#I'M SO FUCKIN HUNGRY
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Time to fuck around (eat a whole stuffed crust pizza and cheesy bread on my own) and find out (end up stuffed and full of rank gas)
#I'm so fuckin hungry#and this pizza place hasn't had stuffed crust in a while#my lactose intolerance will be complaining tonight#eprocto#gassy farts#fart kink#eproctophilia#enby farts#gassy#gas kink
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What really sucks about gluten free stuff (apart from it never being as good as the original) is that it's often lumped in with dairy free/vegan and I'm just sitting here like whyyyyy where am I supposed to get protein from huh?? And my calcium for my thrice-at-risk-of-osteoporosis bones??? And have you ever tried vegan stuff/food made with dairy alternatives that aren't pure rice or coconut milk? They're gross! Macaroni cheese, but you're not allowed the fuckin cheese on top of not being able to have real pasta???? Hell. Nightmare. Gimme my DAIRY! I bet anyone with a dairy allergy isn't having fun with the gluten free side either. Yuck. And while I'm on a Rant, why the FUCK are you putting fuckin apple in the gluten free version of JAFFA CAKES?????? Just... why why why are they trying to cater to all these things at once. Terrible. The only overlap I'm thankful for is the nut free thing, bc if you're ever in a cafe or wherever their gluten free cake is 95% likely to contain nuts bc apparently anyone wanting gluten free is also a fuckin vegan and capable of eating nuts?? Bleh. Even the shit in shops is more often gluten & dairy free/vegan than it is gluten free & nut free. I'm dying here. I'm starving. I'm withering away and I'm full of spite and rage at the predatory pricing and the extorionate shit I have to face any time I want to eat food.
#signed: a disabled person who can't cook but would like to be able to eat#and also doesn't have that much money to afford the extortionate but severely shitty food on offer#i have SO MANY ALLERGIES and taking away the one joy (dairy) is evil evil evil#just gimme it okie#yes it makes my tummy hurt but cheese is my ambrosia and lactase tablets are a gift from the gods#i'm desperately trying to get the calories and nutrients i need but fucking hell#it's so extremely hard that i actually don't have the energy for this shit#vegans are obviously a lucrative market but i wish they'd fuck the hell off away from free from food#because some people actually need that and for us it's not a trendy thing to do#(btw going gluten free if you're not a coeliac or gluten intollerant apparently isn't good for you)#i utterly detest having to eat it's such a horrible experience bc i can't even find meals that are safe#the things i find are like 'kirsty's kitchen mac & cheese' containing neither mac nor cheese#and also barely containing 'food' only 40% of the container is used and said food is a gross grey-green colour#and they added a smoky flavour so the thing tasted like a fuckin mushroom dish#who the FUCK wants smoky macaroni cheese? never ever ever heard of that as an option before#and i twas so bad i threw a stupidly expensive meal away#it was THAT BAD#yeah okay i just wnat to give up and die now bc this is so upsetting and just ugh i wan FOOD OKAY????#i'm so hungry#I'M SO FUCKIN HUNGRY
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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in a variant of useless arguments that unfortunately i can't just use the block button on, i am reliving a wtfry from like five years ago because i'm trying to sort through my medical history and figure out if i have any further lurking disasters and i'm currently stuck on
me: i am trying to eat healthier so i want to add more fruits and vegetables to my diet
nutritionist: no don't eat more fruits! that's too much sugar! sugar is bad for you!
like really we're not talking about processed foods or added sugars, this person straight up told me there was too much sugar in raw, fresh fruit
#please god let my labwork imbalances rebalance#i've been prediabetic off and on for a decade and my last A1c was 5.5 so it's not getting worse & i need doctors to get off my ass about it#and I absolutely KNOW if you push me certain ways about food i'll go orthorexic if not anorexic#(and they won't even treat it like an illness because I'm fat)#(at a checkup last week I was commenting on my surgical recover and i lamented 'and i'm still losing weight' and the doc was like 'good!')#(bitch my weightloss was a symptom of an organ crisis i could have died of. no it's not good! i want to STABILIZE!)#i've spent years disentangling myself from the toxic diet culture shit my mother dumped on me like drink a glass of water to feel full#fuck that i barely ever feel hungry in the first place i need to listen to what signals i do get#and after all my hard work they're gonna try to drag me back in#i just fuckin know it#it's not like trying to balance my current dietary restrictions isn't borderline orthorexic already#but i feel like i have a grasp on why i do it and when moderation vs strict adherence is okay#and from past experience counting calories is the line where i will fully go insane#maybe 25 years on I could resist but i don't want to try#i would rather go on metformin or some other fuckin' drug i don't really need than count calories#ugh it's a week until my next appointment to talk about this it would be great if it would get out of my brain until then#chronic illness#medical bullshit#food bullshit
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My mental illness has got to stop having physical symptoms because i am tired of being nauseous from anxiety 24/7 -_-
#rainy day rambles#can you tell school just started up again#maybe i'm also just hungry#but i get like constant stomach aches/nausea from my anxiety it's so fuckin annoying
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I am home from getting fucked up at a local punk show but I'm tired so give me minute
#bf got punched in the face while moshing and his glasses flew across the venue#second band opened w the fuckin king of the hill theme and it ruled#also mosh pit pool noodle fight#got drenched in water by the headliner's lead singer so that also ruled#got a lil drinky#I'm hungry as fuck now#rambling
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I'm sick rn, and my coworker told me that when she's sick she eats less so her body can focus on healing
Which, if that were real and worked, would be a great tummy scenario.
But unfortunately she's also big on diet shit so this wasn't actually interesting it mostly made me mad that she somehow turned being sick and losing weight from it into a positive thing to be looking forward to :P
#Also I'll be so real I hate being hungry when I'm sick#It seems to be a common thing not to eat when you're sick because you lose your appetite#But I fuckin hate it my body already feels awful I don't need to make it any worse#I'll be hungry when I'm feeling great thankyouverymuch
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hi so create an new blog for MK content and I wanna share this meow meow shujinko (i have a different name for him in mind but imma get to that later) also I don't usally post 3D stuff I just do drawings but just wanna show this off </3
#mortal kombat#shujinko#I HATE how they did him in MK1 btw#I'm glad to know that people knows this is peak shujinko design ftw#making him a power hungry villain is so fuckin ooc but these writers just keep messing stuff up#they also forgot that he only imitates other people powers becuz of damashi but enough me ranting
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i'm glad i decided to try out a ketosis diet again (aka changing my metabolism to basically only use ketone bodies made from fatty acids for energy by reducing carb intake to max 20g/day) for a few weeks because it was a neat experiment but i'm also glad I decided to stop because now i get to enjoy life's greatest fucking simplest yet finest delicacy: mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes with melted butter and salt. i cannot understand how i could live without that. just. vegetables. keto has opened my eyes to new ways to cook foods and experiment with ingredients but i don't think i can live without carbs. i doubt that the majority of people could. also have you any idea how much good simple near-zero effort food there is out there like holy gosh darn in heaven. i don't have to spend hours cooking something to have a nice meal
#food mention#diets#actually anything carb with butter and salt. how can it be so good. call me a lazy goob but i once just microwaved corn and butter#added salt. and it was the most delicious fuckin thing ive ever eaten#i've done low-carb in the past and tried keto a few times and always it felt so great after the keto flu disappeared after a few days#but this time the keto flu did not go away. i felt so weak and awful but at the same time i had less brain fog. and never felt hungry.#but it was werid. i think it might have been because i've been kinda high carb for the last few years and the change was so strong & sudden#also electrolyte imbalances can happen on keto if you're not careful. it's complex.#anyway it got me to eat a bit healthier like (almost) completely avoiding processed foods and unnaturally high sugary stuff#which i just want to generally avoid for personal health reasons which is a whole can of worms but i just dont want to overindulge#sure i can eat an entire bag of candies or chips in an evening if i feel like it but I *feel* my body just being like “nooo” and sure enoug#the next morning i do feel a little bit extra like shit#and another thing: i think i benefit from abrupt diet changes now and then. it feels natural in a way. ye olde scavenger hunter genetics#ya know. our nomadic ancestors would probably have to do that a lot when things weren't year-round available#sometimes only meat for months on end in cold seasons/areas#sometimes basically only plants and nuts roots and seeds and stuff#it's actually remarkable how human metabolism can adapt so much depending on what's available to eat#sometimes fasting for days when food was just nowhere to be found.#i'm not saying “stress your metabolic system it's good for you'” (it probably isnt) just idk. mixing it up a bit at least works for me#btw disclaimer i HATE the whole thing about diet-pressuring and some people claiming that certain diets will solve everything#it doesn't solve all health problems magically. ”"”superfoods“”“ are not a 100% faultless scientifically proven thing.#shit like ''the paleo diet is the number one key to optimal health without medications!!'' no. shut.#on the other hand i do believe diets can help a bit like a nudge. it's just one factor out of many that affects how we feel#ANYWAY conclusion: eat what you want. do what feels right for you. find your own ways to make the food you eat help your health a bit#or don't! be yourself! love yourself!#the chosen method is gonna be different for everybody#but from now on im gonna try and eat as close to natural unprocessed foods as I can in this day and age. it feels right for me somehow.#i think *my* preferred method/diet whatever is to mainly eat natural unprocessed foods and to mix it up a bit now and then with change#for that sweet ''METABOLIC ADAPTATION'' perk that feels good for me#(why did this post become so long. nobody cares. anyway i don't care if nobody cares. i care. *I* care!!! wooopp)
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Being in love is like. The most beautiful places on earth don't cut it any more but I just saw a miracle of the old world kind when you smiled in the cereal aisle
#wubble#don’t mind me just posting at random today#i'm like going through it a bit#i'm fuckin thousands of miles away from 99% of people i know#including my partner who i miss so bad being away from them feels like constantly touching a hot stove#and i'm ill and i'm hungry and i'm too anxious to go find myself food#and there's no one to help i just gotta get over myself and go find food again it's literally fine but like#i feel so whiny and also these feelings are so real help#i'm frightened to get more ill so far from home so i have to eat and take care of myself#and i'm so poor right now#and i'm running through my savings just trying to stay afloat#and stuff is happening at home that i need to be there for#and i'm hungry#ACH#okay#this turned into a whole thing#deep breath#everything is headed in a good direction#i have an amazing amazing partner i love you ali i love you#i have a new job that means a bit more money coming in#it's all gonna be alright#and i need to go get food
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That week just before my period is wiiiiiilld I be out here daydreaming about riding a thick cock and sitting on a milf's face and such like woowwwww she really turns me into a demon huh
#it's like princess katie don't even exist it's just demon katie and she wants to FUCK#also i kinda hate the word 'cock' unless i'm crazy horny?? i never use that word for it in any other situation lmaoooo#and it applies to strap too relaxxxxx i'm not straight ew#AND I CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT HERE BC EVERYONE'S FUCKIN BUTT-UGLY#fr it's like you're hungry and you wanna eat but you're in a v slimy 'restaurant' where you know there's no hygiene regulations#and the place has a reputation for giving customers food poisoning#that's what it's like here (in my humble opinion~)#so you just choose 'not to eat' bc you know it's just for the best in that situation#that's my lil analogy for what it's like here in *r*land ew#Ms PMS Week genuinely makes me insane#roacc
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music is tha most important thing in the world 👍 go music 🫶
#thinking hard about my vinyls that just came in ohhh im so excited to listen#and also scan them in when possible but fuckin. its not easy getting access to a scanner bed that'll fit 12.5in squared#not even gonna attempt to get my discy 3xlp scanned in one go ik ill have to stitch that bad boy together in photoshop or whatever#eff#holy shit I'm so hungry good night
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maybe the reason that I don't eat enough at work is because my lunches suck? troubling
#cor.txt#I pack up a little burrito and eat half of it and go eugh#I come home and order noodles. I'm so hungry. I don't want my burrito#the perils of not being abke to fuckin cook I guess. my diet is decent but my eating schedule is a mess
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moving to the UK has made me develop an irrational fear of ordering take out
#i simply refuse to order at this point like here you go :#i was craving taco bell after ages and i got back from work at 11:45 p.m and placed an order. like literally they were gonna close in#2 mins. and so i wait and i'm so hungry and i open and it's meat. when i'm a vegetarian and i couldn't even order anything else because#it was already midnight#THEN i ordered taco bell in the afternoon next day and same fucking thing happened#THEN one time i was at work it was a long shift and every one of my supervisors know i'm a vegetarian#so they made sure to tell the guy who was serving food to get me the veg lasagna#and i take my food and go to the backroom and it looks suspicious and luckily my friend was around and i#made him take a bite and he was like yep it's meat#and so because of all of this bullshit instead of ordering take out i went to mcdonald's down the road recently#because i was like absolutely not. and i order a veggie burger. and peep in and check to see it's a green box before heading home#and me and b are sat watching gogglebox and i finish my fries and open this green ass box and lo and fucking behold#it's a meat burger. INSIDE a fucking green box that says veg on it#but i was craving mcdonald's badly so i ordered it online. and guess fuckin what. meat again#i basically stopped ordering food and just physically go out to places to eat#and today it's cold and i'm tired so i ordered food from a mexican place and it took two hours for them to#deliver the food#and it was legit supposed to be veggies beans and rice. and guess fucking what. they put meat in it#i can't even get my money back anymore because i've complained too much but what the fuck honestly#YOU keep sending me meat 😭😭😭😭😭#i'll just make some quick pasta and call it a day 😔✊#food mention
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I think appliances having a mute function should be a human right adopted by all countries
#I'm standing in my kitchen crying cause all I want is some fuckin popcorn but the goddamn. microwave buttons.#can't wake up my brother he's already in a foul goddamn mood I don't want to wake him up he has work in a few hours#just. fuckin hate that everything makes noise. everything. do you know how hard it is. to be as quiet as humanly possible. ALL NIGHT#it's so stressful dude and I'm so hungry but EVERYTHING MAKES FUCKING NOISE. EVERYTHING. BEEPS. I AM FUCKING HAVING A MELTDOWN.#erin explains it all
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ah. have officially hit the point of exhaustion for this move that unless someone literally sets a plate of food in front of me, i'm not going to be able to feed myself.
well... i will be able to feed myself. because i'm amazing at breaking through my own limits no matter the cost, because support is not something i get to have. it's fine. i'm great at this. having support needs is irrelevant when there is no one *to* help. so i just gotta figure it out.
#personal#i will probably grudgingly drag myself to the kitchen within the hour#but the meat i was hoping to cook will have to go in the freezer#i have no clue what i'll have for lunch at work tomorrow but i can't worry about that now i'm sorry future me ;_;#i was doing so well on stamina for this move but then i had a really bad nights sleep and tried to self medicate but drank waaay too much#and ruined another night#so i went from gentle cruising to a hard stop and i'm so mad at myself for it#i didn't think ahead at all#just selfish 'how can i feel better NOW'#what about tomorrow?? huh??? how are you going to make it through the week now??;#if you had just *thought* then maybe things wouldn't be so hard#my therapist says i'm a very intentional person and i want to believe them#but i can't because i keep making these stupid thoughtless decisions#like why do i even have a brain if i'm not gonna fuckin use it#i'm so tired. and so hungry. and so anxious about these last few nights at my old place#i gotta get the fuck out of here
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