#I'm a little nervous ngl

[riftwalker-limbro]

warframe getting-to-know-you ask game

rules & recommendations

(like any other regular old ask game but since i haven't seen any for this fandom yet it can't hurt to recap rq)

if you reblog this, your ask box is fair game - make sure it's open

if you want to participate, make sure people can easily find the list of characters you want questions about - either by tagging them on your reblog of this post or having a character post easily findable on your blog

send an ask to a participating blog by referencing this ask game & the number(s) of the questions and which character(s) you want to know things about. people also sometimes just repeat the whole sentence for ease of reference or if they want to change/clarify a word about the question

if you reblog this from someone else it is polite to send them an ask from the game but not mandatory

be nice :))))

if someone asks you about your blorbos you have full rights to go ham blorbo-longposting

if you are getting less asks than you wanted, you have full permission to use this list as solo blorbo posting inspiration material

actual questions

(i'm gonna use numbers because i'm good with the windows emoji keyboard but Not That Good)

general questions

What is your character's pre-bullshit backstory? (if they're a warframe: before they became a warframe; operator/drifter: before the void jump)

What is your character's favourite weapon/way to fight?

What is this character's favourite colour?

Does this character have any pets?

What are their likes/dislikes?

What is their personality like? Are they different with friends or strangers? How?

What is your favourite thing about this character?

Do they have any hobbies?

for operators/drifters

9. Do they keep in contact with old classmates/friends/other Tenno? What is their connection? 10. What is their specific style of Transference like? 11. Are they comfortable jumping out of their Warframe and showing their own bodies to others? Why (not)? 12. What focus school are they in, if any? For any specific reason?

for warframes

13. Why/under which circumstances did they get turned into a Warframe? 14. How (not) okay are they with being a Warframe? 15. Do they have anything that still ties them back to their days as human?

[lalunanne]

death boy - 💀 -

[catcze]

Hello Catte !

Do you think Wriothesley would date someone who is asexual ? (Someone who feels little to no sexual attraction or desire to have sex) I kinda have the feeling that he wouldn’t as an asexual myself 😭 What do you think ?

I hope you have a great day/evening and are feeling well ! (Don’t feel pressured to write this, if you don’t feel comfortable with it and if you do, I can wait for as long as you need, since I adore your writing and characterisation of Wriothesley ^^)

Hi sweetheart !! Honestly? The way I interpret Wrio's character is someone who is just so genuinely enamored with you and is eager to show that to you in whatever form you're comfortable with, you know? If you feel no desire to have sex, that's a-okay with him. Wriothesley is the kind of guy who makes sure that he knows your boundaries and how far you're willing to go, and will always always always respect those.

Elaborating on that a lil but in a relationship, Wrio would be so communicative, yk??!? Like, this guy is not embarrassed about the things that he wants, and right now all he wants is to make you the happiest person in the world, and make sure that you'd be comfortable in a relationship with him. He definitely definitely does some research beforehand and he comes to you with a list of questions that he wants to ask to make sure that he's messing up as little as possible. It's so cute, because he lists them on a little notepad and everything hjadkjn He has a couple of questions, such as where on the asexuality spectrum you fall on, any hard boundaries that you want to establish, what you are and aren't comfortable with, and all that. He gives you his whole attention without a single ounce of judgement, and for the things that he deems particularly important, he writes those down too. SIde note, but when he's flipping through his notepad, you swear that you see a page where he's listed down things that you like, such as your favorite drinks, food, and colors, and it kinda makes your heart melt a little ♡

And !!!!! he always makes sure that you know that he'll listen to you ?!?!? like wtf he's such an absolute green flag HAHHAHA If you ever feel uncomfortable with anythingggg ever he will always listen to you. If you're in a situation with him and things are veering in a direction that you don't really like, you literally just have to say the word and he'll do everything in his power to make the circumstances more comfortable for you !! Just;;; listen listen listen i just love him so much and i genuinely believe that if you get in a relationship with this man, he just wants to make you as happy as can be. If your relationship has little or even no sex, it doesn't impact him in any way— all he cares about is that you're safe and comfy with him, and as long as he's fulfilled that, then Wriothesley is as happy as can be.

[leavemetoplaythesims]

finally made my stardew farmer and haley (her wife)

also their baby!

[spikes-got-anger-issues]

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] ⭐️ 10 ⭐️ [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18]

[nervocat]

Leona Headcanons (that is basically me projecting onto him with some things from my cat as well)

Leona has a gummy smile

He has a very expressive tail. It rests when he rests, but when he's focused on smth it'll swish from side to side and depending on the topic, it'd also thump on a bed for example

He bites his lips a lot. He picks at them more in private, but biting is smth he does whenever and since he's got chapped lips so he always gets something off

If he considers you close to him, some part of him has to be touching you. Like his tail, or he'd sit close to you to touch shoulders in a more private setting

Leona likes bird watching. It's a time where his tail could theoretically thump on a wall he's leaning on if he is, but watching them helps take his mind off things. He's watched them enough to at least know the bird species if you ask

He fidgets with his clothes sometimes

He isn't aware of it, but he seeks approval from others. It's rlly only with the ppl he's close with like Ruggie that he does, but considering how he grew up, it's a possibility

He has a bit of a rough tongue, being a lion and whatnot

(I'll reblog this post when I add more to this bc ik I will)

★ — © nervocat || I appreciate any reblogs made, and pls don't repost or translate my works anywhere, ty — ✦

[notsodailycake]

Here, i finally finished this💀

Meet my Zelink fan kids! I have alot planned for them, but I'm too shy to actually share everything, especially bc I've only now just started fully exploring Totk (i got the game around last month) and so i wanna make sure I'm like, canon accurate, but i wouldn't mind answering questions about them👉👈

Anyhow, some fun facts about the desings:

Sonia has scars on her eyes and the tip of her left ear, why? The ones on her eyes were caused by a wolf she came across the one time she ran away from home (due to her jealousy over her sister when she was born, it's a long story), the one on her ear is bc of a bird she tried to grab once since Adira thought it was cute and wanted to pet it (Adira was 2, Sonia was 5)

Sonia's earring was a gift from her bff/crush, a gerudo girl that imma keep secret for now bc I'm still working on her

Adira's feather necklace is a gift from her close buddy/bff, a rito, which I'm also gonna be hush hush about for now

Adira messes around with alot of not so safe devices out of curiosity and the need to create, but gets her hands dirty/hurt in the process, hence the band-aids

They both have small fangs thanks to their mom (iykyk)

Adira's favorite color is pink, Sonia's is blue

Also, huge thanks to @carogdraws for helping me desing their clothes! It was a huge help and i probably wouldn't have done it without it ^^

Now, those are the extra info i have for them, the rest of the basic info i have already shared will be under the cut

Yes it was copy pasted from the last post i did about them, but i have a need to keep everything in one neat little post sue me

The two girls are 3 years apart. Oldest is Sonia (yes, named after Queen Sonia herself), and the youngest is Adira

Sonia is more like her dad, especially in terms of looks, but she inherited her mother's eyes and thurst for answers. She's very energetic and adventurous and likes helping others

She tends to be the guinea-pig to a lot of her sister's projects and creations since she has almost no self-preservation. She enjoys it tho, thinking it as a fun activity to try out new things and hang out with her sister. She also enjoys carving things, mainly toys and masks. Most of her sister's toys were made by her when they were around 11 and 8

Although she is usually quite the airhead, and not really the brightest (like her dad, cough-), she definitely inherited her mother's overthinker mind. Doesn't help that she also tends to think little of herself, being the firstborn of the Princess and Hero themselves, alot of people put her under alot of high expectations and although her parents tried their best to show she didn't have to prove her worth, the gossip around town was hard to ignore, doesn't help the fact that her sister has started to become a prodigy to her mom, creating inventions to help hyrule and planning to bring the royal system back when she's old enough

Sonia though, has no intention of bringing the royal life back, nor to continue it. Like her dad she wants to explore, she's fascinated by history and wants to disvover every small relic left unseen. And she wants to travel beyond Hyrule one day as well and help those she comes across her path. But also perhaps, escape the duties and expectations others put on top of her, and perhaps prove herself better then those expectations

She loves her sister tho, despite everything, and will never admit to her how jelouse she actually is of Adira. How jealous she was of Adira of being able to hang out with their mom so much, have so much in common with her, sometimes she wonders if she has anything from her mom other then her eyes

Adira is alot like her mother, especially in the looks department, but she has her father's eyes and thurst for chaos. She's usually quiet, but very sassy when needs be, and although seeming quite shy, she got quite the temperament and wont hold back her tounge

Like mentioned previously she becoms a prodigy to her mom, creating and getting invested on inventions to help hyrule and planning to bring the royal system back when she's old enough. She spends most of her time studying and working on anything technology finding it fun to see what possible outcomes it came give

Although sometimes the pressure is too much, as much as her parents give her the liberty to explore her interests, as she had started to show advancements in her creations and helping hyrule, as well as proclaiming to bring back the kingdom (even tho she was a child when she said that), all eyes were now set on her and she is terrified of any failure, and to disappoint everyone, she usually confides on her sister who never cared of her status and just liked to be around her for her (and well, she felt too embarrassed about it to tell her parents about it, they didn't need to worry about such simple things in her eyes, they already fought the townsfolk so much bc of that, she didn't want to make them dislike her parents bc of her)

She admires her sister alot, looks up to her and wishes she could be as cool as her, as free as her, but she isn't good in any sort of physical activities and is usually just stuck in the lab. And that causes a smidge of jealousy as Sonia is able to bond more with their dad then Adira ever could, she feels like she has nothing in common to her dad other then his eyes and need for chaos (which the second part was something looked down apon by others)

And those are the basics i have so far, there is more but I'm unsure about it for now, and aren't 100% concrete yet, so i wont share at the moment

But before i end this, here are some small fun facts:

Both Sonia and Adira are pure glutons, just like their dad XD. They have cooking sessions together quite often, helping around the kitchen when they can;

Sonia loves horses as much as her dad does, but she is terrified of riding them, because when she was little and riding one for the first time, the person who set settle on didn't do it properly and she fell, head first into a rocky ground, and to add onto it, the horse stepped right onto her pinky. Now she has small panic attacks trying to ride them

Sonia actually used to hate Adira. Since Adira was a rainbow baby, Zelda and Link did kinda get overprotective with her and accidentally neglected Sonia. That didn't last long after Sonia did cause a whole scene with running away and almost getting killed- but that's likez a whole other story in itself lol (i might make a more detailed post about this later). But after that incident, they were able to work things out, and Sonia ended up being way more protective over Adira than her own parents

[zeakis]

[spellmage]

He would simply have to kill anything that was not him, to carefully carve around the edges of himself until he was just free enough to slip through. It would have been easier to give up, but he needed to live to prove that he could.

A reflection on a life spent under the thumb of other people; Of killings, ghosts, houses that are not homes, and the driftwood that piles up in the absence of feeling.

[supermarine-silvally]

ArtFight attack for @bloglop!! Here is Mila with an important missive for the acting commander of 2nd division of the Whitebeard Pirates~

I am ✨Obsessed✨ with Mila's design she is so cute 🥹 10/10 would draw again sometime

also drawing those roses for Yara's dress nearly killed me, never doing that again LOL

Ace's letter is below the cut!

Dear Yara, I finally caught wind of Teach! Him and his miserable little crew have reportedly been in the area. (One only needs to follow the stench of betrayal). If I’m lucky, I should be able to intercept him somewhere around Banaro Island. You can tell Pops that the score is about to be settled, and then I’ll be on my merry way back home and into your wonderful arms (and you can also tell Pops that I’ll accept whatever punishment he offers for storming away like that. Two months of barnacle duty is well worth letting Thatch’s soul rest). Dunno how long it’s going to take me to capture the bastard, so I’ve enlisted the help of this nice delivery girl to make sure the letter reaches you as soon as possible. Please tip her well! Miss you lots and hopefully see you soon! Keep your pretty eyes on the horizon for the Striker. Love, Ace P.S. xoxoxo <— just a teeny fraction of all the hugs and kisses you’re going to get the second I return, sweetheart.

[yetanotherexhaustedalchemist]

"If it's worth anything, I'm always willing to lend a listening ear."

Hello! This is my first account and post, so I'm super nervous... but here we go? I figured starting off with my yuusona is a good place to start (just me but yassified and with Lore).

Uhhhhh not sure what else to say. I have a bunch of other TWST ocs which I'll probably post later, plus a still unnamed fantasy world I'm building and I'd like to share that eventually too. (Baring my soul to the world a bit here)

I'm not usually a social media person but the TWST brainrot is real and I needed to scream my ideas into the void lest I go insane.

[crush3dmary]

Realizing that between my user subscribers and the people who subscribe to the fic itself over 120 people get emailed every time I update philosophy has me kind of like 🥴 I know that this is what every mid sized fandom author wants but god I am not good with being perceived in large numbers

[mumms-the-word]

if I start posting old/new Dragon Age fic of my wardens/inquisitors/etc would people be interested in reading it? Or is that something I should wait to do as people begin to play the games for the first time?

Full disclosure it would mostly be single scenes/oneshots of my Warden x Alistair, Inquisitor x Cullen, Inquisitor x Solas (hate me if you wish), maaaybe an occasional Hawke x Anders or Fenris fic, and maybe a couple oneshots/scenes for my Inquisitor x Josephine or Cassandra

But my mains are Alistair and Cullen (and maybe Solas lol) sooo....

[killerchickadee]

Cuddles

Oh finger, we're really in it now

Still can't figure out if he doesn't know or just doesn't care.

[missmaywemeetagain]

A Million Little Heartaches: Pandora's Box 💔💫❤️‍🔥

A/N: Hi, my darlin's! I was feeling a little hesitant about posting my first non-EP fic, but I got over myself lol. This one is a bit of an experiment as it's not told in chronological order, and we'll see if I continue it based on inspiration and interest. Please let me know your thoughts! As always, they are so appreciated and what helps keep me motivated a lot of the time, especially as I'm trying new things. I really hope you enjoy it and can't wait to hear what you think. 💗

ALSO, I'm not sure if tumblr has changed its algorithm or what, but I know I'm not seeing people's posts in my feed like I used to. Turn on notifications for me to not miss anything and if you like this, it would be super helpful if you reblog this post! Thank you babies! 💗

Key Tropes: Angst, right person(s)-wrong time, star-crossed lovers, slow burn kinda? friends to enemies to friends to lovers?(LOL), forbidden love, second chance love

💥 Head's up! My first Scarf Universe exclusive (Red Scarf) is set to come out THIS WEEK for my Patreons! It's utterly filthy and indulgent, so if you are interested, you can join my Patreon community HERE to get access! 💥

A Million Little Heartaches

Part 1: Pandora’s Box

March 2026

I’ve curled my legs up under me in an oversized armchair, staring aimlessly at the fire. My empty wine glass is precariously balanced in my hand as I am hypnotized by the flames. Liam’s angry outburst shocked everyone, and his words still ring like poison in my ears:

You abandoned me.

I run through all the things I could’ve said in response instead of just standing there speechless as he ripped me into pieces in front of everybody.

Namely, you made your choice, Liam. And it wasn’t me.

It was never me.

Good ole Lily, forever the consolation prize, I muse, shaking my head.

There’s a hollow feeling in my heart that hasn’t been there for a long, long time.

“Mind if I join you?” Jake’s rumbling voice startles me out of my staring contest with the fire.

Oh god, now? Seriously? is what I’m thinking, but I manage a cordial nod instead, setting my empty glass on the side table next to me.

He sits in the chair facing mine. A glance over reminds me he’s a man now, not a boy, the firelight hitting the weathered but not unattractive lines on what used to be a baby face. The peach fuzz which had tickled my cheek so long ago is now a short, dark beard on a sharper, less rounded jaw. His once sandy hair has darkened some and is peppered with grey. He has aged well.

I can’t imagine how he must be looking at me after all these years, at the changes he must see. I know I’m not the girl I was. I look back at the fire.

“Are you okay?” he asks after a moment of silence.

I roll my eyes over to him and huff a bitter laugh. “Does it matter?”

I shouldn’t have said it like that—Liam’s freak out wasn’t Jake’s fault—but everything feels so fucking raw that I don’t have the wherewithal for a filter.

“It always has,” he says quietly.

The words hang there between us, heavy. There’s a poignancy and deeper meaning to them that slaps me out of my pity party.

“Excuse me?” I breathe out, blinking. My heart starts racing, like a hummingbird trapped in my ribcage.

He doesn’t get to say my feelings have always mattered. Not him. Not the guy who dragged me to hell and back because he was too much of a coward to let me down easy. Not the one who I spent nearly six years trying desperately to know and wishing for him to know me, too. Who I tried, only somewhat successfully, to forge a friendship with after it seemed all between us was well and truly done.

Jake shifts uncomfortably in his seat, looking at the fire before he finds what he needs there to bring himself to look back at me.

He only knows a fraction of what he put me through, or at least I think he does. He was ever the master at shutting me out, so it’s always been hard to know what he’s thinking or feeling without having to pry it out of him with a crowbar.

His voice echoes in my head, a long-forgotten memory: I guess I’m just the kind of person who hides my feelings.

An understatement.

This makes it a surprise when he looks straight at me with those warm brown eyes that used to melt me into the floor and says, “Your feelings have always mattered.”

Maybe it’s the wine, or the blowup with Liam, but my filter disappears completely. There’s a latent, hot anger that boils to the surface.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You, of all people, think my feelings have always mattered?” I throw back at him, scoffing.

He looks as though I’ve slapped him, and if I wasn’t so upset, I might try to backtrack. But I spent six years of my adolescence trying to shield him from my feelings, and as an adult, I don’t have time for that shit anymore.

“I suppose I deserve that,” he recovers, looking back at the fire.

I’m surprised, to say the least. It’s not as though we hadn’t talked about it back in the day, at least somewhat, but I never let him know just how deeply he hurt me. I never told him about the panic attacks, the intense depressions, or the manic feelings I’d get from just a morsel of attention from him. No, I’d buried all that for the sake of our “friendship” or whatever it was.

Part of me knows it’s stupid to try and rehash things that we put to rest so long ago. I shouldn’t hold it against him—we were just teenagers—but it wasn’t until my twenties that I finally grasped just how much Jake fucked me up. He made me think that if you love someone enough, they can treat you however they want and it doesn’t matter, and if it’s “meant to be” then someone can string you along indefinitely without consequence. I’d been so convinced we were these star-crossed lovers that had such a deep thread of connection that we’d someday figure it out. But someday never came.

Liam had. Liam pulled me from the ashes of my heartbreak and showed me real love. Or so I’d hoped. I’d hoped so much that I’d ignored and excused all the similarities between the way he and Jake treated me. But he had loved me and risked it all for me at one time. I mattered to him, to a fault.

But with Jake, I’m never sure I mattered. I always felt on thin ice, or at least that’s how I remember it. But memory warps over time. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ve been wrong about all of it.

God, he still has me running circles around myself.

“Yeah, you do deserve it, a little,” is what I finally settle on, but it comes out gentler than I want it to.

He gives me a familiar sardonic half-smile.

Ah, there he is, the little shit. It was a look that twenty years ago would set my heart a-flutter on a good day and made me want to throttle him on a bad one. Some things never change.

Another thing that hasn’t changed is my need to shove him past his comfort zone with all my thoughts and feelings.

“Sometimes, I’m still not sure I mattered to you at all.” The words catch in my throat, giving away more than I want to.

His eyes snap back to mine. “How can you say that?” he asks with a surprising level of hurt in his voice.

I’m taken aback. “Jake, I don’t think you entirely understand the way you…” I stop myself and shake my head.

“The way I what? Say it,” he challenges, uncharacteristically.

I take a deep breath. “The way you broke my heart completely. How I spent months—no, years—trying to figure out what I had done that was so bad that you didn’t have or couldn’t really admit you had feelings for me, or why I was so repulsive you couldn’t bear to be with me. You had me so tied in knots I could hardly breathe.”

“Lily, you were never—” he starts, shaking his head, but I don’t listen, plowing right through whatever he thinks he needs to say.

“And then Liam came into the picture and helped me heal, and still I was so desperate for your approval, for us to be friends. But you always, always kept me at arm’s length. I could never figure any of it out. I still wonder if it was all one-sided and I was just a crazy little girl who manufactured this epic love story in her head,” I ramble out, shaking my head.

I’m saying too much, I know I am, but what the fuck does it matter now, after all this time? I have no need to impress him anymore.

   He shutters down, and it’s so entirely familiar that I have to laugh. “That. Right there,” I point, “is the same thing you did to me 27 years ago. You could never let me in, could you? As much as I hoped you would, as close as I swear I got sometimes, this brick wall is what made me question everything about us. It always has.”

His eyes widen as he’s called out so viciously, his hands tensing then releasing the arms on the chair. I let him sit in it for a moment before I drop the last bombshell, the one I’m sure will ruin the precarious balance between us:

“You were my first love, Jake, and I was so in love with you it hurt. God, I was so convinced we were connected in some timeless, deep, soulmates kind of way. And sometimes you did things that seemed to confirm that, but then you’d turn around and…well, I tried so hard to understand why you didn’t feel it, too. But I was young and stupid and obsessed, I guess,” I laugh, looking into the fire. “I finally just had to accept I was never gonna figure you out or understand why you didn’t love me back.”

He’s quiet for a long moment and I’m almost afraid he’s going to get up and walk away.

“Sorry, I guess old habits die hard. Here I am, still blasting you with all my feelings, 25-plus-years later,” I chuckle. “No wonder you never wanted to be with m—”

“You’ve got it all wrong,” he interrupts.

My head snaps back to him. “What?”

“I never meant to hurt you like that. I never meant to drive you to…Liam,” he says, with a frustrated bitterness in his tone that surprises me.

“Okay…?” I’m not sure where this is going, but my heart kicks up again.

“I told you back then I liked you,” he says blatantly, as if it were ever that simple between us.

I can’t help but laugh. “Did you, really? You told me in different ways how you were ‘gonna ask me out, but…’. And there was always a ‘but.’ And it was never in the present tense. I heard from other people that you liked me, sure, but you never really told me. Not in a way that felt like I wasn’t forcing something out of you that you were ashamed of or just telling me to save face. And it was always me who came to you. Always. You had a thousand chances and never followed through. We never even kissed, Jake! You kissed everyone but me. What was I supposed to think?”

“I-I-I…damn it, Lily,” he growls. “I couldn’t.”

 “Excuse me? You very much ‘could,’ you just didn’t want to. And that’s fine, you never owed it to me to reciprocate my feelings. Just don’t pretend—”

“Of course, I had feelings for you!” he yells.

I’m stunned into silence.

“I had feelings for you since we were 12! You were the first girl I ever really thought of in that way and I had no idea how to deal with it. And the moment you showed any interest in me I panicked and pushed you away. And I regretted it after and thought I’d ruined everything, but you came back, and I-I-I did it again. And again. Because my feelings for you scared the shit out of me.”

My heart is jackhammering now. I can barely breathe. “Why?”

“You were special. I couldn’t—I couldn’t ruin that…or you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense! You didn’t want to ‘ruin me’ so you broke my heart, over and over?”

“I didn’t deserve you. You were way too good for me and way out of my league.”

Flabbergasted, I blink at him. The pure insanity of this conversation has me whirling.

“But you kept flirting with me anyway, leading me on? You’d hug me, hold my hand…Lord, you even snuggled me and popped a fucking boner against me at that party freshman year…” I babble.

A blush floods his cheeks. “I was only 15, I-I-I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“You knew enough to fuck Talia.”

He looks like I’ve struck him again, but I can see in his eyes he knows I’m right. Talia would forever be a sore spot between us.

“I was young. And dumb.”

“No shit. And it doesn’t track. You did the same with Tina, Heather, and pretty much any other girl who showed the slightest bit of interest in you. Everyone except me.”

“I know. I was wrong. I was in a…bad place.”

“I practically handed myself to you on a platter and you humiliated me. How do you think it felt that I was the only one you never…you just kept me dangling on a string,” I say, shaking with anger.

“I know,” he whispers, “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t��”

“Sure,” I shake my head and look away. I don’t know why I care so much. I shouldn’t. This is all ancient history, and maybe it is Liam’s doing for sucking me back into the past tonight, but for some reason it all feels like it happened yesterday.

“I knew it was wrong, that I was treating you badly, a-a-and that’s why I found God. I wanted to be better…for you.”

Something cracks inside of me at the gesture. It doesn’t make any sense—why would he do that for me? My breath starts to falter a bit.

I remember he had changed dramatically mid-sophomore year, turning into a nicer, happier, and kinder version of himself. He’d stopped going after every girl in sight and wasn’t blatantly ignoring me anymore. We’d become friends again. I’d thought he was swept up in wanting to hang with the cooler, older Christian kids in the group, bowing to a weird form of peer pressure, just as I had done.

Of course, my “conversion” had not stuck after everything that happened later, but that’s beside the point.

Slowly, pieces start falling into place. Things I’d never considered.  

“You didn’t. You did it for…me?” I say breathlessly. “That’s a pretty drastic thing for a 16-year-old to do…”

He nods.

A shiver runs down my spine.

“Why…why would you do something like that for me?” I hold my breath and quell the trembling of my hands by clasping them together.

In the heavy pause, it feels like all the air gets sucked out of the room, and everything else around us warps and stops.

“Because I was completely in love with you.”

My heart stops. “What?” I whisper.

This can’t be real.

But his eyes are as open and pleading as I’ve ever seen them, begging me to finally understand what he couldn’t impart all those years ago.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” I manage to choke out.

A pained look crosses his face. “I was too late.”

It’s like I’m 16 again, the way my heart is ready to explode while simultaneously being yanked from my chest. The air whooshes out of my lungs and I can’t bring myself to speak. All I can do is look over at him with questioning eyes.

“Me being such an asshole pushed you straight into his arms and by the time I came to my senses, it was too late. You’d fallen for him, even though he was with someone else,” he says bitterly.

He is not wrong. The whole reason Liam and I became friends in the first place was he listened to my heartbreak over Jake.

“So, I tried to be your friend instead. That was what you wanted, right? I thought maybe I could get closer to you and change your mind, talk some sense into you.”

I find my voice. “What are you even talking about? Liam and I were very much not together that spring and summer because of Melissa. You had the perfect chance, but you started dating Tiffany right when school got out.”

His jaw sets, clenches. “Oh, come on. It was beyond obvious you weren’t over him. So, yeah, when Tiffany showed interest, I gave it a chance. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You probably don’t remember how I messaged you all the time. How our conversations got longer a-a-and deeper. How I begged you to call me.”

Vague memories flash back to me. “I did call you. And I definitely would’ve remembered you telling me this!” I shake my head.

He has no idea how this revelation would have changed everything. God, I can’t breathe.

            “I tried to feel you out that fall, but you were pretty focused on Liam.”

            Mind racing, I try to remember how it all went down. My attraction to Liam had been all-consuming, made worse by the way we desperately tried to keep our hands off each other when Melissa left for college. We weren’t officially together, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes that we were mad about each other. Between that, the play, and keeping my grades up, things were intense that fall, to say the least. But there had been some weird moments with Jake that I’d tried to brush off as friendly at the time, but maybe they weren’t.

            “Friendsgiving.” It pops into my head suddenly, and I look at him with wide eyes. “I couldn’t figure it out—you went out of your way to take me home that night, then you were so teasing and flirty. We sat in my driveway for like half an hour. You couldn’t keep your hands off me—tickling me and putting your arm around me. I thought it was strange…but you were with Tiffany. I convinced myself I was imagining it.”

            It starts to dawn on me that perhaps my instincts had been right this whole damn time.

            I ramble as I recall more, “You were so obsessed about Mick having to kiss me for the play. We talked about how weird it would be if you had to understudy and it was us who had to kiss instead.”

            Jake looks at me sheepishly. “I wanted to kiss you so badly.”

            “God, why didn’t you?!”

            “You were in love with Liam!”

            “You are still such an idiot. Did you not hear anything I’ve said to you? If you’d kissed me, it wouldn’t have mattered. You were always there in the back of my mind. It was always you.” My hands are trembling at the admission, at how easily I would’ve folded if he had come for me.

            His eyes narrow, almost incredulously, as if he can’t believe it.

            “That’s all I ever wanted, Jake—for you to care enough to show me, or tell me, or anything at all! To fight for me…for us. But you never had the balls to do it, and that’s why we never happened. Not because of Liam. Not because I didn’t feel the same way. Because of you,” I say, voice shaking as hard as my hands.

            I’m coming apart at the seams, unravelling for the second time tonight because of men who never truly understood me or put me first. Refusing to cry in front of Jake and let him know just how much he’d changed with his inaction, I stand too quickly, wobbling on my feet.

            Jake jumps up to steady me, one hand at my forearm and the other at my waist, touching me for the first time in over 20 years. My stupid body responds with a jolt of electricity now just as it did then, like a phantom limb come to life. Logic tells me to pull away.

I don’t.

            He steps closer. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair, “I feel like all I’ve ever done is hurt you, and I hate myself for it.”

            Oh, god. His proximity is dizzying, a reminder of moments long gone. A whiff of cologne. The way his thumb gently rubs the dip of my waist through my dress. The not-so-subtle way he lures me in closer.

            I don’t understand. How is it after the decades of life that have occurred, after having my heart swell and break and swell again with different types of love, that this man still can send me reeling?

            And he’s right—all he’s ever done is hurt me and tie me in knots. Being near him is like being edged in the most painful of ways because there is never any payoff. He had seen to that.

            There is something inherently cruel in the fate of it all. How the moment I had moved on all those years ago, the moment I released my hope of being with him and found another, that was when he figured his shit out. The worst part used to be feeling like he’d never felt the same about me, but knowing now that he loved me somehow makes everything ache even worse than it did before.

            Tears sting the corners of my eyes, even though I promised myself long ago I’d never shed another tear over Jake. I hate he will forever be the one that got away. The one who I’d never felt closure with, like a scab that crusts over but won’t heal underneath. As stupid as it sounds, there has been a part of me since the moment he so sweetly helped me solve a math problem in the 7th grade that has unwillingly left a piece of my heart in his hands ever since, no matter how many others there have been to take his place in between.

            And I hate him for that. I hate him even more now that I know I was always right about us from the start, about the thread of connection that bound us to each other almost 30 years ago.

“Does it even bother you? The ‘what could have been?’ Did it cross your mind that maybe everything would be different if you’d just said something? Or did you just forget about me, about all of it?” I whisper angrily.

God knows, I haven’t.

Furious and frazzled, I press my hands into his chest to push away. It’s a terrible move because his large hand covers mine, pinning it to him. He’s warm through his dress shirt and his heart beats wildly under my palm. My eyes fly up to meet his.

“I think about it all the time. More than I should. But God works in mysterious ways,” he says, as if that explains it all.

I roll my eyes. Another wonderful excuse. “I guess he does,” I add sarcastically.  Extricating myself from him, I immediately feel clearer, but part of me wants nothing more to feel his touch on me again. I shake the feeling off.

I had abandoned religion and the guilt and bigotry that came along with it the moment I got to college, when I realized just how much it had fucked my young brain up. Not shockingly, the religious friends who’d taken such offense when I’d gotten together with Liam were the same ones who quickly fell out of my life once they realized I wasn’t going to tow the line. Jake had only dug his heels in deeper into his religion after that, with Tiffany and his cookie-cutter perfect family and church going ways, and now it crosses my mind that it’s all because of me.

Don’t be stupid.

He’s waiting on me to say something. It takes me a moment to absorb the fact that he admitted thinking about me more than he should. This good and pious Christian man was thinking about me when he should have been thinking about his wife.

But I am in no place to judge. Not about this.

I want to know what salacious thoughts have run through his mind about me, but I can’t bring myself to ask. Part of me wants to utterly ruin him in all the ways I couldn’t when we were teenagers. A heat gathers low in my belly at the thought, at his nearness.

Romantic and physical chemistry is no joke, I realize. It’s like my pheromones were preprogrammed by the universe to be attracted to his, and by the cautiously heated look he’s giving me now, I’m wondering if it’s always been the same for him.

One of my biggest regrets about us, since the beginning, was the question that if we had even just kissed once and got it over with, would it have broken the tension between us like a summer rainstorm breaks the heat? Would we have gotten it out of our system and figured out if whatever chemistry we had was real or just something we’d worked up in our imaginations?

But it’s too late for that. The past can’t be changed. Now the ‘what if’s’ that plagued me for all these years hurt worse than before, knowing that with one stupid admission or one kiss all those years ago, we could have had it all. Maybe we would have been the high school sweethearts who got married and annoy our 2.5 kids with stories about what an idiot their dad was until he’d finally told me how he felt.

There would’ve been no me-and-Liam, or him leaving me because the world had gone to shit. I wouldn’t have met my husband. All of it, an entire life I’ll never know, flashes before my eyes and nearly brings me to my knees.

And while I don’t subscribe to his God, I do think the universe puts things in our path. But what was the point of all this, then—of us never being the “us” we both know we wanted it to be? I just don’t see why this thing can’t seem to die and fade into the ether. He’s like a bad penny I can’t shake.

At least with Liam, there was closure. We had loved and dated and all of the milestones that go with that. Knowing Jake loved me doesn’t make me truly feel any better, other than the fact I know I wasn’t a delusional, lovesick teenager.

But he loved a version of me that’s grown up into someone different, just as I begrudgingly loved a version of him that I’d made up in my head to be better than he was.

I’ve been quiet too long. “Why?” It pops out of my mouth unwillingly. “Why do you still think of me?”

“Do you still think of me?” I expect him to shirk away from the question, but he flips it on me so fast I have whiplash.

I close my mouth, my eyes darting away, answering his question.

He nods. “Then you know.”

Does that mean he replays fuzzy memories of interlocking his fingers with mine or pulling me too close in a dance? He sees the stolen, meaningful glances in his mind’s eye? He thinks about the multitude of chances he had to press his lips to mine but didn’t and what may have happened if it had gone farther than that? He thinks of how if he and I became a “we” it would’ve completely altered the course of our lives?

I have trouble thinking he ponders any of that.

But if he loved me like he says he did…

The hollow ache in my heart is back with a vengeance, erasing all hope I had at getting out of here relatively unscathed.

“Maybe we were just destined to hurt each other. Maybe we’ve always been bad for each other,” I say indignantly instead of voicing all the other thoughts buzzing in my head. But it feels true, nonetheless.

I watch him shake his head rather vehemently. He opens his mouth to speak, but I beat him to the punch.

“But too bad we never had the chance to find out for sure,” I add with venom. After this, I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling like he stole that chance from me.

We were babies. Give the guy a break, a tiny voice in the back of my head chimes in.

            Unfortunately, I’m a little too emotionally wrecked to let a silly thing like logic get me back on track and remind me I’m a goddamned adult.

            Star-crossed lovers aren’t real. “Meant to be” isn’t real. Threads of fate tying us together in inexplicable ways aren’t real. What’s real is hormones and youth and cowardice and terrible timing. What’s real are jobs and spouses and children.

            Then why can’t I shake the feeling that this isn’t even close to being the end for us? It makes no sense.

            It never has.

            I grab my purse. Furious and regretful, I can’t be around him anymore, which is made evident by the fact that I want to stay so badly, even if it means my heart is bleeding out in front of him. But I have more self-respect now than I had when I was 16, and I certainly am not going to cry in front of him.

            “Goodbye Jake. I hope your life is everything you want it to be. Give Tiffany my best.” It’s a dig, to be sure. We both know Tiffany wants nothing to do with me, and now I finally know why. I turn and walk away, quickly, escaping my past down the darkened hallway towards the bathrooms.

            “Lily, wait,” he commands from behind me, catching up and grabbing my hand. Shocked at his tone of voice and forwardness, I have no choice to spin back to him. His eyes are blazing.

            “What? What is there left to say?” I say, my voice cracking with emotion. “That one of my biggest regrets is that we never made this work, this—this silly pseudo-romance from our teens? That I hate how much this matters to me, even now, even though I haven’t seen you in years?”

            He advances, his eyes never leaving mine, and a small huff escapes my lips as my back hits the wall. It’s hard not to notice he’s broader and taller than he used to be as his body comes so close to pressing against mine. Every one of my nerves sparks to attention at his sudden proximity, a buzzing static electricity.

His hand clasps my neck, the rough pad of his thumb trailing along my jaw. I have no choice but to keep looking up at him, into those darkened brown eyes.

“What are you doing?” I whisper.

Shock precedes a pool of fire low in my belly when he boldly brings his thumb to the center of my lips and slowly drags it down. My lips part and a small moan escapes them. I’m vaguely aware of my purse hitting the floor with a thunk.

“What I should’ve done a long time ago,” he says definitively. His warm breath tickles my cheek where his mouth hovers too close to mine.

As my body fully kicks into overdrive, I’m reminded of what I’ve always known: I’m incapable of resisting Jake Lawson. One last rational thought pushes through the fire that is rapidly consuming me.

“This is a bad idea,” I pant, my eyes scanning his face.

“A terrible one,” he agrees, and when he nods, his nose brushes against mine.

I expect a crash of lips and teeth, but instead his soft lips brush mine tantalizingly, dragging in a way that sends an explosion of heat through my chest. The warmth of our breath mingles, and I can’t stop the way my hands instinctively reach for the lapels of his jacket. His hand on my neck pulls me closer and when our lips finally press together in earnest, oh, god, it’s everything I’d ever hoped it would be.

Instead of breaking away, we are pulled into each other by some unknown force that makes my entire body tingle from head to toe. Jake deepens the kiss, and I turn as pliable as putty in his arms, wondering how it is possible that we went this damn long without doing this. His fingers tighten in my hair, eliciting a groan as his mouth opens and his tongue persuasively brushes against my lips. Granting permission, I open to him further and our tongues roll gingerly against each other.

Something ignites in me that hasn’t in a long, long time. It’s a blast of desire and truth so strong it threatens to undo me. It’s different than pure passion—there’s a yearning, a need, a rightness lacing every touch between us. And based on the way he clings to me now, I have no doubt he feels it, too, this sense of fate that we were always destined to end up here.

Every instinct I have wants to feed the fire that is swirling in my belly, but the last thread of rationality left in me reminds me that I shouldn’t let this go too far. It has gone too far already. I force myself to pull away, which is like prying two strong magnets off each other. I can’t move more than an inch, just enough to separate our lips. I’m too dizzy with the smell of him and what must be a lack of oxygen. Or maybe it’s because my entire world feels upended.

His forehead rests on mine, his thumb caressing the hollow of my throat. “Shit,” he sighs out with a shudder, his breath tickling my face as he struggles to control himself.

For once in my life, I have no doubt of what he’s feeling. The way he says that one word tells me he is every bit as blindsided, connected, and aroused as I am. But it’s more than just that. A tether of knowing has tightened between us. It’s so overwhelming I feel like I might cry.

As we stand pressed close together in this dark hallway, I don’t think either of us truly expected it to feel like this. Like everything that’s been wrong between us was because we resisted this bond, a power that feels beyond anything I could have imagined. In mere moments, we’ve confirmed what both of us have inherently known but tried to ignore for almost three decades.

That’s when I realize we’ve opened Pandora’s box. We can never go back.

“Jake…” I choke, trying to get the words out, but they won’t come.

“I know,” he responds solemnly, and I have no doubt he has come to the same conclusion as I have:

We are in deep trouble.

*

taglist

@sassanoe @re3kin @thella @suspiciousmidge @hiddlepiddlediddlewiddle @carolinesbookworld @juggernort @aesthetic-lyss @stitchattacks @donnamarie23 

@lacyluver @littlebitofgreen @paigevis @bugg06 @xhannahbananax03 @artlover8992

@18lkpeters @frozenhuntress67 @girlblogger2002 @kendralavon7 @misspresley @elv1s-is-pretty 

@be-my-ally @whositmcwhatsit @vintageshanny @ellie-24 @thatbanditqueen @powerofelvis @from-memphis-with-love

@precious-little-scoundrel @stylespresleyhearted @prompted-wordsmith @crash-and-cure @elvisgf @ohjustpeachy1 @lookingforrainbows @fic-over-cannon @godlypresley @ab4eva @whatstruthgottodowithit @elvisabutler @ amydarcimarie @idontwanttoputanything  @callieselvisobsessed @captainamerica1235-blog  @xenaspace3-blog 

[mushroompollution]

good morning.❁