#I'd like to think I'm learning lol but these are still over the place quality wise but i hope you like them vilma!!!!

[chancheols]

A heap of Hyunjins for my fellow, favourite Hyunjin enthusiast💜💗 @hyunpic

[agent-troi]

scully and mulder's dynamic visibly changes after the onset of the season of secret sex

i've been thinking about how dd and ga deliberately played season 7 like mulder and scully were sleeping together, and i think there's solid evidence of that in the differences in how scully reacts to mulder appearing to show interest in another woman before and after the season of secret sex begins (i'm using millennium as the before/after divider bc i think that's what dd and ga decided, but this is based on my vague memory of a reddit comment about it which is how i first learned that the season of secret sex was a thing)

so overall there's an undercurrent of insecurity, borne of scully's uncertainty regarding precisely how mulder feels about her and what her place is in the hierarchy of things that are important to him in his life, that exists in the pre-millennium incidents and is glaringly absent post-millennium:

before millennium:

(i'm not gonna include phoebe/fire here bc i don't think scully's awareness of her feelings had yet risen to the point where she'd be truly jealous, i'd characterize her in that ep as largely protective of mulder and unwilling to let him deal with phoebe's games alone. it also helps that he's clearly not happy phoebe is back in his life again, unlike his much more positive reaction to diana)

war of the coprophages- the second scully finds out about bambi, she immediately hops in her car and drives up to miller's grove to join mulder, bc letting him investigate cockroaches alone was fine but god forbid he spend quality time investigating an x-file with an attractive female scientist who isn't herself- that's their thing!!

syzygy- to be fair the planetary alignment situation was exacerbating her- and mulder's- behavior here, but her jealousy of and hostility to detective white were still real, even if she would've been able to rein in her emotions better under normal circumstances.

diana fowley arc- i think this speaks for itself, lol

alpha- this is an interesting period in their relationship: after most of the diana shit is over, but before the tension between them is fully resolved (a process which to me begins with milagro/the unnatural and ends with amor fati, but that would be its own post lol).

other than introducing himself to karin as "fox" (maybe as a way to appeal to her preference for canids lol) and thus implicitly giving her permission to call him by his first name (which she proceeds to do throughout the episode), mulder doesn't seem to show much in the way of attraction to her.

even when he touches her hand to move the mouse, he's more interested in what's on the screen than in paying attention to her:

karin, however, is visibly affected by the contact, a fact which scully immediately notices:

later in the car, they have this convo, the last line of which is so heavily laden with diana subtext it's not even funny:

scully's reaction to karin is similar to her reaction to phoebe in that she's motivated mainly by wanting to protect mulder from his own naive, trusting nature, and from someone she believes is seeking to take advantage of it, rather than being motivated primarily by jealousy and defensiveness. she doesn't really believe that karin is a genuine threat to her relationship with mulder, but with diana still fresh in her memory she can't afford to not be vigilant. hence why she confronts karin alone later:

here scully demonstrates that she somewhat empathizes with karin (mulder is also someone who challenges her, makes her feel fulfilled and happy and alive). karin's response indicates that she has correctly deduced the basis of scully's dislike/distrust of her, and also acknowledges scully is the dominant one as it relates to the territory (mulder) that they are sparring over.

scully looks away at karin's "feminine wiles" comment, revealing the nagging insecurity about her place in mulder's life that diana's arrival exacerbated and that will continue to plague her until amor fati.

after millennium:

rush- when mulder looks back at chastity in the hallway, scully's reaction is to possessively grab mulder's sleeve and pull him away into the interrogation room:

and his response is to laugh and say "what?" like he doesn't know he belongs to her and only her.

keep in mind this happens just before they interrogate tony reed, and right after they finish interrogating him this shit happens:

i already made a post last week about how insanely flirty they are in this episode, but this scene!!

she's pouting and giving him big doe eyes and playing with his tie!! at work!! in public!! she feels comfortable staking her territory in such an obvious way (also playful rather than hostile) bc she's not longer insecure about her place in his life!! i can never be normal about this i'm sorry ssdfgksdgsjdkfhkjsdf

first person shooter- when mulder checks out jade blue afterglow as she's leaving, he leans so far over in such an obvious, exaggerated way, almost as if he's deliberately trying to get a rise out of scully, but all she does is raise her eyebrows at him and lean over to block his view (while smirking):

and then he says he's "feeling the great need to blast the crap out of something", an almost direct quote of scully's line from their convo in the autopsy room right before they went down to the station:

and her response is to SMILE at him!!

pre-millennium scully would absolutely not have reacted this way in this situation. just like in rush, the insecurity that previously haunted scully whenever mulder seemed to be close to or interested in another woman is utterly absent here. they're joking and teasing and enjoying each other's company like they've always done, but there's a different dimension to it now. pre-millennium mulder would never have made a show of checking out another woman like that right in front of scully (unless a planetary alignment is affecting his behavior ofc lol), and pre-millennium scully would never have found it amusing.

(side note: people were debating on twitter a while back about whether this scene was ooc for mulder, and tbh i'm not sure what my own opinion is bc to me the whole episode has an air of... unreality? idk but it gives me similar vibes to post-modern prometheus, like maybe it's real or maybe it's just someone telling a story or it's somewhere in between, and it's also got that same unserious feel idk how else to describe it)

anyway, back to my main point, which is: dd and ga are damn good actors in the way they were able to subtly telegraph this shift in mulder and scully's dynamic. one might be able to argue that the insane flirting throughout season 7 isn't by itself evidence of the season of secret sex bc on some level they've always been like that, but to me these specific interactions provide important clues that the nature of their relationship has changed.

[system-architect]

ok here's my collected JW thoughts in general. obviously this is spoilers

OK.................................... so i think anet is Back. its not quite "we are SO back" levels but it COULD be "we are SO back" levels depending on what they do in the next installment

they did good, though, and i think the most obvious jump in quality is actually in the maps themselves. they feel so much better than soto maps just to run around in and explore. theres a LOT more detail and they actually feel pretty intriguing and immersive with a lot of fun easter eggs and surprises!

the story didnt always hit for me but it was still overall Better than soto. the first instance alone grabbed me more than all of soto had tbh. the bears don't personally interest me but the mursaat do, and we're getting somewhere with all the bloodstone and titan stuff

i DO enjoy the angle of the commander starting to go kind of lie-lie man acting in personal interests. isgarren is a bitch but we can also be rude to waiting sorrow for no reason oops sorry nice again haha oh man how'd this bear teleport here that's craaazy.. there were points at which i actively lost track of who we had lied to about what and when, and while the confusion grated me a bit it was also funny in a way? like yeah if i was the commander i'd lose track of this shit too right

the commander doesn't have much of a personality technically, beyond "person who does good(TM) things", and what we make of our canon commander's personality is mostly just our own notions and conceptions and interpretations being placed on them, BUT that said it felt like the story did take the commander in some interesting directions for me.

i felt like i got the sense that the commander really is sort of a "free agent" now, which is fun. when you've already killed all the dragons and your life's purpose is TECHNICALLLLYYY over but you're still around and you're still many things to many people, what do you do with your life? this, apparently.

i like us being kind of a mirror of isgarren in the sense that the comm is an ultra powerful guy, with a lot of worldly+scholarly experience at this point, who a lot of other very powerful figures respect and Need, but that not everyone necessarily Likes. yeah this is our free-range deployable killing machine politician who's kind of strange interpersonally.

my favorite instance in the whole story was the one with the bloodstone ghosts btw. i thought they did a really good job imbuing each with a fair amount of personality and showcasing a wide array of perspectives on what happened in gavril-- a thing which i was prepared to not be particularly interested in tbh, and yet...

ALSO, the voice actor for the gavril citizen ghost was SUPER good! i'm pretty sure they were a new VA but i'd really love to hear more voicework from them. in general i felt a lot of the VA work in this xpac banged-- it feels like they got a decent amount of new/fresh talent?? it's been nice, i hadn't realized how stale the world was starting to feel only hearing the same 3-5 voices constantly (no shade towards the longer-standing VAs who DO do a good job, i just wished for more variety)

REALLY liking the amount of unique voice lines and racial dialogue also

features wise its also been pretty good! i like the repeat renown heart thing plus the return of the hearts. as a revenant with a condi set i cant say ive got any issues with the spears LOL. and warclaw is super fun once you get the hang of it-- i like that it has a learning curve and some nuance like most older mounts do, as opposed to skyscale's fairly 'flat' mobility. have NOT really tried out decorating my homestead yet and ive heard mixed opinions on it, so we'll see how i feel there!

[yoiku]

Did some changes to my pinned post with all the links. also a general update. Oh wow this turned out WAY longer than I thought i'll just put it under read more lmao.

Removed twitter/x entirely from the pinned post, It's really just one man's joke of a site, and i'd rather not have anything going on there. Really thinking about just deleting my acc there alltogether, but i'm still giving it a bit of time so more people can find me on bluesky. each time I retweet about being on bsky instead on twitter a few people see it and start following me on bsky, so there's still stragglers out there. But i'm no longer posting on twitter, i'm not even going to use it to announce stuff on other sites etc.

Another rather big change (at least for me) is the swap to Piczel from Picarto for streaming. I've been on Picarto since 2016, and the site continues to prioritise pointless things instead of the stability or quality of the service. while their subscription price has pretty much doubled from when i started. the facelift for the site was a good sign some years ago but the functionality stayed the same. and while I understand it to a degree from the business wiew, it does feel shitty that the admins and mods on the site favor the big name streamers. I think it would also be nice to show some love for the small fry who are often more actively streaming then the big ones. It's just so difficult to move from a place that's been your home for so long, I wish I'd done the move sooner. It's wonderful that more or less our entire little group is moving over so the most important thing, the people, will still be there. I have to also give praise to Piczel right off the bat. I've exchanged emails with the owner before, and they're genuinely a nice person. Offering a month of free premium to anyone who wants to try the site, and being fairly transparent about what's going on and what are the plans for the site. Not to mention that they were in the chat day one when we were testing the site, helping everyone with the setups and answering questions. I paid for my premium right away since I felt like returning the generous gesture of a free month, but they still gave me a code for a free month, lol. That's another nice feature, that the premium service is given as 30 day codes. while it's a recurring payment, it also lets you choose if the codes are automatically added, or if you want to manually activate them. I find it nice, because you can have a break if you feel like it, but you're not "losing" paid time for a premium. and you can choose to gift the code to someone as well. It's more consumer friendly. (and a bit cheaper than picarto's) While the new interface is going to take its time to get used to, the more I learn about it the more I prefer it. There are so many things that make it easier for streamers. I really appreciate it. Multistreaming on Piczel is crazy. it allows up to 16 streams which sounds like way too much, but the settings make it work better than it sounds. i've noticed that whenever there's more than 4 streams online in the same multi, the site defaults to setting the video players to a mode than only refreshes the picture every 10 seconds, which is much lighter for less than ideal connections/lower bandwidth. and it's really smooth to change between different streams and you can enlarge one without having to set it on fullscreen, if you'd rather just focus on one of the many streams. you can have some playing, some on the 10 second refresh mode or paused. At least for me it has been working very smoothly. Piczel is also mostly favored by nsfw artists from what i've gleamed, but the sfw/nsfw settings on there actually work unlike picarto of late, where putting a filter on did -nothing- and telling the staff about it nobody replied and the issue persisted.

And maybe my favorite little thing, I have a button on my stream to "share on tumblr" which makes it so much easier to remember to announce streams. Hmm, anything else to talk about? I think I'm slowly coming out of the worst of the depression, or at least I finally feel SOME movement in my mind. I'm not gonna lie the blorbo asks have been like a serotonin injection. feel free to send some any time! I will ruminate on questions that make me think more, but all will be answered.

I am still struggling with getting back on with the comic which annoys me to no end, but I'm sure it'll come as i start to draw more again. I am really trying to get commissions back up and going before the end of the year. I am planning on dropping my workshop days to 2 instead of 3 for at least 3 months, and i'm gonna take a 2 week break next month or december. so additional funds will be needed ;u; I'm incredibly dissapointed in the healthcare services atm, so much so that i've kinda given up for a while. I'm just gonna let those things move on their own if they will, since me trying to make things move hasn't done anything the entire year. It's all been wasted energy and pointless stress.

[under-the-ladder]

Since all the songs have been here for a few days now, time for my top (for now. I have no doubts this will change until May.) Warning, a wall of text incoming

The middle section was so hard to rank 😫 I'm sure I'll see this tomorrow and say to myself "What did I think yesterday??". Everything's fluid and constantly changing but that's why I prefer tiers over strict ranking with places.

Best:

Netherlands 🇳🇱 - What do I even say? Joost completely satisfied the insane expectations I'd had for him. He was the sole reason eventually I learned how to use a vpn. I consider him my entryway to the Dutch culture, I've known him for almost a year and he's managed to become special to me as an artist, almost like in a completely different tier. I am definitely biased lol but I just love the song lyrically (I already elaborated on it here), musically and trust him as a performer 100%. Televote win is in the air!

Switzerland 🇨🇭 - Now this is, my dear friends, my winner vibes this year (out of the more viable entries)! Jury will most likely tank Joost and I can see Nemo getting high points from both juries and tele. The Code has just a perfect amount of drama and theatricality. It connects pop and opera - a mix that I'm a sucker for and additionally, is lyrically meaningful to me on a personal level. How could I not love this??? I'm impatiently looking forward to Nemo's looks and turquoise carpet!

Belgium 🇧🇪 - If not Switzerland, at least let Belgium win. This has some anthemic quality that draws me instantly. Takes quite a long time to get to the climax but it's soo worth it. The lyrics are a mystery to me and it still doesn't take away from the song. I might be biased because I already explored some of Mustii's discography and I love what I found.

Spain 🇪🇸 - The instrumental is a biiig part of why I love this song so much. Those synths make me euphoric every time, the message is beautifully unapologetic. I am worried about the vocals though. I've read somewhere that in Benidorm Fest the way Mery sang was an intentional nod to some other popular singer but there's no way anyone outside of Spain knows that. And even when I know that I still lack the cultural context to grasp the significance. If this doesn't get changed this aspect will definitely hold them back.

Ps. If I ever get a cat (as Baby Lasagna has been tempting me since Dora) I am naming it Zorra, mark my words.

Finland 🇫🇮 - This is just pure fun and I'm buying it! It saddens me to see people complaining thy're just a copy of Käärijä, they take themselves so much less seriously lol. The descending shorts with fireworks concept AND the eagle sounds are everything. On top of that the guys are already the highlight of this year's backstage. I will be super sad if this nqs but then semis are televote only so there's still hope 🙏

Amazing:

Slovenia 🇸🇮 - There is something magnetically drawing me to this song. I love how Slovenian sounds in it, the harsh "r" sounds and almost bird-like "rrahh" especially. Raiven's voice and stage presence are hypnotizing. Besides, Weronika is my 3rd name and the only one I chose for myself so I feel personally connected to the song. Musically this is not the easiest entry and I don't expect many televoters to get it (please just q a dalej niech się dzieje wola nieba) but I hope the atmosphere of the performance will make up for it.

Croatia 🇭🇷 - I still can't believe Baby Lasagna was a backup entry for Dora. If he ends up winning there should be a little shrine for Zsa Zsa built in Zagreb. Meanwhile the Dora executives should really ask themselves how the hell they initially declined an entry that ended up giving them a chance for the best placing since god knows when. Anyways, the hype for this was the highest around Dora, now I'm busy obsessing over others but this is very solid still. I wish the staging was less messy. I kinda don't believe it can win realistically but I certainly wouldn't be disappointed.

Australia 🇦🇺 - It's crazy how my opinion on One Milkali took a complete u-turn. From "I don't think it's my type of music" to "Gosh, I can't get it out of my head". The song does feel a bit dated but somehow special as well. Perhaps that's because I found other songs from Electric Fields that I fell in love with. I still think their 2024 is not the strongest track from their discography and I'm mentally preparing for an NQ :|

Portugal 🇵🇹 - Well, I'm myself super surprised that Grito surpassed Ramonda when it comes to ballads. I didn't feel anything for the first few listens and then something clicked. I sense until May there might be some shuffles around those positions and a lot will be down to the live performances

Latvia 🇱🇻 - Dons' monumental vocals is what makes this song 200x better. It flows nicely, the staging is lacking but that will surely get improved, right? 👀 He seems like such a fun guy with a distance to himself, the butter tiktoks will be remembered for a long time.

Lithuania 🇱🇹 - It took some time for it to grow on me. Lithuanian sounds nice here, almost like Polish, and I like the bridge(?) with the lyrics about radio. The chorus melody is kinda annoying but the rest of the song compensates for it. Tbh I like either Latvia or Lithuania more based on how my mood changes.

Cyprus 🇨🇾 - I know it's a pretty standard girlbop but I just like it for some reason. Silia's energy is highly contagious. Hoping she can prove the gossips wrong and deliver vocally while dancing.

Good:

Ukraine 🇺🇦 - I think it's a decent entry. When Jerry and alyona won Vidbir they were pretty high in my ranking but with the rest of the entries being revealed that advantage faded gradually. Contrary to e.g. Slovenia, Teresa & Maria felt catchy and interesting at the beginning but the longer I listened to it the more repetitive it became. I can see this being an advantage in the televoting though. With that being said, it's far from being the most winning-worthy song and I'd rather root for a country that didn't score two wins already in the last decade.

Sweden 🇸🇪 - from the first time I saw this I fell in love with the staging. Loreen had a horizontal sandwich last year, this year it's a vertical one for the twins lol. I do admit the staging is a huge part of why it's so high but I do like this song. Hell, I even think it's better than Air. The last part especially, right before the end. What can I say, I hear those synths and I'm sold. It will make a good opener.

Greece 🇬🇷 - I'm still not sure why it's so high. I don't vibe with the idea for the music video (please don't try to adapt it for stage. No more cringey overlays, don't catch this virus from TVP). The parts I find highly enjoyable are the opening and ending sung in this high(?) voice, the middle is more like my guilty pleasure.

France 🇫🇷 - I really liked the trick with standing back from the microphone but even without it it's a powerful enough ballad. Slimane as a singer sells it, that's it.

Serbia 🇷🇸 - For another year I find myself in love with the sound of Serbian language. The words "lila ramonda" flow so well in the chorus and complement each other in terms of sounds. The song is almost like a lullaby, with the forward-backward movement that Teya makes during the last chorus underscoring that even more. Another beautiful moment is when the flower rises from above her at the end. The performance makes this song for me as musically I preferred Lik u ogledalu, which was kinda uncoordinated on stage with those mirrors.

Estonia 🇪🇪 - I was really a fan of this song around January and then something happened, maybe the Eesti Laul final performance? It was messy vocally and staging-wise. For now I can't really pinpoint what else is wrong but one thing is sure: this really fell more than a few places for me :/

Poland 🇵🇱 - I'm so tired of the Polish internet at this point that I'll be cheering for Luna no matter what happens. This is a song I liked from the start and still do and I sincerely hope she manages to pull it off on stage decently, I don't care whether because she' naturally a good vocalist or gets a lot of training or gets tape backing vocals. Seeing how strong this year is I'm doubting whether Karma or Justyna would score much better.

Austria 🇦🇹 - This grew on me a bit, enough to move from average to good. Not seeing the winner hype at all and as I mentioned somewhere earlier her staging is my pet peeve. If this ends up anywhere near how the mv looks like then I'll be seriously disappointed. This is a song about raving after all and making a Chanel-like choreo-heavy girlbop out of it seems so unnecessary.

Average:

Luxembourg 🇱🇺 - The funky droplet sounds(?) are quite up my alley, the song is quite fun on its own. Please change that outfit on stage, it's too dark for how happpy Fighter sounds imo. While the result of the Luxembourgish nf is not that bad I do hope they change it before the next year. Forcibly pairing artists with not-their-own songs almost always ends up badly and come on, why restrict their creativity and authenticity? It's not 2013 anymore.

UK 🇬🇧 - That's kind of a classic example of expectations vs reality. Dizzy is painfully correct and nothing more BUT I think it can still be rescued by the live performance. If they manage to bring the spinning rooms idea to life and miraculously nothing breaks and if Olly uses his charisma which he has plenty of. If you don't believe me watch It's a sin with Elton John or mv to Starstruck.

Italy 🇮🇹 - My biggest problem here is with the instrumental, it's grating and scratches my brain in a very annoying way. I like Angelina's expression on stage and all that but the song is just a barrier impossible to ignore. If Italy wants to win again please, may it be with something better (I wouldn't say no to Annalisa).

Ireland 🇮🇪 - I'm generally very glad Bambie won, this is surely progress made from the last year. Normally I'm not a fan of pagan elements, zodiac signs, etc. but the mv is very aesthetically pleasing. The quieter parts are digestible to my ears, the noisier ones not so much. People keep saying it's a chance for Ireland to qualify but honestly I'm of the opinion it will repel majority of the televoters. It will be very interesting to see how it's going to play live with staging, outfits and turquoise carpet nonetheless.

Norway 🇳🇴 - I think Norway might be the biggest fall this year, or even since I'm more engaged in ESC. This went straight up from amazing to barely average. In theory Ulveham has everything I should love - Norwegian, rock mixed with folk, powerful and charismatic vocalist. I still don't know exactly what doesn't work. It's no mystery I loved Mileo and thought Damdiggida was a letdown compared to other Keiino's songs so I don't think Norway had a better option in the MGP final than Gåte. What I like is the staging, especially the moment Gunnhild bends backwards and leans on her hand (somehow with her vocals remaining flawless!!) but that's not enough to charm me back :c

Weak:

Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 - It's a pleasant ballad but doesn't distinguish itself enough to be memorable. I appreciate the use of Azerbaijani (Azeri?), I don't appreciate the presence of Ilkin Dovlatov. What does he even bring to this song?

Denmark 🇩🇰 - That's just a very competent song with a good vocalist, almost no more things to say. I'm not a fan of the platform she was standing on. Also I have a weird aversion to the DMGP stage, it looks like a waterwell so it will probably be better in Malmö lol.

Armenia 🇦🇲 - As much as everyone seems to be loving Jako, to me it's rather grating. From what I was able to see I appreciate Jaklin's energy live but that's about it. It doesn't help that it's constantly stuck in my head while I'd prefer it not to.

San Marino 🇸🇲 - This just doesn't do anything to me. Feels almost too funky while I thoroughly enjoyed the heavier vibe of Arcadia. Maybe that's unfair to compare so much but I can't help it. In a weaker year I wouldn't mind for Megara to qualify but this time maybe make some room for better songs (Latvia please?).

Iceland 🇮🇸 - Jak do tego doszło nie wiem/How did it come to this? The results of Söngvakeppnin left me speechless this year and the drama afterwards left a very bad taste. Scared of heights is not a super bad song after all but it's biggest mistake is blandness. A sure NQ that I will not cry for.

Bad:

Albania 🇦🇱 - The revamp took all the kick and power out of this. The rap part turned into a shadow of itself. Contrary to many, I don't mind the language change. I can't say I liked the song before, I like it even less now. I do appreciate the mv though, it's so crisp.

Czechia 🇨🇿 - I'm sorry, I just can't ignore the live when judging this. Even if I did I still don't think Pedestal would end up much higher. I don't vibe with the shouty chorus and an nth rendition of the Mugler suit this year, the visuals in the mv are much more pleasant though and I'd like them to go that direction in Malmö.

Malta 🇲🇹 - The revamp broke it, I'm sorry. What else can I say? Didn't like it before, like it even less now. Case similar to Albania.

Georgia 🇬🇪 - This track is so noisy and overproduced that I can't remember the melody line even after multiple listens. Too dynamic, too much of everything all at once. I guess the song is not that bad, I just dislike the fact that it takes effort to make a song this overloaded and yet Georgia succeeded.

Moldova 🇲🇩 - I know I said that was the only option for Moldova but I can't help but skip this one every time it comes up on my playlist. The only catchy part is the chorus melody, all without words. I actively dislike the live performance, there's something disturbing in the way they all look and move the same way.

Germany 🇩🇪 - Eh. Every time I listen to this I physically cringe at the sound of the elephant in the chorus. The supposedly African inspiration feel disingenuous and very 2010s to me. James Newman fate is what I predict awaits this entry.

[moistvonlipwig]

so i grew up in los angeles (and then lived there again for almost 2 years during covid) and i would be so interested to hear you discuss your experience of it! it is unique place, hard to describe. plenty of good things but "vampiric" is also extraordinarily accurate, i think. personally i will never go back. (living there, not visits!) you come off as very intelligent and intuitive and have such a way with words

haha thank you (i say 5 months later)...so i guess the important thing to keep in mind wrt my experience of los angeles is that i'm from boston and i didn't really...want to move here lol? i'm not gonna get into Why i moved here (and why i probably won't move away unless i get an amazing job/school opportunity somewhere else) but it wasn't a decision i made for my own happiness let us just say. so that obviously influences how i feel about it.

but broadly i guess my experience of los angeles has been:

awful public transport. just dreadful. i mean no transit system is perfect, growing up i felt that the T certainly sucked in many ways, but looking back on it now i'm like wow the T was so good i miss the T!!! because the LA metro is just not good. the bus system (which is what i mainly rely on) is heavily under-scheduled and the rail system operates within such a limited area that it takes forever to get anywhere. i don't have a car and likely never will -- i know how to drive but frankly it terrifies me and i'd rather invest in learning how to get by with public transit, biking, and walking. but LA is very much built for cars. this is one of the aspects i would call vampiric honestly. the car culture of LA sucks the lifeblood out of the other elements of the city. highways dominate the land like parasites. if you don't have a car, you will be bled dry either by the time sink that is the bus system or the costs of ordering frequent ubers.

food really depends on where you are. yes DTLA has lots of great food but the surrounding valleys can be hit-or-miss. in particular it is hard to find good mexican food. when crazy ex-girlfriend's rebecca bunch said that she felt gaslit by a mexican restaurant in the san gabriel valley she wasn't lying. i'm not even talking about 'authenticity' which i think is a really charged & complex topic when it comes to food. i love me some good americanized mexican food like tex-mex or my beloved new mexican cuisine. but cali-mex is just. not good. (cali-mex gothic: everything is covered in Red Sauce. what is Red Sauce? no one knows. can i get this enchilada without Red Sauce? sure, says the waiter. your enchilada arrives. it is slathered in Red Sauce.)

the weather is also kind of hard on me. like to be fair it is convenient to be able to wear shorts year-round and not have to constantly check the weather to see how much i should bundle up. but the lack of seasons kind of makes it seem like time has no meaning. (i'm sure this isn't helped by the fact that i moved here less than a year before the pandemic started which also had a time-distorting effect.) also the summers get SO HOT, like 90 degrees fahrenheit/32 degrees celsius every damn day. and yes it is much less humid than boston thank god. but it's also not exactly a dry heat? like i've spent weeks in northern new mexico in the summer and it is MUCH cooler there with the elevated altitude + actually dry heat. whereas in los angeles it is sea level and it can actually get quite muggy. in the dead of summer it also doesn't really cool off at night because everything is paved over with asphalt which just absorbs the heat during the day. it's may right now as i'm posting this and the weather is actually still pretty nice but i'm dreading june. also the leaves don't really change color in the fall, at least not on the same scale they do in new england, which is so sad because autumn leaves are so pretty. :(

anyway, because the weather never significantly changes, los angeles almost takes on a kind of artificial quality in my eyes? it doesn't quite seem like a real place. and then this isn't helped by the aesthetics of the city & the flora. there are a lot of non-native plants that people have planted here existing alongside native plants which creates a very strange picture, and the buildings seem almost peculiarly generic -- neither the wood & brick of new england nor the adobe blending-into-the-desert of the southwestern u.s. it makes the city & surrounding county seem false and sort of shallow, like a tv set i suppose you could say.

another thing i really don't like that took me a while to realize is the lack of cemeteries. in new england there are cemeteries all over. they are nice places to walk & to drive by. in los angeles there are a couple very small ones scattered throughout the county (as well as some bigger hollywood ones) but in general cemeteries are just not as much of a thing and i miss them so bad.

also the music scene is...really different and not my thing. :[ i enjoy all kinds of music but my favorite genre is folk and a lot of my favorite artists would regularly perform in boston or massachusetts but in l.a. you mostly get pop music. there's also less of an emphasis on live theatre which saddens me. growing up in boston i saw nearly every shakespeare play live due to the thriving theatre scene. there IS theatre here of course it's just not as big.

now that being said of course there are things i like...i like the diversity of people and cultures here. i like that there are mountains in the distance as is good and proper. i admit to still getting a minor thrill out of knowing i am right next to major movie/TV studios -- and related to that, as someone who dreamed for a long time of working in TV (though i'm switching gears now for my own peace of mind & wallet), it's nice to be able to meet other people who work or want to work in that industry. i got out to the picket lines a couple times during the writers' strike and it was really fun.

that said i really cannot abide how angelenos will literally complain that it's cold the moment it drops below 80 degrees fahrenheit/26 degrees celsius like come the fuck on bro 😭 that's some buffy the vampire slayer behavior right there

[noblechaton]

welcome to the official "Noble rambles about Final Fantasy VII Rebirth" post wherein I get annoying about this behemoth of an experience

don't intend to talk much about story stuff here - tho I got a lotta thoughts about it so that might get its own thing later - but consider this a spoiler warning all the same; for gameplay and some story stuff

so just like to set a baseline here I wanna say I think this is a generational game and the biggest leap in quality I've seen a series take from one game to the other since maybe KH1 to KH2 - it's still got the same bones, but they've been rearranged and adjusted to the point of near perfection in a lot of spaces and while gameplay does still carry some flaws - lock on is still miserable, I'd argue they basically ruined Aerith lol - it's so sharp and addictive that I actually popped it back in yesterday to do the superboss stuff (which I think speaks to just how good I feel this game is since that superboss stuff is a real gauntlet lmao)

just about every character - aside from Aerith - feels really fun to play once u get used to them and I'd also say that Aerith is still fun to play with but it took so long to get used to her that I basically stopped using her outright well before the last few chapters lmao. they changed some stuff with her that I simply don't agree with and while there's some cool things in place of what was removed or changed it's just sort of not enough - she takes too long to charge ATB and can't do much without it now so she's kind of useless without a strong support setup around her which made me go "Ehhh. I wanna play as the cat again" or "Sure but what if I was Yuffie instead". I think the biggest thing is they took away the ability to hold the button down for her attack and made that tempest instead, with triangle being given to a ward shift that while neat I just never really used

but again even if she's been kinda nerfed I'd say everyone is just. so much fun. Cloud's still the great all rounder he was in Remake but they fixed the problem where bigger, aerial based enemies were basically gods by giving him proper aerial combat himself. when I first got hit with the tutorial for this in the demo prior to release I could have stood up and clapped that's how badly I'd hoped they'd do something for him

Tifa's still a stagger machine and yet feels even more necessary now thanks to that and just how quick she can be - but then Yuffie's even faster and is borderline broken which honestly rules. Barret's a lil less heavy and that makes him a lot more fun to control - I loved how grounded the cast was in Remake, but that heft just wouldn't work in Rebirth so I'm glad it was adjusted

meanwhile Red XIII is pretty solid - I didn't love him being so dependent on Vengeance Mode but after I'd learned his kit a bit more I'd say he was one of the more fun characters to play as. Cait Sith is really the only other new character u actually get to play as in this one and I can see why some have derided him/his gameplay but I honestly thought he was just as fun to play as as Red or Tifa or anyone else really - save maybe Cloud, who still has just a bit of an edge over everyone else - and I really loved how they integrated the fortune telling, casino style gameplay into his kit

it all just sort of flows really well in Rebirth that even Aerith and those that might be a bit wonky like Cait or Red end up feeling good when ya get into the moment and such. synergy moves are largely a really cool addition - don't think united refocus needed to take up so many slots lol - and I wish there were even more of them. the sidebar synergy stuff is also neat but I slowly stopped using it over the ~100 hours I played as a lot of em were just kinda difficult to properly pull off in combat

beyond just the gameplay - which is flashier than ever and brimming with character and quality alike imo - the game's just. something else to me

the music goes absolutely nuts and if this isn't soundtrack of the year I have no idea what possibly will be. it's visually stunning, the vocal performances are incredible across the board - especially Barret, who cemented himself as one of my favorite Square characters of all time with this one (but then, so did most of the cast tbh). it's so much more grandiose and higher in scale than Remake that I'd grown worried prior to release

so like. in truth I haven't played OG FF7 to this point - I sorta know what happens in that game, up to a certain and very popular point at least, but Remake is a very sentimental game for me for a lot of reasons so while I grew ridiculously hyped for Rebirth I'd wondered if I'd feel the same about it as I ultimately did with Remake - where I felt the game was this stunning, satisfying experience that does almost everything as well as it could with this grounded atmosphere and well threaded narrative with a strong, snappy mix of action and turn based combat. if I could even hope for it to live up to what was one of my favorite games of last gen, and of all time at this point

Rebirth lived up to my hopes and then some. the atompshere isn't the same as Remake's, which I loved, but it feels like the perfect evolution from the narrow, grungy alleyways of Sector 7, the tighter corridors of Shinra's construction, into this sprawling yet not entirely overwhelming open world that's varied so well from place to place that each ends up fairly memorable long before u even get close to finishing it out, every zone feeling both so wide and yet manageable, brimming with character and side content

that does bring me to my main complaint with the game tho - the side content kind of fucking sucks LMAO

the open worlds are gorgeous and carry some incredible musical tracks - Gongaga's a huge favorite of mine - buuuuuuuuut the stuff u actually do in them never really changes and grows pretty dull a good zone or two before the ending. it's a lot of Ubisoft open world stuff - towers, combat challenges, etc., with some variety thrown in via the protorelics (superboss related collectibles) but that's kinda not enough. even the more unique stuff to this game - like the lifespring scanning and the summon crystals - grow really stale and I wish they'd alternated the content from zone to zone a bit more. I think I was in Cosmo Canyon when I realized there'd be another zone and I was actively sort of dreading it lmao, mostly since I was doing just about everything someone could on a first playthrough

and I guess that's kind of not a huge complaint tho since like. ya don't gotta do it lmao. it's side content - but I wish it'd been. y'know. more good. I also wish the minigames weren't largely ass.

box buster's back from Remake and it's actually pretty fun, chocobo racing is solid enough, but most of the rest of the stuff is rough in some way or another - often in the controls, like the g-bike and 3D brawler. even the coliseum tournament stuff largely suffers from the bad difficulty problems that have imo long plagued the industry at this point - there's a few that are just infuriating and poorly designed and I'm unsure why the minigames as a whole were so hellish. as if the testers did too well and now we the casual players must pay the price for their sins (also the final side quest is related to the minigames and as of the most recent patch is bugged so while I've completed it, I haven't actually finished it 🙃)

and honestly for a while I thought all that would hold the game back for me. it's optional, sure, but it also makes up a good chunk of the game, to the point where the game's almost overstuffed with things to do, but it's kind of all shit with a few exceptions - Queen's Blood is crazy btw that needs to be a mobile thing or a real game asap - so that's gotta be a knock on things, yeah? and it totally is, but like. as I made my way through the final dungeon of the game and into the ending, I realized that it just. didn't matter

which would lead me into the story if I were going in depth on it here. I might later but to keep it somewhat vague - I loved it, and felt the pacing, twists and turns all really enjoyable. another solid evolution from things in Remake, with an ending that I genuinely adore even if things are a bit cloudy (I've got my theories - again, perhaps elsewhere). when I say the last few hours of this game shifted my opinion - which was already quite high! - even higher, I mean it. I understand why some don't like the story or the ending in particular, but I love everything they did and set up here and I'm ridiculously excited to see what comes next given just how much they managed to do with this game - tho I will say, if ya ain't onboard with the Remake project by this point I don't know if the narrative will sell ya on it given that it, naturally, does more than Remake did which ik was uh. somewhat controversial. lol

but yeah. I purposefully didn't deep-dive on Rebirth before launch save watching a few trailers due to spoilers and such so I kind of had no idea just how big it was gonna be - and even then, I don't think I could have guessed at how absolutely and utterly stuffed with content this game is. it's the first game of this gen that feels like it earns the increased price tag to me, that's worth the asking price as it's so much bigger and enthralling, so much more than I'd anticipated

which kinda sums up my feelings on Rebirth. that it's this massive game that kept me hooked for days on end, that constantly surprised and satisfied me even as my playtime steadily rose

I really, really enjoyed my near 100 hour playthrough despite the odds and ends bc I feel this is a near immaculate supergame that delivered on almost everything I'd hoped for an then some. it isn't perfect, there's some rough edges, but it does so much so well that it's impossible for me to view it as anything but this generational title that's both ridiculously good at its various peaks and sets up the final game in this trilogy to be another all-timer

so yeah I kinda liked it

[avocadoguru]

hnnnnggg i'm speechless 😶 you two did it again i'm so horny for wolfrry. i would be his cum hole for him during his rut. i would let him knot in me all day long. 💦 cum on me. cum in me. let me eat it 🍽️, bathe in it 🛁, moisturize with it 🧴. i'm losing my mind after that update.

if i can't have wolfrry in real life i'm gonna just re read every chapter every week until you update. i'm so obsessed. and i know i just sound like some horndog but you two actually write it so well - so fucking detailed and real and gritty. your style is very very high quality and distinct. and its seamless. i'm amazed at your skill. phenominal.

now back to horny days the feedback `` leaving us like that at the end was cruel but i love that you did it because that whole chapter was porn for me and anymore and i'd have combusted and passed away. i'm feral over his rut but if the next chapter is going to start like i think it is i'm going. to. lose. my. mind. hear me out 👂🏾wolfrry goes in like a caveman. he's still on his rut so he's gonna absolutely destroy her pussy with his mouth and his fingers. he's not gonna let up. it's gonna make her cry and squirt, and beg, and shake, and elevate to a new existence. he's actually going to make her fall in love with him. the moment he's done with her she's going to sit up and look at him and realize this is the man she's going to spend the rest of her life with.

back to the actual chapter -sorry i got off track there, *ahem*- that blow job nearly ended me. the necklace tapping his balls??????? i'm never going to be the same after reading that. and their chat on niall balcony was really nice to have in there. i liked harry's thoughts about himself, and how he interprets y/ns concern. his character is so interesting and complex -bravo there ladies. and i forgot about the chip she put in eddie 🤭 that's so funny but it also shows she's hiding a secret from him too. even though he's definitely doing a lot more lying and keeping secrets, but now we really understand why! he's protecting her in a way.

i'm super curious about the chick who was supposed to be harry's mate. i know that's going to be coming back around and i can't wait to see where that goes.

and then there's eddie who was really going through it when he missed his uncle harry. i love that he had her watch him during his rut. he's really trusting her when he couldn't trust anyone else in his pack. i feel like that's very big in the story actually. harry not feeling like his pack is trustworthy and then add in niall's advice 👀 i'm thinking you two are setting us up for him leaving the pack for yn, but how does that work? can he just abandon them? will the pack elect a new leader? i feel like it'll be a lot more angsty than that. i'm so curious to see how it will happen.

i'm also wondering when she's going to realize he's got her panties! i keep thinking maybe it'll be brought up again and i'm sure you have plans for it but i can't get that out of my head either.

guhhhhh this chapter was just so thoughtful, sexy, funny, and informative. just amazing.

(@gurugirl here) WOW. LoL!!! Thank you, anon :) And you do totally sound like a horndog but that just means you've come to the right place 😂 Your theories and ideas are very interesting actually, you bring up some very good points and these are all things Dreea and I will make sure are unveiled in time. And I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of that female alpha 👀

Eddie was going through it wasn't he? Poor guy. He just misses his uncle Harry, but don't worry. He'll perk up the moment he sees him. But you're spot on about Harry trusting her with his nephew.

I'm so glad you can see how complex Harry's character is too! He's definitely not just your basic hot headed beast man (lol) - he's got deep feelings and is still learning about himself and working to fit into Y/N's world the best he can. And yes, he's lying to her a lot, but now you see why. He's not just lying to lie and to get her into his bed (well, part of it is for that 🤭) he's protecting her! This will be important to the story.

Thank you so so so much for your amazing feedback and compliments too. It's really an ego booster when we see things like this.

[purplesurveys]

1869

Any upcoming travel plans? We've got Bulacan next weekend, Vietnam in around 2 weeks from now, and Tagaytay immediately the weekend after. June is going to be jam-packed like a bitch.

What brought you here? I usually wrap up my weekend nights with surveys since it's the period I think the most and need an outlet to write and write and write and give myself the avenue to be transparent about my feelings. I don't get to do that a lot now since work keeps me busy + I see my friends less and less, so surveys serve as my prime way of giving myself some me time.

When you're not working, how do you like to spend your time? My hobbies are pretty all over the place tbh lol, but that makes it fun especially because corporate work can feel so monotonous. I have a rhythm game I'm pretty dedicated to at the moment; I play with the dogs; I look for documentaries to watch; I go to museums or eat out on my own; I watch BTS shows while waiting for them to come back; and every now and then I'll get invested in a K-drama. Things like that. Essentially, I've worked towards a system where my work can fund the things I like to do outside of it.

What are you reading currently? Nothing. I should've started The Midnight Library a million months ago but have been putting it off.

What’s the first concert you attended? Paramore in 2013. It was fun but understandably I had a major lack of concert behavior at the time and ended up singing in all the videos I took. Needless to say I fucking sucked and was forced to delete most of the videos because it wasn't like I was going to want to listen to them over and over. It got a lot better when I saw them the second time – I was front-row, barely took any videos, and spent the entire time singing and dancing and feeling my time there. Had SO much more fun.

Where do you most hope to visit? I'd love to go back to Bangkok with a much more relaxed itinerary. We barely had free time since we were mainly there for a concert, so there's still a lot of things I'd love to do there.

What’s your favorite book? I haven't found it yet.

What's your favorite 90’s show? Friends!

What's the best Halloween costume you've ever had? AJ Lee, because she actually noticed and I got retweeted haha. Dressing up as Sofie was also a hilarious experience.

What's one thing you're excited about that's coming up in 2024? Flying out the country, and 2/7 of BTS coming back. My best friend getting proposed to as well.

What is your most-used emoji? 😬😬😬😬😬

What’s been on your mind lately? Just a lot of major work concerns that have to do with internal structure and leadership. Not delving into things anymore, but I just want to do the best I possibly could in our current circumstances while making sure I'm still able to look out for the morale and mental health of my teammates.

What was something you've done that made you feel extreme happiness? Blew most of my savings in Bangkok...shopping. It was very stupid and irresponsible and I admit I went more than crazy and I'm never going to be that reckless with money again lol, but it was fun while it lasted.

Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give your 18-year-old self? Do not depend on other people for your happiness. It's dangerous; learn how to like yourself and be content with being on your own.

If you could instantly become an expert in something, what would it be? Networking. I wish I was naturally extroverted in that way.

What does success mean to you? Earning enough to get both what you need and what you want.

What qualities do you value in the people with whom you spend time? Having a similar sense of humor, being capable of holding meaningful and substantial conversations, and not finding anything wrong or awkward about silence when it happens.

For what would you be famous? I like rating and reviewing shit, so maybe that. Last night I did a commentary for each song off of Joon's RPWP, and it was a lot of fun dissecting each song.

[vazaha-tya]

can i ask what you think about regulus? and jegulus/jegulily as well, if that's alright. i like reading your thoughts and interpretations of the marauders era characters

that's more than alright! fair warning, i'm gonna be all over the place because i have so many thoughts! some of it is interpretation based on what i remember from canon and the rest might be fanon i internalised from reading too many fics lol.

first up, i should say that regulus is my favourite slytherin and i'm endlessly fascinated by the relationship dynamics he and sirius would have had. it's obvious sirius loved him and we don't know if the reverse was true but there's definitely something raw and painful that suggests he did and that their estrangement was even more painful for it.

since regulus is a reserved boy (fanon or canon? not sure) who is pretty smart, brave and kind on top of being a seeker, he kind of feels like what harry could have been in slytherin.

more importantly, he's the only redeemed slytherin i can think of who is first described as "soft" before being described as "brave". regulus is someone who is only described by people who love him (sirius and kreacher) and despite the whole black family situation, the most important thing they can tell us about him is that he was gentle. i think that's a bit incredible, especially considering who his mother was.

and i'm not sure if it's canon or fanon that he researched voldemort's life? but if it's canon i think that's also really interesting and tells us a lot about his inquisitive personality. one thing that strikes me about the black brothers is that they were clearly both extremely sheltered before coming to hogwarts and it's only by being sorted gryffindor that sirius was able to meet people that were different from the ideal his parents were trying to force on him. regulus didn't have that chance yet he still managed to make friends with kreacher and see him as someone worth betraying voldemort for. it's because regulus watches and learns , i think. he observes people, what they value, how they treat each other and at first he probably tried to push it down so he could be the perfect pureblood his mother wanted but at some point he wasn't able to anymore and he made his choice. he weighed what he observed of kreacher's kindness and adoration for him against what he saw of voldemort's cruelty and decided the former was worth dying for.

beyond that, in a more pragmatic sense, regulus is the first time we are given any indication that purebloods have limits. because death eaters are so violent and cruel we feel like they have no boundaries but regulus found out about the horcrux and he, a black, was horrified. i'm not sure if this means that potentially more death eaters would have disapproved of horcruxes if they knew or if it's regulus particularly but i think that's also important to note.

about jegulus and jegulily, i am all for it! though jegulus means harry wouldn't be born so i don't like it as much haha. but there's so much to work with in those ships, especially because of the sirius-regulus reconciliation that would come with it and the idea of james finding value in slytherin qualities which would rid him of his own prejudice. i just like the idea of them acting as a bridge between the two houses in the middle of war. and lily finding a slytherin who doesn't wait for her to die to do better would be bittersweet but something i'd be curious about. i'm not sure i'd write those ships myself (mostly because i'm bad at writing romance) but i do find them really interesting

thanks for the question, i had a lot of fun thinking about it!

[not-so-rosyyy]

Your post the other day got me thinking and sparked my interest - I haven’t bought a manga in years. Do you have any recommendations, especially more current?

OMG! I love this topic.

okay, so i actually don’t know what genre you’re into with regards to manga, but judging from your other interests, i’d say you’re into Shonen/ Fantasy/ Action/ Historical

some of these you might have already heard about, but these really are my favorite from recent years, and they're all excellent:

1. Attack on Titan - set in a post-apocalyptic world where the last of humanity are stuck inside a gated community surrounded by what they call The Walls because there are man-eating giants outside to get them. this is like the Game of Thrones of manga, in that it's like super dark, gritty and harrowing. lots of mysteries and conspiracies and real-world parallels with social issues that plague us today. the early volumes are especially top-notch. everytime i read this, i'm like "humanity is shit" but also somehow i still want to root for us lol. i cried a lot here.

2. One Punch Man - about a depressed and bored superhero facing an existential crisis because he's become so strong he can defeat any (and i mean ANY) monster and villain with just one punch. lmao sounds ridiculous but that's the point because it's really a satirical look into the superhero genre. it subverts a lot of your expectations into that kind of narrative because it directly exposes tropes. really funny (like, the main character treats average things like budgeting and groceries as his biggest problems like the rest of us), but also action-packed and the main plot and mystery just gets better and better over time.

3. Akatsuki No Yona - well, this one isn't a shonen because the main character here is a woman and romance is a huge part of the story. BUT it is not the driving force of the plot. it's really more about politics, leadership, adventure, etc. the lore is really rich, too, imo. and Yona (the MC) is one of the most inspiring female characters i've ever encountered in manga. this is the story of how she, a once sheltered princess in a once "peaceful" kingdom, had to escape the palace after the emperor got murdered during a mutiny. on the run from her enemies, she soon learned that the world outside the palace is far from the idyllic place she once thought, and from her dealings with the common people, found her strength and grew to be a great leader in her own right all while trying to stop the ongoing war and take back the kingdom from her foes. (it's a very I JUST LOVE WHEN WOMEN! type of story)

4. My Hero Academia - this one I think is the most typical shonen story in this list (you know, the very untalented and weak protagonist who grew to be the most powerful one by sheer willpower coupled with a heart of gold). but it executes the genre's tropes and cliches really well, me thinks, and that's why it's wildly popular today. it's set in a world where having "quirks" or superpowers are common, and yet Midoriya (the MC) doesn't have one...even though his dream is to be the greatest superhero like his idol All Might. long story short, they meet and All Might, after seeing how Midoriya possesses the most important quality of a hero, passes his quirk onto him. and thus starts Midoriya's journey of proving that he deserves that power and living up to his idol's name. also cried a lot reading this. (lmao notice the pattern)

5. Kingdom - this is like...one of my most favorite mangas i've ever read. i'd say it's up there with One Piece as one of the best in the shonen genre. the main story is a fictionalized account of the Warring States period of China and it's told mainly from the POV of a young and poor war orphan who joined the military and rose to be one of its greatest generals. if you're into history, philosophy, politics, battlefield strategies and tactics--i couldn't recommend this manga enough. the characterization and story progression are A++. lots of epic moments and speeches that made me shiver and cry buckets. and it constantly ups the stakes and introduces allies you'll love and enemies you'll come to respect. (also...i love the female characters here.)

***sorry for this long ass answer you didn't ask for btw lmao***

[jennagrinsoverml]

Out of all your own multi-chapter works, which is your personal favorite?

"Hi Jenna, please choose among your children." 🤣🤣🤣

I think I'd have an easier time choosing among my one-shots! I get so invested in all of my multi-chapters because so much work goes into them.

The Closest Thing to Love is always going to have a special place in my heart. It was my first fic in this fandom (I posted our hopes and expectations first, but started writing Closest Thing well before that.) I love how structured the fic is and how the ending echoes the beginning but in a new context.

Love is Blind: France series is still kicking my ass as I work on the next chapter of Learning to See, preventing it from being a real contender lol maybe when it's finished...

Love Without series and You Know Where My Heart Is both have a lot of my favourite things.

Love Without has Chat being so strong and respectful. A man resisting taking advantage of a vulnerable woman is one of my favourite things to read about. I know the common trope in romance is "man is so overcome with desire for woman that he can't help himself and ravishes her" but that doesn't do it for me at all. "Man has some goddamn self-control and drinks his respect woman juice", however, is amazingggggg. We stan consent in this house.

And YKWMHI is just so much fun and the ending was so soft I've literally reread it like 50 times because it just makes me so happy. I feel like Adrien doesn't need much to fall for Marinette since he's mostly there already and just needs to realize it. But having Marinette/Ladybug fall for Chat...it takes a little more, I think, but I have so much fun having her recognize the same qualities that made her fall for him as Adrien and falling for him all over again.

And A Father’s Love is just something that I'm having fun with! I have a lot planned for that one and I'm really excited for it.

I guess I'm going to have to stick with Closest Thing, but I love all of my multi-chapters. So much work goes into writing something of that length, but it's a labour of love 💖💖💖

Thanks for the ask! I always enjoy getting to ramble on about my writing 😘

[itsclydebitches]

I kinda wonder, what could bakugou do (hori write bakugou to do) to make him less popular with the "anti" crowd. Like He was a horrid child no doubt and people who try to put blame on Deku or lessen the terrible shit bakugou did aren't great. But as we don't rly see it, we have to assume bakugous behaviour wasn't stopped, we only ever saw his mum "punishing" him when he was being rude after getting kiddnapped. Nothing will excuse what bakugou did, but he has stopped? He's overall a harsh person but he's not harrassing and bullying people anymore, specifically not deku, he's trying to attone for what he did to deku and has now apologised for it. His behaviour was never viewed as justified or good in the series, he's a scary figure in middle school, we're not meant to like his behaviour, so the series itself hasn't justified his actions.

As someone who relate to both bakugou and deku more than I'd like to admit (never told someone to jump tho, that's fucked lol) so I can 100% understand not liking or even hating bakugou but as someone who's not 15 anymore, looking back I also made a lot of really shitty decisions and like bakugou have tried to make up for it, and like deku I was 'friends' with people who hurt me.

Is there anything he can do for the "antis" to just dislike him rather that be "anti"?

(I'm very sorry if you've talked about this somewhere, you can just tell me to look for it if you have, I'll continue to look for your posts on the subject)

Hey there, anon! I think I’ve spoken about this only tangentially and/or in my main Bakugo meta, which is too big for anyone sane to read. So yeah, let’s chat here!

For me personally—and that’s all I can ever do: speak personally. I think it’s important to keep in mind that there is no single solution to please the “anti” crowd. Each fan will be looking for something slightly different in Bakugo’s character, much of which might contradict what a “stan” is currently enjoying. Given how charged a character he is, I'm not sure it's possible to get the entire fandom to like him—what I’m looking for hinges on having a different reading of the story than you seem to. Meaning, I think the series does justify his behavior. Not in any overt, super obvious way like having all the characters go, “Wow, Bakugo! I sure do love how you threaten people all the time. That’s super cool and heroic!” Things are rarely that straightforward. Rather, it’s in a more subtle, but consistent manner that paints a rather conclusive picture across hundreds of chapters.

Simply put, Bakugo is continually rewarded for his actions. Or, if not outright rewarded, his actions are ignored in a way that implies silent acceptance. Characters may not always like what he does... but they're willing to let it slide because Bakugo's heroism was always treated as a given, not something he had to earn and prove.

With the ever necessary disclaimer that I’m not fully caught up yet, here’s a list of some of the things that stood out to me in the first half of the series:

Bakugo’s bullying made him the most popular kid in school.

Bakugo’s bullying was ignored by/outright supported by the teachers.

Bakugo’s bullying did not hinder him from getting into U.A., one of the most prestigious hero schools around.

Despite acting horribly throughout his time at U.A. too, this behavior was continually ignored by the teachers and other authority figures around him.

Bakugo’s struggle to realize that other people aren’t “trash” doesn’t hurt his achievements in any way. He still gets top scores, still wins the tournament, etc.

Bakugo’s behavior gets him special attention from All Might, the greatest hero and Bakugo’s personal idol.

His behavior doesn’t make others dislike him in any manner that’s taken seriously. Everybody is still willing to not just put up with Bakugo, but—in time—start treating his behavior as a quirk (no pun intended lol) that they’re secretly fond of, rather than something he should legitimately be striving to change. Kirishima is the most overt example of this.

This is compounded by his behavior constantly being framed as humorous. Much like with Mineta’s perverted actions, characters might superficially go, “No, that’s bad!” but the story never demands any significant development because then we’d lose the “joke” of Bakugo screaming in rage at the slightest inconvenience, threatening to murder someone over nothing, constantly belittling everyone around him in a “funny” manner, etc. When fans talk about development of a manga character as archetypal and extreme as Bakugo, most don’t really want to see significant change to his base personality. Because then that would result in someone who doesn’t look like the “real” Bakugo: someone nicer, more even-tempered, more mature, etc. But for those of us who were never drawn to that personality in the first place, the continued acceptance of his rude, egotistical, and violent behavior is discomforting. The easiest comparison I can draw is between this and Bakugo’s mother slapping him. That slap is meant to be another “joke”—we see it constantly in shonen anime, something "humorous" you shouldn’t take too seriously because haha, it's just an overprotective mother—but many fans do take it seriously, using it as the basis for a whole “Bakugo was abused and this explains his behavior” reading. Well, I take the “joke” of Bakugo’s threats and insults seriously, especially in a story that starts with something like telling Izuku to jump off the roof. In the same way that many fans want others to treat Bakugo’s mother as a serious topic that has had a negative influence on his development, I want the series to take Bakugo’s everyday actions seriously as a negative influence on… well, everyone around him. But it doesn’t. His base personality is grudgingly adored.

The above two points are seen most overtly in Izuku, who never wavers in his respect for Bakugo despite how Bakugo treats him. Not just prior to U.A., but during their training too. Izuku, as the protagonist, is the emotional heart of this tale, so when he talks about how inspiring Bakugo is, it encourages the reader to see his behavior as inspiring too. Rather than, as said, something that needs to change. Izuku's continued friendship with Bakugo, his adoration of him, and his acceptance of the way he's treated has severely warped how the entire story sees Bakugo's actions. After all, if #pure Izuku can see the good in Bakugo, why can't everyone else? He must not be that bad after all.

I could get into detailed analyses of all the above—like how Bakugo was the one comforted after attacking Izuku outside the dorms at night and how the messed up relationship he has with Izuku is upheld as something to nurture; how the remedial courses he had to take were made to be rather silly, thereby undermining their supposed importance to his development; how Bakugo’s kidnapping had nothing to do with his flaws, but much of the fandom uses it as a way to dismiss any appropriate consequences because, “Hasn’t he suffered enough?” etc.—but in the interest of keeping this within a readable length, I’ll leave it at that. The point is that Bakugo has always been privileged when it comes to his behavior, resulting in others either outright praising it, ignoring it, or demanding that he change a miniscule bit, which always keeps him far below the standards of both his peers and the expectations of a hero. Everyone in 1-A must learn to be even better than the good people they already are... Bakugo needs to learn that other people aren't dirt at the bottom of his shoes. It's never been a particularly impressive development when pit against the rest of the class. All of which can make something like an apology feel pretty hollow. Yes, he’s apologized and I say with all seriousness that that’s great! But how does that apology stack up against 300+ chapters of content? As Bakugo’s words highlight, he's been a really awful person up "until now": he was consumed by Izuku being “miles ahead of [him],” he “looked down on [him]” because he didn’t have a quirk, he “didn’t want to recognize that,” he “hated that,” “grew distant,” “tried to beat you down,” “opposed you and tried to show my superiority over you,” and ends it all with, “it probably doesn’t mean anything telling you all this” before finally getting to the “I’m sorry.” This is basically a laundry list of how horrible a person Bakugo has been for the entire series, with an acknowledgement that this apology is coming really, really late. This is the moment where I could START to like Bakugo, depending on how he acts form here on out, but that pivotal moment arrived after six years of content and in the final arc of the story. It’s too late. Bakugo needed this kind of self-reflection and positive action 250+ chapters ago so he could (hopefully) grow into a better person across the story, not at the story's end. What we got instead is 322 chapters of him being a really horrible person, but the story going out of its way to excuse or even praise that behavior the majority of the time.

As a quick comparison to end on, I think what Bakugo needed was what Soo Jin got in True Beauty. You don’t need to have seen the drama to follow along. The tl;dr is that she has a lot of the core qualities of Bakugo: an all-consuming drive to win that was created due to abusive parents with high expectations, resulting in her bullying a peer to a pretty horrific extent. The difference between them is how the story frames their actions. When Soo Jin becomes the bully she loses everything. Rather than succeeding academically, her grades plummet, making it clear that this anxiety and self-doubt (things the fandom keeps insisting Bakugo is struggling with, but that rarely ever show up in the text) is actually impacting her day-to-day life. Her best friend drops her because she’s not going to support her choices. The boy she likes rejects her. She’s eventually forced to start over somewhere new - which importantly separates her from the girl she was bullying - and get some distance from her parents, resulting in the growth needed to become a healthier, happier, good person again. So when Soo Jin apologizes to the girl she hurt, it feels earned. The story continually recognized how horrific her actions were and put her into a place where she either had to change, or continue losing at everything else that was important to her. Bakugo? Bakugo doesn’t lose. Oh, he claims he does because he’s comparing himself to Izuku constantly, but that’s just him thinking in extremes. He still wins academically. Still wins many battles. Still wins at having friends. Still wins by maintaining the prestige of being a U.A. student. Still wins by getting All Might’s attention. Still wins by receiving Izuku’s respect and an agreement to maintain this rivalry that Bakugo is so obsessed with. Bakugo comes out well 99% of the time, he just thinks he's "lost" because he can't stand not being the absolute best.

For me, the story needed to have Bakugo face consequences for his behavior, not receive rewards and/or have others ignore it, and that revelation/apology needed to come way, way sooner. For me the issue is not a specific action that Horikoshi can have Bakugo do in the next chapter and them bam, I like him now. The problem is Bakugo’s entire concept, how he’s received by the entire cast, and his run across this entire series. "Entire" is the key word there. Which is why the “But he’s apologized. What more do you antis want?” reactions don’t sit well. What we wanted is a better written redemption arc across those 300+ chapters, not a single scene that’s meant to have us forget all the other problems inherent in the story. At this point it’s a far more complicated situation than, “Bakugo just needs to do X, Y, and Z and then we’re golden.” At the end of the day, Horikoshi failed to make me like him as a person and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to change Bakugo enough to make him likable to me. Bakugo was never the sort of character I’d be inclined towards without a serious, nuanced redemption arc, but sadly, a core, crucial part of that redemption arc took six years to arrive. At this point there’s no way to change the problems in Bakugo’s writing for that huge chunk of the series and not enough time left in the series, it seems, to do the work we should have seen across the entire run. Honestly, idk if the Bakugo we'll get going forward is someone I can just dislike as opposed to being really uncomfortable with, but my money is on there being too little story left and too much investment in upholding Bakugo's base personality for that to happen. I could absolutely be proven wrong! But I think the problems are structural and needed to be better dealt with from page one, not hastily patched over in the final hour.

[syubub]

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

[aizawa-needs-coffee]

Hi!! Could I have a matchup please? I'm 18, pronouns she/her, I'm fine w any gender though I have a preference for males

If its of any relevance, physically I'm about 5'8 tall and on the chubby side, green eyes, brown hair (with blonde streaks) and I wear glasses

If you're into astrology/ mbti, I am a Sagittarius w both moon and rising in Cancer and I'm INFP

So I'm quite emotional lol. Usually very in touch with my emotions and quite perceptive of other's feelings as well. I have a huge saviours complex especially when it comes to feelings (i love helping others figure out their feelings, being a shoulder to cry on or even offering comforting hugs) but I try my best to keep it control cause I don't wanna be suffocating

On the outside I'd say I'm fairly organized, I keep my room clean and all of that, I'm a lil bit of a perfectionist but mentally I'm all over the place. I tend to get carried away by thoughts and emotions and end up procrastinating a lot; anxiety makes it all worse. In short, I suck at time management

To most people I may seem quiet and reserved but I actually really enjoy talking to people; I'm really insecure about not being funny or interesting enough tho. Around my friends I'm more relaxed but still have moments of self doubt

I can also be quite obsessive. If something really catches my interest I won't stop until I search all there is to know about it. For example I watched bnha, read the manga, the spin offs etc all in less than a month and now I'm indulging in fanart and fanfics because I need m o r e c o n t e n t hsbsb. I'm also that kind of person that listens to a new song they like on repeat until they hate it. Speaking of music, I can't say I have a taste lol. My fave genres are rock, pop and indie but I hear smth I like, I listen to it, whether its "high quality" music, basic or weird. Lately I've been listening to a lot of epicore which is literally the type of music thats used in fantasy and sci fi movies askfkdk

I like expressing myself through writing, singing and dancing but I really can't say I'm talented at either of those, it's all in good fun. I also enjoy reading (fiction, non-fic books bore me like hell; my fave genres are fantasy, sci fi and crime) but I haaate literature in school. I'm actually a bit of a math nerd and this year I'm starting uni, studying computer science!! Oh! I've also taken drama classes for 2 years (despite the fear I loved being on stage and plan on starting again once I'm done w the baccalaureate), I love playing D&D and while I woulnd't quite call myself a gamer, I love role playing video games. I'm also almost always down for any kind of multiplayer video games w friends although I have no experience

I'm not a sportive person, I go on walks or do a few exercises every now and then at home but I'm willing to try stuff out like a new sport or going to the gym w an s/o. I do plan on starting self defense classes soon and maybe taking up sword fighting (I love swords hehe)

Tbh I've never been in a relationship so I'm not really sure how I would act w an s/o, nor what I'm exactly looking for. I best express my affection through physical touch tho and that includes my friends so I'd like someone who isn't bothered or can get used to that (s/o would still receive the most hugs/ cuddles etc). I'm not that comfortable w the other love languages for friends and family, but I think I'd be a lot more eager to express my love through them for s/o. If I'm on the receiving end, my weakness is still physical touch :)) but I also need words of affirmation every now and then cause insecurities 🌠 and while I wouldn't ask for anything, especially objects, I am a hoarder and I'd keep any kind of gift like its a national treasure simply bc its from someone I love.

In addition, it doesn't really matter if s/o is more on the emotional or rational side a long as they dont invalidate my feelings; it angers me a lot and makes me feel even more insecure. I tend to isolate when I'm really really upset about something so I need a lil bit of pushing to talk abt it; I'm open to talk abt my feelings but I need the verbal confirmation that they care and wanna help, its not just cause they're being nice

Wow that is a lot of rambling jeez ajsjsjs sorry. Thank you so much if you've read throught that all and ty for the match up!!

Me and my wife literally having a ten minute debate on who we’d pair you with before I made my choice. Thanks for all the details and I hope you enjoy the match up!

I match you with Sero

I feel he’s outgoing and extroverted enough to help you with your anxiety and always reassure you that you are good at things and he does love you, he’s also so chill and laid back that even if you were clingy he’d not mind, he’d embrace it, his chill nature would help balance you. He would help you feel grounded and have a ‘you don’t have to do it all now’ attitude but would happily help you out. You need help going to the store? He remembers the list you wrote, having trouble fitting in lunch while you study? He’ll come to your door with pizza.

He’s determined and outgoing but isn’t aggressively positive and loud either which I think is why I picked him over Kirishima for you.

+++

“Hey babe, whatcha reading?” Sero asked sitting next to you on the sofa, he handed you a soda which you gratefully took, not looking up from your laptop screen.

As soon as he was sat down comfortably your hand grabbed his, clasping your fingers together as you managed to tear your gaze away from the Wikipedia page which was still open. You blinked up at him and shook your head.

“Oh just something I learned about today and wanted to do some.. extra reading” you explained.

He nodded his head and drank his soda watching as your face lit up as you started to ramble about the topic, he didn’t really know much about it but the way you told him about everything, the way you happily expressed your interest towards the topic made him happy. He gave you his big grin when you finished.

“Sorry, I rambled..” You felt bad, you always felt nervous when you info dumped on people.

“Nah, it’s cool, I didn’t mind at all” he brought your hand up to his face and gave it a kiss, your face flushed at the gentle gesture which caused Sero to laugh playfully.

“Well, if your sure… I just wanted something to take my mind off chores”.

“It’s the weekend, you don’t have to rush anyway.. and if you don’t feel better by tomorrow I can help, you can wash the dishes and I’ll dry?” he suggested still peppering kisses on the back of your hand before you set your laptop down and crawled closer to him.

You nodded softly, that sounded a lot more manageable, you felt your anxiety settle down from a raging nagging feeling to something easier to tolerate. He was such a good influence on you. Sero set down his drink and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to his chest.

“The guys want to come over and say hi later, maybe get pizza… but I can tell them not tonight if you aren’t feeling it… maybe you can play that new game you got? I liked watching you play the other night” He suggested as he nuzzled your head, enjoying how your hair felt on his face.

“Maybe… can I give you an answer later?”

“Yeah, no rush babe”

You smiled softly feeling the lanky boy kiss the side of your head and listened as you carried on talking about the trivia of your current interest.