#I'll have it any other day mostly but just not today or tomorrow morning. argh. argh argh. argghhh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

piplupod · 1 year

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i hate that there isnt any way to work thru these feelings and i hate that theres no way for me to escape them properly and i am just supposed to survive all of this and sit with this terror and dread 24/7 and be fine !!!

#i do not have my last ditch coping mechanism tonight that I'd really loooove to have #I'll have it any other day mostly but just not today or tomorrow morning. argh. argh argh. argghhh #I should've just gotten high tonight idk i rly wish i could just be high constantly ngl fnfkdl #but that's exactly why i avoid it as much as i can bc i cannooooot get into self medicating w that when theres these genetics at play #family history of substance abuse and psychosis 👍 i hate being alive so much fhfkdl not going to lie rn #i am trying so hard to be normal all the time and not entirely lose my mind but goddamn this is truly not smth ppl should have to survive #other ppl have it much much worse i know and i am relatively lucky all things considered but jesus christ this is so much and im exhausted #i cannot just be screaming my head off constantly though so i am doing my best to be normal and fine and decent and appropriate #idk i just.... how do i get thru this when there is no end to it fjfkdl this is not Getting Through! its just Enduring!#im going to go have some semblance of food and then work on clay maybe and try not to lose my mind entirely #if i can keep myself from destroying a bunch of art tonight then i will consider tonight a success fhjfdkl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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