#I'll give only two exams this semester and that means I'm going to give four exams the next semester

[girlpetrarca]

I can't sleep and I'm terrified about my future

[theboardwalkbody]

Bert McCracken announced a mini solo tour at the end of October/beginning of November. I am in the worst part of nursing school. The show closest to me is on a Wednesday night and Thursday mornings I need to be up at 5am.

And you know what - I am BEYOND sick of how many times nursing school has made me have to miss seeing The Used (evidently I only go to shows where Bert is anymore lol). I had to miss their two-night album anniversary tour. I had to miss another that was right before covid (so that's technically three shows), and I missed another that was right after a semester ended but I was broke (*note - still extremely broke and this is a frivolity I should not be purchasing).

So I bought the ticket anyway.

I am in a bad place mentally, I am already burned out a week into the semester and I am contemplating dropping out and can not see myself passing this course. I am entering severe depression levels despite my meds. The show is basically the only thing I am looking forward to for the rest of the year since I am feeling hopeless about passing.

Yes, I have a 5am wakeup the next day because I have clinical that day. BUT I kind of don't care. I'm used to going to bed at midnight and only getting 5 hours of sleep. I know the show will give me a mood and energy boost and I'm sure I'll be riding the high of it for the next day. AND that particular clinical is the last one. (so we may or may not get out early - i doubt we will but there's always a chance). So you'd be insane to think I would miss a show just because it was on the eve of the LAST clinical.

Provided I pass the final exam - Preceptorship starts the following Thursday. It's going to be two 12 hour unpaid shifts a week for the next four weeks. On top of that I will need to go to ACTUAL work during that time (which HOPEFULLY works out because I don't get to make my preceptorship schedule, it's based on the employee's schedule and I may not be able to find work on the days I would have off). That also means I may be 'working' for 48 hours a week from November to December. That's going to suck so bad. The show being when it is will kind of be like a little treat to help boost my mood to make it through that last month.

My final exam is the week after. I am 10000000% going to be stressed AF (and this level may increase if my grades up until this point aren't high enough to make me feel comfortable). I can not explain how badly I will NEED something positive in my life at this point without alarming my therapist.

The timing of this show is actually insanely significant and beneficial. It will give a little boost for the final leg of the semester/program. It acts as a treat to help me reset from the stress of September - November. It is like a reward for the work I will have done up until that point, as well as being a sort of pre-celebration for passing, making it to that point, and PROVIDED I pass that final on the 9th, I technically will have passed nursing school and just have to put in the time for preceptorship. It also helps as a de-stressor to help me try and be a little bit calmer for the final.

The timing is paramount.

(If I have already failed out or am in significant risk of failing out or if my entire grade relies on getting a high grade on the final so the likelihood of failing out is high.... we will have bigger things to worry about regarding my mental health than the show can handle, to be very honest with you and at that point I very likely wont be going for one reason or another while I take care of that because I'll probably be too emotionally catatonic to even care - which is significant because it's Bert and I love him a disgusting amount lol).