#I'm just feeling a lot of old emotions connected to the people I used to know at that time in my life

[time-traveller-archives]

Hi there! I just wanted to drop my gratefulness towards you through this. I have never been very comfortable with my sexuality or spirituality because of it being so old-fashioned, and me being so religious often tends to this sharp contrast with this sexualization of today's generation. Don't get me wrong I'm pagan, I was born one. Our religion is pretty celebratory towards themes like sex and exploration. I consider sex as a soul ritual and an act of finding my partner's soul every single time I do it with him. I like how this vulnerable act allows us to see and experience an intimate side of our partners. I really love the bond that sex helps us experience. Iam not against BDSM, threesome, I am very open minded. But I personally suffered burnt out in these activities as they sexualize the body and I don't like how everyone hypes up the entire concept of lust in these areas. Anyways I have found that, I enjoy finding the soul and experiencing the bond with another soul through sex very fulfilling as compared to all these. What Iam here to say to is thank you, thank you so much for your 18 + pick a card, it made me feel a bit comfortable of my sexual preferences despite knowing/have done a lot more sexual things which seems to get overhyped by this overly sexualised society. See I'm okay with what other people like or prefer or feel is the best for them, and I am okay if my partners like it too. I can get along with them, but its not what I personally prefer. I just do not like how many projections I had to face even from my own partners when they found out, I used to do that/can still do that/ or at the time I do that. Iam not a monster who sexualizes or fantasizes other people. It just hurts when the partner whom I like to share a deep bond with tends to think, project or say things about me like this. Its just I can't deal with an environment where people are constantly projecting me to be some kind of monster who just likes to fuck like a raw dog and nothing else. Like yes that's there, but I am a very emotional person I prefer bonds, connections, deep love, soul connections. I don't even know how to tell you how hurt I was from all these connections and people who constantly reduced me to a person with big sexual libido. Yeah I am a person with huge libido but that doesn't mean that's all I want or think about all the time. It tends to remind me of my rapist, even though I know its got nothing to do with a libido, a rapist is a sick person who uses sick means to get to people's vulnerability and use them for control and I am someone who just likes sex but doesn't dwells on it. Last I wasn't communicative enough with my partner about this, and idk what gossip he did. I was left trying to explain and convince everyone, learnt this people pleasing behaviour, was kinda forced to turn into this mid person because people couldn't take that I could be sexually experimental and deeply emotional as well.

PAC: Your First Time With Your Person 18+

This reading includes:

how your first time will be like w/ your person

where and how it might happen

The extended reading includes:

what you will think about it

what your person will think about it

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone. Also, this content is 18+ only!

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Emperor rx, Two of Pentacles rx, Tower, Chariot | Sun god

"Come all, come now; expand into the skies and into the shadows below."

Hi pile 1, the energy here is very very masculine and dominant. I feel like most of you will be the more submissive energy so I'm going to focus on that for the reading, but please switch it around if you feel like it applies better to you that way. Anyhow, there isn't any switching or "equality" here, this is straight up power exchange energy. You are giving in to your person, letting them do whatever they want with you, complete surrender. This isn't scary for you though, you are doing this because you trust them completely and know they will take care of you. Honestly, despite this whole power play thing (I'm even seeing some manhandling) the sex will be super loving. I truly don't see it being rough or your person calling you names or anything like that. It's like they want to make love to you, they want to make sure that every single one of your needs is taken care of, but they don't want you to lift a finger. Just lay there and let them make you feel good, basically. Ooof, your person isn't shy about what they want, pile 1.

I think that this might happen either during the day or you will go all night long until sunrise (I think that for most of you it's the later). I also get the feeling that this will happen during spring/summer, or on a nice weather day. For most of you this is also happening in a bedroom. The energy I'm getting is that you and your person will want complete privacy and knowing that you have the time to do whatever you two want. For a smaller part of you this might begin in the car and then you move to the bedroom. The energy here is very explosive, it's like at first you're not really sure if you want to do this now, but then all of a sudden you can't think about anything else. I think that you'll be trying to convince yourself not do it at first for whatever reason.

I can't stop hearing the song "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC, so this is some more confirmation that the sex is going to last awhile. Honestly, you should check out this song's lyrics if you aren't familiar, because I feel like it's totally the vibe of your first time with your person. They are crazy about you, pile 1, like crazy crazy. They have wanted to do this for a long time.

Also, let me warn you to make sure you're protected if you can get pregnant! Like, pregnancy is the energy here so be careful if that's a possibility for you. Not to be too explicit, but I'm also seeing a lot of fluids and playing with them, so make of that what you will. Also, if your person is a man he is BIG.

I think that some of you have like a daddy kink or authority figure kink and it's something that it will come into play as well. I think that they'll enjoy it very much as well. There's multiple orgasms here, and I think that you'll be coming very fast and very hard. It will be earth-shattering. For some of you I'm also seeing that the man might finish first - for some it might be a bit disappointing, but your person will make it up to you; for others though I think that it's because you're starting with oral first. Also, if you have breasts they love playing with your breasts, or maybe it's playing with nipples in general. But, yeah this will start with a lot of foreplay and then you guys will have multiple rounds.

Pile 2

Eight of Wands, Ace of Wands, Nine of Pentacles, Fool | Maiden

"Demand what is yours and take back what was taken. Reclaim until you've gathered all of you."

Pile 2, hi! The first thing I'm getting from this pile is that this will be your first time having sex. If this doesn't apply to you, it might be your first time having sex after a long pause or the first time having sex with someone of a certain gender, but if neither applies it might be that this pile isn't for you. I think that for most people this is about losing their virginity, though. No matter the case, I think that this will be really lovely. Your person will make you feel like a god/dess. There's a lot of passion here.

Just like pile 1, I think that this will happen in a "safe" setting, most likely in your bedroom or your person's bedroom. I think that this place has a feeling of luxury to it, even if it isn't exactly luxurious if that makes sense. Basically, it's very tidy, well organized, beautifully decorated, you feel welcome and relaxed in this place. I'm actually seeing a fur rug and throw blankets on a bed, so really comfy. I think that for most of you this isn't planned. I think that it just kind of happens that you have your person over or that you are at their place and then they do something that just makes you think "that's it, I need them". I get this feeling that you just suddenly realize how much you love and trust in this person so you try to initiate. I see you being a bit awkward at first, but you'll find your footing quickly. Before anything happens though I see you making out with your person and feeling each other up for a long time, then your person will ask you if you're really sure about that and then all hell breaks lose.

I think that you have a lot of pent up energy and desire and you want to get it out as quickly as possible, but your person will take over a little bit and slow you down. For one, they know that it might be a big mistake to rush you, but also they want to be thorough with it. This person wants to get to know every single inch of you, they want to know what you like, what you love, what you don't care for. They want to explore your body and consume you. It's like body worship really. It's like they don't want you to think about anything else, but their body on yours. (I also get the vibe that some of you are very anxious or over thinkers and your person really wants to make sure that you're grounded for once). I also get this vibe that your person thinks that you're a bit of a brat, in the best way possible though. I see them laughing as they say that.

Just like pile 1, please make sure to use protection if there's any possibility of a pregnancy. I think that there will be a lot of foreplay and you'll be having at least one or two orgasms before penetration (also if your person is a man I think that they're bigger than average). Your person really wants you to feel good. I don't see you having multiple rounds because I think that you're going to be exhausted pile 2. Maybe the next day, though. Afterwards you're just going to cuddle with your person and have some aftercare. And, also let me tell you that you person is amazing with aftercare they're just so loving and gentle, not wanting you to move a finger and making sure that you're completely taken care of. They may bring you some food and drinks and then tell you to take a nap.

I think that you'll be a bit transformed by this first time. It might be a bit different for everyone and that's why I can't really see how. But it will change the way you view yourself, your sexuality and even your person. I think that it will help you to bond even more with your person.

Pile 3

Lovers, Ten of Pentacles, Temperance, Queen of Pentacles | Self-worship

"My hands fold as I speak to the stars, watching as the sky holds its breath. It's in stillness that I find all that I am and all of divinity within me."

Pile 3, this is probably the most romantic pile here and honestly that's saying something because they've all been super sweet. But this is 100% old-fashioned romance. I can actually see it very clearly that you're going out with your person, maybe out to dinner at a fancy or fancier place and then going either to a hotel or to one of your places to continue the night. This is the only pile that I see going to a hotel actually. But, your person will give you flowers, I think that it will be red roses for most of you (a classic of course), but for others it will be a bit more personalized, like let's say that you love tulips then that's what your person will get you. I actually just heard that your person wants to wine you and dine you and in more than one way lmao. They're funny.

For this pile I think that you have been dating this person for a while, but you're taking things slow. I just get the feeling that you two really love each other - deeply - and you know each other well. This doesn't feel like something that would happen after two or three dates. You might actually know this person before you start dating too. Anyway, as I was saying this is old-fashioned romance. I see candles and rose petals on the bed. Some of you might actually start by taking a bath together or giving a massage to one another. I just see it being very sensual, but calm. You're not rushing here, you both clearly want this, but you know that you have time and it feels so much better to draw it out like this. You're like the third pile where I have to say this, but use protection if you can pregnant! Y'all are very fertile.

I think that you're going to start with oral, and for some of you there's even 69ing here. I'm also seeing lots of fluids here. Like, even your bodies are wet with sweat or from your bath or massage. But this feels very wet, let's put it like that. With the Lovers and Temperance here this is such more than sex for you guys. It's truly like two people becoming one, body and soul. I don't see you two talking much, it's like you don't need to, the connection between you two is so powerful and so deep it's almost magical. There's lots of hand-holding, gazing into each others eyes, holding each other close. It's so, so sweet. I think that you might tear up from emotion, from how much you love them. When it comes to positions I see you guys sitting, cowgirl and missionary. But, basically, it will be whatever can give you as much closeness as possible. I also see you person holding your face, like cradling your head and running their hands through your hair.

Honestly, this will be transcendental for you guys, you might even get like an out of body experience when you orgasm. It will be very very intense. I see some of you describing it as almost being a religious experience. I see that some of you will be squirting for the first time, so that might also be intense. This is just for a few of you I think, but you might have sex in front of a mirror or they might start it by touching you in front of a mirror. Almost being like "do you see how beautiful you are?", etc, that sort of thing. The aftercare will also be very sweet, and I see you being so in love with each other afterwards. Just talking and holding each other until you fall asleep.

Pile 4

Two of Swords, Knight of Pentacles, Four of Wands rx, Three of Wands | The lovers

"Love lulls all sorrow and bewitches flesh, mind and breath, reminding me that I am unafraid of the unfurling winds of my eternity."

Pile 4, this is the most negative pile out of them all. I'm really sorry for that. I would much prefer that they were all amazing and without any problems. I don't think that it's anything serious, but it will vary from person to person. Most of all, what I feel in this pile is anxiety and almost not feeling comfortable in your body. I think that some people here have sexual trauma, relationship trauma, or even body trauma. There might even have some eating disorders in this pile. No matter what it is and no matter the seriousness of the situation, it has left you uncomfortable with your body and with sex. So, I feel like most of you are going into this with a lot of anxiety. It's almost like you want this but you don't at the same time. I'm getting a very specific message that it's only meant for a couple of you: you might have sex with a stranger or hook-up with someone (basically something you wouldn't normally do) just to prove to yourself that you can. It's almost like you're trying to do exposure therapy to yourself. Now, I'm not saying if it's right or wrong, it's not my place to judge really, but just be careful.

For most of you though, this is happening with a partner. I think that you're going to be a bit unsure at the beginning, you want to want it, but you're not really there yet. Your partner is going to be incredible here, because they're going to move really slowly to get you as comfortable as possible and stopping to see if you're alright. I see them showering you with affection and basically praising you to the heavens. They're going to be super careful with touching you, up to a point where it almost annoys you and then you start to become more active let's say. I think that you're going to take charge of the situation at a certain point and guide your partner on how you need it. And honestly I think that they're very much into it.

Throughout the whole thing you're a bit self-conscious. I think that you might be suffering from low self-esteem and you're not entirely comfortable with your body and how you look. This might mean that you have sex basically in the dark, with very little light to make you comfortable. I don't think that this is happening in your house, so that adds a little bit to your anxiety, because you're in an unfamiliar place. I can't get much more information about it, it's almost like your person is trying to protect you and your privacy which is really sweet.

However, I see that you will be left very satisfied at the end lol. Not only that though, you will be feeling much more confident in yourself and your sexuality. I'm seeing you feeling so sexy at the end. It's probably because of your partner too. They'll be like "do you see what you did to me?" and completely disheveled, and you'll be like "oh shit". This will be a turning point for you. I'm really happy for you, pile 4! When it comes to your relationship it will also be taking it to the next level, not just intimacy-wise, but also in the trust that you have in each other.

[drowning-moonlight]

I recently went to my 10-year high school reunion and the emotions I felt are a little indescribable like...

Some of you were my closest friends I've ever had in my life. Some of you were my bullies. One of you was both. Most of you were neither.

The last time I saw many of you was at graduation. The most recently I've seen any of you was 5 years ago at a former classmate's funeral. Yeah I miss her too. Having a seizure in your sleep is a bad way to go... Oh it was actually an accidental suicide? I didn't know that. Can't believe at least 4 people we graduated with have died since then. A brain tumor, breast cancer, a car accident...

There aren't really that many people here... barely 30... Oh, half the class wasn't even invited? Okay. Three of you didn't even actually graduate with us but hey it's alright.

What ever happened to so-and-so? He's in prison? For murder??

Oh you have kids now? Daughters? I remember you saying in sophomore year that you would get an abortion if you were pregnant with a girl because you hated how needy girls were. I hope you've worked on that internalized misogyny.

I remember when you came out as gay in 2010 when we were freshmen. No, none of us were surprised. We all knew since at least the 7th grade. I think you were the first gay person that I ever met. I'm sorry I quoted a Bible verse at you. That was really shitty of me. I don't really even believe in god anymore.

I didn't realize how fucked up it was that the school made us reenact a drunk driving car accident the day before prom to discourage us from drinking. I still have a picture of you in a pink prom dress splattered with fake blood.

You slept with our classmate's brother literally last week?? Why do you feel the need to tell me that he has the biggest dick you've ever seen lol? Why are you telling me this in a restaurant bathroom??

Yes, I remember when we used to smoke pot on the roof of my house. My mom walked in on us one time to tell you that your brother was in the hospital with a ruptured appendix. You shoved the loose weed under my bed and it got all covered in lent and dust. It was raining really bad that day and we forgot the umbrellas in my car like idiots.

I still can’t believe you made us smoke weed out of aluminum soda cans. I literally would have just given you money to buy a real bong if you had asked.

That time your dad called the cops on us for breaking into your house was one of the worst days of my life. Somehow I feel like it was just another Tuesday to you.

I don't miss high school but I do miss our philosophical conversations in art class.

I miss your dog more than I miss you. But I do still miss you.

Oh you think you peaked in high school and that life is down hill after that? Dang, that's depressing. I wouldn't admit that under threat of death. Hope life treats you better from now on.

Remember the Halloween of 2009? Remember the Halloween of 2013? Those were the best times.

I'm sorry I was a bad friend to you. You were a bad friend to me too though. Maybe most people are bad friends at 14.

Sometimes when you wanted to hang out on Saturday nights, I would lie and say my parents wouldn't let me because we had church in the morning but really I just didn't want to miss the new episode of Naruto. Yeah, that show you used to bully me for liking. Remember that sleepover at my house when you took a Sharpie and drew all over the posters on my bedroom walls? That took a long time to forgive you for. I still have those posters shoved in the back of a drawer. I wonder if you regret doing that.

Yeah we should get together for lunch or something sometime. I really do mean that genuinely.

I still think about you all sometimes and I wonder if you ever still think about me.

[neverendingford]

.

[natalchartnurtures]

PAC: Energy Check~ for wherever you are right now

This was completely unplanned but frankly spirit doesn't give a fuck about my plans. So if this found you, here are some messages you probably need right now-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pile 1: Ooh.. as I was preparing to start your reading, I saw 11:11 as the Chariot card showed up for you. This. Tells me that you are pretty strongly connected to your divine path right now, which simply means that you're doing something that's keeping you in alignment, sweet pile one! Good job! Keep going down this road because you WILL stumble upon amazing experiences and people! This message is coming through quite strongly. Now, isn't that lovely? Hehe.

Here's the thing, though.. Although you're actually IN alignment with your greatest timeline and life, you seem to be completely UNAWARE of the fact! You might be going through the necessary purging emotionally and/or mentally as a result of this alignment since the "old stuff" has no more room in your new vibration anymore. So, you've probably had to go through some intense endings and/or tower moments in life lately and THIS has left you feeling really, really sad. Maybe even depressed. For some of you, if that's the case, please seek help, sweet soul. It doesn't have to be therapy but even as simple as talking to a trusted loved one, you know? Or even journaling about it could help if you're into it. It seems like you could use a new perspective on the things you're going through right now. I'm sensing that you might be feeling emotionally numb right now too, but that's because you've been doing a lot of emotional processing lately AND IT'S ALL PAYING OFF. I just need you to know that. You just can't see it right now because you're slap dead in the middle of the storm, and I'm looking at it from a bird's eye view, you know?

While you're purging old stuff, I also see you making your way through an old core belief - "I gotta work hard to be deserving of anything because I inherently don't" Or something along those lines. You may have started purging this belief as a result of life showing you that it's simply not something worth keeping alive inside you. Maybe recently, you caught yourself overworking yourself to death only to receive very little in return (in any area of your life - relationships included) and this experience helped you wake up to this unhelpful belief of yours. You're unlearning this belief as we speak. It's not easy though, but I CAN assure you, you're acing it.

If you find yourself worrying too much about anything and everything or simply feeling a general fear, just know that it's a normal reaction to having things uprooted in your life. Life, right now, is asking you to do your best to focus on what's right in front of you because if you do this, the future is guaranteed to sort itself out. I promise.

I love you so much, pile 1. I see all your hard work and am rooting for you SO hard, bro. Love and light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 2: Seems like to me that y'all have been STUCK in a particular pattern for a while now, maybe years? For some of you folks reading? Let me spell it out for you what this pattern looks like to me - an imbalance of the mind and heart. Too much mind and too little heart. Maybe none at all.

I can't seem to tap into the root of this imbalance, maybe because it's different for each of you reading, OR maybe it's not relevant to us right now because you can simply begin to address this imbalance as you see it in your day-to-day. But I sense that you're really good at addressing things, so once you're conscious of this pattern going on subtly in the background, running your life, you can really do something about this. This pattern may show up as you struggling with feeling fear, and this is blocking you off to one very important thing fear is here to show us, and that is how to support ourselves. If we are afraid of something we desire and have a healthy relationship with fear, we go for the desire while caretaking our fear. I read a quote the other day, it said "Do that thing you love but if you find that you're scared, then go do it scared." The point I'm trying to make is, fear isn't going to go away on its own, it's you who will simply expand your ability to hold space for it AND your desires equally. When you figure out how to do this, magic will happen in your life. You'll find that your unwillingness to caretake your fear only gave you more things to be afraid of (because, hello, Law Of Attraction *lol*), BUT you'll also find that when you radically start taking responsibility for your fear(s), you'll be able to act from a wiser space and be your full badass self. You'll find that there are so many things you CAN do and so much life you CAN live. Everything you've wanted to start doing in life will start to happen almost seamlessly. It WILL surprise you big time. You're currently making your way through an important part of your healing, and that is to hold yourself in all your glory. To hold all parts of yourself, even the ones that are scared shitless. Once you've integrated this segment of your healing, SO many doors will unlock for you. Sweet soul, you have no clue of JUST HOW MANY. And this… is probably because you manifest with your heart primarily (meaning you feel things deeply and so you unknowingly tap into the frequency of what you want easily) and your fear is keeping you stuck in your head, which means you're only 40% of the full You right now, PRIOR the healing of c. You might even feel it sometimes. You might feel like you're only a shell of a person (been there myself, you're not alone in this!). Listen to that feeling. Your truth lies in there. You're meant to be the 100% you, and I see that you're already halfway there!

I love you so much, pile 2, sending you so much light and love. Hope you find the resources you need to make it through to your new life where you live in more love than fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 3: Man… y'all been fighting for your lives, huh? I see that you may be in the midst of a lot of divinely evoked darkness? Lol, I literally heard that - divinely evoked darkness. Maybe you're going through a dark night of the soul, perhaps? Whatever your're going through though, it seems like you've been hanging on for dear life.

Some good news for you- no matter the circumstances you're in right now (be it good, bad, or terrible), you've been doing all the work necessary to keep your head above water and have been diligently nurturing your own light, positivity, and essence. THAT'S incredible resilience, sweet pile 3, and I'm really proud of you! It's not easy to keep an open heart through bad times, and that's such a grand achievement in my eyes. UGH, BEAUTIFUL.

Your energy SCREAMS transition period vibes. You seem to be neither in your "old" timeline nor in the new one yet. You're sorta hanging in the middle right now. I see the Hanged Man in the third eye as I tell you this. Feels like you're in the void right now, and things just seem… bleh. Boring. Colorless. This is probably because you're already done with the ugly part of the process, "the divine shakeups", the loss, and the purge. Think… the bland but peaceful feeling you feel after having an intense ugly crying session, you know? Yeah, you're energetically there right now. You'll probably be here for a while longer because you've let go of MAJOR stuff, pile 3. Did you let go of people recently, maybe? Or that old bad habit, perhaps? That was the purge, so to speak. And now you're in the aftermath of it all, the uncomfortable but necessary calm.

-Side note: You might've struggled to embody your divine feminine earlier, but the timeline you're entering right now is the exact opposite of that. You might be attracted towards things that will help you nurture your own divine feminine right now. Give into it. Nurture patience, stillness, and compassion for self. It will HOPEFULLY speed up the void period if you consciously take part in it, you know?-

You're quite emotionally intelligent, and it has guided you throughout the whole process, and it also seems like it ain't your first rodeo in the process of proverbial death and rebirth. Good on you because you're doing a real good job keeping your calm through venturing into the unknown. You know what? You remind me of Elsa from Frozen, taking on the unknown like it belongs to her. You are such a queen, omg.

Yep, all that's left to do now is celebrate yourself, pile 3! Try your best to embrace this period, the void, and you'll be on your way to your next happy adventure! Love and light, sweet soul. Thanks for sharing your energy with me today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[yb-cringe]

i think whats always made me the most emotional about qsmp characters and players alike leaving is that it feels so much more. personal. a bit more gutting when it comes to the way qsmp functions.

the reason this server was made in the first place was to make connections between players that CANT happen anywhere else. or rather, are very difficult to maintain.

it's hard to consistently stay in contact with people who don't speak the same language as you. qsmp made a point to force those people to interact and everything else was just.. trying to soften the harder edges of communicating that don't happen elsewhere.

and its simultaneously beautiful and horribly horribly painful. because the world outside of qsmp isn't very accommodating. and often, as these are content creators with Lives, they don't have time to really maintain every friendship they ever make.

It's why maxo and jaiden and richas and pomme and dapper etc-- its why every death or absence from the server is so gutting. because you know when they leave, that this just /cant/ happen again.

i'm not saying this to be. doomposty. i know that's kinda what it sounds like. i think pepito said it great already; that new memories can be made and we can love the old ones.

i think what im getting at is that clawing back to a time that's passed won't make us happy, it won't take us back there. you gotta just keep moving forward. qsmp is changing a lot. it wont ever be like it was last year. that doesn't mean it can't be good later.

we're going to lose creators and characters and things that remind us VERY heavily of the times where we had friends that we drifted from or lost because of one thing or another.

but you gotta remember there will be more people who you will love too. new people, who won't fill that space but occupy something new because fun fact you don't ever run out of space for that sort of thing.

be sad theyre gone be happy they're doing well remember the memories fondly but keep moving. unfortunately a lot of qsmp has ended up being about letting things go.

its like the. 'its going to be okay. but its going to be different.' and. skdfjds idk i hope thats a hopeful enough note to make things better.

[imfinereallyy]

Bedside Manner

for @acasualcrossfade request for "the infection has spread"

"Some birdie told me that you have been causing a fuss, Wayne, is that true?"

Wayne huffs from his hospital bed, glasses sliding down his nose. He places the newspaper he was reading on the table beside him. "You tell that Robbie of yours to stop exaggerating. It was only a small request."

Steve raises his eyebrows at his favorite patient (Dustin tells him he isn't supposed to have favorites, but he also used to cry anytime he picked up Max before him when they were younger, so what does he know) and gives him a knowing look. "Robin listens to no man, Wayne, you know this. You're better off sending that message through her wife. Besides, small? She was telling me you refused to have any other nurse help you because I wasn't here last night. Which surprised me since you are always pushing me on about taking a vacation. "

Wayne opens his mouth, but Steve presses on. "And the fact Robin was even in the room means they called a psych consult, so I can only imagine how bad it was."

Wayne grumbles like a little kid being scolded for getting his hands caught in the cookie jar. "Yea, well, it was a bad night, kid."

Steve feels his shoulders sag, he takes off his glasses and rubs a hand down his face before placing them back on. "Sorry, Wayne, I had a bad migraine last night. Nance and Robs wouldn't even let me pass the entrance. Bad news?"

"Kid, don't stress yourself out over me. I'm just your patient, and more so, I am just a cranky old man." Wayne patted Steve's knee as he sat down next to him.

"C'mon, Wayne. You're more than that. I'd like to think seeing you in and out of here the last year has made us friends. Although I gotta say, you're the only friend I have that I'll be glad if I don't get to see again, given the circumstances. So, what's the news?"

"The infection has spread."

Steve takes in a deep breath, he tries not to panic, but any infection in a hospital can be deadly, especially for a cancer patient like Wayne. "Incision site?"

Steve must not be as good at hiding his emotions as he used to be because Wayne jumps to ease his worry. "No, kid, don't worry. The surgery was a success. Just got that hospital fever, the good old bronchitis. But it just means I'm here longer than I have to. It also means my nephew is on edge, and I don't know if I can take a second longer of his hovering."

Steve laughed wetly, thankful for the topic change. "Ah yes, the mysterious nephew of yours that I've never met. The way you talk about him almost tempts me into switching to the day shift, sounds like he might be entertaining. But only almost."

"Always wondered why you were always working the nights, most of the others seem to switch. Not a big fan of the day?"

Steve shakes his head gently, "No, I like the quiet here at night. Like getting to know the patients without having to worry about fixing ten million things. Don't get me wrong, it has its downfalls. Like the doctors can be horrible at night, never tell Dr. Wheeler that or Robbie will kill me, and the food is awful. But there is something special about it here at night. So sorry, your ridiculous nephew isn't enough to tempt me."

Wayne smirked, "What if I told you he was a looker and single?"

Steve blushes slightly. He is used to patients trying to pawn him off to their relatives, it came with being a young male nurse, but typically it didn't phase him. But Steve has become close with Wayne, so hearing him suggest he get together with his nephew has him flustered. "I'm good, Wayne, thanks. Gave up on the dating scene a while ago. Not many people can keep up with a guy who works nights and suffers from severe head trauma."

"Shame, Eddie likes the nights too. I'd reckon yal would get along."

"I'm pretty sure we would need more than that, Wayne."

Wayne smiles fondly at Steve. "You don't need a whole lot to build a connection, son. Me and Linda, god rest her soul, only started dating for our mutual love of mugs. And we may not have had long together, but our love was strong. Besides, there is more yal would have in common than just the night shift."

Steve huffs a laugh, "Oh yea, like what?" The least he can do is humor the man.

"Well, you both care about me deeply."

Steve blushes again, "C'mon, Wayne. I'm your nurse. I'm kinda paid to care."

Wayne won't hear any of it, "No, son, it's more than that. You take your break in here every night. You make sure to record the game at home for me because they only have the news here. And last night, you tried to come in with a migraine, even though we both know I am the only patient you can stand right now."

Steve doesn't know what to say back. Wayne is right, of course. Steve has been spending all of his time with the man, giving him extra care. Steve isn't bad with his other patients, he goes above and beyond most of his coworkers, but there is something special about Wayne.

"You got nothing, kid, you know I'm right. Remind me a lot of my nephew. Before visiting hours ended is when I got the news of having to stay longer. Kid almost threw a fit when they kicked him out. Swore he was gonna break in to stay the night with me. I told him not to worry since you would be there, I brag about you too, ya know. When he found out today you weren't here, that boy threw a fit again. Swear he gets his tantrums from his father. Said he was gonna sneak back in tonight. Make sure I had company. That 'the man' couldn't stop him. That if he ran into you, he was gonna have a word with you."

Steve can't help the snort that shakes his body, "I'd like to see him get passed Hop first."

Wayne starts to chuckle, too, "Eds may have had his fair share of escaping the law, but no man moves as fast as Jim in a security uniform."

Steve is fully laughing now, "I know, right? It's like those pants make him aerodynamic or something. No way your nephew is getting by."

It is almost as if Steve's words summon what happens next. There in the doorway is the most gorgeous man he's ever seen, even though he is bent over and out of breath.

"Eds?" Wayne questions, clearly surprised. Steve has to mask his face and quickly before Wayne catches him ogling his nephew. Steve is finding it difficult, though. The man, Eddie, despite his out-of-breath appearance, is stunning. His long curly hair is thrown up in a bun, showing off the piercings up his ears. His clothes are simple but suiting, ripped jeans and a black band tee. Tattoos cover his entire body, and Steve wants to ask about every single one of them.

The most surprising thing about him isn't that he got by Hop (although he has questions for that later), no the most surprising thing to Steve is that Wayne somehow knew his exact type, which most people assume wrong in that department.

Eddie awakens an old craving inside Steve that he thought he had buried long ago.

"Wayne, you would not believe what I just went to get up here. The story I have for you, oh boy. You're gonna love it. Who knew security guards could move that fast. Anyway, I hope that nurse boy of yours is here tonight because I am ready to—" Eddie stops mid-rant when his eyes land on Steve, a lovely blush blossoming across his pale cheeks.

"I believe what you are trying to say is, what was it, Wayne? Oh yea, 'have a word with me,'" Steve laughs softly.

Eddie sputters, "Wayne!?!" His blushing becomes deeper as the seconds pass by.

Wayne just chuckles as Steve stands. "Don't be mad at your Uncle, I think he was just trying to make me feel better. I am sorry I wasn't here last night for the news. Got my head knocked around too much as a kid—" Steve taps his head with his knuckles, "—so I suffer from migraines sometimes. I really did try to come in, but well—you met Jim. He's pretty fast." Steve worries his lip. Eddie's eyes follow.

"Well, I can't be too mad now, can I?" Eddie swallows nervously before a smirk spreads across his face, switching from shy to confident in two seconds flat. Steve shouldn't be turned on by that. "The pretty face helps too. I'm pretty sure you could convince me to give you my kidney right about now. I'm Eddie, which I know you know by now, and you are...?"

Steve puts his hand out for a shake, "Nurse Harrington. But most people call me Steve."

Eddie grabs his hand gently and brings the back of it to his lips. "Stevie, a pleasure, really." A light kiss is placed on Steve's knuckles. Stevie, he thinks. That's a new one. And he isn't mad about it, at all. In fact, the butterflies in his stomach want him to get Eddie to say it again.

Steve catches Wayne's smug face in the corner of his eye as Steve begins to blush again.

"I'm just gonna—I'll be right back." Steve stutters.

"Leaving so soon?" Eddie says disappointed.

Steve has the sudden urge to fix the frown on his face. "No, no! Just, uh, gonna call Jim and tell him not to send out a search party. That it's okay if you stay. I'll keep an eye on you."

Eddie's face breaks out into a brilliant smile, "Really, Stevie? You gonna keep me around?"

Steve's heart skips a beat, "If I can help it."

***

[that-tom-allen]

Hello, Tom Allen!

I am keeping my husband locked in a CB6000s for some days in the last year.

He and I are trying to make him cum in his cage without sucess.

Is it really possible to acchieve this goal?

May you provide some suggestions? With and without pegging?

Thank you!!!

🔐 First, I think that it is great to see a wife who has found enjoyment with this, and one who also tries to push some limits on her husband.

That said, remember that cages are meant to prevent men from having orgasms through direct stimulation of their penis. For most men, direct stimulation is the only path to orgasm that they have ever known, so being able to develop new pathways may not be easy, or even successful.

However, since the idea of not needing direct stimulation is so exciting, not to mention that it's fun to make one's partner have an orgasm, most couples that practice locking their man will make an effort to have him orgasm in his cage.

There are a few ways to approach this. The first one on most people's list is pegging. Since @mrs--edge does not indulge (her philosophy is that I am locked up for her pleasure, and not to indulge my own), I will point you to a website on the topic. Note that prostate orgasms take a lot of practice

The next thing to try is using a vibrator on (and around!) the cage. We have a Hitachi Magic Wand which neither of us cares for; while it is powerful and will lead to an orgasm, I found that generally even the slow speed is too buzzy for me, and an orgasm does not feel very good. However, that's me. A lot of guys really enjoy it, and the orgasm in the cage will certainly "take the edge off" his horniness.

For a lot of guys, though, the default method involves shaking and manipulating the cage. This works for some men because, even though it is not direct stimulation, the pressure and movements stimulate enough nerves inside their bodies. This may not work consistently, and you may need to try it for several weeks before it will work, but it would probably be fun trying.

And that leads me to where my wife and I are on the list.

My wife and I have sex frequently, although as I am always locked, I wear a strapon harness and a Vixskin Ranger for her (the practice of called #foxing). Because our sex is kind of hot, and we tend to make each other more excited with some dirty talk, a lot of moaning, and some scratching and biting, I become very close to having an orgasm just from the mental and emotional connection we make. However, sometimes the pressure of my cage pushing against her ass is very rhythmic, and triggers something inside me, and an orgasm will start to build. I have to let her know that I'm getting close, and ask permission to come. When she decides that I should have one, I find that I'm pushing against her pretty hard, which must be moving things around inside me. A man's erection extends several inches inside his body, and I'm sure that the muscles and connective tissue being moved around is what triggers an orgasm for me.

Note that when we were first doing this, those orgasms barely counted. They felt ruined, and often left me feeling incomplete. It took several years of not having any other type of release until they became powerful, pleasurable, and very intense. You may not get to this stage, but I often joke that my brain has been "rewired" to enjoy coming this way, because they are definitely as good as how I remember orgasms in the old days. Of course, I am only allowed to have them very infrequently, so...

[ma4chestier]

hey, remember when I thought literally no one was talking about umemiya's backstory's backstory?? yeah, well this guy @loganelfreeces just opened my eyes with the most insane analysis I've ever seen, bc these characters appear in less than two chapters and I'm not really the kind to overanalyze stuff but this made me think more than Im used to and I'm grateful for it.

seriously, if you havent read their post please go, its amazing!! what I'm about to say its practically just a response to what they were saying so I recommend reading it either wya

first off i want to start saying that i cant shake the feeling that umemiya and shitara share the same personality in the sense that they act all friendly and goofy to protect others from unnecessary trouble, like if we're talking about how umemiya acts i can tell he somehow copied or adapted himself to shitara's sense of responsability when it comes to emotional support

then there's that conversation shitara has with the other caretaker about the old furin, and i did get the feeling that shitara was talking about himself in some way, tho i wasnt sure if he had been a furin student, but just some acquaintance to the people there. him being a former student makes sense given that he knows a lot about furin insights and takes responsability on what they do around town

i can see shitara playing a major role in the future, but since the last time qe saw him was when umemiya was 14 years old, i hardly think we will see him again, OR as you pointed out, when umemiya graduates.

if im not wrong, it has been aprox five months (?) sicne sakura entered furin, so i think we're close to that

the one person i really dont think will appear again is umemiya's savior. why? because he couldn't see his face, it wasnt shown, we didnt got a name, not even a nickname, and as you were saying, he's an adult probably out of town that will never appear again

it will be one hell of a twist if the savior happens to be related to someone else, like being suo's martial artist brother or sakura's acquaintance, but i hardly believe he will appear again. yes he was influential in the story, and yes he shared with us some very important information about the old furin, but that was his role at the moment, and the story was going on about umemiya and shitara.

so, yes, shitara will probably appear again in some important scene, and no, the savior will probably not appear ever again

and IF we're talking about a third party, the other guy shitara and the savior mentioned, I hardly believe they will give us more insight on this. there's still a high chance this will get more focus in the series as the events starts to unfold in something more large. i think, if anything, nirei can crack the code of this mysterious saviors and the old furin secrets, I believe in my notebook guy!! (tho I really like how you connected the "serious/calm and goofy/loud" duo, it makes total sense)

OTHER THING THAT I REALIZED I THOUGHT YOUVE POINTED OUT BUT TURNS OUT I JUST IMAGIEND was that shitara and the other girl mention that because of all the gangs messing up the town the police had turned a blind eye to all these and left the town without doing their proper job, so that lefts us with no reliable adults available to put a stop to those crimes. there's no teachers in furin even tho its a school. the townsfolk rely on the furin boys. there's hardly any picture of parents anywhere, not even in conversations. shitara is the first adult to be relied on by someone in the entire series, and i think that alone says a lot about the guy and the future of the series in general.

I BELEIVE IN NII-SENSEI TO GIVE US AN ASNWER TO ALL THESE, THEY'RE AMAZING ON WHAT THEIR DOING AND I CANT WAIT HOW ALL THESE TURNS OUT!!

aAaaAaA im done.

[csuitebitches]

Everyone talks about leveling up and healing, but what comes after that?

I feel like I'm in a really good place right now. I've worked through my emotional wounds, I no longer attract toxic people, and I'm focused on making better choices to improve my life.

I've moved past the drama, the gossip, and the unhealthy relationships, and I'm genuinely happy about that. I have no desire to go back to any of that. But at the same time, life feels too calm.

In the past, it was easy to connect with people around me—whether it was bonding over shared dislikes, mutual crushes on unavailable people, or similar family struggles. But now, all of that feels shallow and trivial. If I don’t like someone, I just avoid them. There’s nothing to really talk about or bond over anymore.

What I’m really wondering is how to keep that sense of wonder and excitement from my younger years alive—the sense that everything felt fresh, new, and thrilling.

I’ve outgrown a lot of the chaos, but now I’m left with the challenge of keeping life exciting without falling back into old habits. And honestly, I’m not sure how to do that.

fantastic question and congratulations on the growth.

growth should never be left stagnant. What you’ve done well is cleared up your external environment that you were in. Now, focus on the actual growth - growth of self. keep in mind that sometimes a calm life can be boring especially when you’ve had a very chaotic phase. it’s completely normal and natural to feel that. Keep life exciting by taking on new challenges that help you positively and celebrating the calmness that comes with things. I don’t want you to simply chase goals, but enjoy the journey and the fruits of your labour.

keep your system 2 brain active : take on new hobbies, mentor people who could use your help, meditate, get involved in charity, travel, deepen existing connections, pottery, running clubs, learn a new language, team sports, performing arts. Find something that you’ll love to learn, and you’ll find similar people who are in that mindset. I don’t want you to associate loneliness = self growth. I’d rather you find people who are on your frequency so that you know what it’s like to have healthy relationships around you. When I reconnected with some old school friends who had also matured after many years…. I can’t tell you how much we enjoy each other others company now. We travel, we meet once a month, we host dinners, we support each other, attend each other’s engagements and weddings etc etc - having healthy friendships and relationships is so much more fun that toxic ones.

I also personally worked on my relationship with myself - going on dates with myself, working out, meditating and at times just sitting with myself in silence - I became comfortable with myself. I became my own best friend. I learned what I liked and didn’t, what I was like, who I really am.

[mcflymemes]

A LIFE LESS ORDINARY PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the 1997 film, adjust as necessary, requested by judgementdaysunshine

fate brought us together. it kept us together. we were destined for one another.

so you're telling me that successful relationships are made in heaven?

it comes from a strange and wonderful place that we don't know about.

you also reject the idea that love is merely an emotional adaptation to a physical necessity?

are you serious?

fate intervenes in people's lives.

that's part of the beauty of it.

it's inexplicable, unpredictable, and absolutely beyond control or understanding.

you nearly got killed.

do you have any substantial evidence to back all this?

why do you believe it?

i'm a dreamer.

are you ready?

are you taking me to a hospital?

i'd like to make a withdrawal.

i thought we agreed there'd be no cliches.

what the hell did you do to her?

she had a gun!

so that makes everything all right, does it?

she isn't my type.

what are you talking about?

look at yourself. you're nothing. you're nobody.

you're wanted in connection with a violent crime.

are we going home now?

believe me, you don't want to know.

i came to see you and all you could do was humiliate me and turn me away.

i thought you were decent, but it turns out you're just a lying, cheating bastard like all the rest.

i'm sure you're just a regular kind of guy.

kill me, but don't touch the girl.

have you ever felt like you're not in control of your life?

we can do this with or without violence, it's up to you.

you have the demeanor of a man whose partner has left him for an aerobics instructor.

don't even ask where i'm going.

why don't you give me the gun?

why are you such a pain to be with?

i didn't go to harvard business school.

you're going to kill me?

that's a lot of money.

i remember the good old days.

i wish you hadn't done that.

someone let me out of this trunk!

do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good husband in this town?

you don't know how i feel.

exactly as you predicted.

if you don't mind my asking, how did you know he was going to react like that?

it's our job to know things like that.

you can take the car, but remember: it's stolen.

you're in a lot of trouble, you know.

i hate it down here.

you'll die for this, i swear to god.

they were trying to confuse you.

i'm not interested in you.

i want her back.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

PICK A CARD / PICK A PILE : WHAT DO YOU NEED TO REMEMBER? TIME TO MOVE ON AND LET GO OF OLD ENERGY.

I'm so excited to do this one. This is to help you get into that goddess frequency a bit more. So everyone who's connected to their divine feminine should definitely let go and see what's in store for them in the future. Are you ready? Lets go!

PILE 1 - Dedicated Effort / Love Abounds

This group needs to dedicate time to building an altar for themselves. Mirror work should be done frequently, and more openly. Letting the world shape your perception has helped you forget who you truly are in the inside. So working through those emotions and ideas of yourself through the mirror is what's perfect for you in the long run. In the mean time, taking you're self out to cute solo trips & dates, making money in some online business of some sort (or may through apps) can be a way to bring more self-love to you. Capricorn energy is precise with this group, as it's felt heavily. Money-making abilities is strong with this group and could be the reason for any lack of self love. You're a Goddess and can attract money like no other, so put more focus in your finances and you'll see a new you blossom in the new few months, easy. Use your reality as inspiration on where to get the community to follow your lead. As you do lead by example, let them surprise you with whatever it is you need help with, this is also related to a business. I think ya'll should get into it ;)

PILE 2 - Joy & Stability / Share The Love

You guys have strong, beautiful auras. Full of deep love and compassion for all that you meet. Your beauty is expressed in the way you help others and be of service to them. You may have dealt with people who've played with your kindness and made it out to be a weakness but that is not the case. Be more open to embracing this true beauty as it is a wonderful gift, and it will propel you high in life if you allow it. Remember that your value is higher than most can put a price on. Your built for a reality that is out of other peoples leisure. Luxury, Beauty, and Love is a theme for this group because you're meant for bigger and better things, am I right? So don't lose your head about what others think of you to be. You're much more than that. Another thing I want to say for this group is to live a little, share the bounty of joy you carry in you and never waver it for people as this is a healing gift for a few of you. Never take your happiness lightly, its a blessing after all.

PILE 3 - Patience & Planning / Rest & Rejuvenate

You guys need to hold on and smell the roses a little. Take a needed vacation and get out of town. Revise a little. You guys need to cope with something related to the past and spend more time giving yourself that needed love and attention you've been holding off on. Be more open to seeing the bigger picture to where your life is headed. You're a star waiting to burst, you know that right? You need time to move slower than usual because now is not the time to rush things and dive head first. Doing that will only cause problems in the long run, stress may have been big for this group.. but I want ya'll to know that stress can't run the show forever, you gotta choose you at some point. Whatever and WHOever is burning you out needs to be cut short so that you can breathe. So that you can believe what's in store for you will come when it's time and not when you feel it should be. Just be open to what God/Universe/The Divine has in store for you for the next 5-6 months, ok? k :)

PILE 4 - Take the Lead / Giving & Receiving / Love

This group has tiger strength. Phoenix energy. You guys have been through a lot so to speak. And because of all you've been through, you've made it back up to your most godly self. Confidence is a theme for this group and being the star of the show. You have to let go and be the main character of your reality, no matter who's tuning in. Jealousy/Envy is another theme for this group because secret enemies (for a few it could be close friends and family) could be the reason you've felt so down about yourself. And now you're literally being called to be in the spotlight in some way or form. Try vlogging, or speaking your truth or about topics you love, showing off your beautiful looks, and even just being an open arm for people in your life and your community. Finding a way to allow your spark to show is something significant for this group. So I hope that helps in the long run, be blessed.

[avalonia320]

IWTV Thoughts

I finally got to watch the finale last night and when I tell you I am SHOOK to my damn core. I don't know how to put it into words. I'm older than a lot of people here. I first read the Vampire Chronicles when I was 11; I found them in a box that belonged to my mother. When I tell you I devoured those books, re-read them over and over and over, fell in love with Lestat and New Orleans & Paris, cried over Claudia and Louis...I was totally besotted by the world Anne Rice created.

When the movie was announced when I was a teen (yes I'm that old), first I was so excited and then I was furious, as many of us Anne Rice devotees were, when Tom Cruise was cast as Lestat. I could not imagine an actor further away from how I had imagined Lestat. But still, I had to see it, and while it was still miles away from what I had wanted, I came away impressed with Tom Cruise. He still wasn't my Lestat, but he threw himself into the role in a way that made me believe he'd been waiting his whole life to let his inner Queen off the chain.

The movie itself...I had loved parts of it, but there was still so much more that I wanted. When the sequel came out (Queen of the Damned) I liked parts of that too and I actually enjoyed Stuart Townsend as Lestat. I hated most of it though, especially what they did with Marius (to this day I don't know what the hell that was about) but it was obvious at that point that I was never going to see the vampire world I was so enthralled with on the screen.

Then this series comes out. And while my expectations were low, I was still pretty excited. And then I watched it.

Holy fucking shitballs, you guys. I am normally so protective of my favorite books, resenting any little change unless it makes sense but everything they've done with this series, everything they've changed makes so much fucking sense. I don't want to try and break it down, I don't have the words. Lestat was always my big love in the books, but in this series, I've fallen in love with Louis and Claudia in a way I never imagined. I always loved their characters, don't get me wrong, but I never connected with them this way until now. And don't even get me started on Daniel, who I will admit I actively disliked in the books for the unforgivable crime of being boring. Um....that's a word I will never ever use in connect to Daniel Molloy ever ever ever again. And Armand and Madeleine and...I can't.

And Lestat. I loved him in the first season but in the second season, when he showed up with that long hair, I saw him for the first time like someone took the Lestat that has lived in my head since I was 11 years old and put him on the screen. He is EXACTLY how I imagined him. The way he looks, the way he talks, his emotion, his breakdowns, his unbelievable flair for the dramatic...this is HIM. I feel like I've been been unconsciously waiting decades for him to show up and for people to see him the way I saw him back then. I can't be the only old school fan that feels this way. It's just so surreal to see it so exact, it takes me right back to my childhood and the way I fell into stories then. The way you feel things when you're so young is something so hard to recapture but I feel like I'm right back there again on my bed, reading the books over and over again.

I'm just so grateful. To everyone involved with this series, the writers, the cast...I know i'm getting overly emotional but everything's been so shit lately and we've all needed an escape, a good one for once. I needed this so badly.

And I have to believe, wherever she is now, Anne Rice is so fucking proud.

[unorcadox]

i was gonna write something big and elaborate but like i kinda think doing this more off the cuff will make it better

i sometimes feel like weirdcore is just 2 genres in a trenchcoat -- the more traumacore, text-heavy, darker, emotive, and more minimalist "classiccore" (this is what i would call weirdcore, though i am biased as this is when i found out about wc) ... and then the more modern, editing-heavy, lighter visually and emotionally, maximalist kinda "weirdcore" (i personally would call this dreamcore but curious on what other editors think, this is the vibe i got back from my time in weirdcord in late 2021 tho lmfao)

and like i spend a lot of time like... what would i even do about this besides let them coexist? i think sometimes i find it frustrating bc while i love both of them, i connect infinitely more with the more minimalist, "traumacore"-adjacent works and a decent number of people i've spoken to agree. and i'm just like... would it help to try calling one something different? to try and start a second label under which one of these two can exist? idk i am just spitballing.

i think they defs have merits for being conjoined tho -- they share a general sense of nostalgia, of surrealness, of using old web & 90s-early 00s era visual signifiers. altho i think as wc has gone on, it's drifted further forward in time, as is to be expected, but i do wonder how long until we just develop a separate "90sweirdcore" strand or something. ok post over everyone discuss

[bengiyo]

Happy of the End: A Dour Show That Pulled Its Punches at the End

I've been trying to sort how I feel about this show, and I don't think I like the extended epilogue. In so many ways, I kinda wish the show had ended at the train station goodbye.

Part of this is how the show crossed over into torture porn a lot. I don't think we gained much from the extended looks at the horrors Haoren survived, and I think it would have been better to not show us too much before revealing his scars to Chihiro. I also don't think the Haoren on Chihiro rape scene led to interesting emotional payoff for a show that wanted such a happy ending. I also wish we hadn't gone so far with the Maya stuff; I think the van threat was enough to prompt Haoren to murder Maya.

The fact that Chihiro is still hanging out with the guy who sold them out to Maya and relying on help from the former sugar daddy (that we know was a client of Maya's) just doesn't sit right with me either. I don't really feel like Chihiro is in a new space in his life, nor do I believe in his success if these are still his primary relationships.

Finally, I didn't like Haoren visually regressing by returning to his old look to go see Chihiro. It really undermined his choice to separate them for Chihiro's own good at the end. It felt like another separation that amounted to little, especially since the show had Maya eliminate himself.

I do tend to like these kinds of bleak stories from Japanese storytellers. I'm a fan of Eternal Yesterday, and I really love Drive My Car (2021), Under the Open Sky (2020), and Shoplifters (2018). I wish we'd ended at the separation by the train, and if we had to have a final scene after that we'd just gotten the very last shot where Haoren returns in his old clothes to the spot of their first and only picture as we got it.

Final Verdict: 7, Beware the Extreme Trigger Warnings. I liked some of the ideas about two traumatized people connecting with each other. However, much of the horrors of this story felt like too much for my tastes, and lacked real payoff for those extensive grotesqueries to feel relevant. I think everyone in the cast gives some really great performances in every scene (romantic, horrific, or otherwise), and it was genuinely a visually pleasing show despite all the grime and trash. It's a complicated piece for me, but not one to which I will return.

[notyourhetloki]

If your requests are open, can I ask for an NSFW angst with a fluffy ending featuring a mean Dom! (who gets soft in the end) Daemon x poc (or ambiguous appearance) fem reader? They are married/in a romantic relationship, and she is usually radiant and open about her feelings (she has a sunshine personality), but since she was attacked (not SA), she has become emotionally withdrawn and very closed off. She can't talk about what happened or express her feelings about it (and can't cry, so everything she feels keeps accumulating). Daemon tries to talk to her, but without success (she avoids the topic or just says she's fine). So, he decides to get something out of her the way he knows how (despite everything that happened, they still connect/understand each other through sex, and it's the moment he gets a glimpse of the 'old reader,' although she withdraws again when it's over). So, he pushes her to the limit, body and mind (like, really crosses the line, but it's consensual). When he brings her to climax, all the pent-up emotions come out, and she finally cries (copiously) in his arms, and he comforts her. With lots of angst (break my heart 🙏🏾), rough sex (the rougher, the better), degradation and praise, orgasm delay and denial, choking, marking, hair-pulling, and aftercare with a conversation. Please?"

body and soul (Daemon x F!Reader)

Reader: she/her (Fem!Reader)

/NSFW Daemon Targaryen x Wife!Reader/

A/N: Hi, anon! I just wanted to say I LOVED your request, but I'm sure I didn't do it justice… I'm not very good at writing angst (so it doesn't have much of it) and it might be a little rushed… I'm so sorry about that, but I hope you like it nonetheless! Also, I made the reader's appearance super ambiguous, I didn't mention hair texture or anything… so yeah… xoxo

Warnings: Use of (Y/N), mentions of violence, rough sex, piv sex (unprotected), a bit of angst (fluffy ending).

Word Count: 2.1k

—

You hadn't been the same since the incident. It bothered you, to know that such a quick moment in your life could bear so many consequences. In a matter of seconds you had a knife on your neck, a man you didn't know throwing accusations at you, threatening you.

Deamon saved you that day, negotiating with the man so he could finally release you. It worked, but Daemon was not kind nor merciful towards him.

It had been a few days since the attack. You looked everywhere around you, paranoid that something was out to get you again. You heard people whispering in the court and wondered if they were plotting against you.

Tears never dared to fall from your eyes, and you couldn't scream... you felt trapped. Your usually happy and bubbly self hid away, your sunshine personality faded in a well of despair.

Every attempt from your husband Daemon to talk to you failed, you said you were fine and the conversation ended there. You could tell he was frustrated, but couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it.

When the night came, you quickly retreated to your chambers. You put on your nightgown and prepared to lay in bed, but Daemon had other plans.

He pulled you towards him, your back touching his chest, smelling your hair and kissing your neck. "How was your day?" He asked.

"Fine." You lied, not able to open up. Fear took hold of you, turned you frail, fragile.

"Of course." Said Daemon with a scoff. "You know lying to me is pointless, right?" The last sentence a mere whisper in your ear.

You thought you had been hiding well enough, but apparently not. Your husband knew you better than anyone, you both had a connection so deep you practically could read each other's minds... you didn't know why you thought lying would work.

"You're not going to fend for yourself?" He continued, kissing your shoulder and humming to himself. "Interesting..."

You wanted to cry, to scream, to finally be able to talk to your husband... but everything felt stuck in your throat. You were paralyzed in fear.

"I'm going to make you speak the truth." A shiver ran down your spine as you knew what was coming. "You will have no other choice but to scream it."

Suddenly Daemon pushed you onto the bed, stealing all air from your lungs. You turned around to lay on your back, watching your husband undress himself.

"Daemon, please..." You pleaded, but to no avail. He just looked at you with dark eyes, giving you a warning. "It will be much worse if you don't behave."

You knew better, so you did your best. He climbed on top of you, ripping your nightgown open as you gasped in surprise. Daemon touched and grabbed your body, kissing and biting while marking your delicate skin.

He kissed you possessively, wild and frantic like an animal. You moaned against his lips and he soon reached for your sex, his digits working in circles for your pleasure.

"Aah, Daemon!" You couldn't help but moan loudly, practically singing his name when you felt that well-known sensation between your legs.

"That's my girl." He watched as you squirmed beneath him, eyes closed in ecstasy while rolling your hips to seek more friction. "Look at you... so eager for me, are you not ashamed of yourself?"

You couldn't stop your movements, just opened your eyes and admired your husband's handsome face and body. When you thought to be close, your hips quickened the pace and Daemon noticed it.

"Wanting to come already?" He teased, and you hummed in response. Clicking his tongue in disapproval, he suddenly stopped his fingers and released you from the friction. "You'll have to earn it."

You whined, protesting his decision. But as soon as you did so, he grabbed your throat and squeezed hard, making you light-headed.

"What was that?" Daemon demanded while you tried to breathe, not daring to make any other sounds. "That's what I thought."

He released you and you choked for air, but soon gasped again when you felt his hands manhandling you into another position. You suddenly found yourself on all fours, feeling his presence right behind you. He rubbed his member against your entrance, coating himself in your slick.

"Hmm, you're ready for me, aren't you?" His voice a deep purr that resonated through your body, making you tremble. "Naughty girl."

Daemon pushed his cock inside you, your walls stretching deliciously as he made his way in. It drove you crazy to have him inside when you were so close to an orgasm, and he wasn't even moving yet.

"Aah... hmm, Daemon..." You whined in anticipation, thrusting your hips once more. He grabbed your waist and squeezed enough to leave bruises, warning you to stop.

"You whore, can't even wait for me to start." He was smiling at himself, enjoying the view. Then, he leisurely started to move his hips, in and out. The pace so achingly slow you pleaded for him to fasten it up. "Oh, you want it faster?" He mocked. "As you wish."

Daemon quickly started to fuck you... hard. His bruising grip on your waist never ceased, his rough thrusts hurt you but in a good way... the pain mixed with pleasure was enough to send you spiraling.

Every thrust hit a special spot inside you, making you cry his name out loud. "Please! Ah, Daemon!"

"Please what?" He demanded, not slowing his rhythm down. The sounds you both made were so obscene that only served to excite you even more, especially when he hit your ass with a loud slap.

You couldn't say it, you needed release but all words seemed to evade you, fear still holding you back from expressing your feelings.

Daemon grew impatient, grabbing a fistful of your hair and pulling your head back enough so he could growl in your ear. "Did I stutter?"

The sharp pain in your scalp grounded you, leaving you present in the moment. You concentrated on the sensations of his skin on yours, his cock inside you... but all you could do was repeat yourself. "Please, please..."

Daemon suddenly stopped everything he was doing, releasing his grip and retreating himself from you, leaving you alone on the bed. You whined and complained at the loss, calling for him to come back but to no avail.

He then stood beside the bed, signaling for you to go to him. You kneeled on the mattress facing him, eyes watery and hair disheveled. You looked like a mess.

Grabbing your face harshly, Daemon bent down to your level, intimidating you. "What do you want?" He demanded.

Silence. Tears were forming in your eyes but you couldn't shed them, paralyzed by so many emotions. Everything was adding up, and you felt extremely overwhelmed.

A hard slap across your face woke you up slightly, a stinging sensation spreading across your cheek. Daemon was still at eye level, and he observed your shocked expression with great interest.

"Don't make me repeat myself, (y/n)." He looked... menacing. He dominated you with his stance alone, causing you to sweat from nervousness.

"I-I..." You swallowed dry, gathering the words you so needed to say. "I need you..."

He grabbed you by the hair again, holding you in place. "Be more specific."

You just needed some kind of release, that was all you wanted. To be free from all that turmoil in your head... to be rescued. "Help me, Daemon..."

His expression went from menacing to understanding as everything finally clicked for him, reading your pleading eyes like nobody else could. Something in him shifted suddenly and he went back into action.

"Lay on your back." He ordered, you obeyed quickly. Daemon crawled on top of you, biting on your thighs, waist, belly... making his way up.

When he finally reached your lips he ravished you, tasting your tongue on his as he grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head. "Keep them there." He said.

He positioned himself at your entrance again, ready to enter. "You want me inside your cunt again?" Daemon teased you, and you couldn't help but say yes.

Fucking you slowly at first, he concentrated on circling your clit with his thumb and finding a good rhythm for you. You moaned and moaned, your noises were music to his ears and led him to the right amount of pressure he needed to use.

Soon Daemon found a good rhythm, hitting that sweet spot of yours again. He was watching your expressions attentively, interpreting your face for any sign of discomfort.

Moaning and rolling your hips in tandem with his, you opened your eyes and held eye contact with your husband as he pleasured your most sensitive spot. "I'm right here..." He assured.

His words relaxed you, and you felt somewhat safe for the first time since the incident. You still held your hands above your head, grabbing the sheets as you felt heat growing in your core... you were close.

"D-Daemon..." You pleaded for him, and this time he did not stop. He fucked you good while rubbing your clit, still maintaining eye contact.

"You may come now..." He whispered, voice low and steady. "Come for me, (y/n)."

Soon you felt a wave of pleasure taking over your body, the build-up finally turning into a climax. Your sex ached deliciously while you moaned and whined your high away... but Daemon did not stop.

He continued to abuse your clit and hit your spot deep within. It was too much, overstimulating you to the max. "Daemon, I can't! I-I..."

"Be a good girl, (y/n)..." He ordered, hungry eyes examining your begging face. "Give it to me."

A second wave of pleasure washed over you, stronger and greater. Tears pooled in your eyes as you felt your whole body shake in ecstasy, energy running through your skin. You were finally able to scream.

Daemon pulled his cock from inside you and spilled his seed on your belly and chest, groaning while giving it a few good strokes before collapsing by your side.

Energy was still flowing through your body, tingling your skin as you eventually felt tears running down your cheeks. You began to cry, then started to sob... you just couldn't stop.

Daemon immediately noticed and pulled you into his arms, caressing your hair and kissing your forehead. "Shh... I'm here."

Tears just rolled down your face continuously, finally able to let go of all accumulated emotions. You sobbed as you repeated yourself. "I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

"What happened?" His voice soft with affection, but worried nonetheless. "What's wrong, (y/n)?"

Suddenly all your feelings came crashing down on you, and you managed to blurt out words you've been keeping all that time.

"I just don't feel safe anymore! A man tried to kill me and everyone keeps acting like that was normal and they expect me to act normal as well, but I don't feel normal! I feel like everyone's against me..." More tears fell down your eyes as you tried explaining yourself. "I can't take it anymore..."

Daemon lifted your chin up so he could look into your eyes, the understanding expression on his face calmed you down slightly. "I am not against you." He assured, caressing your face. "And I don't expect you to act normal about what happened, I would just like for you to talk to me."

He was right, your husband had the right to know about your problems, but... it just felt difficult to express yourself at that time.

"I thought you wouldn't understand..." You said, and he immediately turned his head sideways in curiosity.

"When was the last time we misunderstood each other?" He defended, lifting your chin so you would look at him. "I know you... body and soul. Do you really think I would ever cast you aside?"

His words made your heart warm, your breathing started to ease and the tears subsided, leaving your face all blushed from the crying.

"Why would I bother you with my paranoias and stupid complaints?" You objected, still holding on to your fears.

"Because you're my wife." Daemon simply added, a clean response that you were not expecting. "All your problems are my problems as well."

Daemon smiled at you, smoothing your skin with his hands. You couldn't help but smile too, finally closing the gap with a chaste kiss. The two of you stayed there, embraced each other while Daemon continued to praise and reassure you, he would be there for you... no matter what.

—

[shaanks]

Would you want to pull that Shanks has separation anxiety hc back out from under the bed and maybe perhaps share it with the rest of us? Tbh I LIVE for the head canons you share!!

You are so sweet!!!! 😭😭😭 I'm sorry I've been sitting on this one for several days now, I wanted to be at least sort of clear-headed to answer it properly. Some of this is going under a readmore because I'm incapable of answering things concisely lmfao.

Edit: for anyone watching out there this post is riddled with spoilers so read at your own risk.

**

I think about Shanks and all of his sublimated feelings and fears and dreams so much it makes me so crazy and sad lmfao. Focusing in on the fears part though like...abandonment and loss have been really central themes in his life.

He was found in a locked treasure chest - seemingly abandoned by his biological family (which in the end, good, because if they are who we think they are they suck anyway).

He spends his childhood aboard the LITERAL ship of dreams, two of the most prolific men of that era are his father figures, he has this incredibly close relationship with Buggy, he is soaring on the wings of this burgeoning era, where the only limits he has are what his imagination and talent allow him to be capable of...and then it all just stops.

The family that he knows sails away to the end of their journey without him because he opts to stay behind with Buggy when he gets sick, and nothing is ever the same or right again. Roger sickens, Rayleigh's mind begins to fray. The crew disbands. Everyone disappears.

Roger allows himself to go to the gallows, and on the way there he lays the future of their world on the shoulders of a grieving 14 year old boy, who has to now learn what it means to be utterly alone in a world that has not only branded him enemy, but whose governing structures are fully aware of his power and the danger his talent and proximity to Roger entail.

The only person he had there with him, Buggy, runs out on him - for reasons that were understandable, but could have been avoided by words neither of them had the emotional maturity to express, especially not in the moment of such anguish and grief.

He eventually finds people, good people, new friends and comrades, people he can trust, but even then he is having separation and its cost modeled for him in the form of Yasopp and his son, and eventually in the form of a tenacious, lovable little boy named Luffy, who loves so fiercely and is very clearly terrified of the prospect of being left, of being alone. A fear Shanks resonates with deeply. A pain he knows he will eventually have to inflict on this little boy.

There's a lot of meta around that Shanks had no faith or interest in Luffy until he ate the gum-gum fruit and didn't think he had any potential to be a pirate, but I think that's a really shallow, kind of willfully ignorant take on it. Shanks himself found a home at sea as a boisterous naive child, and the RHP more than have the capability of looking after a child with a penchant for trouble...but that's how he lost his world, too.

Leaving Luffy behind hurt him, but he left him with connection, an emotionally valuable memento, and to Shanks' awareness he was leaving him with a stable support system firmly in place. There are no guarantees in this life, but he's learned through personal experience that not even the Pirate King can grant you assurance that your family at sea will survive.

ALL that to be said that I think one of Shanks' deepest, most untended hurts is loss, the loss of family, of friends, of love, and because that wound has gone unaddressed--and because he went from lost 14 year old boy to Captain to Yonko in such quick succession, and there doesn't tend to be a lot of emotional support for mythic figures of authority--it manifests as separation anxiety.

Individual members of the RHP are rarely seen off on their own, with the exception of Benn going off to rescue Luffy that one time. They all move around together.

When people leave, Shanks keeps tabs on them, when danger arises, he does his best to be two steps ahead of it. I genuinely think there's a part of him that whispers "you'll never see them again" any time someone he cares about walks out of a room, or leaves the ship a little before him. There's a reason, I think, that he's always shown to be the last person to board the ship, why he's always ushering people on ahead of him 50 times before he goes up.

With a lover, I think it would manifest tenfold, I think that's partially why he's so clingy and touchy-feely and cuddly (aside from just being literally the sweetest man alive), because to have that sort of connection means he reached out of the imposed avoidance of his own desires to really bring someone in close, and I think that kind of loss, or the perception of the possibility of that kind of loss, would devastate him in a way he wouldn't recover from.

So he holds your hand everywhere you go, shadows you through rooms, presses you close to his side when you're out at bars, and worries, just a little bit, every time you get up to go to the galley or have to take night watch without him.

Because what if it all falls apart again. What if you disappear. What if the crew disappears. Just like what happened before.

I hope this makes sense and was coherent, I just have a feeling or two about him, ya know?