In March 2022, Nova Scotia ended its COVID-19 state of emergency and no longer required people to wear masks in most public spaces. The next month, cases in the province hit an all-time high." She says her boss told her she can't wear a mask, so she quit — Yahoo/CBC "... the case raises questions about workers' rights and what constitutes a safe work environment." Long COVID still worrisome 2 years after infection — Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis "For far too many people, the continuing and enduring risk of long COVID and its long-term, adverse effects on health are sober reminders that the pandemic is not in the rearview mirror" What the Fight Against HIV Can Teach Us About Surviving the COVID Era — Vice "... survivors of the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 1980s and 1990s have been noticing unsettling patterns of human disconnection and disposability through both pandemics." Long covid has derailed my life. Make no mistake: It could yours, too — The Washington Post "Masks began disappearing. I tried to warn the people I loved. Covid is airborne. Keep wearing an N95. Vaccines protect you but don’t stop transmission. Few wanted to listen." The horrific food poisoning of Calgary children underscores the unravelling of public health in Canada — The Globe and Mail

[feralmoonlight]

I just realized I'm going to write lot's of moments when the reader is drunk- Do you have any tips on how to do this cause I have no idea? - Glitchy Anon (This is for my new au cause why not- Also do you have any idea what a super valuable object yet concerning that would belong to a rich casino themed william afton)

(rolling around the other ask in my brain still BUT) I absolutely love writing drunk characters. On one hand, there are definitely some tips and cheats I use for different levels of drunkness, usually in 3-4 tiers, with 5 being about to fuckin pass out zonked, so they're just... Existing and probably mildly hating life as their body is just screaming at them for the amount of alcohol they have in their systems. ON the other hand, you can almost write whatever you want for a drunk character, because some people DO NOT show signs unless they stand up and start walking, and even then some people are practiced enough they can just ghost out of a scene and you won't know they're drunk until they've called someone and rambled about feelings for three hours and passed out. BUT my general rule of thumb stages for drunk are- for an average drinker (plus or minus drinks for lightweighs and seasoned alcoholics lol) 1-2 average mixed drinks/2-3 beers/1-2 shots -- Emotions + 25%, usually leaning into the territory of what's a giggly drunk. If they're sad or in a bad mood, push them a little bit farther. Usually you're still lucid enough to hold a basic conversation without getting muddled, but you may jump to conclusions a bit faster than average. The 25% rule kind of applies to all things. If you were on the edge about smooching your co-worker, you might lend up leaning in before catching yourself. Still aware it's not the best idea, BUT now you have to deal with the backlash of projecting you had intent. Same for letting things slip/cracking jokes you normally wouldn't/or getting upset over things that may casually bother a character in passing. Now it will set them off enough to let people know it bugs them, but if they're not typically hostile they may still try to reign it in. Speak more with body language than with the mouth cause again, when you start drinking, usually you're still aware of what you're saying.



2-4 mixed drinks/3-6 beers/2-3 shots -- Emotions + 50%, Loose lips, your inhibitions are slipping. A lot. This is about the range where I see people will get touchy, whether it's throwing an arm around a strangers shoulder to get closer to talk to them, patting backs, pointing fingers in faces for reasons good or bad, people will usually get more animated. THIS IS ALSO THE STAGE WHERE LIGHTWEIGHTS Might need to chill because the dizzy can start setting in.(Also remember larger characters typically need more to get drunk, just a bit, and smols may start feeling ill if they aren't practiced. There's also again outliers for story reasons so have fun). This is the stage where standing up can lead to fun wiggle walks, though if someone is concentrating, it's not that impossible unless they're really feeling it. Standing up you can feel a small headrush, need a moment to steady, and there can be a slight feeling of almost floating into your walk. To the outside observer it's more just you're letting gravity help pull you forwards while not falling on your face, if they know what they're looking for. Other tells I've heard from people, where they know they're getting to their limit are light feelings of numbness, or like parts of you are lightly wrapped in cotton. Usual places may be the cheeks, lips or nose, arms starting to feel heavy, fingers being a little less cooperative, but nothing to a concerning level. Just like an 'oh, i should probably chill now and start to sober up'. Going past this stage leads to Bad Times TM for a lot of people, but it can be very hard to catch if you're a new drinker. anything over above will land the unlucky drunk into the realm of Bad Times TM.  The floating feeling turns into a spinning that wont go away. You can be laying full down and still feel like the couch or floor or bed is rolling you to the side. Worse if you sit up, but laying down is no real help. The nausea starts low after this, but it isn't usually super prevalent if you're staying still. You're definitely not safe from it, but good lord is it worse if you're moving. Sometimes getting the alcohol out can help and will sober you up RIGHT away, sometimes if it's already stuck in your system you're just fucked. Other things that this definitely effect is your balance (see spining). You can walk still, but the straight line test is a challenge. Walking forward will have you drifting from one side, uneven steps, stumbling over nothing (sparingly. Do it too much and it becomes comical and loses the effect of this dude fucked up).  Happy drunks are usually not happy at this point, though the toss up on if they go sad emotional or mad emotional, or just I want to die to make this stop emotional (not suicide, just please the sick feel is horrid) and they will beg for all kinds of stupid over the top deaths while complaining about the world being against them for that last drink.  But here? Emotions + 200%. If something needs to be said, and not taken seriously, THIS is the level of drunk that renders them unreliable to most others.  The other stages are usually things that can be laughed off, but there's a small chance the drinker won't remember anything that happened after they're at this stage. From experience, THIS STAGE IS REACHABLE for a light weigh with 3 martinis. From Experience, you can also drink 4 bottles of wine in an afternoon and barely hit the second stage. The last stage there can also be split between 2 stages, one where it's a Ha Ha I don't feel good, catching it early and having mild trouble, and a Late Stage I FUCKED Up version where the porcelain throne is going to be utilized to void the evil you've consumed. Aftermath includes horrible migrain hangovers, the desire to lay on cold tile floors(Wonderful for stage 3 and beyond during), Much regret and blanks in the memory, also unreliably remembering what you and others have said as the drinking goes on. Don't be afraid to have your characters fuck up and remember things wrong. It can be hilarious or heartbreaking depending on how it's used. AS FOR MR. AFTON....  Uhm... I don't honestly know? I'm not great with casino stuff personally, and the only thing that comes to mind would be a Poker Chip with a HIGH price on it, like maybe something he'd give out to people for an anything goes favor.  It can't be turned in for actual money, and its specific to his casino, but for someone (anyone) to present it to him means he WILL make good on whatever favor they ask of him, assuming it's within his powers to make it happen. (within reason and if he doesn't decide to do a murder instead)?

[snotsloth]

First off, this article is very exciting and encouraging to read and I suggest following the link to read the whole thing. NPR, being a public service, does not require a login or subscription to read their news articles, so please go read it!

Secondly, I'd like to add a little context from the article and my own lived experience. While the Biden administration's work to solve the opioid crisis, I think, had a demonstrable impact on the opioid crisis and overdose-related deaths, I think that's just part of a larger picture of a cultural change that is leading to less drug fatalities.

First off, yes, the Biden administration's push to get more naloxone into the hands of the people who need it has, I believe, saved thousands of lives. But beleaguered and underfunded public health workers in key states have also played a massive role in that distribution. Their efforts, sometimes in the face of antagonistic Republican state governments, should not go uncelebrated.

Also, I think there has been a major cultural shift in the way Americans look at drug addiction in the past ten years. Millennials especially, who came of age as public awareness of the opioid epidemic kicked off, are much more likely to view addiction as a physical and mental health problem and not a moral failing. I'd hazard a guess that most of us know someone who has struggled with addiction one way or another, or struggled with addiction ourselves. We're also significantly less likely to report narcotics use to the authorities, creating an atmosphere in some social circles where people can be a little more open and honest about their addiction and get support for it. So, we generally have a more empathetic and practical attitude to drug use than previous generations.

Especially in the leftist circles I move in, once naloxone was available over the counter, we all talked about reading up and carrying a just-in-case dose in our cars, purses, etc. depending on how likely we were to run into an overdose case in our daily lives. This was part of a massive grassroots word of mouth and social media effort to make sure everyone knew naloxone was now available to lay people and easy enough to use for your average person. And that news was received with relief!

I'm about two degrees of separation away from the heavy drug use scene in the Midwest, and from word of mouth, there has been a similar social push among regular opioid users. Most overdoses are completely accidental and preventable. As the article says, people these days are more likely to dose in pairs and groups with naloxone on hand if they can get it. That's had a massive impact!

So, bravo to the Biden administration! Their work has had a definite impact in my opinion. But so have the efforts of local people who are in the community, doing their best to save individual lives and change individual minds. And that's also working! So keep it up, everyone! The fight against overdose deaths is far from over, but I believe we can make this a solved problem in our lifetime if we continue to choose empathy, compassion, and support over self-righteous retribution. We also need to make sure that these same cultural and systemic supports are available to all people who struggle with addiction, no matter their race or geographic location!

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Hello! I'm pretty sure I saw you mention a while ago that you were disappointed by confessions of the fox, would you mind explaining why? I've seen mostly good things about it myself. If I misremembered then I'm sorry and I hope you have a good day :))

I think this is one of my less popular opinions. And I understand - we so rarely get historical fiction with trans folk as the titular character (indeed, we rarely get any fiction what that). So I get people’s desire to laud it. 

For me though? It fundamentally didn’t work as a book. As a story.  

Let me count the ways. (Apologies in advance for the length of this.)

First: If you’re trans-ing someone who was historically cis instead of seeking to find a real, historical trans or gender-nonconforming person, I have questions. 

Most of the questions can be summed up as: Why? 

I struggle with historical fiction that takes a cis person and re-imagines them as trans as if there aren’t already literal historical, real trans people out there whose stories can be told. It smacks as (unintended, well meaning) erasure of lived experiences. 

Jack Sheppard, to the best of our knowledge, was a cis dude. There were trans folk in London in the 1710s and ‘20s. You might have to dig a bit for them, but they’re there. Because trans folk have always been there. 

Second: Characterisation 

This is more personal taste, but I found Jack and his girlfriend Bess to be inexcusably boring. How a trans, thief and gaolbreaker in 1720s gin-soaked London can be written as boring is anyone’s guess. But he was. 

Jack had no real personality and I found his story to be uninteresting. Oh, he’s the world’s best thief and gaolbreaker, that’s nice. But on its own it isn’t enough.

He had few to no faults. Childhood trauma isn’t a personality. Nor is being trans. And the author relies heavily on gender + occupation (thief-ness) to equal personality. So it falls very flat.  

Bess, his girlfriend, is a mixed-race sex worker from the Fens (even though actual real-Bess was from Edgeware). She seems to only exist to demonstrate that Jack is good at sex. She also veers a little into the Mystical Woman of Colour Healer Who Aids The White Person on their Journey of Self Discovery trope. 

Neither Bess nor Jack undergo any real change in the book. They exist in a weird stasis and experience no development, despite living through some harrowing things. They’re wooden dolls who move through the story without really engaging with, or being influenced by, the things around them. 

The other “main” character is a modern Academic who “found” this supposed “manuscript” of Jack’s life and is annotating it. His story unfolds in the foot notes and it’s just so messy if not a bit contrived. It didn’t make sense. I think the author was trying to convey that the Academic was in a sort of dystopian future, but if that’s the case it didn’t work. And if that’s not the case, the entire inclusion of the Academic’s story served only to annoy and take me out of the reading experience. 

E.g. There’s a scene where the Academic is being taken to task by the Dean for playing stupid games on his phone during office hours and like honey, lapsed-historian/academic here, trust me the Dean doesn’t give a fuck what you do during your office hours so long as you’re in your office and students can come bother you about their poor marks. 

The manuscript is supposedly being sought after by this pharmaceutical company for nefarious reasons that never struck me as being entirely realistic/believable. Also, the university was spying on this non-tenured, slightly useless Academic as if he somehow mattered? Which made zero sense. Anyway, it was stupid and should have been ripped out of the final version. OR changed substantially. 

Jonathan Wild, the thief taker (main antagonist to Jack), is probably the only interesting person. 

Third: Lack of Follow Through, or, the Fabulism Was Not Used Well 

The book tries to blend in some fabulism to the world by giving Jack the ability to “hear” the thoughts of inanimate objects. This could have been fun and gone to some interesting places, but it failed to deliver. 

I personally found the shoe-horning in of “capitalism commodifies everything” to be sloppy and heavy handed. It was done with little grace and didn’t sit right given that we are dealing with the early modern period. Yes, you can use the past to critique our modern woes, but do it intelligently. Don’t slap modern points of view and understandings of things onto the past and expect them to make sense. 

Anyway, Jack spends the book hearing inanimate objects talk to him, asking him to “free” them, or something. And uh .. .it doesn’t go anywhere interesting after that. 

Also the correlation one can draw from these objects to, you know, slaves, is uncomfortable. Especially as it’s the cargo of the EIC ships that Jack hears. I don’t think it’s intended in any sort of malicious way, but the allusion is there and I always found it to be distinctly uncomfortable. 

Fourth: Misuse of Marxist Theory, or, More Heavy Handed Moralizing that Annoyed the Dear Reader because it wasn’t subtle and, more importantly, it wasn’t done intelligently. 

So, the author is an academic - studies 18th century lit. Which is readily apparent as his Academic (self-insert) character is, I believe, supposed to be a historian and uh ... you can tell that the author doesn’t know enough to wing that. E.g. How he interprets some of the laws and customs of the time. Instead of understanding the social, economic and, most importantly, environmental issues that gave birth to laws like “the corporation of the city of London owns the streets so you can’t muckrake” he chooses to understand them through a very 21st century lens (and a Marxist one at that. I know I’m perhaps a bit uncool for this, but I find the application of Marxist theory to the early modern period to be ... not useful). 

Do you know why, mid/late 17th century London passed these municipal laws? Because of the god damn fucking plague you numb nut. You absolute buffoon. It had nothing to do with “oh the City/government is evil and wants to own you” it had to do with the fact that no one cleaned the goddamn street. So the city took over doing it. 

Prior to this, in London, you were supposed to keep the street in front of your building clear of waste, debris, refuse etc. No one did this, of course. I live where it’s cold and snows a lot and people can barely shovel the 2 sq ft of sidewalk in front of their driveway in the winter. I dread the idea of an average homeowner being expected to keep the street clear and clean. 

Anyway, guess what dirty streets attract? Vermin. Guess what comes with vermin? Plague. Guess what happened in 1665/66? The great plague of London! 

17th century England might not have understood germ theory, but they did understand correlation. (Also, the population of London was doubling at the back half of the 17th century and streets needed to be reliably cleared for through-traffic reasons etc. etc.) 

ugh, sorry, that one in particular drove me up the wall. Not everything is a capitalist conspiracy. Especially when we’re talking about municipal by-laws from the 17th century. 

And I understand the temptation to read a lot of modern interpretation of words like “corporation” and “company” onto bodies that used these same words in 17th and 18th centuries. But the weight, meaning and connotation of “the worshipful company of merchant adventurers” is different from, I don’t know, “the tech company google” or whatever. The early 18th century is when we start seeing the birth of the stock market, of “venture companies” (i.e. merchant adventure companies), of a lot of the language and proto-iterations of what will grow to be economic institutions of our time. But it doesn’t mean they’re the same and that difference is important. Because Jack Sheppard is a man living in 1720 he’s not going to be having our modern 21st century critiques of capitalism because his engagement with the economic systems of his time would have been radically different to our own experiences. 

Fifth:  Unbelievable Top Surgery & Recovery 

So, Jack gets top surgery. In 1720s fever-ridden London. While quarantining in a brothel. 

And he lived! No infection! No tearing! He was up and about in a matter of days. I don’t remember if his nipples survived the operation or not but somehow Jack did. Without anesthetics! Or you know, any concept of hygiene. 

His Mystical Girlfriend Who Exists to Show How Good Jack is at Sex is also somehow Magically Very Literate and also Magically a Surgeon? and performs this surgery on Jack in the middle of a plague. 

The entire ordeal was so poorly handled in terms of believability that I literally set the book down and said “what the fucking fuck” to the empty room then drank wine before finishing the chapter. 

An aside, it is funny thinking about the quarantine chapters at this point. I read COTF when it first came out a few years ago. Sweet summer children, we none of us had any idea how to write quarantine scenes. 

That reminds me: the entire quarantine thing was presented as the government trying to control movement and take away people’s rights etc. instead of a very normal, typical response that cities had been enacting since 1350. Samuel Pepys, who lived through the 1665/66 epidemic, barely even notes the restrictions. He’s like just “hmmm I’d love to go to the pub but I also don’t want to die. so. *shrug*” 

At the time of the author’s writing, most of us in the western world had no idea how normal and day-to-day disease was for our ancestors and yes, sometimes there would be crackdowns to try and curb it if an epidemic hit. That was part and parcel of life. So again, Jack and Bess wouldn’t be like “ooooh we’re 21st century slightly libertarian lefitsts who think the government is doing this to control us and for nefarious purposes”. Much more likely, they would have been like Pepys and viewed it as nuisance, albeit a necessary one. 

Sixth: Overall Lack of Realism 

I think I’ve noted the big moments where I was like “no one in the early 18th century would think that I’m pretty certain”. This isn’t to say people didn’t grouse, complain about London government (and the king etc.), critique or question the world they lived in. They absolutely did! Regularly. With great verve and gusto, if the broadsheets are anything to go by. But their critiques, their complaints, suggestions for bettering life, are not the same as ours. Because how could they be? They lived in a different world, were responding to specific things, grew up hearing and believing certain things etc. 

Jack, aside from having minimal to no character, really did read like a modern slightly-libertarian leftist who was plunked into a novel that takes place three hundred years ago. 

In addition to unrealistic political views, his understanding of body, gender, sexuality and identity also read as incredibly modern. Now this is harder, because we have so few extant sources from that time on those who lived non-gender conforming lives, and from their point of view, so yes creative imagining and interpretation is the rule of the day for writing that. 

But, we do know how in general the average person engaged and understood gender and sexuality and that would, naturally, inform anyone whose experience was different. And that base line of “probably what a typical cis Englishman or woman felt about their body and identity” wasn’t present. At all. 

Indeed, gender engagement at that time was interesting. The concept of the body, the role of the physical body, how it was interpreted is absolutely fascinating and the author could have done some really cool things with that. But he didn’t. He went for slapping a modern interpretation onto the past. 

At this point, write a dystopian novel and make Jack a fictional character. That probably would have gone over better, for me at least. The conceit can remain the same: It’s the year 4056 and an Academic found a manuscript from the year 3045 when the Dystopia Was a Thing - and go from there. 

--- 

I think part of what made this very popular and why people seem so taken with it is that it reads smart. It reads like someone who has immersed themselves in that world etc. because of the slang and language used. 

Yet, for me, as someone who has studied this period extensively, especially queerness in London in the late 17th and early 18th centuries, it read flat and unrealistic. 

I was initially very enthused when I started it. There are some posts to that effect on my blog. But it very quickly went south. It tries very hard to be Radical and Smart and Subversive and Critiquing Everything and so I think it fails at the fundamental thing it should be doing: telling a good story. 

(Note: The book does try and address racism in London at this time. It also felt a bit forced. And Jack seemed to have no prejudices or preconceived notions about Indian and Black folk which isn’t realistic. Like, it might make him #Problematic but my dude, you’re writing a man born in 1702. He’s going to have some iffy views. That can be challenged! Absolutely. But they still would have existed.) 

---

Thank you for the ask! I again apologize for the length of the reply. 

[mbti-notes]

HI! Thanks for staying on here despite the chaos. I tend to catastrophize, and there's so many articles on worst case scenarios with COVID, so I'm terrified of the 12 month quarantine possibility. I had finally booked my first commercial as an actress, I was finally moving to LA in April. Both things are now off the table. A career in the arts is all about timing. I'm thinking about aging, losing a year of my youth, falling back into depression. How to deal with TIME in this uncertainty?INFP

I’ve gotten several questions about anxiety and the pandemic, so I’m going to give a general response here, after I address your question. Congrats on making progress in your career. Yes, it sucks that you have to put it on hold, but that’s all it is - on hold. Yes, timing is important, but this is not your usual timing mishap, this is a problem that’s affecting everyone. Everyone is on hold, not just you. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that everything will just return to normal at the flick of a switch. But I also don’t think it’s reasonable to fear that you will lose your progress entirely. 

It’s a great time to practice Ne and use it in positive rather than negative ways, that’s how you address catastrophizing. Ne teaches you that there are always going to be more chances, because life is always full of opportunities, as long as you keep your eyes peeled. In order to see the open windows and doors, you can’t only be focused on the closed ones of the past. The notion that you only get “one shot” is a myth and a self-defeating one. There are plenty of examples of people finding success later in life, after a long struggle. The important point to remember is that this is YOUR path, not someone else’s, not the generic average, and it’s up to you to direct it. There are always many paths to a goal, so focus on being creative and resourceful.

Living in lockdown mode isn’t fun for anyone. Being forced into confronting life or death isn’t fun for anyone. It’s perfectly normal and rational to feel anxious about a legitimately scary situation that you have little control over. And it’s hard to have confidence when you see problems escalating in the news every day. It’s okay to not be okay. Spend a few days feeling, vegetating, or whining. When it’s out of your system, think of good ways to adjust to your situation. 

What can be done? Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t control. Right now, a lot of things are on hold, so let them be on hold. Think of it as “taking a breather” or “biding one’s time”. There’s a lot of uncertainty. Learn to live alongside uncertainty by focusing on what you have and how to make the best use of it. 

When life is in disarray, introduce some structure to keep yourself properly grounded. For example, if you’re stuck at home, come up with a daily routine for yourself, such that you are able to maintain a sense of normalcy and productivity. Set some daily or weekly goals that keep you focused on something positive and moving in a good direction. If you’re up for it, do something to help others in need, so that you feel as though you’re part of the solution. Even something as simple as a morning grooming routine can help keep your spirits up. People who are generally self-motivated or already working from home will tell you how important having a steady personal routine is. Personally, as a self-motivated person who works from home a lot, I think people rely too much on external structures to keep their life in order. The quality of your life is in your hands and how well you adapt to your circumstances.

In a crisis situation, some people fall apart, some lose their shit, some turn into assholes, some become control freaks - none of it is necessary. Resistance to change is often at the root of the problem. When it’s necessary to give something up, try to give it up gracefully. Be grateful for what you still have, and be extra grateful if you are able to procure a substitute for what you gave up. However, there’s no need to give up more than what you have to give up, so keep as much of a normal life going as you can otherwise. 

For example: You can’t go to work, make a work schedule for yourself by creating a new project. You can’t go to school, take this time to catch up, study, practice, learn more, read ahead. You can’t get together with a friend or family member, schedule regular online/phone time with them to keep each other sane. You can’t eat out at your favorite restaurant, order in or learn to cook a similar dish. You can’t go to the gym, find other ways to exercise. When your attention is busy with doing something productive, you’re not worrying or complaining.

I know there are people out there who have financial problems and struggling to get by. I wish I had the solution to financial troubles. Hopefully, government stimulus programs will help keep people afloat, so make sure that you take advantage of them. Talk to your bank/landlord to negotiate deferments. There are community, charity, and non-profit organizations out there still trying to help those in need. The places/services that are still open might be hiring more workers to keep up with demand, so some work is still available out there for the industrious and able-bodied.

The point is that there are many ways to fulfill your needs and desires, so allay anxiety by being creative. I’m personally quite grateful that this pandemic happened during a time period in history when the internet is robust enough to provide easy communication and access to essentials. I frequently wish for more time with loved ones, and now I’m happy to have it. I frequently wish for more time to myself to read and write, and now I’m happy to have it. By focusing on what you don’t have, you dig yourself a hole of worry, loss, or resentment. By focusing on what you do have, you nurture a sense of gratitude and positivity. 

All things, good or bad, pass eventually. All you can ever do is live your life to the best of your ability, one day at a time.

[sataniccapitalist]

Rise In COVID Cases In America Have Been Linked To Lack Of Stimulus Payments

Published on Nov 22, 2020

Via America’s Lawyer: Millions of Americans continue to suffer due to congressional gridlock over issuing additional COVID stimulus checks. Mike Papantonio & Farron Cousins discuss more.

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*This transcript was generated by a third-party transcription software company, so please excuse any typos.

The pandemic is getting much worse in American and economist are now saying that this could have been largely avoided if Congress had provided more stimulus to the Americans. It's a story that makes perfect sense. I got Farron Cousins with me to talk about it. Give me the connections, Farron. This is, when you first read the headlines you go, oh, what does stimulus has to do with people dying?

Right. A lot of people are wondering, how does more money help you not get sick?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, the answer is, you know, pretty obvious when you think about it. You have all of these people, the, the lower wage Americans, the workers, the average people that weren't getting stimulus. And so they had to go back to work. A lot of these people in the gig economy, you know, Uber drivers, servers at restaurants, people who otherwise would have stayed home if they'd have had the means. But instead Congress, this, you know, white house, Senate, house of representatives, everybody was so focused on giving billions and billions to corporations, average worker got a one-time $1,200 check to last them for a nine month pandemic. They were forced to go back to work or else they risk losing their homes, you know, losing their vehicles, not being able to pay their bills. So they're out there on the front lines getting sick now and that's why we're seeing such a massive spike because people can't stay home.

Okay. So both parties being hugely unreasonable.

Oh yeah.

The Democrats want $3 trillion, the Dem, the republics are gonna say that's, that's too much. The Democrats want to use it for all of their pet projects. The Republicans do too. And while that's going on, your point is that the average guy is just, I got to go to work.

Yeah.

And if I have to go to work, I'm going to go to work and I'm gonna expose people if, even if I'm sick, there are cases with that, where we know workers are showing up, they have to pay their mortgage. They got to put food on the table. They're sick and they're spreading it anyway. That's kind of where you're landing on this, isn't it?

Yeah, absolutely. And we've seen it, you know, the meat packing industry is one of the worst examples out there. These people could have stayed home, or they could have said, listen, you're not going to force me to come back. I'll find something else. But they had no safety net. They had no cushion in the form of monthly stimulus payments. They had to go there. And what we saw in the early early days of this were just massive outbreaks, tons of people dying in these packing plants because they had to.

So, so it's not, this isn't guesswork.

Right.

You and I have covered the meat packing problem at least three times.

Yeah.

And so this isn't guesswork. It's not speculation. I'm so damn tired of the politics involved here, leading up to the election. You know, the Democrats were gaming the system, Republicans were gaming the system. Mitch McConnell said, there's not going to be any movement at all. And while that's happening, your theory and the theory of many, many economists that have looked at this and says, there's a direct relationship between you holding this money up and the spread of the virus. Haven't we?

Well, well and you've got Mitch McConnell who still refuses to have it. And yet he called the Senate back this week to vote on six new judges for lifetime appointments.

Yeah.

So that's where his focus has been.

The big rush. The big rush with the lame duck presidency.

Right.

Has put these, put as many of these folks, and actually, you know, depending on how Georgia goes, I'm not convinced they still can't put, continue pushing judges. You know, we have, you're going to have three or four Democrats that say, ah, okay.

#rof #trofire #theringoffire #progressivenews

[trylonandperisphere]

Article text:

How Much Do We Need The Police?

June 3, 20207:59 AM ET

LEAH DONNELLA

One effect of the widespread protests across U.S. cities this week has been to renew discussions of what role the police should play in society.

For many Americans, it goes without saying that the police are critical in maintaining public safety. Have an emergency? Call the police. But many others — especially black people and poor people — have long countered that the police pose more of a threat to their safety than a boon. See a police officer? Walk in the other direction.

So it seems like a good moment to talk to Alex S. Vitale. He's the author of the 2017 book The End of Policing. In it, he argues that rather than focus on police reform or officer retraining, the country needs to reconsider fundamentally what it is the police should be doing at all.

I spoke with Vitale about what roles police should and shouldn't play, what he makes of the current protests and what actual change in the way police in this country do their jobs might look like. Our conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.

One of the arguments you make in The End of Policing is that police are being asked to do too much. They're basically being tasked with addressing every social problem that we have. So what are police asked to do? And what should they be asked to do?

One of the problems that we're encountering here is this massive expansion in the scope of policing over the last 40 years or so. Policing is now happening in our schools. It's happening in relation to the problems of homelessness, untreated mental illness, youth violence and some things that we historically associate police with.

But the policing has become more intensive, more invasive, more aggressive. So what I'm calling for is a rethink on why we've turned all of these social problems over to the police to manage. And as we dial those things back, then we can think more concretely about what the rest of policing should look like and how that could be reformed.

You brought up homelessness. In many cities police are tasked with dealing with people experiencing homelessness — but they don't have many options besides basically moving people or arresting them.

Well, we've created this situation where our political leaders have basically abandoned the possibility of actually housing people. Which, of course, is the real solution, supportive housing for those who need extra support. But basically, we have a massive failure in housing markets that is unable to provide basic shelter for millions of Americans.

So instead of actually addressing that fundamental problem, we have relabeled it as a problem that is the fault of the disorderly people who we label as morally deficient. And then we use police to criminalize them, to control their behavior and to reduce their disorderly impact on the rest of us. And this is perverse and unjust. So then it places police in this completely untenable situation, because they completely lack the tools to make this problem any better. And yet we've told them it's their problem to manage.

Part of our misunderstanding about the nature of policing is we keep imagining that we can turn police into social workers. That we can make them nice, friendly community outreach workers. But police are violence workers. That's what distinguishes them from all other government functions. ... They have the legal capacity to use violence in situations where the average citizen would be arrested.

So when we turn a problem over to the police to manage, there will be violence, because those are ultimately the tools that they are most equipped to utilize: handcuffs, threats, guns, arrests. That's what really is at the root of policing. So if we don't want violence, we should try to figure out how to not get the police involved.

There are obviously a lot of people who agree broadly with the notion that the way that policing happens in this country is a problem and that there needs to be some sort of change. But they're pretty invested in the idea that police are needed to maintain public safety. People ask the question, without police, what do you do when someone gets murdered? What do you do when someone's house gets robbed? What do you say to those people who have those concerns?

Well, I'm certainly not talking about any kind of scenario where tomorrow someone just flips a switch and there are no police. What I'm talking about is the systematic questioning of the specific roles that police currently undertake, and attempting to develop evidence-based alternatives so that we can dial back our reliance on them. And my feeling is that this encompasses actually the vast majority of what police do. We have better alternatives for them.

Even if you take something like burglary — a huge amount of burglary activity is driven by drug use. And we need to completely rethink our approach to drugs so that property crime isn't the primary way that people access drugs. We don't have any part of this country that has high-quality medical drug treatment on demand. But we have policing on demand everywhere. And it's not working.

Obviously, a big part of what is on people's minds right now is the role that police have in dealing with protesters, dealing with different types of political unrest. In your book, you talk a lot about the history of how police have been used to quell social unrest. Can you talk about that history a little bit?

Well, I think that one of the myths we have about policing is that it is politically neutral, and that it is always here to sort of create order in a way that benefits everyone. But the reality is that America's social order has never been entirely equitable. We have a long history of exploitation of the Indigenous population, of African Americans through slavery, Jim Crow and today.

And while we're not using police to manage slavery or colonialism today, we are using police to manage the problems that our very unequal system has produced. We're invested in this kind of austerity politics that says the government can't afford to really do anything to lift people up. We have to put all our resources into subsidizing the already most successful parts of the economy. But those parts of the economy are producing this huge group of people who are homeless, unemployed, have untreated mental health and substance abuse problems. And then we ask the police to put a lid on those problems — to manage them so they don't interfere with the "order" that we're supposedly all benefiting from.

But if you're one of those poor people, one of those folks with a mental health problem, someone who's involved in black market activities to survive, then you experience this as constant criminalization.

And would you say the same goes for people who are political protesters?

Political protest has always been a part of this dynamic, right? Political protests are a threat to the order of this system. And so policing has always been the primary tool for managing those threats to the public order. Just as we understand the use of police to deal with homelessness as a political failure, every time we turn a political order problem over to the police to manage, that's also a political failure. I think the mayor of Minneapolis, for instance: Jacob Frey. He has consistently tried to frame this as a problem of a few bad apples. And he says, "Why are you protesting? We fired them." But this completely misunderstands the nature of the grievances. And instead of actually addressing those grievances, he's throwing police at the problem.

Are the interactions that are happening right now between police and protesters something that you think is predictable? Or is this something new that we haven't seen before?

It's not completely new; it's just the intensity of it compared [with], let's say, five years ago during the Eric Garner and the Mike Brown protests. What we're seeing is really an immediate escalation to very high levels of force, a high degree of confrontation.

And I think part of it is driven by deep frustration within policing, which is that police feel under assault, and they have no answer. They trotted out all the possible solutions: police-community dialogue sessions, implicit bias training, community policing, body cameras. And it just didn't work. It didn't make any difference. And so they ran out of excuses.

So the protests today are a much more kind of existential threat to the police. And the police are overreacting as a result.

If we were to take serious steps toward moving in the direction of having police address fewer of our social problems and putting those problems in the hands of people who are actually more equipped to deal with them, what would be the next step? What is the next thing that we as a country have to push for?

I think this will look like a series of local budget battles. And that's really what's going on across the country, is when we have these divest campaigns in places like Los Angeles and Minneapolis and New York and Durham, N.C., and Nashville, Tenn., and Dallas, Texas. These are folks who are saying concretely: "We don't want police in our schools. We want that money spent in ways that help our children, not criminalize them. We don't want more money for overtime for narcotics officers. We want actual drug treatment programs, safe injection facilities, things that will help people." So that's what this looks like. It's about rallying city council members and mayors around a new vision of creating healthier communities.

When you're looking around at what's happening right now, what are the things that you think people need to understand to really process what is going on around the country?

Well, I think the police are making the argument for us, right? People started this conversation by saying policing is out of control; they're not making the situation better. They have not been reformed. Well, now all you have to do is turn on the nightly news and see how true that is.

The level of aggression and unnecessary escalation is stark evidence of how unreformed policing is, and I argue how unreformable it is. The question is whether or not people will take it to the next step and ask the tough political questions. Why are our mayors turning this over to the police to manage? Why are we using curfews instead of having conversations? Why are we throwing protesters in prison instead of trying to figure out what's driving all of this anger?

[supersizemeplz]

Our Business

Erik Stevens x Black Chubby Reader

Another #supersizedfic random short. There's a SMUT scene. Enjoy!!

The warm summer air rustled the trees that occupied the average sized front yard, a few leaves floating down to meet the freshly mowed lawn. Erik leaned back further against the wooden porch swing, rocking gently as he listened to the voices around him. He tightened his arms around your waist, resting his hand on your backside as you both listened to their friends talk about their past sexual escapades.

A little alcohol was in their system from earlier activities, most of it having wore off as the day went on. Watching the game was something that was regular on football Sunday's. But that was hours ago and now they were all sitting around, caught up in a random conversation topic that you honestly couldn't remember how it started.

"I know you ain't talking about me, Teddy. Ain't you and Ebony get it crackin in the backseat of the escalade last weekend? Tell that.." Eric's homeboy and Teddy's brother, Mond, sipped his apple juice with an eyebrow raise. Ebony gasped as she looked over at a stuck Teddy. Teddy scratched the back of his neck as his younger brother burst into laughter. Ebony punched his arm as he flinched, mumbling an apology as he glared at his big mouthed sibling.

"Chill out, Mond.." Erik chuckled at the two as they playfully bickered. They were pretty laid back guys, but they had their childish moments. At least he saw them as childish. Talking about his sexual experiences to his boys wasn't something that he ever saw as ok to do. But Teddy and Mond didn't really mind sharing a little of their sex life, who they hit and how they hit it.

"What about y'all, Erik? Y/N? Y'all been together for years. I know y'all got some crazy ass sex stories.." Mond raised an eyebrow at you both, waiting for a juicy ass story. Truth is, y'all had a handful of stories. Their sex life was anything but boring. Erik thought back to the session that took place two days before.

"I want you out of that damn dress. Now.." Dominance dripped from his voice as he eyed you, standing from desk. The dark wood hid your lower half as you walked towards him, hips swaying side to side, but he'd seen those chocolate thighs when you walked in. You bit your glossed bottom lip, dropping the straps to your dress. Easing the dress down past your wide hips, you let it hit the floor to expose your lace underwear.

"Such an impatient man.." Turning your back to him, you let him admire your rounded backside. Your hands rubbed the softened flesh seductively before sending a hard smack. Looking over your shoulder, you gave him a listing smirk. Strutting over to him, one foot in front of the other, your heels clicked in a steady rhythm. "Is mama gonna have to teach you a lesson?"

Erik moaned as you turned to brush your ass against him, seductively unhooking the strapless bra. His bulge rested between your soft cheeks, taking your mild teasing. The soft hum he released exposed his approval. He chuckled at you as you looked up at him, giving an innocent bat of your eyelashes. You were about to get it.

"You keep teasing and Imma have to embarrass you in front of all my co-workers.. you really want them to hear how you loud you can get?" His hand tightened around her neck as he used his free hand to release his length. You shook your head as you placed her hands on his desk, atop the files that once had his attention. A whimper left your parted lips as you felt his slicked tip rub against your plump folds, his hand left your neck slowly.

"Speak the fuck up. You know I don't tolerate that nodding shit." He growled when you didn't answer. You tucked your bottom lip between your teeth to keep your sounds captive. You'd been yearning for him all day. His touch. Now that he had you, your hormones were in overdrive.

"N-No sir. I'm sorry, baby.." She corrected herself, falling forward against the papers that laid beneath you. Your right leg rose to sit on the desk as he groaned, watching you arch for him. Just like he liked. The slickness of your arousal dripped onto his awaiting girth, attempting o lubricate him.

He took his time to push his plump head into your soft folds. The warmth you gave off welcomed him, squeezing him as if it was giving him a hug. Her lips parted at the feeling, a groan slipping past at the familiar stretch.

"Fuck. I can't get enough of you, princess.." He drilled into your slippery core, realizing how much he missed the wet sounds it created. Steady strokes caressed your spot as he enjoyed your ass bouncing against him. The soft ripples of your cushioned flesh made him smirk.

"You got this pussy dripping all over you, daddy.." Your hands held onto the desk as you fought to hold back your squeals. Erik showed no mercy as he pleased you, running both hands from your ass and up your back slowly. His dick enjoyed your heated company, and he had no problem with letting you know that.

"Mr. Udaku?" A soft voice filled the air, making Erik glance over at the phone. He smirked as he looked at your dazed stare. You pushed yourself up and glanced at him, wondering if he was going to stop and answer. A glint of mischief in his eye made you pout.

"Answer it, princess. Tell her I'm busy.." He chuckled, slowing his strokes. You moaned, pleading with your eyes. It didn't move him, only made him break into a smile. You sighed as he stopped, pressing the speaker button.

"H-He's busy at the moment, hun. But I'll take a-.. a message.." You closed your eyes as he started slow thrusts. His dick stroked your walls, catering to the need of friction. At the angle you were at, he was somehow massaging your clit as well. You took a deep breath, listening to her speak.

"I just wanted to know if he'd be able to see Mr. Hariston tomorrow at 11 instead of 1? He said he as an engagement at 1." She sounded like she was typing, distracted. You tightened around Erik, hoping to stop him as you threw him a look. He cursed lowly, not caring if the secretary heard him. His hands rested on your hips as he sped up, nodding to the question.

"He said that'll be f-fine." Your knees buckled as you shuddered a reply. Erik kissed the back of your neck as he palmed your breasts, telling you to hang up. You obeyed with a shaky finger, letting a moan slip before you ended the call. His thumb and index finger rolled your erect nipple gently as he tasted your skin. Your body met his thrusts as he chuckled deeply. His fingers pinched at your nipples, making you squeal. You immediately pressed your lips together, closing your eyes.

"You so fucking sexy when you talking business.. Got me ready to nut all in yo fine ass." He pounded into you as he felt his climax coming. His praises caused your eyes to roll back. You moaned a little louder, making Erik press his hand over your mouth. He knew you would scream if he didn't, alerting anyone in the lower level of the building. Your stomach tightened with each passing second, the sloppy strokes sending you over the edge.

"Cum for me, baby." He moaned his command, sending a slap to your thigh. And like a faucet, you spilled over him. Your nectar dripped around him before he pushed deep into you, releasing his stress for the day. His warm load filled you, heightening your orgasms. You fought to hold yourself up as Erik pulled from you with a chuckle. A smile graced his lips as he kissed your neck again. "Told you not to tempt me while I'm at work.."

Erik chuckled at the memory. You both spent ten minutes making sure y'all erased your messes from the office floor. Times like those he cherished and only wanted to himself. It was their business, nobody else's. He shook his head at Mond, shrugging.

"Nah, we don't got any."

_________________

Taglist: @sisterwifeudaku @kumkaniudaku @loveandcigarillos @elaindeereads @wawakanda-btch @theunsweetenedtruth @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @unholyxcumbucket @purple-apricots @marvelpotterlove

[internetremix]

I was wondering... Do you any of you have tips for a rookie GM? I'm setting up a game night here soon and I'm stressing the heck out over it.

Alex: No matter what game system you play it's usually quite intimidating because there are like 600 pages of information to digest. At any given time you need to have memorized only, like, thirty. At the end of the day most tabletop games are just two things - math and improv. Admittedly things that, outside of tabletop games, people go out of their way to avoid, but still.

Stress can lead people to get things done fast but also get things done sloppy. You don't need to plan out every single detail of what the characters might encounter eventually in a session. You can flesh out a couple of interesting people, places, or things you want them to see and just keep a scratch card of notes and traits for if/when they go off the beaten path. Remember, no matter what you plan, there is no accounting for the actions of players, and rolling with them provides a far better experience than slamming your fist down and saying "NO" to every deviation.

And above all else, remember that tabletop games are a collaborative effort. People come together to play games, tell stories, and shoot the shit. If shooting the shit overtakes the game you can rein that in a little but at the end of the day everyone's there voluntarily to have fun, and no one is there to see anyone fail.So to recap -

1. You are the arbiter of rules no matter what the book says. You can double-check later and take notes for future games if it becomes an issue but generally you only need to have in mind rules that are actively going to be used in game. If you don't know the exact way to handle something just make up what the closest action would be and if the player rolls what you think is well enough to do it, they did it.

2. If you don't have time to take notes on every single thing the players might encounter, congratulations, you're an average person. You only need a few based on the following factors - what do you want the players to do, how do you think they're going to do it, and do you have something prepared for when they go off the beaten path.

3. Have fun! Seriously, it's called a tabletop GAME, not a tabletop dictatorship.

Kristen: All of my games are Tabletop Dictatorships, all of them. Unfortunately I'm a terrible, weak-willed dictator so this helps nothing.

Alex: Discord Murder Party is different. Mafia/Werewolf operates way differently than D&D and needs a GM SPECIFICALLY so that players don't go off the rails.

Kristen: You are 100% correct.

God my first tabletop I ever DMed for I made my own thing and wrote like... twenty pages for my first session. And then as soon as I started, my players were like HEY I WANNA EXPLORE THE SHOPS

"O-oh.... y-yeah, here's uh... heeeere's a list of shops..."

So then I had to improv like... five shops and make multiple NPCs on the fly and then I found out "it turns out writing an entire paragraph for every NPC is an awful idea because you can't fucking read those notes mid-session"

So my point is don't do that.

Juno: Oh yeah. Last night I had to make up a guy named Lucas on the spot because JoJo's character wanted to convince a guy not to kill them

Kristen: YEP I ran the generic 5e DnD starter for a group of friends and somehow it went from a generic "you all hunt down and kill a bunch of goblins and a bugbear in a cave, way to go" to "You spared a Goblin who has a ridiculous Brooklyn accent who hates his job and now you're starting a ridiculous worker's revolution and this has ended with you all enlisting every other goblin you were supposed to fight into swarming the bugbear boss. Okay."

Juno: I mean. That's a pretty bomb plot twist if you ask me.

Kristen: Oh yes, I enjoyed it immensely. Also really in the context of a DnD game I'm pretty sure that shouldn't be doable cause I don't think any of them were supposed to be able to speak common. If your players are setting themselves up for a more interesting story and you have to bend the rules a bit to make it happen, go for it. One of the most important things for GMing is making your players feel like they have agency- as Alex said, it's collaborative, it's not just you telling your players a story.

Another thing to keep in mind is what sort of players you have. I usually prefer to play with people who are more into the RP/story aspect, but some people are gonna be more into them fighty fights and mechanics and such. Which is fine and can work, it's just a matter of striking a balance in your game.  I usually try to tailor things in such a way that everyone's getting a chance to get what they want out of a game and their shot at the spotlight, in whatever manner that takes. For me it's helped to ask my players directly "hey, what do you want out of this game? Do you have any ideas or anything you're really into?"

Mostly what I'm saying is just try to keep in mind what your players are in this for, since that contributes a lot to how much fun you all have.

Atwas: Something that's helped me a lot is to not stress out or stop the game entirely to double check rules. It sort of kills momentum. In my experience, ruling a situation and then looking something up later is a lot less stressful than the pressure of putting something completely on pause while you flip through a book/google something.

If you're doing stuff in real life, I would recommend making a little cheat sheet of your PC's information. My DM screen has sticky notes with each party characters HP, AC, Passive Perception, and Spell Save DC to keep things streamlined.

Kristen: Oooo smurt

Alex: Hell yeah dude. Also there are custom DM screens you can get tailor-made to give you quick rules references. Fairly cheap on Amazon.

Atwas: Also your players don't know if you're winging stuff unless you tell them. ;^)

Also also don't be scared of bumping monster hp up or down depending on a fight or having monsters run away or call in reinforcements. If you go off script in an encounter--surprise! Nobody knows but you. I did that quite a bit when I was starting out because balancing encounters is a bit of an art and CR is a loose guideline at best.

Also also also the point of the game isn't to win. Don't fall into the trap of "beating your players" or stuff like that. Imo that kind of messes with the table dynamics unless 100% of everyone is on board with that type of game.

Kristen: Yeah, don't fall into that and also be careful not to go into the mindset of "punishing" your players if they do something dumb. Like if it's a silly "you did this thing and consequences have gone WILDLY outside of what you expect wheee", awesome, but I've had DMs who basically would act like if you didn't somehow read their minds and find their exact solution, welp you made a dumb choice and now everyone is penalized for it. Made for a pretty toxic atmosphere, do not recommend. Kind goes hand in hand with "don't be a tabletop dictator".

Atwas: oh gods i could go on and on about how punishing someone in game never works for out of game behaviour but i digress. also please don't feel afraid to talk to your players, even if having adult conversations is difficult.

Juno: Cause and effect is the biggest thing to think about I think, especially in a DMing situation.

Alex: For instance, siccing a Revenant on the party? Thavagath made a bad decision in character, that's the natural consequence, he gets a chance to save his ass. Someone makes a dick joke about your carefully crafted NPC? Don't be a dick right back.

Atwas: sweats, trying to think back to the last time a dick joke was made in Fallen Empires

Alex: Like I think the last major one was Phill pulling a muscle stretching so hard to make a joke for five minutes about the "Male Room" rather than the "Mail Room"

But then we - wait for it - ACTUALLY DISCUSSED THE ISSUE OUT OF GAME and stuff like that doesn't pop up any more.

Atwas: WHAT? SPEAKING LIKE REASONABLE ADULTS?!?! IN MY TABLETOP?!?!?! it's really useful. please have those conversations, even if they're uncomfortable. and if something is becoming an issue, bring it up sooner rather than later--turns out that people can't change stuff if they don't know about it! Most people want to stay friends after a campaign after all.

Jojo: Have your story planned, npcs, and what you want an end goal to be. Make sure it's all planned out BEFORE asking people to join it. And if you need a second DM to help you with Dice or story, then that's ok too! I'm still a beginner DM myself, so that's the best advice I can give

These guys are pros, so listen to them

Phill: Heheh... male room

Alex: Phill no you'll pull your hamstring again

Phill:

Atwas: what do you think is Phill's average Henderson rating?

Alex: Phill has at least One Henderson in him, he destroyed Underdark to the point of we can't go back to it ever now.

Phill: I mean. Yeah. Honestly, I could've very easily seen phresh reach a 1.75 hendersons eventually.

Atwas: I'd say 1.75 works. 2 is still out of reach, but one day...

Xander: Underdark is cursed content and deserved better

Atwas: How many of he players had that as their first campaign? 3/5?

Xander: I believe so

Alex: Uprising and I had played before, I don't think Jojo, Dawn, or Phill had.

Xander: I'm probably gonna reboot Underdark one day. Wipe the slate clean. Probably not gonna be done on IR

Alex: We did it! We reached two Hendersons!

Xander: Two full Hendersons.

Phill: time unveil my new original character. Blesh

Alex: Blerish

Xander: More like Blemish