#I'm fucking broke!!! Not to mention I had to use the rest of my money to cover a woman's god damn cigarettes!!!

[groovyships]

When your boss knows you're drowning in vet bills for your dying cat because you explicitly told her and she puts you down to one day a week anyways while prioritizing the 50 year old creep who makes sexual jokes anytime he sees the opportunity 🥰

[fic--writer]

Rolan x Fem!Reader. Friday's Smut.

Attention ⚠️🔞: Smut, NSFW!

It was damn hard, but you did it. But now all you needed was a relax.

The Last Light was not so crowded that night. Many were still licking their wounds or just resting in their rooms.

Rolan caught your eye. He stood at the bar, cleaning up the remains of the mess he had made the day before.

As you approached him, he looked over his shoulder and said:

"Oh, it's you. Have you changed your mind about the reward, or have you decided to apologize for this?"

He lifted his sleeve and showed you the huge dark bruise on his arm that he'd gotten after you'd thrown the heavy bag of coins he'd offered you for saving your brother and sister.

"No, I have no regrets," you said, jumping onto the counter he had so carefully polished. "How are Lia and Cal?"

"Well, first I fed them, then they washed for half a day, and then they fell into a fitful sleep. They need some time to recover, prison of absolutes is not the best place on earth, thank you."

"What about you?" you picked up the bottle of wine and twirled it in your hands,

"first you drank out of sorrow, and now you drink out of joy? Can't you relax any other way?"

"I hardly drank today, I just decided to clean up a bit, but what do you mean?"

You looked slyly into his golden eyes and raised the neck of the bottle to your lips, drumming playfully with your tongue. The remains of the sour wine tickled your receptors.

The gesture left no room for misinterpretation, and the tiefling reacted immediately:

"Zurgan!" he said, not in disgust, but in surprise.

"Just because you refused my money doesn't mean I'm your whore, Tav!"

The tiefling grumbled and fidgeted, pretending to go through rags.

You put the bottle down and decided to change your strategy:

"I didn't mean it like that. I just thought, oh, hell..." The revelation was not easy for you.

"You thought what? That since you're all heroic now, you can just take whatever you want? I appreciate it, Tav, but I'm not your stupid toy. You know, maybe you should go see Astarion, he seems to have a similar... mindset."

Rolan's nostrils flared, especially when he mentioned the vampire, and the rags he'd been carefully folding crumpled in his hands.

"No, hell it, just hear me out. To be honest, I thought I could have died any damn second and I'll probably leave this world soon because of that fucking worm in my head. So I thought, what's wrong with spending the night with someone you like and are attracted to?"

Rolan had listened with interest, he had stopped cleaning and now turned his whole body towards you.

"I mean, sure, if you're grossed out by me and I'm not your type, say so. But if you like me even a little bit, then..."

There was a noise, Jaheira had come back from the street and slammed the doors, and you dropped to a whisper:

"Then let's spend the night together. Just one night. And who knows what will happen to us next. Maybe we'll never see each other again."

Rolan stared at you predatorily, and you could not read his thoughts. The tiefling's tail whipped audibly through the air.

"I sleep in a room with my brother and sister," he finally squeezed out.

"Got it. Well, I'll drown myself in shame in Chionthar as soon as I get to the city. Sorry." - You hurried to jump off the counter and get away, but a clawed hand stopped you.

"I sleep in a room with my brother and sister. So give me your room number."

"Number two hundred and three," you replied practically with your lips.

Jaheira came closer and you broke free of the tiefling's grip and hurried to your room to avoid witnesses.

Rolan knocked softly twenty minutes later, good, you had time to tidy up. When you opened the door, you met his worried look, as if he hadn't expected anyone to open the door.

Rolan came in and said, not knowing how to begin:

"So you like me and are attracted to me?" - He asked incredulously.

"I am. Your devotion to your family and your loyalty to your goals strikes me to the core. I've never met anyone who cares so selflessly and sincerely for their loved ones and pursues their dreams with such perseverance."

No matter how eloquently you wanted to describe your feelings, your tongue was barely listening and your mind was elsewhere.

You put your hands on the desk behind you, and Rolan took a step toward you.

"I don't remember hearing so many kind words from someone," he grinned smugly.

"I'm sorry you have to hear them from a dying girl. But I don't want this to be a night of regrets" - you opened your nightgown and Rolan wrapped his arms around your neck.

"That's not going to happen," he pressed his lips greedily against yours, as if he'd been waiting for this for so long.

But just because he had agreed to share your bed, it did not mean that he intended to be affectionate or gentle with you.

The Tiefling turned your back to him as he hurried to remove his pants. It was as if he was ashamed of his own body and didn't want you to look at it.

You, as a human with no experience with tieflings, had little understanding of how this should happen and just decided to trust him and give yourself to the moment.

He threw off your robe and pulled back the fabric of your panties, positioning his cock at your entrance. You stretched out on the table. Everything happened without foreplay, fast and furious. He gripped your neck tightly with his hands during his powerful thrusts.

A low moan escaped his throat when he was finished. And then he just got dressed and left silently, leaving you alone like his used whore.

You spent the next day thinking about it, trying not to leave the damn room to avoid awkward encounters. The bruises on your neck still hadn't healed.

There was a hurried knock at the door and you opened it carefully, hiding behind the door. It was him.

"Tav, I wanted to, I... Zurgan," Rolan chewed his lip and put his fingers to the bridge of his nose when he saw your bruises.

You gestured for him to come in.

"Gods, Tav. I'm sorry about yesterday. It's been so long since I've done anything like that. And you know I haven't done it with humans. I thought I was just being a fun animal for you, but I couldn't resist the temptation.. Hells, I can't do anything right. Not a damn thing! I'm just a dirty pig. I'm so sorry." - The tiefling held out a healing ointment to you.

You nodded understandingly and accepted the ointment, grateful for the revelation but still not satisfied.

"Rolan, I would never treat you like a circus animal. After all, I have no idea how you could think that. But I understand..." - Your heart clenched at the memory of how the Tieflings were treated in the grove and the other places you knew.

"Really? I thought, I thought maybe you'd give me, us... a second chance? And I wouldn't be such a pig to you, I promise," he raised his eyebrows and waited for an answer.

You looked at him in amazement; you didn't think he would talk to you, let alone apologize. And the thought of having to earn your forgiveness was so tantalizing...

A gentle nod made him exhale in relief, smile, and embrace you.

He kissed each of your cheeks, your temples, your lips. He held you in his arms like your most precious treasure.

Rolan caressed your collarbone with his hot tongue, never missing a millimeter.

He moved lower and lower, massaging your breasts, and you watched with pleasure. Well, if he really wanted your apology, he would have to work for it! You asked for more and more and he didn't dare to refuse you.

You pulled him down on the bed and laid on your back.

Rolan undressed you both and drew circles and zigzags with his tongue over your belly, your thighs, and then your vulva and clit.You moaned shamelessly, enjoying what was happening. The Tiefling satisfied you mercilessly with his searing tongue until you shivered. Well, the apology was accepted, almost.

"Rolan, please..." - You sobbed pitifully.

"Please what?" - He looked away, just to hear you out.

"I want you inside," - you begged.

Rolan's smug rumble could be heard and he immediately climbed on top of you.

Now he took his time penetrating you, savoring every cell of your wet vagina. You finally felt him properly and enjoyed his aroused face right above you, holding his hair. You exchanged lustful, trusting glances and it pleased you.

You came again when he sped up the rhythm and decided to thank him. You jumped up on your knees and took his quivering end in your mouth and sucked on it vigorously.

Rolan moaned for the whole building to hear and came all over your face and hair. You wiped your face and relaxed as you fell into bed with him.

Lia's screams could be heard:

"Rolan? Where did he go, I heard him scream, I think he's here!" She and someone else could be heard approaching quickly.

You said in confused:

"Rolan, you closed the door behind you, didn't you?"

He just looked at you sharply with widened eyes and jumped up, trying to find his pants.

You wrapped yourself in the blanket and headed for the door to lock it, but Lia was faster.

She burst into the room ready for battle, ready to defend her brother. Cal ran in after her.

"Brother! Did you scream? Where the hell did you go, we couldn't find you half the night."

Rolan appeared before them, pulling his pants up his ass in vain. Looks like it's time for a bigger pair of pants. And Tav, wrapped in a blanket, trying in vain to brush her hair back with the palm of her hand. And shamefully hiding her face at the same time.

The scent of sex hit Lia's nose and she moaned infernally.

"What the hell..."

Cal, who had realized before she did, grabbed her elbow:

"Let's leave them sis, our help is not needed here."

Next chapter

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #04

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This was actually pretty much ready last night but I hit post limit. L

I'm doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc. (and being so normal(<-lie) about my faves as always)

As always, here are the non-analysis panels of the babygirls (!!!!! this time with Milly my beloved)

And the rest is under the cut :)

[link for if the images aren’t in horizontal rows]

Not as many this chapter since it's sort of between arcs.

Starting off with how this exchange between this guy and the mailman was handled! Originally, the "Thanks / Anytime" part was one speech bubble and came from the long-haired guy. He says「はいよ　ご苦労さん」(smth like "Alright. Thanks for your work."), and the tiny speech bubble from the mailman is a shortened form of "Thank you for your constant patronage." Because the lines become a bit redundant in English, Overhaul combined the guy's lines, splie his speech bubble, and moved the mailman's line to a more visible location. Just a little translation/typesetting trick I thought was clever.

April City in Japanese was stylized to Ainpril City.

I lied in the last post. Vash's antennae are back up; it'll still be a bit until his bent antennae becomes permanent. I guess it was just his hairdo coming loose during the Nebraska commotion.

And more MillyMeryl manzai routines!! I love them

This is definitely me reading into it too much... but I like the contrast between the girls, who have a job but are broke, and Vash, who does fuck all and even refused $$700 thousand but properly has money for the sandsteamer fare.

Also, he has a cool cloak! I forgot about that.

Tonis!! (remembering what happened to him in Stampede...ough......)

This conversation about Vash just... makes me Feel some Feelings. His pacifism and sheer niceness lights up the whole town. man.

Tiny detail: Silvie had a ruby note saying "store owner."

ok i'm as upset about this as yall are about to be. i am so sorry.

「うーん　少うしもったいなかった　かな」 もったいない itself could!! mean "to be too good for smth" ("that was too good for me"), but here, used by itself with no additional context, it defaults to "wasteful" → "Maybe I missed out..." 😭 but we can ignore this. acespec Vash must prevail. i'm very sad about this too.

This does not mean the translation or the common Western interpretation of this is wrong!!!! But this is definitely the way Japanese readers interpret this line, and probably the meaning Nightow intended. If there was something like 僕には before the middle line, this would've definitely gone the acespec route. Implied subject/object is a bitch

But with your help, we can all just forget everything I just wrote here and pretend it never happened! Deal? Deal.

Vash's agony is represented with squiggles in this panel.

I didn't notice this until someone else mentioned it, but this is a Wolverine reference!

Translation error - This line is by Kaito (the boy), saying "That's gotta be from the second time!" pointing to when Vash stuck his head through the vent himself.

food service au canon real.

That’s it for Chapter #04! As always, the Japanese annotations are in the reblogs.

[pencildragon11]

wrestling with the moral OCD lately

ok so, we generally agree that working for a defense contractor or being a cop is bad

but what about working at a bank, with all their bullshit fees and sometimes predatory loans? What about working for a payment processor that casually grinds sex workers underfoot as "too risky" and "too much hassle"?

Working entry level in the call center might be one thing, but what about getting promoted and working hard and moving up, until you're a loan underwriter? someone who's making the impactful decisions and enforcing the policies and putting the good of the company over the wellbeing of the customer base and the public?

How evil is it to be working for a company whose major customers are in the oil industry, with all we know about how environmentally catastrophic oil drilling is, not to mention the absolutely horrible ways Native water protectors are treated?

Obviously none of these things are on "killing babies with drones" level.

But.

There are so many things to care about. How do you decide what matters?

A lot of people say landlords are evil. Do they mean just corporations buying up homes as investment vehicles? What about a person who rents out a spare room? What about a small-scale landlord who owns a couple houses, is quick and responsive on repairs, doesn't nickel and dime their tenants, and is pleasant to work with?

We agree that it's impossible to become a billionaires without exploiting other humans.

But the whole goddamn stock market is built on the prioritization of profit over all. Even if I just contribute to my 401k, that's being invested in stock market funds. I'm indirectly profiting off companies using prison slave labor, or companies bottling and selling fresh water that should be a public resource.

We point out that the way white people talk and think about poorer neighborhoods is pretty racist. But is it racist for me to think maybe I'd like to live somewhere that doesn't smell so strongly of urine? that maybe I'm willing to spend more to live somewhere with fewer gunshots and less screaming?

Where do you draw the line? How do you construct a coherent system of personal ethics without going mad?

I mean, I grew up in a cult where morality was rigidly black and white. I grew up on "give all you have to the poor and follow Jesus" and "tithe a minimum of 10% of your gross income to god/the church/the poor/holy causes" and st francis of assisi and "cast your bread upon the water."

for a long time I believed that if I had enough to survive on it was my duty to give away the rest

and I spent years barely surviving because of that, because I prioritized supporting others who mostly just took me for granted instead of saving for emergencies

because I was more comfortable working shitty minimum wage jobs than ever being so crass as to pursue money

Also like, I don't believe in god or jesus anymore so I'm pretty sure I don't have to follow a bunch of rules that maybe were just hammered into me by pastors who wanted me to fund their new church buildings?

I am so over the mother teresa bullshit that suffering is inherently virtuous

Fuck that.

I'm tired of precarity.

It feels goddamn good to know I can afford emergency car repairs and regular maintenance. To buy myself little treats and clothes that actually fit. To watch my savings go up each month.

I want to stack up a big fat wad of cash and never be broke again. I want to know I can take care of myself and the people I love. I want to build a life with time for leisure and relationships and parenting and all the things that matter.

I think I could probably make a lot more money if I could swallow my crippling sense of moral injustice and just chase the almighty profits.

But I'm terrified it will make me evil

[blindrapture]

SATURDAY MAY 28TH, 2011 (Cipher For A Million Years)

7:10 AM MISTRESS, HOW ARE YOUUUUU? Um.. yeah, kinda.. bad time! don’twakeupdonniedon’twakeupdonniedon’twakeupdonnie "You made it to Blackpool, and in such record time! This is a nice town, isn't it? Have you been on the front yet? There's still loads of souvenirs, and no one to charge you money for them. There's even a working candy floss machine. Maybe I'll have you make me some sometime. Maybe later." It.. it is a nice town, yes! "I'm here to give you important information. There's a marketplace I want you to go to, you'll find it on your own, you'll know the place. I want you there on Tuesday, at 8 PM. I have a job for you." Oh.. okay. "See you, cutie." And she's gone. o_o That was.. particularly awkward for me, as Donnie's hugging me in her sleep. Goddamn, Jordan. You're either very lucky, or very unlucky. I have no idea anymore.

10:07 AM Had breakfast. Going for another walk. I asked the tropers about any nearby marketplaces, and there's a very prominent one nearby. Gonna check it out, see if there’s anything today.

10:45 AM The marketplace is quiet, no zombies anywhere or anything. There are countless stalls littered around, and very few are empty. …free stuff. :D

10:51 AM Ohhhh my god, CDs.

10:54 AM There was actually some good stuff there. Got Bonnjo Vjönsped’s Cipher for a Million Years (part one: Beacon and Forty Knights of Some Sort of Fluffy Texture) and some David Bowie.

10:59 AM ..huh. A poster. “MAY 31 @ 20:00 TVTROPES MEET-UP HERE” A troper meet-up. May 31st is.. I’m pretty sure that’s Tuesday. 20:00’s 8 o’ clock. Mistress was right. Shit. This is interesting.

1:12 PM Back at the house. Brought up the troper meet-up. Tropers 1 and 2 didn’t know about it. o_o

2:38 PM We're all sitting in the living room, drinking tea, eating crumpets, reading newspapers and books. Like nothing ever happened to the world. This.. pretty much is exactly why I wanted to come up here. It's about survival, but it's also about safety. Donnie's thankful to have somewhere safe, she gets it! And she's thankful she joined me on such a long journey. uwu If I can just.. deal with Mistress... then maybe this can be the new life for us? And if I can deal with her, then surely the governments and stuff can deal with the rest of it? ...Donnie's crossed her leg over mine. God, I've always wanted that.

4:40 PM During a lull in conversation about the places the tropers would have liked to have shown us if the town still worked, I asked what the others know about the rabbit holes. “They’re gateways to somewhere. Sometimes people come back from them.” That’s all they knew. I didn’t want to mention what Mistress told me, about how they caused this whole mess, how they’re growing. They’d wonder how I knew this. Donnie would, too. I can’t spill my secrets. In retrospect, I should probably be careful what I write, as well. But no one's trying to read my journals. I think people just.. assume it's The Thing I Do.

7:12 PM Blackpool's never this quiet in the summertime, it's a tourist town. Just goes to show how much a week of monsters changes. The internet’s finally gone down. I suppose that’s why there’s a troper meet-up going on here.

10:00 PM It’s hard to believe this apocalypse has been going on for over a week now. I just realized that.

10:27 PM You know what I’m in the mood for? Awake. Dream Theater. Specifically, “The Mirror.” >w>

10:28 PM DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. Puppies on Acid, motherfuckers.

10:45 PM Whoa, that was a loud noise.

10:46 PM THE ZOMBIES BROKE THE FRONT DOOR DOWN

10:48 PM EAT GUITAR CONTROLLERRRR

10:54 PM THEY’RE EVERYWHERE FUCK FUCK FUCK

10:55 PM They’re not even doing anything. They only attack when I do. They move when I do.

10:59 PM These zombies look really freaking creepy. Most of them don’t even look dead. Just.. high. They look brain-dead.

11:00 PM Wait, what. They’re leaving.

11:03 PM Each one is gone now; the house is completely deserted besides us living folk.

11:09 PM ..troper 2. Where’s troper 2?

11:11 PM We’ve looked all over, but he’s nowhere. I wish we knew where he was.

11:13 PM Donnie spotted him. He’s outside with the zombies. I’m gonna get him. I need something to do.

11:18 PM The zombies are all staring at me. They’re standing still, only turning to continue watching me as I go past. Troper 2 is stuck. He can’t move.

11:19 PM Fucking ropes or something, cable, something, wrapped around his leg. I’m gonna try to untie his That’s not around his leg. That’s in it. fuckmore of them in his arms torso head ZOMbies WAKING UP

11:30 PM Fuuuck goddammit. I’m in. Troper 2’s not; he vanished shortly after the zombies ‘woke up.’ I need to keep a record of this. The more we have written down, the better, right? Troper 2 was struggling, he said he couldn’t move. I checked it out and he had…. some.. things, like.. cables or something digging into various parts of his skin. Then the zombies woke up. They just all said “How do you do.” And next thing I know, they all raised their hands forward. Like.. like you expect zombies to do. They all reached for me. Fuck, that was very weird.

11:42 PM Donnie wants me in bed. Her exact words were “I want you to come to bed with me.” I don’t know if she’s just too tired to watch her words or what. I guess we’re gonna find out!

(Attached: “The difficulty of parsing a question mark in the spoken-word depends wholly on the speaker’s inflections and on context. For phrases commonly taken rendered as statements, the speaker needs to raise her or his inflection at the end of the phrase in order for a listener to infer an inquisitive nature. All of this is irritating enough without considering ambiguous or even cryptic phrases, a trait ridiculously common to we the lonely wanderers. Not normally common to Salmacis, but I guess at this point it had her hands full already. Join us next month for the episode on complex pronoun systems!”)

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[camelia-phoenix]

So I just needed a place to let my thoughts out on Infinite Wealth. It is likely going to have a bit of controversial opinions and certainly a lot of spoilers about the game itself. Or perhaps just the story.

The first thing I want to say is I am going to be honest...I do not like the new cast of characters from LAD7. While others may enjoy Ichiban and Nanba and etc etc etc and all of them as is WELL within their right to do, I hate having to slog through dealing with the Ichicrew to get to the actual character beats and characters I actually CARE about in the franchise.

I also hate that Kiryu apparently, though he LITERALLY HAS FRIENDS, its decided that oh...he'd rather pal around with people seemingly much younger than him instead of going and seeing the 3jimas or something.

Yes, he does meet them later in the game itself and they initially rebuff coming to his aid, but I honestly am flabbergasted they never came sooner aside from just. Oh big reveal and then they aren't interacting again.

Like why isn't the 3jimas with him in the hospital, why does Haruka only visit? It is baffling to me.

I'll be honest, I consider the end of the series around Yakuza 3 because that was meant to be the end of the franchise [I believe] but then they kept going and the story seemed to just get repeated...several times but in different flavors. Kiryu should have rested then...

In general, it also hurts to just see Kiryu abandoning his friends for this new blood. And I'm well aware he isn't actually abandoning them but goddamn does the writing surely make it seem that way especially with how, despite you know....the bonds of brotherhood with Saejima, the bonds of fatherhood with Daigo, and the bonds of lovers with Majima [my own opinion lol]...those three just get shafted time and time again.

And we are meant to believe that Kiryu is a good person? That he cares about the people he cares for? When he can just go 'lol bye' and dip out?

Listen, I understand that isn't what was meant to be portrayed at all but I can't help but feel that is what it is like when RGG just seems to have him come by, dip out, come by, ask favors, dip out again. One could argue hes trying to keep people safe but it doesn't work and hasn't worked...

I mainly hate him doing that to Daigo and Majima in particular. Especially Majima who does and would do anything Kiryu ever asked of him and had done so time and time again. They are just so inexplicably tied together by red strings of fate, only for Kiryu to just bounce. [Not to mention how RGG just seems to have some sort of issue with realizing just how popular Majima is but then only bring him out as DLC or you know, ways to get money all the same.]

The Kashiwagi and Kiryu scene at the bar just broke my heart too, now the playthrough I was watching, I don't know if you can go back to talk to him but just the brief like...two minute meeting and then the rest being karaoke, it just...idk man. I wish I could have seen an actual cutscene of them truly speaking with one another in private or SOMETHING. You haven't seen each other in YEARS.

Even if you wanted to play off the pretend names and all that, at least if you are alone, have that conversation. Something. ANYTHING. A crumb.

Then Kiryu going to the 3jimas to ask favors and stuff of them to help with the situation. I'm glad we learned why the fuck the Security company fell apart but if I was the 3jimas, I would be reluctant in helping too like...you constantly leave us and dip out on us and the only time you come to us is when you need something? Wtf Kiryu?

Because you know the 3jimas would welcome Kiryu with open arms if he would just commit to actually being their...idk...friend? Maybe that is why I get annoyed with that Ichicrew because...you had three other people right there that Kiryu could have been running around with but no.

I love Kiryu, deeply, but damn if the writing isn't frustrating to no end at times but well, I guess it is because he is meant to be something the player can project on even if it makes his actions so idiotic at times.

Also, I don't wanna get into the whole cancer bullshit, the ending image of Kiryu looking like a goddamn person on death's bed was heartwrenching enough. I understand that Kiryu wasn't meant to be strong forever but did the writers really have to do the cop out of getting cancer while he was trying to help that one dude? Couldn't Kiryu just grow old and go the Komaki route of training the new crew but otherwise be left alone?

And now once again the 3jima's fates are also a bit nebulously up in the air...and at this point, I just wish they would let all the OGs rest. You now have like 6-7 people for the ichicrew and gang and all of that, stop shoehorning them in for a fanservice that serves for like 5-10 minutes in a 50 hour game or what have you.

Also RGG, stop killing off characters too early...RIP Hanawa....Have you not learned yet...Or if you kill off characters, then explain why others are alive. I am looking at you Andre Richardson, where the FUCK is Mine then [Who RGG also killed off way too soon.]

Anyway, I'm sure I have more to rant about but agh.

At the end of the day, I do hope people enjoy Infinite Wealth and I think people that adore the Ichicrew will enjoy the fuck out of this game, but for me and what I was looking out for...well it was disappointing to say the least.

[janeeyreheresy]

Would I Lie To You? (Yes, You Would)

Ever since the merry company entered the scene, Rochester courted Blanche Ingram. At least Jane thought so, but Mrs Fairfax must have thought so at some point as well, (we know that because she wrote in her letter to Jane at Gateshead that the match seemed strange to her). But he says he was never serious about Blanche. So that's lying to Jane and to Mrs Fairfax.

Now, we don't know what actually passed between him and Blanche. We only have Jane's POV. If he indeed pretended to be into Blanche, that's another lie. He lied to Blanche and by extension to her family. Then he lied again in the matter of his fortune. What if Blanche turned out not to care about that and wanted to marry him anyway--what then?

Equally, it is possible that there never was anything between the two of them. As I said earlier, Blanche and Rochester knew each other for seven years. (Granted though, he was gone from Thornfield the vast majority of time, but it still would have been enough for them to know each other. The Ingrams also probably don't stay at their place all year long, as Lord Ingram met Georgiana Reed in London, so maybe they all meet in London, or even the Continent, too.) They could have been flirting for pure entertainment only. Maybe that's what they did at parties. Jane mentions flirting between the younger members of the merry company, for example Lord Ingram and Amy Eshton. (I ship those two, so as far as I'm concerned, they got married.) Rochester says Blanche didn't care a hoot about him (wise girl). Him presenting himself to her after the rumour of his dwindled fortune, that might not even have happened. When would he do so anyway? Jane specifically mentions he made no trips to Ingram Park after she returned from Gateshead. So that would be another lie to Jane. Whichever way you take that paragraph, he lied to someone.

It wasn't just an innocent fib. And no, it does not make it okay if the lying is done to someone you don't like.

As for Blanche Ingram wanting to marry rich--so what? It's not like she lived in a time where women had opportunities to make their own money. There's no such thing as "gold digger" when we're talking of an era of no rights for women. She had only a small legacy, as the entire fortune was passed to her brother Theodore, who inherited the title. There is nothing inherently wrong about wanting to marry a man of wealth. Obviously, there should not be any deception; I'm talking of a situation where you date within a certain circle of men and see who you like. 

It's just a fucking common sense to marry a guy who can work and earn money, even in our times. Especially if you want to have children. You don't owe anyone to date broke losers, ladies.

(Nobody does, in fact, whatever your sexuality and gender identity.)

For all we know, Blanche might not even have wanted a rich husband. It's only Rochester that tells us so. Jane's account of Blanche is heavily biased, but if we are to believe her narration, all Blanche said about men was that she likes them a bit wild and they don't need to be as good looking as women ("...as if a man had anything to do with beauty! As if loveliness were not the special prerogative of woman—her legitimate appanage and heritage!"). Not a word about money. Like I said, noting wrong with that, I'm just pointing out that the reader cannot know if it's true or not.

After some brief angst, Jane says yes and finally, FINALLY calls him Edward. Though for the rest of the book she keeps referring to him as Mr Rochester and "my master", and keeps calling him "sir". The next morning when they talk, and it's again one of their typical ridiculous conversations, she confronts him about his feigned attraction to Blanche Ingram. At first he tries to wiggle out of it, but she won't let him side track her and demands an answer. And Eddie, for once in his life, tells the truth. He confesses he did it to make Jane fall madly in love with him and jealousy was the best tactic to use.

So there you have it. Edward Fairfax Rochester admits to being a manipulative bastard. 

He KNEW she was in love with him already. Don't tell me he didn't. That time she ran out of the drawing room with tears in her eyes, after she listened to him sing? Or that time she more or less PROFESSED her love for him, when he freaked out over Mr Mason's arrival to Thornfield? Come the fuck on. "I'd give my life to serve you." She'd turn a group of FOURTEEN people, six of them men, out of the room if they came out and spat at him. She'd stay with him and comfort him as well as she could, not caring that it'd be them against the world. You don't feel like this towards your boss. Unless you're in love with your boss. And I'm only naming the instances where Jane shows her feelings, if unwittingly. I could speculate that he knew how she felt much sooner. Even as early as when they first met. Just because she answered "no, sir" when he asked if she thought him handsome doesn't mean he didn't believe she could fall for him. He knew his looks didn't matter to her, especially as she was no beauty herself. Fresh out of all-girls boarding school, in her first ever job, no family or friends. No other men as long as eye could see, due to Thornfield's remote location. There was not even a young curate for her to befriend. She was bound to fall for him, if only for the sheer lack of any men in her vicinity. 

Eddie is not stupid. Whatever else he is.

Jane, to her credit, does ask whether he thought of Blanche's feelings. He handwaves it with:

"Blanche Ingram has no feelings but pride and that needs humbling." 

I have questions.

What authority does he think he has to exercise such judgement? Did he appoint himself a vigilante, who teaches people a lesson? And if so, does this extend to men too? Does it extend to the remaining six deadly sins? Men committing lust or wrath, does he punish them too?

Jane presses on: 

"Do you think Miss Ingram will not suffer from your dishonest coquetry? Won’t she feel forsaken and deserted?"

Dishonest coquetry. 

Good choice of words, Jane, but let me ask you a question. Why are you getting involved with a man who is capable of such dishonest coquetry? 

To which he responds that it was Blanche that deserted him when she heard of his insolvency. 

Wait a minute and hold up. He didn't say anything about insolvency. He said the rumour was his fortune was a third of what it was. That's not the same, is it? If it was indeed rumours of insolvency that Blanche heard, she was wise to stay away from him. She's wise to stay away from him altogether, but you get my point.

[an-aura-about-you]

It's probably worth talking about the No-Buy Year I've been attempting for myself since the start of October since I spent a good part of yesterday looking at a townhouse that I would very much like to live in. Got long so under the cut.

I had been suggested the youtube channel The Financial Diet after they did an interview with Dan from Folding Ideas about his video on NFTs, and I started watching their videos and liking what I see. (It is always so refreshing to see anything finance focused talk about wage stagnation and how it's not the individual's fault that things are so much more expensive and we're so much more broke now.) It's from this channel's guest spots with Hannah from The Beautiful Budget that I learned about the concept of a No-Buy Year.

The idea that I took with me was to cut out most of my extraneous spending for a year. If I didn't need it, and I didn't need it right away, I wasn't going to buy it. No overstocking on things or buying something new to try if I had a perfectly good equivalent at home. I had in mind allowing myself some pleasures because every life should have some, but that's along the lines of going out for a coffee once a week or getting takeout, and I made a coffee budget for myself in the form of a gift card and made a rule that if I got takeout I would put some money in my savings at the same time.

And then, the same month I decided I was going to start my No-Buy Year, I started having trouble walking on my right leg. I went to the doctor and the x-rays showed that some of the screws from my original surgery 10 years ago had broken.

And suddenly I was reliant on expensive grocery delivery and frequent takeout because I couldn't cook for myself and couldn't necessarily count on others to be present when I was hungry.

I do not count this as a slip because, quite frankly, we all need to eat. I tried to make it count as much as I could every time I ordered, though. I remember one time I ordered from a place that makes a soup I really like and got like a quart of it with the rest of my food. It was initially pricey, but no more so than if I had ordered two meals from the get-go, and the meal I ordered combined with the soup lasted for a total of six meals.

But even with all of this going on, something started happening to my buying mindset. Now that I've recovered enough that I can cook again, I am thinking more about my food choices and not buying extra food that could potentially sit and rot in my fridge. I started a Never Buy Again list of foods and things that I keep thinking might be good but I never end up liking or using them. And I'm already seeing the effect this is having on my grocery bill in a good way.

The surgery also made me think about where I live, which is Not Great for my bad leg, and the things I wanted to do to change the place. And I started ping-ponging the idea around of what would be best for me, what would be most cost effective for me, what can I do to improve my situation?

Not for the first time since the Pandemic started, I began looking at houses on Zillow to see if there was anything more accommodating.

And that's when I found the townhouse I'm thinking about getting. It already has the things I wanted to put in my house anyway, there would be maintenance for things I just don't have the ability to take care of, and it's not on a fuck-off steep hill like the house I currently live in. If I wanted to stay where I am now, I would seriously have to consider things like landscaping, ramps, redoing my floors, and redoing my bathrooms. This place already has all of that done and ready for me.

So I'm thinking that my No-Buy Year is shifting more into a Marie Kondo Year. What are the things that spark joy for me? This townhouse is going to be able to help with my needs in a way my current living situation doesn't, and that definitely sparks joy. Not to mention I am ready to get some stuff out of this house that I'm not using, stuff that's just sitting here going to waste.

On top of all of that, it's very possible that selling my house will result in more money than what the townhouse costs. While I would indeed be buying, it might end up being a net positive for me. Granted, I'll probably use any extra money I might end up having to cover the costs of moving, but I think this is moving in the right direction.

[leclerc-s]

i did something bad - bonus part

masterlist

A PREVIEW INTO SEASON 6

EPISODE 7 - THE END OF THE ROAD

sergio sits in front of the camera, he looks happy and relieved. the interviewer behind the camera speaks up, "do you want to talk about it?"

"what is there to talk about?" sergio questions, "i think i am at a point in my life where i should enjoy any and all the time i have with my family. this was not an easy decision to make, for anyone, but i am very grateful for all i achieved in formula one."

"do you have any regrets?"

"none. i do wish i could've won a championship or two but i have no regrets."

"and do you know who is set to replace you?"

sergio smirks, "i do. i helped pick him."

the scene shifts to the drivers as they all react to sergio's announcement during the driver's parade. each of them looks shocked, except for max, that one was a given, he was sergio's teammate he would be one of the first to know. however, if you were to pay attention you would notice charles leclerc, alex albon, yuki tsunoda, daniel ricciardo, and pierre gasly don't look surprised. they look strangely calm about the entire situation. charles exchanges a look with max, nodding at him before charles pays attention to whatever lando is telling him.

once again the scene shifts, charles leclerc stands at ferrari's motorhome arguing with his team principal. fred vasseur looks frustrated as charles looks angry.

"i do not understand what the problem is?" charles questions.

"you're signed with us until 2024, you can't leave before then," fred answers. charles spots the camera, he walks inside the motorhome, fred following after him. they seem to forget their mics are still on, or so we think, and continue arguing.

"they're buying my contract out. i can't stay at a team where i'm constantly treated like a second driver. i’m your first driver fred, why am i constantly getting treated like second? is this because of the money carlos provides? is that it?”

“charles, strategy had called-”

“strategy? what fucking strategy? was it strategy that called for my race to be sacrificed in singapore? for my disqualification today? explain it to me so i can understand fred.”

“charles you won’t understand it even if i explained it in french.”

charles scoffed, “i’m taking the deal with red bull, and you can’t stop me. i wish you the best fred, but i will no longer be a team player if carlos isn’t forced to. i make my own calls for the rest of the season.”

charles was then seen storming out of the ferrari garage, ignoring the camera, ripping the microphone off of him and handing it to someone, not before turning it off. he had known his mic was on, he had planned it all. the camera crew quickly lose sight of him. what they don't catch is charles sneaking into red bull hospitality, marching straight to christian horner's office. he's fuming, "where do i sign?"

——

will buxton appears on camera, "i mean, this is one of those moments when everyone fell silent. i don't think we ever expected charles to leave ferrari, much less for red bull. but it's something he deserves, charles has always been world champion material. he just- it hasn't been his fault he hasn't achieved that."

"the fan support for him was unbelievable," the interviewer comments.

"charles has always been a very loved driver. he has a charming personality that draws people to him. people had been campaigning for him to leave long before this announcement was even made. i mean this is a driver who's given his heart and soul to a team only to have them stomp on it repeatedly."

"do you think this was the right move for him?"

"oh yeah, charles leclerc will win a world championship within the next two years, mark my words."

——

christian horner sits calmly in front of the camera. he looks very calm for a man that just broke f1 twitter twice in a row in a moment mere hours.

"you made quite the announcements today," the interviewer mentions.

"i did, didn't i?"

"do you want to talk about it?"

"isn't that the whole point of this?"

"it is, but the question is, do you want to talk about it?"

"checo came to me at the beginning of the season, he told me it would be his last. so we had to scramble to find a driver who could match max's style, only one name came to mind, charles leclerc. we knew it would be difficult to take him from ferrari, especially when he bleeds ferrari red, he is essere ferrari. so, i'll admit, we pulled a few dirty tricks."

"what does that mean?"

"it means we recruited his friends to help him see the light, especially after monza. we asked seb to talk to him, he didn't want to, he waited for charles to come to him. my daughter, who's been friends with him, tried, many times, but she failed too. max tried and he failed. alex and pierre had also tried, but they ultimately failed. so we sent daniel, they talked for hours and it broke something in charles, he began to contemplate the move. and that's when suzuka happened, that's when he spoke to seb, that's when all the doubts started. but austin, austin was his breaking point, we didn't need to do anything, he came to us."

"do you believe in him to become a world champion with red bull?"

"of course i fucking do. what kind of shit question is that? he's charles leclerc. he won monza his rookie year with two mercedes on his ass at their prime. he won spa after the death of his friend. he's one of the few who has been able to compete with max in lesser machinery. we wouldn't have picked him to be max's teammate if we didn't believe in him."

——

charles sits in front of the camera, “was it a difficult choice to make?” they ask him.

“yes,” charles quickly said, “i had a dream as a child, and that was to become a world champion with ferrari. a choice like this does not come easy, to leave everything i helped make at ferrari behind, to leave behind that part of me. i will always love ferrari and i always appreciate everything they did for me. but i think every chapter has an ending, my chapter with ferrari is over."

"will you ever go back?"

"the urge to win a championship with ferrari is still there. everyone said it was my destiny to win with them. so, if someday it is in my destiny to go back and win with ferrari i will gladly do it. if ferrari is able to meet the demands i had made back in 2022, i will go back and give them a championship."

"what convinced you to leave? what was your breaking point, if we can know?"

charles sighs, "where do i even begin?" he took a deep breath, "i was at home, before suzuka and i saw a helmet on one of my shelves, it was from seb. where he told me not to waste my talent. it opened my eyes a bit and then singapore happened. hearing george say they were going to sacrifice my race for carlos was heartbreaking. i saw seb at suzuka and we talked for hours, slowly i was starting to see reason. qatar wasn't as bad as it could've been but i had made my mind up after austin. austin was my breaking point. not only was i told to sacrifice my position for carlos when i had been on pole but i was also disqualified. i spoke to christian after that day, he welcomed me with open arms and told me i wouldn't regret my choice."

"what will you miss the most about ferrari?"

"the tifosi. they are the most passionate fans and even when i'd had a horrible race they tried their best to encourage me. they always told me it would get better, even when it didn't. monza 2019, will always be special to me because of them. they are what made the job bearable even when it didn't feel like it."

A PREVIEW INTO SEASON 7

EPISODE 4 - DESTINY FULFILLED

there is a buzz that fills the streets of monaco. everyone is excited to see charles leclerc win the monaco grand prix. they have no doubt that the monegasque will win this weekend. a huge part of the crowd is decked out in ferrari red leclerc merch or red bull blue leclerc merch. charles walks into the paddock, his race engineer, teagan horner, to his left, and his family, pascale, lorenzo, and arthur, to his right. the five are talking between them as charles explains something to lorenzo. he spots the camera and waves at it, giving them a bright smile, it's easy to understand then why the people of monaco call him the people's prince.

the group of five stops in front of aston martin hospitality as someone walks out. the head of messy dirty blonde curls in unmistakeable, it's sebastian vettel. charles rushes to hug him and he returns it, hugging the others with charles. they drag sebastian with them as they walk towards red bull hospitality, conversation flows between them.

christian horner sits in front of the camera, "home races are always where we feel the most pressure. whether it be austria, the netherlands, mexico, or monaco, the pressure is always there. everyone expects the drivers to win their home race. but for charles, it feels like the pressure is 10x bigger, and now that he's got a car that can win him races everyone knows he will win. it is no longer a matter of if charles will win, it's when he wins."

charles is now in front of the camera, he smiles at them, "how confident are feeling going into this weekend?"

"very confident," charles laughs, "which is something i haven't said in a long time. but i trust teagan, i trust the team, and i trust max. this is the one race that has always meant the most to me. to be able to win my home race is a dream i've always had, and something everyone around has believed i could win."

"you'd be making history if you win. the first monegasque in nearly 100 years."

"when i win," charles corrected, "i'll be making history."

max verstappen sits in front of the camera, "will you be helping charles win his home race?"

max clears his throat, "if charles gets pole position and i end up behind him in second, i'll defend with everything i've got. but simply because he is my friend doesn't mean i'll stop racing against him or give him the win. charles wouldn't appreciate me throwing the race for him to win, he wants to feel like he's earned his win, and he has. to put it simply, i won't give charles the win because it's his home race, he'll have to fight for it, and i know he will. he wants this win more than anything."

——

the final moments of the race are seen, just before charles crosses the finish line. the crowd is heard screaming in absolute joy as they realize what is about to happen. the words that would engrave charles in monaco and f1 history are heard,“charles leclerc can see the checkered flag, he can hear the crowd screaming in joy! after 93 years a monegasque driver wins the monaco grand prix! charles leclerc has made history today!” 

charles is heard screaming over his team radio as he realizes what just happened, teagan's voice is heard congratulating him, “P1! THAT’S P1 CHARLES! YOU DID IT!"

he screams again, the absolute joy in his voice is hard to miss, “YESS!!!”

"congratulations charles," christian's voice says, "well done, amazing drive. you deserve this one after so many left downs in the past."

"thank you. thank you so much," charles thanked.

"don't thank me kid, this was all you."

as his cool down lap comes to an end he parks his car in the parc fermé he can hear the crowd screaming in joy. he stands on the nose of his car, kissing his finger, reaching toward the sky, it's unclear who the win was for but everyone knows it's dedicated to one of the many losses he's suffered. he jumps down from his car, kneeling in front of it, bowing, in a blink or you'll miss it moment the screen flashes quickly to sebastian vettel winning his 4th world championship. if you hadn't know who charles had copied in that moment, you sure did now. despite how rocky their partnership seemed, it was clear charles leclerc would always look up to sebastian vettel.

charles stand quickly rushing into the arms of his team, they welcome him with open arms. they're screaming in absolute happiness for him, one would think he was just crowned world champion. his brothers are among the crowd, they slap his helmet, both proud of what he's just achieved. quickly the scene of his mother crying tears of happiness is shown as geri hugs her, also smiling widely at charles. geri waves at the camera before it pans back to the red bull team.

sebastian is shown, as he smiles at charles, "just couldn't resist could you?" he jokes. charles says something to him before the scene shifts to charles in front of the camera, he's smiling widely.

"congratulations, you're officially a history maker," the interviewer says.

"thank you," charles replied.

"how do you feel? was it everything you expected and more?"

"it's a feeling i didn't know. to be able to win my home race in front of my family and the people i love was amazing. to have my maman and brothers there, to know they were there watching me win was everything i could've ever wanted."

"and to have your girlfriend there, i'm sure that was amazing too?"

"she's the reason i won," charles says honestly, "she told me her plan and i will be honest, i didn't trust it. in the end she made the right call, had i not listened to her, i would've lost the race. there is no one else i trust more than her to make the right calls in my race."

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @spilled-coffee-cup @evans-dejong @elliegrey2803 @bingewatche @lillians-world-is-f1 @dakotali @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @applopie @lorarri @melanier7 @ironspdy @mikaelsonandrea @mypage-myfandoms @badassturtle13 @the-depressed-fellow @thewannabewriter @cspn17 @meadhbhcavanagh @vellicora @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @enchantedthoughts @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @bb-swift @lilac-lines @au-ghosttype @fulla02reads @cowboylikemets1989 @six-call @embrosegraves @angelfreckless @justtprachisblog @rmeddar123 @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! y’all i tried my best, truly, but it's not my best work. i also don't know how to properly to describe scenes switching in episodes so here's my attempt at this. i am severely sleep deprived because i stayed up until 4am to watch fp2. fingers crossed there's no problems today, so fp3 and quali aren't delayed. i don't think i can deprive myself of more sleep.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy

[tenrose]

I feel like I'm being two different persons at the same time... Like I'm ok with my alone life at home, it's far from being perfect but I'm being more indulgent to myself than before. Like the crushing guilt of having done nothing of the whole weekend isn't as heavy as before, because I know I am exhausted from work 200% of the time so I won't do anything of my Saturdays unless someone else planned something for me and I'm being more gentle with me cause I know I need to rest, I'm literally always close to have a mental breakdown. Just feeling guilty cause laying in bed doesn't help my back to heal. But I've learnt to live with this constant disturbance in my leg. Lately I've been watching shows, old shows but hey that count as doing something. And actually it keeps me from respecting a good eating schedule so I can have time to watch an episode before going to sleep so it's a win. Haven't had time to finish the deep cleaning, so my apartment still looks like a mess, but however since we have deep cleaned the kitchen I'm able to maintain this part clean and tidy so I have faith in me. I just need help for the big cleaning but then I think I will finally be able to maintain my apartment clean (excluding the fact that I have a cat dudjsjz), and we might do the bathroom next week (both me and my aunt helping just have been too busy to have time). I take care of my health. And also I'm reading. Not as fast as I was, not as regularly as I would like too but I'm reading. And I can feel the positive impact it has on my brain. Also I listen to SFF related podcasts at work and it genuinely give my brain good food. I even wrote some idea in a draft sheet for the first time in a long time. I have the creative part of my brain constantly working in the background. Don't think it would lead me anywhere to write, but I just love so much to have new ideas flooding through my brain.

But then, on the other side, there's like I said, the constant edge of having a mental breakdown. And it's all because of one thing: work. Luckily I'm good with my colleagues (although we're only that and I still have not friends in the neighborhood), and we are all like this close to the breaking point. Some have been absent for a while so I suspect them to have had the mental breakdown in question. But yeah, we work early, with a lot of extra hours, and they always ask for more and although we're in our rights to refuse it's still mentally draining. Not to mention that instead of simply suppressing our productivity bonus and telling it us like that, they just recalculated the whole thing so it's basically unreachable and it makes it looks like it's our fault if we don't get it. Anyway basically everyone is pissed off, not to mention we don't even know if our client is gonna stay anyway... So yeah work basically fuck everything up. I mean I've always been running on low energy so it's not the only excuse for my numbness but honestly working for a capitalist piece of shit company really takes all the fun in life... although our wages are minimum I'm trying not to complain a lot cause my way of living doesn't cost me that much (no cars, no friends to meet in a restaurant, too exhausted to go shopping etc.) so I'm fine with my finances and can go the fuck out somewhere else during my vacations. But... I have to go back... and yes basically I want to live. And even though I do have the finances to survive months without a job, my past broke family trauma does not allow me to think like that. I could never quit without having another secure job after. But the problem is that I'm way too exhausted to look for one. And also tbh I don't even know what to do with my life... truth to be told I don't want to work. Submitting to capitalism fucking suck. I'm thinking more and more about try some civil service exam, because if I get a position it would be secure. I'm not even doing it for money anyway (but like a few more days off maybe lmao). But yeah it's an exam. So it means I'd have to work on it to have a chance to succeed and tell me folk when am I supposed to find the energy to work on anything after a 40+ hours week of work????? So basically I can never talk about that with anyone, cause my colleagues are either on the same page and the other people just think saying "well look elsewhere there's plenty of opportunities" helps someone with severe anxiety and lack of confidence like me. Also speaking with people... basically every workplace is like that anyway... there's literally no escape from capitalism. Anyway still not trying anything else is totally my fault and I know it and I don't know what to do...

So yes I have to slice my brain in two different parts otherwise I would totally break apart. Thank god escapism is back in a more healthy way in my mind (I still spend way too much time mindlessly scrolling but it's better than before I'm telling you).

[moondonky]

Broke bitches

How the government always fucking broke,, they just had more money than the last 80 years combined,, like why, where's there audit,, and they take 40% of everyone else's money, inflation is controlled just a hidden tax, where the fuk is it all going , why do they keep raising the debt ceiling,, they suck at money, look around there not fixing anything, there not really building anything,, they toll everything make u pay for parking,, idk if it's just me but things seem dirtier.. like we just pulled out of a war that costed billions daily,, shouldn't we have more money, thy keep printing it I don't see a mountain of money... 30 trillion what are they buying,, is there even enough things to buy, would u b able to buy every single thing on this planet,,, thats alot of fucking money, where is it? U could buy all the gold in existence twice with that much money.. maybe not Ugandas recent discovery of like 13 trillion dollars worth of gold,, thats the other thing wouldn't the price of gold be declining,, didn't the supply just double... this is why I say everything is rigged and imaginary,, they don't really need money, there just keeping people poor at this point,, like people are peasants and they are bloodline royalty... isn't that like the opposite of why America became America,, or did I miss something studying history,, was it all bs where they lying, were they teaching us a bs story.. wasn't our money suppose to b backed by silver.. wasn't that in the constitution... everything happening,, did we vote for any of this, I'm pretty sure our founding fathers would yell treason... where the fuk is all the money... Money is worthless now why even keep working, they don't why should i, I ain't touching there cars rn.. lets see them do it.. let's see them do anything.. its there luxurious world thats burning, how we serve them is what's degrading, in no way are they a majority, they are there own tiny useless community..

I'm just gonna float,, I feel like I can tread longer.. I'll watch it I'm in the water, I'll watch it all burn down I'm not firefighter, even they are too busy fighting overdoses.. I don't think cops give af either, and that might be that people at the top arnt doing there job, they made things dangerous, they made things impossible, i wouldnt get in plane with those new pilots.. if ur gonna sit on the pot u better b fucking shitting,, if u gonna manage u better b good at it,, unlike the rest of the world,, u do not let the American people catching u fucking slacking,, if ur gonna be important show that your important that shits annoying... I really feel the world would be better off without them,, I honestly think it would immediately improve actually.. where the fuk is the money... and I know, I'm not stupid, I'm just stubbornly asking.. I already followed the money,, they were suppose to pay off the debt, they were suppose to balance the deficit... instead they put in there pockets they gave themselves bigger pensions, not to mention all the frivolous bs lawsuits that we end up paying for, they even took half of everyone's retirements,, that people worked thirty forty fifty fucking years for, they worked there entire lives for... I'm srry I'm not fucking doing that,, I'd rather live in a cave like wtf is that,, who tf does that, what a waste...

Effin millenial I'm urked,, I'm disappointed af,, when my grandma died I wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral, because of covid, because of liberal division,, even in my own family, I didn't know they were so weak,, I had to pray to pay respects.. I had to grieve by myself, that changed me, all that shit was for money, I ain't putting up with no fake shit no more,, I'm glad it's collapsing i hope it all dissapears... its all an illusion that's not gonna affect me.. I hope all that money melts like wax and I hope they get stuck in it.. I wanna see them work, I eanna see them struggle, I wanna see them sweat, i wanna see them carry shit, i wanna see them skip meals, I wanna see what they look like when there fatigued and exhausted, I wanna see them with sum dirty hands,, I wanna see them do what I've been doing for the last twenty years.. and I wanna see if they can keep a smile on there fuckin ugly faces. They look like demons, they act like demons, they think like demons, they do shit demons do.. so to me they fit the definition, they are demons

[snowmuttgetsweird]

Zero-to-Sixty

CW Kink, Sex Mention, Money problems

We're going zero-to-sixty here. You might learn things about me you don't wanna know. I might talk about stuff I don't even necessarily feel comfortable talking about, but I gotta process somehow, right? So let's get weird.

I want a pump toy so bad.

If you used to follow my old Tumblr BEFORE Twitter you already know some of my kinks/interests. I'm into ball stretching, but since I lived with my mom and step dad at the time, it wasn't really feasible to pursue those interests. Same for pumping- I really, really wanna get a cylinder or two (I'd love a LongJohnny to pump my nuts and a cylinder dedicated to my dick), but the living situation wasn't really accommodating- you know, discretion with shipping, space, privacy without interruption, etc.

Now that I AM in a living situation where I can indulge those interests, I don't have the money to afford the gear! I'm pinching pennies just to make rent, and my roommate basically pays all our utilities and food solo while I feel like a destitute, mooching loser. I'm by FAR the lowest earner among my IRL friend group- it's REALLY embarrassing, and I basically can't hang out with them at all outside of the house because anything they wanna do takes money I don't have, so I don't even really socialize with the friends I already have. Like, I'd love to go out to eat, I'd love to go to the mall, I'd love to go to a cool ritzy island for the weekend, I'd love to go to a convention, but what the fuck am I gonna do when I get there without any money to spend?

What's worse is the initial move to Washington was meant to be kinda bare bones because I was moving into my roommate's apartment for a little while, and THEN we were going to move to our new apartment together so I could help him move his stuff, and it didn't make sense for me to bring a lot to move, so I was gonna go BACK to my mom's place in like, January 2022 to pack up the rest of my stuff in a POD and have it shipped back to the new place, but it just kinda never happened cause I wanted to try to stabilize my earnings from art before I made a big purchase like that, so here I am in February 2023, and my ball weights and all the rest of my stuff is still in Arizona! At least then I had savings. Now because I didn't make any money for, like, the first year of doing art, my savings are COMPLETELY depleted, and I'm so broke that I can't afford to go back for the rest of my stuff, or even pay for my mom to ship it out for me. She would do it herself if I asked, bless her heart, but I'm not gonna saddle her with that bill. Unfortunately that also means that there's a room of her home that's dedicated to just storing all my stuff that she can't really use for anything else, so I'm a burden no matter what I do. Like, I'm not even THERE anymore and I'm still a burden- to her in AZ and to my roommate and friends in WA. I'm just plain not making enough money, and that doesn't change no matter what I do.

It's frustrating. I'm still happy that I get to do art for a living, and I'm REALLY happy I'm not doing customer service anymore, but I dunno. My mom's got an unused room just full of my junk, my roommate has to worry about whether or not I can make rent or eat that month, and I'm desperately trying to balance my needs with my wants. Like, I'm basically in survival mode, but still trying to do what I can for my mental health.

Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking of my health or mental health or interests or decompressing or any of that. Maybe I should be doing a day job AND art? I mean, it's not like every second I work is paid- I only have so many commissions at a time, so maybe there's just a lot of unpaid deadtime in my day that should be filled in with a job, and then I just come home and get straight back to work on art. But when I think about going into customer service again (I don't know what else I would be qualified for tbh) and dealing with applications and interviews and shit, I freak out and shut down.

I dunno, life sucks. I just wanna stretch my balls, man.

[starrystevie]

i'm listening to my musical theatre playlist while i clean and it has me thinking about the small and truly awful theatre company i used to do shows with when i was in college that, thankfully, is not a company anymore (brief mentions of sa, domestic violence and homophobia under the cut)

my first show with them was my dream show aka rent and i got to be my dream role aka maureen johnson. it was wonderful and if i could play her for the rest of my life, i would. but yikes the problems we had with that show...

the director/owner of the company was awful, cast himself as the starring role and was dating one of the main actresses in the show. turns out, he is now a registered sex offender for "dating" a bunch of underage girls that were in his shows which is just strike number one against him

he also asked out my bud who was playing joanne (an adult, at least) and they had some pretty.... tumultuous dates to say the least

our characters were supposed to kiss in the show and he was so grossed out by the fact that i'm gay/didn't like him that he wouldn't do something in the script (which looking back on it now, thank fucking god i never had to kiss him but at the time, it stung)

for some reason, i was the only main character that had to provide my own costume and he would accept anything i brought to him. my mom literally had to sew me a catsuit because it's iconic for maureen and he wouldn't buy me one. i ended up getting a bunch of other stuff at goodwill for everyone to look through and take what they needed cause he also didn't provide costumes for the supporting actors.

at auditions, we were told that it would be a paid show and after our run, he told us that if we really wanted the money, he'd still pay us but, in the same breath, told us that the company was doing badly and that he didn't want to pay us. well after having to provide my own costumes which cost a lot for a broke and struggling college student, i took the money i was rightfully promised. he was... unhappy with that to say the least

after rent, i did spring awakening with him and that's when things got........ bad

i got to be martha (which isn't the role i wanted but i still loved being able to be a part of the show cause it's another of my favs) and the rest of our cast was STAR STUDDED. like everyone in that show was insanely talented (one of them has gone to broadway and been in tv shows and stuff which is cool but he also abused his wife who was also in the show with us which is fucking awful)

one of the girlies in this show was 16 and the director was 29? i think? and she ended up going on "dates" with him cause she felt threatened by him and i didn't know any of it until he was caught once i was years out of the company and it breaks my fucking heart cause she is such a sweetie

this show was jam packed with drama between the cast and with the director and i don't even know the half of it cause i was dealing with big drama in my personal life

the director outright hated me, made fun of me, talked about me behind my back and to my face so much that the music director had to get involved and tell him how unprofessional he was being

he made me sing the tenor part (which is fine cause i know i can sing pretty low) but then would cut off my mic for all group numbers. and sure, i can project really well but not when i sing tenor so that always felt like a slight to me but idk. like he always made it a point to tell me to shut up or stop singing because i was too loud or flat or something and i knew it wasn't the case cause the music director had to tell him yet again that he was wrong

there was one day that we were all sitting around and singing next to normal songs and everyone agreed i should play yet another dream role of mine aka natalie (because the company was going to be doing ntn the following year) and the director outright said he'd never hire me to play natalie which yeah that was fun to hear and made it so that i didn't even audition for the show

after the dumpster fire that was spring awakening (i loved the cast though, we had so much fun), i didn't actually do another show with them but have some more anecdotes!

i auditioned for the next show they did which was les mis and was told that i was a shoe in for eponine (the dreamest of roles) but that he wouldn't hire. me as a main in the show because i was fat and could believably be in poverty in that time period

our rehearsal space was an old warehouse that had no heating and no air conditioning so it was miserable to work in

i wish the company didn't suck cause they were the only company putting on all the shows i dream of being in (grease, chicago, les mis, next to normal, etc) but i couldn't get over how awful the director was

it was like 6 years after i had finished with them that it was found out that the owner/director was arrested for 5 counts of statutory which is SO fucking gross

he wasn't able to keep a reoccurring cast like most local companies can because he ran them all off by being an asshole and making us work in extreme conditions without even ofering us water in the dead of summer

anyway long story short, if you get bad vibes from something from the get go, just leave cause it's not worth it

[look-at-the-soul]

Hey, Mar!! I'm wondering what you would write for this gif? (Only if you want to and have the time, of course!) 🥰

Hey Lee! Oh I love this gif!! 🥰😍 thank you!!

OMG this is perfect for a one shot @lyarr24 suggested me a couple of weeks ago! Let’s see how this one goes and it’s inspired by Luke Bryan’s song- Do I (Check him out, y’all can thank me later 😍)

Summary: Tommy and you had a fight, now you both have to deal with the consequences of what you said and did.

⚠️ Angst at its finest, sorry! Cheating. Mention of sex

Tommy x Reader -one shot-

Do I

Y/N had been distant, he noticed immediately. He knew her so well, when she said something out of embarrassment, when she truly liked the food, when he said something he shouldn’t, and the list could go on.

But this time, he deliberately decided to not ask what was happening, because deep down he knew.

Things weren’t like they used to be, their relationship reached the breaking point and now there was no turning back. He could only wait for her to get back home.

A week earlier…

“Fuck it!” Smashing the glass of whiskey on the table, part of the liquid made it to the surface and left a wet mark on it. Y/N winced at the harsh sound of his voice. “You should be grateful, but no… you choose to complain.”

“I’m not complaining, I just asked you to step down a little on the betting shop so we could spend more time together.”

“And how exactly do you want to spend time together if you wanna go out and grab a job?” Tommy poured himself more whiskey.

“I want to accept the job offer at the club because all I do is being here alone.” Y/N was surprised to see the ability to down the amber liquid of his glass. She had a job offer at an exclusive male club that only allowed in business men, politicians, lords, it was simple she would just take their names walk them to their table, she would be the welcome face.

“Yeah? Are you sure you’re going to just take ‘em to their table? You’re not going to offer them the menu too?”

Y/N was shocked by his insinuation.

“It’s impossible to talk to you like this.” She looked at the now empty glass of whiskey, was this his third?

Tommy frowned, squinting his eyes he shot. “Like what? Hmm? Go on tell me.”

“What do you want me to say? Just… forget it, I didn’t say anything.”

“Make up your fucking mind, you’re just wasting me time.” He blurted out.

“See? This is why I don’t like talking to you, I prefer to be alone. You’re s-”

“No, now you fucking listen to me.” Tommy interrupted Y/N.

“I’m always listening Tommy, that’s your problem you always want to have the last word.” She raised her voice. “But this time it won’t be your way.”

“Oh great, let’s do everything your way then, what’s your first request?” The look of annoyance he shot in her direction broke her heart.

“And all of this shit was caused because I asked you to spend more time with me and when you said you can’t leave your business in someone else’s hands I told you I wasn’t asking for permission to work… you think I’m not capable of getting a job and support myself?”

Scoffing, Tommy dragged his eyes from her legs and up her body before he talked. “You’re going to need to do more than taking those men to their tables if you think you will be able to support yourself with that salary.” He left the empty glass on the table and turned around.

Y/N couldn’t breathe anymore. Blinking, she looked at him to make sure he wasn’t serious. She wanted to slap him.

“Of course, you’d think I’m just like you huh? Surrounded by whores all the time. Men can also fall on my feet by the snap of my fingers… one day you’re going to wake up to an empty bed and you’ll feel sorry for the rest of your fucking life!”

Y/N’s eyes were filled with tears, the words felt like venom on her lips because she wasn’t like this, she was educated with values, she grew up with the money just for the necessary but he just made her go mad with every thing he was saying.

“What do you fucking mean? Are you gonna leave for good? Hmm? You wouldn’t dare.” He dared to say sarcastically.

“That’s what you want?”

“You know the fucking way out, or do you want me to show you?” Tommy moved his hand dramatically showing her the way she should walk.

His words hurt like a million thorns, she only meant for the night. “I’m done Tommy, for real.”

“There’s the fucking door.” His eyes were popping out of his head, the alcohol made them look red. “You want me to fucking open it for you?!” He pointed at it again and in a few long strides, he was turning the knob around.

“You’re going to regret this so fucking much.”

“Bet ya gonna walk five fucking steps and come back knocking.” He lighted a cigarette and threw the matchstick next to her feet.

“You’re so sure everything works out the way you want, one day you’ll learn you can’t control everything.”

“Are you gonna leave for good? Cos I didn’t ask for your little life advice thank you very much.”

“Watch me.”

The loud bang the door made when she closed the door was heard miles away.

To be honest, he never thought she would actually put a foot outside alone at night. His heart got up to his throat and immediately he felt a wave of guilt running up and down inside of him. Rubbing his face, he dealt with that feeling the only way he knew; he poured himself another glass of whiskey. He wanted to go after her, but it was so late now. All the things he said were out of anger, Arthur accidentally just killed a man and like usual, he had to clean up his brother’s mess.

The following morning Tommy woke up with a terrible headache, he drank beyond his own limits and now he would pay the price. Adjusting his eyes to the daylight, he looked behind him, her side of the bed was empty.

Fuck.

Tommy got up abruptly from the bed and groaned annoyed as he felt a sharp pain ran through his foot, he realized then a bottle of whiskey was broken, he must’ve knocked it down last night. It hurt like a bitch.

Picking his underwear from the floor, he supported his weight on his heel and walked to the bathroom.

The small flat he shared with Y/N felt so empty, they had been living there for almost a year, after two years of visiting her in the living room of her parents’ house, he suggested they finally took the next step and started living together. Now it was silence keeping him company.

After a couple of minutes, he found her tweezers in a drawer, walked to the living room and took a bottle of whiskey to pour some alcohol over the tweezers, it would work as sterilization. Taking off the broken glasses from his skin was more painful than just keeping them there, as he took a big piece he was panting, trying to keep his complaints down. “Fuuuck.” He let the glass inside a cup next to him. Drops of blood were falling to the tiled floor of the kitchen.

He felt as if he was pulling out his own skin every time he took a piece of glass out.

Not being able to stand any more pain, he took a pause, leaning back on the chair he smashed his palm on the table. Blaming himself for this accident and for making Y/N go the way he did, he had been cruel to her and now he regretted everything he had said.

It was an unnecessary fight over something stupid that escalated quickly to a point he never imagined. One of the main problems is that they barely had a fight, but when they did, the argument blew out of proportion.

Tommy heard the front door open and close softly and Y/N made her way in quietly.

For an instant their eyes locked on each other, the apologies they wanted to express showing in their gazes, he didn’t want to feel ever again the heartache that caused his chest to feel tight every time he took a breath.

Y/N’s expression changed when she saw Tommy was hurt. She refused to ask what had happened because it was obvious; he stepped on broken glass. She moved on automatic around the flat, got the bottle of alcohol, clean towels, bandages and some balm for the injuries. Without a word, she took a seat on the floor in front of him, touching his ankle softly, she placed his foot on her lap and started to take out the small pieces of glass embedded in his instep. He winced by the pain while she tried to be careful to not hurt him anymore.

Tommy looked at her features, she had a messy hair which she tried to fix, failing in the process, her makeup smeared, making obvious that she had been crying. All she wanted was to work, that’s all she asked for, to be independent, and he mocked her.

“Try to support your weight on the other foot.” He didn’t notice she was done, he was immersed in her. Y/N got up, wiped her hands and was about to walk out of the kitchen when he spoke.

“Thank you, Y/N.” Her name on his lips sent a burning sensation down his body.

She didn’t say anything, she just gave him a sad look without looking at him in the eyes and a small nod.

****

The following days weren’t too different; they weren’t speaking to each other, there was a broken bridge between them and neither of them were doing anything to try to cross to the other side, let alone try to repair it.

The anger was long gone, now all they had left was the words they both had said out of anger, the saddest part is when they let the alcohol do the talking it’s because somehow, somewhere down the road that’s exactly what they thought but they never said it before.

He missed the sound of her voice and the way she laughed, fuck, he wanted to feel her lips on his again, his fingers through her body…

That’s why he left the betting shop early, he wanted to do his part and apologize for what he said. As he heard the door open, Tommy took a deep breath.

His elbows leaned on the table, while his fingers were intertwined, Tommy turned his head in her direction looked up at her, resting his hands against his chin. She stopped on her tracks at doorframe.

But when he found her eyes, he couldn’t help but notice the sparkle in them was gone, her eyes didn’t light up the way they used to when she looked at him.

“I’m glad you’re home.” He admitted genuinely. “Can we talk, Y/N? Please.”

Her heart broke into million pieces just like the bottle she found in their room the day after their last fight.

Avoiding his eyes, she walked to the opposite side of the kitchen, leaning against the cupboard, she looked at the floor.

“I shouldn’t have mock at you the way I did Y/N, if you want to work I will support you. And I will start coming back home earlier, we can have lunch together if you want.” He started to say and her lower lip trembled uncontrollably, her arms were folded in front of her body, her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sor-”

“Stop it, Tom” she pleaded, her hands now covering her face. “Don’t do this.”

“Y/N.” Tommy got up to take her in his arms but she moved away. “I know I shouldn’t have said those things to you.” She walked to the window, facing outside instead of him. “That was the booze talking, not me.” His hands were on her shoulders.

Tommy felt them shaking and a quiet sob escaped from her.

“You don’t understand.” Slowly Y/N turned around, she was still looking at her hands, her face red by the crying.

“I know you’re angry with me.” He brought his thumbs up to wipe away the tears. Y/N shook her head.

“I crossed the line Tom.” She managed to whisper. And when he moved her chin up and looked in her eyes, he found the same look of guilt he had seen in the past, on himself. “The night we had that fight I went out, drank my soul out, complained to the bartender of our fight and I slept with someone else, it… it meant nothing… I’m sorry.”

They just stared at each other in silence. Suddenly, Y/N felt as if the room was getting smaller and she was running out of breath, walking around Tommy she ran to their room.

All she could do was cry, she shouldn’t have gone to the pub that day alone, the bartender just kept filling her glass, then a man heard her sobbing and mumbling about her selfish boyfriend and started talking so nicely to her, saying the things that Tommy never said, listening like Tommy didn’t do, he always wanted her to go straight to the point… ‘Do you need money? Tell me how much, don’t go explaining about the lavender skirt and top that match the hat you saw on Somerset Street.’ And she started telling this stranger how Tommy never was home before nine and if he was, he would check the numbers of the pub because his brother was lousy with the money. The stranger now knew about Arthur too and repeated several times how this idiot didn’t deserve a girl like her, everything around her started to spin around. He praised on her hands, her earrings, the color of her lips, the drinks were suddenly on his tab and he said something funny, a few minutes later she was in the back of a taxi with him, his hand on her leg and his lips he had a mustache, Tommy was always perfectly shaved. ‘you can call me Tommy if you want’ he had said before he made himself inside of her. He didn’t sound like Tommy, ‘no, wait’ she tried to say, but the words wouldn’t come out. When she woke up the following morning she emptied the contents of her stomach on the floor, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the guilt. She regretted that night so much, it shouldn’t have happened.

And then she found him with his foot injured.

She took a million baths after that, trying to erase his hands from her body and his mouth from her lips. She felt terrible, embarrassed of her behavior, she wasn’t like this, she wasn’t a cheater, she loved Tommy.

But she couldn’t look him in the eyes after what she did. She didn’t know herself anymore. It could have passed twenty minutes or five hours, she didn’t know anymore, he was probably gone by now. She made a mistake.

The room of the bedroom opened and soon Tommy was lying in front of her in the bed, his blue eyes looking at her intensely without an ounce of hate in them.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N sobbed and broke in tears. A thousand apologies wouldn’t be enough.

Tommy could’ve started yelling, breaking things, drinking a whole bottle in minutes, but he couldn’t judge her, he couldn’t point a finger at Y/N when he had three pointing at himself.

He had failed her in the past and all she did was look in another direction and pretend it didn’t happen, she suspected, he never confirmed it, he pushed the affair to the back of his mind, if he didn’t remember it, it never happened. It was once, at the Eden club when a show girl was rubbing against him before his brothers started the fight, back then they was just in a courtship, her family had strict dating rules and they weren’t allowed to go out if they didn’t have one of her sisters as chaperone, he could only see Y/N on Fridays from six to eight, and he was tired of just using his hand to get himself off. The woman followed them outside the club and got in the car with them. The next morning, he was full of regret but he couldn’t take his actions back.

He decided he would never cheat on her again, it wasn’t worth it and she didn’t deserve it.

Now it was different, it was her the unfaithful one, but he couldn’t blame Y/N for it because he said some horrible things to her. She went to get pissed because of him, he was never around, he never listened to her, always busy, making his business the priority, when all that really mattered was right in front of him.

He could be the scariest man in Birmingham but the business, the success, the money, the recognition, it didn’t matter if he didn’t have her. Those hours without her were the worst of his life.

People always have a way to find out of this kind of things, if anyone talked, his reputation would be under the ground… but he didn’t care about any of that, because in those hours he realized what his life would be if she was gone for good. His loneliness flashed through his eyes for a moment, his life without her meant nothing.

“I should probably go now.” She whispered when he said nothing. Wiping her eyes, Y/N tried to get up, but his hand stopped her, making her lie in front of him again.

“I should’ve treated you better, Y/N… I’m sorry for the things I said too, for pushing your buttons the way I did.”

“Tommy…” Her words caught up in her throat. How could he blame himself for what she did?

“Listen to me please.” His strong hand was holding her by the back of her head. “I promise you I won’t drink like that anymore, I won’t raise my voice at you ever again.”

“I never meant to do it, Tommy.” The guilt was eating her alive. “Please forgive me.”

“Can you do the same?” When Tommy saw her nod, his heart felt lighter.

After all words are harder to forget than actions. Because the hardest part wasn’t asking her to forgive him for what he said, the hardest part was to forgive himself.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Y/N whispered. “Don’t do it.”

“Just answer me one question and I don’t ever want to talk about this ever again.” He cupped her face in both hands as if she was the most precious treasure. “Do we get to give this one more chance?”

“I think…” Y/N began to say, placing her hand on his heart. “There are two kinds of forgiveness… the kind that when you forgive and you’re also giving them another chance, or the one where you forgive but you move on without them…”

Do I have your love? Am I still enough? Tell me don't I? Or tell me, do I, baby. Give you everything that you ever wanted? Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely?Do I just need to give up and get on with my life? Tell me, baby do I get one more try? Do I? Baby, do I?

Holding his breath, he asked: “Which one do you choose?”

Slowly, Tommy saw a small smile appearing in her lips.

“I choose you, over everything.”

Because forgiveness isn’t approving what happened. It’s choosing to rise above it.

****

A/N: Quote by Robin Sharma

Remember, if you like this story, your comments keep me going 🤗💖

[bibbykins]

Ghosts of the Past

A/N: Y'all asked for some pain to close off 2021, so here it is! I will not lie, as an assault/abuse survivor this was both difficult and comforting to write. Please proceed with caution and prioritize your mental health. Nevertheless, I hope you all enjoy and if you are a fellow survivor and no one has told you yet, I'm so proud of you and glad you're here. Please give me your thoughts, we can cry together about this really rough drabble and talk about how much we hate Jungyoon and Donghee

The Household's Bunny Series Masterlist

Words: 9.5k

Pairing: Soft Yandere OT7! x Chubby Camgirl! Reader

Summary: Graduation day approaches as details begin to get put into order, but on a call with Jungkook, details about something else entirely come into focus

Warnings: trauma, assault, stalking, wrist rubbing wounds, blood on wrists from fingernails, intense scene, blood, delusions, attempted noncon kissing, tearing shirt, victim-blaming (none of which done by the members), panic attack, hysterical crying, mention of police downplaying stalking, detective character is in a flashback, obsessiveness, protectiveness, reference made to parental abuse

The sun was at its highest point as your feet swung mere inches from the floor in the barstool chair you sat in while you watched Jin cook. You leaned your chin on your hand as you watched his broad shoulders tense while he engaged in an argument with the youngest member of the house. Though, you could hardly tell what the argument was about as your tongue swiped across your bottom lip at the thought of hooking your legs over those shoulders, similar to the way you had mere hours ago.

Jin had taken Saturday off which led to you being in his bed Friday night and reaping the carnal benefits of it first thing in the morning. However, you couldn’t deny how badly you wanted to skip lunch and just go to the couch and-

“-Right, bunny?” The doctor’s voice snapped you from your blissful fantasy as your eyes met him, confusion clearly glossed over it and he sighed, “You already have your cap and gown, right?”

You nodded, “Yes! I just have to do another round of dye, the orange made it this weird dirt brown color so I-”

“See? Y/n has her…” He stopped, glancing at you with creased brows, “D-Dye? Why would you need…”

You chuckled, “Oh, I’m using my high school cap and gown to save some money.”

Jin balked at this, the voice of Jungkook snapping him from his disbelief, “She said she is uh… dyeing her old high school- Yeah, I know!- I said I- Fine!” He huffed, rolling his eyes as he hung up the phone.

Your head tilted to the side innocently, “Everything okay?”

Jin’s hard gaze landed on you but softened upon contact, “He’s gonna be calling you on his next break, but knowing him, I probably have five minutes to figure this out.” He muttered the last part bitterly before sighing and placing his hand over the one resting on the counter, “Do you… need money?” He had no time to think of a more delicate way to ask under his time limit and winced at the delivery.

Instead of a defensive scoff, he received a jovial laugh, “What?” You giggled, shaking your head, “No, silly! You won’t let me pay for rent anymore because we fucked in your trunk, let alone groceries, so my expenses have been cut in half but my income is the same.” You couldn’t help your chuckles, “I’ve never been more financially stable in my life!”

The crude language you used simultaneously made his pants tight and his eyes roll, "Fucked in my trunk, became my girlfriend, so many ways to say the same thing." He mumbled before giving you a pointed look and you giggled, leaning forward as he held himself back from glancing at your cleavage "I don't want you to pay rent because I simply don't need you to and-" He paused as you gave him a loving gaze, "Stop distracting me!" He pointed a finger at you and your smirk only grew.

"Fine, fine." You broke your gaze and waved a dismissive hand, "I'll stop flirting, ask the question I know you want to ask."

He sighed in half relief and half disbelief that he succeeded, “So why are you dyeing your graduation gown from four years ago?” He asked quizzically and you responded with a similar gaze.

“Well, I can’t be frivolous now.” You stated matter-of-factly, “Especially for some over-priced green polyester….” You trailed off as you watched the gears turn in Jin’s head. Jin had no idea how to put anything delicately, but he knew he could not be as blunt and forceful as he wanted to be, “No, no, no.” You held a finger up before he could voice his offer, “You’re not spending any money on my graduation-”

“And who said little lambs make any decisions about what we spend our money on?” Taehyung’s dulcet voice emerged from the stairs with Namjoon in tow.

You scoffed at this, “Oh come on, what’s so wrong with being thrifty?” You put your hands on your hips, only breaking your pout to give both of the entering men a quick kiss before they took their place to stand on either side of you.

Namjoon snorted at this, “Tell that to your bathtub.” He uttered.

You gasped, “How did you know?!” Your lower lip stuck out at the green tint you’d been having the worst time getting rid of. When the orange gown showed no signs of getting any greener, you had just dumped the whole bottle on it. Part of you felt scammed by the dye, but the chokehold it had on your porcelain tub identified the culprit as your neglect in utilizing the basics of color theory and reading directions properly.

The man simply smirked, “You just told me.”

“Damnit.” You groaned, before looking up at Jin sheepishly, “I’ll pay for the industrial-grade bleach, don’t worry.”

The older man simply cocked a brow at you as Taehyung’s light snickers could be heard, “How cute.” He cooed mockingly.

“Or you could spare your tub and let me buy the gown.” He reasoned and you huffed. How had you not expected him to say that? Now you really couldn’t deny him, not when you had just admitted to just about ruining an expensive garden tub just because you didn’t want to put out the money for a gown.

“This was such a setup.” You grumbled, “Fine, but that’s all you’re spending on my graduation.” you crossed your arms.

Jin shrugged, “Maybe, maybe not.” His smile was evident as he turned around to tend to the food after dialing a number on his phone.

Before you could object, Taehyung took your chin in his hand, fixing his eyes onto you, “Don’t pout, little lamb.” His thumb swiped at your lip, “We just want to make the day special, like you deserve.”

Your face scrunched. You couldn’t wrap your head around what was so special about it. Jungyoon had only told you he would try to make it if work allowed, and he had practically raised you, so why did your boyfriends want to make it such an event? You didn’t even get to see Jungyoon at your high school graduation, so you figured your college one was of similar importance. Sure, you were excited to get your degree and it was nice the guys were willing to sit through the whole thing just for a few seconds of you on a stage shaking hands. However, you figured it was because of Jungkook they were going anyways. Although, even Mona called for your measurements, insisting on getting you a dress before promising to call you again soon. Meanwhile, your uncle hadn’t called you since you moved in to make sure you turned in your key to your old apartment on time.

Well, he did call again, but he ended up speaking to Yoongi more than you. A chill rushed through your skin at the thought of your last phone call with him. You had to hand it to Yoongi for not prying for further explanation of your visceral reaction to a simple conversation with your supposed adopted father. You glanced down at your hands, eyes lingering on your wrists as you tilted your head. Jungyoon probably felt like he had a good reason to be so cold and woefully distant. Hell, maybe he did have a good reason.

Sure, he texted you, but he seldom responded after you did. Why were these people you met fairly recently, albeit some of which had just come to love you, seem to care more than your family? Maybe that’s not a fair comparison. Jungyoon knew a lot about you, and maybe that’s why he kept his distance. Maybe, when they find out more about you, they too will-

“Petal,” Namjoon whispered in your ear, and instead of jumping like you usually would when spacing out, you leaned back against his form to look up at him. You settled against the warmth of his chest against your back and soaked his cologne into your senses as a means to quiet your running mind. He smiled and it was as if he could see your thoughts, but he said nothing of them, “You deserve to be celebrated, and we love to celebrate you, so will you indulge us?”

“Let your boyfriends spoil their girlfriend, hm?” Taehyung mused, and the official terms made your cheeks warm. You really did have six boyfriends, huh? The want for a seventh was buried deep within you, along with the guilt of being so greedy, but you were willfully distracted with one of them kissing your hand, “We’re a clingy bunch, so we want any excuse to pamper you.” The voice actor knew he had to tread lightly and not shit-talk the uncle you seemed to care about infinitely more than Jungyoon cared for you. While he would be accurate in saying so, he didn’t have the heart to say you had been emotionally neglected all of your life only to land in the laps of obsessive men that wanted nothing more than to worship you, so he just gave you a loving gaze.

His eyes were soft and sincere. Taehyung had always been good at using his puppy eyes and it was hardly fair as you nodded, but the kiss Namjoon gave you made you forget about your fears for a moment, “If that’s what you guys really want, then okay.” You relented softly against his mouth.

“Good girl.” He pecked you one more time, “Would hate to have to be late to a session to punish you.” His mischievous grin betrayed his words as your breath hitched.

Taehyung caught your attention as he place a hand on your thigh, “Don’t worry, he’s lying.” He reassured you before his smirk grew, “He’d love to skip the session and spend time ruining your pretty makeup.”

Your mouth dropped open in disbelief, “Did Jin make you guys come over here just to convince me?” You couldn’t turn your head to glare at the doctor in question due to Taehyung’s captivating gaze.

Namjoon hummed before kissing your head, “No, actually, we just came to say hi real quick.”

Taehyung nodded, “It’s a crime to go a week without seeing your girlfriend, and we were dangerously close to it.” You rolled your eyes playfully, but the notion that they even thought of you when you weren’t in their line of sight made your stomach flutter, “Most of us will be home tomorrow though, so we can fight for your attention then.” You felt excitement spread in your stomach. It had been a long while since you had all of them in the same room, especially after your relationships with them had been established, so the idea had you giddy.

After saying goodbye and eating lunch, Jin also left to make some arrangements, odds are to sort out your cap and gown since he insisted you stay home and relax. Though you wanted to object, he reminded you of the call with Jungkook you would eventually have. This made you shut up as you kissed him goodbye and went up to your room to lay on your bed and edit some of the videos you would be posting tomorrow.

Finally, your phone rang with a video call from Jungkook. This made you pause since you hadn’t seen his face since he left for tour, but you had no time to be nervous or check your appearance as you answered on your laptop. He was clearly in his rocking chair between shoots seeing as you recognized the wood and he had his makeup fully done but a beanie on his head that obscured the bulk of his hair, “Hey.” You tried to sound upbeat but you cringed at your awkward greeting.

The idol simply disregarded it before narrowing his eyes at you, “Are you… topless?”

You gasped, looking down to make sure your tube top didn’t disappear before chuckling, “No, no.” You reassured him, moving your camera down for a moment, neglecting to remember you were basically just giving him a shot of your barely-covered boobs before pointing it back to your face.

Jungkook swore his throat closed when he caught a glance of your breasts being pushed together in a top that could barely contain them. He wasn’t even sure why he asked, maybe he really was going insane not having you near him, “A-Anyway, are you doing okay?" You hardly noticed his stuttering among the nervous buzzing in your brain. You and Jungkook had mostly texted this whole time, and talking to him almost always ended in some sort of bickering. He was extremely hard to read and harsh with his words, but over text, he was ironically much more expressive. It was hard to tell which version of him was most honest with his emotions.

You nodded wordlessly but he narrowed his eyes at you. It was almost chilling how sometimes he could just see right through you, “I mean, I’m doing alright.” You shrugged, “I’m nervous and Jungyoon called the other day. It just threw me off my rhythm.”

He simply nodded, shifting in his seat as he tried to think of the words to say. This always frustrated him, being able to read you like a book but having no idea what to do about it. He wasn’t like the others, understanding of delicate emotion. He was terribly perceptive and even more terribly mean because that was all he had to be for the longest time for his own protection. Still, the mention of your uncle made his skin nearly itch.

He swallowed before saying anything, “I see.” He simply spoke and it put you a bit on edge. What did that mean? “Did you… talk to any of the others about it?”

You tilted your head, unsure of the answer, “Yoongi was there. He finished the call for me.” You shrugged, “There’s not much to talk about, I think.” You were lying. Jungkook could see it, and you could taste it on your tongue no matter how much you tried to internally deny it, “He just called to ask about my graduation, kind of.” Jungyoon didn’t ask, he just stated things. The only thing he did ask was if you were as much of a burden to the others as you were to him, even if that wasn’t his exact wording.

“Is he going?” Jungkook couldn’t shield the distaste in his voice even if he wanted to, not that you could blame him as you sighed.

“No idea, probably not.” You shrugged, “If he didn’t go to my high school one, I don’t see why he’d go now.”

Jungkook’s eyes narrowed, “He didn’t go to your high school graduation?” He spat the question, and his angered tone put you on high alert but you did your best to remain cool.

“I had grown used to him not being there by then and I’m more than used to it now.” You were suddenly hyper-aware of the breeze on your shoulder, feeling more exposed as the man in front of you dug into your relationship with your uncle, “Jungyoon’s just busy, that’s all.” Your smile was strained and made his jaw clench.

The lie could be spotted a mile away, but he let it go despite how it ticked at his patience, "Have you figured out your cap and gown stuff?"

You sighed, “Yeah, Jin is going out to get me a set as we speak.”

“Good.” He was firm and you locked eyes with him when he continued, “You don’t have to live like that anymore, you know?” He spoke, just as firm but slightly quieter, "I hate that shit." There was that spiteful tone again.

You scrunched your nose, “And what do you know about how I used to live?” Defensiveness crept up your spine and you hated how easily a simple tonal shift could tick away at your temper with Jungkook. You don’t know why he put you on the defensive, but he was just so hard to read. Although the last time Jungkook brought up your life before you moved in, it led to a huge fight so maybe you were just gearing up for one just in case.

It was his turn to be confused for a moment, but he was evidently more irritated, “What don’t I know? We’re in the same university department.”

Your heart stopped for a moment at his implication. He knew. Did he tell the others? No, no way he did, or else they would have asked you about it by now. Though him knowing was hardly ideal either. You didn’t know if you could mentally handle another person you like discounting your experience as Jungyoon had so bitterly done and continued to do. “You mean you know about my accident?’ You sat up a bit straighter and felt your mouth dry, prepared to beg him to see your side of things and believe you.

“Accident?” He spit the word with so much disgust you nearly flinched. You tried to scramble to build up an emotional defense that would be able to take the blow of a guy you really liked, regardless of his temper, but you knew nothing would make his disregard sting any less. You thought he was a good man- but maybe you’re the issue. Maybe you keep making good men into cold, distant, or even violent ones. Maybe whatever mean shit Jungkook was going to come out with was what you deserved, “What do you mean? It wasn’t an accident!” He stopped rocking on the chair as he watched pure confusion flood your features, “Why do you keep saying that?” He definitely looked angry, but not at you. Something between relief and melancholy was drowning your brain as you tried to process his reaction, but you remained stuck on his question.

You wanted to ask yourself the same question. You knew it wasn't an accident, but calling it anything else would have surely wrenched a mountain of questions from people who had questions about the scars and faded bruising on your wrists. You were by no means a private or shielded person, but telling people about what happened to you meant gawking and the risk of watching their face morph into Jungyoon’s disgust. He was the only person you had throughout the whole ordeal and nearly had a conniption each time you called it anything but your fault. Yesterday was proof enough. Maybe saying it so many times made you start to believe it. Or it made it easier to pretend you did.

You swallowed a lump in your throat, and instead of digging up the answer to his question you felt annoyance bleed out of your mouth, “What do you know about what happened?” You accused, “Don’t tell me you keep track of campus rumors.” The thought of his understanding of one of the worst nights of your life coming from a source as unreputable as your department’s gossip mill made your guts twist in disgust.

This seemed to only anger him more, “Rumors? I was there.” He scoffed, almost offended you thought an idol would believe rumors so easily, “Are you seriously pretending you don’t remember me still?!”

His words were ice water in the electricity of your veins, shocking you silent for a moment as you brought your head up to study his face. He wasn’t lying, not that he ever made lying a habit of his as far as you could see, but what the hell was he saying? You were at the hospital alone until you woke up. You would’ve remembered a worldwide pop star at the hospital.

“Pretending? Why would I-” You shook your head in disbelief, “I know you weren’t there, the only person there was-”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He fought the urge to shout, and your brows drew in on themselves. He was dead serious, “I was at the hospital, making sure he didn’t…”

Fear painted your features and when he finally looked at you, he paused.

Jungkook stopped dead in his tracks and closed his eyes for a moment. Fuck, fuck. He should’ve just said he believed the rumors. He shouldn’t have even brought it up but the thought of you living anything like the shell you were ticked him off. He watched you work too hard for you to just go back in on yourself. The last thing you needed mere days before graduation was a reminder of that bastard. The facade he thought you had been putting up had been eating him alive though. He constantly felt on edge just looking at you, wondering why you pretended to meet him for the first time when he was at your side that night. He had been at your side for so long and for you to just introduce yourself to him like nothing made his nerves flare, but avoiding you was an agony like no other.

Meanwhile, you were put on pause as you processed it all. Your thoughts had come to an abrupt stop right when you needed them most. How could Jungkook had been there? You knew that day like the back of your hand. You had to reiterate it countless times to countless detectives and lawyers.

////

You wanted to close your eyes but didn’t want to risk them needing to replay the video. Detective Moon wasn’t an exceptionally kind woman, so you didn’t want to make her job or your day any harder as she played the video.

You were in a white crop top as you smiled slyly at the camera, “Hi guys, welcome in, love to have you all.” You giggled, obviously fake to you but real enough to the viewers, as you seemed to be reading a comment, “Am I tired of carrying around my breasts all day? Why? Do you want to carry them for me?” The pings and tips can be heard along with a short fake laugh, “I could use a cute little servant at my beck and call, maybe, to give me a nice massage when I need it.” It was now you could just barely make out the sound of a door creaking open over the pings.

You shifted uncomfortably next to Jungyoon who was deadly silent along with Detective Moon. You wanted to glare at her for not insisting he leave, but you doubted she cared much about your comfort as she waited mere hours before making you relive the trauma. You bit your lip, wrapped up in a blanket as you fought the urge to cry, knowing what was coming, It was like watching a horror movie for the second time, and you wanted nothing more than to beg the protagonist to run, get out of there, grab a bat, something, anything to avoid-

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You didn’t have time to muster a fake laugh before a sickly sweet voice spoke.

“I would, my precious thing.” His voice was sickly even and smug. You watched your eyes snap to his form and you screamed. The sound was piercing and made Jungyoon jump but you remained defeatedly still.

It was painful, watching your face twist from confusion to horror with an overwhelming wave of fear. Watching it back now, it was so abrupt. It was a poorly-paced horror film, and it all happened way too quickly. Regardless, the fear on your face was undeniable, and it would be nice to pretend what you were watching was just a bad movie, but you could see real horror on your features, too real to be considered an act that didn’t creep under your skin even as the laptop slammed down, obscuring the picture in black. Although, much to your misfortune, the live stream continued.

You could hardly hear your screams blowing out your mic over the pings, but you barely registered the pings being a sign of the stream going amidst your panic. The thought made you sick you watched the comments continue making requests. All while you begged for help, “Get off me!” You screeched and could hear the scuffle just as clearly as it was in your nightmares, “Who are you?! How did you get in?!”

“I love you, you know me!” He insisted, voice far too comfortable in his lies. A chill crawled up your spine as he played the role of a soothing boyfriend like it was the truth. He spoke to you like you were overreacting and it made your skin prick.

You allowed your eyes to close this time, not that you could see anything with the tears in them, but you clearly remembered the flurry of his face, his eyes, his dry and calloused hands rubbing over your wrists as you struggled. His lips were chapped as he tried to push them against yours but that's when you really started thrashing and the whole thing became a blur. His nails were short, but jagged enough to cut in your skin as he straddled you. He weighed less than you but the fear he elicited suffocated your form, You remembered not even registering the damage he was doing to your skin as you pleaded for him to get off of you and begged for help. You could hear a distinct tear before a heavy thump and a groan. Yes, this was the part where your thrashing paid off after he tore your shirt, giving you the leeway to knee him in the groin. Your footsteps were unorganized but quick before the door slammed. You begged this version of you to run even faster, knowing there wasn’t much time before-

“Stupid thing!” He groaned before you could hear heavy footsteps and the same door slam.

The video ended and you opened your eyes to look at your raw wrists, purple and red to represent the broken capillaries and broken skin, the jagged crescent gashes held dried blood in place of scabs now, you still weren’t done losing part of yourself at his hands, “I understand this is difficult, but can you tell me what happened when the screen went black.”

You swallowed deeply, “A man I didn’t know had emerged from my closet and when he saw me panic, he slammed the laptop shut.” Your breathing shuddered as you fisted the hospital blanket in the private room you woke up in, “Then he straddled me, pinning my wrists down. I struggled, but his grip was too strong and I could barely breathe.” Your words were as distant as you could get them, wanting to be as far away from the whole event as you could. Maybe if you told it without emotion you wouldn’t feel so shitty.

“Did he restrict your breathing in any way?” She asked and you shook your head.

“No, I think I was having a panic attack.” She hummed in understanding but Jungyoon remained stone, “He was yelling, and yelling makes me freak out even more.”

“Why is that?” The question made you swallow hard, making you feel like a child that had rehearsed lines to tell for this line of questioning that you once were. However, you no longer had to fear being separated from your family for the truth anymore.

“My biological mother and my father, they had a volatile relationship with each other..” The detective raised and brow, knowing that wasn’t the end, so you sighed, “...and me.” You murmured and saw Jungyoon stiffen.

“Where are they now?” You could almost scoff at how loaded the question was. The short answer was you didn’t really know, but the most honest answer was-

“My mom left when I was 15 and my dad died when I was 14.” You explained, but the words stung. You didn't like talking about either of them, but even the mention of your dad made Jungyoon scowl.

“Okay, you can continue with what happened.” She could clearly see you were uncomfortable talking about your parents.

“Well, he was trying to talk to me and tell me how I knew him and he loves me, how I was his… thing.” This made you pause, repulsed you, “Like I wasn’t human like I didn’t have a right to resist him or something.” You bit your lip before going further. It was certainly not the first time you had been treated subhuman and you doubted it would be the last, but that paired with the attack made you nauseous, “I could hardly hear him over the yelling and my panic and the pinging. Then, he got frustrated because I wouldn’t stop struggling.”

“Was he trying to do something?”

You nodded with a pained look as the sheets turned into a glob of blue, “He was trying to kiss me, he talked about how much he wanted to touch me but he had to keep my wrists pinned, but I kept moving, so he took one hand off of my wrists and ripped my shirt. Guess he gave up on the kiss.” You glanced at the scrap of white fabric on the counter across the room, “I kneed him in the groin and that thump was when he fell off of me.” You wiped your tears as you struggled to take a breath, “Then I ran out, wearing nothing but that shirt, my bra, and shorts.”

“Then what happened?”

“I ran until I reached the University hospital. I only live a few blocks from it, so it wasn’t hard.” You muttered, ignoring the cuts in your feet as you spoke, “Then, I think I collapsed after I made eye contact with a nurse.”

“You don’t remember anything after reaching the hospital?” She raised a brow and you shook your head.

“Not well, and nothing substantial.” You shrugged, “Everything was super loud, I was freaking out, and I just kept bleeding.” You remember the nurse saying he nicked a vein with his thumbnail,

“Thank you, y/n.” Detective Moon spoke, “I understand it must have been very difficult to relive that while you’re healing. She stood and took the laptop, “That’s enough for today. We have already identified the attacker, so hopefully, we can settle out of court to avoid further trauma in court-”

“Sorry, who is he?” You looked up at her and she hesitated before sighing.

“Woo Donghee. He is a medical student in your university and he was a subscriber of yours who went by the name-”

“DrLove.” You shuddered, the name having haunted you for months before this, “I remember, I had to ban him not long ago because he kept making threats that he would steal me away.”

“He was? Did you report this?” She looked at you intently, as if ready to scold you.

You scoffed at her accusatory tone, “I did, but the local precinct said there was nothing to be done.” You cast a pointed look to her and she cursed under her breath. You were told a simple “internet troll” was nothing to waste resources on, especially when you had no name or even evidence he was in the country. Little did you know he was right there… he was-, “Woo. That’s the name of the Dean.” You looked up at her and noticed her nervous shift. The dean was a big name and an even bigger donor to everything he could reach, including the police. He wasn’t a socialite, but he was certainly well-connected. If you were attacked by the dean’s son, your case was as good as over.

Detective Moon cleared her throat, “Yes, he is the dean’s son, it’s how he got your address. We believe he had been living in and out of your closet for over a week.” You choked out a sob. He was right there, not just in your home but in your school, watching and waiting, and he was going to get away with it. If anything, you would be kicked out from- “You’re being sponsored by the Women’s Advocacy Coalition, and a lawyer will be handling the case-”

“Lawyer? How much is this lawyer?” You glanced to Jungyoon who spoke for the first time since you had woken up, “I don’t have the money-”

You could barely pay attention to Jungyoon as your face twisted in confusion. Sponsored? How were you sponsored just like that, mere hours after your attack? Did the kind nurse notify someone?

“Sir, we can discuss the arrangements at a later time.” She snapped, bringing you from your thoughts “For now, you stay with your daughter-”

“Niece.” He snipped and you flinched at his tone, “And I also need to discuss this private room. She is under her own insurance-”

“Right now your niece needs support, so we can discuss this-”

“How can I support her if she drains me from hospital and lawyer fees-”

“Just go.” You finally breathed, “Go, discuss what you need to discuss. I’ll pay for whatever I have to.” You pleaded, “Just please, leave me alone for now.”

You didn’t look up again as Detective Moon led him out of your room and you were reduced to nothing but tears, regret, and the aching need to scrub your skin raw.

////

You remembered that day and the attack like it were yesterday, but everything between reaching the hospital and waking up had been a blur. You remembered clearly being there for the sentencing and reading your witness statement as Donghee stood behind you clad in handcuffs. You remembered Jungyoon’s cold demeanor became ice throughout the whole process. The hurtful words and blatant disregard of your feelings, the psych evals, the whispers on campus, the months it took before you could walk a few paces without checking over your shoulder, the way you had to move into a building filled with seven men before you could be home and not check behind every door and under every surface to make sure someone wasn’t hiding, even the money you lost when you stopped doing live streams and shifted to pre-recorded content and photos. You even stopped advertising to a wider, more vanilla, crowd and stuck strictly to more kink-specific content with clear limits and expectations. You remembered it all but not those hours of darkness and blurring.

“Forget it.” Jungkook finally grit out, “I shouldn’t have said anything, I just thought you were pretending not to remember me, and I got why it just-”

“Tell me what happened.” You looked at him with pleading eyes that pierced his stone barrier with eerie ease, the miles away you were from one another or the blue light of his phone doing nothing to stop him from cracking at your vulnerable desperation, “I don’t remember anything really from when I passed out in the lobby of the ER until I woke up with Jungyoon and that Detective.” Jungkook blinked hard and you fought tears, “What do you mean you had to stop him?” Your lower lip quivered and it was like a knife in his chest as he watched fear consume your eyes for the second time in his life, “Stop him from what?” Your voice seemed to be pleading more than asking, but he didn’t want to succumb to your words.

“Y/n, you don’t need to hear what happened.” His voice was much softer, “He’s behind bars and it’s done-”

“It’s not!” You cried, and Jungkook looked taken aback by your outburst, “It’s not done!” You buried your face in your hands as sobs took control of your body and he would’ve given anything to be there to hold you steady, “He’s still in my skin! They’ve faded, but if I so much as zone out for long enough, I can feel his hands on me. I-I can hardly wear a white crop top without feeling sick. It’s not done just because he’s in prison, my father fucking died and I’m still scared of him, how is prison any different?” You were so frustrated, you couldn’t see Jungkook’s jaw clench at the mention of the father you never dared to breathe a word of. You were so upset, you hadn’t even realized you mentioned him. The fear and pain in your voice set something off within him, some sort of base need to destroy anyone who made you tremble, “Now, Jungyoon talks to me even less while Donghee has one year left of his sentence-”

“No, he doesn’t.” He refuted and you balked at him, “Why do you think Dean Woo stepped down when you came back to school and not right when that bastard got charged?” You were finally started to calm down ever so slightly.

You shook your head in confusion, “What do you mean?”

Jungkook sighed. Fuck, he couldn’t tell you how he knew or what role he played, but he couldn’t have you thinking that fucker would even breath the same air as you any time soon, “Mona is a donor of the university, and she found out Dean Woo stepped down because Donghee got into worse trouble in prison and extended his sentence.” He snarled even saying their names. Dean Woo was just as unhinged as his son, it was only by the fact that he had not laid a hand on you that he remained on the university’s good graces.

You could hardly breathe as you shook your head. How did you not know about this? Then again, who would have told you? The police hardly had any interest in helping you and more in just being done with the case, “Are you lying?”

He scoffed, “Why the fuck would I do that?” He clicked his tongue, “I can’t believe you don’t remember...”

“So tell me what happened.” Your voice cracked Jungkook couldn’t bear the sight of your tears, Please, I need to know.”

“Why?” He asked and the question was simple enough and yet it broke you.

“Do you have any idea what I went through after I woke up?” You asked and while Jungkook didn’t know how to answer, you continued, “Jungyoon kept calling it an accident, not assault or an attack, an accident." Jungkook could kill your uncle if it wouldn't cause so many issues, "Donghee’s lawyer tried to argue I was inviting him to come into my house because of the shit I would say on my streams, so then the whole thing must’ve been an accident since Donghee misunderstood me.” He watched your gaze flicker to your wrists and he wanted so badly to hold your face in his hands, keeping your eyes on anything but the mark of a man that was as good as dead.

Jungkook’s anger flared and he could almost feel the wood on his rocking chair crack under his clenched fist. That fucking bastard. While he knew more about the case than he let on, just knowing that you were exposed to all of that makes his blood boil.

Your mouth was dry all over again as you recounted the horror of not only having your uncle watch part of your live stream but downplay your assault, “Jungyoon agreed. He blamed me. He sulked the whole time I was in the hospital, huffing about how much it was my fault, but he would still stay there all day.” Your stomach sank as you felt the anger you had barely reigned in during that time, “He got drunk the night I came home and told me all about how it was my fault it happened, how unnecessary it was for me to be in the hospital and how he never wanted to take me in and how the accident only-”

“It wasn’t a fucking accident!” The idol lost his composure, “It was assault, and it wasn’t your fucking fault Donghee is a delusional piece of shit who deserved everything he got.”

What did he mean? How did he know such intimate details of your assault when they were never made public record, that was part of the plea deal? How could he have known how unhinged Donghee was unless- “What happened at the hospital?’

“Y/n.” He warned, but when his eyes met yours the anger simmered and he wondered if you knew how powerful you were.

“I deserve to know.” You stressed, “You know I do.”

You were right, it wasn’t fair that you went this long without knowing, even if incidentally. He sighed, “I was heading to the reception desk after getting seen for an ankle injury and there you were. You were crying, but you were hardly coherent. Your wrists were bleeding and then some guy rushed to you.” He clenched his jaw, the memory still fresh in his mind, “He tried telling the nurses he was your boyfriend and he lost you at a club and they almost let him back.” You felt sick at the mere thought, “But then, you started crying even harder, begging for them not to. I guess you heard his voice or something. They asked you who they could call for you and you just kept repeating Jung but you couldn’t get the rest out.”

You could feel the memories start to come back to you as he spoke. He left almost no detail out. You could remember the beeping of the hospital machines and the commotion as the nurses tried to calm you down. You could almost hear Donghee’s pleading voice.

////

“Just let him back.” Jungkook could hear a doctor scowl, “He’s an intern here, he's a good kid-”

“He’s gonna kill me, please!” You cried, catching the concern of more nurses. The ER was vacant at 2 am on a Tuesday, but the commotion you were making echoes throughout the floor, “Don’t, please! Please!” Your agony was evident and his blood ran cold when he saw your figure as he paused by your curtain. Although he could hardly see your face, he knew your voice. He knew it all too well, arguably. The sound of your melodic tones twisted into fear made his heart clench, but he willed himself to entrust your safety in the doctors, something happened but there was nothing he could do-

“Please, she’s my girlfriend and I… I lost her outside of a bar and someone attacked her.” He could hear the man in question plead with the receptionist. Boyfriend? His eyes snapped to some man at least four years older than he was. He was dressed in a wrinkled white shirt and navy sweats, not exactly bar getup. While he kept his knowledge of you at as far of a distance as he could get, he did know you were single and you didn't go to bars, “Let me go see her, I’m all she has.” A lie. Jungkook knew it was a lie. Mona told him your uncle was listed as your only family and you were listed as an orphan. You were an orphan, just like him. It was one of several things that drew him to you time and time again as a fellow student, of course, nothing more. He tried his hardest not to pry into your life, he didn't even know what your job was, only knowing you were a streamer of some sort and no matter how much he wanted to keep tabs, he couldn’t, much. In fact, you had a stream tonight, if he remembered correctly. There’s no way you’d be at a bar with some random man.

“Who can we call for you?” He heard a nurse say as the doctor rolled his eyes, making Jungkook’s blood boil, especially in contrast to the soft-spoken bedside manner the same doctor had with him just moments before.

“Why would Donghee lie-” The doctor began but was cut off by you.

“Jung… Jung…” You were choking on your sobs and he should've just kept walking but couldn't. Could you seriously be bleeding and crying out for someone behind that curtain? He knew Jungyoon was your uncle’s name, but you were so close to saying his and this Donghee was trying to push his way to you. You needed someone, but it wasn’t his place to be that someone-

“Me!” Jungkook looked to the nurse, “I’m Jungkook.” He affirmed, “I have no idea who he is, but she's my responsibility.”

Adrenaline began to pump through him as he watched helplessly while you were riding the treacherous waves of a horrible panic attack. What the hell was he doing? The last thing you needed was for him to bother you, but he couldn’t stand by and let some guy try to take advantage of you.

The nurse nodded and your cries quieted when you heard them calling security, “Jungkook is here, it’s okay.”

He pushed his way behind the curtain and saw you. Your eyes were screwed shut, makeup still intact except for the slight smear of your lipstick. You brought your hands up to your face and that’s when he saw the blood. Your wrists had smeared blood and half-moon wounds that only oozed more. His breathing became short when he saw your torn shirt, purple bra showing through the ruined fabric. A fierce rage bubbled inside of him. He always had a problem with his temper but this was unlike anything he felt before and he had to grip the rail beside your bed to keep himself grounded.

“No, he’s lying!” The other man cried out, and Jungkook’s knuckles were turning white, “That’s my girl!” You wailed at this, all the progress made to a quiet cry undone and that was the final straw breaking Jungkook’s restraint.

He was going to just yell at the guy until he caught notice of the dried blood surrounding the man’s fingers. His lip curled at the jagged look of them, unkempt and slathered in half-dried copper. Half. Dried. Just like some of the streaks of the same color running down your arm.

It was in mere strides he made his way to him and it was with no hesitation that his fist drove into your attacker's face, a sickening crack doing nothing to satiate his need to hurt this man so much worse than he hurt you.

The man's body put up no resistance and even when it hit the ground with a resounding groan, it didn't deter the idol, “What did you do to her?!” His voice bounced off the walls as he landed a right hook into the cheek of your assailant. Donghee’s attempts at fighting back were as good as nonexistent. Jungkook could not allow him the grace of blinking away the pain, even if for only a second.

The med student's was covered in his own blood by the time the security guards finally showed up to break up the fight. The bastard's nose was gushing and his eyes were quickly reddening to match the cut in his lip. Jungkook’s hands were bloodied and bruised, his rings similarly stained with crimson but it still didn’t feel like enough, “Go be with your girlfriend, we got him.” A security officer who had failed to pull him off until an additional guard seethed and your cries brought him back to your bedside.

Needing to play up his role, he was at your side, promising you that you were safe until exhaustion claimed you. He didn’t touch you, knowing the last thing you needed was another stranger’s hands near you, but he spoke to you the whole time until your breathing was steady. He examined your resting face, thankful you were at peace for even just a little bit. Running on autopilot, he was up all night, making calls to Mona and his managers to clean up the metaphorical mess he made while a nurse cleaned the one on his hands. By the time you woke up, you had a lawyer that swore Jungyoon to secrecy, a private room in the hospital that was mysteriously paid for, and the doctor who almost put your life in jeopardy fired. By the time you went back to school, Donghee was locked up for a long time through a series of unfortunate orchestrated events.

////

“Then, I contacted my mother’s charity that specialized in getting legal representation for assault survivors, made sure they didn’t try to get publicity points off of you and let them take care of it.” He averted your eyes, “I didn’t want Donghee to get out of it with his daddy’s money.” He shrugged, unsure of how to mention it was him who gave them the money to sponsor your lawyer and your hospital stay. It would’ve felt like he was bragging about being some white knight when he didn’t really save you. You had to do it all yourself, and he didn’t want you to think any different. Jungkook wasn’t a good man, and he didn’t deserve for you to think any different of him.

Had Jungkook known Jungyoon was even half the asshole he was, you wouldn’t have dealt with him. You wouldn’t have had to go through going back to that place for even a day before he had Mona step in, “You stopped him.” You breathed, “He almost got to me again and you made sure he didn’t.”

He shrugged. You have always been too precious to put your safety into the hands of someone else. This was a lesson he learned the hard way, “I couldn’t stand by and let you get hurt again.” He looked down, unable to face you after being reminded of how terribly he had taken care of you, until he heard your choked sobs, “Fuck, I’m sor-”

“Thank you.” You cried, unable to do anything but repeat the phrase. Up until this point, the only thing that had validated your all-consuming fear and trauma from the assault was the kind correspondence of one of your professors during your hospital stay, but Jungkook was there. He saw it for himself and he didn’t see a hysterical girl, he saw a victim in active danger. He believed you. He believed you never wanted to be attacked. He never thought you were inviting this man to your body from a basic business transaction. He never questioned if you were blowing the situation out of proportion, and the relief of even one ally washed over you and out your eyes, “No one… No one ever cared when I was hurt or crying or anything.” You finally gasped out as you buried your face in your hands, “My own mother wouldn’t protect me from my dad, Jungyoon didn’t want to protect me from another attack, my viewers didn't even call the cops, but some idol I never talked to protected me for no reason.” That wasn’t completely true, Jungkook’s fixation on you began long before that night and would’ve continued regardless of it. Keeping his distance, his obsession with you, at bay had to be the worst decision he had ever made and would have to live with until every problem you ever faced was fixed. He owed you that much for not succumbing to his instincts when he clearly should’ve. Jungkook wanted to ask what in the ever-loving fuck you meant about your dad, but he didn’t want to upset you even further. That would have to wait until you were ready to tell him. All he could do was watch you cry and imagine all the things he would give to be there as you continued, “Thank you for protecting me."

He scoffed, as if he ever had a choice, as if he ever considered it a choice. It was his stupid purpose in life. He was always on the cusp of hating you for years. Hating the way you made him feel, hating the way you didn’t even know him, but he had never considered your protection anything but his responsibility since he saw what happened when he pushed down his instincts, “Don’t thank me for that.” He mumbled, “I’m always going to protect you.”

You paused, opening your mouth before you had any words to give him when you heard his manager calling for him, not that it phased him, “Go, Jungkook, I’ll be okay.” You softly chided and it was a knife to the heart not being able to hold you as you wiped your tears with the back of your hand.

He shook his head, “I’m not hanging up on you while you’re crying.” He looked appalled at the notion, “Are you even able to talk to the other guys about this?” He asked, hope that you could was burning in his stomach.

When you shook your head, his heart dropped, “Well, Jimin might know, but none of them really know what happened.” You swallowed hard, “I don’t want them to see me any different or.. Or.. um…” You fought the words, they were too sorry to say, let alone think.

“React like fucking Jungyoon.” He hissed and you opened your mouth to protest the obvious truth, but your mouth closed as you nodded defeatedly. He sighed, “I know they won’t.”

“How?” You asked, eyes glittering with a hope far too cautious and it made Jungkook want to kill Jungyoon, your mom, anyone who made you lose confidence in others and yourself.

Because we love you. He sighed, looking up briefly to send a glare to his shrinking manager who backed away from the door, “I just do.” There was not an ounce of doubt in his features, “But you tell them when you want, when you’re ready.”

You bit your lip for a moment, “You don’t think that’s… dishonest?” His brows scrunched and you tried to elaborate as tears began to cloud your vision again, “I mean, I’m their girlfriend and maybe they deserve to know I-I was attacked in case that makes them change-”

“What the fuck did I just say?” He snapped, making you jump and him curse under his breath when tears slipped from your eyes. He really had no fucking idea how to do this shit, but right now he was the only one that could. He took a calming breath before speaking again, “It’s… not their business, regardless of if you want to tell them. It’s your story.” He shrugged, trying his best to remember his time in therapy for you, “Even if it affected who you are, that’s all they need to know is who you are, and that’s what you’re giving them.” He could hardly look at you but if he had, he would see pure adoration in your eyes as his words soaked the doubt from your mind, even if only for a moment.

“W-What if I’m not giving them that?” You asked, still stuck in the cycle of using the event as an indicator of who you are and not how you came to be, even if you knew that’s what was happening, it was so hard to claw your way out of it. It was so hard to cease the search for reasons you don’t deserve companionship.

Jungkook fixed his gaze on your teary face and quirked a brow at your words, “You’re not a good liar, you know?” Your eyes widened at this, “You’re always you, I can tell.” It’s one of the many things he loved about you. He wanted to say it but he nearly swallowed his tongue when you laughed, “What?” He snapped his cheeks heating.

You shook your head, fighting another giggle, “Nothing, I just think it’s funny how you can see so much and still be grumpy while comforting me.” You smiled, a genuine one and you could hear the whining of Jungkook’s manager and before he could snap at the man, you spoke, “I’m feeling better, really, I’ll be okay.” You looked at the idol who was visibly torn, “I mean it.” you looked at him and he sighed when he saw no lie in your beautiful eyes.

This wasn’t fucking fair. He didn’t want to tell you like this, not where he couldn’t hold you in his arms and promise nothing like that would ever happen again.

"Call me if you're not, I mean it." He ordered, coming off more tender than he intended, "And don't fuss over the graduation stuff, okay? All we gotta do is walk the stage. Let the old men handle the rest." He didn't crack a smile but his heart soared in the way you laughed.

"Okay." He watched in awe as your smile met your eyes and only brightened as you admired his face, “Come home soon, yeah?” He nodded before hanging up the call, the fact that you wanted to see him was enough to get him through the next few days without you.

Jungkook leaned back, letting his manager's words turn to dust as he replayed your conversation. You thanked him for protecting you, and part of him wanted to smack himself for not doing so properly sooner but he couldn't stop the smile on his face when he thought of your laugh. You were in tears and then he made you laugh. Was that what it was like to comfort someone? The feeling of elation was like a drug and he wanted nothing more than to do better next time you need him to, soothe your pain, take it for his own and deal with it himself.

Any lingering guilt for what he did to Woo Donghee was long gone as he thought of you.

[kpop---scenarios]

Cravings || One

Pairing: Vampire! Hongjoong x Reader

Warning: None Yet

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: If you would like to be tagged, let me know!

"Babe, hey babe." Your boyfriend, Chad calls out to you, as you're sitting at the kitchen table, running over over bills again and trying to figure out how the fuck you're going to try to pay everything. You worked damn hard, and barely had anything to show for it. Ever since Chad had moved in a few months ago, without an invitation, you were stressed. Everything had gone up and doubled since he hadn't left, and he also hadn't contributed anything financially towards the household. You paid for rent, utilities, groceries and you even paid when the two of you went out for dinner. Chad worked full time, but where his money was going, you had no fucking idea. He constantly went out with his 'boys' , often coming home obliterated, and just expecting you to have your legs spread open for him when he rolled in, apparently that was your duty as his girlfriend, according to him. As if not contributing and acting like a man child was such a turn on. Not to mention the countless hours he spent on your gaming console, yelling and talking to his friends, leaving you no time to play any games that you like, unless you wanted to wake up a few hours before you had to work to sneak on it. But by the time you got home from work, cleaned up the messes he made throughout the day, made yourself dinner, showered and got into your PJ'S, you were too damn tired to do anything. You knew you had to wake up the next day and do it all over again, so any sleep you got was precious. 

A part of you often wondered why you were in this relationship with him. Maybe you were scared to be alone, maybe you didn't think you could do any better than him, but you stuck with him, because for some reason, you loved the guy. 

"What do you want, Chad?" You sigh, walking into the living room where he's sprawled out on the couch, headset on and his match paused. "I'm trying to figure out bills, you know that thing that keeps us warm, and with light and hot water, that you said you'd help pay and haven't." 

"Yeah, babe, can you go to the corner store and get those Takis, you know the ones I like? The not so spicy ones though babe, cause remember I have acid reflux, and a diet coke." He says, turning back to the screen, laughing at something said through his head phones. 

You could feel the rage building up inside of you, awfully quick, and it was seeping out of you even quicker.

"Are you going to pay for said snacks?" You ask, trying to keep your voice calm. 

"What?" He laughs. "Babe, no, come on. I'm broke. I don't get paid again for two weeks. You know this." 

"You just got paid yesterday." You breathe through gritted teeth. "Where the hell did all your money go?" You ask, your hands balled into fists. 

"You know babe, I had the fantasy football league entry, plus I owed Kyle money for the keg bomber last weekend, and I took the boys out for supper yesterday. Shit adds up." He says, never looking at you, only focusing on the game. 

"And that's my problem, why exactly? Why is it always on me just because you're not financially stable. Grow up, you're 35 for christ sakes!" You yell. You stomp to the kitchen, grabbing your purse and slipping on your shoes before heading back into the living room. 

"Yeah, she's got her shoes and purse." He laughs. "She's definitely going to get my stuff." 

"You know what Chad? I'm definitely not going to get your snacks, get your own fucking snacks, Chaaad. I'm going for a drink, with my own goddamn money." You spit, storming out of the house. 

You're wandering down the street, like you had been for the last thirty five minutes, and finally you found somewhere that looked decent enough. You walk in, and the lights are on very low, the place is almost dark, had it not been for the red lights swinging above tables, or the string of red lights wrapping around the ceiling. Your eyes wander the open floor of seating as a soft beat vibrates through the building. Every person in here who was sitting with someone was leaning closely to that person, seemingly having an intense conversation. The vibes felt dark and eerie, but you welcomed it, you enjoyed it instead of being around Chad's fuck boy mentality. You walk towards the bar, sliding onto one of the empty bar stools and setting your purse on your lap. Your eyes were looking down when you felt a presence standing in front of you. You look up and see quite possibly the most beautiful man you have ever seen. 

"What can I get for you?" He asks, his voice is deep, yet so smooth and calming.

"Double vodka and coke please, and for the love of god, keep them coming." You sigh. After your comment you see the slightest hint of a smile appear on his lips, disappearing even quicker than it came. 

"Bad day?" He asks, beginning to pour your drink. 

"Bad relationship." You groan. He nods his head as he slides your drink towards you. 

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks, leaning on the bar with his chin resting on his hands as he waits for you to speak. You look into his eyes, and they're so warm and mesmerizing, you felt safe and secure, like you could tell him anything. Which is exactly what you did.

"What's your name?" You ask. 

"Hongjoong." He replies. "You?" 

"Y/N." 

"Okay Y/N, what's bothering you?" 

"My boyfriend, we've been together for just over a year, and well.. he's something, and not the good something like people usually say. He moved in with me, without even asking me if I wanted to, and I just kind of accepted it. He doesn't pay anything, no bills, rent, groceries, nothing. It's all on me, even though he does work full time. He forgot my birthday, went out and got absolutely plastered with his 'boys'. On Valentine's Day, he took me out for dinner, and can you guess who was there?" You ask. 

"His boys?" He answered. 

"You sir, are correct. I was ignored the entire evening, and then he and his boys left, I ended up paying the bill, and I had to uber home because he had driven us there. Not to mention the fact that he assumes I'm just there for his pleasure, expecting me to be spread eagle for him whenever he decides to show up." You finish, chugging your drink as you try not to gag on the strong taste of vodka. 

"Why are you with him then? He doesn't sound like he contributes to the relationship at all, so why do you stay?" He asks. 

'Honestly, I'm not entirely sure." You answer as he slides another drink in front of you.

"Now that's a bullshit excuse." He replies. "There's a reason that you clearly don't want to admit." 

"Do you ever smile?" You ask him. 

"No." He answers. "Now, why won't you leave him?" 

"Because it's safe, I guess? I don't know if I can do any better than him." You shrug. 

"Y/N, you have no idea how much better you could do." He says. 

** 

From the moment Hongjoong had a whiff of the scent that was coming into his bar, he knew that it was the scent of the one. He intensely watched the door, waiting for the one it belonged too to walk through the door. As soon as you did, it was almost as though his heart could have started beating once again, the ice cold blood that ran through his body could have turned warm just by the sight of you. He isn't sure what it is about you, but he had always been told that he would know when he found the one, and having been alive for over a century, he had just assumed that it wasn't in the cards for him, and now he knows why. Because all his life he had been waiting for you. The person that he would do anything for, the person that he would be anything for had finally walked into his life, and for once he felt an ounce of hope, until, you had mentioned the filthy human you were in a relationship with, not to mention one that treated you like absolute garage, and you had assumed that no one better would love you, but shit were you ever wrong. He was standing right in front of you, and though you had just met him, he loved you with everything he had and would do anything and everything to protect you. 

**

"I appreciate your advice, Hongjoong, but it's getting late and I have to work tomorrow." You sigh. "How much do I owe you?" You ask, grabbing your card from your wallet. 

"It's on me." He tells you, grabbing your empty glass.

"Well thank you." You smile. "It was nice meeting you." You tell him as you slide off the stool. 

"You too." He says, watching you walk away from him. 

That night when you got home, you couldn't get Hongjoong off your mind, a smile spread across your face as you walked through your front door, and headed into the living room, then it instantly dropped. Chad had not moved from the spot you had previously left him in a few hours ago. "Oh, babe." He says, sucking the cheeto dust from his fingers. "Kyle brought me some snacks, since you threw a huge temper tantrum about my snacks, you can just venmo or cash app him, k?" He says, going back to playing his game. 

You went to bed that night, dreaming of one man, who was not your man. 

**

Over the next few weeks, you had absolutely no desire to be at home. So you headed to the bar that Hongjoong worked at, everyday after work for a drink, or two, or four. In those weeks the two of you spent an ample amount of time getting to know each other, you were sure he knew you better than Chad ever did.  You didn't want to see Chad, you didn't want to be near him and it was bad enough that he constantly texted you throughout the day, sending you lists of things to buy from the grocery store, as if he wasn't able to do it himself. But much to your surprise, he didn't text you when you never came home with his snacks, he didn't check in with you throughout the day, and honestly it no longer bothered you. 

You felt your feelings for Hongjoong deepen with every encounter the two of you had, every time you saw him it was like nothing you had ever felt with Chad, your emotions were amplified around Hongjoong and you weren't sure how much longer you could keep them hidden. 

"One more." You tell Hongjoong, as you set down your fourth glass. 

You can tell he wants to smile, but he's too good at controlling his emotions. "You've had enough, I'm cutting you off." He tells you. 

You pout, trying to give him your best puppy dog eyes, but absolutely nothing got to the man and it was frustrating as fuck. 

"A bad storm is coming, you should probably get home." He tells you, drying off some glasses. 

"I don't want to go home, he's there." You scoff, just thinking about Chad made you want to vomit. "I guess I could just get a motel room, at that place across the street." You say, pointing over to the run down motel, that had flickering lights, and probably a rat and cockroach infestation. 

"You will do no such thing." Hongjoong replies. "You can stay at my place." He says. "Give me a minute." He walks from around the bar, towards the back of the building, and you can't help but to turn in your stool and watch him walk away, damn he looks good. 

Within seconds he's back, grabbing your bag and scooping you up into his arms as he effortlessly carries you out the door. 

"I can walk." You object. 

"I know." He says, his face stone cold. 

"You're very pale." You tell him, as if he didn't know. 

"I know." He replies, unlocking the door to his car. 

"And you're very cold." You say. 

He sighs. "I know." He finishes as he slides you into the passenger seat of his car. 

As soon as he started his car, the rain began pouring as thunder and lightning jolted the sky. 

"You were right, there's a storm." You say, watching out your window. 

"I know." He replies, this time it sounded different. You turned to look at him, hoping you'd catch him smiling but no such luck. 

He continues driving, taking you out into the middle of nowhere, out of city limits, this was it, this was probably when you died. You panicked slightly but you felt it in your entire body that he was not going to murder you, at least not that night. 

Hongjoong pulls up to a gate, punching in a few numbers to open the gate, which just blocked off a winding road. You squinted as you tried to see where you were going but it was far too dark for you to see anything, until you pulled up to a beautiful mid-century mansion that made your mouth drop. It was absolutely stunning and you couldn't believe that he lived there. 

"Seriously? This is where you live?" You say. 

"MY family, but yeah." He answers, parking the car near the entrance. 

He hops out of his seat, walking towards your side to open the door for you, pulling you inside before you get too wet. He dragged you up a large flight of stairs, not letting you admire the inside of his house. He put you inside a large room, with a large bed and a bathroom ensuite. "There's towels if you want to shower, I'll be back in a bit to check on you." He says, avoiding all eye contact before walking out of the room. 

You let out a deep breath as you take off your heels, unbutton your pants and unhook your bra, placing it all next to the bed. You sit down on the bed in your underwear and t-shirt, wondering what to do, until your phone rings. 

Looking at the caller ID, you didn't want to answer it, but you felt it would be unfair for you to do so. 

"Hello?" You answer. 

"Hey babe, it's me.. it's Chad." He says. 

"I know who it is." You sigh. 

"Look.. I know you've been terrible, oh, wait, I mean I've been terrible in our relationship lately but I want to make almonds." He says. "No idiot, it's amends." You hear from the background. 

"Are you kidding me right now? Do you seriously have Brad over to help you?" You yell. 

"Well yeah, he noticed that we were drifting apart and offered to help me get you back." Chad explains. 

You get up off the bed, pacing on the hardwood floors as you tried to process what he just said to you. 

"The fact that you didn't even notice that we were drifting apart is all that I need to hear. You know what, Chad? I'm done. I'm done with this relationship, I'm done with you. Just get out of my apartment, I'm over it." You yell, hanging up the phone. 

You stand there, taking deep breaths as you replay the conversation you just had, he didn't even care enough to notice that you'd been pulling away. That kind of hurt, but then again it was Chad. He was never very perceptive. 

A knock at the door before it suddenly opens, reveals Hongjoong, walking into the room. He tried to play it cool with the fact that you were practically naked in front of it. 

"I heard yelling. You okay?" He asks as lightning strikes, causing the power to flicker. 

"Chad called, he had his friend Brad over to feed him lines because Brad noticed we were drifting apart." You explain. "But I did it. I ended things." You proudly admit. 

"Good for you." He says, staring at you, while you stare back at him. A crack of thunder hits loudly, making you jump, and within seconds Hongjoong's arms are wrapped around you, like he was protecting you. You look at him and he looks at you, and before you can tell yourself not to, your lips are pressed against him, and he is kissing you back. 

The kiss turns passionate and needy in seconds, both of your desires for one another coming out without any control. He moves you both to the bed, laying you down as he hovers over you, his strong arms keeping him above you. You wrap your arms and legs around him, pulling his body closer to yours, feeling him near was all you'd wanted. His ice cold fingers touch your stomach as he begins to lift your shirt up, you can feel his cock slowly becoming harder. You begin lifting his shirt, when his phone rings. He stands up, whispering an apology before answering his phone, barely speaking any words. 

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I have some things to take care of." He says. 

"Oh, yeah, no problem." You say, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

"Get some sleep." He tells you before walking out of the bedroom door, leaving you alone once again. 

You tried to fight the exhaustion you felt, but it was far too hard. You got snuggled underneath the blankets, watching the door, hoping he would come back but your eyelids got too heavy for you to keep open, and you swiftly drifted off to sleep, finally feeling some peace. 

**

The warm sun was shining into the room, waking you up. You let out a little stretch before opening your eyes, only to see five men standing around you. You sit up, moving to the wall, as these men stare at you. You looked at them all, and they all looked similar to Hongjoong. Pale skin, dark eyes, dark head, blood red lips. 

"Who are you?" One of them asks. 

"Y/N." You whisper. 

Another one speaks up, looking at the other four men. "Who the fuck brought a human home?"