#I'm gonna add to this later probably when I go back and blaze that one I made LAST time I was feeling fuckin hopeless

[shinesurge]

in a fit of minor despair i blazed TWO (2) comic posts, and by chance a very kind reader ALSO blazed a completely different post the next day. Some insights from the new dashboard (assuming they're accurate lmfao), in case it helps anybody:

The major takeaway here is, as much as we all hate booktok ads and despite what people insist, nobody actually wants a real synopsis of your thing, they want zero-context clickbait.

All three of these were for 2500 views, mine were both targeted towards identical tag audiences and the Kind Follower's was ALSO for 2500 but they chose some different (still applicable) tags.

The pinned post, with some actual comic pages, the elevator pitch, and some basic info about the comic gained around 37 engagements, including 6 reblogs. Worth noting that I formatted this post specifically to be clear and painlessly sharable, it doesn't stretch the page or have clickable links and has all the info about the thing right out front, the sort of thing I respond to.

The softer world edit I originally made because I like making them, with no intention of using it for advertising and which includes zero context for the characters, also no links, got 80 engagements, 6 reblogs and one new follower.

And finally, the follower's blazed post was an actual comic update that differed from the usual for Reasons; instead of a real comic panel it ALSO had a softer world edit attached. None of the text was formatted well for an ad at all, just being the usual links to the comic's website. It gained 36 engagements overall, with 4 reblogs.

And no matter WHAT the post looks like: nobody clicks links.

I'll also mention that pinned post has been there since February, and before I blazed it it had gained around 175 notes in five months. A lot of my static character posts will get 70 or 80 notes without me tagging or trying or really doing anything to promote them, because. They're not meant to be used like that lol

Granted: tumblr as a website is a mess, these numbers could be wildly inaccurate, this is not a super scientific study, but Man.

Personally, I do not respond to this sort of clickbaity booktok shit very well when it's INTENDED for advertising, specifically because I feel like it disrespects the audience and, worse, imitates genuine art to exploit peoples' genuine feelings. It feels VERY close to those covert influencer ads, it honestly makes me kinda sick. But I have talked about this phenomenon before, and the numbers here do back it up. I do think there's some nuance here, but it would take a whole other post to get into it I think.

And I mean, when I make stuff about my own comic it IS always genuine. The audience for "fanwork" I make of my own stuff is extremely small (mostly Me) so it's not like it would be lucrative to crank out a ton of random fake fandom posts; they're not any less earnest if I use them for ads now and then. So I dunno, I guess it's not EXACTLY the same as those gross publisher ads pretending to be teen girls, but it's irritating to be here. I know what I'm looking for wrt ads and getting into new things and I try to treat others the same way. It would be cool to get some traction while treating my audience like Real People, but clearly that route doesn't work seeing as my comic career now has a very real expiration date lmfao. Get out there and make some memes I guess?

[hinatastinygiant]

Chapter Forty Nine

Kamehameha Eruca

Pairing: Haikyuu!! x Fem!Reader

previous | next | 2099

HINATA'S P.O.V.

"Man, I don't know about this," Yamaguchi mumbles to himself.

"Well you better go 'cause I'm not doin' it without you guys," I smile as I switch out one of my poker cards for another in my sleeve. The dealer is watching me like a hawk, but he still doesn't see the simple trick. If he wasn't handsome looking I'd probably laugh right in his gorgeous face.

Suga smiles as he plays the game honestly. "We're not gonna get caught as long as we use our, ahem, items properly."

"Yeah, see!" I grin as I nudge Yamaguchi. "It'll be alright. You're just worried about that stockbroker, aren't you."

"What?! Of course not," he lies as his face turns red. Good thing he's not playing Poker with us because it's always so obvious when he's lying.

"At least think about it," Daichi says to him. "I mean, it'll be a great experience at least."

"And we've got about thirty people going with us! If anything, you can just hide in the crowd," I add.

"I guess you're right," he sighs. "As long as we don't get caught it'll be fun."

"There's the spirit!" I chuckle as I put down a perfect royal flush. The dealer's mouth drops before he shuts it and grinds his teeth together while sliding me a buttload of chips.

"Fucking asshole," he grumbles to himself just loud enough for me to hear since I was paying attention.

"What was that?!" I hum back, hoping he'll curse me out. But instead, he only shakes his head.

"Nothing, sir. Playing again?" he asks.

"Nah, that's it for tonight. I'm going to cash these in. See you guys tomorrow," I wave, throwing a quick wink the dealer's way before getting out of my chair.

As I head toward the chip counter, Yamaguchi follows after me. "Hey," he whispers as he looks around to make sure nobody's listening. "Are we really going to the National Diet Building guns blazing?!"

"Yeah, well that and-"

"Gross, don't... Just, Jesus, how'd I get myself wrapped up in all of this," he sighs.

"Listen, you don't have to come. If you think the naturalism laws are being appropriately used then that's fine but I think being clothes obsessed only makes you a victimized pawn to the government," I shrug. "Go if you want, or don't, it's up to you but I'll have an extra AK if you want it."

"Yeah, alright," he smiles softly. "Enjoy the rest of your night, Shoyo. I'm heading out."

"See ya!" I wave as I arrive at the chip counter. "Make sure you get some sleep tonight so you can think clearly for tomorrow!"

"Mhm," he nods his head nervously. "See you."

The following evening I meet the group of about thirty to forty people at Sugawara's house just down the street from the National Diet Building. Thankfully, Daichi's brought a fuck-ton of tequila and weed to settle the group's nerves before we go out.

"Man, this feels good," Suga sighs as I approach him with an extra gun of mine.

"Yeah, I love the feel of the wind between my legs," I smile.

"It's not just about the fucking nudists, stupid," Suga says as he gently hits the back of my head. "We'll get anything we want... nobody will get in our way once they see our guns!"

"Which ones?!" Daichi laughs loudly as he holds up both of his arms and flexes.

"But even if we don't get what we want, we'll still attract attention for the cause..." I intervene.

"Look, Shoyo," Suga sighs. "The cause is great and all but we'll have so much power if this shit goes through! That's what matters, not some stupid belief about whether you can show your balls at the mall or not."

"Balls at the mall?" I repeat quietly. I thought we were all on the same page. Naturalism is about humanism, equality, and progressivism... It's not about hurting other people to get what we want.

A few minutes later, there's a knock on the door. I walk over to answer it and see Yamaguchi on the other side, fully clothed and not in the black rope we discussed we'd all wear at first.

"Hey," he says quietly. "Can we talk?"

I nod as I reach for my rope and step outside so the two of us can have a private moment. "What's going on?"

"Listen, you were right about what you said yesterday," he sighs. "I can't do this anymore, Shoyo. I'm a manga artist now. I just got published in a magazine and I was a big hit. I can't fuck it all up because I stormed the government for naturalist reasons... You get that, right?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "I get it. This isn't going the way I planned it would either. You don't need to explain yourself to me. Get outta here before something happens, Yams."

"Thanks, Shoyo," he smiles softly. "Be safe tonight."

"I will," I nervously nod back at him. "Same to you."

I then wave as I watch Yamaguchi walk away. However, I don't have much time to contemplate my thoughts before Sugawara and Daichi approach me on either side. Suga hands me my AK while Daichi rubs the top of my head.

"Ready?" Daichi asks proudly.

"As I'll ever be," I gulp, my stomach in knots as I respond.

"Then let's do this!"

Less than an hour later I was in handcuffs. I was read my rights and stuffed into the back of a police car. Both Sugawara and Daichi ran off before getting caught. It was only me and two other random people who ended up behind bars.

I never thought I'd actually be charged with 'Advocating the Overthrow of Government', but there I was with that label hanging over my head for the remainder of my life. Though I knew my life would be drastically changed after the charge, I had no idea the insanity that was to follow.

previous | next | 2099

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Taglist: @isentsworld

[the-slasher-files]

Alright allow me to overanalyze on Asa Emory’s character, if you don’t mind... 

THE COLLECTOR AND HIS DOGS

Basically this is just me nerding out over dogs and the life of having working dogs also the connection Asa might have to them, so don’t mind me. Now if you do not know I am a person who owns 3 dogs myself, is a big dog lover, have worked with many many different types and characters of dogs, and also follow different sports and clubs with dogs involved. So from experience and research this is where I get this info I'm gonna share ;) hope you enjoy my ted talk🔪💕

In the first movie The Collector Asa has a German Shepard chained up outside the home, using it as a first of many strings in protection. Later on in the movie you get a better look at the dog and what it can do; searching and wanting to lock onto a target, any target. Now this is different from protection work and leads more into a German dog sport called schutzhund. This sport is the ability to test just how good your working dog is at working, it is based from protection work, to tracking, to obedience, to bite. 

This training style is very severe in some cases, and this is what the police use for their training more often than not. It takes a very particular person to have dogs in this sport, even if it is just for fun. And we all know just how particular Asa is lol. 

Now who is the type of person to put their dogs into this? A very interesting one. First of all, anyone who is really into this work will hand pick the type of dog they want, from breed to working lines (meaning how well the dogs parents did in competition, as well as how the breeder is with other dogs). Now you can choose as well where you get these dogs from, could be from Europe to America doesn’t matter, it is up to the soon to be owners choice. Either way these dogs are expensive and need heavy hours set into them to achieve the level of training Asa has his dogs working on, and even more so in the second movie by working together. These people often have a huge thing with power and control, which we already know from Asa, but also they usually need/have extreme self-discipline wanting to be perfect in every aspect, could be a dogs position next to you if they aren’t as close that gets you fucked up because they could not defend you properly. Everything needs to be flawless. 

With all this work, self-discipline and control it can be extremely rewarding, especially for Asa in this case to see someone get their face ripped off, it is in his sadistic nature. Even having the dogs presence is often enough to intimidate anyone, in a lot of police work situations people will flee or hide somewhere if they know it is just a single officer, but once the dog gets brought in people more than likely surrender, fast and easy. If anyone of Asa’s collection pieces chooses to run or hide, the dogs can sniff out where they go, they can out run people and will bite, at least without the dogs people could have a chance. Another good thing about dogs is that they alert, if Asa is working and the dogs bark he will know exactly where that person is easily. 

So to overview what I just rambled about before getting into the next topic, Asa is a very control oriented person, needing to have power over something and be very strategic in doing so. Getting off on the intimidation and fear factor of his victims, and even more so when people get bit. These dogs are also for his own protection, caring about himself and his beautiful collection first, and maybe even caring for the double life he leads more. It also can make Asa’s life easier, not having to always make the kill himself, and this leads me to believe that it isn’t really the kill that gets him off, it is the chase, the skill he has taken and the victims skill of getting away that drives him. Almost uses the dogs in more annoyance just because people aren’t dying and getting in his way or messing with his stuff. I mentioned skill a sentence back and I want to bring it up again because I think it’s important; Asa can appreciate the skill of his victims, it makes it more thrilling but also I think he has a deep appreciation for his dogs skills, being extremely hard working and intelligent creatures, like himself and some victims. Now with the thing about Asa taking his favorites, he is trying to find the right one, the perfect one, making more sense for him to have dogs, Asa can mold his perfect dog, using only working dogs, dogs that love to please and want to be perfect for you.            

Now moving on to the next topic - Connections. So this could go two ways, a good way and a bad, no in between. The majority of people grow extreme bonds with their dogs, especially their working dogs, all the hours you put into the training and you have to trust your dog and they have to trust you. In the military specifically dogs build one of the strongest connections with the soldiers, they are their comfort because they see the same things and yet still have a wagging tail, they can save each others lives, protect one another and appreciate each other deeply for skill and for love. Now there are other people, most common in police work because the dogs can sometimes be too intense or have certain contracts but, these people don’t take their dogs home or when they are home they stay in one room or kennel mostly. Sometimes there are dogs that just can’t adapt to home life and just want to work, but sometimes they can make wonderful family and house dogs. At the same time it is up to the owner choosing what they want for the dog. 

Something strikes me with Asa that he genuinely loves his dogs but at the same time some of his actions make me think twice. In the first movie the dog is chained up away from the dangerous traps of the inside, he is protecting the dog at first, but moving along in the movie he releases the dog into the home going after Arkin. Now this is the dogs job mind you, so Asa trusts him, but also you can see a lot of traps or dangers have been removed so the dog can work safely and knows the dog is smart enough to avoid some of the obvious traps. He lets him work but also wants to help the dog, perhaps not wanting the dog to get seriously hurt or maybe just finally finishing Arkin off. Also the scene where Asa is outside and calls off the dog when he is biting a guy, again maybe for safety of the pet maybe just to watch the man struggle. Ultimately the dog dies in the first one, but Asa watches very carefully when the dog is going after Arkin, and there is almost a ‘sadness’ or maybe curiosity to Asa’s face, and I think he knows in that moment his dog is sadly dead. 

In The Collection you don’t see the dogs really work that much, you only see them barking at Abby then barging in the room with Asa, so it is hard to really see any connections. From both movies I would say Asa takes the dogs with him for the most part, takes them to ‘jobs’ and brings them to the hotel. Now at the hotel it is important to notice the dogs do not have free range or else we would see them probably a lot more. My best guess is that Asa cares for the dogs and doesn’t want them getting hurt by his traps until he knows who the people are, that’s when he loses it, literally going in all guns a blazing. When he does bring the dogs out they are only with him, aka his control and protection side coming out. Now in this scene Asa has an assault rifle that he uses in tandem with the dogs, but I noticed carefully watching the scene, Asa never shoots towards the dogs, he lets them work, again trusting them deeply, if he did shoot around not caring for them the bullets would have defiantly hit Arkin and wounded him or killed him. Of course after this scene we don’t really get to see Asa in any sort of grief, (which I really wanted lol) he is just busy trying to kill everyone else and not get caught by the cops. 

Then in the final scene of The Collection we see Asa’s home, this is like months after the events at the hotel from what I can tell, but we see no dogs, not a trace. Simply he maybe could not have gotten anymore dogs since his collection was destroyed and he doesn’t really need dogs to protect his stuff any longer, or maybe Asa did not find new dogs that he wanted yet, or just maybe they were locked in the house away in a room, keeping his house spotless. Who knows it is all up to the person watching, I don’t think they expected a dog crazy person to be diving this deep lol.

So my final thoughts. I personally think Asa really likes his dogs and they bring him good company and something to have power over in his regular life. Once you have a dog, especially dogs that take so much work and training time it is very hard for people to just stop having dogs. Also being a biologist I think he can deeply appreciate them for their intelligence and skill. If anyone says Asa would like cats you can fuck off because look what happened to the cat in the first movie, it was clumsy and got itself killed, plus look at his house, not a thing knocked over lol, a cat would never do for him. Anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk and letting me nerd out! Fill free to add your own thoughts.       

This is Aero from the first movie, a German Shepard that might be from some European lines, but looks mostly American to me.     

Now I sadly couldn’t find these dogs names, but these 2 are a little different. To me the one on the left looks like a European line longer fur german shep. While the one on the right looks like a belgian malinois maybe with some shepard in it. 

[babeyvenus]

The Wolf Among Us

Bigby x OC

Summary: Sonya Blaze, A.K.A. Hell Rider, is a half fable, half mundy girl who comes to Fabletown to learn more about her side of the folktales. She works alongside Sheriff Bigby Wolf as his newest partner and together they strive to find out who's behind the unexpected murders in Fabletown.

TW: Mentions of death, gore/blood, alcohol, smoking, drugs, sex implications, suicide, guns and ofc language.

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Chapter 20: Break in

The Woodlands

Sonya made it back to the Woodlands and parked in her usual spot in the back alley before walking back around to the entrance. “Hey, Grimble.”, she greets, not worrying about the man’s response as he sleeps.

She walks over to the elevator, waiting for the old box to come down. ‘ Maybe being on leave isn’t too bad …’, she thought as she looked at the bag in her hand with the big bold word of BEST BUY . She grinned as she stepped in the elevator and pressed the button to her floor.

When she reaches her floor, she walks down her hall and notices her door in a weird position. Almost like it was open…

She stopped once she got a bit closer to see that it was indeed open. She snapped her fingers to herself, “Nope.” She turned around and headed toward Bigby’s apartment.

She knocked on his door, looking around the empty hallway. She could her clops coming to the door and the door opened to reveal Colin. “Hey, toots. What’s going on?”

She looks around and looks at the pig. “Hey, Colin. Is Bigby here?” He shakes his head. “He’s probably at his office, if not then he’s out beating up other fables.” She doesn’t respond, keeping her eyes on the empty hallway. “What's up?", he asked.

"Someone was in my apartment while I was gone...", she says. Colin steps aside and lets her in. "You could call his office to see if he's there.", he says, closing the door and managing to lock it.

She scrambled to the phone and dialed his office number. 'Please, pick up. Please, pick up. Please, pick-'

"Hello?", his gruff, mumbled voice answers. She assumed he was smoking again as she lets out a shaky breath of relief. She slid down to the floor by the phone.

"Hello?", he calls again. She clears her throat a bit. "Hey. Uh, are you busy?"

He's silent for a moment before answering, "You're back already? I'm not busy right now– what's wrong?"

"Can you come here? I had to go to your apartment. We need to talk,” she says. She could hear him bustling around, most likely getting ready to come over. "Yeah, I'm on my way."

She nods, even though he couldn't see it and hangs up, waiting for his arrival.

Moments later, she could hear him unlocking the door and he walked in. He looks around to see her give him a smile but it didn't meet her eyes. "Did you have someone in your apartment?"

She stood up. "That's what I called you for. I didn't even get to go inside yet." He led her to her apartment, seeing the old door opened for everyone who walked down the hall to see. He growled, keeping her behind him as he walked up to the apartment.

He peeked from around the corner, his nose twitching as he took in the smells. He took note of her scent, the wood of the old door, a small candle on the lamp table she had and a very distinct scent. It was familiar but he couldn't put his finger on it. Nor did he like it.

He frowned as he walked in, taking silent steps. Sonya looked around before stepping in. "Who do you think was in here…?", she whispered enough for him to hear.

He gave her an unsure face, and looked around the dark apartment. She didn't have much so why would anyone break into her place?

Sonya looked in her kitchen, seeing the window in the kitchen open. She closed it and locked it, sighing. Bigby closed the other window. He looked into her empty bedroom and bathroom, frowning at the sight of no one.

He walked up to her. "From now on, you go through the front entrance. No shortcuts, nothing. Not until we figure out what's going on. Are we clear?"

She nodded. He crossed his arms, giving her his signature glare. "I mean it, Sonya.", he says as if he were lecturing a child. She looked up at him with a frown. "I got it.", she says.

Unsatisfied, he leaves it alone and brings her go the Business Office. He frowns at the sight of Bluebeard discussing with Snow and locking eyes with him. "And the dog himself appears.", he says.

Sonya walked up to Bufkin, giving him a smile. "How are you today?", he asks. She rubs behind her neck. "Pretty off today, Bufkin. What about you?" He gives her a worried, soft smile. "I'm as well as can be."

Snow walks up to Sonya, making her frown. "I thought you were supposed to be on leave.", she says, placing her hands on her hips. Sonya crossed her arms. "I am. I'm going through something right now and I definitely don't need you to start anything with me."

"Sonya, I could care less. We don't need you right now. There's nothing happening. There's no case, the Crooked Man is gone. You two handled that very well .", she sneers.

Sonya rubs at her temples, feeling an oncoming headache. Bufkin took that as his cue to leave. "I don't need this right now.", Sonya sighs.

"Whether or not you want me here, I still have a job . Which means it's my only way to even pay for my apartment. Unless you feel like paying the rent yourself, I'd suggest you turn your business elsewhere.", Sonya says, walking toward the mirror as Bigby and Bluebeard nitpick.

"Hey, Mirror.", she calls. The green face appears. "Hello, Miss Sonya."

She rubbed her arm. "You wouldn't happen to know who showed up at my apartment a few minutes ago...would you?"

"Alas, Miss Sonya. For I cannot tell the past.", the mirror replied. She looked down dejectedly. "Sorry about that. I won't need anything else. Thank you." The mirror nods with a smile before showing her reflection.

She sighed. "Dammit. Who would’ve wanted to go to my apartment? I don't have anything like Beauty and Beast..."

Snow looks up from her desk. "Do you need anything else or are you headed out?"

Sonya's jaw clenched. "I don't think I need any of your help. I haven't needed your help since I got here." Snow glares. "If you don't need any then you can go. We sure don't need yours."

Sonya scoffed. "What the fuck is your problem, Snow?" Snow crosses her arms. "That's Ms. White to you. My problem is that you're trouble."

Sonya's eyebrows rise. "I'm trouble?"

"You're often reckless and you add fuel to Bigby's fire. Which he already doesn't need. You don't give him restraint, you egg him on and just watch from the sidelines.", Snow says.

"We went over this already. Bigby is not a pet. He doesn't need to be kept on a leash 24 fucking hours of the day.", Sonya argues. "And did we or did we not get stuff done? Was anyone killed on our behalf?"

"No, but that's not the point.", Snow says. Sonya places her palms on her temples for a moment. "How is that not the point? There was no bloodshed and even if there was, it sure as hell wasn't coming from the opposing side. They were out for blood and over the stupidest shit. The Crooked Man tried to kill us multiple times, for fuck's sake!"

Sonya walks up to the desk, placing her hands on it. "We got the job done. We may have hit a few bumps on the road but in the end, we got justice. So this,"

Sonya gestures to Snow's glare. "Know-it-all, high and mighty, snobby, by the books shit you got going on isn't gonna cut it with me. And it sure as hell ain't gonna cut it with our next problems. Especially if our next problems commit another murder that we have to solve once again."

Sonya stands up straight, crossing her arms. "You've got no reason to act the way you're doing right now. If anything, you're acting like a child . You're "trying" to be mature and "professional", but it's not working. You were better before you thought it was okay to put me on leave over some bullshit.", she says, making Snow's hardened expression falter.

"So if you're writing a book and you must know, I'm here because someone thought it was a good fucking idea to B&E in my place while I was " on leave ".", she says, making Snow’s eyes widen.

She pauses, noticing the silence coming from the room. She turns to Bigby and Bluebeard, meeting their confused eyes.

Bluebeard smiles and adjusts his clothes. "Well, I think it's about time I leave. I take you all have something wondrous to talk about.", he says, walking to the door.

"Hold on, Bluebeard.", Bigby calls. Bluebeard pauses. "You didn't see anyone suspicious enter the Woodlands, did you?"

Bluebeard looks at him over his broad shoulder. "No, not am I worried about that because it's not my job. That should be your job as well as Grimble. Ask him.", he says before leaving.

Bigby shakes his head as he looks at the two women. “Yeah, someone broke in today. I’ll ask Grimble and I’ll see what to do afterwards. I don’t know what’s going on with you two and this hostility thing you guys got going on but it needs to be handled. As for you,” He points at Sonya.

“You need to be on your guard. C’mon.” he says, walking toward the office door. Sonya sighs before following and exiting before him.

They walk to the elevator; Sonya storms in irritation and nearly leaves Bigby in her dust. Once they enter the elevator, Bigby glances at Sonya. She leaned on a wall of the elevator, her eyes closed as her chest rose and fell heavily, as if she were trying to calm down.

He frowned softly, disliking the sight behind him. He didn't like being around someone when they were riled up. It didn't help his own anger and irritation but seeing her so worked up, it made him feel….helpless.

"So...", he speaks up, looking away. Her eyes opened. "You wanna explain what that was about?", he asks.

She frowned, rolling her eyes. "Girl talk." He snorts. "You guys fight. That's girl talk?"

Sonya bit back a sigh. "Just a little powwow. Frankly, I think it's something she's been needing to hear for a while.", she says. Bigby shakes his head. "She means well. She's a disciplinarian but she's doing her best."

Sonya glances at him, her lips pressed in a slight pout. 'Doesn't matter what anyone says… Snow's still an angel in his eyes…'

She frowned in frustration before the elevator doors opened to the lobby. They walk up to Grimble, frowning at the man's snores.

Bigby knocks on the front desk. "Hey. Grimble." Sonya frowned at him in disbelief. "No, "hey, sorry to wake you up"?", she asks, making Bigby shrug.

The sleeping man looks up, rubbing his eyes. "He'd be lying if he apologized. What's the matter?"

"Have you seen anyone suspicious walk through here?", Sonya asks. Grimble frowns and shakes his head. "No, not that I don't think."

"It's even weirder because even if he is asleep, he knows anyone and everyone that comes through here.", Bigby tells her.

"I literally have nothing that's valuable. Unless they're looking for my phone, that might be another story.", she says. She frowns sadly. "If it's not one thing, it's another…"

Bigby frowns, placing a hand on her back. "Let's go take a breather."

She looked up at him. "But I just went out." He shrugged. "So?"

She sighs. "Fine.", she says, walking out of the Woodlands with him.

However, across the street, far into a dark alley, someone watches the sheriff and deputy leave the building.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ro & Ali

Ro: …---… Ro: Mayday mayday Ali: This is AlleyCat, roger your mayday, position is our bedroom, how can I be of assistance? Ro: That was a very efficient response Ro: What would your ETA be for reaching the fantasy section of the library? Ali: Constant vigilance, Rosaline Ali: 15 minutes ish providing the hairy-footed hobbits aren't too thick a crowd to cut through Ali: What's the danger? Ro: Let me preface by saying that I could burn a forest of cedar and do not believe I'd be adequately protected Ro: Now that you're forewarned, I'll explain Ro: Kayne is here because his dear sister is having a party at which he is unwelcome Ro: As if her birthday wasn't already cause for lack of celebration enough, I can now not escape his attentions Ali: Yikes! Not to mention the environmental damage too, and if it's not gonna work, we're defs best to avoid Ali: Also the Librarian would probably think you were blazing up back there and using pages of an old Jilly Cooper as roaches and who wants to be tarred with the same brush as Donovan O'Reilly? Ali: Gross, skip the protection spells and the like and go straight for a swift kick in the balls Ali: How is it he's ALMOST as delusional as his sister? Not in this galaxy or one far, far away, honey, c'mon Ro: Precisely Ro: Not to mention of all days today I chose not to wear black and I don't need the ash blow back to ruin this outfit Ro: He's in no way worth that damage either Ro: Hm! I couldn't possibly do that, though I have pondered long and hard enough to suggest telling him that we'd (providing you and Carly would be willing to tag along, that is) crash the party, only to leave him there and make our escape Ro: Perhaps I'm being delusional myself to create a narrative whereby Laoise isn't hyper alert to our presence upon all occasions Ali: That's what it is, you've let your cover down and he's taken it as an invite! Ali: Though sure, you could probably wear a potato sack and he'd still be mooning Ali: Ha, that would be hilarious though! Rock up with a card and a bottle like, hey babes Ali: Least we could leg it, only a few doors to safety, after-all Ro: Oh Ali! I don't know what he sees in me and frankly do not wish to know Ro: What would be proper attire for a soiree at your nemesis' house? Ro: I'm certain she'd love to see me a potato sack even more so than her brother would, so I'll assume not that Ro: Exactly, why would she ever be hesitate to drink anything we offered or read anything we'd scribbled on a piece of paper which may or may not be a curse?! Ro: Very amusing. Unlike the conversational loop I am currently stuck in Ro: To use the term conversation very loosely, of course Ali: DUH, you're beautiful AND smart, not like other girls! Gag Ali: [Sends multiple options with are a lot of black silk, lace, fake fur and leather moments] Ali: Right? We're the perfect party guests Ali: Been ages since we tried anything dark sided, don't let the chic looks fool ya Ali: Oh Lord, what is he even? Last time I got stopped by him on my way to the post office he was prattling on about some online game and I should join and Ali: I'd feel bad for him but he's also intensely dislikeable and entitled with it all so Ro: Oh god, you're not actually considering putting my pretend party crashing into action, are you? Ro: I'm as tempted right now as I've ever been to dabble in dark arts, but that's solely for his benefit, and my own in ending this interaction, not hers Ro: He's offering to tutor me right now, which I neither need nor believe to be his real intentions in asking Ro: I know I'm not as scholarly as you, but that's why I'd turn to you if I needed assistance, not someone whose scores are not even on a par with my lesser subjects Ali: Of course I am Ali: She knows she misses us, you know I know that you need saving Ali: Win win on many different levels Ali: 😂 Nice try, bud Ali: How cliche, taking too many lessons from bad porn and worse romcoms himself, like Ro: Please no Ro: If you bring an invisibility cloak I may consider it, but otherwise Ro: As for Kayne, I almost miss the days he used to put slugs in my hair Ro: He had the excuse of childhood to blame his cliches on and we had some new pets into the bargain Ali: It all comes down to who you'd rather be fighting off, him or her Ali: Pets, or INGREDIENTS, eh, Leesh? Ro: I just snorted, so score one for appearing unattractive, thank you Ro: If I take off my glasses will that likely add or deduct a point? Ro: But to answer your query, the way I see it, Carly's owed a rematch so maybe we should go to the party Ro: Birthday beatings are a time honored tradition, no? Ali: Welcome, if he gives us room to pull of an anti-makeover I bet I can get that score in the minuses Ali: He's defs into the glasses vibe, makes him think he gives a shit about what's on the inside and your brain, as if you aren't the epitome of beauty still Ali: Ooh, true, true, many scores to settle, rights to wrong...I'll see if she's down or wants her own training montage to counteract yours Ali: Now you're sounding like a McKenna! Ro: But even if I switched to contacts, dyed my sister's hair and went shopping for an entirely new wardrobe, he'd still take my personality as an invitation Ro: As though I crafted any of this to appeal to him, or indeed to repel his sister Ro: Just trying not to lose my own voice here as he mansplains the plot of the novel I was faux browsing Ro: I may take a swing for him if this continues for much longer however, and thank Fearghal later for the lessons Ali: You mean its not him, him its all for him? Shocker Ali: You got two options way I see it (still on the peace path, your soul can thank ME later) Ali: Either outwit him and pick a book he so won't understand and show him up with your superior intellect, easy or hard mode, act infuriatingly dumb 'cos that would dead put him off his ideal of you Ali: like Shakespeare who? Is that the Leo movie? Ro: Both excellent suggestions Ro: And I could indeed wax lyrical about how gorgeous Leo was in that movie until the library closes so Ali: Honestly, proof of angels Ro: Thank you, yes! Ro: Not that it's needed, but if people insist upon being ignorant, there you are everyone Ro: He'd never talk down to me about Trolls and Orcs Ali: Seriously Ali: If our teachers ever got creative with the assignments, then I could too, dissertation READY on how this dirty world of ours has tainted him Ali: not quite fallen angel level of dark deeds but he's certainly aging into a Nicholson and not a Caravaggio Ro: If you keep discussing his visual decline I'll have no need for an escape route because I'll simply burst into loud and dramatic tears Ali: Oh God, don't Ali: He'll want to comfort you Ro: Oh Ro: I never thought of that and I hope the mental image never crosses my mind again Ali: Yeah, that's his shit, worst type Ali: as bad as the boys making you cry, that's right Kayne, I said it Ro: I don't understand why he likes me when you exist Ro: Surely you're his type, as you are the bad boys around here, as well Ro: Sorry Tess Ali: Nah, I'm not as nice as you Ali: thus not worthy of his lurve Ali: Devastated, of course Ro: You're nicer than me, as Carly can attest Ali: Only to those who deserve it Ali: He gotta know that Ro: He believes he is one of the chosen though Ali: As far as I know he's neither Jewish nor Harry Potter so Ali: not that those are MY parameters 😂 Ro: He's proud of not having read any of the Harry Potter books as far as I know Ro: And to think we could ever be together! No no Ali: 'Course he is Ali: HATING POPULAR THINGS ISN'T A PERSONALITY TRAIT, NOR IS IT INTERESTING OR ENDEARING TO PEOPLE Ali: Shouting so he can hopefully hear Ro: I would tell him but I'm so embarrassed by everything he's already spoken aloud that I can barely speak Ro: I have to get out of here Ali: Run baby run Ali: I can do a stellar Ma impression Ali: out of the realm you'd be in trouble but I can ring you with drama like Ali: FUCKING HELL, GET HOME NOW, ROCKY'S ON THE ROOF AND THE CHICKEN'S BURNING AND ALI IS NO HELP AT ALL AHH Ro: Please do Ro: I didn't expect to be asking for an invocation of your mother to get me out of trouble but I gladly shall Ro: And owe you one too Ro: I've been on and off my phone so he can't appear as if it'd be out of the blue Ro: Oh and now I'm rhyming... Ali: Find yourself in times of trouble, Mother Tessie comes to thee, speaking words of wisdom, let it be Ali: On it Ali: Scouse don't fail me now Ro: If you keep making me laugh this plan is going to fall apart Ro: If in doubt, speak angry Gaeilge, he doesn't so he'll never know what you're talking about Ali: Into it