#I'm happy you guys respect me this much but respect yourselves to self identify too okay? okay.

[bilesproblems]

So about the people asking me if they can be a lesbian: I'm not the gatekeeper of the lesbian label or the mspec lesbian community. I don't get to decide who's allowed and who's not. I'm an unemployed autistic 18 year old with a tumblr blog who sits on her phone all day. I don't want to be given the power to decide who can and can't be a lesbian. I do understand wanting someone to validate you and your identity - that's why I give it to people when they ask. Because that's a normal thing to want, you want someone to tell you that it's okay and makes sense if you're doubting yourself. But while I can do that for people, you are allowed to identify as a lesbian with or without my permission. You don't need anyone's permission for that matter, you only need your own. I am not a high authority on mspec lesbians just because I made a themed tumblr side blog and people found me entertaining or helpful. Anyone can do that.

I'm not mad at anyone - I hope I don't come across that way - because I do understand. But the place I'm at in my inclusionism doesn't include needing permission to identify as a lesbian, or not being allowed to identify as you wish, and it would go against my stances there to just give permission without making it clear that my permission isn't necessary. I'm flattered that you guys think of me highly enough to value my opinion, but I am still just a teen with a tumblr. I have made a joke poll about being the "ceo of bi lesbianism" but I would rather take that silly title as meaning I can give good information about the community and people in it, doing my best to represent everyone when I make arguments even when I don't experience everything the same way. I want that to mean I'm a safe place for people to go to feel validated and share struggles and connect with the community. I don't want it to mean that I check everyone at the door to make sure they're valid. What makes me so special that I get to decide? I mean I value my opinion over an exclusionist's because I have more knowledge and I'm not a reactionary but I still don't believe anyone has the right to decide who gets to be a lesbian, not even me. A core principle of being an inclusionist, is that everyone has a right to self identification, and "validity" is bullshit. Me deciding if someone can or can't be a lesbian isn't much better than an exclus deciding it, regardless of if we give different answers or not. It would still be practicing gatekeeping to get to choose.

If people in the future want to ask me for validation on their identity, consider alternate wording! You can ask "hey Lun, do you think it makes sense for me to identify as a lesbian?" You can ask "I'm considering identifying as a lesbian. [x experience here.] What do you think?" You can ask "hey red this is my experience. If you had this experience do you think you would call yourself a lesbian too?" You can ask "can you give me some validation on my identity please?" That's all fine. Those keep it to just my opinions and thoughts, but aren't permission. You can tell me you're going to identify as a lesbian because it's your favorite pride flag and I might think that's a strange reason to identify as a lesbian, and if you ask my opinion I'll probably say as such, but I'm not going to assume authority to say you CANNOT identify as a lesbian because I think the reason is weird. It's just not my place to decide. My place is just to make people feel accepted, safe, and happy, and to spread good information to people seeking it.