#I’ve since I was 13 had the most intense fascination with human personality and interaction

[kavehater]

YAY EDITING MY MIKEY NEN TO BE KAVEH IN MY PHOTOS APP CAUSE I felt inspired all of a sudden LOL

[iamthenightcolormeblack]

My Experience with Jane Austen Part 2: Reading the Books

In part one I laid out which books I read, which ones were my favorites and least favorites, and the adaptations I've seen. Now I'd like to talk about my reading experience.

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, just a casual reader sharing some observations, feel free to correct me if I get some details wrong. Out of the books I’ve read I’m most familiar with Pride and Prejudice.

Let's face it. Reading Austen can be challenging and I understand why some people dislike Austen.

It's easy to perceive her novels as "boring" because on a surface level, not much happens. The characters are well-off people (in the upper half of society) who spend their time at home or traveling between social calls and it's easy to dismiss their conflicts as "first world issues." Settings are often indoors, reflecting how "confined and unvarying" the lives of the rich (especially women) were. The plots often move forward through dialogue or conversations rather than big dramatic events. The focus on marriage can also make the stories feel like antiquated relics of the past and can be hard to relate to.

The writing style is also different. There isn't much dialogue at times because Austen slips in lots of very subtle commentary or prefers to describe a character's external appearance or characteristics. Often big events like proposals are described briefly after they happen rather than during, which can make the story feel rather "dry." The books are narrated in third person and sometimes there is unreliable narration (Pride and Prejudice) where we get characters' multiple points of view, but all narrated in the third person as to give each one credibility and prove that it's hard to trust others. Austen's writing style means that readers have to fill in the blanks with their imagination. For example, she doesn't give exact physical descriptions of her characters, often relying on general characteristics like "tall," "handsome," or "amiable." In my previous reviews of Pride and Prejudice adaptations, I explored that intentional ambiguity as a big reason why the character of Mr. Darcy is alluring--because the reader forms a personal connection with the character by sketching his portrait alongside Elizabeth. The characters (their physical appearance and some of their motivations) are purposely mysterious and while it gives the reader lots of opportunities for engaging with the text, without historical/literary context for "filling in the blanks" it's easy to see the characters as stiff mannequins in strange clothing rather than human beings.

Austen as a romance writer: Her romances don't always match up with our perception of what a romance should be. Some people start Austen expecting intense emotions and outbursts of passion but become disappointed when presented with formal courting and stately dances instead. Emotions are often veiled behind dialogue and for a first-time reader it can be challenging to see a romance developing. Most of the time readers have to rely on the clues given by Austen (descriptions of characters "blushing," looking "pale," or losing their composure) to detect the stirrings of love, but on a first reading it's difficult to do so when one's trying to figure out the plot and the characters. Finally, the dialogue can't always be taken literally; lots of people, including me, were disturbed when Mr. Knightley said he loved Emma since she was 13, but it was actually a joke made in response to something she said.

Her books are products of their time, and I sure am not an expert in Regency era economics or social norms. Sometimes the implications of certain actions can be lost on a reader if they don't know about the social norms of the time (I had no idea that Darcy following Elizabeth around, alone, on her favorite walk at Rosings was a sign of his love for her). Differences in social class are also very subtle and while one can generalize the characters as all "well-off" people, they are separated by many levels of hierarchy and their ideas about social position and status affect how they interact with others outside of their station. Darcy looks down upon those whom he perceives to be below him, and while Emma wants to make an advantageous match for Harriet, Harriet's lower social position means that Emma's schemes are not likely to work.

Because of the unique quirks within the novels, the reader is required to go beyond the surface level of plot and appearance and read between the lines to understand character motivations and actions. Without historical context (Regency era society having little social mobility, women having few legal rights and needing to make good marriages to secure material comfort) or literary context (the Enlightenment, 18th century Gothic novels referred to in Northanger Abbey, the birth of the novel, early Romantic writers just to name a bit) reading between the lines is nearly impossible.

So why do we read Austen? Below are my personal reasons.

The novels feature female heroines that have dignity and self-respect. It's significant that the stories focus on women who are trying to live according to their own values and speaking their own minds rather than acquiescing to societal dictates. Elizabeth Bennet is revolutionary in part because she wants a marriage based on mutual admiration and respect between two partners who know each other well, rather than an economic arrangement for a home. One could go on forever about how Austen is a feminist, but, the characters don't act like modern day feminists--they are still people of their time. However, it's easy to assume "feminist" heroines have to have "aggressive" characteristics (rebelling, fighting, defiance) in order to be labeled as "feminist." Importantly, Austen's women are allowed to be vulnerable (they cry or struggle with their emotions) without that being a shameful thing. We also see different types of personalities celebrated: Jane Bennet, who is kind to everyone, is seen in a positive light rather than shamed for seeing good in everyone. Anne Elliot, who is regarded as "old," becomes more beautiful as she gets older and has a second chance of love. Emma Woodhouse is spoiled yet confident and assertive and "not likely to be well-loved" (paraphrase of Austen's commentary on Emma). Fanny Price is a shy person but still achieves her happy ending. Her heroines are real people who have flaws and get opportunities to learn and grow so that they can make their aspirations reality.

A unique take on the universal conflict of humans versus society: Austen's characters are bound by social norms of etiquette as well as a value system that idolizes wealth and connections above all else. Persuasion is a great story in part because it focuses on how Anne Elliot learns to follow her heart and avoid being "persuaded" by others (and by society) to follow a path that will not make her happy. She's had to live with the regret of following the well-intentioned but harmful advice of others (Austen notes that Lady Russell values social connections too highly) over her own feelings and judgment, nearly losing her chance to be with Wentworth. The romances are significant in that they reinforce the dignity and self-respect of the female heroines. To a certain extent, Austen's stories are realistic in that marriage is necessary for material well-being in a patriarchal society that provides few ways for women to provide for themselves. But most importantly, she also sees marriage as a means of affirming self-respect and dignity of the women. It's one of the few parts of their lives over which they have any control because they get to choose whom they marry (for the most part, unless the marriage is arranged). Their wish to marry for love is revolutionary because they dare to aspire for something more than wealth. They want their future partners to be their equals, someone who they can love and respect (or be totally honest with them) and who will provide the same in return. This line from Emma (the 2020 movie adaptation) sums it up: "I have none of the usual inducements of women to marry. Fame I do not want. Fortune I do not want. Consequence I do not want."

The difference between outward appearances and inner character is a fascinating theme that appears in several Austen novels, most notably Pride and Prejudice, where Wickham and Darcy are foils of each other ("one has got all the goodness, the other all the appearance of it"). A lot of the villains in Austen's novels are those who deceive others about their motivations or lie for their own advantage. A common trait these villains all have is that they have a charming outward appearance that masks their true natures; they don't look ugly nor are they unpleasant (ex. Wickham having great social skills, Willoughby following the trope of the knight rescuing Marianne as the damsel in distress but leaving behind many broken hearts, Mr. Elliott being charming and knowing exactly what to say and how to act but actually a swindler). In contrast, the "good" characters are honest, even at the cost of social displeasure, use manners/etiquette to show respect rather than deceive people, and act selflessly to prove their worth (actions speak louder than words). It can be summed up this way: "don't judge a book by its cover."

Psychology: Austen very effectively described hindsight bias when sarcastically commenting on how the village of Meryton turned on Wickham after the elopement with Lydia, when previously they regarded him as an "angel of light." She also understands how easy it is to manipulate peoples' minds through confirmation bias (Wickham telling Elizabeth all the dirt about Darcy, which she eagerly takes because she hates Darcy so much). She also knows that emotions can override people's judgment: "angry people are not always wise." It's fun seeing how her people are social animals who make flawed judgments based on first impressions/emotions.

The secondary characters: Mr. Collins the clergyman is the most famous and he's so funny because of his arrogance in spite of his low social position (he keeps worshiping Lady Catherine instead of respecting God). Another great one is Sir Walter Elliott, a nobleman who is vain and constantly checks himself in the mirror (the most obvious social criticism). Also Austen understood how women insult each other: through passive aggression (ex. Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst talking negatively about Elizabeth behind her back). Austen's female bullies use their talent and "good breeding" to intimidate or shame others.

The romance (no explanation needed): "You pierce my soul. I am half-agony, half-hope. I have loved none but you." I love how the couples learn about each other through many spirited conversations and become slowly fascinated with each other until they realize they are in love and then have a conflict between formality and their growing passion...or they fall back in love with each other...or they are friends who slowly realize that they are more than friends...okay I'll stop talking nonsense I've been trying so hard to be semi-scholarly

Tags: @talkaustentome @austengivesmeserotonin @austengeek @princesssarisa @appleinducedsleep @colonelfitzwilliams

[igpitn]

i got really in my feelings talking to @maradeur​ so uhhhh fiveya pacific rim au!!! this got REALLY long so i’ll put it under a cut

for those of you unfamiliar with pacific rim here’s a quick tldr: earth in the future is being plagued by interdimensional monsters (kaijuu) who come from sea (i tHINK) portals!! to fight the monsters, humanity created these giant robotic suits for people to pilot called jaegers. but there has to be two pilots together who share a mental link in the jaeger - they are connected to each other’s minds and control the jaeger together. two pilots capable of making a mental link like that and having it be stable enough to pilot the jaeger in the first place are called “drift compatible”

already so imagine reginald hargreeves, eccentric billionaire who’s donated enough money to be part of jaeger and kaiju research. he oversees potential pilot training and decides that they’re all approaching it wrong. if a strong pre-existing bond is a necessary for drift compatibility, they shouldn’t be SEARCHING for said bonds, they should be creating it!

hence, he adopts 42 children and establishes the umbrella academy. he will train the children from a young age in combat and have them establish bonds with each other in order to produce excellent pilots

the training is severe. it is brutal. many children leave when they turn 18 which is a disappointment to reginald and the rest of the world isn’t sure how they feel about children growing up in that kind of environment. but he only cares about the world

there is Some hope though - he has six children who have all showed potential since they were small. not just in their individual combat skills but with the bonds with each other. reginald focuses most of his attention on them when they turn 13 - numbers 1 through 6

okay so enter five!!!!

five knows since he was young that he was strong and skilled and capable and he’s GOING to pilot a jaeger even if everyone around him is an idiot. while he’s talented he doesn’t understand the importance of drift compatibility.

vanya is also on the training compound but she isn’t part of the rest. she’s more like reginald’s assistant, always there, always quiet, but never really interacting much the other children

she works closest with numbers 1-6 and she likes them well enough it just... stings that she’s ordinary. she saw a jaeger defeat a kaiju in russia when she was small and has had dreams of piloting ever since

so after years of training, when they turn 18, is when reginald decides to test them for drift compatibility. they’ll all be tested together. imagine the shock and dismay five gets when one and three are found to be compatible but so is the TRIO of two four & six. he doesn’t have a partner. the tests show that his levels aren’t high enough. he is discarded. “we will find a partner for you eventually number five but for now you are not needed”

the others get to do real jaeger training while reginald tries to convince the government and all the “legal” channels that that they’re all prepared to pilot with incredible compatibility results along with combat training. it gets approved and everyone gets awarded names as a result. 

five is still five. 

he’s bitter/angry so he spends a lot of time solo training. the government sends over specialists to help reginald build THREE jaegers so the others can start pilot training. he’s furious.  one of those jaegers should be for HIM. 

now enter.... vanya

during this time while the others are in pilot training, quiet vanya is his only companion. he asks her to help time his drills or give him data. she’s only an assistant but five likes her well enough. she’s not annoying like the rest and she listens whenever he rants about how UNFAIR it is that he’s stuck here!! he won’t say it to her face, but she’s comforting

one day he’s bored and twirling a staff around (in the original movies, fighting each other with staffs to see how synced your bodies are is another test for drift compatibility) vanya is in the corner, reading a book. he gets an idea. 

“vanya.” “hm” “i’m bored. come fight me”

she’s VERY reluctant. vanya doesn’t have a lick of combat training - she’s just been all data reports and analysis for the past 15 years. five doesn’t care - he’s bored and he promises he’ll go easy on her. it takes a while but vanya is... just a little bit curious so she picks up a staff.

they go slow. five talks her through her stance and her moves. “spread your feet wider. you have to move your shoulders more.” 

vanya is clumsy but earnest and doesn’t stop which five respects. when he decides she’s ready, he comes at her slowly and they do a bit of mock fighting. vanya falls on her ass a lot but he always tugs her right back up. when she says she’s done he’ll stop. for now, they’ll keep going

vanya is getting more confident and hitting him more firmly and five just... can’t help himself. he goes for this move that always works - sweeping the staff under the person’s feet and pinning them down. he’s done it a dozen times on luther and diego and they hate it. so he goes do it and imagine his SHOCK when vanya avoids it, and goes to hit his shoulder. he blocks it, and they make eye contact.

INSERT FIVE’S REALIZATION.....

“...did you feel that?” five’s never met someone who anticipated his moves, especially someone with NO combat training. that was all vanya. that was all INSTINCT. vanya’s confused. “feel...what?”

he tries to hit again and she blocks him. weakly, she stumbles to the floor from the force of his hit and he grabs her waist as they fall. her on her back with him hovering over her, starring her down intense. it was weak but she STILL blocked him. they stare at each other, panting loudly.

then:

“...i think we’re drift compatible.” “wait what? you’re joking right?” “no. i’ve been training since i was a child and i’ve never felt like this with anyone else before.” “...five i think you’re seeing something because you want to, not because it’s there.” 

vanya pushes at his chest and five reluctantly lets her up. he’s SURE of his feeling. he’s always understood drift compatibility the least but it MAKES SENSE bc he was never compatible with the rest. it’s always been her. he says they need to tell reginald and she’s just like NO!!!

vanya is ordinary. five is being ridiculous. there’s no way that they’re compatible and even if they were so what?? she has NO combat experience. does five expect them to get into a jaeger?? she can’t. that’s ridiculous. she CAN’T. she runs away from him and five is left frustrated

the next few days, she avoids him. five has never been a quitter, and if vanya is his only chance of becoming a pilot... he’s not going to let this go. he can’t. he keeps tracking her down and finds her, demands for her to talk to him. 

“i don’t have anything to say to you!” “tell me you didn’t feel it too. look me in the eye, and said you felt nothing, and i’ll leave you alone.” vanya stares at the floor. she can’t lie. she did feel something

“even if i did... five i’m not a soldier, i’m not like you. and plus aren’t co-pilots supposed to trust each other? i don’t know you.”

five sees his opening. she’s nervous and skittish, so he can’t... demand things the way he has been. he tries a different approach. “two weeks. we’ll train, i’ll teach you everything i know. and...” he struggles a little. “we can get to know each other. give me two weeks. if you still feel like you can’t, i’ll drop it.”

vanya can’t say no to him. plus again, there’s that little part of her that’s always longed to be a pilot that just tells her to TRY. what’s the harm in trying?

the next two weeks are... wild. five sticks true to his word. every morning, he’s at her door when she gets out for the rest of the day with coffee. she nearly spits the first time “you drink it black?!” “is there a problem?” “are you a psychopath?” 

during the day, he accompanies her to all her daily tasks. asking her questions about herself as she works, going over reports and typing data into the computer. “what are your pills for?” “anxiety” “do i make you anxious, vanya?” “you annoy me, that’s for sure number five”

at then at night, they’re during combat training. vanya is always sweaty and out of breath and the end of it while five is cool and collected. “you have no stamina.” “you’re so small” “your muscles... nevermind it’s an insult to call them muscles.” often times vanya is too tired to get up so five picks her up, throws her over his shoulder, and marches them to her quarters

to five, vanya is fascinating. he’s known her all his life but he’s never spent time with her like this. the quiet shadow that’s been in the background is surprisingly clever and capable. plus she gets embarrassed easily and it’s fun

to vanya, she’s already admired five. he’s insanely smart and she watched him grow up from a cocky teen to a confident adult. but getting to know him... he’s infuriating sometimes too. she snaps at him once after training about how he can’t expect her to just KNOW how to do things he’s been doing his whole life. he looks surprised before smiling at her. which surprises HER.

five likes her. he realizes that, the first time she argues back. none of the others have ever made him feel this way. is it normal to like your drift compatible partner? bc suddenly a lot of things make sense.

and then the conversation that changes everything:

“so you’ve been here as long as i have” “that’s right” “so reginald must’ve wanted you in the academy at first.” she hesitates at that. she didn’t consider that. “i... don’t know.”

his question makes her seek out reginald to ask and she’s stunned when reginald bluntly tells her that she had been considered too emotional and unstable to even be a part of the program. it’s not meant for her

vanya stays inside her room and five has to break in. he sits by her on the bed and she’s looking at her pill bottles. “i’ve been taking these since i was five... apparently i’m too emotional to be a pilot” she laughs bitterly and five puts a tentative arm around her shoulder as she recounts the conversation with reginald and then, feeling vulnerable, tells him about her dream to be a pilot bc a jaeger rescued her. she wants to rescue people too.

five squeezes her. “fuck the old man,” he tells her firmly. they flush her pills together and vanya takes his hand, running her fingers over his umbrella tattoo. “okay,” she says. “okay?” she smiles at him. “i’ll do it.”

five manages to get information from ben and they sneakily do their own pilot training. reginald is too busy to realize what’s going on but when he catches them he’s FURIOUS. five won’t back down though. “we’re drift compatible. she was MEANT to pilot with me. you can’t stop this.” he says that vanya is just a civilian and that it’s impossible but five says he’s strong enough to carry the two of them but he can’t do it without vanya

reginald doesn’t believe them. on a whim, he does test their compatibility.  if it’s low he can punish the both of them and they’ll never speak of this again

it’s not low. it’s the OPPOSITE of low in fact. they are synced, really synced in that first one and reginald watches in shock.

meanwhile... for five and vanya, who had never truly grown close to another person in their whole lives, drifting is TERRIFYING. five is a very private person but suddenly he can FEEL vanya in his head. and he’s in hers. all her loneliness, all his resentment, all her insecurity, all his bitterness, it all flows through both of them. it’s overwhelming. he has to reach out for vanya’s hand.

but there are good things too. five’s confidence, vanya’s hope. the memories from all the time that they spent together. “you were right,” vanya tells him and in echoes in both of their heads. five can’t even say “i’m always right.” it’s too overwhelming. plus she knows what he thinks. she’s in his HEAD.

after they leave the simulation reginald tells them to prepare for pilot training. five, once he gets over his panting breath and beating heart, picks vanya up by the waist and spins her around

so five and vanya officially become co-pilots and get to PILOT A JAEGER!!!! 

i guess insert plot stuff here?? i’m lazy to expand upon it but... they go fight kaiju with the others naturally

the first mission going south bc vanya is terrified of fighting a monster for real and benkliego have to save her. five is furious at first but remembers her real, visceral fear and promises her he’ll protect them

“you have to trust me. you’ve been in my head. don’t you trust me?”

the second time they pilot, it’s a success. it’s a REAL good success but it’s a terribly long battle and alluther almost go down and for a moment five thinks they’re going to die. it’s vanya who thinks “not like this” back at him, bc her fear makes five brave it makes sense that five’s fear makes her brave too. they defeat the kaiju but both have to go into surgery for their wounds afterwards.

five wakes up alone and it’s... a strange feeling. his body feels weird. like it’s not his. drifting with vanya was strange at first and he’d been terrified to let someone in but once he got over that it felt RIGHT

now his head feels unnaturally quiet with just his thoughts. he’s heard about this before - when pilots come back out of the drift it’s hard to be separated from their co-pilot. 

he needs to find vanya

he staggers out of bed and limps to her quarters, knocking insistently. part of him is afraid now. he passed out after, what if vanya didn’t make it? what if he has to feel this empty forever?

but the door flies open and there she is, with wide, wild eyes. “van - “ he tries to say her name but vanya jumps at him, throwing her arms around his neck and CLINGING.

they can’t be in each other’s head now, they’re not drifting. physical closeness is the only good substitute

five’s stunned for a moment - she’s never HUGGED him like this - but immediately her skin against his makes him relax and he holds her tighter and just SIGHS in relief

vanya’s whispering to him, urgent and pained. “i thought i was the only one who - “ “no. no you aren’t.” he scoops her close and goes back into her room, dumping her on the bed and holding her. he’s never been this close to another person and he never will be. 

vanya slides a hand over his chest, feeling his heartbeat and five does the same to her. they’re quiet for hours, not talking, not sleeping, just pressing close to each other and keeping themselves grounded with touch

“you saved the world the other day,” vanya tells him before they fall asleep. five presses a kiss into her hair. it feels natural. honestly, he wants to kiss her all over but that’s for another time. “WE saved the world,” he replies. she smiles at him.

[bbclesmis]

David Oyelowo Finds New Depths of Javert’s Obsession for ‘Les Miserables’

To approach playing such an iconic character, David Oyelowo focused on Inspector Javert’s loneliness.

It seems that a million men have played Inspector Javert in Les Miserables. Since the iconic musical debuted in 1985 in the West End (and then in 1987 on Broadway), many men have sung through Javert’s obsession with capturing the elusive Jean Valjean. Straight adaptations of Victor Hugo’s novel have rarely been brought to the small screen, but this season PBS and BBC’s miniseries event features a quiet and intense performance from David Oyelowo.

Oyelowo has always brought an intense level of emotion to his performances, but, as Javert, he exudes a fierce intelligence that must make other characters uneasy. The way he watches other people talk and think makes the viewer downright uncomfortable, and you know his mind is occupied with dissecting every interaction. I’ve never seen someone play Javert with a loneliness before.

As the series goes on, he becomes so obsessed with discovering Valjean that it becomes his singular goal. You can almost see the fire in his eyes but he tries his hardest to not let you see it. Oyelowo is positively brilliant in his portrayal as a man who doesn’t even know how much he has sacrificed for Valjean, a man who has dedicated his life to becoming good.

A lot of men have played Javert and Jean Valjean. What did you want to bring to this iconic character?

For me, the opportunity was about contextualizing the level of self loathing that this man clearly has by the end of his trajectory but to also give context to why. Why the pursuit of Jean Valjean. I’ve enjoyed the musical like millions of people, but it almost feels like those two elements—the why of the pursuit and the why of his violent end at his own hand—are sort of glossed over.  Understandably so because the musical only has so much time to delve into a 1500 page novel written by Victor Hugo. When I read the script by Andrew Davis, I had the challenge to explore that. By delving into him that it was rooted in this self-loathing and Javert’s hatred of his own upbringing. He was brought up by two criminal parents and he had a specific relationship with criminality as a result. When he realizes that the pursuit is erroneous, he can’t live with himself. It was just a great opportunity to contextualize all that.

Javert’s perspective on right and wrong feels like night and day. You have a line early in the series where you describe another character and say, ‘He has a criminal mentality. He’s a degenerate—he’s wicked.’

You’re absolutely right. He is Old Testament and Jean Valjean is New Testament. Everything is completely black and white. There is no room for nuance or gray with him and that’s his tactic.

In the first episode, Jean Valjean is changing out of his prison uniform, and Javert quietly glances at him when he’s naked. What’s going on in that moment?

There is. There is an acute jealousy that Javert has towards Valjean. It has to do with his physical strength. Javert’s life is easier to digest if he dismissed all criminals as bad. He’s fascinated by this human being. You can see it when Javert sees Valjean breaking the rocks earlier in the first episode. I’m sure there is a jealousy to do with his strength and the prowess in the genital region. There is an element where there is no room of sexuality or to love another person. When you see how obsessed Javert is with this guy you have to wonder if there is an attraction beyond fascination. One of the things we wanted to do was to bring nuance in subtle ways, and that was one of those moments. Is he just obsessed with him? Are you attracted to him? Do you want to be him?

You want to sort of grab Javert and shake him and ask what his deal is.

Yes.

How do you make something like Les Miserables relevant to a modern audience. You mentioned the musical, and I’m sure everyone knows it’s been around forever.

I really have to take my hat off to Tom Shankland. We talk in very real terms of why Les Mis and why now? The why now—especially since we had a very good version of the musical as a film—is that it’s a much deeper dive into the characters. I don’t think since the Civil Rights Movement that we’ve had this many protests, this much upheaval with racial issues, socioeconomic issues, religious issues, political issues. You only have to look at the Yellow Vests in Paris and the upheaval in that city. It’s also the difference between the have and the have nots is exemplified by Fantine, played by Lily Collins. You realize how quickly someone can slip through the cracks in society. Anyone who lives through the economic crash of 2008 and had too much money in their homes will tell you how easy it is to find yourself at the bottom of the barrel and struggling.

When I came on board, I was very clear, as a person of color, that there was no way I’d be part of this narrative if it was going to be perceived as tokenism. I’ve studied the history and I know that people of color were a part of society at this time and before. We so seldom see them in integrated ways in society. I feel like they could sense my passion not just for that but just the narrative in general so I came on as producer. What I truly believe makes a piece feel relevant is that people who will watch the show will feel themselves reflected in the show. Thankfully, that has become something that has been celebrated about our rendition of Les Miserables. It’s not just me, but it’s Gavroche, Eponine, Thenardier. Lots of people in there. It wasn’t made a big deal but just integrated in. That is something that audiences are glomming onto.

This is a version of this story that has a big emotional heft that you don’t see in the musical. Going back to what you said about the socioeconomic issues, I love that the last shot is of these poor kids sitting on the sidewalk of the street.

Hmm. Yeah.

I love watching Javert listen to other people talk—you exude this fierce intelligence when you interrogate people. What can you tell me about Javert’s stillness or quietness?

Absolutely. When I read the book, there was a line that really, really stuck out to me. Victor Hugo describes Javert as ‘the wolf cub in the pack that the mother would never leave with his siblings.’

Oh…

That is a very poignant when it comes to any character description. A wolf cub who may kill his own siblings? I really held onto that–Javert being an animal of prey, or I should say an animal constantly circling his prey. If you look at predators, there is a stillness to them—a concentration around waiting for the moment to attack. That, to me, is Javert, especially when you see him in scenes with Jean Valjean. He’s waiting for the opening and the gap where he is proved right. And, like most good predators, Javert is willing to be patient and wait it out. That’s the only explanation that he won’t relent in his pursuit for well over a decade. That characteristic dictated a lot of the physicality of how to play the role. He’s not someone who is fronting. He’s patient but it manifests in a brooding stillness. That was I hoped to do anyway.

This was the first time that I really got Javert’s loneliness. How was it to be in that singular head space the entire time you were filming this?

Lonely. It genuinely was. We had a huge cast of over 100 speaking parts, and I made a choice to keep myself to myself. I am a true believer in that you can have great dialogue and great direction, but so much of giving a good performance is about your state of mind and the head space that you can afford yourself. I stayed well away from everyone else in terms of my living quarters, because I wanted that loneliness to manifest. I truly believe that’s also why he ends himself at the end. To focus on that point of view for so long and then be wrong—not just about this man but about what he should dedicate his life to. Javert has defined himself as someone who enforces the law. He has watched this man, who was a criminal, become able to have compassion, able to love, and able to forgive. That’s the thing that makes Javert’s head spin. The foundation on which he has built his life has crumbled beneath him, and then there’s no one to love and no one to be loved by. That, going back to your first question, was the challenge. Give me context and a level of understanding, and maybe I will be able to segue into compassion for this man. The loneliness is a huge part of understanding what he does to himself.

https://www.awardsdaily.com/2019/06/13/david-oyelowo-interview/

[bardqueenofgallifrey]

Nightvisiting (Favourite Episode, for Class Appreciation Week: Day Two)

This was a tricky decision, because Detained is objectively the best imo, Metaphysical Engine the one guaranteed to fuck me up, and there’s just something about Tonight We Might Die that I adore.

But when I think favourite, I think the episode that I would watch again and again, and that’s Nightvisiting. It’s also where I fell head over heels for the show (and for Quill, whoops).

So I’m going to talk about my favourite things/moments from the episode that made me love it so much.

Here we go!

1. The opening montage. It’s beautiful (with a great song choice) and sweet and then crushingly sad, and it plunges you into the suddenness of Jasper’s death with the same lack of warning that Tanya herself experienced. So very well done.

2. The line “Alien invasion, or teen angst?” It’s just the show in a nutshell. Plus, KK’s delivery is spot on.

3. Charlie and Matteusz. This is where you get to see their relationship properly (and while, yes, it seems to have bloomed into full blown declaration of love in the span of about two weeks since prom, which like the Ram/April pacing is fairly questionable, if not more so, I’m gonna put it down to pre-prom interaction and intense teenage emotion and not complain).

They’re just... wonderful. This is the start of where we see them as a couple who are never horrible to each other, never cruel. Only ever kind and loving and as understanding as possible despite their differences.

It’s still far too rare to see couples whose issues don’t revolve around being awful to each other somehow. Couples who love each other desperately and try to cling to each other despite the problems they’re facing or the disagreements they might have, those are the ones we need more of, and Charlie and Matteusz are such a great example of this. 

The scenes with them in this episode are sweet and beautiful and funny and set up the rest of their relationship really well.

4. Quill and the Hunger Games/sitting on the couch. While this line is obviously hilarious (again, partly because of Katherine Kelly’s delivery; every single one of Quill’s lines is so genuine), what actually always strikes me about this shot is her body language. She’s incredibly stiff for someone just reading a book in their lounge. Like, seriously, who sits like that?

It reinforces the idea that she’s not really comfortable in human skin yet, and is probably still used to have a lot of quills sticking out of her back. 

It’s just a really interesting little detail.

5. Tanya. She’s the star of this episode, with Quill coming in at a close second, and Vivian’s acting is just phenomenal (I always remember how this was her first ever acting role and get really !! about it, I’m so proud of her).

We see Tanya as the girl who is able to be pragmatic even when overcome by grief, who takes nothing at face value and challenges everything like she always does. And god, do you feel for her here. It’s heartwrenching and beautiful and you just want to hug her. 

6. The way the Lankin explanation scene switches between Tanya and Quill as they are simultaneously seduced. It’s a great directorial choice, and effectively erases repetition in the ‘sales pitch’. 

7. Quill. 

Oh boy. This is the episode that took a character with a very interesting premise (former freedom fighter turned slave) but rather hard exterior and let us get a better of idea of what was underneath. Taking my heart and stealing it for all eternity in the process, whoops. 

We’d had moments of vulnerability with her before - the crying in the beginning of the kitchen scene of ep 1, and the fact that she’s so lonely that she jumps the Inspector at first indication he’s interested - but this was less about vulnerability, and more about seeing what Quill is like when she’s not lashing out at the teenagers simply because it’s the only thing she can do. 

And when she isn’t busy being salty? When she senses a threat? She’s quietly calculating, and always eager for a fight. 

“Right, so this is a sales pitch, and you’ve chosen a human form of my dead sister to be your mouthpiece. Tell me again why I shouldn’t kick your arse right now?” 

Quill normally doesn’t have great control over her emotions - yes, she’s closed off a lot of the time, but if she’s feeling something strongly she will shout it to the world, as we see in episode 5 especially. So the fact that she is very much in control in this scene is very interesting, since obviously the emotional connection is strong enough for the Lankin to bother reaching out in the first place. 

Part of it is likely the complicated relationship with the sister, but I put most of it down to Quill’s soldier instincts. Her guard is up, her mind is whirring, and she’s playing this thing like a fiddle - which we see for sure when Charlie and Matteusz finally come downstairs and Quill kicks “her sister” to the floor. 

But the one time you see her lose that guard is when she’s first offered the gun. 

This episode introduces the Quill fundamental - as a people, fighting is their first instinct. Quill is offered a fight, her gun, as opposed to closure. We see how much she wants it, how much she needs to be able to fight, how it’s a part of her identity lost to her (seriously, watch her carefully in ep 1 when the gun gets crushed by Corakinus, she is devastated), and the gun is all she has left. 

7.5. Quill’s lacy camisole. Whoops I’m just really gay and it’s really distracting ANYWAY MOVING ON

8. “If your family is wrong for you, you can choose a different one.” I shouldn’t need to explain why this quote is wonderful. 

9. April’s backstory. April “Ludicrous Care Bear” MacLean’s weird insistence on not being fragile in the first episode is explained here, and it’s just such a great trait to see in a character. She’s simultaneously one of the loveliest, kindest people you’ll meet, while also being strong as steel in the most defiant of ways. 

Plus it’s a really nice moment between her and Ram, and it partly explains why he falls for her so hard and so fast. He sees what an incredible person April is, and is drawn to her light and strength. Me too buddy, me too. 

9. FADY’S MODEL SHOT! Okay, so every time I watch this scene, Fady’s face cracks me up because like, I just want to scream at him: “THIS ISN’T A PHOTOSHOOT FADY YOU’RE LISTENING TO AN EMOTIONAL TRAGIC BACKSTORY!!” 

I dunno, there’s just something hilarious about it to me. And also, dear god how is this boy so pretty??

10. Quill roundhouse kicking the Lankin in the face. A+

11. “That’s how the Lankin works.” I feel like Quill doesn’t get enough credit for working out that the alien of the week was bullshitting based on a SINGLE LETTER, a SINGLE VERB CONJUGATION. ‘The Lankin works’, as in a singular creature, not ‘the Lankin work’, like the multiple it has tried to claim. It’s understated and brilliant. 

12. “Get a very big knife”/ “I don’t like knives”. Charlie is such a fascinating character. There’s a half hilarious, half concerning irony to the fact that the same boy who literally has a slave that he happily orders around and ardently denies having wronged in any way, also has an issue with knives.

It comes down to his inherent and constant belief in his own goodness, even when that belief is sometimes very skewed (but that’s a matter for Day 3, where I’ll talk about him for Favourite Alien since I’ve done Quill for Favourite Character).

13. “What a drama queen.” I love how much of a hypocrite Quill is. She claims the kids wouldn’t know evil if they saw it a second before oogling the butt of a guy carrying a bag of body parts, and here she calls the fake sister a drama queen when she herself is the MOST EXTRA HO. I love her so much. 

14. “No one insults the memory of my sister by making her nice.” Again, just an interesting insight into Quill culture, and an implication about what they do and don’t value. Or else, Quill’s sister was a mega bitch and Quill loved for her it in a complicated way anyway. Either way, it’s great. 

15. “By the way, Matteusz lives with us now.” - “Whatever!” The lack of fucks given is truly spectacular. 

16. Tanya turning her anger against the Lankin. The reason why I love this is that it’s simple, works really well, but doesn’t act as the final solution. It logically weakens the Lankin, but isn’t enough to make it explode. It just weakens it enough to allow for:

17. Quill with the bus. From a plot and destroying the alien perspective, again it’s simple and effective. From a Quill character perspective, I think this might be the first time she’s had fun in months. (Probably because it’s as close to a weapon as she could get. I bet she went home and doodled buses with metal spikes sticking out the front. Imagine Quill in the Mad Max universe. Imagine.) 

18. When the kids celebrate, and Quill watches from afar despite there being a gap in the circle for her. 

Oh man. 

This was it. This was the moment that I lost my soul. The kids bonding over their victory is really sweet, but it’s Quill hanging back that grabbed me by the gut and hasn’t let go since. 

Quill is so desperately lonely. She looks at the kids and you can just see that a part of her wants more than anything to go be with them, to rejoice a victory in battle like she used to do with her fellow soldiers. But she knows the kids wouldn’t accept her, and rejects her own feelings of wanting them to, wanting someone to. “Yeah, just I said that” is her knowing that she’s already being ignored again, like she always is, because she’s Miss Quill, not a normal person. 

She covers it with snark, like she always does, with: “oh my god, I think I’m going to vomit”, but you can see that it’s more to convince herself of not caring than them. She walks away and you can see how unhappy she is, and my heart breaks for her every time. 

19. The lovely moment with Tanya and her mum at the end. 

Tanya’s mother is mainly referenced as the “strict Nigerian parent who would punish God if he snuck out”, who pushes Tanya academically. So it’s really really nice to see the softer side of her and her relationship with Tanya. 

It’s just such a sweet, lovely moment that gives some nice close to the emotional rollercoaster Tanya and the audience have gone through across the episode. 

In summary, this episode focuses on my two faves while also having some really nice content for the others, and that’s why I adore it. 

(Also, I’m gay for Quill all the time but possibly more in this episode than any other. Help.)

[crabbybun]

First Instinct Fic

Title:  Playing with Fire Word Count:  2,447 Fandom:  Instinct (2018 CBS TV show) Rating:  T for Teen/PG-13 Pairing:  Dylan/Julian, mentions Dylan/Mark Warnings:  cheating Author’s Notes:  BEFORE YOU READ - So, okay I don’t know if anybody’s actually watching this new CBS drama Instinct but I am because it stars my bisexual icon Alan Cumming.  To borrow from the show: Alan Cumming plays former CIA operative Agent Dylan Reinhart, who quit the agency to take a job teaching abnormal behavior.  He wrote a book about it, which inspired a serial killer, which prompted the NYPD to get him involved in the case.  So now he works as a consultant with the NYPD.  It’s Criminal Minds without as many characters and without all the gory depictions of rape and murder.  Here’s why I like it: Dylan’s character is openly gay and has a wonderful on-screen, supportive relationship with his husband.  Here’s another reason: Naveen Andrews stars in it as a former CIA operative turned freelance intelligence agent that Dylan knows from his Agency days and goes to for information a lot (For a “recurring” character, he’s in p much every episode.  Just add him to the main cast already!)  My problem is that every time they are on screen together, there is serious sexual tension between the two characters.  You don’t understand, Naveen Andrews gives Alan Cumming sex eyes and I can’t unsee it.  SO!  Have some bad fanfiction about that affair.  Maybe then it’ll leave me alone.  I’m probably the only one watching this thing anyway.  This is set sometime before episode 11 and I’m generally stoned when I write, so if I fuck up the tenses that’s why.  It’s the one thing I have trouble keeping coherent when I write.

Read on AO3

Dylan Reinhart was the type of man to overthink everything.  Every behavior, every conversation, every interaction, replayed over and over again in his mind.  Always looking for abnormalities in his own behavior, clues in other people’s that would give him insight into their lives; a desperate search for information that he had always collected in his mind.  Now, he wasn’t his father; his intent was never to use the information he collected against others.  That’s one of the reasons he left the spy business.  No, Dylan was simply fascinated by the human condition.  People found new ways to surprise and delight him every day.  So he kept watching them, and analyzing them.  

This behavior of his extended to those close to him as well, which was actually why he was so successful in his personal life.  It was how he was able to tell so masterfully when his partner was obsessing over something on their case, or when his husband was feeling neglected in their personal lives. It made him masterful at small talk, and a great gift giver.  It also put him in a constant battle with his own brain; Dylan was always making sure nothing in his behavior was ever out of line, ever off-putting - more than what might be deemed acceptable anyway.  He liked flamboyance, after all, but there was a fine line between eccentric and abnormal.  Between that and his father’s voice in his head, he had become more than a little self-analytic and self-critical.  

So when he found himself texting Julian for less than important things, he analyzed it.  And when he felt like Julian was starting to avoid him, he analyzed that too.  He certainly liked working with Julian again, especially since the other man had left the Agency as well.  But that didn’t explain the almost intrusive urge to keep in constant contact with the other man.  Dylan was becoming distracted by it, but didn’t know what was causing it, and in order to resolve that, he probably had to talk to Julian, which was exactly what he thought he was doing too much of to begin with.  It was driving Dylan in circles, which was beginning to give him anxiety.  But none of it was action, which Dylan knew he was going to have to buckle down and go do instead.  

That was how Dylan ended up in Julian’s little underground hideaway in the middle of the afternoon.  This whole thing was stressing him out so bad he couldn’t focus on his cases, or his classes, or on anything really so he had finally taken action.  Telling his partner he was going out for lunch, he had come to Julian’s under similarly false pretenses; pretending to need help with his latest NYPD case - a man found dead in his home, open mail in his hand, pile beside him, with a bullet in his head.  The most interesting part to Dylan was how the killer left the bullet displayed on the coffee table in front of him.  Well, that was the spiel Dylan launched into when he arrived, acutely aware that he was talking and pacing rather nervously while he did so.  

Julian sat there and watched Dylan pace silently, slightly bored.  It was easy to tell that Dylan was on edge, and he suspected that it had nothing to do with the case he was currently working.  In fact, Dylan had been doing this a lot recently, Julian had noticed - contacting him a lot more than usual, with requests far below his abilities.  Julian suspected there was something more behind it, but these trifles bored him and he had stopped responding to most of them.  Which was probably the other part of the reason Dylan was here today, or at least, a decent enough excuse to get him here.  But it wasn’t the whole reason, Julian was sure.  He spoke suddenly, cutting Dylan off mid-sentence, “Is everything alright with you at home?  Between you and Andy, I mean.”

The abrupt question blindsided Dylan, and he stood paralyzed for a moment, looking to Julian like a deer in headlights.  A million things ran through Dylan’s mind, about why Julian would ask that question right then and about the body language signals Dylan might have been giving off.  It took Dylan a moment to compose himself enough to answer, “Yeah, everything’s fine; we’re doing great.  Why would you ask that?  It has nothing to do with...anything I’ve been talking about.”

“You’ve been blathering on like a teenage girl for the past five minutes,” Julian replied coolly, “You’ve been blowing my phone up with bullshit for the past six weeks, and you’re as nervous right now discussing your case with me as when you came out to your father.  If you weren’t happily married, I would think you had a crush.”  Dylan turned five shades of red.  Julian’s eyes narrowed.  “You don’t have a crush, do you?” he asked skeptically.  Dylan gulped.  

This is the part Dylan had been having a hard time admitting to himself.  Working with the NYPD meant that he no longer got regular sleep - not as bad as when he was with the Agency, but he didn’t generally sleep much and Lizzie had a habit of not sleeping herself.  Lately, when he did sleep, his dreams were haunted; he found Julian’s deep eyes and intense demeanor were almost following him and that feeling stayed with him in his waking life.  It was probably why his reflections hadn’t been getting anywhere; Dylan had been avoiding thinking about the connection between his dreams and his almost obsessive need to be around Julian.  But that was because Dylan really was happily married; there was no reason on Earth Dylan should have a crush on Julian.  

But there it was.  A crush explained everything: his need to hear from Julian, his intense desire to just be in the other man’s presence, the recurring thoughts and dreams.  Dylan wasn’t necessarily a stranger to this idea; there had been some flirtation, some tension between the two back when they were young and working at the Agency.  But they were both older people now; different people now.  For all intents and purposes, this relationship should be purely professional and Dylan knew they were both perfectly capable of keeping it that way.  The problem was that he also knew that they were both perfectly capable of changing that in an instant.  

Julian took Dylan’s silence on the matter as a confirmation.  It did explain Dylan’s strange behavior, and Julian had to admit he felt flattered.  The flirtation back at the Agency in their youth had been two-sided, and he had wanted confirmation from Dylan before he came forward that he never quite got.  Too nervous to take the lead then, he had let the other man slip away and had never quite let go of that.  Time changed a lot of things, Julian reflected as he smiled and walked slowly toward Dylan.  

“Well, well, well,” he chuckled darkly, more to himself than to Dylan, “how the tables have turned.” “Pardon?” Dylan asked, startled by Julian’s sudden movement, taken aback by the breaking of the silence that had descended, and a little scared by the sudden spike in confidence he was displaying. “I was infatuated with you, years ago,” Julian said, “the way you carried yourself, the way you worked, your intensity...all of it enthralled me.  We flirted, but I could never tell if you were serious or not.  You never gave me enough; I wanted you unconditionally and I couldn’t even tell if you were actually available or not.  Then you married Andy, and left the Agency, and I shoved all that away and moved on.  Yet, here you stand.  For no discernable reason either.”  Dylan swallowed hard as Julian came to a stop mere inches from where he stood.  

“What’s changed?” Julian asked, voice so low as to nearly be a whisper.  His dark eyes softened as he looked Dylan up and down, “If you’re so happy, what could I possibly give you?” When his eyes met Dylan’s face, they were shining with both hope and trepidation. “I don’t know,” Dylan admitted softly with a sigh, “I wish there was some excuse, some way I could rationalize it away.  I love Andy, I really do, and he hasn’t done anything to make me want out of our relationship.  But I still have this intense desire to see you.  I find myself getting excited at the thought of you, I dream of you, and there’s no earthly reason why…” he trailed off, slightly uncomfortable to be having this conversation now, particularly with Julian so close to him.  He had envisioned having this conversation over a lunch or something.  

Julian smiled a little. “Maybe there doesn’t have to be,” he murmured, “Why bother making excuses?  After all, we are ex-CIA operatives.  Keeping secrets is supposed to be what we’re good at.  I can keep my mouth shut, if you can.”  Julian crept into Dylan’s personal space even more, slowly testing the boundaries the other man was willing to put up, if any.  Dylan groaned softly as he felt a stirring in his nethers and his brain began to short circuit.  Julian made a good point, and as Dylan’s eyes left Julian’s and moved to his lips, his breath caught a little.  Julian’s lips were so plump, and so close, and he was right there. 

Dylan made the decision to jump just as Julian decided to stop waiting.  The kiss was heated; Julian was pressed up against Dylan, who was backed up against a table.  Dylan’s hand snaked its way to the back of Julian’s neck, intensifying the action.  When they broke apart for air, Dylan pressed their foreheads together.  

“We should stop this.  Now,” Dylan whispered, almost pleadingly.   “I don’t see you stopping though,” Julian countered, “and I’m got no motivation to myself.”  His lips connected with Dylan’s again briefly, chastely, as he felt Dylan pulling away from him.   “Me either,” Dylan replied, “But...we shouldn’t do this here.”  He looked around at the sparse area, consisting of a bank of computer monitors on a desk, a table, and two chairs total. “Agreed,” Julian said, “I do know of an unoccupied Agency safe house close by…” “Yeah, okay,, that’s a start,” Dylan whispered breathlessly, lips lightly brushing Julian’s.  He heard Julian groan lightly beneath him and reluctantly push himself away.  His eyes were even darker and more unreadable than usual.  Dylan’s breath was taken away, even as the feelings of guilt rose in his gut.

Dylan mulled on what he was doing as he left the hideaway.  Like true spies, the pair were to leave separately, subsequently arriving separately and at separate times.  Unfortunately the plan left Dylan alone in his own head, where there was a war going on.  His first thought was about how easy his background made having an affair.  Especially an affair with Julian.  For one, the man was another spy; he was great at lying and keeping secrets so the two of them made a fairly impenetrable force.  Andy would never discover an incongruent story, or abnormal behavior.  For two, his kiss with Julian had been exactly what he dreamed and his worst nightmare rolled into one.  It certainly satisfied whatever he had been craving and now he longed for more.  The whole idea was so seductive, but he kept flashing back to Andy’s face; his husband was so innocent and so loving didn’t deserve any of this.

Dylan was pacing the floor of the safehouse by the time Julian arrived.  This “safehouse” was an unoccupied apartment in the back of a run-down complex, and Dylan could hear Julian’s approach, which put every nerve in his body on alert.  His heart rate rose, and his breath shortened as he heard the gap close, and the other man burst through the door like a whirlwind, taking the air out of the room.  Julian rushed at Dylan, barely closing the door behind him, and engulfed the taller man back into a heated embrace.  Dylan was overcome with adrenaline once more, clutching Julian to him initially and indulging his fantasy.  However, he simply couldn’t let his guilt go; Dylan found images of Andy flashing behind his eyes, making him pull back from Julian.  

“Wait, wait,” he said, putting up a hand.  Julian instantly pulled way back, placing about a half a foot of space between him and Dylan.   “You’ve changed your mind,” he said, matter-of-factly. Then he smiled slightly.  “I should have known.  Given enough time, you can talk yourself out of anything.” “And I love my husband,” Dylan said softly, “ as much as I want this,” he closed the distance between himself and Julian, and took the smaller man’s chin in his hand “as much as I want you, I can’t do it at the expense of Andy.  I can’t... make him a casualty.”  

Julian pulled away and placed a little more space between him and Dylan, leaning against a doorway.  He looked at Dylan again and nodded.  “I respect that,” he said.  He smiled brilliantly at Dylan.  “I enjoyed the taste that I got.” His smile faltered somewhat as he continued, “Just don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me for a while.”

And like that, Julian was gone and Dylan was alone in the apartment, trembling slightly.  He sighed shakily, and ran a hand through his hair before seeming to come to himself.  He grabbed hs phone and his helmet as he left.

It was sometime later before he was home and reflecting on his misdeeds.  He was deep in thought in one of the leather armchairs of the study when Andy announced his presence by bouncing a Nerf basketball off his husband’s head.  

Dylan turned to see his husband smiling.  “I thought of coming in and saying “penny for your thoughts,” but then I thought that this would be funnier,” he said, stooping to pick up the ball, “What has you so deep in thought today?”

Dylan didn’t answer right away, taking a moment to absorb how his husband was right then.  How he looked happy and carefree.  He had been thinking about how much he didn’t want to do this, but he had almost lost Andy once by keeping secrets and he wasn’t going to risk that again.  He had to talk about this, whether he liked it or not.  

Dylan looked up at Andy and smiled sadly.  “Would you mind having a seat?” he asked, his voice breaking somewhat as he motioned to another chair close by, “I...there’s something we need to talk about.”

FIN