#I'd be mad as hell too if I got beat by a 10 year old

[justvea18]

Phthia's new exile kid

[winterflowersftw]

Blue Lock characters as Taylor Swift songs + explanation

Notes: Hi guys, so this was another random idea I so...here I am, I guess? But yea do tell me if you guys disagree with any of the song choices here lmao. Would love to hear from you guys

ISAGI YOICHI

"I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork

The dominoes cascaded in a line

What if I told you I'm a mastermind?"

And

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

Strategy sets the scene for the tale"

And

"Of a chain reaction of countermoves

To assess the equation of you

Checkmate, I couldn't lose."

My boy Isagi came into the Blue Lock system as the second last player and crept his way to the top. He's literally the mastermind pulling the pieces together and winning matches. It's really amazing how he had no ability tha made him stand out much except his brain and that was enough for him.

So yea this is HIS song.

BACHIRA MEGURU

"I never miss a beat

I'm lightnin' on my feet"

And

"I'm dancin' on my own (dancin' on my own)

I make the moves up as I go (moves up as I go)

But I keep cruisin'

Can't stop, won't stop groovin'

It's like I got this music in my mind

Sayin' it's gonna be alright"

The song 100% represents Bachira' childish, carefree and happy-to-go personality and some of the lyrics (which I put above) totally show his abilities like cmon. 😭

Okay so the first two lines are like about his dribbling ability, right? And even in the next para the top lines are like how he's not following a rhythm and is doing whatever he wants to and THAT IS SOMETHING HE DOES IN THE NEL. (Sorry got too excited)

And the last two lines are about the "monster" he had, which existed in his mind. It was very relevant in the first selection.

NAGI SEISHIRO

"And I'm just getting color back into my face

I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place

For so long, London

Had a good run

A moment of warm sun"

This is VERY specific but I do think this fits really well during the second selection when Nagi chooses to go with Isagi and leaves Reo. Nagi actually stops being the lazy-genius he had been until episode 10 of the anime which has the match between Team V and Team Z where has an awakening (hence the "getting color back into his face" lyric) and he is gaining a passion for football which he never thought someone like him could even have. In Episode Nagi, even Reo acknowledges that the one who made Nagi put in actual efforts in a football match (which he had never done before) was Isagi and not him. Isagi was the reason of Nagi's awakening. And Reo was so sad that he was not the reason.

And right after his awakening, he decides to leave Reo because now he actually wants to improve and has a goal: To beat Isagi. And for that he has to leave Reo. So...yeah.

ITOSHI RIN

"And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest"

And

"Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again

But I'm still trying to find it"

And

"You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath"

Okay again this one is also very specific just like Nagi's but i think this song completely represents Rin's relationship with his brother, Sae. Beating Sae is the only reason we have been given for whatever he does.

When we first see Rin at the start of the second selection, one of the first things he says is how he has to beat his brother and that's basically the bane of his existence.

And in between the confrontation between the brothers when Sae comes home from Spain and thenU20 VS Blue Lock Eleven match; a year has passed and Rin's feeling fir his brother is EXACTLY the same. (Hence the second para)

Also we can notice this during the Itoshi brothers' flashback, Sae had always been the way he is at this point since childhood. But Rin was different, he was a happy and naive kid. But that's gone now. Also how after the U20 VS the Blue Lock Eleven match when Sae comes to Rin, and Rin (and us, the audience) think that Sae is going to praise Rin who had just been in his berserk mode before; the expression change on Rin's face is so evident and heartbreaking. His expression is almost the same one he had when he was a little kid. So yeah, its very heartbreaking when Sae praises Isagi and not him when Rin has been craving for his validation for a longggg time.

Notes part 2: This took me a lot of time to wrote so please don't let this flop 😭🤞

[elfinblaze]

Eurovision 2023

It's two weeks to go, so I thought I'd post my personal Top 12, as it stands. That could change once I see everyone live, but for now, my list:

1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrFUKqTy4zI Cyprus - Break A Broken Heart, by Andrew Lambrou Catchy, solid, radio-friendly song, with an impressive voice. Not anything unusual, just a genuinely good song, which is not a bad thing. This is one I actually listen to often, so it's going straight to number 1 for me. Unfortunately I think it's going to get lost among all the other strong songs this year, so I expect I'm in the minority when it comes to loving this song. 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y12_YMs9kCQ Germany - Blood & Glitter, by Lord of the Lost Germany sent a band from Napalm Records, which is a legendary record company in the metal scene, and I - for one - am thrilled! Now this is some catchy Metal music, enough to make you debate whether you want to dance or head-bang or a bit of both, but not so heavy it's inaccessible to a broader audience. I like the voice, the melody, how tight the band sounds. Fantastic band. Very German. This is our taste in music. 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqtu2GspT80 Australia - Promise, by Voyager I'm tossing up whether I'm biased putting both my home countries at numbers 2 and 3, but I don't think so; I genuinely like both songs and think they are objectively good songs. I'm thrilled both countries sent their strongest genres this year, and this one's a really good, old-school, solid Australian rock song. I'll be shocked if Australia win, but I expect them to do better than people might be thinking. 4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8-Sbc_GZMc Switzerland - Watergun, by Remo Forrer One of several anti-war (read: anti-Russia) songs this year, and my favourite of those. I'm a rock fan. As should be obvious from this list. I love the low voice and the message, as well as this being a solid song as well. 5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ak5Fevs424Y Ireland - We Are One, by Wild Youth Catchy rock ballad with uplifting lyrics. A bit generic maybe, but pure natnip to me. And I know I'm in the minority here, but I don't care: this song reminds me of pop-rock bands from 10 years ago, so it's like a comfy set of slippers for me. Just enjoyable to listen to. 6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt7U0-N1mlk Norway - Queen Of Kings, by Alessandra Insanely catchy dance number. I know it's a favourite to win, and I'm not surprised. Apparently it's doing very well in gay clubs too (I haven't been clubbing in decades, but this is what I hear). I wouldn't mind Norway winning. 7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWfbEFH9NvQ France - Évidemment, by La Zarra A catchy pop song! With meaningful lyrics, and I'm hearing this one is another favourite to win. 8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znWi3zN8Ucg Finland - Cha Cha Cha, by Käärijä This was in my top 5, and it dropped a bit after I've listened to all the songs a few more times, but I still like it. Very fun. 9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeIVwYUge8o Serbia - Samo Mi Se Spava, by Luke Black I dunno what it is about this one, but it entrances me. I don't think it's very popular, but it grabs me and won't let my attention wander. Must be the heavy beat. I like it. 10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMmLeV47Au4 Austria - Who The Hell Is Edgar?, by Teya & Salena I love the literary references. It's not my favourite, obviously, considering it's 10th on this list, but it's got a good beat, and a hook, and it has the potential to win the competition, which… I would not be mad about. 11. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apqwl0ayL6A Malta - Dance (Our Own Party), by The Busker This has such a catchy beat, kinda jazzy, but still poppy. Makes me want to dance. 12. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJ21grjN6wU United Kingdom - I Wrote A Song, by Mae Muller It's a decent pop song. Still trying to decide whether I want to listen to this once Eurovision is over for the year, or not. But at least the UK sent a decent song.

I don't know who's going to win. I doubt it'll be any of my top 3 (not because I don't think rock can win; Lordi and Måneskin proved that), but I'm usually surprised by the winner, so who knows. Maybe Norway. France is in with a chance too. Anyway, there's a lot of great songs this year.

And now for some bonus songs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqGM_8Nn3D0 Promise (House Remix), by Voyager I don't know how the band managed to film this video with straight faces; it's amazing. The uniform bopping, the robotic banging on the beatbox, the screaming into the telephone! It's brilliant. If you want a dance version instead of the original version of this song, this is fantastic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgs4KeaEsBk Gladiator, by Jann Because this was allllmost Poland's entry, and in my opinion it's miles better than the one that was chosen instead. It's darker and different, and it grabs me. Jann (Jan Rozmanowski) is such a fascinating young singer and I can't wait to see where his career goes. If this was in my Top 12 List, it would be battling France for 7th place. Is it obvious yet that I like some darkness in my music?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JefXBxvPElE One Last Song (accoustic), by Lord of the Lost Proving what a fantastic band they are, this song gives me chills. There's a bleakness to it (without being gloomy), but also a loving and sincere note, which is what makes this song so special. It's love and sorrow, and beautiful. I love it, I love it, I love it! Having watched a few interviews, the band seem like really friendly guys too, and they very clearly know what they're doing.

[whiskehorange]

Vincent meeting an old childhood friend, who didn't care about how his face looked, after 10+ years? (And if you could also make it where she has vitiligo I'd be mad happy, but you can leave it out if you want) ily mom

Anonymous said: "What if I told you I've been in love with you since we were kids" prompt for my lovely man Vincent, preferably where he is on the receiving end of this lil thing (does that make sense? I feel like I worded it weird but idk how else to put it)

I love vincent so much

Vincent

------------------------------------------------------

Walking back into Ambrose was something you never expected to do. You left here to get away from all of the drama and toxicity, but here you are, back again.

It was the good people that you missed the most. A peculiar boy and his two brothers that you grew very fond of when you were younger had never gotten a proper goodbye. 

Hell, maybe the Sinclairs moved away. It had been ten years, after all.

The town seemed more... empty than usual. Lights in houses were on and you saw movement behind some curtains, even heard the church bells ring a few times.

As you pulled into the driveway your hear skipped beats as you debated on turning around completely and going back home, but in your mind, this was home. Bo’s truck sat in the driveway, which didn’t make your nerves any more calm.

A part of you hoped that they wouldn’t be here and this would be a quick and easy trip down memory lane, but you missed Vincent so much. The two of you were as close as ever, one of Vincents only friends growing up who didn’t care about his looks.

You were even there to help him and Bo sculpt when things didn’t work out with their parents too well. You were practically the 4th installment in the family, but Vincent was more than just a brother to you. You cared so deeply for him, it hurt you more than he would ever know when you left, but it was the right thing to do.

“Well I’ll be damned,” The voice made you jump at Bo’s knuckles tapped on your window. “Who wouldda thought I’d be seeing you back round here.”

You stared up at him for a moment, catching your breath before you opened the door. Bo hated hugs when he was younger, but you figured he’d get over it this one time. 

He returned the favor, stepping back to get a good look at you. The man hadn’t changed a goddamn thing since the last time you saw him. The same crooked smile with pearly white teeth that could swoon anyone. But Bo was more of a big brother to you than anyone.

“I, just figured I’d swing back by and see how ol’ Ambrose took to time, you know?” You gestured back around, smiling at how much you forgot about the place after all these years.

“Still a shithole, if ya ask me. Smells like burnt wood and a God damn candle,” He frowned at the idea, but let you inside anyways.

“I wasn’t expecting you to still be around, I heard the news about... your parents and all that-”

Bo shook his head, as he motioned for you to come inside.

“So, how are the other two?”  You really just wanted to ask about Vincent to see if he was still hanging on, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss Lesters... personality too.

“Ah, Dumbfuck is out in that sink hole playing with dead carcasses somewhere, I don’t let him come in the house when he comes home smellin’ like shit. Vincent is... probably somewhere downstairs. He doesn’t come up to often now, only to bug me- Vincent! Ey, Vincent, come up here!”

You heart just about completely stopped when you heard quiet rustling downstairs. Creaky footsteps could be heard coming up some flight of stairs as you subtly started to shake out of pure anxiety.

What if he didn’t remember? Bullshit, Bo remembered.

“Vincent, look who it is,” Bo called out, side you rough side hug and a large, crooked grin. The figure in the doorway stood there for a moment; the lighting in the house wasn’t the best.

“Well, I’ll let the two of you catch up, if I see Lester I’ll let him know you’re in town for a bit, I’ve gotta run down to the shop.”

You nodded, still staring at the figure as he shut the door behind him, hearing his truck start and fade away.

“Vincent....?” Your voice was trembly, but soft. As he stepped forth, you could see his body, but not his face. That long, black hair of his covered it. He said nothing, but you could definitely tell by the posture that it was him.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips as you stepped up towards him and wrapped your arms around him; his arms trapped. His heart dropped, but he slowly wrapped his arms around your as much as his could, awkwardly.

A flush of memories warped themselves into Vincents mind. All those years ago of playing down by the creek, visiting him just about everyday, standing up for him against Bo, helping him create wax pieces. Those were the years Vincent felt loved.

As you separated, Vincent could only stand back and admire your flourishing beauty. The patterns on your dark skin hadn’t changed, but boy did everything else change. You still had that beautiful, bubbly personality, especially by the way you’re talking and gushing over him now. But, he wasn’t listening. He just needed to get a good look at you once again.

“Vincent I-,” You threw your head back in embarrassment and exaggeration, a smile spreading across your lips and you blushed madly as him.

You shook your hands, trying to dramatically get yourself ready and used to being in Ambrose again. Vincent smiled under his mask slowly, you really hadn’t changed. 

He could tell you had something to say, the way that you normally never got caught up on your words was a dead give away. 

You tried again, “Vincent- Uhhgh!”

You laughed at your jitteriness. “I rehearsed this about a thousands times in the car, yet I can’t seem to do it now.”

Stomping your foot on the ground and grabbing Vincent by the wrists, you shook his arms up ad down like it would help you spit out your words, but it seemed to work anyways.

“Vincent I love you. I have always loved you, I- I-, since we were kids, since the day I met you down by the creek up to the moment I just told you that.”

He didn’t have to say a word for you to know that he felt the same.

[a-crimson-lion]

Further Discussion On Katsuki Bakugo

[Original Post Here]

@homez18

...I seem to have stumbled upon a rabbit hole which my hubris continues to lure me towards.

Because I genuinely want to have a discussion over your points (and I don't want to bog down my original post with too many reblogs), I'll move the discussions here.

[This isn't necessarily to flaunt my nonexistent superiority. I honestly think that you have a good argument going for Katsuki. I'm just seeing how my own analysis stacks on top of that. I'm no expert, but I'll give it my best shot. Also, spoilers for anyone else reading.]

Let's start with "I don't think Bakugo overestimates himself." This is an interesting point, which I believe does hold water. When I think about it, I realize that Katsuki actually suffers from a different problem, which I'll get back to later. As for "He's never shown to overestimate himself," that's... not entirely correct. As of late, I can think of at least TWO examples in the series where Katsuki could legitimately be overestimating himself. But first, let's address the basic issue.

9 times out of 10, Katsuki will UNDERESTIMATE his opponents.

This isn't without reason. Katsuki's strong, and he knows it. He's been strong since even before his quirk manifested, at least mentally. When his quirk kicked in, his strengths shifted to primarily physical, though he's still an intelligent person. However, even if he can gauge his own strength, he does an admittably horrible job of gauging others' strengths. Since he's been praised for nigh over a decade for having such a strong quirk, Katsuki's got the idea that he's among the best of the best. He might not be #1 yet, but he knows he's gonna get there eventually. The problem starts when he decides that everyone else is beneath him by default.

Don't tell me he doesn't underestimate others either when he tends to call everyone "extras" or just a crappy nickname (at least until he acknowledges them).

One instance where Katsuki distinctly underestimates his opponent is during the Battle Trial with Izuku. Granted, this is more of a hubris case than anything, considering Katsuki's absolute hatred for Izuku (that later does mellow out into begruding respect). The thing is, Katsuki knows Izuku has a quirk now. He knows his quirk is super strong (it beat his ball throw by 0.1 meters, after all) but there's still a part of Katsuki that believes Izuku is still a bug. He's still a worthless Deku, and to top it all off, Katsuki is convinced that Izuku hid his quirk from him since the start.

While his absurd self-centered persona is not the main focus, one must admit that Katsuki's hubris is a certain level of concerning.

So Izuku and Katsuki have a big showdown, and to Katsuki's surprise, Izuku pulls something else entirely. He manages to wreck the building above them, taking the explosion and allowing his team to pass. Katsuki thinks Izuku is looking down on him, but Izuku simply states that he wouldn't have used his quirk if he could have thought of someone else. And as Izuku collapses and the trial comes to a close, Katsuki is shaken by the fact that Izuku beat him. Worthless Deku beat Katsuki Bakugo, and he wonders if Izuku could beat him in other ways. Katsuki underestimated Izuku.

I've talked about Katsuki's obsession with strength previously, but the same idea applies here. If Katsuki wasn't so gun-ho on taking out the enemy (specifically Izuku) for the hell of it and actually tried to win the exercise, he might have been able to beat Izuku. But he's so caught up in his definitions of strength and victory that he ultimately falls flat, underestimating his opponent's capabilities to win, even indirectly. This dame idea comes back to bite Katsuki when Neito Monoma briefly takes possesion of Katsuki's headbands (granted, he does get them back later) because Katsuki didn't even bother paying attention to him, once again underestimating him.

Now, as I've stated before, Katsuki has overestimated himself at least twice. The first time was with All Might during the Final Exams. When All Might brings up his handicap weights, Katsuki has the gall to say that All Might's handicapping is "insulting." Katsuki knows that All Might is strong, he knows that All Might is the NUMBER ONE HERO, and suddenly handicapping himself is insulting? Granted, that's the same attitude he had against Shoto at the end of the Sports Festival, but just to put this scenario into perspective:

Katsuki is a 15 year old hero in training with a powerful quirk, a few months of experience, and versatile experience with his quirk among other strengths (including Battle Tactics).

All Might is an adult (age unknown) Pro Hero with a powerful quirk, years of experience, and, as a Young Katsuki once said: "No matter how bad things look, he always wins in the end!"

To put it simply, Katsuki is a Level 15 going against All Might, a Level 200 (whose handicap probably brings him down to Level 100).

Combined with Izuku (a Level 10 on his own), they might be a Level 30 (50 if I'm being generous) but All Might is still twice their skill combined, and Izuku and Katsuki's troublesome dynamic make it even more of a hinderance to fight against him. Katsuki even tries attacking All Might multiple times, even though he fails consistently each time, doing virtually nothing to change his strategy. It gets to the point where Katsuki gets straight up KO'd because he can't acknowledge that All Might truly is leagues ahead of him. Objectively, Katsuki knows that All Might is on another level, but subjectively? Shouldn't be too hard to beat him.

How would he have passed without Izuku again?

The second time Katsuki overestimates himself is actually fairly recent. Before Izuku and Katsuki head off to intern under Endeavor, they have a meeting with All Might. During that meeting, Katsuki remarks that he's be able to use all of One for All's quirks right then and there, whereas Izuku has only learned to *bloop* with his first new quirk.

Again, Katsuki is only focusing in the physical aspect of things, in this case OFA. We don't know exactly what All Might and Izuku told him about it, but I'd like to think they'd at least cover the basics of OFA's sentience. That, and the fact that since Katsuki is in on the All Might Tea Parties now, wouldn't he at least hear about Izuku's vision when he was undergoing the Black Whip episode? It's already been established that Katsuki has a strong quirk and is physically strong to an extent, but we've seen time and time again that his emotional strength needs some growing time. Plus, it has also been established that OFA gets a boost when it's motivated to save people. Katsuki has no such motives unless it benefits him. He's giving himself too much credit claiming he'd master OFA at that point.

Phew, that was long.

Otherwise, the rest of your argument is fair, homez18. Katsuki does fight to prove himself. He fights (and succeeds) to prove himself during the Entrance Exam. He fights to prove himself during the Quirk Apprehension Test (getting 3rd place and "losing" to Izuku in the ball toss, which pisses him off). He fights to prove himself in the Battle Trial (which is why he's so torn when Izuku wins). He fights to prove himself during all the events after that, like the Sports Festival or the Villain Attack at Camp. He does all that to prove himself.

The problem arises when he shuts out virtually everything else.

Yes, he should be mad at Shoto for not going all out at Katsuki during the Sports Festival, but he heard Shoto's backstory. He KNOWS Shoto hated his fire side, and saw how adamantly he refused to use it. He might not have heard what Izuku said to him in their fight, but Katsuki is so stubborn that he refuses to realize that people have issues beyond Katsuki. Not going all out against him is a personal slight. Being too weak is a personal slight. No one wins.

During the Villain Attack at Camp, Katsuki has every right to defend himself. But he's not defending himself. He's seeking out conflict because to him, fighting is the best part of being a hero. If he was truly defending himself, he'd have headed back to camp with Shoto, even begrudgingly so. Instead, he ignores Mandalay's warnings just because she brought up something about Izuku, and then narrowly avoids getting cut immediately afterwards, foreshadowing his poor choices.

TL;DR Katsuki tends to underestimate others more than he overestimates himself, and while he does fight with a warped sense of honor, it doesn't make his actions any more "noble."

Thanks for reading, homez18. I hope you enjoyed, and if you didn't? Well, that's on me I guess...

-Crimson Lion (24 September 2019)

[brookeolin]

TRIGGER WARNING/TW: emotional and physical abuse and violence

Hi! I've been paying attention to the stories of assault that have been shared by brave survivors over the past week... and years... Every time a movement to share revives, I consider talking about something I've been through... but usually by the time I feel like I can, I tell myself "it's too late, the moment passed". I am finally realizing that this mentality was a stupid way of silencing myself--and it's truly never too late to speak up.

I don't have a games industry person to call out. I'm sharing my story just to get it off my chest.

A couple years ago, in my late 20s, I was dating a guy named Mike. The relationship was pretty toxic from the start, but I was naiive as hell (yes you're still probably naiive about a lot of things in your late 20s btw) and thought his mean streak was sort of... refreshing? I fooled myself into thinking that I'd finally met a guy that would be honest with me about my flaws, and who would love me despite them. Because of this infatuation with a mean streak and the emotional highs and lows that come with it, I ignored all of the red flags. Some examples related to games: If we played a new game and had different opinions about it, mine were always wrong. If I tried to make an argument for my opinion, he'd accuse me of trying to make him feel stupid. My opinions were always invalidated without a discussion. We would play games together--he would tell me I was bad at it. He wouldn't even play the games I'd worked on, and told me he didn't like them. Everything I did or said was bad or wrong, but he'd always sugar-coat it and comfort me with encouragement that I could "do better". It was a rollercoaster of emotions every day. My self-esteem was so low that... I believed he was right. His gaslighting prevented me from seeing the reality of the situation--I was being emotionally abused, constantly.

Time flew by during this relationship. I was always either ecstatically happy or deeply depressed, and so I developed intense anxiety and panic attack problems. I would have a panic attack and would try to talk to him about it, and he would get mad at me or ignore me. The next day, he'd apologize and we'd make up. This happened more times than I can count. The relationship was so all over the place all the time that my emotional energy was always spent. I got too tired to talk to friends, and cut myself off from everyone without realizing it. I was also shipping a couple games at the time, and stopped working on them in the normal way... I didn't playtest, I didn't proofread, I just hacked things out as fast as possible so I could get back to putting out fires in my relationship. Every single disagreement about games or anything else was always turned back on me, and used to further belittle me.

Things continued to escalate with Mike, and maybe... a year into our relationship, one day, he was mad at me for arguing with him about... something. I was probably mad at him about rent--at this point, he was playing games all day and not working. I was paying for our entire existence, including rent, so we'd fight about that a lot. Anyways, we were fighting and it escalated and he started to hit me. He then shoved me onto the couch and started strangling me. I couldn't get him off. I was seriously at the limit of being conscious when I managed to pry him off of my neck, and then he hit me some more. That went on for a bit, until I managed to run out of the apartment. I wandered around in the streets for a while before coming home.

Guess what! Even after something like that, I stayed with him! People aren't kidding when they talk about how difficult it is for abuse victims to leave their abusers. Why? He convinced me that he beat me up because I pushed him to that point. He managed to manipulate me into believing it was my fault. Turns out, this kind of gaslighting is pretty typical in these abuse situations, but I didn't know that at the time and was... so traumatized and fucked up that I believed him. It took me almost another year, and more physical abuse, to finally leave. I almost died multiple times while dating this guy. On the last occaision, he strangled me again after slamming my head into the wall. He stopped strangling me at my breaking point again and started running towards the kitchen, saying something about a knife. I sprinted out the door with only a shirt and underwear on.

An old guy was closing up at a bar nearby and he let me in and called the cops. Of course, the cops weren't helpful--they stood there asking me "but how bad was it, really"... even asking me to rate my fucking beating on a scale of 1-10 while I was sobbing and covered in bruises. Eventually, they finished questioning me and taking pictures of my neck, and finally drove me home. We got there and they asked... "Do you want us to arrest him? You need to decide." These fuckers made me decide if I wanted my abusive boyfriend to go to jail, outside of my apartment, while I was shaking like a leaf, with no pants or shoes on. It was the lowest point of my life, by far. I was like... seriously in disbelief that they were asking me, the victim, to make this decision. Thankfully, I said yes, and he went to jail. I went back into my apartment, alone, surrounded by broken furniture. I called my mom and a friend. I'll never forget how strange it was to just lie there in my ruined apartment, not really knowing what to do. I went to the ER the next day and the nurses there told me they see girls like me in this condition every day, and they told me that a lot of those girls go home and it happens again and again. They asked me sincerely to never speak to Mike again, and I didn't. I have not seen him since. Oh, but I was still effected by the gaslighting so deeply that I gave money to a friend to bail him out of jail a couple days later, because I still felt like everything was somehow my fault. It was NOT my fault. He chose to violently assault me. That was his choice. It took me a long time to recognize that, because his gaslighting really effected me to my core. The power of abuse is truly incredible and horrific, and the power an abuser has remains even after they are gone.

I was was lucky to come out this alive and on my feet. I am no longer in that relationship--I am safe and happy. As lucky as I've been to come this far, I've been through some very real PTSD since then, and still struggle with the physical and financial repercussions of my assault to this day. Things have gotten a lot better though, so I thought it'd be a good time to share this with folks.

I hope that anyone out there who is also a domestic abuse victim can see that they're not alone, and that they can get out of the situation... hopefully faster than I did. I can't advise anyone personally--I'm a victim, not a professional. However, I can promise you, if you're a survivor/victim of domestic abuse, that there's hope. You can get your life together, as impossible as it might seem--I am living proof of it. Trusted friends, therapy and local domestic abuse centers are incredibly helpful. I have personally literally used all of these methods to help with my own situation, when it was at its worst. There is no shame in asking for help.

If you're not a victim, or don't personally know anyone who is... I hope that you might now recognize that domestic abuse is a very real and pervasive thing. It doesn't happen to one specific kind of person--it can really happen to anyone, and often for long, drawn out periods of time. Relationships are complicated things that can be incredibly difficult to get out of, especially when abuse (emotional and/or physical) is happening. Please keep this in mind, watch out for your family and friends, and support victims as much as humanly possible.

-Nina Freeman