#I'm always gonna need my best friend
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"I'm always gonna need my best friend" 🥺
#I'M UGLY CRYING LOOK AT THE STRAND BOYS AND THEIR HAPPY FACES 😭😭😭😭#911 lone star#911ls#5x07#tk strand#owen strand#I'm always gonna need my best friend
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johto’s champion and chronicler for the deity of the ilex shrine, it’s lyra!🌿
this one took me a while due to trying out different techniques (studying a Lot of art nouveau) and making a couple changes to her outfit (the details help), but I’d like to think she’s learned a lot in her journey and wanted to reflect her experience more in her champion fit
her specialty would be in fairy types and her meganium’s divergent evolution is grass/fairy 🧚🪷
and a bonus w/ the johto gang after the photoshoot!
#kagarts#trainer lyra#meganium#pokemon hgss#get ready for a bigass tag wall again HYAH#her team picks are meganium (grass/fairy + shiny!) azumarill togekiss alola ninetales gardevoir and clefable (mega evolves for fairy/steel)#terrains and high sp atk + statuses galore + her dino can cause a stronger confusion (like toxic w badly poisoned but its w/ Bad headaches)#i'll probably make changes as i go design wise for meganium but colors were inspo from sampaguita flowers#the flower's associated with true friendship and utilized in medicines or given as good gestures in various traditions and celebrations#and also bc she's 🇵🇭 babey!!!!!!!! i'm slapping all my favs w the pinoy beam and not even the dinos are safe >:]#since her dino is shiny a lot of the colors are just a few color diffs where the little orbs are + warmer tones. gotta make a ref sometime#not sure if I should tag the others bc the focus is on her. but the quartet always pulls thru for each other#i like thinking silver gets comfortable enough to be the friend that's “s'cuse you my Friend asked for No pickles”#silver in line picking up her food like “yeah yeah i know her and btw that’s CHAMPION lyra to you. YES she ordered a strawberry shake”#both of their meganiums are Best friends and silver likely uses his dino when you rematch him (and his would beee grass/dragon)#calling this piece Done though oh my god this semester has been nuts. don't wanna take any longer on a single piece or i'm eating tree bark#tumblr's gonna kill the quality on it but idgaf im Done. i need to tidy up my sheezy now
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#i mean mk was my best friend anyway but i needed to make the meme#glasto 2023#this is a joke i'm gonna still be here as always lmaooo
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realizing how much physical affection means to me literally. like i always get that as my #1 love language for every fun test i do but oh my god they're right. i don't get enough physical affection or i don't get people saying they're giving me physical affection when they can't and suddenly i'm staying up that everyone hates me
#logically i understand my best friend loves me but oh my god. we haven't hugged in a week. what if he never cares to see me again#or like . i understand my guy probably likes me but haven't been told i'm getting affection in a while . my affection has been rejected. .#so . ugh. just need a fucking hug dude#i wanna ask my friend for niceys rn but it's 3 am so she's probably asleep and also . :( what if he doesn't like me#(<- guy who's been friends with it for years)#like . i wish i could tell someone like “hey give them reassurance rn” without.... asking for that#like i'd post “need someone to be niceys to me rn” because that's usually the most i can do to communicate that but he rarely is on tumblr#and what? do i send this post to my friend? no wtf#this happens with like. everyone close to me btw. i just care a lot about my best friend#so just. ugh. gonna try and sleep now. i'm getting a hug from him tomorrow#i really hope he plans something with me...i think that's all i need reassurance wise#i don't plan shit with people because what if they don't wanna be around me? but when ppl plan shit with me? YEAH . <3#godddddd#🤞 please invite me to something soon i miss you and i feel like you hate me for no reason but that i'm sad always
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I wish I could finish the writing I have due for work but like :')
I did so well yesterday during the daytime and then at night that's when the anxiety had to get me again? I had a semi good day today and then I got distracted 'cause my mom needed my help but even before that I'd been feeling off again so I can't blame it all on her...
#the Internet is so full of mixed messages too 'cause like#there's the 'some days you just can't give it your all' crowd#but then I see a video that says 'you need to ✨be consistent✨ or else you'll never make any progress ever :)'#I'm. frustrated.#I think this is where I have to remember spoon theory and not hate myself#I forget that so much shit online is by neurotypicals for neurotypicals#AKA not for me#also I made the stupid mistake of rereading the messages from someone who said my health and overall life is going to get worse :)#and I won't be able to accomplish anything because I missed all of my opportunities :)#I blocked him a long time ago dw#just wish I had the guts to block my shitty ex best friend too#who mutually knew that guy and possibly told him to tell that to me#Mmmm getting the sh urges again I need to. Stop thinking.#brain loud :')#Why does nighttime have to be terrible always fr#I'm trying not to lose it rn but. Night is sososo bad for the brain I'm gonna cry except I can't 💔
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#vent incoming (nothing too serious i just need to complain about being mentally ill)#ugggggh can i just have ONE major creative project that doesn't brush up against my ptsd??? like literally just one???#like with my musical i wrote that was kind of a given bc i was writing that as a (not always healthy) coping mechanism#but now i'm working on this doc and it's like yippee it's not about me and it's a topic i love and working with incredibly supportive peopl#but then that asshole from my college just had to go and traumatize me last semester in a way very tied to the doc#and like luckily i don't have to deal with that asshole anymore. i can just work on my silly little doc and do my silly little interview#with my silly little 65-year-old best friends lmao. except whoops! even tho all that traumatic shit is far behind me#literally the act of preparing for an interview is poking at my ptsd again!! what the fuck!!!#@ my ptsd - The Asshole From Your College Is Not Going To Teleport To Toronto To Ruin Your Interview You Dumbass#it sucks but y'know i'm gonna get through it bc it's worth it to keep going#and honestly this is the best project to be working through shit like that bc scott's also someone who makes very personal art#which can end up brushing up against ptsd. like we literally connected over his ''ptsdiva'' podcast#and he's said the main thing that made me stand out after our first conversation was that i was the first person irl to mention the podcast#and also even if i wish it hadn't gone like this. scott *was* around when i was dealing with being traumatized by that college asshole#and he was so supportive while i was processing my shit and made it clear he'd defend me if he needed to#and i've gotten the opportunity to be there for him during his own rough times while working on this documentary#so like. it'll be fine. i hope i can just feel my feelings and get over it before the interview itself. but if not scott will understand#but yeah fuck that guy from my college and i hope he knows all the kids in the hall would hate him for what he did to me
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this might just be an unpopular opinion in the jjk fandom but i love how little seriously things happen for the most part since the culling game started, like i miss being seriously emotionally invested in it a little bit ngl but i love the way the newer characters will just open their mouths and say things so much, they were all forced in this game against their will and the only ones that survived long enough to make it in the cast are the unhinged ones that makes so much sense to me. maybe I liked the plot until the shibuya incident a little more but tbh some of my favourite characters in the whole manga have been introduced or have been made relevant during the culling game, some of these guys are just pure gold on legs
#of course that's without counting goge they're my forever dudes#but some chapters and characters since the game started are so unhinged they're a delight to me#remember that one chapter all set inside pandas mind what WAS that#or oh god i can't even remember who was fighting there but that one chapter that started with bestie explaining their technique#and their opponent going who do you think is even gonna read all that#(not me that was for sure. probably why I don't remember who that was at all lmao)#i just remembered the arc where they go pick up hakari oh my god#and ah of course yuki and choso vs kenjaku#all fights feel so random in this arc but i enjoyed them all so much in a chill I don't care about the outcome but this is fun way#and that's without counting the latest fights and my best friends higuruma and takaba#nah this is what I'm saying jjk might be a grave for anyone who appears in it but it def has my favourite way of going about it out of#all the manga in this genre I've ever read#like if u wanna kill off all my fav characters you NEED to continuously add new characters for me to choose new ones#if the remaining characters are always the same I'm just gonna get angry at the fact that my fav isn't there anymore and quit#but if before offing my fav you gave me Another fav I'm stuck here yk what i mean#it's good i love jjk#even if the deaths are so frequent none has any impact for me anymore
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literally everything about my life is changing this week. I'm allowed to be a little on edge and stressed and grumpy and wobbly and excited and scared and tired and sad.
#me @ myself bc I somehow believe that I need to have everything under control and be less emotional about this#but I am moving to another country another continent even where I know the literal amount of 0 people#new country new city new apartment new job new people new time zone new climate zone#I left behind two (2) friends I saw regularly when I left Berlin. I'm going to leave twenty (20) when I leave Pristina on Friday#how am I supposed to be okay?#I'm also leaving this absolutely weird kinda romantic kinda codependent kinda obsessive situation with my best friend behind and that's#painful and hurty and I'm sad sad#it's never gonna be the same with any of them#I've left lots of places and I always hope it can stay the same but#it's never stayed the same with anyone ever#except for jjie but that's extra special#i should be packing and sorting and cleaning and organising bc the movers are coming tomorrow but instead I'm all in my feelings#In a bad way!#so maybe I'm not allowed all these feelings right now!#haha!#Dana speaks
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#gonna be depressing in the tags for a moment#pls excuse me#but whenevery i see a pair of friends that are like soulmates together#who laugh and scream about what they love and have so many things in common#i always become the personification of ''i want what they have''#ever since i was a child i would pray (you heard that right lol) to get a best friend who shared my interests and passions#(and who was gay but that's included in interests and passions lol tho i didn't know it at the time)#i dream with the sitcom worthy friendships with the you get the key to my house and you can come in whenever#we just spend days sitting together and not even talking just being there#or the next best thing. find it online!#but that will never happen and i need to accept that#not even for lack of trying... i even went to a hobby class for a whole month trying to make friends irl#but it's impossible for the simplest reason... i don't enjoy it!#every time i try to do something new and out of my comfort zone i fail misserably because it's literal hell to me#how can i make a friend if i cannot talk to people?#online or whatever?!#i can't even talk to the people i know from school or whatever#i put in so much fucking effort and freak myself out!#and it's not working and it won't work and idk what to do about it!#so yeah i don't think i'm capable of having meaningful relationships actually#and i need to really accept that cause otherwise i will forever dream with it#like i need to stop trying to chase after it it's just not gonna happen#i guess people have these feelings about romantic partners? well not me lol#anyways...#angel talks#personal
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the way owen was watching TK at the karaoke. just like the wedding. just like whenever TK is happy and bubbly in one of those perfect moments. and owen couldn't help being weighed down by his big feeling like a sisyphus like he doesn't deserve this happiness. like TK feels no longer his little kid anymore, only for TK to invite him into this moment. not as an invitation but because TK's happiness is full at this moment because his dad is here with him 😭😭😭
#'you wish dad I'm always gonna need my best friend' in 4x08 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#911 lone star#911ls#tk strand#owen strand#5x07
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#I think it would be Buck#Firstly all this conversation with Bobby about being at ease#I think for him it would be easier to say#*Yes I love my best friend but I'm not gonna feel bad about it. It is what it is*#Secondly Buck the one who SAID that he wants from partner#He knows what he wants now he needs to understand WHO is that partner#Eddie on the other hand NEVER said that HE wants from partner#Except *you're Chris'mother/can be goos mother to Chris and well it's enough*#It's always about Chris not him#Eddie firstly needs to name what he needs from partner for HIM#Thirdly 911 loves *3*#There is so many 3 in the show and especially for buddie#So who had 3 serious relationship?#Buck#So yes I believe Buck would be the 1st to fully name process and accept his feelings#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 spoilers#911 fox#evan buck buckley#911 on fox#911
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screaming myself hoarse til I pass out we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career your whereabouts!!!
#not about j we're good - about the friend who i haven't shut up about in the 14 years i've been on the hellsite#the fun part is that i know his forever career and his forever whereabouts and it will break my heart into shards for the rest of my life!#and goddamnit we weren't romantically together but instead together as part of a weirdly codependent friend group of four and we were#near identically weird and fucked up emotionally and in our humor and how we spoke and how we meshed and i will NEVER fucking get over it!!#i'm still agog that i sent you a last chance hail mary sort of letter like the lyrics in this song about how i think about you often and#have always believed in you and been rooting for you like all the rest of us who knew you before things got really bad because you were and#are such a fucking incredible person and musician and friend and so smart and creative and LOVABLE! i said that in the letter without#realizing alanis said that in one of THE best lost love songs of all goddamn time!#i wish i could tell you one more time - right now today immediately or better yet five years ago - how i have always loved and admired you#and everything about you. even now. all the way out here in iowa i am still loving you with everything i have in me every single day#knowing i will never speak to or see you again [i think about you all the time but i don't need the same] and i finally started to admit#that to myself and my friends and my therapist in 2021 and i'm more at peace with it than i ever was or thought i could be in 2019 and 2020#but i know it's gonna take my whole lifetime to get a grip on it and accept it. and it'll stop hurting one of these days. i know it will#i don't think i've ever loved a friend as much as I loved you. i think you were the best friend i've ever had#and that's one of the nastiest parts of it - we were good friends and you did seem to like me plenty#but i think i was the w-h-auden_morelovingone.txt by a mile. i was a weird obsessed stage 10 clinger.#and that's surely a large part of the dwelling and the fixation. if things had been more equal then maybe it'd be very different now.#guess i'll die because i sure ain't finding out!!#HELLO LOVES HAVE SOME RICH NUTRITIOUS ANNIE LORE ON THIS FINE FREEZING COLD SUNDAY AFTERNOON!#ann with an ie#<- this was a nightmare to type out and feel but i wanna keep it around for whenever i get the balls to talk about it in therapy again
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I miss my boy Sherb so much 🥺
#I'm literally gonna buy a single amiibo just of him#i was like 'no i won't get the same villagers I had on my old island'#its been almost a year and i miss him soooo much#i want him to hang out with sasha cause in my mind they are the best of friends and always hang out#i must find him on my next villager hunt i don't care I need him#acnh sherb#animal crossing#acnh#new horizons#animal crossing new horizons#ac sherb
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hey. hey universe. hey fucker universe.
no one said you could bring back the Wednesday Curse, bitch. fuck off with this shit i didn't need any of this first thing today.
#the Wednesday Curse is related to a span of about... almost 10 years of every single wednesday having something major go wrong#''major'' is a strong word but it would always feel big and afterwards would be when i would notice it was wednesday#it was a lot and i got very tired of it very quickly but it eventually stopped and i stopped noticing wednesdays#because they stopped being bad every single week#i would wake up on a wednesday bracing for whatever terrible news i would learn or whatever horrible thing would happen inevitably#and i stopped having to do that#my dreams lately have been absolutely horrific and last nights/this mornings was.... worse than usual in a way i wasn't anticipating that's#made me very very worried about a dear friend i can't easily reach out to and i'm doing my best at waiting patiently for a response#but it's hard and then the tire on the car exploded *again* so we're scrambling to figure out how to fix that and we've got a plan#and at least 3 butches on the job and it's going to be okay in the end but i have extreme car anxiety and tires going out is one of the mai#triggers for that and i'm just#i'm also still dealing with the tail end (hopefully) of an upper respiratory infection which makes all the crying i keep doing difficult#because i keep needing to hack my lungs out because breathing sucks rn even though i've had all my meds for it#and i'm just... it's just... anyway#i'm having a rough morning#but i am surrounded by people who are very lovely and care a lot and are willing and able to help with whatever they can#and that's helped a lot and it's just... i know i gotta wait patiently for resolution on things and i'm gonna do my best#to calm myself down and try to be less anxious but i'm only able to do that because of the love that surrounds me and it's a lot#it's all a lot and idk man#the spectre of my dad is doing his best to ruin it but he doesn't exist here in this space it's just a bad memory and no one is at fault
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always a bridesmaid, never a bride
at least everyone has that instead of wondering why
cause i'm never a bridesmaid, never will be a bride
and i've sat on my floor and cried
i can't figure it out, why i'm never enough
can't walk down the aisle in white or maroon
and i can't even gather up the courage to ask the tough stuff
like why did you change your mind, why leave me on the outside, why never even tell me why?
cause i sit here thinking that i'm not enough
enough times without you changing your mind
saying that i can't walk behind you as a bridesmaid while you are a bride
and i'm not trying to damper this joyous occasion
maybe that's why I've bit my tongue and tried self persuasion
cause every single one of your friends is involved - except for me
and i can't help but drown in my misery
i feel like i failed some kind of test
cause everyone's a bridesmaid
everyone's a bride
and i'm stuck on the sidelines
wondering why
#i don't know if this poem portrays my feelings well enough#but long story short one of my best friends is getting married on Saturday and she told me that i was gonna be a bridesmaid#then when everyone got formally asked.... i didn't#and some of her other friends are doing other things like one is officiating#and i am just not even doing anything#and it really hurts#and it's like i know i shouldn't make it about me#but i literally can't even hear about the wedding without wanting to bawl. and she never told me why she changed her mind#i had to hear it from our mutual friend cause i was having a breakdown over it#cause she didn't want my mom trying to butt her head into the wedding cause my mom is known to overstep with me#but it just literally hurts so fucking bad that I'm not involved in any way#and i feel like I'd be an asshole if i say anything to her#so I've kept my mouth shut for like 2 years basically#like biting off my tongue#and i actually have tried to talk to her about it before but i always chicken out#but i felt like i needed to add some backstory to that poem in case it seemed like i was boohooing over not being a bridesmaid when there#was no indication i was gonna be one at all. like she literally asked me if i wanted to be one.#and I'm just too sensitive and i know that. and i need more friends and distance and more therapy#poem#bad poetry#poetry#writing#tumblr poetry#tumblr poet society#I've just felt like my whole life I've been an outsider and i felt a little bit included with them and this and other things happen and i#feel like I'm back at square one
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had the realization that there's the possibility i'll never kiss anyone in my life and i was completely ok with that. i'm actually really happy for myself about this so i wanted to talk about it a little bit :D
#crunchyposts#i just had the realization earlier that like no matter what i just want to live near people i care about#loveless style like what rooney says#i DO want to get a house next to my best friend and knock down the fence that separates it#if theyre married and im not i'm totally down for it still as long as i get along with their partner#i just value friendships so much like its something i choose every day#i am still scared of being alone because the times when i felt the loneliest were absolutely awful i felt like i was gonna explode#it felt like poison and i didnt realize how much i missed just being with other people until i started to get less lonely#but its not bc im scared of never finding a romantic partner now !!!!!!!!#if i ever do end up in a romantic relationship i think im always gonna prioritize the more platonic moments just. laughing with someone#or having conversations or being in their presence thats it#the lines are really blurred i really cant tell the difference between what i would want in a romantic relationship and in a friendship#actually. i dont think theres a difference?????? romantic relationships just need more agreements ab dating other people for me#thats realluy the only difference to me just like. set rules if you want to/ dont want to date other people#anyways. this was another i love friendships moment with abby crunchycrystals
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