#I'm hoping to get it up to 20 by Thursday bc Thursday is my day off

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Peter after getting his S/O pregnant, pumping his fists in the air and cackling and feeling oh so virile: FUCK YEAH AM I A MAN OR WHAT?! Peter when his baby is born, sobbing his eyes out: OH MY GOD THEY'RE SO FUCKIN SMALL WHAT IF I BREAK THEM???

[studentbyday]

so the week is half over and i'm kind of feeling low on energy and needing lots of sleep, which is the perfect opportunity to (sort of) try out einstein's daily routine (which is tbh the most personally palatable daily routine of a famous person i've ever chanced across)! i've been waking up at nearly 9 anyway since lately my head spins and i feel sick if i don't sleep like 9-10 hours.

So yeah, wake up at 9.

Between 9 and 10, eat breakfast and read the newspapers fiction

I know after breakfast he was said to often walk to Princeton and arrive by 10:30 or smth but (a) I don't go to Princeton, and (b) these days I study at home, so instead I'm just going to do some form of exercise.

~10:30 to 1pm: work study

have lunch (i read somewhere that he spends 1.5h on lunch and tea? i wish i could have a lunch and tea that leisurely but i do not have the time. so i won't.)

afternoons: receive visitors and work study

also afternoons: naps if needed (tho thankfully i seem to have enough energy to last me through the day if i get 9-10h of sleep... also i just don't think i'll have much time for naps. 🙁)

~6:30pm: have dinner [and clean up]

after dinner: more work study if needed (most likely needed)

sleeeeeeeepppppppp [be ready for or in bed by 9 or 10]

i'll update this post later to let you know how it goesss~

i hope you're feeling better than i am this week 💗🤒

~the aforementioned update~

ahahaha i don't think i did a very good job of following any routine this week. on wednesday i slept a little later than usual and ended up waking up at 10am (i didn't set an alarm for some reason). on thursday i set my alarm for 7 and then 8 and then 10 because i had to finish reviewing the last of the microbiology for the midterm and actually woke up at 9:30. and on friday i want to actually wake up somewhere within the hour of 7am so i can hopefullyyyy finish all my schoolwork for this week?? despite the seeming slowness of einstein's routine, i always feel like i'm rushing when i wake up when the sun is already up and most everyone else i live with is already awake, so i'm going to try this again over reading week but change the wake-up time and stick to it dammit— 😤

also i feel like if i'm gonna be posting on tumblr again, i should post my screen time stats for accountability because for some reason whenever i start making stuff for social media, my screen time goes through the roof bc i get so distracted and like oh wait there was this thing i want to add no wait where was i— (as i got lost in a scroll.) and this happens multiple times. but sometimes i do feel very much like yapping and when i'm in this mood, i could yap for days on end so i gotta find a solution...

just LOOK at this horrendousness!!!

also. there was so much material to cover for the microbio midterm it was insane. i feel like i need to follow the 80/20 rule. like...just prioritize the big topics, don't care so much about the extraneous, minor details so i only expend energy for and fill my brain with what i really need to know. and i'm not sure how good flashcards are for that because it just seems kinda random, the order in which cards are thrown at you in anki, and i'm the kind of person who, at least during the first pass, compulsively desires to cover everything, and so what do you think happens? i end up with a massive “stack” of flashcards, including cards about minor/extraneous details. every. single. time. i'm not entirely sure how i want to navigate this yet, but i'm definitely gonna try that 80/20 rule...bc this was just too stressful 🥲

[pianistbynight]

waning summer days

i cheated and recorded in sections, then spliced them together because i can't get a single clean take. if it's not me making a mistake, it's noise surrounding me. this way, the pressure was lessened and i think i did better (far from "perfect" tho) and it was less frustrating.

thursday | 08/15/24

no piano today. i'm tired. but i did read more of sweet bean paste and continued to work on the databases course. today was a bit chaotic, so i couldn't get 2h of studying in, but if i sleep early, i can maybe hopefully wake up earlier to work on it.

friday | 08/16/24

tried to play piano but then stopped because i got tired sooner than i expected. (also tried out a voice recorder app to record the piano audio instead of my phone camera but didn't like it...too much treble.) i finished 1 subsection of the databases course. caught up with @zzzzzestforlife. listened to some lofi and watched some youtube.

i'm trying to get myself in the mood to prep for the upcoming school year 😮‍💨 i...find myself dreading more and more each coming school year for some reason. ... it's not the work i fear. i know i can do it well but it takes so much of me. and i wonder what i'm doing this for. because i don't have all the stepping stones laid out yet. 😮‍💨 i need to work on that, so i'm going to sleep now so i can have more energy to continue doing this tomorrow. good night.

saturday | 08/17/24

i had a much more ambitious plan originally, but the only solo activity i actually had time and energy for was journaling because coming back to my hometown reminded me of and clarified some memories and opinions i had formed long ago, how they've shaped who i am now... the rest of the time i spent with family with real conversation for the first time in a while, so that was nice.

sunday | 08/18/24

sigh. i have never felt like i belonged in my former hometown and the loneliness is striking much stronger now. i was so tired i couldn't do much today except start filling in the YearCompass because who said the new year had to begin in january lol. i'm glad today was a chill day spent at my temporary home.

i will try to sleep early tonight. hopefully i won't wake up in between and be unable to fall back asleep again.

monday | 08/19/24

today was my first day of passable sleep quality in the last couple days. i woke up later than i expected. yet i still didn't feel like doing anything. i forced myself to do some duolingo for cheap dopamine, and later in the afternoon, i attempted to get through 1 more subsection of the databases course but couldn't focus. instead, i researched how to apply to take courses at another university in my area since there are some interesting courses there that aren't available at the one i attend. at night, i practiced the last bit of the clementi sonata and tried to record the whole thing but couldn't get a good one. i'm too tensed and distracted. i need to practice playing while relaxed, focusing only on what's relevant in the moment.

review U1 japanese, start hiragana practice ✅

work on databases course 🟨

practice piano ✅

tuesday | 08/20/24

fill in the YearCompass bc i'm too tired to journal unprompted and i want to be filled with hope for this school year instead of constantly drained and increasingly discouraged, disappointed, and depressed (why do so many negative things start with "d"? even the saddest songs are in d minor...)

practice playing clementi sonata while relaxed throughout and focused only on what's currently relevant

DATABASES COURSEEE - finish 4/13 subsections ✅ (ended up finishing 2 and starting a 3rd...this is harder than i thought it'd be but it'll be good for me to keep going...)

wednesday | 08/21/24

i don't even remember what happened. probably because i wasn't very productive. i was unusually angry and moody. i tried to record a single clean take and kept failing. i merely inched forward in the databases course. it was a day full of frustrating but necessary interruptions. it was tiring. i can't wait to go home.

thursday | 08/22/24

recorded the clementi sonata in sections...with more time and energy, i probably could've done better. almost 50% through the databases course. feeling a little better today than yesterday but always easily tired. this might be my last summer-themed post for the year as i'm already in an "autumnal mood." 🍂😅 i'll see you later either here or on my sideblog @studentbyday 🙂

[icedmetaltea]

.

I'm supposed to go back to my apartment tomorrow... or at least start, it's a 9 hour drive. Considering I can't go 30 mins in a car without a panic attack, I'm guessing I'll have at least 5 a day, and considering even one is traumatizing enough??? I'm gonna fucking die I swear to god

There's still so much to do, so much to pack, so much to clean, dishes to wash, laundry to do... I've barely eaten today and I didn't even notice till now. My stomach hurts but I'm not hungry, couldn't dream of eating rn

I've had this awful choking, lump-in-throat feeling come throughout the day, got really bad this past hour, just been laying in bed trying to not swallow cause whenever I do that makes it worse. I keep coughing, trying to get it out, but nothing helps... I know it's gotta be anxiety but in the back of my brain I'm worried it's asthma, like I've had mild asthma this whole time and just didn't know it and I'm just lucky I haven't died yet

Sure feels like I'll suffocate. People liken it to breathing through a straw and yep I've sure felt that a lot. I also noticed it gets worse when I use perfume so that leads me to think it could be that more...

Nothing is helping today. I've tried staying distracted by playing games but no, ofc it's 70 degrees... is that normal in march?? I don't even know anymore. It's supposed to get to 80 on thursday. My only hope is that the conditioner my parents are lending me will work better than the shitty window fan in literally one room in my apartment.

I don't want to go back there. Realistically I know I have to, I still have a lot of stuff I'd need to throw out before I could move, and if I did move... where?? There's nowhere to go. I could move to an apartment in the state my parents are moving to but they're in the process of moving in and it could take like half a year or longer for them to fully move in, and even then I don't know if they plan to stay there or only go there in a specific season.

My sister isn't that far from the apartment, maybe 20 mins ish, but she works and I don't know her schedule, plus she has kids and will probably not be available most of the time if I have a bad panic attack or there's some kind of emergency

Everything is just so fucked right now. The economy is in shambles, women's rights are getting stripped away more and more every day, we're on the brink of like multiple wars and I'm just trying to get through my last semester and don't know if I can due to all this shit plus my dyscalculia

Even if I do... what then?? I don't have a plan for my future. I would never make it as a therapist. I would never make it as any of my other dream jobs through the years. The only thing I can think of is some computer science job but my eyes cross when trying to do that, I'm the opposite of logic-minded, I really just have no skills or passions or anything to set me apart

And my blood pressure keeps getting high for some reason. I know it's probably the anxiety but what the fuck am I supposed to do about that??? I tried therapy for half a year and it didn't help, might've made it worse bc she kept saying I should just give up and go on disability (which as we know would probably just lead to poverty) I can't get on meds because the ones I've tried make me suicidal (er) and I've tried healthy eating + exercising as much as I can considering I can't do anything more than walking and guess what??? I still have anxiety

I just want to live with my parents forever but even if I did, they're still going to die someday. Everyone I love is going to die and I'm going to be alone and/or abandoned again and again and again. It's be just like danny all over again.

Like genuinely what am I even alive for?? People always say it gets better and sure it does... for a while. Then I end up back at rock bottom. And I always will. Because I'm a failure

[illanabehir]

Current medical situation

So I had my PET scan on Monday the 18th of September. That scan was the one to tell me if the chemotherapy worked or not. Had my consultant appointment on Thursday the 21st where they told me that the mass grew and the chemo didn't work. They said I could choose to either continue treatment here or go home for the rest of treatment. The next appointment was scheduled for the third of October. On Sunday the 24th we were staying at a hotel for the weekend bc when we booked it hoping to have a celebratory weekend but during Sunday lunch we had burger king and the right side of my mouth went numb along with my right hand. After like 20 minutes my mouth came back. Since we had only a day left we waited to go to the hospital as we didn't have all my paperwork and were scared and had to check out the hotel. When we got back in we called and the numbers on the leaflets to see what they suggested. Took hours for my consultant to call us back and tell us to come into the hospital. We were in the waiting room for around 6 hours before I was fed up and convinced hubby to take us home so I could sleep in our nice bed one last time. We were called another 4 hours after that to see a doctor but ofc missed it as we were asleep. We went back up around 10am bc we accidentally slept in and we weren't seen by the doc for about 8 hours. Then they had us have a CT scan. We ordered food and waited for the results. They told us that the scan showed a mass and swelling in my brain and I would be going inpatient again. Had my MRI on Thursday the 28th bc there weren't any slots on Wednesday and on Friday they told me no doctor in their right mind would risk me flying home that it's too dangerous so now I'm stuck here. No idea when or if I'll get home just missing my family and dog. I need extra intense chemo that's strong enough to get through the blood brain barrier and hope I'm stronger than the cancer in the end. I had my new PICC line put in suddenly and it took an hour and a half last time it was only half an hour so there were definitely some complications which was very scary but I'm okay. Not dead yet.

[thetreetzar]

asks 1-49

(no pressure I just thought youd enjoy answeing all of them bc I certainly do, also im genuinely curious)

Thank you!

This is a lot, so I'll put it under a cut

1. I kind of get freckles in the summer

2. I like tea and coffee. I like milk and sugar in both, but really only like coffee if it has loads of sugar.

3. Talking in Your Sleep from the FNAF movie

4. Not sure how I sleep. I seem to wiggle around. Once managed to very nicely unbury a blanket and correctly position it in my sleep

5. I sometimes will have stuffies on my bed

6. I prefer drawing silly little doodles

7. 1-3 blankets. Need a weighted blanket and then I'll have a quilt/blanket or two if it is cold

8. Favorite bands/artist are The Longest Johns, Uamee, and Hozier

9. My birthday is July 19th

10. I am 5 feet tall

11. My eyes are blue/green/grey-ish but I just say blue on my ID

12. My mutuals (especially June), My in-person friends, and Tom Scott

13. Changes in routine, not being able to live on my own, the future, <hj>the kids at my school</hj>

14. I like blue

15. I love winter and snow and the cold (I overheat too easily for other seasons)

16. I would love to have tattoos. Maybe like a trans thing on my thigh and definitely some nonsensical little guys

17. I think piercings would be fun. I have kind of thought about angel bites/fangs, industrial/helix, eyebrow, and septum. (I would not turn down those spin for a free piercing things)

18. The last person I've texted is my dad

19. My best (and longest) friend is Momo. I've known them since September 2014.

20. I miss Toys R Us, ketchup chips, and some friends I've lost touch with

21. My day has been good. I am making progress in cleaning

22. I got maybe like 6 hours of sleep last night

23. Aliens probably exist somewhere in the universe

24. I don't remember when the last time I cried was, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with my parents arguing and my brother and I being in the middle of it (my parents are restarting marriage counseling soon, don't worry)

25. I liked 2005-2010, it was nice being a little kid

26. Childish things I like include kids meals, the fun stuff made for babies, baby snacks like the puffs and Cheetos

27. I like too many books, but Louise Jenson is a great author, Because Internet was great, and I'm currently reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series

28. How am I? Absolutely terrified of graduating high school and being a Real Adult™️ 😀

29. Oh it can take forever for me to decide things. My strategy is that if it passes peer review and/or still seems like a good idea after a week or two than I should do it

30. I am looking forward to duck club on thursdays

31. I can't wait to get top surgery! (Hope to get it before 26 so I can still be on my parent's insurance)

32. If I could go anywhere, I'd go to Toys R Us/Canada and to visit my friends and mutuals

33. I sleep with the door closed because my cat Loki is not to be trusted

34. I like roses (trans flower) and sunflowers (tasty seeds)

35. I derive great serotonin from my mutuals <3

36. I like my middle name, now that I've chosen it myself

37. I love all animals

38. I don't think I have any proper phobias, just a lot of anxiety

39. It is easy for me to stay up late, however I can no longer be fine staying up late and getting up early the next day

40. I haven't really been to the beach. I prefer partly cloudy, like sunny but not hot or too warm

41. My favorite cartoon is Natural Habitat Shorts

42. Five of my favorite blogs are @one-time-i-dreamt @alltimemathhater @70snasagay @hrkrkrwpfrbrbrlablblblblwhitooap @shiftythrifting (sorry if being tagged in this annoyed anyone)

43. I have a younger brother

44. Probably my friends and mutuals are the last people I've said "I love you" to

45. I'd die for my pets, friends, and mutuals

46. I need a weighted blanket and probably also a snack when I'm sad

47. I have both my cell and landline numbers memorized

48. I feel I could trust my friends Momo and Vennie with my life

49. The last text I sent is asking where my dad parked

Thank you for the ask, and for reading this far if you have

[ennuijpg]

hiiii!!! thank you so much for putting out and updating onlyoneof's music show promotions schedule!!! i wanted to ask - how do you get all that information? i'm pretty new to all this k-pop culture and i have no idea how this works yet. and what if another one of my favorite groups makes a comeback but the fandom won't have somebody like you to keep everybody updated? i'd be helpless. so if you're okay with it, can you please share the knowledge?

wait hold up i pressed post too quickly but i cant delete this bc i'll lose the ask so check back here in 20 minutes lol

hi anon!! you're welcome, i'm glad you found it helpful! i decided to post abt their schedules bc when i was new to lyondom and kpop, i also found it kinda overwhelming figuring out where to get this info, so i'm glad others are finding it useful.

so firstly, there are generally mushows every day of the week except for monday, so knowing the standard mushow schedule is the first step for figuring out when a group is performing:

tuesday 6pm kst: the show

wednesday 6pm kst: show champion

thursday, 6pm kst: m countdown

friday, 5pm kst: music bank

saturday, 3:30pm kst: show! music core

sunday, 3:40pm kst: inkigayo

there is also simply kpop con-tour that airs on fridays at 1pm and has re-runs on monday, but it's not really part of the "standard" lineup of mushows, and i think it might not be every week

so from there, the easiest way to figure out if a group is performing is usually to check their twitter. a lot of group's official twitters will post about their music show schedule.

for example, here's a tweet from march 17th about ooo's march 19th stage on inkigayo. the tweet is primarily for k-lyons who want to attend the filming, which is why it says "participation information," but it gives us the information we need

but in the past, like during instinct pt 2. era, all the broadcast participation information for ooo was solely done through fancafe, with no tweets about it, and as someone not on the fancafe, it was harder to find out when ooo were performing beforehand. in those cases, where the group's twitter isn't helping, your next best bet is the twitter accounts for the music shows themselves, as most of them will post lineups ~a day to a few days in advance of the show

for example, here's a tweet from earlier today about the show champion lineup for tomorrow, march 22nd

here are all the twitter accounts for the mushows that post their lineups in advance:

sbs mtv the show

mbc m show champion

mnet m countdown

kbs music bank (lineup is not posted on music bank's twt, rather the twt for kbs world tv, the channel music bank airs on)

sbs inkigayo (also not posted on inkigayo's twt, rather the twt for sbs)

arirang simply kpop con-tour

for shows that don't post the lineup on twt, or if you can't find the lineup tweet, going on twt and searching "[mushow name] lineup" (e.g. "inkigayo lineup" "music core lineup") and sorting by latest tweets will usually bring up someone tweeting about the lineup, as long as it has already been announced somewhere by the channel. this twitter acc is also great at compiling lineups and is a more centralized place to look

also, music shows get cancelled pretty often for things like holidays or other events (a couple weeks ago, a few shows were cancelled for the airing of the world baseball classic), so if you're looking for a lineup at a time where the show should have posted it by then and can't find one, look up "[mushow name] cancelled" on twt and sort by latest, and there will usually be people confirming if the show in question has been cancelled

i hope you found this helpful! lmk if u have any questions <3

[mushibashiraas]

🛒 I JUSR REALIZED HOW AWFUL AND ROBOTIC I SOUNDFJDJDJ LIKE. i come back after posting the ruggie fic and redoing my theme only to drop a to do list and dip againdjsjdjs ah. uh.

so life update ig? eh. i can talk more about my chronic migraines too since the life update is mainly about themfjdjdj oops. BUCKLE TF UP BC THIS'LL BE LONG (still dont know how to add the "more under the cut" thing on mobile tumblr. too lazy to get out my laptop)

this whole week has been insane! context: my migraines are triggered by bright light, loud sounds, motion-sickness-games (i.e. genshin, Identity V, etc.), weather pressure changes, rainy days/nights, storms, and dramatic temperature fluctuations..... but mainly the last four.

anyway. this week had the first and the second triggers. (and towards the end of this week is supposed to have the last trigger. yay!) one of the things that happens (IF i push myself to power through and "stay conscious" — more on that in a bit) is that i faint. like. not "faint for a couple minutes." nahhhh! i go out for like 10-40 minutes; normally the max is 20. but occasionally, a 40 minute episode'll occur and those are the scary ones.

on tuesday, i had a doctor appointment with my cardiologist pertaining to said migraines and fainting. while waiting to check in, i passed out and fell (i was standing at the time). and the staff and nurses were worried i hit my head so they called for an ambulance to drive me across the street to the hospital ER. i was there all afternoon and almost all night. i finally went home at 11pm. i'll spare yall of the more personal details (what tests were done, the overall experience, etc). all i'll say is that there's a reason why i hate hospitals and needles.

but the visit was long and tedious and terrifying and painful. i cried several times, as well as fainted a few more times between when i came to just as the paramedics arrived and a little after the technicians performed EKGs, etc. [like they usually do whenever someone is first admitted to the ER]. those fainting episodes were only a few minutes tho. not long at all. don't worry!

*sighs* anyway. that visit defined my entire week tho bc i ended up missing a day of work on thursday and a korean language class on wednesday. still felt the usual symptoms (most likely the aftermath) like dizziness, nausea, a heavy, sluggish feeling, soreness/headaches, loss of eyesight, etc.

hope this explanation helps??? i'll get back to writing and gaming soon. aaaaa i have a guaranteed yelan to get ready for anyway. heehee

EDIT: i forgot to add that yall shouldnt worry too much! sorry if i scared yall! these migraines and fainting episodes aren't manageable yet. even tho i can go to work sometimes, i cant drive, take horseback riding lessons (i used to take them), and go to/continue college,,,, i've had them since 2013?? 2014?? and am on medication for them as well as going to a neurologist and cardiologist who are both monitoring my condition and trying to help me and get them manageable so i can do all the aforementioned things i said i can't do.

also, it's not as uncommon as i seem to make it to be. several celebrities (look up Ben Affleck migraines) have chronic migraines, as well as several families/people/co-workers also have or have dealt with chronic migraines and passing out due to them. my own mom and older brother — altho they aren't biologically related to me — also have bad/chronic migraines. my family actually make jokes about my migraines and say i'm a walking barometer lol if anyone lives in the northeastern U.S. text me and check if a storm is coming. lol i can most likely tell you; if i migraine than yes. if i don't than no. lol /j but all jokes aside,,, again. don't worry too much for me. ok? i'm still functioning even if it's at low-HP/hu tao levels (a little genshin/gamer joke/comparison for yall). i'm still shino/em, someone who is so in love with jamil and xiao and rindou that they'll devote all their time and resources to taking care of them. heehee! ❤️❤️

[nathank77]

3/21/24

7:44 p.m

So I got my Xanax today. It's always a good day when I get my Xanax, I don't have to worry about microsleep or insomnia it's soothing just being handed the bag since I can't smoke weed.

When I was there I checked what benzodiazepines were covered by my insurance so I could be prepared for my appt with my insomnia doctor. Sadly estrazolam is not covered, he said doral wasn't either but he said it's a brand name.. and quazepam is the drug name so hopefully he is wrong. Either way I got a list of benzodiazepines I can be perscribed instead of Xanax that are covered by my insurance and I gathered my information and rewrote my list of how to present it to her for Thursday:

I will lead with talking about my black hairy tongue and how it hasn't healed. I will show her and then say that i would like to switch to a different Benzodiazepine with a comparable dosage to 1MG of Xanax.

I will also add Xanax has saved my life i sleep every single night and I fall asleep quickly and stay asleep and if she isn't willing to persxribe me another benzodiazepine instead of Xanax, I'd rather stay on Xanax bc it has improved my quality of life drastically and I'd rather sleep than have my tongue heal.

I will then bring up Triazolam the most and present these facts and a comparable dose bc of BHT-

The temazepam dosage of 7.5 isn't comparable. Temazepam at 20-30 mg is comparable to .5-1 mg of Xanax. Can I try?

Halcoin Sleep/capsule/ no Weight gain/ no water retention/ .5 mg is equivalent to 1 mg of xanax, I'd need to be percribed 2, .25mg a night for sleep. This is the benzodiazepine i would like to be perscribed. I understand you'd have to percribed the highest MG Pill and for me to take 2 a night but it does match up with the equivalency chart and is a sleep benzo. It also would be covered by my insurance.

Temazepam Sleep/capsule/no Weight gain/no water retention/20-30mg is equivalent to 1  mg of xanax, I'd need to be percribed 30mg of temazepam to have it be equivalent to 1 mg of xanax. I know you don't want to perscribe high doses and this benzodiazepine in order to he equivalent to my xanax dosage is the highest MG tablet available.

Diazepam anxiety/tablet/Weight gain 10 months/no water retention/ 10MG is equivalent to 1MG of xanax, I'd need a 10MG tablet to have it be equivalent to my 1MG of Xanax. I'd rather not do this as it's not a sleep benzodiazepine and it causes Weight gain after 10 months of use.

Quazepam anxiety/Tablet/no Weight gain/no water retention/ 15MG is equivalent to 1MG of Xanax, I'd need to be percribed 15MG to have it be equivalent to 1MG of Xanax/ I also don't think this is covered by my insurance. Also it's not a sleep benzo so I'd rather not even if husky covered it.

Halcion is a better benzos for sleep compared to xanax which is more for anxiety but nonetheless effective. When i picked xanax I only did cause I was close to 48 hours sleep deprived and flurazepam couldn't be filled for two days. Dr. Yoelson was going to give me 30 mgs of it but i couldn't wait 2 days. I just want a comparable dose to xanax 1 mg and I don't want more than that but I need something equivalent. If it doesn't cure my tongue- I'll go back to Xanax or stay on it if its more effective. And then get a biopsy of my tongue.

I've done my research, I'm hoping face to face and facts will help me case. My fingers are crossed for Triazolam. It would be ideal for many reasons, no more cutting pills and it is a sleep benzo, def covered by Husky.

Fingers crossed. I hope she will help me.

Also the half MG of xanax knocked me out last night without any other drugs being mixed in and I got 7 hours of sleep!!! So I'm even more hopeful that it didn't lose effectiveness. I'm still worried overall but every night I sleep on it, now 2 in a row I get less anxious and more hopeful.

I'm worried about my doctor not being willing to percribe me halcion but we will see. I'll always have xanax.

[mlmxreader]

Eeee! Hello, hello! Hope you'redoing well, my friend! OMG THE COLLECTION OF BABIES!!!! 😫🥹😭 They're so adorable, I absolutely cannot for my heart can only take so much of the cuteness!

Alright, these are for the "Want to know me better, send a number" asks, if you're still taking them:

5: Book/series I reread?

138: Do I believe in second chances?

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

107: Guilty pleasure?

212: Was I named after anyone?

216: Favourite fictional character?

215: What is the weirdest talent I have?

193: What motivates me?

191: What makes me the happiest?

192: What is “home” to me?

78: Early bird or night owl?

98: 3 things I love?

99: 3 things I hate?

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian?

60: Pet peeve?

59: Afraid of heights?

41: Do I have any strange phobias?

39: Am I superstitious?

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in?

20: Favourite video games?

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song?

17: Pirates or ninjas?

6: Aliens or ghosts?

Take care and until next time, keep safe! (Will get to the Delaney fic, eventually, hoping I'll be able to get to it this coming weekend or the weekend after but I am so freaking excited to read about our babe James!!)

🖤🖤🖤

🐍anon

hi!!!!!!!!!! I am doing well, thank you - I've got work every day this week in the AM, with the exception of Thursday and Friday bc I'm doing double shifts but I've got Saturday and Sunday off, so that's good!

SIX babies!!! Hanzo is the only literal baby, he's only a couple of weeks old and he's 1.2cm so he's a TEENY baby 😭 teeny tiny baby scorpling 🥺

alright!!! let's go!!!

5: American Psycho, All Quiet on the Western Front and The Great Gatsby I tend to read more than once a year, so I'll go w them lmfao

138: it depends. if someone didn't mean any actual harm and they're willing to change and they're doing so ACTIVELY, then yes. but if it's bc of some form of bigotry (racism, transphobia, misogyny, homophobia, classism, ableism, sanism, islamophobia, antisemitism, etc)? no. get fucked.

150: getting tattoos and exotic animals lmao I love my reptilian and arachnid children and I love my tattoos

107: classic Monster!! I personally love Assault the best, but I can never say no to classic!

212: Llywelyn comes from the name Llywelyn ab Iorwerth, aka Llywelyn Fawr (Llewelyn the Great), a Welsh king; it's a chance to show off my culture and my heritage and my history that - for the most part - has been erased by the English.

216: definitely Aragorn. cannot lie. it's Aragorn

215: I have an odd talent for being able to calm down snakes, including wild ones, and getting them to chill out - which I discovered during college whilst working w a 10ft python who was really defensive, but it also happened at work bc we had a load of grass snakes and a few adders in the cat pens

193: spite

191: heavy metal!! you stick on some Sabaton and I'm happy as a pig in shit

192: home is safety. it's the wag of a dog's tail. it's acceptance unconditionally and it's unconditional support. home can be a friend, it can be a family member, it can be an animal.

78: some weird mix like a chronically tired raven

98: heavy metal, tattoos, reptiles

99: Englishmen, the English crown, Tories

65: LORD OF THE RINGS

62: yes!! I'm vegetarian and have been for... a long while lmfao

60: people who walk their reactive dogs off lead.

59: nope

41: nope, no phobias

39: yes and no; there's some superstitious beliefs that I hold that come from my culture, but I wouldn't say I 100% think they're real

25: Damian Lewis, Tom Hardy, Angela Bassett, Laverne Cox

20: rdr2!!

19: my alarm has been The Last Stand by Sabaton for 2 years now, so I always start my day w that

17: ninjas

6: ALIENS, YOU CANNOT TELL ME THOSE FUCKERS AREN'T REAL, I SAW THE US HEARING AND I CAN TELL YOU EXACTLY HOW ROSWELL'S INCIDENT IS LINKED TO LOS ALAMOS AND WHY. IT'S ALIENS.

until next time!!! (there's no rush!! I'm working on the next chapter as it is, so there's plenty of time lmfao)

[sassy-ahsoka-tano]

hi y'all! 🦋

I apologize for the long message in advance! But as many of y'all probably noticed, I didn't actually wind up taking my social media break this weekend. Recently, I've been feeling the addictive/pressuring side of Tumblr which means it's time for me to take a bit of a break, for real this time lmao

As a result, I have some important updates for you guys!

I'm gonna be logging off + will be off Tumblr starting tomorrow until next Thursday (so until Sept. 15). Feel free to drop ideas or any chats/Thirsty Thursdays in my inbox while I'm out + I'll get to them when I come back. :)

I have something queued to post every day that I'll be offline. I have 5 fics + a blurb that'll be posting. Everything will drop at 8:20 p.m. EST.

Since I won't be online, any asks that are tied to the posts won't have links to the fic like they normally do bc Tumblr is stupid and won't let you link to posts until they've actually posted. Also, I'll update the masterlist when I get back!

When I return next week, hopefully well rested and recharged lol, I'm planning to reopen my inbox for requests!! But I'll keep y'all posted if any plans change.

As for now, I can't thank y'all enough for following and interacting with my content. 🥺 I love each and every single one of you + I see each and every single like, reblog, and comment that you leave on my fics.

Thank you for your incredible patience with me and I hope you guys enjoy the fics that'll be posting this week! Lots of smut coming your way hahaha 💖

love mila 🦋

P.S. - I'm literally soooo close to 1,000 followers I can't even believe it 😭 so if I've surpassed that when I log back on you already know we're gonna have another sleepover and party like we're at a 1970s Elvis show in Vegas.

[forineffablereasons]

What kind of things do you have on your to-do list when you get hundreds of things done in a week? I have like five things (make lasagna, vacuum, do laundry, write, call grandma) on a busy day.

some stuff i have on my list that you probably wouldn't - for instance, "shower and dress" is on 7 times, because i do that every day. it's on the list now because sometimes when depression is bad, it's hard to do stuff like this. "take vitamins" is on 7 times. "take darcydog to daycare" is on the list, so i don't forget on thursday, and "pick darcydog up from daycare" is also on the list, because even though i will not forget she's at daycare, when i think about thursday after work, and what i'm going to do that night, and what my options are, i have to remember that she'll be with me and not waiting at home. it would be easy for me to plan, say, on tuesday, "stop by store after work thursday" because on tuesday, she is not yet at the daycare, so picking her up is not a task that has laid its foundation yet. it doesn't 100% exist yet. so "pick darcydog up from daycare" is on the list so i don't inadvertently plan to do something thursday night that is later complicated by picking her up from daycare.

some stuff i have on my list gets many more items than you probably would put down - for instance, instead of saying cleaning, i have "clean bathroom, clean entry, clean kitchen (island, fridge/freezer, dishes)" etc so that cleaning the house becomes its own 20 things. this makes it easier to cross things off, and also easier to start, because if the goal is "clean the bathroom" instead of "clean all 800 sq feet of this apartment" it is an easier goal. "write 500 words" is a goal for every day, and so appears 7 times, but each section of the fic i'm writing also has an item on the list.

and some stuff i have on my list just to track. i know, for instance, that i am not going to finish all 5 stitching projects i put on the list this week. but i wrote all 5 of them down to help me envision future priorities, and to offer some motivation to finish the current thing. look, if you finish that, there is also this.

so my weekly list is just a snapshot of these things, which is why it is never finished. this week's list is 158 things, and i hope to finish maybe 100 of them. last week's list was longer because i had more daily responsibilities at work which i no longer have this week bc i was covering for my secretary.

i also have a The List, which is the overarching repository of things i want to do, movies to watch, books to read, things for this project or that project, fics to write, etc. that has something like 700 things on it right now but i need to rewrite it this week and determine a more streamlined approach. (this is, in fact, item #57 on this week's list.) because i have a bit of adhd i live in a world where if i didn't write it down, it didn't exist, and because i have a bit of depression, i also live in a world where i am somewhat prone to listlessness and disinterest. it is sometimes hard to make decisions. it's sometimes hard to know what comes next. some days (like yesterday) i look up and realize that it's 3 pm and i have done nothing but lay on the sofa doing. nothing, really. the List is long because it is something i can always go back to when i need an exterior boost to Do. this is also why some tasks are broken down very small, because it is easier to bargain with myself: ok, if you clean the bathroom you can have a 20 minute lie down. ok, we can't manage to clean the living room today but you do at least have to water the plants. then i can do the partial task of watering the plants without becoming overwhelmed by the larger task of cleaning the living room.

so tl;dr the answer is: it's just a style of listing that relies heavily on tiny bite-sized tasks and explicit statement of every single thing that will happen to help my swiss cheese brain motivate itself and remember important things as i plan and move through the week.

this week's list is 158! let's see what we can get done.

[ericsangyeon]

addicted - l.sy

‘He was like fire, she was his igniter. Together they were each other's addictions.”

pairing: sangyeon x female! reader

word count: 7.0k

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive

theme: gang au sorta??

warnings: SMUT!!, profanity, drinking, guns, blood, kidnapping, bang chan and skz are villians

a/n: hey guys! i wanted to try writing a fic bc why not! this is my first tme ever writing smut so be nice. also this was edited many times but there could be mistakes so just bare with me. enjoy it! i worked really hard hehe -t :D

playlist moodboard

~

“Kevin oh my god. I'm not going to that criminal ball.” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“Pretty please? You can finally meet Jacob! And I'm pretty sure a certain someone wants you there too,” Kevin smirks from the other side of the work area. I stop cleaning the countertops and stare up at him with wide eyes.

Kevin, and his boyfriend Jacob, are members of the underground mafia group TBZ, which never gets brought up when I'm with Kevin because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. That was until Lee Sangyeon came into the picture. Sangyeon is the leader and “big boss” (as Kevin calls him) of TBZ, and has somehow found interest in me. Ever since Kevin brought him into the cafe a month ago during one of my shifts, I kept bumping into him everywhere. From work, to campus, to even near my apartment. He tries to make small talk with me, which I always ignore and keep distance from him. I see him all the time despite wanting to, and I want nothing to do with him…. even though he literally looks and talks like an angel sent from heaven. I'm positive there is some sort of an attraction between the two of us. But don't tell anyone I said that. Lee Sangyeon is hopelessly attractive and I couldn't help myself to have developed a crush on him. If it wasn't for his shady career choice, I would have hooked up with him in an instant.

“How many times do I have to tell you Kevin? I want nothing to do with him,” I cry while Kevin snickers.

“He's not even that bad, he only hurts people who have wronged him” Kevin explains.”But never mind about him, Jacob really wants to meet you and you said you’re free Friday so please, please pl-”

“Fine oh my god.” I huff while Kevin claps, pleased with himself. “One problem, I have nothing to wear.”

“Not to worry about that sweetheart, I got that covered. Just text me your measurements.” Kevin says. I was going to try to argue with him but I knew he would win no matter what, so I just shot him a thumbs up.

“Anyways babes I gotta go to class now. See ya y/n!” Kevin grins, blew me an air kiss which I caught with a small smile, and walked out of the cafe.

I sigh and put the cleaning supplies away. As I went to greet a customer, all I could think was - it's just a ball, with your best friend and his boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

~

On Thursday night, as I was getting ready to make dinner, there was a knock on my apartment door. I went to answer it, but found no one there when I opened it. Instead, a white box with a small bag on top, both had my name on it. “Oh yes.” I thought to myself. “The criminal ball.”

I grabbed both items and brought them to my room to open them. I unsecure the first box to be greeted to white tissue paper and a note on top, which I pick up and read the writing.

“This colour will look ravishing on you. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Or at least that's what I thought it said. It was written in a script that I had never seen before, and it certainly wasn't Kevin’s handwriting. Maybe Jacob’s? I put the note aside and unwrap the tissue paper to take out the dress and my jaw drops. I pull out a ball gown that was wine red and had a lace strapless top with a semi-poofy skirt attached. Below it were gold open toed high heels. I laid everything down on my bed and reached for the small bag that was on top. Without checking first, I pull out what was in that bag and gasp. In my hands is a beautiful gold mask with black silk fabric to wrap around my eyes. Fuck. Kevin never mentioned it being a masquerade ball? Now I have a higher chance of running into Lee Sangyeon since I probably won’t be able to tell who's who.

I send Kevin a quick text saying thank you for the dress, cursing him out for not telling me that piece of info. To finish my day, I made my dinner and went to bed early.

~

Friday night at 6:45pm, found me applying my last coat of lipstick as I stood up from my vanity chair. Staring back at me in the mirror was a completely different person. I loosely curled my long straight hair so it was falling down my back in waves. My makeup was not too heavy, yet not too light. My eyeshadow was a nude colour to contrast with my mask, as well as my lipstick was wine red to match my gown. The dress and shoes fit me perfectly (thanks Kevin), as well as the finishing touch, the gold mask.

My phone beeps and I looked down to see a text that the car Kevin sent for me was here, so I grabbed my phone and clutch and locked up my apartment. “Goodbye bed, I’ll see you later tonight.” I thought to myself, smirking.

The car waiting for me downstairs was gorgeous and sleek, and when I entered the back seat, the driver tipped his hat at me and we were on our way.

After driving 20 mins out of the city, the driver turns onto a single sided road where in the distance, I could see a huge house with bright lights shining.

“Oh my god.” I whispered to myself as the driver pulled up to a mansion - no - castle with a staircase leading to the entrance. The car stops and I could feel myself start to get nauseous. The driver came to open my door, lending me a hand so I could get out of the car safely.

“Have a great evening, Miss y/n.”

“Thank you, I do hope so.” I smile softly as I turned to walk up the staircase on this warm June evening.

As I was walking in the big hallway that led to what I'm guessing is the ballroom, I went over my rules for tonight. 1) Don't trip 2) stay with Kevin 3) avoid Sangyeon at all costs.

But of course, when the guards opened the big double doors for me to enter, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me as I walked further into the room. I see someone come forward from the crowd of people and my eyes go wide because I know it is not Kevin or Jacob.

Lee Sangyeon is walking towards me like he had been waiting for this moment, and there was nothing I could do about it.

He looks amazing of course, like a walking marble statue that came to life. His light brown hair was pushed back to reveal his amazing eyebrows and smirking lips and he was dressed in a black velvet suit that was so low cut that I could see a glimpse of his defined pecs. He wore a black velvet mask over his brown eyes. Sangyeon had me very much weak at the knees right now so thank god everyone went back to minding their own business.

“Y/n! I'm so glad you could make it.” He smiles at me. That goddamn smile. “You look exquisite.” Sangyeon said to me as he reached down, grabs my hand and softly kisses it while staring at me.

My breath hitches. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I softly smile at him. “Now excuse me,” I whisper, attempting to create some distance. But his hand on mine got tighter.  “May I have this dance?” Sangyeon asks. I nod my head, not sure what took over me. He softly smiles at me and leads me toward the dance floor, where other couples are dancing already. As we were nearing the dance floor, I felt myself trip over my gown. Before I could faceplant with the floor, rough hands were on my waist pulling me up.

“Be careful y/n.” Sangyeon chuckles and I thought I would throw up on his designer shoes.

He puts my hands on his neck and grabs my waist to pull me close to him. Sangyeon starts to sway me back and forth, eyes never leaving mine. As we danced for a few minutes, I felt his thumb lightly brush against my hip bone and I saw him slightly leaning his face towards mine. I finally jumped out of the trance he put me in and unwrapped my arms from his neck.

“I can’t do this. Excuse me.” I told Sangyeon as I brushed past him, leaving him on the dancefloor alone.

I speed walk over to the bar and spot a familiar black head of curls standing with a brunette boy wearing a similar tux.

“Where have you been, asshole?” I yell behind Kevin, making him jump and then smile at me.

“Hey y/n you made it! Meet Jacob, my boyfriend.” He gestures towards the man next to him wearing the same mask.

“Nice to meet you, Jacob. Kev, I'm getting a drink and then calling a cab to leave. I can’t be here.” I say while looking around.

Before Kevin could say anything back, I turned my back to him and ordered red wine from the nearest bartender. I sigh and drink my wine and look over at the guy who is standing next to me.

“Rough night?’ He smiles at me.

“You could say that.” I smile back as I drank more of my wine.

He chuckles and extends his hand to me.”I’m Bang Chan.”

“Y/n.” I shake his hand back.

His smile faded once I said my name.”You’re Lee’s girl?”

I stare wide eyed at him. “I'm who's girl??”

Before he could answer me, a body was standing between us. Sangyeon.

“Piss off Bang, she's mine.” Sangyeon growls at him.

“Excuse me?” I said but no one seems to hear me.

“Chill out Lee, I was just getting to know her, but I’ll leave.” Bang Chan waves bye to me behind Sangyeon’s back and walks away.

Sangyeon turned around and looked at me, his defined jaw clenching tightly.

“Y/n, we are leaving.” He states.

“I am not going anywhere with you!” I yell back while a muscle in his jaw twitches as he clenches  his hands into a fist.

“Y/n. I suggest you go with him before he tries to shoot someone, because he will.” Kevin appears and says behind me, squeezing my shoulder. I just nod my head at Sangyeon. Kevin would never put me in danger. Right?

Before I could even say bye, Sangyeon grabs my hand and is leading me out the ballroom door, out of the castle and towards his car.

He opens the passenger seat car door for me. “Get in.” He says to me. I glare at him as I get in slowly.

Sangyeon shuts the door and walks over to the driver side, gets in, takes his mask off, and starts the car without even saying anything. And we are off to god knows where.

The entire drive was silent. Sangyeon is gripping the wheel tightly, rough fingers scattered with rings turning white. I'm too scared to move, only moving my hands to remove my mask and my heels that were starting to hurt my feet.

20 minutes later, we are back in the city and Sangyeon is pulling into a parking garage surrounded by guards. He pulls into a parking spot, and leaves the car after stopping it. I open the car door to follow him, barefoot and all.

In the elevator I kept trying to glance over at Sangyeon, but he’s looking straight ahead, defined jaw still clenched. The elevator door opens and I gasp. I walk out behind Sangyeon to see a beautiful penthouse common area surrounded by glass windows overlooking the city night sky.

Before I could even admire the place and the city lights that surrounded the room, my back is being pushed against a hard wall to face a livid Sangyeon. He grabs  my wrists and leans in.

“How dare you talk to other men, especially him.” Sangyeon growls in my ear. “You’re mine.”

I stare at him in disbelief as he faces me again. “I-I will never be yours. You can't tell me what to do.”

A smirk slowly appears on his face. “Oh yeah? We will see about that, princess.”

Before I could even think of a witty response back, Sangyeon grabbed my face and his lips were on mine, and I felt my tough interior crumble as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him even closer, bodies touching.

He kisses me again. And again. Like he is possessing me. And it was working as I kissed him back hard. “You are mine” Sangyeon whispers against my lips. “No one else’s.” Sangyeon starts kissing down my neck, lightly sucking on certain parts, while I’m biting my lip trying to hold back my moans. It felt so goddamn good, but I'm stubborn and didn't want him to have the upper hand. Sangyeon sucks hard on the crook of my neck, making me release my lips and moan as I feel him smirk against my neck. He won, I lost and now I am melting into his touch.

Sangyeon kisses my shoulders and exposed collarbones, stops and chuckles into the crook of my neck.

“You know I picked this dress for you. Not Kevin.” he says while unzipping my gown.

“What?” I whisper, shocked.

“You heard me.” Then my dress is on the ground, leaving me in just my black strapless bra and panties.  Sangyeon is staring at my body with lust covered eyes as I just stare back at him, both of us breathing heavily, a boner starting to appear in his velvet suit pants.

“Wow, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He says quickly before kissing me again hard on the lips, shoving each other's tongues deep inside our mouths.

“Jump” He mumbles against my mouth and I obey, wrapping my legs around him as he carries me to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

When we enter his room, he lays me down softly on the huge mattress and proceeds to take my bra off, leaving me topless.

“God, these tits.” I hear him growl as I hiss at the cold air hitting my bare breasts, but the hissing quickly turns into moans as Sangyeon takes my right nipple into his mouth and sucks on it while playing with the other one using his hand.

“Fuck.” I moan loudly, mouth parting.

After rotating, sucking and playing with my breasts, Sangyeon removes his mouth from my nipple and starts to kiss down my stomach, inching towards my panties.

“You're such a good girl for me.” He coos on my stomach as I moan and squirm. Sangyeon brushes his fingers lightly against the fabric of my panties and looks up at me and mouths “you sure?” I nod my head back. He smiles before removing my panties with his teeth. I am now bare naked in front of a fully clothed Lee Sangyeon.

Sangyeon positions himself right in front of my pussy and spreads my legs open as I gasp and watch him lean down. He kisses and sucks on both my thighs, guaranteeing hickeys in those spots later on.

“You’re so fucking ethereal, Y/n.” Sangyeon mumbles and kisses the tops of my thighs softly, and before I could even think, his mouth was on my clit and I scream.

“FUCK Sangyeon oh my god!” I arch my back and moan loud as he licks into my clit.

“So wet me for me already.” He murmurs against my pussy.

He starts to suck and kiss my clit and I can’t breathe. I could feel his tongue exploring my entire pussy, eating it up as if it was his favorite food. My hands found his soft light brown hair and as I ran my hands through it, he sucked on my clit even harder. After for what seemed like seconds, Sangyeon comes up for air and proceeds to put a finger slowly in my hole, pumping in and out.

“You tasted so good, I can’t wait to see how you take my fingers and then my cock.” Sangyeon rasps out as he adds another finger as I'm a moaning mess below him.

“FUCK! Im gonna-” “Cum for me babygirl.” He says while pumping his fingers faster. I arch my back and scream his name while I cum onto his rough digits. He removes them from my pussy and sucks on the juices that got on them.

“Tastes so sweet.” He says while licking his fingers clean and staring directly at my hooded eyes and parted mouth.

Before I can even catch my breath, his lips are on mine quickly, stands up from the bed and unbuttons his blazer, revealing his amazing toned upper body and taking off his pants and boxers, cock slapping against his abs. He was huge, I gulp knowing that that's going to be inside me soon.

“I'm on the pill!” I hear myself blurt out. Sangyeon chuckles at that.

“Good to know y/n.” He says with a smile while running a hand through his hair before positioning himself over my body, hands on each side of me and aligning his cock with my hole.

“This is gonna hurt.” I thought to myself, since the last time I had sex was high school and it was awful to say the least.

Sangyeon starts to slide his dick in slowly and I can’t breathe again.

“Fuck. You're such a tight baby girl.” He rasps out as I let out a string of curses.

Sangyon thrusts into me slowly at first, but when he realizes i'm no longer screaming and just moaning, he removes his cock and slams it back into me hard and fast, which makes me lose my mind. He swears under his breath a few times before he speeds up the movements. I wrap my arms and legs around him, leaving scratches on his back as he leans closer to me and touches his forehead with mine.

“You're so beautiful sprawled out like this under me princess.” he growls into my ear as he thrusts even harder into my pussy, making both of us swear and moan each other's names as I move my hands from his back to his hair and he moves his to play with my nipples.

Between Sangyeon pinching my nipples and his cock tearing me open, the pleasure flowing through right now is something I have never felt before.

“Shit y/n!” Sangyeon grunts and thrusts hard once more into my pussy and pulls his dick out and uses his right hand to pump out his orgasm all over my stomach. His other hand reaches down to rub my clit in circles while kissing my neck and leaving more hickeys to help ride out my second orgasm of the night.

“Fuck Sangyeon!” I scream as I release all over his fingers once again. He licks it up again and mumbles “so sweet princess.” while looking at my dilated pupils.

He gets off me and rolls over so that he's beside my overstimulated body but head is tilted towards my direction.

“Are you okay?” Sangyeon asks me, concerned eyes looking over my shaking body that's struggling to even look at where he is.

“I'm amazing.” I respond back softly, him sighing in relief as he strokes my cheek with his knuckle.

“I've wanted to do this for so long.” He whispers and smiles softly at me.

“Me too.” I whisper back smiling as he kisses my lips softly and jumps out of bed, and runs into the connected bathroom fully naked leaving me alone in his huge bed, body paralyzed.

Sangyeon returns with a washcloth and a bowl of warm water and moves my shaking body so I'm lying on his leg while he dips the cloth in the water and starts to clean me up.

“You did so well for me. You were so beautiful when you came. So beautiful for me.” He murmurs to me fondly, rubbing the cloth over my body tenderly as I'm falling in and out of slumber. As I fall asleep, Sangyeon gets into bed next to me and tucks us both in. He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around my waist and I rest my head on his chest.

“What a night.” I think to myself before dozing off in Sangyeons strong arms, moonlight shining through the huge windows.

Tomorrow is a new day, where we decide what happens next. But one thing's for sure.

I am addicted to Lee Sangyeon.

~

Light shines through the windows as I open my eyes to an unfamiliar surrounding, and then it hits me. I had mindblowing sex with Lee Sangyeon and now I am lying naked, tangled in his bedsheets. I feel an arm loosely draped around my bare waist. As I sigh and glance over next to me, I find Sangyeon lying on his side, staring at me with fond eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispers to me in his deep morning voice. Swoon.

“Good morning, handsome.” I whisper back to him with a smile on my face.

I untangle myself from his arm, and attach my lips softly to his. Sangyeon does not react at first, but proceeds to kiss me back softly and full of tenderness as he cups my face into his hands. I break the kiss and lay my head on his bare chest.

“Last night was amazing.” Sangyeon murmurs into my hair and kisses my temple as I nod back.

Oh fuck, I just remembered. I sat up and faced the man with wide eyes.

“What's wrong baby?” Sangyeon asks, genuinely concerned.

“Fuck, what do I tell Kevin?” I gape at him.

Sangyeon chuckles loudly, eyes crinkling as he grabs my waist and pulls me down towards him. He tickles me, making me laugh.

After lying in bed for what seemed like hours and just talking, Sangyeon reaches over to the night table next to him. He grabs his phone and starts to furiously type as I just stare at his fingers flying across the screen.

“I told Jacob he is in charge over at the house this weekend, which means I get to spend it all with you.” He says as he puts his phone back down. Apparently, now I was spending the weekend at Sangyeon’s luxury penthouse. Good thing I didn’t have work this weekend.

After taking a shower in Sangyeon’s massive ensuite bathroom (and looking at myself in the mirror, in shock at the sight of my hickeys across my body), I changed into the clothes he left me, which seems to be his boxers and a blue and pink pullover sweater. I walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen to find a very shirtless Sangyeon putting waffles on the island counter. He briefly explained to me earlier that he sent all his staff home, including his cooks, so it could just be us in the penthouse.

“Wow, waffles? You really know the way to a girl's heart.” I say amused as I take a seat on one of the island chairs.

He laughs loud and leans over the island, arms resting on the counter. “It's one of the only things I know how to make, so expect take out the rest of the weekend.” Sangyeon says with a smile on his beautiful face as I wolfed down the waffles in front of me.

“One day I’ll teach you how to cook.” I wink at him.

Sangyeon grabs my hand softly and rubs his thumb over my knuckles and kisses them softly. “I would love that, y/n.” He says with a smile on his face.

The rest of the day is spent just relaxing. Sangyeon shows me around his penthouse, from his impressive indoor gym to his walk in closet in which he implies that will once be mine as well. I ignore his comment. Afterwards, he shows me the tv room where a massive flat screen was attached to the wall and asks me to pick a movie, which I pick The Notebook.

“Really y/n?” Sangyeon rolls his eyes as he sets the movie up.

“Yes Sangyeon really. Now come sit here and enjoy.” I respond as I pat the spot on the leather couch next to me.

After the movie, and laughing at an almost crying Sangyeon, I go to retrieve my phone from my clutch to find 15 missed calls from Kevin.

“Oh good! He didn't kill you!” Kevin cries in my ear after picking up after the first ring.

“Yes Kev, I'm totally fine.” I respond quietly.

“Did you guys fuck?” Kevin asks and when I don’t respond, he screams into the phone, which makes me cringe and move the device away from my ear.

“OMG I KNEW IT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! WAS HIS DICK AS BIG AS JACOB AND I THOUGHT?” He yells into the phone as I softly chuckle and proceeds to tell everything to a panicking Kevin.

“Holy shit. I owe Eric $50.” Kevin sighs into the phone after I explained everything to him.

“You were betting on me? Anyways I don't even wanna know.” I say annoyed.

“Are you guys like a thing now?” He asks me.

“I'm not entirely sure.” I reply unsure.

“Well no matter what, I support you sweetcheeks.” Kevin assures.

I snort. “Thanks Kev, right back at you. Gotta go now eat dinner, I'll update you later.”

Kevin laughs. “Enjoy Sangyeons big d-” I hung up on him.

That night found Sangyeon and I, fully clothed, cuddled in bed and holding each other, just listening to each other's heartbeat and making small talk.

“Sangyeon, how did you become the leader of TBZ?” I asked, looking up at him from where my head was on his chest.

He sighs and looks straight ahead. “For generations, a Lee has always led the gang, no matter what. It was between my cousins and myself, but my elders picked me, as my dad was the former leader before he passed and I've always been a leader, even since I was a young boy,” Sangyeon replies.

“I’m so sorry.” I say to him. He smiles softly and kisses my cheek.

“Don’t worry about me princess. Tell me, what are you studying?” He asks me.

“I'm studying childhood studies and english lit  so after I graduate I can enroll in a teachers college. I wanna be an elementary school teacher.” I answer him proudly.

Sangyeon smiles at me fondly. “You will be an amazing teacher.” He says while stroking my face with his hands. He kisses me softly as I melt into his touch.

After not being so sure about Sangyeon, I have come to realize how amazing he is. I can feel myself starting to like him more and more each day.

I am his and he is mine and in the end, it's him and I.

~

Months pass, and Sangyeon and I can’t get enough of each other. Everyday when I finish my shift at work, he picks me up and we either go to his place or mine to have dinner. Last week I even taught him how to boil pasta! But, sometimes we don’t even make it to dinner because I end up riding him in the back of his luxury car. Whoops.

One day while we were lying in bed after having sex, I sat up.

“Wait Sangyeon, what are we?” I asked him, facing where he was lying on his back.

Sangyeon sat up next to me.  “Well y/n, I'm extremely fond of you and think you are the most intelligent and beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, and I wish to give you nothing but happiness and satisfaction. I would love nothing more than for you to be my girlfriend,” He says to me, a glimmer in his eyes.

I stare at him, shocked because no one has ever said anything like this to me, and then I felt myself smile at him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

“Yes Lee Sangyeon, I will be your girlfriend. I will be yours.”

He smiles wide back at me. “Then you are all mine.” He whispers back as he connects his lips with mine for a passionate kiss.

Kevin thinks it’s hilarious that I wear more turtlenecks more often, which always makes me turn beet red. Because when Sangyeon and I have sex, he doesn’t just bite, he chews on my body like a fucking dog (“Doesnt it feel so good though?” “Kevin I swear to god.”) I have also gotten to meet Sangyeon’s entire gang, made up of 11 men including himself, and watching Sangyeon speak to them so confidently and leader-like makes my heart flutter. Yeah, I definitely think I’ve fallen in love with Lee Sangyeon.

A rainy Thursday afternoon found me finishing up my shift at work, getting ready to close the cafe as the only employee left. Sangyeon had texted me earlier saying he couldn't pick me up today due to an important meeting, so I was stuck walking home alone. Which was fine with me since my apartment was only a ten minute walk from the cafe.

As I was locking up the cafe doors, I heard a car engine behind me. I turned around smiling, expecting to see Sangyeon, but my smile faded, when the window opened and Bang Chan was in the passenger seat, pointing a gun at me.

“Y/n. Get in the car right now so no one gets hurt.” He commands me in a monotone voice.

“Never.” I sneer back at him and start to back away from the car.

“Fine. Guess we are doing this the hard way.” He replies.

Before I could sprint away, someone appeared behind me, put a cloth to my mouth and grabbed my waist. As the world around me went black, all I could think was, “Lee Sangyeon is going to murder you for stealing his girl.”

Blood. Blood is dripping from a gash in my forehead when I regain consciousness. I look around frantically to find myself in what looked like an abandoned warehouse with my hands and legs tied together with heavy rope.

“Help!” I scream loudly, but that did not do anything for my situation. Instead, Bang Chan enters with another man holding a rifle and I feel another scream forming in my throat. The rope tied around my hands and legs were digging into my flesh and I could feel blood emerging from them.

“Ah y/n! Lee’s playtoy! Glad to see you awake!” Bang Chan claps and smiles at me wickedly while I just glare back.

“TBZ knows you're with us sweetheart.” He says. “We told them it's either you or the money.”

My mouth opens and then closes. “What money? I swear I don't know anything, he never tells me about his work,” I cry to him.

“LIES!” Bang Chan screams. “Han. Go get her.” The other man - Han - walks over to me, ignites the rifle and puts it against my head hard. I start to cry even harder and squirm in my spot even though I feel the rope burning getting worse.

“We are going to try this again y/n. Where is the money?” Bang Chan yells into my face. I spat at him and Han forced the gun to my already bleeding forehead harder.

“I'm done. Shoot her.” Bang Chan shouts.

“No, please don't shoot!” I cry, knowing nothing will make a difference.

As I felt Han press down on the trigger, I stop thrashing and sat still. At this point, there was nothing I could do to stop this myself.

Lee Sangyeon, don't forget about me.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HER!” A familiar voice yells behind Bang Chan.

I wail loud with my last bit of strength I had.  “Help m-” BOOM!

Around me, I see the building collapse, rubble hitting my head as it knocks me over. Gunshots were loud and clear although my ears were ringing loud.

The last thing I remember before blacking out again were strong arms pulling me out of rubble.

Beeping. White ceiling. That is what I see and hear when I finally regain consciousness again. Looking around the plain room, I can see that I’m in a hospital bed. There is a bandage on my head and I can feel both my wrists and feet bandaged tightly, as well as an IV in my right arm. I move my head to the right slowly to the hallway window and see guards are positioned outside the hospital room. “Anything for Lee Sangyeon’s girl.” I think to myself and chuckle.

Wait. Sangyeon. Where is he? Is he alive?

“Hey sweet cheeks.” I hear a voice from the other side of the room. I slowly turn my head to see Kevin standing up from the couch that is in front of my bed and smiling at me.

“I'm glad you're okay. You woke up earlier than the doctors thought. You don’t have to worry about the Stray Kids gang anymore. They all died in the explosion.” He explains to me.

I nod my head slowly.

“Sangyeon. Where is Sangyeon?” I rasp out to Kevin.

Kevin softly smirks and shakes his head at the ground. “He's okay, he was here a few minutes ago, he hasn’t left your side in days. I’ll go get him, he's just getting his bandages touched up. He got injured in the explosion while pulling you out of the rubble.” Kevin tells me as I feel tears in my eyes. He would’ve sacrificed himself to save my life.

After patting my head softly, Kevin left the room to get Sangyeon, leaving me alone crying softly.

“Y/n.” I gasp and sit up and look towards the door, where the love of my life, Lee Sangyeon is standing with white bandages on his left arm and tears streaming down his scratched up, but beautiful face. Seeing him standing in front of me, makes me cry even harder. Without saying anything, I rip the IV out of my arm, slide out of the bed and jump into Sangyeons arms, and engulf him in a hug, which he gladly returns.

“I thought I lost you.” I cry into his shoulder as he sits down on the bed with me on his lap. I move my head to stare into his beautiful eyes, that still have his usual shimmer, even after all that has happened. “You'll never lose me.” He whispers fondly as he cups my face in his hands and wipes away my tears softly with his right thumb.

Sangyeon held me like I was a broken doll, fragile but sweet. He whispered sorry to me over and over again, which I quickly shushed and ran a bandaged hand through his soft brown hair.

“I love you so much.” I say to him, grabbing his neck softly and pulling him towards me.

“I love you more princess.” He says while smiling wide at me, which made me smile back at him as we connected foreheads.

~

“God Sangyeon. Go take a shower you stink.” I say to him as we enter his penthouse after being in the hospital for days, which ended with the doctor clearing both of us. I got the bandages on my head, hands, and feet, and he got his bandages removed.

“And you don’t smell y/n?” He smirks at me as I scoff. “Shower with me.” He says, eyes darkening as my breath hitches.

“Okay.” I nod, and we are on our way to his huge ensuite bathroom.

We both strip out of our dirty clothes and get into the massive glass shower, me going in first with Sangyeon following.

I watch him pump the liquid from the shampoo bottle into his hands, and lather the shampoo into my hair as he stands behind me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Y/n” Sangyeon tells me as I lean my back into his chest. His hands lightly trace my body, lingering on my lower stomach and my breasts. I could feel his erection growing, and being the little greedy bitch I am, I grind down on it slowly. All of a sudden, he turns me around and attaches his lips to mine hard, and we are both caught in a rough make out session. He breaks the kiss and stares at me with lust clouded eyes.

“Are you gonna take care of this princess?” Sangyeon asks me while his eyes are motioning to his cock.

“Yes Sir.” I reply, not sure where that came from, as he pushes my shoulders down lightly and I feel myself fall to my knees.

Without thinking, I grab his hard cock with my hands and pump it a few times.I licked the slit tasting the precum that had come out, before sinking my mouth down his shaft softly, making him swear under his breath.

“Fuck you’re such a good girl. You suck my cock so well.” He hisses while grabbing my hair and guiding my head back and forth while I lap up his precum. He guides my head so that I swallow his cock and I gag on it a bit, which makes him growl loudly. My watering eyes glanced up at Sangyeon to see his head tilted back, mouth open partially.

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum. Gonna dirty up that hot mouth of yours.” Sangyeon rasps out as I feel his hot cum go down my throat as he rides out his orgasm. I release myself from his dripping cock and swallow the cum that had landed in my mouth.

“Fuck y/n. Princess. You're so good at that.” He cooes at me while helping me stand up and kisses me quickly and firmly on the mouth.

“Do I get something for being good, Sir?” I ask him while batting my eyes together, trying to pout as much as I could.

“That depends, what do you want? You want me to fuck you in this shower until you can't walk” He asks me loudly.

“God yes!” I answer him. Sangyeon picks me up like I weigh nothing as I wrap my legs and arms around his broad body.

“FUCK!” I scream as Sangyeon slams his cock into my pussy without any warning.

“You’re so fucking tight, shit.” Sangyeon curses under his breath.

I moan like crazy as Sangyeon fucks me hard, every thrust hitting my g-spot.

“You feel so good y/n. Your tight pussy feels amazing around my cock.” He rasps out before sucking on my jaw, making me arch my back and moan. I could feel my orgasm coming already. Sangyeon is a sex god and he knew how to have me cumming within seconds.

“I'm gonna cum in you, y/n, ok? I want you to feel my hot cum inside of you.” He growls in my ear as I loudly moan. I couldn't even answer him, I just nodded my head while leaving scratches on his back.

“FUCK!” We both scream and cum at the same time, I shudder feeling Sangyeons hot load entering my pussy. He drops his head onto my shoulder, whispering praise in my ear as I'm shaking in his arms. Both of us panting and sweating, even underneath the water. When he pulls his cock out, his cum and my cum is dripping fast out of my pussy. Sangyeon puts me down but I start to fall over, so he catches me and starts to snicker.

“Well I guess we have to take a real shower now and clean ourselves up.” He says amusingly as I roll my eyes and smack his chest as he laughs.

~

June 2021, I finally graduate college! As my name is being called, shouts and cheers come from the audience as I look and see the entire TBZ gang jumping up and down. My smile grows even bigger when I'm shaking the headmaster's hand and see Sangyeon, my boyfriend of one year, in the audience holding a bouquet of red roses with a huge proud smile on his face. After enrolling in teacher’s college and officially moving in with Sangyeon, Kevin announces to everyone over a gang family dinner that he and Jacob are getting married, and that I'm his best person, which makes the whole gang erupt in chaos. Sangyeon has to calm everyone down, and congratulates the happy couple fondly, knowing that everyone will be as supportive when he finally asks his best girl to marry him.

Two months later I found myself at the MoonBae wedding. During the reception, Kevin calls all the non-married men and women to the dance floor so he can throw the bouquet. What shocks everyone the most is when I catch it, making Kevin and Jacob both scream and tackle me in a hug. Sangyeon chokes on his glass of scotch and turns purple watching the whole event unfold.

Sangyeon proposes to me one quiet night four months after Kevin and Jacob’s wedding as we are both drinking wine and watching the sunset on his penthouse balcony.

“Y/n, You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” He says to me with tears in eyes as he gets down on one knee. “Will you marry me?” Sangyeon asks.

“Yes! Of course I’ll marry you. ” I answer him crying.

Sangyeon smiles wide at me and picks me up and spins me around before kissing me passionately.

“I love you so much y/n l/n.”

“I love you more Lee Sangyeon.”

“You’re mine forever.”

“And I'm yours.”

well i hope you enjoyed! sorry if it was bad or rushed again it was my first time hehe

stream breaking dawn and support tbz on kingdom :D

[atalho-s]

Light Up The Dark

Part 1 | June

pairing: bartender!tom x famous!reader

warnings: some smut +18 (in this particular chapter it’s nothing TOO explicit, but miniors be aware), swear words?, drinking, let me know if anything else!

words: 4.9 k

summary: y/n is a famous horror writer. Her books are on the lips of the people and her face is on all the magazine covers of promising young people.

She has just moved to Los Angeles, the city of celebrities and luxury, when she starts to get a writer's block as she starts writing her newest book. A way to distract herself and seek inspiration leads her to have her destiny mapped out with a simple waiter named Tom who has a delicious british accent.

What happens when her inspiration comes back only after she spends a night with him and she only manages to write after being in the company of that guy she just met? Maybe he'll become her newest addiction.

a/n: english it’s not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! this is a series i started writing a while ago, i hope y’all enjoy :) the reader it’s from brazil here, but you can replace from any country you want lol And obv i’m not from LA and never been there, so if i say something out of reality it’s bc of that 😂

"June arrived at the restaurant, sat down near the bar and looked around vaguely. The strange people's faces made her think better and maybe drink a shot of tequila too.

She opened his folder with the horrifying photos of the mysterious case. She felt sick to her stomach.

People said that by then she should have been used to see this kind of thing, but that was repulsive.

She wish the nightmare she had the night before was a way to solve that puzzle, but believing in the afterlife now wouldn't help her... If...If..."

- Damn it... - Y/n slammed her fist on the table. - Writer's block sucks. - She said and took the last sip of her tea.

It s been a week since she couldn't write anything. She would write maybe two paragraphs, maybe even three if she got lucky, but she always ended up erasing it, because she always turned into something meaningless or too cliche.

Damn the time she had promised to deliver something to her editor by the end of the month. But she hadn't counted on the lack of ideas when she agreed to that.

She got up from her chair in frustration and crossed her arms, pacing, as if her creativity had gone out for a walk and she was waiting impatiently for it to come back.

Why had she agreed to write a new book in the first place? She didn't need money. Their previous four books were already making huge profits, and they were going to make a new television series based on one of them.

So why writing another one? Maybe because, she had been having too many nightmares lately. Many family and friends told her to see a psychologist, see if she didn't have some hidden trauma. But looking for a psychologist? Admitting your weaknesses and personal things to a stranger? Never. That would be horrifying.

Writing helped. Transferring his fears to pages was hers gift. When she wrote she didn't have nightmares, didn't see things, wasn't sad. It was like a drug, a calming medicine.

Maybe fame was also making her restless lately. She hated being the spotlight, being the magazine cover of promising young people. She hated to see her name highlighted. But she loved having readers, yes. She loved when someone felt good reading her books or in the good sense of the word: terrified by her stories.

At the height of her 25 years, he never thought her books would become famous at that point. She had always enjoyed writing since she was a child, but working with it was just an unattainable dream. Until, at age 19, she quit her hideous job as a hotel receptionist and decided to publish her first story.

Obviously there were many rejections, until a publisher agreed to publish their work. From then on, her books became more and more known. They called her the new horror genius, the mystery queen, and sometimes even "Stephen King's lost daughter."

She didn't think it was all that. But she accepted the descriptions gladly. No wonder her books didn't come out of the top spot on the best sellers.

Another thing that motivated her to continue with that story, was a phrase from her own idol mentioned, Stephen King: "good stories are those that stay in the head for a long time". And God only knew how that story had been with her for far too long. She always wanted to put it down on paper, so here she was trying to put into words what her head brought up as random thoughts.

But now she was having one of his first creative blocks. Obviously she had already had it with previous books, but nothing as frustrating as this one. She had been trying hard for days, which was exhausting.

She looked at the clock on the wall: 11pm. Who knows if she took another break before starting writing again? Maybe it would help to come up with more ideas.

She thought about watching a show or movie, but he wasn't in the mood. She looked at her long polka dot pajamas under her favorite warm robe and snorted. Go out? On a Thursday night? On a cold night? No way.

But what if it helped her have more writing material? Watching people on the street really helped. If June, the character in her book, was in a bar, maybe if she went to one too it would help to have something to build on.

Writers did it all the time. Describe places that already existed, situations similar to which they lived. So, it wouldn't be new. Maybe she'd even put the location in her tribute if helped she got out of her creative block.

She took a deep breath and went to take a shower. It was decided, she would go out. She put on her best jeans, a Ramones T-shirt with a leather jacket. It wasn't a fancy outfit, but she didn't intend to go somewhere fancy anyway. Her stylist would have been dying to see her now, but she didn't care one bit.

She went out pressing the bottom of the elevator. Y/n had lived on the top floor of a building for 2 months, right in downtown Los Angeles. Sometimes she didn't even know why she chose to live there, she hated the big city and what came with it: paparazzi, celebrities, crazy people who feel superior, wealth and luxury. She came from a humble family, so she always felt like an outsider.

Y/n arrived downstairs and left the condominium calling a taxi that was passing in the street just in time. She walked in and closed the door, crossing her arms, trying to ward off the cold.

- Good night miss, where are you going? - the driver asked looking at her in the rearview mirror.

- Good night... Actually I don't know, do you have any suggestions for a bar around here?- she asked looking out the window. She didn't even bother to look for suggestions for places nearby.

- Well, it depends on what you're looking for... Something luxurious or something fun? - He said and a smiled played on the corer of her mouth. Luxurious was the opposite of fun indeed.

- Something fun, of course.

- So, I suggest the new Seven Devils bar, it's less than 20 minutes from here... - he said.

- Interesting name... Could be. - She said shrugging.

- The name is kinda creepy, but the place is cozy and welcoming, I went once. - the driver said starting and entering the street that was practically empty for being a weekday.

- Cool... - Y/n said looking at the city lights through the window.

After nearly twenty minutes the taxi stopped in front of what appeared to be a small door with a security guard in front of it. The neon sign indicated the name of the place, it seemed a mysterious place for those who passed by without knowing it.

- Thanks. - Y/n said handing the driver the money.

- You're not the Y/n Y/l/n? I didn't want to say anything, but I'm a fan of you, I love your books, they help me pass the time while I wait for passengers. - the driver asked turning a little with one of the Y/n books in his hand. - Could you sign this for me?

- Sure! - Y/n spoke excitedly taking the book from his hand and leaving a message along with her signature. - Thanks for the tip of the place. Have a good night... - She said opening the door.

- No, thank you, have a good night miss. -he said and she smiled closing the door and the taxi left leaving her alone looking at the door in front of her.

She approached the security guard who wished her good night, giving her room to enter, after she showed her ID. Y/n entered a little afraid of what she would find. The door behind her closed and she looked around. It was really cozy as the taxi driver said, it had a part with several tables, which were a little empty and a bar with stools around. The place had a good atmosphere, one of those that people go there to meet and chat with friends, in the background there was a kind of pop song that she wasn't sure if she knew or not.

He slowly approached the bar and sat down on one of the stools. A woman with several tattoos appeared behind the counter and came to serve her.

- Good night! How can I serve you?- she asked with a smile.

- Good night... Hm... Maybe a martini? - Y/n said taking a look at the drinks on the shelf behind the attendant.

- Okay, I'll be back with your order, anything else?

- That's it for now, thanks. - She replied smiling and the attendant walked away.

Y/n kept looking around, watching people, maybe looking for some inspiration. Something that would turn the key in his mind. Many who were there were in groups of friends and were talking animatedly, laughing. Some young and some older, in suits and ties, perhaps coming out of work.

Until one guy in particular caught her attention. He wore the black uniform with the name of the place, with an apron tied around the waist of the same color, and was picking up some glasses from some empty tables. He had dark brown hair slicked back and eyes the same color, very expressive and large. A boy's face from the outside, but on the inside had a mysterious and confident air.

He balanced a tray full of things with an greatest skill in one hand and smiled at some people, he seemed charming because everytime he left a table he left people whispering and giggling embarrassed behind his back.

He walked over and entered the bar placing the tray behind the counter, came close to the other attendant who already had the Y/n martini ready and she could hear him talking, soon realizing he had a perfect accent.

- Sally, you can leave it to me, go take your break. Whose martini is it?- he asked taking a look around.

- Oh thank you, my feet are killing me. It's the girl over there. -she said indicating Y/n with her head and he looked at her, making Y/n realize that she was staring at him for too long, so she looked away embarrassed.

- Okay. - he said looking at where Y/n was sitting and stopped in front of her with the glass. - Good night miss, here is your order. - He spoke with a british accent. Only at that moment did Y/n realize that his accent was well loaded and God only knows how much she loved that accent.

- Oh yes, thank you very much. - She said raising her eyes to look at him and smiled then he blinked with one of his eyes and gave her one more look, before going to deliver another order to a man who was sitting a few benches away.

Y/n felt a shiver all of a sudden, that boy had made her legs a little weak and she didn't really know why. I mean, he was handsome, very handsome and he had a special charm, but it wasn't that much, was it? Maybe it was because it had been a while since she'd dated anyone. When was the last time? Two months ago? Since she had moved in she hadn't gone out with anyone, she had locked herself in her apartment and was writing like crazy. She didn't have time to go out, not even with her friends when she was working on a new book. Which brought them dissatisfaction from time to time, not just because she didn't hang around with them, but because she didn't even go out on one-night stands.

She never been the one that going out with a guy just for sex, she had to have some good first dates and maybe she would take him to see her apartment or go to his apartment. Friends of hers thought she was too old in her spirit, but what can he do? If she couldn't be bad girl once in a while. For a moment she thought, "For this english guy I would be" but shook her head away from the thoughts. She went back to analyzing him, dammit why did he have to be so fit? She could see that the T-shirt he was wearing highlighted his muscles that were only left to her imagination, she found herself biting her lip a bit and snatching her martini off the counter, taking a big sip.

The attendant approached again, drying some glasses with a towel, and took one more look in her direction where she looked away quickly making him smirk. He stopped in front of her again, bracing her arms on the counter, making her swallow hard. He didn't know why she was so nervous, he was just a guy, no biggie.

- I like the shirt. - He pointed with a smile, which made her think he had a beautiful and endearing smile. She looked down and then looked at him smiling too.

- Thank you... Ramones is everything... - she said and drank the last sip of her drink placing the empty glass in front of her right after. - Can you serve one more?

- Sure...- he said, still smiling, took the bottle and filled his glass again. - Trying to distract yourself on a thursday night?

- Yeah... you could say yes... - she said taking another sip. - Have you worked here for a long time?

- In fact, it's been almost six months since I moved to the United States and I've been working here for four months. -he said putting the towel that was in his hand on his shoulder.

- Hm... You're from London?

- I am, wow how did you find out? - he asked raising an eyebrow playfully and she smiled.

- Yeah, your accent really doesn't give out anything ... - she said and he gave a low laugh making her have more goose bumps.

- You also have a different accent, have you lived here for a long time? - he didn't know who she was, which was good. But it also wasn't like she was recognized all the time, despite her face being on magazine covers, she was still a writer, so she was only recognized by those who liked to read or who vaguely remembered her face.

- I was born in Brazil actually, but I've lived here for years, lived in another city for almost five years and now I've decided to come to Los Angeles two months ago...

- I see ... - he said organizing some drinks that were on the counter. - Do you like it here?

- More or less... It's a busy city, isn't it?

- Yeah, it's not for anyone. - He said shrugging. - I like it, I like the rush, but the glamor part really isn't me. - the attendant said and she smiled.

- You're right... I mean, I don't like the glam too much either... - She looked away at her nails.

- What do you work with? - he asked and she looked at him again.

- I'm a writer...

- Nice! What do you write? - He asked curious looking at her with attention.

- I write horror and thriller books.

- Interesting... I would never read, actually I'm not much of a reader anyway, but I wouldn't, because I'm terrified of those things. - He said crossing his arms and she laughed.

- Oh, it's not that terrifying, it's just stories. - She said leaning her elbows on the counter.

- Still, I prefer to have my good night's sleep intact. - He said and she laughed making him smile looking at her.

When she was about to say something, a customer signaled for him and he excused himself going towards the man who was furthest away.

Y/n sighed. She still didn't have any new ideas about her story, but she was entertained by that conversation. She liked not being recognized, she liked him not being interested in her books, for a moment she felt oblivious to anything, liked feeling disconnected from her world.

He returned shortly after and they started talking again. They talked about bands, movies, superficial celebrities and even politics (an important topic in Y/n's vision, who was very firm with her ideas, thankfully he had passed the test). She found out that he was the same age as her and that he moved to the US to look for something that would give him money or a perspective on life, ended up getting that job and intended to stay until he found a different area. The hours passed and they kept finding subjects to give their opinion or questions to ask each other.

- Did you go to college? - she asked after a while.

- No, I don't think I'm smart enough for that, or have the patience. What about you?

- Everyone is smart enough. I started going to business school, but I dropped out when my books started to pay off...

- Wow, your books should give you a good amount of money to be able to drop out of college and dedicate yourself to them...

- Yeah... You could say that. - She shrugged.

- You know looking at you closer like that...- he said getting a little closer and she held her breath for a moment. - I've seen you somewhere...

- Really? - She said raising her eyebrow and drinking from a straw, now with a different drink.

- I don't know, you're not strange to me... - he said putting his hand on his face thoughtfully.

- Well, I hope it's from somewhere nice. - She smiled and he smiled back looking at her. - Do you have a girlfriend or are you married? - Y/n asked and regretted a little, what was she thinking? He wasn't married, as he didn't have a ring on his finger as she'd noticed. But what was her intention by asking that question? She didn't even know, she just knew it had escaped her.

- Neither darling. - He replied smiling a little mischievously and she felt butterflies with the way he called her by that nickname and with that accent. - How about you?

- Neither ... - She replied avoiding looking at him, those eyes hypnotized her and she didn't like to feel at his mercy of a guy she had just met. She took the cell phone disguising but paid attention to the time. - My God, it's already 2:00 in the morning! I completely missed the time.

- I think the company ended up distracting you. - He said still not taking his eyes off her and she felt her cheeks heat up.

- Yeah, the chat was really good... But I have to go... - she said getting up.

- If you wait I can take you home, I'm already leaving, the bar is already closing. - he said and Y/n looked around seeing that some waiters were already collecting some things from the tables.

She thought for a moment, take a ride home with him? It didn't make sense, she had just met him, but at the same time she had enjoyed talking to him so much. He didn't seem like a bad person, but even so you would never know for sure. At the same time she never took any chances, why not let that pretty boy take her home? Finally, she thought: you know what? Screw this.

-Erm, ok...- She shrugged. - I'll go to the cashier to pay and wait for you outside?

- No need to pay darling, it's on me. - He spoke winking and she smiled.

- Oh no, I'll pay no problem...

- Your company has paid off your debt, it's ok. - He replied and she took a deep breath rolling her eyes.

- If you insist...- she said giving up.

He came out from behind the counter and motioned for her to follow him, arriving at the front door where the security was.

- Tuwaine, you can let her pass, it's on me. - He told the big guy and he looked at the english man, sawing his eyes suspiciously and smiling right away. Making Y/n laugh inside.

- Meet you outside? It will only take a few minutes - the attendant said and she nodded, leaving in the cold night.

She leaned against the door with her thoughts. She had come here just to get inspiration and to have her creative back, but she was coming home with an english guy. She didn't even recognize herself anymore, but to say she wasn't anxious (in a good way) was a lie.

She was lost in her thought, until minutes later he came out wearing a denim jacket, which made him look even more handsome.

- Let's go? - He said and she followed him to an old car parked right in front of the bar.

He opened the door for her to get in and she thanked him by sitting in the passenger seat, pulling on her seat belt as he closed the door. He sat down next to her right away, also putting on his belt.

- Hey, before we go: I didn't ask for your name! If you're going to take me home at least I have to know that- she asked realizing that she didn't even know that yet and he looked towards her smiling.

- Tom Holland. - He said stretching his hand. - Nice to meet you.

- Y/n Y/l/n- she said, squeezing his hand. And you can't deny that she felt butterflies in her stomach as she felt her skin on hers.

- Your name is not strange to me, I must have read it in one of your books in some shop window. - He said starting and leaving with the car.

- Yeah, who knows ... - she said and he turned on the radio leaving the volume low.

They were exchanging a few words until she indicated that they had arrived at the building where she lived. Tom parked and looked up in a daze.

- Wow, you really have money... - he said and she took off her belt turning towards him.

- A little bit...- she replied crossing her arms. - Well, thank you so much for the ride...

- You're welcome darling. - He said turning his eyes to her. Again that nickname that sounded perfect on his lips.

She turned around, but when she was about to open the door, she turned back to Tom, who was leaning with one hand on the steering wheel and watching her with attention. The next words escaped her again and she was afraid she'd regret it.

- Tom, do you want to come in? - She spoke still holding the door and the boy smiled.

- Sure ... - he said taking the key from the ignition and she shook her head slightly leaving.

He followed her and they entered the building. Tom looked at everything admired which made Y/n smile a little to herself. They entered the elevator and she pressed the penthouse button causing him to raise an eyebrow.

- You really must be a great writer. - he said and she laughed.

He leaned his back against the elevator wall, putting his hands in his pocket and looking her up and down, making her shy. He kept looking at her and it was making her nervous.

They were silent until the elevator opened after a while and they got out. Y/n put a password on the door and it swung open with a small click, she took held the latch and motioned for Tom to enter.

After the two of them entered she closed the door again behind her and watched Tom standing further on, looking around.

- Nice apartment...- he finally said.

- Thank you... - She leaned against the table at the entrance. She didn't know what to do next, maybe it had been a bad idea to bring him here. Why was she so impulsive that night? -Tom, I don't know why I invite you in, sorry...-she said a little nervous looking at her feet. He turned towards her, approaching and stopping in front of her.

- Are you sure you don't know? - He asked and she raised her head, seeing those brown eyes. She bit her bottom lip watching him closely. Damn he knew how to hypnotize her. He took another step and placed a hand on either side of her on the table, cornering her - Your body says otherwise, love... - he said softly feeling her breath hitch slowly and approaching his face to hers, alternating the look of your eyes to her lips. Y/n found another nickname that was perfect when he say.

He finally closed the distance by pressing his lips to hers. His lips were soft and warm, as if they were meant to be kissed. She returned the kiss willingly and when she laced her fingers in his neck, he licked her lower lip slowly asking for passage in which she opened them letting his tongue explore her mouth.

His hands gripped her waist and roamed her body greedily. As he kissed her, he caught her from behind her legs and sat her down on the entrance table, biting her bottom lip shortly after, provoking a low moan from her. He smiled against her lips and trailed kisses to her neck, attacking her skin with desire, making her throw her head back a little.

She grabbed his hair and pulled him back so she could kiss him. Which he gladly reciprocate. His kiss was urgent, but without being rude, he tasted like mint, making her want him even more.

His fingers found the button of her pants and he undid them quickly pulling them out, tossing them aside. When he came back he took her calf and kissed her leg up to her thighs, making her sigh. He moved up the kisses until he caught the hem of her shirt and pulled it up a little, kissing her stomach as well. Y/n didn't know what to do but feel goose bumps with every touch he gave. He then hiked up her shirt and she lifted her arms where he pulled her off, tossing along with her pants that were also on the floor.

She was just wearing her underwear in front of him, it made her a little excited and embarrassed at the same time, but the way he looked at her made her feel confident. He went back to kissing her body, this time kissing each covered breast in turn and reaching for the back of her bra and opening it. She helped him out tosiing to the side and he stood between her legs just watching her for a second, making her feel her cheeks heat up.

- Perfect... - he said with a low voice, as it was for himself and bent down to her breasts kissing each one of her nipples and then sucking them deliciously. Y/n moaned and bit her lip to keep her moans from getting louder, tangling her fingers in his hair again. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds and smiled slightly lowering his kisses to where she wanted him most.

He reached the hem of her panties and pulled them out slowly, kneeling between her legs and she looked at him with expectation. He returned the look and gave that smirk again.

- Look at you darling.... - That damn nickname. - Extremely wet and I haven't even touched you yet... - he said approaching and devouring her right away making her throw her head back with pleasure, biting her lips again to not sound so pathetic with her moans that insisted in wanting get out. - Oh, please don't drown out those wonderful sounds you make, I want to hear how good I'm making you feel. - He said in a husky tone, returning to his task after and she parted her lips letting her moans spread through the apartment.

****************************************************************************************

Y/n woke up the other day in her bed. She didn't even know how she got there, she just had flashes of the night before and how good she felt in each moment. She stretched and looked to the side seeing she was alone. She got up and put on a robe who was on the side of the bed.

After going to the bathroom and doing her morning hygiene routine she walked around the apartment looking around to see if Tom was somewhere else in the house, but found nothing. Which was understandable, it wasn't like she expected him to stay there and have breakfast with her and all.

She arrived in the kitchen and made black coffee and lean against the countertop. What that simple waiter had done to her was ridiculous, in a good sense, she felt great and kept remembering that accent that was stuck in her mind. He had consumed her in a way she had never imagined it she could be.

Taking a deep breath she set down turning her notebook on. Then opened her book and started writing.

[lostinwildflowers]

hello!! i have come to give my congrats to you on 800 followers (holy shit, you deserve it!!) and inquire about the event!! if there are still spots open, i'd love to request one, but if not, feel free to disregard this ask :)

my name is jessica, i'm 19 (gonna be 20 in like 2 weeks -_-). im a film major in college right now, and I'm going to be starting a minor in Japanese next semester. I really want to do screenwriting or tv writing in the future bc i really like storytelling and worldbuilding, but we'll see how that goes lmao. the film industry is brutal. i like to draw and read in my free time, or just listen to music and disassociate yk -- anything that allows me to be immersed in something bc my psychiatrist said that's good for my anxiety :D we love mental illness. ig personality-wise im pretty chill?? but im also a bit of a perfectionist and i tend to be pretty organized (if that makes sense lmao). I tend to have either really weird or dark humor and i hyper-fixate on things really easily. i am more introverted though and it takes me a while to open up to people fully -- i have to be REALLY comfortable with them. i can also be really stubborn, especially when i think im right and ESPECIALLY when think im right and later find out im wrong :/ im working on it. I've been told im a really good listener tho, and good at giving advice. also i like cats :) OH and one of my fatal flaws is that if i really REALLY don't want to do something, will literally do anything else before that, and normally that ends up being cleaning. once i vacuumed the entire apartment bc i didn't want to write the outline for an essay.

for the character i'd be fine with either oikawa or sakusa from haikyuu, whichever one you want to feel is easier for you to write for!! and if you could do option 3 that'd be great! something fluffy, i think, but honestly, whatever you write i will absolutely love. go crazy! i just don't want to cry, i don't need the sadness :( aot is already destroying me every week.

thanks and have a great day!!!!!!!! congrats again :))

Hehe oopsie! This is just over 400 words XD I couldn't stop myself! Thank you for your support, I hope you enjoy this little drabble!

---

“My love?”

Oikawa had just gotten back to your shared apartment, and was confused at the sound of the vacuum cleaner running as well as wipes on the counter and the trash sitting next to the door.

In his hands he held a small carrier- a surprise for you, actually. You had been very busy with school and working towards getting possible internship, so he decided you needed a little something.

As he walks further into the apartment, he can see your sketchbook resting on the table in the living room, and he quirks an eyebrow toward your bedroom, where the noise was coming frmo.

He gently sets down the carrier before sliding into the room, his eyes catching on your figure, noting the tension in your shoulders and the stressed look on your face.

“Jessica,” he tries again, calling over the sound of the vacuum. This time, you hear Oikawa, and your eyes light up at the sight of him.

You turn the vacuum off, walking over to him and burying your face in his chest. He just chuckles and brings a hair up to rub at your head as he mumbles, “Hello to you too.”

“Sorry Tooru… I’ve been really stressed and busy today, and I have an analysis due Thursday-” “Shh shh, it’s okay, I got you a little something,” he cuts in gently, pushing you back so he could gage the reaction on your face.

You just look confused and he knows this will be perfect. He gestures to the living room and says, “C’mon, lets go.” You just follow him silently, your mind racing as to what he could have gotten you.

And that’s when you catch sight of the cat carrier sitting in the middle of the living room, and the soft meows coming from within it. Your mouth drops as you turn in shock to Oikawa, who just proudly grins at you.

“You got me a cat?!” you yelp as you race over the carrier, dropping to your knees to see the small brown kitten inside. Oikawa sits down next to you and says, “He’s all yours, Jess. I got all the supplies and stuff, they should be delivered in a couple hours. I thought you might need a study buddy.”

You turn away from the kitten and toward your boyfriend, pouncing on him and attacking him with kisses.

“Thank you so much! What are we going to name him?!” “I thought we could call him Oikawa Junior.” “Absolutely not!”

---

THIS EVENT IS CLOSED

[sorenissuperior]

Some cuties for you to *now* wake up to a little later. I really enjoyed talking to you today. I had a lot of fun and I hope you did too. I started to feel a little uneasy after I left my moms house. Just felt a bit paranoid because she still hugged us when we first went inside. We tried not to have too much contact with her, my sister or my step dad. After we got home I took princess out and once we went back inside she started to overheat somehow. I don't know what happened but her body got incredibly hot. I wrapped her up in a wet towel and carried her around in it so she didnt lay on the ground or anything. I was holding her for maybe 20-30 minutes. That was a little scary. After she cooled down quite a bit I put her on her pillow by my window and she and I took a nap a little. I didnt want to cover her up or anything either, I didnt want to raise her body temperature. And a bit after that is when I told you I woke up. Then I played ac and bought our stuff and whatnot. I finally got one of my games back from my sister. I let her borrow it july of last year. I bought her a switch a few days after I moved to the apartment because she would always ask to play my games at the house. So that way she could play the ones I already bought for her and she could play whichever others she wanted to get too. Wow its pretty late. 4:06 am. Someone is gonna come by to take a look at the smoke alarms in the morning because when we got home one of them was beeping periodically. Hopefully it isn't before I'm awake otherwise I'd be pretty grumpy bc puppy would bark and wake me up. But I usually wake up and take her out, then play at least for a little. And I've got no other obligations right now until I have to work on Thursday again, so I could sleep as soon as they're done. I wonder who my next villager will be. You should be getting your switch tomorrow! That's exciting!! One step closer to playing AC with you. I'm gonna try to sleep now. I hope today was a good day for you. Tell your mom I said hi, okay? Hope you sleep well. Goodnight! ❤