#I'm a horrible thing why do i only know how to complain and cry about things I'm so pathetic

[angered-box]

ughhh

[mind-intheclouds342]

Do it for them - Co-captain reader x Curly

Previous - Part 9 - Next

You banged on the door of the room where that man was locked up, waking him up abruptly.

"Let's talk"

Jimmy: "I thought visiting hours were over."

He complained, turning around to turn his back to the door.

"Don't try to be funny with me, Jimmy. What the hell did we do to deserve so much hate from you?"

Jimmy: "Don't play innocent, you know very well what you did!"

"Honestly, I have no idea! That's why I'm asking you!"

Jimmy: "Of course, because I was always the shadow of your dear husband. You never turned to look at me again after you got with him, you never smiled at me like you did with him, you didn't even speak to me. It was as if I were invisible to you!"

"Oh, of course I was looking at you!"

Jimmy: "Then why didn't you ever tell me anything?!"

He shouted that, getting up from his bed to head towards the glass that separated them, watching your face to see you when you replied.

"BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU!"

You screamed with all your lungs, to the point of making your throat hurt.

"You always brought trouble to Curly! He was always so naive, a sucker for approval, of being the good guy in the story, of not letting anyone down! That's why he never abandoned you! I knew better that's why i stopped talking with you! Because you were and are a piece of shit!" 

Jimmy: "Oh, but you talk as if I were the only fucked up one in the story."

"Yes! I admit it! I was also a mess when I met Curly, but I did something, I was able to see beyond that mess I was, he showed me that I could improve, he gave me opportunities that I knew how to take advantage of and become a better person! In someone who could make his mother proud instead of making her cry because she didn't know if he was coming home or not!"

There was a silence when you finished saying that, until you saw him smirk, that reaction you didn't like at all.

Jimmy: "You're right, Curly loves to please, you should know that very well."

"Ugh, for the love of God, I don't know why I try to reason with you, it's impossible."

Jimmy: "But you were the only one who refused to give in to make me happy."

You opened your eyes wide upon hearing that, turning again to the man who still wore that smug smile.

Jimmy: "Just as beautiful and messed up as I am, I thought you would understand me, but then you became a good girl, yet I still hoped you would look at me..."

"Shut up-"

Jimmy: "Oh, and the damn way Curly talked about you, how incredible you are, so kind, hardworking, so beautiful."

"I tell you to shut up-"

Jimmy: "Those lovely moles in the center of your chest that look like a constellation"

"He wouldn't talk about those things with you!"

Jimmy: "I saw it myself"

You felt like you were going to puke at that moment, you didn't want to believe that he had really done something like that to you while you were unconscious, you didn't want your suspicions to be confirmed, you refused to believe it.

"Liar. Anya wouldn't leave me alone, she would lock the nursery door-" 

Jimmy: "Yes, yes, she did that, it was a pain in the ass. Every night when she went to sleep, she locked the nursery with that code that only Curly and she knew... But that place wasn't closed while someone was inside."

"She wouldn't let you get close to me!"

Jimmy: "They were so sweet, Anya staying by your side saying she had to make sure all your signs were okay, and when she left, she would ask Swansea if he could keep an eye on you. But he was so depressed that he didn't dare to stay with you for long, so... I took his place to make sure you were okay."

"In front of Curly..."

You murmured at having to imagine the scene your husband had to witness without being able to do anything about it other than watch.

Jimmy: "That was the funniest thing"

You hugged tightly, feeling a horrible tingling all over your body, as if you were dirty.

Jimmy: "Swansea had no idea about anything, Anya didn't want to talk about it with anyone else. Thanks to her silence, I was able to finally look at that body that you always hide from me, thanks to Swansea's stupidity and feeling sad for his little captain, feeling all guilty and shit."

Swansea: "What did he just say..." 

You turned to see Swansea at the end of the hallway, carrying Jimmy's rations, holding an axe firmly in the other hand; he had managed to hear everything.

"Swansea-"

Swansea: "Open the door, captain"

"Listen - it's not worth it, do you have any idea what they'll do to you if they find out you hurt someone from the crew? Please, I don't want them to lock you up." 

You said immediately, positioning yourself in front of him, trying to get him to see you, but his eyes were glued to the door where he could see Jimmy's face.

Swansea: "How are they going to know? Let's say it was an accident. Open the door!"

You wanted to keep reasoning with him, but you couldn't deny that you also wished he would face consequences for his actions.

You took the axe from his hands, making him look at you annoyed.

"I won't take the risk of you killing him."

Those were your last words before opening the door, Swansea didn't take much more than a few seconds to fully open the door, step inside, and throw himself at Jimmy.

You could hear the sound of the blows, the insults, and the screams.

You stood at the door wide open, axe in hand, watching as the blood spread across the floor with each blow Swansea dealt.

You watched Jimmy and tilted your head, waiting for him to defend himself.

You wouldn't hesitate to cut off his hands if he touched Swansea.

[owliellder]

circling back to this finally!

i'm so sorry i wasn't able to do this sooner. i was gonna write it out yesterday but i was busy surviving a tummy ache on top of a 60 hour work week.

i tried to make this super duper sweet for you. forgive me, my sweet anon 💔

ID! Leon x Pregnant! Reader

MDNI 18+

Pregnancy was more than difficult.

Day in and out you hoped your pregnancy would be easy like your friends' had been, but of course you can't always get what you want.

Dealing with everything you didn't want to happen was more than frustrating, and for the first seven months, Leon was constantly being pulled away from you to work.

However, that man was incredibly helpful when he was home, doting on you as if you'd break at the slightest breeze. The most amazing person you could ever ask for.

Swollen ankles, strong food cravings, intense mood swings, horrible morning sickness which is not limited to just the morning, and the overall struggle to perform basic tasks was hard to handle, physically and emotionally. Everything would be so much better if you just had more of Leon.

Closing in on the eight-month mark, he was finally able to take leave, those months of stressing his need to be at home with you ultimately paying off in the end.

From there, you were taken care of. Everything you asked for, you got. You wanted a large pizza at three in the morning? No problem. Need help getting your socks on in the morning? You don't even need to ask. Can you get a back massage? Is that even a question?

You were never afraid to ask Leon for anything, expect for one thing. The need for this specific thing had been growing throughout your pregnancy and you weren't really expecting it to, hoping it would simply come and go. That thing that you were dreading bringing up to him was sex.

Understandably, it was a hard topic to approach, seeing as the man would treat you like expensive china. And no matter how many times he told you, that nagging voice in the back of your head was constantly whispering negative insults about yourself; you're overweight, you're too needy, you complain too much, etc.

Thinking about asking would always lead to you crying and that freaked Leon out, immediately rushing to make sure you were okay. That really only made you cry more. He was so unbelievably sweet and kind, how could you think so low of him to say no to such a simple request like sex?

You always refused to tell him why you were crying, brushing it off as hormones or maybe you just saw a video of the cutest kitten being rescued. You'd cried over similar things, so it was easy to excuse.

Though you'd been able to ignore the urge for quite some time, you couldn't ignore it forever.

The baby had you up at odd hours of the night to waddle into the bathroom, waking Leon in the process since the guy is the lightest sleeper ever. It never failed to make you cry, apologizing for waking him, to which he would just gently shush you while helping you to and from the toilet.

After one such bathroom trip, you couldn't fall back asleep, doing your best to ignore that feeling breaking away at your composure.

"Leon? Are you still awake?" You suddenly whispered, looking away from your phone to study him for any sort of movement.

"Mm.. mhm.." He breathed in through his nose as he rolled onto his side to face you, eyes squinting from the glow of your phone. "What's up baby?"

All you could do was stare, silently working up the courage to ask. Your need was too hard to ignore now, and that deep, sleepy voice of his wasn't helping. "I-... can I ask you for something?"

Leon nodded and slowly lifted himself up, resting his head in his hand as he propped himself up with his elbow. "You don't need to ask, just let me know what you need and I'll do it. Or get it."

"You have to promise me you won't laugh, okay?" You placed your phone down on your stomach, screen side down.

Leon pursed his lips, raising an eyebrow. "I promise."

"Is it-.." You paused, running one of your hands over the top of the other nervously. You didn't really think this far ahead, so forming the question was proving difficult. "Uh.. would it be weird if I asked for sex right now..?"

His soft laugh broke the silence and that only made you even more nervous. "You said you wouldn't laugh!"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry, I just think you're funny." Leon lifted himself up so he was now sitting up next to you, scooting closer in the process. "It's not weird to ask." His voice remained low and smooth, which did help calm your nerves. If only a little.

"Are you sure it's not weird? Cause I've been having urges for months and-" You were cut off by his hand suddenly grabbing yours, stopping you from fidgeting. "You've been having urges for months? And you didn't tell me?"

The question itself was definitely not meant to come off as mean, but regardless it was bringing you close to tears, bottom lip quivering as you tried to apologize once more.

"No- hey, hey c'mon.. I would never say no to you, sweetheart." He brought his hand up to stroke you cheek, wiping a stray tear away with his thumb.

"But-" You tried again only to be cut off again. "No buts. You're perfect, I love you, and I want you." He leaned over and kissed the tip of your nose before planting a tender kiss to your lips.

You gave Leon a weak smile before you let him take off your nightgown and lay you down, lifting up a bit so he could slip his pillow underneath you to cradle the small of your back. He triple checked that you were comfortable, running his hands along the swell of your belly.

Such tender touches, such sweet kisses. This man provided you with everything you could possibly want, how did you end up so lucky?

Your underwear hasn't fit you since month six and maternity underwear felt a little constricting, so you've been going without them for awhile. Leon definitely didn't mind that.

"Wanting sex for months and never asked..." He shook his head with another soft laugh, dragging his rough hands up your body to massage your swollen breasts which made you gasp. "I'll never be able to resist you."

He squeezed your breasts and pinched your nipples, letting out sounds akin to growls as he watched your milk-filled breasts leak at his ministrations. "Been wanting to play with these since you bought those pumps. Making me jealous of them."

His gravely voice was hitting all the right spots in your brain. "Leon.. please.." You whined, biting at your bottom lip in a poor attempt to hide your increased sensitivity.

"So pretty for me. Always so beautiful." He bent over you, careful of your stomach, to bring one of your nipples into his mouth. The vibration of his moan made you cry out, hands flying into his hair. He sucked and swirled his tongue around it, eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated.

Leon pulled off with a loud pop, swallowing with a sigh before moving over to your other nipple, repeating the process over. By the time he was done taking his fill of your milk, you were a crying, drooling mess. You gave up hiding your pitiful noises as soon as you started trying.

"Tastes so good.." Leon groaned, giving both of your nipples one last harsh suck before kissing his way down your stomach to your dripping pussy.

For a brief moment you were embarrassed at the fact that you hadn't shaved, you hadn't been able to since your stomach masked the view that you needed. Yet, he said nothing but the sweetest things as he stroked through your folds with his finger, bringing it into his mouth before quickly descending between your legs.

He groaned into your cunt, lapping at your entrance and clit like it was the last thing he'd ever do. You were soaked, he couldn't just pass up getting a good taste of you.

"Fuck! Leon- ah~!" You moaned as he sucked on your clit, making sure he paid extra attention to it. He sat back on his legs with a content sigh, giving your pussy a few extra rubs with his fingers before sinking the entirety of his middle finger into you. Before you knew it, he was stretching you with two. "Couldn't fuck you without giving this neglected pussy a little extra attention.."

He was so skillful with his fingers, stretching you out like it was an art, but you were desperate to have him deep in you, aching to your core. "N-no more-.. gah.. I need more.. please Leon..."

"Yeah? You need more?" Leon cooed, thrusting his fingers in you a few more times before slowly pulling them out. "Need my cock deep in that cunt?" Feeling him grind his dick against your slick folds was torture. He knew just how badly you needed it and he *still* decided to tease you.

"Yes! Please! God, please.." Your moan fell to a whimper as he carefully pushed the tip of his dick into you, pausing for a moment to rub the tops of your thighs as they trembled with your orgasm. "Poor thing, just feels that good huh?"

One of Leon's hands on your face brought you to open your eyes again. You didn't even realize you started crying until he wiped them from your temple. You could only nod, leaning your head against his hand as he sunk deeper into you.

Once he was flush against you, you both let out a sigh, sitting still so he could caress your body. His hands felt so good against your hot skin, eyes falling back closed as he massaged your breasts for a minute.

It wasn't long before he started to thrust into you, his slow place quickly frustrating you. "Faster, Leon- ngh~.. I-.. I'm not gonna break I promise!" You whined, panting in between words.

"You're perfect." Leon wasn't going to pass up a request like that, immediately beginning to pound your sloppy cunt once his hands settled on the barely visible divots from your hips. "Feel so good around me, baby~..."

You were incredibly sensitive from already having came once and his brutal pace was bringing you close to another. He knew just what angle to hit at and just what to say to get you right back to that edge.

You felt amazing with Leon taking care of you like this. Even as your body changed, he still made you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

"That's it, ohhh, there ya go baby~.. Fuck that's hot.." Leon grunted as you came again, your walls clamping around him. He leaned back a bit to watch his cock disappear into your cunt as he neared his own high. "Gonna cum baby, shit, I'm gonna cum-" He spilled his seed deep inside you with a long, drawn out moan, gripping onto you tightly as his thrusts slowed to a stop.

After catching his breath, he let out an airy laugh, bending over to kiss right above your belly button before pulling out of you.

"I promised I would take care of you, didn't I?" He whispered against your skin, and you nodded with a small hum. "Right. So the next time you want me to fuck you, please don't be afraid to jump my bones."

You couldn't help but let out a laugh of your own, placing your arm over your eyes. If you knew pregnancy sex would be this good, you would've asked him ages ago.

[multifandomwhore-003]

Random Hazel Callahan headcanons that have been rotting my brain for the past couple of days:

Pairing: Hazel Callahan x female! reader

Summary: Not needed

Genre(s): a little angsty at first, after that's it's just pure fluff

Warnings: mentions of trauma and maladaptive daydreaming

A/N: I'M GONNA WRITE MORE FOR HER BECAUSE I NEED IT SO STAY TUNED, also I listened to False God by Taylor Swift the entire time I wrote this.

Taglist: @aemonds-holy-milk , join tag list here

• She has horrible listening skills, usually her house has been a pretty noisy and chaotic place, even before her parents divorced, so she's learned to mute the outside world.

• It tends to annoy pretty much everyone else outside the fight club, the only exception being PJ, she perhaps got annoyed more than anyone.

• When you first noticed you had to repeat yourself at least five times whenever she was around, you tried to come up with different ways for her to keep up, like texting her as you spoke so she could read it as much as she needed to.

• Later on you found out it wasn't just about losing track of a conversation, as you asked to borrow one of her headphones one time, you were shocked her ears weren't bleeding right then and there.

"Fucking hell, Hazel! Are you trying to break your ears or something?" your ears hurt for a second.

"It's not loud at all" She placed them on her neck.

"Baby, I can hear the music coming out of those things like a concert speaker,"

• You decided to invite her over to your house as often as possible, demanding a no-headphones rule.

"Why not?!" she complained.

"Because you're gonna be completely deaf at the age of 40!"

"And you'll be there to teach me sign language, right?" she hugged your waist.

"You're saying you prefer not hearing my voice for the rest of our lives?" you lifted a brow.

• The realazation dawned on her.

• To this day she hasn't worn headphones a single day in her life.

• Maladaptive daydreaming is also something she struggles with, not as much now as she used to in middle school and the first two years of high school, but it still happens sometimes.

• You found out when you decided to surprise her by coming to her house one day

• Mrs. Callahan said she couldn't get in contact with Hazel, for whatever reason.

• Most likely her phone turned off since it was out of battery.

• So she texted you she was gonna be missing all night, permitted you to stay the night, and told you to take care of Hazel.

• You found her in the kitchen yelling, it sounded as if she was yelling at someone.

"Are you ever gonna choose me over a booty call?! How is it that Jeff's dick is more important than me?! Your daughter! You fucking pushed me out and you still can't even ask me how my grades are doing and shit!"

• Your first thought was —Her mom's plans must've been canceled—

• As you approached the room as quietly as possible, you looked through the rim of the entrance, there was no one.

"Hazel," you spoke quietly through her screams.

A shiver went down her spine, he face turned white, she blinked a couple of times before turnind her head, "How much of that did you hear?" she avoided your eyes.

"I've never heard you like that," was all you could mutter as you approached her slowly and then embraced her in a hug, "I know you're not insane by the way," you whispered in her hair.

She began to cry.

• She didn't want to talk about it for the next few days

• When she did, she stumbled upon her words, talked too fast, and teared up every once in a sentence.

"Call me first," you cupped her face, "I'll never judge you for whatever you have to say,"

• She wanted to kiss you right then and there, but just rested her forehead on yours, an act of ultimate intimacy.

• I could get into the divorced parents' trauma for hours because same

• But for now I'll move on to the happy part

• Physical touch is the absolute most pure form of love she can give

• If she's not hugging your waist at all times, she's holding your hand, resting her head on your chest, shoulders, legs, etc. pretty much everywhere she can

• If you have long or medium hair she'll attempt to braid your hair, keyword attempt

• If you have short hair she'll buy little elastic ponytails to tie them around your head everywhere she can

• Her reasoning behind this is that her favorite plants are cactuses

• That's it, that's all the reasons she needs

• If you happen to be bald she'll rub your head while singing the chorus to Diamonds by Rihanna

• She plays ukelele

• She knows how to make a few origami figures and if she tries a new one, as crumbled and sweaty as it is she gives it to you

• You have a whole shelf in your room dedicated to every piece of folded paper she's ever done for you

• If you're more of a fem! girl, she'll try something of yours whenever she comes over and stare at her reflection for hours

"Good thing, god didn't make me straight, she knew I would be a menace,"

• You can only roll your eyes and laugh at her twirling and pretending to dance ballet in your dresses and skirts

• If she happens to go shopping without you, she'll try something you'll like and send you the photo after

"If it looks this good on me, imagine how AMAZING it'll look on you,"

• She once asked you to put makeup on her, she'll say she was just curious how she'd look

• She wasn't lying, but she also didn't mention she just wanted to recreate this picture:

• If you happen to be more of a masc! girl, you'll trade clothes as often as you can think

• More than once you have arrived at school with something she likes and just drags you to the bathroom to for you to make the exchange

• It's not her clothes and your clothes anymore, everything you own is hers and vice versa

• More often than not you're no longer sure what used to be only yours

• This goes for accessories and shoes as well, even if they don't fit her, she'll fill them up with toilet paper until they fit just fine

• You'll match AT LEAST once a week, as per her request of course

• She tries all kinds of chips (or crisps for my British luvs) she has tried every flavor and seasoning, but her favorites and the flaming hot ones, even if she ends up chugging your waterbottle after finishing the bag

• Although her parents are rich and taught her from a young age to be a precise wine taster, she's a tequila and vodka girl

• She hates gloomy and rainy days because they bring down her mood, but spending the day binge-watching cheesy movies and stuffing her stomach with all the snacks o her house makes it up

• She's ABSOLUTE SHIT at Karaoke, but my god does she have the spirit

• Her go-to song is Lies by Fleetwood Mac, but if she's drunk enough to gain confidence she'll request Easy On Me by Adele

•  If she insists for long enough and you decide to sing with her, she 100% will try to recreate the following musical numbers:

• Lay all you love on me -Mamma Mia

• Every duet there is in Teen Beach Movie, her favorite childhood movie

• The cellblock tango -Chicago and Ex-Wives -from Six, if the rest of the fight club joins as well

• Popular from Wicked, strangely enough, she's Glinda

• Seventeen -Heathers

• Candy Store -Heathers featuring Isabel as Heather Mc Namara, Josie as Martha Dunnstock, and PJ as Veronica (She was heavily forced to after Brittany suggested it)

• Smooth Criminal -The Glee cast cover

• If you're a good singer, or at least a decent one, at the end of the song she'll hype you up more than anyone in the crowd, even carry you (this also applies to my plus size! lovelies, DON'T YOU WORRY, she has muscles)

• If you're a bad singer, then you'll be shit together, the worse your voices sound, the better you'll enjoy it

• Onto the kissing and overall more stereotypical relationship stuff, aka the not-so-comfortable part of my asexual-spectrum girlies.

• As previously shown in the original material

• Kissing is slow and passionate, she likes to enjoy your lips as much as possible, taking in every movement, taste, and breath

• Hands on your jaw  and neck EVERY FUCKING TIME

• The first few times you offered her some chapstick or lipstick, or lipgloss, or lip oil, or anything, she would kiss you making you chuckle in surprise

• Now you don't even need to ask, she'll just be like

"Hey, your lips look beautiful," and peck you on the lips

• If you're alone it definitely turns into a whole makeout session

• She just claims it tastes too good not to do it

• Every once in a while she'll hug you from behind and aggressively kiss your cheek

• Good luck kisses before every test

• Her favorite kind of dates are picnic dates

• She takes pictures of the sky whenever she feels it matches your vibe

• She takes A LOT of pictures of you ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, she even went as far as to buy a film camera because they make everything more magical

• She reads A LOT

• She obviously knows too much about social injustices and everything regarding that realm, but she likes other things as well

• Avid fantasy reader, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES,

• Going back to this need for escapism, she was heavily raised by George R.R. Martin and Leigh Bardugo

• Definitely screamed, jumped, and overall looked like she was in a sugar rush when both Game of Thrones and Shadow and Bone came out

• She wasn't exactly allowed to watch Game of Thrones at the time it came out, so she watched when she was 16 instead

• Shadow and Bone, however, oh boy, it was whole event

• She cosplayed Sturmhond and made you cosplay as Zoya

.

.

.

That's it for now children, if I come up with anything else I'll do a part two or even better write something more complete

[nariism]

come out and haunt me

pair. itoshi sae x ghost!reader

content: fluff, angst/comfort with a happy ending, reader is a ghost, platonic + romantic interactions, strangers to friends (to more?), slight pining

synopsis. sae is 13 years old when he moves to madrid. his temporary apartment is old and cheap, and worst of all it's haunted. but he finds your company better than nothing, even if you do tend to knock all of his belongings over.

wc. 5.7k

You are dead.

As it comes to all mortal humans, you have died. You can't remember when, or how, or why— only that it is your duty to haunt this home, that you are abysmally cold, and that you are dead.

You don't know if you had any last words, what it was like to draw a breath, or how to stop feeling so cold. Cradling yourself somehow makes it worse. But you are dead, so what does it matter if you can't remember?

If you had aspirations and meaning in life, then you suppose you should try to find them in death, too. So you float around empty halls, deliberately bump into things just for the fun of it, and pretend that you aren't dead. It is purposeful enough.

There's a boy who lives with you.

You are dead, and he is alive, yet he seems completely unbothered by your loud, obnoxious presence.

Sae feels more dead than alive.

He is 13 years old when he moves into his temporary home in Madrid. It's old and worn. It is all his parents could afford with Yen in a foreign country.

His new home is despairingly lonely. It makes the heart in his chest sink into the pit of his stomach. He misses Rin. His parents. Japan.

He should be thankful. He doesn't mean to be a brat. But the small apartment is cramped and cold and smells like mildew. He's allergic to something in the walls. His light buzzes horribly when it turns on.

And, well. The place is haunted.

You are a ghost haunting an old, rickety apartment in Madrid.

You've never seen your reflection in the mirror, but you're pretty sure you look scary. There has been others before him— a young couple with a dog; a retired carpenter; a businessman complaining about how shitty work is over the phone. Each and every one of them have left you the same way: screaming, crying, colour drained from their faces and packing their suitcase before you could even say hello.

It's a little lonely, being a ghost. Sometimes you wish you came off a little friendlier. You have no ill intent, you're just bored. Bored and lonely and wishing to know why everyone thinks you're so terrifying.

The boy who lives with you is the first. He's the first to look you dead in the eyes and shrug you off. He's the first to fall asleep knowing your presence is watching. He's the first to leave out a bowl of warm, steaming rice for you even though he seems to know you can't physically eat it.

His company is silent, as is yours. It's better than nothing.

Sae is 13 years and 5 months old when he tells Rin his apartment is haunted.

"A ghost? Seriously?" Rin sounds unimpressed even through the static of the phone call. Take it from the kid who watches horror movies in his spare time. Freak, Sae thinks.

"Seriously. I have a picture."

He can hear his brother pulling his phone away from his ear to look at the image he just sent. The call goes quiet for a moment, and then Rin is scoffing in the microphone again.

"Quit messing with me." The younger Itoshi sighs. "This isn't funny."

Rin is only 11. He lives at home with Mom and Dad. He's not alone right now, in a place where everyone speaks a jumbled language he can't decipher yet.

He doesn't understand that even if Sae isn't being haunted, he shouldn't crush his brother's hopes that someone, or something, is watching over him.

"I'm not," Sae deadpans.

"Yeah, okay, and what does this ghost do, then?" He still sounds skeptical.

"Mostly just knocks over my books and stuff."

From his couch, he watches you bristle in embarrassment and scurry away into the darkness of the hall.

You are some sort of untethered soul, unsure of where your actual body rests. It could be 10 meters from this apartment. It could be in Antarctica, for all you know.

Okay, well, Antarctica is a bit of a reach, but you're certain that your body is somewhere. You wonder what kind of clothes you used to wear; what kind of music you used to listen to; what kind of hairstyle you used to prefer.

You wonder if these things are anything like Sae's.

He's all you have right now. It would be nice if you had some things in common. Maybe you could be friends, if he was ever going to acknowledge you to your face instead of gossiping to his brother.

You watch him quietly from the kitchen table, waiting for your bowl of rice. You must make some kind of face when he instead places a plate of eggs in front of you.

He almost laughs, you think. He hasn't shown any sort of emotion in response to you thus far, so it's hard to tell.

"Coaches told me I have to be stricter about my diet," he says out loud. It's the first words he has ever spoken to you. It's the first words anyone has ever spoken to you.

He eats his bland eggs silently after that remark, eyeing them disdainfully.

You have that in common, at least. You miss your warm bowl of rice.

Sae thinks you are funny.

He's only ever known ghosts to be malicious, benevolent beings. Things stuck in purgatory with no way out, forced to wander the mortal plane and thus turning into baneful monsters. Watching spooky movies with Rin has ingrained this into him—  hardwired his brain into giving him goosebumps whenever you're around even though he knows you're harmless.

He has to wonder how anyone could ever find a ghost like you genuinely scary, with your avoidant eyes and that patience while you wait for breakfast.

He doesn't mind doing twice the amount of dishes. Not if it means he doesn't feel alone.

You do silly things, like shoving his belongings over when you want his attention, or sitting on the floor and blowing bone-chillingly cold air into his face when he's taking his midday nap.

He's discovered that your inconsistent corporeal interactions with the world are quite amusing.

"What's your name?" He asks one day over eggs that he's shoving around on his plate.

Silence. Of course.

"Don't have one?"

You shake your head, but really, you don't know. You can't remember.

Sae has never been the talkative type, but for some reason he just can't keep his mouth closed. Being a complete shut-in and not having anyone to talk to outside of his team would do that to him, he guesses. He's thankful that you at least don't seem to have a language barrier when he speaks Japanese.

"Should I name you?"

Your offended expression screams: What am I, a pet?

He just smiles, placing his fork down and observing you carefully. And the name he decides on dances at the tip of his tongue, sounds so sweet coming from his lips.

You can't help but think the name was meant for you, in life or in death.

You like listening to Sae talk.

He has a voice smooth as silk, so charming and boyish. He's young, you think. He told you once that you also looked rather young, and asked you how old you were when you died.

Even if you had an answer for him, it's not like you could have told him.

Sae is famous for his age, you discover one night while watching television with him. You're sitting on the floor and he's on the couch. You cause the TV to frizzle and crack with static but he doesn't shoo you away. Maybe he finds your presence more valuable than the background noise of the screen.

He's in a recording, playing what he calls "football"— light blue uniform, eyes wide with adrenaline, sweat sticking to his forehead and a proud shine in his expression. He isn't smiling by any means (you've also discovered that he rarely does), but you can tell he's happy.

"I'm going to be the greatest striker," he says from the couch. He talks about his dreams a lot, which is apparently what he used to do with Rin, but you don't mind filling in that role temporarily. "I'm going to be the best in the entire world."

You don't know anything about football, but you believe him anyways.

Sae is 14 years old when he gets his first contract payment.

This is his chance, he realizes, to move out of his shitty little apartment and into an actual livable home.

He has to consider if you'll feel lonely, if you even can feel lonely, and if you'll like hanging out with your next housemate, whoever it is that's unlucky enough to have a ghost befall them.

He's getting soft. If it were any other point in his life, Sae would have taken the chance to move out without hesitation. But you've been there for him since day one, kept him enough company — no matter how quiet — for him not to go literally insane.

You're the only thing he has in Madrid that he can come home to right now. You’re the only reason he even comes home at night instead of just sleeping in the locker rooms.

If not him, who else would feed you crappy bland eggs in the morning?

You, football, sleep. You, football, sleep. You, football, sleep. At some point, it became his routine.

"I was thinking of moving out."

Your head tilts to the side. You seem perplexed by his statement.

"Like, leaving. Leaving here."

You blink at him, head tilting the other way. There's a look in your eyes that tells him you understand. There's also a look that tells him it's not your first time being abandoned, left in this terribly lonely, smelly apartment.

"I can never tell what you're thinking," he huffs.

You're still for a moment, just staring at him as if you suddenly can't understand Japanese. But then you get up from the table, walk over to the container of dry rice that's been untouched for so long that it's gathering dust, and knock it over.

"Hey," he scolds sharply, chair screeching as he stands. "I have to clean that, you know?"

You start moving the spilled rice into place. He watches curiously as you sort dry rice into a pile. You don't know any Kanji, he isn't surprised. But you know enough to draw him a universally understood symbol.

When he peers over at the messy counter, he finds himself staring at a giant X. Stay, it means. Don't leave.

That night, when he knows you've retreated into the closet where you seemingly go to sleep, he crumples up the lease for his new place without signing and burns the paper.

It's because he needs to make you eggs tomorrow morning. Only he would know to do that.

"Do ghosts ever have dreams?"

You raise your head from the edge of the bed. You've made it a new habit to protect him in his sleep, from what he can tell. Perching yourself on the floor beside the mattress and resting there, head in your arms, making his sheets cold.

You shake your head. Of course not, he internally smacks himself. What a ridiculous notion.

He rolls himself over onto his side, looking at you from under his duvet. "So when you sleep, you don't see anything?"

Another shake of the head. He isn't sure you're understanding him. There's another pause as he peers at you, and then he sighs, eyes sliding shut.

"Do ghosts ever have dreams?" He asks again, this time emphasizing his words in a different way and hoping you'll answer him the way he wants.

Your eyes shift away for a second, as if pondering. When you look back he's surprised to see that you look... bashful?

You point at him, then at yourself, then shy away again.

You. Me. Friends.

Sae feels silly that it makes his heart ache a little— the sadness carried in your face and a loneliness so powerful he feels it rattling in his own bones.

Well, the two of you have a lot more in common than he thought. How long had you been alone? Was that really all you ever dreamed of? Having a friend?

Suddenly, his doubts about his own dreams feel immeasurably small.

He reaches out to pat your head. His hand goes through you.

Sae is 15 years old when he packs up his belongings for a flight to Japan.

"I'll be back," he promises with a small smile. You believe him. He doesn't lie to you.

You wait patiently at the door for him for two weeks, three days, and sixteen hours. When he comes home, he finds you sitting on the floor like you always do with your head in your knees and a sleepy expression on your face.

He seems colder. More withdrawn, for some reason.

"Miss me?" Sae asks, but he's not even looking at you. He makes his way over to the kitchen and dumps a cup of rice into the cooker, suitcase abandoned at the door unpacked.

You trail behind him curiously, watching him in confusion as he washes it in the sink. He pauses, finally glancing at you before reaching over and dumping a second cup of rice in.

"I stress eat. Don't tell my coach."

The words don't make much sense to you, but you nod anyways.

For the first time in months, he places a bowl of warm rice in front of you. You do as he does, say thanks for the food in your head even though you can't eat, and observe him. You both sit quietly in the dim light of the apartment, moonlight beaming through your single rickety window.

He only gets four bites in before he puts his head in his hands and sobs.

You've never seen someone cry so hard before. Usually, they only do it when they first catch a glimpse of you and flee in terror. You've never known it to be such a painful sound— like a bird singing for the sky but never finding it.

Sae sits there for a long time just crying to himself, not caring that your presence is still watching. It's not like you'd ever judge him or have the voice to speak this secret, anyways.

"Fuck—" he hiccups, wiping up his face. "—Sorry."

You look at him funny. He has no reason to apologize. He's just a kid. A 15 year old kid who needs to stress eat in the solitude of his lonely apartment right now. It makes your chest squeeze; an unfamiliar, horrible feeling that's completely new to you. You wonder if this is what all the anime he watches calls a heart.

By the time he finishes crying, his rice is cold. And when he looks up, his eyes widen. Your lips are trembling and you look like you want to shout at him, but you can't. You are dead. You're a ghost. You can't yell some sense into him, even if you tried.

In the pale moonlight shining into the room, he can see tears illuminated on your cheeks.

Sae is 16 years old when he meets his first partner.

"They're nice," he reassures you as he slicks his bangs up with gel. You shake your head in disapproval and he rolls his eyes. You always liked his bangs down, thinks he looks better that way. "Well, I can't stay single forever."

You scowl at him and swivel on your heel to stubbornly deny his claims. He just laughs.

"You're seriously jealous?"

You shoot him a glare.

"If you really don't like them, you could always scare them away. You are a ghost, aren't you?" He reaches up to pat your head as he always does. And as always, his hand phases through you.

He turns around to fix his hair again, leaning into the mirror to see himself closer.

You're not sure if you even have human features. You can't see them in a reflection, anyways. Even if you did, you're sure they're pretty scary.

You glance at Sae in the reflection. He looks as good as ever, no longer a scrawny little 13 year old kid who eats rice for breakfast every morning. You wonder if his partner is pretty like he is.

He must notice the chill in the air grow ten times colder— a telling sign that your mood is dropping. He turns around to see what has happened, only to find you sulking.

"What?"

You pout, gesturing to the mirror. He looks to the vanity, then to you, and he shakes his head with an exasperated smile.

"I was wondering when you'd ask," he says as if this was a conversation he's been waiting for. And then he talks. Talks more than you've heard in a long time— since he came home from Japan, probably.

He's gotten meaner over the years. He was always a rude little kid, but being pushed around in football must have given him thicker skin and a sharper tongue. You've never known him to be a saint of a human, someone who speaks so eloquently in their descriptions. But here he is now, defying your every expectation like he always does.

He tells you what colour your hair is. Compares the shape of your head to a fruit you can't recall an image of. Gives you a detailed explanation of all your flaws and marks and why he thinks they're so perfect because it proves that you were indeed alive and human at some point.

"You're beautiful," he concludes casually, as if he's not turning the entire world on its head right now.

Silence fills the room as he waits for your response. You don't do anything but gawk at him, and he chuckles.

He doesn't show up to his date that night.

"Your hair got longer," Sae points out one day while he's scrolling through his phone.

Your eyes flutter open from where your head rests on the coffee table. You hadn't even noticed. Can ghosts grow? 

"You know, I used to think you'd stay the same forever, but you've been growing up with me. It's cute."

Have you? Is it cute? Are you seriously so tethered to him that you've been unconsciously changing to match him?

Sae puts his phone down at your confusion. "Should I give you a birthday if you're going to grow up?"

You don't know what a birthday is. When he tries to explain it, you're even more perplexed. Ghosts don't have birthdays. They have... deathdays.

He puts a cake in front of you anyways and lets you blow out the candles.

Sae is 17 years old when he gets the eviction notice.

Four years. Four long, hard, unbelievably painful years later, and he's finally being kicked out of his house.

13 year old Sae would have celebrated. All he feels now is despair.

He doesn't tell you. He can't. How can he explain that he won't wake up every morning at 6am sharp to make you eggs? That you won't have someone around who will tell you every little thing that's changed about you from the last day? That you won't be able to doodle him little incomprehensible blobs with dry rice anymore?

He shouldn't care so much. You're not chained to this Earth. You might just disappear once he leaves, inperceptable to anyone else. The thought makes him so sick that he throws up that night. He tells you he ate some bad food.

Sae doesn't want you to feel sad or lonely, but it's not like he can just become a squatter in this place. His dream is to play football, not be thrown into jail.

You wake up one morning, and he's gone.

There isn't a note. There isn't an explanation anywhere to be found. There isn't even a trace of evidence that Itoshi Sae ever lived here.

Well, except for the plate of eggs and bowl of rice sitting on the stove.

You thought you would have been used to being alone by now. For some time, you were used to it. But that was many years ago.

You're not sure how long you've been haunting this apartment in Madrid, nor do you know how much time passes after Sae leaves. The world seems to come to a halt, actually. Without him, what fun is being a ghost?

Now you're just a lost soul like all the others. There isn't anything special about you. You're just the ghost that used to haunt Itoshi Sae and wake him up from his naps.

For the first time in years, you only know one thing. A singular fact that keeps you bound to this world: it's your duty to haunt this home. There is nothing else.

No one moves in after Sae leaves. No one new comes to be haunted. No one dares to set foot into this apartment. You remember that there were moments when life flickered inside of you, if even for just a fraction of your infinite time. The reason for that has abandoned you without explanation.

There's a knock on the door one day. You can't open it, and the person outside doesn't bother sticking around to see you phasing through the door to look around.

There's a birthday cake on the floor with candles that say '19' sticking out of it.

Only one human in the entire world would have deemed today to be your 19th birthday. He's nowhere to be seen.

He moves back to Japan on his 21st birthday. Sae is having trouble remembering what you look like, despite seeing you in his dreams every night.

It's a terrible realization. So terrible that it makes him sob into his pillow at night when no one in the world is awake to hear his anguish.

Japan is lonelier than Madrid. He never thought it would happen, and he blames you entirely.

He doesn't have anyone waiting for him when he opens the door to his luxury penthouse apartment. He only washes one plate in the morning. He wakes up from his midday naps undisturbed and rested.

Sae misses you deeply. And he can't help but wonder if you feel the same.

(You don't know what the yearning ache inside of you is. You don't know what to call it.

You miss him, too. You just can't put a name to the feeling.)

He doesn't stop seeing you in wisps; little blurs in his peripheral that make his head turn fast as lightning. Wherever he looks, you're gone.

It's not fair that you're a ghost who both literally and figuratively haunts him. He'd like to move on in life and forget about those 4 miserable years he spent living in that damned apartment.

He can't. Sae is incapable of moving on from that place. The irony of it is that you actually can't move on from that place, for some reason.

He would give anything to have you haunting him again. It doesn't matter where in the world the two of you are, if you were together everything would be okay. He's impossibly lonely without you.

You start to think that you're the selfish one.

The idea of leaving this terrible apartment in Madrid scares you to your very core— whatever soul is resting in your incorporeal body. It's not fair to place the blame entirely on Sae. Not when you're too wimpy to leave this place and find him.

Death is lonely without him.

One step forward, one day at a time. It's the advice Sae used to mutter to himself while getting ready in the morning.

One step forward, one day at a time. One step forward, one day at a time. And day by day, you're slowly inching closer to the door.

Sae talks to Rin and all he can think about is your confused smiles and head tilts. He talks to his parents and all he can imagine is how cold the room would be if it were you. He talks to his fucking therapist and thinks that all of her shitty advice can't compare to your quiet understanding— that your tears of solidarity are the only thing that could make him feel better.

It's fucked up, really, that he can't move on. His body is in Japan going through the motions: playing football, being famous, being interviewed and going home to nothing. His heart is in Madrid. You took it with you and refuse to let go.

You're the closest thing to love he's ever felt, perhaps— his only friend in Spain. His only reason not to leave. A ghost from his childhood that protected him in his sleep and ate bland eggs for breakfast across the table from him every morning. A ghost that would sit on the floor and wait for him to come home every day. A ghost that kept him company when he had no one else.

He loves you. He doesn't. He needs you. He doesn't. He misses you. He doesn't. Whatever. What does it matter now?

"So playing football has always been your dream?"

Sae stares blankly at the interviewer. He's reminded of a distant conversation: he is laying in bed looking at a ghost with a lump in his throat, and then he makes his first and only friend in Spain.

"Yes."

"And now that you're back in Japan, will you be playing for the national team?"

"I have no interest in playing on such a weak team." In other words, he has no reason to stay in Japan.

"So where will you go?"

Anywhere but here, he wants to say. In reality, he doesn't know where to go anymore if not to his old apartment in Spain. He just knows that he wants to come home to your sleepy face.

(That night, he makes two bowls of rice. He cries like he's 15 years old again and just ruined his relationship with his brother.)

You've never been outside before.

You've heard about it, almost entirely from Sae but also from little snippets of anime he liked to watch. It's brighter than you imagined it to be, and warmer. You're not sure you've ever felt so warm before— it's hard to when you are a walking freezer.

There isn't anyone to tell you where to go. No one pays you any mind. You wonder if you even exist anymore outside of the small confines of that old apartment.

Something tells you that you do.

You don't know where to start looking. He could be all the way across the globe for all you know, though he did used to talk about his home country.

You have no map. You have no sense of direction. You have no one to ask for help. 

All you have is the soul caged within your ghostly body tugging in one direction, and wispy feet dragging your body along in response.

Sae is 23 years old when he finally signs the contract to play for Japan, after months of being pestered by Rin about it.

His relationship with his brother is complicated. On one hand, he feels as though Rin will never truly forgive him for what he did when he was 15. On the other, he looks so ecstatic to be playing football together again that Sae wonders if their discourse was imaginary.

Japan is just a smidge less lonely with Rin in his life.

He wants to tell you all about it. That everything worked out and it's fine now. That you can stop weeping for him and to wipe up the tears that fall into nothing.

He counts the distance between you. Fourteen thousand kilometres separate him from telling you how he's living his new dream: playing football with his little brother again.

Fourteen thousand kilometers, ten years of needing you, and a reminder set on his phone to buy you a birthday cake again this year.

His heart aches.

Japan is loud and busy and everyone is always in a hurry to get places.

You have to wonder if Sae really grew up in a city like this, and how he turned out so calm and unmovable. The street names are all in Kanji you can't read, but your soul tells you that you're going the right way, anyways.

There's a crowd gathering when your feet finally come to a halt. Lights flash and there are fancy looking people with microphones clamouring toward the center.

It's only a fraction of a second that your eyes meet, and then someone shoves him into the back of the car and they drive off.

He must be famous here, too.

Sae is 24 years old tossing and turning in his bed, wondering if you were just a figment of his imagination or if you were truly standing there under a streetlamp watching him.

It wouldn't be the first time he dreamed you into existence; on some occasions you feel so real that he nearly reaches out to attempt to pat your head, like he always used to do when he was younger.

He goes back to that spot a couple hours later. The crowd is long gone and it's the dead of night— no one would be around to witness Itoshi Sae looking psychotic.

He doesn't find you in that spot. Instead, you're two blocks down and crouched in front of the window of a 24 hour shop. There's an ad for sparklers, and though you can't read the poster itself, the picture makes you stare with wide eyes.

He crouches down beside you as if 7 years of distance never existed between you.

"Do you want one?" He asks. You look at him in a strange way and his knees grow weak beneath him. You nod.

He comes out five minutes later with a few packs in his hand, walking away from you down the street to the park. You follow him quietly as if 7 years of distance never existed between you.

Sae holds one out, flicks the lighter in his pocket open and ignites the first sparkler. You watch it in fascination, ghostly form illuminated in warm orange and yellow light.

He smiles at you as if 7 years of distance never existed between you.

When the sparkler dies out, he lights another. And another. And another, until he's gone through all the packets he could afford with the Yen in his wallet right now.

As if 7 years of distance never existed between you, he reaches out to pat your head. His hand falls through you.

You think Sae's new apartment is pretentious, but it's clean and open and doesn't smell like mildew.

It's hard to imagine what kind of purpose you had before him— all your memories are flooded with his hands and eyes and bangs and small smiles reserved for you. You think that the only reason you were ever materialized into the mortal plane was to haunt him, and only him. Itoshi Sae's permanent looming presence.

He doesn't seem to mind. In fact, you've noticed he's been smiling more lately since you started waiting for him to come home by the door.

Sae is 25 years old when you fall asleep beside him in his bed.

You don't care that he's a kicker or a blanket hog in his sleep. It's not like either of those would affect you. He watches your sleeping face carefully, waiting to see if he would ever wake up from this blissful dream and be alone again.

But every time he wakes up, there you are.

You've grown since he left you in Madrid— you don't look like some lost little kid anymore, at least. He wonders if your souls are truly so intertwined that you would change alongside him, regardless of the distance.

Your eyes flutter open and his breath catches in his throat. You blink at him slowly in the pale moonlight, brows furrowed.

You point at him. Then yourself.

You. Me.

He nods in understanding.

When he drops a plate of protein pancakes in front of you for breakfast, you look confused.

"Oh, sorry. Do you want rice?"

You shake your head. You don't care what's for breakfast, as long as you're sitting across from him while he eats it.

"I'm going to be the world's best midfielder," he tells you one day. You're on the floor and he's on the couch, and it's like time had never even passed.

You don't know what that means, but it's his dream so it must be important. The most important thing in the world.

What you don't know is that it's not his entire dream. World's best midfielder doesn't mean a thing if he can't come home to tell you all about it.

You are dead.

You're a ghost haunting Itoshi Sae— one that followed him from Madrid all the way to Japan. You don't remember how, or when, or why you died. You can't remember what your face looks like either, no matter how much Sae tries to describe it to you. 

You are dead. You're a ghost knocking over Sae's belongings to get his attention when you want it. You're the ghost curled up in bed with him even though he has to wear two layers to stay warm because of it. You're the ghost watching him rotate through different breakfasts that he says could never compare to a good old warm bowl of rice.

You are a ghost, and Itoshi Sae gave you a name. A birthday. A purpose greater than being a loud nuisance.

You are a ghost who likes to watch him light sparklers on his balcony. Who feels the things described only in the books he reads to you. Who learned to love somewhere along the way.

You are dead, and somehow alive at the same time.

(One day, Sae will be brave. One day, he will tell you he loves you. One day, he will thank you for waiting for him at the door when he comes home.)

© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.

[wandanatsgf]

Right Where You Left Me

Pairing: Maid!Wanda x Noble Woman!Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: Wanda is your maid who you fall head over heels for. But like all good things, you knew it wouldn't last. You knew your life was already decided for you, but that didn't mean you couldn't enjoy your time with her while it lasts.

Warnings: This ends sadly and contains smut. Read at your own risk. Also I wrote this in two hours so there's probably grammar mistakes so pls ignore those.

You had never understood this strange feeling inside of you, the way you would cringe when you danced with a man or when he kissed your knuckles. You didn't understand why the idea of marrying a man brought feelings of dread and despair. You didn't understand how such simple actions from a man could elicit such strong emotions in a woman. And then you met Wanda.

Wanda is your recently hired maid and god is she gorgeous. She has long brown hair and eyes as green as emeralds. You tend to get lost in them quite frequently, much to Wanda's chagrin. And every time her skin touches yours it sets you ablaze, which is what's happening right now.

"Does this corset really need to be so tight?" you complain to Wanda who is helping you get dressed. It's making it really hard to control your slightly labored breathing. Wanda's presence was really doing something to you today.

"I'm sorry my lady but I'm just following your mother's orders," she says apologetically. She continues to help you get dressed and then she gets to work on your hair.

"You know you don't have to call me my lady when we're alone, Wanda. Y/n is fine," you tell her as she fixes a curl that was out of place.

"Ok Y/n," she says, trying it out. Your name sounds so good coming out of her mouth, you could listen to her say it for forever. Unfortunately you have duties to attend to today.

"Thank you for helping me," you say once Wanda announced she was finished.

"It's really no problem, Y/n. It is my job after all."

"Yes I know but it's only right for me to thank you."

Wanda smiles at this and you swear you've never seen a prettier sight.

"Have a good day, Wanda," you say as you open your bedroom door and slip out of sight.

You spent the majority of your day entertaining your parent's guest, Steve, a lord from a neighboring country. You talked with him for hours, however your heart wasn't in it. You could've cared less about what he was saying. You would've much preferred to be reading a book or talking with Wanda. And by dinnertime you were ready to rip your ears off if you had to hear another story about a battle.

"Thank you so much for accepting our invitation," your father says as everyone takes their seat.

"It really mans a lot to us that you rode all the way out here to visit us and our daughter, Y/n," your mother adds.

"The pleasure is all mine," Steve says.

"This actually brings us to an important topic, Y/n," your father says. "We, your mother and I, are hoping you would be open to courting Steve." You knew he wasn't really asking, he was telling.

"I would love to father," you say, lying straight through your teeth.

"Well that settles that. I think this calls for a toast," your father says.

The rest of your night was spent drinking and pretending to be merry, but you couldn't get out of your own head. You knew your parents wanted you to marry soon, and you had put it off for as long as possible. Now you were being set up with Steve and you felt hopeless.

Around midnight you bid your parents and Steve goodnight and headed to your room. Maybe you could cry in peace there, but when you enter you see Wanda waiting for you.

"How was your day?" Wanda asks as she helps you out of your dress.

"Honestly it was horrible. I had to spend the whole day with Steve," you say, your face wrinkling up in disgust.

"He can't be that bad."

"He's not bad...he's just not interesting," you say carefully choosing your words.

"Well men never are," Wanda says. She pulls off one of your many petticoats, accidently grazing your thigh. You let out a low moan and you hope Wanda didn't notice. You don't think she did because she finishes taking it off and sets it off to the side.

"Oh?" you ask. You can't tell if Wanda is giving you a sign or not. Or maybe you're just reading into things.

"Well you know how men are. They just talk about hunting or battles or money. It's all very boring."

"Oh yes of course," you say agreeing with her. Wanda continues to undress you, but your thoughts are still plagued by the awful news you got at dinner today.

"You know my parents wish for me to court and probably marry him and I don't know if I can do it," you blurt out. You hadn't meant for that to come out, but you just feel so safe in Wanda's presence. Despite the short amount of time you've known her, you've grown close to her. At least as close as you've ever been to a person.

"Why not? It's not like there's someone else and Steve could give you a life of luxury." Wanda unties your tight corset and lets it drop off your body.

You think carefully before letting your greatest secret slip. "I don't think I could ever love him, Wanda. Not the way I love you." At this Wanda's hands still and drop to her side.

"Y/n are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I'm in love with you Wanda Maximoff. I know it's wrong and we barely know each other and my parent's would never approve but I can't help how my heart feels."

"Do you really mean that?"

"I mean every word Wanda."

"I'm in love with you too Y/n. I have been since I first started working for you," she admits.

You carefully turn around and plant a soft kiss on Wanda's lips. She tastes like strawberries and you can't get enough.

Wanda pushes her body as close to you as possible, slowly walking the two of you backwards until your body hits a wall. Your thighs open up to make more room for Wanda to position herself between them.

Wanda's lips move from your own to your neck, making you arch your back.

"Please Wanda."

"What do you want baby?"

"I want you to touch me please," you beg.

Wanda obliges and slowly moves her hand down your breasts, fondling them through your undergarments for a minute. You thrust your hips up against her, getting impatient.

"You're just so needy for me aren't you baby?"

"Mhm I just want you so bad Wanda please," you mewl.

Wanda's hand moves to cup your mound and one of her knuckles lightly grazes your clit.

"Is this what you wanted? You want me to touch you right here?"

"Yes Wanda," you breath out. Your loins were on fire and only she could extinguish it.

Wanda slowly rubs her fingers against you and it takes everything in you not to cum then and there. You never thought this would happen, and now that it is you didn't want it to end.

"Let go for me baby. I'll still be here," she says. Her fingers start to move faster against you and it breaks your resolve. You cum in your underwear, moaning like a mad woman.

As you come down, you see Wanda staring at you.

"What?" you ask.

"You just look so beautiful doing that I want to see it again."

This time Wanda gets on her knees between your thighs and slowly pulls your underwear off. She can clearly see your arousal and it turns her on, making her let out a low moan. She lifts your left leg up over her shoulder and dives in.

The wet slurping sounds are unholy but they only turns you on more. Your hands grab onto Wanda's hair and you pull her closer to your heat. Her nose bumps against your clit and your hips thrust against her.

"Right there Wands," you moan out. The brunette woman continues to lick and suck your clit until you finish all over her face.

Wanda slowly works her way up your body, leaving kisses all over your stomach and chest. She makes her way up to your mouth and leaves a soft kiss there.

You gaze into her eyes and see nothing but love and admiration. It makes your heart melt.

"Let me return the favor," you tell her. You swap places with her and gently take off her clothes. Saying she's gorgeous is an understatement. She looks like an angel.

You kiss her as you start to fondle her pussy, messing around to see what she likes. You can feel her moan against your lips and it gives you a surge of pride knowing you're the one making her moan.

You dip one finger into her entrance and you feel her buck her hips against you. Clearly you had a much stronger affect on her than you thought. Her wetness coats your hand.

You thrust your finger inside of her, watching her writhe in ecstasy. It was a sight you knew you would never get sick of. You add another finger and watch as her head rolls back in pleasure. Soon she is cumming and you continue to fuck her through it.

Once she's calmed down you take your fingers out and lick her arousal off of them. She tastes so good, and you tell her as much.

The two of you spend the rest of the night in each other's embrace, enjoying your time together.

You wake up and you think it was all a dream before you look next to you and see a brown mop of hair sleeping next to you. She looks so pretty and peaceful when she sleeps, but you have to wake her up.

"Wanda. Baby. Wake up," you say as you gently shake her.

"Good morning honey," she says.

"Good morning," you say. You lean down and place a kiss on her lips.

'We have to get up y'know," you say as her lips move against yours.

"Just give me one more minute," she says. She continues to kiss you until you can't breathe anymore and you have to pull away.

"Now we really have to get up and get ready," you say.

"Fine," Wanda grumbles.

You each help the other dress and look presentable.

Today you were supposed to hang out with Steve again. The only thing that made that even bearable was the thought of going to bed with Wanda by your side.

"I'll see you tonight," you say as you cradle her face in your hands. You place a passionate kiss against her lips before walking out.

You spend the next couple of weeks like this. You spent your days with a man you hate and your nights with the woman you love, the woman who owns your heart.

"You know we could run away together. We could live in that abandoned cottage near the woods and have a garden and never have a worry again," Wanda says one night. The two of you are cuddling in your bed.

Deep down a part of you knew it was nothing but a dream, but the thought of living with Wanda made your heart soar.

"I want nothing more," you say, never truly thinking Wanda was serious. You lean in and capture her lips with yours.

That night you fall asleep with a pit in your stomach. You still needed to tell Wanda about the now official wedding plans (well your mother was planning a wedding but Steve hadn't proposed yet. You knew it would be soon though), but you would rather live in delusion than end this. And that is what you did, at least until Wanda comes storming into your room a few days later.

"What is this I hear about a wedding between you and Steve?" Wanda questions.

You were currently brushing your hair at your vanity, but you set the brush down when she stormed in.

"There's nothing official but word is he plans on proposing soon and my mother is planning a wedding even though there isn't one yet."

"And you weren't going to tell me?" Wanda asks. You can see the pain and anger on her face and it makes your heart break.

"I was going to eventually Wands. I just couldn't. I couldn't ruin what we have just yet."

"Are you going to deny him Y/n?"

"I-I don't know. I don't know if I can."

"Of course you can Y/n. You have a choice here."

"I don't think I do Wanda."

"Please Y/n," she begs. She begs you to choose her, but you can't let your delusion cloud your judgement anymore.

"I'm sorry Wanda, but we should've known this would never work," you say. You can feel your perfectly applied makeup start to run down your face, but you don't care. You look how you feel, a mess.

"Why wouldn't this work?" You can hear the pain and desperation in her voice.

"Because..." you trail off. You don't want to give her the real reason. You're afraid. Afraid of your family, the townspeople, and a life full of unknowns. You knew that going with her to the cottage the two of you had always talked about would mean giving up everything you have ever known and loved.

"I'm sorry Wanda but I can't leave them and I can't disappoint them." She knew you were talking about your parents.

"You always complain about them controlling you, y/n and you're letting them do it now. Is your happiness really worth their happiness?"

You nod and that is all the confirmation Wanda needs to realize her life was about to fall apart. She was about to lose the love of her life and there was nothing she could do about it.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Wanda," you say. You fall to the ground in a heap of petticoats and skirts. Wanda moves to comfort you, but she knew that would only make this harder.

"I'm sorry too Y/n," Wanda says. She leaves your chamber and you sob harder. You knew you brought this upon yourself, but that didn't make you feel any better.

The next morning a new maid walks in, telling you Wanda had quit last night. From that day on all of your days blurred together. Time was pointless without her. Living was pointless without her.

Exactly two weeks after you had ended things with Wanda, Steve proposed. You don't even remember saying yes, but you must have because you now have a huge, shiny ring on your finger.

You expected Wanda to come to you after the news of your engagement made it's way through the kingdom, but she never showed.

Maybe if she had came back for you things would be different. Or maybe if you had ran away with her you wouldn't be where you are now. But you had backed yourself into this corner and there was no getting out.

Your dress is beautiful. It's big and poufy and white. But the person at the end of the aisle isn't who you want to see. Instead of emerald eyes you see cerulean. Instead of a smooth face with delicate features you see a rough face with harsh lines. He's all wrong, he's not her. But you made your choice. Your parents and their wishes come first. Maybe in another life you could chase your happiness, but in this one you were chasing theirs.

After the wedding you resided yourself to a life you hated with a man you loathed, even though you knew it wasn't his fault. If only you could feel the same way about Steve that would make life so much easier. But no matter how much you tried to love him you were still repulsed when his lips touched yours or when you laid in bed side by side.

Sometimes you couldn't stop the sobs that would fall at night, knowing you had made a mistake with marrying him. You should've ran away with Wanda, but now it was too late. You had kids to take care of and an estate to run.

Despite that you let yourself dream about the woman you left all those years ago, the woman you still loved. You hoped Wanda had lived a life far more happier life than yours. You hoped Wanda had moved on and found someone else. You hoped Wanda and new her lover lived in the cottage that was meant to be yours's and had a plentiful garden and never wanted for a thing.

However Wanda's reality was much sadder than what you had wanted for her. Wanda spent her days at the cottage by herself, over come with grief. She never moved on. She spent her days gardening, reading, and crying. Everyday she hoped her lover would come back to her. She never did.

[victorie552]

I headcannon that after 3rd Kinslaying, and especially after Elrond and Elros left them in whatever fashion, Maedhros was a total dick to Maglor.

You know how sometimes old or sick people are nice to neighbours/nurses/strangers, but are horrible to their primal caretakers? That's them.

People aren't dicks to their caretakers just to be dicks - it's because they are often frustrated with themselves or their situation and don't know how else to deal with it or they can't deal with it the usual way. It also happens because, paradoxally, they feel safe around their caretakers - you can be a dick because you know they won't leave just because of that.

And boy, did Maglor cast himself in a role of caretaker (let's not kid ourselves, he wasn't qualified, and with his own problems to boot), and BOY, did Maedhros resent him for it. He did not NEED help, he did not DESERVE help, he's not another kidnapped child MAGLOR, I'M the older brother, I should take care of YOU YOU WRECK, WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BABYSIT YOU GROW UP ALREADY and leave me Nothing is EVER your fault, even when you left me to Angband as you should Why would you care now, it amounted to NOTHING before, it's WORTHLESS

And about half the time Maglor just takes it, actually likes it even. Mostly because of his guilt complex about how he deserves it, but also because Maedhros is only like this with him - he's trying his best to pretend to be fine and be a leader to few followers they have left, because they deserve better and that's the only thing he can give them now, and their brothers are all dead and would always be Too Little to act like that around them anyway. Maedhros would behave himself even around Fingon, to make him think rescuing him was worth something. So by being a dick to Maglor, Meadhros sees him as an equal, a safe haven. Maglor basks in that.

But obviously no one could just take such abuse like it's nothing, and Maglor is a Feanorian too, is prideful and stubborn, with his own laundry list of complains about Maedhros, and also unwell, and also thought of a new insult while lying awake at night and just wants to yell too. So half the time Maglor yells back and their yelling matches would bring orcs to tears, with hate and blame dripping from every word. I don't have enough imagination to picture it realistically, and actually I don't want to, it's too heartbreaking.

And sometimes, one or the other just starts crying. They don't talk about these times.

After some time, their arguments and insults are just a noise, something to repeat endlessly to the point of boredom.

By then, what actually hurts are the words that were not meant to harm.

Example 1:

Maedhros: 'did an all-night inspection of their stores cause he couldn't sleep' I found a herb you always liked to wash your hair with.

Maglor: 'doesn't remember last time he washed his hair, no less scented them'

Maglor: 'choked up' Appreciated.

Example 2:

Maedhros: 'feels like he's dragging Maglor to damnation with him' You could go with the twins, you know.

Maglor: 'doesn't want to upset Maedhros today so decides to pretend as if that was actually an option' Vanyar would probably like my singing but you know they would get mad at you for having better battle plans than them.

Maedhros: 'now KNOWS he's dragging Maglor to damnation with him'

Maedhros: 'dying inside' Of course they would.

When love hurts, it's easier to be a dick.

[shitpostdevil]

Am I Allowed to Cry?

(((SatoSugu one shot)))

Drowning in the Blue Nile

He sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

My boredom's bone-deep

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

‘Why didn’t you chase him?’ 

The words echo in my mind, 

haunting me as I stare 

at the bare wall of my dorm room 

where photos used to stay. 

It was my responsibility as a jujutsu sorcerer 

to stop exactly what Suguru caused. 

His smile was so soft. 

He knew I wasn’t going to understand 

and he didn’t even try to convince me. 

He was always like that this last summer. 

Something in him changed after Amanai died. 

I’m pretty sure he had thought I was dead too 

from the look on his face 

when I walked into that room holding her corpse. 

I knew I had changed. 

Being on the brink of death will do that to a person. 

I grip my bedsheets, 

gritting my teeth at the tears 

that burned their way out of my eyes 

against my protest. 

All I remember after that is screaming 

until I heard Shoko’s voice.

“Give him space, 

get out of here! 

Gojo, hey, Gojo-”

I dream of cracking locks

Throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks

Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox

I'm seeing visions, am I bad?

Or mad? Or wise?

Do we still talk? 

It would be unwise to indulge the answer to that. 

How they haven’t found me out yet? 

I have no idea. 

They must trust their golden boy enough 

to not assume that he would be 

in the bed of a criminal after long missions, 

dressing my wounds, 

always stretching out the time. 

He explained himself. 

Adopted two little girls- 

I can’t blame him for doing what he did, 

but I would never say that out loud. 

This world is… horrible. 

We know that better than anyone I suppose.

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

Staring at my phone screen, 

my scrolling through pointless pictures 

paused by his text; 

When are you coming over next? 

Simple, but he always did get straight to the point. 

My finger absent-mindedly twirls 

around the black cat phone charm that he got for me- 

something I had claimed I’d won in a random gacha pull, 

but I knew the truth and that’s all that mattered. 

Part of me needed him with me, 

even if I couldn’t admit it. 

I want to drop everything and run to him 

every 

damn 

time. 

Soon. I text back, 

locking my phone and letting my arm drop, 

painted fingertips grazing over sheets 

he will never see again.

I keep these longings locked

In lowercase, inside a vault

Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts

Only your actions talk

“How long are you going to do this, Gojo?” 

Shoko quizzes me, 

her face holds a touch of disapproval 

but not disappointment. 

I just look at her. 

Does she really expect me to give an answer for that? 

Until the day I die. 

I want to say. 

Want to scream.

I can’t even give an actual answer 

because all that would give is 

confirmation that I still see the ‘traitor’. 

She knows. 

She has to. 

She… saw how badly it broke me- 

feelings I never want to unleash again. 

“What are you talking about?” 

I finally ask, 

eyes begging her to drop it through sunglasses. 

She just pulls out her cigarette box silently, 

flipping the top open 

and holding it in my direction, offering. 

I take one.

These fatal fantasies giving way to labored breath

Taking all of me, we've already done it in my head

If it's make-believe

Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

“S-Satoru~” 

His liquor soaked breath stutters in the dark 

as I work my art on him, 

messy kisses to the insides of his thighs, 

leaving marks that will only be known to us. 

His hands are tangled in my hair loosely, 

tightening every moment he feels good. 

He refuses to be quiet, 

but I couldn’t complain. 

“A God amongst men, 

and you’re begging for me.” 

I state breathlessly, 

smirking up at him. 

He just hums in pure amusement.

“You always were so cocky~” 

he chides, 

hips bucking when my lips find his leaking head.

“You were saying?” I ask.

“Mm-mmm~” he says as he pushes my mouth onto his cock. 

I can’t help but give him what he wants.

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

My bedsheets are ablaze, I've screamed his name

Building up like waves crashing over my grave

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

Shoko notices the hickey I tried my hardest to cover 

almost immediately. 

Deny. 

Deny. 

Deny. 

“The girl I was with wasn’t really as careful as I asked her to be.” 

I bluffed, laughing. 

Her eyes questioned deeper, 

but not her voice. 

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me

They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly

I choose you and me religiously

“You know this can’t last forever Satoru.” He says. 

I clench my jaw. 

Of course I know that. 

Why did he feel the need to bring this up again? 

His hands are so gently painting my fingernails black. 

It was his way of being intimate without having to admit it. 

I secretly loved having any trace of him on me that I could get. 

I don’t want to respond to him, 

I just want to stay here, 

at this moment. 

Forever. 

I never wanted him to stop holding my hands so preciously.

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

“At least curse at me a little at the very end.” 

His smile is still so soft even with blood everywhere. 

I just fall to my knees, 

eyes filled with traumas no one should have to see. 

“If I had noticed… 

If I saw how badly it destroyed you… 

would it have changed anything?” 

I’m speaking before I can think it through.

“Perhaps…” He coughs, breathing sharp, 

“But then again… probably not.” 

The tears are falling before I can stop them. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

I can't get my voice above a whisper.

“It’s not your fault, my one and only.” 

My one and only…

He sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

“Satoru.” 

The voice of a ghost speaks from behind me and I falter, 

if only for a moment. 

Suguru…? 

I turn. 

I’m trapped again, 

but this time it’s real. 

Is it really so bad to die if it’s at his hands? 

Horror written all over my face- 

that’s his body, but that isn’t him.

Am I allowed to cry?

My soul knows otherwise…

[pablitogavii]

Hello,

if you haven’t done it yet. Can I request gavi x reader who has daddy issues, not in a sexual way. But like reader told Gavi that she has some issues with her dad and after that Gavi started telling her how proud he is of her and praising reader and one day reader come back in home in crying from a dinner with her parents because she argued with her dad and he just takes care of her like she was a baby. (I don't know if it's understandable)

Thank you if you write my request and if not thank you anyway. :))



His Perfect Girl

I do warn you that there will be slight angst and reader's father being an alcoholic.

Your father isn't really your favorite topic...if anything it's one of those things that hurts too much to talk about.

You still remember the times he was your "dad" and not your "father". It was the time before the alcohol changed that man into beast and you were left to pick up the pieces.

"You're so soft amor.." Pablo smiled when you nuzzled you face into your boyfriend's neck blushing at his kind compliment.

"Which one do you want to watch princesa??" he said scrolling through Netflix happy that he always let's you chose even though you always like the typical girly romantic comedies.

"Hmm this one?" you say looking up at him with big eyes and he smiled clicking play and kissing the top of your head lovingly while gently moving his fingers through your curls.

"You're lucky I love you so much preciosa.." he said and you nodded your head kissing his neck cause you were too lazy to get up and kiss his lips.

"Sorry to interrupt, hermano..but it's for Y/n" Aurora walked in with the home phone and you sat up taking it from her hearing your mom's crying voice on the other line. Damn it!

"I'm sorry mom..It's on silent mode..um yeah..I'll come..no worries!" you spoke while Pablo gently caressed your leg becoming worried when he saw your scared face.

It wasn't the first time something like this would happen..you would spend time with him only to receive a call that your dad was acting out again. You would go and be there for your mom like always.

Pablo hated that you needed to go through this..and he felt horrible that he couldn't help in any way. It wasn't his place..but you were his girl..so he felt responsible when he saw you suffering because of it.

"I'm sorry Pablito..um..I have to go" you already had tears in your eyes as you gave the phone to him and got up from the bed putting one of his hoodies on and your shoes.

"Amor.." Pablo said making you turn around and he stood up walking to you and snaking his arms around your waist pulling you into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry you have to go through this.." he said wanting to just keep holding you and protect you from all of this crap. He kissed your head lovingly before letting you go spending the rest of the night worried and unable to fall asleep.

A few days later, Pablo was going to pick you up to take you to Camp Nou for his first game of the season and when he approached the door he heard yelling.

"But dad, I got into the college..I got a full ride too" your voice was so small and Pablo knew you were only seeking his approval. His poor girl!

"I'm not wasting money on your college! Why don't you get your milioner boyfriend to pay!?" man said and Pablo felt sick knocking because he couldn't hear any more. He just wanted to get you out of there.

You opened rubbing your eyes faking a smile like always because you didn't want to worry Pablo about anything. He had a game to focus on and this should be the last thing on his mind.

"I'll be right out cariño" you kiss him quickly before rushing to grab your backpack while Pablo smiled seeing his name flashing on your back.

You were in the car and Pablo was driving when suddenly his hand took yours and he kissed it softly. You looked at him wondering what he did that for so suddenly definitely not complaining.

"I'm so proud of you for getting into college mi amor.." he said and you gulped feeling your eyes fill with tears after hearing those words..you craved to hear them for so long and it meant everything.

"T..thank..you..Pablo" your voice was cracking and Pablo felt his heart shatter that it took your boyfriend to hear such words..he wanted to keep saying them for years just to make you believe them.

"You're my perfect girl..you work so hard..and you're always there for everyone..I can't begin to explain how special you are..and how lucky I am to call you mine" he finished and a tear escaped your eye but you dried it quickly.

"You're gonna make us both cry Pablito! Stop it! It's game day and I want to cheer for my man!" you giggled although you wanted to break down and he smiled nodding his head and kissing your hand again while parking his car.

It was the middle of the night when your dad really crossed the line slapping your mom in front of your eyes and starting to shatter everything around the house. There was no stopping him and you did all you could in that moment, you called for help..

"Amor? What time is it??" Pablo's phone was groggy from sleep and you were fighting at urge to cry out staying quiet while hiding in your room.

"P..Pablo..please come..I..um..I need your help" you were whispering and Pablo was already on his feet getting dressed quickly and hopping into his car.

He kept knocking until you opened and suddenly both of you were face to face with your dad.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house!?" man's voice was barely comprehensible from how drunk he was right now and Pablo wrapped his strong arm around your waist pulling you behind him.

"Sir, you've drank too much and it would be the best if you went to bed" Pablo kept calm and your dad started laughing maniacally throwing the empty beer bottle and making you jump in fead holding onto Pablo for dear life.

"Who do you think you are kid!? Coming to MY house to tell ME what to do!?" your dad was knowing for his aggression when he drinks but tonight you were more scared than ever that he might actually attack Pablo.

"Sir, please..don't do this in front of your wife and daughter" Pablo said and you saw your mom walk from the living room holding a napkin to her bloody nose.

"Jake, please let's just get you to bed.." she tried to reason with him to but there was no use.

"You shut up! Fucking bitch!" he yelled turning towards her and she flinched when he started walking but he didn't make it far until Gavi pulled him back. That's when all the hell broke loose.

You dad threw a first punch and Pablo quickly got to his feet pushing on top of him and then there was no way to say who hit who while your mom and you screamed.

"Just because you fuck her kid that doesn't mean you tell me how to treat her!" your dad spat and you could tell that really got Pablo angry as he held him by the collar.

"You disgusting hijo de puta! She's your daughter! You're supposed to protect her not be the one she's scared of! You're supposed to say how proud you are of her accomplishments and to always be there when she needs you!" Pablo's words made you cry into your mother's arms until your dad forcefully pushed him of and got on top of him.

"No..no..no! Please stop! Dad! NO!" you were starting to panic your vision blurred when you saw Pablo pushing your father off and preceding to hit him.

"STOP PABLO!" you screamed curling up in the ball and shaking violently with your mom trying to calm you down. Your cry seemed to sober Pablo up who rushed to your side holding you tightly completely forgetting about your useless father.

"I'm sorry princesa..it's alright..I'll take you and your mom to my house..everything is going to be alright" Pablo was crying too never wanting you to see him violent like that but things just spun out of control.

"Vamos Mrs. Y/l/n.." Pablo helped her stand up before grabbing your from the floor and carrying you bridal style towards his car while your dad was still laying on the floor.

When you arrived to Pablo's house, his parents helped your mom while he took you to his room and placed you on his bed. You were crying and avoiding his eyes and that hurt him so much..were you scared of him now too??

"Amor..please look at me?" his voice was broken and when your eyes met again you were both crying.

"I'm sorry..so sorry princesa..I never wanted you to see me like that..I am not a man like that..I would never hurt you..I need to know that you know that?" Pablo spoke and you quickly moved closer holding his face and kissing his lips which made him relax in your hold.

"Of course I know Pablito..you were protecting me and my mom..I just..I was so overwhelmed and scared he will hurt you" you said and he laid your head onto his shoulder kissing on top of it while laying back with you in his arms.

"Shh I'm alright..and you will be too..I want you to stay with me princesa?" Pablo said and you wee sobered up quickly looking up at him with big eyes.

"W..what??" you said and he smiled nodding his head.

"I am moving to an apartment in a week and I want you to come live with me? It's the only way I will know you are safe..and we would have our home" he said and you were crying unsure of what to answer.

"Um..Pablo..I don't know what to say.." you say while he played with your hair gently kissing your head again.

"Just that you will make me the luckiest man and come live with me..let me protect you..and show you how a real man takes care of a woman?" he said and you smiled knowing that you can fully trust Pablo to take care of you.

"Are you sure Pablito?" you ask knowing that you wouldn't be able to handle getting comfortable with him only to have him leave too.

"Yes, princesa. Don't be scared..because I won't leave..I promise" he speaks gently and you smile that he knew exactly what you were thinking about.

"And if we fight?" you ask looking up at him and he take his time to think before answering.

"Then we fight but let's make one rule right now, we never go to bed angry, okay??" he says and you smiled nodding your head and leaning in to kiss his lips while he holding your face in his hands.

"O..okay.." you say while he brushed your happy tears. His special girl!

"Okay? So that's a yes princesa?" he says in excitement and you giggle nodding your head while he kissed your lips again. Just then, Aurora opened the door of Pablo's room.

"Impeccable timing Rora!" Pablo groaned and his sister rolled her eyes at her younger brother before turning towards you.

"Your mom will stay with us for awhile at least until she files the divorce papers..then she will go to your grandma's old apartment in Sevilla" Aurora explained and you nodded proud of your mom for finally accepting the truth. You were a little worried how she will be able to live without you if you Stayed in Barcelona with Pablo.

"I don't want you to worry hermanita. Me and Javi are both in Sevilla most of our time, and we will check up on her often. And you can always come when Pablito is traveling?" he says and you smiled nodding your head holding onto Pablo's hand tightly.

"Everything is going to be alright, princesa..I'm right here" he says and you smile nodding your head and thanking both of them for all their help.

And since you and Pablo started living together, he always made sure to baby you and make sure you feel heard and supported.

"Here's your lunch amor" you gave him the plate of food and he pulled you close kissing your forehead.

"Thank you, little one! You've worked so hard, maybe we both need nap time huh?" he said and you blushed nodding your head and napping on his shoulder while he ate.

Whenever the thoughts of your dad returned, you would get very quiet and Pablo always noticed that.

"Goodnight baby, I love you" he said before bed pulling you close so that your back is glued to his chest as he spoons you.

"Love you" you said shortly but from your voice he could tell something was wrong.

"What's wrong with you amor?" he said and you sighed

"I'll be okay..." you answer but he turns you around to face him and tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear.

"Thant's not what I asked you princesa.." he answers and you would spend the night talking through your fears together. He was always so patient and a really good listener.

And when he is away, and you're with your mom he would always facetime you before bed no matter the time difference.

"I want to feel you baby.." he sighed and your eyes sparkled looking at his handsome face on the screen.

"I miss you so much" you answer blushing a little at his infamous smirk.

"You're all mine when I get home" he said and you sushed him making you both giggle before you started yawning.

"Get some rest, princesa. I'll be here until you fall asleep" he said and you smiled closing your eyes and just listening to his soothing voice.

I really hope you like it anon <3

[justanamesstuff]

All I Need

Chapter 7

Matty Healy!dad x f!reader

A/N: what was promised is debt! I'm uploading it hours earlier than I was planning...I really hope you enjoy it, guys. It's a BIG ONE! I'm so nervous about it! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ♥ Thank u for reading and supporting!!

Warnings: explicit +18 scenes MINORS DO NOT INTERNACT!; swearing; angst; crying; typos.

Word count: 12.5 K (sorry not sorry haha)

MASTERLIST

2 weeks later…at home.

Y/n felt pathetic checking her phone like a teenager waiting for her crush to reply and keep the conversation going. She left the device on the kitchen table as if it burned her hand; returning to the list of emails waiting for her. No matter how hard she tried to focus on her tasks, her attention was else where.

Since her phone call with Grace – after the horrible second date —, she tried to give Paul a real chance. It was the only reasonable option. ‘Matty doesn’t want to be with me, Paul does, right?’, Y/n repeated like a mantra.

Therefore, Paul and Y/n had been texting none stop, like –literally– teenagers. Everything went smoothly, until it didn’t. A few days before, Paul stopped answering suddenly; making Y/n felt awful. She didn’t talk about it with Grace, not even with Matty. Y/n felt childish; she tried to think that Paul was probably busy with work, and she was being irrational about everything.

Y/n was sulking, when her phone started ringing. It took seconds for her to reach for it. Paul was calling.

“Hello?” She answered, trying to keep her feelings at bay. 

Paul started talking at the other end of the line. “Hi, darling.”

“Hi…” ‘What should I say?’, she wondered. 

“Are you at home? Are you busy?” He asked quickly, almost, desperate.

Y/n felt uncomfortable with Paul’s approach. “I’m home and…depends. Why?” She inquired him. 

His hot and cold attitude surprised her, at the same time, it made her wonder. Made her worried, to the point of pondered multiple scenarios about what was really going on with Paul.

“What about if I pick you up in…” He started saying. Y/n waited him to finish his phrase, hanging from each word. “Let’s say, one hour?” 

Y/n bit her lower lip. “For what?” 

“I have an evening event, work thing…it won’t last long, and then we can go to a nice restaurant…or to my house, if you like…” Paul suggested lowering his voice. 

Y/n felt the impulse to say no, but remembered Grace’s words. “Okay. Should I dress up or something?” She consulted, feeling her pulse going wild.

“No, no…it’s a little bit formal, not too much though.” He explained, at the same time, Y/n could hear a second voice speaking at the other end. Maybe an assistant, maybe not. Y/n shocked her head, she was looking too much into this.

“Okay, fine.” Y/n finally agreed to it.

“Perfect, you’re a saint!! See you in an hour!” He hung up without giving Y/n the chance to say her goodbyes.

Y/n stared at her black screen, her mind razing with thoughts. She needed to ask Matty or Grace to look after Amelia for the evening, possibly for the entire night. She decided asking Grace was the best decision.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Le grand salon, 

Center of London.

Y/n felt like a fish out of the water around those people. Paul left her as soon as they arrived, promising her to be right back after talking with a few important CEOs or whatever. Y/n sipped from the champagne they were serving. It tasted awful, but she was past the mood stage of having enough anger to complain. 

She tried to wait patently for Paul to return, for someone to be remotely nice. Although, after an hour and a half of walking around the salon, gaining sketched looks from Paul’s co-workers or people there –she thought worked with/for him–, Y/n was done with standing like part of the decoration. Y/n decided to actually search for the man.

Y/n looked around before leaving the safety of the corner that hosted her. He wasn’t at any part of the salon, she looked around multiple times, expecting to find him. Nothing.

Defeated and ready to leave, Y/n approached a man she saw Paul greeting with a friendly hug after they arrived together. Maybe he knew where Paul was. 

She touched him on his shoulder, “Excuse me.” Y/n cleaned her throat. The man in questions turned around after pausing his conversation, looking at her as if he was ten feet above Y/n. She felt tiny. 

“What do you want?” The man spat at her.

Y/n tried not to feel interpellated by his poisonous words. “Do you know where Paul is?” She queried, arranging her form to look bigger and stronger than she felt inside.

“No, haven’t seen him in a few minutes.” He replied, starting to turned back around. Y/n stopped him. “What now?” He almost shouted at her.

“Have you seen where he went?”

“No. Fucking hell, search the patio… at the back… or, the bathroom. I don’t know, I don’t care. Bye.” He ended the conversation all at once.

The idea of leaving without Paul crossed Y/n’s mind, although she quickly brushed it off. Where was he?

The wonder made her walk to try the places the man mentioned. It was the last chance, if he wasn’t there she was going to leave without caring. 

Y/n felt pathetic walking down the long alley between the grand salon and the patio. She felt bad to even care about this people’s treatment, they were all horrible. Y/n was mad at Paul again; because he left her alone, yes, but also because he wasn’t in fact the Prince Charming she expected. Y/n felt like her own error to pretend him to be that. 

Her heels stopped making a rhythmic sound on the tiled floor when she stood at the opening door connecting with the back patio. A couple of little groups of people were smoking, even though Paul wasn’t there. 

“Sorry,” She interrupted the closest group’s conversation. “Do you know Paul?” 

“Yeah.” A woman said shortly. 

“Great! By chance, have you seen him?” Y/n asked innocently, gaining a sceptical look from the woman. 

“Um, yeah, he’s…” She looked around the group, as if she was expecting some kind of help. She continued. “He’s in the bathroom-”

“Perfect, thank you!” Y/n felt relief washing over her, turning around to finally found the person she had been looking for. 

The woman spoke from behind Y/n, “If I were you, I won’t go there.” She was clearly trying to warn her, Y/n feared the worst. 

Her feet moved as if they had life of its own; Y/n crossed the hall, reaching for the bathroom area. The sounds coming from the lady’s bathroom confirmed her fears. 

Y/n pushed the door open. The picture in front of her broke her heart. Paul was between a pretty girl’s legs, with his pants all the way down, clearly pushing inside her. Both of them repeating the sounds she had been hearing from outside. Paul was fucking another girl.

“Oh my god!” Y/n could only say, making them stopped immediately. 

The girl looked at her in shock, poking her face from behind Paul’s neck. “Fuck…” She breathed out.

Y/n stood there, with her head foggy, just staring at them. The girl looked back at Y/n, she looked familiar. Y/n shook her head, she didn’t care up to that point.

The girl was seated on the bathroom counter and Paul was still in front of her, not moving away. They had been fucking while she waited like a moron.

“Y/n!” Paul exclaimed, tugging his trousers up – or trying to —, failing miserable. His voice took her out of her hypnotic trance.

“Fuck no.” Y/n told her. “I’m leaving!” She pointed at Paul, feeling her eyes burning with tears. “Don’t call me, don’t text me…nothing, I don’t want to know anything about you, arsehole!” Y/n let her anger took over. 

She stumbled through the venue as fast as she could. Y/n wanted the refuge of her house, of her home. She needed Grace and to hug Amelia.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Living room, home.

Grace felt worried immediately as she saw Y/n appeared on the living room. Her makeup was all mushed and running all over her face, the pair of heels on one hand and her hair all messed up.

“What happened to you?” She approached her friend, leaving Amelia on the floor playing. 

Y/n tried to form a sentence, but nothing came out of her mouth. She was still too stunned to speak. Grace didn’t think twice, embracing her in a big hug. 

“It’s okay, I’m here…we’re here.” She rocked Y/n from side to side. 

After a few minutes, Amelia noticed her playing partner wasn’t beside her and looked for Grace. Noticing her mother was there too. “Mommy!” She greeted her. 

Grace let her go, shielding her from the child’s view until Y/n ran her hands under her eyes, trying to get rid of the makeup as best as she could. 

“Hi, baby.” She kneeled down, opening her arms. Amelia ran to her. 

Y/n started to crying in silence when she felt the soft weight of Amelia pushing on her chest. She gave her mother a comfort she wasn’t aware of. Amelia grew bored after a little time, returning to her toys. Y/n stayed down on her knees, looking at her daughter. 

Grace kept a close eye on her friend’s form during the whole interaction. “Y/n, go and get change, clean your face…whatever you need. I’ll make a cup of tea, and then we can talk, okay?” Grace commanded Y/n.

“Yes. Thank you.” Y/n agreed.

******************************************************************************************

After she did everything as Grace told her – because Y/n hadn't had the strength to do anything apart from that – she returned downstairs. 

Graces awaited for her in the living room, watching Amelia live inside her own bubble of imagination and games. Y/n sited besides Grace on the big couch, looking at the toddler as well. 

The mugs were steaming in the coffee table. “Come on, take a big sip.”

The tea was strong, very sweet for her liking, but it was a consolation at the same time. “He was with another girl.” Y/n told Grace, her sight still on her daughter, while she held the cup closer to her face. 

“What?”

“He left me for an hour and a half, almost two hours…alone. I went searching, he was…you know…with another girl, on the bathroom counter. Not any other girl, the one from the park…”

“I’m going to kill him!” Grace stood up as if she was going to do it right there. 

“Sit back down!” Y/n instructed her best friend. She desperately needed her close, not far away – committing a crime, metaphorically or not.

Grace couldn’t contain her surprised, while she sited back. “I can’t believe it. My cousin Paul?”

“Yes, your Prince Charming cousin Paul…” Y/n forced herself to take another sip of her infusion.

“He’s such an arse-”

“Language!”

“She needs to know men are horrible.” Grace justified herself, pointing towards Amelia. “And what did you do?”

Y/n recalled the situation on her head. Her hands shock a little around the tea cup. “Scream at him, told him not to reach out, and stormed out.”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” Grace apologized genuinely. If it wasn’t for her, Y/n would never have known Paul. If she had never let Y/n’s get away with her way, asking for Paul’s number, she would never be in that situation; trying to hold the tears back because she didn’t want Amelia to suffer seeing her upset. 

“It’s not your fault, Grace.” Y/n took Grace’s on her own, she squeezed it.

“I feel like it is. He’s my cousin-” Grace insisted. 

“You’re not responsible for your cousin’s actions.”

“Still.”

Y/n knew Grace enough to keep insisting. Instead, she decided to leave it be for now. She was convinced Grace wasn’t guilty of his sorrows. The only one in the wrong was Paul, and her too. 

She felt the tears coming back. 

Y/n self-reproached herself while she asked Grace, “Can you take Amelia to your house? I don’t want her to see me like this. I can ask Matty, but he’s working on the last album…” Y/n started to ramble. 

“Yeah, yeah. We can have a pyjama party.” Y/n’s friend tried to erase the guilt. Y/n was in her right to take some time-off from parenting.  

“Thank you.” Y/n said while her voice broke.

Grace felt a wave of worry. “Oh, no…you sure you want to be alone?”

“Mhm…” Y/n reply through her bitten lips.

“You call me if you need me, okay? I’ll be here in a heartbeat, yes?” Grace insisted, making Y/n to turned her head to the side. She searched on Y/n’s eyes for some sort of reassurance that she was indeed going to be okay staying on her own.

“I know, Grace. Thank you.”

“Stop that…I love you…I’m so sorry.”

Grace pushed Y/n on a new hug, rubbing her back. Y/n let some tears drop in silence, while hugging her friend back. 

“I love you too.” Y/n mumbled on her shoulder. 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the couch…

Y/n dried the tears from her eyes. Her whole face was hurting. Her eyes were moisturized but by all the wrong reasons; her head was pounding loud, making here wince with pain. She felt so pathetic, crying for a man. She never learned to pick the right ones, apparently. 

‘It was my fault or the guys I chose? What was wrong?’, Y/n recriminated herself.

She wasn’t asking for a fairytale. Y/n wanted a true man, someone who can be there for her, someone wanting to share life with her. Apparently, it was a lot to ask.

Y/n let her body fall into the couch, closing her eyes. Wishing, praying, this was a bad joke, a dream; whatever instead of this stupid situation. Paul was an asshole, why was she crying about an idiot who didn’t deserve her sorrow?

Y/n groaned loud and turned around, screaming into the cushion; trying to get reed of part of the angsty feeling. She wasn’t aware someone else was hearing her download. 

“Y/n?” Matty asked out of the blue, scaring her.

“Jesus, Matty! You scared the shit out of me!” She prompted herself enough to turned around and saw his face, without leaving the couch. Y/n returned to her previous position, laying down. 

“Sorry.” He apologized. Y/n heard him walk closer to her. “Are you okay? Where’s Amelia?” He was crunched down at her right side.

“Grace took Amelia to her flat…I needed a minute alone, and you-” Y/n dodged his first question purposely. 

He interrupted her, worried. “Why?”

“Don’t ask, Matty.” Y/n massaged her temples roughly, the headache persisted.  

“Should I worry?” Matty moved her hair to uncover her face; he wanted to find answers on her factions at least. 

“Yes…no. I don’t know-” She turned to the side, looking directly into his eyes. The soft blue glow of the TV was illuminating her face, meanwhile the orange light coming from the hall reflected on Matty's factions. 

He went, without thinking, to caressed her cheek. “Y/n, please.” She closed her eyes before his plead. 

Keeping her ground, she muttered. “Prince Charming wasn’t so charming after all.” Y/n tried to hold a whimper, against of the idea of sounding like a fool.

“Paul?” Matty inquired.

“Yes, him…” Y/n spoken as if she was naming the devil himself. 

Matty started to fear the worst. If that fucker did something to her, he wouldn’t respond of his actions. His heart was pounding hard on his chest when he asked, “What did he do? Did he-” 

“No, no.” Y/n lift her head, resting her weight on her elbows. “Nothing like that- He was seeing another girl…a co-worker, or maybe she wasn’t a- I don’t even know. Maybe he was going out with other girls too. Fucking with them. Heck-The possibilities are infinite…” 

Matty stayed on his place, beside the couch, clenched down, battling with his head. He didn’t know what to say or do too, he didn't want to make her feel worse. Matty stated his case before about not liking Paul, even though this was about Y/n, not him or his opinions. 

“How did you find out?” His words were careful, Y/n noticed.

Y/n let her body fall again on the comfort of the couch. “I saw him fucking a girl…a girl we bumped into before.. In a bathroom at his work event, after he left me for hours alone-” 

Her sight was on the ceiling, she couldn’t look at Matty and saw the pity on his eyes. Not from him.

“Y/n…” 

“I think she wasn’t the only one he was with…” She continued to ramble about her thoughts she went through after Grace left with Amelia. Y/n was conscious she was spiralling, but her mind couldn’t help it. The repeating conspiracy theory making her feel sink even deeper on a hole of sadness and self-pity was on.

“Baby…” Matty tried.

“Don’t pity me, Matty. Not you.” Y/n tried to hide her face behind her hands. Her voice came muffled from behind them.

“Do you want me to go and kick him down from his white horse?” Matty tried to get rid of some of the tension. He kicked himself for trying to joke when things get complex, although he didn’t know what else to do. Matty wanted – needed – to make Y/n feel good again.

Y/n’s body shook with laughter. Matty smiled at her. “Not worth it.” Y/n finally admitted.

“It’s if it makes you feel better, baby, it is.” Matty said, his words dripping with sincerity and full of his own emotions. 

Y/n spoke again after a short silence, “Why I didn’t see it sooner?”

“No, no…” Matty started, pushing her a little further into the couch, making space beside Y/n’s form. He let his left arm served as a pillow for her head, simultaneously, his right hand touched her owns, uncovering her face. “This is not your fault, at all!” Matty held her face, so she was looking at him. 

Y/n diverted her eyes, further. She felt something, she couldn’t quite place, looking at Matty’s soft eyes. “I should-”

“Nothing. You should nothing. He’s the wanker here, not you…you did nothing wrong.” Matty insisted.

“Matty?”

“Yes?”

“Since you’re a guy-”

“Up to discussion-” 

“Why they don’t like me? There’s something wrong with me?”

Matty stopped breathing for a second, his body started to felt hot, and he was too aware of his heartbeat. ‘How could he tell her without actually telling her?’, he debated with himself.

“Love-” Matty tried to gain some time.

Y/n had other plans, she insisted, “Seriously, tell me.”

“Y/n there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with you…” Matty told her without lying.

She continued spoken up her wonders, “Am I ugly? I think I look okay…No, don’t answer! This is so dumb. Fuck-” Y/n started to lift her body from the couch, she wanted to hide in the safety of her bed. 

Matty was quicker and pushed her –without too much force– back down again. He was almost on top of Y/n, making her blush strongly like a teen. 

“Stay here and listen to me….listen to me.” Matty accentuated every word.

Y/n tried to protest, failing. “Matty.”

He took a minute to think what to say. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Far from that. You’re the prettiest girl walking this town, this earth-”

“No.” Y/n interrupted.

“Yes. You’re so gorgeous, baby. From all perspectives. You’re one of a kind. There’s no one like you…I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Y/n.” Matty’s words brought tears to her eyes. There was something unspoken under his words, something she wanted from him but was scared to acknowledge it at the same time.

Y/n rounded him with her arms, running her hands through the curls on the nape of his neck. “Matty?” She asked.

“Yeah?” Matty replied, feeling weak from the proximity and Y/n’s touch.

A force was pulling him down, closer to her face, until their noses touched. Matty breathe deeply, surrounded by her essence. 

“Please.” Y/n begged.

“What?” He asked, brushing her nose with his own.

“I need you.” Y/n implored through half open eyelids. 

Matty tried to reason with her, “Y/n, you’re upset.”

He was against taking advantage of her. Y/n was still very perturbed about the evening events. No matter how much Matty wanted her to ask him to be with her, to love her, to take care of her, he had to hold his ground. 

“Yes, I’m fucking pissed…and I want you, please.” Y/n pushed her body up, coming in contact with his front. 

“Baby-” Matty placed a comforting hand on her left hip. His mind started to fogged, he needed to stay composed. This was about Y/n, not him.

“Fine.” Y/n spat, angry, moving from under Matty. “I’ll find someone…at least-” Y/n started to say when she finally was again on her feet.

Little she could let out before Matty took her by the arm, crushing his lips to hers. Y/n didn’t reciprocate at first, although her whole body woke up after a long slumber. Every single part of her was on fire, asking to be touched. To be touched by Matty, him and only him. 

Matty grabbed her face with both of his hands, keeping her in place, letting Y/n go wasn’t an option now. No after so many years apart. Y/n kissed him back, holding her own self from his neck, feeling weak on the knees. 

Matty noticed her body trying to sink down and held her by her waist. He noticed, because he always noticed every one of her needs. 

Kissing Matty again was like coming home after a long trip, to your own house and the comfort of your stuff. Kissing Matty once again felt like returning home. 

He broke the kiss to take some air. Y/n opened her eyes, looking up at him. He’s searching for any sign of doubt. Still with the pounding feeling of not taking advantage of Y/n.

“Are you sure about this, baby?” Matty spoke, low, brushing their lips together.

“Mhm.” Y/n confirm her desire, tightening her grip on his neck, meanwhile she approached her body to his.

“Words. I need words.” Matty persisted on. 

Y/n arched her back, “Please, I can’t wait any longer.”

Matty looked at her eyes; his deepening by lust. “You don’t have to…” He finished it, gifting her a smile.

Y/n pushed him back down again, crushing their lips together once more. She remembered how addicting it could be kissing him. Matty explored every corner of her mouth like an expert explorer, he hadn't forgotten her weak spots. Y/n moaned without caring.

The sweet sound coming from her, made Matty push back and asked her in a hurry, “Your room or mine?” 

“Yours.” Y/n sentenced. 

************************************************************************************************

When Matty shut his bedroom door close, all the rush was gone. Y/n waited at the end of his bed, looking around. She hadn’t been there except from a few times. The bed was newer from the one he had back on his flat, and the decoration changed as well. Multiple guitars, a lot of pictures of Amelia and them adoring the walls. Even the mess of clothes wasn’t there, he was strangely more organized now, more mature Y/n supposed. 

Matty’s arms rounding her took Y/n out of her scrutiny; he brushed her hair out of her neck, leaving kissing here and there. Nibbling on the exposed skin, bringing goosebumps into it. Matty smiled to himself. Y/n closed her eyes, placing her hands on top of his on her stomach. The memories of him caressing Y/n’s belly when she was pregnant came to her, every touch is full of their history. 

Matty's hands sneak under her shirt, coming in touch with her bare skin. He pushed Y/n’s body back towards his body, making his clothes dick came in contact with her bum. Matty groaned on her neck. Y/n kept rocking her hips back, searching for friction.  

“Can I take it off?” He asked slowly, tugging on the shirt. 

“Yeah.” She said breathlessly.

Y/n turned around inside his embrace, Matty reached for the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it up. Y/n couldn’t help to feel self-conscious in front of Matty without her top on, only in a black bra and her pyjama pants. Even though, he’s focusing on her face and nothing else. Matty still worried she didn’t want to go further. Y/n connected her eyes with his, smiling shy. 

“Beautiful.” He stated, holding the left side of her neck.

“Stop-” Y/n blushed.

“Never. Come here.” 

Matty pressed their chests against each other, savouring her mouth once more. Matty felt complete; having Y/n on her embrace was what he had been wishing for years. He noticed a little wave of panic, what if I’m not enough for her?

Although, Y/n was very pleased already by everything, even when she was merely touching the skin hiding under his shirt. Y/n’s touch reached first the hairy skin of his abdomen, and made a trail until she felt his back. He was bulkier now than she remembered, there were a lot of muscles to held onto now. Without her asking, Matty went to take off his t-shirt. Both of them longing for the skin to skin contact.

Once his chest was fully visible, Y/n detached her lips from Matty’s. Inspecting the expanse of it. She kneeled down, kissing the centre of his chest. Matty couldn’t help to reach for the back of her head, feeling like his dreams were coming true. Y/n diverted her attention to his nipples, feeling encouraged by the moans he was letting out.

She tried to kneel down all the way to her knees, starting to unbutton his trousers, but Matty tried to stop her, “Y/n.”

Y/n ignored his weak protest, going for his boxers, although Matty paused all of her actions; he brought her back up by her chin. “No.” He said, sternly.

“But I want-” Y/n whined. 

“Later. Now it’s about you, darlin’.” Matty let Y/n know his intentions for the night.

Matty started to pull her trousers off, after she signal him to go on with it. Y/n wiggled out of them, and the self-consciousness came back running. She wasn’t expecting to end the night like this when she changed after the fatidic event. Her bra and undies were far from sexy or even matching.

“Sorry about this.” She tried to apologize.

Matty chuckled, brushing the embarrassment off, or trying to. “Don’t. I have the solution for that.” He said instead cheekily.

“What?”

“Here.” 

In a few instants, Y/n was fully naked, standing in front of Matty. The singer feeling ecstatic with his simple work, resulting on having her entirely naked in front of his eyes. She was too aware –for her liking– about the changes that happened to her body between the last time they had sex and now years after the birth of their child. Her body showed the permanent marks of her pregnancy. Sometimes she felt okay with them, but other times –like that moment– she despised them. 

Y/n went to shield her breasts, facing opposition from Matty, who took her arms sweetly. “Don’t-” He said, looking at her eyes only. “Can you lay down for me?” He said instead. 

“Okay.” She agreed, moving from the end of the bed where they had been standing. Y/n felt his sight on her, watching every move. She tried not to think at the moment she fell back on the mattress, in the middle of it, resting her head against the pillows. 

Matty got rid of his boxers slowly, but with decision. He watched Y/n leaned back awkwardly. What if she was regretting this?

“Do you want to stop?” He asked, without emotions.

Y/n looked at him worried, she didn’t want to stop. The idea of Matty not wanting to have sex with her would completely end up destroying her after the horrible day. “Do you?” She fought back. 

Matty noticed her face turned into a sad expression. He clarified, “Hell no…but I’ll if-”

Y/n let the air she didn’t notice she was holding, begging for him to come closer, “Please, come here.” She lifted her hand up in the air. 

Matty quickly obeyed her. Her wishes were truly his command. Specially during that night. He positioned himself, naked as the day he was born, on top of her. Without an exchange of words, Matty plopped down himself, kissing Y/n. 

She rounded him once more, feeling the hardness of his dick on her belly. Y/n could feel her body responding to the contact. 

Matty kissed all the way from her lips to the space connecting her face and neck. Y/n let the loudest whimper of the night when he sucked on there. She scratched his back, pushing him inevitably closer. Her nipples hard as sharp diamonds pressing on his chest. 

“Fucking hell, you’re so hot, baby.” Matty told her, leaving a trail of smooth pecks until his mouth came in contact with her right boob. Sucking with intention, as if he was starved and she was his nourishment. 

“Matty.” Y/n moaned at his acts, he remembered very well how sensitive were her nipples. How could he forget details about the love of his life?

“Yes, baby?” 

“Please. I need you.”

“Where?”

“Please…” Y/n’s mind couldn’t come up with a better word, or even formulate a phrase. 

“Where, sweet cheeks? Tell me…” He continued playing with her breasts, changing his focus to the left one. Matty let his right hand hold his weight, meantime his free hand held the fullness of her breasts. 

“Ugh, Matty…” She breathed out. “Touch me…down. I need you.” Y/n’s words came out all messy, and mispronounced. 

He returned to be face to face with her, while he let his hand get wet by his own saliva and returned –when he thought it what moisturized enough– to draw circles on her boob. “Can I eat you out, love? I’ve been missing your taste for ages.” Matty bluntly expressed. 

Her walls closing around nothing, making her hips lift to meet his. “Please.” Y/n agreed. The thought of him making her come with only his mouth sounded like heaven. 

“Greedy girl.” Matty called her out, drawing a path with his fingers from the underside of her breasts, stopping at the top of her mound. He paused to admire her get lost under his touch. 

Before Y/n went to protest, Matty felt her slit from top to bottom with the digits of his fingers, slowly, testing her. “You are so wet.” It wasn’t a question, it was a fact. “All for me, baby?”

Y/n shake her head as a yes. She couldn’t keep her hips still, trying to make his fingers come in contact with her pulsing clit. “Stop teasing, Matty.” Y/n begged. 

“Shush, you have to be patient, baby.” He knew very well the effect of his nicknames on her. “I’ve been waiting for this to happen again…”

“Really?”

“Yes, so many times…” He said, trusting one finger inside her slit, making of her a whimpering mess. She wanted to ask him more about it, but all of her thoughts went out of the window. Y/n took the sheet at both sides on her fists, arching her back trusting forwards, so Matty’s finger touches her soft spot.

“Fuck, Matty!” Y/n breath out.

“You’re so tight, baby. I need to prepare you for me.” His hot breath coming in contact with her entrance, making her entire body shiver. 

“Please, more.” 

“Another finger?”

“Yes.”

“That’s my girl, taking my fingers so well”

“Matty-”

“I know, I know…don’t come before I say it, okay?”

“I don’t know if I can…I’m going-”

Matty stopped all of a sudden. “What the-” but before Y/n could complete the sentences, his mouth was on her, his tongue trusting inside her hole, making her head spin. The knot in her belly growing, making her dizzy, sensing her release closer again. 

Y/n came undone under Matty, merely seconds after he tasted her. He helped her surfed the orgasm, taking every drop of it. 

Once she came back to reality, her sight fell on Matty’s smugly expression, still closer to her pussy. 

“Good?” Matty asked, kissing her right thigh. 

“So good, babe.” She let out, closing her eyes. 

Matty went to kiss her, “Do you want to stop?” He asked once again. Y/n moaned, tasting herself on his mouth. She shook her head against the idea. Matty chuckled.

He looked at her enamoured, admiring her cheeks all blushed and her messy hair on his pillows. She was back, she was his again. 

“What?” Y/n asked, without understanding his pause, his staring. 

“Nothing.” He touched her slightly on her hip, drawing imaginary forms.

“Tell me..” She encouraged him. 

“I missed you.” He admitted one more time, feeling pathetic as a teenager screaming ‘I love you’ to his first sex partner. 

Y/n force him to look at her, keeping the eye contact, smiling wide. “I missed you so much.”

Matty scrunched his face, preventing himself to look completely warmed by her words. “Liar!”

“Excuse me?” She pushed his shoulder, protesting. 

“You went out with a wanker…” He regretted bringing Paul between them at that moment. 

Y/n didn’t take it, choosing to say, “Let’s not name the devil, please?”

“I’m not-”

“Besides, you fucked with pretty models-” She counter-attack, smiling wide. ‘Everything was okay, she was joking’, Matty reassured himself.

“Are you jealous, Y/l/n?” He asked, cheekily. 

Y/n was quick to answer. “As much as you, Healy.”

“No one compares to you, Y/n.” His sight dancing around her eyes. 

She threw her head back, whining in protest. “You can’t say that!” 

In fact, her heart was growing a couple of sizes with every sweet word he was drooping. 

“Why? It’s the truth!” Matty fought back, burring his face on her neck.

“Because- Nothing, not fair!”

“No, what?” Matty murmured, without leaving his position, crushing against her. Y/n let her hands roamed through his curls. How much she had missed doing it.

Y/n was against telling Matty how she was feeling, risking the moment to end. She chose to divert his attention. 

“Are we going to fuck or…?” 

Matty bursted into a fit of laughter, coming back to be face to face again. He could let her get out of that conversation for a little longer. Specially when his dick was hurtfully hard. 

“Are you begging, darling?” Matty said, brushing his lips with Y/n’s. She parted her mouth open.

“I’ll make you beg.” She declared.  

“A warning or a promise?”

“Both.”

Matty took her lips in a heated kiss, rocking his hips forward. Y/n felt bereaved enough to reached for his dick, stroking him slowly. 

“Fuck, baby.” Matty moaned on her mouth.

“You like that?”

“Aha-” He confirmed, losing his senses under her attentions.

“Words, babe.” Y/n teased him back. 

“Please-” Matty begged, trusting into her hand without control. 

“I’m not on the pill, Matty.” Y/n tried to inform him.

Matty snapped out, taking her words into account. “Okay, let me get a condom really quick.”

“Okay.”

Y/n watched him moved around his room. Opening drawers, bags and lastly his wallet finding one. She crooked an eyebrow, wondering in silence. 

Matty acknowledge her silent question. “It’s not like I’ve had sex in the last few months…” he said without looking at Y/n, feeling a little embarrassed, while he put the condom on.

“Sure… Or you used all of them…” Y/n felt light and happy, between passion and happiness. 

Matty shook his head. “Stop it-”

“Nah, I like messing with you…” She let him know. 

“Yeah, I can see.”

Matty returned to be on top of Y/n, she rounded him with her legs as a way to let Matty know she was more than ready. Matty went to obey her but stopped, kissing her sweetly. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes, please, Matty.” She was starting to get desperate without him inside.

“If it’s too much-” 

“Matty!”

“Fuck- Sorry, I’m a tad nervous…” Matty admitted for himself first, and for her too.

“Really?”

“Mhm…”

Y/n felt her chest get warm with his demeanour. Not many people knew how sensitive and fragile can Matty be in moments of intimacy. Y/n felt special when he communicated his emotions.

“Come here.” Y/n instructed him, resting her forehead on his and placing her arms –as well as her legs– around his body. “I want you. I want to feel you inside me…again.” She reassured Matty, holding the eye contact. Matty nodded with his head. 

He sank down without second thoughts. “Fucking hell!” Matty groaned while her walls took him in.

“Matty!”

“Y/n…”

Matty threw his head back, detaching his chest centimetres away from Y/n. She couldn’t help to admire –through half open eyes– his face turning by the pleasure. He was so pretty.

Matty whipped his head forward, cheeking on Y/n. “Are you okay? Tell me when I can move, baby. There’s no rush…” He reassured her, even when his words came all over together.

Y/n nodded as best as she could in her position, getting used to him. Matty studied her breath deeply, having some difficulty to adapt to his dick. 

After a few minutes, she signalled for him. “Matt-”

He didn’t wait for her verbal command. Matty trusted forward, and retracted all the way out. The tip of his cook coming to tease her clit. Y/n bit down on her lower lip hard. Matty wasn’t going to have it, he wanted to hear all of her sweet sounds. 

“Don’t hold it back, Y/n. I want to hear you.” He stated, releasing her lip with his finger.

Matty’s dick disappeared inside Y/n’s pussy under his watchful eyes. They fall quickly into a rhythm that worked for both of them. 

Shortly after, Y/n felt incredible close to the edge. “Matty, I’m going to-”

“I know, baby. Let it go for me” He allowed her. “You’re doing so well for me…taking me so, so well…” His words stumbled, while his trusts got rapid and sloppy. 

Y/n moaned, scratching his back, chasing the sweet twisted feeling inside her lower stomach. Even with her eyes close, everything went black when her orgasm finally hit her fully.  

Matty felt Y/n’s pussy clench around him fastening his movements until he was coming as well, screaming without caring, “Y/n!”

He kept it going until their bodies relaxed again, letting his entire weight fall on top of Y/n. She welcomed him happily.

****************************************************************

“Matt…” Y/n spoke after a few minutes.

Matty shivered on top of her, burring his face further into Y/n’s neck. “Mhm…”

“I need you to pull out.” Y/n let a nervous chuckled out. 

“Don’t wanna.” 

“Well, I see…but I need to use the bathroom, baby.” She insisted. 

“Fine.” 

Matty pulled out and moved to the side, letting her move freely. He wasn’t happy to let Y/n go so soon, even though he understood her request. 

Y/n left a kiss on the top of his head, before going to the bathroom. Leaving Matty alone with his thoughts. 

Matty was thorned between the euphoric feeling of his orgasm, his feelings, and the memory of Y/n crying on the couch when he came home after an exhausting day in the studio. He tried not to think about Prince Charming and his wishes to put him in his place. Instead, he let his right arm serve as a pillow for his head while he admired the ceiling.

Y/n and him had sex again. Y/n and him together. Those were the thoughts he chose to dive into. His hands ache for her skin, he wanted her close again. Matty tried to calm himself, Y/n was only meters away, and she was coming back. Y/n was coming back to his room, to him.

The idea only threatened when Y/n walk back inside the room and started to pick up her clothes that adored the floor of Matty’s room. 

“Are you leaving?” Matty desperately asked.

Y/n stood in the middle of Matty’s room, with half of her clothes, looking at him. “Shouldn’t I?”

“If you’re going to your room…I’m going there too-” Matty let her know, standing up from his side of the bed, getting the sheets out of the way dramatically.

“Cute.” Y/n laughed at his actions.

Matty, frozen beside the bed, exclaimed, “Please…” Offering his hand to Y/n.

“Look who’s begging now.” Y/n said amused.

She didn’t take his hand, roaming around the other side of the bed. Y/n stared at his eyes, with the place where they had sex minutes ago in the middle, almost challenging Matty. She broke the eye contact to get under Matty’s sheet with grace. He couldn’t only admire. 

Y/n pat on his side a few times, instructing him to get in. Matty followed shortly after, gaining a few laughs from her.

“Fuck, I’m not lying when I say I missed this…” Matty let her know, after her head fall into his chest.

The amount of times he thought about Y/n doing it again or the occasions she did years ago crossed his mind, and now were happening. He kissed her head repeatedly as a silent thanks. 

“Fucking or cuddling?” Y/n bantered.

“Both?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you feeling better?” Matty asked, still worried about Y/n’s feelings. 

She looked up towards his face. “So much better…thank you, Matty!” 

“My pleasure.” He winked suggestively. 

Y/n protested hitting him as a joke on his shoulder. 

Matty let his arms rounded her, swallowing her in a big hug that lulled them to a deep sleep.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day.

Matty woke up very early after a heated night. They woke each other up a few times in the middle of the night, not being able to be fully satisfied. So, he decided to let Y/n sleep for a bit longer until he had breakfast ready for her. 

The singer was in the middle of meal prepping when the doorbell rang. He swore under his breath, he was hopping Y/n didn’t hear it and woke up. Matty ran as fast as he could towards the front door, opening it with all his force.

“Fuck no, go away, mate.” He spat when his eyes fell on the man at the other side.

“I want to talk with Y/n, not you.” Paul tried to stay calm. 

Matty let a belly laugh out. “Well, she does not want to see you or speak to you.” He uttered his reasons to deny Paul the entrance to his house. 

Matty went to close the door, even though Paul was quick and put his foot to prevent that. The lead man moved the wooden door agape once more. 

“She can tell me that…what are you trying to do? Pretend to be the nice guy? You’re the asshole fucking around and leaving her alone-” Paul provoked Matty.

Matty tried with all his strength to not engaged on Paul’s game. He wanted to return to Y/n, that was kept him motivated against taking further actions. “I’m going to destroy your prince charming face if you don’t go the fuck away.” He threatened him. 

“Such a man, ha? You can’t keep her, but you don’t want anyone to have her..” Paul was good at this, Matty bit his tongue. 

“You’re pushing your chances, Paul. Leave my house!”

“It’s Y/n’s house as well.” Paul replied smugly. “I want to see her.” The man demanded. 

“You would’ve thought about it when you were fucking another chick.” Matty exposed Paul’s actions, which took the aforementioned by surprise.

“She told you?”

Matty wasn’t going to exchange more words with Paul. “Go…away.”

“No.”

He felt his fuse run out, decided this time to punch Paul once and for all. “Fine, you asked for it.” Matty tried to move forward, but a hand on his arm coming from behind prevent him from fulfil his wishes.

Y/n stood beside Matty, looking without believing who was in front of them.

“Paul?”

“Hi, darlin’.” He said, like nothing had happened the night before.

“He was leaving.” Matty touched Y/n’s hand as a reassurance, as a way to tell her he was there.

Paul looked at their hands intertwined. “No, I want to talk with you.” Paul kept pushing. 

“I told him you don’t want that-”

“Matty, please go inside. I’ll be there in a minute.” Y/n looked him in the eyes, squeezing his hand.

“Baby-” Matty protested, titling his head. 

“I’ll be short, okay?” 

Something inside her eyes communicated to him that she can manage with the douchebag. “Fine. Shout if you need me.” Matty finally gave in; looking at Paul, who looked back with a big winning smile. 

“I will.” Y/n simply kissed his cheek, and let him returned inside. 

Y/n waited for Paul to start talking, in reality she has nothing else to say. She didn’t understand how he had the face to appear on her house.

Paul went straight to the part that hurt his ego the most. “You told Matty about last night, Y/n?”

“I’m going to be brief, Paul.” She cut his speech. “I don’t have anything more to say apart from what I told you last night…in that bathroom. You left me alone for- I don’t even know for how long-”

“I’m sorry, Y/n. It’s all a misunderstanding.” He pulled a face as a cute, innocent puppy. She was not buying his facade any more. Paul showed his true colours the night before.

“What about Meredith? It’s a misunderstanding having your dick shoved down her, huh?” Y/n spat roughly. “Don’t take me for a fool, Paul.”

“Meredith? She wasn’t- The girl was…her name was-” He genuinely asked, making Y/n laugh sarcastically. He was truly an arsehole. 

“Fucking hell, you don’t remember the names of the girls you shag.” Y/n stated. 

Paul couldn’t fight against her accusations. “Y/n-”

“No, I don’t want to hear anything. I don’t care. You lost your chance.”

“So, what? You’re going back to the arsehole now?” Paul mentioned Matty with anger.

“That’s not your business, Paul. But for your information, that arsehole help me bring our daughter to this world and held me through the most horrible moments since I know him. Included last night. You don’t know him, you don’t know me, us…so stop talking shit! Bye, Paul.” Y/n stated her case and turned around without giving Paul time to react.  

Y/n closed the door. Keeping her eyes shut, resting her forehead on the door, until she heard the scratching sound of his car wheels announcing Paul’s depart. Y/n turned around on her spot, adamant to walk towards the kitchen but stopped dead on her tracks. Matty was staring at her with a big smile.

“You think that highly of me?” He asked her, which made her rolled her eyes. “Y/n?” Matty tried again, smiling at her.

“Maybe…” Y/n blushed visibly.

“Oh, you do!” He affirmed, catching her when she tried to pass by him. “You’re so cute!” He kissed her all around her cute blushing face.

Y/n felt the embarrassment all over her body. “Stop it.” She demanded, still inside Matty’s embrace. 

“You defended my honour…” He chanted too content. 

Y/n looked up at him, crooking her eyebrow, “I don’t think he was a real threat to your honour, Matty.”

“No, but still.” 

“Can we go and make breakfast, please?” Y/n tried to end the conversation, finally going to the kitchen.

Matty trailed behind her, saying, “Yes, my swordsman-Sorry, woman.”

“Idiot.” She faked to be annoyed.

“Are you okay?” Matty asked all of a sudden, returning to a more serious tone.

Y/n brushed him off, inspecting what Matty cooked for breakfast. “Yes, he’s an arsehole.” Y/n exclaimed.

“He definitely is. You deserve so much better.” The singer rounded her waist lovingly from behind.

“I don’t know…” Y/n couldn’t help to blush again. “Okay, breakfast, I’m starving!”

“Long night, huh?” Y/n laughed out loud at Matty’s seductive tone.

It was time for them to enjoy –finally– the morning together before Amelia returned home. —------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later…

An old episode of Brooklyn 99 was playing in the background, they paid attention to it from time to time when they weren’t making out on the couch. Jake was interviewing a victim, making her choose between suspects making them sing. 

Matty’s left arm was around her shoulders. He threw his head back, screaming –not singing– the lyrics of the Backstreet Boys’ song. Making Y/n laughed loud. They were waiting for Grace to drop Amelia back home. 

After the scene finished, Grace came through the living room door holding her goddaughter. The little girl wiggled out of her embrace when she saw her parents. They screamed and cheered for her, making space between their bodies.

“Hi, mel-mel!”

“Did you have fun with Grace?” 

Matty and Y/n spoke at the same time, Amelia felt good with all the attention of her parents on her. The little girl moved her focus from one to the other. Exclaiming, a cheerful, “Yes!”

They cheered back. Grace looked at them sceptical, trying to understand what was going on. The fresh memory of Y/n’s state last night was a big contrast with this happy girl sitting on the couch. Grace wanted only the best for her, even though she couldn’t connect the both versions -the day before, and the one in front of her. 

Grace opened her mouth to ask, but doing that implied breaking the happy bubble. A bubble that included Amelia. She wasn’t mean. So, she waited. 

“How was she?” Y/n asked her best friend. 

Y/n couldn’t help to feel a bit guilty about leaving Grace to take care of her daughter, even when she well knew it was for the girl’s and her own good.

Grace stared at her for a second. “Good, good…we ate dinosaur nuggets and chips, we saw Mulan…again. And then she slept like an angel, she’s truly the best.” She explained to Amelia’s parents, forgetting her doubts for a moment, just focusing on the little girl who smiled wide at her from the couch. 

“Thanks for that, Grace.” Matty told her. 

“It’s nothing…” Grace felt like a cat, paranoid, waiting for the moment to jump. “I love to help Y/n and spend time with Amelia”

Matty looked at Y/n, keeping his eyes on her, while Grace watched his point of attention. Weird, she thought. Y/n turned to look back at him, smiling when she noticed his eyes on her. Very peculiar, Grace sentenced inside her head.

 “So, what did you do last night?” Grace interrupted their moment. 

Y/n felt a hot feeling creeping from her chest towards her neck. Matty held a laughter and proceed to make an offer, “Do you want tea?” He asked suggestively, still looking at Y/n. 

“Shut it.” Y/n tried to stop him.

“What?” Grace felt like she didn’t get the joke.

“I’m going to leave you ladies alone” Matty stated, kissing Amelia’s cheek and proceed to do the same with Y/n. “Bye, Grace!” He wiggled his eyebrows, moving from the couch.

“Daddy!” Amelia called for him. 

“Yes, my dove?” He turned around. 

“Daddy, daddy-” She slid from the couch, approaching his legs running. 

“You want to come with me?” Matty asked down to her. Amelia said yes. “Okay, we’re going to start your training to be the biggest rock star…”

“Over my body, Healy.” Y/n joked.

“Nice name for her first song.” Matty winked at her, taking Amelia’s hand and leaving the room.

Y/n turned to gaze at Grace, who was still seated a few meters from the couch, on a puff couch, analysing her friend. 

“Yes, Grace?”

“What the fuck?” Grace screamed without being able to hold it. 

Y/n tried to play it cool. She knew she was going to tell her all the truth, but Y/n feared her best friend reaction. “What do you mean?”

“No!” She stood up. “You can’t play that card with me!”

“Which-”

“The dumb one. I repeat Y/n, what the actual fuck?”

“Grace-”

“No, nothing of ‘Grace’” She quoted on the air. “I took Amelia to my flat because you were a fucking mess-”

Y/n patently agreed with Grace. “Yes.”

“And now, I came back to this different you…” She continued explaining her point of view, moving her hands around Y/n’s form. “Cuddling Matty on the couch, laughing with Amelia…”

“Aha…”

Grace stared at Y/n. “So, explain, please!” She screamed again.

Y/n breath in deeply. That was the moment to tell her everything. “Are you done?” Grace shook her head as a signal for her to continue. “I’ve slept with Matty.” Y/n finally admitted.

Grace moved messily from the puff couch.“I’m leaving-” She  in fact moved towards the living room door.

Y/n stopped her. “Grace!” Couldn’t help to laugh about her antics. 

“You what?” Grace turned around asking. 

“And Paul came this morning trying to apologize…” Y/n felt a rather strange calm washing over her. 

“Did he? He dared to face you…in your house?” Grace wasn’t expecting this amount of information when she asked. 

“Yes, Matty tried to make him go away…I heard, and then I told him my final thoughts, asked him to leave, closed the door on his face”

“Oh my god!” Grace screamed. “But, but- How did you go from crying to fucking your ex?” Grace rounded back to the main information. 

Y/n shrugged her shoulders, smiling content, “It just happened, Grace.”

“But- what about…everything?” Grace was desperate to understand.

“I don’t know. I haven't thought about it…yet. I’m just enjoying it from the time being.”

“What if everything goes wrong?”

“I don’t know, Grace. I just know that I felt bad and Matty helped with it.” Y/n admitted.

Grace scoffed. “Yeah, I get that.” 

Y/n laughed. “He was really sweet. He tried to stop it, but I insisted-”

“Whore!”

“Hey!”

“And?”

“What?”

“How was he?” Grace inquired her.

“So good…excellent…I-” Y/n threw her head back, remembering her orgasms. 

“Are you delusional or is he that good?”

“He’s good, Grace.” Y/n kept her voice low, scared that Matty appear and hear her say it. 

“Why I asked? I don’t want to know!” Grace shield her ears, crushing her body on the couch beside Y/n.

Y/n chuckled. “He said he missed me…”

“He’s good with words!” 

“He sounded sincere.” Y/n stated. She had been thinking about it on and off during the entire day. Matty’s words and actions matched. 

“I bet.” Grace was getting cynical.

“Don’t be an ass.” Y/n tried to warn her friend because she got pissed.

“Fine, fine. I’m just worried.” Grace admitted.

“I’m okay, Grace.”

“Yes, now but what if…”

“We’ll see.”

“So, how this continues…are you guys back?” Y/n shrugged her shoulders. “Are you just fucking around?” 

“I don’t know…we can just call Matty back and…” Y/n started to get up, playfully suggesting it. 

“Please, no…god!” Grace took her hand, bringing her close again.

“I really don’t have the answers.” Y/n shared with Grace. She didn’t and it was alright for now. All happened the day before, the night before, it was too soon to know yet. 

“Aren’t you scared? After last night…”

“Matty is not Paul. I know Matty, I really know him…” Y/n was very sure of her words.

“Exactly, Y/n.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know his doings-”

“Don’t start with that. The time we saw each other -before having Amelia- he never.” Because Matty and her were in fact faithful to the other, even when they weren’t a formal couple. 

“I just want you to be happy.” Grace said, exposing her wishes. 

“I’m really content now…” Y/n tried to reassure her friend. It was cute from Grace to concerned about her. 

“Yeah, I’d be too after a good round of orgasms!” Grace mocked Y/n.

“Grace!”

“You can’t deny it…”

Y/n laughed. “No, I can’t”

“Oh my god!” Grace hide her face behind her hands. 

“Stop acting like a child!” Y/n accused her.

“Disgusting.”

“Idiot.”

“I guess- I want you and Amelia to be okay…” Grace stated, looking at the palm of her hands.

“I know, I appreciated that.” Y/n took one of Grace’s hands on hers. 

“I still haven’t had the chance to talk with my own cousin…and I don’t plan to be nice. If the rat does something to you two-” Grace felt the temperature of her body raise.

“You’ll be here to support us, nothing more.”

“Yes, but I also will kick-”

“Nothing.”

“Okay, fine. Promise me to be careful!” Grace pleaded. 

“When I wasn’t?”

“Don’t get me started on that…”

“Shut up.”

Grace decided to let the topic of Matty and Y/n go for now, she was still interested to know about his idiotic relative. 

“Go back to the ding-dong of my cousin coming to apologize, please!” 

Y/n continued to tell her the story without leaving details out. 

✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻✻

One month after, at the studio.

“Play it back” Matty instructed George to press play to the track they had been working on. 

George – without turning his attention from the computer– obeyed Matty’s order. The frontman turned around, looking at Ross swing Amelia from side to side. Her daughter was a big distraction during one of the busiest days for them, but Matty didn’t really care. Amelia could mess all the process and he would smile. 

Y/n had some errants to run through and asked Matty to take her with him, which he agreed happily. All the boys cheered for Amelia when they entered the studio. 

Matty looked at his phone once more, checking the hour and his messages. Nothing from Y/n. He felt like his young self waiting for his crush to answer. She promised to drop by and spend some time at the studio with them after she finished with everything. Matty was waiting –impatiently– for her arrival. 

Ross let his hair fall, hiding his face and falling all over Amelia’s little one. The girl laughed at Matty’s friend antics. 

“You’re not paying attention….” George scolded him from his chair, still not looking at Matty.

“I am, I am..”

“Yeah, sure.” Gorge sarcastically said. 

Matty rolled his eyes to the back of his head. “I’m paying attention, George.” 

“So, tell me what you think about the change I just did…” He challenged the frontman. 

Matty opened his eyes wide, looking up at George. They got themselves inside an eye battle. Matty looked down, defeated. 

“Fuck-” He mumbled.

“Right.” George smugly said.

“Keep it…and play it back.”

When George let his digits direct the mouse around the complicated program in front of his eyes, Adam and Y/n made their appearance thought the studio door. 

“Look how I found at the front door…” Adam said, suggestively, distracting the rest of his band and the little girl.

“Hey!” Matty cheered up, standing to come closer. 

He knew he couldn’t kiss Y/n there, with his child and bandmates around. Y/n and Matty agreed to not tell anyone about this new state of theirs relationship. Just trying to keep Amelia’s sanity as the top priority.

The drummer groaned loud, clearly annoyed. “This is getting impossible.” He muttered.

“I can’t leave if you want, G.” Y/n offered him, signalling with her hand the door behind her. 

“No, it’s not you, Y/n/n.” George let her know, scratching his eyes. He loved to have Amelia and Y/n around, he considered both of them part of the ‘the 1975 family’; although, he wanted to finish this song. They had a tight schedule for those few weeks before the big show. “Hi…” G saluted her, engulfing Y/n in a big hug. 

“He’s stressing you?” Y/n questioned George barely loud, even when she knew everyone around could hear. She liked to tease Matty with his bandmates, it was a way to bond with them. A harmless way.

“Yes!” George protested.

Matty complained, joining the joke, “Oi!”

“He has his head else where…” George let her go, wiggling his eyebrows, “I’m going to take a piss.” G informed the room. 

Y/n moved to the side, letting George exit the room. Y/n’s attention fall in Amelia playing with Ross and Adam. The cutest sight her eyes witnessed that day. She felt another pair of eyes looking at her. Y/n blushed, returning Matty’s look of fondness. 

She allowed herself to lift her arm –without the guys noticing– to press quickly Matty’s hand; he returned the gesture. 

“Hi, baby.” Matty whispered, kissing her cheek. 

“Y/n, watch out…a bug is sucking your face!” Adam teased Matty. Knowing that Adam had his attention on them made the couple step a few feet apart. 

Matty went to continue the bickering, “You are…?” 

Y/n swiftly cut them, acknowledging the last member of the band she hadn’t had the chance to say hello to.  “Hi, Ross!” 

“Hello! Look who’s here, Ames!” The cute man lift Amelia on his lap, making her dance holding both of Ross’s hands. She cackled happy, which was contagious to everyone around. 

“Hi, baby.” Y/n went to hold Amelia.

“Mommy!” 

“Are you distracting all this fine boys?” Y/n dare to look around, at the same time George returned from his break. 

“Yes!” Amelia answered without fully understanding the question. The whole band joined into a group laugh. The little girl wiggled out of her embrace, returning to be close to Ross. 

Y/n’s sight fall on the computer, showing complicated patters. She felt guilty for distracting them and weighed the idea of bringing Amelia home. “I think we better get home…” She said out loud. 

“No!” Matty protested. “Stay a little bit…you promised!” He insisted, making puppy eyes. 

Adam supported the idea. “Yeah, stay, Y/n…we barely see you now days. Does this one…” He lifted his hand, pointing at Matty’s face. “...have you trapped in a big tower or what?”

“Piss off, Hann.” Matty shot back. 

Y/n chew her lower lip, anxiously. “Are you sure? I don’t want to delay you-”

“Believe me, Y/n. We need you here.” Ross said sweetly. It was probably the biggest lie, because she wasn’t going to help with any of the production, but he was too nice to say the contrary. 

“See?” Matty said to her. 

“Come on, I’ll tell you all the surprises for the show…” Adam offered. 

That piqued her interest. Matty hadn’t told her anything. “Will you?”

“Course not!” The frontman protested against. 

Adam smiled. “Off course…yes, only for you, Y/n!” He let her know, only to mess with Matty. 

“You’re going to spoil it for her…” Matty continued with his objection.

Y/n looked at Matty, sternly. “I mean- You haven’t invited me…” Y/n folded her arms.

“I did!” Matty exclaimed, not overly convinced. 

He remembered talking about the show and all the hard work for it. Maybe he took for granted that she was going to be there. Matty feared the opposite, most of the surprises and new bits were thinking about Y/n’s likings. 

“You did not, Healy!” Y/n stated.

“I think I did…but, anyway- Will you come to show, Y/n?”

Y/n stayed in silence for an instance, playing with his patience. “I have to see if I can manage to squeeze it on my agenda-” She finally said, winking at Adam. 

“Y/n…” Matty warned her. 

“Since you notified me on such a short notice…. I’ll think about it!” Y/n explained as if it was the reasonable response. 

“I don’t like you.” Matty told her, returning to sit beside George. Giving her his back, which made Y/n laugh. Amelia did the same when she got angry.

“I really like her…” George spoke, still on his designated place in front of the big screen.

“Same!” Ross and Adam shout from the couch in unison. 

“Oh my god!” Matty breathed out, Y/n laugh softly, massaging his shoulders sweetly. 

*******************************************************************************

((Kitchen area))

“Fancy seeing you here…” Matty pestered Y/n, coming from behind her, rounding her form with his arms.

Y/n took a break from the madness of the studio after hours of hearing them bicker about the song. She excused herself, even though no one heard her. Matty noticed, instantly screaming he needed a bathroom break. He followed her like a lost puppy. 

Since the new situation between them started, he grew enormously attached to her. He wanted to be on her presence almost every time. Matty was still scared she would come asking to be friends again. He tried to keep the thought buried.

“Matty, someone might see us.” Y/n protested, leaving the glass of water on the counter. 

Matty didn’t care at the moment. He selfishly wanted her. “Mhm.” He breathed in her perfume, hiding his face on the back of her neck. 

Y/n caressed his hands, trying to sound collected. “I’m serious.”

“I just need a kiss…” He sweetly asked for it, she chuckled. Sometimes he unarmed her with simple words or requests.

She turned around on his embrace, feeling at ease with him. Y/n let her hands go to his head. It was addictive to run his hands through the mope of curls he had on the top of it. So alike as Amelia’s, still different.

Matty moaned way too loud for being still at the studio.

“Shh!” Y/n shut him up.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, bringing his face closer to hers.

Brushing their lips together, feeling a strange force bringing her into his body, Y/n whispered, “We shouldn’t-”

“We definitely should.” Matty stated, pecking her lips shortly. “Couldn’t wait till we get home… I need you.” He said, biting her lower lip softly tugging it from its place. It was Y/n’s turn to moan.

Y/n didn’t wait anymore, bringing him closer by his head, kissing Matty. Her body pulsing, screaming for him to do more, to touch her more, where she needed him. “Matty-” She said on his lips. 

“Tell me, baby.” He replied, sneaking his hands under her clothes.

“Please-” She groaned when his hands stopped under her bra.

Matty smiled, full of himself, enjoying having an effect on her. “What do you need, Y/n?”

“Touch me.” She begged. 

Matty cheekily uttered, “I am touching you.”

“No-”

“No?”

“Under…”

“So needy and perfect…” Matty went to suck on her beck, while his hands found the fullness of his breasts. 

“Yeah, yeah!”

Matty’s hands grew impatient. He wanted to feel her completely. With the idea imprinted on his head, one of his hands started the path towards her jeans. He unbuttoned them without a protest from Y/n, the opposite in fact. 

When his hand come in contact with her clothed cunt, he could feel the material all wet and ruined by her arousal. “You’re so wet, baby…who got you this worked up?” Matty asked, kissing her cheek. Y/n couldn’t answer, too lost. “Who, Y/n?” He insisted, he needed to hear her say it. 

“You, you…Matty, please-” 

He continued, tracing the clothed path of her panties. Pressing on her clit not enough for Y/n’s liking, she needed more. 

“Do you like watching me work?” He teased her. Matty caught Y/n’s sight focused on his fingers when George asked him to show what he was pointing out on his guitar. 

“Aha-”

“Please tell me more, baby.” Matty supplicated now.

“Matty!” She screamed on his shoulder, feeling her insides burn. “The way you were touching that- damn…red guitar-” Y/n admitted for him. 

“So naughty, with the rest of the band here-” He made sounds with his mouth, showing some sort of disappointment he wasn’t feeling. Matty felt incredible without knowing she wanted him as much as he wanted her. All the time.

“I know…please, please, Matty.” Y/n was getting closer with only him touching her clit. 

Matty was painfully hard inside his trousers, but he wanted Y/n to come before thinking about him.“You make the prettiest sounds, baby.” Matty admitted. 

“Matty, where the fuck are you?” George started to shout from the other side of the closed kitchen door. 

“Agh!” Matty groaned, taking his hand off Y/n’s body. “He’s the biggest cock block.” He spat. 

“It’s okay. I should go…” Y/n said, trying to make herself presentable again.

Matty didn’t let her go. “It’s not” He pecked her neck.  “I want you here.”

“I’ll be waiting at home…” 

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“Matthew!” Now George and Adam started to scream from somewhere around the studio, close, way too close to the kitchen. 

“I swear…they’re worse than Denise.” Matty rearranged her trousers to hide his hard on. 

“Come on.” Y/n tried to push him off. 

Matty wasn’t having it. At least, he needed a few more kiss before having to face more hours without her presence. 

“Kiss me.” He deadpanned said. 

“Last one.” Y/n declared, going for it. 

After a few more smooches, they brook apart reluctantly, even though they had to part ways because the steps coming from outside were getting closer and closer.

The door flown opened, showing an agitated George. “Here yo- Oh!” He stopped his reprimand for Matty when he saw Y/n standing there too.

“I’m going to get Amelia.” Y/n said, leaving after touching Matty’s arm and sending George’s way a shy smile.

George kept his silence, looking at Matty blush visibly. G was ready to take the piss of Matty. 

“Oh?!” He inquired Matt, still holding the handle of the door, pointing the way from Y/n left and his best friend simultaneously. 

“Hold it!” Matty stopped him, passing by, exciting the room.

George followed him. “Okay!” He lifted his arms as a surrender.

“Don’t want to hear a-” Matty warned G.

“Fine.” 

They continued the walking back to the studio. Matty felt incredible uncomfortable, meanwhile George was having the most fun of the situation, even when he didn’t know anything about it. He laughed during the entire short walk back.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Home sweet home.

Matty shut the door closed after his arrival. The house was in complete silence. He tried not to make a single sound, scared to wake Amelia or Y/n. He hopped the mother of her child was waiting for him, although it was unbelievable late, so he would understand. 

The lead singer climbed the stairs towards his room. At the top of the steps, his sight fell inevitable on Y/n’s room door. It was closed and there wasn’t light coming from underneath. His heart sank down into his stomach. 

Since the night Y/n spend on his room she hadn’t returned to her own for none a single night. She spent it with him, inside his bed. And the fact that her room door was shut was strange because since no one sleep there, she left it open. There was no reason to close it, she chose to leave it opened. 

Matty couldn’t build the strength to open it just to check. ‘Was she mad with me about something? Did I do something to upset Y/n?’, Matty couldn’t recall anything. 

Defeated, with the idea of her not wanting to sleep intertwined with him, he made his way to his room. Stopping in the middle to kiss Amelia goodnight. 

Matty opened the door of his room, not paying attention around him. It wasn’t until he clicked the light from his bedside table on that he noticed Y/n’s form under his comforter. 

He sighted relived, at the same moment, Y/n turned around to look at him. “Hello.” He whispered. 

She wasn’t happy with the disturbance. Y/n turned around, mumbling, “Hi.”

Matty got rid of his clothes, just leaving his boxers on. He swiftly got into bed, pressing his front on Y/n’s back, spooning her. 

“Thought you went back to your room…” He communicated to her, rounding Y/n’s body tight, as if he was scared she was going to disappear. 

“Feeling needy, Healy?”

“Yes, got scared for a hot second…”

“I’m here, babe.” She tried to calm him down, drawing circles on his wrist resting on top of her belly.

“Which makes me incredibly happy.”

“Soppy.” She teased him.

“Only for you, baby.” Matty let his nose moved behind her ear, showing his affection. 

“Lucky me.” Y/n stated with her sleepy voice.

“Mhm.” 

Y/n let her hand reach back, towards his curls. “You need to sleep.” She caressed them as best as she can while in that position. 

“Are you staying right?” Matty scared asked, kissing her lifted arm.

“Yes, Matty. I’m not going anywhere.” Y/n comforted him, getting annoyed.

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Come on, big baby.” Y/n turned around, letting him cuddle with his head on her chest.

Matty tried to protest against her accusations. “I’m not-”

“Whatever.”

Matty pushed his cheek into the soft pillow her boobs were for his head. He felt how his body relaxed again.

“Y/n…?”

“Mhm?”

“Are you…you and Amelia…are you coming to the first show, right?”

“If you want us there, we will, Matty.” Y/n said with the last bit of strength she had. 

“I want you there.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Just sleep, Healy.” Y/n ended the conversation as sleep took over her.

Matty stayed awake for a few more minutes, enjoying holding Y/n for the time being. He felt a wave of emotions hitting him hard. Matty almost wanted to cry because of it. He held it back, instead whispering above her heart, “I love you.” 

Scared, after saying it, he waited for Y/n to wake up and storm out. She didn’t move a muscle, her breath even from sleep. Matty breathed deeply. 

One day he would be able to tell her; he fell asleep repeating it like a mantra. 

[888sss]

Words he never said

Soo I never write, but I was about to go to sleep, and this popped into my head, so I thought I'd write about it. Also, I'm not new to Tumblr, but this is my first ever fic so pls don't judge. (not grammar checked)

1068 Words / 6 minutes estimated reading time

Four (Tobias Eaton) x reader

The last test of my fear simulation was over. I jumped out of the chair I lay on, and blink a few times trying to adjust to the bright light hitting my eyes. The echo of people clapping erupted from all corners of the room, and as I finally took a step and could actually look around, I saw Four standing off to my left. My head turned and he was smiling as he walked over.

He came over and reached out his arms for what I understood to be a hug, so I took a few more steps toward him, but he went around me. He passed me to go hug Tris. I saw as he effortlessly picked her up and spun her around, and when he placed her down he gave her a kiss on her forehead, as she started telling him God knows what.

I love Tris, she's my sister, but of course, she would be the one to replace me, for what only felt like the hundredth time ever. I wasn't mad at Tris though, I was furious as Four. He was the one who told me to keep things private.

"Private, but not secret."

I remember the words he said to me. The words he promised me, while we lay tangled in his sheets, discussing what label we wanted to put on ourselves.

"Four! What the hell?" I aggressively pushed past Tris to get to him.

"Oh no, here comes your shadow." Tris taunted, and I shot a glare at her.

"Y/n, your simulation went better than I expected!" Four said with a sarcastic tone behind it.

"Don't avoid the ques- wait what?" I started to process what he was inferring with his remark. "What do you mean, 'better than you expected'?" I asked as I took a step closer to him, with an insulted look on my face.

"I mean you did better than what I thought you could do, based off of how horrible most of your other abilities are. Not to mention you have possibly the most forgettable personality, and you always complain about 'What if I don't make the cut?', 'What if everyone thinks I want to be like Tris?', 'What if everyone thinks I'm lame?', but what you don't understand, y/n is that we all already think that."

I felt the room get a little smaller, and everyone was so silent you could hear a feather fall. All of a sudden applause burst out from the people in the room, surrounding the three of us, and seemingly agreeing with what Four said.

I stood there, in shock, jaw dropped, waiting for him to say he was just kidding, or for me to just drop dead.

I confided in Four, I trusted in Four, and I would argue I loved him. I told him the 3 things I hated the most.

Public degradation, Being yelled at, and being compared to Tris.

Somehow he had managed to have done all 3 of those things in a matter of seconds.

"Four.. say you don't mean it." I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, and off my chin. I'm not sure when I started crying, but now I was more upset, that he had to have gotten the response he wanted from me. Why else would he say those things.

"Four." My voice was weak, but his stare was strong and cold. He looked me up and down, before turning around.

"Pathetic." He managed to say just loud enough for me to hear, as his back was turned, and he walked away.

I lost him in the crowd in a matter of seconds as I decided I needed to calm down before more people can see that I'm crying. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, and focused on the feeling of the cold air of the room against my tear-stained cheeks.

I opened my eyes, and there I was, back in the chair, in the middle of the normal-sized room.

Again I was blinded by the lights and tried to blink them away. They were brighter than they were the first time. People began clapping again, and before I could even take a step off of the chair I was laid in, Four had reached me and took my hands in his.

"Y/n, I would never betray you like that." He was trying to look me in the eyes, but I avoided his gaze. He lifted one of his hands to make me look at him. When my eyes met his he smiled and I opened my mouth to talk, but he hurried and put a finger over my mouth.

"Y/n, I don't want you to be scared to tell me things, I care for you very much..."

I was getting Deja Vu. Not the kind that's like been there done that, but the kind of Deja Vu, that leaves you with the same empty mysterious feeling of nothing in the pit of your stomach. I remembered when I told Four I loved him, and his response was, "Thank you for loving me", that was enough for me to understand he wasn't ready yet, but now it had been almost a year, and he still couldn't say the words.

"Four I know, it's okay, I don't want to force you to say things you don't mean." I looked at him with a peaceful rage in my eyes, hurt he couldn't say the words, and upset he wasn't as committed to me as I was to him.

He tilted his head to the side with an offended look on his face, "Don't do that y/n, you can't do that. Don't push me away, not now." He looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "Not now, not ever." He was begging at this point.

"Why? Why not now?" I was confused by his sudden specificity in time.

Four grabbed my hands again, as he leaned in to place his lips on mine. I wanted to resist because I was angry at him, he wasn't committed, he didn't care. But I could hear him reassuring me. He wasn't speaking out loud, but he was speaking to me. He broke the kiss, and rested his forehead on mine, taking a breath.

"Because I love you."

[imbecominggayer]

Why I Hate "Out Of Character"

My soul is burning with the desire to complain about shit so this time we're going to be doing a huge big category for:

Why You Shouldn't Write "Out Of Character"

Here is my philosophy for why I hate when fanfictioners and writers alike write characters out of character

Lack Of Attachment

When I am searching for fanfiction about a character whether or not it's ship-based, adventure, canon compliant, or even canon incompliant, I am searching for that character. Unfortuantely, I am not interested in your original characters because it's basically the equivalent of having a huge party with all your favorite people and then a stranger arrives.

I don't want to hang out with that stranger. It's awkward. So when a favorite character of mine starts acting like a stranger then ~they're just somebody that I used to know~

2. Stereotypical

Oftentimes, when an author consciously makes the choice to change a character it's often made to remove the complexity from a character in order to fit a certain mold. This can be done for a multiple of reasons and with various outcomes:

In Part 1, I talked about woobification and how authors, in an attempt to write their villain characters and angsty bois and gois as sympathetic, often get rid and ignore their horrible flaws and turn them into permanently crying messes I can't stand.

In Part 2, I talked about how male characters are often feminized or masculinized when they are written in a mlm fiction. These characters are either the Sissy archetype or Toxic Masculinity.

This stereotypical lends, at best, oversimplifies a character's complexities in order for them to fit into the narrow constraints of a trope and, at worst, homogenize an entire community of people with an undercurrent of bigotry.

FINAL REASON: Author's Hand

When reading/writing a story the best place for the author to be is in the background making the magic happen while the characters are on stage acting out their lives. The problem with the "Out Of Character" stuff is the fact that it feels like a character has been placed inside a glass box where they must act out their lives. Confined to tropes.

I'm totally fine with people having different character interpretations and character arcs. Those aren't my issue. It's only when these bland stereotypical paperdoll-like stories are the only thing I can read that I start getting snappy.

[tiredfuxkingboy]

i never told anyone about this, i just want to vent, sorry for the spelling mistakes cuz english isn't my first language..

can someone tell me what they think about this please?? idk

when i turned 13, my older sister started to cut herself. We were on quarantine, 2021, so we were home all day everyday.

so, in 2021 she started to cut herself, and she made me know it. I always saw the cuts in her legs because her shorts were too short or things like that..

She used to put her razon inside her phone case, and sometimes i threw to the trash other razors she had, trying to make her stop or something, but then she would go to me and look at me badly and complain to me without saying what it was but telling me things like "you did it" or things like that.

That year i started cutting myself too, I really wanted to die. The second or third time I did it with a cutter that I found somewhere. When I came out of the bathroom after cutting myself, my older sister said "welcome" to me smiling, like making fun of me or i don't know.. it was so surreal. I guess she saw that the cutter wasn't where it always was, so she assumed i was cutting myself and she was right. But I don't understand why she would tell me that, I would never do something like that, especially if I had a younger sibling, , it just doesn't makes sense

One time she took a new cutter from a box somewhere in my house, she put it in his pocket and started telling me that she was going to swallow one of the razors of the cutter, that she was going to kill herself with the other, and I don't know what else, she said that to me jokingly as if it was funny. it was so horrible.. one time she called me to bring her a shampoo upstairs and when i opened the door she grabbed the shampoo from my hand with her uncovered arm full of cuts. Showing them to me.. then she closed the door and i went downstairs to cry and whatever. So much more things like that happened.

That whole year I tried to have the courage to tell my parents that my older sister was self-harming, but I never could, I never had the courage. All year I saw how she went into the bathroom for a long time, cutting herself, and then she came out looking depressed. I almost always knew when she cut herself and i couldn't do anything, i didn't know what to do, i literally couldn't do anything, i didn't know how to do it. How to help, nothing. I wanted to do something and i never could.

That year i tried to kill myself many times, and none of them worked. Other mental problems appeared that year, such as DID and others, and I had hallucinations almost every day. i used to cry every day, i cried when I woke up because I didn't want to live, i used to overdose with pills a lot, i felt anxious every day without stopping for a single second. Also in 2022, less than a year later, I couldn't remember when it had happened or how much time it happened, everything had been blocked due to the trauma and it was so horrible. To this day I still have those problems

My older sister stopped cutting herself at the end of 2021 because my mom found out she self-harmed, so she had to stop. When my mom found of she was doing that, she made everyone worry about her and told me that we had to help her, but she never cared about me in the same way, but whatever

I'm really happy that she stopped cutting herself, but I still can't stop self-harming and I'm covered with scars over both my arms and legs, scars way much worse than the only ones my older sister has. and no one cares to make me stop, everyone knows and it's like no one cares.

But whatever, I hate myself too much for this and I will never forgive myself for what i did. I hate myself so much and I hate my 13 year old self so much for being so fucking stupid and useless, i can't get this out of my head

[captain-mj]

Can we get another part of soap becoming monsterghosts handler???

Screaming!! Crying!! So happy someone was interested in that au!!!

Part 1 and part 2

Ghost quietly got ready. He tied his wings down flat and attempted at making himself presentable. His... muzzle was made to still look like a skull and prevent anyone from seeing his face. All for "his comfort", they had explained.

Ghost avoided thinking of when he woke up like this. Roba had found out about the experiments used to make things like him and tried his hand at it. It had been horrible. Waking up flawed. Fundamentally changed.

When Price had found him, he explained that he should've been able to shift back. Had gotten advice and tried to help him. Unfortunately, Ghost was wrong and stuck like this.

He avoided looking in mirrors usually, but he had to check now. The thing staring at him was unnatural. Too big and bulky, even with his wings tied flat. His eyes stared back. Still human at least. Still Simon.

He covered his mirror back up and went outside, marching to the meeting. Ghost perched in the back, mostly hidden by the shadows of the room and stayed there, only visible by the white of his mask.

Soap came in first and almost jumped out of his skin. He smiled at him once he realized who it was and stood nearby. Not within reach, just... nearby. It unsettled Ghost.

Price talked the entire time. Gaz was there, another human though Ghost didn't talk with him much, and Alejandro. Ghost wasn't sure about Alejandro. He never stated he was human, but he never did anything to suggest otherwise. Though if he was like Ghost, he was much better at keeping it hidden. Rodolfo... maybe was one. He was second in command, made more sense for him. But he had never shown anything to indicate he was anything but human either.

Alejandro flashed him a smile, as if he felt Ghost staring at him and Ghost quickly looked to Soap instead.

Soap was... a person. He was pretty normal. His hair looked dumb though. Ghost kept staring, tracing his features and looking him over. He'd steal his file later, to learn more. It wouldn't exactly be the worst thing he'd done recently. Price would be a little upset at him but Price was Price.

"Ghost." Speak of the devil.

Ghost flicked his eyes over to Price. "Yes, sir."

"You'll be showing Soap the base, understood?"

"Affirmative, sir." He hissed it through gritted teeth and he could see how Gaz tensed just a little at the tone.

"Good. You two are dismissed. Colonel Alejandro I believe...." They started talking but Ghost paid in no mind. He had his orders and he wasn't interested in whatever they had going on. Soap looked up at him.

"It's going to be great getting to work with you, sir." He smiled.

Ghost narrowed his eyes and brushed past him. He kept a brisk pace so Soap had to job to keep up with him. To his credit, he didn't complain, just walked faster.

"It's exciting right? We worked so well together on the previous mission."

Ghost side eyed him but Soap did not get the hint.

"Now, I know I'll be your handler, but like before, you're still my Lt, yeah? I was thinking you could call most of the shots until we ge-"

"Shut up." Ghost said coldly.

"Oh." Soap paused. "Not happy about the change?"

"To you, this is an exciting chance for fucking career development. For me, I just got a fucking demotion. The fact I have to have a handler is fucking stupid. Do you think I'm untrustworthy and feral?" He swung around, leaning down so he was in Soap's face.

"Only a little feral. I trust you." Soap smiled again. He did that a lot.

Ghost huffed at him and kept walking.

"So where's your room?"

"Why?"

"I'll need to know for later."

"You're not allowed in my room."

"I feel you're being unnecessarily cruel to me, Simon." Soap teased.

Ghost faltered before quietly saying. "Don't call me that."

"It's your name, isn't it?" He didn’t sound mean, just confused.

"Ghost. My name is Ghost. Simon is a dead man."

Soap gave him a side eyed glance this time, as if weighing his options.

“Alright, Ghost.”

Ghost did show him his room. Reluctantly. He didn’t let him in, just let him look around for a moment from the door and then shoved him forward so he could show him the mess.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Ghost remembered how Soap acted around the other guys. Class clown behavior.

“Why is it so easy to shoot a fish in a barrel?”

Soap smiled. “Why?”

“Its already in the gun.” Ghost deadpanned. There was a beat of silence before Soap started laughing.

“Good one, Lt.” Soap hummed and eventually thought of one. They traded jokes back and forth for a minute. The dumb man had to ruin it.

“Why are you still shifted?” Soap’s eyes flicked to the muzzle and Ghost knew what he really meant. His ears flicked and those blue eyes moved to catch it.

“Can’t shift back. But you knew that. They would’ve given you a file that went over it all. You want to know why i can’t shift back.”

“I did ask why, yes.”

Ghost just managed to keep his composure. “You read the file. Defective is in Fucking bold.”

“But I’m asking you. Not the file.” Soap put his arms behind his back in a parade stance. “Why?”

Ghost reached over and patted his head. His giant hands looked even bigger next to him. It was odd. He knew Soap was average sized, but still. “Go Fuck yourself. And that’s the end of the tour.” He walked away from him.

“We’ll train tomorrow Yeah?”

“You hope.”

[the-fiction-witch]

Afraid Of Me

Media TMR

Character Newt

Couple's Newt X Marie & Newt X Reader

Rating Sweet + Abusive

Requested:

I just had a master idea come into my head for a writing request. The plot line would go something like there are two girls in the Glade (this is a Newt x Y/n) and basically Newt dates the other girl and she is quite abusive towards him. And when he finally gets over her and starts dating Y/n, they sit in her hut one day and he does something (or makes a mistake or something) and he basically braces himself for Y/n to hit him. And then the ending is all like

fluff and cute and all that 🤭😄🙏🏼👍🏼

Warnings - Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse, Gaslighting, Abusive relationship, suicide, self harm, emotional manipulation

I stood doing my work and keeping an eye on the time as I worked on things, 

“Newt!” my body froze up and I even dropped my hoe onto the grass 

“Y-yes Marie” I answered picking it up and turning to see her standing there 

"I told you I wanted us to have lunch together" 

"Oh is it lunchtime already?" 

"No, my lunch break is over"

"Oh no, I'm sorry Marie I lost track of time" 

"Whatever" she sighed marching off back to work

"No Marie please I didn't mean to -" I began trying to follow her 

"Enough, I don't wanna hear it newt" she snapped "Go back to work"

"You sure you're okay?'

"I'm fine" she snapped I have her cheek a kiss but she didn't respond heading back to work so I went back to work too. 

When I was finally done with work I skipped dinner and just headed to Marie's little hut in the deadheads hoping for a snuggle but when I arrived I noticed how she was crying

"Marie, what's the matter?" 

"You know what you did!'

"I don't I swear please just tell me what's wrong?" I asked her 

"You're always like this! You always just play down these things like how I feel isn't important"

"Whatever I did Marie I'm sorry, just tell me and I'll fix it" 

"You know I don't like eating lunch on my own! You promised you'd come to sit with me every day" she explained "Do you have any idea how horrible it is being the only girl surrounded by boys"

"You're not the only girl there's y/n?"

"That's not the point! You promised you would"

"I'm sorry Marie I really am it just got away from me, you know I don't leave you alone on purpose, maybe you should come to get me when it's lunchtime so I don't forget"

"Well, I would think you wouldn't forget your promises!"

"I haven't forgotten -"

"It's fine! I didn't realise that just sitting with me is such a chore! Maybe I should just run off into the maze as it's obvious you don't want to spend time with me"

"Marie of course I want to spend time with you" I told her "your my girlfriend I love you, and I want to spend every moment with you. I'm sorry I’m just stupid and I forget things," I told her wrapping my arms around her to try and comfort her "You know that don't you?"

"It doesn't feel like it" she says digging her nails into my arms and forcing me away 

"Okay, I'm sorry I should do better I'm sorry I really am Marie I'll do better I promise"

"That's what you always say"

"And I mean it," I told her "Hey? Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" 

She smiled a moment stroking my cheek but she slapped me hard "owww!"

"Just leave me alone newt" 

"Alright, I'll give you your space," I told her going to leave her alone but I fell to the floor as she had thrown something not sure what at the back of my head forcing me to the floor as she came and kicked and punched me between her tears 

"Why would you leave me alone when I'm clearly upset! You just don't care, do you? You don't care about my emotions!"

"You told me to leave you alone!' I complained

"You should know I don't wanna be alone when in upset! Why can't you be a good boyfriend and say oh no I'll stay Marie because you’re upset and I love you and care for you and what you to feel better"

"Okay! I'm sorry I'm sorry! I'm a bad boyfriend I should do better I should know that I'm sorry!" 

"Just leave me alone newt!" She yells running to her hammock to loudly cry

"But you just said you didn't want to be alone-"

"Maybe I should just run into the maze where no one could find me, no one cares about me"

"Marie you know I care about you-"

"Just go newt!" 

I did my best as I sat at the table to hide my bruises I know they weren't that bad but I didn't want anyone to see any way they wouldn't understand I sat with Marie beside me y/n across from us and Minho and Thomas near the end of the table all of us chatting as we sipped our moonshine, I felt somewhat distant from the conversation between Minho, Thomas and y/n. I don't know how but I always kinda felt excluded Marie made a point to make herself different and kinda take herself back from everyone I guess that just continues to me sometimes too.

"How are the strawberries coming newt?" Y/n asks clearly attempting to bring me into the conversation which did make me feel better and the two of us chatted for a good while given I worked in the gardens and she works in the kitchens we had a close relationship even if we didn't see each other much, and honestly, I didn't talk to y/n a lot anymore I know how it made Marie feel which is what made our conversation stop short as Marie just got up and left 

"Sorry I uhh" I said quickly getting up and following her back to her hut where we locked the door 

“I hope you had fun!”

“What do you mean?”

“With y/n” 

“Marie, it’s okay you have no need to be worried it’s just y/n”

“Ohh so I should be worried?”

“What no!”

“Why should I be worried? Is this what goes on when I’m at work?”

“No! Nothing goes on. Don’t you trust me?” “Ohhh so I’m the jealous controlling girlfriend now, that's what you tell y/n that I’m just a stupid jealous girl”

“I haven’t said anything to her, we were just talking about the gardens that's all. If you’d just gotten involved in the conversation you’d have known that”

“So it’s my fault!” she screamed picking up a rock and hurling it at my head for a moment flooring me “I told you I don’t want you talking to her!”

“She’s my friend-”

“I’m your girlfriend!”

“She’s one of only sixty people here, I knew her for a year before you came up what do you expect me to do Marie?”

“Fine. I see how it is. You like her more then me”

“No Marie of course not. You know I love you” 

“I should just go, you’ll be happier with her. You don’t love me. You’re just gonna cheat on me anyway”

“I’m not going to cheat on you I promise. Marie please you have to have some faith in me, don’t you love me?” 

“Ohh that is so manipulative! Because I love you, you should just be allowed to do whatever you want!” she yelled, she said a lot more about how horrible a boyfriend I was but I couldn’t hear much of it most of it not sinking in between her kicks and punches 

“Okay! Okay! I’ll stop talking to her! I’ll not leave you alone! I’ll do whatever you want to make you happy” I cried 

“I shouldn’t have to ask you! You shouldn’t need to be told the bare minimum!” she yelled 

“Okay! I’m sorry I’m sorry!”

I finished up work and headed into the deadheads towards Marie’s hut skipping dinner as usual as I didn’t want to leave her alone too long but when I arrived I noticed she had a runners pack and was gathering things up around her hut

“Marie, what’s going on?”

“I’m leaving.”

“Le-Leaving! What are you talking about?” 

“I can’t live like this anymore newt. I’m just sick of everything I’m leaving”

“Wh-where are you going to go?”

“Into the maze, if I can’t find a way out I’m just going to die”

“Marie no! Please- just stay just stay one more month I promise we’ll do everything we can to-”

“No! I’m going” she says “Get your things”

“What- Marie… I wanna stay here.”

“You’re not coming with me?”

“Don’t you love me?”

“Of course, I love you but… I don’t want to leave the glade.”

“Fine! Then I’ll go without you” she says taking her bag I tried to talk her out of it all the way to the doors but she wouldn’t listen.

“Marie Please don’t do this”

“If you loved me, you’d come with me, Come on let's go.”

“....No.”

“What?”

“No Marie, I don’t want to go with you”

“Fine! You’re a dick!” She just left running off without me. I sat and waited by the doors hoping she’d to her senses and come back but surely enough the doors closed, I waited by the doors all night in the hope she’d come back but nothing. Minho even let me go out a couple of days to look for her but we never found anything. 

I sat on the log by the fire on my third moonshine of the night “Hey? You doing okay?” Y/n asks as she came to sit with me 

“Yeah sorry -” I began wiping my eyes 

“Newt it's okay, I’m sorry about Marie” 

“It’s okay. I’ll be alright”

“Well you need anything you know where” she smiled “Come here” she smiled giving me a tight hug for a moment I didn’t move but I couldn’t help myself hugging her tightly and inhaling her sweet scent 

“Thank you y/n”

“You’re welcome,” she smiled, heading out to the rest of the bonfire. 

It had been almost a year since Marie ran off and the scars she left me with still hadn’t healed both real and emotional I had slowly gotten myself over it all even if there were still nights I found myself unable to stop crying but things had gotten better, I reconnected with so many of my friends and even started a new relationship y/n and I hung out so much more since Marie left and I felt so happy spending time with her, she was always so sweet to me. I sat by the fire moonshine in one hand my other hand on Y/n’s waist her head on my chest as we cuddled up by the fire she gave me a gentle playful poke “Yeah?” I asked and she tugged my arm so I brought the moonshine jar to her lips letting her have a sip till she nods so I took it away “Ahh?” I asked opening my mouth she smiled and brought her chicken stick to my mouth so I took one “Thank you” 

“You’re welcome” she smiled nuzzling a little closer I smiled down at her and she happily smiled back giving my lips a little kiss before she nuzzled back into my neck we chatted sharing our stuff for a good while until it got fairly late 

“Did you want me to walk you back to your hut?”

“That’d be nice newt, if you like you’re more than welcome to come for a snuggle?” 

“Really?”

“Yeah come on” she smiled getting up and tugging my hand to pull me up with her I happily got up and we headed to her hut hand in hand sitting on her little bed together snuggling and often kissing “Oww” she complained as I had squeezed her a little too hard 

“Ohh I’m so sorry Y/n” I quickly told her moving away to put space between us 

“It's okay” she smiled closing the gap I made between us “Just not so hard okay?”

“Okay” I nodded and soon enough we returned to our cuddle now making out heavily, often tossing and rolling over on the bed until we hit the floor 

“Owww!” 

“Oh my god- I’m so sorry y/n I’m so sorry” I quickly told her shuffling myself into the corner and holding my arms close to my body 

“Newt? Are you okay?” she asks coming to sit beside me and gently setting her hand on my shoulder 

“I’m fine”

“It’s okay you didn’t hurt me, it’s okay.” she reassured

“You sure?”

“Of course, I’m worried about you are you okay?”

“Yeah yeah I’m fine” I answered moving away again 

“Newt? Are you afraid of me?”

“I mean…”

“Why would you be afraid of me?”

“Well, aren’t you going to shout at me? Or hit me? Kick me?”

“...W-why would I hurt you?”

“Because I hurt you. I messed up.”

“Newt we fell off the bed. It's not your fault. It was an accident”

“You’re really not gonna do anything? You're not going to shout at me? Say I don’t love you?”

“Of course not,” she says “Why on earth would I ever do anything like that to you,” she says “... Did Marie use to do that to you?” 

I nodded 

“Could you let me see?”

I was nervous but I let her see the scars of my relationship with Marie and it brought her to tears 

“Ohh newt, you poor thing. Why didn’t you ever say she was treating you like this?”

“I didn’t know any better. I thought that how relationships were”

“Ohh newt, I love you” she says hugging me tightly “You are loved. By all the boys too we all care about you so much we’d never let her treat you like that if we knew”

“You- you won’t hit me?”

“Of course not never.”

“Or kick me?”

“No, Absolutely not”

“You won’t scream and shout, tell me off for talking to people?”

“No, you talk to whoever you want to.”

“You won’t shout at me for missing lunch together?”

“I mean I’ll be mad if I find out your skipping meals. But if you want to lunch with the boys or on your own that's fine. I can’t say I won’t ever get mad at you but I promise you I will never hurt you” she explained being gentle and careful to hug me 

“You promise?”

“I promise I love you very much newt and together we’ll work on getting these healed” she says “And all those internal ones up here too,” she says tapping my head 

“Okay” I nodded “That sounds nice, I love you very much y/n I’m sorry-” “You have nothing to apologize for, come on let's get tucked up. You can stay here tonight”

“You- You’ll let me stay?”

“Of course we can get cosy and cuddle up till work tomorrow” she smiled sitting on the bed and patting beside her so I happily wiped my tears and sat with her. 

[julietasgf]

first of all I love long answers, so no apologies in fact I'll apologize because I plan to ramble on.

I also love the movie but I have so many problems with how little we were given of the Plinth family, that they didn't fully exploit Marcus and Sejanus relationship and the sandwich scene (no ironically I have so much to say about that I may do another post explaining in depth why I hate how they executed that scene) so I feel you buddy

Yes I also think it was a bit of an unnecessary change in that regard, I'm not complaining at all about a scene of Coriolanus crying while looking at a picture of him and Sejanus together, it's cute to see him that pathetic crying and my heart was broken bc we could see again that Coriolanus means the world to Sejanus and yet that happen, but still I think it's more interesting, dramatic and hilarious to witness Coriolanus frustration at seeing that there's a picture of Marcus, of all the people.

Is someone else and NOT HIM, THE ONE THAT INSPIRE SEJANUS. Like as a snowjanus fan Im more into that shit of Coryo in denial screaming and thwroing bc ITS NOT HIM. But thats probably only me /j

You summarized very well many of the aspects in Marcus and Sejanus relationship that drive me crazy. I also belive they had such an unique relationship in the saga, Im so angry bc the movie dont fucking explore them in depth.

AND I AGREED WITH EVERY WORD YOU SAID ABOUT SEJANUS, THAT MOMENT OF KIDNESS IN THE END IT DEFINED HIS CORE, YEARS LATER HE MADE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO BE GUIDED BY THE ONE MOMENT WHEN A STRANGER OFFERED HIM HELP AND COMFORT OUT OF COMMUNITY AND EMPATHY.

Yeah it's obvious that much of his character is ultimately shaped by his mother, but he makes a very conscious decision to live by that interaction, to decide that if no one else is willing to make that selfless gesture, he'll be the one to take care of it. Even if the world tells him he's crazy and wrong for going in that direction.

About Marcus I agree that he probably thought that and it makes me so sad because I can't help but wonder what it was like for him, again I know in the book they mention they were more classmates than friends but I don't know, childhood in itself seems to me a stage where you tend to connect deeply with others as you are not yet fully aware of the barriers, and while I can see some classmates already having reservations towards Sejanus because of what Strabo had done and what their parents told lf Plinth family, it seems to me it shows that Marcus was not one of those kids.

So I like to think he thought in his own way about Sejanus. About how nice he was despite the nasty reputation that was forming of his family until finally Sejanus moves in and people tell Marcus that the Plinth's are traitors and other terrible things.

How to reconcile that image with that of the scared little boy he helped and thanked him deeply for it? I think it takes years (and the games ultimately help deepen the rift because Sejanus is safe and they in the district aren't) for him to come to that conclusion.

Then Marcus is reaping and it must have been painful and horrible to see Sejanus standing behind a fence, in an expensive and extravagant uniform, trying to offer him a very hearty sandwich. We know it is a gesture of help and comes from a place of compassion but god I can also see how it is at the same time a kind of cruel mockery.

Because Marcus is going to die and he doesn't need a sandwich, or an apology, he needs to be taken out of there, he needs to do not be killed and forced to kill others. So it makes sense his resentfulness will grow, also the image of Sejanus in his memory as his classmate who did wear a nice suit more expensive than others yes but still was from district 2, still live and suffer the war with them, was destroyed, now he can only think of this Sejanus totally capitol from his eyes, a fucking traitor in a red like blood uniform.

Marcus must have been totally hopeless... We know the people in the capitol saw him as a possible winner but I don't think this was his vision. Like the rest he was a scared kid, probably resigned to his death.

He could not give in to ask for Sejanus' help, to take his hand because what would that mean? That he too would become a traitor, that he was not loyal enough to his family and community? He did not want to die with that weight on his conscience and also facing Sejanus sounds anything but helpful.

He doesn't even know from the sandwich act if Sejanus is the same. He already looks different. What if he turned into one of those whimsical, conceited children? Will he be able to stand talking to him? And what could Plinth do for him? Give him a better weapon? Give him a fucking cake?

There was no point in saying anything. Nor to do it.

I believe the bombing and when he sees a way out is the only time Marcus regains hope and we know what happens to him because of that...

I love recommending caifanes songs that reminds me of Sejanus too much what can I say... And I love even more that you listen to them and see the vision. Im out of caifanes songs for now but if you can handle the trigger warning of spain spanish I can give you:

From the treasure planet the spanish dubb version of Im still here / Estoy aquí by Alex ubago. Its so Sejanus CODED. I choose the spanish version bc its a more youthful voice than the original.

I always apologize for answering too long answers, I genuinely fear being annoying for it 😭

yessss!!! in the movie, I have the feeling that excluding so much of the plinths didn't really show the impact of how fucked up it was what coriolanus did by the end. he stole a boy's whole life. he knew his parents, he knew his mother, and still, he got him killed and stole his life anyway. it's so disturbing when you stop to think about it, but since we don't really see much from the plinths in the movie, I feel like it weights much less than it should (ALSO, YES, THE SANDWICH SCENE WAS A CRIME, it was really poorly executed and another point where it seems to make coryo better imo)

it's so funny to me that scene in the book bc coriolanus says with all his chest that it shows "where sejanus' loyalty laid with". bro really came to the conclusion JUST NOW that maybe, and just maybe, he isn't the center of the world and neither is the capitol 😭 while reading I though of him turning to the camera like a the office episode plssssss (and I absolutely AGREE HELPP, coriolanus screaming crying throwing up because sejanus has a pic of MARCUS, of ALL PEOPLE)

the movie had so much potential to explore their relationship in a more visual way. I absolutely understand why storytelling-wise they would rather to explore of sejanus and coriolanus' relationship.... but marcus and sejanus are so important and interesting and UGHHHHH (and plus, they remind me so much of katniss and peeta, I've seen some parallels that DRIVE ME INSANE and I would actually kill for a 4 hour cut with scenes of them together)

AND YESSSS!!! everything regarding the districts in tbosas, everytime we see something about their lifestyle, is about community. marcus and sejanus were not even friends in his words, they were classmates, and marcus went and helped a child that was probably left out and despised by most of his classmates, and he didn't want anything in return (another thing that drives me insane is how coriolanus is quite the reverse of this; he helped sejanus out of interest, pure interest, and how this is pure capitol, while marcus is pure district).

at that point of the rebellion, the plinths were probably so despised at D2, because the way sejanus cherishes that memory is just so important to me. it's the kind of thing you'd probably forget, but he remembered marcus' name, he kept his pic and everything, and he probably talked about it at home enough for his father to know about marcus and. yk. do what he did at the games to "teach sejanus a lesson". marcus' kindness was THAT remarkable. another thing that I think abt 24/7: what was marcus thinking all this time? we never even see him talking. what were his thoughts? I would actually pay suzanne collins just to KNOW.

during the zoo scene, I felt physical pain because I could only think about how OFFENDED marcus probably felt. because, in his place, I at least would feel extremely offended. because let me get this straight: after your father betrays our district, you leave for this fancy town, with fancy clothing, and now I'm about to die, and then you come here offering me a sandwich? (also, this sets another interesting thing about marcus, he's so proud, and I'm just mentioning it bc it seems like a common trait between people from D2 in the future) and plus, he probably saw coriolanus going to talk to lucy gray for the first time at the train. okay that coriolanus' intentions weren't pure, but how marcus felt that sejanus actually KNEW HIM and didn't go to see him, but this boy who never met this girl actually went to the train station? and then his first interaction with sejanus is him offering him food as if he's an animal?

one thing I read once, and I really can't recall from where, was an interpretation that marcus never even spoke to sejanus (not even to curse him or tell him to fuck off) because it was much better to die with the little boy he knew still on his mind, kind and gentle, than to talk to the boy he doesn't know and discover how he actually changed into something marcus despised.

I also do think marcus was resigned to his death. the way he doesn't even try says a lot, even though everyone agreed that he was the tribute with the most chances. D2 is big, it's not like D12, which is smaller. what would it mean for marcus to return after accepting help from a plinth? what would it mean for him to return after 23 another children getting killed just so he could get out alive?

also, in some form, I think marcus and sejanus' dynamic as tribute and mentor as some sort of anti-lucy gray and coriolanus. they're the reverse of each other.

it's so tragic, really, that he had hope for the first time just to end tragically like that. now, I'm going to punch a wall and cry for at least two days in a corner, because marcus is genuinely one of the most interesting tributes and he didn't even got to fight in the games to be this interesting.

(suzanne collins really went HARD on creating characters this time, not that in thg she didn't, but how is almost every character in tbosas is special and iconic to me?)

and I love getting recommended songs!!! ☝️ NOT THE SPAIN SPANISH TRIGGER WARNING (spain spanish and portugal portuguese are really cousins, it seems) ☠️ first, omg, I was just today thinking abt the characters as disney songs, I'm kinda screaming that you sent me this!!! specially bc as a kid my hobby was listening to different versions of the same disney song, and I RECOGNIZED IT, but I never actually stopped to pay attention to the lyrics and YOU'RE SO RIGHT, I get amazed bc every single song you recommend I stop and stare at the wall thinking of how, actually, it makes total sense 😭