#I'll read the third book next starting tomorrow and maybe it will make me change my mind but rn... rn I am just pissed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stxrvel · 25 days ago

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disclosure (6)

series summary. the holy grail of the seven men who ruled the country's entertainment used to be your friends at school. now, ten years later and between successes and failures, what reason would they have to want to come back into your life? pairing. platonic ot7 x f!reader for now content. first of all, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes! curse words, angst, reader becomes sus, fighting (in the wrong way), angry and mean jin? self-doubt. a/n. hi guysssssss!!! sorry it's taking me this long always, but i finally finished this part! i actually just finished it and it's almost 2am and i have to go to work in fivehours. i'm publishing this part as it is and maybe tomorrow if i have the time i'll look at it again, bc i'm really exhausted right now. and also please forgive me if there are any mistakes in the text;((((. but i hope you guys enjoy this 7k monster of a chapter and i'll see you next time!!

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The fourth book of your saga was a reflection of everything you had gone through when you moved with your family to the capital. You finished the third book when you had barely been in the city for a month and maybe that's why it didn't have a happy ending and why everyone who had read the trilogy had been devastated with that ending. It wasn't something you had planned from the beginning, but it wasn't something that ruined the plot either. It was actually much better than you had planned.

And when you finally finished with the trilogy, starting to write again wasn't hard, especially with so many mixed emotions and so much repressed pain coming back to the surface uninvited.

Maybe you hadn't been in connection with your strong feelings since then, when the city constantly reminded you that you had lost the only people you considered your true friends and the pain of their absence and the harsh reality was a knife burying itself in your chest over and over again. You hadn't felt this much since the moment you realized that they were able to live their lives without you, but you had to go through the mourning of losing them.

You hadn't felt this much since then, until that moment when, having been just a day since you had decided you would take the path of healing, you had to reopen the draft of your fourth book and find all those angry paragraphs, spit out words, piled up letters and whole pages filled with pure rage and pain; of disappointment and realization… of betrayal.

“Are you going to start again already? Don't you think you deserve a break?”

The words Yuna had spoken to you that morning were echoing in your head from the moment you read the first words of this draft and the memories began to well up, emotions making your hair stand on end and your throat close up.

It was almost funny to remember how incredibly angry you were when you first arrived in the city.

The city, with posters of Jungkook's face on every corner, with his performances on some screens or just teenagers talking about him and whispering about his music, it was practically impossible to escape it. The city, with radios blaring Yoongi's songs, in a cab or on public transportation, interviews blaring on TVs in shopping malls. The city, with the international news, which echoed so much, about the spectacular promises of modeling. The country couldn't be prouder to have representatives of that caliber, because the moment Taehyung and Jimin overtook the West and broke the international barrier, it was only a matter of time before the others followed suit and completely changed the idea of entertainment and media in the country.

The first months in the city were nauseating, when you had to get used to and overcome your emotions the hard way, fighting against the aggressive tide that all the time tried to drown you, and that was noticeable in every word and every scene of that book, and you were almost sure that if any of them read it, they would know immediately. If they wanted to know anything about you, if they were really interested, there would be no better way than through your books; in no other situation would you be so vulnerable.

You wondered, for a moment, if any of them would have read any of the books by now. If Namjoon would remember when you asked him for strange words to describe emotions and now they were captured in those impressions, or when you asked Jin and Hoseok for their opinion about the complex construction of your world and each of their peculiar and crazy details can be found in those pages. Just as your books had all the pieces of you, it also had crumbs of them, and you wondered if they would notice if they read it.

Don't you think you deserve a break?

Maybe you do. That's why you had decided to close that cycle once and for all, and there was no better way to do it than to finally start with the edition of this book. Of this fourth book, so strong in its toughness and determination, so vulnerable in its rage and palpable pain.

It was the cleanest and purest and truest version of you.

But as much as you deserved it, it felt more like punishment. Reliving those emotions and evoking those memories caused you more anguish and you didn't know if you could face a kind of shock therapy like that to finally let go.

“The editors said you'd be here.”

You saw Choi Dohyun standing, leaning against the door frame above the computer screen that still displayed the title of the first chapter of your fourth book. On a Wednesday at barely eight o'clock in the morning, the great CEO decided to set aside a few minutes of his busy time to gratify you with his presence.

His calm, serene and carefree expression was the contrast to the swirl of emotions that ran through that room, rising from the crown of your head. You could almost tell he wasn't venturing into the office because he could feel the tension radiating from your position at the desk. He must have even seen it on your face.

You sighed and barely waved at him, running your hands over your face, trying to ease your tense muscles a little.

“Is there a specific reason why you don't want the editors to read the book?”

Choi Dohyun was a mystery. You only knew about him from the three-hour conversation you had the day before, besides the strange looks he cast at Yoongi from his office entrance. He had shown himself to be a very open person and it was clear that he was an expert at making things work his way. You knew he had agreed to many of your conditions because what he would get in return was bigger than what it would cost him, which really wasn't too much, just enough to maintain a level of creative freedom that would allow you to access editorial support when you saw fit —because you knew that once you handed it over, it would no longer be entirely yours—and often businessmen reflected their own personalities in how they negotiated a deal.

Dohyun tried to come across as a fairly personable person; he tried to be understanding, communicative and open-minded, so much so that he reminded you of the comfortable security of an older brother. However, you could tell in that meeting that he held back too much; that he had hated the way Yuna used to interrupt him to ask him questions or how your brother would put too many buts in his mouth and try to get information out of him that he shouldn't give away. You could tell he was impatient, that he really expected the meeting to last less than twenty minutes because he was sure you would sign the contract blindly as soon as you saw the profits you'd gain from the distribution and sale of your books. You also noticed, in case it wasn't obvious already, that he preferred to be in control as long as the situation and the people around him allowed it, for his convenience. If he gave in on several occasions, you knew it had been because he was very, very aware of everything that benefited him.

There were two options: Choi Dohyun wore a mask constantly, or Choi Dohyun was a fraud.

“I just wanted to read it one more time… before handing it over. I won't take long.”

“It's okay. No problem.” Dohyun finally walked into the room, the office he had handed you for whenever you decided to go to his publishing house. You didn't even know writers had that option; you didn't know if it was common, but he allowed it. He had also offered you a writing kit that included a typewriter that looked quite expensive, and although you hadn't accepted it, there it was in one of the corners of the office. Dohyun sat across from you, glancing at the few things you had brought from home to make the place a little more pleasant. “I understand that sometimes it's hard to separate yourself from your work. It's a part of you, after all. A kind of vulnerability that not everyone sees.”

That was the kind of thing that kept Dohyun's true nature a mystery. His stoic expression as he blurted out words of comfort. It almost felt like running sandpaper over cement. Not that you needed to figure him out, because at the end of the day he was a boss of sorts and you two were bound by a contract with mutual economic benefits —technically, you were each there for a benefit of your own— but it was something you wanted to be aware of, watchful of, informed of, because you had no way of knowing this guy wouldn't try to take advantage of some situation later, in any possible scenario.

“Yes…”

“Take as much time as you need. The demand for the trilogy is still pretty high, after all.”

You nodded at him in response, wary of his attempt to lighten the mood. If he was the kind of person you thought he was, he surely knew you didn't feel an ounce of trust towards him.

“In just two days you must have quite a bit of work to do with that,” you tried to continue the conversation, interspersing your gaze over the letters on the screen and his dark eyes.

“But it's a very welcome work. Aren't you glad your books were so well received?”

“Yes,” you answered without hesitation, momentarily remembering the proud look on Yuna and your brother's face when they finally got you to see the reactions and opinions of your books on social media. “It's comforting. For your work to be appreciated, recognized… moreover, that it allows you to make a living from it. It's amazing and a very great privilege.”

Dohyun shook his head in assent, interlacing his fingers over his abdomen. From his nonchalant way of taking a seat across from you, slumped over the chair almost as if he was an old friend from college and not practically your boss, and from how his voice reflected that sense of calmness and confidence, you could almost tell he was perfectly selling the facade of the most trustworthy person in the world.

But ultimately it was your feeling and your need to automatically distrust anyone you met because you didn't know at what point they would try to take advantage of you or turn their back on you, and maybe Dohyun wasn't as bad a person as you wanted to paint him in your head. Maybe you would even accept that his presence was a bit comforting and that he actually reminded you of someone you used to know in the past and of whom currently, if you knew he was still alive, it was by sheer luck. That personality, that sense of security he conveyed and that way he had had of expressing himself to you in that meeting that showed a different and more mature kind of wisdom, indeed reminded you of someone else.

Dohyun was very, very much like Jin.

“Can I… ask you something?” you hesitated, alternating your gaze between the screen and his dark eyes, not quite sure if you wanted to go down that path, but aware that you would get something in return if you did, and perhaps the risk would be worth it. “But it's not related to… this.”

As you pointed to your computer and the rest of the office, you couldn't decipher what expression Dohyun sketched. Trying to read him like you did everyone else, it seemed he entertained a specific train of thought in his head and was sparked by your question, but you couldn't probe much further because he agreed, tilting his head to invite you to ask bluntly.

“How do you know Min Yoongi?”

Dohyun then lifted his chin and his lips curved into a sort of small smile that could more accurately be described as a grimace. With his eyes on the window, with the beautiful view of the city and its busy streets, Dohyun took his time to answer and his pleased and almost satisfied look gave you to understand that your question was not a surprise at all. Dohyun could take it simply as healthy curiosity, for after all Yoongi was a celebrity and there weren't many people around the country who couldn't recognize him and you literally saw him face to face.

However, of course, there was something about his attitude that felt different. He wasn't surprised by your question, it was true, but maybe not for the reason you thought.

“He's a friend of my best friend.” Dohyun finally answered, returning your gaze, a glint of amusement highlighting his dark eyes. “I met him a couple of years ago through him, who is also his best friend. Otherwise, I doubt we would've ever met.”

Ah, Dohyun had a best friend who was best friends with Yoongi. That could only mean one thing.

“Ah. Then your best friend is part of the seven kings.”

Dohyun raised his eyebrows, clearly amused by your choice of words and the permanence of that haunting smile and the glint in his eyes should've been warning enough. He had the posture, demeanor and speech of a person who knew he was in control of the situation. Whatever his purpose was in entertaining this conversation, you already knew you were involved in that reason, indirectly.

Dohyun knew something about you that you had no idea about.

“Yes, indeed. It's Kim Seokjin. We met in college.”

As you guessed, of course. That's where the similar traits you could find in his personality came from.

But then Yoongi wasn't directly friends with Dohyun, and they couldn't be that close because of the nonchalant way he referred to him, so the question of why he was here yesterday, precisely when you came, would remain unanswered. It could be a coincidence? Of course, and you could remain in doubt, or you could…

“Wow. You two really are a powerful duo.”

Dohyun let out a laugh, nodding, looking so comfortable with himself, as if you were asking all the questions you should be asking.

“I love my job and I know I'm good at what I do, but Jin is simply on another level.”

You nodded, getting into his game of pretending, with a half smile on your face.

You knew that if Yuna knew what you were doing she would shake her head and tell you that you were crazy; that you should try to be less hard on other people and that's why you had never been able to hit it off with the other co-workers in Sol's cafeteria.

“Yes. I hear he's a great surgeon. He was top of his class, wasn't he?”

“That's right.” Dohyun nodded, determined not to look away from you. “But you're close to them too, aren't you? I saw Taehyung's Instagram stories when he uploaded your books.”

You blinked. Once. And again. He had already figured you out, and now he wanted to reverse the table and get some kind of reaction or information from you that you didn't know what kind of mystery it would solve in his head. The best option was to feign a bit of surprise, which was what you did, as if you didn't expect him to suddenly bring that up.

“Well, we studied together in school, but we were never that close.”

You lifted a shoulder, trying to downplay the subject, as if on cue, and Dohyun nodded slightly processing the information, averting his gaze over the dark carpet on the floor. He seemed to be tying up loose ends in his head and had more questions, the way he squinted his eyes as you gave him his space to think.

You had no idea what he was getting at. You had already brought out to him that he was close friends with Kim Seokjin and that, basically by extension he knew Yoongi. You could almost say it was a bit of an ordinary, almost trivial topic, not overly suspicious. Unless, of course, he knew something else that raised his curiosity and made you look suspicious in his eyes for asking such questions.

It seemed the most certain theory.

“And through him you must have met the others sometime, right?”

And it seemed you were right, too.

You had to deny his assertion, you knew, but it seemed you had taken half a second too long because he beat you to the word, shaking his head in a nod, and then said:

“That explains a lot.”

“Huh?”

Play dumb, play dumb.

Dohyun cracked a big grin, looking almost like a predator in the midst of its hunt, and from that alone you knew he'd already put his puzzle together.

“Well… actually, now that we're being honest, Jin was the one who recommended me to read your books.”

Wow.

Okay.

Jin… told Dohyun about you? About your books?

That doesn't explain anything. In fact, more questions popped up in your head than you could control and you were sure Dohyun could see the question marks moving over your irises.

“He told me that there could be a great opportunity if I published you and he was really right. I don't regret sending you that offer.”

Dohyun leaned back against the backrest and stretched one of his arms over the chair next to him. His posture was a little more relaxed than before and you couldn't help the feeling of anger that ran through you because you had given him just what he wanted, but you couldn't concentrate too much on that because you were too surprised by what he had just blurted out, as if it was nothig.

Of all the things you could've imagined, you would never have considered that this huge and prestigious publishing house had offered you a contract just because one of the CEO's great friends had recommended it to him. I mean, if Jin had never talked about it, would you have had any chance of getting this offer? Of signing this contract? Would you have been recognized on your own merit and not because you were linked to the mouth of a close friend?

None of that made any sense. Why had Jin told Choi Dohyun about you? His best friend being the owner of the most prestigious publishing house in the country, clearly knowing the implications of his actions, why would he do that? Maybe he didn't count on his friend throwing him overboard someday for gossiping and because he has an ego bigger than his own head? Maybe he thought it would be an anonymous job forever? And for what reason? On what grounds? What kind of emotions moved him to make that decision? Maybe it was simply an altruistic desire. Maybe he was moved by the same thing that moved Taehyung, the one who started all this. But was it something premeditated or not? Was it something he had previously discussed with Namjoon? Would the others know about it? Would they have agreed? Would they not have cared?

In the midst of that mental stupor, the very idea of healing seemed stupid to you. The immense confusion and anger that was coursing through your blood had no place for this group of fools to continue to meddle in your life as if they were playing a fucking election game on their computer. Why? Why? Why?

You wanted to get out of a simple doubt with Dohyun, to know what kind of connection he had with Yoongi and that everything that had happened was a coincidence, and you had ended up with a thousand more questions, with a hundred confusions and even more mixed emotions.

And Yoongi… would he have been in his office yesterday for something related to that?

“At first I thought Taehyung had asked him, but Jin is quite careful about such things. He wouldn't hint something like that to me even because his brothers ask him to, unless it was someone he could vouch for. So you knew Jin too, right?”

You didn't try to deny it, but you didn't give him the reason either. Amidst a sea of questions and confusion, incredulous and angry, you just shook your head and crossed your arms.

“I'll bring the first draft tomorrow.”

Dohyun took his time, drumming his fingers on the wood of the chair, sending you a look as if he wanted to get more answers out of you because your attitude raised more doubts than he initially had. Maybe you let go of a wolf's leash or this would be a one-time occurrence, you had no idea. But he said nothing more. Finally he got up, said goodbye and left.

Don't you think you deserve a break?

You should've listened to Yuna.

The next day, when you finished editing the draft of your fourth book amid tears, several cups of coffee and an excruciating pain in your wrist, you finally handed it in to the editors with a heavy heart and an hour of sleep in your body. It had officially ceased to be yours. The revelation that Dohyun had actually offered you all of this because Jin had asked him to do so kept going round and round in your head and made you revise and edit that draft more harshly than you would've done before.

Maybe you added a few extra curse words.

“If you don't finish that pasta, I'm going to steal it from you.”

Yuna hadn't even finished her own plate and was already eyeing yours, her brow furrowed and her own fork stabbing the ceramic of the deep dish you'd served your friend in as she crossed the threshold of the front door. You had been stirring the food with your fork for a while, thinking, reflecting, theorizing, trying to figure out what you really wanted; trying to recognize and accept the emotions inside you that were upsetting you.

Your parents had left early and Seojun was back in his college dorms, so you invited Yuna to lunch because you knew she loved the pastries your mom made and because you thought it would do you good to have some company after turning in the draft of your book. But, really, you were more overwhelmed than before. Yuna's presence didn't stop the thoughts in your head from racing, nor did it erase from reality what had happened.

“Y/n?”

You raised your head.

“Are you okay?”

You nodded, and tried to focus on eating lunch before rambling on.

“Is it because of the book?”

“No, no. Everything's fine. I was just thinking.”

“Do you think you should've waited a little longer to turn it in?”

You shook your head. “No.”

It wasn't an order from Dohyun or anything like that. You decided to get started on editing the next book because it was a bit desperate to have nothing to do. Before you could focus on the whole operational and logistical process of delivering the books, but now that was taken care of by a separate company and all you had to do was verify that the money was coming into your account and that was it. Not that it was bad, but you were not used to just sitting idly by. So you thought that continuing with the pre-publication editing of the next books might be a good way to pass the time.

You didn't expect, of course, the statement you heard the day before, let alone that it would knock down your motivation like the wind to dry leaves. After that conversation with Dohyun, you decided that the best thing you could do was to turn in that draft and give them as much work as possible as a distraction so that you wouldn't have to go back to that building for at least a couple of weeks. It wasn't a healthy activity, of course, because at the time you were only functioning to keep Yuna from questioning if there was something wrong with you. Well, she probably did, but she preferred not to comment on it, because you hadn't been giving her too many answers to her questions lately.

Having decided that Dohyun was an expert manipulator, you could only worry about the possibility that he might decide to comment something about that conversation to Jin or just stir up a conversation about the possible existence of a friendly bond with him during school time. You didn't know what could trigger that; with everything that had happened up to that point you could no longer be sure of anything or trust anything.

“No. I thought I'd turn it in now so I'd have more time to read the next books. I know that one isn't too bad. I revised it too many times while I was writing it and even after.”

“And it's pretty long, isn't it?”

You nodded, finally tasting another mouthful of pasta. “Seven hundred pages.”

“Holy Christ,” Yuna put a hand to her forehead and sketched a worried expression. Then her excited exclamation echoed throughout the house. “What a thrill! I can't wait to read it!!!!!!”

Yuna returned to work an hour later and you spent the rest of the afternoon between shifts of lying down staring at the ceiling and watching more videos about your books on social media, which you hadn't been able to leave since you saw them with your whole family in the living room. It still seemed surreal to you that you could search the name of your books on the internet and you would indeed get the results you expected. Clearly not all the opinions were praise, but you were willing to take all of that and learn, implement and consider it for the next stories you were willing to tell. For now, you were going to focus on keeping the editors busy enough that they wouldn't have to ask about it or demand your presence for any reason. This trilogy really was quite a lengthy saga, so when they finallt finish editing the fourth book, you'd have the fifth waiting, and so on. At least until you had another amazing idea for a new story.

Now, on the slightly more disturbing topics, you still had more loose ends to tie up than you had initially thought. As you still had those particles of anger running through your body and you were still convinced that there was still no room for healing and overcoming, you could only think about what Yoongi's presence in Dohyun's office was about and if it had to do with what Jin had done.

That was the first line of thought. The second one sounded more like Yuna with her serious voice trying to talk some sense into you and tell you that you were seeing into it too much, that surely it was all just a coincidence and that Yoongi's presence was just some kind of crossfire.

But… yet… how many more times did something like this have to happen before you stopped chalking it up to coincidence? How many more times would you say it was a coincidence until everything started to connect to a purpose? Did they even have a purpose? Did they have a reason for all this, for all this unnecessary drama? And was their reason worth it to compensate for the instability you were going through? Having pent up emotions, confusion, lots of doubts and zero answers was about to drive you crazy.

However, maybe seeing things from another approach would allow you to understand.

Because, honestly, you saw it as too complicated to be able to leave them behind in this way, when it seemed that, on purpose or not, you would keep finding them in your soup. Adopting a slightly more objective approach, even though your emotions were always running high when it came to them, could give you the resolution you were looking for and the answer to the questions you were asking yourself. And there would be nothing more than that, because it would be impossible to restore the friendship you once had. Perhaps the truth would be painful, but you would accept it as it was and move on. Now, as old as you were, it would not be as hard as it was ten years ago when in the midst of confusion and desolation you could only cry.

Now, you had already gone through the mourning and made peace with the distance, the absence and the betrayal.

Maybe, if you tried a little harder, you could bring real closure —and soon, hopefully— by finding the answers on your own.

Kim Namjoon used to believe that he was good at dealing with any kind of problem. In his head, which he was spinning around like a huge sphere and he was a hamster, Namjoon was sure that he could fix any situation and solve any misunderstanding, any fight or at least come to an agreement that would make everyone feel comfortable enough to move forward.

In his head, Namjoon was a three thousand dollars conflict-solver. Seeking solutions from reason and objectivity was basically how he kept his company afloat, that company he had inherited from his parents and had turned into the economic juggernaut it was today. All that success was summed up in the capacity for resolution that Namjoon had in his super head and, of course, his strategic capacity that allowed him to read his opponents and know exactly what they wanted, how they wanted it and when they wanted it.

However…

The whole table was still silent.

And Namjoon could only look at the faces of each of his friends, his best friends, practically his brothers, while they shied away from his gaze or directly ignored him, while he clasped his hands on the edge of the chair and tried to keep his composure because he no longer knew what to do.

Kim Namjoon, the three-thousandth troubleshooter, had a factory defect and could not fix the one thing he had always been able to fix with ease.

When Hoseok had walked into his office two nights ago with that stern and serious expression, Namjoon knew that there would be more problems to solve. But if he had to be honest, even before that moment he knew it wasn't working out well. Maybe it was because of the delicacy of the subject or the crudeness of his friends to address it, but Namjoon was losing the important ingredient of patience and that was something that hadn't happened to him before.

But then again, how could they all be so insensitive?

“Doesn't anyone have anything to say?”

Hoseok had been the only one to be spared from this discussion, though his presence was required at the table and tension radiated from his body in equal amounts. The others were directly attacked by the three thousandth (broken) problem-solver and despite Namjoon giving them a space to try to explain the situation, the table was still silent and with each passing second the pressure cooker containing Namjoon's anger was beeping louder and louder.

“I don't think there's much to say.”

It was Jin who finally broke the silence and Namjoon let out some air.

“Ah, thank you, Jin. Why do you think so?”

With his arms crossed, the older sent him an incredulous look.

“We've had this conversation three times already, Namjoon. Why do you think it's necessary for us to keep repeating ourselves?”

Hoseok had told Namjoon that he was concerned about the coexistence in the pent-house and that perhaps the elephant in the room was not being addressed in the right way; that more and more misunderstandings were being created between everyone and that it was making for an untrustworthy environment for the youngers. Namjoon agreed halfway through; if he had to be honest, none of it would've gotten to that point if none of them had been so irresponsible and daring to do all that they had done. And Jin had the least right to dismiss the issue as he had.

“Because you all don't seem to have listened to me at all, especially you.”

Jin snorted and turned his head away. Jungkook beside him barely winced at the hostile exchange.

“And what did I do?”

“What did you do? Jin, how can you be so inconsiderate?”

“I only rushed an exchange that was eventually going to happen, what the fuck is wrong with that?”

Namjoon tried not to look so surprised by the fact that the conversation he had had with him two nights ago and Yoongi had basically gone in one ear and out the other. Namjoon had no idea if it was an occupational hazard or a personality trait, but Jin was having a kind of stubbornness that bordered too much on his pride and desire to be right.

And right now it wasn't about who was right or wrong. It was about the fact that they had all made a promise and now they were breaking it as if it was worthless. Worse, as if the only ones affected by it were them and not a third party.

“Didn't you stop to think how she would feel if she found out that was how things went down?”

Jin rolled his eyes, but didn't answer him.

“Why do you all do all these things without believing that they will have consequences beyond your own feelings? That's all I'm asking you to consider!”

Taehyung and Jungkook at least had the decency to actually look embarrassed, avoiding Namjoon's gaze. Jimin was still convinced that he had done nothing extremely wrong and Yoongi simply demonstrated his sorrow through indifference. Namjoon knew that Yoongi was just as frustrated as he was with the way things were going, because they were the only ones trying to fix the messes the others had been thoughtlessly causing. And Jin… well, it was obvious that he didn't see any big implications beyond having to be scolded by Namjoon.

“Guys…” Hoseok started, sitting to Namjoon's right with a tired and defeated expression. If Namjoon and Yoongi were looking out for the integrity of the third party concerned, Hoseok was the one who was most concerned about the bonds that were breaking between them and that was why he had gone to Namjoon to have a group meeting again and set the boundaries once and for all. “You guys know that Namjoon is not just talking for the sake of talking. Jin, you don't need to get defensive. I understand that you tried to make the connection in good faith, but you have to understand that it was a very high risk. And while Dohyun is your friend, you know he's not very trustworthy.”

Jin grunted then, despite the kind tone Hoseok used to address him, and the others at the table only sent him a surprised look.

“Sure, now it's all my own damn fault. Not only do I have to deal with the stress of work, now I have to come to my supposed time off to deal with this too?”

“Hyung,” Yoongi called after him and frowned at the rude tone the older had used. “No one is saying it's your fault. We all have a part in this.”

“I don't care, Yoongi. Whatever's going on right now you know who's really to blame. And there's nothing you can do about it anymore.”

“Jin,” Namjoon called back and the aforementioned turned to look at him with daggers in his eyes. “You made the promise too.”

“Yes, one I never agreed to and you know it.”

Hoseok sighed and ran his hands over his face. “This is not the time to apportion blame, okay? I only wanted this space because I want us to fix this lack of communication and all this hostility that is affecting our living together.”

Namjoon turned to look at the table, finding the younger ones sealed in silence. None of them raised their heads and they showed signs of nervousness and anxiety, even if they tried to hide it under the tablecloth on the table.

There were too many things Namjoon wanted to control; there were too many things he wanted to solve; there were a number of other things that drove him mad and others that made him feel hopeless. Understanding all these emotions, his own or others', was wearing him down and perhaps that was why he was increasingly losing an ounce of patience. However, no matter how hard it was for him, Namjoon had to be sure that his priority was right in front of him. He had chosen to do so a couple of years ago and he could no longer turn back time.

“Hey, I'm sorry, okay?” Namjoon started once again and although Hoseok tried to shush him to calm down, he continued, “I know how I've acted during these days since everything started and I have not been very open to dialogue. For me it was… it was like crossing a forbidden boundary and I couldn't understand how you guys could jump over it without a second thought. It made my hair stand on end and I didn't… I didn't… I didn't know how to contain those emotions, I didn't know how to control them and clearly I didn't know how to express them. And the truth is that it worries me. I understand that you don't, because otherwise you wouldn't have done any of that, but I would like you to try to do that because this is not a unilateral action that will only affect you and will only be in your memories. You are affecting her too, and very much so. We were not good, not even friendly or cordial, so I need you to understand that all these things she will not see them as you think. Jungkook, you experienced it first hand. She hates us.”

Jungkook jerked on the chair and Taehyung was the one who reached over the table to take his intertwined hands. Jin sighed, finally letting the anger dissipate and Yoongi mimicked him, a little calmer as he watched his elder relax. Hoseok shook his head in assent, noticing the tension at the table dissipate a bit and how the young men held each other.

“And rightly so, because we made an inexcusable decision. And not only that, but she will now believe that it was a simple Tuesday for us and it's not. We made the promise for a reason and anything related we were supposed to consult first as a group. Sure, life happens and we get busy with a lot of things and have too much on our minds, but this was all inexcusable and we owe her more than forgiveness. We probably owe her our lives.”

“Hyung, I'm sorry…”

Jungkook was the most regretful. Since that harsh encounter, for which he dared to risk his presence in public and for which he believed it would be worth a try, Jungkook had never regretted something so much since the day of the promise. He still remembered the hatred your voice exuded and shivers ran down his spine. He had been unconscious, that was true, and he didn't know what he had let consume his body to have made that decision or to have simply acted without thinking. The possibility of seeing you again simply…blinded him. But that was never an excuse.

And Namjoon knew that. It was Jungkook who acted worse than everyone else, but he also couldn't deny to himself that had he found himself in the same predicament, with the same opportunity, he wouldn't have done the same. Maybe that's why he was so demanding of others, because that's how he reminded himself that he had no right to even think about it, much less act on their emotions, when they had taken away your choice as if they had any say in it.

“We can't erase what has already happened and what you have already done. All I ask is that you don't make it worse.” Namjoon implored, closing his eyes in silent prayer. “At this point there is no way to fix anything, and if every day we do things like this we are only inflicting pain on someone who doesn't deserve it. So please, for the love of God, leave her alone.”

The whole table was still silent, but this time Namjoon could clearly see everyone's face and notice their emotions right away, as he had always been able to do. He still didn't understand what had moved them to do all that; to Taehyung, to Jungkook, to Jin, to Jimin, despite everything they had discussed before, and he didn't understand how he hadn't been able to foresee their intentions from the beginning. But he could no longer focus on what had happened, but on what was happening and what he could still fix.

For that which had already been broken for years, Namjoon doubted too much that any of it could ever be fixed, no matter how hard he tried. And boy, would he have wanted to try.

“I'm sorry,” Jin mumbled, and it almost seemed like he had ripped the words from the back of his throat, but Namjoon took it with all his being and considered it the first victory on this new path.

When he finally dispatched everyone, Jimin remained seated to his left.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

The blond looked disgruntled, and though it was clear that the tension was gone from his shoulders, in his gaze was that longing that Namjoon hadn't seen in years and certainly didn't allow in himself for all that he had previously exposed.

“Do you really think it's impossible to fix it?”

Namjoon hated knowing that the gleam in Jimin's eye had no future. At least not the one he wanted to believe. Namjoon, like everyone else, had spent sleepless nights thinking, remembering, reflecting and considering that they were never brave enough nor necessarily tough enough to earn that friendship once again. It had all gone to waste and it had been because of them.

“Yeah, I don't think that's possible.”

Jimin passed his saliva harshly, as if his mouth was dry, but he had to control and keep his emotions in check. Namjoon knew his every emotion and mainly knew how sensitive this whole issue was for Jimin, who from the beginning never agreed with him on anything and never hesitated to let him know. In fact, it took a couple of years before Namjoon could finally have this close relationship with Jimin again, until the blond decided to forgive him.

“It's silly to hope at this point, right?”

Namjoon also knew that Jimin struggled a lot to stop pointing blames, as Jin still did. He knew that, had Jimin had the opportunity in his hands several years in the past, he would have taken it and perhaps left them behind if he could. It was an extremely complex and long process to get the blond to trust Namjoon and those on his side again, which was one of the reasons why Hoseok was so insistent on talking and communicating and keeping everyone on good terms. It had cost them so much to re-form their trust that he couldn't allow it to crack once again.

Jimin nodded at his words when they were met with silence, for there was nothing Namjoon could say to comfort him. It was simply a heartbreaking situation.

“Tae and I will be with Jungkook.” Jimin assured Namjoon as he stood up. “Thank you… for trying.”

Namjoon only nodded, pressing his lips together in an attempt at a smile. Things would not automatically go back to the way they were before, as Namjoon's sternness in dealing with this issue on previous occasions was what initially caused this whole fiasco of miscommunication and hostility. He was heartily grateful that likewise Jimin took him into consideration, because he didn't know if he would be able to sleep knowing that everyone in that pent-house hated him. He didn't know if being the reason for the constant discord would allow him to have a respite of peace of mind at some point, when he was simply trying to do what he thought was best for everyone and what suited them on a sentimental level.

Kim Namjoon used to believe that he was good at dealing with any kind of problem. In his head, over which he circled as if it was a huge sphere and he was a hamster, Namjoon was sure that he could fix any situation and provide a solution to any misunderstanding, any fight or at least come to an agreement that would allow everyone to feel comfortable enough to move forward.

However, at that moment, the past tense wording was the most accurate.

Namjoon used to believe.

Jimin stopped halfway up the stairs, transfixed, and Namjoon watched him curiously. Then, the blond half-turned on his heels and Namjoon got front row view of Jimin's pale face and his exaggeratedly expanded eyes as he looked at his phone.

“Hyung…”

Namjoon came striding over, intrigued as well as concerned by the expression on the blond's face.

Jimin had his Instagram open, specifically his direct messages. There was the message there that had made Jimin stop dead in his tracks and all blood dropped to his feet, but Namjoon didn't understand what the reason for his surprise was until he saw the sender, and then his eyebrows disappeared into his hair.

y/n Let's meet

omg🙊🙊

tag: @rinkud@futuristicenemychaos@pastelpeachess@parapiop7@11thenightwemet11 @yoongznme @queenbloody @lynnettys-world @darlingz99 @dreamerwasfound @chaotickyrith @kokoandkookie @midiplier @thunderg @lizzymizzy-blogg @ladymorrie @butnotmontana @lovelgirl22 @jjeonjjk7 @aurorathi @ot7stansthigs @kunacat @borahaetelevision @mylovingstars @ghostlyworld @talyaaas-blog @slowlyshycomputer @jjk174 @maynina @kariningss @juju-227592 @zippaur @v4ksk4tz @kookierry @idk179634 @canarystwin @jincapableoflove @notrustfratedjin @elliott-calls @devilzliaison @ismelllikechlorine247 @19yearoldjstryingtolivelife @thatgirliehan @yuuuumii @welcometomyworld13 @sugarbaby69x @whoa-jo @cerulean1riz @kawennote09 @angelfuzzy2 @themoonsblueside @damn-u-min-yoongi @drenix004 @dhanyasri @borahaetelevision

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onwriting-hrarby · 2 years ago

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Hi hope you’ve been doing well !

I still can’t get over this last chapter I love this story so much , I cried over it

I don’t know what to say definitely gonna reread this story again sometime it’s literally been a whole journey and it was worth it that ending and the fact that u had it in mind since the beginning is just amazing, I wanna know ur thinking and writing process during that last scene , the protest and the birth scene playing simultaneously and the way u wrote it was just perfect , how u captured all that chaos , I was literally on the edge of my seat reading it ur writing making me feel many emotions all at once I don’t know how u do that

I started reading this story mainly for EM not really thinking much since it was the first work of urs that I stumbled upon but I was wrong , the way u treat various subjects , how u did every single character justice and wrote about their struggles , if I could write an essay about this masterpiece of a story and how it deserves all the recognition i totally would but this is when I curse my limited English vocabulary, also the fact that u have such dedication and how every time u deliver a 20 pages chapter for each update with the outmost of perfection is worth talking about , no wonder this process must have been stressful , yet u still outdid ur self every time and wrote the best ending for this story can’t imagine it any other way .

I’m so glad that I stumbled upon RJ it’s been a long time and I can’t believe that it’s over ,this story left me with a book hangover and a void I don’t know how to fill , nonetheless I’m glad I found it and even though we won’t get new updates anymore who knows it might be ur novel that I read next in which I wish you the best of luck with and for ur original writing as well , I know it will be outstanding and I will definitely read it if u choose to share it with us , u deserve all the recognition , success and happiness in the world , I can’t thank you enough for your contribution and for choosing EM out of all the fandoms in the world to bless with ur mesmerizing writing and presence, thank you so much dear , and take care of yourself 💜

:')))))) Thank you SO MUCH for commenting and coming to my inbox!

About the ending, I'm actually thinking of doing a post about how I conceived it! Because I had it thought in the beginning and the last sentence changed over time, I think it would be interesting to talk about it, but at the same time I don't want to give a lot away because I really like the idea of how I did it hehehe I'll just talk, in the post, about how I came to the ending and decided to change the sentence, but for you: everything in the ending was pointed out to make you breathless as a reader, so it was important to maintain the rhythm, hence I relied a lot on the different chunks and sizes of the paragraphs. The last chapter has four parts: the Eren/Mikasa resolution, Levi/Erwin breakfast, Friends gathering/Deciding what to do, Protest/Birth. In those four parts, only the first two are "traditional" narrative. The third relies on the bodies and the plurals, and the fourth relies on the difference of rhythm... (Well, maybe I'll do a post, yes!).

...I am almost tearful about what you say in delivering pages and following the story through. It's been stressful sometimes, but god, I absolutely love writing. And there was also a sense of reward every time I got a comment. So I didn't write for the reader, but I definitely knew that even if I got one comment or one kudo more I would be happy. If I didn't, I would have been happy anyways—some chapters more than others, because I'm prouder of some of them—but I think the beautiful thing about fanfiction is interaction, so whenever I felt strained, I decided to keep on pushing.

BOOK HANGOVER??????? that's... amaziinngggg! if you want to read a very good book, give "Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow" by Gabrielle Zevin a try. I have not felt that compelled by a book in a LONG time!

Thank you for the great well-wishes :') I am floored by your comment. I love it. Thank you, and you take care of yourself too!

#hrarby asks

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drvrslcense · 6 years ago

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A Christmas Kiss

Summary: In which Peter, Ned, and You had a Christmas Eve sleepover.

Pairing: Bestfriend to Lovers!Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Mild angst, mild swearing, mentions of suicide and fluff?

Prompts:

Christmas Prompt no. 7: “We’re seriously not going to be the people who dress up in ugly sweaters and go caroling, are we?”

Dialogue Prompt no. 5: “Do I even want to know what's going on here?”

Word Count: 2,700+

A/N: Hiii! This is my first fic ever with an MCU character and I’m so glad that it’s for @fratboievans‘ and @wayfaring----stranger‘s Christmas/Birthday writing challenge. I just wanna wish the both of you happy birthdayyy! May your year stay great as they can be.

This is also my first ever fanficc! And gahh I’m so glad to be able to share this with y’all. Lemme know what you think. Have a great day! Much love xx

“Why do bad things always happen to me?” You sighed looking down as you ask Peter. The both of you sitting next to each other in a park you both found during your walk through the neighborhood.

You are having a very sucky year. First, you failed a lot of your subjects due to the teacher's favoritism. You know you are doing well in school but due to favorites they are always beating you up, and using their charm to confound the teachers, that kinda thing. Second, your phone broke down. Your phone had a lot of things you wanted to treasure; pictures of you with your friends, and pictures of you visiting your family members in the Philippines. Especially, the stories you made. Writing stories is and always will be your thing. You just love to open and enhance the possibilities of a story. Like when you saw a girl with her father spending time together, your mind just starts to wonder about the stories you could make with the two of them. Third, you lost your older brother. He was your only sibling and his suicide was something that left you dumbfounded. He was doing well, you never saw it coming. He was so happy the day before, and you just don’t know why he was so broken the next that he did it.

“Why?” Peter asked, of course he knew what happened but he thought that you’re doing better, that you’re recovering from the traumas.

“My heart feels so heavy right now. I thought I could handle it, but damn it I couldn’t,” You started tearing up and Peter pulled you closer to his chest so that you are leaning into him.

“Shh. Shh. Y/N it’s alright, it’s alright,” Peter said as he tried to calm you down. You are now sobbing into his chest because you just couldn’t hold it any longer.

“I’m sorry, it’s all been so hard for me. My parents are now being distant because of his death. They keep going to work and whenever I need them most they aren't answering their phones,” It’s true. Your parents are now distant, Peter remembered that your parents are always a call away. They would answer their phones anytime, and they would show up to your writing competitions and recognition days. But now, they are rarely around, it’s just Peter and Ned attending your competition and going to your recognition.

“Hey, they are just dealing with the pain. However, they are doing it their way. And you’re doing your own way of coping, of getting used to,”

“Yeah, you’re right,” You said as you wipe your eyes getting rid of the tears.

“Yeah, I’m always right,” Peter said, his lips forming a small smile. You burst out laughing even though your cheeks are tear-stained, and your eyes glossy from sobbing.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, Parker,” You said as you stared into his eyes, smiling softly because of his efforts to make you crack a smile.

“I know it’s the 24th and it’s snowing but why don’t you and Ned come over and let’s have a movie night?” Peter suggested. “It’s just that I realized we need it, after all that has happened to us this year. I think we deserve it.”

“Yeah, great idea. Maybe we could just sleep there,” You agreed, as you started to open the flip phone your parents lent you as a temporary phone as you are still saving up to pay for a new phone as your phone cannot be fixed. It was a lesson to make you save up for a new phone instead of your parents buying it. You texted your mom to let her know that you are sleeping over at Peter’s tonight and she agrees saying that you have to be back by 8am tomorrow.

***

You and Peter are now at your house as you needed to get some things for the sleepover. You packed overnight clothes and got changed to a more comfy wear. You also grabbed the gifts you have for Peter, Ned, and Aunt May.

“You ready?” Peter asks as he sees you holding a bag with all the things you packed. You nodded and he grabbed your bag to carry it on the way to his home.

“Peter, why aren’t you patrolling today?” You asked him, as the both of you are walking towards his apartment knowing full well that by this time of day he’s patrolling the neighborhood for any crimes happening.

“Because it’s Christmas Eve and I want to enjoy it as much as I possibly can. I’ll just patrol at dawn,” He answered putting his arms around you.

***

“What movie are we going to watch?” Ned asks as he enters the apartment.

“I don’t know, what can we watch?” You passed the question to Peter.

“Maybe we can watch Atlantis?” He suggested. Atlantis: The Lost Empire is one of you and their favorite movie, aside from Star Wars of course.

“Sure, I’ll get the snacks ready,” You said as you went inside the kitchen to get some sodas and chips.

“I’ll help you,” Aunt May said coming from her bedroom. “God knows I needed a break,” The three of you didn’t know what Aunt May was doing and she seems really into it these past few weeks. Every time you are over at Peter’s these past few weeks, you would just hear Aunt May cursing in her room saying that she got bit by an ant.

“Sure,” You nodded and started getting to work.

“How are you, sweetheart?” Aunt May asked, her being a second mother to you ever since you and Peter became friends.

“I’m alright,” You said, smiling to her.

“How are your parents?” She asked, she and your parents are close, because you and Peter have been friends ever since Middle grade.

“They’re alright. They are just suffocating themselves into work every day,” You said

“Oh, honey” May cooed, “It’s alright. They’re just distracting themselves to deal with what has happened. It was hard, I know. I also know that it’s harder to need them in times like these. That’s why you should always know that Peter and I are always here for you.”

“Thank you, Aunt May” You said smiling genuinely to her.

“Now, let’s give these snacks to those monsters,” She said grabbing some chips from the cabinet as you grabbed sodas from the fridge.

“Snack up, boys! We better start the movie,” You said as you entered the room.

“Shhh.” The boys shushed you as they are in a heated rock, paper, and scissors battle. Ned did rock, and Peter picked paper so naturally, Peter won.

“WHAT!” Ned yelled in disbelief as he watched his best friend dance around the room.

“Why did you guys have a rock, paper, and scissors battle?” You asked them putting down the sodas while Aunt May put down the chips.

"We were bored and too lazy to get up from this position, so when I heard your footsteps we did rock, paper, and scissors and yeah," Ned said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Okay? I'll just be the one who plays the movie," You said, not believing Ned's answer.

"Wait. I'll do it!" Peter said standing up so fast that he almost fell but luckily he regained his balance.

"If you say so," You sat down and Peter played the movie. After Peter pressed play, he sat down next to you, and put his arms around you while stealing Ned's chips.

You and Peter are just friends, really. You're not in a relationship with each other. It's a common misconception about the two of you.

***

After the movie since it's 12am and the three of you couldn't wait to open the gifts. All of you decided to open the gifts, of course Aunt May went along with it and brought her gifts out for all of you to open

"Okay, first up to distribute gifts is Ned," Peter announced as Ned is looking like an overexcited child. Ned stood up from his position and went around and gave gifts to everyone. He gave Aunt May a 'You are here' mug from Starbucks. He gave Peter an Avengers Logo Set, and he gave you a book you have always wanted, but never bought.

"Thank you, Ned!" You gushed as you hugged the book while you see Peter stand up and distribute his gifts to everyone. Peter gave Ned some supplies for being his guy in a chair, he gave Aunt May a handwritten letter and a ring while he gave you a necklace that has a rose pendant on it.

It is now your turn and you got Ned a storm trooper helmet, and a Spider-Man shirt. You got Aunt May a book you know she'll enjoy reading in her spare time and a necklace with her name in cursive, then you gave Peter a Spider necklace; wherein the spider opens up and reveals a picture of the two of you.

"Thank you, Y/N," Peter said, smiling so sweetly to you that it made you feel butterflies errupt through your whole entire being.

And now, it's Aunt May's turn to distribute the gifts. "I know I've been busy these past few weeks, and it was because I was making these for all of you,"

She gave all of you two different knitted jumpers. One with designs that symbolizes each of you. Like how Peter got a spider on his, Ned got a storm trooper helmet on his, and you got a rose. And another that just looks ridiculous but she thought it's cute.

The three of you tried the ugly sweater one and all of you in the room bursts out laughing.

"See! Told you it would be cute," Aunt May said between her laughs. “Oh, and it lights up!” She reached over Peter’s side and pushed something that made the reindeer design on his light up. Ned reached over his left side and pushed something making his Christmas hat design light up. You pushed yours and the Christmas tree design on yours light up.

“Maybe we could go caroling wearing this sweater?” You suggested between laughs as Peter and Ned’s cheeks are tinted a dark shade of red, as theirs not only lights up but plays a hideous Christmas song. “Aunt May, I don’t know how you’ve done it but these are great,” You laughed harder.

“Y/N, stop,” Peter whined trying to turn off his sweater but to no avail, he cannot reach the button on his side since Aunt May put it farther than the rest of you.

“Okay, okay,” You calmed yourself down, but Aunt May couldn’t stop laughing.

“We’re seriously not going to be the people who dress up in ugly sweaters and go caroling, are we?” Peter asks looking terrified of the thought.

“We could be those people,” You said teasingly, your lips turning into a smirk.

“Yeah, it would be fun,” Aunt May backed you up, and Ned’s and Peter’s eyes widen.

“No, no, no,” They kept repeating as they remove the sweater.

“Why did you buys remove it?” Aunt May asked when she calmed down.

“Uhh, heh,” Ned stammers as he tried to come up with an explanation.

“We just don’t want to go caroling, and for the love of God, we cannot sing,” Peter whined as he is pretty terrified of singing in front of a lot of people because of what happened in middle grade talent show. You convinced him to sing and dance with you, and he agreed. So yeah, the rest is history. “Now, can we please watch a movie?”

Aunt May laughed and said, “You boys, yeah you can. I’ll sleep. Goodnight, Love you all! See you later!”

“Goodnight, Aunt May,” The three of you said in unison.

All of you watched a movie, and during the movie all of you got cold and wore the sweaters. Ned fell asleep during the movie.

“We should draw on his face,” You suggested.

“Yeah, we should,” Peter agreed.

The both of you got up and went inside Peter’s room to look for washable markers. While you are in his room, you saw his web shooters in his table. You grabbed one and wore it in your wrist.

“Pew, pew,” You said pretending to shoot Peter. Peter turned around from his closet and saw that you are pointing at him while pretending to shoot a web at him.

“No, Y/N. its thwip,” Peter said grabbing the other one and placing it on his wrist demonstrating it to you.

“No, it’s pew pew,” You said, unbeknownst to you, you accidentally pushed the button making webs come out and hit Peter.

That started a web shooting battle, Peter hit you with his then the both of you ran around the room, shooting each other. Because of Peter’s ability to crawl on the walls, he had an advantage and he decided to use it against you. He was behind you and he started to crawl up the wall so he’s now above you. Then, he sprayed the web shooter in your head, which made you turn and look up.

“Peter, that’s not fair,” You said, your lips turning into a pout.

“Awh,” He said.

You stared at his eyes, noticing it dart down your lips and back into your eyes. It made you feel like in a winter wonderland special wherein he’s the prince, and you’re the girl he fell in love with. It made you feel awkward, that it caused you to look down and fiddle with the ends of your sweater. Peter’s small smile turned into a frown as he reached down, and lifted your chin to meet his gaze.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered so soft that it made you feel so special. You didn’t answer instead, your eyes darted around the room looking at everything instead of him in front of you. He then held your face in between his hands to make you look at him. You meet his eyes and saw that loving gaze dancing around inside. Then you started to lift yourself higher, and he started to lean down. He captured his lips into yours and your lips fit together like puzzle pieces. It made you feel like you’re in the clouds, with your eyes close free of pain and worry.

Due to breathlessness, the both of you pulled away and Peter went down from the ceiling.

“I like you, Y/N, I like you so much that I think I’m falling in love with you,” Peter said. He said so fast that you can notice that he’s panicking.

“I think, I’m falling in love with you too,” You whispered. He then caressed your cheeks, and pulled you in. The both of you leaning in and in and in.

“Do I even want to know what's going on here?” Ned asked stopping the both of you from leaning in. The both of you looked towards his sleepy state and started laughing. Laughing so hard that the both of you toppled over and fell.

Ned looked confused by your actions, and retreated back to his position when he fell asleep. The both of you sobered up and went back into the living room where Ned is back, fast asleep. The both of you laughed quietly and sat beside each other in the sofa.

"How long until these webs come off?" You asked Peter as it is already making you itchy.

"Just a few minutes more, the formula I used there is not yet stable," Peter explained.

"Okay," You believe him.

"Hey, you got the Christmas kiss you've always wanted," Peter said out of the blue while you were falling asleep beside him.

"Yeah, I guess I did," You said, smiling to yourself the satisfaction growing inside of you. The both of you fell asleep next to each other.

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beinscorpio · 6 years ago

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lavender And Black - part 4

summary: Lily makes the reader realizes something right before her birthday

A\N: sorry that this is really late m=but university was killing me and I’m finally on vacation also I changed the name from half a life to lavender and black so I hope you don’t mind and again I hope you enjoy my bad writing :)

Sirius Black x Reader: because if I’m going to write about anyone it’s definitely Sirius :’)

The highlight of your third year at Hogwarts didn't happen when Hogwarts was open for classes again, it was actually in the summer of your second year. You always heard of your aunt but never got to know her since she died when you turned two, but the universe had a plan for you to discover a piece of her mind. You found her potion making journal where she recorded every single potion she made. You thought that her intention was to publish it, except you discarded that idea completely when you saw the instructions to a potion that you knew too well, your potion. Nobody knew about its existence, and the few that knew about it didn't know how to make it. So you went to Hogwarts with the book as another secret.

or so you thought.

The journal was discovered by your friends two weeks after your third year started. You realized then that keeping a secret from them wasn't an option anymore. Now anyone else in your place would've planned their funeral by now, but if there's anyone you trusted more than your parents it would be your friends. Some people might call you crazy because what's at risk is your life, but you can learn a lot about people in two years, and in two years you realized that your friends won't let you get scratched, let alone seriously injured. As for the journal itself, it was for sure going to be used to get better grades in potion class, you just didn't expect what happened a week later in the middle of the night.

The Marauders found out some information regarding potion class, and of course, you were the first one that they had to tell, and the fact that is was probably past 12 am wasn't going to stop them.

their plan was to take you to their room, but they were stopped by none other than Severus Snape the minute they stepped into the Slytherin common room.

" we just want to talk to y\n," explained Remus. He was the most calm out the marauders, but it was still obvious that he was not fond of Snape.

" If I were you I'd be more concerned about the trouble I'll get into for not being asleep than talking to y\n, " said Snape.

" yeah because you're tucked in bed right now," James replied to him. " hate to be the one with bad news but you're awake too"

" y\n is probably asleep " Snape informed them, his reply to James made it clear that the marauders will definitely not get in trouble anytime soon.

" yeah right, the only time y\n sleeps before 5 am is when you finally wash your hair, " said Sirius " she's pacing or reading a book right now "

before Snape had the chance to defend himself, you appeared with a book in your hand, and Sirius immediately gave Snape an I told you so fake smile.

" Hey, what are you doing here? " you asked your friends and they told everything. You were curious about what had to tell you, so you sneaked into their room, thankfully, you still had your aunt's journal with you because they told you that professor Slughorn was going to display 3 potions, and whoever identifies them gets to have liquid luck, which James wanted. They needed your help to learn how to recognize potions, after all, you were the best at them.

All of you gathered together for breakfast at the great haul the next morning. Out of all the topics you talked about your, birthday after a week was your favorite until Lily mentioned that Sirius will probably give the best gift since you’re basically dating. You didn’t know what it was, but something clicked in your head at that moment, but you continued with the conversation with the idea still in tieback of your head without realizing it.

The next morning at potion class professor Slughorn does exactly as what your friends told you he'd do. Lily was next to you that day, and so with three potions in front of you, you start guessing.

"This is definitely liquid luck," Lilly said pointing at the potion that looks like melted gold, and you agreed.

" Oh, I would recognize this anywhere ، this is Pepperup Potion for sure," you told Lily, and now you had one potion left. This one you couldn't identify by color and you didn't recognize it immediately, so you decided to smell it.

" It's Amortentia" you blurted out.

“ really what did it smell like? “ Lily asked, but she knew she won’t get an answer after you asked her to repeat what she said again because you didn’t hear her. Even though she definitely knew who it smelled like because you had the exact same look on your face this morning at breakfast, She decided to let you process all the realization because while everyone considered you and Sirius a couple, it was very obvious that you didn't, well until today at least.

Since breakfast, your mind couldn't stop thinking about it. Even if you liked him, there was no way you were going to tell him especially that you didn't know if he liked you back, and rejection was a thing you were trying to avoid at all costs, but more importantly, you were definitely not going to ruin your friendship, so your decision was to just keep the feeling in there and not talk about it with hope that it goes away, you had no idea if that's even possible, but for your friendship's sake you were willing to try.

Your birthday was finally here weeks later, and you were so excited to spend it with your friends. The day was already started well with a letter and a gift from your parents. You decided to celebrate your birthday with your friends after class in your room. You got your favorite songs on a cd from Lily, a rare edition of your favorite book from Remus, and a sweater from Jame's parents as well as a month of doing my homework from James himself. Everyone was there and gave you gifts except Sirius as he was the only one who still had classes to go to. He appeared right after you opened James's gift with a box in his hand.

" I made it, Finally! " he said out of breath with a box in his hand. You subconsciously smiled and totally forgot the speech you prepared in case he didn't show up at all and didn't have to be a psychic to know that Lily is smirking.

He sat next to you and handed the box you, he was clearly excited, but not as much as you. The box was black with a purple ribbon that you untied and the first thing that you spotted was a small box which you decided to open first, and in it was a necklace with a small glass ball filled with lavender to the half and It'll pass carved on it. Now Sirius thought it was a perfect gift because your anxiety can become really bad sometimes and the only thing that helps you relax is the lavender cream you own which is why every single person says you smell like lavender. The next gift was an invitation to go to all the different places at Hogsmeade signed by my parents.

" How did you get them to sign it? "

" I have my ways, besides they'll be waiting for you there "

You were really missing your parents so knowing that you'll see them and that Sirius was so thoughtful made you cry. You hugged him and whispered a thank you. It was after the hug that he told you there's one more gift left, a huge bottle of wine which you decided to share with all your friends by playing a game, a question is asked by any person in the group, and everyone drinks after answering the question. The game revealed some interesting information about everyone, like how lily rather die than relive her first date, What's next on Sirius's ways to drive my mother insane list and how Remus actually came up with the idea of marauders last prank.

By the time the question " what's the worst way to die? " was asked by Sirius you were definitely all drunk, and your answers, well let's just say were not what they would be different if the wine wasn't involved. James chose in vane while lily chose too soon and Remus chose in the hands of a beast.

" suddenly" you blurt out. " you're just going with your day normally not expecting anything and then poof, their gone and there's nothing you can do about it"

Everyone was clearly not expecting that kind of answer from you, and you could tell from the silence as well as their faces, but it was true, that's the worst way you could think of, and that after that day it wasn't only the worst way to die to you, but to all your friends as well. After some more celebration, all of your friends went to their room and sleep, still not forgetting that James has a Quidditch game to play tomorrow which is why the Quidditch field is the first place you went to after you all woke up.

James was a really good player, no one could deny that so it wasn't a surprise that he was the one who scored most of the points for Gryffindor, but the moment that got everyone on edge was when James was on his way to score and get that points that will break the tie between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.

Come on, come on” whispered Lily and James scored moments later followed by the Gryffindor's seeker catching the snitch.

“ Yes, he did it y/n! “

And everyone including you started to cheer while filled with happiness. Maybe it was because you had this look on your face before, or because it was the first time you saw Lily happy and excited like this, but that day staring at Lily, you were sure that Quidditch was not the only thing that James won that night.

What you were oblivious to is that after the game Dumbledore and McGonigal had a very important conversation.

" Do you think we should suggest that she uses a memory charm on her friends? " asked McGonigal. " The news is from a very trustworthy person. If it's true, I'm certain he will go after her if he discovers what she's capable of"

" She made her choice regarding that already Minerva, let us confirm that the news is true first then we'll know what to do"

@atlas-of-a-human-soul @wishingforahome

#the marauders #Marauders #Harry Potter #Lily Potter #Lily Evans #James Potter #Remus Lupin #sirius black x reader #Sirius Black #slytherin #hufflepuff #Gryffindor #ravenclaw

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