#I'm guessing miami is a little different but I've never been so I have no data

[knxfesck]

Tbh I think florida deserves more credit imagine having only the most insufferable cubans imported to your shores. Do you know how hard it is to recover from having an insufferable latino population? Look at what people are saying about south texas

[asmallexperiment]

Lance Reddick: 1962-2023

I get that we call everyone who isn't maybe one of the 20 or 30 most famous actors on the planet a "character actor," and he was that--it would not be entirely unfair to describe him as "a character actor who played a lot of cops." But...Lance Reddick was just amazingly talented and seemed from the outside to be one of the good guys.

In saying "a character actor who played a lot of cops," it, to say the least, doesn't capture the whole of it. The Wire is my favorite television show and so I guess I would say he's best known as Daniels, who was mostly a man of few words, at least until more were necessary. I'm sure there is one, but I don't know that I've ever seen an actor play the mannerisms of a fictional character so far forward. And, while that sounds like an awful thing, the way Reddick did it was nothing short of brilliant.

But your frame of reference, given his career, could be entirely different. If you're a gamer, maybe you think of him more as Sylens or Commander Zavala. Both Bosch and Fringe share with The Wire the phenomenon of being underappreciated, at least in their own time (The Wire, obviously, has evolved into a thing, culturally, that it wasn't in its time). He also had that period where he spun on that reputation a little and did a bunch of comedic bits, including a legendary appearance on Eric Andre. And he did play a bunch of other cops, with appearances on L&O, CSI: Miami, Numb3rs...I think it must have been Oz where I first became aware of him, though he was also a cop in the episode In Excelsis Deo from The West Wing, which was, at least for a moment or two, regarded as one of the best hours of drama in television history (it's still very good, though I know some people think the show hasn't aged well and a lot of the people who are still on board would probably now go for Two Cathedrals, which came a couple years later).

And, of course, he's been a persistent presence in the John Wick movies. Just reading this bit from his interview with Vulture makes me like him and Keanu more than I probably should:

Speaking of Keanu, can you give us some insight into his personality?  I’m a journeyman character actor. And whenever I work with a big movie star for the first time, I keep my guard up to protect my work from an ego. And if there’s any big movie star who’s not that person, it’s Keanu. I remember my first scene that I shot with him — it’s the first scene you see us together in the first movie — he was struggling with the timing. I said, “Keanu do you want to do XYZ?” I don’t even remember what it was. And he kind of smiled and said, “No man, you just do your thing.” My experience with him after that continues to be one with someone who’s very generous as an actor and then all about the work. He’s also very shy. This is going to sound really weird, but — he seems simple, but spiritually he’s very advanced.

That makes perfect sense, actually.  He’s incredibly deep and insightful and thoughtful. But watching him in social situations, he can be like, “I can only take so much input from other people so don’t bother me.” Which is fine. He’s very shrewd. On one hand I feel like I don’t know him very well but on the other, I just adore that guy. He’s such a wonderful human being.

How has your friendship changed after four movies? We’ve gotten to know each other a little better. I hope I don’t get in trouble for telling this story: During John Wick: Chapter Four, my first day of filming happened to be Keanu’s birthday. But he wasn’t in the scene. He came to the set anyway at nine o’clock at night with his girlfriend who I had never met. And she is … can I say a bad word?

Go for it.  His girlfriend is cool as fuck. And she told me that she asked Keanu what he wanted to do for his birthday and he said, “I want to go see Lance.” He’d never done this before but he wrote me a note thanking me for what I brought to the character in these movies. And he wanted to give the note to me. I’ll never forget it. I’m going to cry now.

Even just opening Netflix last night, it was readily apparent that I wasn't the only one who wanted to go back and watch the man's work--I ended up opting for the first couple episodes of The Wire. So, to return to where I started, I understand that Reddick isn't Keanu-famous, but in the little world of my mind and the media I have liked over the years, his place in it is prominent enough to be that kind of superstar for me.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary102

12/23-24/2023

saturday - sunday

listening to black eyes and

thinking about how much more i mostly like black dice. a much crazier white belt band at least. when they were in that phase at least. i don't dislike black eyes, i like the one who screams a lot more in that band, i like the song a pack of wolves a lot. but idk. this band has been a sticking point w/ the 00s wave of pxhc noise rock freaky faggy stuff i've always liked, especially since that time, they just never did it for me entirely, a little too measured feeling, which is crazy to say, when people know them as being such a crazy band. but idk, i remember even at the time when thinking of the especially no-wavey stuff, i'd just want to listen to coughs (the band (not black eyes' second record)). but the vocalist who does the high pitched girly voice is awesome, i can't lie, he adds a ton to the songs. but the blood brothers have that and are like 10x better. i appreciate how arty these guys are, it's interesting how this feels like a band where every single member is firing on every cylinder and playing exactly what they want, and what they want is like, what if public image ltd. were a little gayer, but somehow, that's isn't connecting to me perfectly. the two drummers thing is cool too but idk. it doesn't do a ton for me but it is very listenable, being less hardcore/fast and with more room to breathe, much more dance oriented stuff on it too, while still being very atonal, it's an interesting mid-point. their album after this one is like, total no-wave, not just inspired by but totally decoherent, atonal, and strange. i'm less interested in that one. it's interesting but like, not compelling totally.

the closer on their s/t is at least really good. 2 very good songs, on the record at least.

definitely their best song though. i've heard people say the high pitched screechy one sounds like devi from girls rituals and stuff, i can hear it.

here is another really good song by a different band, really sick dance-punk stuff.

i have not read today, i might still but idk. i did do a song today, and i think i'm really getting closer and closer to learning what i need to do in like, basically all the songs. all the ones that still feel fucked i need to go through and do some very simple stuff to, that simple stuff being low pass on the snares, low pass the kicks, reduce the decay of the kicks a bunch, and see if the synth guitar things are too saturated or not, and maybe low pass them, and also, replace one of the modules in psp infinistrip when i go to old ones, because one i have in cuts some highs in a weird way, a whole low pass on that i never noticed, it's very subtle but it's not what my tracks need, they need that really annoying high end at times i think.

i found something really fun on flickr today from this acc:

these were taken in laforet, a mall in harajuku/by harajuku (i've been there it's really cool t b h) in 08 i think:

i love the huge gaudy pixel art, and the colors a ton. i've been thinking about that kind of really excessive/dirty looking pixel art recently, it's a really sick looking thing, i kind of want to go there w/ what i do next for cover art, so i guess i'll try and figure out a way to get there that looks good. i'd probably have to keep stuff around sensible resolutions to upscale. i wonder what i'll do w/ the traced bugs i do for it.

also thinking about the pink/yellow together, i should try that out, maybe make the text a really extreme yellow. that would be fun.

also look at the little accessories they had for sale w/ that:

i want them very badly.

another thing that had me thinking about the gaudy pixel art stuff was that one promo game / music vid hybrid thing cactus made, one of the guys who made hotline miami, for the other guy who helped him make hotline miami eventually:

cactus games in general, i was really really into that whole thing in hs. i like how much now i can tell that he was biting from the fort thunder thing.

i have to put something bedazzled on the cover. i think. blocky rhinestones or something in a pattern. maybe i do that with certain hi res pix i got off of internet archive of jewels, downsize them after indexing them. or make tiny, index, make big, and then down again? who knowsss. maybe find multiple jewels for it too i have 2, that's fun i think, use the jewels to trace a shape, like a butterfly wing, for 2 of the wings around the circular bit in the center. i like that.

a higher res pic of the ad.

i'd like to find more weird shit like that, prints w/ gaudy pixel art, appropriated for fashion/something unrelated to games broadly.

anyway check these socks:

all of this brings to mind chiho aoshima now:

i really love the fire one, the interaction w/ a photograph and digital work overlaid is still really exciting to me, on a base level i guess, the threshold where two things intrude on the other. the sculpture is just very cute to me i think, i love though that it's a manifestation of the work nearby, the way the sort of fantasy / escapist otaku work leaves material consequences. that might be a reach, honestly, it at least gestures at that emotionally though i suppose.

anyways, i am tired-ish, more that i think i should be tired now but am not.

so

byebye!!!!!!!

[randomjreader]

Book review: A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow

Note: I have never really done a book review before, so I apologise in advance if this is more random ramblings than insightful comments or deep character and plot analysis or smtg. Also, spoilers ahead, you have been warned.

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So, I guess I gotta start by saying that this was a really enjoyable read. It's not a literary masterpiece or anything, and was kind of predictable, but it was wholesome and heartwarming and nice. It was a feel good fluffy story, with just the right amount of angst mixed into it that it didn't make me feel extra sad, but enough to drive the story and make it interesting.

For some context, I am a simple person; it doesn't take much to please me in a story as long as it stays away from a very small handful of tropes and themes that I despise. HOWEVER, I have a very short attention span. A book really has to captivate me to stop me from skipping paragraphs or chapters, or simply just skipping to the end to find out what happens and be done with it. ACGGTTAT did that.

The thing about this book is that a lot of emphasis is put on the experiences Lila faces, both in Miami and in Winchester. The ending was predictable enough: Lila and Orion getting together and making things work despite living in two different continents. So my impatient ass wasn't desperate to know what happened in the end, and instead could just enjoy the journey that Lila went on over the summer. It was well written, made me feel like I was there, and when Lila said she fell in love with England, I could imagine why.

My favourite thing about the book, though, is definitely learning about the Cuban culture. I'm not Latinx, or am from a place that gives exposure to Latinx culture at all really, so I loved reading about it and learning about some of the history and traditions and of course, the food. It was mind opening, and you can tell that this was personal, that the author really put a piece of herself into it. If I ever wrote a book, I would want to be able to do that. Tell a story that shares a part of my heritage and my identity with the world. I've also been meaning to learn Spanish, though I haven't really found the time, so now I have a few more words to add to my word bank and hope that I'll remember them.

Let's take a moment to talk about our main characters tho. I may not have faced a trifecta loss like Lila, but I do see myself in parts of her, the way she's stubborn and ambitious, has trouble handling change, and can sometimes be not aware of how her fire may affect people, like with Andrés and Stefanie. Her character arc was nice; she doesn't lose her drive or her ambition, it just changed along with her, and she becomes more aware of herself and works to better herself.

Her dynamic with Orion was also something I quite liked. Orion himself is such a great character. I've never been big on the mysterious, bad boy type of MCs, I much prefer kind, sensitive, a little goofy, a bit of golden retriever energy kind of boys. Orion is definitely the latter, but he also has darker depths. Him and Lila complement each other well. He slows her one track mind down, and she gives him hope and someone to fight for when he has grown to just accept what is given to him. I love how they are from two different worlds, but share their lives with each other and teach each other about their cultures.

But most of all, I really liked that Lila and Orion didn't have to kiss, or do anything extremely passionate, for us to see how they love each other. You can see the way their relationship progresses slowly, how they grow close day by day, and gain feelings for one another. They both long acknowledge their feelings for each other before they have their first kiss, which is something I don't see too often. And it was pretty realistic for them to want to hold back knowing that their time would come to and end soon, but it also didn't make their romance any less real, just because they were "friends". If you get what I mean.

Since we're on the topic of characters, I really wanna talk about how they're being portrayed in the upcoming movie by Maia Reficco and Kit Connor. I don't know much about Maia, just because she doesn't have many acting projects under her belt yet. Pretty little liars original sin was her big breakout role, but I personally can't handle horror/thriller yet, so I won't be watching pllos for a while. However, I have watched some of her interviews, and whatever clips I could scrounge up that wouldn't give me nightmares, and I think that she would make a great Lila. I can see how she can portray Lila's sassy and bold personality. Obviously, I'm a huge heartstopper fan, so I know more about Kit, and I 100% think he'll be a great Orion. He did such a good job with nick nelson, and I can see some similarities between the two characters, so I don't think he'll have any problem with portraying Orion accurately.

Ok, I've pretty much said all I wanted to say. It was a good read, definitely recommend, and I can't wait for the movie next year. Thanks for reading, and hey if you have any differing opinions or wtv chat with me in the comments I wanna see what other people think <3

[the-kings-tail-fin]

So Mack won the race between all of the haulers on account of having experience running from angry honeybees. But that was before Gale arrived. She's younger and more aerodynamic than he is, and maybe has a bit of a different drivetrain setup. Let's suppose during the off-season that they've both traveled to a new track planned for next year, just to make sure they know where it is. By coincidence, they end up on the temporarily-deserted track at the same time. Who would win if they raced?

Ah, the return of my most beloved pairing, which I shall love until the end of time, for reasons which I still do not quite comprehend myself.

"I can't believe you still do this in your free time."

She watches him reach into the hive with delicate form, slow and gentle. When he pulls his tire back to show her, there's a massive clump of bees swarming his rim.

"You're not getting stung?!"

He lets out a short laugh. "Honey bees are the gentlest creatures on this planet, if you treat them with respect."

"Uh, and if you don't? Sounds like there's a story there..."

"Eh, rookie mistake once, I'll tell you about it sometime."

Mack breaks off a small piece of honeycomb and gives it a little shake. The bees fall back into their hive in a single wave, carrying on as though they'd not been disturbed. He passes the piece to Gale.

"Go on, try it."

"Is this safe? Aren't there like, processes or something this has to go through to be safe to eat?"

"Nah, it's fine. That's just a bunch of mumbo jumbo they tell you to make you pay more for it at the farmers market. It doesn't get any fresher than this!"

He watches as she hesitantly takes the smallest nibble of the honey drenched honeycomb. She pauses for a moment as her eyes widen, and then goes for the bigger bite.

"Yeah? What'd I tell ya." Mack gives her a tap on the fender.

"Holy crap, this is life changing," she says through a mouthful.

"Fourteen years of north Georgia honeybee keeping, at your service!"

Gale takes another bite as a sharp 'ping' rings through the air from the oversized garage behind them.

"Mm!" she exclaims, hurriedly turning toward the sound. "Shhedul!"

"What?" Mack asks.

"Mm." Gale forces herself to swallow so she can speak. "The email notif - that's gotta be the new race schedule for this year! You know - the thing we've been waiting on all day?"

Together they approach Mack's computer. He clicks around and opens his email. Sure enough, certified and original Piston Cup communication is sitting unread in his inbox.

"I'm so excited to see what all the buzz was about, why they had to keep it so hush-hush," Gale says.

"Uh, let's see here," Mack scrolls through the list slowly. "MSS, Rocker Arms, Miami, LA, Brickyard, Atlanta, Na- "

"Nashville!?" Gale exclaims. "I've never been there!"

"I wonder if that's the, uh, fairgrounds, or the super speedway, which isn't actually a super speedway but -"

"Who cares, Nashville is like bachelorette party capital of America! Ohhhh man, I am so excited."

Mack side-eyes Gale. She quivering in sugar-rush induced excitement. He's confused.

"Uh, what? I though it was more, I don't know, country music and - "

"Yeah, yeah, yeah - there's all that," Gale waves him off. "But! Have you ever seen the main drag in Nashville? Bars! Parties everywhere! It's a crawl every young to middle aged lady needs to do at least once in their lives."

Mack hesitates a moment, unsure what his proper response should be. The last time he was in downtown Nashville, he'd been asked to extract Lightning from one of Harv's "business partner soirees" which, come to find out, was neither focused on their sponsorship partners nor the soiree.

"I, uh, guess I didn't realize you're a partier?" he says precautiously.

"What? Me? No, no, no." Gale snorts, shaking herself in denial. "It's not my scene at all. But! Even for introverts like me, there's a once or twice in a lifetime occurrence where we muster the energy to actually go out and have a good time. I think it's time I had that experience."

"Well, alright then. I hope it's everything you're expecting. I think I'm just gonna go to the Opry, see what headliners are performing that weekend."

"Aw, you mean you don't wanna come with me? It'll be fun!"

"Eh, not really my thing, sweetheart, but I'm pretty sure I can convince Cruz to go with you."

"Oh, come on, Cruz's time will come. Hey, listen, I'll race you for it," Gale prods. "Just this once. I win, you go to a few bars with me. You win, I'll go with you to the Opry."

"What? That's not fair! You always win. Always. You outrace me every time."

Gale winks and backs out of the garage with a smile on her face.

"Come on, Mack. Here's the deal. No maps, no GPS, first one to the speedway wins. If you get pulled over for speeding, you automatically lose."

Mack takes a moment to consider the deal. Highway restrictions could very well level the playing field.

"Do you even know where the track is?" he asks.

"It's in Nashville. That's about it. Consider it an exercise in figuring out how best to get there when there's race traffic."

Mack knows that he's got the upper hand by default. He's never been to the track, but he's driven through Nashville many times. He's seen the signs along the roads. Plus, he doesn't even have a GPS, and Gale is more or less dependent upon hers until she's got a few more seasons under her belt. A sly smile tugs at his lips.

"Huh, alrighty then," Mack agrees. "We go fill up at the truck stop over by the interstate. Then we start."

Gale grins.

"You're on."

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hii! Yeah don't worry about it! Live your life, the internet people can wait, I know I appreciate you taking the time to reply, no matter how long it takes! 👍✨

Oh cool! France and LA that must've been fun, have always wanted to go to those places. Will get around to it eventually. I've lived in Brazil, Canada, and now Portugal, but I've also visited Orlando (Disneyland) and Miami in the US. Hoping I can go to Spain next year to visit my best friend too.

What did you say that got people making fun of you? haha Which fic did you insert that in? The only reason I cheat while playing games is bc I get bored easily so I have to add a little bit of spice hahaha and my morals are questionable I guess. 🤷‍♀️ My mbti is the architect (INTJ-T) so I guess that explains things a bit (?). Do you know your mbti? Omg your poor roommate hahaha I mean that's the best kind of winner to be, humble winners are boring as hell lol

Aren't you glad you had those drunken experiences when you were younger instead of now tho? I can't promise I'll never do stuff like that again but I'm fine with it being behind me for now hahaha. Omg you're totally right on the accent thing, hadn't thought about it that way!

What!! You should watch Stranger Things with her! It's sooo good, it's a guaranteed fun time for you two. My favourite episodes of thobm are 4 and 6 too, I like epi 9 only up until Dani's bathtub incident.

I like doing accents too but only to myself bc I'm too self-conscious haha Although I pick up accents really easily it's kinda embarrassing, sometimes people think I'm mocking them. Do people get offended when you try to do their accents? 😂 I got a scholarship at a british english school in my home country when I was a kid so I had an RP accent growing up but ended up with a generic American accent after watching too many American movies and TV shows. Sometimes it comes out generic Canadian too haha. Nordern English accent became my favourite tho after watching Billy Elliott when I was a teen!

Awwh gee thanks! I'm happy you liked my damie fan art! Didn't know you already started writing for medieval AU, makes sense people already thought to send you prompts for it, it's a really cool universe! Looking forward to updates on all your WIPS, love them all! Take your time if you need tho!

Sounds like a really fun weekend! Yeah I know what you mean, don't worry we won't tell them you have a favourite haha. Congrats on coming second on that game of crazy golf! 🎉 and thank you, I will!

Awwh thank you for understanding!! I'll always reply to people's comments eventually it just takes longer sometimes, but I will always get around to it eventually!! France was fun I went to Disney Land Paris and shared a hotel room with my roommate (yes she was on the trip too because she was in another photography class... we have been friends for so long now) it was honestly a lot of fun and I went to LA to visit my ex-girlfriend while we were still together it was a long distance relationship and I went out to LA and my roommate was invited too so we had a trip out there and had a great time I would 100% go back to LA some time!! So jealous that you've lived in Canada that's one place I really wanna go I would love to live there it looks like such a beautiful country!! I would love to go to Orlando and Miami... I wanna see all 50 states eventually if I can... so far I've seen one so only 49 to go haha!! Awwh I really hope you can get out to Spain to see your best friend!! Which is your favourite place you have visited so far? Okay so... the thing I said is in Can't Buy Me Love and it's a bit of a long story so I'll shorten it down here, but basically a group of us were talking about myths and things and I mentioned the myth of being able to see the Great Wall of china from the moon (you can't) and to add to the myth as a buster I genuinely said "Well that's the thing, people say you can see the Great Wall of China from the moon... but can you see the moon from the Great Wall of China?" and it took a good five minutes of people telling me you could see it from my house and just about anywhere else to realise that, if the moon is out, and it's a clear night, and you're y'know facing the moon... you can pretty much see it anywhere... but that's what people still mock me about... that I asked if you can see the moon from the Great Wall of China... so I put that in CBML and had it as a story Dani tells Jamie. Haha I love your reason for cheating and think it's as good as a reason as any haha!! I do know my mbti... mine is the campaigner...EFNP-T... I don't know what these mean either I read it a while ago but forgot what it meant I just know what I am haha... oh yeah she's had a lot to put up with so she just won't play games with me anymore... oh yeah I agree humble winners are okay but I do like a good bit of bragging when you win a game I am glad yeah... although the road sign incident was only... 3 years ago haha like I would like to say I was a lot younger then but I wasn't haha the black out incident I was though... I can't drink much anymore though because of medication I'm on (life long medication) so I can have maybe one or two drinks and that's it so I can't do things like that again which is probably a good thing really!! Haha best way to be don't make promises like that because that is a sure fire way to definitely do it again the second you make that promise the opportunity to do it again will show itself haha!! Yeah Jamie just has no accent to me like she just talks like most people I know it's only when I saw people talking about it that I realised to some people the Northern accent is exactly that... an accent haha I LOVE episode 9 for me 4,6, and 8 are a joint favourite like I can't pick between them and then it's episode 9 because I do love it and I love seeing them be that happy for the first part of the episode but then it just gets so sad and I can't take it!! I do accents all the time around anyone even though I am terrible at them haha... nah people don't ever get offended they just sort of smile and shake their heads at me... some people have asked me to do their accent before but I mean, I am sure eventually someone will be offended there's a first time for everything... I just have an accent that's really similar to Jamie's it's not the exact same but it's very close I love that you've had so many accents for so many reasons... omg yeah the accent on Billy Elliot is my favourite accent ever, it is a northern accent but it's from a city called New Castle which is SO different to some

other northern accents... it's the Geordie accent and it's just beautiful I could honestly listen to people from New Castle talk for hours- people from South Shields also sound like that (SS is really close to New Castle) I can see why that accent is your favourite I wish I talked like that I loved that fan art I thought it was amazing!! Yeah I haven't written much of it but I have some of it written and when I say some I mean I have like 4 different scenes written from different points of the fic and each scene is only like 1k words so far!! It's such a cool universe and I am so happy people have sent me prompts for it!! Awwh thank you so much I'm glad you're looking forward to the updates of my WIPs that really means a lot to me!! I've had a great weekend but I am so tired now totally and utterly done after the weekend I've had haha... I wouldn't say I have favourites I have just spent more time with one niece than the other because since she was really young I've looked after her while her parents have been at work and I've had breaks from work / college / university so I have spent so much time with her and she's turning into a little mini me with some stuff she does but I love all my nieces and nephews the same (and I have so many nieces and nephews haha) Awwh thank you!! I appreciate that, still feeling really proud of my second place in crazy golf haha!! and you're welcome!! ☺️

[strongismyvibe]

Lets talk about confidence.

First off, what is confidence? I ask this because all of us have different opinions about what is and what isn't.

A year ago, I probably would've said that confidence is the ability to be present and surround yourself in a crowd of strangers. That didn't mean you had to look or feel like you were part of that crowd, but as long as you made yourself "look" confident, then that was what confident meant to me.

But, is that really confidence?

I guess it's up to who you are at this present moment.

In essence, yes. Being able to socialize and feel comfortable doing so is confidence. But, what about inner confidence? Does that qualify?

NO!

I think people forget that there is never one way to look at something.

I am so thankful to have grown up in Miami. It is a true melting pot of cultures and diverse minds. There is so much you can learn by just listening to what others are saying. In my early twenties I used my natural ability to socialize with others as a means of further educating myself. Some may call if networking, other May call it mentoring. Of course, facts are always disputable, but the knowledge that I gained about subjects I probably would have never come across, made me want to socialize more to learn more.

Personally, I am a BEAST at social confidence. I am comfortable being around any crowd and I don't really care about what people think about me in a social setting. For me, you either like me or you don't. It's just who I am as a person.

A weakness I know I possess in life is that I view everyone as an equal. No matter who you are (black, white, rich, poor), everyone has the same worth in my eyes- that's until you prove me wrong of coarse. As a child, I was taught that we are all the same in God's eye. That's why I call my love of people a weakness. I don't see myself as a religious person by any means but I do listen, and when I believe something is correct then I live by that truth.

But, over time, I've learned (sometimes in pretty ugly ways) that we are definitely not the same to the eye of the beholder and that we shouldn't try to prove to these individuals that people can change, and that people are good, because somehow, they've lost themselves and their own self confidence.

This is why I personally feel like I lack inner confidence.

My lack of inner confidence probably stems from the cultural ideology I grew up with. The ideology of what a woman was and their "role" in society. Growing up in with a Hispanic background in the United States definitely confused me while growing up. History books were teaching me to be one thing while my family was grooming me to be another. In my family, women were viewed as housewives and child eaters (mothers), being successful was an accomplishment we all strived for but it was the priority for living a "secure life."

When I broke out of that bubble (sometime in my early 20s), I realized that my family wasn't the only one holding me back from being who I am or strive to be. There are also people (strangers) in this world who could inflict as much insecurity as the one I had built during my childhood.

Let’s dissect this a little better…

Although all people are equal in my eyes, I have realized that not all people are well intentioned. I've been around my fair share of these individuals who are broken. I've learned that a good clue to finding out if someone is healthy for you or not is when I am hurting because of something they said to me. I’m not implying someone is bad or malicious because they hurt people but maybe the timing of the connection we currently hold with them is not a good fit.

Hence, the reason for the lack of inner confidence. This is when "I'm not good enough" takes over and you begin to lose confidence in yourself. When you actually believe that what this broken soul is telling you about yourself could actually be true.

Don’t fall into that trap…there’s no good that comes out of trying to fix stupid.

But, on a positive note, I believe some of these people are not aware of their actions as well as the impact they make on the lives of those who care about them.

We all got Shit. But, Shit either decomposes into fertilizer (which can make beautiful things grow) or flushed down a toilet (with a new start, cleaner water). This is why I believe that even those hurting from a troubled past or from some type of trauma can heal and be happy.

Back to confidence…

I, like those "lost souls", was not aware of how I was around certain people. The realization of my lack of inner confidence happened from a conversation I had with a good friend of mine, sometime last year. She noticed that whenever we would meet up, I always had a remark about how awful I looked or how fat I felt.

Her words shocked me because I felt "seen". Someone had called me out for calling myself out.

After she said that, I decided to do some soul searching and realized that she in fact was right! I was setting a precedent for myself whenever I was around her (or anyone I couldn’t physically match). I couldn't compete with her incredible figure and natural beauty. My social confidence was no match to her inner confidence.

I am grateful to her for waking me up that day. I, myself, wasn’t aware of what I was doing. I was bringing myself down in an effort to bring myself up.

Does that make sense?

I guess in layman’s terms…I was bringing myself down first. It was a heavy layer no one could break through. I was used to carrying this layer. Considering myself ugly was easier than fearing what others thought about me.

After I realized what I was doing, this challenged me to build a more positive image of myself and motivated me to pursue the challenge. If someone got close to breaking open that layer of “self loathing” then clearly the wall was crumbling. I needed to figure out how to build reinforcements or a new layer

I decided to build a new layer. A stronger layer. One I called “inner confidence”.

I am extremely grateful that someone called me out on my self-confidence and gave me the motivation to push past that disability and live a truer and more fulfilling life.

This video show the first time I showed the world part of my stomach after almost 5 years of hiding behind my clothes. I know this is only the beginning and it was the first time in a long time that I didn't care what anyone thought of my body or about me.

[jdmainman123]

#Reports@yachtfish here I told you about the circling the American cities and states. The difference is they had a lot of money to like bigger buildings and safety headquarters with real satellite maker judges that wouldn't allow some n***** to steal my backpack

But more importantly since the blood has started to fall from my face it seems like we rounded up this end of the tours and they want me back home to kill all the babies in Orlando

HERE'S THE PROBLEM I HAVE AN ARMY AND BIG TANKS BIG HELICOPTERS BIG GUNS NOT LIKE YOUR LITTLE PIECE OF S*** N***** IN CHARGE HERE THAT NEVER HAS TO LEAVE HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER TRIED TO PLAY WAR GENERAL THAT'S A REAL DISGUSTING SIGHT FOR HIM FOR US TO SEE IT'S JUST A GAME INSTEAD OF BUILDING AN ARMY OF LIGHTS HE BUILT AN ENTIRE CITY FULL OF 3/4 LITTLE BLACKS. And a quality of your men is where I quit or got fired whichever one works? Because I wouldn't allow these people on my beach this would have never happened if I was in charge. I don't want your man coming home with me and yelling at me as they did in these streets. It sound like won't stop talking to me 24/7. And boys and men you will thank me later for not bringing you home to that piece of s*** Orlando

Ask the n**** down there does he know who I am and does he know he can't talk to me anyway he wants. Not anymore. I grew up I grew up. I've been waiting to face the men who killed my daughter and my wife and war turns out it couldn't have been you people. Because I know her. I think you guys killed Todd's daughter to be honest with you REMEMBER HE TRIED TO GET THE CREDIT FOR THE PUNISH AND I SAID NAH NAH N***** THAT S***'S MINE all I'm saying the girl you guys killed in these cities from Miami Florida wasn't her wasn't my daughter she was not from Miami florida? What do they call it here. 3/4 Beach?

#REPORTS #911 SO I GUESS THEY'VE GROWN WEARY AND TIRED THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME BLEED SO I DON'T TURN BLACK ALTHOUGH TOO LATE I RECYCLE. TO BRING ME BACK HOME. OR TO COVER UP THEY'VE STARTED THE PREGNANCY INITIALLY PROCESS

Yeah I believe it's another cover-up but anyways. I don't like these boys and men with the data breach and I'm not bringing them home to yell at me. It's not that they're not deserving it's just they can't take care of themselves last thing I need is a system full of 100,000 boys who fly in and out to sit there and attack me and want to talk about white hair white skin Jason THEN YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S JUST A DEAD A BLACK FAMILY FOR THIS BOY TO HAVE DONE IT AGAIN FOR GOLD SUN SNOW TO HAVE MANAGED TO ENSLAVE AN ENTIRE SUNLIGHT CITY AGAIN you know they were right that black daughter is useless cuz that white daughter was there to enslave your entire city and if she made these men I do not want these men I will not bring him to Orlando

Thank you for letting me share

[becominganomadtv-blog]

Writing and More Writing

Here’s the first two sketches of a four part series. Hope you guys enjoy. 

Anger Management Episode 1

Anger Management (Episodic)

Premise: Dr. Loften is leading a court ordered anger management course with three very different men. We learn how they got there through brief reenactments of their stories as they are being told.

Day One (Pilot Episode)

INT. A ROOM WITH FOUR CHAIRS IN A CIRCLE. THE DOCTOR IS AT THE TOP OF THE CIRCLE WHILE REGGIE JACKSON AND PRESTON AKA P-NASTY ARE SITTING IN THE CIRCLE.

Dr.Loften: "Guys you really have to work on healthy outlets to express your anger. What do we say in moments that we fill the inner rage coming out.

Everyone (except Jackson): Repress. Repress. Build up that stress. 2x

Dr.Loften: Looks at her clipboard and then up to Jackson " Jackson (questionably) You are new here to anger management. Why don't you tell us your story.

Jackson: I am not really into story-telling

Dr.Loften: Jackson you must open up if you want help with your anger.

Jackson: I don't have a problem with my anger

P-Nasty interrupts

P-Nasty- "Damn Doc typical self denial and shit. Look homie you need to let that shit out" Pats Jackson on the back

Jackson- You are going to need to not touch me P-Nasty- "Damn playa so its like that alright bet" mumbles

under his breathe

Dr.Loften ( sensing things are getting out of hand): "Ok guys lets get back to our session. Reggie would you mind starting with your story."

Reggie is a older man in his 50's. He has served a 20 years sentence in prison for killing a man in a bar fight. He joined anger management after being in prison for 10 years he now attends more as a confidant for other members.

Reggie- "Sure Dr. Loften. I remember it was 1986 and the night was young as I was. I had been drinking all night at the pub down the street." (Flashback to the Pub)

Reggie as a young man is drinking at a table with his girlfriend Veronica. In the restaurant are two other guys who keep making loud comments about Veronica in hearing distance of the table.

Guy One : " Hey baby you coming home with me tonight"

Guy Two: " Yeah a guy like that can't afford to buy you the things a girl like you deserves"

Veronica (to Reggie): "Don't listen to them baby. Let's just have a good night." She grabs his already clenched fist.

Reggie: Trying to calm down. "I know. I am not going to act up but lets get the check cause I can't promise how long this will last."

Guy Two: "Baby, Hey baby you want to ride my face like a horse saddle"

Guy One: Starts singing "Damn girl I wish I was your chair.. Ohh That booty so big"

Waitress comes back with their check

Reggie: "ok lets go"

Veronica gets up and grabs his hand as he leads her out. With no other way to leave they must walk past the table with the two guys. As Veronica walks by Guy One hits her on the butt. Reggie springs in to action. He beats up the first guy and then guy two tries to sneak him. He regains his footing and knocks him out. Then he turned back to guy one who was still trying to touch Veronica's butt to beat him up. The scene ends with him punching him in the face over and over. End Flashback

Reggie: " And that is how I served my time in prison. And I could of walk away from that fight and spent that 20 years with my family. And that is why I am here so that you don't have to spend decades behind bars.

P-Nasty: Home girl booty must of been fat! Reggie: Watch it motherfucker that homegirl is now my wife.

P-Nasty: I am just saying a dude going to get his ass whooped and still try and keep grabbing her ass.

1.

Reggie: Look I aint going to tell you again An alarm goes off and the session has come to an end

Dr. Loften: Ok guys I'll see you all again next week. Please remember in times of distress say our mantra which is

Everyone (except Jackson): Repress. Repress. Build up that stress. 2x

The End

Anger Management Episode 2

Anger Management (Episodic) Session 2

INT. A ROOM WITH FOUR CHAIRS IN A CIRCLE. THE DOCTOR IS AT THE TOP OF THE CIRCLE WHILE REGGIE JACKSON AND PRESTON AKA P-NASTY ARE SITTING IN THE CIRCLE.

Dr.Loften: "Hello guys I hope we all had a great week. Anything anyone want to share before we get started? Jackson?"

Jackson: Nah I am good Dr. Loften: "Preston?" P-Nasty: " Damn Doc I done told you can call me P-Nasty girl" Dr.Loften: I prefer Preston. Did you have something to share?

P-Nasty: " Yeah so my girl going to say I'm stalking her. And I'm like look just cause we happened to end up at the same places three times today doesn't mean I'm stalking you. And she was all like well you are outside my Gynecologist's office. "

Dr.Loften: "I told you Preston to stop following Stephanie. She will grow to forgive you in her own time"

P-Nasty: You right Doc. Dr.Loften: "How are you feeling today Reggie?" Reggie: " Mighty fine Dr.Loften"

Dr.Loften: "Good to hear. So lets get started. We ended last week's session with Reggie. Now its someone else's go. Who would like to go next?

Everyone looks at Jackson. Jackson pats P-Nasty on the shoulder

Jackson: "Go ahead bruh"

P-Nasty: " Nah...Hell nah! Don't touch me if I can't touch you!Nah cause homie yesterday walked in here like the Equalizer

Dr.Loften (distractingly): "Preston" (trying to get his attention) "Preston" (He looks at her) (trying to calm him) " Lets refocus that energy."

P-Nasty: (calming down) "Yeah you right Doc cause this fool going to have my pressure up."

Dr.Loften: "Preston would you mind leading us today in our session. Come on tell us how you got here"

P-Nasty: "Okay so picture it on the December 10th, 2016 I am dressed in my flyest gear. My (Whatever you brought to wear). When I pull up to pick up shorty I met on Tinder at her crib. So I walk up to the door ( Flashback to Stephanie's House) Preston walks up to her door and rings the doorbell. He waits and receive a call from the house.

Stephanie (from the back of the house) "Come in! I'll be out in a minute."

Preston: (opening the door and walking in) "Okay." (To himself) "she better be fine got me doing all this waiting"

Beat

Stephanie walks from the back of the house to the front room.

P-Nasty (while standing): Hey girl! You looking good. (He goes to give her a hug)

Stephanie (gives him a sideways hug)

P-Nasty breaks into song "Fake Hugs"

(The scene will freeze but P-Nasty will remain active. The musical interlude will be filmed as a music video. We will have P-Nasty rap while walking through her house eating out of her fridge and etc.)

**Yeah, yeah

I've been broke so it long I wear a frown on me They look down on me I got fake girls givin' fake hugs to me Straight up to my face, straight up to my face I've been broke so it long I wear a frown on me They look down on me

I got fake girls givin' fake hugs to me Straight up to my face, straight up to my face

1.

Somethin' ain't right when we huggin Somethin' ain't right when we huggin Why you withholding your body Really your hugs never was all in She like no you can't please me I'll never get to grab cheek

Just when shit look out of reach, I reach back like one, three Like one, three, yeah

That's when she laugh in my face Whole time I'm trying to push together our waists Whole time I'm trying to push together our waists Whole time I'm trying to push together our waists Yeah, You know I wanna to push together our waists Damn girl your butt must be fake I don't trust a word you say How you wanna not hug me after all our applebees dates Them sideway hugs it's just not the same**

(P-Nasty returns to his position and the scene continues.)

INT. PRESTON PULLS UP OUTSIDE OF A MASSAGE PARLOR.

(Stephanie looks up at the moniker): (suprised) A Spa?

P-Nasty: Oh so I guess somebody didn't know they were getting pampered today. So here's the game plan. Let's go in here and get oiled up and rubbed down. Then we can go out to eat at the Bistro. And then if my plan worked then back to your crib for some late night coffee. (Stephanie looks at him) I'm just joking about the last part. I mean unless you want to. (Losing his cool demeanor) (Stephanie laughs and gets out of the car) I mean (to himself) fuck. ( Preston exits the car)

INT. MASSAGE PARLOR. (Stephanie and P-Nasty are laying on tables waiting for their masseuses to arrive.)

Beat.

(Two men walk in and walk over to Preston and Stephanie. Preston looks over at the guy about to massage Stephanie. He is a good looking man with a Hawaiian shirt that is mostly unbuttoned. He grabs the oil and begins talking to Stephanie.)

Sebastian: Hello my name is Sebastian and I will be taking care of your body today.

P-Nasty: (to himself) "Aint this a bitch"

2.

Sebastian: (to Stephanie): You have beautiful muscles in all the right places. Your husband is a lucky man.

Stephanie: " Oh no he isn't my husband. This is our first date"

Sebastian: "Oh really. Well then"

P-Nasty: (to himself) Well then.. what the fuck he mean well then. Alright bet.

Sebastian: You have grogerous skin. It needs to be kissed by the sun. How about you come with me to Miami next weekend?

P-Nasty ( reaching his boiling point): This aint how its about to be playa!

Sebastian: "Excuse me?" P-Nasty: You heard you me you (improv insult based on looks) Stephanie: "Look Preston just calm down." P-Nasty: " Oh I am all the way calm."

Sebastian: "Look here little dude if you aren't going to calm down you need to leave." Turns to Stephanie "Do you need me to take you home?"

P-Nasty goes berserk knocking over the tables and trying to get to the masseuse. The scene ends with him choking the masseuse.

P-Nasty: "Yeah so we won't be going back there. Now my shorty tripping and not answering my calls."

Reggie: "You have to let the ones you love go if they love you they'll come back"

P-Nasty: (thinks for a moment) Nah that just sounds dumb. I am going to keep trying for her I love her.

Alarm goes off

Dr.Loften: Alright guys same time next week. And remember our mantra.

Everyone (except Jackson): Repress. Repress. Build up that stress.