#I'm gonna stick to it. it's important.
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monty-glasses-roxy · 1 year ago
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Ya know, I was gonna add onto that post about the ask and be like "Hey in the meant time... Let me briefly explain what I use Tumblr for and how I'm currently feeling about things that have been happening for a long while now. Here's what I'm planning to do now and why I'm doing it."
But ya know what? I don't want to spend ages thinking how to explain something I have already said. Long and short is that I'm tired man. I've remembered why I was always hesitant to post artwork or talking pieces or fanfic before. Like, it was different when I was making it, the making was always for me, but when I share it here, it really fucking sucks to get silence, when a cookie cutter incorrect quote or I dunno pronouns Delilah wouldn't and didn't.
That's the shorthand of this. I'm annoyed. I'm upset. It makes you wonder if what you made didn't matter but it did. Of course it did. Notes are just a number, yeah, but I don't want to reduce myself to asking for people to talk about something with every post I give a shit about anymore. I'm tired. I'm done. No more kicked puppy in the window wondering why no one will come out and play. People don't want to play? That's fine. It's a valid choice, even if not the one I was hoping for. My fun isn't everyone else's fun and that's just life. I'm just not going to keep asking people to come out and play when know that people don't want to.
I'm doing it anyway. I'm playing a different game now. A singleplayer one, with an optional multiplayer. My game, my rules. What does this mean for the blog? Nothing. Don't worry about it. Stay tuned because this new game is better than the last one and one I've been meaning to play again for a long while now. If you notice a difference in the type of posts? Well.
Feel free to break the silence.
#(I'm upset but I'm trying to make a point. that's the intended tone I'm not going for anger or anything)#I have plans. I've made a decision.#I'm redirecting my upset back into what I was doing before#I'm gonna stick to it. it's important.#this is all I'm saying on the subject now#it's NOT just about that one recent post that's just what brought it to my full attention#I'm more aware of myself now. I'm more aware of the WORLD now.#that's what these meds have been doing to me. they've made me more aware than ever#and now I'm making steps to make it better.#in EVERYTHING!!! including here#tumblr making me sad? fix it.#I don't want to leave here but I'd be lying if I didn't think about that as a possible solution#I'd lose more than I gained if I did that so like shit am I leaving#time to start sharing things that REALLY matter again#stuff that is MORE than what I've been doing lately#I may start on this tomorrow or later tonight because I'm not in a positive enough mindset#but yeah. I'm reviving my old resolutions with new enthusiasm#because it was silent. I got nothing for it. but hoping for otherwise was different#it wasn't so people could share in the joy with me it was the opposite.#so I'm going back to that.#when I can lift my spirits today or tomorrow I'm going back to it with all the energy in the world!!#I'm gonna give it EVERYTHING because it DESERVES everything and no one else is gonna fucking do it are they?#why won't they? that's what I wanna know.#that's the real question to me.#that's enough for this post I think. if you made it this far then congrats#if you're a moot or friend you know where to find me. I'm fine just feeling really strongly about some things#gonna dive in the deep end to get this right now and I'll probs need some help if anyone's up for it#but anyway. I have stuff to do. I've said what I needed to say#time to move on and do something better.#just you wait gonna blow all your asses out of the water with this one
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very-uncorrect · 10 months ago
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I click off immediately
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curiositymemes · 8 months ago
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STICK SEASON: WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER.
taken from the 2023 album by noah kahan. trigger warnings for mental illness, trauma, medication, references to suicide, and the exquisite agony of life in rural new england. feel free to change wording and pronouns and provide context as necessary. do not add to this list.
northern attitude.
how you been? 
you settled down?
you feelin’ right? 
you feelin’ proud?
you settle in to routine.
what does it mean? 
i’m not how you hoped.
you’re gettin’ lost.
scared to live, scared to die. 
you’re feelin’ lost.
stick season.
you must’ve had yourself a change of heart.
now i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can’t face.
it’s half my fault, but i just like to play the victim. 
i’ll dream each night of some version of you that i might not have but i did not lose. 
i thought that if i piled something good on all my bad i could cancel out the darkness i inherited from dad. 
i miss the way you laugh.
you once called me forever now you still can’t call me back.
that’ll have to do.
my other half was you.
i hope this pain’s just passin’ through, but i doubt it. 
all my love.
how have things been?
well, love, now that you mention it.
i’m sayin’ too much, but you know how it gets out here.
now i know your name, but not who you are.
it’s all okay, there ain’t a drop of bad blood.
you got all my love.
if you need me, dear, i’m the same as i was.
what i’d give to have you out of me.
i still recall how the leather in your car feels.
and at the end of it all, i just hope that your scars heal.
i swear i was scared to death.
i smiled stupid the whole way home.
you said, ‘i’ll never let you go.’
she calls me back.
there was heaven in your eyes. 
everything’s alright.
look at me and don’t you lie.
don’t you hold your head up high.
for bullshit, i do not have time.
do you lie awake restless?
why am i so obsessive?
this town’s the same as you left it.
the radio is taunting me.
i don’t get much sleep most nights.
i’m seeing you in every dream.
if only i could fall asleep. 
i’ll love you when the oceans dry. 
i was too afraid of living life in your footsteps.
come over.
it was there when we got here, will be there when we leave.
you won’t have to guess who they’re speakin’ about.
i’m in the process of clearin’ out cobwebs. 
i was takin’ the wrong meds; feels good to be sad.
my house is just barely big enough for my family.
my mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it.
i promise you, darlin’.
you won’t ever go back.
i know that it ain’t much.
i know that it ain’t cool.
you don’t have to tell the other kids at school.
someday i’m gonna be somebody people want.
new perspective.
makin’ me nostalgic.
we were kids; but that don’t make this less hard.
if i could fly i doubt i’d even do it. 
i’d probably get high and crash or somethin’ stupid.
gave me your word.
i can’t pronounce it.
no thing so sure that i can’t learn to doubt it.
everywhere, everything.
would we survive in a horror movie?
we trust everyone we meet.
we’re littered with scars from our preteens.
i wanna love you ‘til we’re food for the worms to eat.
‘til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours. 
i know every route in this county.
maybe that ain’t such a bad thing.
i’ll tell you where not to speed.
it’s been a long year.
orange juice.
honey, come over.
it’s yours if you want it.
we’re just glad you could visit. 
feels like i’ve been ready for you to come home for so long.
i didn’t think to ask you where you’d gone. 
why’d you go?
my heart has changed and my soul has changed.
you just asked me to hold you.
it made you a stranger and it filled you with anger.
my life has changed.
the world has changed.
don’t you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on?
are we all just pullin’ you down?
strawberry wine.
darling, speak to me.
don’t you say a word.
you thought you were cursed?
i’m in love with every song you’ve ever heard.
if i could lose you, i would.
all the time we used to have.
the things i miss but know are never coming back. 
no thing defines a man like love that makes him soft.
growing sideways.
finally found some middle ground.
i said, ‘i’m cured.’
i divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts.
i’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them.
it’s a start.
but i ignore things and i move sideways ‘til i forget what i felt in the first place.
i know there are worse ways to stay alive.
everyone’s growing and everyone’s healthy.
if my engine works perfect on empty, i guess i’ll drive. 
i forgot my medication, fell into a manic high.
now i’m sufferin’ in style.
why is pain so damn impatient? ain’t like it’s got a place to be.
if all my time was wasted, i don’t mind. 
i’ll watch it go.
it’s better to die numb than feel it all.
halloween.
the dawn isn’t here, the sun hasn’t rose.
they got money to make and children back home.
i worry for you, you worry for me.
the bridges have long since been burnt. 
i’m leavin’ this town and i’m changin’ my address.
i know that you’ll come if you want.
i’m losin’ myself.
i’m seein’ my life on a screen.
i know that you fear that i’m wicked and weary.
i know that you’re fearin’ the end. 
i only tell the truth when i’m sure that i’m lyin’. 
homesick.
are you bored yet?
the weather ain’t been bad if you’re into masochistic bullshit.
this place is such great motivation for anyone tryna move the fuck away from hibernation. 
time moves so damn slow i swear i feel my organs failing.
i stopped caring ‘bout a month ago, since then it’s been smooth sailing. 
i would leave if only i could find a reason. 
i got dreams, but i cant make myself believe them. 
i’ll spend the rest of my life with what could have been. 
i will die in the house that i grew up in.
i’m homesick. 
still.
i don’t wanna say goodbye.
it only falls into place when you’re fallin’ to pieces.
you miss something that you can’t place but you can’t deny it. 
you can’t stay here.
it’s hard to face and it feels too ugly.
it’s like i’m still here with you. 
can i fix what is broken?
the view between villages (extended). 
for a minute, the world seems so simple.
i am not scared of death.
i’ve got dreams again.
there is meanin’ on earth. 
i feel so far from it.
it’s all washin’ over me. 
i’m angry again. 
the things that i lost here, the people i knew.
they got me surrounded for a mile or two. 
i found a town big enough for anything i want.
i’m not a city girl, by any means.
it still has a lot of meaning to me.
i grew up there. 
your needs, my needs.
you ain’t gotta tell me what it means.
i promise to be there this time. alright? 
you were a work of art.
that’s the hardest part.
i’m naming the stars in the sky after you.
dial drunk.
i promised to forget you.
i ain’t takin’ any fault.
am i half the man i used to be? i doubt it.
forget about it, whatever.
it’s all the same anyways.
i ain’t proud of all the punches that i’ve thrown. 
for the shame of being young, drunk, and alone.
i gave your name as my emergency phone call.
i’d die for you.
from charmin’ to alarmin’ in seconds.
i’ll let the pain metastasize.
i beg you, sir, just let me call.
let’s wait, i swear she’ll call me back.
son, are you a danger to yourself?
fuck that, sir.
son, why do you do this to yourself?
paul revere.
this place had a heartbeat in its day.
nothin��� was the same.
it just ain’t that simple, it never was.
one day i’m gonna cut it clear.
i’m not from around here.
i’ll leave before the road crew’s out. 
i’ll turn up the music and i’ll forget.
i’m not ready to let go yet.
i’ll just pretend i didn’t hear.
it’s typical, i fear.
folks just disappear.
if i could leave, i would’ve already left.
no complaints.
i thought i had something and that’s the same as having something.
i get mad at nothing.
i pull no punches, then feel bad for months.
thought i was raised better, tried to fake better.
now the weight of the world ain’t so bad.
i saw the end, it looks just like the middle.
i filled the hole in my head with prescription medication.
who am i to complain?
now the pain’s different. It still exists, it just escapes different.
yes, i’m young and living dreams.
i’m in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen.
call your mom.
oh, you’re spiralin’ again.
don’t you cancel any plans.
stayed on the line with you the entire night ‘til you let it out and let it in.
don’t let this darkness fool you.
i’ll drive all night.
i’ll call your mom.
oh, dear, don’t be discouraged.
i’ve been exactly where you are.
if you could see yourself like this.
you’dve never tried it.
stayed on the line with you the entire night ‘til you told me that you had to go.
throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason.
don’t wanna drive another mile wonderin’ if you’re breathin’.
won’t you stay with me?
you’re gonna go far. 
this is good land, or at least it was.
it takes a strong hand and a sound mind.
it makes me smile to know when things get hard, you’ll be far from here.
pack up your car.
put a hand to your heart.
say whatever you feel.
be wherever you are.
we ain’t angry at you, love. 
you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost.
the birds will still sing.
we’ll be waiting for you, love.
we’ll all be here forever.
we spent so long just getting by.
that’s the thing about survival; who the hell likes livin’ just to die?
you told me you would make a difference.
it won’t be by your own volition if you step foot outside this town.
it’s all we’ve had for always.
you’re gonna go far.
if you wanna go far, then you gotta go far.
forever.
let’s drive for no reason.
you look fine in the evening.
honey, it’s starting to storm.
used to wish i meant anything to anywhere, to anyone.
i’m glad i get forever to see where you end.
i won’t be alone for the rest of my life.
i’ll meet a girl in the heat of july.
i’ll tell her so she knows.
i’m broke, but i’m real rich in my head.
when i hold her close, i might loosen my grip, but i won’t ever let her go.
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buggachat · 2 years ago
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Basically, what's your favorite non-cat-related Adrien lovesquare petname?
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sugarsweets9987 · 4 months ago
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I feel like I'm about to explode from happiness this is more than I could've ever hoped for I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I GOT A STICKER?!?!? I'M LOSING ITTTT (/POS)
I cannot thank the seller enough this is literally putting me on the verge of (happy) tears this brightened my day so so much. It's Cephalorock on Etsy, Twitter, and Twitch - please check them out if you like Splatoon, or if you like Lear <3
(also the skittles were very tasty)
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dootznbootz · 6 months ago
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"Don't like, Don't read" but I think people gotta understand that that means friends too.
Your friends may not want to read certain content that you make. You shouldn't see that as a sign that they don't care about you or love you any less.
Even if they have seen or interacted with your other creations before, they may not want to see certain ones. Whether it's a ship they do not like, has their triggers, or whatever it may be, that's not an attack on you. You can have someone else look it over if you need to.
Nor does that mean that you have to cater to your friends for them to care about you or stop creating that content! Friends don't pressure other friends to stop creating what they enjoy. Put up boundaries or drop them, if that's the case.
Either way, continue to make your good shit regardless!
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telesodalite · 1 month ago
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With Krok now on my mind, it's reminded me of like, the whole deal of him coping with the loss of his squad by believing they'd just become separated? Because that bit is such a fascinating aspect of his character to me.
It's vague in a way that doesn't totally confirm whether he truly 100% deluded himself, or if he just kept telling himself that to try and distract from the truth and memories he didn't want to face.
(Which, for some reason this pisses Misfire off? Which implies something really interesting there about Misfire and his own coping mechanisms and issues that we don't get much of a peer into unfortunately.)
Anyway, I spent way too long thinking about it when I was reading through the comics. And it's like, did studying battles and strategy play a part in this delusion/lie?
Like, you're a being that lives for millions of years, in the middle of a war spanning those millions of years. So, at some point, surely those battles are going to start to blur together. So you've got that, and then you go and face a frankly horrifically traumatic fight that quite literally rips the people you cared about most, and felt responsible for, apart.
Presumably, Decepticons aren't the greatest at handling shell shock and other such side effects of war. So they just take this freshly traumatized mess of a dude, take him off the front lines and plant him on a warworld to aid the fight from a more comfortable distance.
With all this, the mind is bound to be fickle when faced with such sudden loss and change. But Krok obviously did his job there, or at least he was very knowledgeable on history and tactics beforehand.
Either way, he studied battle after battle, went through records of fight after fight, planned for what's next and reconsidered what had already happened. Hundreds of wins and losses.
So did it get jumbled there? In having a head full of battles, did some of them blur and mix with the one that took everything away from him? In trying to solve the failures of past battles, did he try and find where a victory could've been had against the wreckers that day? Did he find a solution that would've had his squad still whole and alive?
From there, did it slip into delusion, or a desperate lie to keep himself going?
I feel like his "mental health matters" moment was an interesting insight into it and possibly the average soldier's rough outlook on trauma. But it was still very surface level I think, but I guess going too deep into the why's and how's wouldn't have been important until maybe the Scavenger centric comics that uh, never happened :/
#i'm probably reading too much into it. but im a sucker for war stories and such in fiction. esp sci fi.#i grew up military. so its like. i need to know the details within the media im reading. or else it feels poorly done or handled#and tf is frequently at its core a story of war. even in g1 it covered that fact. loss and coping and stuff#and idw1 is best in the post-war era. but it only sometimes dips into the real nitty gritty of what that all entails for ex-soldiers#the scavs are particularly interesting in that sense. since none of them were ''important''. they were tragically deemed disposable#and like. the bit where krok is explaining what happened during the war was just so good. just the disillusion and betrayal and hurt-#-towards megatron and the high command. like. argh. it was just *chefs kiss* when it comes to writing an interesting ex-soldier#fulcrums line about the war being over being comparable to the sky no longer being blue is also just. ough. esp since he wasn't a soldier#it just shows how ingrained the war was in every bot and cons life. and its so tragic and fascinating and augh#and like. the cons are awful. yeah. but they're also just an army chock full of random people with their own unique views and opinions#and the scavs are great vessels for telling that angle. that perspective. of just being someone swept up in it all#they're great comedy relief and all too. but theres so much fascinating story potential there too of hardships and disillusion#i mean. the whole deal with the djd?? the comparisons?? the hypocrisy bcs they're all bad people but for different reasons???#i could go on for hours about it. and i actually have and it's never coherent. but its like my fav thing about cons#which is probably a bit weird. i've been told having an interest in fictional wars and its effects is weird. but idk#its personal for me. you grow up hearing shit from vets and what they've been through. their own disillusions and it sticks with you#i'm gonna stop before i start to vent lol. but yeah. just krok and his ptsd and the greater untouched trauma within post-war cons
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decayayhagfishh · 1 month ago
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my beloved mutual.. i mean no offense when i say this.... but you really need to work on your tagging LOL
for example you probably shouldn't go around tagging unrelated stuff, it bothers people going thru the tags who wanna see stuff actually related to the tag
Mb moot,,,💔
I just sometimes use them as little sidenotes in order to not make my post look so long or if i feel like adding another character from the series etc,,,, but i see that it bothers others. So i'll just start tagging the important stuff ,, ^_^ /nm
I'm still very new to Tumblr, so ty for telling me :3 /gen
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I wanted to add an image of that ant with stick, but i couldn't find it,,, So i had to draw it rq., Please don't mind this ,,💔
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when yuuji and megumi finally got together, what were everyone’s reactions? like inumaki and panda obviously threatened yuuji in the most nonsensical way possible but what about gojo and nanami and the others? like finally seeing their little boy grow up to be old enough to date and immediately going for the worst possible candidate in a lot of people’s minds *cough—the zenin—cough*.
if gojo was on the verge of a mental breakdown from just giving Megumi The Talk, i can’t imagine just how hard it hit him that his little sea urchin was growing up so fast.
What must be understood is that the second years have been following their relationship from its inception like it’s their favorite soap opera. Maki clocked it when Megumi tried to kill Kamo Noritoshi with an elephant over him and all of them have been overly invested in it since. Those are their beloved kohais. They’re both so stupid and vulnerable. Like idiot babies. They want them to be happy idiot babies who hold hands.
Yuuta would fight special grade curses with one hand and text Maki with the other to find out if they were dating yet and maki would text back “no but they each killed a special grade and megumi has a domain expansion now” and Yuuta would text back “what am I MISSING”. Inumaki thought if they gave them nine years or so megumi would work himself up to a hand graze and Yuuta would freak out because they don’t have that kind of TIME. Panda texted Yuuta in a panic weeks after everyone else figured it out to tell him that he thinks megumi and the kid who’s sukunas vessel like each other and Yuuta had to pretend to be surprised as if the entire matter was not giving him stress sweats from Africa.
The unofficial reaction was that maki sent a gif of a ship coming into port into the group chat and everyone celebrated like it was new years and the ball had just dropped because thank fuck it finally happened.
As a side note, the second years all consider themselves parents of three and are only half joking about that fact. It’s so hard raising teens. The little shits keep fighting things. None of them have any social skills. All three of them are completely feral. They’re pretty sure nobara bit a purse snatcher the last time they went out into the city.
But that was the unofficial reaction. They can’t tell Megumi or Yuuji about that.
Yuuta actually gets a call from Megumi to tell him that he has a boyfriend, and he had to pretend like all this was news to him as if he had not spent the past three months more invested in this than anything in his own life. Yuuta told him that he was happy for him, and that he couldn't wait to meet Yuuji, and lived in blissful ignorance about the fact that Yuuji screamed into his own pillow for twenty minutes that night because Megumi came and told him that Okkotsu-senpai was important to him and he'd like it if they got to know each other.
Maki started a campaign of teasing Megumi about his new boyfriend, because she sort of loves giving her little nephew shit. Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard.
Inumaki and Panda had already given Yuuji the shovel talk (it was part of what made Yuuji realize he was completely in love with Megumi) and had a stunningly moving congratulations and dating advice speech for Yuuji that featured a power point presentation.
Its moving nature was slightly impacted by the fact that Inumaki gave it.
Inumaki patted him manfully on the back, and Panda gave him a brotherly hair ruffle, and Yuuji continued to be confused as to what the hell was up with the second years.
The issue with Gojo is that they can never tell when he's taking the piss or if he's being genuine. Like, Gojo loves giving him a hard time. It's a classic "Fushiguro is getting hit on" conundrum. Is he actually devastated that his little boy is growing up or is he just doing it to fuck with them?
Megumi insists that he's doing it to be an idiot and refuses to speak to him for days, which does not help with all the weeping.
Whatever the case, it's enough to annoy Nanami, because he keeps agonizing over how his baby was swept up by some jock who was going to steal his sweetness and Nanami would take offense on Yuuji's behalf because Itadori Yuuji is a gentleman and a delightful young man and Gojo should be glad that Megumi is dating someone like him.
Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard sometimes.
Nanami is just happy for them both and gives them both private congratulations wherein he tells them that he's glad they have each other and that they are good together. He is the most normal of them all.
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lunawings · 11 months ago
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Just finished watching the first two episodes of Hirogaru Sky Precure.
I've been hesitant to start a new series since I fell out of Precure around Heelin Good so I put it off for a long time. But I've really been digging the style of this season and I had a feeling I was gonna really like Sora.
I WAS RIGHT
Also of course the first thing I did was look up videos of the Sky Mirage toy
WOOOOOOOOOOW
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i3utterflyeffect · 7 months ago
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Idea: Dark then starts working on the human-to-stick machine in secret and then Chosen discovers it just as it's being activated. Second happens to secretly be on the PC at the time and sees the effect.
ngl????? i have no idea how the effect would be like bc i barely even know how it works KGLKSDLJGLSD
all i know is like. virus on computer -> virus uses secret function -> ???????? -> stick!alan
so the reason i can't really say anything on what would happen if someone else sees it is because my logic is 'i don't fucking know but the outcome is fun!'
i do like the idea of chosen finding out what dark is planning just a little too late though,,, that's always fun <3
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fooltofancy · 5 months ago
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hate him.
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ravenwolfie97 · 6 months ago
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oh baby we're so back
#so i had. a somewhat cracked idea#so i had made some genshin ocs for fun a few months ago#and ended up getting way too attached to one of them in particular#and i kept thinking like man drawing them is one thing but i would love to see that oc as like an actual character in action#without manipulating the actual game of course. cuz that can get you banned and i don't want that ;3;#but then i was like wait. i could just mock it up in blender#because i've used blender before. i had to use it for a couple years in high school for art and animation stuff#and then promptly never really used it again except once in college for fun and it didn't stick#but now i'm like. super pumped about this#i want my vision to come true and by god i will do it#at first i was gonna use the genshin models for base part and started by looking up how people import them#but then i was like. oh yeah i could just draw it and then plop that into blender and just trace that essentially#which i forgot was a thing a lot of people do kjlkjlkl#but like i still want it to be accurate? or close at least#so like idk this isn't something i'm gonna be finishing in an afternoon this will be like. many months of work#but i'm actually rly excited about it man#this isn't getting into the animation aspect yet cuz that. will truly be tricky. cuz idk if you can import that data or not#from genshin i mean. like just slapping those animations onto the character at first#i think that either isn't possible or is more complicated than i would imagine#like. how many bones Do they have. makes ya think#but anyway i can't animate if i don't have a model so i'll cross that bridge first lol
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thedreadvampy · 1 year ago
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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just
like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings
but like
I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.
like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.
#red said#the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early#metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of#Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together#but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant#i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning.#what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose.#i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy#so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that#but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person.#but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go#i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it#but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving#i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry#right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone.#that kind of thing. it's a safety thing.#it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it#but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that#and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time#anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.
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ioannemos · 11 months ago
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yes i love writing sickfic, yes i get nauseous looking up even common illnesses, we exist and we're miserable 🤒
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vorakh · 1 year ago
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the thing about micro-reactivity (and how soon the player start to notice its absence) is so so true you have no idea how disappointing it was to go through the discovery of the insulindian phasmid before the last dream sequence and have harry not acknowledge at all the promise he made to let go of dora/dolores dei ):
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