#I'll get to see her this weekend
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#𐂃「ᴏᴜᴛ ��ꜰ ʙᴜʟʟᴇᴛꜱ��」 ＆＆. * 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#( WANNA GIVE HUGE THANKS FOR ALL THE#LOVE && SUPPORT THRU MY MOTHER'S SURGERY#she was admitted to emergency hospital last night#and overall it went well#I'll get to see her this weekend#so; if nothing else spontaneously happens in the#next few hours#I SHOULD be here later tonight! C:#I was able to sleep last night thanks to all your#kind words and genuine pep talks#I WISH I COULD DOTE ON EACH AND EVERY ONE OF#YOU WITH DOODLES#i'm excited to get back to answering shit#thanks again lovely sinners#and I CANNOT wait for a damn vacation so I#could find the time to talk to every one of y'all for#hours on end dkgjlsk )#deleltelater
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#please pray that i will either be totally completely better of my sickness tomorrow#OR that i will get slightly worse enough that i clearly can't travel this weekend#supposed to go visit my friend and tour a cave with another friend#and on the one hand she's beloved to me and moving across the country in december and i miss her#but on the other hand it's a lot of driving and i'm kind of scared of caves and i really don't feel great#and what i don't want is to be in the state of like i could do this but it'll mildly suck and i'll continue feeling crappy for a week after#i want to see her! but not if it means continuing to be miserable. and sharing germs.#this is my healthy-person privilege (literally i only get sick when i've been pushing myself for months and also traveling)#but i just can't have a good time with people when my body isn't in shape. i'm distracted and it#it's not fun
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my mom visited today. it gave me the motivation yesterday to clean (nearly) my whole apartment. she liked the place. then we got falafel for lunch and walked to the theater and ate it outside by the river cause the weather was gorgeous today. then saw the show (great as usual). then walked around for about another ninety minutes. and then had dinner at our favorite restaurant in the city. it was a mezze place and we love mediterranean so it's always a treat
fresh flatbreads with olive oil + pomegranate molasses for dipping as the table bread. i got an orange blossom lemonade and mom got a beautiful fruity mocktail. we split a plate of spanakopita and our favorite crispy eggplant. then some beef marrow kibbeh and a lamb kebab with charred onions, tabbouleh, and tahini. for dessert mom had rose ice cream with mint cream and chocolate custard, plus a cup of mint tea. i had black tea and a turkish coffee/chocolate lava cake with mastic ice cream and pistachios. incredible dinner. we've eaten here probably a half dozen times by now, even though there's a thousand other restaurants in the city this remains our favorite because everything is just so reliably Good
#i wanma talk about#we didn't even get the fries tonight. which are fantastic. but we wanted to try the spanakopita this time. and we didn't even miss the fries#gd it's so good. my favorite special occasion restaurant in dc#mom's on the train back home now...i miss her already#i'll see her again in baltimore for a concert in a couple weekends and then go home fod thanksgiving but. still
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b99 Doodles (Terry & Holt have an underratedly sweet friendship)
#b99#Kevin Cozner#Raymond Holt#that stuff about their families are just my headcanons of course#Holt seems like a perfectionist...student government + debate club + founded the first LGBT club unofficially + Top of his class + Volunteer#work and tutoring on weekends#Meanwhile Kevin was skipping school to read shakespeare or go see an old film and think about how much he wanted to get out of this#NIGHTMARE suburb...#Kevin seems like he stopped being angsty and mad only once he got to college and was able to be himself more authentically#I think Debbie does something where she talks to a lot of people as a job - like a receptionist. Something where she can be friendly and get#a lot of gossip...she was also involved in a lot of clubs and afterschool activities...powerhouses those Holts#Debbie appeared in ONE episode and yet she was so sweet in that ep v_v literally got cheated on but was like 'oh my god!!! No don't worry#about me - I'll be alright - I don't wanna stress you out!!' ...obviously loves her brother a lot <3#b99 fanart
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the way i am so tempted........ to write queen vassa, with all the slavic folklore/mythology inspo & deathless vibes........
#tbd.#i love her sm. band of exiles beloveds..#i was rereading selected bits & pieces of the series that i had tabbed for lore purposes#and now i'm just like..... huh.#might make a mumu sideblog.. we shall see :')#i'm meeting w friends tomorrow to watch bridgerton so i'll be sparse because i don't want to get spoiled.#might write over the weekend but who knows!
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#so i woke up really early#and that was okay cos inwatched avs while i loaded the dishwasher and fed henry (cat not popstar) and washed my face and logged into work#four day weekends are so nice but my bosses emails ugh#i managed to have three meetings#one of which i had to contribute a lot to#and get a ministerial response completed while watching that utterly borked nucks match#and now i am having morning tea and feeling good#ive decided its not too late to plant sweet peas#i couldn't do it cos of surgery but look its still Autumn..#and idk i just feel gd about this week#i am enjoying organising the house in a low pressure way and writing my fic and i see neil on wed#and it is mamas birthday on Saturday so on Friday my sisters and i will have dinner at a nice place by the harbour#near where she wants her ashes scattered under the bridge where you walk round the corner and see soh#and we'll talk about things she would have hated and things she would have loved since she died#and I'll cry into my sydney rock oysters and miss her#but im missing her as i stand in the kitchen typing this waiting for the kettle to boil so you know#silv rambles#sorry i just do this on whichever blog im using the most#block the silv rambles tag if its super annoying
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still got an occasional gross cough and a bunch of anxiety over being back at work with a certain horribly exhausting person but prolonging the stress will prob make it worse so I might as well go back to work tomorrow.
I stress cleaned everything in my flat today except the piles of washed clothes and unwashed dishes so things are back to normal once more, and then I sorted out all the stuff for upcoming project + exam prep and packed my bag for tomorrow and laid out clothes so I'm as ready as I can be.
gonna be exhausted tho bc it's already 11 pm and I gotta be up by 4:30 am at the latest if I wanna be at work at my usual time. I don't have to be there at 6:30, I could go there at 9 or 10 even but then I would have to stay late and deal with people right away, which is a strong hell nah for me
#we'll see how it goes. if I end ul feeling like utter shit in the morning or the cough gets worse again as it has been kinda#then I'll just divert to going to the doc instead. maybe ask for another day or two. it'll be a short week anyway#since the 3rd is a national holiday and most ppl will take the following day off to have a long weekend#so we'll see. gonna go with my gut on this. either way. and try to fight against the anxiety bc it'll just escalate again if I let it#today was proof enough of that. cleaning the entire place bc of nervous energy is a clear sign that I'm not doing so hot#but as therapy teaches you: recognising the pattern is the first step in changing it. so all that's left is adjusting behaviour#can't fix her attitude and her lack of care about anyone else and her disregard of other people's emotions#all I can do is focus on the rest of the bunch bc they're wonderful folks and on the work since there's plenty to do#esp with the project time starting now. I really gotta get on that. I have a week and a half to figure out the practical aspects etc#and I'm sure I'll be returning to a bunch of emails and messages and unfinished tasks rip#all the more reason to be there early as usual so I can take some time to get back on track#a day in the life of..
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Gross dog attends a dog show to do nothing more than eat snacks, wiggle at people, and roll in grass.
#an entire weekend of having a manner#is this the year Pike (ugly) finishes her champion? We shall see#if begging people to show their rat terriers doesn't worke#maybe I'll just steal them again#I think Pike enjoys showing bc 1) she gets so many snacks and 2) she gets to wiggle at so many little dogs (her beloved)#turnpike
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Song of the Day: March 22
"Too Sweet" by Hozier
#song of the day#new Hozier songs!! absolutely adore this one. listen to that bass line!!#and as much as I also take my bed at three--or later. since it's after six now. whoops--the chorus isn't my very favorite part#'I aim low / I aim true and the ground's where I go#I work late where I'm free from the phone / and the job gets done / but you worry some I know'#love the build there#I still haven't had the bad talk with my boss. she had to have another meeting with another person disappointing her and mine got delayed#hooray? gonna cause more problems later but it got me a reprieve for now so hooray I guess!#it's raining now and it'll be freezing later so I haven't gotten out to the garden yet either#it looks like the weather will be better for it on Monday which is also when my meeting got rescheduled for#so I'll get to garden as my reward for being a big girl and doing my job even when it suuuucks#also tentative plans to play Stardew with my siblings this weekend!! very excited to see the updates#I want one of those blue farms so bad#and then /next/ week we'll go around to the pet stores and scout the stuff for Duncan's frog tank#we got the filter matting that's going to make up the lowest layer of 'land' in his paludarium today and it's neat-weird squishy
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Alright maybe my coworkers don't Actually hate me after all~
#me since Friday: omg you made it weird they all resent you now#my colleagues today: have you prepared for your appointment? [giving me 100 tips on how to get through it]#'actually you should start as an editor right away it would be unfair to make you do a traineeship'#wait you support that? i thought you hated me because I'd be useless for you because i couldn't help you as I do now anymore??#(i didn't say the 'i thought you hate me' part lol. i just said 'oh but wouldn't it be to your disadvantage?' and no. apparently not#whoops#also when i had the conversation with the boss he was leaning very much towards the traineeship#but also said 'well but [name] said a traineeship wouldn't be necessary for you because you already are so familiar with everything#and we also offer the additional trainings to our editors so hmmm'#like what? she actually told you that? (even my other two coworkers were like 'oh she told HIM directly??' like. i'm soft)#so yeah let's see where this gets me. if i actually get an Actual job there it will be much more stressful because I'll have fixed#working hours. but it would also be nice to stop being primarily a student. that's like. the main thing.#also when i was on the train with coworker 1 (I'll give them numbers now lol) he told me coworker 2 said she liked working with me#and coworker 3 was excited to hear i was coming to the office when he told her. like ???#ok enough of this#i just feel a bit better now that i know I didn't actually break their trust or whatever and they don't hate me lol#(also coworker 3 seemed really excited when we were talking about the trainings (like. special courses. usually during the weekend) I'd have#to do because she wants to do them too and 'we can do that together then!!! that would be great!!'#void screams#work stuff
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ack somewhere between my samefood weekend breakfast that is... not very easy on my tummy. and the delicious but Very Strong cold brew coffee i had this morning.....
fucking OW. most of today has been sitting down and breathing through the pain. every time i move it feels like my guts are imploding
#it hasn't been this bad in a WHILE#i can usually ower through on work days bc something about masking keeps my body.. calmer#but lowering my guard to rest on weekends means my physical defenses are weaker too#i simply reached from my chair to get the charger for my 3ds and that was enough to send me running to the bathroom#i'm going to try taking it easy on the coffee this week#and next weekend i'll cut out the most suspect part of my breakfast (spam my beloved) because this really cannot continue#it consumes so much energy to be in a stomach flare like this#and i know i'm crashing from changed at work (and light at the end of the tunnel for Nightmare Coworker's imminent firing)#(she'd been on her best behavior earlier in the week after getting her last write up... but by friday it was already deteriorating)#(i didn't have to document anything last week but. we'll see how this week goes)#personal
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i know it's not like i'm the most affected by the situation, but i wish idk i wish that i didn't have to direct my whole behavior to be my mom's emotional support dog so she can feel she's a good project manager and at least someone understands her side and listens to her good advice. which admittedly my uncle is being particularly difficult in this whole situation, bc it's always complicated, but also christ maybe it was your mom but it was also my grandma. one day you tell me "what you two had was really special" and the next you don't even let me have a moment alone with her. like god. you saw her yesterday. you could've left me a minute with her or something. you could've refrained from putting your gross ass arm around my shoulders like why do you absolutely cannot resist ruining every important moment in my life? i want to be as helpful as possible for her in this very difficult time, but NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES. not even five minutes could she stand letting me handle how I want to grieve MY own grandmother.
#it just feels like i'll never have closure#like i'll never get to say goodbye#and i can't say anything because i'm not going to tell anyone how to greive their mother#and if she needs me there then i'll be there it's. whatever.#but god#tomorrow and sunday: weekend. have to spend it with my parents.#monday: school. maybe i can try to visit the funerarium with the bus if i have time but. i don't know. it's so scary.#i'll have to squeeze a visit between school and the time i need to be home and i just wish i didn't have this fucking dreadful perspective#and this equally dreadful memory#hanging over every second i could spend there#tuesday: burial. we'll see her before they close the casket but there'll be lots of people it's just. gross.#i mean i'll go but it's not the same#it's nothing like what it should've been#i feel awful#you can't even let me have one last good memory of her#a peaceful time instead of having to take a wild guess about what you need this second and managing your emotions#she expects a certain behavior from me and i don't even fucking know what it is#i mean yeah it means i should be like i was when i was six and my grandpa died#i should cry and scream and be a crisis situation to manage and cry about together#sorry i haven't molded myself to be exactly what you need#broadcasting my misery#vent
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i just gave myself a very bad haircut but also yesterday my mom said that i think i'm trans because i have repressed trauma and seemed very ambivalent about telling my abusive dad ie very ambivalent about my safety and health so i'm allowed i guess
#im seeing my family next weekend and she asked if i should tell my dad before then like giving me a week's notice that i'll get screamed at#and idk threatened w violence and stuff is totally fine#like i didn't spend half my childhood thinking about how to keep her safe from him! lol!#and my undercut is so overgrown
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you can always tell when i'm between hyperfixations bc my art posting goes from 60 every day to 0 for WEEKS
#posts#sighhhhh#i wanna make some new ocs but im having trouble building them SOBSSS#i created millie recently and she's so cute#her fc is katie mcgrath from merlin but then i started rewatching merlin#and millie is essentially pre-emo era morgana#im DISTRESSED#so i have dragon age origins coming at the weekend so i'll play her in that and see where it takes me :')#i miss my ocs but yanno........#waves on the shore#eddie however is in my heart as ALWAYS and i really wanna get the energy back to finish her novel!!!!#but i am. super unwell unfortunately. sooo L
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Went ahead and finished Xander through Road to Nowhere, after figuring out you can in fact reset the whole Kessan's Landing section of the mission. So I got a do-over talking to the SIS. :D
Still didn't get to talk to Jonas so I'm starting to seriously suspect it's still bugged, but at least they're not dead this time.\o/
#queen in space#xander thorne#the mando-specific dialogue was cool#and i found out if you go for killing tyrus you ARE the one to kill him#but the game still makes you try to make sa'har do it which is still bs#keme would've shot the man in the face no hesitation when he try to comm heta#benefit of xander being a) not a main and b) more ruthless :#however it played out tyrus was dying for him#so i got to see that at least sa'har won't/can't do it and you do#still mad they try to make you make her :\#i just need to get evya caught up--main goal this weekend--and i'll have someone ready for all the date nights
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GX Finalized-Subs!93 & 94 Update
That’s all--you can go back to scrolling now
#subbing rambling#GX#yugioh gx#yugioh#ygo#elemental hero neos#Tea Sun In's team's attention to detail here#no but really i've finished working on the animation fixes I picked up on for both episodes#started on them last friday and finished up today; 4 for 93 and 12 for 94#ranging from card fixes to quality-of-watching fixes#[including a few zoom-out keyframing ones which are always fuuun]#might make a quick highlight post of some#so i've got the DVDrips ready and i'll be starting on the subs themselves probably Monday#will see if i can get 'em out by next weekend or just after#also i absolutely hate what 4Kids did with Asuka in the dub#the whole thing is that Saiou--well the Light of Destruction but shh--suppressed Asuka's individuality#to make her his disciple of light/etc#and Fubuki and Manjoume trying to help Judai is to try and get through to her frozen self#but the dub decides 'hey let's just have her be as rude as she was before with no real visible personality change'#i know some folks aren't as keen to the hella-White!Asuka idea in 93/94 but#idk just doesn't gel for me given the original setup#also i like when they ruin dramatic 'shout attack name to end the duel' moments by going 'do your thing!' or 'unleash your fury'
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