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perhapsitmaybedragons · 4 years ago

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God’s a Bastard, But Then So Am I Chapter 4

I’m just gonna ...keep writing this, huh? I haven’t been this motivated on a story in a long time.

As always, it can either be read on AO3 here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633029/chapters/65144467

Or continue reading below:

Aziraphale was worried.

Well, more worried than he usually was, anyway. He had spent a great many years worrying. Humans had therapy, but angels didn't. He'd gotten curious and tried it once, but had left when the psychiatrist had made it clear she hadn't believed anything he said and seemed pretty keen on having him committed. Of course, maybe starting off by admitting his angelic nature had been a mistake.

He'd thought originally they might get some reprieve. It hadn't been that long since the last try at ending the world, couldn't get get a few months to enjoy the place? Or years? Centuries sounded like a wonderful idea to him. But he could sense them moving. He wasn't as close to it as he used to be, but he liked to think that maybe the Almighty was trying to send him advanced warning to help him prepare.

In truth, whether She had sent them or not, what he was sensing was the angels and demons that took shifts watching him from far off. There were wards that could make one invisible even to angels, but the problem was it couldn't keep them from sensing you completely. And since Aziraphale was such a worrier the universe rewarded him by giving him something to worry about, letting him feel the spies even if he couldn't see them. He reached for his phone to dial Crowley, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Ten minutes after they'd left Jasmine Cottage, Anathema, Newt and Adam had all arrived. They'd called ahead of time but he hadn't answered. Adam had left Dog behind in order to arouse less suspicion from his parents.

Aziraphale let them in, but spared a glance behind them trying to locate whatever was troubling him. No luck, but he knew it was there. He frowned at the seemingly normal day and shut and locked the door.

He'd always been fond of humans, but he particularly enjoyed this group. Sometimes it was nice to have company outside of Crowley. And Adam and his friends were a delight – little monsters, the whole lot of them, but in the sweet, harmless way children often are. They were even better now that Aziraphale had convinced them to pick up after themselves whenever they came to his shop.

He frowned. “Isn't it a school day?”

“There are more important things,” Anathema insisted. “We tried to call Crowley, too, but he didn't answer.” Nothing unusual there. He rarely answered calls from anyone other than Aziraphale, but he'd still show up wherever he was asked to go, complaining the whole time that he had things to do. “I texted him to meet us here?”she said that part expectantly, but Aziraphale shook his head.

“It's been a few days since I've heard from him,”Aziraphale admitted. That in itself wasn't too worrying. They'd gone centuries without speaking before, though now usually less than a week since those marvelous little cell phones had been invented.

“We may need his help as well,” Newt suggested, pulling out his own phone and texting Crowley. There was no reason to do it – Anathema had already had it covered. But to Newt's mind, Crowley had a sort of swagger that he would like to learn, and he was a bit stoked to have a demon's phone number (even if it had been given to him by Adam, and without his asking Crowley's permission first).

“I'm still doing things. It takes us ten minutes to get here from my house, every time,” Adam launched right into it. He hated the way adults made small talk and asked everyone if they wanted tea. Unless biscuits were going to be offered, he'd rather just dive right into it.

“Oh,” Aziraphale thought for a moment. “Any chance your car is just exceptionally fast?”

“It takes me ten minutes to get here on a bike, too,” Adam said before Newt could answer.

“Ah. That-That should definitely not be possible,” The car ride wasn't possible, either, but a bike going that far that fast was much more impressive. “Any other signs?” he glanced at Anathema. “You gave Crowley that prediction the other day. Were there any others?”

“I burned the book,” she said, looking embarrassed. He had a sudden moment of knowing exactly what his face had looked like when he had admitted to Crowley that he'd given Adam and Eve the flaming sword. “I didn't think we'd be facing another end of days so soon.”

“It's all right,” he said comfortingly. “I'll get some tea on,” noticing the face Adam made, he hastily added “and I've made some lovely cake – chocolate icing. Don't suppose you'd like a slice?”

Adam smiled and happily trailed behind Aziraphale to the back room. A quick snap of the fingers and everyone was settled in with a slice of cake and in the most comfortable chairs they'd ever sat in. “Now, I suppose it's best we get right into it,” he took a bite of cake and directed his attention to Adam.

“slike zis,” Adam started with a full mouth, but then seemed to think better of it. His parents didn't know what Aziraphale was, but if his mum ever found out he'd spoken to an angel with his mouth full she would probably never get over the embarrassment. He swallowed. “Mostly it's just a feeling. Getting here so fast is the only thing that I noticed so far, but ...but I swear, it's coming,” he looked pleadingly at Aziraphale.

“I believe you completely, dear boy,” the angel assured him. “I must say that I've had my own sense that trouble's brewing, though like you I can't quite get a handle on where it's coming from,” he pulled his phone out and made a face. “And a certain demon is not answering, but I would like to get his opinion on this,”

“You're sure no one's taken him or something?” Newt wasn't as practiced as Aziraphale at worrying, but he was almost as good at it.

“Be pretty hard to take him. Devil's own luck, as they say,” Aziraphale said cheerfully. But then his face fell. “But they did grab us once, so I suppose it's not impossible...” he dialed Crowley and started pacing while it rang.

“Not a good time, angel.” Crowley hung up about as quickly as he'd answered.

“Well, that was him, anyway,” he frowned. “So he's all right, but I can't see what he could be up to that's so important.”

What Crowley was up to was trying to get the nerve up to go to Heaven. Not the way a human might, of course. No, to go through the front entrance the way he used to before he'd fallen. He knew the way in, but he kept feeling like he was going to psych himself out. Once again God had refused to give him details of what he was looking for. Just a vague image of what part of heaven he was supposed to sneak into.

He was about to turn around and say screw it all when the phone rang. He let it ring twice before answering. “Not a good time, angel.” he said before hanging up. But he'd heard the little huff Aziraphale had given when he hung up on him. It was a mixture of frustration, anger and worry. They hadn't been out of contact long enough for Aziraphale to be worried about him (or so he thought, wrongly) so Crowley reasoned that if Aziraphale was worried something else was going on. Which might mean that Aziraphale was coming close to realizing the pieces were already starting to move in the latest war.

Which meant he would get involved.

Crowley didn't like the thought of that. He had been promised they would be left alone after all this, so it stood to reason that if he got everything done God wanted to they could get back to their lives.

Angels don't ward against glamours. They think they can see everything. And in truth, they can – but only when they bother to look. The problem with that is that right now, most of heaven has convinced itself that it's too important, too powerful for anyone to ever dare to try to sneak in. Once again he couldn't saunter, but now he had to hold his head up high, proudly, looking very self important. He tried to make a similar face to the one he'd always seen Gabriel wear, but the very feel made him want to punch himself.

So he changed his face a bit more – his hair was golden blond now, eyes blue and no longer hidden behind shades. He hadn't worn white in such a long time that his clothes were more startling to him in his reflection than any of the rest of him.

He couldn't use Crowley up here, but he wasn't about to use his old name, either. Heaven has a long memory, after all. He'd decided to go by Nathaniel if anyone asked, but he knew deep down no one would. If you were in Heaven, you must belong there. They didn't make mistakes, after all.

He took the escalator up, trying to push down the urge to just run up, dash through and get the hell – or rather, the heaven – out. When he reached the top he took a right. His feet knew where to go, even after all this time. To the Records Room.

He didn't know what he was looking for. He had some vague idea that God knew but for some reason couldn't tell him Herself and that was making him angry. What was the point of being all powerful if you couldn't just tell someone “Hey, here's what to thwart, get it done by doing this and you'll be all set by tea time”?

But the Record Room didn't look like it should. There were the file cabinets, of course. And the whole room was clean and so bright that he'd wished he'd kept his sunglasses on, no matter how quickly they would have given him away. No, what drew his interest was the three smoking vials on top of one cabinet.

They were all a dark, poisonous looking green and he had a vague notion he'd seen it somewhere before. He was tempted to break the bottles, but thought better of it. It was always possible it was a trap and that it would either alert everyone else to his being there or that it was disguised holy water. He had the sense to know that this was what he was looking for, but he had no clue what they were or what they were going to be used for. But they certainly didn't look like angelic.

He dared to pick one bottle up, holding it up toward the light to better examine it. The contents inside oozed and turned the same shade as his eyes – his real ones, not the baby blues he was currently hiding behind. He put it back hastily. He couldn't decide if he was supposed to take them with him or not. He thought he should, but God hadn't told him to take anything, just to go to the records room and “Come and See”.

He let himself out. He'd seen enough and coming here was awful. He kept his head up as he made his way back toward the elevator, but stopped and thought better of it when he caught sight of Gabriel. Or what should have been Gabriel.

Crowley wasn't as self assured as angels. He knew not to trust them – so he didn't fall for the same glamours they did. So he could see that it was actually Hastur dressed up as Gabriel and talking to Michael – Michael, for her part, was actually her same angelic self. He sidled up as close as he dared to get to them.

“I left them in the records room, all right?” Hastur said in his own voice. He wasn't even attempting to sound like Gabriel.

“Good,” Michael nodded, “We'll add the last bits to it before we give it back and you can do what I told you to,” It was a little obvious now she was enjoying bossing around someone with Gabriel's face. For once, Crowley couldn't blame her.

It seemed heaven was taking the lead in planning this time. That was concerning. They were smarter up here, with a few exceptions. Crowley tried to lean in closer.

“What are you doing?” Michael demanded. Crowley glanced around.

“Me?” He pointed at himself innocently.

“Yes. What are you up to?”

“Ah. Yes. Well, I am from the rainbow department. Just trying to get inspiration, thinking about making a new color – well, God might make a new color, I just implement it, don't I?” He was doing as best as he could to appear both haughty and stupid at the same time. Actually, an easier feat than one might expect.

“Then you should get back with the other rainbow makers,” Michael hissed at him. He was momentarily impressed. He'd never heard an angel hiss before. The snake inside him wanted to show her how it was really done, but he pushed that part away.

“Ah, yes, I will just be going now,” he headed back towards where he was pretty sure the rainbow makers had been stationed, then circled back around to the escalators only after he felt sure they weren't watching him anymore.

That was a close one, he only allowed himself to think after he was back in his flat.

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #aziraphale #crowley #anathema #adam #gabriel #michael #hastur #sometimes I do actually enjoy writing

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xavantina · 6 years ago

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I got my hands on a copy of the new Euroman for @idontfindyouthatinteresting, and I took the opportunity to translate some of the interview as well. I tried scanning the article, but my scanner is broken, so you’ll have to make due with iPhone pics of the photos until someone with a working scanner gets in the game.

Rest of the photos and the interview under the cut.

The interview itself was a monster of a thing with lots and lots of flowery descriptions of random scenery, so I cut it down to just the questions, though a few highlights of the rest include:

When he was knighted the Queen of Denmark told him she liked Flame and Citron and he was like ‘fuck yeah’.

He rolls up with his classic bedroom eyes, mismatched tracksuit, and worn sneakers, and just needs a smoke before they go in.

The reporter thinks it’s pointless for a hairdresser to style Mads’ hair because it’s amazing already.

Mads goes around introducing himself to everyone in the room with “Hi. My name is Mads.”

He speaks very fast in Danish.

Onward with the questions:

Q. You were an unknown dancer for ten years before you became an actor. In terms of staying grounded, has it been an advantage for you that you had your breakthrough at such a mature age?

A. Yes, I think so. I probably wouldn’t have had problems staying grounded even if I had been 20 years old. But I think it’s harder for a 17-year-old today, where you can have your breakthrough on a whole different platform and gain three million followers, or whatever the hell they have. It’s obvious that if everyone thinks you’re cool, and you’re told so a bit too often, then you start thinking ‘yeah, I am. I’m cool’. It’s easier to handle being recognized in the street when you’re 32, than when you’re 17. I think.

Q. Your James Bond co-star Jesper Christensen has said that he can no longer enter a public space and just sit there observing, because everyone is always staring at him. He can no longer gain inspiration for his work from real life– from ‘ordinary people’ – like he used to. Do you feel the same way?

A. It’s a terrible loss. It’s not that I’ve always been preparing to be an actor, but I’ve always been curious. Even as a child, I would sit in different places and watch what was happening over there, human behavior, the way they looked and the way they walked. Always. And too often I started copying people when I saw them. I would sit just like them for a while, just to try how it felt. That’s over now. Whenever I’m out somewhere, 50 people are sitting around staring at me. Then I have to worry about scratching my nose, and there’s 40 camera phones in my face. Then I have to go to a different country.

Q. Don’t you get recognised abroad?

A. They know me around the world to various degrees. There are definitely many places where they don’t care at all, but James Bond, Star Wars, and Marvel movies, all of which I’ve starred in, have a great reach. The happy result of this is that people become curious about me as an actor, so I’m often stopped abroad because people know me from The Green Butchers or The Hunt. That’s super cool.

Q. Is it important for you to get recognition in the business? And do you?

A. A foreign colleague whom I have great respect for told me that he and three friends would sit down and watch the Pusher trilogy every weekend. That made me happy. Recognition from colleagues is important. Recognition from yourself is just much more important. You can get into a cycle where you go around constantly patting each other on the back because you need it so badly in my line of work. We’re judged all the time. It’s really hard, and so we probably have a tendency to praise each other more than we should. You should be happy when other people think what you’re doing is great, but you need to remember to consider what you think about it personally. ‘Was this what I wanted? Yes, okay, fine. Next time I might go in this direction instead.’ That’s important. And it’s the same if what people are saying about you sucks. There are many opinions out there. And if you start reading on social media you’ll never get to bed. You should stay away from that.

Q. Where do you find material and inspiration when you can’t go people-watching anymore? Do you have a memory bank you draw from?

A. Probably. I can also sit and watch people on screen, television and so on. But inspiration should primarily come from the script and the director. But I really miss sitting around and watching other people, and I certainly miss them not staring at me. I don’t try to hide though, I never wear a cap or anything. Sunglasses annoy the hell out of me, so I don’t use those at all. Luckily I‘m forgetful: I walk outside in the morning and don’t spend a second wondering how it’s going to be when I arrive somewhere – whether I’ll be recognized, I mean. That’s not just something I’m saying. I get in my car and drive somewhere and enter wherever I’m going, and don’t think about it at all. It’s not until people do this (Mads widens his eyes and turns his head) and do a double check that I’m reminded what it’s like. And that’s good, because otherwise I’d never leave the house.

Q. But you haven’t always been famous – in Hollywood you were a total unknown in the beginning. As the unknown from a small country did you have to work to earn the respect from people around you when you did your first foreign films?

A. I never consciously considered that I had to do something to make them listen to me. If I thought something could be done differently, I haven’t been afraid of going up to people and telling them. Obviously it’s not like it is in Denmark where I can just call Thomas Vinterberg up and say ‘hey, I just had an idea, won’t you come over?’ A Hollywood director on a big movie has maybe 30 actors on his list and everybody wants something from him, so the scale is different. But I still speak up, if there’s something wrong, and only if I’m serious about it. If I’m not serious about it, we just start working on whatever we’re doing.

Q. Are you treated differently on set now that you’re a bigger star?

A. Yes. I was very surprised with first time I was part of a large foreign production. We were on set, and I approached someone from the light-crew to ask about something. Then he looked down at the ground and didn’t answer. Turns out there had been this big name actor, whose name I can’t be bothered to mention, who had just done a movie with this crew, and the crew was under strict orders to never look this actor in the eyes. So there I was, a product of all this. Those were the kind of things I had to get used to. Luckily I found out that if I just focused on my work in the same way I usually did my surroundings would relax pretty quickly. They care more about things abroad than they do in Denmark. I’ve had some pretty weird experiences on foreign jobs. For example, I’m often assigned a so-called handler. Someone who meets me at the airport and helps with checking in and stuff like that. Which is fine, if you’re in Beijing and your have no idea where you’re going. But on foreign gigs I’ve also tried being a assigned a handler at Copenhagen Airport, who is supposed to follow me and help me. That’s pretty absurd, since I’ve checked in 2000 times before in Copenhagen and know how to do it. A handler is always dressed really nicely too, so everybody at the airport ends up staring at me even more. That’s a weird service.

Q. How about the treatment you receive from the other stars, or the business as a whole? How do you experience the hierarchy in Hollywood?

A. When I worked with Benedict Cumberbatch in Doctor Strange and with Daniel Craig in Casino Royale it was their first big films as well, so the hierarchy wasn’t crazy. I’ve been spared from meeting someone abroad who was a real hot shot or just tired of doing what they were doing. There are plenty of people with attitude, plenty of large personalities, but I’ve met very few proper divas who are impossible to work with. The few I have met have been here at home. It’s actually a myth, that this is a diva business. If you did an inquiry and compared us to bus drivers or doctors for example, I think actors would rate much lower than them on the diva-scale. We’re very conscious about not behaving like divas, so everyone tries to act natural. Nobody wants to be branded like that. And when one finally comes along, which obviously happens, then it’s so exciting, and it sounds like the whole business is infected with them. But holy shit, man, how many little kings in their little kingdoms have you met driving the 8 Line?

Q. Your generation, which had its breakthrough 20-25 years ago, has taken up a lot of space back here at home and internationally. You’ve become…

A. You can say ‘old’. We’ve gotten bloody old.

Q. Has it only now become clear how much space you take up?

A. No. I think it was obvious from the beginning. We were a generation that grew up with a big fascination for certain foreign films. Many of us had Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola in common. There weren’t’ many Danish films we could relate to. [here follows a whole bit about Danish movie history that no one outside Denmark will care about, so I’m skipping it] We felt like we were living in the 50’s. We were watching foreign movies like ‘Taxi Driver’ and saying to each other ‘is this from 1975?’ What have we done in Denmark this year? It was crazy. Completely crazy. Obviously something had to be done. And it was. We grew in different directions but suddenly the gap wasn’t so wide… I mean, we were no longer being told what it was like to be a teenager by an 88 year old director. We were the same age and we communicated directly. Just like Scorsese and De Niro in the 70’s. Same age, let’s go, rock’n’roll. Obviously it’s hard for the next generation, who comes after us, to just change things as well. Because we did the right thing. So now they either have to copy that approach, or improve it, or come up with something completely new. It was easier for us, if I’m being honest. We said ‘Hey, have you seen this before?’ and people went ‘No, we haven’t. Cool!’ But we had to do it. And we were allowed to do it, first and foremost. Some things went wrong, some things went right. But it was really important.

Q. You and your brother both seem like you’re very down to earth. Is that a result of growing up on Nørrebro?

A. Yes, I guess. No… Where the fuck did Pilou (Asbæk) grow up? He has some higher ‘a’s than I do, when he taaaaalks. But he’s damn well down to earth too. So I think it’s a Danish thing. If you try to rise a bit above other people, it won’t be very long until you’re pulled back down.

Q. Have you tried it?

A. No. As a Danish person it’s very hard to demand only to be served the yellow M&Ms without people laughing at you.

Q. Can’t it be limiting, that we’re like that? That everything has to be so down to earth.

Pause.

A. It’s funny, because we’re different than the Swedish. They have a whole different way of engaging with their stars. The Swedish are down to earth too. But when Swedish actors sit down to talk like this, like I’m doing now, and a journalist enters the room, that they start (Mads straightens and adopt a somber tone) speaking like this. And the things they say become great philosophy. They also start to move (he waves his arm theatrically) like they were on stage at the Royal Theatre. When I see that I think ‘what the fuck just happened?’. The Swedish write with great reverence about their stars as well. They have a huge amount of respect for what they give us. Swedish stars have a whole different status in society than we do in Denmark. They like putting things up on a pedestal, and they’re allowed to do that in a totally different way then we are. You can’t do that here. And thank God for that. But you can also say, that in Denmark you don’t always respect people for what they can do. Sometimes people will go ‘Fuck man, I can do what Caroline Wozniacki does. She’s the worst I’ve ever seen.’ Okay? I mean, it’s nice that we’re down to earth in Denmark. But it’s grotesque to say that ‘What Wozniacki does, I can do just as well.’

So that’s how I spent the last five hours of my life...

#Mads Mikkelsen #translation

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some-inconspicuous-human · 6 years ago

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Watching Marvel's one-shot: Agent Carter

I just watched Marvel's 15 minute one-shot of Peggy Carter and I'm ... Wow!!! How did I not know the existence of the whole video? I've only watched it towards the end where Howard Stark calls that narrow-minded bespectacled misogynist but now that I've watched the whole thing...

Also, all the GIFs owners have been tagged. You guys are awesome. Thank you sooo much 😍😍😍

Warning: Spoilers Ahead

You had to start with Steve going in the ice, right? It still hurts... (GIF by @mithborien )

One year later... Warning bells are ringing... Peggy knew she wasn't gonna be called, didn't she? I bet they even underpaid her. My blood's boiling

That balding forehead-shining bespectacled man had the audacity to touch her! I'm just so angry.

He said what! I bet it took all her self-control to not hit him like she did with that "big" guy in Steve's training camp (GIF by @witchcalledwanda )

We'll handle the rough stuff? Excuse me, have you met her?

They shot at our car... Sir, they came out of nowhere... Obviously. You should've sent someone who's sitting right under your nose who could've ACTUALLY GOTTEN THE JOB DONE YOU MEWLING MISOGYNISTS!!!

How about yesterday? Ha. I love her more right now. If they had given her even half the dose of serum, even Thanos wouldn't dare to come to earth. I'm sure she'll make sure of that. And I'm certain that Cap would agree too ( GIF by @doctorwhogeneration )

Polish up those field reports on my desk? Who does that guy think he is? Don't forget to lock up when you're done? (This guy sounds like my first boss. Back when I was working for the magazine. He'd never think any of my designs were good enough. I'm glad I left it after a year.)

Warning bells again!!!

She's gonna take it.

3-5? If it were those babies who went before, yeah. I'd recommend 10, even. 😒

Holy *****!!!! 😱

Remember Pepper and Tony's reaction when Nat tackled Happy in Tony's ring? That's me right now (GIF by @badwickchoseman )

Did you see the way she said I need you to scream for help? It looked as like if he didn't, she would give him a reason to scream for help and it won't go well. For him.

And she's fighting an her skirt and heels. Perfect.

And some people complain about ladies carrying all these items with them.

She just blasted a hole in the door!!!!

Smoke 'im out!!! Ha!

Is that...?

Oh no!!!!

Come on Peggy!!!

YES!!!

Learn to count? 😂😂😂😂

There he is. I'm sure he isn't gonna appreciate her for getting the job done or something (This was from where I watched this clip before)

I completed a mission last night. You tell him Lady!

You're grieving. So they kept you on so you could feel useful. I call it pity. SHUT UP YOU ARROGANT ****!!!

If they wanted to make me feel useful, they wouldn't have made me work with you. I love it that she said work with you and not work for you.

You're gonna answer for that? Yeah. I think she already did. Now go play with your red bell warning signal you uncultured fool!!

You tell him Howard!!!

Tell her she'll be running S.H.I.E.L.D with me. 😎

Let her know that you're honoured to bring her the news.!!!!! Howard you little ****!!!!

Did you see the grin on his face when he said that? He definitely knows what he's doing. Now I know where Tony gets it from!!!!

Hahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes, verbatim you idiot 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thank you Agent Flynn, but as has always been the case, I don't require your help. I think we should be crowning Agent Carter the queen 👸 of Marvel just for this dialogue alone. Do you realize how strong she is? Most other people would be like, yeah. He'd been treating me like a worthless penny all this time. Now it's time to get back at him and would've made him carry their things just to humiliate him for the moment but not her.

You remember what Sirius Black said? If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. This scene speaks volumes about her character.

That smile...

Bikini?

I won't lie. This made me strangely happy. I wish I'd seen it when I was younger. Would've learnt not to take **** from anyone just because of my gender. (And I think I might've quit my first job faster too, but hey, I did it eventually). I'm definitely showing this to all my girls... My nieces, younger cousins, and if I ever have daughters, I'll show them this too.

I won't lie. I just used to watch the movies and that too, not necessarily in the right order (mostly because going to the movies cost a lot and the interests of so many people had to be considered when you come from a joint family) and I never had time for tv series until recently. But this one has changed my mind... A lot. I've definitely got a lot to catch up on 😉 and no one's there to stop/interrupt me now

#agent carter #peggy carter #steve rogers #captain america #hayley atwell #marvel #mcu #marvel mcu #howard stark #tony stark #iron man #captain america the first avenger #queen carter

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djscrewhead · 7 years ago

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Screwhead - In Memoriam

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It's been a year since you left us. I got that final phone call that they were stopping resuscitation attempts at 4:20 in the morning, Valentine's Day, and had to laugh; it was get-laid-day, at smoke-weed-o'clock, two of your favorite things!

We had all sorts of times, both good and bad, in my 36 years of knowing you.

You got me into reading. I don't think I was much older than 8 or 9 when you first gave me Dune, Salem's Lot and Pet Sematary to read through. I’d read It and Tommyknockers before the TV Miniseries aired. Read through all your Dean Koontz before I was 12. All those small Conan reprints by Sphere.

You got me into comics, and what always stood out for me were those comics with the Jack Kirby art; Kamandi, Devil Dinosaur, and all those Marvel Treasury Edition reprints of Avengers, Thor and The Fantastic Four.

I still remember the day Superman died; you gave me a note to bring to school, telling them I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon and that you were picking me up at lunch time so that we could make sure to get to Hero Comics and buy a few issues before they sold out.

We'd pull the same thing two other times; first for Batman Returns and then Jurassic Park both came out on the last day of school, so you'd given me a note that we were going away on vacation and had to leave early, and I would only make the half-day. You picked me up at lunch time so that we could catch the first showing of them while everyone else was still stuck in school.

You just barely missed Doctor Strange and Iron Fist, and you would have loved them! The Punisher would have absolutely blown your mind away. First episode and there was a fight scene set to Tom Waits and I couldn’t help but think you’d have gone absolutely nuts seeing that. Defenders was pretty good, too. You'd have loved Guardians of the Galaxy 2, if just to see throwbacks to Kirby art in the visual style of a ton of the effects. Black Panther comes out this week and it looks fucking amazing.

You got me into movies, even horror movies, a genre you weren't a fan of. Poltergeist was the first movie you rented when we got our first Betamax, and it’s the first movie I ever remember watching. You saw Steven Spielberg on the box and figured it couldn't be THAT scary!

For my 11th birthday, I was bugging you to rent a horror movie because I always wanted to see one, so you said OK, as long as you pick the movie. We made it up to the dog scene in The Thing before turning it off and switching over to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but I spent weeks getting nightmares from that, and it's now one of my favorite movies of all time. Apocalypse Now, The Killing Fields, The Deer Hunter, anything with Harvey Keitel in it, The Usual Suspects.. So many incredible movies that you recommended I watch that I probably wouldn't have watched otherwise.

And of course, Ghostbusters. I was 3 in the summer of '84, and Cecile was working for a newspaper and she'd gotten a bunch of tickets to an early showing of the movie, and she'd already seen it and said it was a great movie, so she gave you a couple of tickets to it and holy shit was she ever right!

But out of everything you'd introduced me to that helped make me who I am today, music probably had the biggest impact. You had a huge record collection and you were always listening to something different. Then when you had some money, you started getting into the audiophile gear, I learned to really listen to music, and not just hear it. The little details that most wouldn't notice, like the faint rustling of the robes of a choir, the two dogs barking at each other at the start of Amused to Death. You taught me not to just hear music as a fun distraction, but to really listen and appreciate the artistry of it.

Aside from that brief stint of wanting to be a Ghostbuster, which, if I'm being completely honest, I'd still absolutely love to be if it were a real thing, I don't think I've ever wanted to do anything with my life that wasn't firmly rooted in music. You got me my first guitar and amp. You helped me out getting a laptop and soundcard/ram upgrade. When I wanted to start DJing, you got me my turntables and mixer, and let me order 200$ worth of records from Chemical Records on your credit card. Any time I wanted to do anything that involved music, you would help me out and encourage me. Any time I'd make something, even if it wasn't the kind of music you were into, you'd still listen to it.

So, this is me, as a DJ, trying to find some way to put something together with all the music that was important to me that you introduced me to.

↓Track List follows ↓

Frank Zappa - Willie the Pimp

I don't think this one needs any explanation, especially for those that knew you. If you had a theme song, this was it. Frank Zappa was your favorite singer/musician, and was the one act you'd seen the most live in concert, back when you had a nice camera and a fake press pass to get into every concert you wanted to see.

The Fugs - CCD/I Couldn't Get High/Saran Wrap

I mean, it's hard not putting the whole Golden Filth album in this thing. In hindsight, I was probably listening to some music I *REALLY* shouldn't have been listening to! The FBI's File on The Fugs called them “The Most Vulgar Thing the Human Mind Could Possibly Conceive". The benefits of a Coca Cola Douche. A lesbian dwarf tomato orgy leading to doing more drugs than a human should ever do. Using saran wrap as an impromptu condom. None of my friends at school believed that I wasn’t just making up songs when I told them about these until finally you weren’t home one day and they came over and I put the album on.

King Crimson - 21st Century Schizoid Man

You had many stories of going to concerts with a camera and a fake press pass to get in for free. You’d always tell me the one about that first time you saw King Crimson in this tiny venue, and at the very end of their set they turned on a strobe light. As the song progressed, the time between the flashes of light got longer and longer until the room was pitch-black for 5-10 seconds at a time in between brief camera-like flashes of light, until one by one the band members disappeared from the stage while they kept playing their instruments, until finally everyone was gone from the stage, and on what would have been the last flash of the strobe, they abruptly stopped playing and all the lights in the venue came on.

In ‘99 you got me tickets to their side-project, ProjeKct Two, and later in 2000 or 2001 to a proper King Crimson gig, but that ProjeKct Two show was mindblowingly amazing!

Dr. John - I Walk on Guilded Splinters

You listened to a lot of music, and I heard a ton of stuff growing up that most kids never heard. This was probably the first thing I can remember really thinking that it was SO much different than anything I'd ever heard before. It wasn't really rock, jazz, blues, funk, or anything else.. There was something weird and different about this one in a way I couldn't explain or understand until much later. It's that voodoo swamp vibe and I don't think I've ever heard anyone else do anything even remotely similar to it since. It's like listening in on a secret voodoo ritual going on deep in the swamps of New Orleans.

Tom Waits - What's He Building

Another one of those weird tracks, a bit of a theme going I guess. No one tells a story quite like Tom Waits, and I'll get more into why his music means so much to me a little later on. But this is another one of those that, as soon as you got the album, you knew I'd love it, but specifically this track, and you were totally right. I even did a bootleg remix of it a while back!

Dire Straits - Money for Nothing

Back when we lived on Davignon, any time ground beef was on sale, you'd get a whole bunch of it and spend a whole Sunday morning making chili. This was our making-chili album, but we'd always start on Money for Nothing. You had those huge Cerwin Vega speakers and you'd crank the music up so loud that those synth chords and tom-toms had so much power to them I was almost scared that one day we'd bring the walls down with the power behind that intro.

Roger Waters - The Ballad of Bill Hubbard/What God Wants, Part I

Any time you got a new piece of stereo gear, whether it was a new amp, speakers, or even just new cables/interconnects, this is the first album we'd listen to from start to finish, but it's those first two tracks that were the real test; at 11 seconds in, the dogs barking to each other. The mixing and mastering on this album is easily the best I've ever heard. No other album manages to give you what feels like a full surround sound experience from two front speakers, and no one writes a concept album quite like Roger Waters. I'd already understood that religion was an absolute crock of shit at a much earlier age than this, but this album was the first time that I'd ever heard anyone else really saying the same sort of observations about religion and the world that I'd been making for nearly as long as I could think and observe people and current affairs.

ZZ Top - Viva Las Vegas

You often played ZZ Top and I’ve always loved their music. When I was 12 or 13 they came to Montreal for a concert and I wanted to go see them. Before getting tickets, though, you wanted to make sure that I understood that their concerts weren’t going to be like their music videos or album artwork; it was going to be the band playing, and there weren’t going to be any scantily clad women dancing around. I told you I understood, and you got the tickets. The night of the concert, again, you reminded me that this was a concert and not to expect any scantily clad women dancing around.

Then Viva Las Vegas came on, and lo and behold, a parade of scantily clad Las Vegas showgirls came out and started dancing on stage and we spent the whole song laughing!

Green Jelly - Three Little Pigs

We were watching Much Music one day and the music video came on. As soon as it was over we went out to HMV so you could get me the cassette!

Motorhead - Ace of Spades

I remember this like it was yesterday. I was 11, and while going through your records together, you jokingly said that this is the best record you could ever use to wake someone up with. I don't remember you having ever put it on before, so I don't think I'd ever heard it, but, that weekend, I woke up before you did, got the record out, cued it up, and turned the sound system aaaaaaaaaall the way up. You (understandably) woke up COMPLETELY freaked out, ran out of your room, saw me in the living room laughing and realized how you'd absolutely set yourself up for that. We ended up going for breakfast at that place across from Center 2000 and spent the whole day laughing about it.

KISS - Domino

Another one of those "probably not appropriate for an 11 year old to be listening to", but it was a great and catchy rock song that we would often blast in the car as we would drive around. I’m pretty certain this is the first time I’d heard any Kiss. Before this, the only thing I knew about Kiss was that you had the first issue of their Marvel comic.

Marilyn Manson - I Put a Spell on You

Another one that I remember like it was yesterday. It was boxing day 1996. I was living with mom at the time, so for boxing day I went to meet you downtown. We ate at Bistro Duluth, had some coffee at Deux Maries, and then we went to HMV because, amongst other things, you'd given me a gift card for there. I'd started going goth about a year or two before, but other than a couple of KMFDM tapes that Fuzzball Mike had given me, I really only listened to Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy, Dead Can Dance, and similar type of goth music.

I had never really gotten into music that was too heavy or aggressive, but stuff like Type O Negative and Nine Inch Nails was starting to slowly seep into what I was listening to. I was looking through the more industrial-metal section, and couldn't make up my mind on what to get, since I didn't really know any of the bands I was looking at. You came by and saw Marilyn Manson - Smells Like Children, and in your typical joking-but-dead-serious tone, said you'd heard of Marilyn Manson and that I should get that one because it would probably piss off my mother.

So I did!

At the time there was still Magic and boardgames nights every friday at the Croissanterie across the street from McMagic, so we parted ways and I decided I would walk there since it was only a few metro stops away. I put on the CD and instead spent the next two or three hours walking through the streets of Montreal, from around 7-9pm as the snow was gently falling, getting my mind absolutely blown away by these sounds I'd never heard before.

A few years later, you watched Lost Highway and immediately called me to ask me if I could make you a copy of the soundtrack. You thought his cover of I Put a Spell on You was one of the best and truest covers you'd ever heard, making the song even creepier and more sinister than the original. Also, you liked the Rammstein tracks, because they weren't the same sort of "headbanger thrash shit" that you normally thought of whenever someone mentioned metal.

Bohren & der Club of Gore - Midnight Black Earth

By this time I was completely into Drum and Bass, and you’d listened to some and didn’t really like it much, but you knew that one of my favorite things about DnB was the deep bass. You discovered this album when you still had your house up north and your stereo was still in full working order. I came over one weekend and, after we’d eaten supper, you said you had something to listen to. You turned off all the lights, and we sat down in the living room and you put this on and we silently listened to the whole thing. It immediately became one of my favorite albums of all time. Because of my tinnitus, I can’t sleep without music playing, and this is one of the albums that I put on whenever I go to bed.

Tom Waits - Big Joe and Phantom 309

There was only one place I could put this song, and it was right at the very end of this mix. 1991 was a pretty rough year. I'd been living with my mother, but constantly getting into arguments and fights with her until finally I moved in with you. You were living with Claudine at the time in a small 3 1/2 in St-Leonard. It was one of those tiny "we turned the garage into a rental and just added a B to our address because it was too small to get a real address" type of deals. We used Bobone's address to keep me registered at the school I was at in Laval so that I wouldn't have to change schools and have to make new friends.

Every day we'd wake up at 5am so that we could both be ready and drive all the way from St-Leonard to Laval for the 8am bell. Being a garage-turned-3 1/2, there was only one bedroom, a living room, and a kitchen/diningroom combo. But you still had those huge, beige foam sofas that were 100% foam, no wood or any sort of support structure within, that weighed nothing and were SUPER comfortable.

Every night when it was time to go to bed, we'd move the sofas and pouf around to give me a little nook up against a wall that I could sleep in. For those first few months, every night that I went to bed, you'd sit at the foot of my little nook, and we'd talk about how my day was, how I was handling things, and you would always reassure me that, even though things weren't ideal right now, everything was eventually going to work out.

Then, as you saw that I was starting to nod off, you'd take out Nighthawks at the Diner, and put on this track, and sit with me as it played through and I drifted off to sleep. Every single night until the lease on the 3 1/2 was over and we could move to a new place in Laval that I could have my own room in, you were there to make sure I knew I was loved and cared for.

You didn't really know of any stories that you could tell to help me fall asleep, so you entrusted the telling of my bedtime stories to the greatest storyteller in the world, Tom Waits.

So this is where I'm going to end this mix; with the hope that somehow, somewhere, all this music and what it means to me reaches you. Sleep well.

#in memoriam #rock #Screwhead

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