#I'm guessing the answer was antidepressants???????????? but I woke up before I could know for sure

[keiicom]

I dreamt about link click again. and this time it was cheng xiaoshi having to relive lu guang's death over and over. he was stuck mourning inside a memory that would never go on, a photo showing a particular moment in time that could only replay itself, start over.

he held lu guang in his arms and he was unresponsive. his eyes were open. there was a halo of blood around him, on the floor, like he was some kind of fucked up angel. it was very dark outside. all of the light had been sucked out of the room. the faint glow of moonlight coming in through the window wasn't reassuring, but cruel. I could hear the soles of cheng xiaoshi's shoes slipping on the blood covered floor as he tried to stop himself from falling. he was scared of the dark, and yet there he was, scared and alone.

he wasn't supposed to be reliving this situation, he wasn't supposed to dive. but he wasn't aware of this, because nobody had ever told him that things could ever be different. there was, apparently, something very wrong with the way he'd been diving into pictures so far, and as a result it had taken a huge toll on his mental health. but nobody had realised until now. he could potentially live a long life without having these nightmares, but he'd never been offered a way out, so there he was, stuck.

[poetic-echoes]

My depression usually manifests like this...

I'll be in a stressful situation, go along with the flow, try and pretend nothing is happening, then have a breakdown, go on antidepressants, steadily get stronger, and carry on, eventually, lifting out of the depression. Each day, I can feel myself getting a wee bit stronger, and my moods stay fairly constant.

This time, it's different...

It's been an incredibly stressful two years, I've been on antidepressants for nine months and had them increased twice, phoned the crisis team, and I am now trying to get a referral for a Bipolar assessment. I've been told it's very difficult to get one, and knowing this is not helping me at all.

Today, I woke up ready to face a list of jobs that I needed to do. I was doing OK, then felt shit. I had a phone call that I forced myself to answer. I'm very glad I did as I got some important things sorted out. Felt fab for all of half hour, and now I feel like shit again.

My mood is usually stable during the day, but currently, it's up and down several times a day, and I'm not used to this. It's like I'm experiencing all four seasons at their extreme in one day, and I fucking hate it. No matter what I say to myself for motivation, nothing is working. I've done nothing on my to do list and have loads to do before going to bed tomorrow.

It's like I don't really care at all, and this kinda worries me. I am aware of my state of mind, what needs to be done, the time frame I have to do it all in, the results of not doing them, and still I'm sat my arse, without a care in the world!

I can't remember depression affecting me like this before. 30+ years ago, I was completely out of it, having intense psychotherapy, but I was at home with my family, and they did everything they could to include me, to support me, and just be what I needed them to be. Now, I'm two days away from 53 and feel like I need my mum to tell me what to do and to make sure I'm getting on with what needs to be done.

I feel pathetic. Yet still no motivation to do anything!!

You know what, though? I could still be in a far worse place than I am. Maybe focusing on that will get my arse into gear! Something has to budge.

I suppose as we get older, we have more life experiences to deal with, and some of these are going to be more difficult to overcome. These will mount up, and, eventually, we're going to overflow with these emotions and feelings, having nowhere to go. I guess this is why I sometimes feel inspired to write. To let go, to shed negative emotions, and to rid myself of the crap in my head. It does help. I just hope this helps me to get up, do the housework, and be active.

Wish me luck 😂🤞

[suga-kookiemonster]

I had the weirdest dream and Id like to tell u about it because u seem rly cool? Okay so I'm on anti depressants rn (I feel weird telling people that I just don't wanna make them uncomfortable I guess?) anyway and they give me the LONGEST MOST VIVID FUCKING DREAMS!!! So I took a nap today and ended up dreaming of my therapist's consultory and how some random other patient of hers accused me of doing something really really bad!! Even put up fliers with a pic of me from the security camera

But it was never actually explained what it is just that she was looking for me because I'm apparently a very shitty person? Lmao and so I had to run away so ppl wouldn't find me and I somehow ended up being chased at the same time by these sovietic therrorist idk they were caucasian af and for some reason jimin was there too and both of us were being chased all around these destroyed buildings and then they capture us right?

And listen here I never dream of bts let alone JIMIN but this was a whole ass nightmare so what happened next was that they catch up with us and corner us in this destroyed room there were bricks and dirt everywhere and jimins sacrifices himself in order to save me so I could run and get away from them? Man idk I've had weird/sad dreams before but this takes the cake HE DIED FOR ME SIS I'm so glad I woke tf up afterwards but I was so sad for the rest of the day 🤧

sorry i wasn’t ignoring you! i just wanted to get to a computer to answer asjdflksadjf “caucasian af” pls 😂😂😂

listen, i’m not on antidepressants, and my dreams are always just as random!! the last bangtan one i had, jungkookie was my coworker and he had a crush on me and he knew i was hungry so he made me 7 different types of ramen 😭😭😭 it was so cute but i didn’t even eat any bc the next thing i know me and tae were on the beach under the stars, and he licked me right across my mouth, it was bizarre and great, 10/10 would recommend!!! 😤💪🏾

anyways, back to you 🤣thank you for sharing your dream with me bc i find dreams so fucking interesting!! i have a lot of dreams where i’m being chased too?? apparently that means you’re anxious about something. but jimin saved the day, so it can’t be that bad, whatever it is 😩bts will always help us through 😩

pls, even for a drug-induced dream this is too accurate, jimin would be the one to sacrifice himself for you, it’s too epic and accurate, i hate this 😭😭