#I'm honestly scared to post this but fuck it
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decided I'm actually gonna answer this via screenshot so I have the option to block you later. here's what I had written:
1) did you read my other additions in the notes
2) "cold attitude toward SA victims" "use SA victims as gotchas" literally go fuck yourself forever. I guess that answers #1 since if you had, you'd know how fucked up and insane this is to allege. I guess you also didn't read my bio or pinned or make the slightest attempt to learn a single thing about me or previous things I've written on the topic. even in my reblogs on that very post it's so clear I'm talking about my experiences & those of people I care very much to defend, and I repeatedly said the people I'm criticizing for objecting to penetrative SA being an added or separate criminal charge are... not victims. I hope to the gods that you are a troll.
3) I have decided to think you're lying. About not understanding anything I said in that post & my reblogs of it, and about your supposed interpretations of my statements. Because the alternative is that your reading comprehension is genuinely THAT bad, bad enough that you somehow think I'm saying shit such as "penetration is the only important thing," that my mention of the existence of specific incest and under-12 criminal charges somehow means I think ONLY those things are relevant (????????), that other SA is nbd, etc. -- and that honestly scares me to entertain as a possibility. So I'm not gonna treat you like you're stupid, because that's so worrying if it's true.
4) *IF* you aren't a troll, please for the love of Earth log off & seek help. Idk for sure if your issue is trauma-based projection, reading comprehension issues, both, or what, but it's frightening me.
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As a self-appointed canon Remus defender, I agree that Remus can be angry. It would be insane to suggest that a human being is incapable of expressing the perfectly natural human emotion of anger.
But the issue arises from turning that anger into a defining character trait, or when his anger isn't balanced and nuanced. If belittling/insulting his friends or exploding with rage is Remus' first instinct in any difficult situation in a fic, then he is OOC. Which may be suitable depending on the AU! I have written him with an angry streak myself, I'm not opposed to the idea of letting Remus be angry. But we should at least be able to acknowledge that this is OOC for Remus, who rarely expressed outward anger even in some very stressful situations.
My main qualm with atyd in particular is the fact that it touts itself as "canon compliant", eeeeexcept for the tiny fact that the main character's entire backstory was dramatically changed, which in turn affected his entire characterization. The fic even made a point to skip over every established canon scene because it would have made it very clear that atyd Remus and Canon Remus have little in common (except one scene briefly in the Shack where Remus uses special werewolf powers to read Sirius' mind to work out the whole secret keeper switch, using the very same technique that Sirius' mother often used to abuse him, this being their FIRST INTERACTION after 12 years apart, but I digress)
Atyd Remus is an OC with the same name who, yes, has some anger issues, and is nuanced and incredibly well-written, but he is NOT Remus and at no point throughout the story becomes Remus. The part that really sealed the deal for me was when Dumbledore arrived to invite Remus to teach at Hogwarts, and Remus was openly hostile and rude to this man that, canonically, is Remus' personal hero and infallible moral compass. ("Well, he's not my fucking brother.")
I also strongly disliked the way Sirius was scapegoated heavily at the end, made to apologize to Remus and grovel for his affection after spending 12 years in Azkaban while Remus was living a rather cozy life in comparison with his muggle lover in the flat that Sirius paid for. I remember waiting for Remus to apologize too, AND HE FUCKING NEVER DID
Disclaimer: I enjoyed atyd as a standalone AU with canon elements. It was beautifully written and the author clearly put so much time, effort, and love into writing it. I honestly really liked Remus in it, I just can never see him as superior to my beloved Canon Remus and I hate this fandom for bullying those of us who chose not to canonize a popular fanfic.
#i try to avoid openly criticizing atyd on here but I felt like I needed to elaborate on my “canon Remus wasn't angry” post#atyd critical#if fandom is going to use this fic as their source then we should be allowed to discuss it#I enjoyed atyd when I read it but I can't ignore the way it has erased Canon Remus from the marauders fandom#my fics get hate comments for building Remus based on canon traits bc this fandom canonized an ooc fic#I'm honestly scared to post this but fuck it#remus lupin#canon Remus defender#fanon vs canon
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"Everything you went through was meaningless." [St Voyager S3 E7: 'Sacred Ground']
#Serving Jesus realness#star trek screenshots#Janeway#iconic that all the aliens are like 'damn....that's crazy....anyway-' about Janeway HEHEHE they're like snickering behind their hands#I would be too honestly if some outsider tried to speedrun my ancient spiritual rituals#Love the vibe of 'this could all be hazing' they're putting out. Also I keep seeing the face paint on the guide woman as like a mic#honestly this woman's fucking hilarious HEHEHE#Janeway: I'm dying. / Alien Guide: We all die someday :) <- lady who just told her to stick in her hand in a poison jar#AHAHAHA THEY REALLY DID HAZE HER...I love these guys they're so nahnahnahbooboo-core#also the refrain 'Everything you went through was meaningless' ..... thinking BIG thoughts about post-voyager voy crew back on earth#I really do earnestly love the gleeful contempt vibe...it just seems so right. In a funny way but also in a way that's deeply true#the feeling of trying to find answers while you universe laughs and says there are none - it's meaningless - but you're welcome to go ahead#and try. If you find God you have the feeling it would just stare at you blankly. Then laugh.#Chakotay: Captain I've been so worried about you! Have you found a solution? / Janeway: Absolutely. I'm going to walk into the death shrine#Chakotay: (internally hysterical) Oh of COURSE!!!! no of COURSE she's going to walk into the DEATH SHRINE!!!!#great imagery in this one <3 folks who love religious imagery (me) will get a kick outta this one <3#anyway I love when star trek does hopeful eps like this...makes me tear up like. Yeah there could be a scientific explanation but that#doesn't make it MORE true or MORE real than the religious one - it's just as valid to believe in the spirits#Also those three old creeps were lovely <3 scared me and I like that! existential dread!
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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it's really funny, I've been in my husband's family's WhatsApp group (🤢) for like 4 years at this point. and I never said anything there, ever. until his brother separated from his wife and she left the group lol. didn't even realise it was almost entirely because of her, but yeah, it totally was. she's mean as hell.
#I still don't say a lot there but I will respond when someone like posts a picture of their garden for example#and I'll send pictures of our cats lol#it feels weak but I am honestly scared of his brother's now ex. she's just got that mean girl energy#she's very loud and outspoken and she says whatever the fuck she wants. 99% of which is mean. and I can't handle that#so now that she's gone... yeah I'm really happy about it tbh.#personal
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nobody has mentioned this so hopefully that means you would... not be mad? haha? maybe?? maybe I can mention having a very stigmatized kink and it'll be okay? hopefully?? everyone can be normal maybe? I'm still me I haven't changed hopefully this won't change things at all and I've been terrified of sharing this part of myself for no reason??
#honestly genuinely really scared to post this#the recent vocal tummy love has made me less worried#because even if y'all don't have a kink related to it maybe you understand?#but I'm scared loving tummies is ok until you have a wg/stuffing kink and then you're a gross fatphobic evil predator or smth#someone thinking I see a fat person and want to do things to them against their will#is no better than someone who thinks all gay people want to have sex with everyone of the same gender all the time.#I don't think I have to over-explain myself#I mean I can#I've thought up entire essays as a way to come out about this#the autistic need to be extremely verbose continues#but part of me doesn't want to be... like do I need to write 5k words about my journey towards self acceptance?#do I need to explain myself any more than: this is a part of me. I don't want to hide anymore.#because I was born this way and I don't want to hide anymore#haha what if I delete this in 2 minutes because I'm a fucking coward
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#rant cw#🌙.txt#i'm genuinely so scared rn 😃 i'm trying to distract myself and have fun but it's so hard#like. i know i'm privileged bc at least i have a safe place to stay and i could make it here before everything got worse#and i know there are people going through much worse than me#but i'm TERRIFIED bc there's a high chance we might actually lose everything this time bc this flood is SO much worse than the last one#and if we lose everything then what the fuck are we gonna do...#how many times are we gonna have to deal with this kind of situation#i couldn't sleep bc i was too anxious and now i'm tired#and i just saw a video of a bunch of cows being DRAGGED by the fcking water and they looked so scared :(#i keep crying i feel so powerless#bc literally the only thing i can do is wait and pray that the damage won't be bad to the point where we can't recover from it#i'm sorry i keep posting about this and again i know i'm more privileged than a LOT of people#but i just need to vent bc i honestly have never felt this scared in my life#i'll try to at least take a nap now tho. i need some rest
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honestly hate that I'm still fucking around on tumblr atm. and that I can still message people during a 30min window of the afternoon where I'm just in the sweetspot of caffeination. I'm doing so unbelievably bad atm and like... It's not like I share much outside of tumblr, but I genuinely don't think anyone would even believe me or understand how serious it is. Because I'm not being dramatic and mysteriously brooding and hiding away, and instead I still occasionally post about my blorbos or whatever. Like my suffering doesn't count unless it fills up every hour of every day and is the only thing I talk about. Like maybe if I isolated myself even more and were even more self destructive, someone would give a shit.
How fucking ridiculous that I wish I could be sexier and cooler and more dramatic about my own mental illness
#Idfk it's all so stupid. And now I'm on tumblr posting about it AGAIN instead of shutting the fuck up . god.#I honestly just want someone to see how rough it is and offer literally Any kind of support or at least validation.#like if someone just said like 'I can see you're having a really difficult time and struggling much more than usual' or smth#I would already feel so validated and comforted fr#as gross as that is I WANT to feel a bit special. I want to be treated extra carefully bc I'm in an exceptionally bad state.#I want people to say 'it's rough for them atm so at let's all be extra kind and cut them some slack'#I'm really really really fucking tired of being strong about it#personal#vent#if therapy worked on me that'd also be swell lol#Anyway I'm going to bed because I'm more sad and scared than I can handle while conscious lol
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imagine fearmongering about the end of the world oN FUCKING SHUFFLES???? like from what I've seen the userbase seems really young, but I don't really think of it bc I'm there to just make my silly little aesthetic collages for fun. but wHOOPS the algorithm or whatever decided I wanted to be shown posts from people that are probably like 13 making these long ass posts that are all GUYS THE RAPTURE IS COMING SOON like . jesus christ. pun intended.
#and i wonder why i have fucked up end of the world nightmares lately when the fearmongering is SO ubiquitous#i watch a lot of youtubers that talk abt cults and xtian fundamentalism bc i find it fascinating despite disturbing and scaring me#so im used to watching them talk about televangelists and people who listen to qanon bullshit and stuff like that#but theres something that gets under my skin almost more about seeing people that are probably kids parroting it#idk i feel gross now#like theres something on me you know#im always like “why does the end of the world stuff in particular mess me up so bad” and then i remember I'm a ball of anxiety and panic#and then it starts to make sense#vent post#tw christianity#idk how to tag this one honestly
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I've only just met him but i would fucking die for Pluto on Black Butler I am so in love with him
(I'm only on like episode 8(?) and I know literally not a single spoiler for black butler and I'm not risking looking up Pluto at all lest I risk any contamination, so you guys can deal with my pining over his white haired fang faced body count ass until I can be sure I won't spoil his character arc at all lmao)
#white hair fangs body count the puppy is practically bakura#I'm so enamoured#i dont doubt he'll end up being a pawn for the villains but honestly he's so fucking cute and I'm sad i cant look up pictures of him#between episodes without spoilers lmao#aaaaaa what a cutie#blorbo incubation is starting in my brain#i hope i dont have to rb this in a weeks time with an ammendment to say wtf he sucks sorry you had to read my blorbification post#new blorbo or bust? stay tuned#pluto#black butler#i will rb this at a later stage with more solid opnions#so far my assumptions are that#1) if i look him up there'll be a lot of dog related smut and 2) hes a vehicle for the lady to come back into their lives#i cant look up names lmao#i think thems my only assumptions#honestly scared to look him up in the future case i find amounts of rule 34 dog stuff that i didnt sign up for lmao#god so many tags sorryyyyy#i should sleep#just rotating plu plu :)
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me and him are chronic pain solidarity and we take care of each other when we have flare ups <3
#🔧🤖 gay robot 🔧🤖#💚 autistic friendship#all I wamt right now is for stretchy to be real and in my room taking care of me#honestly I'd love a hug from him right now. I NEED bestie hugs IMMEDIATELY 🥺#I'm like. so dcared and stressed right now#which is probably making all my symptoms worse#but it's so hard not to get scared when your body does weird fucked up shit </3#currently trying my best to calm down (thinking so much about stretchy)#so yeah sorry if I end up posting a lot tonight lol
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Not me taking a full 30 seconds after scrolling down to realize Buggy was even there
WHY IS BUGGY EVEN THERE??? TUMBLR???
#F in the chat for all the Tumblrinas with a fear of clowns#Truly they must be having a bad day#Moon posting#Truly only Tumblr would be only website where they put a random floating clown on the front page to jump scare the userbase#Honestly I'm just glad it's Buggy and not fucking Pennywise or some shit#Although Tumblr's sudden One Piece enthusiasm feels absolutely bizarre to take in
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I thought the worst part of making new friends would be just not clicking with people and having to deal with that awkwardness but instead it was finding one of those fucking whiny antisocial bitches who just always seem to cling to me again and they're trying to bring me down. I'm gonna go joker I'm gonna go joker I am so mad about this person literally leave me alone I hate you I hate you get the fuck out of my life already
#rehks rants#actual rant#college#hope they drop out honestly they literally live in the residence hall that shares the same lobby#everyone else around me has already properly shunned them but I'm nice to everyone so they think I like them#I'm so done last night I decided I didn't wanna see them again and guess what I saw them again#and if you're that person's friend who got my tumblr tonight but was too scared to follow me#go ahead and show them this if you dare but don't make it my fucking problem#I'm gonna kill you im gonna kill you killing and biting#this person is so much worse than my last annoying friend#this post feels really mean but this person started criticizing my diet and I'm actually gonna kill them#stop asking me to exercise with you I would rather kill you and then myself like nandor
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Hey anon, idk who you are, but i kindly ask you to please educate yourself on paranoia and anxiety before making a statement like that.
#mutuals please read including the tags#it's likely i was overthinking - however#i still think what that coworker said was a shitty joke. and honestly idc anymore if they think i'm ''childish'' due to my autism.#i'm so sorry friends abt dming yall abt this#the ask made my spiral so much worse at the time that i asked a couple friends#cuz I was scared i made them mad!!! i know them decently but wasn't sure if i like. struck a nerve :(#and like. i discovered one of them also has paranoia and i'm over here like oh FUCK#i don't want them to start thinking i don't trust them either because i was stupid enough to even think for a MOMENT they would send that#lesson learned don't post vents while going thru an episode ;_;#de1et1ng l8ter
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every time i pick up a fic and start working on it again i’m like “wow this is great, i should write all the time actually” and then. the horrors (have A levels and uni applications)
#picked up my marcnath again#i love them#lemme tell you the three priority wips rn:#the marcnath#my twig cowlquape edge chronicles one which ONE other person will read#but fuck it we ball sometimes that's what it's all about#and then the jeongbin gym one#bc i'm scared if i post two non-skz fics i'll lose my audience and then when i go to finish all my other wips no one will read them#honestly writing again is such a lovely feeling tbh like this SLAPS
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Months ago I officially divorced from the evangelical lutheran church and after like a month of waiting got my letter from the state confirming my divorce.
I was honestly surprised how free I felt. Maybe it had something to with the fact that I made a small ritual around it, so it wasn't exactly mundane thing to do. It was something I had talked of doing for a long time.
It feels like I've shaken off the last tiny bit of christianity still holding me from the ankle.
#I found this post from my drafts and honestly I wanted to post this now that I've been happily ex-member of the church for half a year#´for some reason I was scared of posting this back then but you know what fuck that I'm gonna say it#skull thoughts
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