#I'll probably delete this later but yeah
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I was reminded of that again. Okay if you think having empathy is essential to being a good person I will kill you. With warm thanks from your local zero-empathy haver
#rant#''''''''good person'''''''' surrounded by a LOT of quote marks of course. btw.#this isnt even about sasi in any way shape or form it's about one guy talking about hirgurashi who pissed me tf off. but.#''i mean yeah i'm not a horrible person ive got fucking- empathy'' SHUT UP !!! SHUT UP#why can i not engage with ONE thing without being told i'm a monster. one way or another. every five fucking seconds#also yeah this isnt about sasi but can you people look up the definition of the word pity. THERE IS A REASON NIETZSCHE CALLS IT THAT#AND IT'S BECAUSE IT'S THE LITERAL FUCKING DEFINITION. JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK THE WORD PITY SOUNDS BAD DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT WHAT IT IS#you are allowed to disagree with the philosopher on whether or not empathy for sadness/pity is a good thing or not#but changing the word to make the argument look better just makes you look like an asshole to people who know what you're talking about#''empathy is good'' sure. emotions have an impact in the real world and thats why thought crimes are real. hrghrgrhrgrvrv#sorry i am. so so extremely pedantic about that specific thing. courtesy of hating myself about it for 15 years#i'll probably delete this later. actually#delete later
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maybe i Shouldn't judge considering the fact i got into formula 1 which is basically 90% rich white guys sport but. everytime i see those guys from n*ne/one/one (the show) i just can't help but think 1. wow they're mid looking white guys 2. they look related; <- that last point is even funnier considering i'm literally an incest fan but you just know i don't mean it in a positive way
#posting about this here so i don't get shot#tho i probably will regardless but. yeah#i will judge still both those ships look mid#whatever i'll just delete this later#*
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idk maybe it was foolishly optimistic of me to believe that if i pulled myself together and spent hours updating that post with new links and resources and answering all those asks about it and changing my ask box title i wouldn't have to hear any more about those broken links i can't do shit about. but yeah that was stupid ig
#this may just be because i'm cranky and tired so i'll probably delete later#but some days i kinda wish i never made that post#*gritting my teeth* it's great people like them it's fantastic that it helps spread a little extra love on fics#and makes commenting a little easier for people who find it hard#it is. it is#believe me no one is more frustrated than me that the old image links broke#i already feel so fucking inadequate and useless every day i can't do anything right i can't fucking fix this#i've done what i can#unfortunately deleting the post won't make it all go away so. yeah i'm just tired of everything#delete later
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Perhaps the several month long art style crisis was not warranted.
#the cowboy hat yodels#Finally had the courage to reopen my art tag for the first time since like. Late August#And I was like oh. Okay. Yeah my art is far from perfect or that nicely polished#But it's not terrible. I can communicate ideas okay enough for people to understand them#Oops. Anyways. LOL#Don't reblog please I'll probably delete this later just huh. Huh! My brain is a mystery
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only ranmaru's left... i can't believe i finish st and hv first when they're 7 members each before my hako oshi who only have 4 members... the world is cruel i only have 1 sr of him
#ill probably try to finish the private story translations later now that i got most of them#though yeah let me focus on doing nacchan's event story first www#i think i'll try to post his event story once im done with all chapters#also🥦pls unlock the 親愛度 cap#delete later
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man. I've been reworking a lot of content involving Act II of Home Is Where You Are and like. ugh. it'd work so freaking well in novel form but I just Do Not have the dedication or the drive to start from scratch and rewrite everything that happens.
idk how else to share the updated version of that part of the story with y'all tho, considering that Khalan's journal is insanely outdated now and isn't entirely canon anymore, so I'll probably just have to accept that I likely won't ever be able to update the story for y'all in the way I wish I could. >n<;;
#spectre says#text post#delete later probably#tbh i'm so tired of being tired#i've had like. no energy to write or draw#even tho. the ideas are there. i've got so many concepts going through my head that i could work on and turn into some kind of tangible art#i tried writing out a new outline for act ii but i got overwhelmed with all the changes and plot holes that still need working out#so idk if i'll even continue with that#even tho it's just bullet points#fhgdjkfg#anyway#the idea of writing everything in novel form just sounds like. SO perfect for the story as it is now#i'd love. to establish both khalan and antony as main characters and focus on what happens to both of them while in Atria#eventually having their stories collide when antony's side of things merges with what's going on with khalan and aya#it'd feel less jarring than how it worked out in the journal#because this part of the story is just as much antony's story as it is khalan and aya's#and he's ultimately the one who fixes things and has 'main character energy' by the end of that act#so establishing him as one of the tertiary main characters early on makes sense i think#but yeah. there's just a lot i'd need to do and i know i wouldn't be able to keep up with it if i did try to start writing.#IM JUST RAMBLING NOW IM SORYO#it's just been on the brain i guess
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Okay, so not to randomly get upsetting or whatever, but I just wanna admit something because I wanna know if I'm the only one with this situation(?) I got going on...
(warning: this kinda gets a bit deep & personal, so I might not even keep this up for long)
This has been happening for about maybe six years now, and I've just realized this sometime yesterday, but ever since I left my previous relationship I've been... like... kinda sad every Valentine's Day?
I left that relationship, again, six years ago because it was toxic as hell, but I still catch myself being super bummed out every February...
I guess a tiny part of me misses being spoiled, which is weird because at the same time I feel like a massive bitch when someone gifts me something that's pretty spendy.
I'm probably just a small hypocrite in that department tho...
Like, my ex spoiled me to the point where I had a nightmare of being held at gunpoint until I picked out something expensive that the one with the gun could get for me.
I literally woke up crying. Which sounds so stupid now that I'm writing it out, but it's the truth...
I think I feel like this because my ex basically used gifts as a way to emotionally control me, since he A: had his own share of emotional and mental baggage he had to deal with (but wasn't) and B: was actually cheating on me for god knows how long, and it always worked since I'm a very emotional person.
I won't keep going into detail about how he'd do it, since that isn't the main focus of this post. But like...
It sucks man...
It sucks being sad on what used to be one of my FAVORITE holidays!
I used to love this day so much that I'd literally try to wake up early enough before elementary school and make/hide valentines all around my house just for my family to find. I'd even try to make some for my close friends and even my teachers! I just LOVED TO CELEBRATE LOVE!
But nowadays? I barely know how to show MYSELF love.
It's just... I don't know... This type of stuff is just so exhaustingly confusing to me now...
#I still do try and do something for this holiday#I literally have a drawing sitting in my drafts for me to post tomorrow#but as of right now that's all I got planned#but uh... yeah sorry for suddenly being a downer out of nowhere#but I just had to get this out somewhere besides discord#again I'll probably delete this later#chibi rambles#small rant#small vent#talking stuff
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I think I've become an official HI3 player. I check the HSR leaks hoping for iterations of HI3 characters now
#I have little hope about some of them. For instance the Su and Kevin voice actors are taken by Aventurine and the Trailblazer iirc?#Kalpas' voice actor does the male Dreamseeker in Part 2 of HI3 which is not as terminal considering HSR is a different game but still#Luocha thankfully exists. I don't think they'll be introducing Kiana anytime soon#I would love Sakura but I'm way more into PE Sakura than CE Sakura and then there's what they did with Miko#Some of my favourite things of PE Sakura they gave to Jingliu or Acheron already (freeze time‚ haunted and corrupted by loss‚#unable to unsheathe a sword and memories coming back to her when she does‚#piercing someone's heart with her sword but the other person living on with a new life‚...)#Thus an iteration of all that but with the cool things missing could get messy and unsatisfactory pretty easily#Mobius and MEI are similar to Mei and Herta so they're in a similar situation to PE Sakura#I find Griseo somewhat unsettling in a good way and in a way same with Eden. I love all the loss weighing on her as if she had already dead#with the concept of her being The Era itself and the era dying. So I wouldn't mind seeing them too#Hua seems like she may appear in the Xianzhou? Given the Marshall existence and that the Xianzhou drinks a lot of those concepts#Blade‚ Dan Heng and Jingliu drink so much of Fu Hua. I don't care about Hua though. The Herrscher I did like though#I'm curious about what they'll do#Other than the Chinese voice actor having already a steady job in Mihoyo‚ there's echoes of Kalpas in Blade‚ Arlan and Sam#so I really don't have much hope there. Not as little as with Kevin and Su perhaps but... yeah not really a lot of hope#Yet here I am. Hopelessly hoping for a Kalpas iteration. Imagine how beautiful the fire would be *sigh*#I was so mad about him being my favourite in HI3 but it just makes sense#Besides the Guzm.a process he went me go through‚ he truly has a lot of themes going on that recall Blade. I don't know...#I like his CN voice actor a lot‚ and how he plays Kalpas in particular‚ both when he's calm and when he's deranged#The Dreamseeker doesn't have the same voice at all unfortunately. I would really love to see him in HSR what can I say#That's the kind of person I've become. In a little bit of time I'll be wanting a Kalpas plushie at this rate#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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honestly bold of me to be intimidated by the number of my drafts when my inbox looks like this
#I don't want to talk about it ok. I always think I'll come back to things later so I just. never delete anything from there.#it's easier to focus on just the first page or two of the inbox ok!!!!#but uh. yeah. if I ever lose smth u send me....... this is why :x#I....... should probably clean it out too once I get up the courage to do my drafts lmao#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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nah man tumblr & the Internet in general have ruined my perception of how real life actually works, because my dad was yelling at me and I messaged my mum telling her what happened bc I really needed to vent in order to not fight back and make everything worse, and after I sent the messages I immediately felt bad and thought "wait what if I'm overstepping by venting to her without her permission. is this traumadumping?"
about my mum
I FELT GUILTY ABOUT VENTING TO MY MUM. Who loves me and always listens to me. Who's there for me.
The Internet has convinced me I needed my loving mother's permission to share my pain with her or else I'd be lowkey abusive to her.
And people think that's in any way normal, they need help.
#insert personal tag i forgot#like yeah boundaries exist but it is beyond fucked to think this way.#and the fact that this site has conditioned me to feel like that is um. probably not a great thing!#maybe I'll delete this later idk#anyway i hate my fathr
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you guys realize that things (the DMC Netflix anime) don't necessarily need to be either (1) the equivalent to the Holy Grail or (2) like it killed your grandma. you guys realize 'mediocre' and 'generic' exist. right.
#i am unfortunately from the negative side of this all#i'm salty. i've written a lot of criticism. and i despise the attitude of the showrunner with my whole being#but also. i have a life. so i simply shared those thoughts with. like. two close people#and i have everything muted because: i'm tired boss#look. yes. some people have done ridiculous criticism. that's true#but most of the times... it bas been justified. i am sorry. but it has#we're back with the 'wacky woohoo pizza man' bullshit again. and with Vergil only being the damn storm that is apro#you get it.#i would prefer for this to be the absolute worst as some people claim it to be so i didn't get it to jumpscare me more#but unfortunately it's not. it's just mediocre#another generic action anime for me#and i don't even watch much stuff in general. i either read or play stuff#but i can't just sit and watch. so like. i just want april to pass. i'm tired bosssssss#probably because due to me not being the most-mentally-stable-person-out-there#— i cannot enjoy a ✨piece of media✨ like any normal human being would#it has to both (1) save my life and (2) ruin my life. no in between#hyperfixations. yeah. but this time for real#The Odyssey (yes the damn poem) has been stucked with me since i was 10 years old#that's a whole decade of something affecting my life and the way i am#and now. last year Devil May Cry was added as the second one#i always avoided the saga like the plague. the memes. the view of the series the fandom gave me... it just wasn't it#and perhaps it's thanks that a mutual convinced me to start with 1 and not with 5 that my mind had changed so quickly#so seeing a story and characters that have affected me in both the good and the bad at such a deep level#— getting changed almost completely for the sake of a bottleg universe#eh. i'll pass#then again. it's just not for me#i guess. not like i'll go tell my therapist about it#because it's not good. it's not bad. it's mediocre#and something generic at least will pass by. i hope#deleting later
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oh 《好想愛這個世界啊》 we're really in it now
#yeah uh. I'll probably delete this later but#i have not been doing so well the last few weeks to a month#i don't know wtf is up with my brain#maybe it's SAD buildup maybe something is just going wrong that i can't perceive right now#genuinely feel like i've started backsliding to how i was in 2018-2020 and i don't like that#and i'm not sure what to do right now because i don't know what the problem is#fuck. anyways#ashton originals#delete later
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anyway I set up a queue for the remaining rereblog challenge posts because I'm not having a good time and maybe need to deinstall tumblr from my phone again to feel better
#nh#delete later#also just noticed this reads like a vent post#but it's not prompted by anyone on here#it's just my brain always goes yeah you don't get shit done because you're on tumblr so much#even when I'm not on tumblr at all but it is how it is and if it helps to justify myself in front of myself I'll delete it#so dw if I'm not around#I'll probably reinstall it tomorrow again anyway
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i need the hyperfixation to LEAVE my body holy shit...
#sobbing. i can only draw that fat man now. please i want to draw something else anything#my hands: no. now put him in another outfit#ramblings#delete later probably#i can't believe that at first i was like ''yeah this will probably be a short hyperfixation#i'll just have my fun for a week or two then get back to what I was doing :)''#and now here we are.
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might have to rewrite the story tag list post that I have pinned on this blog because things keep changing within the stories, and I also feel like changing the title of the post to clarify what it is would help too. don't know when I'll get around to doing that though. I've tried to figure out how to reword some things in the summaries but I kinda just gave up trying because I wasn't sure how to approach it, so I might just have to start some of it over from scratch.
if anyone has any tips on a good format for me to work with that's similar to what I've already written, please let me know. It'd be nice to have summaries and tag links for each story all in one place, but formatted in a way that's concise and easy to follow along :0
#spectre says#text post#delete later probably#what i have now is like. Serviceable. but i feel like the title is misleading in a way#because ppl probably expect a list of links to posted stories and not summaries OF the stories (that I definitely haven't written)#i HAVE posted a few written story fragments but only like. two of them are actually still relevant now#and most of the content I have is via art; hence why I want to have easy access to the tags for quick navigation#so yeah. not sure how to title it to make it clearer what my intention with the post is#or how to rewrite some segments to keep up with the story changes#just kinda rambling here tho. i'm sure i'll figure something out eventually
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I love animals, but it's shockingly rare for me to see one that makes me go 'OH you belong in our family'
#they say your pets choose you but i think god chooses your pets. or at least points you in the right direction#because both with mocha and essie...the minute i saw them it was like i had this instant pull to them#and guess who was stupidly browsing petfinder for future references and fell in love with a gsd mix from a shelter two hours away#i saw the picture and stopped and stared for so long#i haven't stopped thinking about her since#i made an account and put in an inquiry thing but i might reach out directly to ask some more in depth questions#because maybe she isn't a good fit for me#but y'all i'm in love#i saw her and just immediately thought 'that's her. that's your dog'#my dad is not a dog person and i currently live with him#but i've asked him to consider the possibility and i think he might#my mom is an animal lover so it's a lot easier to convince her#but unfortunately you can't hide a dog like you can hide a cat lol#so yeah!!! maybe this won't work out and i'll just accept it and move on#but i have such a good feeling about her#probably delete later
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