#I’ve watched this every year since undergrad how am I just finding out there’s a fantasy league

[hamletthedane]

watching University Challenge is like Hi my name is Frederick and I’m from Waddle-to-Town in Blackberryshire and I’m reading for a D-Phil in classics.

…and then they proceed to demolish a dozen questions in a row about the biochemistry of elm tree bark

[ziamhaze]

My Future in Fic

Yeah, so, the 100k fic that I’ve been working on for the past six months?  The one that was going to be uploaded to AO3 last week?  Yeah, it’s accidentally getting published...

Where do I start?

I suppose with a massive thank you to anyone who’s clicked on any of my fics over these past two years.  I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again.  I never ever thought about writing as a career.  I’ve never written anything prior to my Harry Potter AU Compartment 451.  I didn’t even take an English class in undergrad or grad school.  I genuinely just had an idea for a fic I wanted to read and since no one had written it, I had to do so myself.  Since then, I’ve written every single day for 2 years.  I left my job in the entertainment industry, got accepted to one of the best creative writing programs in the world on a scholarship, and now one of my stories is being considered at Harper Collins.  Yes, the Harper Collins.  It’s the longest shot in the world, but for legal reasons I was not allowed to upload the fic version on any website prior to submission.  Even if they don’t pick it up, I’ve been advised to continue to shop it around to agents.

What I can do, however, is share the premise.

If you’ve been following my tumblr and watching my tags - I SEE YOU ALL OUT THERE - then you’ll know that this fic was meant to have Zayn with his signature undercut hairstyle and one more little thing...

Someone sent me an ask a while back about what this fic was supposed to be about.  I believe I said something about it being an adaptation fic, but not from a film/tv show/other piece of literature, from a song.  This next fic was meant to be an adaptation of the song Younger by Ruel.  Later on, it also took shape with the help of Remember by Liam and a few others that you can find here.

The miniature summary is as follows:

When his father suddenly passes, twenty-nine-year-old Liam Payne is brought back to the Sydney suburbs where he grew up.  He doesn’t plan on seeing his childhood best friend, Zayn Malik, at the burial service.  They haven’t spoken since going from brothers to strangers one fateful day fifteen years prior.  But Zayn puts an end to this when he approaches Liam after the burial, offering his condolences and asking if Liam can help his archaeological research team with photographing their newest project.  The unexpected closeness forces each man to wade through uneasy emotions.  For Liam, a mixture of grief, lost identity, and confusion over why he’s willing to interact with the one person he swore he’d never forgive.  And for Zayn, a tidal wave of anxiety that comes from finally facing a part of himself he’s always chosen to deny.  When We Were Younger is a story heavily rooted in blurred identities and exploring what loss can look like in two different scenarios: death and friendship.

For obvious reasons, their names will be changed.  Liam, to Hutton.  Zayn, to Cairo (his ethnicity will also be changed to Egyptian).  As you can see, it was meant to be my big ‘enemies to lovers’ fic.  Technically, it’s ‘best friends to enemies to lovers’, but you know.

Right, so what does this mean for me going forward?

I still have so much inspiration when it comes to writing Zayn and Liam as characters.  I don’t plan on putting a complete stop to writing them, but with my career taking this large of a turn, I do have to prioritise my time.  That said, as of now, I can’t afford to write long-form fic any longer.

Soon, I’ll be starting a PhD program where I’ll be writing another full-length novel for mass publication.  For fun, here’s a little insight on the two ideas that I’ll be pitching:

1.  Underground boxer (loosely based off Liam) falls in love with arms gang leader (loosely based off Zayn).  Throughout their love story, the latter has to outrun the psychological trauma his father (the leader of Zayn’s rival gang) still throws his way. 

2.  Cold War AU.  Paris, circa 1950/51.  Ambassador’s son (loosely based off Liam) befriends new student (loosely based off Zayn) at the international school.  Paris is a ticking time bomb; war is about to break out at literally any second.  The two clearly have feelings for each other, but can’t act on them because homosexuality in the 1950s...yikes.  When war does break out, the two are separated, and as Liam’s character goes out to find Zayn’s, he learns a secret of his that changes everything.

Whichever I don’t write for the PhD will be the novel I write following it.

In the meantime, I’m going to continue to write (and edit) like crazy.  Ever since I randomly wrote C451, there hasn't been a day that’s gone by where I haven't written something.  It may have only been a paragraph or two, but never zero.  This is how you get better.  This is the equivalent of going out and shooting free throws for 30 minutes a day.  You have to put in the work in order to get better.  I'm very lucky that I'm incredibly self-disciplined and I've been able to crank out as many stories as I have over the past 2 years.

That said, I’ll be writing shorter little oneshots.  I have several ideas that I’ve been sitting on, but haven’t ever thought to write because I HATE writing short stories.  Little ideas that don't have huge plotline/climax potential, but that I want to just see on paper, I'll probably end up writing.  If I had to guess, I'd say they'll come out to around 10-15k.  Also, sequels?  Prequels?  Haha, you never know...

I’ve also got a series called “Sleep Drabbles” that are, yes, you guessed it, a series of drabbles based around one theme: sleep.  I also have a few scenes that I want to write which are based on ziam’s kids, not actually ziam themselves.  If there’s enough demand for that, I can upload those too, but they’re quite niche, so I don’t think the general fandom would be very interested.

As far as frequency for all of this, I have no idea.  I’ve always done things at my own pace and written stories that I want to write, for myself.  That won’t ever change, so I don’t want to commit to one drabble a week or one short-length fic per month.  It takes me weeks (months for this last fic) to research and interview the necessary people to get character arcs correct/believable.  I love that part of writing, and so if I have a little story that I want to write that may only be 10k but takes me ages to put together how I want, then so be it.  I will always be around to answer asks/messages and please, continue to tag me in your writing tag posts!  But please, no prompts.

So, that’s my future with fic.

Again, I cannot say thank you enough to every single one of you.  Every single thing that people tag me in (@malik-payne , @zqua1d , @zentiment , @liamisthesun , @redyellowberry I’m looking at you), I appreciate and love!  The recommendation lists that people have put me on, THANK YOU!  It’s wild to think that I used to look to rec lists for years and now I’m on them.  @ziamfanfiction THANK YOU for always having my back with exposure!  @paynefulperiods , my beloved beta reader, THANK YOU for always encouraging me and putting up with shit first drafts.  @march-z5 , THANK YOU for always being on call for ideas and listening to me bang my head against the wall at 4 am.

Now, might fuck around and make a fake picspam for the fic that never was...

Also, all of the behind scenes pages for each of my fics are now public, so feel free to check those out here.

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for making this journey possible. I know people say that a lot when they gain a following of any sort, but I truly truly mean it.  You have to have talent in order to be an author, but you also have to have people who want to read your stuff.  Proof of concept is a real thing.

So thank you a million times over.

Speak soon my friends.

[221bshrlocked]

Starstruck (3)

Pairing: Chris Beck x Reader

Words: 5051

Warnings: Masturbation. Caught in the act kinda thing. Oral (female receiving). Penetrative, unprotected sex (wrap the shlong before you king kong). More science-y, kinda romantic talk. Fluffy Beck. 

Summary: It’s the holidays and everyone’s gone for Christmas but you’re still stuck in school because you need to retake your final since the professor was nice enough and didn’t want to fail you. It just so happened that there is a sciences expert living in the same house as you, one that you’ve never spoken to before. Things get interesting when he offers to help you out, but what’s in it for him?

Prompt: “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

A/N: We’re going to pretend that part 2 wasn’t posted two years ago. God I’m so happy I finally finished this. Chris Beck will always hold a special place in my heart. I hope you liked my rendition of one soft college space nerd. You can catch up with the two other parts here and here. Please let me know how I’m doing in the comments. This isn’t beta’d btw.

Read Previous Part Here

Had it not been for the exam you were terrified of, you would have probably allowed yourself to enjoy every minute you spent with Chris a little bit more. True to his word, Chris was available to answer any and all of your questions, no matter the time of day. He even convinced you to go out with him a couple of more times when he saw how stressful your days were. Between memorizing formulas and solving chemistry problems, you were sure this was the worst week of your life. 

But then you remembered how much Chris made you laugh and you realized that had it not been for this exam, you wouldn’t have been able to spend time with him. And you hated how absolutely adorable he was, just the right amount of dorky and sexy. When the day of the exam arrived, Chris walked with you to the professor’s office, telling you he was sure you were going to pass it and that you just needed to trust yourself. He was about to walk away when the door of the office opened and out came your professor, Dr. Daniels. 

“Hey Chris, I haven’t seen you since your undergrad years. How long has it been?” Chris shook his hand and you could only stand there awkwardly as they struck up a conversation.

“I think two years maybe, I’ve been meaning to email you actually. But we can talk about that later.” Chris smiled before turning to you and wishing you good luck.

“Oh you know Y/N?” Dr. Daniels pointed to you and you nodded at the question. 

“Uh yeah we live in the same house.” You wondered why Chris didn’t tell him he was helping you out but you didn’t think too much of it.

“I tell you, if you’d asked him for help, then this would have been the easiest two hours of your life.” Dr Daniels said to you, laughing and watching as you looked at Chris for a moment before turning back and responding to him.

“Actually, Chris here has been helping me out for the past week. I’m really lucky I found him.” You refused to look at Chris after your little comment, afraid you’d said too much in front of him. 

“Oh well in that case, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Come on in, the quicker you start, the quicker you can finish and enjoy your break with Chris...and I’ll see you later.” Dr. Daniels motioned for you to step inside his office before walking behind you and nodding at Chris. 

“Yeah, it was nice catching up with you.” Chris waved at him, his eyes never leaving you as you set up your calculator and pencils on the desk. You looked back just in time to see him smiling at you before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking away. You took a deep breath before looking down at the exam packet, writing your name on the blue book and flipping the first page to begin your nightmare of an afternoon.

Two hours later, you put everything in your bag and stood up, reluctantly walking to Dr. Daniels desk before turning it in.

“So, how are we feeling this time around?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure. But I think it’s better than last week. Once again, thank you so much for giving me the chance to do better. I can’t begin to tell you how much of a difference this makes.”

“Please, it’s nothing. I don’t understand why, to this day, they allow students who aren’t going in the field to take this level of Organic Chemistry. It makes no sense to me so anything to help you out and get back at the school.” He chuckled, flipping through the pages of handwriting before placing the blue book on top of his pile of exams. “I’ll email you your grade by the end of the night just so you don’t have to worry about it during your break. And good luck with everything else, it was a pleasure having you in class.” 

“Thank you so much Dr. Daniels. Enjoy your break and Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas.”

You exited his office, quietly shutting the door behind you before turning around, only to bump into someone. “Oh sorry I didn’t s- Chris! W-what’re you doing here?” You stared at him like he grew a second head, not sure why he was standing right outside the office.

“I got us hot chocolate to celebrate you acing that final!” He handed you your cup and walked ahead of you. You stared at the cup in your hands then back at him, amazed that he was somehow still single. 

“Oh wow thank you, you didn’t have to.” You took a long sip of the drink, wanting to hide behind your up for a little.

“Of course I did. So umm, do you have any plans tonight?” Chris cleared his throat before looking at his shoes.

“Not really no. Dr. Daniels said he’d get my grade by the end of the night so I was just going to spend the rest of my day on my bed, trying not to cry because I probably didn’t do well. No offense to your impeccable tutoring skills.” Humor was your defense mechanism but Chris didn’t think what you said was funny, stopping abruptly before turning and facing you.

“Listen, you understood everything I explained and you did good in there. Give yourself some credit. And since you’re doing nothing, then I think we should go have dinner and watch a movie.” He rambled through that last bit and you blinked confusingly at him before nodding in agreement. Chris continued to walk, opening the door of the building for you and waiting until you exited before following behind you.

“I- sorry, I meant to ask you to dinner, n-not force you into it. If you don’t want to go that’s fine I just-”

“I was hoping you’d ask.” You cut him off, reaching for his hand and intertwining your fingers. It took Chris three seconds to look down and smile at you before tripping over his words again. You sighed in relief and patted yourself on the back for the moment of bravery. 

“Great t-that’s great. You’re really great.” You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth, and it only worsened when you noticed him blush.

“I’m sorry I promise I’m not laughing at you...I just think it’s adorable that you’re a genius who managed to say ‘great’ three times in a row. No other adjectives in your dictionary right now?” Chris’ embarrassment was more evident now and you hated that you couldn’t stop teasing him. He looked so cute trying to hide from you and you wanted to see him blush again.

“Well, I would be capable of using other adjectives to describe how happy I am right now had it not been for a certain pretty girl who actually agreed to go out with me…” Whatever you thought he would say, that was the last thing that came to mind and you pretended you weren’t jumping up and down in your mind because did he really just call you pretty?

“What’s the matter Y/N? Cat got your tongue?” There was a hint of flirtation in his tone and you rolled your eyes at him, knowing fully well that he could see your reaction to his words. You walked in silence the rest of the way, occasionally catching each other staring before giggling and clasping your hands a little tighter. When you did reach the house, Chris was first to walk in, telling you that he had no patience for the rest of your house mates. No one was in so the two of you sat in the living room and played cards. 

Neither of you watched the time and you only noticed how many hours went by when you heard the familiar bell of the church on campus strike six times. You were hysterically laughing at Chris telling you about how he had to scrub down his friend during a Chemistry lab one time because he tripped and spilled some random chemical on his hands. It wasn’t acidic thankfully but they still had to follow protocol and Chris made sure his friend would never let it down.

“Oh god is that the time already? Listen, we should go get dressed to make it in time for the last showing of the night.” Chris collected all the cards and stood up, pulling you along with him and guiding you upstairs.

“I’ll be ready in fifteen.” You reached your room and ran inside, afraid you’d do or say something stupid about how much you enjoyed the day. Shutting the door, you frantically ran around your room, trying to decide on something cute to wear. You finally paired a long-sleeve shirt with a skirt only to see Chris’ NASA sweatshirt lying on your couch. Picking it up, you took a deep breath and walked to his room to give it to him. When you saw the door was open, you knocked softly and walked in, looking around to see where he was. 

Maybe he went downstairs to grab something...

Leaving the sweatshirt on his chair, you turned around to leave only to find an almost naked and incredibly wet Chris standing in front of you and drying his hair. You tried so hard to not let your eyes go below his neck but you couldn’t, watching as a few droplets of water rolled down his chest, almost as if they were inviting you to go and lick them off. 

When you did finally meet his eyes, you saw a faint blush take over his cheeks and neck.

“Did you need anything?” His hands dropped from his head and he looked around to see if you might have left something in his room by accident.

“I uhh, there was this thing- I mean I found your ummm….s-sweatshirt…I had your sweatshirt and I just wanted to return it.” You looked everywhere else but him, silently waiting for him to kick you out of his room or call you out for going inside without his permission.

“Thanks,” Chris could tell how much you were affected by him and he wasn’t a vain person, not really, but he felt so proud of the hours he spent in the gym because to have you looking at him like that was a dream come true. He could tell how embarrassed you were and decided to end the awkward moment, moving aside and continuing to dry his hair. 

“I’ll see you in a bit.” You whispered before, quite literally, sprinting out of the room and into yours. The door was slammed shut behind you by accident and you hated how shamelessly obvious you were in front of him. Waiting for a few seconds, you moved around the room to try and even out your breath. You felt a sudden chill go down your body and you didn’t realize what you were doing until you were laying down on your bed and pulling the skirt down your legs. Shutting your eyes, it took seconds to conjure up the image of Chris in nothing but a towel, his hair wet and dripping down his impressive chest. You bit your lower lip and moved your panties to the side, sucking on your fingers before reaching down to your slit.

You slowly circled your clit, applying enough pressure to get you wet before inching your middle finger inside your aching core, sighing as you pictured Chris’ hands instead, his blue eyes taking you in as he brought you pleasure. Spreading your thighs a little wider, you increased your pace and imagined his cock teasing your entrance and coating himself with your juices. You knew you had to be quick because the last thing you wanted to do was miss spending more time with him. Throwing back your head, you moaned his name over and over again as you felt yourself reaching that little high. 

But before you could let go, you heard a swear in the form of a vague whisper coming from the direction of the door, eyes widening in horror when you looked up and saw Chris standing there and staring at you. You didn’t know what to do, reluctantly removing your hands before sitting up and grabbing a towel.

“STOP!” Chris wanted to apologize when he saw your body jump at the loud command, but he wanted to make sure you didn’t wipe your hand anywhere. He carefully approached you, not wanting to frighten you anymore with his presence. You watched him like a hawk, knowing this road only had one end.

Chris stood beside the bed and leaned down, looking at your heaving chest before gently taking your hand, not giving you a chance to react as he pulled it to his mouth and started sucking on your fingers. You moaned at the filthy reaction, your eyes incapable of focusing on anything but the way he rolled his tongue around your wet fingers. 

When he saw that you weren’t going to push him away, he let go of your hand and kneeled on the bed, trapping your body between his arms as he leaned down and captured your lips in a heated kiss. You melted beneath him, all shyness flying out the window as you felt his hands explore your flushed skin. You moaned into his mouth when you felt him slip his hands beneath your shirt. But Chris misunderstood and immediately pulled away, searching your features for any sign of discomfort before he asked if he could take your shirt off.

“Is...is this okay?” He whispered, stopping his exploration of your skin to not distract you. Your eyes fluttered open and looked into his, and he smiled to himself when he saw how dilated your pupils were.

“Oh god yes please Chris.” 

That seemed to be all that Chris needed to hear because not a second later, he was fisting his hands in your shirt and dragging it up your body until it was off. He couldn’t help but let his eyes roam over the expanse of your newly exposed torso, licking his lips in anticipation when he could see your nipples poking through the thin material of your bra. He returned his attention to your eyes, smiling when you sighed as he slipped his arms behind your back to unclasp your bra. When he pulled the straps down your arm and threw the undergarment behind him, your breathing picked up and he thought it’d probably be better if he slowed down a bit.

“Relax Y/N, if you want me to stop I c-” He slowed down and was about to move away from you when he felt your hands grab his wrists and pull him back. 

“No, n-no keep going please. I just- you...you make me nervous.”

“Why baby? You didn’t look nervous five minutes ago when you called out my name as these little fingers sank into your sweet pussy.” He shouldn’t have teased you about what he saw but he couldn’t pass up at the chance, the look on your face making him grow harder in his jeans. 

“Chris...please.” You turned away from him, nuzzling into the arm next to your cheek and biting down on his skin to distract him. 

“Tell me honey, what were you thinking of? I’ll give you anything you want, anything you want from me. But I wanna know what you were thinking of. Please.” Chris leaned down and nipped at your jaw before leaving a trail of kisses down your throat, biting down on your shoulder when it took you a little longer to respond to him.

“I- I thought of your fingers touching me, m-making me...oh god, making me cum. And...and I pictured you teasing me with your cock as you spread my thighs open and f-finally...finally- please, oh fuck please…” You shivered when you felt him slowly easing your panties down your leg before settling between your thighs.

“Finally what baby?” Chris looked up and held your gaze as he bit into your inner thighs, smiling he saw your hands fisting into the sheets beneath you.

“F-fucked me until I forgot my name.” You blinked down at him, gasping when he raised an eyebrow at your choice in words before he leaned down one more time and kissed your skin.

“Well why didn’t you just say so sweetheart.” His mischievous smile made you nervous and you threw your head back as soon as you felt his tongue lick at your slit. You moaned and bit into the pillow when his lips closed around your clit and violently sucked at the engorged nub, and you swore you could feel him smirk when your hands shot to his hair and pulled on it.

“C-chris...fuck oh my god your mouth! Feels so good, so good...so-” Your back arched off the bed almost painfully and Chris reluctantly shut his eyes and dove into your cunt, humming in approval and moaning at your taste the harder you pulled at his hair. He let go of your legs and pushed down on your thighs before moving one hand to replace his tongue. He looked up and saw bliss taking over your features, using the moment of distraction to spit on your cunt before easing two fingers into your fluttering walls. 

Your eyes shot open instantly, looking down at him just as he descended on you again and licked at your clit while his fingers thrust in and out of you. You couldn’t focus on one specific sensation, the different stimuli pushing you to that familiar fluttering in your stomach. You were already so close before and feeling his fingers replace yours drove you over the edge. 

“Go on baby, let go. Cum for me, let me taste this sweet cunt drenching me. Please baby I want you so fucking badly it hurts. Be a good little girl and cum on my fingers so I could finally fuck you like you want.” Hearing him whispering those filthy, unhinged words to you broke you apart and you fell to the bed again, thighs shaking violently as you gushed around his fingers and on his tongue. Chris continued to suck on your clit, wanting to prolong your pleasure for as long as possible. With a slight graze of his teeth against your little bundle of nerves, you screamed his name and unintentionally shut your thighs around his head. 

Chris kissed your slit one last time before he eased his fingers out of you, rubbing the muscles of your legs to calm you down as he filled his eyes with your flushed skin. He bit his lower lip when he saw your stomach fluttering and your legs slightly shaking, squeezing your calves once before moving off of the bed and stripping off his clothes.

“C-chris…” You finally managed to open your eyes, smiling hazily at him as you touched yourself and watched as he took his clothes off. He was down to his boxers and waited a moment, laughing when he saw you pinch and pull at your nipples while you whined for him to hurry up.

“Aren’t you a greedy little thing?” Chris winked at you when he took his boxers off, his chest expanding with pride when he saw the look on your face. 

“Fuck me…” You spread your thighs wide open when he moved to sit between your knees, unable to hold back from reaching to him and grasping his heavy cock in your hand. “We- we don’t...fuck that’s it baby. Your hands are so warm...we don’t have to do anything you- you don’t want.”

“Chris please, need you. Want your- your cock in me, stretching me...fucking me. Hard...please.” You were speaking in broken sentences and Chris had to hold back from coming right then and there. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he allowed you to pull him closer to your cunt.

“Wait- wait...we need a-”

“IUD...I have an IUD...and I haven’t been with anyone in a long time. Unless you want one. I didn’t mean to make it seem like-” 

“Fucking hell you’re going to be the death of me baby. I was tested after my last time, can’t fucking remember when that was to be honest. Are you...are you sure? I can go grab a condom right now.” Chris didn’t take his eyes off of you once, hands gripping your ass as you maneuver yourself closer to him and swipe the head of his cock against your clit.

“Please...wanna feel you with nothing between us. Oh god Chris I just- I want you. Now. Please, fuck me. F-fuck me.” Your desperate pleas made him twitch in your hand and he nodded at you, looking down and watching as you slowly pushed the head of his cock in your cunt.

“Fuck...oh baby you’re so big. You’re stretching me Chris...already feel so full. Fuck, I- I need…” You weren’t sure what you were asking of him but Chris seemed to understand what you needed, leaning down and molding his lips with yours as he inched into you. He felt your nails digging into his back and groaned when your cunt clenched tightly around him. “Oh sweet fucking god Y/N...you’re so tight around me...squeezing the fuck out of me. Fuck baby that’s it...take it. Take my cock in that little pussy, you’re so perfect. Made for me...made to take my cock.” He nuzzled into the crook of your neck, kissing and licking at your damp skin as he finally sheathed himself fully inside of you.

You were both breathing heavily, and you whimpered when he continued to swear against your neck. You could tell he was having a difficult time holding back, the thought of how patient he was making your heart skip a beat. When you finally relaxed your muscles enough, you scratched the back of his neck and begged him to move.

“Chris…”

“Sweetheart...I- can I move?” 

“Y-yes...please.” 

The whispered plea drove him mad with lust and he pushed up on his elbows to look at you, never once breaking eye contact as he pulled out and bucked his hips back into you again. You sighed his name and threw your head back, focusing on the way his hard dick twitched inside you as it slid against your walls. You could feel the tip of his cock hitting that deep, soft spot inside you over and over again, knowing that you were somehow already close to coming again. 

“You’re amazing baby, fucking exquiste. Like heaven...heaven and my dreams. Oh god, I’m- you’re clenching so tightly around me...could feel this cunt sucking me in deeper. Shit, are- are you already close again?” He could feel the familiar tightening of your walls and hissed when you nodded at him.

“Ok...fuck, could you wait for me darling? Please...wanna cum with you, feel you milking me dry. Please baby I’m begging here. Wait for me, fuck, wait for me.” You couldn’t deny him his request even if you wanted to, and you opened your eyes just in time to see his eyebrows furrow in focus. You parted your lips and groaned his name like a mantra, telling him of how hot and hard and thick he felt, whispering how much you wanted him to cum in you, to fill you up and keep fucking you until neither of you could move.

“Baby...oh god, baby you’re fucking amazing. Beautiful...perfect. Oh fuck, I- I’m…”

“Cum with me Chris...please, want to feel you cum in me. With me. Oh- oh please-”

As soon as you looked down and saw where you were joined, the thread uncoiled, and you threw your arms around Chris, pulling him closer and gasping his name as he picked up the pace and fucked into you harder, the sound of slapping skin filling the room and making you wish you could scream his name.

He bit into your shoulder as he felt your walls flutter around him, growling and shaking above you as he felt his balls pulse and signal his release. He came deep inside your pussy, his rhythm faltering the harder you squeezed him and pulled him in. He could feel you whimpering beneath him, and he smiled when you crossed your legs across his back to keep him inside you once he started to slow down. 

You weren’t sure how long you remained tangled in each other’s arms and when Chris tried to push off of you, you shook your head and begged him to stay.

“Not going anywhere baby...fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever cum this hard. You’re...something special Y/N.” Chris leaned down and kissed your lips, smiling against you when he felt your hold tighten around his neck. He parted and hissed when your cunt clenched around him once more, unable to hold back from chuckling at the sweet sensation. He slowly eased himself out and leaned back on his knees, watching as his cum leaked out of you and rolled down your thighs.

“Fucking hell.” Chris inhaled deeply before reaching down for his shirt to clean you up.

“Wait no you’ll get it dirty.”

“Who cares?” He shrugged as he softly cleaned his mess, apologizing when he became a little excited and rubbed harder than he should have. Throwing the shirt away, he pushed you to the side before rolling next to you, moving you into his arms and looking up at the ceiling as you drew patterns on his chest. 

“Did you know that in ancient times, the seven musical notes were assigned to the seven heavenly bodies in various symbolic arrangements? Kepler basically precisely calculated these long imagined Harmoniae Mundi...he noticed that the ratios between planets’ extreme angular velocities were all harmonic intervals. And more recently even, Molchanov has shown that the entire solar system can be viewed as a ‘tuned’ quantum structure, with Jupiter as the conductor of the orchestra.” You blinked up in confusion at Chris, eyebrows furrowing when he looked down and smiled at you.

“Sorry...I didn’t mean to ruin the moment.” He blushed under your gaze, scratching his hair when your confused expression turned into an amused one.

“No no, you didn’t. I like listening to you talk about things you’re passionate about. I’m just surprised because you’re suddenly talking about harmonies which has nothing to do with your area.” You rested your chin on his chest and watched as he laid his head back in thought.

“Well, I was really interested in our last conversation and I read up on some stuff and I found all of these theories that connect music and geometry and space and the planets playing in tune and- god you’re going to think I’m stupid.” Chris shut his eyes and rubbed at his face, hoping to somehow hide from you until you let it go. 

“No never...please, what were you going to say?”

“I wanted to impress you...so I thought I could learn about harmonics and rhythms and I found all of this stuff about Kepler’s theories on planetary orbits and how he found the answer through geometry and musical spheres and...what?” He saw the way you were looking at him and blinked shyly, hoping that you wouldn’t think he was a complete weirdo. 

“That might be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Chris’ expression grew softer at your confession, shutting his eyes when you leaned over and kissed his cheeks. 

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Chris said as you pulled your head back to take a better look at him. What you saw in his eyes should have terrified you but instead, you felt your heart beat in comfort at his exclamation.

“So are you…” You nuzzled into his neck, twirling his hair around your fingers as you breathed his scent in and kissed his jaw. You were just about to doze off when a chime came from your phone. God, you knew the notification sound immediately, and you also knew who was emailing you so late in the afternoon.

“Oh god, I can’t check.” You shook your head and groaned when Chris leaned over and grabbed your phone. 

“Unlock it for me baby and I’ll check. I’m sure you did well.” He tried to put you at ease, kissing your forehead and whispering more assurances to you as you unlocked your phone and handed it to him. Scrolling through your apps, he found the Outlook app and clicked on it, opening the email from Dr. Daniels and reading through the email. You took in his face and cursed how well he was able to hide whatever emotion he was experiencing. 

“Well?”

“I think,” Chris said as he shut your phone off and placed it on the nightstand again, not giving you a chance to say anything as he rolled you underneath him and kissed your neck, “that we should forgo going out tonight, and stay in to celebrate. Properly celebrate your B+.” He laughed when you squealed and smashed your lips with his.

“Thank you thank you thank you, oh god I can’t believe I passed.”

“I knew you would sweetheart.” Chris fell back on the bed when you pushed him down, shutting his eyes and moaning in pleasure when you straddled him and left a trail of wet kisses down his scruff to his chest.

“Music and science aren’t the closest friends Chris...you can hardly blame me for not thinking I did well.” You whispered as you slowly pushed your hand between the two of you and took hold of his hardening dick.

“They might not be friends...but they are bedfellows...oh fuck.” You laughed at the remark, continuing your descent and kissing just above his happy trail. You smiled when you felt his hips buck against you, his fingers tightening their hold around your arms as you scratched his abdominal muscles. 

“In more ways than one obviously.”  

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

road less travelled - m. tkachuk

I was throwing together a list of ideas yesterday, and this one stuck out to me for some reason. So I started writing, thankfully had a pretty free weekend, and finished today! It was a fun piece to right, I hope you all enjoy it! As always, I read all my tags, so reblogs are a writer’s best friend! You’re also more than welcome to come into my inbox and yell at me if that’s more your speed.

word count: 4.5k+

March 18 (thurs)

Elsie couldn’t believe she had gotten herself in this situation again. Every time she woke up in his bed she swore it was the last time, but one drunken mistake turned into another, which turned into a threepeat, and now she wasn’t so sure it had been a mistake in the first place. There was just something about Matthew Tkachuk, something so intoxicating that she was able to ignore the every fiber of her being that was screaming at her to stop this, stop things before it turned sour. Stop it before her brother found out. 

It had been easy enough to keep things from Johnny when they first started hooking up; they’d meet at a crowded bar, somewhere where the cover of anonymity was all but guaranteed, or a late-night text, a few words by the other communicating everything they needed to know. He was lonely. And Elsie Gaudreau was the only one who could help. It had been easy enough to keep things from Johnny at the start, but then they started texting before 11 PM, and then they decided they were exclusive, and then, Matty decided that it was about time that they put a label on it. And suddenly it wasn’t so easy to keep their secret anymore. 

The team knew that he was seeing someone, but much to everyone’s surprise, he had said precious little about their relationship. He called her Leigh in the locker room, or out with the boys — her grandmother’s middle name, one he felt toed the line as well as possible between complete fabrication and some semblance of the truth — and they knew the couple had been together for a few months, that she made him laugh, and that he was more into her than they had seen him act with anyone in recent memory. She didn’t come to events because she was shy, Matthew said, and he didn’t want to subject her to the kind of spotlight he knew she might be scrutinized under the moment they went public. He wasn’t lying when he said she’d been to games — Elsie usually made it to a few a month, usually on Johnny’s invitation — but left out the part where she wore the number 13 in the stands instead of 19, or where she caught a ride home with her brother after media availability instead of her boyfriend, the man she’d been sleeping with for the past five months. 

“Leaving already?” Matty mumbled, slinging one arm over her waist as Elsie tried to sit up. 

She twisted over, kissing him softly. His stubble tickled her cheek. “Got class, remember?” Of course he remembered. Class was the whole reason she was in Alberta; most of it, at least. She had done her undergrad in astrophysics at Wellesley in Massachusetts, and when the time had come for her to decide where to do her graduate studies, Johnny had been all too quick to offer up Calgary. “It’s a great program!” he had said. And it was, but Elsie also had her doubts that her brother knew much about astronomy beyond the ability to find the Great Dipper on a clear day. They had always been close, even when he went to go play in Dubuque when she was 13, but their time together had naturally been more than a little limited ever since he turned pro. So when the opportunity arose for them to be in the same city full-time for the first time in a decade, he was jumping at the prospect of being able to look after his younger sister again. And, especially after he offered to pay her tuition, she wasn’t about to say no. International fees didn’t come cheap. 

Matty groaned, pawing at her hand as she got up from the bed, throwing the covers back over him. “Do you have to go?” he whined. 

Elsie rolled her eyes. “It’s an 8 AM, and it’s,” she glanced at her watch, “already 7. I’d love to stay in bed with you, babe, but I’ve still got to eat and get dressed and grab all my stuff. Plus, it’s at least fifteen minutes to drive and find a place to park, so I’ve got to build that in too.”

“I still think it’s dumb that they make you pay to park at your own school. You’re already paying tuition, plus you TA that one course, so it’s not like you’re doing nothing for them,” he said.

“It’s dumb,” she agreed.

Matthew clicked his tongue. “It’s highway robbery, is what it is, Els.”

She laughed, bending over the bed to run a hand through his curls. She loved those curls. “Be that as it may, Matty dear, I’ve still got to get there on time. Experimental space physics waits for no man.” 

He pouted. “Fine.”

Elsie shot him a sympathetic look. “I’ll try to swing by after my classes let out, how does that sound?”

“Can’t. Johnny and some of the guys are going to be over after morning skate, we’re going out to lunch then they’re coming back here. I’ll call you if they don’t stay too late?” he proposed, looking over at her. 

She gave a tight smile. “Works for me.”

---

Matthew couldn’t believe he had managed to keep things from Johnny for as long as he had. As pretty much anyone could tell you, he was the world’s worst secret-keeper off the ice, and even more so when it came to his friends. And every time Johnny would lean over to him in the locker room, showing him a picture Elsie had posted on Instagram, or recount a story from the intro astronomy class she TA’d, he had to bite his lip and pretend like he hadn’t been the one to take the picture, or he hadn’t been the first to hear about the kid who didn’t believe you couldn’t see the Southern Cross from Alberta. As much as Matthew hated it, he knew that part of what made his relationship with Elsie so exhilarating was the illicit nature of the whole thing. Something about sneaking around with your best friend’s little sister made everything that much more exciting. 

The first time they hooked up hadn’t been a mistake, but it hadn’t been planned in any possible sense of the word. Elsie had moved to Calgary in August, a few weeks before everyone had stated trickling back into Alberta for training camp. Matthew was pretty sure it was mostly Johnny not wanting her to only be surrounded by “space nerds” — his words, not Matty’s, because while he had endless admiration for his sister’s dedication and academic skill, he understood approximateky 0.2% of what she was studying — all day, so by late September or so, she had established herself as a core member of the Flames’ “going-out” group. Which led to one particular night at a bar in October, with Johnny having already headed home thanks to an early breakfast with his fiancée and most of the rest of the group leaving around midnight. And it was a Friday, so Elsie had let herself have a few more drinks than usual; the team didn’t have practice until noon, so Matthew let himself shrug off any worry of a hangover. And Matty and Elsie already knew each other, so they got to talking, then they got to drinking, then they got to kissing. And then Elsie cancelled her Uber to get into Matthew’s, and before she knew it they were stumbling through his doorway, her fingers tangled in his curls and her legs wrapped around his waist as he walked her back to his bedroom.

There were a few people who knew the truth, and only a few people. Matthew had Brady and his mom. His logic being, as soon as Brady knew he was even vaguely interested in someone, he never took no for an answer and would have annoyed her name out of him regardless of whether or not he was being particularly forthcoming with any personal information. His mom because if he needed any advice, if he needed someone to turn to that wasn’t the incredibly vague commentary he gave the boys in the locker room, he wanted to have someone there who wouldn’t judge him and would have his best interests at heart. Okay, scratch that. Chantal definitely judged him, lifting her eyebrows over FaceTime as he called to break the news. She knew Elsie from the one trip with Johnny she’d made out to St. Louis and the times the Tkachuks had travelled up to Canada to visit the boys, and as much as she told Matthew that keeping it a secret was just about the worst thing he could do to his friend, she couldn’t say she was exactly surprised he had fallen for Elsie. 

Elsie had Ines, her best friend from college. It was easier with her, much more straightforward with a lot fewer of the conflicts of interest she felt she got with talking with anyone in the “hockey world.” Ines knew hockey, she obviously had met Johnny and some of the other boys before. Wellesley was only a twenty-five minute drive away from the Boston city center, so the one time a year the Bruins played Calgary at home she’d go with Elsie. But Ines was compassionate, objective, and one of the smartest people Elsie had ever met in her life. She didn’t have any stake in the matter that wasn’t named Elsie Gaudreau, and she wasn’t about to mince her words because she was afraid of what Matty — or Johnny for that matter — would think. So there were people who knew, but the list was very short and, at least for the time being, they wanted to keep it that way.

For anyone on the outside looking in, who didn’t know them as well, they might have said that it was a long time coming. “It” being Matthew and Elsie’s relationship. And, if she was being honest, Elsie might have agreed. She knew Matty since he joined the team; he and her brother were thick as thieves from the beginning, and he’d visited them on the East Coast pretty much every summer since his rookie year. Visited Johnny. Not her. Johnny had made it crystal-clear from the beginning that under no circumstances was their relationship ever allowed to proceed beyond friendly. 

And it didn’t. For four years, almost, it didn’t. Sure, Elsie may have carried a torch for him from the moment they were introduced, but she was far too concerned about Matty’s physical and mental well-being to pursue anything. Even if, once or twice, she could have sworn that he felt something too. But then she moved to Calgary for grad school, and Johnny started bringing her out with the boys, and she finally got to see him in his element, really in his element. She got to see Alternate Captain Matthew Tkachuk, the one who’d go to the ends of the earth for his team, who would score goals and drop gloves and do whatever needed to be done whenever it needed to be done. And it didn’t hurt that Matty looked hot as fuck whenever he got into fights, his curls flying as he stuffed his helmet under an arm, skating over to the penalty box. It only hurt that she had let herself fall for him.

March 22 (mon)

Johnny was over at Matthew’s apartment; he had come over under a pretense of going over some tape from their last road trip, but it had quickly devolved into a very heated game of Super Smash Bros before the pair took a break for dinner. “Dude, your laundry’s in the way,” Johnny said as he made his way to the bathroom, Matthew staring at the half-cooked pot of pasta on his stove. 

“It’s clean, you can just dump it in my room,” he called down the hall. He didn’t hear the tell-tale click of the bathroom door, so he looked down the hallway, only to be greeted by a site he hoped he’d never have to see. 

A conspiratorial grin on his face, Johnny held a black, lacy pair of panties between two fingers. His sister’s panties. The half-second it took for Matthew to reach, jumping forward and grabbing them out of his hands, unfortunately wasn’t enough. He held them behind his back, almost as if he was hoping that if Johnny couldn’t see them, they weren’t really there. 

“Leigh’s?” he asked, raising one eyebrow. 

Matthew rubbed his temples with the hand that wasn’t holding the panties. “Yeah. Just...Pretend you never saw those, okay?” 

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Who would I tell? The boys? They wouldn’t care. You? You already know. Elsie?” Matthew froze. “She’d just slap me and get mad at invading your privacy.”

“And you are,” Matthew mumbles, stuffing the panties into his back pocket. 

Johnny’s brow furrowed; he leaned up against the doorframe. “Seriously, though, Chucky. What’s going on with you and this girl? You know everyone respects your decision to keep things quiet and private, but I’m your best friend on the team.” The look on his face betrayed the hurt he felt inside. “I would have thought you’d say something, to me at least.”

Matthew let out a deep breath. How was he going to talk his way out of this one? “I know, and I feel bad that it seems like I’ve been keeping things from you.” But he was keeping things. Very important things. “I think with Leigh and I, we just want to take things slow, make sure what we have is real. And I think it is,” he said, hazarding a glance at his friend. “I don’t know if it’s love, yet, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about a girl before. But we both agree that we need to know before we open it up to the opinions of the rest of the world, before she gets shoved into the public eye. And she understands what that’s like better than most, but it’s still not fair.” 

Johnny’s ears perked. “Better than most?” Matthew froze. “What is she, like an Instagram model or something?” 

He smirked, pushing him with one hand. “No, she’s not.” 

Johnny realized quickly that he wasn’t going to be getting any more information out of Matthew anytime soon, so much to his chagrin, he dropped it. Johnny left Matthew’s apartment that night with a weird taste in his mouth, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. And he didn’t like that. 

April 3 (sat) 

Everyone was at Gio’s house, one of his quarterly team barbecues that had quickly become one of Matthew’s favorite things as soon as he joined the team. By “everyone,” that meant the players and their families, kids, partners, parents if they were in town. Johnny hadn’t invited Elsie — he assumed she’d be getting ready for finals, which was true, but Matthew knew she could have spared an afternoon — and Matthew couldn’t think of a way to invite her himself without arousing suspicion, so she was back in her downtown apartment while the boys were busy grilling up an inhuman amount of meat for dinner.

After everyone ate and the dishwasher had been loaded, someone decided to light the fire pit, and the conversation turned to relationships. For once, Matty didn’t tune out.“It’s the little things, you know?” Gio said, tipping back his beer. “When I see Lauren in my jersey at the games, or when she’s fallen asleep on the couch waiting for us to get back from a road trip. Makes you realize that what really matters isn’t so much how many goals you score or how big a contract you have. It boils down to the quality of people in your life, and we’ve got some good ones.” 

“It’s the same thing with Leigh and I,” Matthew said. His words caused everyone to listen. There were precious few times Matthew willingly volunteered information about his relationship, and as much as his teammates genuinely did respect their penchant for privacy, that didn’t mean they wanted any fewer details. “Sometimes when she stays over and doesn’t have anywhere to be the next day, I’ll walk out to the kitchen and she’ll just be dancing around the stove, making pancakes and singing along to a Fleetwood Mac song. Usually takes her a minute or two to notice me.” 

The guys laughed, and Matty took a long pull of his beer. He wasn’t really risking anything by saying that. Plenty of people liked Fleetwood Mac. “And she’s got this little scar behind her right ear, got it from falling out of a tree as a kid. She always tries to cover it up, but I like it better when she lets it show.” Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was Matty’s frustration about not being able to say anything about the woman he was falling in love with finally coming to a head, that made him say something he maybe shouldn’t have. 

He realized, as he hesitantly met Johnny’s eyes, and could see the gears in his head turning, that he definitely shouldn’t have said anything. Johnny was looking in between his beer and Matthew, then Matthew and his beer, then his hands and Matthew’s, which were tapping nervously on the arm of his deck chair. And then he started to put things together. The orange blossom soap at Matthew’s apartment — Elsie’s favorite scents were citrus. Fleetwood Mac was one of her favorite bands. Their maternal grandma’s middle name was Leigh. And the scar. He remembered the day she got it, falling off an oak tree in their backyard in New Jersey, running into the house to get their mom and then in the car to the emergency room with a six-year-old Elsie who needed four stitches from the accident. And with an extremely uncomfortable feeling, he realized that that more likely than not, that meant the pair of panties he had picked up that one afternoon in Matthew’s apartment had been hers. He wanted to throw up. 

Matthew was sweating as Johnny finally looked him in the eyes, realizing that the secret he and Elsie had tried so hard to keep for so long wasn’t going to be a secret much longer. “Matthew,” he began, his voice dangerously low. Matthew winced. He couldn’t remember the last time Johnny had called him by his first name. “Her name’s not Leigh, is it.” He said it like a statement, because, well, it was. He knew the answer, he just needed to hear it from someone other than himself, that the one thing he had asked of his best friend had apparently proven too much. 

Matthew shook his head slowly. “No.” Everyone else’s eyes flitted between the pair, Markstrom and Gio and Andersson and everyone else very clearly confused. 

“Something going on here?” Gio asked carefully. 

“Tell them what her name is, Matthew.” Matthew squeezed his eyes shut. If he didn’t see everyone’s reactions, everyone’s disappointed faces, maybe they wouldn’t happen. 

“Elsie.” 

“Elsie what?” he prompted. 

“Elsie Gaudreau,” Matthew finished. You could have heard a pin drop, the backyard was so silent.

 “Dude, you’re dating his sister?” Noah asked. 

Matthew nodded, one hand still tightly gripping his bottle. 

“How long?” Johnny asked, looking him straight in the eyes. 

“Just under six months,” Matthew admitted. 

He sucked a breath in. “You’ve been dating my sister for six fucking months and nobody ever thought to maybe, I don’t know, tell me?”

“It didn’t start as dating, we were just—” 

Johnny cut him off. “I can see where that’s going, and I don’t want to fucking hear it, Matthew. This was the one thing I asked you to not do. You’re a fucking All-Star NHL player, Matt. You could have any girl you wanted, you could wheel half of Calgary and I wouldn’t care as long as everyone was into it. But my little sister? The one person I told you years ago was off-limits? You had to fall for Elsie?” 

“I—” Matthew stammered as he set his drink down. “I didn’t expect anything to happen. Neither of us did. But then it did, and I fell for her, and for some ungodly reason she’s decided to stay with me, and I don’t know, Johnny,” he finished weakly. “I felt terrible about keeping it from you, and for what it’s worth, Elsie does too. I feel awful about how you found out, you deserved better than this. But I won’t apologize for my feelings.”

Johnny scoffed, standing up and grabbing his keys. “She deserves better.”

April 4 (sun)

The first thing Matthew did the next day was go over to Elsie’s house. He had already called her the night before to tell her what happened; even if he didn’t, she had the numbers of half the guys on the team and more than one had texted her to check in after seeing how Johnny left things. When he opened the door, Elsie wasn’t doing well, to put it mildly. She was sitting on her couch, wrapped up in a blanket with a barely-touched mug of tea on the coffee table in front of her. She gave him a weak smile as he walked over. “Hey.”

He bent down, kissing the top of her head. “Hey, Els. How are you doing?”

“Not great.” At least she didn’t try to hide, not like it would have been any use with Matthew. He could read her almost as well as her own parents could. “I tried to call him last night and this morning, sent a few texts, just trying to explain. Asking to talk. But he hasn’t responded to anything, I called my mom and she said she hasn’t heard anything either.”

Matthew sat on the couch beside her. “He hasn’t talked to Gio either.”

She rested her head on his shoulder; his fingers carded through the soft hair at the base of her neck. “I feel like it’s my fault,” Elsie said despondently. Coming in between her brother and one of his best friends was the last thing she would have wanted, and she was starting to feel like everything was falling apart because of her. “It never would have happened if I wasn’t there,” she mumbled into Matty’s shoulder. 

Matthew immediately shook his head. “No, no, don’t say things like that, babe. It’s not your fault, don’t put all the blame on you. Everyone dropped the ball on this one, and you shouldn’t have to take responsibility for how your brother decided to react.”

They were jolted out of their relative peace by a frantic knocking on the door. Elsie furrowed her brow. “I’m not expecting anyone?” she questioned as she threw the blanket off of her lap, She opened the door to see Johnny, staring bashfully down at his hands, an apologetic look on his face. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

Elsie raised her eyebrows. “You should be.” After a moment, she stood aside to let him in the door.

He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding Matthew’s eyes. “I talked to Mom, she kind of chewed me out about the whole thing. Not talking to you when you called or texted, the way I kind of blew up at you yesterday,” he nodded at Matthew, “but mostly the leaving. Neither of you deserved that. You deserved to have a chance to sit down, explain yourselves, and have an adult conversation.” A flash of regret shot through his eyes, which steeled again as soon as he saw Matthew’s arms around Elsie, who had returned to the couch. “But that doesn’t mean I like it. I’m still pissed that you went behind my back, and that you two decided to do the one thing I asked you not to do, and how you blindsided me—”

“You’re not my dad, Johnny. You don’t get to decide how I live my life,” Elsie said sharply.

He screwed his eyes shut. “I know, but I love you and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, and—”

“No more ‘ands.’ I know you don’t like it, Johnny. You’ve made that much very clear,” Elsie said in frustration. “Pretty much everyone knows that if you could make a list of guys you wanted to date your little sister, Matthew Tkachuk would be in last place. But just think,” she paused, looking up at her brother. “Think about all the things you said to look for in a guy when I started getting old enough to date. Divorce who Matty is from your feelings about us being together. You always gave me three things. Someone who cares about me. Someone who respects me. And someone who’s honest.” Johnny nodded, his hands in his pockets. “Matty is all of that and more, Johnny. He treats me better than anyone I’ve ever been with, and I love him. And that’s what you’ve always wanted for me. Nothing more and nothing less.” 

Johnny leaned up against the bookshelf. “I guess you’re right.” 

Elsie cracked a tiny grin. “I’m sorry, what was that?” 

He groaned in response. “Don’t make me say it again, I’m not going to.” She shrugged. He looked between her and Matthew, sighing. “I overreacted, and I’m sorry about that. If you love him,” Elsie smiled, “and he cares about you,” Matthew frantically nodded, “then there’s really nothing more I could ask for. I think it just hurt that you two felt like you couldn’t come to me as soon as things progressed, as soon as you got together.” 

“We were afraid you’d react like you did,” Elsie said, reaching over to grab Matty’s hand. “We never wanted to hurt you, and I might only be speaking for myself, but I think I was worried you’d try to come between us, or say something about the relationship, or…” She trailed off. “I don’t know. Sure, you shouldn’t have reacted that way, but you’re not the only one to blame. We shouldn’t have kept things from you, or from Mom and Dad for that matter.” 

Johnny laughed. “Honestly? I’m pretty sure Mom called it from the beginning.” Elsie frowned. “What do you mean?” “You know when Matty came over to Jersey in the summer when you guys were about 20, and we all took that vacation on the beach?” She nodded. “There was one time when she saw you together, running into the ocean together. You were laughing as hard as I’ve ever seen you, Matthew was splashing water back at you, and you kept trying to tackle him into the waves. Mom, Dad, and I were back up on the beach. She just looked at you two, looked at me, and smiled.” 

Matthew rubbed his thumb over the back of Elsie’s hand. “You think she knew?” he asked curiously. 

Johnny nodded. “I think she knew even before you guys figured it out for yourselves.”

“How could she tell?” Elsie asked. 

Johnny gave a soft smile, looking over towards the couple. “You’ve never been a good liar, Elsie. And you can’t hide love.”

[secretobsessionstuff]

i’ve missed madix and riley a bunch lately!! so maybe when you’ve got the time (and inspiration ) would you write something for them? maybe with the phrase “hey, you passed out. don’t sit up yet, just relax.” (or something along the lines of rhat) for them? i hope you are staying well & healthy, and happy new year!!!

Sorry it took me so long to get to this prompt. Anyway enjoy this fic that is in no way inspired by my life. 

“I know you’re nervous, but you have to eat something,” Madix said to Riley as they drove into the student parking lot.

It was early, around 8 o’clock in the morning, and neither of them had had breakfast yet. There was a coffee shop inside the building that Madix hoped would have his favourite donut. Next to him in the passenger seat, Riley wiped his sweaty palms on his thighs for the millionth time. Riley was certainly not hoping to eat a donut because his stomach was already queasy from the nerves. It was the master’s thesis presentation day, and he dreaded what was to come. A full day of watching presentations was not appealing, especially since he was the second to last person. Riley wished that he could have been earlier and just get it over with, but instead he had to sit through other people presenting their research.

When Riley didn’t respond – too focused on wiping the sweat on his pants – Madix carried on. “There’s still a while before we all meet in the lecture hall. At least get something to drink.”

So that’s what Riley did. He carefully sipped his tea (coffee would simply make his hands shake more) while Madix ate a decent breakfast. He munched on his donut, forever worried about his boyfriend who looked around nervously. Madix reached his hands across the table to grab onto Riley’s. “It’s going to be fine. It’ll be less than an hour and then you’re done!”

“Forty-five minutes is so long.” That is an ungodly amount of time for one person to talk continuously. Riley thought back to his undergrad thesis that was only 10 minutes and even that was terrifying! He did not want to ramble in front of a whole room for an hour.

“And the whole thing is fantastic,” Madix insisted. “You practiced for me a billion times and it always sounded great.”

“I wish it could just be you in the room.”

“Then just look at me the whole time.”

Riley let out a nervous laugh. He supposed looking at Madix for an hour straight didn’t sound too bad. “Okay yeah, yeah. It’ll be fine. It’s fine.” 

Madix raised Riley’s hands to his lips and gave them a kiss. “It’ll be more than fine.” Then he pushed a donut towards his boyfriend who was looking far too pale that morning. “Now eat something goddammit.”

Later when that donut and tea were sitting uneasily in Riley’s stomach, they all found themselves in the lecture hall. Riley tapped on the table in front of him, waiting for the presentations to begin. The first half of the day wasn’t terrible. The presentations were interesting enough that Riley could forget about his own. Well, his taping fingers and bouncing legs never really forgot about what was to come, but the panic didn’t start until his time slot got nearer. By the time the lunch break came around, Riley’s stress was rising higher. Of course, he completely ignored eating again because the ache in his belly was more than a little stress stomach-ache.

His time slot was next. Every inch of his skin was on fire except for his hands that were cold and clammy. From beneath the table, he felt Madix put his hand over his bouncing leg.

Madix leaned over so that he could whisper. “Please breathe, you’re as white as a ghost.”

Riley wished that he could be a ghost and disappear. Instead, he settled for a trip to the bathroom. Maybe he could flush himself down the toilet. “I’ll be back.”

As Riley stood up from his chair, he needed to catch himself on the desk in front of him. He reached his sweaty palms out to save him from falling forward as the edges of his vision got dark. Whoa, his head felt funny. And God, his stomach felt worse. As if he were drunk, he swayed out of the door. Madix didn’t follow him but that was okay because he needed a moment to himself.

Riley felt like he was dreaming as he walked down the hallway. Once in the bathroom, he braced himself on the sink and tried to take deep breaths. Sometimes he swears that his eyes have dimmers, and in that moment, he thought for sure that someone was dimming the lights behind his eyes.

The darkness didn’t spread luckily, but the nausea was certainly spreading through his body. Oh fuck, he really did not want to be sick just minutes before his presentation. He also didn’t want to risk presenting with a vomit-stained shirt, so he knelt to the floor in one of the stalls.

The still water in the toilet taunted the choppy seas in his own belly. Actually, he wondered how his stomach could have been anything more than a dried-up wasteland. The only thing he ate or drank that day was a donut and a tea. Still, his stomach was mad and didn’t like the stress that ran through his veins.

A harsh gag came up Riley’s throat, but it was dry. Oh God, oh no! He couldn’t believe this was about to happen. His stomach spasmed again but still nothing came up. His chest burned. He didn’t want to do this; he didn’t want to be here. Another gag grated up his throat.

Meanwhile, Madix was getting more concerned with how long Riley had been gone for. The current student was wrapping up his presentation, and then there would only be the question period before it was Riley’s turn. That’s it. Madix left to find his boyfriend.

Madix opened the bathroom door just in time to hear a strangled noise come from one of the stalls. He could see Riley kneeling on the floor. Riley moaned miserably after letting out that choked gag. Madix swore under his breath and mumbled, “Oh deer…”

He stood behind Riley who left the stall door open. He watched as Riley’s shoulders quaked with each empty heave. “Well shit, Ry.”

Riley was too focused on the roiling of his gut to be surprised by Madix’s sudden appearance. He sniffled as snot ran from his nose. “Ugh – I’m sorry.” He coughed which triggered another rough retch. “I can’t. I – hic.”

“Alright, alright.” Madix got to the floor next to Riley and put his hand on the boy’s trembling back. He needed to calm him down before anything worse happened. “Remember to breathe.”

Instead of breathing, Riley decided to make thing worse for him. “Is it my turn yet?”

“I’m not sure…” Madix bit his lip in worry. “How about you focus on calming down before worrying about that.”

Riley really wanted to get up. His time had run out and no one would care that his stomach was in knots. “I have to get back.” A belch burst from his mouth that left saliva dripping from his lips. He wiped it away. He made a move to get up, but a heavy hand stayed on his back. “I haven’t actually puked yet.”

Madix clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “That’s because there’s barely anything in your stomach, baby.” He hated the fact that he could feel the tension in Riley’s muscles. He hated the way Riley’s legs shook as he tried to get up. “You’re hurting yourself.”

“What else am I supposed to do? I have to do this.”

Madix stayed quiet, unsure how to respond. He had no clue what time it was, but he guessed that the lecture hall would be waiting for the next student. Madix sighed and backed up with his hands in the air. “…If you say so.”  

Riley sniffled and stood up with legs that trembled as bad a newborn deer. Once he became upright, those lights behind his eyes flickered for a moment. That dream-like sensation returned and he couldn’t tell which way was up. There came another flicker of his vision before the lights died out completely.

“Riley!” Madix shouted as his boyfriend went limp. The boy’s legs buckled awkwardly, and some unconscious part of Riley’s brain made a last-ditch effort to catch himself before blacking out. His arms came reaching out towards Madix.

“Ah okay, I got you. I got you.” Madix caught Riley before he could fall to the ground. They became a tangle of arms, and Madix wasn’t prepared to untangle the mess. He heard Riley mumbled something in his semi-conscious state, but it was all gibberish. “Shh, You’re okay.” It was good that he only really blacked out for a second.

“Ugh…Madix.” Riley’s eyelids fluttered opened, but soon closed again. There was no way for him to hold his own weight. His head rolled forward onto Madix’s chest as he was being carefully lowered to the ground.

Madix gently sat Riley up against the wall. They were no longer in the stall because Madix had stumbled backwards to catch his boyfriend. He clumsily brought them both to the floor just as Riley’s eyes began to regain clarity. Madix put his hand on Riley’s pale cheek and slightly rubbed his thumb across his dry skin.

“What happened?” Riley mumbled. He squinted in the florescent light of the bathroom and moaned in pain. Everything hurt. His mouth was dry, and the nausea was as persistent as ever. In his disoriented state, the only thing he knew for certain was that his belly was being stirred up. The thumping of his heartbeat was a ticking clock telling him that he was still screwing up. He put his hands on the ground, about to stand, but then he saw Madix’s sweet face.

“Hey, you passed out,” Madix said softly. “Don’t get up yet. Just relax.” He gave Riley’s shoulder a squeeze. His boyfriend really did look awful with dark sunken eyes and a grimace of pain.

Riley groaned and wrapped his arms around his torso. He wanted to say something to Madix, probably sorry or thank you, but the only thing that came out was a wet gag. He followed it with a weak heave, the first one to not be dry. A small amount of pale vomit spilled past his lips and landed on his shirt.

Madix cooed, feeling terrible that his boyfriend had to deal with this. “You’re alright, baby. Let it happen.”

Riley let out a shallow burp that brought with it a thin string of bile and frothy saliva. A hiccupped seized his chest and forced his shoulders forward as another small gush of sick dripped down his chin. Riley wanted to cry but his eyes were too dry. “Ugh, what am I going to do?”

“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,” Madix said as he ran a paper towel under cold water. He came back with the wet paper and gently wiped Riley’s face. “You’re going to sit here until you feel ready to get up – until you won’t pass out when you try to stand – and then we’ll talk to someone about rescheduling. We’ll see about getting you a more private presentation.”

Riley moaned. “I don’t like any of this.”

“I know you don’t,” Madix said. “I’ll help you fix this. There must be accommodations for mental health.”

That seemed like the best Riley could hope for. He accepted that there was no way he’d be able to go on today. It was irresponsible for him to push himself anymore, and Madix managed to convince him that he didn’t screw anything up. Things happen and most people are understanding.

“However,” Madix began with an intent look, “that doesn’t mean you can just not eat or drink. Like I said, you’re hurting yourself, and I don’t like seeing like this.”

“I know...I’m sorry.”

Madix gave his boyfriend a sad smile. “No need to apologize to me.” 

[ominous-meme]

Digiweek 2021: Home

I wasn’t expecting myself to contribute to this project, but then I felt like given the connection I have with Digimon, and how it’s been an important part of my life since I was 11, I figured: why not?

So here’s the story about how Digimon Frontier brought me to where I am today.

Digimon was aired in my home country rather late, so I saw it on TV well into the 2000s, but it was just something I glimpsed on Cartoon Network as I waited for other shows I liked at the time. But then in March 2008, I turned on the TV and found myself watching the last five minutes of Digimon Frontier episode 3, including the very awesome ending song that was retained for the dub being used. The show looked interesting, so I tried out the next episode, which I liked. I missed an episode or two in between, but nearly every afternoon after that day in March, I turned on the TV and watched the next episode of Frontier.

And the next. And the next. And the next.

So as it turns out, I was a lonely fifth grader watching a show about OTHER lonely fifth-graders, and there was a connection that got formed. I’d had a rough couple of years at school, so imagining being a part of the gang that got to go to the Digital World and were able to EVOLVE into these super-cool warrior Digimon really appealed to me. I didn’t have to be the sad and lonely girl if I didn’t want to be. I could be someone else entirely, and have a totally different life. And I could be with people who would like and appreciate me for me (a wish that has endured all this time, I should probably admit).

Things happened, and I ended up developing the WORLD’S FREAKING BIGGEST CRUSH EVER on Kouji. To this day I am not entirely sure how or why it happened, and how it lasted YEARS; maybe it’s cause I thought he was cool. Regardless, watching the show and imagining myself being a part of that group gave me some inner strength that I desperately needed at the time, and got me out of a pretty bad mental health phase I was having.

It was through Frontier that I eventually got into anime, finding Animax and other channels that aired anime (though I’m not sure I knew it was CALLED anime at the time). By getting into anime I got into manga and other aspects of Japanese culture as well, and made some new friends too! But there were some flip sides to it, and me being open about my love for anime got me on the bad side of a lot of people at school a few years later. It sucked, but I continued to draw on the strength Frontier gave me, and that helped me plod along until I changed schools and eventually went to university.

By this time, I had a goal: I wanted to go to Japan. I’d been able to visit as a tourist at the end of high school, but now I wanted to live in Japan for some time. So I worked. And I worked. And I made motivational wallpapers.

Eventually, it paid off, and I’m in Tokyo right now, wrapping up my final semester at grad school. Both at the undergraduate and graduate level, I’ve been able to write my thesis on Japanese pop culture, and I was even able to dedicate a few paragraphs to the themes of Digimon Frontier in my undergrad thesis, as a tribute to the show that helped me when I needed it and got me to where I am today. It was fun.

Sometimes when I go to Shibuya in the evenings, I take my phone out of its case, just in case there’s a certain message from a certain someone. It’s silly, I know, and I moved on from Frontier and my old crushes a long time ago...but there’s a small childish part of me that still wonders if I’ll get a message that doesn’t make sense, but takes me on a new adventure anyway.

[thadelightfulone]

All I Want... 25 Days of Christmas Challenge, Day 8

Late Night - November 21st

“So, why aren’t you out with your friends tonight?” Erik asked as he set down his glass.

“I went out with them last night. That was enough for me.”

“Not really a club person?”

“Yes and no. I used to be. Once I decided to go for my doctorate, my priorities had to change.” DeeDee traded the wine glass for the water.

“So, Miss DeeDee used to be a problem?” Erik wiggled his eyebrows at her while she took a drink.

“I wouldn’t say all that, but I definitely forgot what the inside of my room looked like during undergrad. The next year, it was no more going out and doing hoodrat shit with my friends.”

They both laughed at her comment. 

“I understand that. I made the mistake of coming home to earn mine.”

“How was that a mistake? I figured you would have been glad to be back home.”

“I was and that was the problem. Everyone who I hadn’t seen in the 6 years that I was gone, wanted to make up for lost time.”

“Oh no,” DeeDee snickered, “So, how was your first year?”

“A struggle.” Erik laughed along with her. “Luckily, I’m a pretty smart guy and was able to get through the Introductory seminars even if I was a walking zombie the whole time.”

“Yeah, nope. Couldn’t have been me. My friends hated the change up, but I had to do it. I would not have survived my first year, and no one wants to get dropped like that.”

DeeDee picked up the laptop and turned to her left on the couch. She stretched her legs out into a comfortable position with a pillow on her lap and set the computer on top. 

Erik sipped on his whiskey as he watched DeeDee move around. He propped another pillow behind him and balanced the tablet on his bent knee.

“I agree.” He waited until she was settled, “So, besides your parents was there any other reason that you chose Southern?”

“Born and raised here in Baton Rouge. It was either here or LSU.” 

“You didn’t want to go to school out of state?”

“Nope. I knew my career would allow me to do research and travel, so I was always fine with staying as close to home as possible while I was in school.” She lifted her hoodie to show off the logo, “Don’t sleep on us.” DeeDee smiled and bounced around.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know all about you Southern girls.” He stuck his tongue out at her.

“You know what. I know that’s a compliment coming from you.” She flipped him off, “But how did an Oakland guy end up out here?”

“Family.” Erik nodded his head in thought, “My mother grew up in New Orleans and went to Southern, too.” 

“So, you’re a legacy kid, too. Sweet.” DeeDee smiled at him. 

Erik glanced across the room to where his parents’ picture sat and smiled. “Yes, I am. My parents met there, too. Before moving to Oakland together after they graduated.” 

“Awwww, your parents sound amazing.” DeeDee watched as Erik’s demeanor changed. He was no longer smiling, but his eyes seemed to gloss over. She watched as he looked away at something in the distance, “Erik, everything ok?” 

Erik looked back at the tablet and sniffed a little, “Yeah, I’m good. Sorry about that.”

“If you want to switch the topic, we can.” 

DeeDee’s concern touched him, but he knew this would come up eventually. Better to get it over with. 

“It’s ok. It’s part of the reason we met. Hold on,” Erik set his tablet down, walked over to the mantle and pulled the picture down. He sat back down on the edge of the couch and grabbed the tablet. “Here they are.” He focused the picture in front of the camera.

“WOW, you are a nice blend of them.” 

“Thank you, Miss DeeDee.” He winked at her from above the picture. 

“Don’t you start.” She pointed to the picture, “So, tell me about them.” 

“I guess how much I tell you is based on what you already know about my family.”

“Your family? Oh right, you mentioned that you work with them at the Centers.”

“Correct. What did you find out in your search?” Erik put the picture aside and refocused the tablet on him.

“The Centers were created to help build up local communities by providing resources and offering programs to the children and families. They are known for their science and tech departments, but also their various community efforts.” 

He nodded and watched as DeeDee’s face scrunched up. Erik let her talk it out.

“It was started by three members of the Royal Family of Wakanda in Africa. Let’s see there is the Queen Mother Ramonda, King T’Challa, his younger sister, Princess Shuri.” DeeDee ticked their names off on her fingers. “I’ve read about the former king and his brother, T’Chaka and N’Jobu. There is talk of a Prince, but not much is known about him.” Her voice dropped off. 

“5… 4… 3… 2…” 

“Wait, you’re royalty?” DeeDee looked up at him.

“I’ve never claimed my title, but yeah, something like that.”

“So, you’re the prince?” She said using air quotes on the last word. 

“Only if you want me to be.” Erik chuckled as DeeDee rolled her eyes.

“I liked the Dr. better, but since you don’t claim him either. I don’t know what to call you.” She shrugged her shoulders and bit her lip to stifle her laughter.

“Oh, I know something you can call me. But I don’t think we are there yet.”

Erik roared with laughter when DeeDee’s laptop tumbled off the pillow. 

“Why are you like this?” She drew out as she reached over to pick up her laptop. “You know what, don’t answer that. I want to know about your parents and your family.”

“No, no, please tell me. What am I like?” 

DeeDee straightened up her laptop and Erik was greeted by her scowl. 

“Come on, Miss DeeDee. Tell me what I am like.”

“First of all, I need you to stop looking at me like you want to eat me up.” 

“I mean, -”

“Aht aht aht. There is only one way I will let you complete that thought.” 

Erik caught DeeDee’s small smile. Oh, he knew what she wanted to know. He was surprised it took her so long to bring it back up. Or that she didn’t figure out the answer already based on their current interaction.  

“And you will let me complete that thought?”

“I guess.”

“Not good enough.”

“What?”

“I guess,” he mocked her tone, “is not good enough. I need a definitive answer.” 

Erik heard DeeDee’s sigh. 

“Yes or No, Miss DeeDee?”

“If you actually answer the question, then yes. You can finish whatever provocative statement was gonna cross your lips.” 

“So, you were looking at my lips?”

“ERIK!”

 He put his hands up, “Ok, ok. Ask the question and I promise I will answer.” 

“Thank you.” She cleared her throat, “Have you found the kind of love that your parents have?”

“Had.” Erik softly replied.

“What?” She looked at him, “Oh. Oh, I’m sorry. Nevermind.” DeeDee moved the laptop onto the couch and shifted her legs under her.

“It’s ok. What they had was amazingly beautiful. Watching their love up close and personal beat any romance movie ever. You know, black love and all that.”

DeeDee picked up the glass of wine and ran her finger around the rim. 

“And as you know, it is something I want for myself.” He inhaled deeply and then exhaled, “To answer your question, no, I have not found that kind of love yet. But I still have hope that I will find her and be worthy of her.”

She gulped down the rest of the wine and held onto the glass with both hands. 

“DeeDee?”

“Huh.” She slowly set it down on the table, “Yeah, I -- I’m here.” 

“Ok, I thought I lost you there for a second.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.” DeeDee whispered. “Thank you for finally answering the question, Erik.”

“You’re welcome, DeeDee.”

Erik watched her every movement. DeeDee stuffed her hands back into the pocket of her hoodie, then rocked back and forth on the couch. Her hood fell revealing her lovely face to him again. Minutes passed as they both looked at one another. Erik coughed to break the silence.

DeeDee dropped her head and then looked up, “You can finish your statement now.”

“The moment passed, but I am positive there will be plenty more opportunities to speak my mind.”

“You act like we are gonna talk again after this.” She looked away from the camera.

“Oh, you think I’m letting you off this call without getting your number? You are sadly mistaken.” Erik chuckled, “And why do you keep hiding yourself from me?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh really? So, you aren’t trying to hide a smile right now?” 

DeeDee took her hand and wiped the expression from her face, “What smile?”

“Ok, and you aren’t just hiding yourself in general under your hood?” Erik rubbed his hands together and nodded at her. He set the tablet off to the side and spoke, “So DeeDee, do you want that kind of love?”

“Of course, I do. My friends may think that I don’t want any kind of relationship, but that’s not true.” She paused, “I guess that is what made me search for you.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I truly wondered if you found it and what it was like, if you had.” DeeDee heard some shuffling in the background and when she looked at the screen, all she saw was the ceiling. It moved and then changed, like he entered another room. “What are you doing?”

“Getting hungry, so I decided to pull out my leftovers.”

“Oh ok.”

She could hear him open the refrigerator, verifying his story. The screen went black for a few seconds and then came back on. DeeDee reached for the strings to her hood.

“Don’t you dare.” Erik’s voice growled. 

“Why?” She squeaked, “Why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m not doing anything to you, Miss DeeDee.” 

“Yes, you are.”

“Ma’am, I am just eating a juicy strawberry.”

“With your shirt off, Sir.”

“I didn’t want to get juice on it.”

“You, Sir, are a mess.”

“A mess that has kept you smiling for the last hour or so. Or maybe was it all day?” 

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I’m not. I’m just admiring you.”

She pointed to his chin. “You have a lil something on yo-”

Erik licked the juice off his chin. “Did I get it?”

“I can’t stand you.” DeeDee giggled.

“If that were true, you would have hung up by now.” Erik grabbed the bowl of fruit and returned to his spot on the couch. 

“Maybe I’m enjoying the view.”

“The view, but not the company?”

“I didn’t say that.” 

“So, what are you saying?”

DeeDee pulled the hood off her face, “I am enjoying my evening.” 

“So am I.” Erik grinned into the camera, “And thank you for sharing.”

Taglist: @teakturn @ghostfacekill-monger @shaekingshitup @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @woahitslucyylu @ladymac82 @bugngiz @eyeknowmywrites @ajspencer1892 @arafatih @issimplyaamazinggg @tchallasbabymama​ @killmonger-fics​

[iffeelscouldkill]

TSCOSI Week Day 1: Violet / Nature

A/N: I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE A WHOLE DAY LATE FOR THIS AND THEN IT TURNED OUT THAT THE WEEK STARTS ON THE 25TH! Made it with 35 minutes to spare in my timezone dfsgghshshjs

(Watch me now be late for every single other day because I spent all my time on this one fic and have nothing else written for the other days xD)

Anyway, this is Day 1, prompt: Violet/Nature! It’s set kind of ambiguously around season 2, i.e. they’re on the Iris II, but there’s no other specific references to events of season 2, so this is spoiler-free!

Enjoy!

Violet sneaked as quietly as she could through the corridors of the ship, doing her best to conceal the bundle under her arm. The seller at the market stall had been nice enough to wrap it up in extra paper for her to disguise its shape, though he’d cautioned that she should be sure to unwrap it as soon as she had the opportunity.

She just needed to avoid bumping into anyone on her way to her room who might ask what she-

“Did you get what you needed?”

“Gah!” Violet jumped and whirled around, then relaxed when she saw who it was. “Uh, sorry, Captain, I thought you were – yes, I did, thank you.”

Sana eyed the bundle under her arm with interest. “Am I allowed to know what you doubled back for?”

“It’s uh…” Violet hesitated. It wasn’t Sana she was trying to keep it a secret from – if anything, Sana was the ideal person to confide in, but she felt suddenly embarrassed, wondering if she’d misjudged her spur-of-the-moment decision. “It’s something for Thursday.”

“Oh!” Sana’s face lit up. “Violet, that’s great. I’ve bought some ingredients to make one of her favourite dishes for dinner, but she’ll definitely love your… mystery gift. And if you need any help getting her in place for the surprise, just let me know!”

Violet smiled at her. “I will, Captain. Thank you. And thanks for… telling me, as well.”

“Of course!” Sana replied, beaming and dimpling at her.

Back in the safety of her room, Violet was finally able to unwrap her purchase. Her room had a kind of desk that folded down from the wall, and Violet unfolded it so that she could set the little terracotta pot with its seedling occupant on its surface. Then she studied it.

To say that Violet was not naturally green-fingered would be an understatement; if anything, she had a flair for killing off plant life, and her friends and roommates had learned very quickly not to trust her with anything green and growing. People had a tendency to gift her with pot plants (the joys of having a flower name), and Violet had taken to lying through her teeth when asked about how they were faring. She’d once had a cactus that had survived for a record six months before dying of what was either neglect or possibly a lack of sunlight.

So the fact that Violet needed to take care of this plant until she could give it to Arkady on her birthday in a week’s time wasn’t ideal. Sana had been the one who’d told her about Arkady’s approaching birthday, explaining that it had taken her years of friendship to even pry the date out of Arkady. “She says that she hates people making a fuss,” Sana explained. “But I think it’s because she could never… do much for it, growing up. I’ve tried to make up for that where I can.” She’d given Violet a significant look at that point.

Violet also didn’t think it was a coincidence that Sana had told her this right before they were due to land and resupply near a harbour town with an extensive marketplace.

Violet had only caught sight of the little stall with its rows of pots and tiny green shoots as they were leaving the market. She’d waved the others on ahead, and then covertly made her way over to the stall to inspect the range of plants and their prices.

It was a shame that they hadn't had any fully-grown varieties, but the stallholder had assured her that it would be much more rewarding to grow and take care of from a seedling. “You don't have the bother of germinating it, but you get to watch it grow," he said. “Just make sure you water it regularly, and keep it in a semi well-lit spot.”

Violet hadn’t liked to ask what that would look like on a spaceship. She hadn’t been prepared to rehearse too much of a cover story for buying a plant. But it was only for a week, right? She could take care of one little plant for a week, and then it would be in Arkady’s expert hands.

Right.

---

Three days later, Violet was definitely panicking a little bit.

She still hadn't figured out how to get a plant the equivalent of natural daylight on a spaceship, and the seedling is definitely starting to look a little droopier than before. She watered it the other day - even though it maybe didn't really need watering - so it's definitely not drying out. Of course, there could be any number of other things wrong with it, and Violet wouldn't know, because she had only ever owned plants involuntarily and did not know how to take care of them.

Okay, Vi, don't overthink this, she instructed herself. You're a biologist - you understand living things in principle. They need shelter, they need water and nutrition. And when you're in an environment where you can't get all your nutrients naturally - say, space - you have to find artificial substitutes. After all, it wasn't like humans could get sunlight in space either, but over decades of space travel, they'd found ways to adapt. Vitamin D supplements were a staple on long-haul ships, as were Vitamin D-rich foods, as there was a limit to how much your body would absorb from pure supplements. As a state-of-the-art vessel, the Iris (one, not two) had also been equipped with sun lamps that the crew could sit under for short periods to stimulate their skin's Vitamin D production. But Violet hadn't found anything of the sort on the Iris II. Except-

Violet sat up abruptly on her bed. The Iris II’s medbay was pretty state-of-the-art compared with the Rumor (okay, her medicine cabinet in undergrad had been state-of-the-art compared to the Rumor’s medbay, but still) and she still hadn’t finished exploring all its various fittings, but she distinctly remembered that the lamp over the examination table had an ultraviolet setting.

What was more, Violet didn’t think that she’d have any trouble keeping Arkady away from the medbay for the rest of the week (since she only ever went in there under duress).

Delighted with her revelation, Violet opened the door to her room, intending to go straight to the medbay and test out the lamp – and found Arkady standing on the other side, fist raised to knock.

“Arkady!” Violet exclaimed, quickly re-angling herself so that she was blocking the view of the table with its plant occupant (and thanking every single one of her stars that she hadn’t picked up the seedling to bring with her to the medbay). “Hi!”

“Uh, hi,” said Arkady, smiling a little quizzically. “I was just coming to ask- well, it’s more like the Captain told me to come and ask-”

“Is your leg hurting again?” Violet asked, quickly catching on.

“Not- excessively,” Arkady hedged. “But uh, more than yesterday?”

“I should definitely check it over,” said Violet firmly. “And I can give you more of that Zaletenol to help with the pain for the rest of the afternoon.”

So much for easily being able to keep Arkady out of the medbay – though, at least Arkady had picked now to ask for a checkup and not after Violet had installed the plant somewhere visible. Her leg had been bothering her a lot less recently, or maybe it was just that Arkady had stopped mentioning it. Violet tried to keep a close eye on Arkady as she moved around the ship, watching for any minute signs of pain or discomfort. Unfortunately, Arkady was very good at masking injuries.

“Thanks,” Arkady said, falling into step alongside Violet as they walked towards the medbay. “Also – hi.”

“Hi yourself,” Violet said, smiling at her. Arkady’s cheeks went a little pink.

“Are you sure you didn’t just come by because you missed me?” Violet asked, because she could never resist leaning into the flirting. RJ, whenever they were within earshot of it, called their flirtation “distracting”, but Violet was more than okay with that.

Sure enough, Arkady’s blush darkened. “I… did, actually,” she said. “I was going to come by anyway after my shift ended to see if you wanted to make something in the kitchen together. Jeeter’s promised to leave it alone for the evening.”

Violet, who had been expecting a quip in return, was temporarily lost for words at Arkady’s shy honesty – not to mention the implication that she’d gone to lengths to secure the kitchen so that they could spend some time together. “I – yeah, I’d love that,” she said, knowing she was definitely blushing as well.

Arkady stopped walking, and Violet stopped too, a little puzzled. “What?”

“We’re…” Arkady gestured at the door opposite them. “We’re at the medbay, Liu.”

“-Oh!” Violet couldn’t help snorting with laughter at her own inattentiveness as she hit the door release button. Now who was the one being distracted?

Arkady’s wound was still healing, but showed some signs of swelling that suggested she hadn’t been staying off it like Violet had told her to. “You know what I’m going to say,” Violet told her as she rolled off the biodegradable plastic gloves that she’d been wearing as she gently probed the edges of Arkady’s leg wound, and dropped them into the waste basket.

Arkady rolled her eyes and leaned back on her elbows. “Keep my weight off my leg; I know, I know. It’s just- hard.”

“I get it,” Violet said sympathetically as she dug out a gel pack and squeezed it to activate the cooling crystals. It expanded and inflated slightly as it began to work, which was always equal parts unnerving and satisfying to watch. She handed the pack to Arkady, who laid it against her leg, wincing slightly as it came into contact with her skin. “Sitting around isn’t your style. But the alternative-”

“-Is worse,” Arkady finished for her. “Yeah. I believe you, I guess I just… thought I’d be able to use it again by now.”

“You can use it,” Violet told her. “But go gently. And no running. Not even small amounts.”

Arkady grimaced guiltily, and Violet hid a smile, her hunch proven correct. “I’m going to relay these instructions to the Captain as well, so that she knows what to keep an eye out for,” she said. Arkady huffed indignantly.

“I don’t need monitoring.”

“I didn’t say you did,” Violet said mildly. “But she needs to know how your recovery is progressing so that she can account for it when she gives you jobs to do.” The fact that she didn’t expect Arkady to give Sana this information of her own accord went unsaid. “You need to hold that on your leg for ten minutes,” she added.

As Arkady sat there with the cooling pack held against her thigh, Violet fiddled with the settings on the overhead lamp – making a soft noise of triumph when the lamp switched to an ultraviolet setting.

“Uh-” Arkady said as the two of them were suddenly bathed in an odd black-violet glow, the white floral designs on Violet’s green top shining with unnatural brightness. “Is that the ‘tanning bed’ setting?”

Violet laughed and switched the lamp back to its regular mode. “Sorry, I was just testing – a lot of these more state-of-the-art long-haul ships are equipped with ultraviolet lamps, to counteract Vitamin D deficiency. It can also be a useful treatment for skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis.”

“Huh,” said Arkady, sounding interested. “So, the supplements we take-”

“Don’t account for all of what you need, though if we make landing often enough on planets with a nearby star, you can generally stave off a more serious Vitamin D deficiency,” Violet finished for her.

“Generally?”

“It helps to have one of these on board, just in case,” said Violet. Then, hoping she sounded convincingly casual enough, she added,

“You must have rigged up something similar on the Rumor, right? For the plants in the greenhouse, at least. They’d need some kind of imitation of sunlight in order to grow properly.”

To Violet’s relief, Arkady immediately nodded. “Don’t ask me about the engineering ins and outs of it, but Sana was able to incorporate a couple of ultraviolet bulbs into the greenhouse’s lighting system. Pure ultraviolet light is generally not a good idea, at least long-term – the plants need a balance of ultraviolet and white light to grow properly. So we had a mixture of both.”

Violet nodded in understanding, hoping it didn’t show that she was mentally filing away that detail. “That makes sense,” she said. “I guess I never thought too hard about the practicalities of growing plants in the middle of space.”

“It’s not as hard as it sounds,” Arkady said, and Violet almost laughed. “You just have to have a few key things. Light, water, drainage, enough nutrients in the soil… Well, okay, some types of plants are more picky, but the ones we grew on the Rumor were pretty hard to kill.”

Violet snorted a little, figuring it was safe enough to offer up this one detail. “In my experience, no plant is too hard for me to kill. I’m… not particularly good at taking care of them.”

Arkady laughed, and Violet eyed her, a little bit offended. “Sorry, it’s just – you’re a biologist. But you can’t keep a houseplant alive?”

Violet smiled ruefully. “Sad but true. I guess I’d better stick to taking care of people.”

“You, uh…” Arkady looked down at the cooling pack on her leg, gently pressing down on its edges. “You’re pretty good at that one. I mean, not pretty good- well, you are, but- very. You’re very good at it.” The cooling pack was really getting flattened now. Violet smiled, and reached out to gently touch Arkady’s hand and still it.

“Thanks,” she said simply, but tried to show in her expression everything she was feeling. “Shall we go make dinner? You can take the cooling pack off now.”

---

There was still something wrong with the plant.

After managing to persuade Arkady to divulge the secrets of plant care in outer space, Violet had snuck her gift into the medbay for a few hours each day under the guise of ‘inventorying the supplies’, and sat it under the ultraviolet lamp. The rest of the time, the plant lived in her room under a regular white light.

The system had seemed to work at first - the plant visibly perked up, and Violet was now thoroughly familiar with the range of equipment and supplies in the new medbay, which was a big bonus. But now that Violet was studying the plant under the ultraviolet light again, the evening before she was due to give the plant to Arkady, she could tell something was wrong. The plant’s leaves – which had become bigger and more numerous in the short time she’d been taking care of it – were drooping more than they had been, and some of them looked yellow. Frustrated, Violet mentally ran through what Arkady had mentioned you needed to grow plants. Water; she’d watered it twice. The man at the stall had said to water the plant “regularly”, but how often was that? The soil didn’t seem dried out, at least. She’d been giving it light, and as for nutrients in the soil, well, Violet had no idea how to check for that. But it wasn't like she could do anything about the soil if it was no good; they didn't exactly have fertiliser stocked on the ship. Squinting at the plant more closely, Violet was more convinced that something was off. There were these little... bumps on the stem and the underside of the plant's leaves. Bumps that were...

...moving. Violet reared back, clapping a hand over her mouth. Insects. Her – Arkady's – plant had an insect infestation. What was she going to do?? Mentally, she cursed the stallholder for selling her a bug-infested plant. But she realised that was uncharitable. Insects were a part of nature; you couldn't avoid that. He probably hadn't known about the bugs, and it wasn't as if she'd been checking for them anyway. But she couldn't give the plant to Arkady now. What kind of a present would that be? “Happy birthday; here's a sickly, bug-infested plant. Good luck!” She hated the idea of just throwing it out, though – of having to admit failure (again) after she'd tried so hard do things right this time. And she wouldn't have a present for Arkady's birthday. Obviously plant owners dealt with insects all the time, but Violet couldn't ask Arkady about what to do without arousing suspicion and ruining the surprise. Still, which was worse - giving the game away, or letting things get worse because she had no idea how to treat an insect infestation? That was when Violet had an idea. Banking on the fact that no-one was likely to enter the medbay without her there, Violet left Arkady's plant under the UV lamp and closed the door behind her. Looking up and down the corridor, she picked a direction and speed-walked, blowing past a confused RJ, who said, “Uh-” and almost bumping into Brian. “Hey, dude, everything all right?” “Have you seen the Captain?” Violet asked him. “Think she's up in the cockpit,” he replied. “Great, thank you,” said Violet, relieved. If Sana was up in the cockpit, that meant she was with Krejjh, which was... better than her being with Arkady. Not by a lot, because Krejjh was not renowned for their subtlety, but Violet would take what she could get. Coming to a halt in front of the cockpit door, Violet had just realised that she had yet to memorise the entry code for the new ship when the door opened. “Violet!” said Sana in surprise. “Are you okay, is something wrong?” “Not exactly,” Violet admitted as Krejjh, seated at the controls, craned their head around in interest. “I uh, needed your help with something.”

Sana’s expression immediately turned interested. “Okay. Do you wanna talk in here, or...” “Uh, just somewhere-” Violet didn’t want to hurt Krejjh’s feelings by saying ‘somewhere private’, but privacy would be ideal. “-else? It’s about...” Sana’s eyes widened in comprehension. “Oh! Don’t worry, Arkady’s busy with something in the engine room at the moment.” Krejjh fully twisted their body around. “Are you avoiding First Mate Patel?” they demanded with glee. Violet cringed slightly, wishing the Captain could have been a bit more discreet. “Not... permanently, just at the moment.” “We’ll fill you in later, Krejjh,” Sana promised. “Shall we talk in the kitchen, Violet?” Violet nodded, and the two of them made their way through the still jarringly shiny and unfamiliar corridors of the Iris II until they reached the kitchen. Once inside, Sana said, “So, what can I help you with?” “Uh, so this is going to sound like a weird question,” Violet hedged. “But... when you guys were growing food and plants on Cresswin, what did you use for pesticides?” Sana blinked twice and then frowned a little. “Gotta say, I wasn’t really involved in any of the growing – I’m not very good with plants,” she admitted, and Violet almost burst out laughing at the irony. “That’s more Arkady’s domain. But I do happen to know what Campbell uses on his tomato plants, and I think he mixes...” She turned to the cupboards and began pulling out bottles: vegetable oil, baking soda, dish soap. “Depending on how much you need, you want to use twice as much oil as baking soda, and just a little bit of the dish soap,” Sana explained. “And then you want to dilute it with a couple of quarts of water. You can put it in...” She produced an empty spray bottle from yet another cupboard. “This! I was going to make a cleaning spray, but your need is greater.” “Oh God, thank you so much,” Violet said, picking up the bottles. “Did Campbell really tell you all the quantities?” She tried to think when this might have come up over moonshine. Sana smiled, one of her dimples showing. “I helped him make it once. He was having a bit of a crisis.” Violet laughed. “So, a plant, huh?” Sana asked her, her expression knowing. Violet’s shoulders sagged slightly. “I’m not very good with them either,” she said. Sana smiled at her. “Luckily for both of us, Arkady is. And she will love it,” she said, and headed for the door. “Bugs and all.” Violet put one hand over her face and groaned, but she was laughing. She unscrewed the top of the spray bottle and got to work.

---

De-contaminating the plant was harder work than Violet had bargained for. Violet supposed that most people treating their plants with bug spray weren’t so concerned with appearances, but she really wanted it to look good for Arkady. (And dead bugs were not a good gift). So after spritzing the plant carefully but thoroughly with her homemade spray and then leaving it for a couple of hours to take effect, she used a cotton swab to dust the tiny stalks and leaves and carefully remove any traces of the bugs and the spray.

By the time she was done, it was well after midnight. Violet stretched her arms over her head and breathed a sigh of relief. The plant looked okay. Not in peak health, but okay, and maybe by the morning it would have perked up fully.

Even after midnight, there was always someone awake on the ship, but that someone was usually Krejjh, Sana or Park in the cockpit, which was why Violet deemed it safe to carry the plant with her from the medbay back to her room.

She realised that had been a mistake when, after taking just a few steps away from the medbay, she rounded the corner and came face-to-face with Arkady.

“Liu!” said Arkady, her expression lighting up in a way that Violet was slowly coming to realise might actually be just for her. It quickly gave way to confusion as Arkady spotted the plant. “Oh hey, that’s – cool, where did you…? I didn’t realise you had a plant.”

Violet briefly tried to think of a way to explain away the plant, before realising it would just create more confusion and giving in to the inevitable. At least it was after midnight.

“Um, I’ve been keeping it secret because it’s… for you,” she said, proffering the plant. “I was actually planning to present it in a much nicer way, maybe with a ribbon around it? Which is my fault for carrying it openly around the ship, but I thought you’d be asleep, and you’re not and now you’ve seen me, so uh… Happy birthday!”

A dumbfounded silence greeted her words. Violet waited, breath coming quicker as she nervously started to second-guess herself. Oh god, she hates it! The leaves look really yellow under this light, I didn’t realise – or did Captain Tripathi get the date wrong? Maybe it’s not her birthday after all? “I-if you don’t like it, though, I can just-”

“No!” Arkady said, her arms shooting out to take the plant quickly. “I mean yes! It’s great! I was just trying to think when you – when did you buy this? We haven’t made any stops for a week.”

Violet nodded, feeling giddy with relief. “I bought it at a market on Rodinia,” she said. “I’ve been hiding it in the medbay pretty much since then.”

“The ultraviolet light,” Arkady said with dawning realisation. “But you – hate taking care of plants. Right? Or did you just say that to throw me off?”

“No, that was true,” Violet said ruefully. “It’s a miracle this one is still alive.”

Arkady stared down at the plant with a complicated expression, but fortunately Violet was familiar enough with Arkady’s ‘I’m-coming-to-terms-with-someone-doing-a-nice-thing-for-me’ expression not to panic this time. “It’s a bonsai tree,” she said gently, to fill the silence as Arkady processed. “Well, one of several varieties – I know bonsai is actually about how you take care of the tree, and not the variety. This one’s a Japanese maple. Captain Tripathi said you liked trees, and I thought… you can keep this one in your room and grow it yourself.”

“You got me a tree,” Arkady said softly, and Violet could detect a tiny tremor in her voice. “My own… tree.”

“I hope it wasn’t too much, I-”

“No,” Arkady interrupted her quickly. “No, Liu, it’s… perfect. Really.”

Violet knew she was blushing, and smiling so widely it was almost painful, but she couldn’t care too much about either of those things – even though they were still standing in the middle of the corridor. “Happy birthday,” she said again. “I’m really glad you like it.”

Arkady looked up at her, holding the plant pot close to her chest, almost cradling it. “How did you know it was my birthday, anyway?”

“The Captain told me,” Violet admitted. “I hope that’s okay. She said you don’t really like… fuss around your birthday, and we don’t have to do anything else for it or even mention it at all if you don’t want to, but – I think she wanted you to have something nice. And so did I.”

Arkady’s face did something complicated again, her mouth twisting into a half-smile. “She’s too perceptive for her own good,” she grumbled. “She’s cooking dinner for me, isn’t she?”

“She is,” Violet confirmed.

Arkady sighed, but it was the sigh of someone who was secretly pleased and trying to hide it. “Just so long as there’s no singing.” She lifted the plant slightly. “I’m gonna go put this in my room. Want to… come with? You can tell me all about how to take care of it.”

Violet snorted, bumping her shoulder lightly with Arkady’s as they walked towards Arkady’s room. “I can tell you about all the ways I nearly killed it before your birthday.”

“That works, too.”

[schnoogles]

For the fluffy holiday fic prompts: Jonsa and #3, secret Santa! 🎁🎅

omg YAY!! thanks so much for the prompt love💕💕

so this kind of got away from me here LMAO but i hope you like it!!

send me a prompt!

“Come on, Jon! Just pull a name out!”

Jon Snow sighed at his friend. The Starks always played Secret Santa every Christmas. And unlike Theon, Jon normally doesn’t stay with them during the holidays, he goes back home to his mother’s. So he’s never played with them before. 

Unfortunately, with his starting grad school this year, Jon couldn’t afford the flight home to his mother’s, and Lyanna couldn’t afford the flight to Winterfell. And since he already spends most other holidays and breaks with them, this year, he finally accepted the Starks’ invitation to spend Christmas there. 

“Yeah, Jon. You have to, I’ve already put your name in,” Robb’s younger sister, Arya, said smugly, “If you don’t pull a name, it sucks for whoever’s left in the hat.”

Sansa, Robb’s other sister, wiggled the Santa hat with the last slip of paper in front of Jon’s face. She smiled at him. “Give in, Jon. You know you want to.”

“Whoever has my name could always draw again?” he suggested hopefully. 

“Nonsense,” Catelyn said, “Jon, you’ve practically been family since Robb brought you home for freshman spring break. Don’t feel awkward about this, it’s all in good fun.”

Other than his own mother, Catelyn Stark was probably the best and kindest mother in the world. Jon couldn’t say no to her. 

--

Jon wished he said no to Catelyn. Of all the names he could have picked. Of all the names! He had to pull Sansa’s. And it wasn’t like there was anything wrong with Sansa. Quite the opposite in fact. She was great. Perfect, actually. And that was the problem. Sansa Stark was perfect and had everything. What could Jon “poor undergrad” Snow possibly get her that she’ll like? 

--

Sansa feels stupid. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out what to get Jon for Christmas. Of course with her shit luck, she’d pull the name of the one person who she’s most nervous about pleasing. But it’s fine. It’s fine. She can just ask Theon to switch with her. He’ll do it, no problem. Besides, he owes her.

--

“Bro, just get her some jewelry or something. Sansa likes pretty things.” 

Jon rubbed his temples. Robb is absolutely no help. But Jon should’ve expected that. “I can’t just get her jewelry, Robb. I don’t think she even wears any. This has to be a good gift!”

“Why?” asked Robb, with a mouthful of butter toffee pretzels. 

Before Jon could even think of an answer, a snort came from the hallway. When Jon and Robb looked, they saw a smirking Arya leaning on the doorframe. 

“You’re really asking why?” Arya rolled her eyes and then laughed at her brother. “Wow you’re stupid.” She walked away and left an offended Robb and a stressed Jon.

He groaned. “What do you even get someone who already has everything she could possibly want?”

--

Sansa crossed her arms as she glared at Theon. He hadn’t stopped laughing. “Are you done yet?”

“Sorry, babe. Dunno how to help you here,” he chuckled. 

“You could switch with me!”

“Nah, I like who I have.”

“You owe me!”

Theon stopped laughing. “Wh- for what?”

“For saving your ass when-”

“Nuh-uh. Nope!” Theon wagged his finger at her. “You don’t get to keep using that one. I’m sorry we dated the same asshole, but talking the cop out of arresting me for keying that car was forever ago!”

Sansa huffed. “Fine. But can you at least help me? I have no idea what Jon likes! He’s such a… minimalist. What do you get someone who doesn’t want anything?”

“Wow you’re really desperate aren’t you?” Theon looked at her sadly before giving her the biggest shit eating grin. “I mean. Knowing Jon, there’s only one thing he’d like to unwrap for Christmas. You know, tall, red hair, blue eyes, goes by the name Sansa-”

“Theon!”

He laughed. “What? You like him, Sans! Just make your move!”

She sighed. “Please be serious about this?”

“Alright, alright.” Theon thought for a bit. “I heard Tiles are all the rage now. You can get him that?”

“What’s are Tiles?”

“It’s like… like Find My iPhone, but like ‘Find My Whatever it’s Attached To’ instead.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah.” Sansa nodded. “Jon’s pretty forgetful, that should be good, right?”

“Yeah! Like they’re very handy. He can attach it to like -uh- his backpack? Uh… clothes- no. Uh.. a baby…”

Sansa looked at him like he was stupid. Which, fair.

“Oh! Oh, keys! Keys are what people usually attach them to.”

Maybe asking Theon for help was a bad move. Sansa doesn’t understand how she became such close friends with this idiot. 

--

“Oh!” 

Jon jumped and turned around. “Sansa? What are you doing up?”

She smiled wryly at him. “I could say the same thing about you.” When he did nothing but smile abashedly at her, she continued into the kitchen and got a mug out of the cupboard. “So,” Sansa said, after realizing Jon wasn’t going to say anything, “What’s someone like you doing up way past his bedtime?” As she continued on making her tea, she looked up to Jon, waiting for an answer. 

Jon blinked at her. “Uh…”

Sansa chuckled. “That bad?” She finished making her drink and leaned on the counter, lightly blowing on the cup. “Well, I’m up because I’m a light sleeper. Especially when I’m stressed. Loud noises tend to wake me up.”

Jon suddenly felt incredibly guilty. “Oh gods, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I was being loud-”

“No no,” Sansa cut him off. “Sorry, that was poorly worded. Lady got up and had a late night snack.”

“Ah.” Jon  nodded in understanding and took a sip from his own mug. Hmm, she’s a light sleeper. Maybe I can get her a-

“Yeah, and my white noise machine doesn’t help much either.”

Nope. Jon sighed. What could he get for her? He cleared his throat. “So, what’s got you so stressed.?”

Sansa looked down at her mug. “A mix of a lot of things actually. This time of year always makes me feel a little melancholy.” 

Jon scrunched his eyebrows.

“The ghosts of boyfriends past,” she explained. 

Right. Jon’s known her for four years and she’s had a total of three boyfriends. Each one worse than the last in his humble opinion. And that had nothing to do with his crush on her, no sir. 

“Yeah, Theon mentioned one earlier and it just got me thinking, you know?” Jon nodded at her to continue. “I’ve always loved the idea of some pretty prince charming sweeping me off my feet and showering me with gifts. Guess I realized, I don’t want any of that. Gifts are meaningless if there’s no thought or love behind them, you know?” She looked down embarrassedly, suddenly mortified that she just shared so much with him.

Jon gave her an out. “I still can’t believe you and Theon dated the same person.”

Sansa snorted. “Theon will date anything with pretty hair and a heartbeat.”

Jon cracked a smile. “Not ugly hair and a heartbeat?”

“Oh, gods no. He’s shallow like that.”

They both giggled. 

“So…?” Sansa raised an eyebrow at him.

Oh, right. My turn. Jon cleared his throat. “Oh, um, yeah. Stress keeping me up too.” And then Jon suddenly had a thought. Is it considered cheating though? Oh well. “I have absolutely no idea what to get my Secret Santa if I’m honest. You -uh- got any ideas on what you’re getting yours?” He took a discreet sip from his mug. 

Nope. “Yeah, I have an idea, I think,” she replied vaguely. “Something meaningful, you know? Can’t tell you though, sorry! It’s Secret Santa. But anyways, Jon, don’t sweat about the gift! This is supposed to be fun! Besides, you know us, we don’t need any fancy schmancy gifts.” How about you take your own advice, Sansa. “Now, that can’t be all you’re stressed about.”

Jon laughed in his drink. “Always so perceptive. No, you’re right. I mean- I am stressed about the gift, but I’m also just… I can’t help but think about my Mom, you know? Sure she has friends back home that she could spend Christmas with, but I can’t help but feel guilty for being here, while she’s at home alone right now. And I just really miss her.” He shrugged and took another sip of his drink. “So, whatcha got there? What kind of tea is it?”

“Oh, er, it’s chamomile. It helps me sleep.”

“That sounds nice. Maybe I should try that and see if it’ll help me sleep too.”

Yes! Maybe I can get him a pack of-

“Too bad I’m more of a hot water type of guy.” He smiled at her and took a sip from his mug. “Never really found the need to drink much of anything else at home.”

A fucking minimalist. 

--

“So,” Arya said, “You got anything yet?”

“Nope,” came a muffled reply from Jon. 

“Sucks.” He groaned in his hands and Arya felt pity. “Tell you what, I’ll let you in on a big Sansa secret.”

Jon perked up at that. “What?”

“She doesn’t give two fucks about gifts.”

“That… that doesn’t help, Arya.”

“No, I’m serious. Look,” she said forcefully, “Sansa’s had friends and boyfriends who’d always give her the most lovely and expensive gifts, right?”

“... Still not helping.”

Arya sighed. “What I’m trying to say is those boyfriends? Look around Jon, are they in her life anymore?”

--

It hit her like a shit ton of bricks. Well, actually. It was more of a passing thought as she was watching her third Christmas movie of the day. 

So, with her parents’ permission and Theon’s help, she got to work.

--

Arya groaned. “You know, it’s called ‘1 hour photo.’ Meaning that the photos won’t be ready for one hour.”

“I’m sorry! I’m just anxious and I wanna get started as soon as possible.”

She rolled her eyes at Jon. He enlisted her help to buy all the things he needed for Sansa’s gift. And to provide some photos. 

--

It was Christmas Day. It was Christmas Day and Jon found he was really missing his mother. He tried calling earlier, but she didn’t answer. She was either still sleeping in, as that was their usual routine, or she was at a friend’s. He sighed. He’ll try calling her again later on in the day.

Jon got up and joined the rest of the house downstairs. 

--

It was Christmas Day. It was Christmas Day and Sansa was nowhere to be found. She told everyone they could get started on gifts without her if they wanted to, but of course no one was going to do that. So they planned on opening gifts after breakfast instead. 

They were all in the kitchen eating when they heard the front door open and close.

“Sorry I’m late! I’ll join you guys in just a bit!” She shouted from the other room.

Jon eagerly stood up, intent on helping her with whatever last minute thing that she must’ve gone out to buy. But before he could even move, Theon promptly pushed him back down in his seat. 

“Where ya going, buddy?”

“Just gonna see if Sansa needs any help.”

“No worries, I got it.” He proceeded to pour Jon a cup of orange juice. Jon confusedly thanked him and raised the glass to drink it. When he gave Theon a questioning look, Theon explained. “To help quench that thirst of yours.” Arya and Bran snorted into their food while Jon choked on his drink. Robb did neither of those things.

“Wow, you’re such a good friend, Theon!” 

“Just getting into that Christmas spirit, Robb.”

He walked smugly out of the room to see whatever it was that Sansa had just gone out for. When Jon finally calmed down, he looked up to see Ned and Catelyn Stark staring right back at him. Both had their eyebrows up in amusement. Oh gods. I can never come back here again. 

A few minutes later, Sansa and Theon returned. Jon noted there was nothing in either of their hands. He wasn’t the only one who  noticed.

“Didn’t get what you were looking for?” Bran asked.

“Nope,” Sansa replied nonchalantly, “Must be what I get for trying to go to the store on Christmas Day.”

“So you’re telling me we could’ve opened presents by now?” Rickon was shaking his head at his big sister. Hey may be well into his teens, but Rickon was still excited for Christmas gifts.

“Sorry! Tell you what, is everyone done eating? Let’s get to presents right now!”

Catelyn made a move to start clearing the table, but Sansa waved her off. “I’ll do it after we open presents Mom. Don’t worry about it!”

--

Everyone grabbed whichever gift had their name on it. To keep things anonymous, every gift was wrapped in the same paper and the names were stuck on with pre-printed stickers. Ned passed out the gifts to be opened one by one. When Sansa opened her gift she let out a soft gasp.

“Oh,” she whispered softly, “This is perfect.” She began flipping over each page of the homemade scrapbook. They were filled with photos from the last few years. A lot of the pictures were ones she didn’t even know were taken of her and her family. Family dinners, camping trips, random moments on campus with her friends and family. It was filled with small moments that she forgot had happened. There was even a wristband from a concert Robb and Jon and Theon had taken her to.

“What is it darling?” Her mother asked.

Sansa closed the book and held it close to her chest. “It’s a scrapbook. Filled with a lot of really good memories.” She smiled. She wondered who got her such a thoughtful gift. Before she could try to figure out who it was, Rickon interrupted her.

“Wait, where’s Jon’s gift?” He and Ned looked around the tree to see if they had missed one.

“Oh, no it’s okay!” Jon started waving his hands. “I don’t need a gift!” He was actually a bit relieved. He was awkward when it came to accepting gifts.

“Oh no!” Theon declared very loudly in a strange, overly dramatic voice. “Jon doesn’t have a gift? That’s awful!” At some point during that announcement, he had slowly tilted his head towards the stairs.

Sansa slapped her forehead in disdain. Theon doesn’t have a subtle bone in his body.

“Wait yeah, that’s not right,” Robb agreed. “Jon’s Secret Santa: what the heck?”

“No, I’m good!” Jon argued. “I don’t need a gift.”

“That’s a shame. Should I just hop on a flight and head home then?” 

Jon froze when he heard the voice behind him. His jaw slowly dropped and he turned around.

The woman before him tilted her head and smiled. “Hi baby.”

“Mom?”

“Merry Christmas!” Lyanna laughed as her son rushed to hug her. 

“What are you doing here?! How’d you get here? Is this why you didn’t answer your phone earlier? Oh my gods!” 

Sansa smiled softly at Jon. She figured it out. The one thing he probably wanted most this year was to be with his mother. 

“You’ve got some wonderful friends here, Jon.” Lyanna turned around and gestured to Sansa. “This lovely young woman here booked me a flight and picked me up from the airport this morning. If she’s not your girlfriend, then you better get to it!” 

“Mom!”

Lyanna ignored her son then looked at the rest of the Starks and laughed. “You people really go all out for Secret Santa gifts don’t you?”

After the initial embarrassment, Jon looked at Sansa with a mixture of disbelief and awe. And she smiled sheepishly back at him.

“Surprise?”

Jon shook his head and chuckled. “I don’t know what’s more unbelievable. You booking a last minute flight for my mother, or the fact that we both pulled each other’s name for Secret Santa.”

Sansa’s eyebrows rose. “You made this for me?” She asked softly.

It was Jon’s turn to look sheepish. He scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling bashful. “Uh… yeah. I couldn’t think of what to get you. And then you said how you think gifts are meaningless if there’s no thought for the person receiving it and uh, I know how you love your friends and family and-”

Sansa interrupted him by engulfing him in a hug. “Thank you. I love it.”

“Oh noooo, wouldja look at that?”

Theon had somehow attached a suspicious looking holiday plant to the fishing rod he got from his Secret Santa. And he was now dangling it above Jon and Sansa as he lounged on the couch.

Sansa, too busy glaring at Theon, didn’t notice Jon’s blush. When she turned back to Jon, she opened her mouth to give him an out, but he beat her to it.

“I’m game if you are.”

I am SO game.

Sansa leaned in and Jon met her halfway.

“Wait that’s holly, not mistletoe!”

“Robb, shut up. You’re ruining their moment.”

[ao3theskyisblue]

(Seeing You) For All That You Are

Summary: 

"How is it that whenever we meet, it's when at least one article of clothing is missing?"

"Disappointed?"

"Of course not."

*An alternate first meeting (and meetings after that) where TK and Carlos can't seem to meet up without being at least partially naked beforehand.*

Read on ao3

Wow, it’s been a while. Gotta love online school and the faulty concept of time right now 🙃 

I may or may not have gotten this idea over the exam season, and literally right after I sat my ass down to work through this fic. 

I hope you enjoy! 😊

~~~~~~~~~~

TK wasn’t quite sure how he found himself in his current predicament.

It might have been his rebellious side resurfacing from his teenage years, because when he saw that the hotel pool was open 24/7, safety at your own discretion, he thought it would be a brilliant idea to go at 3:07am, thinking he’d have the pool all to himself. It was an awkward time of the year to take a vacation after all, most office workers would be working in the middle of September, and school had just started.

He had coincidently just graduated from his undergrad at NYU, deciding to apply to become a firefighter at the last second. Since he was a little late in his application, he had a bit of free time before getting serious about his future career. His father had suggested they take a small vacation away from the hustle and bustle of the city to explore the wild – namely, hiking near the Five Finger Lakes.

He had overheard the receptionists mentioning how it had been a slow week, with tourists generally dissipating after the end of August to go back to their busy lives. So, what better time than to experience an empty pool in the early hours of the morning to wind down?

After hiking for the entire day to enjoy what nature had to offer, Owen had collapsed on one of the beds and slipped right into a deep slumber, leaving TK still high from the adrenaline rush of the hike. It was then that he remembered the pool the receptionist had kindly mentioned when they first checked in, and plus, showering in the communal showers there will prevent him from accidentally waking up his dad, who clearly needed the rest.

And lo and behold, he was correct. Other than his own quiet footsteps and the low buzzing of the diminished ceiling lights, the pool was completely empty.

Doing a few laps at his own pace, he ignored how his mind persistently nudged at him to go over every single detail of his firefighter application he had handed in earlier that day, hoping to find some flaw in the stack of documents he couldn’t fix for the 20th time anymore.

Maybe music will help.

It was easy to let his guard down when he knew he was alone – no one to judge him on his music genre, or his singing abilities. Which is how he found himself singing at the top of his lungs to Cody Simpson’s Pretty Brown Eyes, rocking his hips to the beat in what he knew was a very exaggerated manner.

The hotel lobby had been playing the song on loop for some odd reason, and the nostalgic throwback had the song quickly stuck in his head as he hummed along to the lyrics.

What was that saying, dance like no one is watching?

And that was how he found himself slamming his back against the wall of the shower stall, gesturing wildly as he half-laughed, half-sang the lines ‘hey there pretty brown eyes, whatcha’ doing later tonight?”

Everything was going splendidly. He was about to sing the next line, leaning down to pick up his bottle of body wash when it happened.

They say fate greets you in mysterious ways. It either sledgehammers you to the brutal truths of reality, or-

“Would you mind if I spent a minute with you?”

Or it greets you with a voice singing the next part of the song that wasn’t his own.

An ice-cold sensation of wakefulness hit him all at once, when he realized that that wasn’t his voice. TK froze, the next lyrics falling short as he stopped mid-dance move to look around wildly. And he made two observations.

There was someone in the shower.

He was going to fall.

He barely had time to be embarrassed by the sound of surprise he made at both realizations as he frantically moved to grab something – anything, to help with the very unfriendly meeting he was going to have with the concrete soon. Unfortunately, the only thing within his reach was the shower curtain, which did nothing to break his inevitable plummet to the very hard floor.

Dammit-

“Are you alright?”

TK groaned as he pressed the heel of his hands to his forehead, mentally assessing if there were unusual onsets of pain anywhere before deciding he was fine. Looking up, his eyes widened at the ethereal sight that greeted him.

There was a very noticeable part.

But apart from…that, standing in front of him, all towering and absolutely gorgeous, was a man. At least, TK thinks it was a man and not some god the universe decided to send down to torment his existence.

‘All animals were created equal’ his ass. Orwell was right, some were definitely more equal than others.

The man was sporting abs that would make even the best washboards jealous, water droplets dripping down the column of his neck and reaching his chest, seeming to be in a race to see which one would reach his –

TK quickly averted his gaze, his mind screaming at him to do the exact opposite, but he had manners he liked to uphold. And the residual level of self-control.

The mysterious man made a sound of realization before there was a quick shuffling, and a quiet “you can look now” in a very amused tone, and TK slowly turned to look at the man again, who was now extending a hand to him. The water droplets had now successfully made it well past the half-way point, and TK was definitely not silently cheering for the left one as the race continued towards the low-strung towel the man had haphazardly wrapped around his waist.  

“Hi.” He blurted out, unconsciously letting the beautifully crafted hand pull him upright.

“Hi.” The man mused, their hands slowly releasing from each other’s grip. TK noticed the man’s eyes drifting down quickly and was that appreciation in his gaze? He couldn’t tell and decided not to dwell on it as he quickly grabbed his towel to wrap around his own lower half, cheeks now a brilliant colour of all the shades of red.  

“It’s nice to…be acquainted. With all of you. Not that I was looking.” Foot insert into mouth, now.

“Mmh, right.” Or better yet, maybe praying for the ground to swallow him whole would be better.

“This is turning into one of the most awkward first meetings I’ve ever had.” TK cleared his throat in what he hoped was a casual manner, but that was definitely pushing it as this was anything but casual. “And I’ve met some people running on two hours of sleep and six cups of coffee.”

The man laughed, the deep undertone resonating within the walls of the shower room, and TK felt his own lips tipping up into a large grin at succeeding in making light of the situation.

“If it’s any solace, this is one of the best first meetings I’ve had.” The man chuckled, moving to cross his arms over his chest, sadly obscuring TK’s view of the water droplets and the resulting winner of the race.

Shame.

Though, he couldn’t really complain as the movement further accentuated the man’s biceps, and wow, how does he even fit into his clothes?

Shaking his head, TK’s grin turned into a smirk when he remembered how he had found himself in this position in the first place.

“So, I see you’re a man of culture as well.” TK raised an eyebrow, opting to shift his weight to the side in a flirty stance, further showcasing the curves of his body. The man furrowed his eyebrows slightly in confusion. “Cody Simpson fan?”

TK watched as the man snorted, shaking his head. He tried very hard to pretend that he was not very obviously staring at the wet curls coming loose at the movement.

“Not really. I’ve just heard that song in particular more times than I can keep count. Especially from my siblings.” The man rolled his eyes in exasperation, and TK grinned.

“They all have good taste then. The song suits you very well.” TK wanted very badly to wink at the end, but decided to hold himself back. This was only their first meeting after all, he didn’t want to scare him off that quickly.

“You too. The first word of the song at least.”  TK blinked, bewildered, because he didn’t have brown eyes –

Oh.

Oh.

He distantly wondered if his cheeks could successfully cook a rotisserie chicken at the temperature they were currently at right now.

“Did you need to finish your shower? I’m sorry for interrupting.” TK quickly changed the subject, opting to ignore how the man’s eyes glinted knowingly.

“I was about to get dressed, actually. But now I’m kind of glad I didn’t.” The man smirked. TK rolled his eyes good-naturedly, reaching out to swat at the bulky shoulder. He was about to retort something smart back when they were interrupted by the loud ringing of a phone, and TK smiled in understanding when the man shot him an apologetic look.

“That would be my sister wondering where the hell I am. I’m – I’m sorry to cut this short.” The man gestured toward the general locker area, and TK waved his hand reassuringly.

“No worries. Go ahead.” TK tilted his head towards the locker rooms and took a moment to appreciate the retreating back of the man before heading into the shower stall to finish off what he had barely started.

He hadn’t expected the man to wait for him, but TK couldn’t help but feel a small sliver of disappointment when it was completely quiet when he made his way to the lockers.

He hadn’t even asked the man for his name.

The disappointment quickly dissipated when he saw a small sliver of – was that a paper towel? stuck between the crevices of his locker with messy writing on one side that looked like someone had been in a rush while writing it.

Hey! I’m so sorry but something came up and I have to go, but it was nice meeting you! Let’s do this again someday!

TK didn’t need a mirror to know he was sporting a silly grin, eyes immediately drifting down to the number written hastily on the bottom, wasting no time in taking out his phone to input his new contact.

Looks like he had a chance to ask the man for a name after all.

-------------------------

He did not, in fact, ask the man for his name.

It’s been nearly four months, and the nameless man was still saved in his phone as ‘Left Droplet’ because for one, the left droplet would have definitely won, and two, because he didn’t want his dad to accidentally see him receiving text messages from a ‘hot shower man.’ He debated over that or ‘pretty brown eyes,’ and, embarrassingly, he had spent the first couple of days switching between the two.

They had texted non-stop since then, and as they moved from one random topic to the next, names were the absolute last things on their minds. Left Droplet was slowly but surely becoming one of TK’s best friends, and they didn’t need to be on a ‘know your name’ basis for him to know that they shared something special.

What he’s learned so far in their texting spree was that the man was from Austin, Texas (1743 miles, 6 states, not that he was counting), an aspiring police officer who had just started in the police academy, the youngest of five, and too good to be true.

TK was still in honest disbelief sometimes that a man in his caliber could even exist, and to top it all off, he even chose to work in a similar field.

Currently, he was standing on the sidelines at the annual fire academy retreat for lessons on team bonding, occasionally glancing up from his phone at the uninteresting beach volleyball game going on between four of the more enthusiastic students.

Left Droplet: The person who came up with a beach retreat of all things to relax should be arrested

TK snickered at the most recent message, thumbs moving quickly to type out his own response.

TK: I thought you would enjoy activities that involved fewer articles of clothing

Left Droplet: Depends on the person I’m with

He really should have realized the uncanny coincidence before he spotted a familiar figure off in the distance. He thought he recognized the way the muscles rippled across the man’s back when he moved, the familiar strands of curls shifting slightly when he moved.

Wearing nothing but swim shorts.

When he managed to convince himself that no, his eyes were definitely not playing games with him, that it wasn’t a mirage, that the man standing a little further away was indeed the man he had been furiously texting with, TK finally made his move.

Carefully closing the distance between them, making sure not to make any sudden movements to deter from his surprise attack, TK grinned as he covered his target’s eyes with the palms of his hands. He could feel him tensing slightly, probably thinking that it was some random stranger.

Ironic, considering.

“We have got to stop meeting up like this.” TK murmured close to the man’s ear, and they grinned in tune with each other. They both laughed and TK’s grin widened when warm hands lifted to cover his own, thumbs gently caressing the inside of his wrists.

“You’ve got to admit there is a certain charm to it.” The man chuckled, and TK slowly released his hold, green eyes meeting warm brown ones once again. He briefly noted that those eyes drifted down quickly at his own lack of clothes save his summer shorts.

“What is the future Austin PD doing all the way out here?” TK asked, intrigued, as there had to be plenty of beaches in Austin, and while this beach was a good five-hour drive from New York City, it had to be a nearly two-day road trip from Austin. He was given an exasperated sigh as an answer.

“Apparently team bonding for us meant extended road trip, and this was just one of the stops.” TK took a chance to look behind the aspiring police officer to the others also a part of the trip, and interestingly enough, they were all caught up in their own game of frisbee. Or, what looked like a frisbee.

“You know what amazes me?”

TK turned back to the person standing in front of him, an unconscious smile tugging up the corners of his lips.

“What’s that?”

He watched, fascinated, as the man extended his hand once again, his eyes shining with laughter.

“I’m Carlos, it’s nice to see you again.” The man, Carlos, says, and TK has to bite his bottom lip to hold back a laugh. “I was hoping to finally have a name to go with your number when we met again, and not just ‘pretty boy I met in the shower.’”

“TK.” Accepting the extended hand, he couldn’t help but notice how their hands lingered in each other’s hold before finally separating. “It’s nice to see you again too. And to have a name to put with the face.”

“So, I’m guessing you’re also here for ‘team bonding?’” Carlos rolled his eyes at the last part, and TK nodded, tipping his head back towards where the other members of the fire academy graduating in a few weeks were.

“Yeah. Which mostly just consists of the more enthusiastic extroverts making merry while the rest of us stare at our phones.” TK deadpanned, a warmth spreading through his chest at Carlos’ responding grin. In a leap of confidence, he reached out to take Carlos’ hand in his, making sure to put on his most charming smile.

“Since you seem to be also standing on the sidelines, want to accompany me to some ice cream?” TK made sure to widen his eyes a little, dipping his head down and looking up in a way he’s practiced since he was ten when he wanted ice cream cake for dinner. Even his father, who tried his hardest not to dote too much could never resist.

He hid a smirk when he saw Carlos visibly startle, before shaking his head and smiling brightly.

“Lead the way.”

Works like a charm every time.

---------------------------

They weren’t dating.

Not really, anyway.

There was the constant texting, the occasional facetime, and the fact that TK probably knew more about Carlos than the man himself.

There was the one memorable moment when Carlos had texted him, absolutely frantic, about what the hell he was supposed to wear to a wedding when he forgot all about it in the whirlwind of other life events and found the invite underneath some papers on his desk. They had facetimed then, and TK had to hold back his laughter at the sight of Carlos’ closet almost completely empty, piles of potential outfit options messily strewn all over his bed.

“You know, there’s always the option to just not wear anything.” TK snickered, and couldn’t hold back his laugh at Carlos’ deadpan stare into the camera like he was in The Office.

“Not sure the bride and groom are going to appreciate a police officer showing up naked to a wedding reception.” Carlos drawled, narrowing his eyes as TK snorted.

“They obviously have poor taste then.” TK grinned, eyes scanning lazily over the outfits on Carlos’ bed, trying not to linger on the latter and instead focus on the clothes. “The navy one. The second one on the left? Go with that one.”

TK found himself tilting his phone to try and peek at the skin that Carlos wasn’t showing, before mentally groaning when he remembered the view was given from Carlos’ end, and he couldn’t exactly reach through his own phone to shift Carlos’ a little lower.

A true shame, really.

“I have to get going in…5 minutes. Wow am I glad I’m not a girl at times like this.” Carlos muttered, and TK could hear rustling in the background as Carlos practically snatched the outfit and was most likely putting it on.

“If you were a girl, maybe you would have actually remembered days before instead of hours.” TK smirked, watching in amusement as Carlos tapped the speakers on his phone in an attempt to showcase his annoyance.

It was rather counterproductive judging by the unabashed grin on his lips every time TK could catch a glimpse of it through the hurried movement.

“Remember to send pics!” TK practically sing-songed, before bidding a quick ‘good-bye,’ leaving himself staring at the facetime screen of his phone for a while, a giddy smile on his lips.

Even with facetime, he hadn’t quite seen the entire picture Carlos painted, and appreciating him through a screen was never enough. He wanted to see for himself how the material folded around his body, feel the warmth through the soft fabric, smell the –

And that’s enough of a digress.  

TK was also pretty sure Owen knew about the mysterious texts even though he never asked him outright. He knew his father was waiting for him to say it himself, but it was all so new (on a technicality basis), and TK didn’t want to accidentally break the glass before even lifting it off the shelf first.

Okay, so the ice cream date-not-date was fun, and the late afternoon shoreline walk after that was honestly very romantic. TK had boldly kissed Carlos on the cheek in parting before the two left in their own separate directions as they headed back to their homes.

They lived in two different worlds, and practically on opposite sides of the country (that may be an exaggeration, but still). The only way they met was by coincidence, both of them very obviously avoiding the subject of planned meetups.

It had been another two months before it happened again.

.

“How is it that whenever we meet, it’s when at least one article of clothing is missing?”

TK should honestly be surprised at hearing the voice from the person he yearned for every time over the phone so close in his vicinity, but didn’t even turn around before quipping back, “disappointed?” Smiling when he felt a hand slip around his waist, he willingly let himself be pulled in for a side hug.

It was only their third time meeting like this, in a gym shower of all places, but Carlos’ voice has since been ingrained in his memory. He leaned into the hold naturally, putting down the shirt he was seconds away from pulling over his head to wrap his arms around Carlos instead.

“Of course not.” Carlos murmured, and TK reveled in the feeling of warmth that wasn’t just from the skin-to-skin contact, looking up to see Carlos already looking down at him, eyes crinkling fondly.

“Are you going to tell me we’re sharing the same gym now?” TK mused, squirming slightly when Carlos pinched the skin above his hip in admonishment.

“The officer I’m shadowing got called out here to help with a case. This gym happened to be close to where I’m staying, so I thought I would try it out.” Carlos tilted his head, and TK immediately knew what he was going to ask.

“There was a little accident at the station and the equipment room is out of order for the meantime, and coincidentally, this gym is also close to where I live.” TK explained, groaning when Carlos’ eyes glinted knowingly.

“You mean, when you thought it would be a great idea to microwave the eggs that you forgot to cook thinking it would be faster, only to cause an explosion?” Carlos asked innocently, and TK huffed, stepping out of Carlos’ embrace to glare at the audacity.

“I did not tell you that so you could make fun of me.” TK knew he was pouting slightly, but was a little too peeved to care. It didn’t seem like Carlos got the memo, because the smile on his face only grew wider, morphing into an unabashed grin.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Just like when you told me how you thought microwaving frozen meat will make it defrost faster. What did the microwave ever do to you? The poor thing.” Carlos teased, laughing as TK didn’t even hesitate to shove his shoulder in reprimand, his own lips twitching upwards.

“You know, I’m only taking you for your word when you say you’re actually a good cook. I have yet to see for myself.” TK scowled, crossing his arms over his chest and definitely did not feel gleefully accomplished at how Carlos’ eyes seemed to linger on his arms.  

“Let me show you.”

TK paused, looking up to see Carlos watching him with an unreadable look in his eyes, though he sounded determined. “I’m off until tomorrow morning, so if you’re free, would you like to have dinner with me?” Carlos continued, and TK noticed how he seemed to shift his weight slightly, fingers twitching at his sides as if – as if he was nervous.

And there it was.

The dancing around each other, the avoidance of the elephant in the room. Carlos had just offered him a steppingstone to cross the distance between their chasm of a raging river, and TK –

TK had a shift.

He didn’t, but he couldn’t – not like this.

They were simply two halves who happened to meet at the wrong time, placed into each other’s lives at the wrong moment, and…they needed time. Time to nurture whatever it was between them, time to just…be with each other.

TK wanted so badly to take Carlos’ offer, but after tonight…what then? They would still be 1743 miles apart, in two different worlds, living completely different lives.

A long-distance relationship between two first responders in two different states was bound for disaster, and TK would rather drown in his sea of emotions than mess up what he had with Carlos right now.

Swallowing back the overwhelming onslaught of emotions, TK looked down at his bare feet against the cold rubber floor sheets. He didn’t know they could actually feel cold, but right now, in this moment, it was like walking on ice.

“Carlos, I– I’m sorry. I can’t.” TK wasn’t sure if the other people in the room felt the temperature drop a couple of degrees. “I have a shift.” He winced at the blatant lie at the end, and if he could hear the lie plain as day, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what Carlos had heard considering he was a police officer in training now.

The silence after that was deafening.

They’ve had their share of silence, but those were usually filled with warmth and comfort as they simply let themselves enjoy being in each other’s presence. Like that time when they sat next to each other, sharing bites of the other’s ice cream. Or that time when their hands grazed lightly against each other as they walked along the beach in the golden light of early sunset.

This kind of silence shattered the glass TK had sworn not to break.

“Okay.”

TK knew he shouldn’t have looked up.

Carlos had one hell of a poker face, but his eyes…

His eyes told him everything that was left unsaid.

The hurt. The reluctant acceptance. The frustrating trace of understanding.

TK hated the last one the most.

TK knew Carlos somewhat understood their predicament, but he had chosen to take the leap anyway- and TK had taken that bout of confidence away from him.

Sometimes life just outright sucks.

He wanted, so much, to explore whatever it was that was between them. He wanted to experience what it was like to see Carlos’ bed hair in the morning, witness his morning routine, know his quirks and find out his pet peeves. Most importantly, he wanted to get to know Carlos, heart and soul, through real-life conversation rather than some electronic device that could only do so much.

He wanted so many things, and yet, all that he could get out was,

“I need to go.”

And that was the last thing he said before they entered an entire month of silence.

.

The first time TK heard Taylor Swift’s song The Story of Us, he hadn’t quite understood the line ‘I never heard silence quite this loud.’

He hadn’t even noticed his phone being awfully quiet since Carlos had come into his life until the texts stopped.

One month.

One month of their not-relationship-but-also-kind-of-relationship hit a pause button.

An entire month of TK drafting out messages, checking the punctuation, saying them out loud to test the authenticity, before deleting the entire thing only to start again moments later.

He wasn’t even sure Carlos wanted to hear from him again, so his thumb always hovered over the ‘send’ button, overwhelming doubt surfacing at the last second to have him tossing his phone aside and giving up altogether.

Rinse and repeat.

So, when Carlos’ signature text tone finally sounded 32 days, 8 hours, 4 minutes, and 21 seconds after that fiasco of a conversation, he had practically leaped over the entire dining room table to get to his phone on the kitchen counter.

Carlos: Do you think fate could ever be kind to us?

TK felt the wetness slipping down his cheeks before realizing he was even crying at the simple question that had broken their wall of silence. Alone, he was free to laugh wetly as he pressed the heel of his hands to his eyes, wiping away the residual tears hastily. The hand that held his phone clenched it tighter, as if afraid the message would suddenly disappear, and he shakily tapped on the screen to open his keyboard.

TK: I don’t know about fate,

TK hesitated in typing out the next part, wanting to make sure that Carlos would understand, beyond all doubt, that he truly did believe in a someday.

They would have their time.

TK: but I think we make a pretty great team.

The next message that greeted TK through the screen had his lips stretch in a watery smile.

I believe in us.

--------------------

It was a Wednesday.

A hot, humid, and sweat-inducing Wednesday.

TK didn’t know why he was at a waterpark of all places, but his father had decided it was about time to have some ‘father and son bonding time’ and since it was one of the hottest months of the year, a waterpark it was.

He hadn’t even bothered to check where the waterpark was even located, instead trusting Owen to get them there and back.

He probably should have checked the brochure.

“You know, I’m starting to think the universe just doesn’t want me to get to know you with clothes on.”

TK startled at the voice that has seamlessly established a home within his heart so close to him, and felt the familiar flutter in his chest when he was greeted with the face of the man he was irrevocably in love with.

The revelation should have honestly been staggering; the seemingly simple four-letter word always guarded close in lock and key. But it was Carlos, and TK wasn’t sure he knew how not to love him.

Was that even a possibility?

“Must be absolute torture.” TK tried for a teasing tone, but the amount of emotion that those words held weren’t missed by Carlos’ astute nature, and he graciously sank into the offered hug. This was their first meeting after their sort-of-fight, and no amount of HD phone screens could beat the 3-D figure of the police officer in his arms.

“On the contrary,” TK rolled his eyes, laughing all the same as Carlos’ eyebrows wiggled playfully. “I’m quite enjoying it.” Carlos reached up to gently grasp one of TK’s hands that had been wrapped around his shoulders, bringing it up to his lips to delicately kiss the back of it.

“Okay, you need to stop trying to make me swoon.” TK groaned, though the bright grin on his lips told the exact opposite, and Carlos knew it.

“It’s been sixty-seven days since our last meet. Leave me alone.” TK couldn’t help an endeared tilt of his head at the low whine in Carlos’ voice, leaning forward to press a quick but meaningful kiss to the corner of Carlos’ lips. He hid his smile at the slightly stunned look, squeezing the hand that was tightly held in his.

“If you’re going to be this sappy after not even a month of us being apart, maybe we should meet in a year and see how things go.” TK teased. He watched, pleased, as Carlos immediately looked like he had bitten into something sour.

“I don’t think I can handle that.” Carlos said seriously, and once again, TK was taken aback at the raw sincerity in the man standing with barely any breathing distance before him.

“I feel the same.” TK murmured, knowing that Carlos had heard the other meaning behind his words by the way he brushed his thumb over his hip slowly.

“So, what on earth are you doing at a water park a million miles away from New York?” Carlos asked, a welcome subject change, and TK snorted.

“One, we really need to work on your geography because I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing. Two, would you like the sappy answer, the creepy answer, or the complete boring truth?” TK stepped out of their hold slowly, though still keeping their hands intertwined. Carlos chuckled, gesturing for him to continue as he knew TK was going to tell him both anyway.

This man knew him too well, and it was a wonderous feeling.

“My heart felt yours beat in the rhythm of Venture River Water Park and knew our bond couldn’t survive if I didn’t answer in tune.” TK scrunched up his nose at how cheesy that sounded, but continued anyway. “My dad wanted some family bonding time and decided to drive to the furthest waterpark he could get away with without pissing me off. I minored in Hacking 101 and tried to find your Myspace from 2003 for your darkest secrets but instead found your Instagram through your LinkedIn and saw your story so I came here so I could see you.” Carlos’ eyebrows seemed to climb higher and higher at each answer, eyes widening comically at the last part.

“Do I even want to know which one is which?” Carlos asked slowly, expression switching rapidly from terrified to bewildered.

“They’re in no particular order. Nor are they discordant.” TK grinned, this time not even holding back his laugh at Carlos’ unimpressed stare.

“You know, you do have my number. You could have just asked me for my Instagram instead of going through that loophole.” TK rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“What fun would that be?”

“Are you deliberately seeing how many rules you can break in front of a cop? As a flirting tactic?” Carlos asked incredulously, and TK could see him looking just a touch impressed, if not a little disgruntled.

“I don’t know, is it working?” TK grinned, eyes shifting slightly to see his dad still surrounded by the same women five minutes ago, looking a little out of place but still smiling politely into whatever conversation they were having.

“Always.” His eyes drifted back to Carlos, feeling his heart thudding pleasantly in his chest at the fond look that hadn’t left his gaze. He was sure his own eyes were betraying every single emotion he was feeling but couldn’t say, so he opted to lean in closer to touch their foreheads together gently.

“I really am happy to see you again.” TK said quietly, not wanting to disrupt their bubble of intimacy.

“Me too, Terence Khalifa, me too.” TK immediately reared back at that, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the self-satisfied grin on Carlos’ face.

“Did you just call me Terence? Khalifa?” TK scowled as Carlos snickered, clearly enjoying his reaction.

“It’s been what, more than half a year? I thought I would try my chances.” Carlos laughed, and TK rolled his eyes, his lips twitching up helplessly into a smile.

“I’ll give you three chances.”

“Thor Klausen.”

“My dad may be an avid fan, but no, try again.”

“Tiger Kage. With a K, of course.”

“Are you kidding – “

“Not really, Tyler Kennedy.”

TK blinked, the rejection on the tip of his tongue before he realized that he couldn’t exactly reject that, since it was exactly what the letters stood for.

What –

“How did you – “ TK studied Carlos’ innocent expression intently for a moment, before huffing. “You knew.”

“When we went for ice cream the second time we met,” Carlos’ tone seemed to soften at the memory, and TK couldn’t help mirroring the warm smile. “you dropped your wallet. When I leaned down to pick it up for you, your driver's license slipped out slightly.”

TK furrowed his eyebrows, replaying that scene from a couple of months ago again mentally. Because what he remembered was –

“I asked you to hold my stuff when I had to go to the restroom. I never dropped anything…” TK’s eyes widened in realization, reaching forward to swat Carlos’ arm in reprimand.

“You sneaky SOAB!” Carlos raised an eyebrow at that, a questioning look in his eyes.

“SOAB?”

“Son of a bi-“

“TK!” Carlos quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes darting quickly to the group of kids making their way towards them, eyes narrowing as TK’s laughs were muffled in the palm of his hands.

“-businessman.” TK grinned cheekily when Carlos let go, nudging him lightly. When he lifted his gaze again, he noticed his father now alone, the women gone somewhere else and staring at him with a puzzled expression, eyes squinting in the sunlight to try and make out who he was with.

“You should probably get back.” Carlos said, following his line of sight, and TK swallowed past the pit growing in his stomach.

“Carlos, I–“

“I know.” Carlos murmured, reaching to squeeze his arm gently. “I know. I’ll see you soon.”

TK hadn’t realized he was wringing his hands together restlessly until a familiar warmth covered them, carefully stopping his movements.

“Hopefully, the next time we meet will be with all our clothes on.” TK joked weakly, but Carlos took it in stride as always.

“By now, I’m not sure I’ll even be able to recognize you with actual clothes on.” Carlos mused, eyes shining impishly, and TK shrugged, unperturbed.

“I’ll be sure to walk in my birthday suit more often down the street to minimize that problem.”

“Please don’t. I don’t want to have to arrest you for public indecency.” Carlos groaned, though TK knew he would do no such thing.

“All worth it if it means I’ll get to see you again.” TK whispered softly.

There was a moment where they both stared at each other, each wearing delicate smiles, before TK gave Carlos’ hands one last squeeze. Turning around, he didn’t look back as he headed back to where Owen was still standing, watching him with an unreadable expression.

He knew that all his resolve would crumble the second he turned around.

And so, he marched forward.

The news caught him off guard on a mildly chilly afternoon in August.

“Austin…as in Austin, Texas?” TK blinked at his father, who was standing a little way away from him, seeming almost nervous.

“Do you know of another Austin?”

“No dad, I was just…” TK trailed off, a whirlwind of thoughts swimming through his head.

Austin.

Texas.

Carlos.

Carlos.

“They asked for my assistance in re-building one of the firehouses there, Station 126, and I thought it would be a great opportunity,” Owen explained, running a hand through his well-kept hair anxiously, before holding up his hands.

“-Look, if it’s too sudden, we don’t have to-“

“When do we leave?” TK couldn’t help the excitement creeping up in his tone, and he knew his father was probably thinking he was crazy, agreeing to move halfway across the country so suddenly without even needing to process it a little bit.

“Are you sure? Austin isn’t a simple few hours drive from New York, son, if you need to think about it more – “

“Dad.” TK sighed in fond exasperation, walking closer to pull his father into a tight hug. “I’m sure. Very sure. I promise; besides, it might be good for us.” TK murmured, and felt his father squeeze him a little tighter, his originally tense muscles relaxing.

“Alright.”

TK was practically vibrating the entire week before the move, and although he was a little sad leaving his old team, they all understood and wished them the best. He knew Owen knew there was definitely something else he wasn’t telling him, but took his enthusiasm in stride.

In the end, he opted to keep the move a secret from Carlos for now, wondering if it would be a nice surprise when they finally did meet.

Officially.

.

Austin was…different.

For one thing, the service seemed to be a little better. TK could remember the numerous occasions where his phone had cut off randomly from the plethora of skyscrapers blocking signals.

So far, everyone had been very welcoming, and he was already getting along with the new crew that they were slowly putting together. They were in the middle of playing 10 questions, and Paul had been amidst his explanation of why he had the entire collection of the Sherlock Holmes series when there was a sound of wheels against gravel in the entrance bay.

“That must be Austin PD checking up on us.” Owen hummed offhandedly, and TK immediately felt his heart leap to his throat.

“Looks like your explanation will have to wait for later, Strickland.” Judd patted Paul’s shoulder in passing, and TK followed quietly after his crewmates as they headed down the stairs. He knew he shouldn’t have his hopes up, because Austin PD wasn’t just consisted of Carlos alone, and it could literally be anyone.  

“Captain Strand? I’m officer Reyes, it’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

Okay no, that voice was definitely –

The world seemed to sharpen in the display of wondrous colours as he laid his eyes on Carlos, standing in his police uniform in front of his father, who was currently shaking his hand.

To think he actually thought Carlos couldn’t look even better, he just had to show up in full uniform.

TK hid a small smile when he saw Carlos looking a little confused, obviously recognizing Owen from somewhere but couldn’t place where quite yet.

“Likewise.” Owen smiled politely, and TK had to hold back a laugh when his dad’s eyes widened slightly in recognition, obviously putting together whatever was about to happen in his head as the pieces all came into place. “These are some of the members of my team. Marjan, Judd, Paul, Mateo,” everyone lifted a hand or offered the officer a kind smile at the introduction, with Judd giving Carlos a fist bump.

“-and TK.”

And that was when surprised brown eyes clashed with brilliant green.

TK stepped forward slowly, chuckling softly at how wide Carlos’ eyes were, multiple emotions surfacing one after the other as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, officer. Fully-clothed this time.” TK teased, and that was what finally brought Carlos out of his stupor.

“So, TK Strand, huh?”

Right, practically a year of knowing each other, and they forgot to somehow throw their respective last names in the list. Carlos’ voice sounded a little emotional, and honestly, TK could relate, from the way his own body wanted to be as close to Carlos as physically possible, but they had time for all that later.

Right now…

“That should be my line, Carlos Reyes.”

They stepped forward at the same time, engulfed in each other's arms as reality finally dawned on them.

The distance between them was 0 miles, 0 states, and an abundant amount of time.

They finally got their chance.

[aadmelioraa]

33. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it. aldflaed doooo it

Ahem. I was doing kiss prompt fills in under 300 words and then @volvaaslaug sent me this picture of Aldhelm: 

which has big disappointed teacher energy. Anyway this particular prompt fill got away from me. 

Tease Me

Aethelflaed x Aldhelm, 2.3k, Rated T, Modern setting: University

Summary: The T.A. in Aethelflaed's High Medieval History class is cute or whatever, but what she really likes is how worked up he gets when he disapproves of something. When Aethelred is involved, Aldhelm's disapproval reaches legendary heights. 

Or

Aethelflaed's kink is watching Aldhelm deal with incompetence.

Read on ao3 if you prefer. 

Aethelred was at the head of the class, narrating a barely legible PowerPoint presentation on the Norman Conquest. Merely looking at him, you couldn't tell that his arguments were shit. Merely looking at him, you couldn't tell he wouldn’t know a bibliography if it bit him on the ass. Merely looking at him, you’d never have guessed Aethelflaed deeply regretted dating him freshman year. Looking at him, if you weren’t listening, you could almost believe he was a competent student.

But Aethelflaed already knew all that, and she wasn’t looking at him anyway. She had her eyes fixed on the T.A. at the front of the room, seated at a desk set off to the side. Professor Pyrlig was out for unknown reasons, as they'd grown used to hearing on Fridays, so the class deferred to his teaching assistant without a second thought.

Aldhelm, the T.A. in question, had been observing Aethelred with a slightly confused, slightly pained expression since he’d begun, but when Aethelred reached the main thrust of his argument (a watered-down, barely coherent version of J. H. Round’s classic thesis) Aldhelm’s head dipped to his hands and did not rise for the remainder of the presentation.

Aethelred was the last student scheduled to speak that day, and although he did not quite fill out the required time, Aldhelm dismissed the class with a half-hearted wave of his hand that seemed to indicate he no longer believed he maintained control of anything in his life, least of all this class.

It was a crisp fall afternoon, irresistible weather preceding what was sure to be a brutal winter, so the students all filed out of the basement classroom as quickly as they could.

Only Aethelflaed remained behind. She gathered her things slowly, making sure her notebooks and papers were organized perfectly before she made her way to the front of the room.

Aldhelm was bent over the desk, staring at the paper Aethelred had left. He glanced up at her as she approached, his face still wearing the expression of utter disappointment only her ex-boyfriend could produce.

“Well, that was quite a presentation.” Not a question, a statement. But one she knew he could not resist.

“God, it was awful,” Aldhelm nearly moaned, hand over his mouth. “Definitely the worst thing I’ve seen this semester so far. Possibly the worst thing I’ve seen ever, in an academic context or not. Truly horrible.”

He shook his head as he spoke, punctuating his words with slightly raised eyebrows every now and again.

Aethelflaed bit back a smile as she watched him writhe in the memory of Aethelred’s failure.

“He hasn’t really seemed to grasp that he gets graded on his work, not his looks,” she chimed in.

Aldhelm nodded sorrowfully, then pursed his lips, a slightly curious expression on his face. “I actually remember seeing you two together around campus quite a bit when I was a senior.”

Aethelflaed cringed. She knew she and Aethelred had been the very definition of an “it” couple but had hoped it had somehow gone unnoticed or at least been forgotten.

“We’re all allowed one mistake freshman year.”

Aldhelm smiled, and she enjoyed the way his eyes seemed to linger on her face before he turned back to his desk.

“I really don’t know how I’m expected to grade this,” he said, massaging his temples. “I shouldn’t speak ill of one student in front of another, but…god, it’s an undeniable travesty.”

“I know,” Aethelflaed sympathized. “He thought he did well too, that’s the worst part.”

“It was unbelievable,” Aldhelm’s eyes grew wide with horror as he remembered, speaking as if he could barely grasp the truth of what he was saying. “He stated his thesis as if he was the only person ever to have used any of these words in sequence. I’m not sure he even used a consistent tense throughout his paper.”

He began to scramble through the papers on his desk, then stabbed his finger accusatorially at the passage he found.

“No, he didn’t! He couldn't even do that one thing!” His face was in his hands again, and Aethelflaed allowed herself one tiny laugh while he was distracted.

“He came to me for guidance last week, and I walked him through the expectations for the course, and I really thought he understood…”

“He didn’t come for guidance,” Aethelflaed sighed, taking a seat on a front-row desk. “He came to try and charm you. It’s worked on others—not me!” she added swiftly as Aldhelm’s head jerked up.

“What on earth did you see in him, anyway?” he asked. “Sorry, that’s a bit presumptuous. Clearly, I don't understand women at all.”

Aethelflaed wrinkled her nose in amusement. “I mean, isn’t it obvious?”

“It’s the hair, isn’t it?”

Aethelflaed laughed outright now.

“That’s where I’ve gone wrong. I knew it.”

Aldhelm ruffled a hand through his own hair as if by habit, then pushed his left sleeve up to view his watch.

“Somewhere to be?” Aethelflaed asked, pulling a tube of chapstick from her bag and running it over her lips.

He caught her eye for a moment; she smiled.

“No, nowhere to be. Just trying to decide if it’s appropriate for me to begin drinking before I attempt to grade Aethelred’s paper.”

“If ever there’s a time to make an exception…”

“I believe you’re right,” he replied with a sigh. Then, his eyes widened as he remembered… “I don’t think he mentioned Hardrada even once. Good lord.”

“Are you sure?” Aethelflaed asked, rising from her seat and coming round to stand at his side. “I could have sworn I heard him say something about Stamford Bridge at one point.”

Aldhelm began to frantically flip through the papers again, ripping out the staple for easier access. Aethelflaed bit her lip, watching him shuffle between the same fifteen pages (“It’s only FIFTEEN PAGES”) over and over.

“He’s not mentioned here at all,” Aldhelm said, thrusting the pages in her direction as if she would require proof of incompetence. “He completely bungled the assignment. Unbelievable.”

“It can’t be the worst thing you’ve ever seen,” Aethelflaed said with a shrug, handing the papers back. “Aethelwold was in Pyrlig’s class with you last semester.”

“Yes but somehow even Aethelwold managed to complete the assignments in a baseline competent way. I’m pretty sure he was paying someone to do them for him, but investigating that was above my pay grade.”

Aldhelm leaned a hip against the table and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes flicked over her as she swept her hair behind her.

“You’re up next week. Did you find today’s slate of talent completely soul-crushing, or does it not matter since you’ve already finished?”

“Finished last night, in case you needed someone to go early,” she said cheerfully.

She watched in satisfaction as one of his eyebrows quirked up and his mouth twisted into a smirk.

“Of course you did.” He cocked his head. “Why are you in this class anyway? I would have thought you’d be more of an Odda type of student.”

Professor Odda had the reputation for being challenging (read: a hardass), whereas Pyrlig was something of an easier A for any student who bothered to apply themselves.

“I liked Pyrlig last semester,” Aethelflaed answered. What she meant was “I liked you enough to stick around,” but she wasn’t sure if he caught her meaning.

“Yes,” Aldhelm nodded, “I remember your paper on coinage in Roman Britain. It was very well researched.”

“Unlike Aethelred I am familiar with the inside of a library.”

“I do wonder what he would do if I approached him with a sheet of microfiche.”

“Probably ask you what was wrong with your credit card.”

It was Aldhelm’s turn to chuckle now, and she reveled in the way his laugh seemed to roll out of him involuntarily while his eyes never left hers.

The door had been closed and the shade half-drawn for the presentations. When the motion sensor activated fluorescents in the hallway turned off the only light that remained filtered in from the high windows. It was quiet on the bottom floor as it neared five o’clock. The students who liked to camp out in the classroom buildings on weekends had no doubt already staked their claims and were making their way to the dining hall. All the teachers had definitely vacated the campus by now unless they were actively lecturing. The entire building felt quite abandoned.

“Well,” Aldhelm said, breaking the silence, “I suppose I should let you begin your evening. I never was invited to many campus parties as an undergrad, but I suspect your social life may be somewhat more vibrant.”

He was gripping the back of his neck with one hand and beginning to tidy his desk with the other. Everyone looked tall next to Pyrlig, but he was taller than she’d noticed before. She realized she’d never stood quite this near to him.

She took a step closer, running her fingertips along the edge of the desk till they came to rest near the last stack of papers.

He glanced up as if sure she was mistaken, sure she did not mean to stand so close. The surprise on his face shifted back to curiosity, then his eyes narrowed with an almost suspicious expression as she laid her fingers atop his.

She’d led up to it so gradually she hadn’t expected him to actually be shocked when she kissed him, but she could feel his body tense slightly when their lips met. He didn’t pull back, however, he leaned into her.

Aethelflaed gripped his collar to pull him closer, and he reciprocated by placing his hand in the center of her back—just above her hips and below her bra, completely respectable (as far as teacher/student kisses go).

She’d half expected him to have broken it off within ten seconds, but when after a moment he didn’t she felt behind her for the desk, then hopped up on it, wrapping her legs around him.

He was nuzzling at her neck now, she nipped at his ear, breathless, reeling, expecting to be interrupted at any moment. She used to make out with Aethelred, or even Erik around campus sometimes, but this felt quite different. Technically they were alone, but she’d never felt exposed in quite this way. It was thrilling.

She pulled back to catch his gaze. His eyes were wide, looking straight back at her without any veil or pretense between them.

He dipped back in for another kiss, his teeth nearly knocking against hers. Her laugh bubbled up, he huffed one too.

“We’re very lucky no one likes to hold night classes in the basement,” he murmured into her ear.

As if on cue, a raucous noise echoed from the stairwell down the hall. Aldhelm jumped back, adjusting the collar of his shirt before glancing sideways to the door. No one appeared to have passed by; they must have gone into another classroom.

Aethelflaed took a moment to collect herself as well, straightening the sleeves of her jacket while looking at Aldhelm from the corner of her eye. He didn’t appear embarrassed—flustered, absolutely, but quite in control of himself. That was surprising but only intrigued her more.

“I suppose,” he said in a low voice, gently closing his computer, “I ought to state that even if you weren't top in the class this would not make you eligible for extra credit.”

Aethelflaed hid her laugh with a cough and hopped off the desk to pick up her bag from the floor.

“I’m not sure this is strictly allowed,” Aldhelm continued, glancing up at her briefly with an almost severe expression as he organized the student papers into a neat stack. “In fact, I’m fairly certain it’s explicitly forbidden.”

He had packed up his laptop. His satchel rested on his hip, his hands were weighed down by an almost literal ton of books, none of which he’d referenced during the course of their class—they appeared to be for his graduate research.

They were both composed and collected again. Should they be interrupted now, it would be difficult to tell they’d been caught up in each other mere seconds earlier.

“It might be forbidden,” she said, crossing one leg before the other and leaning back against the desk. “But explicit sounds a bit strong.”

His eyebrow cocked up again. “Oh, does it?”

She bit her lower lip and nodded.

“I admit I don’t know the faculty manual by heart.”

“You can trust my memory. I am, after all, top in the class.”

He was trying to prevent it, but his mouth twitched into a smile.

“I know a place we can get a drink,” she added casually, slipping her hands into her back pockets.

He glanced up towards the ceiling for a millisecond, then his gaze dropped to hers again.

“I’m afraid I’m well known at all four bars within walking distance of campus.”

“So am I. I’m not talking about a bar.”

He cleared his throat, still hesitant.

“My flat’s on Gloucester, a stone’s throw away.” Aethelflaed pulled her keys out of her bag. “Number 3. Walk over with me, or follow and give me a ring and I’ll let you up. If you want.”

She walked towards the classroom door, throwing a glance over her shoulder as she turned the knob.

“Anyway, you can’t walk home carrying all those books like that, you look ridiculous. At least let me lend you a bag.”

Aldhelm breathed a laugh—nearly too quiet to hear—and followed.

[thefandomlesbian]

okay I DEFINITELY want to see you rank your favorite BAU characters

oh boy oh boy oh boy i’m TOAST--

1.) Emily Prentiss: This woman was my gay awakening and I’m still madly in love with her. All of my original works when I was in middle school featured a character who was basically Emily Prentiss under a different name, and she still is easily in my second favorite fictional character of all time. 

2.) Spencer Reid: Spencer was the first character I ever saw on screen who loved learning as much as I did and made me realize there’s no shame in being intelligent or in craving knowledge. I’ve been compared to Spencer since my family first started watching the show when I was a kid, and we share a name, so that’s that.

3.) Aaron Hotchner: I projected all of my insecurities onto Hotch when I was a kid. When I watched his relationship with Haley fall apart on screen, I felt that in my very bones. I cried with him upon her death and raised Jack with him and even though I was long out of the fandom when TG was fired, I was still devastated to hear that he was being forced to leave. His ship with Reid was the first gay ship I ever connected to, and together, they were the first characters to ever teach me that people are gay and it’s okay. The one thing I do dislike about Hotch is how he’s implied to be wickedly intelligent, but it never gets, like, followed through with? The implication that he graduated law school at nineteen or twenty asserts that this man graduated high school when he was sixteen or younger, that he sped through undergrad and was able to get accepted into one of the most prestigious law schools in the country and graduated early and was an incredibly successful lawyer and prosecutor. He worked personal security, SWAT, he did a stent in Seattle, before he became leader of the BAU at twenty-seven years old. Hotch is, in all likelihood, a child prodigy of his own right, and it never gets mentioned because Spencer’s academic accomplishments are more impressive (and I could take this space to do a whole character study on why I think Hotch stopped his pursuit of academia, but I won’t waste my own time, lol). 

4.) Elle Greenaway/Alex Blake: I love both of these ladies so I had to include them. Elle was done dirty by the canon and I adored her work in season one and the unique sensitivity she brought to the field when the BAU was still, as one unsub described it, “a boy’s club.” Alex took a little longer to grow on me (mostly because I was super bitter about Emily being gone that I didn’t want to like her), but the relationship she nurtured with Spencer was like no other, and her submitting her resignation to him instead of her direct superior gets me in the feels every time I watch it. 

5.) Erin Strauss: Strauss is another character done wrong by the canon, and I’m so furious and bitter for her still. I loved watching her grow from a stern politician into someone who genuinely cared about the BAU as part of her family and would do anything to protect them. It was true character development that she went from trying to come for Hotch’s job in season two to deliberately fabricating paperwork to try to catch the Replicator in season eight, the latter which she did without informing anyone because she knew it could put them in danger. Watching her grow close to the team, watching Alex forgive her for her transgressions and become bonded with Rossi and Hotch, I really thought we were going to have an awesome thing going in later seasons, and I was devastated when I saw that it was all poorly written build up just so the writers could snatch the rug out from under us when they killed her off. She gave her life to protect the BAU and I’m going to work to redeem her character in my pieces. (This is an Erin Strauss AND Haley Hotchner defense blog, leave my ladies alone.) 

6.) Dave Rossi: I sometimes take issue with Rossi’s character because he can be so damn arrogant and in early seasons seems to think he’s God’s gift to profiling, but I’m so fond of him for his nurturing relationship with the other characters. He doesn’t believe himself to have any family (of course we find out later he has a daughter, but besides that) so he takes it upon himself to make himself the father of the team. We see this dynamic with Emily and Spencer the most, with Morgan to some degree, with Ashley Seaver a lot (one of the only things I loved about Seaver’s presence in S6), and even with Jack’s little league team. Rossi who will do anything and everything for his team because those are his kids, dammit. 

7.) Penelope Garcia: Penelope is my little ray of sunshine! I love sweet and special headcanons about her and how she keeps up with the team and brings joy to their lives. We share a love for cats, and her origin story always makes me chuckle, especially the opening scene where she says, “I am a psychopath,” and Hotch says, “No, you’re not.” Her relationship with Morgan brings me joy, though I’m still frustrated with the canon for not following through on that and making it “just talk.” I also disliked how canon handled her relationship with Kevin. I love Penelope as a character, but there were some moments that I thought were not written very well for her which is why she isn’t higher up on the list.

8.) Jason Gideon: I know it’s popular to drag Gideon in this fandom, but I like him a lot, and I think his downfall played into the team very well in the end when it led to Rossi’s joining the team. He had some of my favorite moments, especially when he chose to save the school children rather than apprehend Frank (I like to imagine what the other characters would have done in his shoes if Frank had fixated on them instead) and when he saved Billie Copeland while everyone else was prepared to throw in the towel. I like his dynamic with the team and how they (other than Spencer) lose faith in him from the pilot and then gain it back slowly. I enjoy how he interacts with Spencer and teaches him things on screen. I do take issue with his allowing Spencer to view him as a father figure when he knows that that is what Spencer desperately needs and I think Gideon, as compassionate as he is, can be unintentionally manipulative and quite harmful. Still, I think he’s a very intriguing character and I regret we didn’t get more of him. 

9.) JJ: It’s not that I dislike JJ actively (though if you had asked me ten years ago, I probably would’ve said I did). I find JJ’s character incredibly difficult to relate to because, much like I mentioned with Penelope above, she is a victim of bad writing. Unlike Penelope, JJ’s bad writing is damn near ubiquitous from the time Henry is born until the end of the show. She can’t be in a scene with a victim or a family member without bringing up her family, and every time she shows her actual personality, it gets followed up with, “I’m also a mom!” I don’t relate to women whose entire lives revolve around their children, so finding any common ground with me and JJ is extraordinarily difficult. More than that, I abhor her relationship with Will and how Will was allowed to treat her so incredibly poorly and not only does the fandom worship him and never call him out--the writers acted like JJ was in the wrong. It drives me absolutely insane that Will and Haley treated their partners in the exact same way, their character arcs line up almost perfectly, but Will winds up happily married to JJ with two kids and Haley gets to bleed out on the floor of her own home while her husband clutches her dead body and weeps. This storyline is just part of the misogyny in the Criminal Minds canon, and though I like JJ, I have a hard time seeing past all of it to form a good bond with her. Fanon JJ > Canon JJ. 

10.) Derek Morgan: Derek is a character who I think had a lot of wasted potential. He’s the expert on obsessional crimes--never mentioned again. He’s the expert on explosives--mentioned two or three times. Chicago PD? We never get any information as to how he went from PD to FBI. Derek is such a wildly intelligent man, we know that, but much like Hotch, his intelligent gets forgotten in exchange for Spencer to exposit at random, except his is even more pronounced than Hotch’s. After the first few seasons, the writers just treated him like the brawn of the BAU with no other expertise or presence, and I hate that for him--it was such a criminal injustice against his character. Unlike JJ, I do love Derek (my feelings for JJ are generally neutral leaning toward positive--I adore Derek Morgan) but the writers did him so dirty. I don’t like his relationship with Savannah at all. As a CSA survivor, his whole CSA storyline generally bugs the hell out of me because it only gets mentioned when the writers want to go boohoo Derek has trust issues or have an excuse to say “hurrdurr buff guy hates pedophiles” and he’s never shown having any meaningful struggle with his trauma (can be said of most of the trauma in the show) or having any character development (he’s often criticized for not trusting the team as much as he should but he never grows from it). Derek is a character I’m very protective of, but as much as I love his relationships with Spencer, Penelope, and Emily, I just can’t defend the ways the writers let him down so grievously. 

[nerdgirlnarrates]

Hello, I’m wondering if you’d care to share or if you have shared your thoughts on studying effectively for med school. I’m concerned about having to learn copious amounts of information.

I am so sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this. Truthfully, I was thinking a lot about what to say, since I’m not sure I’m the best person to give advice; I am an average-at-best med student. But, I have asked a lot of people who are stellar students what they do, so I’ll share some of the themes I’ve noticed, and if you want I can make another post with a lot of specifics about how I study and why that does or doesn’t work.

1. As you said, one of the biggest adjustments, if not the biggest adjustment, between undergrad and med school is the sheer volume of information. Each exam covers more information than an undergrad exam would, and this means you need more time to review. But you don’t have time to review: you have a billion lectures every day instead. So what’s a student to do?

The solution is to do a maintenance studying every day. This is not the hardcore studying you might do before an exam, just a little something to keep the material fresh. For some people, maintenance studying may be using anki, a free flashcard app on desktop (and $25 for iPhones 😒) that uses a spaced repetition algorithm to show you flashcards only as often as you need. You can check out r/medicalschoolanki for tons of information and tips on how to use anki as well as a lot of premade decks. Try not to get overwhelmed - you don’t have to be doing every single deck. Experiment until you find what works for you. I will caution that you have to be really diligent with anki, because it’s very easy to let flashcards start piling up (for example, I am currently 5000 flaschards behind 🙃). If you aren’t digging anki (and many don’t), you might opt for re-reading your notes at night instead. Or maybe you use an outside resource as your second pass: skim the relevant pages of First Aid, watch a Boards and Beyond video, etc. There are tons of different resources, so talk to people about what they recommend and think about how you like to learn. I’ll make another post on the resources (that I know about) to give you some ideas. 

There are a lot of ways to do maintenance studying, and it may take a while to figure out what works best for you. That’s totally fine! You have time to find your own method that is effective and efficient.

2. Practice questions. This one surprised me, because I never really had to do practice questions in undergrad biology. But in med school, I started missing lots of questions that I had all the information to answer because I wasn’t making the right connections. Practice questions help you synthesize information and reinforce pattern recognition. Plus, it’s easier to remember something once you’ve missed a question about it. 

If your school or lecturers offer any practice problems, try those out. You can also look at outside Qbanks like USMLE Rx. Outside Qbanks are especially helpful if your school uses NBMEs, but I’ve found they’re helpful even if you have in-house exams. 

3. Stay healthy. Stay healthy, stay healthy, stay healthy. I think this gets overlooked a lot in medical school, so I really can’t emphasize it enough. You cannot do as well on exams if you’re sleep-deprived from pulling all-nighters. You cannot focus as well if you’re not eating enough. It’s really hard to care about studying if you’re miserable and lonely. You are a person first and a student second. If you don’t take care of yourself as a person, you can’t take care of yourself as a student. So try to make sure you’re sleeping enough, that you’re eating and drinking water, that you’re exercising, and that you’re socializing and doing things that make you happy. 

It can be really difficult sometimes to take care of yourself when you feel totally overwhelmed with your workload. Maybe you even feel guilty setting school aside to do other things (I definitely do). It’s okay not to be on top of it all the time: you may go a week just eating take-out, or you may go MIA for a few days before an exam. That’s alright. But as much as you can, try to make sure your needs are met before you worry about school. Setting boundaries helps: have a set bedtime and mealtimes, set aside an afternoon or a few hours every day or whatever for hobbies, etc. Not only do these things help with your health, I think they help you as a student too because you actually have the energy and drive to study. 

Sometimes taking care of yourself is treated as a weakness or a sign that you don’t care enough about medical school. That is not true. You are not any less of a medical student for wanting to be happy and alive. 

4. Get help if you need it. Get help if you even think you might need it. And I mean all kinds of help: school, making friends, your mental health, whatever. Asking for help is smart: it shows that you care about yourself and about your studies. I had a pretty rough first year of medical school and ended up leaning on pretty much everyone I knew. Here is an incomplete list of people I asked for help:

my friends from undergrad

a friend who goes to a different medical school (love you for listening to me mope endlessly @betweenironyandsilver ​💛)

my medical school small group

an MS2 who said “let me know if you need anything” one time

three upperclassmen who had been TAs

a therapist

a family friend who’s a doctor

a few other medblrs (shout-out to @coffeeandserotonin and @tachycardic--tendencies who gave me great advice)

a faculty adviser 

my parents

It was a lot of people. Not all of them were helpful, but most of them were. And I am definitely doing better for having reached out.

This was super long, but hopefully it was also helpful. Let me know if you have any more questions, and I’ll try to respond faster next time. Good luck with school!

[tirednotflirting]

i am missing you more than i should (guess i'm not out of the woods)

i attempted to post this to ao3 and then the page crashed so tumblr gets some rights today i guess.

this is another addition to the maisie thing i’m working on. title and inspo from look at me now by maisie peters 

read here on ao3 if you wanna

(it’s kinda emo i apologize)

It’s a cold November night when Luke sees Calum again.

Despite the outdoor temperature being displayed on his phone screen, Luke is warm from the alcohol in his belly and the bodies milling around the bar. He’s ordered a drink to feel natural in his current setting but it’s just soda and lime. He’s stepped into this place to wait for Ashton to come pick him up. He had read one top many horror stories about ride share apps and young drunken people and now always gripes at Luke for not calling him for a pick up on a night out. So after watching all of his friends (though that’s kind of a stretch for the people he frequents clubs with) head off into the night, Luke wandered to the place he currently sits at, feeling drawn to the little dive bar he hasn’t been to in ages and sent Ashton his location.

It’s while he’s waiting for his drink that he remembers why he was drawn to this bar. This is Calum’s place. Luke can’t even think up how many pairs of hands he would need to count the number of times they had stumbled into this place, laughing with their arms around each other while tripping their way up to the bar. It’s close to the complex Calum had been living in while they were still in school. Seeing him here now at the other end of the bar, the glitter in his eyes shining even though they’re not taking a single glance in his direction, makes Luke wonder if Calum’s stuck around this area of town.

Because of course Luke wouldn’t know. Luke hasn’t said a single word to the man in ages, hasn’t seen him in probably a year and a half at this point. (He’s tempted to pull out his dying phone to find the last text messages they exchanged to track the time but he knows Ashton probably deleted their messages during one of the many times he ended up on the other man’s couch with tears raining down his cheeks.) 

We want different things. That’s what Calum had told him. Luke wanted to see the world. They were about to graduate, he wanted to see everything and he wanted to see it all with Calum. The idea of settling any part of his still mess of a young life scared the hell out of him. Luke wanted to run but he wanted to do it with Calum’s hand holding his own. Calum was so practical, his mind somehow years ahead of Luke’s. They were graduating, it was time to slow down, he was always trying to explain to the boy he’d laughed with and loved for the last four years. The speeds they were trying to live their lives at during those last few months pretty much started pulling them in opposite directions, Luke supposes. Though that didn’t change how much it hurt the day he returned to his apartment to find a box of his clothes and belongings sitting in front of the door with a little note tucked into the side.

Luke had stuck to his plan. It was only in the last couple of months that he’d returned to the city and found a job more permanent, reconnected with Ashton who had stuck it out in the area for law school. He had seen so many places, so many people, so many pairs of brown eyes that had him nearly chasing after strangers on the other side of the world. He hadn’t dared to try to love someone else but eventually his brain stopped trying to play tricks on him to make him see what he had lost because he couldn’t just slow down. Eventually he didn’t wake every morning expecting to see someone curled up beneath the sheets beside him or to walk into the kitchen to find the ever studious business major drinking from the blue mug with the chip in the handle as he checked the news on his phone

Though from what he could see down the bar, Calum hadn’t been on his own since Luke saw him last. Or at least he wasn’t right now. 

Luke watches a laugh escape Calum’s lips while he reaches for his glass on the bartop (always a whiskey man, Luke was never not teasing him for his old man drink preferences). He takes a sip and then raises his brows, his lips moving to ask a question Luke can still hear rolling off his tongue if he thinks back hard enough. He watches the glass get passed along to the blonde sitting in front of him and facing away from Luke. The glittering in Calum’s eye changes some as his bottom lip gets pulled between his teeth while a smirk forms on one side of his face. Luke can see the other man’s shoulders rise slightly in response to taking the sip and he wonders if the scrunched up face he used to pull when sipping Calum’s liquor is anything like this new man’s. He figures it must be as Calum’s face softens in a still vaguely familiar way and Luke watches him lean forward to press a kiss to the blonde’s cheek while a hand lifts to cover the other. 

Luke squeezes his eyes shut and forces his face away from the couple. He takes a sip of his soda before shrugging his denim jacket from his arms, the bar suddenly feeling far too warm. He’s reaching for his phone in the pocket of his jacket, ready to send Ashton an SOS to get him to hurry along, when a soft voice behind him nearly throws him to the opposite side of the bar. “Luke?”

He jumps as he spins in the stool he’s seating in, Luke’s eyes suddenly meeting the ones he’s been searching for in every corner of the world. He used to spend hours lying awake thinking about this exact moment, about what it would be like to speak again for the first time with his lost great love. (If Ashton were able to hear him thinking that he would scold Luke for being so dramatic. You’re literally 24. Calm down, Luke.) “Hi, Calum,” he returns, praying his voice isn’t as shaky as it feels. The name feels foreign on his tongue and he can’t tell if he’s thankful for that or not.

“How’re you doing, man?” Calum asks, a small smile playing at his lips. “It’s wild to see you in here, not gonna lie. Thought you were still off somewhere with your wanderlust.”

Luke tries to be as subtle as he can as he reaches for his wrist to pinch himself since he’s not entirely sure he believes this moment to be real. He coughs and shakes himself out of his daze. He’s got to be an adult about all of this, he’s a grown up now. “Yeah, I moved back a couple months ago. Was starting to really stress out Mom with the whole travel thing. I’ve moved in with Ashton, if you remember him? He helped me get this admin job at the law firm he’s interning at.”

“Of course I remember Ash!” Calum beams. Luke wonders if he’s also playing at being cool but then he remembers that Calum actually had the guts to walk over to him so maybe this is just a part of being settled down. “Happy for you, Luke. Sounds like a good set up.”

Luke ignores the nostalgia threatening to cloud up his mind at the sound of his name falling from Calum’s lips a second time. “You still working for Donny then?”

“I am! He gave me like, a month after grad to chill before I got back to my old desk with a stack two feet high of files,” Calum laughs and Luke finds himself doing the same. Calum’s internship boss had always been fond of them together. Donny had once helped Luke get flowers delivered for their third anniversary. He was a good guy. “Actually, just got promoted to Managing Financial Advisor earlier this week. Was here, uh, celebrating tonight wit-”

“Hey Cal, thought I lost you there.”

The blonde Luke had only seen the back of before steps into view, his hand dropping to Calum’s back. He’s just barely shorter than Calum, though that’s likely due to the boots the latter is wearing. His eyes are wide and a pale green, like leaves in early spring. Luke wants to hate him but he can’t. This guy looks pretty nice, unfortunately. 

“Sorry, love,” Calum replies softly, his hand lifting subconsciously to push hair from the other man’s eyes. It’s an action Luke remembers fondly (and somewhat painfully, if he’s being honest with himself). “Found a familiar face. Michael, this is Luke. Luke, this is Michael.”

Michael’s eyes widen just the slightest bit. Luke isn’t surprised. He can basically guarantee that he’s sitting right at the top of Calum’s ex-boyfriends to discuss list. They spent nearly all of undergrad together. If Michael’s been around for even a little bit it makes sense that he’s heard about Luke. “Nice to meet you, mate.” 

“Yeah, you too.” Luke accepts the hand being offered to shake. The whole situation feels way too formal but also dazed. Though Luke is still drunk and there’s way too many memories dancing through his mind of nights out with Calum and nights in with Calum and Calum Calum Calum. 

“Well,” Calum starts, his hand moving to rest lower against Michael’s back. “Our Uber is here but I’m glad I saw you Luke. Take care of yourself.”

Luke nods and wishes them both the same in a small voice while they wander away from him. He can’t hear it but based on the worried look he can see on Michael’s face as they head for the door and the way he wraps his arm more firmly around Calum’s waist, Luke knows he wasn’t the only one faking a brave face. 

(He allows himself a moment to give into memory then as he thinks back on one of the last times he was headed out of this bar with Calum. It was early February, just a week and change past Calum’s birthday. The air is cold enough to see their breaths as they giggle and bumble about their new courses. Calum keeps lifting Luke’s hands between his own to blow warm air onto them to keep them warm as they head in the direction of his apartment. 

When they finally make it up to the third floor and through Calum’s door, they both kick off their boots. Luke’s gone for his easier to remove ones so he has a moment to lean against the door while laughing as Calum pulls at the laces of his Docs. Once removed, Calum steps over to Luke, his arms looping around his waist while Luke’s drop to hang over his shoulders. Their laughter dies out as they sway back and forth slightly in the entryway. 

“God, I love you,” Luke sighs as he drops his forehead to Calum’s. “Never want to stop loving you.”

“Please don’t.” Calum laughs gently before turning his head so their lips press together. 

Whether it's seconds or hours that they stand there kissing while holding each other in the dull entryway light, Luke doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. All that matters is that Calum never lets go.)

Luke’s phone buzzes on the bartop, a text from Ashton appearing to alert him that he’s waiting in the lot out front. Luke tips back the last of his soda and shouts a thank you to the bartender. He pulls on his jacket and heads in the direction of the door.

He turns for a moment before reaching to push through back out into the cold. He glances around the open room, quick moments of memories playing out in front of him from the years before. He sighs and pulls himself out of it again. 

Maybe it’s time to find a new spot to land.

*

[embeanwrites]

Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader

Ch 27

Masterlist

I was sitting at the front of the lecture hall with my laptop grading the end of the semester presentations. Part of me regretted not doing a one and done scantron to make my life easier, but the students brought a lot of interesting topics that made it all feel worth it. One student went into detail about the Jericho raid and talked about the legality of it, which I had been toying with mentioning in my book. It was interesting to see another side of the conversation. 

Most of the students had decided on doing a presentation rather than a paper and a few students even went with ideas that are way outside of the box. One student had made a short comic book depicting different events that had happened in Detroit with the sociological theory and explanation of the theory. It was easily one of the coolest projects in the bunch and luckily the student is letting me keep it. I plan to scan it and use it next semester, giving the student credit of course. It was clear some students half-assed their projects, but way less did than I expected which I consider a plus since this was my first real course and I knew from experience students tended to take advantage of first-year teachers’ inexperience.  

After the final presentation was done I noticed we still had ten minutes left, perfect to say goodbye to my class. It was hard to believe how fast time had gone by, but with one semester done I couldn’t wait to teach this class again with what I’ve learned this first time. Hopefully, with time the school would assign me some different courses. 

“Well, everyone, it's been amazing being your professor. This class was so fun to teach and I enjoy everyone’s questions and participation. I truly hope you’ve learned something about android and human relationships and the complexity that goes with it, even moving forward. This class has a lot of information I hope you can apply to your everyday life.

“I appreciate all the feedback I got and I’m sorry that we didn’t have a guest speaker this semester, things just got too crazy in the middle, but hopefully that will be different next semester and I will see what I can do about giving you all the opportunity to sit in on the class that day. 

“All of your projects were truly amazing. I was blown away by not only the creativity but the quality of them. I wish you all the best of luck on the remainder of your finals and I hope to see you all around campus. Please feel free to stop by my office anytime you need someone to talk to or have a question.” 

I smiled and waved to the students as they left. Some stopped to say goodbye, but many just went ahead and left. Which was fine, I remember finals week in undergrad. What a nightmare of a time. It felt good being done and now I had four weeks to prepare and relax for next semester. Four weeks to also settle into Gavin’s house. I was also almost fully done packing and Gavin, Connor, and Tina were helping me move my stuff over in three days. I was excited to say goodbye to that sad apartment. I just assumed I would live there until my contract expired and move on with my life. Now I was happy I had barely unpacked, less to pack now. 

As everyone filed out I gathered my stuff and put on my coat. I was meeting Gavin at the precinct, he was taking the afternoon off so we could go shopping for some new furniture and decor for the house. 

I decided to walk to the precinct since it wasn’t that long of a walk and for early December it wasn’t too bad out. I knew if I got sick I would never hear the end of it from Gavin and Nines about the importance of staying out of the cold. There was a light dusting of snow on the ground, but it was sunny out, and not a lot of wind. It was relaxing to see the city so peaceful. It was almost the first anniversary of the android revolution, I needed to talk to dad and Gavin to see if we could do something special for Connor and Nines. To think one year ago many people were fleeing Detroit and the streets were on complete lockdown due to peaceful protesting. I looked over to see an abandoned Cyberlife store, I thought about asking Elijah about their plans for the remaining stores. With no clear laws, Cyberlife was in a major gray area, currently, they were only allowed to give spare parts directly to androids for free. 

Sighing, I walked into the precinct and gave a small wave to the receptionist. At this point, they all knew who I was and I didn’t have to check-in. Walking into the bullpen the first thing I noticed was that Gavin was in Fowler’s office, so I walked over to dad’s and Connor’s desks. I gave my dad a pat on the shoulder as I moved to jump up on Connor’s desk since my dad’s was too messy to sit on. 

“How was your last day of class?” Connor asked, leaning back in his chair. His LED was a calm blue. I smiled at him and noted the calm feeling around the two of them. Desk duty was clearly doing dad some good, even though both of them were eager to get back in the field. Connor had made that very apparent when he took Sumo out for a walk, that turned more into a run.

“It was really good. I’ll have to show you some of the projects I got. I think you’ll find them interesting. Maybe you could even pass them on to Markus, there’s one in particular that I think he’ll like. The student included a lot of artwork.” I hummed and looked up at Fowler’s office. From where I was sitting I could tell Gavin was frustrated, his fist were clenched and his body language was stiff. 

“Markus would definitely enjoy that. I’ll contact him to see when he’s free. I know he’s been busy with negotiations still.” 

“It’s been almost a year. I wish the government would work with them instead of stalling. Warren is just trying to stay neutral to keep her approval ratings decent.” Connor nodded in agreement. Androids were still not allowed to vote, so Warren didn’t have to worry about their votes. Hopefully, Markus would be able to change that soon. Androids should be able to vote in their own representatives. Snapping out of my thoughts that were meant more for a paper and less for small talk I shook my head and looked over to Fowler’s office. “What’s Gavin doing in Fowler’s office?” 

“End of the year evaluations.” My dad answered. I nodded and glanced over to where Nines was sitting. He was facing Fowler’s office and watching the two men talk, from his expression and Gavin’s it didn’t seem to be going well. I wondered for a moment if Nines was able to hear them and if he could, could Connor? “Are you two going furniture shopping?” 

“Furniture and just house stuff.” I pulled my legs up and moved to face my dad, sitting criss-cross applesauce. 

“You two are pretty serious, huh?” He asked, I couldn’t help but smile and nod. “It’s nice seeing you both happy.” 

“Thank you. I know it’s been hard to get used to us being together, but I appreciate it.” I looked back towards the office and saw Gavin shaking Fowler’s hand and heading out. We made eye contact and he grimaced. “Alright, I’ll see you two later!” I said my goodbyes to dad and Connor and walked over to Gavin’s desk. He was quickly packing up his stuff and avoiding eye contact with me and Nines. “Hey, you okay?” I whispered. He shook his head as he swung a backpack over his shoulder. 

“Let’s just get out of here.” I nodded and grabbed his hand. Gavin led me out of the precinct and towards his car in silence. Occasionally I squeezed his hand, hoping to offer some reassurance. 

We both got into the car, but Gavin made no move to start his car, instead he leaned forward and laid his head on the steering wheel. I watched him take a few deep breaths and I moved to rub his back. 

“Do you-”

“I didn’t get the promotion.” Gavin interrupted me, keeping his head down. I could feel him tense up under my hand. 

“Gav, it’s ok-”

“It’s not okay!” He shouted, his head shot up as he smacked the steering wheel with both hands, the loudness stunning me for a moment. I moved my hand from his back to his shoulder, attempting to keep him grounded in the moment. “I worked so fucking hard for this. I work my ass off. I’m constantly working on cases even outside of work and the thanks I get is ‘be better!’ What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” Gavin was seething but keeping his eyes forward. He hit the steering wheel again, hitting the horn on accident. “Fuck.” He whispered hoarsely, looking over to me. He looked exhausted and his eyes were glassy. 

“Hey,” I whispered, cupping his face with both of my hands. I gently pulled him closer and kissed his forehead. “I don’t care what Fowler says. You are a kick-ass detective, you’re smart, you’re dedicated to your job, and I love you. Just because you didn't get the promotion today doesn’t mean you won’t ever get it. Go in tomorrow and prove him wrong every day until he understands that you are the right man for the job.” Gavin sighed and closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. 

“I-I know we’re supposed to go shopping-” He stuttered. 

“Let’s head home, we can shop another day. Nothing we had planned today is urgent.” I kissed him gently and I felt him release a sigh of relief. He gently pulled back to start the car. I buckled my seat belt as we headed back to the house. 

The drive was quiet, neither of us made a move to turn on the radio. I closed my eyes and laid my head against the window, listening to Gavin drum his fingers to a beat inside his head on the dashboard. Gavin really deserved that promotion. There were more times I could count where I would wake up around 3 am and find Gavin still working on a case. He was dedicated to his job and he dedicated himself to every case he had. 

Pulling into the driveway, we both made our way into the house and immediately plopped down on the couch. Gavin put his head in my lap and closed his eyes. I started running my hands gently through his hair, feeling the tension leave his body. He made no attempt to move or talk, so I started humming softly. 

“Thank you.” He murmured. 

“Of course, Gav.” I gently moved one of my hands to sit on top of one of his which was on his chest. He intertwined our fingers almost immediately. 

“You’re so good for me.” He said, his eyes were still closed so he didn’t see my smile. 

“You deserve good, Gav,” I whispered, quickly resuming my humming and attempting to comfort him. “Hey, have you thought about asking my dad for a letter of recommendation or for him to talk to Fowler?” Gavin let out a sigh. 

“I feel like that’s wrong.” He whispered.

“Why?” 

“Because we’re dating, he’d feel like he’d have to.” He opened his eyes and looked up at me. He looked so exhausted, the bags under his eyes were purple. I gently ran my thumb across his eyebrow. 

“My dad would say no if he didn’t think you were right for the job, Gavin. Maybe just ask him what more you could do? He’s not putting in a good word for you, he’s just giving you advice. You shouldn’t feel bad about that.” I said softly, he closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Maybe.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry we didn’t go to the store.” 

“Don’t be. We can go some other time. There’s nothing on our list that’s urgent and even if there was you are more important than anything on that list.” I leaned down and kissed his forehead. 

“Thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

After about half an hour of Gavin laying in my lap, he left to take a shower while I made something low effort for us to eat. We spent the rest of the day just lounging about and cuddling. Even the cats ended up snuggling into both of us. Nines would be very disappointed in our food choices and lack of doing anything productive, but it really seemed to help Gavin. Which at the end of the day, was all that mattered to me.

[morningfears]

Television Romance [Chapter Two]

Rating: PG-13 (a little suggestive, a little swearing)

Summary: Luke and Natalia go on their first date and they’re surprised at how well they get along. Natalia is also surprised at how well she’s able to ruin a moment.

Word Count: 6.7k

Chapter One

The conference room was empty as Natalia settled into one of the oversized office chairs situated around the long wooden table. She still had twenty minutes until colloquium, a meeting that took place every other Friday and served as a way for students to get to know their professors’ and colleagues’ research interests, began but she had just gotten out of a meeting with her advisor and didn’t feel like walking the extra few steps to the grad office. She knew that it would be full of students, each of them expressing how pointless they found colloquium or how annoyed they were to be on campus on a Friday, and though she usually felt compelled to agree (colloquium was, for the most part, pointless and her Fridays suffered greatly for it), she was in too good a mood to complain.

Although her workload had felt overwhelming, she’d managed to finish it all in far less time than she anticipated. She’d worked harder than she had in months and her sleep schedule suffered dearly for it but her advisor had the first draft of her thesis proposal, her conference paper had been submitted with nearly twelve hours to spare, and her co-author had the revisions necessary to resubmit their journal article. Her students had their first grades of the semester and every unread email in her inbox was answered.

She was exhausted, mentally and physically, but she’d managed to free her schedule completely so that she would have nothing to worry about when she went to dinner with Luke.

As if he could sense her thinking about him, Natalia’s phone vibrated in her hand and a message from Luke appeared on the screen. “Is it too cheesy to tell you that I’ve been looking forward to this all week?”

Natalia grinned at the message, a goofy smile that made her cheeks hurt, and bit back an uncharacteristic giggle as she replied, “Only if it’s cheesy to tell you that I’ve been looking forward to it, too.”

Though she had been somewhat excited when she met him - he was gorgeous - her excitement only grew the more they interacted. Throughout the week, she and Luke had exchanged dozens of messages. Most of them were superficial, wishes for good days and texts meant to plan their evening, but a few had been more fun and inquisitive. They’d wanted to save the traditional questions for the date itself - what do you do, where are you from, what brings you to LA? - so they’d had to get creative in getting to know one another.

Luke had taken to sending her cheesy jokes, stupid puns and ridiculous questions - her favorite of which was whether she would fight one horse sized duck or a dozen duck sized horses - in an effort to get to know her and it made her giddy with anticipation. She thought he was cute and he seemed charming. He was fun, silly, and sweet and she found herself starting to like him more than she thought she would. She wasn’t attached, not yet, but she could feel herself growing more comfortable with the idea of him becoming a part of her life and she only hoped that that would extend to their in-person meeting.

As she grinned at Luke’s latest joke, a cheese pun that made her groan in delight, she failed to notice the door of the conference room open or the bag drop onto the table beside her. She was too engrossed in typing out her reply, a string of emojis and a half-hearted plea for him to find a new hobby, to notice Nicole take a seat. Only when she spoke did Natalia look away from her phone.

“Okay, so, I was thinking about ordering pizza for tonight. We have some money in the grad association account and free food is the only thing I can think of that will convince people to spend their Friday night locked in the grad office. We can’t buy their alcohol but I promised everyone we would go out for drinks once the last person hit submit.”

Natalia blinked, confused as to what Nicole was talking about, before her eyes widened and her heart dropped in realization. “The writing party, fuck,” she groaned, her head falling back as she huffed a sigh of annoyance at her mistake. She wasn’t normally one to forget things - she was the first person anyone turned to when they needed to know a deadline - but it had completely slipped her mind. She’d been so caught up in wanting to see Luke that anything nonessential had completely fallen off her radar. “I’m so sorry, Ni. I totally forgot all about it.”

“It’s no big deal,” Nicole assured her as she watched Natalia spin in her chair to face her. “It really didn’t need any planning. I just sent out an email. I was hoping you could bring some of those method books of yours, though. I don’t have anything to submit so I wanted to work on my proposal. I’m having trouble wording the coding section.”

Natalia grimaced and shook her head. “No, Ni, I forgot and, uh, sort of made other plans?” 

She tried her hardest not to look guilty - it was an informal writing group that likely wouldn’t get much writing done, anyway - but Natalia felt bad. She knew that Nicole was struggling to get her proposal done and there weren’t many other people she could turn to for help. Their program was small, one of the smallest on campus, and of the current cohort, only she, Nicole, and one doctoral student had chosen the same methodology. They hadn’t had a formal class on the method yet - they’d been thrown to the wolves, not unlike the rest of their graduate career - and relied on one another to make the best of their situation.

This would have been an opportunity for them to sit down, uninterrupted by life, and work out the roadblocks she’d been hitting. However, Natalia had forgotten and committed to dinner with Luke.

“I can reschedule,” she offered, before Nicole could speak, “I feel like he wouldn’t mind.”

At the mention of a ‘he’, Nicole raised her eyebrows and shook her head. “No, seriously, it’s not a big deal. We can meet during office hours next week or something. But, that’s beside the point.” She dropped her cellphone onto the table and turned her full attention to Natalia as she asked, “He? Who is he?”

Natalia knew that Nicole was expecting her to say that the aforementioned he was her father, who she had dinner with once a week, or the new TA that followed her around like a lost puppy. But she wasn’t expecting her to say, “The guy from the coffee shop, Luke.”

“The one that destroyed your dress?” Nicole did look surprised, her eyebrows remained raised and her mouth dropped open, but she looked almost amused at the sheepish grin that graced Natalia’s face. “Let me guess, he asked you out as a way to make up for it?”

“…yes. He’s so cute, Ni, I couldn’t say no,” Natalia gushed with a grin as she shifted in her chair and reached for her phone. Nicole rolled her eyes good-naturedly and rolled her chair a little closer to lean over and take a look at the text thread Natalia pulled up. “Look, he’s been sending me stupid jokes all week and he’s excited about the date and so am I.”

“Wait, date? Holy shit, Nat, get laid!”

Natalia and Nicole glanced up from her phone and watched as Ali, the third member of their cohort - the only other master’s student that started the program at the same time as them - stepped into the conference room and took a seat across from them. “D’you finally agree to meet a Tinder match in person?” she asked as she grabbed a notebook and pen from her backpack.

“No, they met the old fashioned way; he destroyed her dress by spilling coffee on her,” Nicole answered for her as she grabbed her own notebook out of her backpack.

“Oh, retro vibes, cute. Is he hot?” Natalia rolled her eyes fondly as Ali leaned forward, her eyebrows raised as she waited for a response.

Although the three of them had grown as close as sisters and looked quite similar to one another, they couldn’t be more different. Nicole was the oldest - she’d taken two years off between undergrad and grad school - and acted like it. She was the voice of reason, the calming presence that kept Natalia from overreacting and Ali from under-reacting. She was the heart of the group, the one who provided a shoulder to cry on and a kind word of advice when things got tough, and neither Natalia nor Ali could imagine getting through grad school without her. Nicole was also married and had been for three years. She and her husband had been together since their freshman year of college - they met in a class - and she was very happy to be in a committed, long term relationship.

Ali was the wildcard of their group. She was a free spirit, only acting according to her own desires, and was unapologetic in how she lived her life. She was the group’s sense of courage, pushing Natalia out of her comfort zone by taking her out to bars and helping her fill her closet with clothes she never would’ve imagined herself wearing as well as helping Nicole get through the semester without bowing to the pressures of the administration. Like Natalia, Ali was technically single. Unlike Natalia, however, Ali dated around and kept her options open. She had a string of ‘boyfriends’ and decided that she would wait until after she received her doctorate to settle down.

Their biggest similarities were their looks. Each of them had long dark hair, though Ali’s was a shade lighter than Nicole and Natalia’s, and stood at a little over five feet. Nicole and Natalia stayed out of the sun, both of them burned quite easily and went red instead of tanning, while Ali remained a beautiful olive all year round. Nicole and Ali were both curvier, each with natural assets that Natalia longed for, while Natalia fell somewhere in an annoying gap between petite and average. 

Natalia loved the differences in her friends, she appreciated seeing the way they all complemented one another, but she couldn’t help but laugh at the almost predictable reactions she’d gotten from both of them upon learning that she had a date.

“He’s gorgeous,” she finally answered, grinning at Ali when she nodded in appreciation and gave her a thumbs up.

“That’s my girl! Have you got condoms? You can stop by my place and grab some after colloquium if you want. Oh, do you need help getting ready? I can do your makeup!” Ali looked to be almost more excited than Natalia was about the date. She was giddy, grinning at the possibilities, and Natalia hated to rain on her parade but she didn’t plan on sleeping with Luke on their first date.

“I appreciate the offer, Al, but I don’t think I’ll need the condoms just yet. I would love for you to do my makeup, though. We’re going to Oak and I know it’s kind of dark in there but it’s also a little nicer than the dives we go to so I should make an effort,” she reasoned as she watched the door swing open and a few of their classmates enter the room. She waved at them, as did Nicole and Ali, before she added, “We can talk about it after colloquium.”

Throughout the hour long meeting, Natalia’s phone wouldn’t stop buzzing. Luke texted her, a photo of himself and his dog that made her heart melt, and joked that he had the best help in getting ready for their night. Nicole and Ali filled their group chat - appropriately titled ‘why are we here?’ - with suggestions for conversation topics (although Natalia sincerely hoped ‘do you have any hot, single friends?’ was a joke) as well as gentle teasing about how their baby was growing up.

Natalia took it all in stride, shaking her head at Nicole and Ali’s teasing and gushing over Luke’s dog, but she felt just as excited as they all seemed to. It was nice, having plans and feeling something she hadn’t felt in a long while, and she only grew more excited as colloquium ended and they all began to file out of the conference room.

“Send me a text when you guys choose where you’re going for drinks,” she told Nicole as the three of them stepped out of the building, her and Ali heading toward her car while Nicole was off to her own, “I might stop by and get a drink after my date.”

“If you do, let me know. I want all the details. If not, we can all get breakfast or something and you can tell us everything.” Ali wasn’t the type to turn down a drink or gossip so it came as no surprise that she wanted to be included in the conversation.

“Have fun, Nat,” Nicole bid, a genuinely happy smile on her face as she began walking down the sidewalk. “See you later!”

Natalia and Ali waved off Nicole before they began the trek to Natalia’s car. She and Luke planned to meet at eight and it was already four. She knew that she had time - she would likely only show up a few minutes early - but she was anxious to get ready. She had no idea what she wanted to wear, how she wanted her makeup done, or how to wear her hair. She hadn’t been on a date in years - she’d been too busy worrying about school to worry about much else - so this was new territory for her.

Natalia was glad that Ali was there to help her get ready. She was glad that she had a friend who was willing to pick through her closet and help her find something that was cute enough to make a good impression but comfortable enough to wear for a few hours. She was nervous, a good kind of anxious that filled her stomach with butterflies and had her pacing her bedroom as Ali pulled the final piece of clothing from her closet.

“It’s going to be fine,” Ali laughed as she watched Natalia glance in the mirror at her makeup once more. She’d gone simple, opted for a natural look that only enhanced Natalia’s looks, and reached out to slap her shoulder to keep her from touching her eyebrow. “You’re going to wipe off my hard work. Here, get dressed. Would you mind dropping me off at my place on your way?”

“No, of course not,” Natalia assured her as she grabbed the garments from Ali’s hand and stepped into her bathroom to change. “It’s on my way. That’ll keep me from being too early, too.”

“I was at least a little strategic in getting you ready,” Ali pointed out as she waited for Natalia to exit the bathroom. “Have you warned him that you’re a chronic overachiever who can’t be late and has, like, forty calendars to make sure you don’t miss any deadlines yet?”

“I only have three,” Natalia defended as she emerged from the bathroom, smoothing the top she wore. “I keep them in different places so I always know what I need to be doing. How does this look?”

Ali brought her hand to her chest and faked a sniffle as she caught sight of Natalia. She had gone for simple here, too, and pulled a high-waisted black, button down mini-skirt, a white short sleeve top, and a distressed denim jacket. She handed her a necklace, one of the few pieces of jewelry Natalia owned, as well as a bracelet before she glanced at the two options for shoes she’d pulled out of the closet.

“How tall is he?” Ali asked as she looked between the pair of ankle boots and flats on the floor in front of her.

“Uh, very.” Natalia tried not to sound too excited at that - she’d always been fond of taller men - and Ali nodded in appreciation.

“Boots it is, then. Okay, I think you’re ready. Do you have any pictures of this guy? I’m curious as fuck now,” Ali hummed as she watched Natalia slip her feet into the boots.

“Mm, yeah, he sent me a picture of him and his dog earlier.” She reached for her cellphone, unplugging it from the charger, and opened her text thread with Luke to show Ali the photo he’d sent her. He had the same unique smile he’d shown her the day they met and his clear blue eyes were on display as he’d pulled his hair away from his face. He was cute, far cuter than anyone she’d ever dated, and she felt a small amount of pride at the impressed look on Ali’s face.

“He looks familiar,” she mumbled, after agreeing that he was gorgeous, “I don’t know where I’d know him from, though.”

“Maybe you saw him on Tinder or something,” Natalia offered with a shrug as she locked her phone and dropped it into her bag. “Or maybe he’s friends with one of your boyfriends.”

“Maybe,” Ali shrugged as she grabbed her bag and led the way out of Natalia’s apartment. “I don’t even keep track anymore. Did I tell you about Jason? I would drop out and become a trophy wife for that man any day.”

Natalia listened to Ali share a story about her latest boyfriend - one she agreed was gorgeous and seemed sweeter and a little more put together than the guys Ali usually went for - as she drove her back to her apartment. She realized, as they waited at a red light, that she would get to join the conversation about dates the next time they interacted and felt a small thrill at the idea. She usually had very little to contribute when Ali and Nicole spoke about their partners - other than the occasional, “I’m glad I’m single,” when they discussed the follies of man - and couldn’t wait to tell them all about her date.

As Natalia pulled into the parking lot of Ali’s apartment complex, Ali reached into her bag and pulled a few foil squares from one of the pockets. She took Natalia’s hand off the steering wheel as soon as she’d put the car in park and placed the condoms in her hand before she patted it and grinned. “You never know what you’ll need, so, just in case.”

With that and a grin that made Natalia roll her eyes, Ali climbed out of the car and sent a wave in her direction before bounding up the stairs. Natalia remained in the parking spot for a second, pausing to collect her thoughts and take a deep breath, before she shoved the condoms into her bag, pulled out of the parking lot and made her way to Oak.

When Luke asked if she had any preferences for their date, her first thought was of Oak. It was a bar that couldn’t be considered a dive but was also a far cry from the swanky clubs in other parts of the city. It was nice but not too nice. Like Molly’s, the bar was Instagrammable - a key factor in its popularity with college students as the drinks were a little pricier than two dollar beer but not unreasonable for an every now and again sort of thing - and encouraged patrons to dress a little nicer than the go-to athleisure look. Everything about it read 1920s speakeasy, except the patio. Natalia loved the patio, hidden off to the side with little wooden benches and cool metal tables surrounded by walls covered in ivy, and she was glad the weather was nice enough that she could request they sit out there.

The interior was always a little dark but Natalia thought it was kind of romantic as the lighting was supplemented by tea candles on the tables. However, the music - an array of jazz - was usually a little too loud for conversation. Because of that, she hoped that Luke wouldn’t mind if they ordered their drinks and took them outside so they could talk.

When Natalia arrived (only five minutes early, a rare feat for her as she usually arrived with twenty minutes to spare), she was pleasantly surprised to see Luke waiting for her near the front steps. Although she’d found him attractive upon first meeting him, dressed in basketball shorts and looking like he’d just woken up, he looked even better dressed up.

He had also opted for simple and wore plain black jeans and a wine red button down. He left the first few buttons undone and Natalia imagined that if she were a cartoon character, her eyes would be hearts by now. She wanted to stare at him for a moment longer but she didn’t want to keep him waiting. She took another moment, another deep breath, before she climbed out of the car and crossed the parking lot to join him.

“Hi.”

Luke lifted his head, turning his attention away from his cellphone, and grinned at the sight of Natalia. He quickly locked the device and shoved it into his pocket as he returned her greeting. “Hi.” He paused, his eyes raking over her body and taking in the sight of her, before he added, “You look beautiful.”

Without thinking, with only a giddy nervousness filling her mind, Natalia grinned and returned, “So do you.”

She and Luke stood there, taking one another in with pink cheeks and silly smiles, for far too long. It wasn’t awkward, the silence was appreciative and punctuated by shy grins and quiet giggles, and Natalia would have been content to spend the evening sharing heart-eyed looks with Luke had another couple not walked by, breaking the spell.

“Do you want to head in?” Luke asked, glancing at the door a few feet to his left before returning his gaze to Natalia. “I’ve never been here before.”

Natalia glanced up at him - the height difference was still noticeable, even with her heeled boots - and smiled as they entered the main room. “It’s nice. I’ve been here a few times but, I’ll be honest, I usually go to this place called The Door.”

“The Door? Why here, then, and not there?” Luke asked as they approached the bar and and each reached for a drink menu.

“I didn’t want to run into every professor in my department.” When Luke raised an eyebrow at that, Natalia shook her head and quickly added, “Everyone in the department goes there for drinks and I didn’t think it would fun to have my advisor a few tables over as we tried to talk. I chose this place because I don’t really venture too far from campus. LA is… overwhelming.”

“That’s fair,” Luke acknowledged as they waited for the bartender to make his way to them. He turned to look at Natalia, an easy smile on his lips and blue eyes alight with intrigue, as he asked, “You’re not from here?”

“Is anyone?” Luke laughed at Natalia’s quip and she offered him a smile in return. “No, I grew up in Oakland. It was a different vibe. What about you? You’re not from LA.”

“I’m not,” he confirmed with a shake of his head as he moved to stand a little closer to her to let another couple access the bar, “I’m from Australia. I’ve been here for a really long time, though.”

Natalia could smell Luke’s cologne and bit back a sigh as he met her eyes once again. It was hard to keep her train of thought with him looking directly at her, the longer she stared at him, the more beautiful she found him, but she managed to ask, “Yeah? What brought you to LA?”

As Luke opened his mouth to answer, the bartender approached the pair of them to take their drink orders. Luke gestured for her to order first and she chose the only thing on the menu with vodka - the only liquor she didn’t really hate - while Luke opted for the drink with rum. They started a tab - on Luke’s card, despite Natalia’s resistance - before she gestured for him to follow her to the patio with their drinks.

“Okay, so, what brought you to LA?” Natalia repeated as they each took a seat at one of the small metal tables The lighting was better outside, a little brighter than the candlelit interior, and she had to remind herself not to stare as she waited for Luke’s answer.

“I’m in a band. We came out here to follow our dreams.” Natalia wasn’t exactly surprised to hear that Luke was a musician. He looked the part, with shaggy blonde curls and chipped nail polish on a few fingers as well as a sort of confidence about him that she’d only seen in the wannabe rockstars she knew from home, so she nodded.

“Would I know your music?”

Luke smiled at her, a sparkle of mischief in his eyes, and shrugged. The look on his face suggested there was a joke that Natalia wasn’t in on and she scrunched her eyebrows in mild confusion as he asked, “I don’t know. What kind of music do you listen to?”

“A little punk - I’m from Oakland, we have a killer punk scene,” she defended when Luke blinked in surprise. He held his hands up in surrender,  a laugh falling from his lips, and gestured for her to continue. “Um, a lot of stuff that was released before I was born? My dad was in a punk band in high school and a grunge band in college and my mom was a riot grrrl. I grew up listening to whatever they were listening to and whatever their bands played and it’s still pretty prominent in my playlists. So, punk and grunge and a lot of classic rock.”

Luke looked mildly impressed by Natalia’s taste and nodded appreciatively. “Yeah, you probably wouldn’t know any of our stuff.” Luke laughed, again looking like he knew something she didn’t, before he took a sip of his drink. She shrugged, a playful smile of her own on her lips, and he shook his head. “I wouldn’t have expected that but that’s way cooler than me. I listen to a lot of pop punk, a little more alternative. And classic rock.”

“Nothing wrong with pop punk. I love blink. And I was super into All Time Low in high school.”

The conversation hit a short lull, both Luke and Natalia glancing at one another over the tops of their drinks, but it wasn’t truly awkward. They had yet to figure out how to interact with one another, which was to be expected, so Natalia offered a suggestion to break the ice. “Want to play twenty questions?”

Luke perked up, the full toothed grin returning, and nodded as he leaned on his elbows and met her gaze across the table. “That sounds like the perfect idea. You want to start?”

Natalia nodded and scrutinized Luke as she thought up her first question.  She knew that he was from Australia and that he was in a band she probably hadn’t heard of. She knew that he had a dog and that he liked pop punk. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Two brothers, Ben and Jack. You’re in school, what are you studying?” Luke had an adorable habit of tilting his head to show his engagement in the conversation and Natalia bit back a dreamy sigh as she watched him tap his glass to the beat of the song - the patio had a stream of top 40 hits playing and she didn’t recognize any of them but, judging by the way his eyes lit up when this one came on, he did.

“Health communication. Basically, my line of research is that everyone defines health differently and you can’t expect all people to react the same way to the same messages. There is no universal definition of health.” Again, Luke looked surprised and impressed. He nodded, thankful that she’d given a bit of clarification on what she meant by health communication, and waited for her to ask her question. “What’s the best thing about being in a band?”

Luke lit up at her question, his smile growing into the tongue-pressed-to-teeth grin she was growing to adore. “Is it a cop out if I say everything?” When she nodded, Luke made a show of groaning and pouted for a moment before laughing and shaking his head. “This is going to sound really cheesy but being able to spend my time with my best friends. I love the guys, they’re my brothers at this point, and getting to work with them is all I ever could’ve asked for.”

Natalia felt her heart melt at Luke’s answer. She cooed and when Luke’s cheeks went pink, she reassured him, “That’s the sweetest answer you could’ve given. That’s really awesome. I barely know you but I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Luke laughed, cheeks still flushed and eyes crinkling as he watched Natalia take another sip of her drink. “What are your friends like?” He was curious, as they were on the subject, and he wanted to know if the people Natalia surrounded herself with were as interesting as she was.

“Strange. I have my cohort, the two girls I started my master’s program with, and then I have a few friends from home but it’s a pretty small group of very different people and I don’t know where I would be without them.” It was Luke’s turn to coo, his smile soft and his cheeks still pink from a combination of the heat, the alcohol, and his affection, and Natalia dipped her head to get away from his gaze. “In your band, what’s your job? Guitarist, vocalist…?”

“Both of those, actually. I play guitar and sing. Ash, the guy that was with me in the coffee shop, is our drummer.”

“You know, I could’ve guessed that. You’ve got the lead singer look,” Natalia teased. She grinned at Luke’s raised eyebrows and shrugged. “I think it’s the hair, rockstar. But it looks good on you.”

Luke rolled his eyes, a playful gesture accompanied by laughter, and stuck his chin out indignantly. “Looks can be deceiving,” he reminded her, a playful glare on his face as he added, “You keep surprising me at every turn.” When she titled her head, curious as to what he meant, Luke smiled and gestured to Natalia’s empty glass. “That’s a good thing, I promise. And this isn’t my question,” he clarified, a playfully pointed look accompanying his statement, "but would you like another drink?”

“I’d love one. Using that time to think up another question?” Her accusation was playful, her grin gave her away, but Luke played along but giving her a pout.

“How can you think so little of me? I’m not,” Luke denied, his grin bright as he stood to grab another round of drinks. “But I’ll give you that time to think about your answer. Thoughts on social media? I’ll be back.”

Natalia watched Luke disappear through the side door, a bright grin on her lips. Luke was cute, sweet, and fun. The conversation was flowing better than she imagined it would.  She was glad that the hope she’d gleaned from her text conversations with him wasn’t misplaced and found herself itching to continue the conversation as she listened to a song she vaguely recognized as one of Dua Lipa’s filter through the patio area.

True to his word, Luke returned in a matter of minutes with fresh drinks in hand and an expectant look on his face. “So, thoughts?”

“I think it’s a useful tool in some cases and utterly useless and damaging in others. It’s helpful in emergencies, getting the word out quickly, but it’s creating a weird culture and I don’t like it. I don’t have any social media profiles aside from Facebook - my mom likes to video chat and doesn’t have an iPhone so, no FaceTime, I just use it for Messenger - and LinkedIn.” Natalia was used to the looks she got from others when she divulged her lack of social media and Luke was no different. He looked shocked but almost impressed.

“That’s really awesome. I don’t use mine much but I think it’d feel weird if I didn’t have them.”

“I mean, you’re a musician. It probably helps get the word out there, build a fanbase, all the marketing stuff. I’m an academic. The only thing I could post on Instagram is a bad selfie taken under florescent library lighting,” Natalia joked as she reached for her drink.

“No faking your life for the ‘Gram?” Luke asked, genuinely curious and interested in hearing her take on social media. It wasn’t often that he ran into people like her, not in his life, so he felt compelled to hear more.

“No, it doesn’t seem worth it. It seems like too much work and, honestly, I don’t want the attention. You have these kids that are, like, twelve blowing up online and that just seems so stressful. I don’t want the world watching my every move. I’m fine in the shadows.”

An odd look crossed Luke’s face at Natalia’s reluctance to be seen and she almost asked him about it. She didn’t understand what the issue was with her not wanting notoriety or her face to be plastered all over Instagram but the look was gone so quickly that she felt like she must have imagined it. So, instead of dwelling, she turned to her next question. “If you were stuck on an island, what three things would you bring with you?”

The conversation continued well past twenty questions. Luke was genuinely interested in her research, asking questions about her reasons for choosing such an emotionally taxing topic and what she planned to do with her research when she finished, and it was nice to just explain rather than defend her choices. She was interested in his music, curious about the songwriting process and the way he dealt with writer’s block from a creative standpoint, and it was nice to talk to someone who had no idea what his life was really like.

They found themselves talking until one of the staff members stuck their head out the door and informed them that it was last call. They’d each only had two drinks, the last was sipped over a matter of hours as they’d been talking too much to really pay attention to anything other than one another, and Natalia was slightly disappointed that it was time to say goodnight as they headed in to close out the tab.

Luke, like Natalia, dragged his feet as they left the bar and lingered near the front steps. He looked just as crestfallen as she did, not ready for their night to be over but not wanting to give her the wrong impression by asking her to come home with him. They liked one another, really and truly, and neither wanted to rush into things. It felt nice, just getting to know one another without the pressure of their lives closing in on them, and they wanted to keep it that way for as long as they could.

“I know this might be too soon,” Luke began, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he met Natalia’s gaze with a shy smile, “but would you want to go out again tomorrow? Maybe for dinner? I have rehearsal tomorrow afternoon but we could do something after that.”

Natalia grinned, a giddy smile that was contagious as Luke matched her grin with one of his own, and nodded. “Definitely. I need to spend the day writing but I’m totally free tomorrow night,” she agreed readily, not caring if she looked eager as Luke looked just as giddy as she did.

“Good, awesome. I, uh, I’ll let you know what time we’re supposed to finish tomorrow.” Luke paused, his grin softening as he realized that Natalia looked gorgeous even in the harsh glow of unflattering streetlights, before he added, “I had a really good time tonight. I’m still sorry for spilling coffee on you but I don’t regret it. Not if it gets me a date like this.”

“I really liked that dress,” Natalia teased, her cheeks flaring pink beneath the foundation she wore as she tried not to coo at Luke’s compliment, “but I’m kind of glad you spilled coffee on me. I think this date more than made up for it.”

Luke and Natalia stared at one another, grinning like lovesick fools and happy that the date had gone better than either of them hoped, before Luke stepped a little closer and asked, “Do you mind if I… can I…?”

Natalia didn’t have a rule against kissing on the first date, she didn’t have any first date rules as she decided she would just see where life took her, but if she did, she would’ve broken it for Luke. As his hand brushed her cheek, she melted into his embrace and breathed a quiet sigh as she nodded just enough for him to feel.

Luke placed a barely there peck to her lips, a soft kiss that felt more like something being taken from her than given, and she wanted to reach out and pull him back into her as he straightened up and smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Natalia.”

“See you tomorrow.”

They both lingered for a second, staring at one another, before Natalia gave him a final shy smile and turned to head to her car. Her head was so far in the clouds that she didn’t notice the small dip in the ground and felt her knees hit pavement before she realized what had happened.

She wasn’t sure if she was glad that Luke was there or embarrassed he’d seen her fall as he rushed over and kneeled beside her. The contents of her bag had spilled across the parking lot and she dropped her head in embarrassment as she groaned. “Fun fact about me, I’m great at destroying the mood.”

“I tripped and dumped coffee on you during our first meeting, a little clumsiness isn’t going to destroy anything. Here, let me help you,” he assured her as he began reaching for the little things that had fallen out of her bag. Chapstick, hand sanitizer, gum, a pencil bag; all things she didn’t mind Luke seeing. However, when he grabbed the few condoms Ali left her with, Natalia groaned again.

“I wasn’t… I didn’t intend for anything to happen. My friend Ali just… threw them at me,” she explained as she shoved the items back into her bag and took Luke’s hand for him to help her back onto her feet. “Not that there’s anything wrong with sex on a first date, do whatever you want, I just… Don’t want?”

Luke bit back a laugh at Natalia’s defeated expression and shook his head. “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain. Better to be safe than sorry. And, I get it. Tonight was nice. I enjoyed it as it was. And I’m still really looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow night.”

“I’m glad. And I am looking forward to seeing you again, too. Hopefully neither of us will trip and we’ll be leaving injury and coffee stain free,” she joked as she brushed some stray gravel from her knees. “I’ll see you then. Have fun at rehearsal.”

“I would say have fun writing but, I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know if that’s appropriate to wish you?”

“Probably not, no one enjoys writing for academia, but I appreciate the thought. Bye, Luke.”

Luke waved Natalia off and waited until she’d gotten safely into her car before heading for his own. She still felt a little embarrassed - she knew that her cheeks were neon red beneath her foundation - but his handling of the situation made her feel that much better about him. He was a good guy, solid and sweet, and Natalia couldn’t wait to see him again.

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