#I'm just always confused because I am NOT a confident writer

[chrimsone]

got angry at a story last night

[dreamylyfe-x]

Hi, I am pretty new to the Shameless/gallavich Fandom but first I LOVE YOUR FICS

Second, I've read some of your meta and I don't know about soaps but novelas and kdramas under my belt, I agree the come and go of Noel probably saved them from drama in later seasons, they probably have had them broke at one point also, they refused to make Mickey a principal, but one of my fav parts of s4 is that he finally gets his own arc (pimp and all that apart) and I'd have loved to see him explored outside his relationship with Ian

Hey! What an amazing surprise this is!

First of all, thank you.

Second: Novelas, kdramas (I have watched my share of t-dramas -- Devil Besides Me and Meteor Garden forever), Shondaland -- they will all give you the gist of that soap experience. My feeling is that we'd get a season six where both Mickey and Ian sort of struggle to figure out their adult lives -- and that's probably a decent enough story. They likely marry them in season seven. And then they spent seasons 8-11 (or however many seasons they get to keep them) messing them up. Not because Shameless burns plot the way soaps and novelas do, but because 11 seasons is a lot. And at some point they will decide they need conflict for Gallavich and that conflict will be in the era of Gay Jesus-type writing and I'm confident we'd have been very upset by it.

I will say I don't think they so much refused to make Mickey a principle as they didn't know for sure what they wanted to do with American Mickey or where he fit into their pretty full roster. Like, there was always a chance for him, since I believe his British counterpart sticks around, but he's not filling the same role that US Shameless Mickey does. Also, shows has a budget and I can completely see how they might not have had the money for him until season three.

In season five, Cam and Noel did an interview with Buzzfeed where the EP, Etan Frankel, talks about how Mickey turned into the character he'd become at that stage, and it's clear that they don't quite know where they're going with him, and then once they shoot 1x7 they know they've got something interesting to pursue. There are a lot of moving factors in making use of that, though, including Cam's age and how ian's character balances out with his siblings in terms of storyline. Gallavich get one of the most dramatic moments of the entire series in season three and I think that's really when they shift into being primaries on the show. More and more, they start to drive fan engagement online and that sets up season four where, absolutely, Mickey vaults ahead in terms of how much the show is paying to his inner life.

Part of that is because Cam is off filming The Giver, so he's not around for half the season, but I think the other part is what Etan is talking about in the Buzzfeed article -- they just know Noel can deliver. I particularly always think about this quote, in regards to both Noel and Cam as individual performers, but also when I think about their creative partnership:

As a writer, you feel secure writing a scene knowing they're going to knock it out of the park and they'll find things you didn't necessarily intend, so you find beautiful moments. It's exciting to see those dailies come back and saying, Oh wow, that wasn't even a moment in the script, but they've made it become a moment.

I know this is why we get so much Mickey in the first half of season 4. Not just that he needs to carry the torch for Gallavich by himself but because the writer's room knows they can give him that scene with the picture in the bathroom and the performance will convey how much Mickey misses Ian. This is also clearly when he essentially becomes a point-of-view character -- and he continues to be until he leaves the show in season six. So many key moments in those two seasons, particularly around Ian's illness, rely on the audience seeing Mickey's reactions and moments of realization. His confusion in 4x12. His reaction to the suitcases. His meltdown after Ian is hospitalized, where virtually his entire reaction is silent across two episodes. It's really great that they trusted him to do that. It's one of the reasons I think the story works so well.

Anyway. I find it a little jarring, when Mickey comes back, that he isn't quite the POV character he was. It improves in season 11 and we get more Mickey-centred storylines. But I feel consistently (particularly in the late seasons when I'm really not that invested in the rest of the story) that there was a lot more room to use Mickey the way they used to. But by then, it's a different kind of show.

[raelle-writing]

Non is NOT a perfect victim

Or: The meta that will likely get me canceled lmao

Disclaimer: I am not victim blaming Non. I'm not saying that he deserves what happened to him. I'm simply tired of everyone acting like he has no agency and has never done anything wrong. Non was written to be a gray character the same as the others.

I think a lot of people write off the bad ways that Non acted, either because they view the ways he harms others as "not that bad"... or view his actions as being fair or just because of the people they impact. But regardless, the writers clearly wrote Non to make mistakes, hurt the people around him, and not be a perfect victim.

Getting his "friends" involved in money laundering

It would be easy to say that Non didn't know what he was doing was illegal. But he definitely did. Tee brought Non to an illegal casino, hidden behind a restaurant.

Gambling is illegal in Thailand. Non knows in that moment that what he's doing is wrong, and he jumps into the deep end anyway. I'm not making a judgement on him choosing to work with Tee for money - I understand why he did it.

The thing is, Tee basically told Non what he was getting into. Taking him to the illegal casino, laying it all out what they were doing. Non knew he was getting involved in something illegal when he started working with Tee. Non more than likely felt like he had no choice, since he couldn't ask his parents for help, of course.

But Non doesn't do that when he recruits his friends. He blatantly lies to them, telling them it's all for filming, and then uses the accounts they opened for money laundering.

Then, because of the way that Non and the mafia are using the accounts, Jin, Fluke, and Por all got pulled in by the police and questioned. And I know people hate the bullies - but those three aren't the ones that deserved to get arrested at this point in the narrative.

Non covers for them and says it was all on him (truthfully) but it's also out of self-preservation since Tee warned him that he'd be killed if he told the truth.

Lying to and gaslighting his boyfriend

Then we get to the introduction of Phee as Non's boyfriend. And on the surface, they have a happy, cute relationship. But then we go below the surface, and we discover they have issues. Phee is always pushing Non and trying to help him, despite the fact that Non hasn't asked for his help, and doesn't want it. And in return, Non repeatedly lies to Phee.

He starts episode 7 by promising he won't do that, promising he won't lie to Phee.

And within the same episode, Non does exactly that. He lies to Phee's face after Phee catches him with Keng. There's debate on whether or not Non slept with Keng here (I'm personally under the impression that he did, since his shirt is untucked, but we don't know for sure). But regardless, Phee asks Non what was going on, and Non lied to him.

Phee calls him on the pieces of his lie (and yes, I've seen people saying "Phee didn't trust Non!" and yeah, he doesn't, because clearly they have a history of Non lying to Phee). And Non proceeds to turn the entire thing around on Phee, making it about Phee having trust issues and not trusting him.

This is gaslighting. Non flips the script and turns the accusation back to Phee, making Phee the one who is in the wrong because he doesn't trust Non, despite catching Non doing something wrong and suspecting that he's lying.

"(Gaslighting is the) psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator." Definition, Merriam Webster

While gaslighting is usually chronic, that doesn't mean there can't be individual cases. And given the ease with which Non lies to Phee, and the way Phee knows in the past that Non withholds things and makes him promise not to lie, we can tell that Non's lying is a chronic problem in their relationship.

I want to point out here that a lot of Non's actions are signs of hyper-independence which is a trauma response. It's clear that Non has been abused and isolated his entire life and has no framework to know how to ask for help. He "knows" (because of his upbringing) that he can't rely on the people around him, and that help never comes without a price. I don't want to paint him as a villain, he's not just yanking Phee around for the fun of it. But people who are hurt, abused, and in bad situations can and do still hurt other people. Non's hurt doesn't erase the wrong he does to Phee.

Further manipulation of Phee

Non shows further manipulative signs when Phee catches him with Keng. (I will address the cheating thing later but for the purpose of this section - Non was coerced into sex so we as the audience shouldn't label it as cheating, however from Phee's point of view that's clearly what it was).

When Phee catches Non with Keng, the first thing that Non does is apologize, which is good. However, he immediately follows that up by telling Phee to calm down, and telling him that he loves him.

Telling Phee to "stop being upset" implies that Phee is too upset, and that he's not acting rationally. Following that up with "I love you" is designed to slide through the weak spot in Phee's armor. This exchange shoves Phee's emotions to the sidelines and centers Non's instead.

This manipulation is much lighter than the gaslighting earlier, but still made me wince when I saw it. Non is belittling Phee's emotions and trying to recenter it all on Non's love for Phee, because that matters "more" than the hurt and pain that Phee is experiencing. Non is working in CYOA mode - that's another trauma response. He's used to being the target when people are angry, so he's trying to deflect it and make himself the victim. It's a trauma response, but it's still a manipulation.

Planning to murder his friends

This is one of the ones that I point to as "I think people gloss over this because they think the bullies deserve it." But I want to point out that pre-meditating to murder people is still a bad thing to do. Non made a plan, brought a weapon into the woods, and then proceeded to try and kill everyone there.

We can debate whether he could've actually gone through with it - he cuts Top and tries to kill Tee, but then when Jin jumps forward to apologize, Non calms and doesn't swing at Jin. That may very well be because he doesn't know what Jin has done - but despite not knowing those things, Non still crossed out Jin's face and planned his death in the script.

I don't know if, when push came to shove, Non could've actually killed any of them. But regardless of that, he planned to, and hurt some of them.

Again, does that mean he deserves to be sold off to the mafia? NO. Of course not! I just want to point out that premeditated murder is bad.

A note on "cheating"

I mentioned this above, but I want to linger on the point about cheating. Because while I stand by that Non was coerced and assaulted, and therefore we as the audience shouldn't label it as cheating, I still feel like it's important to point out that everyone in the narrative treats it as cheating.

No one - Jin, Phee, Non's parents, etc. treat Non sleeping with Keng as if it's assault. Non doesn't seem to understand he was assaulted either (which is normal for victims of grooming).

Phee and Jin in particular react to Non as if he was cheating on Phee. Their actions are shaped by that assumption.

Should they have seen what happened and known it was wrong? Maybe. But I also did some research onto the laws in Thailand and I'm not actually certain that Keng did anything illegal, since Thailand's age of consent is 15 and there's some murky language in their coercion laws (big ass disclaimer that I'm only able to read things in English and so I'm not reasonably certain it's accurate, but it's the only information that I have access to).

I am reasonably certain that the only person who could've brought charges against Keng was Non, but I'm not certain that he would've had a case (again, because of some murky language).

Obviously that regardless of legality, Keng's actions are still morally wrong. I just want to lend some perspective on why people may have reacted the way they did to the event.

In conclusion: Non is a victim, but not a perfect one

Non is still the ultimate victim in the narrative of the show. He's still the one whose life was destroyed, who was victimized repeatedly by the people around him. But I don't want people to forget that he also made mistakes of his own. Because I'm kind of tired of people acting like anyone who sympathizes with a character other than Non is "missing the point."

Non was written to be a gray character, just like Tee, Jin, Por, Phee, and the others. All of the characters have made mistakes. Have acted selfishly, have hurt the people around them, have done illegal things, etc. The difference is that Non's life is the only one who got ruined. Until the present, of course...

Disclaimer that I'm not saying that all of the characters are the same level of gray, there's obviously a bit of a sliding scale there!

[xhanelia]

Sova headcanons for a trans masc reader? (Not really s/o because *ahem, ahem* aro/ace writer that is tired of writing smut asking for this) and how he found out about it.

(Btw it's 3AM for me, I can barely see what I'm wirting)

Sova headcannons with a trans masc reader (Platonic)

Omg i gotchu dw love (i am also writing at 3am lmao) (just fell asleep in the middle of it)

I relized i am in a writing block.

I feel like it was an accident how he find out you were trans.

Its either you were changing your clothes in the gym changing room and he barged in, thinking he was the only one. Just stood there for a good 10 seconds before you decided to shout at him to get out.

Or you slipped it out of your mouth while having a conversation. Like: "...and he did that because he find out i am trans..." "wait you are trans?"

The way he would just stand there trying to process the things inside his head, trying to find the right words to say but cannot lmao.

Then when you laugh at his confused face and said that it is no big deal, he tried to laugh it off too but it was clear he did get sad that he couldnt find words to say. Its HIS deal to find a way to talk to people and make them regain their self-confidence, motivation and all. He was just angry at himself for that.

Well, he is happy to find it out. It feels like he is getting closer to you as a friend and if you are willing to listen, maybe he will open up to you too.

He will be like a proud mom around you. He would go "i raised them." with a smiling face when you do a higher score on the Maxbot.

But please dont play matchmaking on him. He will get annoyed and emberrassed. "Look whos the one talking." He says with a frown while you laugh your ass off.

He will always be there to protect you. From bullets? Ofcourse. From the fights among the agents? He is right there. He does not want you to interfere any of them. And if you do at will, he will scold you like a child.

His hugs are THE BEST. No one in the HQ can give those big and warming hugs like him.

Will constantly finds himself petting your head if you are shorter than him. It shows his affection. (Might rest his arm on your head to annoy you.)

He will be so happy if you accept his offer to hunt with him. Looking like a excited child while explaining things to you about what to do. It was the best day ever.

Free psychiatrist over here! You can tell him anything. There will be no words coming out of his mouth to anyone about the things you talked about.

He is like a big brother and mother at the same time. His arms are always open if anything happens. (The forbidden crying zone i tell you.)

[dreamties]

Okay okay hear me out

Johnny with like a much shorter (I’m talking like 5’3) gf who’s also chubby

Just like a really soft sweet chubby gal, maybe she’s a lil insecure about her body type and it confuses him because he thought she was pretty either way if that makes sense??? Like he doesn’t get why she’s insecure he thinks she’s the prettiest person ever 😭

Okay so . . . I'm hearing you out on this SO HARD !!!! Ughhh I can totes imagine this !! ((also you sent in another ask like this?? sorry if i had originally interpreted this as a request and it wasn't?? 😭😭 idk hope you enjoy <3333))

Also also also... i would love to explore this prompt more in the future, if anyone has additional thoughts to spare <333 👉👈 apologies for any spelling errors

taglist: @friedwormeater @0ddmia @lambofjudgement @lizve @urfavsuh @rainbowcake1212 @sadsimp @marriedtoeddie @strawberry-moonpies

Johnny cares about his own appearance . . . In the sense if he doesn't upkeep his beauty, how else is he gonna pick up prey at the bar?

One of the other talented fic writers on this site, I don’t remember who <:O said he would have learned a lot about "how to act" through television. Now, I don't think he had much access to television, except when he was much younger and the slaughterhouse was still running. The one at the bar will also play old films or news stations that come in all funny. . . Anyways !! All of that absolutely applies to this too!! He's seen pretty boys on magazines that Drayton always glares at him for staring at them too long. He knows what girls are "supposed" to like and he feels confident in pulling it off. That's sort of where that desire begins and ends though. While I think the Slaughter family can care about looks- they each have personal, preferred taste- it's not high on their list of wants. It's always a delightful bonus when their partner is a cutie <3333

Johnny is such a little trickster !! Like what a little greaseball he's so annoying sometimes *sob emoji*

At the beginning of the relationship, he's gonna tease ya about your height. Not your body weight though, it's never polite to comment on a lady's weight.

He tends to pick on everyone though. It's like some demented love language, it seems.

Anytime you make a face or a disgruntled noise about it, he seems so confused??? Like what's up with you??? You never get like this. Why are you being weird around him . . .

Basically- gets annoyed that you're annoyed at him for "no reason"

If Johnny has had other partners before this, his handling of the situation would be different. I am in the camp of strongly believing you are his first partner tho <33333

So you're gonna have to spell it out for this mean ol guy cause he doesn't understand these "social cues" cause he's never quite seen it with his folks, and you can't really interpret gestures like yours in magazines and novellas and stuff. He's just a lil lost, why don’t ya give him a hand, huh?

You tell him your worries: that you feel inadequate to be his girlfriend. That you're small and chubby and he deserves someone who is just . . . more than that.

He's lookin at ya all bug eyed and funny the whole time Ya scared him half-to-death, darlin! He thought something was seriously wrong (side note: just because Johnny doesn't take it real seriously- at first- does not mean that it doesn't matter or isn't serious irl at all <333 stay safe out there folks)

She pouts, turning her head at her shoulders and swiveling her body- hands clenching her arms in a crisscross- away from him.

Johnny pulls a face. What had he done this time? He approaches her cautiously, as to not spook her- she had argued for him to leave her outside for right then. He wasn't having much of that.

"Darlin'?" His hand lands on her shoulder, not quite as gentle as he should be with his love. She turns her head the other way, hoping this will somehow make her able to evade any heated arguments. "Darlin', no no- c'mon."

He's not one to give up, though. Which- in this moment- she hates that was one of the qualities she fell in love with him over. The drive, compassion; the awful persistence he had.

She sniffles, not wanting to cry over some- dumb comment he made. A stupid inference of her body to something else. She had half the mind to be angry, instead. She couldn't be angry at Johnny, though. At least not so . . . forthright.

"S'just, you're always teasin me for my height, Johnny. And- and I know you're just holdin' your tongue about my body."

Johnny looks at her with an incredulous squint. "What?"

"I get it, Johnny. But it's no need to tease me for it." He's slow on the uptake. The gears finally turn and whirr into life. He sets his palm, steady and firm, to her shoulder. His fingers curling against her clothed body gently.

"Ah, sweet-cheeks. I think you're stunning. I haven't been teasin' ya." His lover interrupts him with a look. She returns her head strictly to its position.

"Yeah, yeah, I have been. I know. I love you, though. You're sweet, darlin. Hottest girl I've ever laid my eyes on. Now stop pouting." She's feeling much better already. She wants to pout more just to spite him, which makes her giggle audibly. "C'mon. Let me kiss you," he smiles when he hears her laugh. It's toothy, it's sharp. It's inviting, though. "Look at you, sweet thing. Smilin' already. C'mere."

She turns around, letting Johnny pull her into a tight embrace. Kissing the top of her head, her cheek, her pretty lips. Lips he hopes she'll let him kiss a dozen times over.

She still weeps in his arms, less from the residual sad feelings and more from just how sweet her man could be.

"Love you too, John."

(Is calling him john sacrilege . . . it nearly feels like it should be. but i couldnt help write this bit like that hehe <3333)

[dysfunctional-doodle]

Hello, I'm an aspiring fanfic writer and I'm just asking: how do you do it? Like, how do you get the confidence and motivation to write? I'm so worried about making and posting my work after spending hours on it for it to be hated. Another question, how do you write non-dialogue parts so well? I feel like I can write dialogue well, but I'm worried about writing actions and stuff like that will be too difficult and too "non-fluid like"; it just being non descriptive. I'm asking since you are one of my favorite authors on the site, and I want to get your advice on this matter. Thank you for answering if you do!

First of all, I am very flattered you are asking me for advice! It’s wild that people come to me to seek help like this, I still remember when I was 11 writing terrible fanfiction for the first time lol.

Personally, my main piece of advice regarding motivation is this: find an idea you really like, for starters. This may sound obvious but a few times I’ve liked a few things I want to write in theory, but then I sputter out half way through and realise that I was only writing for a small segment and had no idea what to do after this. Obviously, this is still fine, and is what oneshots are for - and it also makes good practice! But motivation wise, always find an idea that really makes you want to sit down and write it all out! I often do fanfictions in one big burst of inspiration in a few hours, but for other people this may be different.

Secondly, never let yourself be talked down out of posting anything! Like I mentioned, I’ve been writing since I was 11, and let me tell you some of those first fics are…interesting, to say in the least. But the act of posting them, even if no one interacts with it, should give you pride and confidence in yourself. Because you’re awesome - you just wrote a story and posted it! People can choose to interact or not, love it or not, but at the end of the day this is still a massive achievement for you.

Try not to get caught up in whether a story is doing “well” or not (for example, views, likes, kudos, etc). This doesn’t matter. If you are happy with your work, this is half the motivation to keep going. You often find one or two people that are really hooked with your story no matter what - personally I think the fanfiction community (at least the ones I’ve been in) are very kind and don’t interact just to hate. The feeling of having even one person loving your story is enough, trust me.

If the performance of the story matters to you, I highly suggest polishing off how you write summaries if you want to grab people. Personally, a confusing summary with excessive emojis or an unclear description makes me less likely to read something. I would advice posting a small snippet of your fic, and then a general summary (this is what I do for all my fics).

If you are struggling, I don’t mind creating summaries/proof reading fics for anyone! It’s hard, especially as a new writer, to do these things. For this, the old saying is the best - practice makes perfect.

You also asked about how I write my descriptions, so I will share my tricks of the trade. Most importantly - visualise the scene in your head.

I mean this literally. Imagine the conversation. How do you want your characters to be acting? Are they standing still? Where are they? How is the environment interacting with them? What are their feelings, and can these be described? Who are they talking to, and what is their relationship with them? Many of these questions can be answered much easier if you picture the entire scene in your head, from start to finish, and then write out all these little actions that you may miss.

Additionally, you also ask about the less literal things, like my descriptions and such - these are actually my favourite parts to write, so much so that I get a little carried away. I cannot really give much advice on this I’m afraid, apart from I write them just by expressing what comes to my mind as it comes. I don’t plan these segments like I do with plot and dialogue, but more so on a whim to extend the characters feelings. Is the character sad? How deep does this go? How does this actually feel? Like churning waters of anxiety that they can’t escape from, or small waves slowly increasing as the tide draws inward? Feelings are very abstract, and so you need to make the most of this. Metaphors are good ways to do this, or descriptions of these feelings also go well. It gives depth to the character and situation they are in, expressing more to the reader exactly how high the stakes are emotionally and physically.

Also, I would advise reading other fics, and picking what techniques you like from those. For example, if you like the way someone describes environments, write down why and then try and replicate this yourself. It helps narrow your writing style, and refine your skills, like finding an art style.

As a final, I would like to say - no one is perfect. No one is amazing at any skill right off the bat. It’s impossible and is never expected from any sane person. What is most important is that you are proud of your work, and this will provide all the motivation you need to keep going and growing as a writer.

For me, personally anyway.

Seriously though, thanks for liking my stuff!

[theink-stainedfolk]

Writerblr Interview

Thank you for the tag @drchenquill ♡♡♡

Short stories, novels or poems?

I like reading and writing both Short stories and Novels. Poems are hard for me to write and even harder to understand 😭😭😭😭 all my friends that i made in school/college are great poetess and i always try my best to support them though their poetry is often confusing my braincells.

What genre do you prefer reading?

I prefer reading Crime Thriller, Psychological Thriller, Suspense, Political Intrigue,YA Fantasy, Dark Fantasy, Enemies to Lovers and Magical Realism. Lately I've been scooting towards Adult fantasy or what most people would call "Dark Academia ". Also, i don't really mind if the characters are queer or not. To me, sexuality doesn't define a good story or characters, though it adds a bit of more charm to them.

What genre do you prefer writing?

Same as the above, but with romance.

Are you a planner or a write-as-i-go kind of person?

When i plan things for my wips, they don't go as i plan. So i am the 2nd type. Because i came to believe that in order to write the story, the story must also progress itself.

What music do you listen to while writing the story?

I usually don't but i have this playlist of my favourite songs that i can listen in any situation. Sometimes i try to listen the songs based of the situation happening in my wip but the songs sometimes are super boring.

Fav books/movies

There are so many I'd rather not write it here. I'll just say some of my favourite books are Sorcery of Thorns, The Caraval Series, A Good Girl's Guide To Murder series, Babel, Piranesi and The Will of The Many. Etc..

Any Current WIPs?

Yes... so many... too many...😭😭😭😭 Thorn-Kissed ,

Legacy of Creation , Shades of Erudition, The Masque of Murder, Whispers of Shadow and love, The Veil of Allegiance etc..

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

Very nice question. It would be abaya obviously but beneath it, I imagine my standard outfit would be a stylish yet practical ensemble. I'd likely wear a well-fitted jacket or blazer with a subtle pattern, paired with a comfortable, versatile top underneath. My pants would be sleek, maybe dark jeans or tailored trousers, allowing me to move freely. I'd have a pair of sturdy but fashionable shoes, perhaps ankle boots but i also love me some knee-length boots because it's hot. Accessories would include a distinctive watch and maybe a scarf or a book bag, reflecting my love for stories and creativity. Overall, my outfit would balance sophistication with comfort.😁

Create a character description of yourself

Meet me, a confident writer with a secret: I'm actually a self-conscious mess when it comes to my looks (don't mind my frazzled hair and questionable fashion choices). My brain is a storytelling factory, bursting with ideas and characters begging to be set free. But honestly, I just want to escape my stressful home life and find a peaceful cave where I can write in peace. As an ambivert, I can charm you (or not, depends on my mood) and engage in witty banter, but don't be fooled – I need my alone time to recharge. My sharp tongue and sarcasm might come across as rude, but deep down, I'm a squishy emotional marshmallow. When I'm not writing, you can find me binge-reading, K-pop/J-pop dancing, or obsessing over K/C/J/T dramas (don't judge me). Just be warned: I can talk for hours about my passions, but also respect my need for solo time – it's like refueling my creative tank! Friendships are my jam, but apparently, my friends don't prioritize them as much (ouch, harsh reality check!). Despite that, I remain a loyal and caring friend, always ready to lend a listening ear or a sarcastic quip. In conclusion, I'm a lovable, quirky writer with a heart of gold (i hope so), a dash of sass, and a whole lot of creativity. Just don't mind my insecurities, and we'll get along fabulously!

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

No, not really. But i think i did it once or twice.

Are you kill-happy with the characters?

Sometimes i do it for the story and atmosphere (bye Hiram,sorry but Gentian didn't deserve you) i kill antagonists but i don't know honestly. But i do kill if necessary.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

Neither. Just my tears 🥲👍🏻

Slow or Fast writer?

I'm in the middle. Sometimes when the idea strikes, i write in a hour or so. But sometimes I'm just staring at the ceiling.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Anything anywhere anyone.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

A very lethargic peraon with no motivations or anything. I hope it remains that way, but since this is a fantasy world, my peaceful life will come to an end due to some traguc events and someone will provoke me and my sole motivation will ignite.

Most fave book cliche?

👀 [redacted] just kidding. Enemies to lovers, fist/daggers talk instead of pillow talk. Enemies, one sided enemies, rivals. And they were roomates, one bed, fake dating to escape the situation, hidden heir, fake stranger, mysterious stranger,etc.

Least fave book cliche?

Brother's friend.... teacher student romance... insta love, mary sue protagonist, rich guy poor woman, love interest with no personal goals, stereotypical villains, stereotypical diverse characters, unrealistic relationships, cliched character archetypes, rushed endings, etc.

Fave scenes to write?

Anything with heavy feels. Like angst, romantic scene, character death, plot twist reveals, distressing situations etc.

Most productive time of day for writing?

When the inspiration is there, any time is fine but mostly at night.

Reason for writing?

Because i love writing stories and love sharing it to others in hope that they'll also enjoy as much as i do. My reason is simple.

I'll tag @finickyfelix @willtheweaver @leahnardo-da-veggie @illarian-rambling @winglesswriter @paeliae-occasionally @the-golden-comet @graveyardshift111 @thecomfywriter @roarintheheavens

[another-lost-mc]

i like to think that besides asmo, none of the brothers + demons actually got to sleeping around. like they get asmo's situation but they don't actually get partaking in one night stands and fwbs. they're demons not succubi! giving someone permission/control to their bodies in such a state is a HUGE thing. so when mc leaves them in the morning they're all just a mixture of lost, confusion and despair– they just bared their souls to you after all!– even more so when mc thinks of it as nothing more than just a casual fuck and is confused why they're all acting like this. bonus points if mc has actually fucked their way thru the demons and they're all just finding out

idk just the thought of humans being crueler than demons in that sense, miniscule really but if you think about it...

(non-explicit nsfw thoughts below—I reference the OM! characters in a general sense but obviously this does not include Luke)

I think the fandom's different opinions on how the demon brothers view sex and intimacy is really interesting. I imagine every writer has their own headcanons about it and how their own reader/MC characters respond. @onyourowndaisymae explored this in her roster series and we had a lot of great conversations while she was writing it. (Gushing about the way we characterize Barbatos and Simeon our favs is always fun to do. lol)

For me personally, I usually write the characters assuming they've had sex at some point in their very long lives, but I use a sliding scale of sorts to label which characters indulge more often than the others and why I think so.

I also tend to imagine my reader/MC as someone that's had sex in the past (writing virgin!reader stuff isn't something I'm super interested in). My reader/MC character enjoys physical intimacy/affection but is also a bit passive/shy about pursuing others for romantic or sexual purposes (typical human self-esteem/confidence issues at play).

How I would approach this idea:

— shy/insecure poly!reader has feelings/attraction for the demon brothers — reader has sex with them assuming a "real" relationship isn't what the demons are interested in (because they're only human, why would they be, they could have anyone else, etc.) and try to be satisfied with it being physical-only — the demons are angsty/hurt the morning after but reader doesn't understand why; the demons feel rejected because they want more, while reader thinks their body is all the demons want — some sort of dramatic blowout and afterwards all the misunderstandings are finally resolved (literal and figurative happy endings for everyone)

It's fun to think about and I kind of like the idea. It's a popular conversation topic in this fandom for a reason—everyone can tweak it to fit their own preferences and MC character/self-insert. My personal spin on this, if I wrote it, would probably be limited to the characters I like writing for (including some of the angels and maybe an OC or two, you know who I am by now lol).

[e-dubbc11]

My dearest Ericca. A huge, huge congratulations on the 200 followers. So well deserved ❤️

You are an amazing writer and an even better friend. I'm so thankful I have you in my life ❤️

As for the ask, I know you sometimes want to do some Billy angst, so here goes:

“i wish i could love you, i know you’d be good for me, but i can’t.”

Thank you so much for all your amazing stories, especially your amazing Billy ❤️

My dear sweet Lily, I am very grateful to have you as a friend. Thank you for sending this in and thank you for following me and enjoying my fics, your comments and compliments make my heart swell. This is angst with not exactly a happy ending, I really hope you like it. ❤️

Love Me

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: couple of swear words, angst, not exactly a happy ending

Word Count: 1.5k-ish

The giant stuffed frog sat in the corner of your bedroom. You didn’t have any other place for it, it was so big. He had won it for you at a fair upstate, he told you he would win it for you, his confidence level always so high.

“You would have to get a perfect score to win that thing, Billy.” You told him with slight doubt in your voice.

“I’ve had a little bit of practice, sweet girl.” He said with a smile.

He did get a perfect score, he won that stuffed frog like he said he would and you were sorry that you ever doubted him in the first place. He even carried it around for the rest of the day for you, he was so sweet.

Billy Russo was handsome, charming and when he smiled at you, there were butterflies in your stomach for days. The state fair was your first of many dates but it was one of the most memorable.

When the ferris wheel stopped suddenly at the top, your stomach dropped because you weren’t expecting it.

“Are we stuck?” You asked?

Billy glanced down for a minute and brought his gorgeous onyx eyes back to you. “Looks that way.”

“The view from up here is beautiful though.” You said.

He never took his eyes away from you. “Yes it is.”

“The view is THAT way, Billy.” You said to him with a little laugh.

Quickly he looked out towards all the trees that were starting to change colors with the change of season but just as fast, he turned back to stare at you. “Yeah but I like this view better.”

“Oh you are very smooth, Mr. Russo.” You said sarcastically and narrowed your eyes at him.

“I’ve never been stuck at the top of a ferris wheel with a beautiful woman before.” He said.

“Nice try, you probably paid them to stop it at the top, didn’t you.” You crossed your arms across your chest.

He chuckled. “It’s only because I thought this would be the perfect spot to kiss you for the first time.”

His words caused your arms to drop and your body to relax but you were still a little nervous as he inched his face closer to yours and with his hand cupping your cheek, he softly pressed his lips to yours. You couldn’t recall any other time when a man did something that romantic for you…ever.

Even though it was a little bit cheesy, that was probably the moment you fell for him. You had fun with him, he made you laugh, and he looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky.

The dates that followed were amazing. Dinners, shows, after work drinks at places that normally wouldn’t think twice about not letting you in but with Billy Russo, it was “no problem” and “right this way, sir.”

He had swept you off of your feet. Your dates progressed to being more intimate, take out, sleeping at his place, breakfast the next morning…all things couples do. But he never ever said you were a couple, he never told you how he felt about you, and even after five months together, never told you that he loved you.

After an evening out, you couldn’t take it anymore and you just needed to talk to him about it. “Billy…what are we doing?” You asked him.

He looked at you confused. “What do you mean, sweet girl?” He asked.

“I mean this���” You pointed your finger back and forth between the two of you. “You and me.” You raised your voice a little.

“What? I thought we were having fun, right?” He said.

The anger you felt through your body was about to boil over. Did he have any feelings for you at all? Were you just a piece of ass to him? An escort that wasn’t getting paid? This was shattering your heart into a million pieces.

“Do you care about me at all, Billy?” Your eyes started to well up with tears.

Billy sat forward on the couch, one elbow resting on his knee and running his fingers through is hair. He set his drink on the table and turned to look at you. “What kind of question is that, y/n? You know I do!”

“Oh do I? You’ve never said it, not once!” You said as your tears were on the verge of spilling over.

He was speechless, a few strands of his dark brown hair fell down into his eyes. “I just—I can’t.”

“You can’t WHAT, Billy?” The tears finally spilled over and ran down your cheeks.

He was silent for a minute, trying to think of what to say to you, and he took your hand inside of his.

“I wish I could love you, I know you’re good for me, but I can’t.” He said.

The words that came from his lips infuriated you. “You CAN’T?!!!” Jerking your hand away from his, you stood up and headed for the door.

He seized your wrist and prevented you from walking any further. “Don’t leave, y/n! Please don’t go, baby.”

“Let me go, Billy.” There was acid in your tone.

He delicately dropped your wrist from his grasp and you walked out.

That was a month ago and here you sat in your bedroom, alone, staring at a four foot stuffed frog and it was staring back at you. You had barely left your apartment in the past month, and that was only because you had to go to work.

But that’s it, you’d go to work and come home. You didn’t want to see anyone, go out with your friends, or see your family. You were too much of a mess and didn’t want to explain anything to anyone. It hurt too much.

The first time you noticed someone watching you was on your way home from work one day about a week after you walked out of his apartment. He had an earpiece in his ear and was dressed all in black. He followed you to your apartment and then he would leave as soon as you went inside.

Someone made sure you got home from work safely every single day. No harm ever came to you, they just followed you home and left. The only thing that made sense was this was all Billy’s doing.

And yet every day, you would come home and just stare at that frog like it was some sort of magic conduit that was going to tell you that Billy was sorry and that he did love you. But his words just kept repeating over and over in your head “I wish I could love you.” At least if he told you he was just using you and there were zero feelings between the two of you, it would have been easier.

He took you out, you laughed together, you had fun together, and he even started opening up a little more about his childhood. He wouldn’t have done all of that if he didn’t have feelings for you.

There was still no contact with him, he let you be but he still had people watching you to make sure you were safe, he always hated the idea of you walking anywhere alone.

At one point you acknowledged they were there and just started having them walk with you instead of behind you. They were pleasant, polite, did their job and left. You never mentioned or asked about Billy and they didn’t say anything either.

One rainy afternoon, there were flowers waiting for you outside your apartment door, a vase full of beautiful lilies. There was a card also, inside the envelope it said “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry is still not I love you, Billy Russo.” You said out loud inside your apartment. You didn’t know whether to be angry or sad, although both of those emotions seemed appropriate right now.

After setting the flowers on your dining room table, your phone started ringing. You didn’t recognize the number so you declined the call, but then they called again and again, you kept declining and after the fourth time, you finally decided to answer.

“What?!!!” You answered.

“Don’t hang up, sweet girl.” Billy said. “I borrowed Frankie’s phone.”

You walked into your bedroom to put your shoes away, the eyes of the stuffed frog followed you wherever you went in the room. “Why are you calling me, Billy? I don’t wanna do this, ok?!” You practically shouted into the phone.

“I wanna talk to you, y/n.” He said.

You snapped back at him. “Yeah well what the fuck do you wanna talk about?”

Walking into your closet, you heard a sudden knock at your door.

“Ah shit! Someone’s at the door, hold on.” You said.

When you opened the door, Billy was standing there with the phone still held to his ear.

“I wanna talk about how much I love you.” He said dropping the phone to his side, his under eyes dark with purple circles like he hasn’t slept since you left his apartment that night.

With your phone still held to your ear and tears in your eyes, your voice hitched as you said

“I’m listening.”

Tag List: @mindidjarin @saintmurd0ck @wheresthesunshinesblog @rafaelakelley @idaoftheburningmind @snowkestrel @xdervyxccgh @mattmurdocksscars @fakehappy27 @music-indie-tv @fictional-hooman @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @celestialams

If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕

[tame-a-messenger]

Just quick response:

I think Syd and Olivia are there because they’re helping to write for TNTL the Sitcom Live Show. They are at least credited for writing the theme song. They bring back writers they’ve worked with in the past for the live shows - funeral brought back Patrick McDonald and Jeremy Elder for example.

But, highly agree! This episode with them was great 😊

I caught Amanda saying that at the end of the TNTL!

She said they wrote the Sitcom! since they had any part in making the show, I just KNOW it's going to be good! (they are my favorite recurring guests! they always make me laugh!)

I am a little confused because Shayne said the Sitcom was his idea? so did he pitch it to them and they wrote the main plots/skits for it ?

I really CAN'T WAIT for May 10th!! I'm so much more confident it's going to be a good show because Syd and Olivia had a part in it!!

[smute]

Hi Jan, how are you doing? I was just wondering what is your favourite d.h. Lawrence book or piece of writing? Sorry if you e already mentioned this in a post!

hi anon! you should be sorry! but only because it's like asking a parent who their favorite child is (i am joking) 🙈

no but honestly i never know how to answer this question because no matter what i say, it automatically becomes a recommendation, and that is quite the task. lawrence is the personification of an acquired taste and there isn't much that i can recommend to someone who doesn't already know (and like) him lmao

i normally hate when people say "you either love it or hate it" about something because it's almost always an exaggeration, but with dhl that has indeed been my experience. you're either put off by him, or you're put off by him and also a little bit intrigued. and then once you get over the initial shock you can explore his work a little more and maybe eventually you'll develop an appreciation, or even fall in love with him like i did, but the being put-off part is not optional. most people just find him kind of hard to stomach.

with all that being said, ​women in love is probably my favorite novel of his, but i also think that his nonfiction is incredibly underrated. idk if i could ever pick a single favorite text, but his travel writing is out of this world (sea and sardinia in particular is said to have a timeless quality and i do like that one a lot) and his essays are just... fascinating. most of them can be found online but there are also some great collections—the bad side of books + life with a capital L, both edited by geoff dyer. (but again, if you've never read anything by lawrence and decide to start with his essays you'll probably think he's a complete nut and you will never touch any of his books again lmfao)

half of them have nothing to do with their titles, but other than that he was an amazing essayist. he was so opinionated and he had the confidence and the right give-no-fucks attitude for the job. one of the things i adore most about lawrence is his ability to begin with a thought about some random little thing and to end up explaining a whole new worldview to you 3 paragraphs later without it being confusing. you can really see how his mind worked. he had a tendency to make sweeping statements and he wrote things (many many things) that are completely indefensible, or downright ridiculous, but more often than not he still... pulls you in. he was an incredibly charismatic person and a very persuasive writer and it's this kind of... idk this touch of megalomania in his voice that is always so quick to judge and so all-or-nothing, combined with a unique style, that makes his writing so captivating. he really can be everything—kind, compassionate, judgmental, cruel, ignorant, insightful, hopeless, hopeful—all in the same sentence, but i genuinely do believe that for all his faults (of which he had many lol), he was incapable of telling a lie. and that is the essence of his personality that always shines through, and the impression you get reading his essays: whatever he tells you, he believed it to be true when he wrote it down. you know that it came straight from the heart. idk if i'm overselling it, i'm knee-deep in this stuff at this point but um... yeah. lets wrap this up before i start quoting things

[katyspersonal]

How do you think Aldrich would speak? Is he rambling on philosophically like Aldia? Goofy and cryptic like Micolash? Is he flamboyant and manipulative like Shabriri?

I KNOW IT'S YOU @heraldofcrow !!!!!!!! There are only three people left that care about Aldrich: Tail does not send asks on anon, and I am literally right here, which only leaves YOU!

But yeah... He is the only of The Guys for whom we do not have any speech patterns reference, isn't he? I mostly come from the context and analysing characters' place and motivation in the story. Whereas Aldia is like Laurence and Micolash combined (affectionate), Aldrich is like Laurence and Micolash combined (derogatory)! THIS MAKES SENSE AND YOU KNOW IT OK!! He is of course less selfish than Laurence and Micolash in corruption, and past his epiphany about how the world is doomed anyways he wants to take people to the """better place""" (?) with him; be it by assimilating them into his body or be it by teaching them how to mingle with the horrors of the Deep on their own accord! I guess the 'still caring' aspect is just common Dark Souls thing, huh. BB guys just go 'fuck you plebs I'm out' fdshjsdhsd

I imagine Aldrich being giddy like Micolash, but with far more energy and genuine joy about his ramblings, however morally twisted, whereas Micolash feels completely lost in his madness and laser focus on reaching Kos, only acknowledging the Hunter because he is being hunted lol. Micolash feels very... sleepy, for a guy that spends his boss battle running, if this makes sense? Aldrich likewise emits strong excitement for what he witnessed but also wish to share it with allies and victims both. Whereas Laurence is revelling in how 'holy' and 'heroic' he is by doing things for humanity that no one else would dare, Aldrich would have less egotism about it and go more the 'don't worry guys I have a plan for us all you can trust me!' route. Less focus on how great he is and more focus on some twisted "reassurance" for everyone that everything will be alright.... that he secretly hopes would not work because people being scared and desperate is more fun for him 💀

I also have fun taking the line 'a right and proper cleric, only, he developed a habit of eating people' seriously, as in, he funny enough does try to be "good" despite what he's doing fdsdgfs That would mean not getting prideful, being generous and inviting, not holding grudges, all that. And all this comes naturally, he barely has to put an effort in it? He naturally smiles often, giggles between sentences and laughs off most of the unpleasant things, he gets smug but in a self-confident way, not in an insecure asshole way. It is just very hard to get to him, his self-esteem is as thick as his body I swear fdshdshfd Honestly, he'd be a very pleasant male mom friend (not to be confused with dad friend) in a way less insane setting? XDDD LISTEN I know it sounds weird, but you are a writer with a very strong intuition, you can probably paint the vivid picture from my (sorry) attempts at describing.. Actually, here are a few examples from when @val-of-the-north wrote his dialogue:

I absolutely love this vibe. Basically from time to time I ask Val to "talk" with me as a character that has no dialogue in canon, because Val is an actor (like, seriously) and always psyched for breathing more life into characters that never spoke in canon. Dude you should see how he depicted Sulyvahn and Alberich, I am still impressed so much, he's crazy good???? What we do is that I share the vision and very precise descriptions of what I imagine about the character (as what I literally just did above), and Val cooks according to my recipe as someone who actually knows how verbal communication works xd An autist and an actor the best team-up!!!!!!!!

I hope this helped though! (Use it to write a more unsettling shitpost skits if you want to fsdjsdfh)

[from-izzy]

Your moots as TBZ ships???

hi anon! thank you for sending this in! 💖 sorry it took a while (i think this took more than a fortnight i'm so sorry 😭) because i had to think about it!! i'm doing ones that i talk to frequently or once in a while! to all my moots that i haven't/barely talked to, hmu! (i'm sorry that i'm too shy 😭)

welcome to another episode of '😭-izzy-doesn't-know-how-to-explain-things-and-she's-very-sorry-about-it'

@cloverdaisies - juric

so! you know how juyeon adores eric and juyeon is (arguably) eric's favourite hyung? 😊 they do everything together and is so comfortable around each other despite their age gap? 🥹 well, i mean clo and i are the same age but since around 2022, clo has always just been a writer to me. then out of nowhere, in the spur of the moment and a sudden hit of confidence i told myself "omg! 👀 what if...i just text cloverdaisies, say my greetings, thanks then disappear? if she doesn't respond then alright, at least i said whatever i had to say." yeah...it went well! very well! i love clo! 🤍 so much! 🤍🤍 and i hope she knows that!

@heemingyu - nyusun

ok so...we're just a tiny bit chaotic? 🤷🏻‍♀️ just a tiny bit 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ i think we hide it quite well in group chats (...that's a lie) but when we're on dms...oh yeah...the world really isn't ready for us when we meet 🤭 like sunwoo who adores new and annoys him all the time, i admit that i do it to sana too. but at the same time, like new who is always teasing sunwoo and being crackheads together, that's sana to me 😁 it's just...yeah...i feel like for the sake of world peace, we probably shouldn't meet? and sana should most definitely should not drive 🚗 (just like what new said in his bubble!)

@justalildumpling - sunric

my response to this: so roode 😭 just absolutely roode 😭😭 the audacity to even--but this is saur chaotic sibling energy 🤣 i get what you mean now when you say that we're more like sunwoo and eric rather than an old married couple like jaemin and jeno fr 😮 but also j! aussie aussie aussie! i finally have another friend from aussie that i can annoy if i do come to you (or you come to me...but i don't think j likes me that much though so...) 😟 life is...sad...and i get bullied by j all the time...sigh...☹️

@littleroaes - ppangcob

hmmm...i'll be honest with you, i'm not too sure how to explain this 😭 but! i think we just radiate this kind of energy! 😊 we are both very shy at first and dora is the same as well (in a good way! i will always protect you! 🫂 especially from sana, i promise!) ppangcob is the shy duo of tbz but at the same time, very comfy around each other and others when you get to know them well 🤗 just from our dms and interactions, dora is so silly and funny like girl! thanks for being my first mutual! 💕

@sungbeam - sunkyu

there ain't a lot of words but I'M SO SORRY FOR THE MOMENTARY PAIN AND CONFUSION THAT I PUT YOU THROUGH UMMMM 😭😭 but i am still going to hide (after this, let me say my words first) 🫡 just like sunwoo who auditioned for the company because he saw changmin...that's it! ok bye! i'm leaving! see you!! 😁

@winterchimez - kevcob

...do i need to explain this though? 🤔 but ok i guess i'll do it. so, like i mentioned, i think we're a different kind of soulmate dynamic where you get bullied and teased 😁 and i'm the one that teases you 😁😁 (ily i swear) kind of like kevcob as well 💕 but remember that time when we texted and we sent the same idea and question at the same time?? 🤗 like huh?? no one that i know irl does the things that i do?? this dynamic is so new to me...but i'm so ready for it 🥹 also, what are you waiting for? the stars have spoken? ⭐ book a flight ✈️ to where i am please and thank yew!

@wuahae - bbangju

ok so hear me out 😭 i don't really know how to explain this one either but! just the times when i would cry in vc 🥹 also ask help or something and cat would be like "yes, i have the solution." 🥹 but i'm also just reminded of that time in the concert when younghoon was reading his speech and crying but juyeon was like "it's okay, take your time" 🫂 i just have a feeling cat would do that tbh. we haven't talked much recently but i love you and i hope life is treating you well, cat! 💖

@zzoguri - cobric

me is the crying, emotional mess 😭😭 and moni is the parent that is intently listening to the child, putting in reassuring comments 💬 and trying to calm me down, chipping in their own experiences 🗨️ and telling me that they understand 🫂 moni has always been like that since day 1. i guess it really is true that we're not really strangers 🥹 sorry that we haven't talked much! i do miss you and i hope you're doing well!

[rebornofstars]

* I know I’m technically a focus on art but I also want to chat as writer—what’s one of your favorite troupes that you rarely write whether it’s because you feel you can’t do it justice or just because you don’t? Me personally I am an AVID fan of mind bending/un-reality fics, but I can never write them to a satisfactory level. They’re so fun to read especially when they’re multi-chapter and you’ve gotta theorize on wtf is going on!!! It’s quirky and fun!!!! No one knows what’s going on and I ADORE that type of confusion. Learning to write is fun but I’m not at that level yet and I’m excited for when I can GGHRAAAHHH!!!!

OH BOY. oh boy. hello there thank you so much for the ask i absolutely love it. this took me a while to respond to because i had to get my thoughts in order 😅 i like a good never-say-never attitude, but there are many many things i write that are not as good as the blurry versions of themselves rotating around the inside of my head! the potential, u know? i can never do the potential justice. somehow i don't think that will ever change.

one thing i definitely struggle with is long-term character development - whether it's romantic, like a slow burn, or platonic or just in terms of narrative structure, whatever. i can't seem to get it happening to my satisfaction. i am so comfortable collecting snapshots of specific points of a character's journey, but when i try to slowly allow them to grow and change, it always feels cheap idk 😬😭 i'm also not so good at writing stories which span a longer period of time and/or have timeskips. it's mostly due to lack of practice with longer stories, and i'm working on improving!

in terms of more specific tropes or genres, though.... mysteries. i can never figure out how heavy or subtle the foreshadowing should be. comedy is also hard, although i've been practicing that one and i think i'm slowly getting the hang of a few different styles that are more humourous. and sometimes i read, like, Feist and Wurts' Empire trilogy, or Rothfuss' The Name of the Wind, and realise all over again i have a looooong way yet to go when it comes to introducing worldbuilding into a story naturally and intuitively. also, this might be silly, because the LU fic i'm most known for is literally about this, but reveals? i'm not so confident i can live up to the hype or satisfactorily fulfill the tension i've built. i hope my cursebreaker readers are not going to be disappointed by the payoff/reveal i have planned 🤞🤞😁

that being said, though, i keep writing all of those tropes and genres anyway, and it's really an honour to have the space and encouragement to be giving it a shot. i'm so grateful that all my recurring readers have put their trust in me and my ability to deliver a good story. throughout my childhood writing has always been a very solitary endeavour for me and i cannot express how much fun i've been having on ao3 over the last year, and tumblr the last few months. i've never had a fandom community like this before 💕 and i like to think that while i'm still growing my skills, i also have the potential inside me for anything, if i give it a good shot and keep at it. i think we all do.

i'm very sorry for all of this word vomit 😁 i guess, to chat as a writer, all i can say is i also LOVE reality bending stories, and they're SO FUN and you're SO RIGHT, and i don't have so much one problem writing as i do a lot of smaller more general ones, because i like to throw myself into my problems head-first, and i believe that you too have a million potentials inside you if you keep at it, and i for one am very, very excited to see where you go. i guess this whole answer was a gesture of enouragement, in the end. 🤩🥰

[slightly-knot-insane]

(*taps mic*) hi!! back again, so i hope that’s okay. i’m the anon who sent the very long, rambly message to you the other day with all the anxious speech-giving asterisks, and i just wanted to send you another message!

i saw your response a bit back, but i wasn’t sure if it was weird to answer back and maybe drag the whole thing out, but seeing your answer made me really happy! i’m glad to know you could feel the warmth in my words, because there WAS a lot of warmth when writing them, and you deserve the admiration!! i’m just glad i made your day a bit better, and i hope you realize what a wonderful and worthy writer you are. even when the notes may seem “low” or the voices in your head are nagging you (cause let’s be real, that’s just part of the writer starter pack), remember you are talented and awesome and loved!! :]

i also wanted to send this to let you know that you’ve sorta inspired me. ik that sounds cheesy but after reading your answer about believing in my own work and doing what i want to do with my writing, i got a sudden rush of confidence to work towards putting something out there. i’ve always been the type of person to hold my writing close to my chest and keep it hidden out of insecurity, but your response was so kind and i’ve decided to start taking baby steps. for now that just means investigating tumblr’s unending and confusing layout, but i think ill get the hang of it!! im working on my blog theme and familiarizing myself with stuff so that i eventually may feel a little less overwhelmed by navigating tumblr as a creator instead of just a passive ghost. :]

anyway, i know that’s a lottttt of ranting yet again, but that’s the way of the writer i guess. i just wanted to say tysm again for your wonderful works (some of which i plan to read like right after this!) and for your encouragement.

you seem like an amazing writer, but also an amazing person!! :D

i don’t know how to attach a cute picture to this (or if i even can anonymously) so my original plan to send you a motivational froggy is unfortunately ruined <//3 (sad because i love frogs). instead, here’s some strawberries and avocados??! they're some of my favorite emojis, so they’re my way of sending smiles in your direction!!

🍓🥑🍓🥑🍓🥑🍓🥑🍓🥑🍓🥑🍓🥑🍓🥑

Hello, 🍓🥑! It is always okay to send asks!

You are again leaving me speechless. I know I have worth and that notes mean nothing. It was truly a moment of weakness, and I'm very happy that people told me that they enjoy my work. I did need a bit of reassuring and I'm very grateful for all the kind words I received!

Inspiring you to write? To create and express yourself? You are giving me too much credit, but I am immensely happy that I gave you a bit of a push in that direction! I know how hard it is, but I have faith in you to do the thing you enjoy and share it with us! But if not, that's fine too, no pressure! Baby steps, like you said ^^

Being a good person is really one of the best things a human being can hear 🥺🥺🥺 Thank you!

Smiles are received and I'm sending them back to you with my fave emojis! 🌿🐺😊💦

[boinin]

2024 check-in

It's been a while since I talked about Cassis Orange here. For those wondering, I still don't have a concrete ETA on when I'll publish the next chapters. I'm actively writing the final chapters as of now however, after a few false starts and writers' block. All I can say from here is, I'll keep people posted 🐞

For anyone interested in behind-the-scenes rambling about my writing process, more below the cut.

What's holding things up? Well, I like to finish a full draft of a piece, allow myself some breathing space from it, before going back to review, edit and weave together the chapter's themes and ideas.

Emphasis on "finish a full draft". That's a mistake I've made with Cassis Orange. I've always had sight of the destination, and the scenes needed to get the characters there, but not always how these scenes should join up or how they ought to flow.

In addition, nailing down themes and authentic character growth has been challenging. Lastly, the gap between writing chapters 1-8 and writing 9-10 has slowed progress, as I end up needing to re-read what's already there for consistency.

None of this is to the fic's detriment (I hope), but it's knocked my own motivation at times. "Done is better than perfect" is a motto I continually remind myself of. It's taking me longer than I'd like, that's just life. But I remain excited to finish the story, which is the main metric of concern 😉

Anyway, why is finishing a full draft so important?

Well...

Here's a quick look at my old drafts folder:

Chapter 9's main difficulty, despite me knowing exactly what needs to happen, is hitting the right emotional notes and character milestones. I've already made three distinct stabs at the same scenes, none of which really achieve what I want them to.

Thankfully, these particular issues aren't on the same scale as what I faced with Chapter 7. shudders I am confident about where to go next.

If you're wondering, IMO the best solution to this issue is to just... write them anyway. See the events out, imperfect as they may be. It's more insightful to revise a dysfunctional scene from beginning to end, than a half-baked draft that tails off in author despair and confusion.

A recurring mistake, which I'll try to learn from going forward.

|| Spoilers for published chapters of Cassis Orange start here! ||

This is my note on the oldest draft (which I first started in May, apparently?? holy fuck). Because I wrote out of sequence, the Chapter 9 I'd started doesn't align with the direction Chapter 7 and Chapter 8 took. In fact, it's different enough from what I want to convey that I've considered recycling the draft into its own fic. May still do, but not before I finish CO.

The "Kunigami Sadboi" draft is exactly what it sounds like lmao. In short, I sketched out some angsty scenes in his POV that take place between chapter 7 and chapter 8. Alexa, play I'm Not Okay (I Promise).

Ultimately, I determined these don't fit the vibe of the Chapter 9 I want to publish. But they served a valuable creative purpose. Even if it's not spelled out for you (the hypothetical reader), it's important that the writer (me) and by extension, the characters, know what happened off-screen.

These drafts are imperfect. But now that I'm carving out the final Chapter 9, I can cherry-pick ideas and imagery from them. No writing goes to waste, even if it's destined to lounge in your drafts folder for all eternity.

Anyway, if you've got this far, you deserve a medal. Instead, have a snippet of how Chapter 9 could have looked, had I hit publish on that older version. Featuring out-of-character weepy Chigiri and indulgent author moralising via Kunigami!

I'm irrationally fond of this moment, though it doesn't hold up for a number of reasons. It's what the idiom kill your darlings refers to. I can like this excerpt, and it may have some merit, but it doesn't serve the narrative at large. So it dies, along with the 15,000 other words that didn't quite hit the mark 🥲

Here's another snippet, from Kunigami's sadboi days:

Again, something I personally enjoyed writing. Kunigami's dynamic with his kids is something I treasure a lot about this AU. It's simply one of those scenes that's best kept to headcanon, due to the shape I want Chapter 9 to take.