#I'm in rage and I'm hurt
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CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.
[youtube with closed captions]
a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.
#spn#vid#spnamvarchive#so fun fact i started making this more than a year ago. got it 90% done. and then was like no this isn't working#i will come back to this later.#it turns out that i needed to make some videos about cas and angels (the love club + help i'm alive amvs)#in order to make this one. anyway this video is about french mistake robert singer voice season six#i really struggled with it because i could NOT find the thread until i realized that it needed to be literally godstiel pov#it's about love and desire and jealousy and hurt and omnidirectional rage <3#it's about the fact that cas is so utterly dependent on dean for his self-image - however dean sees him that's it#it's about having a moment of reflection about lashing out before you do it but doing it anyway#it's about taking cruelty and dishing it out#and crucially. it's about being pregnant#mpregpocalypse#fun fact: i made a post about working on three season six amvs all the way back in nov. 2022#and only now have they come to fruition (this one + love club + metric)#anyway. have you heard that cas is obsessed#the thing is i do kinda want to add some specific director's commentary here. like the first verse is about cas being like.#incredibly deeply emotionally vulnerable to dean. as in: his emotional state and self-image is totally dominated by what dean thinks of him#and if dean is mad at him. and then the second verse is about... dean upsetting him and him responding to that by Killing Everybody lol#like he has a moment of reflection ['certain regrettable things are now required of me' + killing rachel] where he's like i've 1) also done#bad things and 2) i feel bad about it so maybe i will regret Killing Everyone. but then he does it anyway due to everybody keeps turning#on him. i feel like the rest of the amv is self evident. i guess i should note that 'share a paradise' is about how both of them have#a nostalgic view of the early days of their relationship when it wasn't Like This lol. but everything else i think is self evident.#oh and the reason the other angels flash onscreen with their burned wings at the end is i'm EVOKING the image of cas' wings burning. even#though it doesn't happen. i'm evoking it
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small spoilers
My 128-page file on Gilbert's controlling behaviour condensed to 22 seconds:
Absolutely no shade to those who like Gilbert; I'm just saying it should be kept in mind that this is noooooot who you want as a partner in real life and that this behaviour shouldn't be romanticized.
Editing note(s): - I didn't use motion tracking to make the images move. I went frame-by-frame and entered each of the coordinates in the keyframes like the masochist perfectionist I am.
#ikemen prince memes#ikemen prince emma#gilbert von obsidian#ikemen prince#ikepri memes#ikepri emma#ikepri gilbert#ikepri#ikemen prince gilbert#yes it is truly 128 pages of me ranting about him controlling/physically hurting/exploiting emma#i knew i wouldn't stay even remotely sane during his route without an outlet for my rage#sunk cost hit hard that's why i didn't quit#would not be worth it if not for realising i'm able to fight back with the magic of editing#anyways stan yves 'cause he openly worries for emma in every route
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do you have any alecto/anastasia hcs?
I think my biggest hc is that Anastasia wanted to be present at laying Alecto down in the tomb, but something went not as planned, cause she helped design it and it's her house, where is she
and not quite a hc but I want Alecto snatch some of Anastasia's bones before leaving the tomb
but tbh the moment I got the ask my mind completely blanked out on everything I was thinking about them, I'll add more to this post if I remember some of it
but thank you for asking!
#but it's complicated cause I don't have a lot of understanding of how canaan house and the ninth was back then#and what timeline of events looked like so i keep rotating in my head dif scenarios with dif ideas#Anasatasia could've had her own way of calming Alecto during tantrums but Alecto still could accidentally hurt her in out rage#at least Anastasia is great at mending broken bones#them hanging out in the pool is everyone's hc#but once had an idea that telling the true started with them both submerged and Alecto just unpromptedly started bluntly blurting out stuff#but in the gist of 'I'm eating pencils' and then it escalated with time#someone said before that Alecto being sorry about Samael in her nature might mean that she somehow was responsible even if not in direct wa#it could be eating her out after Samael's death and seeing how heartbroken Anastasia was#so later on the ninth she drags Anastasia into the water and reveals something that makes Anastasia realize John fucked her over#Anastasia's breaking down and after on it could lead to the vow being made#cause I'm still thinking about that one line that John says 'Anastasia knew 'at the time' that killing Samael was a necessity'#like she could've figure out something#keep rotating in my mind conversation that goes like#Alecto: are you angry with me#Anastasia: yes. but I'm not being fair
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I need a fic where Ekko and Jinx are a loving, caring couple in private yet are known as a ruthless duo that strike fear into their enemies.
#timebomb#ekkojinx#arcane#I LOVE them fighting enemies together!!!#i'm just rambling#Let Ekko and Jinx be scary together!!!#You hurt one of them then the other will immediately get overwhelmed with protective rage and kills that guy#-Especially Jinx
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( random conversation I thought of, not sure if it's something that I would consider canon. Might be ooc for characters)
Blue: Aaaaand that's everything that happened today! Which.... isn't a lot but whatever.
Red: ....
Blue: .....( Leans back) Sooooooooo. How's things for you? You haven't, ah, really said much since you came back down Mt. Silver...( Tries to perk up a bit,forcing a smile) You're usually such a chatter box, you know?! Gotta be something interesting for ya today, right?
Red: .....
Blue: ........( Grimaces slightly, still trying to keep smiling. His voices lowers, as if the whole world would hear if he goes any louder) Come on Red, you- throw me a bone here, something-
Red: ( his eyebrows furrow slightly) .....
Blue: ( immediately back pedals) O-only if you wanna, I don't - you don't - ( he sighs, exasperated) Green? H-have you at least talked to Green?
Red: ( he flinches at that. The punch to his face still fresh in his mind. It was a year ago. And even so-) .....
Blue: ( he should back off. He really should-) Your mom? Have you at least talked to your mom?
Red: ( that causes him to outright glare at his....friend? Rival? Babysitter? What are they now? He doesn't know. But he doesn't like this conversation.) . . . .
Blue: R-right! Right, of course you- ( he takes in a breath. Why does he feel so sweaty.) Sorry. Sorry, that was just- Let's just forget I said anything, yeah?
Red: ( his glare softens, looking at his....whatever they are to each other, with concern. He doesn't know if he'll get used to Blue Oak apologizing for anything ever. He raises his hand to sign-)
Blue: ( he raises his hand before Red does, eyes pleading) Let's just forget I said anything, okay? ( Please )
Red: ..... ( He lowers his hand. He hates the look blue is giving him. He blames himself for it, as always) ( Okay )
#so. okay.#the idea is that this is red post mt. silver. maybe like. a few weeks in?#red is struggling to readjust and blue is being. very cautious about his friend. perhaps too much#blue wants to help but doesn't know how. doesn't want to overstep. doesn't want red to run away again bc he scared him off#red doesn't know what he's doing. he's scared. he doesn't know what to think of others. green punched him a year ago#and Blue is acting weird ever since he got back down#he doesn't even know if they're rivals anymore. if they're still friends#( blue n green both have visited red on the mountain for a year before he finally came down )#( of course they're still friends. they want to be friends again. but red latches onto their rage and hurt and uses it against himself)#Red and Blue even back in their old rivarly prided themselves in being able to understand each other#no word necessary. that just got each other.#but now thar connection seems to be....lost?#they don't know how to talk to each other. too scared to do so.#so there's cases like these where Blue is trying to push but not wanting to ruin things ( more than he already has)#and Red who is beyond scared to really. have these conversations even if he hates seeing Blue like this. with him specifically.#and they both just agree to. not talk about it. ignore the pushing. for now anyway#again i'm not entirely sure if this is the direction I want for these two post mt. silver#but this conversation came to me so ( shrugs)#r rambles#legendverse#reguri#trainer red#trainer blue#rival blue#tldr of all those tags: red and blue are teens who don't exactly know how to communicate and navigate their feelings just yet
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#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent
Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people
#obviously it's always funny to do the whole 'what do u have there Damian?' 'a knife!' 'nO' thing#and like make him a horrendous and silly evil gremlin who can and will pull a sword out in the middle of a parking lot to fight#but listen#he doesn't like the assassin background that much and once he learns about like The Normal World he's honestly in anguish about it#that's canon! that's the truth! (right?) (the whole thing with Goliath?? I'm not making it up right???)#i think he's just the kind of guy who loves his swords because they're what he knows and they're a strong connection to his family#but I think it's nice if he spends his time on field telling others what to do because everyone else learned to fight the OTHER way#(by defending and subduing opponents rather than maiming and killing)#so he prefers to take on a tactician general role despite being perfectly capable as a fighter because he knows what everyone else needs#to do to succeed in fights - especially when things are a bit of a mess - but is afraid to be too rough or scary or violent or Demon Son-is#(the things that make him feel like he doesn't belong in a happy civilian world - WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.)#in this essay I will explain why this allows for him to show awe and love for each of his siblings' fight styles by utilising all of them#and I just think Dami Babs and Tim could really work together as a detective/tactician comms team (with varying distances from the field)#because I think that'd be so fun: Tim is solving (mid-range) Babs is watching/providing supports (far) and Damian is commanding (close)#because the others are like The Bruisers (in their non-lethal way) who trust themselves to only hurt as much as is needed and are good at i#PLUS babs is SO stretched thin and literally the backbone of the bats so I just want a future where some of the kids become HER robins yk#anyway back to the point of the post:#it's kind of alluded to in 2017 supersons; EVERYONE in it comments on how Robin is JUST doing flips and shouting orders#and jon is like The Muscle and the one Doing Stuff - but Jon IS following orders 85% of the time and it works out well for them because#that dynamic of 'I'm not sure I can do it right by myself and I trust you to be my partner so we can do it right together' really#is my favourite like.. they're both filling these ideas of who they're meant to be and they just :( they just seek their own path together#oh no I lost the point again immediately and it became another WHY DO THEY SEPARATE THEM rant#I just think it's really fun to think of Damian as 'the most well trained fighter but ALSO the most likely to step back from a fight'#like yeah when we add in my thoughts on pit rage it adds some angst but that doesn't matter here in THIS post#have I even talked about my hc on pit rage/madness? I don't think I have LMAO (maybe another day)#anyway it's late I'm tired why do I always chat in the tags so much#my posts are literally all in the tags 2% post 98% tags smh#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne
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wanted to capture one of the two victory lines from ryuzo that i had heard, so i volunteered as a pincusion. i then realized he has SIX victory lines, all of which he sounds suitably unhinged for
#the fact that he's begging for forgiveness for killing and assumedly beheading jin.......... babygirl what is wrong with you <3#the last line is the one that fucks me up the most. no accusations. no pleas for absolution... just a reassurance that despite all of the#blood and betrayal and hurt and rage that jin was a good friend#the rituals are intricate... you don't tell him he's a good friend until your blade is at his throat#ghost of tsushima#jin sakai#ryuzo#ryujin#jinryuzo#i have SO many thoughts on the duel scene btw. the whole thing is v well done and i should probs write a seperate post on it#also this whole discovery has tickled me pink. i'm so used to bosses having 2-3 victory lines TOPS depending on phase#might have to look into some of the other awesome boss encounters in the game to see if they did this for all of them#ghost of tsushima spoilers
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It is incredibly isolating to navigate through fandom as an aromantic person. Aro experiences are so varied, and there is no definite aro experience that encapsulates the alienation that fandom spaces cause for certain people.
Fandom is mostly built and structured on shipping. And if not, the blorbofication of characters, which tends to go down the shipping pipeline; where does that leave the romance repulsed aro person who genuinely does not want to see any form of shipping? Platonic dynamics, right?
Yeah, sure. But by platonic dynamics, it's only "best friends" or "family" right? Where does that leave the aro folks with undefined labels? No, qprs aren't a get-out-of-jail card.
And qprs- they have no rules or standards set upon them by society, not even having a clear definition for what it is, because not all qprs are the same. Yet, for some reason, it ended up becoming the "nonbinary" option to a lot of people- not romantic or "regular" platonic? Qpr it is, right?
But where does that leave the aro folk who don't want a qpr? Who don't wish to see characters depicted in pairs or trios or so forth- who embrace the lack of a partner?
And these concepts presented; when aro folk talk about them, do you care? And if you do, do you understand? Do you try to?
If you aren't aro, but wish to be supportive, are you a genuine ally? Do you raise the concerns of aro folk you share the space with?
Or do you take a look at these concepts- and decide you understand them "well" enough? Do you decide to speak for aro folks instead?
Do you depict relationships outside of romance because you believe in the importance of platonic relationships? Will you accept the fact that not all platonic interactions will be familial or "best friends"?
Can you accept depictions of qprs outside of "more than friends, less than lovers"? Are you willing to accept it is not just "best friends" or "romance lite"? Will you accept that nothing is inherently romantic- and characters in a qpr may fall under your standards of lovers?
Can you resist the urge to put every character in a pair or trio or group? Are you comfortable with the notion of characters finding more joy in being by themselves, outside of all those lenses you see them in?
It's good if you can.
And if you can't, at the very least, do you understand why some aro folk in your space are upset? Embittered by your favorite ships? Starving for representation?
Did you depict these characters with these concepts with the knowledge that aromanticism is fluid?
#antihibikase.txt#Long Post#((I'm sorry. I have been thinking about this for weeks and I am unhappy.))#((Honestly? I have been feeling more and more isolated in fandom recently.))#((It hurts. I know non aro folks are trying.))#((And its hard to describe. It's alienating.))#((And the typical fandom response is more representation- which is well-meaning.))#((But. Specifically to non aro folk. When you depict these aro concepts are you normal about them.))#((Do you do so respectfully.))#((Reminder that qprs are not restricted to aro folks btw.))#((I'm so so tired. It's easy to say you care but then completely miss the mark.))#((And just in case- this is NOT alluding to anyone. Please allow me to let my rage be my own.))#((Or to share this with those who understand.))#((And if you as a non aro person feel attacked by this- sorry.))#((I did my best to word this as firmly as possible without sounding angry because I am aware that-))#((-many will read this in bad faith.))#((Okay to reblog btw.))#((This isn't one of my usual rambles despite it being under my txt tag.))
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Muse of Violence, Warrior of Science.
To the ordinary, everyday genius scientist-for-hire with a heart too big for her own good, we raise our sake cups.
You gave us food. You tried to protect us. You gave your life to ensure we'd all live on. Just lending a hand.
You knew it would end like this. We all knew it would end like this, and yet you still did it. And you did it to protect the friends you had made and the family you had left. And you did it all on your own terms, smiling all the way to the afterlife, knowing your will would be inherited by those you saved.
Clone or Machine or Satellite or Daughter. It matters not what you were. Because you went out like a true member of those who carry the will of D.
Thanks for everything, Atlas. For a satellite representing rage and violence, you had the biggest heart of any of them.
#egghead arc#chapter 1120#one piece spoilers#Vegapunk Atlas#Atlas is my favorite character in the series. I got into One Piece around the time Egghead started#and I just immediately fell in love with her character. Everything from being simultaneously a giant violent kaiju and a sweet young woman#to her endearing passion for her inventions (even more so than any of the other satellites) to her unwavering kindness toward the Straw Hat#simply because they liked what she had made and ate her food. A person so overwhelmingly and completely sincere it hurts.#Its not a stretch to say I resonated with her a lot throughout Egghead. Everything about her is 100%. Her passion and work ethic. Her rage.#Her happiness. Her protectiveness.#Her grief.#Atlas is a character that I fundamentally believe received one of the best death scenes of any one piece character.#But god it's so hard to say goodbye.#I would have loved to see how she would have reacted waking up on Elbaf and finally having the safety to mourn everyone she loves.#To see how she moves forward from this. To see her work furiously to keep the wills and memories of the people she loved alive.#But most importantly I think I just wanted to see her.. live. I just wanted that big ol' girl with a heart too big for her own good...#to make it to the end in one piece.#But what a sendoff. If she had to die.. I'm glad she got to die on her own terms. Helping everyone one last time and cracking a smile.#Humble as always.#I'm gonna miss her a lot.#punk.txt
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i just can't see kuboyasu as a yandere, i've failed
#yanderes i'm so sorry#it's like#yeah he's loyal yeah he'd kill for his partner yeah his partner getting hurt is deffo a rage trigger but yanderes are so obsessed with thei#partner that they can't realize if they're hurting their partner or scaring them and yeah kuboyasu has a hair trigger on his rage#but he's trying so hard to move past it and he has a strong code of ethics he'll beat you up if you're trash and his partner isn't trash an#i just can't see him going so overboard that he'd lose sight of his partner's needs in that way#which basically means i have to rethink the breakup fic anyways
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Thinking abt sonic being angry again. Angry crying and shaking and not speaking and isolating himself bc he doesn't want anyone to see him in that state bc he hates being vulnerable and doesn't want his emotions to cloud his judgement and turn him into a danger to his friends
#ramblings#don't you ever think abt how powerful sonic is#and if he were to ever have an emotional outburst he could seriously hurt the ppl close to him#both physically and emotionally#do you think it's happened before#do you think it could happen again#he keeps a lot of his emotions inside y'know#it's only a matter of time before it all boils over and every bit of rage and pain and sorrow he's ever felt spills out#listen i'm saying that boy does Not have good coping mechanisms for Literally Anything and it's going to bite him in the ass eventually#at least i hope so. i need canon to let him let loose and for it to have consequences that hurt like hell#i need catharsis#anyways i'm normal i swear
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i feel like i've become such a mean and cynical person over the past year and i really don't vibe with it... i wish i wasn't this way :( i do try not to let it out in my real life but unfortunately that means all of you on here get the toxic sludge runoff. sorry
#my most unpleasant trait by far is jealousy and i tend to get wildly jealous when i see people who have better lives than me#and because i've had such a shit year that feels like just about everyone i know#maybe once my situation improves and i'm out of crisis mode i'll be able to mellow out a little and open up my heart#and stop being such a spiky little closed-up ball of rage + hurt#maybe i just need to go away somewhere and touch some grass. maybe that would fix me
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A nasty, bitter sentiment that I know in my heart was common among the umanyar who knew Finwe, especially among the sindar:
Of course the man who forgot (abandoned) Elwe for the sparkling new allure of Aman would also forget (abandon) miriel for someone fresh and new like Indis. Would forget the dead and stolen of Cuivienen in favor of the political path of least resistance and invite Melkor into his city.
#Tolkien#San shoots the breeze#On one hand it's not really *fun* to hate on finwe because I know so many people like him!#And i'm not without sympathy for him#It's just that he left such a trail of damage behind him out of passivity and personal convenience#In ways that the narrative doesn't address#And I find it more compelling to think about all the nameless people who would watch/remember him from the sidelines#Just dark angry eyes and bitter tongues held between their teeth#Because speaking won't benefit anyone#Won't improve the situation#But if finwe were ever to be reimbodied he better *watch out*#Because that brew of rage and hurt and disappointment has been bottled up and ages like wine for millennia
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It is very rude of you to promise three posts and not even post two of it. Do you not care about your readers?
And it's very rude to come at me like this when I've apologized already - but when I posted about the upcoming fics I wasn't sick yet. That's something entirely out of my hand and I had a fever majority of the week and just slept it off.
Next to that it's currently Friday 12:19 pm as I type this. The week still lasts 2.5 more days last time I checked and like promised, the wbk headcanons will still come this week.
I care a lot about my readers, followers and moots which is why I'm here and still writing. But I care about my own well being more than tumblr. I'm sorry if you think that's rude.
#-ˋˏ ༻luma's confessions#🪐unknown lightsource🪐#i would have loved to ignore this but the amount of people being upset with me over something this small really hurts#I still got a raging headache and can't breathe properly but I'm trying my best to add a few hcs here and there when my brain works#in fact I'll go take another nap now
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Going to the dentist tomorrow 😔 gonna find out why my mouth broken
#I swear if I have to get a retainer to protect my teeth from clenching during the day I'm gonna lose it#gonna lose it even more if they say nothing is wrong or its not that serious#like homie I can't move my jaw properly and havent been able to in years#my face hurts and I'm mad about it#grumpy rn#its almost 3am and I need to sleep#but my fucking TEETH HURT#raging rn fr I might remove my teeth myself
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