#I'm Not a Kid Anymore ( Self )

[volivolition]

wiggles my fingers at you ouuuu… you want to tell me about solace so bad…

HKJGG wiggles my fingers back lovingly!!! i really do, i fuckin LOVE solace :3 hey did you know i really like making fake skill descriptions?

SOLACE

Follow the north star. Find light in even the darkest places. Cool for: Optimists, Recovering lost souls, Sweet summer children

Solace is the skill you tucked away long ago, at the bottom of Pandora's box. The little one that tells you: despite it all, there is still hope. It needs a lot of nurturing -- and it's far from being the most helpful for police work -- but taking care of it is basically self-care. It enables you to find the glow in yourself that you often ascribe to gold lungs or brilliant halos in others. It encourages you to wake up and watch the sunrise, to play board games with someone you love, to forgive yourself and let yourself be a gentler kind of animal. Constantly looking forward to a brighter future, it also helps shield your morale from damage.

At high levels, Solace gives you a heightened sense of childlike optimism - which isn't always the sense to lead with in this precariously harsh world. Always looking for the bright side will blindside you with naivety. At low levels, however, you may just extinguish whatever keeps your soul alight. You've already lost her once. You may not survive the desolation if you let her disappear again.

[mas-que-loucura-menina]

Obsessed with when fanfictions go like:

Jason: "your son died!! I'm not that kid anymore! You can never have him back!! >:("

Bruce: "I mean, yeah? You had new experiences, made new friends, learned new things and went through a lot of difficult situations. You're human, people grow up, but there are still things about you that will never change, one of them is the fact that you're my son and I will love you regardless of what you choose to be."

[tittyinfinity]

contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk

[my-mom-named-me-duck]

idk why but I fucking love the sleepy energetic feeling you get when you're forcing yourself to stay awake with caffeine

its just kinda nice

I feel calm

I can actually think

this feeling is why I have an energy drink addiction

it's literally a drug

it just feels nice

just sitting here on my computer with my music playing on low volume alone with my thoughts no anxiety about getting into fights with anyone because they're all asleep

i just feel so safe at night because I know I'm alone and I don't have to worry about people I don't listen for footsteps I don't get startled by hearing doors open I don't jump when I hear people talking because none of that is happening and if it does happen I know its just someone getting water or using the bathroom and they're not going to bother me

i don't have to worry

if I do want to talk to people I can talk to people over the internet

its just so nice man

i don't want my late night safety times to end but they always do when I see the sun light come underneath my curtains and I hear grandpa get up for work and that's when I go to sleep

i wake up in the afternoon eat a small breakfast grab an energy drink sit in my room and wait for everyone to go to sleep

this is the only time I'm not in fight or flight and it feels like a weight is lifted

god I'm being weird sorry

ill shut up now

[watermelinoe]

my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone

[master-of-the-railway]

Hi, I only just found your blog today, but I would like to know more about your Children of Sodor AU if you want to share! I've never actually seen much of AEG, but from the small clips of episodes I've seen, I do genuinely want to watch it.

I don't have any specific questions about your au, but I am curious, it seems really cool!

AHHH TY <3 I would recommend watching AEG! It may be intensely different from the other two series (seeing as it is it's own continuity and made by a different person) but if you go in with an open mind and just take it for what it is (cute little kids show about talking trains) I think it's very enjoyable! It's a comfort show of mine and I'd love to see more positive attention towards it. As for my au: mayhaps I can shed a little more light on the engine kids themselves! Even upon first arrival, they could move on their own...to a point. Think of it like a newborn foal, but instead of getting the hang of it in a few minutes it was more like a year (for some two) before they could move around probably on their wheels without falling flat on their underbelly. They could roll when they were brand new, but they wobbled and fell a lot. Once they started getting a hang of their wheels was around when they started learning to talk, but before they could start that they communicated solely through beeps, whistles, honks, etc. Their parents made sure to teach them what signals meant what so that they could learn the basic railroad signs from an early age, which can help them communicate better with other trains. Rolling stock have a far more complicated non-verbal language than some would expect. The little engines loved to play with people when they were babies because back then they were probably around the size of a little pony or maybe a fairly large dog. Sandy was ESPECIALLY small. Diesel was bad to ram people when he was littler because he's a shunter, his instinct is to shunt trucks, and it was also his way of playing. But Emily eventually managed to reign him in, she talked the trucks of the yard into letting him bump them around a bit when he wanted to play like that. He was nowhere near strong enough to actually push them around after all, it would just be small bumps. The kids still liked to play with the human workers when the older engines suggested safer ways to do so, but eventually as they got larger, they showed less interest in the people and more interest in just playing with each other. Everyone except Bruno that is. He likes playing with the other kids, but he's very fascinated by humans.

[insipid-drivel]

please don't send me fundraisers in asks

i know palestine is dying

i know this genocide will not stop and only private donations and citizens can help

i know i can't stop it

i know only sponsorships and donations will make a difference

i know you need help and donations and rescue and freedom and liberty and everything

i know

I KNOW YOU NEED HELP BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU

I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY TO GIVE OR ESIMS TO SEND OR ANYTHING

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE HUMAN TRAGEDY AND THE GORE AND HORROR IN MY INBOX I NEED IT TO STOP

PLEASE STOP

PLEASE PASS ME OVER AND ASK ANOTHER BLOG FOR HELP

I CAN'T HELP ANYMORE I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T

[wereh0gz]

Going to chao gardens and playing with chao is like therapy to sonic I think

[delborovic]

i ABSOLUTELY have to ask... whatever happened to del? rellik's little companion in law of talos? i barely see anyone draw her now let alone even mention her, was her character scrapped? whats up with her?

Oh... sweet, sweet anon... getting this message absolutely cracked me up. What happened to Del ? She got old... hahaha.

I knew this would be confusing even when I decided to do it for my Law of Talos entry- I've told this story a few times, but when Sins-of-Angels asked me to be in the OCT, she particularly said she liked Rellik (who I had drawn tons of art of already, as he was one of my favs) and asked if I'd use him as my LoT character. I said I wouldn't know if I could- because Rellik is very stubborn and wouldn't have a reason to fight for a wish, because he wouldn't care about that. I joked that the only reason he'd join an OCT is if I, as the artist/creator, told him to.

So... So I drew that. It was a very purposeful self-insert, and I thought it would be fun if Rel and I were more argumentative vs wish-fulfillment where I was powerful or cool. Then I also went with the "gets sucked into your character's world" (this is before isekai was really big lol) and the awful things that could happen to a normal person in that world.

I've always doodled chibis of myself with monkey + cat features so that just was part of my character too.

TL;DR Del is legit just me hahahaha and now that I'm older and I don't do as much meme stuff, I really have no reason to draw myself these days. I also would say there's a bit of negative self-deprecation in the way that I portrayed myself that I just don't have the same feelings about anymore.

I'm very glad that the Law of Talos fans can enjoy the LoT version of me/her and just kinda run with it and make it something new :) that's really cool to me. Though seeing RP blogs or posts of your self-insert character is always very surreal xD but I did this to myself lolllll YOLO

Hope that answers your questions, anon!

[ruinxl0ve]

Gothzha and his (demon) partner

[thelonelynindroid]

I am so fucked. I haven't had a crush on a man under 40 for three years. And I haven't had a crush on a real life person for longer

[notetaeker]

Wow I was so unappreciative of my own accomplishments when I was in college. I'm trying to put together a portfolio and it turns out I wrote 5 whole news articles for the school paper ???

[grassbreads]

Actually full disclosure, not to be a fake Mochijun fan, but the reread I finished this week was the first time I've read Pandora Hearts in its entirety since I was a teenager, and MAN it hits different now that I'm not fourteen.

I don't have the brain capacity to get into all of it now, but man. man. Experiencing the back half of Pandora Hearts with adult eyes and comparing that to your teenage half-memories is a wild time.

It's also very funny that my favorite character went from Oz to Gilbert given that I started reading this series for the first time when I was a year or two younger than Oz, and now I'm Gil's exact age.

[giantkillerjack]

Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.

And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.

I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.

But do you know what I found?

I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,

I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.

Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:

I was worth talking to when I was quiet.

I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.

So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.

You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.

(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)

[cobra-creampuff]

why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!

[mad-hunts]

19.     entry made talking about a simple    /   normal day.

'dear diary' prompts...

[TRANSCRIPTION: so, i'd like to start this off by saying that i sometimes crave a sense of normalcy more than ever in my life... though i know that people might not expect something like that out of me. you know, because i seem so devoted to my work, i guess. but i have to say that after getting a taste of it today, it's probably when i'm at my happiest. me and jack had spent the day together, which is something we actually rarely get to do. he had told me about this crepe place that had opened up a little while ago and he seemed really eager to go there. so i invited jack to do that this morning and i swear, i hadn't seen him smile that big in a while. which did something funny to my heart.

and by that, i mean you know that feeling you get when you can't contain the love you have for someone? yeah that was pretty much what ended up happening to me; a fuzziness had hit me in the chest. but after we went there, and jack ate an impressive amount of crepes (he was really fond of the nutella and strawberry ones), my son suggested that we see this new movie that came out recently. and it was hard to pass up so of course i said yes. we snuck in some candy and drinks because, honestly, who wants to pay for the overpriced candy they have? not us so we did that and just like i expected... the theater was pretty packed since it was for the new hunger games movie. it was good though!

anyhow, after that, jack wanted to spend some time just hanging out by the water when he did something that surprised me. jack hugged me. and it was really nice, because i can't remember the last time my son gave me one like that. he went on to tell me that he missed 'this part of me.' this got me to thinking that, yeah, i have been treating him not so well for a while. so maybe i ought to change that. jack deserves to have a father who doesn't switch up on him every day, from being mean to being nice.

maybe i'll call my therapist back and tell her i want to start seeing her again. she might've said some things that i didn't like the last time, one of those being that i exhibit behaviors that are typical of sociopaths — but i guess i can make an exception for jack, because he's my little bug.

signed, barton. ]