#I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF HER | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

itsmistyeyedbi · 4 months ago

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the man in the mirror, the woman in the mask

Pairing: F!Detective and Rebecca Word Count: 5,1k Warnings: Angst, slightly suggestive comments and hints at child neglect. Tags: @agentnatesewell, I probably should've asked in anyone wants to be tagged but hey. Let me know if you want to be in future though! Authors Note: This is basically Zuri's stream of consciousness throughout her morning in the office. About herself and her parents, but it mostly explores her relationship with Rebecca. This takes place in book 3. Also on a03!

She’s like her father. She knows she is. Everyone who knew him made sure to point it out and with him being the former detective of Wayhaven, damn near every resident of this tiny town did.

The colour of her eyes, the shape of her brows, the curve of her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose. The warm undertone of her dark brown skin, the small mole on her jaw and the even smaller beauty marks sprinkled on her face and body - one of them sits on her bottom lip.

Your smile lights up the room, you know? As much as your fathers did.

It does. It shines so bright that her mother couldn't bear it. She would wince and look away, turn her head, try not to be blinded by it. By the memories. A young Zuri decided to put a hand to her mouth whenever a smile made its way onto her face or her laughter filled the air, covering the mark and dimming the light that pained her. It seemed to help. She wouldn't look away anymore. But she didn’t stay long enough for her to see if it made her any less sad.

Her appearance isn't where the resemblance stops. Some things were harder to spare Rebecca from.

That's so sweet of you. Though I really shouldn’t be surprised, you are your father’s daughter.

I should’ve expected Rook’s baby girl to be as persuasive as he is.

You have some of his personality too. He could charm anyone into doing anything he needed.

She was a daddy’s girl from the moment she set eyes on him. At least, that was what Rebecca told her - a million years ago when she had to convince her daughter to put on a bonnet before bed. Back when they would all sit around the table after the sun rose for however long they could, eating whatever Rook cooked up for breakfast before having to spend hours away from each other. Work. School. Morning or evening practice for gymnastics.

The comparisons were something Zuri has grown used to. Something she was almost proud of. Despite her time with him being short, that's still so much of him in her. But sometimes…sometimes his shadow would loom so large that it became all anyone ever saw.

The pieces of him in her.

Even Zuri herself did. Every once in a while she'd find herself following in his footsteps, trying to make her feet fit into the prints of his own and feeling a little part of her grimace when they didn't. And if she strayed too far, that little part of her would crush her with guilt and shame. She's his daughter. She should be as good as him, kind and generous and honest.

Until she remembers that that isn't all she is.

No one is immune to the effects of the marks he left behind.

But he wasn’t the only parent she had.

Has.

Whether she likes it or not, Rebecca is her mother. Even if it’s just by blood now. It's the bare minimum. But she's her mother nonetheless.

Somehow she managed to leave her marks too, and she isn't immune to them either.

This man is shameless in the most obvious way possible. Oblivious too.

He had to have seen the change in her body language, the way she painted a pretty smile on her face as if his presence was a pleasant surprise rather than an inconvenience. Is Mayor Friedman really so arrogant to think Rebecca enjoys his company? She doesn't spend enough time with anyone to remember what it's like to enjoy company.

Not anyone outside of the Agency anyway.

Zuri looks on as they exchange air kisses and-

God, did he just try to give her a hug? A kiss!?

She glances to her left and meets Captain Sung’s eyes. He looks like a soldier with how stiff his stance is and the stony expression on his face. But there’s a dead giveaway to his discomfort, to her anyway. The slight downturn of his lips. How much closer his eyebrows have knit together.

He has the courtesy to try not to look disturbed by the mayor’s eagerness to see her mother. Zuri doesn't. His focus is solely on Rebecca, so she's going to shudder and gag to her heart's content. Hopefully it distracts her from the tension that built up in her shoulders when Rebecca entered the station.

Her dramatics earn her a glare from the Captain as if he wants to scold her, and maybe part of him does, but the amusement in his eyes say otherwise. With a brow raised, she tilts her head and gives him a knowing smile - because can he really blame her? He's being a creep, at best. There's no way he doesn't want to cringe as much as she is right now.

They turn their attention to the scene playing out in front of them just in time to watch Rebecca steer her way out of that sad attempt at affection. She does it like a woman who's had to do it for years - effortlessly. Not that it's an experience unique to her, she doesn't know a woman who hasn't had to deal with overly familiar men. But it looks like she has had to deal with it from him specifically.

She pulls off looking oblivious to his sad attempt at…extending that greeting, and makes her way over to her audience. The Mayor, well, he's tugging at his jacket, running a hand through his hair, clearing his throat. Flustered, maybe even embarrassed while composing himself.

At least he's taking the rejection well.

But he doesn't know that it was a rejection.

Nevermind. Not surprising at all.

Rebecca stops in front of them with the professional demeanour she usually has, the sparkling eyes and bright smile has been tempered into a more pragmatic expression. Zuri’s had changed just as quickly, schooling her features into something more neutral the moment her mother looked in their direction.

“It's been some time, Captain,” her tone is nowhere near as enthusiastic as they shake hands.

“It has,” his response isn't either, but it rarely ever is.

This interaction is weird to watch too. Such short and monotone responses. She knows they don't talk much, but damn. They aren't strangers greeting each other before a business meeting.

The Captain and Rook were close. She saw it whenever he had to work on a weekend - something that seemed absurd to her back then - and he let her tag along. Mostly because of her puppy dog eyes and the vice grip she had on his legs. She remembered the laughter they shared, the jokes that didn't seem all that funny to her when she abandoned the book she was reading to listen in on their conversations. The back pats, the hands on the other's shoulders, the hugs the Captain bashfully accepted but never returned. At some point, Rebecca walked in and joined in their banter before doing what she intended to do when she arrived - drag her daughter back home.

Why the distance now? Was Rook their only tether to each other? Was Rebecca actually as closed off then as she is now?

Is it because he just watched his late friend’s widowed wife flirt with the Mayor - a married man?

That's a fair reason for this to be awkward, but that's more the mayor’s fault than hers.

“What brings you here?”

Ugh, he's talking again. The three of them look at him and-

What the hell is he doing?

He really doesn't know when to quit, does he? He's now leaning against the front desk with his elbow on its surface and his head in his hand. And that smile of his is far past friendly. He might as well find something to recline on and ask her to paint him wearing only-

Ew, nonono. She shouldn't taint her brain or The Titanic by conjuring up that image. But still…

The person manning that very desk, a volunteer, is staring at him with wide eyes and furrowed brows, mouth agape. Then they proceed to slowly slide away from him.

A snicker makes its way past her lips.

All their eyes lock onto her but her hand is already in front of her mouth. She splutters and coughs to mask the laughter that threatens to expose her - shit, don't make eye contact - then clears her throat.

“Excuse me, I just choked a little,” on the sheer audacity Mayor Friedman had and the poor volunteer who is still eying him. But they don't need to know that. Her eyes briefly meet Rebecca's and she reduces her urge to laugh into a small smirk before lightly swatting at the air. “But do tell.”

She could guess why she's here. Some new mission she needs to know about, a supernatural that's being too obvious about their powers. Whatever it is, it's nowhere near as interesting as witnessing the effect she has on this guy. He unironically tried to display himself on the front desk and didn't spare a thought for who was there.

At least Douglas isn't here to see this. He wouldn't have even acknowledged him if he was.

Her amusement fades away and she almost frowns, but catches herself. It's probably best for her to focus on Rebecca for now.

Speaking of, her eyes are still trained on her. She gestures towards her with a manicured hand as if her stare isn’t answer enough. Maybe it isn't for her not so secret admirer.

“I came to see Zuri.”

“Oh,” he's visibly deflating, shoulders slumping and all, wow.

“Aren't I popular today,” she sighs with a wry smile. It's tinged with exasperation.

She's functioning on a few hours of sleep, with no one to curl up to in bed with but anxiety after the late night diplomatic mission went south. Finding out the reason it did wasn't helpful either: she has a bounty on her head. Something she spent the entire night trying not to think about. But her day job doesn't know or care about that. In the first few minutes of getting to work she had to deflect Verda from his concern for her (with Tina’s help, because she was apparently too out of it to tell a convincing white lie) and mediate an argument between two grown men who can't tolerate each other enough to make decisions without puffing their chests and yelling. Over a simple blood drive.

In another life, she would happily donate. But her blood is a hot commodity now and needles…

A chill runs down her spine, her hand wrapping around her right wrist before her brain can register the action. The deep breath she takes is much more intentional.

That's not happening-

“I guess I was just fortunate enough to arrive while you were here, Mayor,” Rebecca laughs, something as close to a giggle as she might allow herself to do, and it's like a melody being played on a piano. Easy on the ears, enchanting…but practiced. The cadence consistent, perfect.

Fake.

She's a good actor. She can wear whatever face is needed to guide an interaction to wherever she wants it to go. She is the tide and everyone else is a little boat bobbing along, blissfully unaware of the ride they are on. The direction they're going in.

Zuri crosses her arms, her fingers twitching when she stops herself from digging them into her arm. She doesn't have much room to judge.

You could make this so much easier for me, Zee.

Fine, I’ll bite. How exactly could I do that? I’m just a name and a face she hears about.

Exactly. She has her guard up with me and it’s making her overreact. But she doesn’t know you, how reliable a friend you are.

So you want me to befriend her just to get into this alleged club of hers? What if it’s not as interesting as you think it is?

I don’t think it, I know it. All you need to do is be your charming self and we’re golden. You’re almost as irresistible as I am.

Very funny…but fine.

You’re an angel.

She's a good actor too.

Rebecca says her farewells with a gentle wave before leading her back to her office. Doing what she intended to do when she arrived. The click-clack of their heels on the tile floor are in sync, only accompanied by the mayor’s overzealous reply and the grimace she spies on Captain’s face.

She would’ve done the same if it weren't for the window in front of her; in it's reflection, she could see how similar the build of their bodies are. Their height, the length of their legs, the way their blazers sit on their shoulders. And despite the difference in their hairstyles - Rebecca with her cornrows tied into a low bun with a hair tie, Zuri with her twists tied into a high ponytail with a headwrap - they both had to care for the same thick, deep brown hair.

It's nothing she didn't already know, but the reminder never fails to be jarring.

She is her mother’s daughter.

“That was…interesting to watch.”

“What was?”

Zuri leans against the front of her desk with a smirk and raised brow. She might be able to play dumb with people like the mayor, but come on. She can't expect her to not ask about her little performance out there.

But she isn't going to spell it out for her. She jerks her head in his direction, watching him through the glass that gives them a view of the station as he leaves. That's as much as she's willing to elaborate.

“Oh,” Rebecca sighs, and Zuri can't tell if it's because it happened or because she asked. Her voice is tinged with disdain when she decides to give her an actual response. “It's part of my job to establish and maintain a good relationship with those who are in charge of this town. Staying in Mayor Friedman's good graces allows us access to many things that would be denied otherwise.”

“I never would’ve guessed that those methods would get the Agency's stamp of approval. I thought they'd go for something closer to their,” she wiggles her fingers in the air, “meetings and treaties.”

“The Agency doesn't directly involve themselves in these matters and prefer to have this done through their agents. They don't specify how we should keep people like the mayor on our side, just that we get the job done.”

She's making it less personal, addressing her as if she asked about agents in general and not about her. Funny.

Zuri tilts her head and watches her mother with feigned curiosity. “So do you flirt with everyone who has some kind of power in Wayhaven, or just him?”

An eyebrow twitches, but that's the only sign that she pressed a button somewhere. That, and the way Rebecca shifts her weight to adjust how she's resting against the chair she drifted to when they entered her office. “I do what gets the job done.”

“Hm,” she turns her head, taking interest in the pot plants sitting on she shelf against the wall-

Pfft. Not really. She's more focused on pressing her lips together, trying not to grin in her face.

Rebecca hasn't moved an inch since they started talking. After slipping off her blazer and draping it across the chair she's assigned herself to, she's been as cool and calm as ever. As if this - her visiting and them chatting- is the norm for them. As if anything about their relationship could be considered normal. It hasn't been anywhere close, not after Rook died.

That and their similarities, that damned reflection she saw, makes her feel…wrong. In her mind, in her body, in the feelings she has whenever her mother is around. Her bones feel like they're out of place. She wants to roll her shoulders and wrists, crack her knuckles, massage her neck, as if that would fix it. Rid her of the unease creeping along her skin.

It isn't going to. But she doesn't want to linger on why she feels this way, not now. Too much has happened already, she doesn't want to deal with Rebecca’s lacklustre attempt at comfort too.

There isn't much else to do but poke the bear. Just a little. Just enough to see how long she can keep up this stoicism. If she can affect her in the same way.

“Well, you certainly have the mayor wrapped around your finger. Nice dodge, by the way. Very smooth.” She chuckles, and it gets a little louder when she receives a deadpan look on her face. Zuri turns and opts to lean on the desk with the palms of her hands. “But the fact that he thought he could get a hug out of you tells me he's looking to get access to some things too.”

“Yes,” she sighs, and - aha - there's a crack in her mask for a split second when her lips curl into a subtle snarling frown. “Letting him think that that's a possibility grants us a lot of leeway.”

“Oh, I'm sure he's hoping you'll be just as…flexible.”

“Aht aht!”

Zuri burst into laughter, a hand in front of her mouth as she cackles and keels over. When was the last time she's heard her do that? She really got to her enough to bring out the Nigerian mother in her.

Rebecca crosses her arms and sucks her teeth before inhaling deeply, as if she's trying to be all stoic again.

“That's tactless, Zuri.”

“You're the one flirting to gain ‘access’, not me,” her laughter tapers off into an airy giggle as she moves to sit down behind the desk. With a long exhale, she crosses her legs and gently swivels the office chair left and right with a playful shrug. Maybe it's wrong to find some kind of amusement and relief in getting under her skin, but she rarely ever shows emotion.

The last time she saw Rebecca have range in her emotions and actually express them was when her father was still in their lives. Everything changed. She didn't expect things to be the same, there would always be a gaping hole in their family, but nothing could reach her beyond the grief she has been drowning in. The work she buries herself in. The mask she wore day in, day out.

This is the first time in years that she's caught a glimpse of the mom she had. The woman she was. The one that died with her husband.

Her heart is squirming in her chest, with yearning and bitterness and wistfulness. Maybe she missed that. Missed her. Moments like this felt more…real. Better than the moments they have when she's in a hospital bed in the facility or preparing for a mission. It's easy for her to care - and to show it - when she's close to death or danger. But what about the person she is day to day? The person beyond that?

Beyond an echo of the past and the fear of history repeating itself?

…Would she even like that person?

Would he? If he was still here?

Zuri glances away from Rebecca and leans forward to turn on the desktop. She can feel her gaze burning into her as she types in the password and she couldn't help the way her eyes flickered between her mother and the screen. That gaze burned, then simmered, then softened into something warm in seconds. She could never stay mad at her for long, though she would easily outlast Rook. This seems different though.

The warmth within her light brown eyes was holding something else as well. The same wistfulness she was feeling. That, and a spark of hope.

It gives her pause.

Did she actually get under her skin or did she decide to play along? For the two of them to act out the mother-daughter relationship they don't have?

…Whatever gets the job done she said.

Her other performance was much more entertaining. But uncomfortable too considering the territory it's heading towards.

Zuri can't say she's never thought that though. She did, and acted on it more times than she can count. Back when her days were spent balancing partying, getting a degree… and pleasing Bobby. Being his angel, swooping in when he needed her and doing whatever she could to help him get his next scoop. Whatever got the job done.

But at some point, it caught up to her. It always does. People are more than what they have or what they keep secret. Manipulation, lies, gaslighting… anything of the sort are weapons as sharp as a knife, play with it too much and you yourself will be cut. But the cuts she has are nothing compared to the scars she left in her wake. The people who were in her life - from the ones she cared about to the strangers who believed they were friends and were nothing but kind to her - couldn’t look her in the eye anymore. Some of them hoped they never would.

The consequences of her actions resulted in a fractured reputation and loneliness; and that was just University. Rebecca’s playing in an entirely different league, and the stakes are…

Something in her stomach twists.

Okay, enough. She's a grown woman. This isn't her first rodeo. She'll be fine.

“That isn’t what I came here to discuss.”

“I figured. I won't take up anymore of your time with that.” Zuri frowns. The password is still staring back at her. Whatever this is is distracting her and not addressing it isn't working. “But it's…”

She meets her eye for a second before fixing her gaze onto the screen. “Just be careful. Jokes aside, games like that can be dangerous.”

“You're worried about me?”

She looks up again and what was supposed to be a quick scan of her mother’s face turns into a lingering gaze. The question hangs in the air. It was asked softly, as if her breath was stolen from her lungs, with her eyes wide and mouth agape.

Is she worried?

Zuri’s eyes go back to the desktop, the screen dark from inactivity. Great, she has to type in the password again. And she does, leaving the question at just that.

“You don't have to be,” there's fondness in Rebecca’s voice that makes her fingers slip past the required letters on the keyboard. “The mayor’s not even on the board, let alone playing in the same league as I am.”

She hears her smile before she sees it. Zuri swallows and nods and finally gets the password right. It's silly, really. She should be more worried about why she's here; that's more concerning than anything.

“So, why the sudden appearance?”

Rebecca decides to sit on the chair now instead of leaning against it, and crosses her legs. She's getting comfortable for someone who won't be here long.

“I merely came to check on you.”

She opens an email, does not look up from the screen. “Why?”

“Because no matter how you feel about me, I care about you.”

“Hm.”

“I do.” There's more conviction in her words now and concern that almost sounds frantic, like she has something to prove. Zuri supposes she does.

“Very much so,” she continues. “And you're having to handle more than most people could manage: your job here at the station, being a liaison for the Agency, the life you have outside of work… how are you coping with it all?”

“Oh, you know. Coping.”

“I'm sure it's been a great comfort to have support from others.”

Zuri almost raises a brow in apprehension. Something about the way she said that feels like she's looking to confirm something. Like she knows something…

It can't be about Tina, can it? She might be eager to find out about the supernatural world but she wouldn't blab about something this important. She knows how to keep a secret.

She looks up at her, keeping her eyes trained on her as she nods, “Yeah, having Unit Bravo around has been really helpful. Especially with it feeling like I'm part of the team.”

“Yes,” the word is drawn out and Rebecca’s focus shifts to the window, where there's a clear view of Tina working at her desk. “I'm sure Unit Bravo has been supporting you as well.”

Shit.

Zuri frowns and leans back in her seat, putting an elbow on the armrest and holding her head up with her thumb, index and middle finger. “So that's why you're here. Great. Can we discuss that later? I have work to do and I'm sure you do too.”

“I'm not here to reprimand you. That's something that isn't important right now.”

“Okay, is this supposed to be a check up then?”

Rebecca tenses before frowning and shifting in her seat. “I'm not here to check up on you, but to check on you. To see if there's anything I can do to help you.”

Silence. She doesn't know what to say to that, so she just looks at her. She's wringing her hands together - another similarity they have, except Zuri tries to hide it when she has company. It's easy when she's in company she doesn't trust or care for, but when she does? Not so much.

“I am trying…I want to be better at this,” she almost sounds timid. But she can't bring herself to take it any easier than her. There's still that feeling of wrongness in her skin. She's tired and agitated and the memories of the past aren't helping.

“At this?”

“At us.”

She really doesn't want to do this. Not now.

“I know things have always been tense between us,” she continues, and the first thought that comes to mind is that she's wrong. It hasn't. And it wouldn't be if she was there. “But I want to be one of the people you can turn to for comfort too, to be someone to support you throughout all of this.”

She wishes she wouldn't do this. She can't right now, she can't-

It's too much. Her chest is heavy with an amalgamation of emotions; longing, sorrow, anger, whatever else she's feeling is something she can't pinpoint and name.

This is what it takes? Forced proximity through the Agency and danger at every turn, that's what she needed to want to support her? This is the most she's seen of her mother in almost two decades, and it's only happening because the Agency was surprised that she didn't die after dealing with Murphy and her blood makes her opium to every supernatural walking the planet.

Yes, working for the Agency can be consuming. She knows that now. But Rebecca's been doing this for longer than she has and managed to balance it well enough when Rook was here. And Zuri, despite everything she has gone through, hasn't neglected her relationship or vanished from their lives.

Which means she chose this. She was capable of being there for her, of being her mom, and she chose not to. She chose her work and her grief over her daughter. But now that they see each other so often, it's more convenient for her to be her mother rather than a stranger she occasionally talks to over the phone.

Rebecca is slouching in her chair, still wringing her hands with worry and hope tugging on her features. Zuri holds her gaze for as long as she can before shaking her head and putting her face in her hands.

The way she's looking at her…she needed that before all this. When it wasn't easy or convenient. When it meant facing the pain she has to be there for her daughter after she lost her dad or holding her hand when she destroyed almost every relationship she had and the loneliness settled in.

Don't cry don't cry don't cry-

She took a deep breath, then another and another until her eyes no longer stung and the lump in her throat shrank. The ache in her heart eases, her mind goes quiet.

She doesn't need this. Not now. Not anymore.

“I can't think about this right now.”

“Why not?”

Zuri thinks back to every missed phone call, every birthday and holiday and anniversary that she wasn't there for. And the main excuse she would get when she did manage to reach her, when she lit up at the sound of her voice.

I'm sorry, Zuri. Things have been so busy, I just…don't have the time for it right now. But I'll make it up to you another time. I promise.

She only ever fulfilled a promise once. The hundreds of others fell to the wayside.

“There's too much going on. Like you said, I'm dealing with more than most people could manage,” she leans forward and rests her elbows on the desk, clasping her hands together before meeting her gaze. Her eyes and voice are hollow when she continues. “I don't have the time or energy for this right now.”

Rebecca stiffens and gives a small nod, pressing her lips together and staring at a spot on the wall behind her.

“...Another time maybe,” she eventually responds, her voice quiet but thick with disappointment, with a hope that's been squashed.

“Mhm.”

She gets up and the disappointment is more obvious now; her posture lacks the professionalism and confidence she usually has. She looks smaller, her body having folded into itself. She grabs her blazer, slips it on and just like that, the mask falls into place. Back straight, shoulders relaxed, hands clasped in front of her. The only evidence of their conversation is in her eyes. Emotions are at home in the eyes, they're always difficult to control.

“If you need me, I'm just a phone call away.”

“Are you?”

Palpable silence. The air is heavy with tension. Rebecca is the one to fill it, but even then it's softly, as if she's trying not to break it - doesn't have the right to.

“I will be.”

The ‘I promise’ is absent, but implied. Maybe she thinks it's better not to say it out loud, maybe she remembers how many of them she has broken.

Zuri shifts her focus to the desktop, moving the mouse so the screen lights up again. The click clack of heels and the office doors opening and closing is all she needs to know that she left. She finally allows herself to let out a long sigh, feeling lighter already.

There's a bitter satisfaction in throwing the words she heard for years back at her. It's not unwarranted. She's busy. Now isn't the time to deal with their issues.

But she isn't sure there ever will be.

She is her mother’s daughter, after all.

#my writing #twc #twc fanfic #twc detective #twc rebecca #twc book 3 #i'm gonna make sure to be proud of myself for this because damn #thats a lot of words #rebecca and zuri will never not be interesting to me #her feelings about her are very complicated #and this is just the start of book 3!#she hasn't heard about the chamber yet so hasn't figured out that rebecca was part of it #hasn't heard her say that she didn't know how to raise her #and - lore specific to zuri - she doesn't know that rebecca isn't her mom's first name lmaoooo #she gets weirded out by their similarities and almost doesn't want them to be there #but they're both using their middle names instead of their first

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nerdy-talks · 1 year ago

Text

Warning : This post is going to be a very personal rage dump/rant.

There are heavy topics involved, including cancer and death. Also explicit language.

Out of consideration and respect to those of you who would prefer not to read it (since I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to), I will continue under the cut

Also pictures of my dogs, to break up the doom and gloom ^^"

-------------------------

I absolutely despise, loathe, hate toxic people.

Especially when those toxic people are the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” type.

Especially when those people don’t have the fucking balls to confront others directly and just choose to slink about behind the scenes like scummy little vermin.

So… my uncle Joe passed away a few days ago.

It was expected. He had been battling pancreatic cancer, which ended up spreading into his liver and lungs.

With that being said, even though he will be dearly missed, at least he no longer has to suffer.

I was close with my uncle.

In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that I was much closer to him than I was with my own father (my Dad was a permanent presence in my life up until the day he died, but we had an extremely tumultuous, dysfunctional, volatile, abusive relationship.)

We visited my uncle Joe regularly ever since I was a baby, all the way up until somewhat recently. He spent countless hours at our place throughout the years. He was super close with my parents, doing tons of outdoorsy activities with them. I spent a good amount of my childhood with his family. When his wife passed away, my parents helped him and supported him. He helped us move twice. My Mom took his kids places when she was just dating my Dad. When my Dad passed away, my uncle Joe was there for me without me even having to ask.

Literally everything was good between us, and always has been.

It’s also thanks to my uncle Joe that we gained a new furry member of our family last year, who we named Dandy 💙 my uncle’s dog had puppies, he asked how many we wanted, so we took one lol

(I’ll include a few poor quality pictures because… well, I should probably break up this message with a little “positivity”, right?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was Dandy when he was still just a baby, 4 weeks and 3 days old.

Look at the cute little potato 🥹

We visited my uncle Joe every week to see him grow and develop, anxiously waiting until he was old enough to bring home.

And this was the day he finally joined our family ~

Look at how tiny he was compared to my one Black Lab (sorry for the terrible quality picture. Our carpets are old, but I swear they don't look that dingy ^^")

And here's Dandy today, one year and five months later ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway! Back to my rage-fueled rant :

My uncle Joe met someone about a year and a half ago, and she moved in with him pretty quickly.

Which certainly wasn't a bad thing. We were genuinely happy for him.

She seemed very nice, sweet, accepting, kind, receptive, and welcoming.

But for whatever reason, the dynamic changed the moment my uncle fell ill and the control landed in her hands.

Since my uncle Joe was sick, we all mutually decided that it would be best if communication was between my Mom/me and her (we would text her to check in to see how he was doing, as well as find out if/when it was a good time for us to visit)

This is where some inconsistencies started to appear.

For example :

She would tell us not to visit because my uncle was too sick (which was totally understandable!), but then would tell us a few days later how he was doing great and had fishing trips planned all week.

I 100% believed her at the time.

After all, everyone has both good and bad days.

But then when we would visit, my uncle Joe told us how he couldn’t fish anymore because the chemo was causing neuropathy in his hands, and he couldn’t hold his fishing pole or cast/reel the line in.

Though we just assumed he discovered those issues after she told us about those supposed fishing trips.

But the true eye-opener happened during our one visit. My uncle Joe welcomed us into his home, we talked, found out some updates about his health (which was declining), etc. He was open/transparent with us about everything.

When my uncle went to the bathroom during that visit, his girlfriend made the comment “I probably should have told you guys not to come here, since he’s in a lot of pain today.”

Knowing my uncle, I didn’t budge from my seat. I knew that if he wasn’t up for company, he wouldn't hesitate to tell us to leave.

And I’m glad we didn’t leave… because literally 10 minutes later, her granddaughter came waltzing in to visit her.

My uncle came out of the bathroom, sat on the sofa doubled over in pain as he was talking to me and my Mom (at this time, we asked him directly if we should leave, since we knew he was dealing with a lot and we didn't want to overstay our welcome. He told us not to leave, that we could stay because he felt like shit regardless).

But as he was sitting there, clearly in pain, his girlfriend and her granddaughter asked him to get up and carve a watermelon for them instead of doing it themselves.

What sense does that make?

'I should have told you guys to stay away, but I’m gonna make him strain himself and carve a watermelon for us even though he’s already suffering and struggling enough'

…. Okay. Fuck you too.

We obviously didn’t say anything. We just visited for a little while longer, then left with a friendly/cordial “goodbye, nice to see you again” to her and her granddaughter, told my uncle that we would be thinking about him and see him again, and wished them a good day.

Two and a half months passed before we heard from them again.

Why? Because she refused to answer our numerous calls and texts.

She deliberately ignored us, which actively prevented us from having an opportunity to see my uncle.

And she knew damn well that we wouldn’t just show up at my uncle’s house unannounced because we didn’t want to disturb him if he wasn’t feeling up for company.

We only got in contact with him again after he directly called our phone and left a message saying “hey, just checking in. I hope you’re both doing okay, since I haven’t heard from either of you in a while. Stop by when you can”.

So we went to his house.

When we explained the situation to my uncle Joe/passive aggressively confronted his girlfriend, her excuse was “oh, sorry. The reception here is bad so my phone was probably just acting up.”

For two and a half months?

Even though she was literally using her phone in front of us, which appeared to be working perfectly fine?

Even though she’s always on her phone every time we see her?

Even though she could have reached out to us, yet chose not to? Not even once in two and a half months??

I call bullshit.

My Mom even told her that she was on the verge of sending a text that said “okay, cunt.” since we thought she was ignoring us after not responding to our multiple texts/calls.

We all laughed it off as a joke, Joe's girlfriend even said “hahaha, I probably would have laughed if I got a text like that!” … but it most certainly was not a joke.

(My Mom is extremely outspoken and normally doesn’t hold back, especially when it counts. She’s the type of person you either love or hate, but she’s definitely one of a kind and the perfect example of a strong, independent woman who gives zero fucks lol)

Anyway, that visit went well. We behaved like usual, talked to both my uncle and his girlfriend normally, caught up on stuff, etc.

After that interaction, his girlfriend miraculously responded to every single call and text (bad reception, huh? Funny how she had zero service issues after we called her out in front of my uncle)

But basically every time we talked with her, she would say “it’s not a good time to come by, he’s really sick.”

And we would always respond with things like “we totally understand”, “thank you so much for letting us know”, “we wish there was something we could do to help”, “we’re here for you if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to since we know this also isn’t easy for you”, “we’ll check in next weekend”, “please take care of yourself”, “we’ll be thinking about you”, etc.

Then finally, my uncle Joe told us to stop up again two weeks ago. So we did.

He was extremely sick and remained in bed, but we said hello and he told us that we are more than welcome there and we could just visit with his girlfriend. So we did. The visit remained cordial and friendly.

The next day, my uncle called and apologized for not getting up when we were there.

We immediately told him that he has absolutely no reason to be sorry, that we completely and wholeheartedly understand, that we would understand even if he told us to leave the moment we arrived, and that we were keeping him in our thoughts.

The week after that, his girlfriend said he was too sick for company (which again, we obviously understood and thanked her for letting us know, wished them the best, etc).

We didn’t visit my uncle Joe after that. He passed away before we had another opportunity to see him.

Now, here’s where my anger starts to come into play :

His girlfriend didn’t let us know when he passed away.

We found out from my other uncle, Mike, two days later. (My Dad had 3 brothers. His eldest brother is my uncle Joe who just passed away. His youngest brother is my uncle Mike who let us know what happened.)

So my Mom called her and offered her condolences, asked how she was doing, told her that we’re here for her, and asked about the arrangements. My Mom also told her that Mike was the one who let us know about Joe.

She made the comment “there’s going to be a small ceremony, but only for immediate family.”

Which didn’t make sense to me or my Mom. We were both very close with my uncle Joe, we are family. So that comment seemed a bit… off?

But we dismissed it and instead talked to my uncle Mike.

We asked him to please keep us updated, since we wanted to pay our respects to my uncle Joe and our family.

Well… I don’t know what the Hell that lady said to my cousin (Joe’s son), but he told my uncle Mike not to tell us anything else.

That snake in the grass obviously ran back and told my cousin that we found out about Joe’s passing from Mike.

But uhh... We deserved to know.

Now, we literally just found out this morning that the ceremony was held yesterday. We weren't invited (the day/time wasn't publicly announced).

We were excluded. We were denied the opportunity to say our final goodbye.

I blame his girlfriend. Completely and entirely.

I especially find it super interesting that she didn’t attend the ceremony either… almost like she was afraid that we might possibly show up and confront her (which we would never do, purely out of respect for my uncle Joe)

When my uncle Mike told us, he apologized. But we told him that we don’t blame him, since we certainly didn’t want to put him in the middle of it.

It just pisses me the fuck off.

Bad enough she actively prevented us from seeing my uncle Joe, even on his “good” days. But then to keep us away from the ceremony too?

And she HAD to have fed my cousin a bunch of lies and bullshit to cause him to tell my uncle Mike not to inform us of anything. (Luckily for us, my uncle Mike loves to talk so he didn’t mind spilling the tea. He just felt guilty for not doing so sooner. But I understand why he waited, and I hold zero animosity towards him)

It’s especially confusing and upsetting since we always remained on good terms with all of my cousins.

We saw my cousins regularly, got along well with them, joked around with them.

Literally nothing that we did or didn’t do would warrant such a reaction from them.

If there was any fault on our end, I certainly wouldn’t be angry about this situation or waste my time typing this up. (I'm not the type of person who plays the victim, I admit when I'm wrong and own up to my faults/wrongdoings. That just isn't the case here.)

So it’s seriously a mystery to me… which is why I blame my uncle Joe’s girlfriend.

Absolutely nothing changed in the decades of knowing my uncle and his kids. Literally the only recent change was her coming into the picture.

(I also want blame my cousin, since he’s older than me and has a mind of his own… but I also know that he’s grieving the loss of his father, so I feel like that bitch took advantage of the situation to say whatever she wanted about us while my cousin is vulnerable and not thinking clearly/properly).

Regardless of the finer details…. I am absolutely livid.

It’s like a giant “fuck you” to us, like we aren’t good enough, like our feelings don’t matter.

And that pisses me off beyond belief.

I’m debating whether or not I should confront her.

On one hand, I probably should just let it go and move on.

But on the other hand… I want to play dumb, call her, and be like “How are you doing? Do you know when the ceremony is?“ just to see what she says.

And then tell her to go fuck herself.

Is that immature of me? Sure.

But I’m angry. Annoyed. Irritated. Fuming. My rage is boiling, my wrath is building. And I feel like exploding.

Needless to say… my Mom was right. That lady is a cunt. A toxic, festering, diabolical, oozing, gaping, pungent cunt.

If you’ve read up to this point, I genuinely apologize for dumping all of this off here.

I just needed to vent a bit.

I also owe everyone who has tagged me a HUGE thank you. You have all given me a much needed distraction from everything, plus I genuinely love being tagged.

So I will absolutely start posting/replying to those a little later (I've already started on them and have them saved in my drafts, I just want to finish them all and post everything at once lol)

#I might delete this later #I find comfort in the idea that Satan would be proud of my wrath/anger right now lol #all joking aside....#I have so much to say to her yet she's not worth the time or energy #I'm over the two-faced high school bullshit #maybe she likes drama but I don't #just another reason for me to hate people #it might be sad to say but....#... Tumblr is the only place where I can count on interacting with genuinely nice people #I just feel bad for being so damn dismissive/absent lately #I promise I'll make it up to you all #and thank you for being so patient with me 💙#nerdy talks #nerdy vents #nerdy rages #?#I am angry #personal #rest in peace uncle joe 💙

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