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cosmicjoke · 5 days ago

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Hi, Cosmic! I was considering this scene from a Levi story on AO3 which I had read a while ago, where it described his life in the Underground before he met Furlan (maybe it was one of yours, I'm not certain). It talked of how he would often go days without speaking at all, and ultimately delved into his loneliness and how he hadn't realized how alone he'd been until he wasn't. I had also read recently an analysis stating that Levi's attachment style would be fearful-avoidant due to how he grew up, which, I mean, makes perfect sense.

Thus the combination made me wonder: How do you think Levi felt when he and Furlan moved in together? Did it trigger his abandonment issues in any way, letting Furlan in emotionally when his last relationship (that we know of) was with Kenny? Given the concept of attachment styles, Levi was probably both distant and reliant with him, so how do you think Furlan reacted to this?

Hmm, that could have been one of my stories, haha, I've definitely written a few stories (all of which remain incomplete, lol) about Levi's life Underground. I feel like it's a period in Levi's life that's just ripe for exploration, but very few people seem particularly interested in writing about it, for whatever reason.

I know I do explore that idea in "This Life, After", of Levi being sort of functionally mute because he gets so little social interaction, and I think that's a pretty fair assumption to make about him growing up, especially after Kenny left him. As far as we know, Levi didn't have a single friend until he met Furlan, and we know, from the extra stories included in the "No Regrets" manga that Levi met Furlan when he was essentially full grown. I've talked before also, pretty extensively, about how it seems very likely that Levi had no social interaction with other children growing up, even when living with his mother. I don't know if you've read my analysis posts on this, but I'll link you to them here:

Anyway, I'm not a psychologist, so I can't really speak to what specific attachment style Levi may or may not have. In truth, nobody, even an accredited and practicing psychologist could definitively diagnose Levi with any, specific mental disorder or condition, because of course he's a fictional character, lol. But I don't think you need to be a psychologist to make accurate or educated guesses about what sort of mental health issues Levi might be suffering from. For example, I think it's fairly obvious that Levi is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, because it would seem to me nearly impossible for him not to have been deeply traumatized by the experiences, not only in his childhood, but as an adult too, and I say that because of Levi's obvious emotional sensitivity. He feels things very keenly and I think more deeply than any other character in the series. That well of emotional depth, along with his immense empathic nature I think renders Levi more susceptible to emotional pain, and more easily given to grief over the loss of his comrades/friends/family than even an average person. I just think Levi feels things more deeply than is common. I think that's also what gives Levi his exceptional emotional intelligence, his ability to accurately read people and understand who they are at their cores.

To get to your specific question, it's an interesting one.

Levi is definitely someone who I think is fearful of getting close to others out of a fear of losing them, knowing the pain it causes him when he, seemingly inevitably, does. No doubt that finds its roots in Levi's earliest childhood experiences. People often talk about Kenny's abandonment of Levi (with good reason), but I rarely see it talked about how Levi's mother, in a sense, also abandoned him. Not intentionally, the way Kenny did, but the fact remains, Levi's mother died and left him alone, which very nearly led to Levi's own death. I think that absolutely must have had an impact on Levi and caused an expectation in him from very early on of abandonment. Levi couldn't have been more than five years old when his mother died, and those are obviously very important developmental years for a child. You add to that Kenny's abandonment, and it seems pretty likely to me that, yes, Levi has a fear of abandonment by the people he loves.

What's interesting about Levi, though, is that even with this fear, and even in his efforts to keep his distance from people in order to spare himself the emotional and mental distress of losing them, I think Levi's higher level of empathy and compassion renders him incapable of escaping that emotional pain, even when he doesn't know a person well, even when he's intentionally kept away from them. I've spoken numerous times of how Levi shows the same level of care and concern, and makes just as much of an effort to save the lives of people he doesn't know or doesn't know well as the ones he does know well and is close to. He even extends that same level of care and concern toward people who have been actively hostile toward him, such as the merchants in Trost who badger and bully him over the failures of the Survey Corps, to the point of even personally insulting him, or in "No Regrets", we see Levi go out of his way to save the lives of soldiers who have both endangered his own and actively mistreated and been cruel to him. We see Levi do this with Dieter, during the Female Titan arc. Despite Dieter's cruelty toward Levi, calling him a heartless monster, Levi gives him Petra's badge and tells him it was Ivan's. He gives up his own comfort to someone who's been nothing but hostile toward him, and who would have rightly been in for a scolding and even punishment for endangering the lives of the unit. But instead of being unkind in return, Levi shows Dieter nothing but compassion.

All this to say, I think even when Levi isn't emotionally or personally close to people, he still feels the weight of their loss as if he were, and he still empathizes with and understands their emotions and thought process as if he were. There's a part in "No Regrets" in which Furlan laments that they had better hurry up and complete their mission to get the documents from Erwin before Levi and Isabel start genuinely considering "dedicating their hearts" to the Survey Corps. I've talked about how this clearly indicates that Furlan is aware of Levi's tendency to get attached to people, even when he's actively trying not to. Levi, for example, doesn't want to teach his combat techniques to any of the other SC soldiers because he knows if he does and then they end up getting killed, he'll hold himself responsible for it. Again, this is indicative of Levi's tendency to become emotionally attached and involved with people, even those he doesn't know well, to the point he would feel responsible for their lives, and responsible for protecting those lives, even when, again, he doesn't know them well, and even when he hasn't been treated particularly well by them. We have to remember, upon entering the SC, none of the other soldiers showed any particular friendliness toward Levi, outside of Hange. He was even faced with pretty blatant classism from some of them, and plain resentment. But he still knew himself well enough to know that he was already beginning to feel responsible for their lives. Even with being treated as an outsider by them, he still isn't able to keep himself detached from them. We see this play out too, in the story's climax, when Levi makes his choice to go after Erwin alone. He makes the choice with full consideration of what he thinks will be best, not just for Furlan and Isabel, but for Flagon and the rest of their squad. He's equally concerned for their well being, and determines that all of them will have a better chance of survival if Furlan and Isabel stays with them. Again, Flagon has been nothing but hostile toward Levi through the entire story, but he still cares about Flagon's life.

So basically, to get to your specific question, lol, I think Levi likely became very attached to Furlan fairly quickly. There's even a similarity to Levi's relationship with Furlan and what I laid out above, in terms of how Levi even cares about people who have been unkind to him. We know from one of the extra stories that Furlan first met Levi by attempting to entrap him and force him through physical assault to join his gang. So Furlan's first interaction with Levi was one of deception and an attempt to use him against his will. We learn later from a conversation Levi is having with another scout that Levi saved his life from his own gang, when they eventually turned on him. This is consistent with how we see Levi make just as much effort to help and show just as much concern for the lives of people who have previously been unkind to him in some way or even attempted to hurt him in some way. Levi saves Furlan's life, despite Furlan trying to deceive Levi and force him into a situation against his will.

So I imagine, once Levi became actual friends with Furlan, and moved in with him, at that point, I imagine the bond between them was incredibly deep and unbreakable. I think over time Furlan would have begun to recognize that Levi's aloof demeanor and lack of expression wasn't at all indicative of the actual depth of attachment and care he felt toward Furlan himself. I always say that I think Levi's relationship with both Furlan and Isabel was more than simple friendship. I think Levi viewed the both of them as his family, and objectively speaking, I think he was probably closer to the two of them than anyone else in his life. Part of that, I think, would come from the fact they were his first, actual friends, and also because they were the only people Levi ever knew and was close to who were from the same world he was. I think Levi likely was fearful at first when he first moved in with Furlan that he might lose him in some way, that Furlan might leave him, or be killed, etc... But I also think it's a testament to Levi's resilience and open heart that, despite having already been abandoned by the two most important people in his life up to that point, he still allowed this new person into his life and allowed himself to grow deeply close to him. I think, also, that's a product of, again, Levi's inability to close his heart off to people, due to his immense empathy. Even though Levi is afraid of losing people and wants to shield himself against the pain of that, he continually fails at remaining detached, because he just naturally cares too much about other people to ever, truly separate himself from them or freeze them out. He's never been able to not care. I think Furlan probably understood that pretty quickly about Levi, and as I already said, he probably understood that Levi's aloof demeanor and seeming distance didn't actually mean he didn't care. I think Furlan understood that Levi would protect him no matter what and would always stay by his side. Isayama even said Levi is extremely loyal. He isn't ever going to abandon anyone himself. So basically, I think Furlan understood Levi, after a time, and would have recognized that Levi's appearance of apathy in truth was just his way of dealing with the fact he actually feels and cares more deeply than anyone. He only keeps his emotions held inside so he can remain reliable to himself and others, because if he allowed himself to fully feel what he was actually feeling in any, given moment, it would be overwhelming. People that know Levi truly know this about him. And so Furlan definitely would have realized that.

Anyway, I hope that answers your question, lol. That got WAY too long. I can never seem to keep my answers short.

#Levi Ackerman #asks #analysis #Furlan Church #No Regrets #ACWNR #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin

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h3lfaerie · 4 months ago

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If you're under 18 and reading Path of Alfheim.

Please keep in mind that Path of Alfheim is very much MDNI. I've put up all the necessary warnings.

It's an explicit story that contains horror, gore, tragedy, sex, death and I'm fairly certain the great majority of you love it all the more for that, however-

While the fic is easily accessible on AO3 and I can't stop anyone from reading it, please keep in mind that if you choose to interact with me (be it to share your art, discuss the story or to send me an ask) and I have a reason to believe you're a minor, I am generally not going to feel very comfortable talking with you, and I will likely choose not to full-stop.

For nothing other than the fact that my fanfiction is really not something that you should be reading if you're under 18, even if I greatly appreciate the support.

With that said, I'm fully conscious of the fact that I can't tell you what to do, I'm just some rando on the internet.

And I used to read explicit shit too.

But as of now I'm a grown ass adult (a child with a drinking permit at the ripe age of 23 but that's besides the point), I'd feel highly uncomfortable discussing such graphic themes with someone who's underage. And by extension, if you're a minor, I can't and won't share any art or asks from you, because I can't ethically do so without "encouraging you" to read the fic. If PoA was a book it would come with a list of content warnings, an 18+ sticker and a rightful place in the Dark Fantasy corner.

And trust me, I know ya'll read that stuff anyway, like I said I did too, I'm not holier than thou.

You do what you want.

But if I engage with anyone under 18 over this project, as an adult, I'm basically putting said highly-explicit-hypothetical-book in the hands of a minor and saying "Go read it!"...

I'm not doing it.

Please respect my boundaries. If you're a minor, I am not going to interact with you and I ask that you don't reach out to me either.

I do not mean offense, I do not mean disrespect, and I hope that in case you find yourself reading this and you're under 18, that you don't take this personally. It is not. ❤️‍🩹

I simply want to remain respectful and safe with my audience.

#httyd #httyd fanfiction #path of alfheim #progress update

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twistedtummies2 · 13 days ago

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Since this never got to be tested either way in the Lion King 2, do you think Kovu could beat Simba in a fair fight?

Honestly, yes. I think he could. And I don't just say that because of the facts that a.) Kovu is my biggest crush from the Lion King universe (barring TW characters), nor b.) science/nature stuff people like to point out. :P

I say it because, while Simba is certainly no slouch...let's be honest, he didn't have to fight MUCH when he was growing up. At Pride Rock, as a cub, he was a sheltered prince; that was part of his character, that he needed to learn how cruel the world could be and that he had to think of others before himself. With Timon & Pumbaa, we can reasonably assume that while he did have to deal with other lions, much as he did with Nala, and he clearly was a strong and impressive beast...their lifestyle was "Hakuna Matata," not "Survival of the Fittest." And when it comes to the climax...again, Scar is no slouch either, but HE HIMSELF admitted that "when it comes to brute strength, I'm on the shallow end of the gene pool."

Kovu, meanwhile, has had to live HIS ENTIRE LIFE on the basis of "survival of the fittest." His mother figure was a freaking psychopath, his sister figure not too different, his brother figure would have gladly let him perish out of pure bitterness if given the chance...and he grew up in some of the roughest, nastiest, most food-scarce places a lion could be raised in. On top of that, he was outright TRAINED to be an assasssin; specifically reared and taught to kill not just any lion, but SIMBA SPECIFICALLY in combat. These are, again, major parts of his character: he learns to not only love, but to find there are other things in life he's never had the chance to appreciate. Plus, Kovu is younger. By a bigger margin than I think most people realize. Simba was already a full-grown adult, and had been the father (however briefly) of at least one and possibly two cubs (depending on canon) by the time he MET Kovu, then a little child. Simba wears his age well, but he's quite possibly as old now as Scar was when Simba fought him for dominancy. (Keywords being "quite possibly;" it's hard to say for sure, and Simba probably IS younger, though we can't be certain by how much.) Kovu is a fairly young adult, still in his prime. Conclusion: I'm not saying Simba is a BAD fighter, or that he DIDN'T train, or anything like that. But he didn't have to STRUGGLE as often or as fiercely as Kovu did, and Kovu also has the advantage in gap-of-age. So, in a fair fight...I think it could be CLOSE, but I do think Kovu would win.

#ask #answer #q&a #disney #lion king #simba's pride #simba #kovu #headcanon

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jvzebel-x · 2 years ago

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Don't you want people to ask about risk factors about sex work? Not trying to be rude or anything, but I thought that was apart of safety signaling.

so in regards to fssw specifically, these kinds of conversations can be used to charge me as a pimp if the right authorities got their hands on them as proof of "sex trafficking". i used to get emails fairly often asking for advice on how to start&stay safe on the streets, &as much as it fucking SUCKS these aren't really conversations to be had at random over the internet. unfortunately as an out swer, there are certain things i need to be more aware of in regards to these sorts of things.

but if we were talking normal advice for contracting&private work in general for the sexy individual, off the top of my very vague head:

out on these digital streets, my best piece of advice is to remember that you're selling time. even if you don't offer a service during that time period-- &you don't have to advertise or offer one--, what you're selling is time. what two grown, consenting adults do in private is just that: private. there are no fraternization rules in contracting, &this freedom gives you the room to get to know your clients intimately so as to best provide service. ♡

for the sexy individual out on these blacktops, always let someone know where you're going to be (obviously for sudden pick up work this might not be play-by-play possible, but if you're going out to scope some work, let someone you trust know that's what you're doing&what area you'll be in). if you don't have that option or support, keeping track of plate numbers can save your skin, &so can learning how to take sly photos.

for work on the lower end, my advice is to be cautious of clients or potentials who flex. i've never met a piggy in sheep's clothes who drove a beat up honda.

&for work on the upper end, scented body powders > perfumes (also they sell edible ones for the fun contractors out there). i cannot take credit for that advice, someone else amazing gave it to me a long time ago, lol, but i can recommend using kaolin clay+a few drops of essential/fragrance oils to make some for way cheaper. cornstarch also works well.

&always get paid first. visually confirm that payment in full before getting down to any form of business.

... if this is about the interview i was just complaining about, however, the answer is that there's nothing that helps me or my community that comes from peddling our trauma for liberal college students who think they can help us despite having no one they know to ask personally, &not wanting to pay us for labor because they're more than comfortable making it clear that they do not actually find our work to be work, lmao, they find it to be an interesting thesis&thrillingly scandalous social commentary. of course i'm more mean to people who would lie to me about their involvement with the work in an effort to get me on their side, lmao, despite what these people think being a whore doesn't mean i'm a fucking idiot.

#STAY SAFE&STAY VIGILANT BABES!! sending my love as always. 🌹🌹🌹#&sending all the money making vibes i can manage. ♡♡♡#... i realized like halfway thru that i may have misunderstood the question lmao but since i DO get these questions sometimes #i wasnt about to trash the answer that might actually go on to help ppl LMAO.#💌

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casspurrjoybell-29 · 1 year ago

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Frayed Ties - Chapter 3 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

"So anyway, I wasn't very popular, and I was small and I barely knew which end of a sword to hold. I honestly think I might not have survived. But then Simon, who has his family's reputation, who was nearly full grown by the time he was sixteen, who'd been learning to fight since before he could walk... Fucking Simon tells them to knock it off and focus on more important things and they do. And he didn't even want me to suck his dick."

"You probably would have told the whole camp about it in vivid detail."

"Not true. I only tell you that shit," Hamish objected. "Anyway, that's the story of how me and Simon became friends. I don't get to tell the full version very often."

"Do you really wish you had more opportunity to tell people about how much of an idiot you were?"

"In the past. That was past me. Present me is completely fine with laughing at past me."

"How about I punch you in the dick and then in a few minutes time we can bond over how much of an asshole past me was?"

"Oh, yeah, 'cause in a few minutes time present you won't be an asshole."

"I'm not an asshole."

"Yeah?" Hamish turned back to look at Danya. "What do you think, pup? Is he an asshole?"

"Uh..." Danya's eyes went wide and his arms tensed around Simon's waist. "No, sir, of course not."

Hamish scoffed.

"I'm sure that's absolutely your honest assessment. You don't have to call me sir when nobody else is around either, by the way. We like to keep things casual but you know. Gotta maintain a certain appearance in public."

"I understand. Perception is important."

Danya was silent for a moment.

"I apologise if this is too bold... but is the intention that I will be given to Hamish, in an informal sense? I realise I'm more to his... tastes."

Hamish laughed.

Simon didn't.

The silence between them stretched for just a little too long.

"No," Simon said flatly. "The situation is more complicated than you understand, which is fine, because I intended it to be. Don't worry about it."

"Simon, that's not fair," Hamish cut in. "Of course he's going to worry about this stuff."

"No, it's fine," Danya said quickly. "Really. I only wanted to know so that I could behave appropriately. It's not his job to worry about me."

Simon was silent for a long moment before he finally let out a sigh.

When he spoke, his voice was gentler this time.

"I'm not going to give you to anyone else. Last night, when Hamish offered to take you, it was because he knew I wanted some time alone."

"I'm sorry that I was disruptive. I will take that criticism on board."

Hamish laughed and smoothed sweat-damp curls away from his face.

"Ugh, it's hot. Danya, aren't you hot in that?"

Danya looked down at his robe.

It covered just about everything other than his head, hands, and feet, and the fabric was fairly thick.

"No. Mages are better at regulating their body temperature than humans."

"That sounds nice," Simon commented. "I'm already getting gross and sweaty."

"Maybe I could…" Danya held his hand out in front of him and focussed on cold, wiggling his fingers as he felt heat being drawn out of them.

He pressed his palm against the back of Simon's neck.

Simon made a startled sound and jerked away from Danya's touch, bringing his own hand up to cover his neck.

"What the fuck was that?"

"His hand," Hamish said. Danya's stomach clenched and he felt like he was going to be sick.

He'd messed up, again, in the same way he always did.

He was too bold, too independent, too presumptuous.

He was no different from Fanner, really... they both knew their faults but neither of them could keep themselves from repeating them.

"Well, it felt weird," Simon said. "Like ice."

He needed to apologise.

He could barely breathe.

Even when he tried his best he kept slipping up because he was a fraud.

He could never be what he pretended.

"Sorry," Danya managed.

He sounded like a child.

Simon rubbed his hand against the back of his neck again and twisted back to glance at Danya.

"It's fine. You just caught me by surprise."

Danya's throat ached.

He wished he could bury his face against Simon's back without it being weird.

"Here."

Simon reached his hand back and held it out for Danya.

"Necks are a bit sensitive."

Danya took his hand and for a moment all he could do was hold it in his own and savour the contact.

He didn't deserve it but he did need it.

He took a steadily breath and slowly, carefully began to draw heat away from Simon's skin.

"Huh," Simon said, his fingers wiggling curiously against Danya's. "It feels strange but nice."

Danya's chest swelled with pride even though it was barely a compliment.

It was the first thing he had done that Simon had even vaguely approved of.

"Let me feel," Hamish said, reaching out for Danya's other hand.

Simon didn't show any signs of objection, so Danya let him take it.

He shut his eyes as he focussed on drawing heat away from the two men's skin.

It wasn't long before Simon swatted Hamish away and claimed Danya's other hand for himself as well.

He lifted his shirt and wrapped both of Danya's arms back around him, pressing one of Danya's palms against his stomach and the other against his chest. A few minutes ago Danya would have been perfectly happy if Simon had told him he would be serving Hamish instead.

Now he could feel the damp warmth of Simon's bare skin under his fingers, the steady pulse of his heartbeat and energy flowing strong between them and he wanted nothing more than to wholly give himself over to this man and nobody else.

It took almost more self control than he possessed to keep his hands still and focus on the task he had been given.

He would never be a perfect slave or even a particularly good one but perhaps if he could find enough moments like this where he could make himself useful he could at least be an adequate one.

They kept a steady pace for most of the day but as the sun sunk lower towards the horizon they pushed the horses harder to make it to their destination before dark.

Empty scrub turned to farmer's fields once more and then gave way to streets packed more and more densely with crumbling, long abandoned pre-war houses.

The sun was setting by the time they reached the centre of the city where tall, inhabited buildings still stood.

There was nobody on the streets but Danya could feel the press of human life at the edge of his mind.

"Lainton's infested with vampires," Hamish explained as they followed the road around a collapsed building. "Simon and I are going to be working to fix that once we finish getting his new unit together but first we have to do diplomatic stuff with the mayor."

"Hopefully it goes better than our last diplomatic obligation."

Simon's gaze traced the outline of the building next to them, his body straight and rigid.

Hamish laughed.

"Well, it could hardly be worse."

"You have too much faith in me."

Their destination was a beautiful old sandstone building that stood far shorter than the buildings surrounding it.

The heavy columns along its front and the ornate carvings around the windows suggested it had been old even before the war.

The newer buildings were far more utilitarian in their simplicity.

As servants took the horses away, a slightly portly older man stepped down from the stoop to greet them.

His gaze held on Danya for a moment before cutting back to Simon as he forced a smile onto his face.

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woundedheartwithin · 8 months ago

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This is her now btw, with her big sister <3 her big sister, the Ameraucana (the black chicken on the right), is seven years old, if you can believe it. She recently stopped laying eggs (like last week), but she'll live out the rest of her days in retirement here. I love her very much and have no intention of culling her. I don't think her baby sister would appreciate that either, seeing as how they're attached at the hip

And here are the new peeps. Fingers crossed they're both pullets lmao!!

We're still working on building a bigger pen for them, and I'm still considering electric fencing for ground predators and getting geese to ward off aerial predators, but I haven't made a decision on that yet. Idk we'll see. Geese won't prevent hawk attacks, but the idea is that the hawks will see very large birds in with the chickens and rethink the easy lunch

Anyway, in case y'all were wondering what they are Big peeps: cuckoo maran and ameraucana Small peeps: easter eggers (from a mixed flock, ameraucana/black copper maran/silkie)

Assuming they're both pullets, the little ones will lay blue or green eggs. I highly suspect the larger of the two is an olive egger (black copper maran/ameraucana) which means she'll lay olive green eggs. The smaller of the two has a black face and feathered feet, so I'm fairly certain she's a silkie/ameraucana easter egger, so pale blue to green eggs. "Eggers" are fun cuz you never really know what you're going to get until they're old enough to lay! We don't really sell our eggs, we keep them for ourselves unless we're overrun, so production doesn't matter in the slightest (silkies tend to be pretty poor layers). I'm much more interested in having a colorful egg basket than having an overflowing one lol

As for the grown girls, the cuckoo maran lays dark brown eggs and the ameraucana laid gorgeous turquoise eggs. I'll post a picture of the carton with the adults' eggs once its full, but I've only got one bird laying right now so it'll be a couple days. The strange thing is, that carton has both the cuckoo maran's first egg and the ameraucana's last egg in it (assuming she's really done, which I think she is, she's really actually quite old for a laying hen)

Anyway, that's the chicken update!

Sound on for happy lil bird noises

#she speaks #my chickens #i don't name them because it's bad luck in my experience #but that doesn't mean i love them any less #quite the contrary I'm probably too attached to them

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madmiriam · 4 years ago

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My Mando (Din Djarin) /oc's backstory idea (includes alot of rexsoka shipping)

Warning!! : I can't spell for toffee and Tumblr deleted all of my proofreaders edits. Obviously she doesn't want to do it all over again so I've had to make do.

(a clan of three by madmiriam (Me)

We all love the mandalorian, Din Djarin is so sexy as single dad and we all love him for it. But this makes it hard to write and engageing original character to go with this perfect specimen of a man, one that we can really connect with. Well I have a salutation, to connect with a character it helps if that character is also connected to a character/characters that you already know and love. So I give you my original character Jaig.

Look:

Like the picture above, originally I wasn't going to have Din and Grogu in it at first but I have a habit of making life difficult for myself, so your welcome.

Personality:

As an adult, she's calm and patient and has a sarcastic sense of humour.

As a child, she has a bubbly personality, a contagious smile, and an insatiable curiosity.

Strengths:

she finds it difficult to truly hate anyone, no matter what they've done, she proffers to look at the reasons behind the actions of others before jumping in for revenge, that's not to say she doesn't get angry at people, but her anger is not fuelled by hate. She has been fully trained in the use of weaponry, such as guns, granaids and other such, and has had a small amount of training with a lightsaber when she was younger. But afters a experiencing a tragedy at the age of 9 she hasn't touched one since, she proffers the us of DC hand guns. She is also a fairly good pilot and mechanic.

Weaknesses:

back when she was a child she had a hard time using the force when when overwhelmed. If the thoughts and feelings of others got to much, she would become force blind. When she grows older, (for certain reasons you will find out later on in. This story) she completely cuts herself off from the force. Unless her emotions get to much go handle, then the force would almost explodes out of her. She also doesn't do well when she's alown. Having grown up in various large family atmospheres. If she is not around people she cares about and loves, she will become closed off a dipressed.

Back story: (now bear with me, this storyline is set before she meets Din, its just an introduction to this character)

Jaig (due to her small Jaig eye like markings, and her father's personal connection to the simble) is the daughter of ex jedi padawan Ahsoka Tano and her mate/husband Captain Rex. She looks mostly human like her father, with the same amber eyes and his family's dark hair. But with the same facial structure of her mother, and a slightly darker and olive tinged skin tone. She also has distinct white making that were almost identical to her mother's. Except instead of diamond shapes on her forehead, she has jaig eye like markings. She was born 6 years after the clone wars ended, while her parents were on the run from the empire. Rex and Ahsoka had found it impossible to part from one another after the events of order 66, and after travelled from place to place avoiding the empire for a long time. Their feelings for one another grow, and they eventually married through the use of mandalorian marriage vows.

They built a home in the stars, and after a few years, to their great surprise and happiness they conserved and had Jaig. Things were finally looking up with the birth of their new found hope for the future.

(Their new found hope for the future/baby Jaig by madmiriam (me)

But it was not to last. It was hard enough to hide themselves, a clone and a ex jedi from the empire. But now adding a force sensative baby to the mix as well, it made it damn near impossible for them all to stay together. Which; after a terrifying encounter with one of the Empires Inquisitors, forced them to make the difficult decision to part ways. Rex would head off insearch for a new home and hopefully find and de-chip as many brothers as he could. While ahsoka would keep traveling around the stars with Jaig. Avoiding the empire and its ruthless inquisitors, whilst trying to help Jaig build up her Shields. They both agreed to keep in touch and once Jaig's Shields were up and safely secure,(which for the average youngling would take 5 years or so) they would rejoin each other and dicided what to do next. But a year after their separation Rex's comms and messeges had stopped all together, and by the time Jaig had reached the age of five and had built up some suitable shields around her mind, neither she or her mother had herd from her father in over 4 years. Her mother was adament he was still alive, but as she grew older Jaig had a hard time believing her. For if he was alive why hadn't he come to find them? Why was he not answering her mothers messages that she still sent on a regular basis?

By the time she was 6 her mother was approached by Bail Organa, in regards to starting a rebellion, and that is what they spent the next 4 years working towards, staying in the shadows gradually building up a resistance to eventually overthrow the empire.

She and her mother met the ghost crew when she was 9 (the same age Anakin had been when he was found by qui gon) and after an uncomfortably close encounter with a mysterious Sith lord called Darth Vader, Jaig's mother disided it was time to bring her father into the fold, and sent Jaig of with the ghost crew to find Rex.

When meeting her father she had opted to wear a scarf to cover her face markings and, chose to withhold her name, and who she was until she found out more about the man who was her father. She was apprehensive about him. As she had no memorie of her dad, for she was only a baby when he left. The only thing she did have, was this warm comforting feeling that she felt whenever her mother spoke of him. A feeling of being held to a large ferm chest in two equally large and ferm muscular arms. Wrapped in a soft wool blanket. Her mother told her that this was the force making an imprint on one of the more emotional moments of her like. But all the same, she proffered to be cautious.

After spending some time with Rex and his bothers. She found her self really enjoying there company. Aspecially her father's. Who dispite having no idea who she was, had already shown that he had a clear paternal instinct. Particularly when teaching her and Ezra how to fish for "Big Bongo". However Kanan who clearly didn't trust Rex or his brothers had spent most of his time hovering around ether her or Ezra protectively, eventually telling them about his exspirence with order 66, an event her mother never talked about.

After seeing the heartbreak on her father's eyes at the memories he and Kanan spoke of. She desided it was time to tell him who she was. But that decision was cut short however when she overheard Rex telling Ezra that he wasn't going to come back with them. Even though he now knew her mother was alive (1 year after separating when the message's stopped he thought both his wife and child to be dead) Jaig ran of in tears when hearing this. She climbing down the ladder of the the AT-TE and walked ferther in front of the walking monstrosity. Away from everyone else. She had finally gotten used to the idea of her father coming back with them. Had become exited by it even. But now, the fact that he was refusing to come with them. Back to his home, his wife, to her. It hurt and overwhelmed her, more than she could say.

She didn't however see what happened after. When Sebine came out and acused Rex of selling them out, of contacting the empire and never answering Ahsoka's messages; at which point he finds out about how Wolfe had withheld all the messages from Ahsoka for 8 years. Thinking he was protecting his brothers from a potentially vengeful jedi. Rex was furious at Wolfe for hiding his own wife's messages to him, and coursing him to miss so much of his only child's life.

Rex: "we have a daughter Wolfe!!! My Jaig, my baby girl doesn't even know who I am because of you!!!"

Wolfe:(was shocked and full of regret when hearing this) "I.. I.. Didn't know... Rex I'm sorry, I didnt know"

Ezra:(recordnises the name) "wait Jaig? you meen our Jaig, Jaigs your daughter?"

Rex: "wait what?"

At this point they hear a shrill scream coming from down in front of the AT-TE. It was Jaig, she was being attact by the prob droid that had been sent by the empire.

The clones immediately go into action. Rex is handed a rifle and gets ready to shoot the prob as it backs his daughter into the ground. His ames and shoots true, killing the droid with one foul shot and then quickly dashes down to retrieve his daughter from under the sparking remains of the droid.

Jaig is in hysterics at this point. Having been taken by surprise by the droid along with the emotional turmoil of potentially losing her father all over again. She then resigned herself to just sit there and cry over how foolish she was for even seeing the attack coming. But now she was being held in the familiar strong arms of her father as he held his only child for the first time in over 8 years.

Rex: "I'm here sh shh, I'm here Ik'aad senaar (baby bird, a nickname he gave her as an infant) daddy's here, daddy's got you"

He says carefully stocking her familiar dark brown hair (that was now flowing free as her scarf had fallen loosely around her shoulders, revealing her beautiful face to her father who's eyes were now brimming with unshed tears) to calm her down as he picking her up and takes her back to the AT-TE. Where the others are waiting with bated breaths. Wolfe was holding a blanket out to wrap his shacking niece into and Gregor quickly dashing off to get her a hot chocolate hoping to make her feel better.

Jaig: "I was angry. Upset. You said you weren't coming home and, then everyone felt so angry and scared all at once. It was to much. (sighs) I have a hard time controling the force when I get overwhelmed like that. I couldn't even sence the prob. I'm. I'm sorry"

She exsplans after she sits down and has a few sips of the hot chocolate that had been placed in her hands. Accompanied a number of comforting back rubs from both her father and her uncles.

Wolfe apologies to her. Explains that he's the reason her father had been out of her life for so long. That he was just trying to protect his brothers but ended up hurting his other family because of it. And tells her he understands if she hates him.

Jaig: "your Wolfe aren't you? Uncle Wolfe? Mum (she has a slight clone like accent that they haven't noticed before) told me about you, said you worked with Grandpa Plo"

Wolfe: 😳"Grandpa Plo? 😂 Boy he would have loved to have herd you say that"

He said, both of them smile at each other, Jaig having forgiven her uncle for his laps in judgment.

All seemed well again until the empire calls them back to get the clones to hand over the rebels. The clones now fueled by the new found need to keep their new family out of harms way, tells the empire where they can stick it, and quickly try to usher the ghost crew along with Jaig into the phantom so they can escape While they all get ready to fight.

Jaig: "but I just found you, mum told me to bring you home, I can't leave you behind, da.. Please don't go"

She says clutching at his shirt as he huged her tight before holding her out to face him,

Rex:"no one's abandoning anyone. Jaig look at me (tilting her head to look. Into her eyes, eyes that matched her father's) we're soldiers Ik'aad senaar, this is what we were born to do, but this time we have something to fight for.. Its going to be OK, (presses his forehead against hers) I love you my Jaig eyes, I've loved you from the I first held you. Ha you were so tiny. I didn't want to let you go back then and I don't want to do it again now, but like last time it's something I have to do, to keep you safe, my Ik'aad senaar, (kissed her forhead lovingly) tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't make it home, and... And I love her ok."

He says before sending her back into the phantom, closing the door behind her before she can stop him.

Things then pan out like it does in the show, the phantom goes back to help the clones take down the walkers and Rex then decides he's not gonna spend any more of time away from Ahsoka and Jaig and choses to return with them and join the rebellion.

The reauion between Rex and Ahsoka continues the same, but insted of just a hug Ahsoka goes in for the kiss (how it should have always been in my opinion).

(this art work was done by @nottonyharrison (please note: this image was used with the permission of the artist,) please go check them out, as you can see their art work is stunning)

They spend most of there time with the ghost crew, Ahsoka makes the Ghost her base to return to after missions, and Rex teaching combat and war strategies to both Ezra and Jaig, but mostly to Ezra, Jaig was; in his opinion still to young to get to deep into the oncoming war.

Rex:"let her be a kid for a little longer at least".

Jaig and Ezra had eventually become good friends, Jaig looking up to him as something of an older brother, following him every where he went like a little shadow. At first Ezra was annoyed, and try to get away from her at every turn. But after a while he found he quite like having someone look up to him for a change. As before her, he had been dubed the baby of the group with the most to learn. But now he had Jaig hanging on his evey word like it was gold. He found he enjoyed the new found responsibility.

Unfortunately with her shadowing Ezra so much. This meant she got into all kinds of trouble with him. Trouble that mostly involved them running down the corridor with an angry Zeb chasing after them. Zeb really didn't seem to like Jaig very much. Said it was like having two Ezras, and one was quite enough. However other trouble also included a short but terrible trip to malachor, where after being told she can't come along she choses to stow herself away on the phantom in the small rashon hold built into the floor, shielding her mind from her mother as they flow through space.

Ahsoka: (on a call to Rex) "well I definitely out rank you😉... 😟How Jaig doing?"

Rex: "welp she's not happy, she gone and hidden herself in one of thoughs little critter caves again, I'm making her favorite tonight so I know she'll show up by dinner time, but all the same😔..."

Ahsoka: "hay don't take it to heart Rex, you and I both know this is how she deals with being left behind for anything, she finds a small place to hide and sulk it out, just be ready with a plate of nuna and a hug and she bounces right back😄🙁 when she comes out tell her I love her, and I'll be home soon"

Rex: "I will🙂😟... May the force be with you" they hang up.

It's Ezra who ends up finding her, just after they land. Pointing her out to a stressed out Kanan and a very cross Ahsoka,

Ezra: "ummm guys, I think we have a stowaway",

Jaig: "before you get mad..... consider being proud of me, I stayed still for hours in there AND I shielded my mind the whole time, so you non of you even knew I was there"

Ahsoka: "DON'T push it young lady😠what were you thinking!! Your fathers gonna be worried sick!!!! 😤😔 welp since there's no turning back now, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get you back home and thoroughly grounded for a year"

The rest again plays out the same, they find Maul, Maul blinds Kanan, they get the sith holocromb but lose Ahsoka in the fight with Vader, though after seeing Jaig who looks so much like the little snippy girl from his old life, the Anakin in Vader hasitates to kill ahsoka and her child, and insted trys to convince the unwavering togruta to join him with her daughter.

Vader:"the galaxy shall never be safe for her Ahsoka, join me and I can protect her from the emperor. Join me and we can over throw him... Together"

Ahsoka: "how can I trust anything you say. If you were truly Anakin then how can you protect my daughter when you can't even protect yourself"

Jaig: "MUM!!!! MUUUMMMM!!!"

Ahsoka looks at her daughter running to her as the walls of the sith temple come down,

Ahsoka :"I'm sorry Jaig"

She say quietly as she force pushes he child into Ezra outside the temple as it fall around her and Vader out of the site of her family.

When all is quiet and Vader emerges from the rubble, after failing to find his former apprentice, the Anakin in him vows that he will not fail her child, he will do everything in his power to insure his master never find her, even if he has to hide her away himself to do it.

When Kanan, Ezra and Jaig return to base, Rex is in hysterics asking around.

Rex:"have you seen Jaig? Has anyone seen my baby?, its been over two days.. I can't find her..!!."

Jaig:"DADDY!!! 😭"

Rex turns to see her running out of a newly landed phantom in tears. Now knowing exactly where she'd been he quickly runs to her and scoops her up in his arm clucking her close to his chest in relief that she was home.

Rex:"you.. Are going to be the death of me, hey sh shshsh hey, hey what's the tears? what happen? where's your..? ."

(a father's comfort, ruff drawing by madmiriam (me)

He couldn't finish the sentence as he looked around and sure two other people emerging from a now empty ship, neither one of them was his wife. Ezra looked him in the eyes and with out saying a word, he knew. He knew Ahsoka, his Ahsoka was gone. He closed his eyes, sheding one silent tear as he held his girl tighter, and slowly carried her away, away from the crowd, but not away from the heartache.

After the loss of her mother, Jaig's once bubblie personality had diminishes somewhat. She refuses to leave the side of eather her father or the members of the ghost crew. She goes on a few missions with them and liston to every word her father says about ways of fighting, fighting to protect herself and the people she loves. Before heading to a mission on geonosis he gives he one of his old DCs. (its twin had been lost in battle during the clone wars and he had gotten a replacement pear, but he had always kept his first well maintained in case he ever needed it)

Rex: "I know it's no lightsaber, but if will keep you and the others safe when used properly"

Jaig: "I don't want a lightsaber any more, 😔sabers get you killed"

Rex: " not all of them Ik'aad senaar" he sighs kissing her forehead "not all of them".

But even this would not last. When it came time for the empire to attack chopper base. Vader sends his own secret troops of undercover purge troopers to find and retrieve Jaig, and to also fake her death so both the empire and the rebels would not come looking for her. This of corse left Rex in his lowest point yet. After watching the ship he had put his daughter on to be evacuated blow up before it even left the ground. He found it hard to not simply drop all his defences and just calming walk into the flames after her. If it hadn't been for Zeb he probably would have. These kind of thoughts invaded his mind so frequently after that day, it was hard to remember when they didn't. He had lost both his wife and now his child. His hope and his reason for fighting were gone, and he wanted to go after them. But he couldn't. Not while there were still people to fight out there, the people who took everything for him and was still grabbing for more. People who his wife started this whole rebellion to fight against. No, he would keep fighting, as long as there is still even one imperial still left alive he would live and fight, until every last one of then were wiped out of existence. (that's gonna take a while)

Meanwhile Vader and Jaig finally meet properly face to mask. Jaig is having a hard time counselling her fear. But Vader was also having difficulty concealing his pain. Pain that had lingered since the moment he had emerged from that crumbled down sith temple, with no sign in the force or otherwise of his once padawan,. The last family he thought he had, that had not betrayed him, who had(once she had seen his face underneath his freshly cracked mask) said she wouldn't leave him, not again. But she had left him, not by her own design he knew, but she had left him all the same. And she had also left a child behind, a child like the one Padme would have given him if it weren't for both the sith and the jedi.

The jedi, who had forced his hand in turning to the dark side, by telling him he should just let Padme die for the good of the galaxy. The jedi who had abandoned his padawan, his little sister, his first child (if he could go so far as to say) in her time of need, and then exsept her to come back all smiles, acting as though her whole ordel was just a trial to prove herself to them. When it was them who should be providing themselves to her.

And the sith,. The sith who had manipulated him from day one to become what he is now, the sith who had taken every thing he had, his wife, his child, his brother/father figer, his little sister/daughter and his friends. The clones. His home all gone for the sake of his masters new empire😡. Yes he new this had been his master's plan all along, the war the clones, the inhibitor chips. All to gane more and more power for himself and to distroy the jedi in his wake. Dragging Anakin down into the darkness with him, and he would do the same thing to Jaig given the chance. Vader could feel the raw power of the force rolling of her, the energy mix with her fear would be a prime canderdate for Sidious's manipulation, should he ever discover her existence.

No!!! That would not happen, neither the sith or the jedi would have her, he would not alow it.

Jaig:"I know who you are.. I know what you did... You tryed to turn my mother before killing her, but you wouldn't turn me, you hear me, I.. Will.. Not... Turn"

She says her voice shacking with her body in fear.

Vader:"no... You will not..."

Jaig: "then why am I here? I haven't done anything to make you hate me.... At least... I don't think I have"

Vader:"I do not hate you Jaig, like your mother, much to my masters great..... disappointment... I could never hate you"

It was true. He couldn't hate her. Couldn't bring himself to hate her. But he couldn't love her either. He had no more love left in him to give. But he could protector for the sake of someone he had loved.

Jaig: confused "then.. Then please let me go, I won't tell anyone if that's what your worried about, I just want to go home, I want my dad, please I just want my daddy😰"

Vader: "you father's fate is.... Regrettable. However it is a necessary evil, it is emperative that he believes you to be dead"

Jaig: "why what did he do to you? what did any of my parents ever do to you?!"

Vader: "as shocking as it may sound, these actions are not done out of hate. You will know this soon enough but for now, I must focus on getting you as far away and as hidden as possible" he then calls in a trouper with red and black armor.

Vader: "CC-2224 I trust your men are ready"

Cody: "ready and awaiting orders.. Sir"

Cody says through gritted teeth not bearing to even look at his once general's masked face.

Vader:"good, I trust the surgery was a success for all of them?"

Cody: "yes.. Sir.. Though we are all having adjustment issues due to recent ... and.... less recent events"

Vader: "thoughs... issues.... had better not interfere with the performance of your mission commander, you and your men have been chosen for one reason and one reason only, and it is for your loyalty to her safety. I can feel your hatred for me commander Cody (Cody inhails sharply at the sound of his name) but I also know enough about you and your brother's to know that they will not let this anger get in the way. I trust you all know the consequences that await you should you fail"

He ignites his blood red saber to put more emphasis on his point.

Cody:"yes sir"

Vader:"very well, now take her and go, and protect her with your life, I shall make my own way back to base as some as I can, her training with began immediately after my return, so be sure to proper her, but until then you already know what to do".

Cody noded before walking over to Jaig, then bent down and gently but fermly lifts her out of her seat, and quickly carry her out of the cell, down the hall and, through the, docking Station towards a unmarked referbished gunship.

Jaig: "where are we going? "

She said with a soft whimper. She was relieved to be away from Vader but still felt apprehensive with the idea of being taken away yet again in the arms of this.. Purge trooper, at lest she thinks it's a purge trooper, she had never seen one before so she could only guess.

Cody: "sh sh it's gonna be OK little one, I'm taking you some were safe, but we have to hurry now"

Jaig:"why?"

Cody: "no one on this ship other than Vader knows we're here and we have to keep it that way kid"

Jaig:"why would you need to hide from your own men"

Cody:"cuz you never know whos watching, I'll explain more when we get off this ship and into hyperspace"

Once they were on board the gun ship, that had been modified to acomidate long period space travel. The modifications included everything from comfortable seating to a working hyperdrive. Cody set her down in one of the seats and strapped her fermly in before heading to the cockpit, leaving her now surrounded by four more purge troopers (hardcase, fives, dogma and waxer, who I'm gonna say lived, cuz I have attachment issues, boil is in the cockpit piloting the ship) who are all looking at her intensely through their helmets. (hardcase and fives are in borrowed discises, after Fives finds out about the chips he and hardcase desert the army and decide to strike out on their own to try and find out more about the chips and their perpose, unfortunately they were too late to do anything about it before oder 66 happened. They have been on the run ever since, until Vader aproches them, informing them that he has been keeping tabs on them, and had been insuring the empire believes them both to be dead, and tells them of the mission, they agree to help because it's Rex and ahsoka's daughter they'll be protecting, but only under the condition the they only report to a de-chipped Cody and all other clones included in the mission must also be de-chipped as well. Vader had agreed to this as he was going to have their chips all removed anyway, to prevent any itchy trigger fingers being near his new force sensative)

Once they're in hyperspace Cody returns to the main area of the gun ship, where the other clones are crowed around a frightened looking Jaig

Waxer: "is this her? Wow she looks so much like her mum"

Fives: "she has our eyes though, our wonderfully handsome eyes"

hardcase: "and out hair, Ha!! I knew Rex's hair wasn't naturally blonde😂"

Dogma:" technically Hardcase, her hair being brown isn't proof that his is to, she could have just gotten the hereditary Jango gen of dark hair"

Fives:"aww suck the fun out of it why don't you"

Cody: "guys back up, give her some space, your freaking her out, and take off your buckets, I don't think they're helping"

When their buckets were removed Jaig was shocked to see five versions of her father's face looking down at her, all old and a little worse for where's, but all very much clone. She recordnises three of them from her father's holopad.

Jaig: "Fives?"

Fives:😃 "yeah! Yeah kid, that's me your☝️ Uncle Fives (he kneals down taking her hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze, before turning to Cody) she recordnised me first that must kill you😁"

Cody: 😠 "only cus you have a, dirty great 5 on your forehead You Di'kut"

He said before knealing down in front of her

Cody:"hey kid, sorry I couldn't introduce myself earlier, I'm your.."

Jaig:"Uncle Cody"

Cody:😁 "yeah kid (to Fives) SEE!! over there are your uncles Dogma, Waxer, Hardcase and back there in the cockpit is your uncle Boil, I know your probably not used to this many of us, but there's more we're we came from where we're going, though they live un a different fasilaty to ours, but every single one of them would be whiling to keep you safe if they knew. So you don't have to worry, we're not gonna let anything happen to you"

Jaig "but Vader.."

Cody: (places both hand at the side of her head and looks her dead in the eyes) "isn't going to TUCH you, not if we have anything to say about its, he may be our sponser, and he will be coming round every so often to check on you and train you. But you'll have several hundred or so uncles on the planet ready and waiting with fully loaded blasters should he ever try to hurt you, us 6 especially as we're the only clones there that know about you yet and we're gonna be living under the same roof, as you and one of us will always be close by to help you. OK kid, it's all gonna be ok (he says hugging her) your safe now"

Jaig: "but I don't want to be trained by Vader, I said I wouldn't turn and I meant it"

Cody: "it's alright, its alright. The one thing Vader has assured us of, is it he will not be training you in the dark side. And judging by the amount of effort he's putting into keeping you hidden, I'm inclined to believe him. He told us that you must block your self off from the force, what ever that means. Which is what he's going to show you how to do. Apparently it's the only way to keep the emperor off your scent. But like I said, one of us is always gonna be there should he try anything"

Fives:"yeah we'll look out for you kid, I know you miss your dad, and we're pretty poor substitutes, but we're here for you all the same"

Hardcase:"and we're not leaving anytime soon"

Dogma: "well not if we can help it"

Jaig "but where are we going?"

Cody: smile "to the closest thing we clones have to a home... Kamino"

Kamino had changed over the years, once the emperor had ordered to stop to any more clones creation. The cloning fasilaties had been abandoned by the kaminoans, along with all the rest of the untrained cadets who were all shipped of to the mustafa system to be trained and bred as the empires elite force of purge troopers.

The cloning facilities were left to the old now retired clones, to live out their days away from civilisation, many now wolowing in sadness and regret for their actions under the influence of their now un activated inhibitor chips.

The place Jaig and her other uncles were heading, was just a few hundred miles of from the main cloning compound. It had been kitted out with everything they might need, weaponry, shields, a food station, bedrooms, a bunkhouse, a training ground, and a shooting range. The only beings abord were now the clones, Jaig, the cook and the maintenance crew, well I say crew, it consisted of one male Ugnaught named Kuiil and three droid assistants whom he had reprogrammed to help with any and all clean up and maintenance duties.

Jaig would continue to live out there with her uncles for the next 5 years. They would go on to train her with any and all things clone, weaponry, though she had learnt a lot of that from her father's teachings, and the language and teachings of the mandalorian. The boys were insistent that she learn all of what little they knew of their heritage, as they were all descended from Jango, who was of mandolor. Any clone would tell you how proud the clones were of this heritage, and now they had someone to pass it all down to. They even taught Jaig the mandalorian wars songs that they had all learnt as cadets, and the Clone Haka, that had been performed by many clone troops over the years, before battle,. Much to the confusion and quite frankly terror of the B1 battle droids who witnessed them.

Fives: "ha your mum was pritty good at this to"

Jaig: now 12" my mum knew the Haka? "

She said, trying to picture her calm and serene togrutan mother, chanting, stomping and banging her chest along side millions of clones Warriors, all while making different faces and throatle sounds at the droids on the other side of the battlefield.

Hardcase: "oh yeah!! She was a natural, always shouting the chant in her loudest voice and making her scariest war face, like this 🤪😜🤪"

Fives: "and that my dear Jaig, was when your father fell in love🥰"

Vader came over as often as he could spare, when he was sure he couldn't be directed be his master or that anyone following him. Teaching Jaig how to disconnect herself from the force, telling her that if she continues to use it, the consequences would be severe.

Vader:"if the employer was ever to discover you exsisens, he would hunt you down in an instant, and kill anyone who trys to hide you from him. This is why you must never use the force again, and you must never leave. If anyone outside this fasilaty were to learn of your existence, you would be in mortal danger, as would everyone you care about"

Jaig: "but why couldn't my dad come? You could have had both our deaths faked and brought him here with me"

Vader: sighed "he is to mixed up with the rebel alliance, and besides, it was his reaction that sold your death to the universe. A trick I learned from my old master...the hard way"

He said bitterly.

Jaig knew she should hate him, he had taken her from her home, her friends and family. He had taken her mother, and it was because of his foolish decision to trust, a maniac, power hungy, sith Lord, that her family were forced to live in the shadows, and her mother, and father were force into separation when she was just an infant. She didn't like him by any means, she frequently tryed to avoid his at any turn. But she still couldn't feel hatred for him.

Cody: "na that your mother in you, she was never one to hold much of a grudge ether. She got angry at people don't get me wrong but she never hated them. She cryed over the potential execution of a woman who had Framed her for Murder once. And had taken the time to give all her deceased troops, who had tryed to gun her down a funeral. Even though she and your father where now on the run from the empire"

Over the years living there, she became closer with her uncles, or at least most of them. She argued with Boil on an almost daily basis, but they had their moments, she told him and Waxer how she met Numa, who was still fighting for the freedom of her home. She had a difficult time connecting with Dogma. He was very distance from her and didn't talk much. However she did like listening to him read. Dogma who had been a stiff by the book solder his entire life, and had been through so much, found he secretly quite enjoyed the company of his niece. But she spent most of her training with Fives and Hardcase. Both clones always new how to make her smile and told her many stories of her parents during the war, stories not even her parents had told her, (though they never much liked talking about the war), and she had given them a new lease of life, and new perpose. She was probably closest with Cody, he had know her father since they were both cadets, and was determined to teach her everything he knew, but he also showed his softer side with her. There were many a time he would be seen walking down the corridor carrying the young girl who was really getting a bit to big to be held, in his arms fast asleep from a long day.

She had also become quite good friends with Kuiil the maintenance manger, she learnt that he was paying off his debt to the empire through prolonged servitude, he had been in many battles he didn't believe in, until Vader; after seeing his reprogramming skills had, offered him a place on this secret compound. Kuiil had also taken quite a shine to Jaig, she was kind, and eager to learn the inner workings of the machines he fixed.

But yet again, even this would not last. After the destruction of the First Death Star, Lord Sidious had been furious with Vader, he tortured and demoted him. But through his touture he discovered the existence of the child Vader had taken such lengths to keep hidden from him. And through this new information, he devised a plan.

To brake his apprentices even ferther, he would force him to chose, chose between the life of his padawans child, who he had swarn to protect, and the life of his son, that he did not yet know about. But unfortunately for the emperor, he did not bargain for the tactical brilliance of the Clones.

When the empire, came to take the now 15 year old girl, they had already divested their own escape plan. They sent Jaig along with Kuill over to the kaminoan cloning facilities, turned clone retirement home, before the empire even entered the atmosphere. There she was frozen in to carbonite and fastened to the inside of the newly alcoved underbelly of a small one-seater Y wing (to insure the if the empire should come across them she would be well hidden and undetected, Kuiils cover story being that he was delivering supplies to the clones) there Kuiil would then fly far away from any siverlized planet. While, the clones continued to fight and defend the compound as though she was still there, and then proceed to escape themselves, using an old subship left over from the battle of Kamino. But not before bowing the place sky high, making it seem like the empires had fired at the fewl tanks corsing the whole building to be destroyed along with anyone who was inside.

This was not the out come Sidious had wished for, however with the now almost certain death of his ward, Vader plunged ever ferther into the void of darkness and hate. So the desired effect Sideous was planning for was reached anyway.

After being unfrozen from carbonite, Jaig and Kuiil parted ways. She chose to for her father, but it became fruitless. Chopper base had long since been evacuated and the rebel alliance was always one step ahead of her in their attempts to avoid the empire. For 2 years she searched for them, and fought the Empire where she could, until she finally stopped, delving into the belief that what ever family she knew was now gone, she rejoined Kuiil on a deserted planet called Arvala-7, while the galaxy celebrated the fall of the empire. Where for the next 5 years they would both try to live out their lives in peace, working the land and carrying for blurgs, until a mandolorian arrives on their planet, looking for a little green bounty, which starts of a whole new adventure for our now Adult Jaig.

OK guys let me know how I did, and if you would like to see Jaig's adventures with Din Djarin and little green bean Grogu. Let me know. I'm not much of a writer,. But I always got so irratated when reading Din Djarin/oc fics where to make her interesting, they give the oc force powers, with either no build up to it, or she's a run away jedi, which kind of defeats the whole purpose of season 2 were they're trying to find the jedi, so I thought I'd write my own. I wanted to have a character that has both a clear connection to both the mandalorian culture and the force, without making her a mary su. She has a connection to the force. But she can't use it, or control it. Therefore she can't train Grogu to use it. Which would mean they'd have to find the jedi, to help him learn to control his powers. Plus I don't want to just giving her everything with no preplanned reason. So here is my preplanned reason. I know these short scenes and conversations don't really delve much into her personality but that's were you come in. Tell me what you think of her, and what you think she's like as an adult. I wrote a few things like her kind nature and her sarcastic humour. But I could do with some ideas on what you would like to see. Let me know, and...

May the 4th be with you,😉

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kinomiakai · 4 years ago

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I've never met you in person, but I really respect the work you do and I guess I'm looking for advice? Since you are a student right now. I'm not sure how old you are, but I graduated with my Bachelor's three years ago and I'm still nowhere near heading to graduate school. I prob won't even be attending until Fall 2021. I'm 25 and feeling really insecure about how old I'm getting without making any progress in my education. Especially since everyone around me has become doctors and lawyers...

jdfhskjfhs anon that is?? really humbling?? I don’t consider myself an expert on anything at all really but I can tell you something: the only year I’ve taken off was after my bachelors. I did the school after school after school route - there was a period of time where I was enrolled in the masters & PhD program at the same time. That’s how close together everything has been.

And I have been the youngest in both my masters and PhD by...so, so much. Everybody in my phd class has kids! They’re married! They have a house! They have full time jobs and are doing this on the side to better themselves and holy hell, was it ever intimidating. You think you aren’t making any progress in your education?????? You’re out there getting real world experience and that experience is going to tell you exactly what needs to be studied and why! It’s invaluable! I had none of that and I have the imposter syndrome to show for it!!!! One of my classmates is literally getting her phd because it’ll get her a better retirement package. I have so much respect for her!!!! Another one was living as a single mom while her husband was abroad while doing her phd!!! Holy crap!!!!

The thing about grad and post grad stuff is that you’re not really...students anymore. Everybody’s an adult. You’re being taught by your peers and you start being treated like that - at least in my experience. I judged a faculty research competition this year. Me! A student! But I’m not a student first anymore, I’m a researcher first, and that playing field is even. (For the most past. There’s certain programs and faculty that are full of assholes and that’s not limited to academia, of course. You’ll find it anywhere and it sucks just as much every time. Don’t let them win, don’t let them stop you.)

It was a weird transition to go through, but I think all it really boils down to is...focusing on yourself. Don’t go to grad school because everyone else is highly educated and you feel that your life experience is worth any less - go to it because you have a question that you don’t think anyone else has answered. Or because you want to learn what research looks like, what academia looks like - or because you want that MA or MSc on your resume - whatever! But do it for you. Do it to better yourself, and if you’re not doing that, look at all the ways you’ve already bettered yourself in your life. What have you learned? How have you grown since you left undergrad? You’ve picked up skills that will undoubtedly help you somewhere along the way. if you want to go to grad school, don’t even give age a thought, honestly. It seriously didn’t factor. There were plenty of students with supervisors younger than they were and vice versa. If you’ve got a good supervisor, you’ll have a mutual respect and an exchange of experiences/ideas that eventually emerges as an awesome research project. (Basically what I’m also saying here is your supervisor can make or break your experience, too! A great prospective supervisor will send you contact info for their current students so you can find out what everything is really like.)

Society can’t function if everybody is a doctor or a lawyer. I know it’s the path everybody talks about taking. I know it feels like there isn’t really any viable options other than that, but there are a million jobs out there! There has to be! The world wouldn’t work otherwise! And your personhood is so much more than your job, anyway. You’re more than a job. A year working on yourself as a person is still a year of education in my book. Academia is a great way to learn, but it isn’t the only way, and there’s a lot that it can’t teach you.

Also! I will slip in there that even with the year off, and although my masters went fairly smoothly, my phd has burned me out like nothing else has. I am suuuper tired of school. So this “break” you’re on? It’s vital. Even if you don’t come back to higher education - going straight into it and powering through it all is hmmmmmm overrated. I am currently inactive on my phd bc between that & the state of the world I just couldn’t do it. I think taking some time away from school helps you appreciate what it’s really there for, too - it’s for you. It’s to teach you. What do you want to learn about? Is academia the right way?

anyway hoowee I’m so sorry anon turns out you activated my trap card: 24 hour rant on academia & its place in current society

TL;DR: grad school & post grad are great ways to learn a ton of stuff, but they aren’t the only way to learn. Your years outside of school are educating you in more than academia, and that knowledge is valuable, & very often vital for being able to put any research into practice. Believe in yourself & the strengths you’ve developed! The skills you’re still developing! You grow every day and that can’t be stopped unless you force it. I believe in you & who you’ll become :)

#oh no this is so long #I'm so sorry #feel free to dm me though if you have any other questions!#I hope this was actually helpful though!!#I hope I didn't just go on an utterly useless tangent gdfhjskdhfsd #this was very sweet anon though thank you #anon #asks #not sns #not naruto #kinomi talks #hoo boy does kinomi ever talk #long post #text post #ego boost tag

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expose-gaston-official-2018 · 6 years ago

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The Master Post

Alright first things first, I am no longer a part of the Officialverse. However I was a part of it for a very long while. And since I left I have been watching this discourse unfold.

Now the reason I bring this up at the start is because, I know the "rules". I know how the Officialverse is ran and how the people in it interact and the general atmosphere of the community. And knowing that information is very important when understand what exactly is happening here.

What's happening here, at the core, is basically a clash in personalities and general respect. There has and always will be people who join the Officialverse and don't necessarily fit with the majority. However that is no reason to kick them out or put them on a blacklist. It does become a problem when the person starts disrespecting or acting out inappropriately.

As the mod of Goofy-Official put it:

Now that response was pointed at Gaston after this discourse. Specifically the part, "The really only way to handle them mod is just to make the person feel so unwelcome that they just leave on their own", is not advice for everyone who goes against the grain in the Officialverse. That quote only relates to those who are going out of their way to cause trouble and discourse in the community.

Now I'm sure, if this post gets some much needed attention, the new people will be confused as to what actually happened. And I'm sure there will be a few who might agree with what Gaston has done however it is important to keep in mind that the Officialverse is a tight-knit group that are very diverse in their life and past experiences. Because of that people often find certain things uncomfortable or unsettling to talk about or to be around.

Now this screenshot was brought up in a PSA by Isabelle-Official however I thought it would be important to mention:

Now this is the only screenshot I currently have of that conversation and I currently have no access to the full conversation. However those are his beliefs and he puts them a little less kindly in his current Gaston-Official bio

Gaston-Official bio as of 8/24:

Now I know for a fact that the people in the Officialverse are very open and caring. They try their best to offer help and comfort for whoever might be feeling less than ideal. I've seen people rush to offer any help they can give. Which is why I find this next part hard to believe.

Official-Lefou's summary of the discord ban:

Like I said earlier I have no way of currently accessing the full conversation that sparked this however after being a part of the community for way longer than Gaston or Lefou I can say without a doubt that this is extremely overexaggerated.

But if you still think that the hate is underserved then I'll give you one last screenshot and then I'll get into some stuff I think people should have mentioned a little earlier.

Gaston doesn't actually care about the Officialverse (shocking I know):

I'm not really here to convince anyone that he doesn't care about the Officialverse though, I'm sure we've all gathered that much already. I'm just trying to create a fairly detailed PSA about this account.

And now the stuff I think should've been brought up:

This is from Gaston. This was in his "13 Reasons Why I'm Leaving The Officialverse" post that ended up being fake.

The reason I bring this up is because for a while the oldest people in the Officialverse were like 18 with the majority of them being younger. I was on the older end of the group and I felt like had I been any older, this stupid little ironic meme rp would've been weird/creepy. So the fact that the mod of Gaston is a fully grown adult with a child, who is around the age of most of the officials, is extremely concerning to me. It's like a grown adult showing up to a random kid's birthday party.

And that's it for what I have now. There will definitely be more to come.

Remember Officials, Stay Safe!

~Mod Dew

#Master Post #Expose Gaston #Mod Dew #officialverse

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jorjathomas · 4 years ago

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Comparing existing magazines

As I've began to do some mild research, I thought it was beneficial to gather some information regarding my intended audience. I should see if there's a gap in the market for this particular self help magazine or if it would be high in demand or not. In this post, I have compared old magazines that were published for young women to see what has changed and what particular topics have became more popular over the years. Obviously magazines aren't as popular anymore for teens as most people would pick up a phone and scroll to kill time rather than buy a magazine from your local store however, I'm interested to see the comparison between the two.

Old vs New

At first, I was going to compare two magazines and analyse the differences however as I started to do some research, I thought it would be interesting to see how certain magazines which have been running for a long period have changed over time as digital journalism has grown. I will contrast these brands with zine businesses which suits my idea.

Tiger Beat:

Google states ’Tiger Beat was founded in September 1965 by Charles "Chuck" Laufer, his brother Ira Laufer, and television producer and host Lloyd Thaxton. The magazine features teen idol gossip and carries articles on movies , music and fashion.’ This magazine is aimed towards adolesant girls just like my idea which is interesting to see the differences. Its funny to see how young women were perceived from looking as this magazines as they seem very celebrity based. As Tiger Beat is created by men, I'm assuming this is what they think teenage girls think about. I would say in the 60s this was true as boy bands where the hot spot for screaming girls however personally having a magazine just to get in the celebrity gossip is draining. The 60s was a very pivotal time for music and musicians didn't have a massive social platform like most artists do now so having a magazine like this is where fans would get updates about their lives. I think my opinions about Tiger Beat are solely based on how this generation has changed, I've defiantly bought zines just like this if it has my idol on the front however when looking at certain quotations and how its predominantly males being displayed despite being for girls is strange to me. For example the third image on the right where it advertised a ‘Peek inside Justin Biebers room’. Not only does this feed on the artists personal life but it heightens this concept of teenagers becoming a obsessive fan. when looking at this magazine I begin to question whether this sort of content is normal for teenagers or am I just conditioned to believe it is what I should be thinking about as a teenage girl? Its even more ironic that this is made by men aswell but I don't know if that's the activist in me. To conclude, there was defiantly a gap in the market for supporting young adults when entering the real world as you can see.

Teen zone:

Again, continuing with my previous opinions Teen Zone had the same intentions for their audience. Looking back at their earlier issues, it mas predominantly celebrity based. This involves gossip, looks and updates in their ‘perfect’ lives. This defiantly increased the idea of needing to be famous and look good all the time in order to be successful or good in life. These magazines are full of photoshopped faces with content telling people that they could look a certain way to feel accepted. Although looking briefly at the magazines are harmless I think they can be deep rooting in the problems girls feel in society when growing up. The only difference with this magazine in comparison to Tiger Beat is that they are still running as a business and have changed their content significantly. Teen zone only publish online now and when researching into their content i was surprised when seeing their statement. It states ‘TeenZone Digital Magazine is a magazine for the South African teenager. Teens in today’s society are increasingly being fed a diet entirely consisting of celebrity gossip. This grossly underestimates them. Teens today have voices that we all need to hear. They need to be taken seriously, and to be given the opportunity to express their views and concerns; to ask the important questions and receive trustworthy, accurate advice; and to enjoy themselves in a safe environment. TeenZone seeks to provide this platform. It is a magazine for teens, by teens.’

Teens in society now are much more vocal on certain events and I think we are defiantly becoming more aware on subjects which we may have not noticed before. The fact that Teen Zone has turned this around and creating a platform for teens to speak on matters special to them in inspiring and what I want to do also. They've defiantly succeeded well since moving digital as articles are much more accessible than a printed zine.

This is a picture of their website which differs from their zine. They have toned down their imagery and noticed as they are able to add more content onto a site.

As i began to look further into popular magazines from particular decades, eg; teen vogue, J-14 etc, I began to see the same results and outcomes. They were all very similar in content but I was surprised to finally see a magazine which although was produced a little later than the others, was drastically different to the others. Both aesthetically and within their content. This was a magazine called Rookie.

Rookie:

What makes Rookie magazine so different to the others is that this business was created by teenagers for teenagers. They are much more closer to their audience and were able to relate to the content they were giving out. Rather than adults profiting of their perception of what a teenager goes through despite not being one. I personally can see the differences between the two. Firstly Rookie stood out to me because of its collage-like personality. Its much more playful and personal than the previous zines I've looked at. The layered imagery with colourful texture achieves this friendly environment for teenagers to read though. I defiantly want to achieve this with my zine and I am going to look into this sort of work digitally and also physically to achieve a dimensional look rather than all of my work looking flat or 2D.

This is a screenshot of Rookies site. Not only do they produce articles that teens can read for pleasure or to gain information, they also have platforms that can actually gives teens a place to talk and interact with others which I think is the drastic change for the industry. Interacting with the audience on a personal level proves that Rookie cares for their audience and wants to spark change. Unfortunately Rookie has stop publishing altogether as a business since 2018 for financial reasons.

Other magazines that I am interested in: As I've looked into previous magazines and began to understand their concept and beliefs, I began to look into modern magazines that also produce the same concept as me and to see what makes them so different especially since there has been a massive sift in the journalism industry. Both of the publications below are fairly similar. Both want to create change and form a safe space where women learn new subjects which may not be normalise yet are very important for personal growth. They both combine their articles with art which helps create a visual understanding of their zine even better than standard text. I defiantly aim to follow these footsteps but I need to search for an unique concept that could help my idea become more popular for a young girl to read. I wanted to this as sadly both of these zines are either discontinued or temporality stopped making issues which makes me assume this idea isn't that successful so far whether that's due to the pandemic or society as a whole I'm unsure as of yet. I will begin to look at the impact of Covid on magazines later to understand why so many of these great businesses aren't running anymore despite having a positive impact on young women.

Got a girl crush: “Got a Girl Crush is a blog and annual print magazine about women, by women, for everyone. We aim to disrupt the broken narrative of most women's publications and tell stories of all ages, races, and backgrounds of women all over the world. We believe that print is not dead and that there is value to having a tangible medium to read, digest, and share--rather than sharing a link online that is easily forgotten tomorrow.”

(Issue 3, published September 2016 from https://issuu.com/gotagirlcrush/docs/girlcrush_issue05_content-final )

I liked this magazine statement because it isn't restrictive on a specific audience. They mention that their content is open for anyone which I think is surprising. When thinking about making this zine I wanted to think of content that isn't too limiting or biased towards women as I think the real change in society will have to come from men's views and actions aswell as women's. When looking at their monthly articles, it was very text heavy. They had many important figures like planetary scientist Carolyn Porco, human rights activist Grace Lee Bogg menstrual activist & drummer Kiran Gandhi etc. Each had powerful stories to tell and impact onto readers. Despite this the illustrations and other visual forms of art broke down this barrier which is why it didn't look too overwhelming. I will follow through with this if not add more art into my final outcome as I’d like to be more creative for this project and really experiment with collaging. I had briefly did this in the first project and enjoyed the process.

Selva Beat: “Selva Beat is an environmental magazine with an edge. We take environmentalism and place it in the context of your favorite topics – beauty, fashion, culture, food, sex, love – to make activism as accessible and engaging as possible. Founded in 2014, we began as a way of educating the public about conflict palm-oil and have expanded into a multi-media platform that motivates others to better the planet through creative means.”

A magazines visual décor is very important as sadly you do judge the book by the front cover. Initially, this is what I liked about Selva Beat, it was very colourful and they had nice curvy, bubbled typography which isn't that common on magazines. When researching I didn't realise they were very environmentally orientated aswell as being a conscious feminist magazine. I was saddened that they aren't running anymore as I think this magazine would've been a good pivotal point.

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stabbylambchop · 2 years ago

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I was trying to hold this in, bc I felt like as a very petite person myself, that I was too "privileged" to say anything about this without looking like I was somehow trying to dig at fat people, or undermine the fight against fatphobia or whatever. I struggle so so much with all this, but feel like that venting would seem selfish or ignorant. But I'm. Seriously at my fucking limit.

If you think that skinny people are never shamed, bullied, body-policed, bullied, then I'm here to say, yes, we are.

Besides the previously mentioned issue with eating disorders, there are so many other factors to consider; genetics, chronic illness and disability, temporary illness with long-term damage, domestic abuse in the form of withholding food, certain medication or treatments, pressure towards people in sports modeling acting etc etc etc (just look at people dehydrating themselves so they look cut), mental illness or neurodivergencies that hampers someone's ability to take care of themselves...the list goes on.

I was born premature and have been anemic since day one, because my body actually cannot absorb everything it needs to. I grew up with divorced parents, with a father that periodically made fun of me for "eating like a bird", a mother who was never around, and a step-dad who was just overall a horrible person.

I never grew past 12. No exaggeration. It's due to more genetic bullshit, possibly a form of "proportionate" dwarfism, so it's not obvious to strangers that I'm a grown little person with the typical features. Being a full-grown adult, who is 4'9" and 85lbs soaking wet, and honestly fairly flat-chested, means that literally. Every. Single. Person, that doesn't know me, looks at me, and they see a child. None of the "oh just gonna ID you as a formality, you just look a little younger", no it's always "wow, really...? No joke? For real..??", or "how old are you, why are you here and not in school right now, if you're not lying I can call on you for truancy", or "oh wow I thought a 12yr-old got a hold of the ID-check stamp pad for a second haha". And even once they know, it's like they never really accept it, and still treat me like a child.

I've been bullied, a lot. People playing keep-away with my things, new teachers thinking I'm in the wrong class and that first impression leading to a semester of communal judgement, always being compared to more "appropriately developed" girls my age. For my senior project presentation, the judges left notes like "immature".

Always being handed the kid's menu when everyone else at the table gets an alcohol menu. Having no less then 2-3 people check my ID, just to be safe, of course, when I correct the server and ask for a drink. Going to bars or casinos or adult shops and having someone put an arm in my way while the rest of the group went in no problem, because they think I was trying to sneak in with them. Trying to see an R rated movie. Trying to buy age appropriate clothes but the only stuff that fits is in the kids section. People making whispered comments about how my parents MUST be starving me, or how I might have an ED.

Besides my anemia and stature/growth problems, I grew up in a poor household. I've been homeless. I have several mental and physical illnesses and disabilities that make gaining or maintaining weight an uphill battle. Since getting sick, I've lost most of my muscle, which weighs more than fat. My body is currently not processing fat well, if at all, which means it's going right thru me. I was told that my bowel issues are because of my size (yes, really), because while my organs tried to grow up, my musculoskeletal system lagged behind, and everything is just kinda fucked (which might be achondroplasia, but I've been focusing on other medical shit first and just haven't really had that talk yet).

And to top it all off, OCD, PTSD, and Autism can (and have) affected my eating habits, especially with my cramped neck region and texture issues causing an overly sensitive gag reflex. My teeth are also victims of my other bullshit. My teeth are super cramped and we don't have the money to pull my wisdom teeth. Being poor and homeless meant dental health and general really took a hit. Sometimes, my teeth or jaw hurt, or my nerves flare up, or my illnesses cause sudden vertigo and nausea. Some days, it's just plain hard to eat.

I know this was a long, personal, strong rant, but this is how bad I, and a lot of other thin people, can really have it. We didn't choose any of this, and have no control over it.

I want everyone that reads this, no matter their weight or health, to read this and really, truly take it all in. As absolutely disgusting as fatphobia and fatshaming are, using it as an excuse to damn all skinny people? That can be just as disgusting. We aren't "thicc" or "big tiddy goth girlfriend", or a "milf". A lot of us have never felt adult or beautiful or attractive in their lives. I still feel shame around my wife, who is such a lovely person, for feeling like I can never be hot or sexy hot them, or because yet another person thought I was their child and not their partner.

In regards to the original post, and my addition, it mostly started awhile ago, when a mutual starting tagging things with shit like "skinny people die fr" or "skinny people are useless" (paraphrasing a bit, I didn't want to bother screenshotting then). Seeing that shit hurt me to my core and made me feel ashamed for just. Existing. For the first time in ages, I started gaining weight, quickly. Because I was subconsciously so hurt that I started eating past feeling full, straight to stomach pain and nausea. I've since last everything I gained, mostly because I've recently had such bad digestive issues. I'm so dehydrated.

I soft-blocked because I was scared of conflict or them somehow finding out. However, after some time, I finally had enough of seeing them in my notifications and blocked them for good. I couldn't see their url without feeling that same hot shame washing over me.

Did it help me feel better? Not really. But it's still one more little roadblock from having to get reminded over and over again.

You may think it's progressive or woke or whatever to say shit like that, because we're all just vain, privileged, attractive people, right?

I am begging you all, please, don't say shit like this anymore. You can't possibly know when a certain content will really hurt someone in a very, very bad way.

And no. There is no "okay but what about regular ski-" no. Fucking no. Just stop. Besides making assumptions, it's just not healthy to be like that. Telling anyone to die is pretty fucked as it is. And yet it gets a pass most of the time because it comes off as woke or casual, but that just perpetuates it all.

I'm so tired. So fucking tired. And depressed. And just.. overall done with it all. If this makes me an asshole or toxic to you, then okay, whatever, unfollow me and block me if you need to, even if we're mutuals. I just can't take one more fucking thing happening, one more thing hurting me. There is nothing that could be said or done to me that would matter.

Please. Please just. Try. Just a little.

Listen, I gotta be honest because I keep seeing this on my feed back and forth on my main and here when I browse blogs:

When people say shit like 'skinny people are cringe' or 'skinny people are not welcome' or anything along those lines, in the hopes to boost fat/large body positivity, you are the problem.

You are literally what is going to cause so much more body dysphoria then you realize. A lot of times, as we already know, people can't control their body shape and size! Sitting there and blasting folks who are slender, lithe, skinny, etc is not the answer. You don't know who is now recovering from an ED or who is literally so sick beyond just a normal everyday illness that they have no control over their weight or body image.

This is coming from someone who IS fat and chunky and already has body dysphoria because of it. Someone who HAS resorted to eating disorders to try and solve things and is recovering. Someone who has a wife who constantly is so sick that she can't retain anything from food to properly nourish her body and be able to gain weight like everyone else.

So please stop putting shit like that in your tags and stop putting shit like that into posts. You don't know who you're hurting when you say that kind of body shaming talk. I'm all about body positivity, but can't everyone's body be positive for a change? This isn't a competition, this is trying to survive in this fucked up world for once.

#long post #disordered eating mention #eating disorder tw #illness mention #possibly upsetting content #chronic illness tw #fatphobia mention #weight issues #I'm kinda scared to post this bc this could easily piss someone off for 'undermining fat people struggles' but goddamn I just want to exist

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