#I'm hiding in my happy place
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I know everyone is going mental over the video that Florence has posted, or in tumblrs case, people are now in serious need of a cold shower.
But my take from this is that that "N" was deliberately written differently and, therefore, must mean it is a hint that Natasha is back!
‘YELENA’
I’m so fucking happy
#This is my take from this#let me be delusional#I'm hiding in my happy place#thunderbolts#Yelena Belova#alexei shostakov#bucky barnes#Valentina Allegra de Fontaine#melina vostokoff#florence pugh#david harbour#sebastian stan#julia louis dreyfus#rachel weisz#Black Widow#natasha romanoff#scarlett johansson
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#I HAVE A COUCH NOW#So I had to tell my mom#It's a hide a bed#So I can have drunk friends crash at my place#I'm so happy
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my experience with maxing out the twins' friendship is just-
Hawke: So, Carver, my dear baby brother who I love and adore, I only need +10 more points to max out your friendship. I've done the grind; through gritted teeth I've kissed templar ass so that we don't raise suspicion. I've supported and defended you and let you take the lead whenever I could. You're my favorite warrior. I took you to the Deep Roads with me because you desperately wanted to go and then made you a warden and you found a place, a purpose. I've practically written my own guide on how to earn as much friendship with you because I love you and it's totally worth it so can I please please have the last +10...? Carver: Hawke: Carver please I'm begging you Carver: Carver: +5 Friendship Hawke: AAUUGGGHHLKSAJDLKAJSDLK-
Hawke: So, Bethany, my dear sis- Bethany: +50 Friendship Hawke: Bethany: :)
#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#bethany hawke#carver hawke#i love them both they're my favorites#but oh my god the grind of maxing out carver's friendship because it's absolutely worth it and then playing another run with bethany#where i blinked and suddenly her friendship was maxed out was a wild experience sksksk#and it's interesting to think about how carver is 'difficult' when it comes to getting friendship whereas bethany already starts with +50#so it's easier to max her out just by being kind to her and doing her quests early#but after act 1 carver becomes so much softer when your friendship is high with him BUT bethany? i'm leaning more toward making her a warde#and i know she's going to be so resentful of me for it despite having maxed friendship like that's so fascinating??#how the twins start off on such opposite ends with different attitudes toward hawke?? and how after act 1 they switch??#well for the warden routes anyway... i refuse to let carver join the templars and i really REALLY don't want bethany to go to the circle#she won't be happier there no one can convince me she's happier as a circle mage... 'accepting your place' isn't the same as being happy#carver can find a place he's content with whereas bethany is screwed over either way since her magic isn't something she can just let go of#like yes both twins are bitter that they didn't survive the deep roads but carver's always worn his bitterness on his sleeve#whereas bethany felt she had to hide hers because she felt she had to be grateful for the sacrifices her family made for her#and now they are both trapped and free at the same time... carver just happens to thrive but bethany feels she traded one cage for another#ugh the hawke twins THE HAWKE TWINS Y'ALL#I just want them to be happy and loved and alive... why is that too much to ask for??
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show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw
#please ignore the rest of the tags i will just be making things up#okay they start out in carolina but at least half the episode takes place in dc. do not ask me how travel logistics would work#tory spends the entire episode off with tempe doing bone stuff. booth feels upstaged by a 16-year-old girl#so he goes and hangs out with ben who does NOT trust him right off the bat#ben ends up having to run him over to liri at some point because there's crime afoot and tom is busy. they spend most of the ride in silenc#ofc they end up bonding Eventually because they are both obsessed with crazy emotionally stunted redheads named t brennan#tory is more effective than any of the squinterns and manages to piss hodgins off so bad just by existing#coop hangs out in the lab as saroyan tries to kick him out thirty times. he just keeps showing up and she can't prove who's letting him in#(it's tempe.) angela loves tory but tory does not love angela back. saroyan tolerates her. sweets likes her but knows she's hiding somethin#comes to the conclusion that she can read her friends minds and slowly drives himself crazy because obviously that can't be true#tory brings hi along whenever she needs someone with people skills and he is MORE than happy to participate in a hodgins experiment#hi gets to be king of the lab for about ten minutes. shelton hits it off with angela immediately and they solve half the case together#booth fucking HATES hi because he's evasive and really good at the manipulation thing. booth can't win verbal sparring and he gets Big Mad#at one point the four of them are in an interrogation room together (MISTAKE) because tory had them meddling a little too close to the sun#and booth is trying so hard to question them which didn't work even when they COULDN'T read each other's minds#tory figures out who did it and hi steals her thunder a la shrek wasnt vandalized he gave birth#temperance tells tory 'i know you've got a secret sweets told me and even though i don't trust psychology i find he's insightful' etc etc#tory's like well i might be but i can't tell you it's not just my secret and you wouldn't believe me anyway#because let's be real tempe WOULDNT believe her#meanwhile saroyan convinced by sweets paranoia managed to get a sample of tory's blood and test it and is like HEY WHAT THE FUCK#gets hodgins and they just stare at the results together and delve into conspiracy theories. he's like i KNEW there were werewolves#they debate telling tempe but know it wouldnt end well for the kids and decide to get rid of the evidence. but hodgins is SO smug#also angela spends the whole episode trying to convince everyone hi and shelton are dating and no one believes her#they finally see them kiss or something and they're all somehow floored and angela's just like yeah? duh?#if anyone read this i'm sorry and why
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A few years ago, @cathalinaheart recorded two podfics of my fics, and I encourage everyone to give them a listen.
Podfics are so cool once you get over your embarrassment and shyness of being seen, especially in a way that you're not used to lol. It's magical to hear your words come to life, in the voice of someone who enjoyed your writing enough to read it aloud to others and back to you.
Somehow, it makes it even realer that there's another person out there who opened my fic on their phone or computer and spent time with it. It feels more intimate like it's just that reader and me and the words I excavated from someplace deep inside existing in the space between us.
All this is to say, these podfics are special to me and even more so because they're the first two I ever received! For some reason, I never imagined someone podficcing any of my fics.
WOW, I'M DIGRESSING. WHAT ARE THE FICS AND WHERE ARE THE LINKS TO CAT'S PODFICS, YOU ASK? Here they are:
"The Burning of Flowers" - 616 Hickmanvengers Steve/Tony Hanahaki AU
"In My Hands and Gone Again" - post-Endgame Steve/Tony amnesia AU
THANK YOU FOR MAKING THESE, CAT!<3
#stevetony#superhusbands#stony#steve/tony#my fics#podfic#gifts#oh...maybe the way that your words come back to you like that is where the embarrassment comes in for me#there's a degree of separation with other gifts because they're an interpretation of your work#whereas there's still interpretation in podfics but it's your own words lobbed straight back at your face at 100 mph#so you can't hide fdksfjaj#if you must know i'm that person who gets embarrassed when people sing happy birthday to me#and while that's different that probably won't come as a surprise to people reading this although this is 10 times nicer#it's not people staring at you and singing#and the only appropriate thing to do is stare back smiling and standing/sitting in place#wow that makes me sound like i hate people doing that. i don't! i feel awkward but it's wonderful that people care#that you exist in the world! that you were born into it#okay back to podfics#it's really cool to hear where emotions come in for podficcers! it's a novel experience and one that i deeply appreciate#and i get to respond to and interact with those emotions too
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having a somewhat shitty evening which means it's time to think about my fave burping for me so I don't lose my gd mind
#only a few more weeks in this godforsaken place and i'll never have to deal with these assholes again 🙏#i'm so tired of this place man#thinking about my fave has gotten me through... maybe a concerning amount of frustrating things this year#my baseline for how often i think of him is already pretty high but he's on my mind almost constantly here#bc i am that desperately in need of something happy to help me take my mind off of stressful shit#if there's any genuine advice for me to give on this blog it's this:#when considering a college do some digging online about the culture#ESPECIALLY if you're a minority#and i mean dig deep too#if a school has money they may try their damndest to hide all the problems they have through whatever means necessary#people told me i'd fit in here which is true academically#but socially and culturally this place is full of the most toxic people and mindsets jfc#i could go on about this place and how much it sucks for hours#but anyway... my l*ndo burping 🤤🤤🤤#thinking about drinking soda with him and him not letting me touch myself or burp 🥴🥴🥴#sighhhhhhhhhhhh#not sfw#londarling
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#girl help I am not doing well#basically. so the bedroom does not have the measurements that were on the plan#it is in fact significantly smaller and we're going to have to see if we can return stuff#which is fine and all. it's just tedious. it's fine.#but a switch has flipped in my brain from happy to oh no.#I'm just. dreading. everything.#dreading being there and not feeling at home#dreading being out of place#dreading going out of my room and my parents are Not there#I like the apartment. I know I do. I know.#but I can't feel it right now and that's. very scary#after having spent money I feel I just. want to be home#and I know that's not the solution because I've been feeling I need a change so bad#and I do. I need to learn it. I need to try. I need to grow#for at least a year#but god I do not feel up to the task at all#I want to curl up and hide#but my days here are so numbered that it doesn't feel safe. it feels like a timer ticking#and I don't want to do it there. I don't want to be alone I don't want it#aghhhh#at least I'm finally crying. it's been weeks overdue#r is comforting me the best they can which isn't a lot but I do appreciate it and acknowledge what they say is correct#bien rambles
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//now that I'm back to playing pokemon I want to give everyone a companion pokemon (to stop me from making an entire team for everyone because I will do it do not tempt me)
Gale - Espeon
Shadowheart - Absol
Vax - Weavile
Ayla - Meowscarada
Rosemary - Luxray
Alea - Decidueye
Cietan - hisuian Zorua
Klio - Vulpix
#never knew what patience was til its face stared me down || gale dekarios#i can keep it from the world why won't you let me hide from me? || shadowheart#some roses will never bloom some dreams will rot on the vine || vax'ildan#a moment of quiet is all it takes to reclaim a life and a promise made || ayla marigold#welcome to the show are you ready to go? || rosemary#show them how you smile it's only for a while || alea lavellan#sinking into the shrine of me i'm ready to be set free || cietan#today i change my place in history today i'm gonna start a brand new life || klio dekarios#//I'm generally happy with all of these I think lol#pokemon brainrot is back kids
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Well f*cking done people. Keep this up and you'll chase away every single artist. Good job.
#I'm sorry for saying this#But sometimes I hate this fandom so much#The only reason I joined was to create a place without hate on any character or ship#I don't share my negative opinions (even tho they're not much) because I'm not here to spread hate#I'm here to enjoy my time and meet people who also want the same#Want to share the love we have for these characters#But I can't when I have to be cautious in following blogs#Or cautious with reading a post bc I don't want to read their unwanted and absolutely hate filled opinion#When nobody asked#It's all bc this fandom has grown way too big and way too comfortable with being nasty#And everyday more nasty people join the fandom#Specially the ones who took free speech way too seriously and talk without any reserve#And think it's their right to be rude and they call it opinion#They all hide behind their keyboard and think they did something#I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be this fkn bold and rude if the person was right in front of you#You're just a coward#The fact that it's not the artists fault#It's the commissioner who ask them to draw them the way they are#Take it up with the commissioner (fairyloot)#fandom fuckery#fandom bs#I'm actually happy that they won't share any sjm content#They deserve a better fandom who actually appreciate their art
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Pride outfit which is just a regular outfit except it's for Pride 👍 (shirt is by girlofswords on Bonfire btw!!)
+ Honorable Guests (I did end up leaving the Pokemon girlies in the car 💔 I was still cautious and started to worry about losing them if something did happen 🥲) (BUT EVERYTHING WAS OKAY!!!! 👍👍🎉🎉🎉🎉)
#i love hiding behind alfonse fire emblem and being anonymous online but you need the full effect.#mullet. freshly trimmed. pansy earrings. newly made. almost all necklaces are made myself#save for the bunny skull choker and technically the edelgard charm (i just put her on a necklace!)#cause it's a really pretty double sided charm!#i'm esp happy w how one necklace tied in really well w my new bracelets.... i feel like. my accessories can clash A Lot LMFAOO#dif aesthetics competing for dominance. so i'm really happy whenever i do strike a balance!#also the garter did not survive. would not stay in place on top of the tights. well. it was a nice thought!#so fucking cool rhough.... look at my arts and crafts boy.#my projects#milo jumpscare#<- tag for when my face.
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Anon who made that one ask here. I'm sorry if it came across as if I'm accusing you. I'm really not. If you dislike something then that's more than okay, and I mean this genuinely. Also the things I wrote are moreso based on personal experiences I've had with lots of other dgr artists, and not meant to be read as insulting. I don't want you to focus about things you hate or dislike either. I apologize, I should've worded it better, that's on me /gen
Yeah no hard feelings man, I think I kinda jumped the gun based on previous asks, my perceived tone, and just how I was feeling? I'm chill now and like I do stand by what I said. but I could've worded it better too. Rest assured that I'll probably never openly talk shit, if I do I'll make a warning, and you can totally block me and whatnot it's good, whatever makes u happiest.
#Not mad it's all whatever#I too sometimes just have bad days and respond to things accordingly but now I'm way less uhhh#Trigger happy?? I guess??#Anyway disclaimer: this is my funtime place and I draw what I enjoy and I don't talk ABT what I don'#Not BC I'm hiding but most likely BC I just don't care to think ABT it#I am biased towards my handful of characters and such I will remain#Not mad not even pissed. Hope u believe that I am in fact very sincere on here like it's my whole process#Not an art#Hey thanks for clarifying btw. I appreciate you keeping the conversation
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youtube
exene talking about the state of the world. the good stuff starts at eight minutes. or you can just read the transcript complete with the usual errors that accompany robot transcribed speech (the irony of which is not lost on me). maybe it's not about transhumanism and living forever (or maybe it is who knows), but there's definitely an agenda of surveillance and control at work which is designed to keep the powerful in power. cash rules everything around me and you will own nothing etc. the future is worse.
#google has helpfully flagged this as a 'conspiracy theory' which let me know it was definitely worth paying attention to#sometimes a conspiracy theory turns out to be flatearth-tier but anything those in control are putting effort into discrediting#concerns me and makes me look deeper. if they're going to the effort to control the discourse there's something there that#threatens them. anything google calls a conspiracy theory is worth a closer look. it often means someone has gotten too close to the truth.#she's brave to be talking about this shit they basically cancelled her and forced her to apologize for talking about how they want#to take our guns and the media is lying to you and stirring up fear so they can get away with passing gun control#like wtf leftists should be all about gun rights. a disarmed population is totally at the mercy of the state's authority#it's not very punk to surrender entirely to regimes in power and let the only people with guns be the police#like c'mon guys we need guns. and it's like drugs. they exist anyway. better they do so in broad daylight than in the shadows#they let adam curits talk about this stuff for some reason and no one calls him a conspiracy theorist idk why but there's a reason#i guess his stuff is not a threat to them bc it's dense and heady and seven hours long so the masses will never absorb it#ex punk rocker yelling about new world order in plain language monologues of digestible length is a much bigger threat#i swear there are secretly fifty people in control of everything and their entire aim is to make sure it stays that way no matter what#but it's really gross how obvious it's getting like the whole system just funnels money straight to the top and they don't even care#about hiding it anymore they're just doing it out in open and denying objective reality with confidence it's too much sometimes#i swear i can feel my grasp on reality deteriorating. it's as if there were a loud buzzing in the out of doors that was getting#louder every day and nobody ever said anything to acknowledge that it was real nobody talked about hearing the buzzing but it just#keeps getting louder and i'm finally like wtf is with this buzzing and everyone gets mad at me for shouting over their netflix show#that they weren't really enjoying in the first place. like no one is happy in the modern world. why can't we talk about why without#turning against each other. that's why doug saying 'maybe we're all the same' is such a big deal to me. anyone who is trying to unite us#is doing important work. that trump supporter is not the enemy. they are the victim just like you.
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i forgot yesterday was new mcelroy content day. there are still good things left in life
#I'm in such an odd mood#I'm used to immediately sinking into a depressive spiral when shit like this happens#but as it turns out for the first time in my life I'm in a solid good place personally#but also the world's on fire#i think my brain doesn't know what to do#should we be happy?#should we be scared?#should we be hiding under a blanket?#i think for the first time in my life i understand the phrase “the best revenge is being happy”#alex txt#ignore me using tumblr as a diary i have a therapy appointment later today it'll be fine
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My chiropractor is probably going to yell at me this week for over doing it yet again but I've made progress. I have a list forming of the furniture we need to get versus what can be repurposed. I have more stuff ready to either be donated or passed on to friends. Ideas for the office are being written down so my partner can think about them without feeling pressured. I'm not sure how long this energy is going to last so I have to do as much as possible as quickly as possible.
#years of depression have made it hard to downsize as much as i needed to#i have entirely too much stuff and kept too much stuff after my family died and it's a problem#but I'm finally getting to a place where i not only can but need to get rid of things and it feels good#hard and exhausting and upsetting but good#when I'm sad or angry i can't get rid of anything but when I'm happy i can see how it will help someone else#so clothes i can't wear anymore but are practically new can benefit someone else#i need to sort through my extensive mug collection and thin it out but I'm putting that off#half of our recycle can is currently full because i ran out of room last week#brought it in as soon as they picked it up and broke down all the boxes i emptied today plus took out the two bags of papers from last week#tomorrow starts the rain again so I'm not sure how much I'll get to do#rainy days make me want to hide but i want to keep going so we'll see what ends up happening
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sighhhhhhhhhhh
#ever since i started realizing my hyperindependence was a defense mechinism and not a clever strategy ive been getting so sentimental#i keep randomly thinking 'man i should go check my twitter account and see how it's going there' and then i remember i havent had that#account in 1.5yrs and even before i deactivated the dynamic was so screwed anyway that i couldnt just waltz back in like nothing happened#not to mention that half the reason i even looked at twitter is no longer available as a feature. and then i don't have a substitute either#i think this is happening bc in accepting that i am fundamentally not built to succeed as an independent/isolated entity i am also allowing#myself to miss things that i tried really hard to hide behind walls bc i felt like they were counterproductive to my growth#and like. i think that was actually true for a while and i really did need to build this healthy sense of self-prioritization so that#i could heal all the wounds that caused me to behave in a codependent and self destructive way. but now i've achieved that goal. it's done.#so keeping those same restrictions around after they served their purpose was just holding me in place bc i've outgrown them#this has def been the scariest thing to face thus far bc it felt so contradictory to my overall goal of Not Being Codependent and that by#accepting this unchangeable condition all the work i put into that would be undone. but. both things can be true. there's always balance#so yeah all this sentimental stuff coming up i guess is like. i never 'forgot' anything but i only let myself think about it rationally#and now i'm going back through all of the memories and allowing myself to feel them emotionally again. mannn this i why i love psychology#like yeah i miss these things but ive also accepted that things had to change for a reason. i wont say the thing but. yknow. and that's ok#by doing the rationality work first i can now think back on these experiences and feel the happiness without the sadness of 'losing' them#it's been really difficult working through this stuff but im glad ive reached this point where i can accept myself limitations and all#and i get the feeling that having this deeper openness to whatever the future holds will end up being pretty worthwhile
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