#I'll have to make another post abt that tho this is already way too long

[thedissociatives]

Heeeyyyy, I'm so so intrigued by your hockey posting. I'd love to know more about Fedorov, like what's the lore, what makes him special? Have a nice day/ night <333

good morning/afternoon/evening anon! since you asked so nicely i'll try my best but i do tend to forget everything i know when i have to actually explain it. there is a lot of lore tho so i'm not gonna go over all of it (mainly the bits that interest me the most + some other stuff). i guess what really makes him special (at least to me) is the fact that we don't get players like this anymore. and i'm not talking playing style here (the impact of euro hockey players of the 90s on the nhl today is still so obviously there). a lot of his early career was directly impacted by cold war politics, and since those circumstances haven't existed for a while now, we don't get this insane type of backstories and lore anymore. i should also make it clear that i'm a massive nerd who sat in classrooms for years learning abt soviet stuff which i think definitely has an impact on who My Guys are

seriously there is a lot under the cut so be warned because i did get carried away with myself A Lot (i literally wrote over 1k words on this. sorry in advance)

ok so. sergei started playing "pro" hockey in the soviet union in the mid 80s (i don't think this is the place to explain whether these players were pro or amateur so will leave it like that), first in minsk (only for a year) before being picked up by cska moscow- the central army team. these guys made up most of the national team, which can probably be explained by the fact that their head coach also coached the national team (god that's a bit of a mouthful, but incredibly relevant). he wasn't the only rookie on the team that season; another kid (i think they were both like 16 at the time ?) called alex mogilny had also just arrived in moscow. they would become good friends. sergei would play three seasons for cska before being called up for the national team- he was going to the 1989 world championship. alex would be there, too, having already played on the team before. naturally, the ussr won gold (as they did almost every year). but that doesn't mean everything was good with the players. not long too after the tournament, some of the older players would finally get permission to play in the nhl, but for the younger guys it was looking like they had no way of getting out any time soon. in the days between the end of the championship and the soviet team's flight home, mogilny apparently approached fedorov and asked him to go to america with him- sergei said no, worried about what would happen to his family. alex would go anyway, disappearing for a few days before popping up in buffalo ready to join the sabres. (this might seem irrelevant right now but it's actually really not- i'm getting there now)

that same summer, sergei would be drafted in the fourth round by detroit. this choice may or may not have been influenced by steve yzerman telling them sergei was better than him. after a bit of back and forth, they got him to defect after cska played a series of games in north america. it literally sounds like the type of shit they write in spy films it was fucking mental. this made him only the second soviet to defect in order to play in the nhl i'm pretty sure (defo the second in like 18 months- funnily enough it was his bestie who was the first one. what a coincidence), but they weren't the first two from the other side of the iron curtain to do that. might be wrong but i think that honour goes to the stastny brothers. anyway. when sergei got to detroit he wore 91 because he wanted to "be like stevie" or some insane shit like that. which i literally think about all the time. like seriously what was that about sergei.

okok can't not talk about the russian five so doing that now. since idk how much you know about hockey i'll do a better job on this bit. after sergei arrived in detroit, management must've figured they could get more russians. over the next couple of years they got vladimir konstantinov (who was drafted the same year as sergei) and slava kozlov to make the jump to the states. since i'm mainly talking about sergei i won't go into how they got those two but it's just as unbelievable as you'd expect. after the 1994-95 lockout, the wings traded for another russian- slava fetisov. if you ever want to learn about soviet hockey you'll hear a lot about this guy, and for good reason too. he won two olympic gold medals and seven world championships with the soviet union, and captained most of those teams. obviously adding a guy with that much experience winning was a smart choice imo, even if he hadn't won anything in the nhl yet. by now the wings had four russian players- why not add a fifth ? in 1994 the wings were embarrassed in the playoffs, losing to san jose. it just happened that sj happened to have two of the older soviets who had fought for the right to play in north america. one of them was igor larionov- probably the smartest guy to ever play hockey. it was his tactics (and refusal to change his style of play) that led to his team's success in the first round. and i guess detroit didn't ever want to deal with that again because they ended up trading for the guy in the first part of the 1995-96 season. the russian five first played together in calgary, where they played that style of soviet hockey that nhlers could never really wrap their heads around at the time. they walked all over the flames in their own building, and would continue to do the same to the rest of the league. the five would be a key part of the 1997 stanley cup-winning team, which was the first wings team to lift the cup in over forty years.

sergei stayed to win a few more cups, and then left the city. he signed w the ducks in anaheim, bleached his hair and moved out to california (i think we can all resonate with wanting to change our appearance and move thousands of miles away from where we've spent over a decade building out lives amiright). from what i can tell, this move was Not Liked by detroit's owners (honestly i can't see any other reason his number hasn't been retired there). he'd bounce around a couple more nhl teams before going back to russia to play on the same team as his brother, eventually retiring in 2012.

jumping to 2015, that year's hockey hall of fame inductees included sergei (and nick lidstrom, one of his detroit teammates and one of the best defencemen to every play the game). it was basically a 90s wings reunion. in sergei's induction speech, he did like everyone else and thanked a bunch of people who helped him out throughout his career. and, you know, it was all the expected stuff (hockey guys can be so predictable sometimes), but "to my captain, steve yzerman" still fucking gets me. it had been twelve years since he'd worn a wings jersey. my captain. i think you get my point but i'm gonna have to stop there because i can't carry on and be remotely normal about it.

oh and in 2021, after spending a few years bouncing around random jobs for the team, cska announced that fedorov would be taking over as head coach. he went back to the team where all this started. now i don't know how exactly he is with his team but i sure hope he learned enough from his days there as a player under tikhonov on exactly how not to treat your players. cska won back to back gagarin cups (the trophy awarded to the khl team who wins the playoffs) in sergei'd first two seasons behind the bench, and they're probably looking to make it a threepeat with the playoffs starting today (?)

[silvercat-the-daydreamer]

silv's touhou pixel cats post 1

now, you wet lily petals, bc i've been playing pixel cat's end for a while (<- browser game in which you have a village of kitties with which you can do things like have them interact with each other and name them and give them elaborate outfits n all that... the cats themselves are random, the outfits you can make yourself) (yes all these screenshots are from this game) and i'd already made some cats based on octopath characters, once i got into touhou (just a few months ago) i decided i should make some cats based on the touhous as well. and then i decided to post them on this here site

(i should say it's kinda tough sometimes to make an outfit that looks like the character with only the clothing items the site has. so if there's anything strange on an outfit, that's why)

so right now we have... 13 of them. i'm gonna give each cat a separate post tho bc i don't want to make a really long post and i have a few things to say about those kitties too (and then i can just make more posts when i make another cat y'know)

now i... guess i'll start with the first cat i made bc she's also my first touhou blorbo: it's junko!!

angry kitty...

look at that hat. actually i just gave her that black striped hat and placed a worm and a red lily on it for the pattern, that's these 2 items:

apart from that, since it was my only touhou cat at the time i also used 2 custom items, that long black mantle and the red smoke around her (custom items are just user-submitted and approved designs that you can then buy copies of with ingame money. they're expensive as fuck and so i don't like using them. none of the other touhou cats got any custom items i think). now the site actually does have an official red smoke item but it was just too bright and i didn't like the look of it so i grabbed this one instead.

also!! you can set the pronouns of these cats too. in fact, they can have 2 sets of pronouns. so i gave this one she/it... which is not my idea mind you, i grabbed it from someone else on here, who i don't know if i can just tag, but i asked abt it on her post and then i showed her this cat.

anyways. this cat's personality was kinda hard to get too bc there are a few set personalities and none of them are "angry creature of rage". so i went with "mysterious" only because of that type's usual personality stat values, which:

...something like that. i don't think she's very extroverted.

also, interestingly, she decided to befriend byakuren (<- yeah i made that one into a cat too) and they're besties now... and i gave her a kitten to adopt too. (sometimes the game will just. hand you a kitten to give to one of your cats and i just had to give it to her. you know. kitten's almost all grown up now tho.)

think that's all for this post. it was way longer than i thought... see you next time!! (whenever i feel like making another post.)

[zukkacore]

you reblogged that director's cut ask meme and i KNEW exactly already the scene. towards the end where it starts with:

"Disappointment. “Look. Whatever fantasy you’re trying to cling to, I don’t want any part of it. If you need anything, get another me to do it for all I care. I’m just—done playing house, Porter.” to "How ridiculous."

OR anything about the pomegranate tree which. i put my phone down to stare at the ceiling when the pomegranate tree was mentioned.

HIiiii!!!!! Thank you so much for sending me this honestly you picked a good one.

Ok. this scene is crazy bc i think it was the flashback scene that felt the most necessary to include. Not the one i fought the hardest for (jace good/bad teacher you have my heart ended up making sense but for a long time i was like cut that shit. You know you just want to be indulgent. Until i realized the ratgrinders haunt the narrative). Nor the one that feels the most. Obvious I guess? Or the most evocative? (The one where they're at Porter's house feels like so vivid and real to me not like necessarily bc of my writing its just like real in my mind like if Jace is reading Porter's memories there's definitely something in there that is just Precious and Heartbreaking and Deeply Ironic and almost simplistically affectionate in its portrayal of the Old Jace.

Anyway. This scene in the backyard felt. Necessary I guess? But i also worried i was trying too hard to make it work. It actually wasn't even really originally about Frosty Fair. Like. Jace still was walking out bc of a fight abt the ratgrinders but it was more abstract? I think the fact that its like ruben was getting attacked by grix is a throughline though for jace taking damage for TRGs in the forest. The ratgrinders were not originally going to be this like chekovs gun and like i honestly felt kinda bad that i was like. hm. awfully convenient for Jace to forget abt them so quickly in favor of getting. some dick but also like that's the whole POINT. I was like. Well i can at least highlight how absurd that is by making him ashamed but not really altruistic enough to do anything about it. But its like. Kinda the throughline now.

Originally I was like. Honestly rly embarrassed bc i felt like Jace taking damage in the forest was such a contrived way to get him and Porter to hook up like oooooh patching up injuries how original. But I feel like. There's a whole subplot kinda ABOUT jace taking the damage now. Now the whole story is about how he cares.

And post-Jace HATES that that's the reason Porter brought him on b/c he's so alienated from that version of himself, and he's disgusted with himself for feeling like he's never doing enough or caring enough. For being neglectful and running away. So when Porter grabs his wrist in the memory,

“I don’t think so, Stardiamond. You want this to work. You care, you always have. I know that’s who you still are.”

it's like. He's not seeing Jace for who he is. He's still clinging to the past. But also don't think he's completely wrong. Because jace does take that damage in the forest. He always had that capacity to care in him.

Anyway. I'll backtrack to the. Top of the scene tho.

Disappointment. “Look. Whatever fantasy you’re trying to cling to, I don’t want any part of it. If you need anything, get another me to do it for all I care. I’m just—done playing house, Porter.

Ok so this comes right after the whole. Jace wants Porter to acknowledge what he means to him. & Porter only mentioning his utility to The Plan. So. In my Mind the fantasy that Porter clings to about Jace and the fantasy Porter clings to about the house of sunstone heir of the cliffbreakers thing is made of the same stuff. It's all a glorious past that has been lostt to him. It's all something he's desperately trying to cling to.

There's also the fact that Jace says "I'm done playing house, Porter" (which i know is epilogue coded what can i say we get metatextual up in here). But. To me that's about. This idea of family. Porter feels he's been denied something of his lineage. In his mind he's doing this for his family as well as himself. I really wanted there to be something in there about Jace basically saying like. Why do you need to do this for your family. I'm your family. But it felt too on the nose and maybe not true to the character. B/c like. What family? The whole Jaceporter and the ratgrinders make up like a shitty fucked up fall of the house of usher type family is so real to me. But the thing is. That's a fantasy. Most of the ratgrinders are shatterstarred. Porter is clinging to something that doesn't exist.

And he says "if you need anything, get another me to do it for all I care." which. I think I needed to justify something within the text... But besides that. "get another me to do it" is so like. I think there's two things in there. 1) Jace is talking about his own replaceable nature within the plan. Calling attention to the fact that Porter actually COULD replace him, he just doesnt want to because he wants it to be jace. He just won't say that he'll say i need you you're so important blah blah. 2) obviously that's a bit of a jaceclone reference. He's saying literally another me, and long as I personally get that distance from you idc.

already talked abt the you care line so I'm gonna skip past it.

Another swing of Bigby’s Hand. This time, it’s a miss, and it dissipates—too rattled to concentrate. Jace seethes. “I don’t give a fuck what you think of me, or about who your Jace was. I’m —”

Ok. So like. I've talked about this a little bit, but I actually I do have a soft spot for the guardians of the galaxy 3 i actually think its pretty good and i don't like peter and gamora really but i think gotg3 uses them in very interesting ways b/c Quill keeps trying to insist that this gamora (a gamora from another time who never experienced the movies) should live up to the gamora from his memories. The line i actually really like is "What are you so afraid of within yourself that you need me to be something for you" which AAAAGGGGHHHH i feel sick about is very jaceporter to me. (The other scene that is very them is gamora saying “you know. I’m still not who you want me to be” and him going “yeah but who you are ain’t so bad” “I bet we were fun” “like you wouldn’t believe.” PORTER YEARNS FOR OLD JACE BUT ALSO ?? DID OLD JACE LOVE HIM TO THE POINT OF INVENTION?)

I don't think Porter would ever refer to the old jace as His Jace but I definitely think this jace conceives of it that way. & this is even more fucked bc PORTER put him here. That shit just happened to Gamora. PORTER is the one that wanted to actualize and use Jace but also misses who he used to be. And porter isn't wrong that this jace has the capacity to be as "good" at the old jace, but he's definitely not willing to acknowledge the harm he's caused or the pain this jace is in. I almost ended the exchange with "I'm Jace" but i felt like that also would be too on the nose. The fact that the name Jace is inherently a little bit silly does take a bit of the bite away. Sorry bestie beloved but its true ur name is ridiculous.

I think so much of this fic is Jace reconciling that he wants to be loved but he doesn't know in which way. Like. On the one hand he's saying please love as I am—as a person who has undergone irreconcilable trauma, different and the same. On the other hand he's saying please love me as I am— as the doggish, devoted frankenstein's creation that can't help but love his creator. And I think there's a little bit of both here. A little bit of Why are you asking for the old jace when i am what i am, the person you made, someone else, and i'm RIGHT HERE. And its a little bit of Why are you asking for the old jace expecting me to be something i no longer recognize, can you at least acknowledge that this trauma has changed me, that i feel different, that i feel as if i can never go back. But maybe those are the same thing

I also want a brief sec to talk abt that bigby's hand. I just wanted something that would leave a large impact i think? Like. this is such a WEIRD pull but i was watching that dirty laundry w/ brennan in which he talks abt getting in a car crash where the car trenches a hole in the grass and stops just shy of a woodchuck hole and he starts laughing in shock. I thought abt that a lot in the scene with the Motivational Poster bc of the laughing of shock but i also liked that imagery i guess of trenching a crater.

Pain, as the rage crystals and untamable arcana course through his veins—he can feel it in the present, too—and then the Jace in the memory surges so bad that he passes out on the lawn, but not before frying the nearby pomegranate tree to a crisp with a jolt of lightning. Jace turns away from that one as if flinching from a raised hand. Despite everything, he wishes most of all to apologize about the tree. He could laugh. How ridiculous.

Im playing a little loose with sorcery stuff but aint that the sorcery way i guess. Anyway I like in other fic when Jace has a hard time controlling his sorcery due to being shatterstarred as a way of being like yeah he's discordant with himself. Its sooooo good. I think the rage here is a little bit his and Porters. I don't know if thats how it works in the text but i made the call that jace's rage can also incite the crystal to act up.

OK SO lastly. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP THE POMEGRANIT TREE JUST BC ITS FUN even tho its literally is like. Yeah I love Hadestown and Jaceporter are soooooo persephades / orphydice coded. I liked the imagery of his surge being so bad that it kills the something dear to Porter in the garden, and I was like. Frying a tree sounds cool. And I was like. Well if its gonna be a fruit tree of COURSE it can't be any old tree it has to be a pomegranite tree. OF COURSE. And it's not stated but i do think it kinda was the centerpiece of that garden. And of course like. A pomegranate on its own already means a lot. In terms of like. Death n rebirth Persephades and this idea of the cycles of the seasons and leaving n returning and the overlap with this idea of like, corruption and a Fall from grace

Also a shoutout to my ability to neglect real world facts. "Lily, white, and Poppy red. I trembled as he laid me out. " Yeah, Porter decimated the poppies in the fight. They're completely out of season but we can play pretend.

I do think him wanting to apologize for the tree is like. Such a funny moment. I think after i wrote what happened to the tree i felt bad for said tree. There is something really sad abt that. So i think Jace would feel bad about destroying something that takes so long to grow, that Porter cares about, and find away to blame himself even tho Porter is the one who started everything.

Anyway. This scene felt. Necessary bc i think there needed to be some semblance of showing them in like. Actual conflict. at the time i actually did NOT know that THIS would be THE FIGHT in the exhange that Porter was talking about earlier. When he said "i thought you meant it this time". i mean. its not explicit but I do think there's a finality to the interaction that implies that yes. Jace was fucking serious this time. And again there's that throughline of the ratgrinders haunting the narrative. About Jace caring and feeling like he's never caring enough.

Like, so much of the story is ABOUT Porter looking right past jace and i felt like there should be scene that. Says it outright. But also. Not being completely wrong. IMO. B/c I also think Jace was threatened by the version of himself that porter sees. And he thinks he doesn't live up to that. he COULD never live up to that. (And in some ways he does. In some ways. He's might even be perfect in his own way. He kinda loved Porter to the point of invention so)

[nikatyler]

Random BG3 Shenanigans: the journey to Zeph 2.0

Yes, this one was Zeph 2.0, but I consider my current honour mode Zeph the Zeph 2.0 haha. Well. Technically they're like...Zeph 5.0? Because I've attempted an honour run with Zeph like two times before. And uh...you'll see.

girl help i'm trying to revamp Zeph again

"but they don't look like the original Zeph" "brain that's the point, the original Zeph was like many of my other ocs, i have an army of redheads like them already" "but-" "but...yeah you're right they don't look like the original Zeph ughhh" < is kinda what's going on in my head

give me anything where you can create vastly different characters and i guarantee you my first one will be a white blue or brown eyed redhead. that's like the default oc setting for me 💀

Well that was fast 💀💀💀💀

This was such bad luck though, because I never had issues here, not even the very first time. Oh well

rip Zeph 3.0 you deserved a longer life 💀 i'll bring you back for another run someday

SIDE NOTE. HOW MANY ZEPHS HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN THERE AT THIS POINT. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TRIED TO RECREATE THEM. I AM CONFUSION

Fun fact, this was a separate run from the one I was posting like a week ago. So when they died here, I loaded that one. AND THEY DIED TOO 😭 I've literally never had a total party kill here until the honor one and I played the exact same way as always

Think I'm gonna leave the Zeph honor run for much later and I'm gonna first create a whole new character that will actually be built with focus on beating the honor mode, not OC building

Ah shit, here we go again (it's a tactician run this time tho and I won't touch it until later, I just wanted to make them again)

Dude I don't know about them 😭

pls can I hear what you think abt them 👉👈

(nobody said anything, classic twitter after elongated takeover, but this is actually the face that finally sticked! This is our Zeph!)

Wanted to see Zeph with their old face (yes, half elf 5) and compare it to their new face (from a mod) and I think now I can finally be at peace and not touch their appearance ever again. 😂 Love that they look very similar but Zeph 2.0 looks a bit more like the Zeph in my head

Now just to figure out the lore for them…that still escapes me 😂

I've started so many runs lately that I could basically play the nautiloid part with my eyes closed at this point

Of course, need to take my usual screenshots...Zeph is so pretty I can't

Once out, I multiclassed them to be a tempest domain cleric of Selune and got them a new armour, since they can wear it now. I feel like this combo of classes will help me finally cook up some lore for them ⛈

Out of curiosity, I long rested pretty much right after we picked up Shadowheart, and got a cutscene I've never seen before! (I was kinda worried though that you're not supposed to long rest so early and might turn...luckily, that's not the case haha)

Morning! Time to go pick up the rest of our silly group. In my first run with them, Zeph romanced Astarion (I bought the game because of the vampire so of course they did 😂), but I feel like going for Gale this time. We shall see.

Zeph unfortunately failed the roll to persuade the tieflings to leave Lae'zel alone, so we had to fight them. The guy is knocked out, but Lae'zel wasn't so merciful with the woman…but are we surprised? 🤷‍♀️

Aww how sweet, in another life you were lovers, remember? 🥰

[lingy910y]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

thanks @energievie, @mybrainismelted, @deedala & @mmmichyyy for the tags! 😁😌💖 these questions are long but fun

1. which character from any media would you like to have as a father? I KNOW i said i don't think ian and mick would be that good as parents but screw it, i want ian to be my dad 😌

2. if money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have? i still wouldn’t bc i would like them to be free instead of living with me. even if it’s effortless there’s still a lot of responsibility that comes with taking care of another thing but if there was an ethical way, i want a teacup dog

3. what is your chinese takeout order? i eat chinese food on a daily basis so there’s so much i like but fried ramen or yaki udon (ik it’s japanese but chinese restaurants have them) and wonton. or shrimp rice rolls, i have them every saturday bc they’re my fav food

4. what’s your favorite emoji? 💀 in terms of most used. it’s the superior way to laugh

5. would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house? oooooh library

6. what childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly? my little pony 🦄 my little pony🦄 ahh ahh AHH AHH (i still like it)

7. what was your tumblr like when you first joined? bakudeku stuff and kinda cringey posts like "reblog if you don't want to have bad luck" and bad jokes

8. what clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself? the cutesy kind like oversized sweaters and leg warmers

9. if you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best? genshin, even tho i did so bad on its geoguesser parody LOL

10. what is your favorite piece of art? the question didn't specify the type of art, so i'll say this person's fanart is up there: https://x.com/Tarokunnnn/status/1235139944525504513?s=20

11. do you have a water bottle? yes, it's coral-colored and insulated from zojirushi

12. what fanfic trope is a fanfic fave? ...cheating? if it's one half of the ship cheating on the other person with someone else. the fics aren't my fav bc it's ooc (most of the time) but like i've said before i like angsty drama lmao

13. do you carry a daily bag? what does it look like? what’s the weirdest thing in it? yeah my backpack that's preppy with pink and tan colors. weirdest things are post-its i still keep from compliments my classmates gave me on my english projects during gallery walks where we have to write down "glows and grows" for others (it's not weird but i had to write smth shh)

14. if you had to ship mickey with another gallagher, who would it be? lip is the least weird option bc debbie, carl, and liam have a way too big age gap with him and they look up to him. that leaves fiona but she's also a girl 😭 and i know i just said cheating is fun to read and it could just be an au but lickey makes me mad AKDJASF (no hate to the shippers) i'm thinking way too hard abt this let's just go with frank

15. what is a fanfic trope you didn’t expect to like and then very much did? historical aus :0c i said i don't really like aus but maybe it's cause i already like history

16. do you think s11 mickey can still carry s11 ian? yeah he's still buff as fuck

17. who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house? they did not go through with selling the house <3 but if they do i see carl and mickey fighting for it LOL

tagging @heymrspatel, @softmick, @krystallouwho, @michellemisfit, @jademickian, @iansw0rld & @juliakayyy

[jay-j-otter]

hey hey, do you mind sharing your akiyama headcanons? just saw ur tags talking abt how theyre dark and im very interested!!!! your fem ryuaki fuels me in ways i cannot describe and i havent even played dead souls FHKGJG and your tanimuras have my whole entire heart!!!

Oh wow first of all THANK YOU for the ask!! It's been only couple days since I've discovered I've had them disabled all this time so I'm very happy I noticed it before you found my blog (,:

I've already complained a bit on twt that when I've started to write down ryuaki headcanons, it prompted me to make a 35+ pages google doc with meta on both of them 😅 It pushed me to write more fun drafts tho, so all is well, but it won't fit in this post for sure ahbfght

But ofc, I will share a little about Shun specifically. (TW for implied SA)

Akiyama... I have complicated feelings about him, because on the one hand, he got betrayed by his closest people, lost all the standing in society and lived as a homeless person for a long time, and that's a big trauma to have. But on the other... He's got back up by a miracle, and now he's trying to recreate the miracle for others. He assumes the role of a judge for other people while himself being too young, too flawed, having black and white morals.

(In Y4 I downright despised Akiyama when he refused a loan to an abused woman on the basis that she didn't want to apply for sex work, but in the same substory gave some cringefail guy 4 chances to complete the test just because it was amusing.)

But I've just completed Y5, and it gave me lots of food for thought.

First of all, from what I see, Shun here was written (rewritten?) as a more sympathetic character. For example, now when it's implied that he's gonna make some woman "use her body" for the loan, it means he's sending her to work on the construction site. Well, alright. I'll take the bad taste joke over previous cases.

There's also an important quest when Akiyama meets his former boss, who not only initially fired him on false accusations, which started his downfall, but also married his ex-fiancée. And Akiyama finally admits that at first, he wanted to use his position as a loan shark to be selfish and to get revenge, but got disgusted with himself after seeing some humanity and principles in the former boss.

So, here finally comes self-awareness about his actions. Interesting tidbit.

Another big part of the character building we see now: when he is alone in Osaka, without Hana around, he's a complete mess. His new office is dirty, he barely eats some instant ramen and clearly just uses the place to escape Tokyo and the responsibilities he created himself. If in Y4 we saw him within his element, managing Elise and doing loan business (with a messy table because he's just soooo quirky and lazyyy \s), then in Y5 we get to see a bit of what's inside his head. And it's not pretty.

He's clearly distancing himself - from Hana and his new yakuza friends, because they have their own lives to care about. (Tanimura too mayhaps, but this is a separate friendship that I also like to talk about a lot)

Aaand he escapes to his ugly nook to have his ugly depressive thoughts. Can't let them witness it, can he? They'd lose all the respect for him.

At the same time, he throws himself into helping Haruka with passion, because that's the thing he actually cares about, for the first time in a couple years. (He also provides her with some much-needed parenting about the importance of being selfish, because, being raised by Kiryu, she's entirely too self-sacrificing.)

And suddenly - he's lively and energetic again, he's bouncing off other characters, he risks his life for what he deems right, he's helpful, organizing, charming. He's everywhere.

(But he's also afraid to acknowledge that he's got too close to people again. So he's ready to literally die for them and Haruka's dream, but avoids calling them friends, settling for "acquaintances")

Not much needed to imagine that, after everything settles down, he falls apart again. Because in his head he's never really needed or too important for the people around. They carry on with their life and plans. Such as Eri, Arai, Yasuko. Even Hana got fed up and left at some point, and has been keeping him at an arm's length since. (Good for her, that was unhealthy)

He's not only not that interesting, his trauma is "ugly" (by his self-admission). It's not heroic and it's very mundane. There's no clear villains to blame, like with Majima's torture in Y0.

It's just - waking up is hard. Akiyama can't see the point in much of what he's doing anymore. Money is just paper for him now, they might have bought him the freedom of choice, but somehow it didn't help. Even with all the financial help to struggling people he can't buy healing for himself. Most alive he felt actually was when he lost the money briefly in Y4 - it made him work to get them back again.

Now it gets a bit tricky, hence the TW.

I think that a lot of things about him actually make sense, if while living on the streets, he had it bad enough to the point of selling himself for food. Like, I don't want to make it into torture porn or downplay the traumatic experience of homelessness overall, but something for sure ruined him and his self-perception. That's why he's bouncing between playing a self-righteous entity and hating himself.

Aside from his crippling depression from all this being shunned deep inside and not addressed, there's the attitude about sex work I've mentioned he has in Y4. He is distancing himself from the situation yet again. A little bit of a trick to calm his mind: "If I treat it like every other job, it won't feel as dehumanizing applied to myself". And also: "Well, I was not above doing that! I was not too proud to do it! Why should anyone else be?"

Now, of course he doesn't want to subject his former boss (and, by extension, Eri) to the same hardships. Even though he is, actually, a bit of a cruel person.

So here's Akiyama in Y4-5. Not super pretty and kind of greasy, but nevertheless charming, gallant and crazy smart. Fighting and dancing and singing and networking equally well. VERY annoying, because he considers himself an expert in all things he read about even once (I also hc him eidetic memory, which makes it worse). And with every year getting more secluded and miserable.

That being said, fem ryuaki has slightly different tone even in all-fem AU because of gender expectations. Akiyama's upbringing for example.

I hc his parents seeing him as this very "proper" son, encouraging his risk-taking neurodivergent activity ONLY when it helped to build onto that image. They happily bragged about their son - with prestigious business degree, good banking job and pretty fiancée. But ofc, when it's all came crashing down, they didn't want to hear about him anymore. Nowadays they acknowledge his existance with some disdain, because they care about reputation more then about him or his wealth. And he has some "disgusting jobs, no respectable friends and no wife".

(It's all kinda complicated from both sides, mb I'll get deeper into it in fanfic that I'm writing)

(And forgive me for saying this, but fem Akiyama is more interesting for me to write in this narrative, because she needed to balance fitting "proper little quiet Japanese woman" with her loud banking career, and while she was always openly feminine, she was never proper or quiet "enough". And now she's "not enough" among actual living legends.)

Well, that's all I have to say for now!

I'm always open for further questions and discussions 😊

[starrygalazy]

I keep seeing people doing this so this is my official ship list and some explanations. (Hell I may even take writing/drawing requests for the ones I like)

PSA: These are all my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I ask you respect mine, as I'll respect yours.

~'Love it' ships (aka I WANT THESE TO BE CANON or I LOVE THAT THESE ARE CANON)~

Genji x Mei (Aka my OTP): At first it was a joke ship bc I simp for Genji and kin Mei, but then it spiraled into thinking it'd be a really cute ship with a unique dynamic. Now they're my faves and I'll NEVER get tired of talking about them

Cassidy x Hanzo

Ramattra x Echo: Saw some cute fanart and it was OVER for me

Ana x Reinhardt

Bap x Mauga

Tracer x Emily

Soldier x Reaper

Gerard x Widowmaker: Their story makes me cry 😭 They both deserve sm better than what the world put them through

~'Like it' ships (aka "This is cute, but I like other ships more")~

Pharah x Mercy

Genji x Zen: This is only here bc Meiji takes top spot. When done right, this ship is so cute puppies and kittens are jealous. I also don't care too much about age difference here because, Zen's a robot.

D.Va x Brigitte

Mei x Zarya: Same situation as Genyatta

Lifeweaver x Bap

Cassidy x Bap: I definitely think Bap canonically has a crush on Cass (I won't break his heart, in at least a few realities they're together)

Mei x Lifeweaver: I've grown pretty fond of this ship and even wrote a fanfic (platonic) about them a while ago. They'd have such a unique dynamic either way, and I definitely am a fan

Lucio x Junkrat

Ashe x Widowmaker

Junkrat x Mei: The age difference has put me off for a while but I can't lie, it's kinda cute

Mei x Zenyatta

~'Meh/Nah' Ships (aka any I'm indifferent or negative abt)~

Genji x Mercy: For those who scream at any ship that's Genji x someone who's not Mercy or vice versa, I don't have a place for you here. To the nice Gency fans who're chill abt this, thank you. I just already have my favorite ship and some of you guys are way too toxic for me to really appreciate the ship. They're still besties in my mind tho, dw

Any type of *ncest: Please leave, thank you.

Any type of b**stiality: Same as *ncest. Leave the poor monkey and hamster (and all other animals) alone.

D.Va x anyone over 24: She's basically a child mentally, it's weird

Junkrat x Roadhog: I definitely think they're more like father/son, and I do NOT like that age difference.

Ramattra x Zen: It's just the fact they call each other 'brother' so often, so my mind is hard-wired to keep it that way

Soldier x Mercy

Sombra x Anyone: Sex-repulsed aro-ace Sombra supremacy 🙌🙌🙌 (queerplatonic is good tho), Bap's the only sorta-exception

And that's all for ships. I have a ton more but this is already a long post so I'm gonna end it here. Anything catch your eye? Pls let me know! Also here is the link to my ship chart which I'll update occasionally (so it's a bit less hectic):

https://www.tumblr.com/meibaestars/730349773528481792/i-got-bored-so-i-did-another-ship-chart-thing-with?source=share

(Btw I'll be editing this as I see fit and changing different ships most likely)

[bldwspr]

OKI ITS HEADCANON TIME

so . emalfs canon desing has piercings, right? he has like .. his ears, horns and tail pierced? and his tongue..? *went to check if I was right* yEA, he does, also his wings

based on that, i want to talk abt the flame trio and piercings

[kinda long post]

first .. i want to question why emalf has piercings in his horns?? ik other demons have it to but.. ahm.. arent horns bones? or at least something like that. I've seen people cut sheeps horns when they grow too much in dangerous places so probably doesn't hurt as much as.. piercing a bone. but still, the logistics behind it are kinda funny? like, do demons piercer shops have drills to drill into the horns? funa probably didn't think too much abt it and honestly? fair. it looks cool, thats a fact. but the thought of going to a place where they do piercings and instead of a needle they bring out a drill. its kinda funny.

also.. does piercings wings affect your flying capability? probably not much, i mean, you can still talk with a tongue piercing so why yk. but still, i like to think abt the healing process, like how you probably would be advised not to fly for some time, because if you fly the piercing will move and it'll be more difficult for it to heal, stuff like that

those are just some thoughts.. but now the most important part!

The Headcanons

Emalf already has a lot of piercings, most in places where.. people don't really have (eg. wings, horns, tail), and the places that people can pierce I'd say he's actually lacking. I mean, ears and tongue are not enough piercings for him.

Saying that, I think Emalf has an eyebrow piercing, some sort of nose piercing and a bridge piercing.

The eyebrow one seems very clear to me, it would fit his aesthetic perfectly, I don't know why he doesn't have one already. Hell, maybe both his eyebrows are pierced, I don't doubt it.

To Emalf, piercings are like hair dye. Oof, mental breakdown? Gotta do another piercing, I'll book an appointment for this morning. (It's currently four in the morning) That's why he has so many.

He pierced his own ear alone when he was like, 13, with a earing he wanted to wear. It ended up crooked and he asked Adauchi to help him with the other side. It still ended up crooked. He still wears the same earring since then.

After that he started going to a professional.

He needed permission from an adult because he was underage and the shop wouldn't pierce him because of it. Adauchi helped, forging Ivlis signature on the document, something he learned very early in life.

The first ones where ear piercings, including a industrial. After that, he pierced his septum, his eyebrows, his bridge, the tongue was the last one on his face. After that, he started piercing his demonic characteristics.

You may wonder.. Why does Emalf have a bridge piercing? He wears shades all the time. To that I say.. He spent way too much time and effort to find the perfect match of jewlery and glasses that wouldn't clash. Also probably more money than anyone should.

He and Poemi bought a pair of earrings and they each wear one, in the same ear. It was Poemis idea of course, but Emalf got more exited than her, he makes an effort to never let his hair hide it.

He does wear it on the side that Adauchi helped him with (Haha angst)

Poemi grew up watching Emalf get a million piercings, always thinking it was sooooo cool. You get to have jewelry on your whole body?? You get to have sparkle thingies on your face?? She always wanted one, or many. She wanted many.

Yes Poemi is very interested in shiny objects, much like a dragon. She's generally very dragon-like.

She'd never tell Emalf she liked his piercings tho. When Emalf promted her with the question, 7 year old Poemi said that so much gold on his face was to make up to the fact that he was ugly without it. The brutality of it was supposed to distract Emalf, so she would not have to tell him that she liked it.

It did work. Emalf was distracted enough.

Why didn't Poemi wanted to admit liking Emalfs piercings? Not give him the satisfaction. She's petty like that, always has been.

However. She did compliment Adauchis piercings, she said it made him look cool. Which was true. It did make him look cool. She'd never let Emalf discover that.

It was like Adauchi and Poemi little secret.. One of many. She loved sharing her secrets with him. Including how much she wanted to have her own piercings.

Before leaving, Adauchi helped Poemi pierce her ears also. Apparently, he's been training because this time it didn't end up crooked. She was so exited he had to stop multiple times during the process because she would move.

She spent the whole week bragging about her brother piercing her ears, to literally everyone she could.

She was unbelievably happy when she showed her father the earrings, because he told her they looked pretty. Then she bragged about her father liking her earrings for one week more.

Even when having her own earings, Poemi would continue to make fun of Emalf for his.

That's why, when older Poemi mentioned she wanted to do more, Emalf was as confused as ever.

She had to finally admit that she thought it was cool. But in her own way, which is.. A bit condescending.

"Did you really believed what a 7 year old told you? Of course they're cool, dumbass."

Emalf was more than happy to take her to get more piercings, but he didn't let her do a lot of the ones she wanted. They were there without her father knowing, after all. Emalf didn't really want to make the Devil mad by taking his teen daughter to pierce her body.

She was very dramatic about it but settled for more ear piercings.

What Emalf didn't expect was Poemi finding someone to do her piercings without permission from a adult. When she came back one night with her wings, tail and bellybutton pierced he panicked.

Her father didn't care enough, really. At that time he had stopped paying attention to her due to his job as a Devil. Which was only a excuse for Poemi to do more piercings.. and tattoos.

Poemi has more tattoos than someone her age should.

That is. Any tattoos at all.

She's terrible with healing. When they told her not to fly, she did. When they told her to wash it, she didn't. Somehow, nobody really knows, she's never got an infection.

She has a tendency to fidget with the rings on her tail. She keeps rolling them around when she's bored.

Poemi has a jewelry collection for the piercings she has. She likes to change it for every outfit and coordinate everything. It's surprisingly organized. Most of it is gold but she also owns silver, rose gold and random colors and shapes for some.

Adauchi got me thinking a bit more, I think he'd get his first piercing while helping Emalf falsify documents. Like, he'd falsify his dads signature for both of them, and they'd get their their piercings together. On the same spot. Because that's what bros do.

It'd be a helix or something, probably. Maybe two.

Funnily enough, both Adauchi and Poemi simply don't care about being caught by their father. Adauchi wouldn't actively tell him but he wouldn't hide it either, he just doesn't give a single shit about his father finding out.

And as always, he never noticed.

All of his piercings, at least from before he left the Flame World, he did with Emalf. Since he was always going, it was just easier. Plus he could make fun of Emalf of being scared, light-heartedly, of course.

He did hold his hand when he asked, so .

Different from Emalf and Poemi, all of Adauchis piercings are silver in color, not gold. He likes being a little more discrete, even if he still wears gold sometimes.. Just not on his face.

Before leaving, Adauchi pierced most of his ears and a bit of his tail, not being able to pierce his wings and horns because.. He doesn't have any. (Do we know why yet..?)

After leaving, the first piercing he decided to do was snake bites. Why? It just fits him perfectly.

It took a long time for him to actually do it, like years. His head was thinking about more important things.

But when he decided to do it, it was a bit bittersweet. He remembered Emalf, since they always went to get piercings together, and wished he could be there again. After that one he really didn't feel like doing another, it wasn't the same anymore.

Doesn't have as many piercings as Emalf and Poemi, could possibly have had more if he stayed. (Emalf really is the piercing influencer, everyone in a radius of him gets the urge to put metal on their bodies)

Out of the three, is the one with better hygiene in regards to the piercings. Part of the reason he doesn't want anymore is because he really doesn't like cleaning all of it.

At some point in time he lost a piece of jewelry and let the thing close, he just didn't care enough.

[fairyhaos]

yena !! i hope u still remember me ʕ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ it's the wind chime anon !! 🎐

how have u been omg (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠) i had my exams last month n i have da notifs on for way too many blogs on here so i just uninstalled tumblr instead,,, but im back now (i was about to send this ask sooner (2 days ago ?) but i was a bit scared lmao,,, but i just saw ur post about shua so i had to come and say hi >:3) but wahh congrats on all ur milestones ! before i left i think u were about to start ur 500 followers event ! ! n i think u crossed 1234 already !! and probably even more ! that's supa cool n 'm so so proud of you ☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱ა also i love love love ur new theme *ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩

ooo n about finding jeonghan's colour,,, u looked at his pictures to figure out what colour he is ?? that's super intriguing actually. bcs the thing is idk if i have this type of synesthesia,,, im afraid what im doing is just strongly associating colours with people ? like the aspects of their personality play a major role in determining their colour but similar to the process of getting to know someone, it's v hard for me to decide on their colour. for example, jihoon. it's like, , the more i see him the more i feel like i don't even know him yk? for hansol, even tho i don't know what his colour is, i can at least tell that his colour would most prolly be a cooler shade. but for jihoon n sometimes even mingyu i can't rly figure them out? it's like i have options but i don't know for sure. n i don't rly know if this is synesthesia ?? lmdoajdjska i think i should just take the test by synesthesia battery but im just scared lmao </3

anygays i read the rest of your synesthesia posts and wahh, , yena ur just so talented. ur so cool ! ! i rly don't know what else to say. you have a way w words and it's as if i can feel the colors permeating through the descriptions. honestly it's such a gift to be able to share your vivid perception with others and i just wanna thank u for that (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠) i have sm to say about each member's colour and esp shua's but this got rly long so i'll do that in another ask ?? heh >:3

-🎐

WIND CHIME ANON OMGGGG YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU :<

i hope you've been doing okay!! how did your exams go????? literally i'd be sitting here and just thinking :(( i hope wind chime anon is doing okay in this world :(( haha ive missed you sm

it's okayy there's no need to be scared im super nice!! (i think?) thank u sm for loving my new theme too haha i love it a lot as well

and abt jeonghan: yeah! honestly synaesthesia is a really really different experience for anyone so i like to think of it as one of those sexuality labels. if you feel like it fits, then you're allowed to use it! those tests online are sketchy af anyways unless you wanna pay for a Real and Scientific Test

i think assigning colours to vibes and personalities is very interesting though!! i don't think i could do that haha, personalities have always just been so complex and different for me that a colour just doesn't come to mind at all (i don't think my synaesthesia works in that way lmao) so that's really really fascinating! honestly tho,,, im also struggling w jihoon too and maybe that's bc i haven't spent several minutes just Staring at his face yet but i just have a gut feeling that he's gonna be one tough cookie

aww thank u so much please that's so lovely to hear ^^ that really makes me the happiest oml, being told that people are able to feel my writing and my descriptions <3

aww yess please do lmk what you think of the others !! it's so nice to see you in my inbox again 💗

[sunmoonclouds]

hiiiiii welcome to my lmk blog

slappin together an intro post to christian this blog or whatever. like breaking a champagne bottle on the hull of a ship or something. honestly idek if im gonna use this blog yet but yknow if i get the impulse i dont wanna have to do a bunch of prep work before i can so here we are.

i use they/them and am an adult. i dont feel comfortable divulging much else but that seems like the most necessary. and as for a name idek what i want to be called In General so if you need a name just make one the fuck up, probably based on my url or just the whole thing so i know you mean me. maybe not just "sun" though. anything else though go wild have fun maybe I'll finally FINALLY feel settled on a name.

slapping the rest under the cut bc hoooly shit. I'll slap a tldr at the bottom too but everything else is very extraneous no worries.

also as you may have noticed already i have severe yap disease. It Is Terminal i fear. but jokes aside i currently have a bad habit of Rambling For Actual Fucking Ever! i apologize in advance and ask for your patience in this difficult time etc etc whatever but in all seriousness this has happened to me before so i have reason to believe it'll get better eventually. it is seriously literally for real just a phase i prommy. or at least i hope so but yknow.

anyway onto actual lmk stuff. my faves r the monkey trio (which is another point in my long long trend of picking vanilla freaking ice cream as my favorite like come onnnnn) but yeah they're the ever 2 me. especially mk when hitting on his monkey plot thread it makes me want 2 eat my phone and chew thru drywall (/v v pos i tend to feel bitey when extremely excited) (i will read every monkey mk fic out there) (mark my words) (this is a threat /lh) but honestly i love them All. i will try and restrain myself from that sidebar tho. [flashbacks to the employment status incident.] . anyway continuing with more In General, i really like everyone's relationship dynamics too and love reading all sorts of fanfic with different takes on them!! like ofc i have my limits but im not picky i loooove different interpretations and angles. and with ships im pretty go with the flow (as long as its not weird). like I'll read just abt anything (as long as its not weird) especially if the writer can get me invested and they do majority of the time so! ya.

my url is based on the monkey trio like sun moon duh but clouds ive seen mk associated with a lot. like stars is the obvious continuation of that trope or w/e you'd call it but the boy has got more cloud vibes i think. also i think ive seen people translate his name to "little cloud" or he was just Called that? like a fanon term of endearment? it was probably a mistranslation or i am completely misremembering everything and just. mixed something up along the way. but regardless. he is now cloud boy.

✨tldr✨

idek if im gonna use this blog yet but im just prepping it in case i do

they/them, adult

if you need a name just make something up, probably from my url or just use it wholesale. maybe not just "sun" on its own though. otherwise as long i understand you're referring to me then hooray the name has served its purpose

disclaimer: i have terminal Will Not Shut Up Disease. but I'll probably get better. one day.

my faves are the monkey trio! (not very unique i know) especially mk in his monkey plot thread! i will consume every monkey mk fic out there mark my words-

but really i do enjoy everyone, especially their various relationship dynamics!

I'll read just about anything in terms of relationship interpretations and ships (as long as it's not weird) as people are so talented in making them interesting and getting me invested!

my url is a monkey trio reference! the cloud part might originate from me misremembering something, but mks just cloud boy to me now ig.

(ps if you know who i am NO YOU DONT!!! i doubt anyone would be able to Tell if they even found this but. im just not ready to deal with that yet. h.)

(pps i know this intro post is ass i will replace it one day but for now it'll do)

[abcdosaka]

other stuff

i bought britney's memoir day 1 and read it in two days. obviously. really really good i'm so glad i got it bc her voice is captured very clearly but also its written in a captivating way that really sparks my interest like i didn't wanna put it down. it was a better reading experience than i'm glad my mom died, like that book was great and it made me cry too but something about the way all the chapters were separated made it annoying to read sometimes.

the only reason i didn't read it all at once is bc i had to sleep and i was getting into the start of the conservatorship which was really hard to read. a lot of it is actually hard to read, esp the divorce and her being institutionalized, i think bc i'm kind of a stan so reading her personal feelings on everything was really tough. but anyway i cried twice

idk people were complaining like "we already knew all this tho" but you never heard it directly from britney?? like why are you complaining? didn't you wanna know britney's perspective on everything? how are you even a fan. i knew a lot of this stuff bc there have been deep dives on her and i've read them like a lot of her early life and the stuff abt her family history have been documented and aren't really a surprise to me but i always took them w several grains of salt bc you could never confirm this stuff unless she personally confirmed it, which in this case she did.

i even saw people saying they wanted her to talk about the original doll and her music like what? i don't think this was ever a memoir that was meant to be about her music i mean this is for her for express herself in her own words for once. well she did say that part 2 is coming next year so maybe she'll cover it there.

genuinely tho i can't understand wanting to lock people up like that its actually monstrous. and the only reason is bc they wanted to use her as a cash cow. and now everyone's like she keeps posting naked pics on ig :( was ending the conservatorship a mistake? like actually shut the fuck up. first of all, in general, infantilizing someone and making them helpless is not helping them develop any sense of independence in the first place. second of all, all she does is post naked pics and dancing vids with all the emojis like what is the problem!!!!! maybe its the cctv angle but she's like 40 please give her a break. maybe she's a little cringe WHO CARES shes literally just having fun and loving her body. she's literally not harming anyone. you think ppl should be institutionalized and 'handled' just for being a little weird?

anyway whatever i'm not engaging with the morons or conspiracy theorists anymore. people on the internet are so fucking dumb and lacking in any sense of understanding or empathy. the ppl that say she should be are always so judgemental and have horrible vibes and yet i'd still never say "we should put them in a conservatorship". like you go ahead and make your stupid decisions and say your shitty opinions on your own.

kinda on topic kinda off but when my parents get old enough that they can't function i really don't wanna put them in a home or anything even resembling a conservatorship type scenario. i'd hate to see them suffer or have no freedoms and elder abuse scares me icl. they're p dogshit at emotions and i don't particularly like to talk to them about serious shit and idk how i'll come out to them if ever but i do love them and i could never imagine that for them. and even just as a basic human right i want them to make their own decisions.

ugh i made this post so long too. but its been a while since i've been on my britney stan shit so its ok. ive been really into mamamoo again lately. another other ggs too. i really like le sserafim and g-idle. i used to kinda hate idle's music but i think its gotten a lot better lately bc queencard and nxde are soooo good. tomboy is good too but the lyrics are so strange that its distracting (like its okay in their other songs but in tomboy its just too much for me for some reason). le sserafim has really good title tracks and the rest of the album is like eh but epbw and antifragile are some of the best new music i've listened to, antifragile was so addicting.

also looking forward to: the red velvet album. red velvet either releases the greatest music ever or like the worst song i've ever heard in my life. there's more good than bad though so i'm excited. seulgi's solo album was soooo good i only just listened recently but its the groups best solo concept imo.

they're making a dungeon meshi anime and i'm actually excited!! my fav part of dungeon meshi was always the beginning and middle parts like the beginning is REALLY strong. there's also gonna be the love condition anime and that i'm a little less excited for bc that series is the opposite, it gets really good as the chapters go on but the beginning is like wow hananoi you really gotta chill and the anime will only adapt that initial portion :/ will still be watching tho

can't think of anything else but it was nice to write random shit after a while of not doing that. i feel good :)

[the-healing-mindset]

Hii!! I don't know where to start with my experience but I saw some posts on your blog that I can relte to on a level I never did with other posts before so I thought I might get some useful advice from you, I was a VERY confident person, I never had trouble being myself, and never found trouble mingling anywhere. But last year the girls in my class were all very insecure and they just loved bashing me for simply not being insecure really. So, I realized I only had breakable confidence and it broke after these girls treated me sh!tty for 9 months straight.

I didn't realize it till around September last year, it was my first month in a new school and I noticed that I had zero social skills and I could barely move without thinking what people might say in their heads abt me, I kept hiding and avoiding the spotlight tho that's not like me at all! I even cried when a teacher asked me a question and I gave her a wrong answer. It was so bad almost like I was in another person's foot, like I'm not myself like I just existed yesterday.

Anyways, nothing changed the first semester I was just confused and crying everyday waiting for something to change, nothing did. I stayed like this for 130 days, then I started to actually work on myself and now, 145 days later I kinda made things better, I can stop hiding in public places. but still I can't stop feeling shame whenever I do something like myself. I really would love to know if you have tips on how to get rid of this feeling, the second semester is pretty close and I'm determined to get my full confidence back before it starts, also sorry if this is long but I just got too comfortable. :))

These are the asks I live for!!! Two things to start off. First, I want to thank you for submitting this ask because through it, I can see that you still know yourself more than you are aware of, something I'll get into deeper a little later. Second, I want to apologize in advance because my response will get a little lengthy, so no need to apologize on your part. I love the detail that you write with. 💜

I am so sorry that you have had the misfortune of dealing with shitty people. Really. I never use language like that, but I know the experience, so I won't beat around the bush, and it's a good thing that you aren't doing so either. You've looked through the blog already, so I won't make this response about me as you have likely seen my posts concerning the similar stuff, but I can relate to EVERY word you typed and each feeling that you described above. I know exactly how tough it is to go from having that confidence where you feel like you can conquer the world (or the days and weeks at least), to staying in bed because the world is just that scary. Hiding because you just get so tense that if anyone says anything to you, you freeze and get even more nervous and possibly burst out in tears because it's just so overwhelming. Not being able to assert yourself because you get so caught up in your head about how the other person may feel. I've been there. And I am working through this exact thing right now after nearly 18 years of having been treated that way.

Remember earlier when I said that you still know yourself more than it feels like? Most of that is because you have that awareness of how you feel down to almost a science. I recognized that immediately because I have a very similar trait. The detail of exactly how long you have been feeling a certain way and how long you have been working on yourself and getting better is something that not many other people are able to do. Having this awareness is helpful, which should give you some hope. Be proud of yourself for this. On to a few tips.

This may be annoying, because it was to me when I was looking for ways to break myself out of this state of mind, something that I began describing as "shell-shock," though I know that has a different meaning, but it helped me in further describing the feeling to myself. Though this wasn't meant to be the first tip - (and it isn't the annoying one either, lol, but this is how my thoughts have started to flow) - find words that are true to you to describe the way you are feeling. These words do not have to be appropriate, and they don't have to be kind, friendly, nice, or what ever other descriptor you want to attach. They just have to be true to you and to the way you are feeling. Journal and write these feelings out. You don't have to journal whole sentences at first. Start out with just maybe labeling at the top of the page, "words that describe how I feel" and go from there. Phrases can be included in this. Move on to whole sentences if you feel like that is something that would help you out. I know that it may be scary to keep a journal, especially if you live with others, which I did as I filled up my first seven of them. But writing really does help you process what you are feeling and what you are going through (think of the comfort you felt as you were writing to me.) That's the key.

Also just another piece to go along with this (tip 1.5). In addition to pen and paper, you could do little video journals of yourself using the front-facing camera on your phone. Almost like a vlog, but you will be the only one watching it back, and you can get more personal with it. I know it sounds a little weird, and it will be at first, but it's something that I started in early 2022 and it helped me because one of the missing pieces for me is that I had stopped seeing myself. I was no longer visible to the one person who could help me out of my situation. Make sure you look directly into the camera while talking your feelings out to yourself. When you play it back, you will be looking directly at yourself from the other side which can help you rebuild that social muscle. You don't have to stare at it the whole time, of course, but it allows for a more natural eye contact feel when you play it back. As I said, I know it's a weird one, but in our healing, sometimes it's the weird things that help us the most.

This second piece of advice is the annoying one that I was talking about, because it is one that everyone talks about nowadays. Meditation. I know. It isn't for everyone. I have started and stopped SO many times over the past 8 years, but I have finally gotten to a place where it helps. When I am not able to do meditation, I just do diaphragmatic breathing. In simple terms, it's just breathing deeply into your tummy instead of into your chest. The guide I linked from Harvard Med should give you a good idea of how to start out. With a little practice, you will be able to do this anytime without having to lie flat, but it really works wonders when you have time to do it that way. Recently, and I am talking just within the past two weeks, breathing this way has helped me out tremendously with that social anxiety that you were describing above. It allows me to get deeply anchored into my body and out of my thoughts for just a little while, which gives me space to feel freer and let more of my personality shine through. If you feel yourself getting tensed up, just try it out and see if you feel better. If regular meditation doesn't work, then guided meditations may help a little better because someone else is there guiding you along. It may take a little while to find ones that are suitable to you, but don't worry if you can't do that immediately. Please don't give it up just after a few tries if it doesn't work for you immediately. Feeling yourself get back into occupying the entirety of your body is something that helped me feel more like a person instead of just a reactive "thing" so to speak. I'm not saying that that is the way you are, but that is how I felt about myself - and still do from time to time when I am thinking about how I was treated.

Lastly, while you are in the midst of feeling off or tense, even if there are no other people in your immediate environment causing this, start talking to yourself as a mother would her child who is afraid. Another strange one, I know, but just bear with me. When I first noticed myself feeling like you described above, I had no idea what was going on, but after about two years, I noticed that in those moments, I felt like a scared and helpless child, a feeling that came back to me late one evening as I was writing, and that I remembered actually feeling when I was a child so many years ago. The remedy? Remind yourself that you are safe. As you are anchoring yourself in your body through your deep breathing, remind yourself that everything around you is okay. Remind yourself that you are a capable person and that you are capable of navigating your life, even if things get a little unfamiliar at times. I know it sounds a bit weird that you will be talking to yourself out loud, but try it when you are alone sometimes. If you happen to be far away from others for a few minutes, or at home with no one else around. After a while, you will be able to do this in your head when you're afraid or feeling tense, which means that no one will know the wiser. Also, going back to tip 1.5, you could record little voice memos for yourself and play them back during tough moments if you have some earbuds. Something calming and that puts you at ease.

Through all of this and as you continue to learn and grow, I hope that you become a safe person for yourself. Someone you come to rely on first and foremost. Not saying that you aren't now, because you do have that awareness and emotional intelligence that many people are lacking nowadays, you've just become a little insecure within your own skin based on other people, something I can relate to til no end. We just need to block them out and let ourselves in.

[machinati0ns]

--tipsyGnostalgic started pestering timaeusTestified!-- : TG: ok so we can make this work 4 the most part TG: but it dose need a couple minor changes TT: Well, don't leave me hangin'. TG: HANG on ill send it 2 u TG: changes.png TG: chnages.txt TG: also ill obvs send back the prototype TG: u mite need tht idk TT: Yeah, I might. TT: Thanks. TG: np TT: ... TG: ... TT: ... TG: ... TT: ... TG: so r u gonna tell me whats on ur mind or r we just gonna keep saying dots @ each other 4ever TT: ... TG: dots it is then! TG: ... TT: No, sorry, I'm just thinking. TG: yea lol when r u not TT: If it actually does go this quickly, we'll be a couple years ahead of schedule, won't we? TG: yep TG: all the better 2 get the drop on the batterwithc with TT: True that. TT: Time enough for us to get to know them too, hopefully. TG: ... TT: ... TG: i cant wait TT: I know. Me neither. TG: i miss her so much TG: even tho ive never met her TT: I know. TT: I feel the same way, believe me. TG: o trust me i do TT: ... TG: ... TT: ... TG: ... TT: So anyway. TG: GOD TT: Not to totally change the subject from our stunted and awkward emotional trauma bonding, but regardless of how long it takes, we should prepare sooner rather than later. TG: yeah way 2 ruin the moment striDICK TT: Yeah, yeah. Sorry. TT: But like I was saying. TG: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGNH TG: i no i no TG: beliebe u me i have been thinkin bout this for YEARS TT: Beliebe? TG: R U NOT A BELIEBER DIRK???? TT: Is anyone these days? TG: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHNT x2 TT: Sorry I asked. TG: u better b! TG: but n e ways yeah ive been thinkin TG: about what to bring n what 2 leave behind TG: like food for xample. do u think well need 2 bring any TT: Presumably they will have some, given it's the 21st century and not the post-apocalypse. TT: But we should err on the side of caution. So maybe a small ration or something. TT: As well as anything we'll want to keep that wasn't already left for us. TG: not a lot o tht shit lmaooo TT: Yeah. TG: wat abt ur bot bros tho?? TT: ... TG: ... TT: I might be able to bring Squarewave; he's small enough. TT: Sawtooth, though... TG: o nooooo TT: I know. TT: I don't want to leave him behind, but he's so big. TG: could u make him smaller tho? r like a temp chassis till u can build him another 1? TT: Would I even have time to do that? TG: bro we got so much time TG: licterally all the time in the world TT: I'll see if I can. TT: I'd hate to have to leave any of them. TT: Will the carapaces be alright without you? TG: i gotta hope so @ least TG: theyre resilient lil guy i beliebe in them TT: I do, too.

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)