#I'll keep trying but holy fuxk its destroying my brain

[castoutnine]

I wake up. Think about her. Do my morning things, thinking about what I could have done. Go to work and hopefully distract myself with enough nice customers, oh its been 10 mins and haven't thought about her, better do that. Drive around for errands, feel on edge cuz I might see her. Check parking lots for her car cuz I don't want to run into her and get the cold shoulder. Sit down to enjoy something, then her name pops into my head, time to beat myself up cuz I was dumb and not good enough. Sit at work, depressed, on the verge of tears BUT I CANT CRY CUZ FUCK MAN I'M ALWAYS AT WORK. Sigh.

I met a girl recently, thought she might be cool. Was kinda at first but I just wanted a friend but she wants more and GODDAMNIT I just feel like I'm my ex now doing exactly what she did to me.

I hate all of this. Why must I always be sad unless I am acknowledged by a woman that matters to me. And the shit part is I have friends, that are women, that have and do but they're not romantically interested in me so my brain is just like nah, that don't matter, they don't know you like that even if they do. I could literally have a girl fall head over heels for me but if it doesn't click then I don't want it. But thats just how it is yea? I mean this new girl, like her eyes sparkle when she sees me and Im just like.. girl you drink too much.

Wtf is wrong with me...