#I'm fucking broke!!! Not to mention I had to use the rest of my money to cover a woman's god damn cigarettes!!!

[groovyships]

When your boss knows you're drowning in vet bills for your dying cat because you explicitly told her and she puts you down to one day a week anyways while prioritizing the 50 year old creep who makes sexual jokes anytime he sees the opportunity 🥰

[straylightdream]

don’t blame you

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: xu minghao x stripper!f.reader

I would cross the line. I would waste my time. I would lose my mind. They say, "She's gone too far this time."

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: non-idol au, sugar daddy au

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut warning below.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.2k

𝐚𝐧: inspired by the Taylor swift song of the same name Let me know if you’re interested in any other boys stories mentioned in this. You can also fill out this form helping me pick songs for the other boys. here. The rest or the boys stories will be in my svt m.list.

here is my SVT taglist if you’re interested being add please fill out this form.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: unprotected sex (mc is on birth control), choking, lingerie kink, hand job, stripping for money, talks of exchanging sex for money. Body worship, slut shaming (not by minghao), possessive hao, pussy whipped hao, creampie, mention of getting someone pregnant, named: baby, daisy

Living him made you feel like you were going insane. He made you feel things no other man had ever made you feel before. Things with him were absolutely intoxicating. He pushed you to things out of your comfort zone.

You broke every rule you had ever had before you met Xu Minghao. The number one rule you broke was, never fall for a client. Stripping wasn’t something you had always planned on doing. It just fell into your lap when you were down on your luck and broke. Since you started taking your clothes off for money you don’t have to worry about things that used to make you lose sleep at night. You don’t have to worry about affording rent or putting food on the table. You’re able to fully support yourself. You’re good at your job and you know how to make men spend their money on you.

Everything you knew was flipped upside down when a beautiful man named Minghao paid for a private room. From the very first hello you knew you were fucked.

What should have been a one time thing turned into him being one of your regulars. After your first show with him he popped up the following week and from there he just kept coming back.

You weren’t the only one who felt a connection. Minghao often told you how fascinating he found you. He loved getting to talk to you. The first few times he visited you kept it very professional. After a while he would spend big money to get you in a private room just so he could talk. He loved learning things about you. He was one of the only people in the building who knew your real name. He didn’t know you as “Ivy” your stage name. It didn’t take long for your visit to turn into more than just talking. The first time you kissed you felt like butterflies were fluttering in your stomach.

Often you would find yourself sitting on his lap topless just making out. You had no problem kissing him and dry humping him until you thought you might go insane but you told him you couldn’t have sex with him at work. You refused to have sex with him if money is involved.

“Do you actually like me daisy girl?” He refused to call you ivy. He says you remind him more of a daisy.

“Minghao,” you sigh with your forehead resting against his.

“Is that a yes?” His hands run up and down your bare sides

“Obviously.” You pull back, giving him a smile.

“Go out with me.” You don’t say anything, you just stare at him. You want to date him so badly but you know your job will always complicate things.

“What happens if I say yes?”

“I wait until you’re off at two and then I take you out to eat.”

“Wouldn’t you prefer we go out one day when I haven't worked. I'm either going to be covered in stage makeup or I’m going to be bare faced.” You didn’t really feel like putting on a different face of makeup to go out tonight.

“Baby I think you’re beautiful anyway you look,” he leans in and presses his lips to yours again. “It doesn’t have to be tonight. When can you be off?”

“I make my own schedule. I don’t have to work any day I don’t want to.” You know Minghao is serious about you and he isn’t just trying to play a game.

He rested his hand on your cheek, “you can tell me no, but I want to ask you something.”

“Ask away,” you smile.

“How about I take you out tonight? We can just get a late night dinner. It will stay fully innocent, but if you enjoy my company you pack a bag and you stay with me for a little while.”

“How long?”

“As long as you want to stay.”

Things between you changed forever that night. You finished up your private room with Minghao at midnight and you agreed for him to pick you up after work. He said goodbye and told you he had a few things to do and after work he wasn’t lying when he said he would be waiting outback for you. You found him sitting in an extremely expensive black sports car.

The first dinner you shared was nice. It was wonderful getting to fully know Minghao outside of the club setting. Your night stayed fully innocent outside of a kiss goodnight outside your front door.

Things with you and Minghao drastically changed that night. You weren’t officially together but it was clear that you were his and he was yours. You took him up on his offer and took a week off of work and just stayed with him.

Your first night in his expensive penthouse was your first time you ever slept with him. Something about Minghao always made you assume he was dominant in bed and you weren’t exactly wrong, but he was much more gentle with you then you thought he would be. You quickly learned that he loves having you lingerie during sex. He bought you so much expensive lace for you to wear. His favorite is crotchless panties. He’s bought you many pairs. He asks for you to wear them whenever you can.

Your nights of the club have started slowly going down. It was rare before that you would work less than six days a week, but since you often started staying at Minghao’s house more often than your own you now only work two days a week.

Since things changed with you and Minghao he still comes in occasionally, but not as frequently as before. You feel guilty now when he pays for a private room. He won’t take no for an answer when you tell him he doesn’t have to pay for your time now.

-

Laying on his bed I’m nothing but a pair of black lace crotchless panties, you spread your legs wide exposing your already drenched pussy. “Touch yourself for me.” Silently you do as you say. “My daisy, what do I have to do to get you to quit your job?” He’s asked you this on multiple occasions but every time you tell him you can’t quit.

You slide your fingers through your wet folds. Rubbing your clit causing a soft moan to leave your lips. He stands at the edge of the bed still dressed in nothing but his dress pants watching you play with yourself.

“I need the money,” it’s not a lie. You’ve given yourself a very comfortable lifestyle by stripping.

“Let me take care of you baby,” he is intently watching you.

“I don’t exchange sex for money.”

“We wouldn’t be exchanging sex for money,” he says quickly.

“What would we be doing?” You pull your hands away from your wet core.

“I would be taking care of you and supporting you, and all I ask is for you to be open to falling in love.” He’s a fool if he doesn’t realize you’re already head over heels in love with him. It's been almost two months since you first got dinner together and you are indeed in love with him.

“Are you going to be my sugar daddy?” You’ve been tempted to try and find one in the past but you weren’t exactly keen on sleeping with an older man for money.

“I’m not an old man paying for your time. I’m thinking more of: I'm your boyfriend and I pay for you.”

“My boyfriend?” You arch your eyebrow at him.

“Do you not want something more with me than this game we seem to be playing?” You’re tired of whatever this is. You want to openly be able to love him.

“You better not break my heart.”

“I would never.” He unbuckles his pants and removes them and boxers leaving him standing at the foot of his bed fully naked.

“How are you going to explain to people your girlfriend is a slut?” You need to ask him. He needs to be prepared for what people will say about him being with you.

“Don’t call yourself that,” he says flatly. “You aren’t a slut, and I never want to hear you say that again.”

“What am I then?” He crawls over you. He pins your hands above your head.

“My daisy. You’re my daisy.” If you weren’t in love, you would be now. You’re speechless and don’t even know how to respond to him.

“I like the sound of that,” you whisper, leaning up.

He pulls away from you and sits back with his back against his expensive headboard. “Come here baby.”

You crawl over to him. Sitting on his thighs you start to pump his already hard dick. His lips slightly part as he inhaled little breaths. You've learned all the ways to make him fall apart. Focusing on the sensitive head that is already leaking precum. His hand massages your breast. He earns a moan when he tweaks your nipple.

“Have I told you I love you today?” he asked, finally speaking.

“I think so,” you can’t help but smile.

You continue pumping his length as his hands travel your body. One rest on your throat. He slowly applies pressure as you close your eyes. “I don’t want to share you with anyone else anymore.” Your eyes flutter open and you can tell how serious he is. “I want you to just be my daisy. Let me take care of you fully.” His hand still lingers on your throat, but no longer applying pressure.

“You’re gonna get bored of me. Men normally like the idea of me, but find me hard to love.” You last few relationships were disasters. Only one of them fully knew about your job, and the amount of time you would get into fights and he would call you a slut and throw your career in your face.

“You are not hard to love. I love you.” You often question what you did to deserve a man like Xu Minghao to love you.

“I love you too,” it’s rare you repeat those words back to him. You’re helplessly in love with him, but you still can’t be scare you’re going to get hurt. You’ve broke all your rules for him. Falling for him made you feel like you were going crazy, but that’s maybe how love is supposed to feel.

Without saying anything else you lift your hips. He realizes what you’re doing and helps slide his cock towards your welcoming pussy. Slowly you slide down his length. His hand still rests on your throat applying pressure every so often. One of your hands hold his jaw, keeping his looking right at you. You’re not normally rough with him, but you’re lost in a haze of desire.

“I only ever want to fuck you,” your moans are high pitched. “I don’t want anyone else.”

“I don’t want anyone to ever touch you,” his hand dips down between you and starts playing with your clit while you ride him. “I’m going to take care of you and I’m going to fuck you so good you can’t think straight.” You love when he gets like this.

“I’m so wet for you-“ you ride him like your life depends on it. His hand never leaves your throat continuously applying pressure.

Leaning back your hands rest on his thighs behind you. Moving your hips at a quick pace.

“Fuck-“ you moan.

“Your pussy was made for me,” he moans.

“Please kiss me,” you beg. Silently he accepts your plea. He pulls you closer to him by your throat. He releases his hold as your lips crash together.

“I wanna cum,” you whine with your lips ghosting his.

“Cum baby.”

Your orgasm washes over you with a blinding hot heat. Closing your eyes you lean forward and stop moving your hips. Minghao holds your hips and helps you continue to ride him while he chases his own high.

“Fuck-“ he moans as he paints your walls white. He doesn't think he has ever came that much in his life. If you weren’t on birth control he would be worried about getting you pregnant.

Pulling back slowly you sit up with him still snugly inside of you. The blissed expression on his face is absolutely beautiful. “I’ll quit stripping, but you have to promise me that you won’t break my heart.”

The smile that tugs at his lips makes your heart instantly swell. “I won’t ever break your heart.”

The two things you have learned about being in love is that sometimes you just have to trust the person who is in love with you. If you love someone sometimes it’s okay to break all your own rules.

@minghaosimp @kpoplover-19

[qu1cks1lversb1tch]

Hoping that this isn't weird but IMAGINE Vox having everything, fame, money, power, but he loses the one thing he treasures the most on extermination day– his family. Like imagine if Vox and his pregnant wife had this hugee argument before extermination day causing her to storm out of the tower, but he didn't chase her cause it was just probably the hormones and she'd come back. But she didn't manage to come back in time. So Vox had to wait in the tower cause he couldn't go out and pray that she was okay. After the extermination, he of course went ballistic trying to find her, jumping from camera to camera until he found her corpse in some random dark alley. What would be the aftermath? I HOPE THIS ISNT WEIRD I JUST CRAVEE ANGST ‼️‼️😭

A/N — I rewrote this a total of four times 😭 I hope this satisfies your need for angst, my lovely anon. This is the one my sister finally approved for everyone to see. Poor kid hates reading my fanfic and she's been subjected to being my conscience while I wrote this. I had to bribe her with coffee and a 20 piece nugget from McDonald's to get her to read more than a paragraph 😭

Fade To Black

Warnings: ANGST, pregnancy, Fem!Reader, loss of wife + child, Vox in denial, got kinda dark with the implications at the end(?), Alastor is mentioned a few times. Guys, I'm literally so sorry

Word Count: 1.2K

“You're not listening to me!” You reiterated for what felt like the billionth time, your gaze momentarily darting to the small curve of your stomach where one of your hands rested securely, the other on your hip.

Vox sighed, exasperated. “Listen, Doll, I'm hearing what you're saying and—”

“—That's exactly the problem! You're hearing what I'm saying but you're not actually listening to me, Vox! For Hell's sake, step away from your work and weird obsession with the Radio Demon for two seconds and focus on what's important!” 

The words felt like knives as you spoke them, each one spearing the air of the penthouse. The room fell silent. The other vees were no stranger to the arguments that broke out, hell, they were a part of most of them. . . But not this one. . . Vox stiffened and squared his shoulders. 

“My work is important. My work is what allows us to live the afterlife we do.” He said, his tone firm, almost condescending. 

“And what about your obsession, huh? Watching the rinky-dink hotel cameras in your office after hours for a glimpse of that antlered little freak who doesn't give a shit about you — when you should be home, here, with me?” 

You waited for an answer, yet Vox only stared at you. It was painfully clear that he didn't know what to say. “Lucifer's tits — fuck you!” You hissed, throwing your hands up in the air, showing just how done you were with all of this.

The next moment, you were turning on your heel and storming out of the room. 

Vox only scoffed and dropped onto the couch, watching as you walked away. Hormones. He thought to himself. It had to be.

He'd never seen you so worked up about his late nights at the office. Never seen you so angry when referencing Alastor, who had once been a good friend and mentor to you. 

Hormones. It was the only logical explanation, right?

He let you go, knowing you needed your space. . . Knowing you'd come home once you cleared your head and had just enough patience to once again approach the topic with a semi-level head, likely once the extermination was over.

You knew the moment you cleared the doors of the tower that you had likely overreacted. The hot, dry air of Hell against your skin seemed to bring the realization to the forefront of your mind. 

Yet it was pride and stubbornness that kept you from turning back to the tower, rather storming through the desolate back alleyways, a metaphorical thundercloud looming over your head.

Vox hadn't followed you, and you weren't about to give him the satisfaction of going back. You loved him, and you knew he loved you too — as shocking as it was that the two of you found genuine love in Hell.

As much as you loved him, he infuriated you, even more so now that you were carrying his child. . . 

The carnage of Extermination Day met your ears and your steps faltered, drawing you to a stop as your instincts then screamed at you to go home. To go where it was safe. 

Safe. 

Safe at Vox's side. At home. . .

How could you have forgotten what day it was? The anger. It had to have been the reason for your lapse in memory. . . So you began heading back towards the tower. 

Pride and stubbornness be damned.

Sticking to the shadows, you ventured forward towards the net of safety that you so desperately needed.

So close, yet so far.

Too far. 

It'd been too long. 

You'd been gone too long. 

The moment Extermination Day had been declared finished, Vox was out looking for you. Every camera on every street he could possibly reach. 

Every sinner he found dead and dying in the streets, he hoped he wouldn't see your face. Your beautiful face. . . The thought alone made something twist in his gut like a double edged blade — fear, he recognized. 

Pure unbridled fear. 

Fear of losing you. Fear of losing the two most important beings in his entire afterlife. 

He searched for what seemed like forever, until he caught a glimpse of you in an alleyway, almost entirely hidden from view. He easily recognized your clothes you had been wearing that day and your hair — oh, how he loved that hair. 

Relief flooded him as he rushed towards you, though it disappeared, his heart plummeting as he dropped to his knees.

“Hey, Doll, wake up. . . It's okay, it's over.” He said, his voice shaky as his hands came up to either side of your face. 

“You did good. . . You played dead so you could survive. They're gone now — you can open your eyes, Doll. . . Please open your eyes. . .” He begged softly, his touch and voice becoming more frantic.

“No, no, no, open your eyes for me, okay? I know you're mad at me, Doll, I'm sorry. . . I'm so sorry. . . Wake up. . . Wake up. . . Wake up. . .” He pulled your body closer to his, clutching you close. One hand held the back of your head to his chest, the other trailed down to your stomach. 

Too many emotions clawed at him as he begged you to wake up, to give up the charade. . . He made promises to make it up to you. He'd spend more time at home with you. He'd give up on his obsession with Alastor. He'd do it. He would do it for you. . . 

But it was too late. . . The blood that soaked your clothes and his was a chilling reminder. . . The all powerful TV Demon choked out a sob as your skin turned cold beneath his hands. 

His world stopped spinning, the axis snapping and floating off into the abyss as he held you close. . . He wasn't used to feeling your skin cold. He was used to the warmth, the life, the light that came from you. 

He couldn't feel you. 

And it killed him. 

He couldn't breathe. His chest ached. Nothing in all of Hell mattered more than you. More than the child that had been created out of love and the use of a loophole within Hell's complex laws of nature. 

And now it had been ripped away from him. He hated himself. He was angry. 

It felt as if the light and warmth had been sucked out of his universe, leaving nothing but cold darkness that seeped into his very soul, gnawing at him, tearing him apart from the inside out. 

He could hardly remember his afterlife before you. Now, facing a reality where he'd have to live in an afterlife without you. . . It consumed him in all the wrong ways. . . 

He wanted you back. 

He needed you back. 

Yet the darkness that gnawed and clawed at his entire being, the absence of you — your light that was supposed to guide him through this perpetual landscape of flame and rot for all eternity. . . The shadows remained like a constant reminder, a plague of its own, slowly eating away at him at every opportunity. 

Without your light, he was nothing. 

Without your laugh, he was nothing. 

Without your attitude, he was nothing. 

Without your warmth, he was nothing.

Nothing more than a shell of the overlord he used to be. . . And when the shadows clawed at his mind like a beast seeking a debt to be paid, he let them win. 

He let it all fade to black. 

[fic--writer]

Rolan x Fem!Reader. Friday's Smut.

Attention ⚠️🔞: Smut, NSFW!

It was damn hard, but you did it. But now all you needed was a relax.

The Last Light was not so crowded that night. Many were still licking their wounds or just resting in their rooms.

Rolan caught your eye. He stood at the bar, cleaning up the remains of the mess he had made the day before.

As you approached him, he looked over his shoulder and said:

"Oh, it's you. Have you changed your mind about the reward, or have you decided to apologize for this?"

He lifted his sleeve and showed you the huge dark bruise on his arm that he'd gotten after you'd thrown the heavy bag of coins he'd offered you for saving your brother and sister.

"No, I have no regrets," you said, jumping onto the counter he had so carefully polished. "How are Lia and Cal?"

"Well, first I fed them, then they washed for half a day, and then they fell into a fitful sleep. They need some time to recover, prison of absolutes is not the best place on earth, thank you."

"What about you?" you picked up the bottle of wine and twirled it in your hands,

"first you drank out of sorrow, and now you drink out of joy? Can't you relax any other way?"

"I hardly drank today, I just decided to clean up a bit, but what do you mean?"

You looked slyly into his golden eyes and raised the neck of the bottle to your lips, drumming playfully with your tongue. The remains of the sour wine tickled your receptors.

The gesture left no room for misinterpretation, and the tiefling reacted immediately:

"Zurgan!" he said, not in disgust, but in surprise.

"Just because you refused my money doesn't mean I'm your whore, Tav!"

The tiefling grumbled and fidgeted, pretending to go through rags.

You put the bottle down and decided to change your strategy:

"I didn't mean it like that. I just thought, oh, hell..." The revelation was not easy for you.

"You thought what? That since you're all heroic now, you can just take whatever you want? I appreciate it, Tav, but I'm not your stupid toy. You know, maybe you should go see Astarion, he seems to have a similar... mindset."

Rolan's nostrils flared, especially when he mentioned the vampire, and the rags he'd been carefully folding crumpled in his hands.

"No, hell it, just hear me out. To be honest, I thought I could have died any damn second and I'll probably leave this world soon because of that fucking worm in my head. So I thought, what's wrong with spending the night with someone you like and are attracted to?"

Rolan had listened with interest, he had stopped cleaning and now turned his whole body towards you.

"I mean, sure, if you're grossed out by me and I'm not your type, say so. But if you like me even a little bit, then..."

There was a noise, Jaheira had come back from the street and slammed the doors, and you dropped to a whisper:

"Then let's spend the night together. Just one night. And who knows what will happen to us next. Maybe we'll never see each other again."

Rolan stared at you predatorily, and you could not read his thoughts. The tiefling's tail whipped audibly through the air.

"I sleep in a room with my brother and sister," he finally squeezed out.

"Got it. Well, I'll drown myself in shame in Chionthar as soon as I get to the city. Sorry." - You hurried to jump off the counter and get away, but a clawed hand stopped you.

"I sleep in a room with my brother and sister. So give me your room number."

"Number two hundred and three," you replied practically with your lips.

Jaheira came closer and you broke free of the tiefling's grip and hurried to your room to avoid witnesses.

Rolan knocked softly twenty minutes later, good, you had time to tidy up. When you opened the door, you met his worried look, as if he hadn't expected anyone to open the door.

Rolan came in and said, not knowing how to begin:

"So you like me and are attracted to me?" - He asked incredulously.

"I am. Your devotion to your family and your loyalty to your goals strikes me to the core. I've never met anyone who cares so selflessly and sincerely for their loved ones and pursues their dreams with such perseverance."

No matter how eloquently you wanted to describe your feelings, your tongue was barely listening and your mind was elsewhere.

You put your hands on the desk behind you, and Rolan took a step toward you.

"I don't remember hearing so many kind words from someone," he grinned smugly.

"I'm sorry you have to hear them from a dying girl. But I don't want this to be a night of regrets" - you opened your nightgown and Rolan wrapped his arms around your neck.

"That's not going to happen," he pressed his lips greedily against yours, as if he'd been waiting for this for so long.

But just because he had agreed to share your bed, it did not mean that he intended to be affectionate or gentle with you.

The Tiefling turned your back to him as he hurried to remove his pants. It was as if he was ashamed of his own body and didn't want you to look at it.

You, as a human with no experience with tieflings, had little understanding of how this should happen and just decided to trust him and give yourself to the moment.

He threw off your robe and pulled back the fabric of your panties, positioning his cock at your entrance. You stretched out on the table. Everything happened without foreplay, fast and furious. He gripped your neck tightly with his hands during his powerful thrusts.

A low moan escaped his throat when he was finished. And then he just got dressed and left silently, leaving you alone like his used whore.

You spent the next day thinking about it, trying not to leave the damn room to avoid awkward encounters. The bruises on your neck still hadn't healed.

There was a hurried knock at the door and you opened it carefully, hiding behind the door. It was him.

"Tav, I wanted to, I... Zurgan," Rolan chewed his lip and put his fingers to the bridge of his nose when he saw your bruises.

You gestured for him to come in.

"Gods, Tav. I'm sorry about yesterday. It's been so long since I've done anything like that. And you know I haven't done it with humans. I thought I was just being a fun animal for you, but I couldn't resist the temptation.. Hells, I can't do anything right. Not a damn thing! I'm just a dirty pig. I'm so sorry." - The tiefling held out a healing ointment to you.

You nodded understandingly and accepted the ointment, grateful for the revelation but still not satisfied.

"Rolan, I would never treat you like a circus animal. After all, I have no idea how you could think that. But I understand..." - Your heart clenched at the memory of how the Tieflings were treated in the grove and the other places you knew.

"Really? I thought, I thought maybe you'd give me, us... a second chance? And I wouldn't be such a pig to you, I promise," he raised his eyebrows and waited for an answer.

You looked at him in amazement; you didn't think he would talk to you, let alone apologize. And the thought of having to earn your forgiveness was so tantalizing...

A gentle nod made him exhale in relief, smile, and embrace you.

He kissed each of your cheeks, your temples, your lips. He held you in his arms like your most precious treasure.

Rolan caressed your collarbone with his hot tongue, never missing a millimeter.

He moved lower and lower, massaging your breasts, and you watched with pleasure. Well, if he really wanted your apology, he would have to work for it! You asked for more and more and he didn't dare to refuse you.

You pulled him down on the bed and laid on your back.

Rolan undressed you both and drew circles and zigzags with his tongue over your belly, your thighs, and then your vulva and clit.You moaned shamelessly, enjoying what was happening. The Tiefling satisfied you mercilessly with his searing tongue until you shivered. Well, the apology was accepted, almost.

"Rolan, please..." - You sobbed pitifully.

"Please what?" - He looked away, just to hear you out.

"I want you inside," - you begged.

Rolan's smug rumble could be heard and he immediately climbed on top of you.

Now he took his time penetrating you, savoring every cell of your wet vagina. You finally felt him properly and enjoyed his aroused face right above you, holding his hair. You exchanged lustful, trusting glances and it pleased you.

You came again when he sped up the rhythm and decided to thank him. You jumped up on your knees and took his quivering end in your mouth and sucked on it vigorously.

Rolan moaned for the whole building to hear and came all over your face and hair. You wiped your face and relaxed as you fell into bed with him.

Lia's screams could be heard:

"Rolan? Where did he go, I heard him scream, I think he's here!" She and someone else could be heard approaching quickly.

You said in confused:

"Rolan, you closed the door behind you, didn't you?"

He just looked at you sharply with widened eyes and jumped up, trying to find his pants.

You wrapped yourself in the blanket and headed for the door to lock it, but Lia was faster.

She burst into the room ready for battle, ready to defend her brother. Cal ran in after her.

"Brother! Did you scream? Where the hell did you go, we couldn't find you half the night."

Rolan appeared before them, pulling his pants up his ass in vain. Looks like it's time for a bigger pair of pants. And Tav, wrapped in a blanket, trying in vain to brush her hair back with the palm of her hand. And shamefully hiding her face at the same time.

The scent of sex hit Lia's nose and she moaned infernally.

"What the hell..."

Cal, who had realized before she did, grabbed her elbow:

"Let's leave them sis, our help is not needed here."

Next chapter

[xmads-omensx]

I'm here

Pt 2 of It’s Okay To Let Go

Masterlist

Word Count: 1,990

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Reader

Content Warnings: swearing, slight angst, fluff, comfort, crying, mentions of grief (in the context of a friendship ending), mentions of anxiety and stress

Summary: Noah supports Y/N through a friendship ending

The pain came and went.

I had made the difficult decision to move out of the house I shared with Lily and Jay. It was hard. It broke my heart.

My childhood best friends were no longer going to be a part of my life and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

Emotionally, I had already checked out of that friendship.

They used me.

They lied to me.

They treated me like shit.

Noah had helped me move my essentials into his place. All my clothes now hung up in his closet. My socks, underwear and pyjamas were now neatly folded in his drawers. My shoes took up the rest of his closet space and the shoe rack by the front door.

Jesse and Jolly were more than happy for me to move in.

They said it made Noah less annoying.

Plus, I was the only one who knew how to unblock the dishwasher.

Over the last week that I had been living with them, I had already noticed how much better it was than living with Lily and Jay. They included me. They pulled their weight with chores. I had been sleeping better. I had been laughing more.

It felt like a cinder block had been lifted off of my shoulders.

“I hate to kill the mood.” Noah began. We were curled up on the sofa together re-watching Attack On Titan. “But, when do you want to go get the rest of your stuff? I just don’t like the fact that they have access to your things while you’re not there.”

I sighed.

I had been trying to ignore the fact that I still had to pick up the rest of my things.

I really didn’t want to have to face them.

“I mean, obviously I’ll go with you. Jolly and Jesse can help?” He added.

“Sure.” I sighed. “I guess I may as well get it out of the way.”

“Exactly. And when that’s done, you can just forget about it and move on.” Noah replied, squeezing my shoulder.

“Well, I can’t because I still have to pay the rent. I can’t just move on, Noah. That’s eighteen years of friendship down the fucking drain!” I exclaimed, standing up abruptly from the sofa.

“Baby, I know. I’m sorry. But I’ve already told you that I’ll help you out with that.” Noah said calmly, reaching out his hands to rub my thighs gently.

“But I don’t want you to Noah! I don’t want to be financially in debt to you! What if we break up? Huh? Then you decide that you want your money back? I’m not going to be able to do that.” I shouted, frustrated.

“Don’t you ever say anything like that again. We are not going to break up. I love you. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” He said sternly. “And I would never make you pay anything back. If it’s that you’re worried about, I’ll only help you out with half the money. Then you’re still paying something?” He suggested.

I sighed again.

“I just don’t want to think about the money right now.” I said, my eyes beginning to water with frustrated tears.

“That’s completely fine. One thing at a time.” Noah comforted. “Hey, look, it’s almost time for Levi and Kenny to fight.” He exclaimed excitedly, gesturing at the TV.

A small smile appeared on my face as I gave into Noah and curled back into his side.

He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head.

“It’s gonna be okay bub.” Noah murmured into my hair.

I tilted my head slightly to offer him a soft smile, which he returned before placing a soft kiss on my lips.

“I love you.” I replied before nestling my head into his chest and returning my attention back to the TV.

“I love you too.” He whispered.

The next day, we woke up early, around 8:00am, and began to get ready to pick up my things that were still at the ‘Evil House’, as Jesse had dubbed it.

The four of us were heading over in Noah’s car and Jolly’s car to try and shove all of my things in and make a break for it, with the hope that I wouldn’t bump into the ‘two witches’, as Jesse had dubbed them.

I was thankful for Jesse’s ability to find some form of humour in my shitty situation, as it lessened the pain I was feeling slightly.

Initially, Noah had been against Jesse’s jokes, but after seeing that it made me laugh, he began actively encouraging it.

Jolly had helped too, showing me his favourite recipes to cook, his favourite books, and had even began teaching me rude phrases in Swedish simply because it made me laugh.

The task of picking up the rest if my belongings was daunting. Terrifying even.

The chance of me bumping into either of them was high. Neither of them went out much. They didn’t have any friends besides eachother.

Part of me felt guilty for leaving them like that.

But the rest of me felt that they deserved that.

They both deserved eachother.

I hadn’t slept great the night before. Instead, I practiced what I would say to them if I did, in fact, bump into them.

Would I confront them about it? Would I tell a half lie and just say that I was moving in with Noah?

I hadn’t reached a decision yet.

All I knew was that hopefully they would bump into one of the guys and they could handle it. Noah would be too angry at them. Jolly would probably just state that I don’t like them with a deadpan tone and God only knows what Jesse would do.

We piled into our respective cars and began the journey.

Noah and I sat in silence.

No music.

No talking.

Nothing.

I was far too stressed to even entertain a light-hearted conversation with him.

Putting music on would just overstimulate by already racing brain and make me implode.

Noah let me do what I needed to and didn’t try and fill in the silence like the other two would have done. He knew that I needed silence. I needed to mentally prepare for what was about to happen.

We pulled up at the apartment complex with Jolly and Jesse hot on our tail.

The cars were quickly vacated as we all made our way towards the entrance.

We ascended the stairs, still in complete silence. When we reached the door, I hesitated slightly. Was this really happening?

Noah placed his hand on my lower back, letting me know he was there if I needed him. I took a step back and handed him the key. Lily and Jay never liked Noah, so if he went in first and they were there, they wouldn’t interact with us.

The door opened slowly, and we were greeted with silence. They must be in their rooms.

I had checked Life360 on the way over just to see if they were home or not. They were. But I was holding onto hope that they had left.

My heart began to race slightly as the prospect of confrontation crept into my mind.

Noah gently took my hand and led me to my bedroom. The plan was that Jesse and Jolly would handle my section of the kitchen, and Noah and I would take the bedroom and bathroom.

There wasn’t much left in the room that I needed. I was leaving the furniture as that was there when I moved in, but we still had to strip the bed.

The packing itself didn’t take long. We worked in silence. But I was still terrified of bumping into them.

A creaking from the room next to mine startled me. It was Lily’s room.

Noah watched me warily as I dropped the trash bag in my hand onto the bed, spilling spare pillowcases onto the mattress.

“Y/N, it’s okay. I’ll do the talking if she comes in.” Noah reassured me in a hushed tone.

I gave him a grateful look, still hesitating to resume packing.

Noah rounded to my side of the bed, before picking up the trash bag that I was previously holding and putting the spare pillow cases that had fallen out back inside.

After that, we finished bagging up the rest of my possessions. Still not seeing either Lily or Jay emerging out from their respective rooms.

My heart still raced with fear of seeing them despite this.

Once the cars were loaded up, Noah ran back into the apartment to take photos of my bedroom and kitchen area to prove to the lettings agency that I had left it clean and undamaged.

The drive home was also silent, except this time a feeling of relief hung in the air.

Unloading the car was chaotic, but quick.

The guys helped me unpack, with most of it ending up in storage in the garage as it wasn’t stuff that I needed, mainly just spare bedding, winter clothes and things like that.

It was late in the evening when we were finished, and Jesse had ordered all of us takeout to have as a reward for our hard work. Really, I think he just really wanted Mexican food, but wanted a reason to justify it.

By the time it was time for bed, I could barely keep my eyes open, and I could tell that Noah was in a similar position.

We both shrugged off our clothes, Noah crawled into the bed in his boxers and passed me the shirt that he had just taken off, which I then put on and followed him into bed.

Yawning, Noah pulled me close into his chest.

His heartbeat relaxed me, lulling me closer to sleep.

He cared for me so much. It felt abnormal.

How could I take up so much of his heart?

It wasn’t a small thing to help someone else completely pick up and move their entire lives.

But he had instantly put together a plan and helped me without any hesitation.

Completely overwhelmed with emotion, my eyes welled up with tears as I buried my face further into Noah’s chest.

He didn’t say anything, instead simply pulling me closer into him and kissing the top of my head.

“Shh.. Shh.. You’re okay.” He whispered into my hair.

“I- I- I- I don’t know why I’m crying.” I blubbed.

“That’s okay my love. You don’t have to know. Just let it out.” Noah comforted.

“B-but I-I don’t want to cry.” I replied, a sob wracking my body.

“I’ve got you bub.” He whispered, rubbing comforting circles on my back.

We lay like that for a while. Me crying and Noah rubbing my back, offering a kiss to the top of my head every few seconds.

“I just feel empty.” I whispered after my sobs lessened.

“Empty?” Noah whispered back.

“Yeah. Like a part of me is missing.” I sighed.

“They were a huge part of your life babe.” Noah replied. “Of course you’re going to feel a bit of you is missing.”

“Yeah.” I sighed again.

“You still have Jesse and Jolly, the rest of the guys too. And Alana.” Noah went on, a small smile appeared on my face as I though of my new friends that I met through Noah. “And of course you have me.”

I smiled at that and placed a gentle kiss onto his bare chest.

“You’ll always have me.” He whispered into my hair, placing another kiss on the top of my head.

With that, my eyes re-filled with tears, but this time it as happy tears.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Noah whispered. “I’m right here.”

My heart burst with love and adoration for the man who held me in his arms.

He held me so securely that I knew he would always have me.

No matter what.

[luimnigh]

So, Day Two of New York! Well, actually, I crashed when I got back to the hotel again (is this that Jet Lag stuff?), so I'm writing this on Day Three, but here's the recap:

So my Aunt accidentally booked the Statue of Liberty ferry for 9am instead of 2pm. At 7.30am. We ended up having to rush to Battery Park to catch the boat, using the Subway. No pics of that, too many people's faces everywhere.

What I did get a picture of was this:

Apparently, a Church.

Anyway, while we were waiting for the ferry I saw more helicopters than I usually do in a year (my helicopter diet is mostly made of Search and Rescue ones), and the Disney Cruise Ship Treasure passed and played "When You Wish Upon A Star" on the horn.

But yes, Lady Liberty:

Managed to finally have some breakfast, of mediocre lukewarm pizza.

What can I say? It's a fun and interesting experience to see this literal icon of America up close. It's a little bittersweet, given that America has never fully lived up to her promises, both the original idea of her creator (Liberty and Justice for all) and the reinterpretation by Emma Lazarus ("Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free"). But she was always supposed to be ideal to strive towards.

Also I got to see the bolts that hold her to the pedestal!

It was like 30 cents and another security screening to go up the Pedestal, would recommend. Great view of Manhattan from there:

Also, the original (though heavily modified over the years) torch is found in the nearby museum.

After that, we went to Ellis Island, because it's on the same ticket. Actually, that ticket's great value for money, €25.30 for Liberty and Ellis.

I didn't take many pictures, but it was a very interesting experience. Irish emmigration to America has never really stopped, but I am of a generation where it slowed to it's lowest levels. If I had been born in any other generation, it's likely I would have had to leave myself for America.

Case in point, my Aunt who's with me on this trip did emigrate to America. She spent a decade in California, before being able to come back to Ireland in the 90s.

So after we got back on dry land, we made our way through the Subway to the Oculus, the big fancy Mall:

Grabbed some lunch in a nearby deli my Aunt likes.

And then we went into the 9/11 Memorial Museum.

...so. I have a complaint. And it feels shitty to be complaining about a memorial, but I swear it's a fairly serious complaint.

We were ushered into a theatre, where we were told we were going to be shown a 26 minute movie before experiencing the exhibit. We assumed it was going to be a film about the events of 9/11.

We were wrong.

It was a very detailed film about hunting and killing Bin Laden. Like, animated diagrams of troop movements during the raid.

It felt celebratory and congratulatory and the CIA director was grinning and saying people were chanting "CIA! CIA!" in public when the news broke.

It was a propaganda film and incredibly clashing with the tone of a fucking memorial.

The rest of the museum is well-done and appropriately sombre except for the section where it goes back to the topic of fighting Al-Qaeda with ever mentioning the millions of Afghanis and Iraqis that died-

Sorry. Yeah. Mostly well done except for those two sections and the random brick from the Abbotabad compound. Just sitting across from the exhibit on the long-term effects of the dust clouds.

Yeah, that kinda threw me and my Aunt. That felt inappropriate and not in keeping with the intended tone.

And after that we went back to the hotel.

Yeah. Bit of an awkward one.

[jaeyongneo]

[MDNI] Somewhere Along The Lines by jaeyongneo

haechan x fem!reader

"I was really hoping that you'd love me back." In which Haechan, a player, falls for y/n, who's an emotionally unavailable girl. What could possibly go wrong?

tw: mentions of domestic abuse (from y/n's past), smut in some chapters/scenes. vulgarities might be an emotionally dark fic to some, not comfy don't read! my fic is NOT a depiction of their real life characters, this fic is solely for entertainment purposes.

Chapter 1

Haechan didn't know what love is. Relationships? Fuck that. All he cared about was money, partying and sex. He had it all, nice house, nice cars, pretty girls. Very cliché. All this changed when Haechan walked into a café when he was hungover. He desperately needed a cup of iced americano.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Can I get an iced americano? Make it quick, I'm having a really bad headache."

"Okay. Um, did you want anything to eat"

Haechan began to get agitated. Does this girl not understand when he said 'make it quick'….? Just when he was about to yell at her, he took the time to study her face. He suddenly felt bad. Haechan never feels bad. He didn't know why he found the girl adorable too.

"U-uh, what-what's good?"

"The chocolate muffins are fresh, I just made them."

"O-oh I'll get that then."

Haechan NEVER stutters. Why was he acting like such a fool?

"You don't have to pay, its my shop anyways."

"Wh-what?"

"Yeah, you should take a seat. You don't look too good."

Haechan walked towards the nearest table and slowly lowered himself into the chair, the wood creaking beneath him. His hand, still trembling slightly from the remnants of his hangover. Haechan silently studied y/n as she moved around the cafè’s counter with ease. There was something about her presence that calmed the chaos in his mind, the subtle confidence she exuded making him feel more grounded despite the pounding he had headache and his hazy thoughts.

Y/N approached the table Haechan was at and served him his coffee and muffin. He brought the coffee to his lips, the bitterness almost cutting through the fog in his mind. It was the perfect balance of strength and sweetness — exactly what he needed, though he was too proud to admit it aloud.

"You’re welcome," Y/N’s voice broke through his trance, light and effortless as she leaned against the counter, watching him curiously. "I’ll make sure to get you something to actually eat when you’re feeling better."

His eyes flickered up to meet hers, a faint blush creeping up his neck. "Thanks," he mumbled, the word barely escaping his lips. It felt almost too intimate, too personal, and yet he couldn’t look away.

Y/N’s smile softened. "No need to thank me. Just take care of yourself. You look like you could use a good rest. You’re hungover, no?”

Haechan laughed softly, the sound tinged with an awkwardness he couldn’t hide. "Yeah," it’s normal.” he admitted. He rubbed his temples, trying to focus on her words instead of the dull ache inside his skull.

She nodded knowingly. "A bit of a rough night, huh?" She didn't press further, but the way she tilted her head and met his eyes told him she understood more than he let on. There was something about the way she looked at him — careful, almost protective It made his heart race in a way he wasn't ready to acknowledge. Or maybe, he was just delusional. They just met and there’s no way Haechan is developing such an intense crush on Y/N.

"Something like that," he said, setting the cup down, his hand still lingering on the cold ceramic as he caught his breath. "You run this place, huh?"

Y/N shrugged casually, wiping her hands on her apron. "Yeah. It’s my cafè, but things haven’t been going great here. But it’s alright i guess, all that matters is love and kindness”She grinned. "You can tell by the coffee, right?"

Haechan nodded.

“I guess it’s my fault, I’ve been giving out free meals and drinks to those in need. Forgot that I wasn’t doing good myself. I tend to think with my heart and not my head.” Y/N added.

For a moment, there was a silence between them, comfortable and unspoken. Haechan felt an unfamiliar sense of ease, something that made the world outside the café seem distant and unimportant. The steady hum of the coffee machine, the low murmur of conversation, and her presence all seemed to create a small bubble, shielding him from the hangover and his usual nonchalant energy.

“But it’s cozy though. Feels like home.” Haechan said. Y/N hummed.

"It’s 9am, people are usually rushing for work. Does it always get this quiet in here? No one gets anything before work?” he asked, the question slipping out before he could second-guess it.

Y/N chuckled, her eyes never left his face. "Oh, it’s always busy. But somehow, since you’re here, it’s quiet. I’m not complaining though, I hate interacting with people.” She chuckled. "Well anyways, what’s your story? What got you so hungover?” she continued.

Haechan scratched the back of his head, trying to figure out how to answer. "I guess I partied too hard. Drank too much." He looked down at the coffee, his fingers tracing the rim.

Y/N’s smile softened again, like she could see straight through him. Something told her he was tired or just frustrated with life or himself. “You can stay as long as you’d like, since you know, it’s like home?”

Haechan’s eyes brightened up. The quiet laughter in the air, the sound of coffee brewing, and the soft glint in her eyes made him feel like maybe he didn’t need to explain himself after all. Maybe, just for now, it was enough to sit in silence and let the warmth of the café and her fill the empty space he’d been carrying with him all morning.

And he felt something brewing in his heart.

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #04

previous | all | next

This was actually pretty much ready last night but I hit post limit. L

I'm doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc. (and being so normal(<-lie) about my faves as always)

As always, here are the non-analysis panels of the babygirls (!!!!! this time with Milly my beloved)

And the rest is under the cut :)

[link for if the images aren’t in horizontal rows]

Not as many this chapter since it's sort of between arcs.

Starting off with how this exchange between this guy and the mailman was handled! Originally, the "Thanks / Anytime" part was one speech bubble and came from the long-haired guy. He says「はいよ　ご苦労さん」(smth like "Alright. Thanks for your work."), and the tiny speech bubble from the mailman is a shortened form of "Thank you for your constant patronage." Because the lines become a bit redundant in English, Overhaul combined the guy's lines, splie his speech bubble, and moved the mailman's line to a more visible location. Just a little translation/typesetting trick I thought was clever.

April City in Japanese was stylized to Ainpril City.

I lied in the last post. Vash's antennae are back up; it'll still be a bit until his bent antennae becomes permanent. I guess it was just his hairdo coming loose during the Nebraska commotion.

And more MillyMeryl manzai routines!! I love them

This is definitely me reading into it too much... but I like the contrast between the girls, who have a job but are broke, and Vash, who does fuck all and even refused $$700 thousand but properly has money for the sandsteamer fare.

Also, he has a cool cloak! I forgot about that.

Tonis!! (remembering what happened to him in Stampede...ough......)

This conversation about Vash just... makes me Feel some Feelings. His pacifism and sheer niceness lights up the whole town. man.

Tiny detail: Silvie had a ruby note saying "store owner."

ok i'm as upset about this as yall are about to be. i am so sorry.

「うーん　少うしもったいなかった　かな」 もったいない itself could!! mean "to be too good for smth" ("that was too good for me"), but here, used by itself with no additional context, it defaults to "wasteful" → "Maybe I missed out..." 😭 but we can ignore this. acespec Vash must prevail. i'm very sad about this too.

This does not mean the translation or the common Western interpretation of this is wrong!!!! But this is definitely the way Japanese readers interpret this line, and probably the meaning Nightow intended. If there was something like 僕には before the middle line, this would've definitely gone the acespec route. Implied subject/object is a bitch

But with your help, we can all just forget everything I just wrote here and pretend it never happened! Deal? Deal.

Vash's agony is represented with squiggles in this panel.

I didn't notice this until someone else mentioned it, but this is a Wolverine reference!

Translation error - This line is by Kaito (the boy), saying "That's gotta be from the second time!" pointing to when Vash stuck his head through the vent himself.

food service au canon real.

That’s it for Chapter #04! As always, the Japanese annotations are in the reblogs.

[buttonloops]

wrestling with the moral OCD lately

ok so, we generally agree that working for a defense contractor or being a cop is bad

but what about working at a bank, with all their bullshit fees and sometimes predatory loans? What about working for a payment processor that casually grinds sex workers underfoot as "too risky" and "too much hassle"?

Working entry level in the call center might be one thing, but what about getting promoted and working hard and moving up, until you're a loan underwriter? someone who's making the impactful decisions and enforcing the policies and putting the good of the company over the wellbeing of the customer base and the public?

How evil is it to be working for a company whose major customers are in the oil industry, with all we know about how environmentally catastrophic oil drilling is, not to mention the absolutely horrible ways Native water protectors are treated?

Obviously none of these things are on "killing babies with drones" level.

But.

There are so many things to care about. How do you decide what matters?

A lot of people say landlords are evil. Do they mean just corporations buying up homes as investment vehicles? What about a person who rents out a spare room? What about a small-scale landlord who owns a couple houses, is quick and responsive on repairs, doesn't nickel and dime their tenants, and is pleasant to work with?

We agree that it's impossible to become a billionaires without exploiting other humans.

But the whole goddamn stock market is built on the prioritization of profit over all. Even if I just contribute to my 401k, that's being invested in stock market funds. I'm indirectly profiting off companies using prison slave labor, or companies bottling and selling fresh water that should be a public resource.

We point out that the way white people talk and think about poorer neighborhoods is pretty racist. But is it racist for me to think maybe I'd like to live somewhere that doesn't smell so strongly of urine? that maybe I'm willing to spend more to live somewhere with fewer gunshots and less screaming?

Where do you draw the line? How do you construct a coherent system of personal ethics without going mad?

I mean, I grew up in a cult where morality was rigidly black and white. I grew up on "give all you have to the poor and follow Jesus" and "tithe a minimum of 10% of your gross income to god/the church/the poor/holy causes" and st francis of assisi and "cast your bread upon the water."

for a long time I believed that if I had enough to survive on it was my duty to give away the rest

and I spent years barely surviving because of that, because I prioritized supporting others who mostly just took me for granted instead of saving for emergencies

because I was more comfortable working shitty minimum wage jobs than ever being so crass as to pursue money

Also like, I don't believe in god or jesus anymore so I'm pretty sure I don't have to follow a bunch of rules that maybe were just hammered into me by pastors who wanted me to fund their new church buildings?

I am so over the mother teresa bullshit that suffering is inherently virtuous

Fuck that.

I'm tired of precarity.

It feels goddamn good to know I can afford emergency car repairs and regular maintenance. To buy myself little treats and clothes that actually fit. To watch my savings go up each month.

I want to stack up a big fat wad of cash and never be broke again. I want to know I can take care of myself and the people I love. I want to build a life with time for leisure and relationships and parenting and all the things that matter.

I think I could probably make a lot more money if I could swallow my crippling sense of moral injustice and just chase the almighty profits.

But I'm terrified it will make me evil

[blindrapture]

SATURDAY MAY 28TH, 2011 (Cipher For A Million Years)

7:10 AM MISTRESS, HOW ARE YOUUUUU? Um.. yeah, kinda.. bad time! don’twakeupdonniedon’twakeupdonniedon’twakeupdonnie "You made it to Blackpool, and in such record time! This is a nice town, isn't it? Have you been on the front yet? There's still loads of souvenirs, and no one to charge you money for them. There's even a working candy floss machine. Maybe I'll have you make me some sometime. Maybe later." It.. it is a nice town, yes! "I'm here to give you important information. There's a marketplace I want you to go to, you'll find it on your own, you'll know the place. I want you there on Tuesday, at 8 PM. I have a job for you." Oh.. okay. "See you, cutie." And she's gone. o_o That was.. particularly awkward for me, as Donnie's hugging me in her sleep. Goddamn, Jordan. You're either very lucky, or very unlucky. I have no idea anymore.

10:07 AM Had breakfast. Going for another walk. I asked the tropers about any nearby marketplaces, and there's a very prominent one nearby. Gonna check it out, see if there’s anything today.

10:45 AM The marketplace is quiet, no zombies anywhere or anything. There are countless stalls littered around, and very few are empty. …free stuff. :D

10:51 AM Ohhhh my god, CDs.

10:54 AM There was actually some good stuff there. Got Bonnjo Vjönsped’s Cipher for a Million Years (part one: Beacon and Forty Knights of Some Sort of Fluffy Texture) and some David Bowie.

10:59 AM ..huh. A poster. “MAY 31 @ 20:00 TVTROPES MEET-UP HERE” A troper meet-up. May 31st is.. I’m pretty sure that’s Tuesday. 20:00’s 8 o’ clock. Mistress was right. Shit. This is interesting.

1:12 PM Back at the house. Brought up the troper meet-up. Tropers 1 and 2 didn’t know about it. o_o

2:38 PM We're all sitting in the living room, drinking tea, eating crumpets, reading newspapers and books. Like nothing ever happened to the world. This.. pretty much is exactly why I wanted to come up here. It's about survival, but it's also about safety. Donnie's thankful to have somewhere safe, she gets it! And she's thankful she joined me on such a long journey. uwu If I can just.. deal with Mistress... then maybe this can be the new life for us? And if I can deal with her, then surely the governments and stuff can deal with the rest of it? ...Donnie's crossed her leg over mine. God, I've always wanted that.

4:40 PM During a lull in conversation about the places the tropers would have liked to have shown us if the town still worked, I asked what the others know about the rabbit holes. “They’re gateways to somewhere. Sometimes people come back from them.” That’s all they knew. I didn’t want to mention what Mistress told me, about how they caused this whole mess, how they’re growing. They’d wonder how I knew this. Donnie would, too. I can’t spill my secrets. In retrospect, I should probably be careful what I write, as well. But no one's trying to read my journals. I think people just.. assume it's The Thing I Do.

7:12 PM Blackpool's never this quiet in the summertime, it's a tourist town. Just goes to show how much a week of monsters changes. The internet’s finally gone down. I suppose that’s why there’s a troper meet-up going on here.

10:00 PM It’s hard to believe this apocalypse has been going on for over a week now. I just realized that.

10:27 PM You know what I’m in the mood for? Awake. Dream Theater. Specifically, “The Mirror.” >w>

10:28 PM DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. Puppies on Acid, motherfuckers.

10:45 PM Whoa, that was a loud noise.

10:46 PM THE ZOMBIES BROKE THE FRONT DOOR DOWN

10:48 PM EAT GUITAR CONTROLLERRRR

10:54 PM THEY’RE EVERYWHERE FUCK FUCK FUCK

10:55 PM They’re not even doing anything. They only attack when I do. They move when I do.

10:59 PM These zombies look really freaking creepy. Most of them don’t even look dead. Just.. high. They look brain-dead.

11:00 PM Wait, what. They’re leaving.

11:03 PM Each one is gone now; the house is completely deserted besides us living folk.

11:09 PM ..troper 2. Where’s troper 2?

11:11 PM We’ve looked all over, but he’s nowhere. I wish we knew where he was.

11:13 PM Donnie spotted him. He’s outside with the zombies. I’m gonna get him. I need something to do.

11:18 PM The zombies are all staring at me. They’re standing still, only turning to continue watching me as I go past. Troper 2 is stuck. He can’t move.

11:19 PM Fucking ropes or something, cable, something, wrapped around his leg. I’m gonna try to untie his That’s not around his leg. That’s in it. fuckmore of them in his arms torso head ZOMbies WAKING UP

11:30 PM Fuuuck goddammit. I’m in. Troper 2’s not; he vanished shortly after the zombies ‘woke up.’ I need to keep a record of this. The more we have written down, the better, right? Troper 2 was struggling, he said he couldn’t move. I checked it out and he had…. some.. things, like.. cables or something digging into various parts of his skin. Then the zombies woke up. They just all said “How do you do.” And next thing I know, they all raised their hands forward. Like.. like you expect zombies to do. They all reached for me. Fuck, that was very weird.

11:42 PM Donnie wants me in bed. Her exact words were “I want you to come to bed with me.” I don’t know if she’s just too tired to watch her words or what. I guess we’re gonna find out!

(Attached: “The difficulty of parsing a question mark in the spoken-word depends wholly on the speaker’s inflections and on context. For phrases commonly taken rendered as statements, the speaker needs to raise her or his inflection at the end of the phrase in order for a listener to infer an inquisitive nature. All of this is irritating enough without considering ambiguous or even cryptic phrases, a trait ridiculously common to we the lonely wanderers. Not normally common to Salmacis, but I guess at this point it had her hands full already. Join us next month for the episode on complex pronoun systems!”)

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[camelia-phoenix]

So I just needed a place to let my thoughts out on Infinite Wealth. It is likely going to have a bit of controversial opinions and certainly a lot of spoilers about the game itself. Or perhaps just the story.

The first thing I want to say is I am going to be honest...I do not like the new cast of characters from LAD7. While others may enjoy Ichiban and Nanba and etc etc etc and all of them as is WELL within their right to do, I hate having to slog through dealing with the Ichicrew to get to the actual character beats and characters I actually CARE about in the franchise.

I also hate that Kiryu apparently, though he LITERALLY HAS FRIENDS, its decided that oh...he'd rather pal around with people seemingly much younger than him instead of going and seeing the 3jimas or something.

Yes, he does meet them later in the game itself and they initially rebuff coming to his aid, but I honestly am flabbergasted they never came sooner aside from just. Oh big reveal and then they aren't interacting again.

Like why isn't the 3jimas with him in the hospital, why does Haruka only visit? It is baffling to me.

I'll be honest, I consider the end of the series around Yakuza 3 because that was meant to be the end of the franchise [I believe] but then they kept going and the story seemed to just get repeated...several times but in different flavors. Kiryu should have rested then...

In general, it also hurts to just see Kiryu abandoning his friends for this new blood. And I'm well aware he isn't actually abandoning them but goddamn does the writing surely make it seem that way especially with how, despite you know....the bonds of brotherhood with Saejima, the bonds of fatherhood with Daigo, and the bonds of lovers with Majima [my own opinion lol]...those three just get shafted time and time again.

And we are meant to believe that Kiryu is a good person? That he cares about the people he cares for? When he can just go 'lol bye' and dip out?

Listen, I understand that isn't what was meant to be portrayed at all but I can't help but feel that is what it is like when RGG just seems to have him come by, dip out, come by, ask favors, dip out again. One could argue hes trying to keep people safe but it doesn't work and hasn't worked...

I mainly hate him doing that to Daigo and Majima in particular. Especially Majima who does and would do anything Kiryu ever asked of him and had done so time and time again. They are just so inexplicably tied together by red strings of fate, only for Kiryu to just bounce. [Not to mention how RGG just seems to have some sort of issue with realizing just how popular Majima is but then only bring him out as DLC or you know, ways to get money all the same.]

The Kashiwagi and Kiryu scene at the bar just broke my heart too, now the playthrough I was watching, I don't know if you can go back to talk to him but just the brief like...two minute meeting and then the rest being karaoke, it just...idk man. I wish I could have seen an actual cutscene of them truly speaking with one another in private or SOMETHING. You haven't seen each other in YEARS.

Even if you wanted to play off the pretend names and all that, at least if you are alone, have that conversation. Something. ANYTHING. A crumb.

Then Kiryu going to the 3jimas to ask favors and stuff of them to help with the situation. I'm glad we learned why the fuck the Security company fell apart but if I was the 3jimas, I would be reluctant in helping too like...you constantly leave us and dip out on us and the only time you come to us is when you need something? Wtf Kiryu?

Because you know the 3jimas would welcome Kiryu with open arms if he would just commit to actually being their...idk...friend? Maybe that is why I get annoyed with that Ichicrew because...you had three other people right there that Kiryu could have been running around with but no.

I love Kiryu, deeply, but damn if the writing isn't frustrating to no end at times but well, I guess it is because he is meant to be something the player can project on even if it makes his actions so idiotic at times.

Also, I don't wanna get into the whole cancer bullshit, the ending image of Kiryu looking like a goddamn person on death's bed was heartwrenching enough. I understand that Kiryu wasn't meant to be strong forever but did the writers really have to do the cop out of getting cancer while he was trying to help that one dude? Couldn't Kiryu just grow old and go the Komaki route of training the new crew but otherwise be left alone?

And now once again the 3jima's fates are also a bit nebulously up in the air...and at this point, I just wish they would let all the OGs rest. You now have like 6-7 people for the ichicrew and gang and all of that, stop shoehorning them in for a fanservice that serves for like 5-10 minutes in a 50 hour game or what have you.

Also RGG, stop killing off characters too early...RIP Hanawa....Have you not learned yet...Or if you kill off characters, then explain why others are alive. I am looking at you Andre Richardson, where the FUCK is Mine then [Who RGG also killed off way too soon.]

Anyway, I'm sure I have more to rant about but agh.

At the end of the day, I do hope people enjoy Infinite Wealth and I think people that adore the Ichicrew will enjoy the fuck out of this game, but for me and what I was looking out for...well it was disappointing to say the least.

[janeeyreheresy]

Would I Lie To You? (Yes, You Would)

Ever since the merry company entered the scene, Rochester courted Blanche Ingram. At least Jane thought so, but Mrs Fairfax must have thought so at some point as well, (we know that because she wrote in her letter to Jane at Gateshead that the match seemed strange to her). But he says he was never serious about Blanche. So that's lying to Jane and to Mrs Fairfax.

Now, we don't know what actually passed between him and Blanche. We only have Jane's POV. If he indeed pretended to be into Blanche, that's another lie. He lied to Blanche and by extension to her family. Then he lied again in the matter of his fortune. What if Blanche turned out not to care about that and wanted to marry him anyway--what then?

Equally, it is possible that there never was anything between the two of them. As I said earlier, Blanche and Rochester knew each other for seven years. (Granted though, he was gone from Thornfield the vast majority of time, but it still would have been enough for them to know each other. The Ingrams also probably don't stay at their place all year long, as Lord Ingram met Georgiana Reed in London, so maybe they all meet in London, or even the Continent, too.) They could have been flirting for pure entertainment only. Maybe that's what they did at parties. Jane mentions flirting between the younger members of the merry company, for example Lord Ingram and Amy Eshton. (I ship those two, so as far as I'm concerned, they got married.) Rochester says Blanche didn't care a hoot about him (wise girl). Him presenting himself to her after the rumour of his dwindled fortune, that might not even have happened. When would he do so anyway? Jane specifically mentions he made no trips to Ingram Park after she returned from Gateshead. So that would be another lie to Jane. Whichever way you take that paragraph, he lied to someone.

It wasn't just an innocent fib. And no, it does not make it okay if the lying is done to someone you don't like.

As for Blanche Ingram wanting to marry rich--so what? It's not like she lived in a time where women had opportunities to make their own money. There's no such thing as "gold digger" when we're talking of an era of no rights for women. She had only a small legacy, as the entire fortune was passed to her brother Theodore, who inherited the title. There is nothing inherently wrong about wanting to marry a man of wealth. Obviously, there should not be any deception; I'm talking of a situation where you date within a certain circle of men and see who you like. 

It's just a fucking common sense to marry a guy who can work and earn money, even in our times. Especially if you want to have children. You don't owe anyone to date broke losers, ladies.

(Nobody does, in fact, whatever your sexuality and gender identity.)

For all we know, Blanche might not even have wanted a rich husband. It's only Rochester that tells us so. Jane's account of Blanche is heavily biased, but if we are to believe her narration, all Blanche said about men was that she likes them a bit wild and they don't need to be as good looking as women ("...as if a man had anything to do with beauty! As if loveliness were not the special prerogative of woman—her legitimate appanage and heritage!"). Not a word about money. Like I said, noting wrong with that, I'm just pointing out that the reader cannot know if it's true or not.

After some brief angst, Jane says yes and finally, FINALLY calls him Edward. Though for the rest of the book she keeps referring to him as Mr Rochester and "my master", and keeps calling him "sir". The next morning when they talk, and it's again one of their typical ridiculous conversations, she confronts him about his feigned attraction to Blanche Ingram. At first he tries to wiggle out of it, but she won't let him side track her and demands an answer. And Eddie, for once in his life, tells the truth. He confesses he did it to make Jane fall madly in love with him and jealousy was the best tactic to use.

So there you have it. Edward Fairfax Rochester admits to being a manipulative bastard. 

He KNEW she was in love with him already. Don't tell me he didn't. That time she ran out of the drawing room with tears in her eyes, after she listened to him sing? Or that time she more or less PROFESSED her love for him, when he freaked out over Mr Mason's arrival to Thornfield? Come the fuck on. "I'd give my life to serve you." She'd turn a group of FOURTEEN people, six of them men, out of the room if they came out and spat at him. She'd stay with him and comfort him as well as she could, not caring that it'd be them against the world. You don't feel like this towards your boss. Unless you're in love with your boss. And I'm only naming the instances where Jane shows her feelings, if unwittingly. I could speculate that he knew how she felt much sooner. Even as early as when they first met. Just because she answered "no, sir" when he asked if she thought him handsome doesn't mean he didn't believe she could fall for him. He knew his looks didn't matter to her, especially as she was no beauty herself. Fresh out of all-girls boarding school, in her first ever job, no family or friends. No other men as long as eye could see, due to Thornfield's remote location. There was not even a young curate for her to befriend. She was bound to fall for him, if only for the sheer lack of any men in her vicinity. 

Eddie is not stupid. Whatever else he is.

Jane, to her credit, does ask whether he thought of Blanche's feelings. He handwaves it with:

"Blanche Ingram has no feelings but pride and that needs humbling." 

I have questions.

What authority does he think he has to exercise such judgement? Did he appoint himself a vigilante, who teaches people a lesson? And if so, does this extend to men too? Does it extend to the remaining six deadly sins? Men committing lust or wrath, does he punish them too?

Jane presses on: 

"Do you think Miss Ingram will not suffer from your dishonest coquetry? Won’t she feel forsaken and deserted?"

Dishonest coquetry. 

Good choice of words, Jane, but let me ask you a question. Why are you getting involved with a man who is capable of such dishonest coquetry? 

To which he responds that it was Blanche that deserted him when she heard of his insolvency. 

Wait a minute and hold up. He didn't say anything about insolvency. He said the rumour was his fortune was a third of what it was. That's not the same, is it? If it was indeed rumours of insolvency that Blanche heard, she was wise to stay away from him. She's wise to stay away from him altogether, but you get my point.

[an-aura-about-you]

It's probably worth talking about the No-Buy Year I've been attempting for myself since the start of October since I spent a good part of yesterday looking at a townhouse that I would very much like to live in. Got long so under the cut.

I had been suggested the youtube channel The Financial Diet after they did an interview with Dan from Folding Ideas about his video on NFTs, and I started watching their videos and liking what I see. (It is always so refreshing to see anything finance focused talk about wage stagnation and how it's not the individual's fault that things are so much more expensive and we're so much more broke now.) It's from this channel's guest spots with Hannah from The Beautiful Budget that I learned about the concept of a No-Buy Year.

The idea that I took with me was to cut out most of my extraneous spending for a year. If I didn't need it, and I didn't need it right away, I wasn't going to buy it. No overstocking on things or buying something new to try if I had a perfectly good equivalent at home. I had in mind allowing myself some pleasures because every life should have some, but that's along the lines of going out for a coffee once a week or getting takeout, and I made a coffee budget for myself in the form of a gift card and made a rule that if I got takeout I would put some money in my savings at the same time.

And then, the same month I decided I was going to start my No-Buy Year, I started having trouble walking on my right leg. I went to the doctor and the x-rays showed that some of the screws from my original surgery 10 years ago had broken.

And suddenly I was reliant on expensive grocery delivery and frequent takeout because I couldn't cook for myself and couldn't necessarily count on others to be present when I was hungry.

I do not count this as a slip because, quite frankly, we all need to eat. I tried to make it count as much as I could every time I ordered, though. I remember one time I ordered from a place that makes a soup I really like and got like a quart of it with the rest of my food. It was initially pricey, but no more so than if I had ordered two meals from the get-go, and the meal I ordered combined with the soup lasted for a total of six meals.

But even with all of this going on, something started happening to my buying mindset. Now that I've recovered enough that I can cook again, I am thinking more about my food choices and not buying extra food that could potentially sit and rot in my fridge. I started a Never Buy Again list of foods and things that I keep thinking might be good but I never end up liking or using them. And I'm already seeing the effect this is having on my grocery bill in a good way.

The surgery also made me think about where I live, which is Not Great for my bad leg, and the things I wanted to do to change the place. And I started ping-ponging the idea around of what would be best for me, what would be most cost effective for me, what can I do to improve my situation?

Not for the first time since the Pandemic started, I began looking at houses on Zillow to see if there was anything more accommodating.

And that's when I found the townhouse I'm thinking about getting. It already has the things I wanted to put in my house anyway, there would be maintenance for things I just don't have the ability to take care of, and it's not on a fuck-off steep hill like the house I currently live in. If I wanted to stay where I am now, I would seriously have to consider things like landscaping, ramps, redoing my floors, and redoing my bathrooms. This place already has all of that done and ready for me.

So I'm thinking that my No-Buy Year is shifting more into a Marie Kondo Year. What are the things that spark joy for me? This townhouse is going to be able to help with my needs in a way my current living situation doesn't, and that definitely sparks joy. Not to mention I am ready to get some stuff out of this house that I'm not using, stuff that's just sitting here going to waste.

On top of all of that, it's very possible that selling my house will result in more money than what the townhouse costs. While I would indeed be buying, it might end up being a net positive for me. Granted, I'll probably use any extra money I might end up having to cover the costs of moving, but I think this is moving in the right direction.

[help-me-find-a-name-please-lol]

Strange how I could pick a memory instantly:

I was out whoop-whoop doing rural practical work experience for my vet studies and staying alone in a hotel/pub. I'd been working at the clinic for a while by then and they were the absolute WORST. Some highlights: They routinely made pain relief optional to the owner when they were booking their pets in for surgeries (even planned non-urgent desexings) to help save them money; a nurse there who hated everyone deliberately put multiple people at risk of contracting the Aussie version of rabies; and even on her own dog one of the vets had 4 people pin the dog down with their whole body weight for a painful ear check when the sedative didn't work sufficiently. There was also the memorable moment where I was bagging a patient who wasn't breathing on their own under anaesthesia, and the vet doing the surgery screamed at me to instead run and open up an anatomy textbook for her so that she could figure out what it was she just cut! So anyway, I'd just made it back to the hotel after spending the entire day doing nothing but euthanising feral cats, and I probably can't use that term for how I was instructed to kill them because it wasn't a good death (mostly due to the staff dumping them out in cages in the sun while waiting for the sedative to take effect). By this time I'd had to swallow and stomach so much, while being given zero opportunity to actually learn anything (eg when a snakebite case came in they sent me off to refill saline flush syringes), that I was close to breaking point. I run into this older man there and he must have been able to tell something was wrong, cos he gently starts a conversation. As soon as I mentioned I was a vet student he was whipping out his phone and showing me all these pictures of his very-loved cats, including the setup where he hung fluid bags in the shower to help manage their hydration with kidney disease. He then proceeded to convince me to "do him a favour" by joining him for dinner, which he paid for (just a $10 pub meal but still I was a broke uni student so very grateful), because he was a travelling salesperson who "hates to eat alone". The best part? Total gentleman at the end. I'd never had a man pay for my dinner before and I was worried it would come with expectations. I didn't want to sleep with him but I was emotional and also had a complicated upbringing (in my head at that moment my mum was calling me a pricktease, for example - something that continues to be a fun source of fucked-up anxious interactions with men considering I eventually discovered the term "asexual" and realised "yep that's me"), so I didn't know how to react if he did proposition me, or whether I'd be able to maintain my personal safety if he took rejection badly when we were both staying in the same complex. But when I lingered awkwardly as we left the restaurant, not knowing what to do, he just told me "I'm not a dirty old man, I don't want anything, thanks for joining me for dinner" and walked off to his room.

His kindness that night gave me the strength I needed to make it through the rest of my horror stay at the clinic of nightmares. I hope he knows the difference he made 💙

[leclerc-s]

i did something bad - bonus part

masterlist

A PREVIEW INTO SEASON 6

EPISODE 7 - THE END OF THE ROAD

sergio sits in front of the camera, he looks happy and relieved. the interviewer behind the camera speaks up, "do you want to talk about it?"

"what is there to talk about?" sergio questions, "i think i am at a point in my life where i should enjoy any and all the time i have with my family. this was not an easy decision to make, for anyone, but i am very grateful for all i achieved in formula one."

"do you have any regrets?"

"none. i do wish i could've won a championship or two but i have no regrets."

"and do you know who is set to replace you?"

sergio smirks, "i do. i helped pick him."

the scene shifts to the drivers as they all react to sergio's announcement during the driver's parade. each of them looks shocked, except for max, that one was a given, he was sergio's teammate he would be one of the first to know. however, if you were to pay attention you would notice charles leclerc, alex albon, yuki tsunoda, daniel ricciardo, and pierre gasly don't look surprised. they look strangely calm about the entire situation. charles exchanges a look with max, nodding at him before charles pays attention to whatever lando is telling him.

once again the scene shifts, charles leclerc stands at ferrari's motorhome arguing with his team principal. fred vasseur looks frustrated as charles looks angry.

"i do not understand what the problem is?" charles questions.

"you're signed with us until 2024, you can't leave before then," fred answers. charles spots the camera, he walks inside the motorhome, fred following after him. they seem to forget their mics are still on, or so we think, and continue arguing.

"they're buying my contract out. i can't stay at a team where i'm constantly treated like a second driver. i’m your first driver fred, why am i constantly getting treated like second? is this because of the money carlos provides? is that it?”

“charles, strategy had called-”

“strategy? what fucking strategy? was it strategy that called for my race to be sacrificed in singapore? for my disqualification today? explain it to me so i can understand fred.”

“charles you won’t understand it even if i explained it in french.”

charles scoffed, “i’m taking the deal with red bull, and you can’t stop me. i wish you the best fred, but i will no longer be a team player if carlos isn’t forced to. i make my own calls for the rest of the season.”

charles was then seen storming out of the ferrari garage, ignoring the camera, ripping the microphone off of him and handing it to someone, not before turning it off. he had known his mic was on, he had planned it all. the camera crew quickly lose sight of him. what they don't catch is charles sneaking into red bull hospitality, marching straight to christian horner's office. he's fuming, "where do i sign?"

——

will buxton appears on camera, "i mean, this is one of those moments when everyone fell silent. i don't think we ever expected charles to leave ferrari, much less for red bull. but it's something he deserves, charles has always been world champion material. he just- it hasn't been his fault he hasn't achieved that."

"the fan support for him was unbelievable," the interviewer comments.

"charles has always been a very loved driver. he has a charming personality that draws people to him. people had been campaigning for him to leave long before this announcement was even made. i mean this is a driver who's given his heart and soul to a team only to have them stomp on it repeatedly."

"do you think this was the right move for him?"

"oh yeah, charles leclerc will win a world championship within the next two years, mark my words."

——

christian horner sits calmly in front of the camera. he looks very calm for a man that just broke f1 twitter twice in a row in a moment mere hours.

"you made quite the announcements today," the interviewer mentions.

"i did, didn't i?"

"do you want to talk about it?"

"isn't that the whole point of this?"

"it is, but the question is, do you want to talk about it?"

"checo came to me at the beginning of the season, he told me it would be his last. so we had to scramble to find a driver who could match max's style, only one name came to mind, charles leclerc. we knew it would be difficult to take him from ferrari, especially when he bleeds ferrari red, he is essere ferrari. so, i'll admit, we pulled a few dirty tricks."

"what does that mean?"

"it means we recruited his friends to help him see the light, especially after monza. we asked seb to talk to him, he didn't want to, he waited for charles to come to him. my daughter, who's been friends with him, tried, many times, but she failed too. max tried and he failed. alex and pierre had also tried, but they ultimately failed. so we sent daniel, they talked for hours and it broke something in charles, he began to contemplate the move. and that's when suzuka happened, that's when he spoke to seb, that's when all the doubts started. but austin, austin was his breaking point, we didn't need to do anything, he came to us."

"do you believe in him to become a world champion with red bull?"

"of course i fucking do. what kind of shit question is that? he's charles leclerc. he won monza his rookie year with two mercedes on his ass at their prime. he won spa after the death of his friend. he's one of the few who has been able to compete with max in lesser machinery. we wouldn't have picked him to be max's teammate if we didn't believe in him."

——

charles sits in front of the camera, “was it a difficult choice to make?” they ask him.

“yes,” charles quickly said, “i had a dream as a child, and that was to become a world champion with ferrari. a choice like this does not come easy, to leave everything i helped make at ferrari behind, to leave behind that part of me. i will always love ferrari and i always appreciate everything they did for me. but i think every chapter has an ending, my chapter with ferrari is over."

"will you ever go back?"

"the urge to win a championship with ferrari is still there. everyone said it was my destiny to win with them. so, if someday it is in my destiny to go back and win with ferrari i will gladly do it. if ferrari is able to meet the demands i had made back in 2022, i will go back and give them a championship."

"what convinced you to leave? what was your breaking point, if we can know?"

charles sighs, "where do i even begin?" he took a deep breath, "i was at home, before suzuka and i saw a helmet on one of my shelves, it was from seb. where he told me not to waste my talent. it opened my eyes a bit and then singapore happened. hearing george say they were going to sacrifice my race for carlos was heartbreaking. i saw seb at suzuka and we talked for hours, slowly i was starting to see reason. qatar wasn't as bad as it could've been but i had made my mind up after austin. austin was my breaking point. not only was i told to sacrifice my position for carlos when i had been on pole but i was also disqualified. i spoke to christian after that day, he welcomed me with open arms and told me i wouldn't regret my choice."

"what will you miss the most about ferrari?"

"the tifosi. they are the most passionate fans and even when i'd had a horrible race they tried their best to encourage me. they always told me it would get better, even when it didn't. monza 2019, will always be special to me because of them. they are what made the job bearable even when it didn't feel like it."

A PREVIEW INTO SEASON 7

EPISODE 4 - DESTINY FULFILLED

there is a buzz that fills the streets of monaco. everyone is excited to see charles leclerc win the monaco grand prix. they have no doubt that the monegasque will win this weekend. a huge part of the crowd is decked out in ferrari red leclerc merch or red bull blue leclerc merch. charles walks into the paddock, his race engineer, teagan horner, to his left, and his family, pascale, lorenzo, and arthur, to his right. the five are talking between them as charles explains something to lorenzo. he spots the camera and waves at it, giving them a bright smile, it's easy to understand then why the people of monaco call him the people's prince.

the group of five stops in front of aston martin hospitality as someone walks out. the head of messy dirty blonde curls in unmistakeable, it's sebastian vettel. charles rushes to hug him and he returns it, hugging the others with charles. they drag sebastian with them as they walk towards red bull hospitality, conversation flows between them.

christian horner sits in front of the camera, "home races are always where we feel the most pressure. whether it be austria, the netherlands, mexico, or monaco, the pressure is always there. everyone expects the drivers to win their home race. but for charles, it feels like the pressure is 10x bigger, and now that he's got a car that can win him races everyone knows he will win. it is no longer a matter of if charles will win, it's when he wins."

charles is now in front of the camera, he smiles at them, "how confident are feeling going into this weekend?"

"very confident," charles laughs, "which is something i haven't said in a long time. but i trust teagan, i trust the team, and i trust max. this is the one race that has always meant the most to me. to be able to win my home race is a dream i've always had, and something everyone around has believed i could win."

"you'd be making history if you win. the first monegasque in nearly 100 years."

"when i win," charles corrected, "i'll be making history."

max verstappen sits in front of the camera, "will you be helping charles win his home race?"

max clears his throat, "if charles gets pole position and i end up behind him in second, i'll defend with everything i've got. but simply because he is my friend doesn't mean i'll stop racing against him or give him the win. charles wouldn't appreciate me throwing the race for him to win, he wants to feel like he's earned his win, and he has. to put it simply, i won't give charles the win because it's his home race, he'll have to fight for it, and i know he will. he wants this win more than anything."

——

the final moments of the race are seen, just before charles crosses the finish line. the crowd is heard screaming in absolute joy as they realize what is about to happen. the words that would engrave charles in monaco and f1 history are heard,“charles leclerc can see the checkered flag, he can hear the crowd screaming in joy! after 93 years a monegasque driver wins the monaco grand prix! charles leclerc has made history today!” 

charles is heard screaming over his team radio as he realizes what just happened, teagan's voice is heard congratulating him, “P1! THAT’S P1 CHARLES! YOU DID IT!"

he screams again, the absolute joy in his voice is hard to miss, “YESS!!!”

"congratulations charles," christian's voice says, "well done, amazing drive. you deserve this one after so many left downs in the past."

"thank you. thank you so much," charles thanked.

"don't thank me kid, this was all you."

as his cool down lap comes to an end he parks his car in the parc fermé he can hear the crowd screaming in joy. he stands on the nose of his car, kissing his finger, reaching toward the sky, it's unclear who the win was for but everyone knows it's dedicated to one of the many losses he's suffered. he jumps down from his car, kneeling in front of it, bowing, in a blink or you'll miss it moment the screen flashes quickly to sebastian vettel winning his 4th world championship. if you hadn't know who charles had copied in that moment, you sure did now. despite how rocky their partnership seemed, it was clear charles leclerc would always look up to sebastian vettel.

charles stand quickly rushing into the arms of his team, they welcome him with open arms. they're screaming in absolute happiness for him, one would think he was just crowned world champion. his brothers are among the crowd, they slap his helmet, both proud of what he's just achieved. quickly the scene of his mother crying tears of happiness is shown as geri hugs her, also smiling widely at charles. geri waves at the camera before it pans back to the red bull team.

sebastian is shown, as he smiles at charles, "just couldn't resist could you?" he jokes. charles says something to him before the scene shifts to charles in front of the camera, he's smiling widely.

"congratulations, you're officially a history maker," the interviewer says.

"thank you," charles replied.

"how do you feel? was it everything you expected and more?"

"it's a feeling i didn't know. to be able to win my home race in front of my family and the people i love was amazing. to have my maman and brothers there, to know they were there watching me win was everything i could've ever wanted."

"and to have your girlfriend there, i'm sure that was amazing too?"

"she's the reason i won," charles says honestly, "she told me her plan and i will be honest, i didn't trust it. in the end she made the right call, had i not listened to her, i would've lost the race. there is no one else i trust more than her to make the right calls in my race."

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strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! y’all i tried my best, truly, but it's not my best work. i also don't know how to properly to describe scenes switching in episodes so here's my attempt at this. i am severely sleep deprived because i stayed up until 4am to watch fp2. fingers crossed there's no problems today, so fp3 and quali aren't delayed. i don't think i can deprive myself of more sleep.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy

[tenrose]

I feel like I'm being two different persons at the same time... Like I'm ok with my alone life at home, it's far from being perfect but I'm being more indulgent to myself than before. Like the crushing guilt of having done nothing of the whole weekend isn't as heavy as before, because I know I am exhausted from work 200% of the time so I won't do anything of my Saturdays unless someone else planned something for me and I'm being more gentle with me cause I know I need to rest, I'm literally always close to have a mental breakdown. Just feeling guilty cause laying in bed doesn't help my back to heal. But I've learnt to live with this constant disturbance in my leg. Lately I've been watching shows, old shows but hey that count as doing something. And actually it keeps me from respecting a good eating schedule so I can have time to watch an episode before going to sleep so it's a win. Haven't had time to finish the deep cleaning, so my apartment still looks like a mess, but however since we have deep cleaned the kitchen I'm able to maintain this part clean and tidy so I have faith in me. I just need help for the big cleaning but then I think I will finally be able to maintain my apartment clean (excluding the fact that I have a cat dudjsjz), and we might do the bathroom next week (both me and my aunt helping just have been too busy to have time). I take care of my health. And also I'm reading. Not as fast as I was, not as regularly as I would like too but I'm reading. And I can feel the positive impact it has on my brain. Also I listen to SFF related podcasts at work and it genuinely give my brain good food. I even wrote some idea in a draft sheet for the first time in a long time. I have the creative part of my brain constantly working in the background. Don't think it would lead me anywhere to write, but I just love so much to have new ideas flooding through my brain.

But then, on the other side, there's like I said, the constant edge of having a mental breakdown. And it's all because of one thing: work. Luckily I'm good with my colleagues (although we're only that and I still have not friends in the neighborhood), and we are all like this close to the breaking point. Some have been absent for a while so I suspect them to have had the mental breakdown in question. But yeah, we work early, with a lot of extra hours, and they always ask for more and although we're in our rights to refuse it's still mentally draining. Not to mention that instead of simply suppressing our productivity bonus and telling it us like that, they just recalculated the whole thing so it's basically unreachable and it makes it looks like it's our fault if we don't get it. Anyway basically everyone is pissed off, not to mention we don't even know if our client is gonna stay anyway... So yeah work basically fuck everything up. I mean I've always been running on low energy so it's not the only excuse for my numbness but honestly working for a capitalist piece of shit company really takes all the fun in life... although our wages are minimum I'm trying not to complain a lot cause my way of living doesn't cost me that much (no cars, no friends to meet in a restaurant, too exhausted to go shopping etc.) so I'm fine with my finances and can go the fuck out somewhere else during my vacations. But... I have to go back... and yes basically I want to live. And even though I do have the finances to survive months without a job, my past broke family trauma does not allow me to think like that. I could never quit without having another secure job after. But the problem is that I'm way too exhausted to look for one. And also tbh I don't even know what to do with my life... truth to be told I don't want to work. Submitting to capitalism fucking suck. I'm thinking more and more about try some civil service exam, because if I get a position it would be secure. I'm not even doing it for money anyway (but like a few more days off maybe lmao). But yeah it's an exam. So it means I'd have to work on it to have a chance to succeed and tell me folk when am I supposed to find the energy to work on anything after a 40+ hours week of work????? So basically I can never talk about that with anyone, cause my colleagues are either on the same page and the other people just think saying "well look elsewhere there's plenty of opportunities" helps someone with severe anxiety and lack of confidence like me. Also speaking with people... basically every workplace is like that anyway... there's literally no escape from capitalism. Anyway still not trying anything else is totally my fault and I know it and I don't know what to do...

So yes I have to slice my brain in two different parts otherwise I would totally break apart. Thank god escapism is back in a more healthy way in my mind (I still spend way too much time mindlessly scrolling but it's better than before I'm telling you).