#I'm a horrible writer but I needed to let all this out before I explode from frustration

[lvis44]

Sweet Escape - The Wedding Pt.1 // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Y/N

Warnings: Language, Alcohol Consumption, its really just a whole lot of fluff

Word Count: 1.7k+

Summary: Paradise is supposed to be fun and relaxing... a Sweet Escape, but when unspoken feelings and jealousy rise to the surface, everything can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

Notes: The beginning of the long awaited wedding! I have decided I will be releasing this in chunks, I cannot guarantee when each one will be coming but it will all be in the universe soon enough. I love you all and appreciate those of you have been kind and patient, I'm still here y'all I promise. Once again I cannot follow the same tense while writing and this has not been fully edited.

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

Previous Sections: Prologue - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Epilogue

What if I come and stay until 11:55?” His voice is whiny and desperate, making you laugh.

“Lewis, you have to go before Charlotte and Miles come and drag you.” You tell your pouting fiancé, still laughing at him.

You’re standing outside the fancy restaurant rented for your rehearsal dinner, snow falling around you as people start to clear out. Lewis had been attached to your hip for the last few days, his adoration for you only growing as you two approached your wedding day, The day that you had perfectly planned together.

“Wanna sleep next to you though.” Lewis says quietly, a cheeky smirk on his face as he pulls you against him, his hand traveling down to your bum.

“Lew! My parents are right there.” You whisper shout, grabbing his forearm to move it up to your lower back.

He just laughed, shaking his head before pressing himself against you even firmer, “Seriously, can we stay together just a little while longer? Promise I’ll leave before midnight.”

You could tell his intentions weren’t to sleep and you knew you would be hard pressed to kick him out later in the evening. You’re not a particularly traditional person but you were holding to sleeping apart the night before the wedding, much to his dismay. His mother had been the one to bring it up during wedding planning and while Lewis thought it was a horrible concept you were more than happy to go along, it made her happy and it made everything feel even more real. Two suites had been rented for the night at different hotels, mostly to keep Lewis from sneaking into your bed in the middle of the night.

“Bruv, if you don’t let go of her and come get in the damn car, I will remove you myself.” Miles’ voice boomed from behind you, saving you from having to turn your fiancé down yet again.

You couldn’t help but laugh, knowing Miles and Charlotte were tightly wound, the stress getting to them both as if it was their own wedding. You could see that Lewis was finally accepting defeat, rolling his eyes but nodding to Miles, motioning that he would be there in a second.

“It’s fucking crazy that the next time I see you will be at the altar.” Lewis whispers, looking giddy yet anxious.

“Gonna be Mrs. Hamilton tomorrow!” Your voice was quiet as you tried to hold back your squeal of excitement.

You were beyond elated to be marrying your best friend. When he proposed he had made it very clear that you could be engaged as long as you wanted, that nothing needed to be rushed. Only two years later you were here, ready to marry the love of your life in less than twenty four hours.

“Son, I think Miles is going to explode if we don’t all get going.” You hear Anthony laugh from nearby, evidently amused by the frantic state that Miles was in.

“Okay, okay.” Lewis just laughs, glancing at Miles who was now pacing outside of the black town car.

“I love you, get some sleep, need you in tip top shape tomorrow.” You say to Lewis, leaning up to place a family friendly kiss to his lips as you pat his chest

“Yes ma’am, I love you too.” Lewis mumbles against your lips.

Lewis stares at you for a moment, love pouring out of his dark brown eyes before squeezing your waist once more and walking off toward Miles who looks about ready to shove Lewis into the trunk if it means they’ll leave any quicker. Having said your goodbyes to everyone earlier, you make your way over toward Charlotte where she’s waiting by your own matching town car.

“You look much calmer than Miles was.” You laugh as she makes a ridiculous display of opening the door for you.

“Well thankfully I’m in charge of the much easier spouse,” She giggles, following you into the car, “I knew you’d stick to your guns and send him on his way. Miles on the other hand has about ten different plans of ways to just about lock Lewis in his room, pretty sure a straight jacket is on the table.”

You can’t help but laugh, knowing Lewis will more than likely continue to complain throughout the night. You would be lying if you said you truly didn’t want to be next to him for the night, you always sleep better in his arms, but you know one night away from each other won’t kill either of you, you’ve done it countless times before. It’s been rather adorable to you how clingy Lewis had gotten over the past few weeks, it was rather unlike him but you weren’t going to fight it. You know it’s something he does sometimes when he needs to ground himself, and right now his emotions are at an all time high. There had been a few snafus with decorations and such in the weeks leading up to now, each one seemed to wind him that much tighter, the perfectionist in him struggling.

When you arrived in the suite you were exhausted and ready for your pajamas but knew there was no way you were ready to go to sleep just yet. Your mom was waiting for you in the suite when you arrived, already opening a bottle of wine and urging you and Charlotte to come sit with her, a much needed moment of decompression. You’ve been busy all day; last minute preparations, the wedding rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner with all of both of your families. You were drained yet still so full of adrenaline. Being around Lewis all day had helped immensely, always so in tune with each others moods and needs, more than once he had rescued you from a conversation that felt like it had just gone on too long. It also helped that he was bubbling with excitement and energy, even after so long you frequently questioned where he got it, the level rarely faltering.

It wasn’t long before Charlotte was excusing herself to go get ready for bed, leaving you alone with your mom.

“This is all still so crazy to me.” Your moms voice is quiet and kind.

“Which part?” You laugh, taking a sip of your wine.

“All of it!” You mom says, gesturing into the air, “The fact that my baby is getting married, that her wedding is in a castle, that she’s marrying a man that we watched and admired racing for years, the fact that he’s the love of her life, just all of it.”

You couldn’t help but smile at your moms little rant, because it was true, so much of it felt surreal but everything was perfect.

“I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.” You tell her softly, sincerely, taking a moment to think back on everything that has happened over the last three years.

Growing up, Sundays were reserved for F1, you and your mom massive Hamilton fans from the very beginning of his career. When you had told her that you had met him she freaked out nearly as much as you originally had, fangirling in a way you had never thought possible. Your dad thought it was impressive too, making a comment about you never leaving the city to come home and visit them now that you were hanging out with celebrities. When you told your parents that you were dating, your mom was incredibly happy for you but never let her admiration of Lewis get in the way of her daughter's well being, she made sure to check in with you frequently, always worried that his distance and status may be taking a toll on you. Your father on the other hand was less than pleased when he first learned about your relationship, preconceived notions about Lewis’ personal life and persona taking over, less than pleased with the age difference between the two of you. It took a while, but Lewis was able to win him over and you’ve never been more grateful for anything, you were desperate for all the people you loved to get along.

Now you had a fiancé who spoke with your father without you needing to be around, a mother who had befriended Lewis’ mother and stepmother and adored him, and were mere hours away from becoming his wife. Life truly does come at you fast.

“You’re ready?” Your mom asked, breaking the silence that had settled in the room.

“I truly don’t think I’ve ever been so ready for something. I’m nervous of course but there’s no one else that I would rather be with for the rest of my life. I’m sure of that.” Your voice was confident as you spoke, meaning every word.

“I’m so glad you found someone so good for you hun, he truly is a dream. Hell, I wish I had met someone like him when I was your age,” Your mom laughed, sending you a wink, “don’t tell your dad I said that.”

“Secrets safe with me,” You giggled back, “but I don’t think there’s another one of him.”

“Not that I’ve ever seen.” Your mom shrugged, the soft smile never leaving her face.

You can’t help but giggle at the conversation you're having with your mother. You’ve never been one to be sappy but the emotions boiling inside of you leading up to your big day are sending you over the edge, truly letting all the cliche thoughts you have about Lewis come to the forefront.

“You, my dear, need to get to bed. You have a long day ahead of you and need to be well rested for your night.” Your mom winked making you groan through a laugh.

“Mom!” You buried your head in your hands.

You and your mom have always been open with each other about every aspect of your life but you didn’t need to hear her joke about you consummating your marriage.

“But truly, you should try to get some sleep.” She laughed at your embarrassment, trying and failing to come off seriously.

“You’re right, I’ll try.” You say, rolling your eyes as you finish off the last of the wine in your glass

[aaaarsonist]

I just read a Sakuatsu/Atsukita/Osakita fic and since it doesn't allow comments and I need to decompress my chest, I'mma just vent here.

Spoilers ahead.

TW: cheating.

I'm a veeeeery resentful person. It's genuinely hard for me to forgive, I never forget nor I let go of the past, and I genuinely don't know how. I've always believed that cheating is the lowest and shitty thing you can do to someone you """"love"""", it's an unforgivable thing. I don't believe that things just "happen", or that it was a "mistake", or that they don't "mean to hurt", or that they're "sorry". That's all bullshit. If you love someone, you don't go around betraying them. People know what would happen after they cheat. Specially if they cheat with someone special to their partner: parent, sibling, friend, family, whatever bond.

That being said, I really really really can't understand how people forgive this, forgive them. People have told me that it's because I see everything black or white, or that my sense of justice is too strong, because for me, they're cheaters, they deserve to suffer, they don't deserve happiness, and they don't deserve forgiveness.

I honestly don't want anyone telling me that that's horrible and that I'm horrible, because I genuinely couldn't care less.

Now, about the fic.

Even though I'm happy that Atsumu made peace with himself and his past, and he's happy for his brother, I don't agree with Osamu and Kita getting their "happily ever after" with Atsumu and their parents' forgiveness and blessings. They don't deserve it. They say they're sorry and that they were mourning Atsumu "leaving then behind" after he accepted the MSBY invitation and that it just happened. Both Osamu and Kita (specially Osamu, being his brother and best friend) made the conscientious decision to sleep together both knowing how bad it would break Atsumu. And they didn't fucking care, and neither did their parents. And I'm just so mad I could fucking scream. They act all almighty and "it's been four years, work with us to fix this family, even though we haven't spoken in four fucking years, and we're here because your brother wants to marry your ex-boyfriend and we couldn't care less about how you feel about the situation because we need you to forgive them, c'mon".

Aaaaa I want to do punch something.

I'm not saying the fic wasn't good or anything, I actually loved seeing Atsumu getting to know his team and starting to get close to them, to form a new family. The side Sakuatsu was lovely (I actually read it just for them lmao), and the writing was pretty fucking amazing; it just rubbed me the wrong way and kinda triggered me lol

I'm not writer or anything, I just feel to much and need to express it before I explode. That's it, I just wanted to get this ugly feeling out of my chest and Tumblr has no character limit, so, yeah.

[tuttle-did-it]

Rewatched Timeless since the finale took place the week of Christmas, 2023.

This show frustrates me SO, SO much. So much.

They have Rufus, who is amazing. Especially when paired with Jiya. Seriously, Malcolm Barrett is a massive part of why this show went more than 6 episodes, and he has wonderful chemistry with Claudia Doumit.

They have Goran Visnjic who manages to play the villain with so much heart that you pay far more attention when he's on screen.

Goran and Malcolm are the two elements of why this show-- when it worked-- worked. The two of them had SO much charisma, so much put into their characters that no matter what was going on on the screen, you wanted to know what happened to them. You needed to know if they were okay.

They have Susanna Thompson, who aside from being a very compelling actor on her own, was stellar as the Queen Borg on Voyager.

They have Annie Wershching, who manages to play a villain without being absurd or over the top. (She also played the Queen Borg for Picard, but I really, really hate Picard. But I quite like Annie. RIP Annie.)

They had a main woman character who had agency, and a storyline of her own.

They have a creepy clandestine cult trying to destroy the world, that's always fun.

They had Sakina Jaffrey and Paterson Joseph, both of whom are enjoyable to watch.

They had Colman Domingo as a guest star playing Bass Reeves-- just before he exploded and became known to the world. As expected, he was brilliant every moment.

Sean Maguire guest starred in an episode, he was great as well. Karen David played a young Denise Christopher with excellence.

They didn't let Matt Frewer do an accent, so he was fine.

They have a time machine where they can go anywhere in time. How can you go wrong with this premise?

They have writers from Mad Men and The Walking Dead.

They have stories where they can focus on women, People of Colour and queer people who have all been forgotten in history. This is the key point on why the show should have worked-- the hidden histories.

This all could have worked. This should have worked. This fucking show SHOULD HAVE WORKED.

If they hadn't had a forced love story between the main woman character and the horrible, stupid, possessive toxic masculinity wrapped up in insecurity soldier boy.

Everything else about this stupid show worked. But they spent so much time focussing on a love story between the two most boring, most under-developed, worst characters on the show that they ruined it.

I don't know if it was Matt Lanter's acting, if it was the writing, the directing, I don't know.

What I do know is that every time Rufus, Jiya, Flynn, Denise, Connor and Emma were on the screen, I cared what happened. When Lucy was on the screen by herself, I cared less, but it was fine. When Lucy and Wyatt were on the screen, I zoned out. I came on Tumblr, I checked my emails, I replied to texts from friends. I could not care even a second every time they were on screen. When just Soldier Boy was on, I started to doze.

This show is SO frustrating. SO much of it worked. But not the bits they were so focussed on showing.

This show makes me mad sometimes. I'm mad at the lost opportunities, I'm mad for the moments that worked well and were never unpacked. I'm mad for all the episodes we could have had highlighting women, People of Colour and queer people forgotten through history. I'm mad that to get to all the great moments with Flynn, Rufus, Jiya, Denise, Connor and Emma, I have to sit through SO much crap with Lucy and Soldier Boy.

This show is like two different shows-- an interesting one with lots of great characters in interesting situations, and a horrible soap opera with the dumbest, most selfish, most bland white people ever that I wish would just die.

And then two minutes later, Rufus or Flynn is on scene and I care again.

This show makes me mad.

[rowanaelinn]

Fire on Fire - chapter four

chapter three // chapter five

Aelin slammed her car door harder than necessary, sighing once she was comfortably sitting in her seat. She buckled her seatbelt and turned her head to the man sitting next to her in the passenger seat. "I'm not going to buckle your seatbelt for you, you're an adult, not a child."

Arobynn just chuckled and did it himself. “Always a delight to deal with you, darling.”

Aelin had to take a deep breath or she would snap. Getting mad at him wouldn’t work, it never did. It would just make him mad at her, and it wasn’t worth it. “Call someone else next time, then.” She said as she started driving. Aelin wished she had drunk a coffee before or taken anything that could help her stay awake. Arobynn lived one hour away from this bar, the night was going to be very long. “I forgot, you have no one else.”

“Be careful how you speak to me, Aelin.” His words were harsh even if they were slurred by the alcohol. Aelin hated the part of herself that was scared at his threat. So she didn’t answer, focused on the road, and put on some music to try to distract herself.

Aelin thought about last night, how bad her night of work was until she danced with Elide. Aelin had always loved to dance, she remembered all the times she forced her parents to sit for an hour so she could show them everything she learned that week at the dance studio.

When she turned eight, Aelin started doing dance competitions and she was good, very good, actually. She went to nationals twice, the first time she ended up in fourth place, not good enough. The second time she was in second place, it was better but still not good enough. Aelin Ashryver Galathynius was born with the need to be the best at everything she did, she didn’t understand why. Maybe it was because her parents had always been first in their own way and Aelin wanted to be like them.

After an injury at fifteen, she had to stop dancing. She still remembered crying in Aedion’s arms for an entire night. If Aelin thought about it, she would realize that’s the moment everything started to go downhill in her life. But she tried to avoid thinking about it, if she didn’t think about the problems, they didn’t exist.

“Why are you dressed like a whore, anyway?” Arobynn broke the silence and Aelin’s heart clenched. She hadn’t been hurt when Rowan made comments on her outfit because as much as she hated him, she knew he respected women and just wanted to hurt her. Arobynn never had an ounce of respect for women, he had proven it multiple times, that’s what made his comment horrible. “Not that I’m complaining in any way.” Aelin’s eyes left the road for two seconds to see him with a disgusting smile on his lips and his eyes fixed on her thighs. It took all her self-control not to vomit right there.

“I was working,” she simply said. She didn’t have to justify herself but Arobynn didn’t like to be ignored.

“You work at a strip club now?” He snorted. “Why do you even want to work? I told you I could pay for everything you need.”

He did, and it had been generous. Too generous from Arobynn to come without a price. “And I told you I could do it on my own.”

“Well, you don’t seem to earn a lot of money wherever you work since I’m still the one paying for your college tuition.” He said with a light tone but Aelin caught what he really meant. You’re only here thanks to me, be grateful.

“How many times do I have to thank you for it?” She asked with a sharp tone. Aelin had never been very good at staying calm. “I told you I would pay you back-”

“Bullshit,” he tapped his foot on the floor of the car, almost screaming. Unusual for him to lose his temper. When Arobynn was mad he favored hurting people with words. It was very rare for him to be physically violent. She jumped in spite of herself. “Do I look like I care about the money?” No, of course not. The money he used to pay for her college was like pocket money for a ten-year-old child, he didn’t see the difference in his bank account before and after paying for it. “I don’t understand why you want to work and live in a shitty apartment when you could be cared for and live in a manor.”

“ Your manor.” She said coldly.

“Yes, mine. How is that a problem?” He was angry, Aelin could see it at the way his hands clenched on his tights, the way his right leg kept fidgeting, or at the way he pronounced every word that came out of his mouth as if they were full of venom.

“You are my professor, Arobynn. I am your fucking student and not only this but I am also your teaching assistant. Do I really need to explain how wrong it is?”

“I am trying to take care of you, Aelin. I would expect you to be nicer.”

“Right now I am the one taking care of you!” She screamed, done with his bullshit. If someone had told Aelin five years ago that her favorite author was like this, she wouldn’t have believed them. “Even if I don’t want to.”

“I’m waiting for the day you crawl for my help, Aelin.”

She didn’t answer, instead, she kept her eyes on the road. She thought about her favorite books and how happy they made her. Maybe she would read one when she gets back home, it was too late to sleep anyway. Twenty minutes later, she parked her car right in front of his house. It was big, too big for a single man.

Aelin looked at her professor as he unbuckled his belt. “Have you graded the papers we gave you last month? Students will need them this week.” She asked but knew the answer. He just smirked at her and winked.

“You know me better than this, sweetheart.”

Aelin sighed and got out of her car, following Arobynn. He wasn’t walking straight and somewhere in the back of her mind she hoped he wouldn’t get hurt. Aelin knew Arobynn wasn’t a good man, he was a real piece of shit. But he had been there for her when she was at her worst, he didn’t do a lot but he had been there. He gave her opportunities she would never have had alone. And even if his interest in her was bad, he believed in her. He read every single one of her stories, gave her advice to become the best writer she could be. He let her access his contacts. If she ever made it on the best-seller list, it would be a little bit thanks to this man.

He opened his door and Aelin didn’t wait before going to his study, not caring about what he did. She quickly found the folder full of papers. She went through all of them and left hers and Lysandra’s on Arobynn’s desk. She couldn’t grade them, even if she wished she could grade Lysandra’s, but Arobynn didn’t want her to play favorites.

She turned but found Arobynn watching her at the entrance of the study. He had a glass of whiskey in his hand, of course, he would start drinking again the minute he got home. He walked towards her and she was struck by the size difference between the two of them. He pinned her with this lover’s gaze. She looked at the face she once found beautiful and swallowed. She wanted to move but couldn’t.

“What would I do without you, sweet Aelin?” He purred, letting one of his knuckles caress her cheek and before he could brush her lips she turned her head to the side. This gave him just more room to lean in and place a kiss on her cheekbone, his lips were soft and warm. Slowly, Aelin pulled back. “Tell me what I have to do for you to let me lay the world at your feet.”

Aelin said nothing as she walked away from him.

-

The moment Aelin entered her bathroom she fell on her knees and threw her guts up in the toilet. She could still feel Arobynn’s hand brushing her thigh in the car, could still feel his eyes on her or his hot breath on her ear.

When she closed her eyes she could remember the first time she saw these grey eyes four years ago and how different it felt to have them on her.

Aelin couldn’t hear the music over her friends’ laugh and her own.

When a waiter passed her she took the opportunity to take another glass of champagne and give him her empty glass. Her head was already spinning in the most delicious way.

"Ten bucks says he goes back with him tonight," Nehemia said, her eyes fixed on Aedion and the handsome blond man he was talking to. They were at a charity event, Aelin had agreed to accompany her parents only if she could bring her friends. Her three friends practically lived at home, so they agreed.

“Ten bucks?” Aelin asked as she took a sip of her drink. “How boring you are. Five hundred says they make out in a cupboard here.”

“You’re the only rich girl here, you know that?” Sam asked as he took her under his arm, forcing her head to rest on his chest. Aelin laughed loudly as she pushed him away, trying not to spill her drink on either of them.

“You are so loud, Aelin,” Lysandra complained but she wasn’t better. If anyone drank as much as Aelin did it was her best friend.

“I think our little Aelin,” Sam said, his voice full of fake seriousness, as he took her head in both hands, Aelin giggled at his fake frown. “Is slightly drunk.” Sam finished, and before Aelin could say anything he bent to kiss her. She lost herself in him, putting her arms around his neck. After a few seconds, they pulled apart but Aelin rested her head in his neck, breathing deeply in his lavender scent. She would kick his ass later for using her soap.

“Fireheart?” Aelin heard her mother call, she turned around but tripped on her long dress. Sam caught her before she could fall and the group of four friends exploded with laughter. They had all had a little too much to drink if they needed so little to laugh.

Aelin hid her glass behind her back, remembering that her parents had forbidden her to drink. They didn’t want their sixteen years old daughter to be seen doing inappropriate things. Sam took the glass discreetly and she knew he would get rid of it as soon as possible. Aelin's parents would never suspect Aelin's perfect boyfriend of helping her disobey her parents.

What her parents didn't know was that her three friends were her partners in crime, especially Sam.

“Aelin, honey.” Her mother said as she stopped in front of her. Sam’s hand rested quietly on her hip, a silent reminder that no matter how the conversation turned out, Aelin was not to get upset.

But Evalin was not alone. "My dear, I'm sure you know Mister Hamel?" She asked, knowing full well that Aelin knew him. She had dozens of copies of all his books all over her room, his writing was just amazing.

Aelin turned her head to admire her idol's face. He was handsome, for a thirty-seven years old man. If Aelin was honest, she had always had a thing for men older than her.

When her eyes met his gray ones, Aelin tensed. Absolutely everything about this man screamed power. From the way he stood to the little smile on his face as he held out his hand for Aelin to place hers in. His hand was warm but not soft, she could feel several scars. He placed a kiss on the back of her hand before saying softly, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Galathynius."

The memory of that night made her throw up a second time as she fought against tears. Everything about this memory was painful. She had worked so hard to keep these emotions locked inside of her for years, she couldn’t break now. Not after everything she did to forget.

“You got drunk?” A deep voice asked and Aelin whipped her head toward that voice only to find a shirtless Rowan, arms crossed, watching her from his doorframe. She didn’t secretly marvel at his muscles like she usually did whenever he was shirtless, tonight, another proof of how bad she was feeling. “Is that why you’re so late?” His voice was hard, the same voice he usually used whenever she was around.

“Were you worried?” She asked, sarcastically. She didn’t have the strength to fight now, and yet… She couldn’t help when he was around.

“Your cousin and best friend were worried sick. Are you so selfish that you don’t care?”

“I’ll talk about that with them, then. I don’t need you here.” Her voice was as hard as his, while she usually was more teasing. Aelin saw him frown at her tone but she didn’t give a shit, she needed to be left alone. “But if you want to know, I wasn’t getting drunk, no.”

“Then what were you doing?” He snapped and Aelin didn’t understand him. Why did he want to know that? Shouldn’t he have been happy she wasn’t here? Why did he even come into the bathroom? Aelin supposed he heard her throw up, it’s not like she was a very discreet person. Did he come here just to mock her? “What has put you in such a pathetic state?”

“Get the out,” her voice was weak, trying not to think about one of the worst nights of her life. You look pathetic , Arobynn had told her two years ago. But Aelin couldn’t help it, everything about that night disgusted her. When she looked up at Rowan she thought she saw concern in his eyes but she probably was hallucinating because a second later, his eyes were cold as ice.

He laughed, even if his laugh didn’t have any humor in it. “You know what, Aelin? Keep throwing up all you want. You’re worthless.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

There was a long pause and when Aelin thought he wouldn’t say anything else, he opened his mouth. “I understand why your parents cut you off. Who would want a disappointment like you as their daughter?”

“Don’t ever talk to me again.” She said silently, and when he closed the door, Aelin let the tears run down her face. For the first time in his life, Rowan hurt Aelin.

-----

taglist:

@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @surielandiareendgame // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy

[courage-in-combat]

I have thought a lot about Magnus’ actions and decisions since 2x18, and read a lot of reviews, opinions, and analysis as well.

After my first watch, I agreed with a lot of people in that Magnus was OOC and thought that there must be an ulterior motive to Magnus behaving in such an “irrational” way. But after dwelling on it further, where are we coming from in judging that he was out of character? Are we really looking at the situation from a neutral point of view? Or from the perspective of the Shadowhunters, where ever since they met and up until now, Magnus has never turned them down when they needed help? 

Magnus’ didn’t decide to form an alliance with the Seelie Queen purely to spite Alec for lying to him. He did it to protect his own kind from extinction at the hands of Valentine (who we all know is very capable of doing what he says he would). Shadowhunters are the law enforcers of the Downworld. The Accords only gave Downworlders basic (human) rights like don’t punish them without a trial or they are allowed to govern themselves. It has never been explicitly stated that, in the event that a Shadowhunter psychopath has it out for Downworlders, that Shadowhunters are obligated to protect them. Magnus’ actions in 2x19 are just him using any means (free from the restrains of the Accords) to ensure the safety of his kind. Including siding with the Seelie Queen to ensure that the warlocks under his watch has a safe haven if the worst possible scenario were to happen. Is that really selfish and out of character for a High Warlock? 

Maybe there were other options that Magnus hasn’t considered; something that is better for all parties involved, both Shadowhunters and Downworlders. Maybe he should have put more trust in Alec and their relationship instead of choosing one over the other. Maybe Magnus does have ulterior motive. But if he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean Magnus deserves to be slandered for protecting those under his care.

[benka79]

Saying 'I Love You' never felt so good

McDanno meta. Season 4 meta.

Okay, I'm here again because I couldn't put these thoughts in my previous meta!

You can find my previous meta here.

I need to scream about the foreshadow and subtext of the Beautiful first, real, I Love You in the show, episode 4x18.

Let's start

After choosing you

Okay, I said in my previous meta Danny chooses Steve and Grace instead Gaby.

But, before that happens, we had a conversation between Steve and Danny at the beginning of the season 4.

Remember when they were hostages of terrorist that belonged to a drugs cartel in the Palace? There was a wounded person and Steve was kneeling by his side, and Danny came and said he was about to say the three words to Gaby? Remember Steve's reaction to that?

I had to ask for help to my friend @mrsaquaman187 , I don't have the gifs but I do remember when Danny started saying it, Steve closed his eyes and scratched his left eyebrow.

This is sign of uncomfortable, and nervousness.

Why he reacted like that? Oh well, just because he knows Danny said 'I love you' to him in their first date, and then he began to date Gaby, so... That wasn't serious for sure, and he thinks he is gonna do the same to her. So... Steve gave an advice, he said Danny needed to know well if he was about to say those words, because is a big deal.

We know Danny didn't say it to Gaby, but to someone else...

Then we have Amber... But she is not the one

Okay, pay attention to this... Because the episode in which Amber appears, starts with this scene...

Gif credit @wildandwild

Grace says this after Danno confess she's the number one in his list.

And look at what she says, NUMBER TWO ISN'T EVEN CLOSE.

Because when Danny meets Amber, Amber says they're neighbors, because Danny is from Jersey and she's from New York.

So, the second one in Danny's list IS NOT CLOSE TO DANNY. Is not Amber. (Even if I love her, because she's badass and fabulous).

The writers made it wilders, because we will have Steve talking to Grover, saying Danny is IN THE NORTH COAST, WHICH MEANS, HE IS NOT CLOSE TO HIM, DANNY IS FAR AWAY FROM STEVE, AND VICEVERSA, SO, STEVE IS SETTLED HERE AS DANNY SECOND IMPORTANT PERSON IN HIS LIST.

Then we have Danny doubting if he should give this cute woman a chance, because, okay, he's not getting enough attention from his Seal and Gaby is gone. He decides to give it a shot.

Jealousy and Acceptance

Okay, what I'm about to say here is very sad.

When Danny arrives to Steve's house, he asked for Amber, and Danny had this sad expression in his face, but then Steve said Danny was perked up, and Danny mocks saying he doesn't perk up. And there's this exchange of looks, and Danny is smiling, but he's hiding what he is feeling right now. And then... This... (Thanks Trisha)

The following gif set credit belongs to @peggyswilliams

Fine, we have Danny naming situations, these situations are the same that brought Danny and Steve to work together and then to become great partners and best friend's, so, the face is screaming jealousy, but also, sadness. Because Danny is saying here YOU ARE SO KIND WITH YOUR NEW FRIEND, PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU TWO LIKE EACH OTHE.

And this, my friends, is huge!!!!

Danny is recriminating Steve about the way he treated him when they first met, and they way they flirted, and all those golden days full of dates and silliness, PEOPLE THOUGHT WE LIKED EACH OTHER. So, he is saying YOU CONFUSED ME, I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING THERE. And his face is full of sadness and longing.

Danny sees Steve being kind with Grover, and getting close to him, and he is Jealous, and he knows Steve is like this with everyone.

But this one, Danny is sad, and jealous, and disappointed, he is mourning that time when they were something else than friends.

Then Steve's tunes around and Danny face is pure longing. Is amazing, the performance is perfect, and you can read it all over his face and his eyes. His longing for Steve. For those days in which people thought they liked each other.

The I love you, and how Danny perked up after that

Episode 4x19 in which Danny and Steve were trapped when that building crashed, it was very pivotal in the show.

First of all, because Steve attention was again focused on Danny.

Steve thought Danny had died, so when he hears his voice, he runs to him, and holds his hand, with the biggest smile, showing his happiness and relief.

Steve was practically taking care of him, offering him water and trying to take care of the wound. In the middle of the horrible situation, they were bonding again.

Then... When Steve was about to explode that bomb to get them out from there, Danny tried to deliver a message to him, thinking that could be their last hours. But he couldn't, so he said it like a joke, because joking I their defense mechanism to say how they really feel for each other, is their safe place.

So this happened... Danny says, playing around, that he hates Steve, and Steve got the message, he turns around to the bomb, and says I LOVE YOU TOO, BUDDY.

His body language here was showing honesty, but at the same time, he said it natural.

But for Danny, it meant A LOT. Because Steve said before YOU SHOULD BE SURE TO SAY IT, BECAUSE IT CAN'T BE UNSAID.

And this scene showed us it meant more to Danny that to Steve in that moment.

The following gif set belongs to @flipse

Danny looks away, rants, makes circles about the idea he wants to express, because he feels embarrassed. But Steve, Steve is trying to recall what is Danny talking about.

Steve waits... "Come one, you are gonna make me say it?" Steve keeps waiting for him, because he already recalled what Danny is talking about.

The it comes, "I lOVE YOU."

In this moment of the season, it meant a lot to Danny, more than it meant to Steve, because Danny is the one pining for him. Steve is focused on Cath and his problems.

This entire Sun and Moon story will keep going until something huge will happen: THE LIVER TRANSPLANT.

There's a huge change attitude in Danny after 4x19, in 4x20 Danny mocks Steve (with a wink to the mcdanno shipper in their anniversary) but he mocks him about Cath, saying she wants to be away from him. Steve remains speechless for a moment, this is the old Danny there, the Danny that just perked up after a love confession, and is happy, and when Danny is happy, he flirts and plays around with Steve. After this Danny describes Steve like a black cloud that never goes away. Again using the joke to express how he feels about Steve. Their girlfriends are far away from them, but Steve is always there, by his side. Is like if Danny were saying "YOU DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM ME", pointing at the previous joke he made about Cath and Steve.

Then, the I Love You comes again, freely, and comfortable.

There's another HUGE example of Danny playing around with Steve, this time trying to make him jealous, and enjoying his face with please, when he decides to bet for Lou, instead Steve.

Please go check this gifset here.

Look how Danny is deliberately trying to make Steve jealous, and he has immediately success on that.

And this face here...

Gif credit @indiguus

It says everything, Danny is so happy they're back in the game, he is enjoying Steve reaction with such a heart eyes on his boy. He loves him, deeply, and he enjoys to play around with him like this. Is definitely an attitude a lover would take just to watch a pretty mad/jealous face.

Infinitely priceless.

The season ends with Steve saying I LOVE YOU, with romantic meaning to Catherine, pointing us the love triangle, and the current unrequited love in wich Danny is pining for Steve, but at this moment, he is in order be with Catherine.

This was the I LOVE YOU season. Check this post from @five-wow , they also picked up the same analogy to show how important these three words were in season 4.

To Conclude:

Season 4 was the one in which Danny was planning ning for Steve, he even chooses him and Grace instead Gaby. He finds a new love interest, but he doubts I'm initiate something with her at first, because his feelings for Steve, which are unrequited in this season.

The story of the Sun and the Moon, two lovers separated by the day and the night, will end at the end of season 6, when Steve and Danny lives will connect again into a deeper meaning.

Hope you like my rants. See you in the next ones!

If you want to be tagged on these McDanno thoughts, just let me know.

Buenos Aires, October 17th 2020, 6:39 PM

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi! Im an ENFP, no doubt. Lately I'm not feeling like myself and noticed I'm in the Ne-Te loop. I was never too good with emotions. I recently made the decision to work on my feelings, but I don't know what could make me work on me Fi. I've been writing all my life, but maybe theater? I don't know how to develop Fi to something more mature... Thanks!

I decided at some point, at around, oh, twelve that I was not going to be all emotional and relationship-minded like other girls (ha, ha, sure) and decided to focus more on developing logical precision and being rational. It worked. Many people, if they did not see me burst into tears for no discernible reason, would not assume I am a feeler, and a lot of people online don’t either. So, I hear ya.

The problem with resisting emotional development (Ne/Te looping for long periods of time) is you do not learn to control your feelings, so when they do manifest, you have a hard time being rational about them or knowing how to handle them. For example, you might burst into tears at a time you really do not want to and have no control over it; or you might fall deeply in love and all your common sense and rationality scatters to the wind, because you do not know the first thing about dealing with romantic feelings, much less feelings, period. And then you might do something stupid for which you will Te-kick yourself later.

You may not like what I’m about to say, but… the first way to learn to deal with your feelings is to allow yourself to have them. All of them. That pain you have been avoiding, those hurt feelings that you shunt aside by sucking in your gut and saying, “I am tough,” you have to let it slam into you. You have to force yourself to experience it, to go through it, to FEEL it, so you can become familiar with it and work through it, in order to get past it. That anger you have been channeling into passive-aggression? You have to stare it in the face, and deal with it, and actually do something with and about it, rather than shoving it deep down inside and ignoring it, in the hope it will go away instead of festering. You have to allow yourself to become emotionally invested in people, to form bonds and build connections that are deep, while knowing you could get hurt. You have to let yourself fall in love or, instead of packing it in and running for the hills when it gets tough, be emotionally vulnerable with another person.

You could start writing in a diary each night, and focus on your emotions; putting it into words, how you felt when things happened, your fears, your feelings about what is happening in the world, etc. Be raw. Unfiltered. No one is going to read it. No one should ever see it. Be as petty, and as childish, and as emotional as you need to be, in order to look at what you wrote and say, “Wow… okay then. So that’s what I have to work on.” It’s a place to start.

Acting is great, but you cannot channel what isn’t there. You can fake it, but that will not put you in touch with your own emotions – unless you want to cry in a class and find out you cannot stop, and are not sure WHY you’re crying. If you bottle up things long enough, they tend to explode.

Sometimes, it can be useful to allow yourself to be emotional with fiction. As a writer, you understand the power of a story and the essential need it has to build an emotional component to reach the audience. Let yourself feel other people’s stories. Invest in them. React to them. Scream at Professor Umbridge. Cry over certain characters’ deaths. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to be human.

You are, whether you want to be or not.

As an ENFP, you are a feeler. As someone whose natural focus lies on the external world, you have an incredible capacity to be wise in assessing humans and their relationships; your Ne gives you insight and your Te can shape what you have to share into wisdom, but if you neglect Fi, or fail to understand or appreciate what ‘drives’ people on an emotional level, you will not be as precise, as understanding, as deep, or as nuanced as you need to be when interacting with them. You will dismiss and under-regard the strength of your own feelings as a core motivator; or you will chase after success, without realizing your heart must be in it, for you to create anything worthwhile.

Fi is as much about ‘what I feel strongest about’ as it is learning to channel intense emotions. YOU NEED TO CARE.

FPs cannot self-motivate with any degree of ambition or success unless they care about what they are doing. Only pursue projects, hobbies, and ideas that makes your Fi happy or arouses some deep, primal instinct in your soul. Expose yourself to new ideas, beliefs, and opinions, and invite yourself to form a moral opinion on them, before you argue from a Te-based viewpoint. Yes, you can list a dozen good factual reasons why the death penalty is necessary or horrible, but how do YOU, personally, feel about the death penalty? Or abortion? Or assisted suicide? Or any number of other causes? What does your Fi say?

Ne has a problem of adopting everyone else’s opinions and allowing it to stamp Fi into oblivion; the next time it happens, stop yourself, consult your Fi, invite it to take a stand, and LISTEN. How DO I feel about this? Learn to ask yourself, “Do I really agree with this perspective or is it someone else’s idea rubbing off on me?” Divorce yourself from the world’s ideas, from the morals your parents taught you, and ask yourself new questions: what do I think/feel about this? And why? What do I care about? Why?

What are my core values? What are my morals? What will I tolerate, what will I not tolerate, and how can I stand up for myself if I must defend my position?

Fi is your beacon in the darkness. It is where all the information Ne collects goes to be sorted and judged. It’s good you want to develop it; you need it.

- ENFP Mod

[imawriteriwrite]

Hiiiiii! OH. MY GOD. Your writing seriously blows me away! I love your stories and read them multiple times a day! I love writing stories myself, also Malec stories, alot but I can't seem to get alot of depth in their emotions and actions when I'm writing them. Do you maybe have some tips? :)

Heeey! Oh my god!!! THANK YOU! Nothing is better than receiving a compliment on my writing! *blushes* Yes, I love meeting other writers! Especially Malec writers. ;)

Okay, so, tips! I’m horrible at giving tips unless I’ve agonized over them on a blog post for weeks but I’m so HONOURED to be asked for tips I’ll see what I can do. For depth of emotions, for me, the biggest thing is just that it feels real. Don’t go for flowery language and obscene metaphors, go for straight-forward. If something someone says hurts like a knife to the gut say that don’t say something long and rambling that fits in another thirty-five adjectives. You don’t have to be dramatic, you don’t have to go on and on about it (though I’m sure I do sometimes, I’ve always been a wordy writer!) sometimes the simplest sentence can convey everything you need.

In general for showing emotion remember all the different kinds of sensations and ways you can show emotion. There are internal sensations, how it makes a character feel inside. And, for actions, whatever they’re feeling impacts how they’re acting. If a character is shocked they might back away slowly, or their knees go weak and they fall to the ground. Whatever a character feels is going to affect everything, it affects what they say and how they say it (they might talk more or less, shout or whisper); it affects what they’re doing and how they do it (are they pacing, standing still, doing something with more force than necessary because they’re angry or hurt?); it makes them feel different things (racing heart, pounding pulse) just everything. And it’s different for every character, one when angry might let that show by exploding outward, another just gets stiff and quiet, holding the anger in.

A lot of what I learned for conveying emotions comes from this book The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi which I highly recommend. It breaks emotions down into three things: physical signals, internal sensations, and mental responses and so that’s a good thing to remember, strong emotions bring out all three in a character, physical signals, internal sensations, and mental responses all of which you can describe in a verity of ways.

For actions just make them natural and use them to help show what a character is feeling. So with Malec, just think about what Magnus might be doing absentmindedly while talking or off in his mind thinking. Envision what show Magnus would do and describe it. A big tip I’m used to giving is pairing actions with dialogue (very important!) so for me, especially when writing a fic, I find it useful to put the characters somewhere where they can be doing something while talking, so like have a deep conversation in a coffee shop or something so I can describe actions with dialogue like “he said, while absentmindedly stirring his tea” or something like that.

I feel like I’m rambling, um I hope this helps!? Remember also, the best practice with writing comes from writing. If I’m a good fic writer it’s only because I’ve spent the last 5+ years of my life writing pretty much nonstop even before I started writing fanfic. I was literally the worst ever when I first started, imagine the worst fanfic you’ve ever read, that was my first novels. Emotion is really important, try to vary how you describe it, and embed it in everything a character is doing or saying. If you’re having issues with actions and describing action put your characters in a situation where it’s easier, even just having them make coffee while talking and describe them doing that between dialogue! The more you do stuff like that, the easier it will become!

Hope this helps and thanks for your kind words!

p.s. I can’t say I’m the best at writing advice and tips BUT I have been writing for a while and I do run a writing blog so if anyone ever had a question or wanted tips on something please don’t hesitate to ask! Just send me an ask here and I’ll do my best to give helpful and (hopefully good) advice!