#I’ve watched so many football videos today

[greynatomy]

luck of the irish

katie mccabe x reader

i’m having sm trouble writing rn that i feel like i’m just rambling when writing at this point. hope it makes sense for y’all

part 2 part 3

———

“Come on. Please. For me?” You ask the two people on a video call with you

Your best friends, Selena and Taylor, and you are having a virtual hangout, seeing as you all live in different places.

“What’s in it for us?” Selena asks, taking a sip of her wine.

“Absolutely nothing, but you get to go to England.”

“And what are we gonna do? Sit and watch you ogle your girlfriend for like two hours.”

“Exactly.”

“Stop teasing me. You can’t hardly blame me though, my girlfriend is hot. And y’all are just bitter that you’re single.”

“Hey! I’m not anymore.”

“Shocker!” You say sarcastically. “You’ve been going to your boyfriend’s games so much and brought us with you, now it’s my turn.”

“Sel, you need to get yourself an athlete.”

“I know.” She whines, extending the ‘o’. “You guys need to set me up with someone.

“You might catch the eyes of some footballers if you come here.”

“We’re gonna be in so many news headlines.”

“Just gotta make sure we don’t look stupid in them.”

———

The Arsenal Women’s team are all on the pitch, warming up for their match. All of a sudden, the crowd throughout the stadium starts cheering, confusing all the players and staff on the pitch.

Looking all around, the crowd is watching the big screen. There you are, with your two best friends, all completely oblivious to what’s happening. The three of you were too preoccupied doing the marshmallow game to notice all the eyes on you. Well, to be fair, you all grew up with eyes always on you that you all learned to block it out.

“Stop fucking it up Taylor. You’re like the whole music industry, where’s the rhythm?”

“Fuck you! I don’t have to listen to you. You’re not my Mom.”

“Okay! Let’s just try it again okay?”

“I’ll start. One marshmallow.”

“Check it out.”

“Woo.”

Down on the field, Katie watches the big screen, not being able to stop the huge grin of amusement on her face.

“Dude! There’s no way that’s actually Y/N Y/LN, Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift.”

“I mean, if you open your eyes you would see that it actually is.” Caitlin shoves Katie away because of her sarcastic response.

———

Nothing really happens for the first half, but as soon as the second half starts, Arsenal in playing like they’ve got some fresh pairs of legs on them.

“Now I understand why people watch sports.” Taylor says loudly.

“Dates an athlete and is now obsessed with sports.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“But seriously. I’ve never watched a sport on my life until I met Katie. And it’s a plus she looks hot doing it.”

———

We’ve got McCabe, Katie McCabe I just don’t think you understand she plays out on the wing, she hits it with a zing we’ve got Katie McCabe

You started chanting with all the fans, encouraging your friends to join in.

“C’mon guys! Just like I taught you!”

———

Arsenal eventually won from a banger from McCabe, who was now getting interviewed.

“Katie, good game today. You scored the game winning shot, how’d that feel?”

“Oh, em, I was just doing what I usually do. But I’ve actually got my girlfriend here, so I had to put on a bit of a show for her.”

“Oh! Wow! Well, thank you for your time Katie.” The reporter says a bit shocked at the news.

Katie walks into the locker room, everyone is just sat at their cubby, cooking down from the match, when a knock is heard from the door.

“You girls decent?” Jonas’ voice comes through the door.

“Yeah!”

“Alright, well, we’ve got some guests that would love to meet you all.”

You, Taylor and Selena walk through the door being met by the whole team. The team fan girls for a bit, the team’s social media videographer catching it all on camera.

After greeting everyone, you walk over to where Katie is still sat in her cubby and place yourself on her lap, her arms immediately wrapping around your waist.

Her teammates are too preoccupied with Selena and Taylor to notice the two of you, but both your friends know you like to wander off, instantly noticing you weren’t next to them anymore.

Looking around, she sees you with your girlfriend whispering in her ear that has her biting her lip.

“Oh my god! Stop flirting in front of other people please!” Taylor speaks out, grabbing the attention of everyone in the room.

“You’re just mad cause your man who’s not your man is off playing fake football and not with you.”

“Oh, she got you there.” Selena laughs at Taylor’s offended face, giving you a high five.

“We’re no longer friends.” Taylor pouts, crossing her arms across her chest.

“You’ll get over it cause you love me.” You wrap her in a hug, Selena joining in. “Okay, enough of that. Can we all take a group picture?” You ask the Gunners. “I’ve gotta cook dinner.”

After the photo, the three of you bid farewell to the team, you giving Katie a quick kiss and a ‘see you later.’

“Actually, can I go with you? I’ll just shower at home.” Katie asks, packing her things.

“C’mon. Bye guys!” You wave at everyone.

“See you soon!” Katie leaves after you.

The team was silent for a bit after the four of you left, not knowing how to process that their Irish teammate has a girlfriend and who her girlfriend is.

“That was unexpected.”

“Indeed.”

“How’d Katie get a girl like her?” Beth asks, not quite understanding.

“It’s probably the luck the Irish have.”

“And Y/N is her pot of gold.”

“Damn.”

[louisupdates]

MY FOOTBALL

The One Direction star has two principal loves: Ronaldinho and James Coppinger

FOUR FOUR TWO, MARCH 2023 (by PAUL WILKES)

Which was the first match that you ever went to?

I actually got into football quite late, when I started playing at around 11. There were a few Manchester United fans in the family, so the first match I ever went to was an unbelievable first game: the FA Cup fifth round tie against Arsenal in February 2003 - the match when Sir Alex Ferguson kicked the boot and hit David Beckham! My best memories come from Doncaster, who are the only club I support now. We had a fantastic League Cup run in 2005 - we beat Manchester City on penalties, then beat Aston Villa 3-0 and lost to Arsenal on penalties in the quarter-finals. That was my first real low as a football fan. I can remember walking back home absolutely gutted.

Who was your childhood hero and did you ever meet them?

James Coppinger is my club hero - he played at every level and really played for the badge. Everyone in Donny loves him and he’s a great bloke too. After I got into One Direction, I was lucky to meet him and played alongside him a couple of times in charity games. As a fan growing up watching him, that was amazing l. The best person I’ve ever met in football was Pele. I met him about four or five years ago and it was incredible - he had all these stories and we spoke for ages. He was lovely.

What has been your finest moment playing football?

I played in Soccer Aid and Ronaldinho tried to nutmeg me. I was all over his shirt, giving him no respect, and I just managed to nick the ball off him! There's a sick picture that I've seen of it.

The other moment was when I was about 15. I started as a centre-back, but didn’t grow any taller so moved across to right-back, and scored the only Sunday League goal I ever scored. I’ll never forget it.

What do you like most about going to the match?

The whole atmosphere, that magic. When you have those experiences as a young lad, there’s an element of nostalgia each time you go into a football stadium.

Which players do you admire even though they’ve never played for your club?

As some of my family supported Manchester United, I was never allowed to like Thierry Henry, but those grudge matches against Arsenal were amazing. He was a serious player.

Where’s the best place you’ve ever watched a game?

The Bernabeu - it was Neymar’s first ever Clasico for Barcelona against Real Madrid, which is pretty special. It’s one of the bucket list fixtures to go to. When I was young, Doncaster signed me as a reserve player and I went to a pre-season training camp in Portugal. As a supporter of the club, that’s not something you’re normally privy to, so watching how the squad trained and prepared was fascinating.

A few years ago, you filmed a music video with Bebe Rexha on the pitch at Keepmoat Stadium. What was that like?

It was really important for me and my career. The reason I’m sat here today is because of Doncaster - it’s played a huge role. It’s who I am as a person and it’s what I write songs about. The fact that we were able to film the video at the Keepmoat, where I’ve spent many days and evenings, made it so special. It felt appropriate.

What’s your favourite football book?

It’s not a book, but FourFourTwo! I used to subscribe when I was younger. I’m not a big reader otherwise. I should be, but I’m not.

What’s been your worst experience at a game?

I was playing in a charity match at Celtic Park. I got the ball and turned to my right, then Gobby Agbonkhor come through the back of me and I tore my medial ligament. A combination of the impact and me being very unfit meant I ended up throwing up all over Celtic's stodium, which I know will please a lot of Rangers supporters.

Have any footballers been to a gig?

Paul Pogba came to a One Direction show once, that's the one that stands out - he was really sound. I won’t lie, I don’t think many footballers listen to One Direction songs.

What’s the strangest place you’ve ever met a footballer?

I was in this bar in South America and, purely by chance, Bryan Robson was there with a few friends. He was a bit drunk. We went straight over and he was nice, but it was one of those times where you think, “What is he doing here?!” [Laughs]

What’s the greatest goal you’ve ever seen live?

I was at Zlatan Ibrahimovic's debut for the LA Galaxy, because I spend some time over in Los Angeles. The LAFC keeper launched the ball upfield and it was cleared back to Zlatan about forty yards out. He watched it bounce and then smashed it over the keeper’s head - an unbelievable goal. I love him - I like a bit of s**thousery in my footballers, and he's always had that.

Who’s your current favourite player?

The obvious answer is Erling Haaland, because any fan seeing him rack up the goals this season has been totally in awe. Even if you support Manchester United, you watch him and think he's superb. But for me, Jude Bellingham. I’m so excited by Jude - he's been in brilliant form this season, even before the World Cup.

If you could drop yourself into your all-time five-a-side team, who would you be playing next to?

Well, I play at the back, so I want me and Rio Ferdinand. I'd pick Edwin van der Sar, he was a top keeper in his day, then in midfield I'd have Ronaldinho - I grew up loving his football. Up front, I'll go for Cristiano Ronaldo.

What’s the most important piece of memorabilia that you have?

I had a Doncaster home shirt as a kid that I associate with growing up. A few years ago, I bought the same shirt in my current size - it's special to me, and when I met Pele I asked him to sign it. That was the pinnacle.

[Thanks to TeamLouisMedia for the HD photo.]

links to fourfourtwouk’s posts about Louis on Twitter and Instagram

[battleangel]

Hallucinatory & Dreamlike: Problematizing the Balletic Violence in the NFL & NCAA

I have never been as emotionally affected by any piece of media whether it be a film, novel, album, television show, documentary or otherwise as I have by a recent video I just viewed by former NFL lineman Jared Odrick entitled “Am I Crazy? – Damar Hamlin Prelude”.

Please, give it a watch as it is only 3 and a half minutes long.

Jared’s description of the prelude is as follows:

“Why are we so willing to ‘live & die by the games we play’….but then so quickly abandon the game’s importance when someone’s life is threatened? What is the value of making heroes out of players if we know they’re just playing a game that doesn’t really matter? Well - I’d argue that it does matter. Whenever a tragedy like this happens in #football, I take it as an opportunity to reflect on my current #CTE investigation. A tragic event like this helps us all reassess value, tone & messaging when trying to connect with football families looking for answers. I’ve asked myself a lot of questions since leaving football behind. Flying private with foes, in emergency rooms with friends - but most recently, sitting silent in my house watching a heart attack on National TV…”Am I giving consideration to all the various elements at play? Risk. Disease. Resilience. And the acceptance of Death.” Sometimes during a tragedy like this, when very little information is being released - but even less medical information…pop-media struggles to assess the underlying meaning of football….”What are we doing & why?”

Certainly, with Tua suffering yet another concussion which caused yet another fencing response resulting in him having to be stretchered off the field after a tackle by Damar Hamlin, who we just saw die live on our TV sets on Monday Night Football two seasons ago, and this is Tua's fifth concussion in as many seasons — two of which Tua played through just last season — and Tua's obstinate refusal to even consider retirement and, far from it, him standing at attention on the sidelines during the entire Dolphins game this past Sunday — I'm sure what Tua's concussed brain needed was NOT a stadium full of 70k screaming fans, bright lights, constant noise but who cares, right?

Tua is there to captain his troops.

And now with Brett Favre announcing his Parkinson's diagnosis at 54 which he testified in front of Congress today he believes was caused by the hundreds, and very likely, thousands of concussions he suffered during his NFL career.

And the NFL's own actuaries confirming in a study that they predict that 1/3 of NFL players will be diagnosed with a neurological condition or disorder — that is NINETEEN TIMES the average of non-NFL players.

And finally, a study was released yesterday that found that 1/3 of former NFL players believe that they have CTE.

I wanted to ask — what does the violence we see every Saturday & Sunday mean?

What happens if we problematize the balletic violence we are presented by the NFL & NCAA every single weekend?

What is it about the violence in football that is so alluring, so balletic, so much like a dark ballet or opera?

What is it about the violence, bodies in motion, athleticism, feats of courage, physicality, athletic grace that is so magnetic, exhilarating, cathartic, devastating, addictive, atavistic & mythological?

How might we filter that violence through a different lens than what the NCAA & NFL presents it as and see it for what it truly is?

I have always felt that the moment of a football tackle — a hit — was devouring.

In Josh Begley's "Field of Vision: Concussion Protocol" montage of every concussion that occurred during the 2017 to 2018 NFL season slowed down and in reverse, Josh said in an interview with The Intercept that he felt that the moment that a concussion occurs is "devouring", however, I've always felt that the so-called "normal" and routine everyday violence in football — the typical tackles inherent in football itself — were devouring, violent, brutalistic, unrelenting, merciless and inhumane.

As you may imagine in our football obsessed society, my protestations of the brutalistic violence inherent in football itself were dismissed as hypersensitivity.

Despite this, I always felt that the "normal" tackles often occurring in the open field at 20 to 25+ mph with human beings literally smashing and crashing into one another at full speed was inhumane no matter how much the violence was normalized during every broadcast of every game, sanitized by the network's presentation, sanctioned by the overly legalistic rules of the game and embraced, rationalized, handwaved, justified & eye rolled away by the ever rabid and bloodlusting fans.

I have done extensive research on tackle football, concussions, brain damage, CTE, neurological conditions & disorders (Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, dementia & ALS), chronic pain, opioid addiction, early deaths, suicides, mental & physical trauma, PTSD and more resulting from playing the sport of tackle football for nearly ten years. I have read hundreds of scientific and academic research articles regarding the same as well as former NFL player autobiographies, blogs, interviews and more.

As my research deepened, so did my concerns and cognitive dissonance towards the NFL as an organization and the sport of tackle football itself. I eventually ended up researching, reviewing and reading former players and players families lawsuits against the NFL, NCAA & Pop Warner as well as contacting non-profit organizations, player advocates and attorneys regarding these lawsuits.

In addition to the above, I also started writing articles regarding my observations, thoughts & musings on the above mentioned issues as well as the NFL's very well-earned and deserved reputation of League of Denial. I'm constantly doing ongoing research into these issues and have about 100+ browser tabs open at any given time in my mobile browser.

While researching the NFL being a bloodsport, I came across the documentary I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post, "Am I Crazy?" by former NFL lineman Jared Odrick.

Specifically, the Damar Hamlin prelude video.

I instantly started sobbing towards the end of the video when the football tackles were slowed down, reversed, pixelated, distorted then the players were shown disintegrating with haunting background music playing over the almost hallucinatory dream-like sequence and disturbing imagery.

This is what football violence is actually like slowed down and reversed without any of the pageantry or sanitized presentation with men in suits with microphones presiding over the carnage.

To see the slow damage that befalls many football players who later succumb to neurological disorders like CTE, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Lewy Body Disease, ALS and dementia from the thousands of subconcussive head impacts they endured throughout their football careers artistically represented by the violence the players were dishing out in terms of hard hits and tackles while other footage showed players on the receiving end of devastating hits and ferocious tackles reflected in the prelude by the players themselves becoming distorted and pixelated, their images slowly disintegrating similar to what progressive neurological conditions actually do to former NFL players which is slowly deteriorate and disintegrate them and break them down over time to the point where they are broken shells of their former selves and it was hits just like the ones shown in the prelude to the documentary – the thousands of hits endured by players from Pop Warners to the Pros that leads some players to a debilitating and disabling cognitive decline which they never recover from.

I was so used to people telling me both in real life and online that I was being overly sensitive or that I was just plain wrong about how disturbed I've always felt by the violence in football.

I had never before seen someone express what I have always felt since I was 14 years old in 1996 watching Chad Pennington get knocked around like a human pinata — that the violence in football was inhuman and inhumane.

Hard tackles would bother me for days on end and I would play them back in my mind without meaning to – I would randomly just get the images and they would play in my mind during the course of my day.

The artistic and haunting presentation of the violence in Jared Odricks “Am I Crazy? Damar Hamlin prelude video” distorts and defamiliarizes what is all too familiar – a hard violent football tackle – and thus problematizes what is presented as totally ordinary – a good old fashioned football tackle or a nice, hard hit as any football fanatic would say.

It made me cry so hard my eyes hurt. The every game, every snap, every down violence that at all times is simultaneously and paradoxically denied, legitimized, excused, endlessly consumed, defended, handwaved, sanitized, commodified, commoditized, packaged in plastic, Photoshopped, presented in cinematic 4K glory, sanctified, glorified, Americanized, militarized, consecrated and presented to the viewing audience for mass consumption while almost never being actually questioned had finally been not just questioned in an intellectual, academic and scientific way but in a humanized, empathetic, emotionalized, artistic, haunting, disorienting, hallucinatory way.

Maybe what adrenaline, pain, the rush of 70k roaring fans, smoke-filled tunnels and hysteria feels like.

I was honestly so affected by the “Am I Crazy? – Damar Hamlin prelude video” that after sobbing, I immediately woke my husband up at 1 am when he had work later that morning and forced him to watch it.

My husband is a South Jersey born Philadelphia Eagles fanatic who is a simple dude that just wants his football, adrenaline rush, spectacle and pageantry. It's his weekly escape and he's not really trying to "get that deep with it" outside of my numerous articles, text messages, IMs, emails and countless conversations with him regarding the disturbing violence that is inherent to the sport of football itself which he does read in their entirety and he does give me his honest thoughts about but rest assured it did not keep him from watching Eagles Saints this past Sunday.

As anyone who is honest I think can admit, once you start to actually look closer at the actual violence in football, it gets harder to just turn your mind off and "get ready for some football" once you actually think about how the sausage is made so to speak.

I have yet to watch the entire hour long plus “Am I Crazy?” documentary by Jared Odrick but I plan to do so later this month when I have the time to really sit down, watch, digest and contemplate the documentary in its thought-provoking, artistic and emotionally evocative entirety.

Just from viewing the prelude videos, it is clear that “Am I Crazy?” delves into the sport of tackle football and the interplay of capitalism, politics, militarism, patriotism, masculinity, exploitation, violence and other intersectional societal factors.

Although I have very rarely ever watched college football – only when someone else had it on and I was visiting their house – Jared Odrick’s Youtube short for “Am I Crazy? Episode 3” literally haunted and disturbed me so much.

In fact, the picture at the top of this blog post are screencaps from, "Am I Crazy? Episode 3".

I attended Rutgers from 2002 to 2007 and the football team was doing very well during my last few years of attendance and definitely by the time I graduated.

I absolutely refused to ever attend a Rutgers football game despite my husband, at the time my boyfriend, being a fanatic and attending all their games.

As you can read above, I have always had cognitive dissonance towards the sport of football as well as a natural aversion towards the violence inherent in football itself.

But college football literally disturbed me on a different level from the NFL and the Jets games that were always on at my parent’s house – uninsured athletes making their schools billions who are left to pay for their own injuries out of pocket was a different level of exploitation that made me feel literally physically ill.

When 86% of NCAA Division 1 football players are below the federal poverty line yet their coaches are paid millions and are some of the highest paid employees in their state, we do have a fucking problem.

During the time I attended Rutgers (2002 to 2007), this was before NIL so not only were those athletes not paid but they couldn’t even make any money off of their status as college athletes as their schools were disgustingly able to do with jerseys, videogames, licensing deals, network TV deals, streaming apps and more.

Only .06% of NCAA Division 1 college football players ever actually play a down in the NFL. Not practice squads. Actually suiting up and playing in a game. You know. The dream?

.06%!

Put another way, there are 100k NCAA college football players every season.

There are only 1,600 NFL players.

That is some very unforgiving math.

But beyond the violence, exploitation and straight up racism – keep in mind, that over 50% of NCAA Division 1 football players are Black yet Black men only make up 6% of the US population – the mass hysteria I witnessed on game days at Rutgers fucking terrified and unnerved the living hell out of me.

I would literally be filled with existential dread that would induce physical nausea.

The mass hysteria. The unthinking elation and ecstasy. The screams and school chants in unison by over 80k people.

The face painting. The unthinking crowds. The mobs. The fervor. The pageantry. The spectacle. The tradition. The unrelenting violence.

The feeling it evoked in me was reminiscent of the worst examples of mob violence that I could envision ever reading about in history from the French Revolution to lynchings.

It was insidious, pervasive, pernicious, suffocating, dark and sickly.

The unthinking hysteria that unnerved me to my literal core just walking past the Rutgers students with their faces painted red and black decked out in game day gear waiting for the buses on College Ave to take them to the stadium.

I have never seen anyone else capture the unease, dread and unnerving feelings that the mass hysteria endemic to college football has always induced in me as Jared Odrick does in “Am I Crazy? Episode 3”.

Please watch it – it is less than a minute.

The all white. Like a fever dream.

The men screaming and yelling their faces distorted in what appears to be rage but is pure unbridled unhinged fanaticism.

The students — thousands of them — all dressed in white running down the steps in an extremely unnerving blurred mass of total and complete hysteria.

White white white students – you did catch that, didn’t you?

To watch players — where Black men are way overrepresented as they are 52% of NCAA Division 1 college football players but only 6% of the US population — beat, tackle, hit, collide with and hurt each other.

All for the fans' delirious school spirit. For their delirium. For their unhinged unbridled ecstasy. For their fervor and elation. For their religious orgiastic pleasure.

Who cares about brains being damaged permanently and concussed?

Who cares that college football players — the vast vast majority of whom never make it to the NFL, less than 1% — have a much higher chance of developing neurological conditions and disorders like CTE, Parkinson's disease, ALS, Alzheimers and dementia from tens of thousands of subconcussive hits to the head accumulated over a lifetime of playing tackle football from Pop Warner to the Pros?

Many college players start as children as young as 8, some as young as even 5 – so by the time they are done with collegiate football at around 21, they have already endured potentially 10 to 15+ years of repetitive head impacts.

On average, Pop Warner players (aged 5 to 14) endure 336 head impacts a season.

High school football players endure 600 to 1000 head impacts a season.

College football players endure 1000 head impacts a season.

That is a lot of fucking head impacts even for those players who stop at the college level and never make it to the NFL – over 99% of them.

And the fans deliriously cheer on the helmets clashing & smacking together, the head hits, the collisions, the players running into each other at 20+ miles per hour, the unmitigated violence.

All for school spirit and school pride. All for tradition and spectacle and pageantry. All for emotional release. All for being in a mass crowd. All for hysteria. All for elation and ecstasy. All for religious fervor. All for orgiastic ecstasy. All for mindless indulgence.

All for screaming, yelling, school chants, school songs, school pride, school spirit.

All for catharsis.

All for being one with 70k to 100k other screaming fans.

All for the mob mentality.

All for drinking and getting drunk. All for rushing and storming the field. All for getting caught up and swept up in emotion. All for a cathartic release. All for a vicarious experience.

All for the glamorized violence, the gloss, the marching bands, the cheerleaders, the patriotism, the brightly colored uniforms, the jets flying over the stadiums.

All for students scrambling their brains and minds and breaking their bodies for you.

All for injured students being stretchered off the field.

All for players – most of them still teenagers under 21 – risking life, limb, brain and mind just to entertain you.

Just to give you your school spirit.

Just to give you your mindless escape.

What must that be like – as a player – feeling all that bloodlust, that elation, that hunger, that mania, that mass hysteria, the screams in unison, the school chants and songs, the eruptions, the mob, the screams, the yells, 100k people all dressed in white, the violence, the stadium so much like a bullfighting arena, you the warrior out to give the tens of thousands in the stands and the millions watching at home – they, safe and secure in the stands and on their couches – you, vicariously fulfilling their gladiatorial fantasies.

You being urged on by your coaches not to let the fans down, to make them proud – these people you dont even fucking know and have never even met before yet you are risking your literal health, mind, brain, body and fucking life for – to make your school proud, to go out there and give it every single thing you’ve got, to never give up, to fight, to play through your pain, to play through every injury, to go out there and be their warrior, be their Roman shield…

What is that like for the men who aren't in the stands, drinking, eating, imbibing, vibing, laughing, talking, cheering, screaming, dancing, singing, taking selfies – what's it like for the men on that field risking serious debilitating and incapacitating injury on every single down on every single play – what’s it like for the men on that field risking catastrophic injury and paralysis – what’s it like for the men on that field constantly incurring & accruing permanent brain damage, suffering concussions, risking future memory loss, amnesia, personality & behavioral changes, suicidality, aggression, volatility, mood swings, violent behavior, difficulty swallowing, breathing & moving their muscles in their 30s, in their 40s, in their 50s and will they even live to see their 60s?

What’s that like for the men who can never show even a single solitary ounce of fear or any hesitation whatsoever – as they have been trained and brainwashed not to since they were kids – who have to walk out into the gladiatorial arena – to the mass hysteria – to the screaming mob of 70k to 100k fanatics all decked out in their school’s colors – one hysterical massive blob of flesh all decked out in the same identical school colors – terrifying in its insanity and intensity – yet you as a player have to be a cool customer, a cool hand Luke, never betraying fear nerves or anxiety – cool, calm, collected, confident, cocky – tough, high energy, braggadocious, ready to sacrifice yourself on every down, to give your body up on every single play, to leap to tackle to hit to collide to sneak to lower your shoulder to deliver the boom the hit stick stiff arm to lower your head to gain the extra yardage to run through the wall to hit opposing players and run through them like theyre not even there to play hurt to play injured to be shot up drugged up pills popped wrap it up tape it up shoot it up numb it ice it ice tub hot tub absolutely anything to stay on the field where the gladiators belong…

I think it feels exactly like what Jared Odrick showed in this short for his CTE documentary and what I would always feel when I would see groups of Rutgers students all decked out in game day gear waiting for the buses that would take them to the game.

I felt cold. I felt shivers. I felt nausea. I felt existentialist dread. I felt fear. I felt loneliness. I felt physically sick.

I felt an insidious, pervasive, thick, suffocating, mindless, mob-like, violent, delirious, manic, zealous, bloodthirst, bloodlust, fanatical emotion that was hungry, sick, pulsating and alive.

It felt exactly like Rome with their gladiators.

It felt exactly like a Spanish bullfighting arena with their toreadors.

It felt like bloodlust and death mixed with a sickening excitement and feverish delirium.

It felt like the fever dream Odrick presented in his short.

It felt hallucinatory and dreamlike.

It felt like a dark ballet, a violent opera, a dark pageant.

It felt like death and like resurrection, a public execution, a guillotine in the middle of the blood-soaked streets.

It felt like teen spirit and esprit de corps.

It felt like heaven and hell.

It felt like a nightmarish dream and a dream that was a nightmare.

Between Jared Odrick’s “Damar Hamlin Prelude video” and his “Am I Crazy? Episode 3” short which were both previews of his full-length “Am I Crazy?” CTE documentary, I felt this surreal existentialist moment because I had never before encountered someone – much less a former NFL player – who had artistically and emotionally depicted in a haunting and distorted manner the problematic balletic violence and dark spectacle and pageantry that is so inherent to both the NFL & NCAA.

It unnerved me, made me cry so hard I sobbed & my eyes hurt, as waves of nausea washed over me and I instantly recalled how I felt when I would see the students at Rutgers on College Ave waiting for the bus to take them to the arena so they could see their gladiators hurt and maim themselves and each other for their entertainment to roars of approval.

I felt sick as I thought back to how many times I had watched “regular” hits, tackles and collisions in NFL games and I was wholly disturbed by the violence, the sanitized viscera, the glamorized destruction, the devouring violence on display slowly destroying these men in slow motion decades after they stop playing – while it doesn’t happen to all players, we also don’t know the percentage of how many NFL players develop neurological conditions and disorders like CTE, Parkinson’s disease, ALS, Alzheimer’s and dementia from the thousands of head impacts they endure throughout their playing careers – so the truth is, out of the NFL players that the audience is cheering on today – how many and which ones will end up like Junior Seau, Dave Duerson, Andre Waters, Justin Strelczyk, Mike Webster, John Mackey, Ken Stabler, Earl Morall and literally hundreds of others?

Unable to recognize their own children when their wives show them pictures like John Mackey?

Committing suicide like Seau?

Dying in agonizing pain with severe memory loss, confusion, dysfunction, amnesia, emotional volatility, aggression, suicidality, personality & behavioral changes, violent behavior, hallucinations, mood swings, disabled, unable to work, living in a nursing home, unable to walk, unable to feed or clothe or bathe themself?

How many? 10%? 20%? 50%? 90%?

What number of players dying agonizing and excruciating deaths in slow motion oftentimes without dignity and alone is too high of a number for the fans?

What is an acceptable number?

Even if the number is 10% – do those 10% not matter at all just because they are outnumbered by the 90%?

Should anyone willingly sign up – often as a child – for debilitating neurological conditions and disorders that the thousands of repetitive subconcussive head impacts in football have been proven to cause such as Lewy Body Dementia (LBD), Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, ALS and dementia?

LBD, what John Mackey was diagnosed with which led to him eventually not even recognizing his own children, is particularly debilitating, physically painful and agonizing and often leaves sufferers with a severely affected gait, unable to walk, having difficulty swallowing, breathing, moving their muscles, feeding clothing and bathing themselves, and often the individual dies within 5 years of being diagnosed.

It is estimated that NFL players on average live up to 22 years shorter than non-NFL players.

Is any game worth that?

College football is even worse – players are bigger, stronger, faster & hit harder than high school and you are taking 1000 hits to the head every season where high school football is estimated on average to be 600 to 1000 hits to the head every season – but there are no multimillion dollar contracts just a scholarship that can be taken away from you at any moment NIL or not the vast majority of these athletes are not being paid directly by their schools only select Big 10 schools offer direct payment so the reality is often times dictatorial coaches can remove your scholarship due to injury, underperformance, etc. The players fate lies in their coaches hands. Remember, 86% of all NCAA Division I athletes live below the federal poverty line. While the NCAA does have a pooled insurance for certain catastrophic injuries, absolutely everything else is the financial responsibility of the player who as I just stated is usually coming from an impoverished background where their parents do not have benefits so they are without health insurance paying out of pocket for the violence exacted upon them on the field that will not be covered under later insurance plans as it will be considered pre-existing conditions so any broken bones torn ligaments tendons post concussive syndrome migraines dizziness nausea arthritis joint replacement surgery torn tendons injured groin herniated discs broken back neck spine fractures degenerated joints bone muscles neurological conditions disorders CTE Parkinsons Alzheimers dementia LBD ALS is all paid for completely out of pocket by the player and their families.

It is totally exploitative and unfair to the athletes and nobody gives a damn.

Here comes Saturday night!

All that risk, all those hits to the head, incurred by the players alone, never by the fans who cheer so deliriously for the violence they endlessly consume.

College students unlike NFL players also do not have a union to advocate on their behalf so unlike the NFLPA that got hitting in practice greatly reduced to “only” 14 practices a season – college students are at the literal mercy of their coaches who once again can take away their scholarships at any time and there is no enforceable NCAA limit to how much college football players can hit each other in practice so it is left to the discretion of their coaches as the NCAA only issues guidelines that are not enforceable.

Only the Ivy league has had the courage to remove hitting from practices — five years ago and not one college has had the balls to follow suit.

A study conducted in 2017 determined that three quarters of concussions suffered by the college football players studied over the course of one season occurred in practice – those concussions are avoidable if these coaches would show leadership and reduce full contact in practice.

But no one protects college football players.

They aren’t in high school anymore so they are treated as adults yet they have no union to protect them as NFL players do and most of them are under 21!

NFL football. NCAA football. Big 10. SEC.

The dark ballet. The dark seductive pageant. The dark alluring spectacle.

The Roman colliseum.The spanish bullfighting arena.

Your gladiators await…

[dreamings-free]

interview with Louis in the March issue of FourFourTwo magazine 2/2/23

full text under the cut..

by Paul Wilkes

Which was the first match that you ever went to?

I actually got into football quite late, when I started playing at around 11. There were a few Manchester United fans in the family, so the first match I ever went to was an unbelievable first game: the FA Cup fifth round tie against Arsenal in February 2003 – the match when Sir Alex Ferguson kicked the boot and hit David Beckham! My best memories come from Doncaster, who are the only club I support now. We had a fantastic League Cup run in 2005 – we beat Manchester City on penalties, then beat Aston Villa 3-0 and lost to Arsenal on penalties in the quarter-finals. That was my first real low as a football fan. I can remember walking back home absolutely gutted.

Who was your childhood hero and did you ever meet them?

James Coppinger is my club hero – he played at every level and really played for the badge. Everyone in Donny loves him and he’s a great bloke, too. After I got into One Direction, I was lucky to meet him and play alongside him a couple of times in charity games. As a fan growing up watching him, that was amazing. The best person I’ve ever met in football was Pele. I met him about four or five years ago and it was incredible – he had all these stories and we spoke for ages. He was lovely.

What’s been your finest moment playing football?

I played in Soccer Aid and Ronaldinho tried to nutmeg me. I was all over his shirt, giving him no respect, and I just managed to nick the ball off him! There’s a sick picture that I’ve seen of it [right]. The other moment was when I was about 15. I started as a centre-back, but didn’t grow any taller so moved across to right-back and scored the only Sunday League goal I ever scored. I’ll never forget it.

What do you like most about going to the match?

The whole atmosphere, that magic. When you have those experiences as a young lad, there’s an element of nostalgia each time you go inside a football stadium.

Which player do you admire even though they’ve never played for your club?

As some of my family supported Manchester United, I was never allowed to like Thierry Henry, but those grudge matches against Arsenal were amazing. He was a serious player.

Where’s the best place you’ve ever watched a game?

The Bernabeu – it was Neymar’s first ever Clasico for Barcelona against Real Madrid, which was pretty special. It’s one of the bucket list fixtures to go to. When I was young, Doncaster signed me as a reserve player and I went to a pre-season training camp in Portugal. As a supporter of the club, that’s not something you’re normally privy to, so watching how the squad trained and prepared was fascinating.

A few years ago, you filmed a music video with Bebe Rexha on the pitch at the Keepmoat Stadium. What was that like?

It was really important for me in my career. The reason I’m sat here today is because of Doncaster – it’s played a huge role. It’s who I am as a person and it’s what I write songs about. The fact we were able to film the video at the Keepmoat, where I’ve spent many days and evenings, made it so special. It felt appropriate.

What’s your favourite football book?

It’s not a book, but Fourfourtwo! I used to subscribe when I was younger. I’m not a big reader otherwise. I should be, but I’m not.

What’s been your worst experience at a game?

I was playing in a charity match at Celtic Park. I got the ball and turned to my right, then Gabby Agbonlahor came through the back of me and I tore my medial ligament. A combination of the impact and me being very unfit meant I ended up throwing up all over Celtic’s stadium, which I know will please a lot of Rangers supporters.

Have any footballers been to a gig?

Paul Pogba came to a One Direction show once, that’s the one that stands out – he was really sound. I won’t lie, I don’t think many footballers listen to One Direction songs.

Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever met a footballer?

I was in this bar somewhere in South America and, purely by chance, Bryan Robson was there with a few friends. He was a bit drunk. We went straight over and he was nice, but it was one of those times where you think, ‘What is he doing here?!’ [Laughs]

What’s the greatest goal you’ve ever seen live?

I was at Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s debut for LA Galaxy, because I spend some time over in Los Angeles. The LAFC keeper launched the ball upfield and it was cleared back to Zlatan about 40 yards out. He watched it bounce and then smashed it over the keeper’s head, an unbelievable goal. I love him – I like a bit of s**thousery in my footballers, and he’s always had that.

Who’s your current favourite player?

The obvious answer is Erling Haaland, because any fan seeing him rack up the goals this season has been totally in awe. Even if you support Manchester United, you watch him and think he’s superb. But for me, Jude Bellingham. I’m so excited by Jude – he’s been in brilliant form this season, even before the World Cup.

If you could drop yourself into your all-time five-a-side team, who would you be playing next to?

Well, I play at the back, so I want me and Rio Ferdinand. I’d pick Edwin van der Sar, he was a top keeper in his day, then in midfield I’d have Ronaldinho – I grew up loving his football. Up front, I’ll go for Cristiano Ronaldo.

What’s the most important piece of memorabilia that you have?

I had a Doncaster home shirt as a kid that I associate with growing up. A few years ago, I bought the same shirt in my current size – it’s special to me, and when I met Pele I asked him to sign it. That was the pinnacle.

Louis Tomlinson’s solo album, ‘Faith In The Future’, is available to buy now.

[leonsliga]

thinking of robert enke today ❤️ can't believe we lost him 14 years ago. I saw a docu earlier where he seemed so happy, joking around with manu in their last game together

My heart’s with Robert today too, as well as his family and loved ones.

I’m just going to issue a quick trigger warning for mentions of suicide here. The rest of this post will be below the cut, so if this is a topic that hits too close to home or is too personal in any way, feel free to scroll past it. There’s no shame in doing whatever you need to do to preserve your mental health ❤️

First and foremost, after a life under public scrutiny, I hope that Robert Enke has finally found peace. For as great of a footballer as he was, he was an even better human being; I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve read about him that all come to the same conclusion—that he was a man who treated his teammates, fans, friends, and family alike with the same compassion and care. He went through a great deal in both his personal and professional life, more than anyone should ever have to go through, but he always stayed kind. He always had time for the people around him.

I recently watched a video covering his time as a footballer, and the fan abuse he faced was unimaginable. One story in particular stuck with me: Robert suffered a 3-0 loss in his first match on loan at Fenerbahçe, and the fans threw lighters and bottles at him to “punish” him for it. After that, I couldn’t help but think about how much that sort of thing has happened (and continues to happen) at other clubs throughout the world. In our drive to win, we all too often forget that there’s a human being behind every footballer we boo or ridicule. Words and actions borne out of hate hurt them as much as they do us.

I think, in mourning the loss of a beautiful soul like Robert, it’s important to remind ourselves to always check in on the people around us. All too often, we’re fooled by seemingly happy faces. We take a smile as a sign that someone is doing well—that we don’t have to worry about them. Like you said, Robert always seemed so happy. But sometimes the people with the brightest smiles are fighting the bloodiest battles in their heads. Sometimes reaching out to them and simply asking about their day can make a big difference—can remind them you care.

For those who are currently struggling with depression and/or suicidal ideation, take it from someone who has in the past (and who’s had family members who have attempted suicide): it sounds cliche, but it really does get better. The best times in my life came after the times I was at my lowest and nearly ended my life. I know things feel hopeless right now, but you have people who love you and want to be there for you given the chance, each in their own way. Maybe it’s your family, your friends, your pets, or even people here on tumblr.

Depression has a way of isolating us; we often worry deeply that we’ve become “too much”—that the people around us can’t handle what we’re going through or wouldn’t want to, so we don’t bother. We burrow deeper into ourselves because we want to spare them the pain. I felt the same way. But the truth is, sparing them your suffering in the moment isn’t worth the cost of your life. And no matter how heavy a burden that pain may seem, the people who love you will bear it with you if it means they can save you.

On another note, I just want to say that it takes incredible strength to fight depression and suicidal thoughts, and I’m so proud of you. There’s so much courage in waking up every day and facing this messy world again. You are unbelievably brave, and I just want you to know that. And you’re not alone (I know, another cliche). You have a community here who loves and cares about you, I promise you that. We’re all fighting to survive this crazy world in one way or another, and you and your fight matter.

Let’s all take care of each other, ok? Oftentimes, just making ourselves available and giving the people around us a safe place to land is the best thing we can do for them. Let’s take today to remind ourselves to do that. You never know who needs your kindness the most.

I’m sending you all the biggest hug I can muster, today and always. I know that sometimes living is the hardest thing we can do, but hang in there. It’s worth it, I promise <3

[poppinsposts]

It’s a little nippy in my neck of the woods! I can’t walk to my car without freezing and Chiefs/Dolphins played a whole football game in it. Mahomes seemed unaffected. That’s a true athlete who absolutely loves what he does! But Andy looked a little like a walrus when his mustache froze. And I saw a guy in the stands who had his shirt off! Wow! I wonder how much frostbite was treated.

But we won!!!! Woot woot!! 🎊🎉🎊🎉🥶🥶🥶

You know, when someone shows you who they are and what they really want from you, take heed. I figured out what a guy wanted from me and because I’m a lady, I backed away. We had different ideas as to what we wanted. Maybe I am just totally naive, but I really thought he cared. That’s always been my problem, thinking everyone thinks like me. I am really working hard to change that attribute about me.

I’m watching “Life below zero” and I love it! It’s 8 below here and these Alaskans are working out in 50 below. Can’t even imagine what that feels like. I’m part Indian, but no one ever showed me the traditions of my heritage, but I believe a lot of it’s genetic. I’m very intuitive and believe in the way they lived. Take care of Mother Earth, only kill animals for necessity and use all of the animal. The only thing I couldn’t do, because I wasn’t raised on wild game, don’t think I could eat it. They make beaver stew and fry squirrel, rabbit, moose and pretty much any animal roaming the land. They are super hard workers. Puts me to shame really. I just love nature shows. Most indigenous people are wise. I see them as the keepers of the earth. But…. Not very many are listening. Greed has taken control.

I was off work 3 days last week. I hope I get a full week this week. I have a lot to teach and I’m already 3 days behind.

I have a student from El Salvador. She was born here, but her husband, from Mexico is trying to get his green card. He went to college and now works for a corporation where he’s the only brown boy. They’ve been nice to him, but they say very privileged things to him, and they seriously don’t get it. My student showed me a video of her valentines decorations, some heart lights and a few nicknacks that she was soooo proud of! They have very little, and I totally teared up when she showed me her video. They want so little, just a better life. She’s already had 2 guests that said very racist things to her. I wanted to punch them. I didn’t, but it infuriates me!

My little Jazzy boo is showing signs of being very smart. And very intuitive. She protects me like I’m her God. She saw the shadow of the mailman go by yesterday, she barked, then came running to me, put her body on top of mine and kept looking at the door. I think she may have been in a house with domestic violence. Otherwise, is that normal? My Mindy never did that.

I’ve been cooking/baking so much during these snow days. It makes me so happy. Todays menu, baked Parmesan chicken, fresh green beans, and mashed potatoes. And a cake my GG used to make. Make a chocolate care, poke finger sized holes all over it when done baking, poor caramel sauce all over cake, going into the holes, with a whipped cream-esque frosting and then crumble heath bars on top. It’s my favorite cake! GG used to make it for me on my birthday. I miss her so much!!!

Have a great day!!!

[womenties]

Rucking it Up with Rugby

As I topped the tall hill, two flat playing fields (aka “pitches”) lay ready. Approaching the one with the two yellow goalposts on either end like the YouTube video I watched to prepare myself, I saw my cousin Paige, dressed in her former rugby cleats standing near an oblong football much bigger than a regular American football. I knew I was in the right spot to try rugby for the first time. My first impression of rugby was at college when the men’s team would crazily be dancing around an Indian statue – their mascot of some sort – in a bar on a Friday night. My feeling was they weren’t crazy, but the sport they liked playing must be crazy because that is how they identified themselves as a team when games and practice weren’t in session. So, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect on a balmy May night on the “pitch” in Syracuse.

Like most of the team sports I’ve tried, practice started with simple passing and running drills. In the case of rugby where the ball is larger and is thrown in a unique spiral, getting my hands around it and trying it out was my first lesson. I wasn’t horrible at it since my father, a football coach, taught me how to throw a mean football spiral growing up. I could handle the throw and motion until the passing drills of running while throwing the ball in a timely order to teammates in a moving line sped up my work. And in rugby the ball must be thrown behind or to your side, not in front, so timing is essential to get down.

Once the throws and simple running drills were done, we practiced running more advanced sequences of drills of passing and pocketing behind a teammate repeatedly until we hit the other side. If anyone dropped the ball, a “half-moon” exercise was given to the team. I definitely contributed to the half-moon workout which was basically a burpee plus a half-squat turn in both directions upon standing – thus the soreness in my thighs today.

After practicing the offensive drills, we turned to defensive drills learning the importance of working in a line to stop the offensive players from coming through. This is where my age and lack of quickness slowed me down. Running forward is one thing, trying to run as fast as the offensive line trying to catch up with them was another. Thank God their full-body tackling exercises were last week. When asked if anyone has gotten really hurt tackling without pads, I heard a few horror stories but not as many as you’d think. “Tracy, the old girls play just touch and not tackle,” a few of them told me. Yeah, that might be where I belong, I thought if I wanted to continue playing.

As the hazy sun started setting after two hours of a really fun time, they took me over to the “scrum machine” to give me a taste of what a scrum feels like. A scrum is a method of restarting play in rugby football that involves players packing closely together with their heads down and attempting to gain possession of the ball. With two teammates on my side, we maneuvered into the machine for the feeling and a photo opportunity. This is where I knew for sure you must have strong legs for rugby.

Playing along with a team of great girls reminded me why I love all women communities because bonds develop quickly and you want them to linger. So, I accepted their invitation to a restaurant across the pitch for food and drinks. It’s there I learned more about a few of the players and enjoyed casual conversation. My cousin Paige said, “This happens after all rugby games – both teams coming together afterwards to share in the experience and getting to know each other.”  

As I said goodbye to my rugby pals, they handed me my own rugby ball to keep for practice and invited me back anytime to play with them. I told them I would join cheering them on at a special fundraiser they host annually for a cancer patient called “Ruck Cancer,” and perhaps rejoin them for another great night of running, passing, scrumming, and bonding on and off the field.

[babygirlbenji]

Questions & Surprises - Mason Mount

a/n: so i wrote this in lit about an hour on the plane at 36,000ft so if it's rubbish let's blame that x sorry it's so short also stay tuned to the end for the surprise x

What struck Mason from the moment he met you was your confidence. He’ll admit that he was a bit cocky, and assumed that you’d be scared to talk to him, Ben and Reece when your mutual friend introduced you to them, but he was surprised (in a good way) when you immediately struck up a conversation with them. Your conversations spread all the way from football, in which you had a small amount of knowledge, to travel to discussing what you did for your job. 

Your answer was ‘content creation’, and Mason was even more intrigued. So, you spent the rest of the night talking him through everything about being a YouTuber, from planning and scheduling content to analytics (which was your personal favourite thing about being a YouTuber; you loved statistics and demographics). 

As your relationship with Mason grew, so did your following and subscriber count as people figured out who you were and your relationship with him. Your GRWM videos started to include ‘GRWM for match days’ and travel vlogs. Your view counts skyrocketed, with your most popular video being the Champions League win, titled ‘THEY WON!!!😭💙’. The fans absolutely loved your relationship with Mason, seeing how happy you made him and how you supported him. Even when your videos weren’t entirely related to football match days, you still incorporated Mason into the process, and you loved seeing how into it he got. One of his favourite things was to watch you edit, muttering to yourself about ‘how do I go about moving that’ and ‘now I need to detach that audio’, and occasionally muttering swearwords to yourself when you fucked up. 

Your favourite videos to film were Q&A’s and would you rather with Mason. It offered fans a rare glimpse of life into their favourite couple, and it was what you were filming today. 

You and Mason had sat down on the sofa with the camera stood opposite you, house slowly starting to be decorated for Christmas.

‘Ready?’ You asked, about to hit record. 

‘Course babe, I’m always ready!’ His response made you snicker, and you started to record. 

‘What’s up, guys, it’s me Y/N!’ You started with your signature introduction. ‘And I’m here today with my boyfriend, Mason!’ He laughed as you started to cheer quietly. You made a mental note to add a crowd applause sound effect in while you were editing. 

‘Hi guys,’ he said, almost shyly. 

‘Today we are going to be answering some questions you guys asked us over on my Instagram. What do you reckon they’re going to ask us, Mase?’ Mason’s heart fluttered at the nickname you had for him, then he started to laugh. 

‘“When are you getting married?!”’ You both started laughing at that; it was definitely the most asked question, seeing as you guys had been dating for nearly four years. His own family had started asking the same question. Little did they know that Mason had a sneaky plan up his sleeve. 

‘Okay, okay, let’s get into it!’ You pulled out your phone to read the questions. ‘First question: “Mason, what was your first impression of Y/N?”’ Mason cocked his head to think about the question for a moment. 

‘I think what really struck me was your confidence, like a lot of people are very shy when they meet me, not to sound big-headed or anything. But you were so confident and walked right up to us and struck up a conversation, it was really refreshing. And obviously you’re very beautiful.’ You smiled shyly. 

‘Aww, babe, isn’t he a cutie?’ He returned your smile, and the fans would soon see how much adoration he had for you just in that smile. ‘Next question, “Y/N, what’s your dream company to collab with?”. Hmmm, there are so many, and so many amazing brands that I’ve already had the privilege of working with, but I’m gonna have to say National Geographic. I’ve been a Nat Geo fan ever since I can remember, when other kids my age were watching Thomas the Tank Engine, I was watching dinosaur documentaries or scaring myself with documentaries about airplanes crashing.’ You turned to look at Mason, whose face was a mixture of amusement and concern. 

‘You’re weird.’ You shrugged.

‘Indeed, but look where it got me!’ The fans loved these kinds of exchanges between the two of you; full of banter yet also full of love and mutual respect. Yours was a relationship many can only dream of. You made sure you reminded yourself every day of how lucky you were to have a man like him. 

The questions continued for another ten or fifteen minutes, and then you started to close it down.

‘Alright guys, unfortunately that’s all we have time for today! We…’ 

‘Actually, Y/N,’ Mason interrupted you, making you look over at him in confusion. ‘I have one question myself.’ He dug around in his pockets, and your eyes filled with tears when he pulled out a little red box. ‘Will you marry me?’ You looked at him, bewildered and delighted all at once, before looking over at the camera.

‘This isn’t staged, I promise you, are you being serious?’ He nodded, grinning. 

‘Course I’m serious, darlin’! You’re the love of my life and I can’t imagine spending my life without anyone else. So, will you marry me?’ He opened the box, and you saw the prettiest ring you’d ever seen in your entire life. You nodded fiercely, tears spilling over your cheeks as you pulled him in for a hug. 

‘Yes, yes, of course I will!’ You choked out a sob, pulling back from the hug to let him slide the ring onto your finger. It sparkled in the reflection of your studio lights, making you sob again. ‘Oh god, Mase it’s beautiful,’ you mumbled through the tears. 

‘I love you, darling.’ You brought your hands up to his face and gently held it as you kissed him happily, smiling into the kiss. Before it got too heated, you remembered you were on camera, so you pulled apart. Vaguely aware your mascara was probably running down your cheeks, you threw your arm around Mason’s neck. 

‘Okay, now that we’re definitely finished, thanks everyone for watching, I hope you enjoyed this video, see you next time! We’re engaged!’ You showed the camera your ring, before pressing the record button again to stop the recording. You looked over at Mason, who had an incomprehensible expression on his face. ‘How long have you been planning that?’ He shrugged.

‘Since June’s Q&A.’ Your jaw dropped.

‘You’ve been planning it for five months?!’ He grinned. 

‘Wanted to make sure you weren’t expecting it.’ 

‘Well you definitely succeeded in that.’ 

The video went live a few days later, and it’s fair to say you were the most excited you’d ever been to post a video. You titled it ‘November Q&A!🤍 Surprise at the end!!!’. Within minutes of the premiere, you were getting comments:

masonfan19: OMFG?? ARE YOU KIDDING THIS IS SO CUTE

y/nismyidol: this is my favourite video ever!!! your reaction omg😭 ENDGAME!!!

masony/nforeva: i can’t wait for the wedding vlog!!!!

footballer23: YOUR REACTION OMG😭

Mason’s fellow footballers were WhatsApping him with congratulations, and you even had companies sending you congratulations. What really made your day was a comment that appeared on your Instagram photo a few days later. It was a screenshot of you just after Mason asked you to marry him; your jaw was open and tears were visible in your eyes. The comment read:

natgeo: We love this, and we’d love for you to message us about working together! Congrats! 😁

Mason didn’t dare to say it, but your reaction to seeing that comment was almost as effusive as when he asked you to marry him.

[women-are-hot]

Meant To Be (Jess Park)

Summary: jess showing her teammates the girl that stole her heart.

Warnings: fluff.

Note: big thanks to @putellas14 for making gifs with jess for me. you’re a life saver!

Today is going to be so exciting. I get to watch my girlfriend play a game live for the first time in a while.

I live and play football in London, because I play for Chelsea while my girlfriend, Jess, plays for Manchester City.

I have been playing champions leauge this week against Servette FCCF and I’ve got a stupid injury in that stupid game, so I can't play for like 3 weeks. I know it isn't that long, but I just hate not being there for my team.

Jess has been a great support. She calls me every morning and every night, asking how I feel and stuff like that.

She is literally the sweetest!..

We have been together for 8 months, but nobody knows that we are together.

We just want to be us, before telling anyone.

Of course, our family knows, they can see how much we love each other.

Jess and I’ve been friends since we were kids. We went to kindergarten and school together.

Our parents and literally just everyone from our family could see how much we loved each other since the beginning.

They have always said that Jess and I are the perfect love story, which I found pretty cute.

Now, back to the start. Today I was going to watch Jess play against Reading.

Reading is not a bad team, but they are not as good as Manchester City, so I think the game is going to be very exciting.

I have thought about how I could not be seen by the paparazzi, but the plan is not going the right way.

I’m walking into the stadium and many are taking pictures and videos, so I had no choice to stop and talk a bit with them

"Why are you in Manchester when you play for Chelsea in London?" an interviewer asked.

“I thought it would be a good way to use my free day,” I answered.

“Are you supporting Man City or Reading?”  

“I just want it to be a good game. Excuse me, I have to go now” I said, walking away from the cameras.

When I finally came into the stadium and found my seat, I saw that the players were warming up.

I tried to find Jess and there she was, kicking the ball as the great football girl she is.

I’m feeling like a very proud girlfriend right now.

She then saw me staring and waved at me, even with a little wink and smile.

I just laughed at her and waved back at her.

She then went back to warming up and I began to talk with a few of the fans, which was very nice.

Some even wanted a picture which I happily accepted.

—

The players were now walking in on the field and my eyes felt on my girl, of course.

We made eye contact and just kept staring into each other's eyes, smiling.

Then the game had to start and my girl literally just scored 3 minutes into the game. 

THAT’S MY FUC- oops sorry, I mean yeah, that's my girl, I’m sooo proud!

She made a heart and then pointed at me, making me smile and blush.

I guess the paparazzi now know why I was in Manchester.

"That was a beautiful goal. You must be proud" the older woman that sat beside said and gave me a big smile.

"Yes. I'm very proud of her! She worked hard for it" I replied, thinking of how much we used to train when we were younger and how bad we were at football when we first started.

The days go fast…

—

The game had just ended and Manchester won 3-0, so it was pretty good.

Jess had to be interviewed, because she was the player of the match.

She had a big smile on her face while she was getting interviewed. 

Then after the interview, she walked over to me and did something I wasn't really expecting.

She took my head in her hands and kissed me.

I smiled into the kiss. It was a slow, but sweet kiss.

We stopped kissing and then the crowd cheered.

"Hey. Are you coming down here?" Jess asked.

"Yep. Just need a little help" I answered and then Jess helped down and I landed on the field.

We looked into each other's eyes and then hugged.

I don't know how long we stayed there, but we hugged for some time.

Suddenly Jess' teammates were standing behind her.

I tapped Jess on the shoulder and then she turned around to meet the faces of her teammates.

"Is that you girl?" Alex asked.

Jess took her arm around my waist and pulled me closer.

"Yes. She is my girl” Jess said proudly and kissed my cheek.

I blushed and looked down.

"Aww" all the youngsters said.

"How cute. Young love" Ellen said with a proud smile, even with a little sniffle.

"Our children are growing," Jill said dramatically.

"Every little second" Steph said and ended the funny mom scene.

I have just met them, but they all seem like very lovely people!..

—

[canirove]

Meu Amor | Chapter 1

Summary: "I don't have time for boys, Taylor. Especially not football players. I want to make the most of this opportunity. Who knows the doors it can open for me."

"The ones of Rúben Dias' house are already open" she says with a smirk.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━   

When an unexpected promotion at your job as a journalist for Sky Sports, may end up not only changing your professional life, but also your personal one.

Author's note: I got the inspiration for this story while watching a basketball game and seeing a Spanish journalist who is married to one of the players. She has to work during many of his games, sometimes even having to interview him, and both of them always are super profesional.

The idea of writing it with Rúben is all thanks to my friend Ana (hi 👋🏻), who has been obssesed with him since the end of last season, and sending me photos and videos daily. You can thank her for it 😅

Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you like it! 💜

Next chapter

Masterlist

“Ok, guys. I’ve got good news and bad news. Where should I start?”

“Bad news always first.”

“John had a fall last night while training, injured his knee pretty badly, and will be out for the rest of the year.”

“Oh my God, is he alright?”

“He is in a lot pain, but he is having surgery today. He told me not to worry, that he will be fine. But as much as it sucks, his bad news lead us to the good ones. One of you will be covering for him, and the lucky one is… Taylor!”

“Me? But what about Manu? Shouldn’t he be the one covering for John since he is his assistant?” Taylor asks.

“I was going to tell you once he came back from his holidays, but nevermind. He has accepted an offer to join the Champions League team. It’s less work, and that way he can help at home.”

“So that means that Taylor and I are the new John and Manu?” I ask.

“Exactly. Congratulations girls! Your first game will be the Manchester derby. Hope you enjoy it!”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“Relax, girl. We’ll be ok and totally nail this, trust me” Taylor says, putting a hand on my leg and trying to make it stop moving.

“Oh, I’m not nervous. Well, maybe a bit. What I am the most, is excited” I reply. We are finally doing pitch side work, and I can’t wait.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

I finished my journalism degree two years ago. While most people knew the field they wanted to work in, I wasn’t sure, I liked too many things. But one day, after seeing a female journalist covering a football game, I said to myself: maybe I can do that too. I sent a curriculum to Sky Sports, and God knows why and how, they called me back.

I expected to spend most part of my time doing things for others, from getting coffees to ordering files. Just as you see on movies. But to my surprise, they had me join the Premier League team as an assistant.

During my first year, I helped transcribing the notes others took during games, turning them into articles for the website. They were articles about the smaller teams, those only their fans care about, but I was writing and my name was there.

One day, one of the guys I worked with had to cover for someone from the Big 6 team, aka, the most important clubs in the country, the ones everyone watched on tv. It was a Manchester United – Liverpool, and we weren’t watching it from home. We were at the stadium, sharing our spot with journalists from all around the country, seeing it all first hand. And I fell in love with it. This was what I wanted to do. To actually live the games and share that with those at home.

For some reason, Taylor read the article I wrote that day, asked around… And the following week I was working as her assistant and becoming part of the Big 6 team. I wasn’t writing anymore, but just being by her side during meetings and helping wherever I was needed, was enough. An all this was finally paying off, making me go back to Manchester and to the actual pitch side.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“I’m going to the bathroom before we start. Can you make sure everything is ready and that no one ruins our spot?” Taylor says.

“Sure, don’t worry.”

We are at the Etihad, Manchester City’s stadium, the game starting in 20 minutes. The players are already warming up, and Taylor should be doing her live in just a bit. After that, we’ll stay close to the benches, taking notes during the game, reporting back during the halftime, and doing the interviews once the game is over.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“Taylor, where are you?” I mutter, checking my watch for the 10th time since she left. If she doesn’t come back soon, she’ll miss the live.

As I turn back to look at the pitch and make sure that everything is alright, I see a guy just in the middle of our set. Great.

“Excuse me, sir” I say, walking towards him. “This is a tv set, you can’t be here.”

Nothing, he doesn’t move. He is typing on his phone, the world around him gone. I let out a sigh and try to talk to him again, this time closer. He is way taller than I expected, and his back is huge. Like two times mine. No, maybe three.

“Sir. Sir, this is a tv set, you must move” I say, raising my voice. But nothing. “Sir, please” I say again, touching his arm. Even though he is wearing a jacket, I can feel his bicep. And just as his back, it is huge.

“Oh, hi” he says, starting to turn to look at me.

“Hi, sorry” I say, my hand staying on his arm for longer than it should have. “This is a tv set and we should be having a live any minute now. You must move somewhere else.”

“Yes, yes, I’m very sorry” he replies, his eyes fixed on me.

“Ok, thank you” I say, clearing my throat. Why is he looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?

“Mr. Dias, hello!” Taylor says behind me. Finally! “Such a pity that you aren’t able to play today.”

“Yeah, I know. But please, I already told you. Call me Rúben” he says. Do these two know each other?

“Yes, my bad. Sorry. Could we get you for a halftime interview? Are you watching the game from the VIP area or here next to the bench?” Taylor asks him.

“Yes, of course. And I was going to watch it from upstairs, but I’ve changed my mind” he says, looking at me.

“Oh, great. Then if they give us green light, we’ll see you later.”

“Looking forward to it” he smiles.

“Who was that?” I ask Taylor as I watch him leave. Though before he completely disappears among the crowd, I see him turning around to look back at me, giving me another intense look from head to toe, one that makes me blush a bit. Or a lot.

“Rúben Dias.”

“That’s him?”

“Of course that’s him! You are the most thorough person I know, you check every single detail, and you didn’t recognize him? Him? Last season’s best player?”

“You know Manchester City isn’t my cup of tea” I shrug.

“And Chelsea isn’t mine and I still know all their players faces. Anyway, you should start to pay more attention to him. You’ve definitely caught his” Taylor winks.

“Me? What? No!”

“He only had eyes for you! And he looked at you on purpose when he said that he had changed his mind about from where he was going to watch the game.”

“That was just a coincidence.”

“That was not a coincidence and you know it.”

“That… Ugh, Taylor, we are here to work, not to flirt with players. And we have a live in…” I say, checking my watch “2 minutes! C’mon, we need to get ready!

“Fine, fine” she says, rolling her eyes.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“He fancies you.”

“Taylor, please don’t start again. My head hurts” I say, closing my eyes and trying to find a comfortable position on my seat. We still have an hour left until the train makes it to London, and a nap would do me wonders.

“But it is the truth! He is super serious with his job, something he has in common with you. And he always gives his 100% and puts all his focus on it, even if he isn’t playing. But today? Today he couldn’t stop looking to the side, to where you were. And during the game, I also caught him looking at you a few times.”

“He was just probably looking at the pitch, at his teammates.” Though I must say I also looked at him a few times, and he wasn’t paying attention to the game. He was looking at us. At me.

“Seriously, girl. One of the hottest guys on the Premier League only had eyes for you today. You should be ecstatic!”

“I don’t have time for boys, Taylor. Especially not football players. I want to make the most of this opportunity. Who knows the doors it can open for me.”

“The ones of Rúben Dias’ house are already open” smirks.

“I’m serious, Taylor. You’ve been working for longer than a decade. I haven’t. I need this to work out.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I promise I won’t play matchmaker anymore and will focus on our job. Unless he sends me a dm asking me for your number or something. That’s the only exception.”

“Fine” I say, giving up. “You need to tell me how you two met, tho.”

“We’ll leave that story for another day. Now try to rest, I’ll wake you up when we make it back to London.”

And as I close my eyes and try to sleep, my mind chooses to relive everything that has happened today. Especially the moments that involve him. Rúben Dias.

[miekasa]

homecoming (levi ackerman)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: college au, how many ways can i fit levi’s captain status into the modern world, fluff

↯ notes: i love levi :// and i’m out of gifs to put at the top of these, so when i learn how to make headers i’ll let you guys know. also this isn’t proofread rip in peace 

↯ summary: there’s a pretty well known homecoming tradition, and levi’s hoping you’re willing to partake in it. 

“So,” you hum, wiping away any crumbs from your mouth, “Are you going to tell me exactly why you wanted to have a picnic at 2:30 in the afternoon on a random Thursday, or am I supposed to wait for a grand reveal?”

Levi rolls his eyes, and sips on his wine, ignoring your incoming giggles. “Can’t I want to take you on a date?” he clicks his tongue, setting his, now empty, plastic wine cup onto the picnic blanket, “Ungrateful brat.”

You smack him on the arm, mouth open in offense; but Levi’s chuckling, shoulder’s shaking at your reaction. “I am a very grateful brat,” you correct him, “But I am also very suspicious one.”

Levi hums, not bothering to reply. Instead, he separates the two halves of his sandwich, wraps one half around a napkin, and hands it to you. You accept it, albeit a little hesitantly, and watch as Levi pays you no mind, biting into his half neatly.

If it were any normal situation, you’d probably try to snap a picture of him—you have somewhat of an ongoing collection of sneaky pictures of Levi on your dates, particularly when he looks cute munching on his food, much to his disdain—but this was not a normal situation.

Levi is acting strange. It’s not just the nature of this date itself—it may be out of character for Levi to want to go on a picnic of all things, but could be quite the romantic at heart, and often planned very quaint dates for the both of you. It was everything that happened since you set up your picnic that was truly out of the ordinary.

Like the way he seemed distracted, getting lost in thought in a way you hadn’t seen before; and how he kept sweeping his hair out of his eyes, and readjusting his small silver earring. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he’s nervous about something.

“Seriously,” you say lightly, carefully setting your half-eaten portion of the sandwich back onto the blanket, “What’s this all about?”

Levi looks at you for a beat, once again using his free hand to brush his dark hair behind his ear, then with suspecting eyes, “You don’t like it?”

Your eyebrows draw together at his questioning, confused by the lack of sarcasm, or even hurt in his tone; like he was genuinely surprised.

“What? No, Levi, that’s not what I meant,” you assure him, “I just mean that this isn’t really us. You hate eating outside—you always make us wait for indoor seating—and, if I’m being honest, I’ve never seen a couple go on a picnic in real life.”

Levi reaches to pour more cheap wine into your faux glasses, “I guess romance really is dead.”

You squint your eyes, carefully tracking his movements as he hands you a plastic cup before refilling his own. Levi isn’t one to dodge questions, or any kind of confrontation. Now you know for sure that something’s up.

“Levi,” you call gently, feeling like you finally have his full focus when his eyes meet yours, “What’s going on?”

His gaze softens at your question this time, and you finally see a hint of the Levi you know behind his expression. He sighs, carefully closing the boxed wine, and taking his cup into his hand. With a slight head nod, he motions for you to come closer, and you obiiently shuffle closer to him, until you’re sitting side by side.

You take the liberty of resting your head on his shoulder, cheek soft against his coat. You can hear him take a deep breath, feel his exhale deflate his shoulders, before he speaks.

“Homecoming is next weekend,” he starts, “You’re going, yeah?”

You hum in affirmation, watching as he takes a careful sip from his cup before continuing.

“There’s this tradition. It’s stupid as shit, if you ask me, so you don’t have to say yes,” he mumbles, lips barely off of the plastic, before he takes another sip. “But, if you’re dating someone, they’re supposed to show up to the game in your jersey.”

You snap your head up from his shoulder, blinking at Levi and the implications of his words, as you begin to piece together the mystery of his actions from this afternoon. Levi—your Levi—took you on a picnic, complete with homemade sandwiches and cheap wine, to ask you to be his date to his homecoming game.

Your stunned silence is filled with light breeze that brushes past your hair, and makes Levi return to brushing his away again. He drinks in your expression, grey eyes growing cloudy as he assumes the worst of your silence.

“Like I said, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he explains cooly, bringing his cup to his mouth again for a bitter sip, “I didn’t know if you were going to stick around for the whole day anyways, you’ve probably got other shit to—”

You kiss him quiet. Levi is surprised at first, jolts a little bit when your actions cause him to spill some of his drink, but he kisses you back, a small wave of relief washing over him. At least he didn’t make a complete fool of himself just now.

“Of course I’ll wear your jersey, Levi.”

Most parents and alumni stuck around for the traditional football game, but the boys’ soccer team was always popular amongst students, and for good reason.

Not only did the university’s team have an exceptional record, but they had no shortage of eye-candy playing for them, either. Even the team’s managers were pretty cute. You were certain players like Armin Arlert and Eren Jaeger were not plastered all over the university website solely for their soccer skills.

Though, good looks aside, they were undeniably good, and made a damn impressive pair on the field. However, most of the crowd would agree that Jaeger, Arlert, and the entire team, could thank their captain for their win today.

You step onto the field with a wide grin as you watch Levi’s team wrangle him into the middle of their circle and toss him up in the air unceremoniously. You almost want to capture the moment for yourself, but to your left, Hange is already recording a video you’re certain Levi would threaten to have deleted.

Most of the mob had fizzled away after the exciting win, leaving behind the team themselves, and a couple of students—likely friends or family of the athletes. After their final huddle, the boys begin to dissipate, greet the remaining crowd. Hange leaves you to badger Erwin, who had been sitting out due to an injury.

You spot Levi carefully picking up his duffel bag, and take the opportunity to run up to him, encase in a sudden and warm hug. You wrap your arms around his neck, and Levi has but a moment’s notice to secure his hands around your back and steady your bodies, lest you both fall to the ground from your uncoordinated momentum.

“You played so well!” you exclaim, pulling back from your hug, but keeping your palms on his shoulders, bouncing excitedly, “I knew you were good, but I didn’t know you were that good! You’ve never played like that before!”

Levi admits to tuning out your praise in favor of drinking in your appearance. The green of his away jersey looks good against your skin, the fabric somewhat loose on your frame. His eyes trail down to the sleeve, a minuscule smirk growing on his lips as he reads his last name in all capital letters underneath his number.

“Come on, Hange and I are taking you guys out for lunch!” your words snap him back to reality, “Anything you want, it’s on me, Captain.”

Levi rolls his tongue against his inner cheek. That’s a promise he’d have to take you up on later. For now, he plays along with your childlike enthusiasm, agreeing to your plans.

He motions for the two of you to get going, but his stride is blocked when you refuse to move from in front of him. Instead, you let your hands crawl from his shoulder to his neck, fingers tickling the hairs at his nape, before you pull him forward into a gentle kiss.

“You really were great, Levi,” you tell him again, pressing another kiss to his lips sweetly.

Levi hums, indulging you one more time, before he hears gasps and not-so-subtle exclamations of “Captain has a girlfriend?!” coming from his annoying teammates. He scoffs when he pulls back to see Jaeger looking at him with his mouth open so wide he could catch flies.

“You’re kind of ruining my reputation,” Levi tells you, but there’s no real bark to his tone.

It’s your turn to scoff, slowly trailing your hands down his arms, and eventually back to your side. You turn and the both of you begin to walk, not before you note, “You ruined your own reputation when you invited me and Hange here.”

“I’ll drink to that.”

“Hey!” you whine, frown deepening as Levi chuckles at you, “You’re not supposed to agree, asshole.” 

Levi doesn’t stop laughing, but gently wraps his arms around your shoulder as the both of you follow behind Hange and Erwin, and back to your car. 

“Don’t think your unusual displays of affection are going to make me forgive you,” you pout, but reach your hand to wrap your fingers around his anyways; Levi doesn’t even bother to hide his smirk, “I don’t care if you scored the winning goal or not, just for that, I’m only buying you one appetizer.”

Levi hums noncommittally. That’s fine, he could think of at least three other things he would rather you do for him instead when you both got home. With and without that jersey on.

[carebearcody]

alex!!!!!! if u could write a little paragraph titled 'alexcore' what would be in it 👀💖

ok i had this in my drafts for so long bc i had no clue how to word it, so i’m taking inspo from jay’s <333

i want to listen to new music! have i charged my fitbit? my mum seems sad but she says there’s nothing i can do to help. i still feel like i’m not doing enough. i’m gonna go spend time with my brothers’ dog after work today. that mo x thiago video has not stopped playing in my brain. how many times can u get by just saying “i’m ok, just a bit tired”? sza dropped a new album and it’s already everything to me. i love learning but i hate academia; do i do a phd? i love my friends so much. ooh lemme take a picture of the moon! have i taken my meds today? mellow grime/rap might be my new favourite genre. oh shit there’s that text i was meant to respond to 2 weeks ago! i’m gonna rewatch interlagos 2021 just to feel some joy. do the ppl in my phone know how much they mean to me? i think i should go vegan again. aussie time: 21:44. discord, tumblr, imessage, dm. i am an amalgamation of everyone i’ve ever known and loved. i need caffeine. i miss football. i love lewis hamilton, but i don’t miss formula 1. google search: how do i stop this feeling of existential dread. maybe if i watch more videos abt space i’ll drift into a sweet sense of nihilism. shit i’m late for work!

[excalibursbane]

hi! very new to tumblr, but i was wondering if you could perhaps write something for cc!jack manifold x reader, if you know him well enough and are comfortable with it?

something where reader streams with jack a lot, and just like fluffy shenanigans happening during streams? platonic or romantic i don’t rlly mind either it’s just i need more jack content lol

hi hi! so i've been trying to work on this and my brain just won't fUCKING LET ME so you get a half-rushed thing lol but i think it's cute :] Pairing: cc!Jack Manifold x reader (Platonic!) Type: Fluff :D

Sitting in Jack Manifold’s room was always a welcome experience, especially when you two were streaming. You didn’t get the chance to see him in person too often but when you did it was always a flurry of emotions and almost too many jokes to even keep track of which were repeats and which weren’t. Today was your first time streaming with him in person in so long and you could tell that the chat was entirely too hyped for just a Mediashare stream. Snickering as yet another ridiculous memey video had gone by and watching Jack play Minecraft, you leaned your head on his shoulder to see the game better.

Chat exploded at the simple gesture, already trying to come up with ship names as Jack looked over and playfully pushed your head off and whacked you with a paper towel tube that had been sitting in between your chairs for this exact purpose. You yelped, laughing, and snatched it from his hands, returning the bonk and you two dissolved into a fit of wheezy giggling. Another video played on screen, a video of a crack edit of Jack, naturally with the Castaways song from The Backyardigans.

“HAH! Oh my god, I’ve seen that so many times and it just gets funnier.” Jack keeled over, cackling at the video. You managed to stay upright and tap Jack on the back, starting to read a donation.

“‘Hey Jack I was in the shower but you were streaming can’t stop that Jack Manifold x y/n grind it don’t stop’” You paused at the last bit and turned to Jack. “Jack. Jack, they’re shipping us help.” You said it completely deadpan, trying so hard to start cracking up. Jack sat up, an entertained expression set over his features, looked over at the dono, and sighed. You snickered again, turning to him. “What are you gonna do about that?” Jack looked at you and then stared directly into the webcam in response:

“No.” Was the only thing he said in the most monotone voice you’d ever heard from him. You managed to hold your composure for a moment more before you both cracked a smile and started to laugh again, chat virtually wheezing along with you two. More Mediashares came in, along with two edits of you and Jack in past streams, one being a crack edit and one a ship edit, plus several other nonsense videos. You were playing along with Jack on your monitor as you two built a house with you sabotaging his door placement with wood planks.

You two love to mess around and jokingly flirt with each other and watch chat go insane, throwing pickup lines back and forth like a football, some even DreamSMP related.

“Call me Ponk’s Lemon Tree cuz I’m burning for you.”

“Oh that’s a good one! Hm… What about uh… L’manberg may not have been meant to be but we are!” Jack would start laughing at his own jokes and you’d end up laughing with him, too caught up in the chaos to keep track of much else.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Tues 15 June ‘21

Venice MP filming is underway, romantic canalside walks and gondola ride are a GO, as seen in pap pics and many (many) videos from fans gathered on site! I’m sure they appreciated all the little sheer polo showing off Harry’s tits, who doesn’t love a good hiddies moment huh? GQ probably did too; they already wrote a whole article about the outfit Harry wore yesterday! But even they can’t say anything better about those shorts than that they look “presentable” LMAO. TAKE THAT corduroy shorts! What about those fans though? Well, they are certainly bringing us plenty of videos- Harry handing co-star David up out of a boat like a sweet gentleman, aww, Harry skipping about between shots, Harry with a lil purse, Harry just trying to live his life and like go eat food when not working, etc etc... maybe folks could take a few steps back? Looks like Harry is really getting hounded through the tiny Venetian streets and on set, by pretty large crowds, to the extent of disrupting filming, oh no. Harry signed a picture for a nearby school-- “stay outrageous”, again dating it (June ‘21) but possibly by the end of the day he was wishing people would not be quite so outrageous.

Meanwhile the antis stuck at home are frothing at the mouth trying to convince larries (or maybe themselves?) that we now ship David and Harry- uh sorry sweaty but having the ability to understand that holding hands for cameras does not have to mean that people are really fucking is actually a pretty major core component of the whole larrie thing?! But good luck with that! It makes sense that seeing Harry acting lovey dovey with someone that they know he isn’t actually sleeping with would throw them in a tizzy though, after all their whole identity is based on denying that’s a thing that’s possible... poor things, baby’s first cognitive dissonance! It can really make you question things huh, and that’s always rough.

But they’re not the only ones with things to say about Harry! Superstar of stage and screen Mandy Patinkin posted video of himself and his wife getting four minutes’ worth of lightning round pop culture trivia questions wrong, but he nails one of em- asked what a Harry song (WS) is about, he remains silent. Well done, that’s just what Harry would have said! And Selma Hayek told a story about Harry coming to her house where her pet owl (who Harry was enthralled with and wanted to hang out with him) regurgitated an owl pellet in his hair! LOL poor Harry; naturally she said he handled it very well and was very sweet. Yes, it’s possible Harry’s interactions with her were because she’s in Marvel’s Eternals; it’s also possible he was at her house because her husband is the head of the company that owns Gucci, or for some other reason entirely.

Liam’s Lonely Bug NFTs went on sale today!! Liam was excited and happy and all over the internet posting and chatting and watching it all happen. The auctions are still open for most of them so final news on that tomorrow! Today was just Liam being hype about it- “Fandom is working its magic thank you!” he said when his request to get LB trending got it up there worldwide in like half an hour, he said more interactive content will be added to the NFTs as time goes on, that Louis cooking was “very funny”, when asked to describe his NFT collection in one word he chose “liberating,” and his hair guy reposted comments Liam has been making in the discord talking about maybe going blond with a “hmmm”. Oooh? He did a long live talking about everything, patching in the other Lonely Bug creators and quite a few other NFT people (enough that at one point Liam jokes that there are enough of them to dress up as the band to satisfy commenters asking for 1D stuff). Anyway one of them compares this NFT to ‘the original Nirvana recordings’ hmmm I mean… that is another thing that is rare I guess yes, but that’s very specific and random sir? “I know for some of you this NFT world is slightly different than what you’re used to from me,” said Liam, “but your support so far has been amazing (as always!)”

And not only that- another new Liam song coming?! We haven’t even got the one yet! (or maybe this is the same one..?) Anyway, school pal S-X (Liam hyped his music a couple weeks ago) talked about him in an interview, saying "Liam is a good friend of mine and we've got stuff coming soon. I don't want to say too much as you know how those One Direction fans get [HEYYYY… oh wait yeah he’s totally right]- when I mention him I can't even open my Twitter. But we've got a song coming and it's a smash. It's sooner than you think and that's all I can say." OH RILLY?? INTERESTING! I was just eyeing him for the artist showcase Liam said he was gonna do on veeps but OKAY! He also said "We're both from Wolverhampton and I was in college with him at the same time, and going from that to global stardom at 17 is not normal for any person. To have toured the world, done stadium tours and everything, he is one of the most famous people in the world. So he will go through scrutiny from the media and whatever, but I can tell you he is one of the nicest people, one of the most genuine people I've ever met. He's a real good friend of mine."

And speaking of unexpected songs; another Zayn demo leak was posted! This time he’s singing You with Ellie Goulding; the song ended up being released by Troye Sivan.

And Anne Marie posted “rehearsals for #OURSONG live! I just love this song so much. I also miss your face @niallhoran” with a picture of them singing away; apparently she’s referring to the recording of the acoustic version which is out on Friday. Niall posted a picture of the Danish football player who collapsed during play the other day giving a thumbs up from the hospital; indeed it is very good to see that he’s all right.

[thefallennightmare]

Hard to Love [21/21]

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Words: 1621

Warnings: this story will have mentions of abuse, mental and physical so please read at your own risk. Some swearing, angst, and a good amount of fluff. Maybe some smut if I'm feeling frisky.

Summary: After moving to a new town all on her own, Reader would do anything for a stable job and income. Even if that means housekeeping for one of Boston's eligible bachelors. What she didn't expect was finding herself falling in love with him and finding him out about the past that she was running from.

A/N: I cannot believe the ending is here. I also cannot thank you enough for all the love that you guys have gave this series. I really do appreciate it and love seeing all the comments! Your words of encouragement are what kept me going for this story. I’m so so sad it’s done. 

Lets finish this story with a happy ending! 

Tags: @kelbabyblue @patzammit @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @jennmurawski13 @divadinag @cosmicbreathe @thevelvetseries @capstopavenger @chris-butt @denisemarieangelina @im-a-stranger-thing @jennamarieee623 @introvertedmouse @lharrietg @thejemersoninferno  @breezykpop @instantbasementtimetravel @rodgersteves @michaelscotfield-blog1 @40srogcrs @wonderingshawn @bellaireland1981 @katelyneannxo @lady-x-red @sare-bare93-blog @annmariek8​ @raabrakha​ @stxvercgersslut​

ONE YEAR LATER

“Where’s my cutie pie?!” I shouted, entering the home. 

Four feet trotted down the long hallway from the kitchen to the living room where I stood, hanging up my jacket and bag. Bending at the knees, I allowed all of the kisses and whines of happiness, scratching the furry ears. 

“How’s Dodger doing today?” I cooed. 

He followed me into the kitchen as I searched the fridge for something to ease my stomach. Munching on a piece of cheese, I checked my phone and saw a new message from Chris. 

I’ll be home in a few hours. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t think these interviews would take so long. 

Don’t be sorry! I’ll wait up for you xx. 

The last year, I had grown incredibly; putting everything that happened to me in the past, locking it away. The scars still remained on my body but I never let it affect me. Chris would always make sure he showed extra love to them, telling me that he loved the way I look. 

The first time Chris had to leave for work was a couple of months after everything and it was hard to get adjusted to sleeping in the bed alone but Dodger was the best replacement, keeping me safe every night. Chris tried to turn down movie roles but I quickly shot that down. I wouldn’t let him lose out on a possible great job because I missed him. 

I ended up seeing the live video he posted when I was missing and the amount of outpouring coming from his friends and fans also helped me heal. There were a good amount of people who at first weren’t happy that Chris was in a loving relationship but eventually, when he kept posting pictures of us on Instagram, they got used to it. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw a new message appear from Chris. 

Our weekend starts in less that two hours. I can’t wait to be alone with you. 

I smiled fondly at the message. 

The past couple weeks were filled with either him working almost every day or me continuing my schooling. We had his family and friends over a few times last week as well so we were practically begging the Gods above for some alone time. 

Which is why this weekend we had zero plans, just the two of us in our home. 

And Dodger. 

“OH COME ON!” Chris yelled at the T.V. 

A giggle erupted from my throat from my spot on the couch, my feet placed in his lap, as we watched the football game. 

Our weekend together was coming to an end, school for me and another press conference for Chris’ upcoming movie tomorrow, meant that reality was about twelve hours away. We spent the weekend in multiple different rooms of the house, our moans vibrating off the walls. 

I’ve had sex more in this weekend than I had in my entire adult life. 

Now, we were exhausted, so we decided to spend the rest of our Sunday in our lazy clothes on the couch; Chris wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats and I ended up stealing his shirt and a pair of his boxers. 

Even though his eyes were transfixed on the game, he still made an effort to show me attention by rubbing the soles of my feet. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at this man in front of me. He let his beard grow this weekend, too lazy to shave it, which I didn’t complain one bit. The red marks on my thighs from earlier were an indication of that. His hair was short because he decided that he needed to buzz it last night; he was sick of it getting in his face. 

I marveled at the way the muscle in his jaw tightened when I rubbed my feet into his lap, purposely pressing into his soft cock. 

“If you keep that up, I’ll miss the last half of the game,” he threatened in a low voice. 

“But I’m horny!” I whined, lifting my shirt up and over my head. “Please?” 

I pinched my hard nipple between my fingers, hoping that would be enough to get him on top of me. 

It was. 

I yelped when Chris pulled my ankle towards him, his body on top of mine in seconds. His gold chain was dangling in front of my face as I looked up to him, our chest rising with heavy breaths. 

“So naughty,” he muttered against the crook of my neck. 

“Enough small talk and fuck me already, Evans,” I purred into his ear, fingernails digging into his bare back.

I couldn’t help but gnaw nervously on my bottom lip, tasting a bit of blood, while I paced the floor of our bedroom. Chris was out running errands but with the text I sent him, I knew that he would be on his way home asap. 

Can you come home please? I have to talk to you. 

My hands shook with nerves, feeling my cardigan being weighed down with the pressure that was in the pocket. I couldn’t help but worry about what Chris’ reaction would be. We never talked about this and I didn’t know if this would be what broke our relationship. 

“Y/N?” 

Hearing his voice, I made my way down the stairs and into the living room where he sat with Dodger on the couch. 

“Hey, everything alright?” He asked. 

I nodded and sat across from him. “Yeah, I think so.” 

He knew in the way my knee bounced and sucked in my bottom lip that whatever I had to talk to him about made me nervous as hell. Placing a hand on my knee, he gave me a warm smile. 

“Tell me,” he begged gently. 

Words were so foreign to me, not knowing exactly how to say it, so instead I handed him what was in my pocket. 

“I know we haven’t talked about it much but I couldn't not tell you. I mean you deserve to know. If you’re angry I understand. I’m confused too on how this happened,” I rambled. 

Chris didn’t hear a word I had spouted, his eyes trained hard on the stick in his hand with the two solid pink lines. 

“You’re pregnant?” His mouth twitched. 

I nodded and handed him my phone that held an email from the doctors office, confirming the pregnancy. Yesterday morning while Chris was out with his mom, I secretly had an appointment. 

“The doctor says I’m about six weeks,” I spoke softly. 

I was unsure of what his reaction would be, his gaze still stuck on the pregnancy test in his hand. 

Dodger knew something was different, sniffing the test in Chris’ hand. 

Finally after what felt like forever, Chris looked into my eyes and his mouth curved into a smile. 

“We’re having a baby?” 

The smile he had was a giant one, where you could almost count all of his teeth as he smiled down towards Dodger, showing him the sonogram on my phone as if Dodger could tell what he was looking at. 

The joy in his voice brought tears to my eyes. 

“You’re happy?” I asked. 

His hands snaked around my waist, pulling me into his lap. “I’m fucking ecstatic.” 

Our lips met in a rushed kiss, his hand finding its place on my stomach. His forehead rested against mine and his eyes shone with so much love that my heart leaped into my throat, knowing that his reaction was the complete opposite of what I was prepared for. 

“Stay here,” He mumbled against my lips in another kiss. 

I waited patiently as he rummaged for something in the desk of his office and he returned, hand behind his back. 

“I was saving this for when we went away next month but I don’t think I can wait.” He spoke before handing me a small box. 

A small velvet box. 

I gasped, watching him get down on one knee, and pried open the box. Inside was a gorgeous oval cut diamond on a plain gold band. The sunlight from outside had caught the ring in a warm glow of light. 

“This isn’t the most romantic idea of a proposal but I don’t want to wait any longer to ask you this. I first met you in this room when you came to work for me and in that moment I knew I wanted you; I needed you in my life. Y/N, you know I love you so fucking much. You have changed my life in so many ways and now we’re having a baby. You’re having my baby and somehow I love you even more. Y/N, will you marry me?” The tears welled in his eyes and he blew out a shaky breath. 

“Fuck yes!” I cried, hormones causing my eyes to pour tears down my cheeks. 

After he slid the ring on my finger, he picked me up with ease as he walked us towards our bedroom so we could celebrate the rest of our lives. 

I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in two years since I first drove up to this house, nervous about what the job was that I had an interview for. I never imagined that I would face my past again, not letting it define who I was anymore. And I definitely never thought I would find someone who would love me with his whole entire heart and soul, knowing how hard to love I was. But he did; Chris vowed to me that night in hushed moans that he loved me then and forever. 

Along with the baby I was growing in my stomach; our baby. 

AND FIN!