#I'm Still In Love With You

[jt1674]

[tha-wrecka-stow]

[teejseventeen]

[cinematicsoph]

still • niall horan blurb

summary: you and niall have been dating for about a year and the fans still haven't accepted you two together. you are so fed up with all the hate so you decide to take matters into your own hands. but he hasn't moved on.

warnings: angsty ish, swearing, mentions of drinking, uses they/them pronouns like twice

a/n: this was going payback to my friend for spamming me with Johnny Orlando pics while i was studying. but because i had this idea while listening to Still by Niall Horan, i felt like i had to write it for him like i originally planned. i wrote a very specific line first and i'm lowkey obsessed with it so.

Copyright @ 2022 sophi_quimby. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format by anyone but me

  ✧ ˚ 　· 　　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧ ✧ ˚ 　· 　　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧✧ ˚ 　· 　. 　　 · 　˚ ✧

It’s been three months and ten days since you and Niall broke up, not that he’s counting. It feels like he hasn’t left the couch since you were standing in front of him telling him that you can’t handle the pressure of being in the public anymore. That the fans finally pushed you away from him. He doesn’t know where you are or what you’re doing anymore. But you haven’t left his mind. You will never leave his mind. He still remembers every word you said to him when you left.

*3 months and 10 days ago*

   “Hey, love. How was your day?” Niall looks up from his phone as you walk into the living room. He sees your eyes are red and puffy and your cheeks are slightly red, an obvious sign you had been crying. “Love? What happened?”

   “I can’t keep doing this, Ni.” Your voice sounds thick and it cracks with emotion.

   “Can’t do what?” He stands up from the couch and walks over to you. He reaches for you to pull you into a hug but you move out of the way, denying his sign of affection. “What’s going on?”

   “I posted a picture of us on Instagram and your fans found it. They started leaving comments about how I’m not good enough for you, or how you don’t look happy with me. Just r-really nasty things,” you sniffle and wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your (his) sweatshirt. This has been going on ever since you two decided to go public with your relationship on your one year anniversary. It’s now eight months later and Niall’s “loyal” fanbase still isn’t willing to accept that their idol is no longer single. 

  He sighs and sits back down on the couch. “I’ll handle it, love. I’m so sorry this keeps happening. I really don’t understand why they just can’t accept-“

   “I can’t do this anymore, Niall.” You look at him, staying in your place right in front of the couch.

   “What are you talking about?” He looks up at you confused.

   “I’m done. I-I can’t keep worrying about running into one of your fans when I go anywhere or post anything on social media. I thought I could handle being in the public eye, especially for you. But this is too much. I can’t keep doing this. I-I’m sorry, Niall. I’m breaking up with you.”

   He felt the wind being knocked out of him, his heart stopped, everything blacked out. “You’re…breaking up with me?”

   “I don’t want to. But this can’t be healthy, for either of us. I’m left feeling like I’m never going to be good enough for you. That you deserve someone, anyone, better than me. It isn’t good for my self esteem and I never feel like I’m giving you enough. I have to leave, Niall. I’m sorry. I can’t keep doing this.”

*today*

   After you said that, you grabbed the things you had at his place and left, crying. He wanted to comfort you. He wanted to run after you, hold you, and tell you that everything will be okay. But he was frozen, stuck to the couch. The only movement being his breathing and the blinking back of his tears. He wasn’t an emotional guy, but he loved you so much. Without you he felt empty, lost, incomplete. You were, are, the love of his life. Every passing second he bitches at himself for letting you walk away that easily. He should’ve stopped you.

   I can’t keep doing this. That line kept playing over and over again in his head. He had no idea it was that bad. That you had been feeling this way for so long. It broke him. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. For not seeing the hate, the signs that you were feeling this way. He was blind. And it killed your relationship.

   He had never drank this much in his life. Constantly drinking Guinness and passing out on the couch, only to start all over again when he finally woke up. Lewis had been over every Sunday, trying to get Niall off the couch and into the shower. Or at least his bed. But Niall wouldn’t budge. He’d stay on the couch, only moving to get another beer, staring at the wall. He somehow has an endless supply of Guinness and hasn’t needed to leave the house in the three months you’ve been gone.

   Lewis had never seen Niall like this. He was getting really worried, and knew that the only person who could fix it had been nowhere to be seen or heard from in three months. While you and Niall were dating, you had gotten really close with Lewis. He had treated you like a younger sister. It had broken you both when you broke up with Niall. Lewis didn’t blame you for breaking up with him though. He knew how bad the fans can get when their favorite celebrities start dating. He still tries his best to keep in touch with you, but you haven’t responded. He tried messaging your friends and family, trying to get any type of information about where you are or what you’re doing. Only your mom knew that you had turned off all social media and silenced any messages or calls from anyone that isn’t family. She said you had been staying with her and your dad for the last three months. He felt better knowing you were safe. Lewis had been worried about you so hearing from your parents was a weight lifted off of his shoulders.

   It was another one of Lewis’s weekly visits. He pulled up to Niall’s house and walked inside. Niall’s house was a mess once again, even though Lewis had cleaned it last week when he came by. Lewis knew it was time to call up the big guns. He had done his best to help Niall, but he can’t do it any more. It’s hopeless. There’s only one person left to call…as long as they picked up.

   You never wanted to break up with Niall. He was your best friend, your lover, everything. He was, is, your everything. But you couldn’t deal with his fans anymore. They constantly projected their own insecurities and jealousy on you, it was too much. The break up affected you more than you wish to admit. You turned off notifications for all your social media platforms, knowing that the fans would likely be even more upset with you now that you broke the heart of their idol. Because as everyone knows, a stranger dating their idol is bad, but a stranger breaking up with their idol is even worse.

   You didn’t want to delete your platforms, you keep Niall’s page open on every platform he has, nearly all the time. Your thumb becomes sore from the constant scrolling and refreshing you do of his page, hoping you see (or don’t) any updates on how the love of your life is feeling. So far nothing. The last thing on his Instagram page is a selfie he posted of you two from your last date. It’s a similar one to what you posted of him, the one with the comments and acts that eventually lead to your breakup.

   You’ve been staying at your parent’s house, in your old room. Your mom and dad have been giving you the space you need, but you know they're secretly worried. You can’t ignore the subtle glances to see if you react anytime you’re in the car and one of Niall’s songs comes on. Or the indirect questions of whether or not you’re okay or thinking of harming yourself. You do. And you're not, but you wouldn’t. Any phone call, text, or email you get is ignored. Except for one.

   “I know how awkward this must be, but I know that you’re the only person who can fix this.” Lewis opens Niall’s front door to let you in. You had thought about ignoring his texts and phone calls, but you could tell how concerned Lewis was for his best friend, and you couldn’t ignore that any longer. For Lewis sake, of course. And maybe yours a bit too. Hell, you couldn’t ignore it for Niall’s sake. He’s still the love of your life and best friend.

   “It’s okay. I still care about him. I’ll always care about him.” You walk into Niall’s house and go to his living room. “Niall?”

   He’s dreaming. He has to be. The only time he ever hears your voice is in his dreams. He feels his eyes begin to water. His breath hitches and he swallows the lump forming in his throat. 

   “Y/N.” He hardly ever uses your name, always saying a nickname or a pet name. It takes you aback. You don’t know how to react when you hear your name fall from his lips, especially with so much emotion behind it. You look at him, still handsome as ever (though a bit rough).

   “Niall.” You say again, feeling yourself tear up. You go over to him and kneel in front of him on the couch. “I…I can’t even think of the words to say to you right now. I-I’m so so sorry.”

   “You left me,” he whispers. Your heart shatters. Those three words hurt you more than the actual break up.

   “I’m so so sorry, Ni. Please. You have to understand, I-I couldn’t handle being hated on anymore. It had nothing to do with you,” you cry and shake your head. “I’m being honest, love. Please.”

   “Honest? You want honesty?! I’m still in love with you, y/n! I will never not be in love with you! You mean everything to me, and I never wanted the media to fuck up our relationship like this. You wanted honesty?! I fucking gave it to you. I’m still in love with you.” He’s yelling now. It was like he got snapped out of his trance. There’s tears running down his cheeks and his face is red from the crying.

   “I still love you too, Niall! I didn’t break up with you because I fell out of love with you, I broke up with you because I’m a coward!” You match his volume level and start crying even more. 

   “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You know I hate it,” his voice is back down to a normal volume. He looks you in the eyes. “You look really pretty.” It’s simple, a compliment he’s given you millions of times. But it means so much at this moment.

   “You look really handsome.”

   “I’m a mess,” he sniffles and chuckles quietly.

   “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You know I hate it.” You nudge him and smile slightly. “You look handsome, love. A bit rough, but handsome.”

   “I love you. I still love you. I know we’re so far from our first date at the zoo, but I’m here with you being completely honest. I’m still in love with you, and I always will be.”

   “I love you too, Ni.”

[sovaghoul]

But I'm still full of the love you want

Still waking up, so alone

And I'll be full of the love you want

No matter what, forevermore

[mea-cuppa-part-2]

I'm Still In Love With You - New Edition, 1996

[holdenreviews]

I’m Still In Love With You - Sean Paul

Happy 50th Birthday, Sean!

[robyn-i-guess]

liking someone platonically is so embarrassing like. yeah i admire you. yeah i think about you all the time. yeah i look forward to every time i see you even if it's only for a minute. yeah it's all platonic and yeah i couldn't explain this because it'd sound romantic. fucking hell

[dazzlerazz]

Screw terfs n all but are you normal about transgirls who don't want to medically transition? Are you normal about transguys with boobs who don't wear binders? Are you normal about the trans people who only want to socially transition because that's what's right for them? Are you normal about the transgirls with beards? Are you normal about the transguys who love their curves? Screw terfs, but are you normal about trans people?

Important Edit!!!!!

I don't mean to piggyback off of the success of this post but

A trans person is in need of your financial help

My friend @the-fab-fox is struggling and is in need of help

If you can, please consider donating to him, lord knows he needs it right now

Finley is at risk of losing his living situation, vet bills piling up, and much more

Please consider donating to his fundraiser (linked below) or donating via PayPal (eriklovescats@gmail.com) with a note that it's for the GoFundMe

Edit 2

Thank you for those who have donated so far, it means the world to him and to me!

If you could, please donate further so Finley is able to get the products that he needs!

Please follow this link to understand what and why

[jt1674]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[cowardlycowboys]

girl who needs to ask for reassurance would rather be stabbed than admit they have needs

GIRL GENDER FUNNY‼️ POST MADE BY MOST FEMININE HE/THEY SHUT UP‼️

[reasonsforhope]

Sometimes you just have one of those moments where the progress we've made as a culture get thrown into stark relief. You look at something and go "Holy shit, that would never have happened when I was a kid."

Today, I had one of those moments when I realized that the teenage boys I'm working with are just. genuinely, openly enthusiastic about going to Build-a-Bear for their outing.

These are sixteen and seventeen year old boys! They just had a whole conversation about what to name their "cute", mostly new squishmallows! They're genuinely excited that they're going to Build-a-Bear this weekend and asking other kids to pick up specific accessories for them!!

Holy shit, that never would've happened when I was 16. None of the boys would have dared to be visibly interested - and neither would most of the girls! There would have been a million gay jokes and "Haha, you're a girl" jokes and "What are you, a baby?" jokes. Teenagers weren't even supposed to care about anything back then!

Less than 15 years later, and I'm watching three 17 year old boys treat all that as not even worthy of comment.

So let's call that a reason for hope. Even when the kids aren't alright, in some ways apparently they are alright. Go Gen Z, honestly. It's so lovely to watch you guys just openly doing and saying stuff that, when I was a teen, would've been a social death sentence.

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

The Bronx Zoo has just released Flaco's necropsy results.

He was not thriving, as the people championing the ideal of "freedom" claimed.

He was poisoned.

He was sick.

He was suffering.

"Freedom" would have eventually killed him. A building just happened to do it first.

"Postmortem testing has been completed for Flaco, the Eurasian eagle owl that was found down in the courtyard of a Manhattan building a little over a year after his enclosure at the Central Park Zoo was vandalized on February 2, 2023. Onlookers reported that Flaco had flown into a building on the Upper West Side of Manhattan on February 23, 2024, and acute trauma was found at necropsy. Bronx Zoo veterinary pathologists determined that in addition to the traumatic injuries, Flaco had two significant underlying conditions. He had a severe pigeon herpesvirus from eating feral pigeons that had become part of his diet, and exposure to four different anticoagulant rodenticides that are commonly used for rat control in New York City. These factors would have been debilitating and ultimately fatal, even without a traumatic injury, and may have predisposed him to flying into or falling from the building. The identified herpesvirus can be carried by healthy pigeons but may cause fatal disease in birds of prey including owls infected by eating pigeons. This virus has been previously found in New York City pigeons and owls. In Flaco’s case, the viral infection caused severe tissue damage and inflammation in many organs, including the spleen, liver, gastrointestinal tract, bone marrow, and brain.   No other contributing factors were identified through the extensive testing that was performed. Flaco’s severe illness and death are ultimately attributed to a combination of factors—infectious disease, toxin exposures, and traumatic injuries—that underscore the hazards faced by wild birds, especially in an urban setting."

The naturalistic fallacy kills animals in horrible ways. The romanticism of what humans want to think of as a "free, wild, pure life" cannot be allowed supplant the reality of injury, sickness, and death. Releasing captive animals (or keeping them from being recaptured) because it's "better" for them to suffer untethered than live a healthy, safe, captive life is inhumane and horrific.

Flaco's life didn't have to end in pain, sickness, and suffering.

Flaco's death didn't have to be tragic.

But once the idea of "freedom" entered the chat, Flaco's fate was unavoidable.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I am incredibly serious right now when I beg you all, please, and if you have Twitter or Tiktok or whatever to please spread the word: click on an author's profile on Ao3.

You want to know if an author has written more? Want to know if they're still writing? Want to see more from them? Want to know if they've written a trope or kink or sex scenario you enjoy?

Click on their name. And look at their profile.

I cannot tell you how many times in the last six months someone has read a new or newer fic of mine and said they (a new reader who has read nothing else I've done) "can't wait to see what you do next!" I've written 50+ fics and over a million words already.

"I don't know if you're still writing..." click on my profile. I am. I literally wrote a 128k+ fic for that ship last month.

"Would you ever do X?" "Please do Y!" I already did. Click on my name and look at my works.

Archive of our Own is a library. It's an archive. Not social media. It is your responsibility to fight back against the laziness that corporate algorithms have trained into you.

Click my author name. Just click it. Just click it.

Before you demand more, or ask if a writer will do XYZ, or wonder if the author still writing, or anything - click on their profile. Click on the author's profile.

I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything like that. I'm just exhausted. It's disheartening and frustrating to repeat myself ad nauseam, because someone couldn't take thirty seconds to do the tiniest bit of work to see if I've written lately, if I've written more for their ship, or scan my works to see if I've written what they're asking for. Please. Please. I'm begging.

Click the author's name, and explore before you ask.