#I'm Nervous (say yes)
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#I always assumed I'd be an Abel to someone's Cain when I was younger#that's something I should probably tell me therapist#also#yes I'm on bluesky#it's better than twitter but has the same vibes as 2012-2015 tumblr#'what's up puppers and doggos! this is how you use bluesky' type beat#I will not be sharing it as I am far too nervous and say far too many things#ex christian#religious trauma
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Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems
#sketchbook#scrapbook#Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at#but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open#image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best#medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a#limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont#know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and#excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines#and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch#pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color#or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being#'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my#outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one#more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page#before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then#was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down#stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and#having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's#a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the#scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol#Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube#face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to#work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time#be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm#(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a#pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)
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just asked the girl i've been talking to for the last three weeks to go to dinner with me and as someone who has rarely been on a first date bc people usually are too eager to fuck me to romance me, i do feel quite strongly that my heart is gonna beat out of my chest. i've literally never had this much build up before meeting someone i'm gonna have a heart attack waiting for her reply lol
#i sent her a voice note this morning saying like#what do you tell people about me bc i tell people how empathetic you are#and she just rattled off a TON of stuff she likes about me and has apparently said about me to other people?#and i'm feeling like. a lil pull in my heart towards her#and i'm like omg heart dude i thought you'd be out of it for so long#and it's just making this valiant effort bc she's so lovely hahahhaha#i saw they were showing the one direction documentary from 2013 in some cinemas and i was like#oh my god this would be perfect bc the first thing we bonded over was being huge 1D fans when we were younger#and now tbh lol#but they're not showing it near us booooo#would've been the perfect first date for us#but we can just watch it together another time and commentate#ugh i am so nervous lmaoooo#i know she'll say yes bc she's been like waiting for me#but like what if i'm into her and she's not into me#idk i panique#diary
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even at this point in the story and with the romance well and truly confirmed it's very possible that lucanis has never seen even a sliver of rye's naked skin below the throat. very likely no one on the team has yet except possibly emmrich if rye got hurt in battle and needed help patching it up. high-necked watcher garb with gloves and all stay ON at all times. thank god for rye's sake that lucanis' history of romantic interest indicates that surprise bitch he could be kind of into that fhsdkjfas
#I'm a cool laid-back relaxed punk rock sort of leader and also person rook says during the solas regret study group meetings#sitting there with their meticulously gloved hands tightly balled into fists against the arms of their chair fhdsjkfhas#I think most of them know him well enough by now to realize exactly how full of shit he is about that tho lol#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#Lucanis Dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#this is very much a two-way slow burn situation hahaha at least rye gets to gaze at lucanis' bare forearms during meetings#lucanis has to settle for having Feelings whenever he sees rye with their hair down#or the very rare and precious times they'll take their gloves off for a moment#(I don't get the sense that he minds)#one of my first ideas for their relationship even back before I even decided I was going to do the romance#was rook anxiously fussing over their clothes the day they were going back to the necropolis for the first time while lucanis looked on#in quiet bemusement as he realized he'd never seen rook be openly *nervous* before. 'are my robes... does this look...'#lucanis in the elevator down to the necropolis depths trying not to look at all the walking skeletons#and with the patience of a man who once waited four hours in the market for illario to try on gloves: 'your robes are flawless#(on this the third time you asked as well). do not worry about it. was that. was that a floating skull we just passed by'#'ah yes! professor korevel tends to have his morning walks for contemplation around this time between grading papers'#'...without legs?'/'he always said those just got in the way most of the time'#and rye finally admitting '...it's been a while since I was home'#and in that moment a common understanding dawning. 'ah. I -- think I understand the feeling'/'yeah...'#and basically the rest is history lol
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11/23 is good big brother day in japan (11/23 = ii nii-san) so, with that, after one and a half months of working on this, i present my very self-indulgent scenario of vash and knives being brothers and taking that first step to heal.
if you want to throw some support my way i have a higher-res pdf version on my ko-fi shop for $3 - no pressure obviously, this will remain free to read here on my blog indefinitely!
also i would like to give a quick thank you to @/nimpnawakproduction for their references on vash's scars which were pretty much my bible when drawing this LMAO
(not ship art)
#trigun#trigun spoilers#trimax spoilers#trigun fanart#trigun maximum#vash saverem#knives saverem#millions knives#vash the stampede#plant twins#saverem twins#my art#artists on tumblr#nitpicked over uhhh. Literally every aspect of this#PLEASE be niceys i've never undertaken a project of this scope before lol#literally i'm so self-conscious LOLLL#very nervous to post this for a variety of reasons but i drew this for myself first and foremost so!#yes i've continued this in my head and have an idea of how the twins' relationship and nai's character arc would progress from here#but will i draw it? almost certainly not. sorry.#technically this isn't postcanon but it's easier to say LOL also this is def an au where knives doesn't. you know.#could talk and talk and talk about all the choices i made with this but i won't
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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the reckless hearts
pairings: michael clifford/calum hood, michael clifford/harry styles (temporary), alex gaskarth/jack barakat, assorted minor pairings
rating: T
total word count: 53.7k
important tags: summer camp support staff AU, strangers to friends to lovers, ensemble fic, friendship, fluff, angst, hookup culture, bittersweet ending, galaxy hair michael
warnings: N/A
summary:
“And you’re what?” Michael asks, before giving Calum a once-over. “Logistics, I bet.” Obviously Michael hadn��t been tuned into his surroundings when Calum had given his brief introduction. “Yeah.” “Mike, I literally told you about Calum,” says Alex. “Did you?” Michael asks. Understanding dawns on his face. “Oh, you’re Calum, Alex’s roommate.”
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(Or: summer camp AU, but make it support staff.)
Well. Here it is. The big ensemble summer camp fic I've been writing for over three years. This is the longest fic I have ever written. It is my passion project and my beloved child. Enjoy.
CHAPTER I // CHAPTER II // CHAPTER III // CHAPTER IV // CHAPTER V // CHAPTER VI // CHAPTER VII // CHAPTER VIII // CHAPTER IX // CHAPTER X // CHAPTER XI // CHAPTER XII // CHAPTER XIII // CHAPTER XIV // CHAPTER XV // CHAPTER XVI // CHAPTER XVII
#michael clifford#calum hood#malum#malum fic#5sos#5sos fic#fic#my fic#oh my fucking god finally#i started this fic over three years ago#almost three and a half#i can't believe it's actually done and i'm actually going to post it and it's actually fucking 53k#it is the longest thing i've ever written and absolutely a labor of love#i have so many fucking things to say and thoughts and feelings i JUST#i don't even know where to start#maybe ill start by saying that all the non-boy pictures in this moodboard are real photos of my own summer camp taken by me#(YES! IT REALLY IS THAT BEAUTIFUL!!!)#summer camp is a magical place you guys don't even know you CAN'T know unless you go#but i hope this fic shares that feeling with you all a little bit#auuughghhhhh im so nervous and stressed! but im doing it anyway!! fuck it we ball!!!#fic posting at 11:20pm is so me#stuff#trh#fic mb#my mb
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A couple of kind older (around their 60s) ladies in my volunteering group offered to let me borrow their car because they remembered me talking about wanting to do some sightseeing outside the city (i moved to this city in '23 but haven't been able to do much that isnt within walking distance because I dont have a car 🥲)
And that's so kind of them, but I havent driven since before I moved, and I dont think I could deal with the anxiety of not only driving someone's else car, but driving in a busy city I've never driven in before 🥲🥲 I tried to explain that as simply as i could, but now I'm wishing I'd just said 'no thank you'. I feel so awkward, i feel like a normal person would just say yes or no.
#skip talks#i know it's not a big deal#but i think i feel bad about it because i so desperately want to say yes#but i know for a fact that I'll be so nervous it'll affect how well i drive#you know those people who can hop into an unfamiliar car and drive around an unfamiliar city without a second thought?#I'm NOT one of those people fjhdhdjdj
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"The majority of fans of this character often wildly mischaracterize them and are really loud and annoying about it, and it's ruined the character for me" WEAK. I see people being confidently wrong about my favorite character and it just makes me love them more, and motivates me to surround myself in a small bubble of other people who understand them on the same level.
#sorry that happened to you but i'm built different#like yeah it's frustrating but it just makes the correct takes on them all that more sweet#like that one ts2 fic i found that ACTUALLY portrays nervous as an asshole? PERFECTION.#(yes i think most of you can safely assume what character i'm rhinking of most rn but there are many such cases.#not EVERYTHING i do or say is only about Him. i'm multifaceted.)#personal grumblings
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HAPPY BLOG ANNIVERSARY!
it's officially midnight here, which means i'm allowed to post this! so ... happy one year anniversary of enduring the plague of avalon upon your dashboards! alternatively, thank you so much for giving me a place to babble about my #1 favorite comfort character who has experienced zero comfort. ( i swear i am being SO NORMAL about this. yes i did literally buy cake and party hats. ) whether we speak on the daily, you've just gotten here or anywhere in between, i want to extend my sincerest gratitude for being on this absolutely wild ride of a blog with me. there's been ups and downs, but ultimately i feel like my passion for writing has been ignited stronger than it's ever been before. i am still always so excited whenever i get the chance to log on here and create stories with all of you — and i wouldn't have that opportunity if it wasn't for this little corner of the internet you've helped make truly special.
there are so many of you i feel lucky to have met. ( and so many i would love to get to know better, too! ) i hope we can continue writing together for many more anniversaries to come. and if the day ever comes that they finally pull the plug on this cockroach of a hellsite, i'll forever remember this community as the rpc that got me to laugh at petrichor.
have a wonderful day / night! i'm sharing the cake with everyone in spirit.
#𝟎𝟎𝟏 : 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. ◟ ooc .◝#( i struggle sometimes because i know i tend to hide behind my muses / headcanons / ic posts --#because i am honestly just so bad about talking about / as myself & i think part of it has to do with me being really nervous / awkward )#( we all love ye olde social anxiety & the myriad of ways it manifests etc etc )#( but!! i just wanted to do / say something silly because i really do appreciate you all so much )#( even if we don't actively talk / write imagine me liking your posts as a little high five of appreciation for what you create here )#( this blog & rpc have helped me grow so much both as a writer and as a person. )#( having a place to express my interests & meet other people with similar interests has had such a positive effect on my life )#( i'm making plans to meet my best friend in person one day and it's only happening because i made this account & reblogged a gifset )#( yes it's sappy but i really do mean every word )
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Meet Rayne and Elliot!
A few weeks into classes, Elliot finds the only thing he likes about England is the forest that surrounds the prestigious Blackrose University. He spends a lot of his free time exploring it. One night after an explosive fight with his roommate, Elliot retreats to the woods. He can only see by the light of the moon filtering through the canopy, but it doesn't bother him much. Until he hears a blood-curdling scream that has him running the other way.
He runs into a tree and nearly falls backwards, but the tree grabs him around the waist and holds him upright. The tree is not a tree. The tree is a jumpy man with blood on his shirt and the sharpest teeth Elliot's ever seen.
[picrew]e's
#the little quotes under their pics are the first things they say to each other : )#and there's a little about them under the cut!#(also YES I know the uni's name is cringe but idc I'm keepin it forever)#also i am so nervous to post this bc these guys are so important to me lol anyway...#tell me they are cool lol. ask me smth about them? idk. sigh i just need them to exist outside my head. even if it means on this dumb blog#diaerie#aerie's OCs#oc: rayne hastings#oc: elliot montgomery#ps: i call them relliot in my head okay#aerie's oc cards
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Is it normal to feel some kind of boundary has been violated when someone over shares with you
#like listen. I don't like this person but I'm noce to them because of basic civility + we have to interact every single day#so like we have to talk i might as well be kind about it but I've never shared anything really personal let alone intimate#because I don't like this person all that much and i definitely don't consider them a friend. we just happen to be in the same space every#day and talk a little. well the other day they told me some really personal stuff. and like ok. i think they were very nervous and needed#someone to talk to. it's ok i won't deny basic compassion lol but also I'm kind of a captive audience? so they told me this very intimate#detail about their relationship to this girl. and i felt very awkward like i really really didn't need to know anything about their#relationship problems and much less the intimate details of it. you know the kind. the kinda sexist comment thrown in betweeen#def didn't help the case. so i gave this person advice because i couldn't help myself but I'm trying really hard not to ask follow ups etc#the worst part is that next day they said something like 'if I'm making you uncomfortable please let me know' which was kind of them. like#yes i AM uncomfortable (and god forgive me i also just generally don't care about their personal life). but even though they had the#awareness and delicacy to ask: 1. damage was done and 2. at this point just saying 'yes I'm uncomfortable' is so awkward in an on itself lol#so yes. I don't know how to set that boundary i really feel like a kidnapped audience in here lmao there is no way i can simply say I'm#uncomfortable without making it worse or ending up looking like an awful person (again this is a person i have to interact with DAILY)#blabla
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As an avid Ugly Little Rat Dog Fan, I would be so taken by the adorable little baby that I wouldn’t even notice Chargebolt standing right there 😂
You have one of those moments where you're so absorbed in watching the little thing roll around in the wet grass and asking questions about it that by the time you realize who he is, you're already exchanging numbers (yes, even chargebolt needs a dog sitter, actually, chargebolt ESPCIALLY needs a dog sitter) ....
you both go home like...
you: wtf did i really just get a pro's number???? hello? is this a violation of something? do i actually message him???
denki: a girl liked my dog !!!! :>
and then two weeks later, when you happen to see him out and about again with doggie, he's pouting and asking why you never messaged him when you said you would...
and cue the start of your relationship LOL
#esp out in public he's walking his dog and there's people taking pictures and ur just standing there trying not to flip#and right as denki's saying it he's like. oh. you're nervous bc i'm a pro. AND APOLOGIZING#and you have to be like 'no i really would babysit your dog its just is this okay???'#meanwhile denki's imagining your wedding yes his dog is the ring bearer best man#OR SOMETHING LMFAO#i'm kinda invested tbh#thank u for liking the idea!]#reapersbarge#gen#caitie things
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first big test of the degree wish me luck
#i am... nervous. to say the least.#a very good saying in Spanish is ''me estoy cagando viva'' which means I'm so so so very scared (lit. I'm shitting myself alive)#it is french I. i have very high hopes (if i don't ace it im killing myself)#and this is finals month#my second first semester finals season!#(if anyone cares: i started pursuing a bachelor's degree in translation after finishing psychology. i love suffering yes)#ana talks
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i think a movie was a good choice for reze's arc!!! i'm literally so excited to see her & denji be whacky on the big screen <3 plus I hope this means good things for the animation overall cuz the anime was gorgeous and there are some really epic moments in reze's arc that i cannot wait to see translated into film. also what a choice to call it reze's arc, bc like yes it is, but also... this is denji's story. they're all his arcs. to me its a good way of reinforcing the ideas surrounding how denji is controlled by his desire for love & the people he chases in pursuit of that love <3 (though also it would be spoilers i guess to show reze and then call it bomb devil arc lol. it serves multiple purposes. to me.) anyways yippee! now we just wait for season two announcement!!
#chainsaw man#chainsaw man movie#reze#denji#i will say that i'm nervous for like... the overall performance of the anime#like 12 episodes and then straight to a movie?#anime only's probably arent ride or die enough for that but... i will have faith. this series WILL be animated in full. trust#we WILL see asa in the anime one day.#meowww tho i am literally so excited for reze. go girlboss give us everything!#she is gonna slay sooo hard#do i think anime onlys deserve her? not really. will i do anything for csm to stay popular until it's fully animated? yes.#even if they misunderstand my beautiful daughter.#scared of twitter already....#spence.speaks#chainsaw man spoliers#<- just in case#sorry i saw movie announcement and started word vomiting#spence.personal
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Oh God I'm so nervous now. I have everything ready, set and perfect. I sent my butch to take a shower and I managed to arrange everything before they got out of there. I cleaned the apartment and dolled myself out for "no reason" earlier. Now it's just a matter of waiting.
#I'm shaking!!!!#I'm pretty sure they'll say yes but I'm still so nervous#I hope they like the rings#I've spent SO LONG trying to figure out their ring size and last Saturday they just. Told me. Out of nowhere.
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