#I’ve been waiting for this exact number just for this 😭😭

[tiger-grace]

Y’all know what that means…

[sweeterlovers]

FOREVER ONE PART #2 / CHARLES LECLERC

charles leclerc x childhood friend and ex gf reader / SMAU

SUMMARY / can charles gain the forgiveness of his childhood best friend? (part two)

FACE CLAIM / none!

WARNINGS / none!

-

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liked by pierregasly, arthur_leclerc, and 65,668 others

yourusername never thought i would attend a formula one race but here i am! other than that my weekend was filled with flowers and relaxation 🤍

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user6 WHATT WHAT

user66 my exact reaction when she came up on my screen during the race

user9 wait when did they show her doing the race?

user66 it was during a red flag earlier in the race, she was also in the ferrari garage!

user7 ooooooooooo!!

user99 cute cute!

user07 i wonder who got her the flowers? 🤔

user2 i wonder who??? 😭😭

arthur_leclerc it was great to see you again yn!!

yourusername it’s been forever! you’ve grown so much 🥹

arthur_leclerc your only three years older than me???

yourusername and?? still older 🤦‍♀️

user88 did you enjoy the race yn?

yourusername it was great!! definitely different from the f2 races i’ve been to!

-

INSTAGRAM

charles_leclerc just posted a story!

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user9 how casual

yourusername charles you ruined my soft launch 🥹🥹

charles_leclerc sorry mon amour [my love]

user0 cutie pies☺️

leclerc_pascale you guys are adorable! i’m glad you guys finally worked things out 🩶

charles_leclerc i am too! i really love her maman

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yourusername we had a lot of up and downs throughout our relationship, we grew up as friends who saw each other as family. although our romantic relationship didn’t work out the first time, i knew we would come around again. i think that’s how i know we are meant for each other because even when we broke up i knew it wasn’t forever.

“we kissed beneath the twisted trees, our lips between the stars, tiny ripples in a lake, this love, once lost, is ours.” - michael faudet

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user80 i’m crying 😭 😭

user3 I KNOW!!!!!

user23 that quote broke my heart and stitched it back up

charles_leclerc it’s been a journey but one i would gladly go through again if it meant i would end up with you

yourusername i love you charles 🤍

user0 took them long enough 🤦‍♂️

lorenzotl ❤️❤️

yourusername ☺️🤍

arthur_leclerc i’m glad everything worked out for you guys, i can’t imagine charles with anyone else

yourusername arthur i’m going to cry 😿 your to sweet

arthur_leclerc does that mean i’m your favourite leclerc?

yourusername my number one will always be pascale 😊

user3 we all love pascale!

pierregasly congratulations 🎉

charles_leclerc thank you pierre!

yourusername 💖💖💖

leclerc_pascale i’ve been waiting for this moment ever since you two became friends as children

yourusername I LOVE YOU PASCALE ❤️❤️

charles_leclerc thank you maman!

user77 i love them!!!!!!!!!!

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TEAM RADIO / SWEETERLOVERS - finished part two of forever one! i hope you guys enjoy!!

[neuvistar]

ate marie (is it ok for me to call you that) ano po yung thoughts mo sa mga genshin dads

- pinoy anon

❝ GENSHIN PAPAS ?! ❞ childe, thoma, neuvi, wrio, itto n kaveh x fem!reader cw. some mentions of pregnancy | small a/n. hello again pinoy anon :3 ++ ofc! u can call me that, always ❕GENSHIN PAPAS… sige wait lang.. i think the best dads would probably be!!!!! (list natin yng mga dilfs guys)

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐄

AH YES OF COURSE. THE NUMBER ONE FAMILY GUY. childe being on this list is not surprising considering the fact he’s (canonically?) a family man, he loves his siblings n u can’t tell me he wants his own children too :(( he probably has 3-4, a big family just like his own! he really does try his best to balance his occupation and his job as a husband and father, he knows what he does isn’t really what parents would do but he’s a good dad regardless :(( he makes sure his work doesn’t get in the way of his love for his young ones

𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐀

i think thoma would be one of the best fathers, i mean.. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM. he’s so sweet guys 😭☝️ i think he’s a stay at home dad, cooking delicious meals for his exhausted wife and cute little babies <3 thoma is most definitely a family typa guy… i’m calling it rn he has abt 3-4 kids (waw) :3 the first time u had given birth 2 ur first child his heart immediately melted into hot chocolate, he was SOOOO happy and so damn emotional :((( he’s such a good papa n u know that all too well, you married such a good man :,)

𝐍𝐄𝐔𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄

neuvillette again with either 4-5 little dragons who look just like him 😋 i feel like neuvillette would be a heavily sweet father who’s also strict in his own ways, all he wants is to keep his little ones safe so you can’t blame him for being so (kinda) snappy whenever they run off somewhere :(( he loves his little ones too much he doesn’t want ANYTHING bad 2 happen to them. neuvillette already treats the melusines like his own children, so it’s no doubt he gives his dragonlings the same behaviour <3 he’s such a good dad

𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘

his entire backstory just SCREAMS “best papa” and u can’t tell me otherwise. wriothesley is somewhat unexpected but i believe he wants kids of his own, maybe 2! due to how gentle and sweet he was to the little girl in his trailer AAANNND where he protected the other children in his backstory :(( wriothesley would be such a good daddy and i know that for sure, he has a soft spot for them and definitely devotes his life 2 protecting them and YOU :(( making sure they got the childhood he never had

𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐎

something about this big guy just makes me go “oh yeah. he’s definitely the typa guy to have kids.” ITTO… he’s just a fun dad :(( i can imagine his little ones inheriting his oni features.. his horns, etc! they look exactly like itto atp your genes didn’t even try 2 fight LMAO but anyways, itto is such a fantastic father! not as strict as others but he’s definitely fun and lets his young ones be carefree! i know for a fact one of his oni kids r an exact a copy of him :3

𝐊𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐇

like i’ve been saying for the past few weeks now, KAVEH IS SO (GIRL) DAD CODED. this man jus screams girl dad or jus dad in general n i believe in that statement FULLY. kaveh’s a busy father who tries his best to tend to your needs n his little ones! (hint, they’re all girls) his daughters look EXACTLY like him and it’s acc insane :,3 kaveh just sparks me as a typa guy who’d be a dad, he jus gives off major dad energy! since he’s sassy, i bet his daughters would be sassy too n sass him daily :3

[juniperhillpatient]

I finished Yellowjackets and I already miss it! Any recs for what to watch to fill the void?

Omg I feel you every day of my life I miss Yellowjackets I wish I could watch it all for the first time again 😭

I don’t really watch that many shows so I’m terrible with recommending stuff 😅

If you want more depravity & complicated awful female villains & anti heroes with complex toxic sapphic dynamics Hostel 2 is my go to but you do have to watch the first one to understand it & I love the first one myself but it is very man heavy with characters lol

If you are really wanting to lean more into the messed up flesh consuming homoerotic codependent sapphic dynamic aspect specifically I’d recommend Ginger Snaps or Jennifer’s Body the main canon sapphic female relationships in both those movies are brain rotting in similar ways to JackieShauna. (Though Ginger Snaps gets incestuous so I know that’s as quick for a lot of people tread carefully)

Ooh as far as TV shows go you’d probably enjoy Killing Eve if you like Yellowjackets although that one the writing really goes downhill pretty badly so I do hesitate to recommend it unless you’re in it for the parts that are worth it & prepared for disappoint down the line…. Ugh but Eve & Villanelle are SUCH amazing characters!!

Dead to Me is another show that’s really good & far less depraved & more drama centric than the other stuff I’ve mentioned. However in my opinion the writing does go downhill but the first 2 seasons? Iconic. Not canonically gay like the other things I’ve mentioned but still a delicious dynamic between two complicated & somewhat crazy women.

Not in the same genre as my other recs but Bottoms is a great comedic movie if you just want crazy & sort of awful lesbians.

Oh —- ok last 3 recommendations. These ones don’t necessarily have the toxic crazy sapphic girlies element of YJ that I just assume is a big part of the draw (it is for me lol) HOWEVER they are some of my faves -

Hannibal. I love this show. It’s art. I don’t have anything else to say that hasn’t been said meow articulately by more hardcore fans. I watched this entire show in a fever haze when I had Covid so that probably affects my analytical ability but I promise it’s great. It’s also a little man heavy & the female characters could be… done better sometimes so that is a criticism I have that keeps it from being a number one fave for me but Hannibal & Will are VERY compelling & the plot & visuals are soooo good.

Scream mtv I honestly feel like you’ve seen this one I’m pretty sure but it’s a fave of all time & Emma/Audrey is one of my fave ships of all time. Excellent cast excellent writing it’s so good.

Bates Motel. This show is so slept on in fandom & it’s probably the best horror tv I’ve ever seen from start to finish it tells an amazingly cohesive prequel backstory for one of the most iconic villains of all time in a way that honors the book & film both of which I LOVE & somehow manages to stay fresh & shocking & exciting despite the audience knowing where it’s going. For quality horror tv I can’t recommend this show highly enough it’s honestly the best thing on this list on an objective level like the cinematography the fantastic acting from Vera Farmiga & Freddy Highmore especially but also Max Theriot & Olivia Cookie I just - I LOVE this show. Heavy heavy trigger warning though not just for incest which is inherent to a Psycho prequel but like…. Everything you could ever need a trigger warning for. There is a significant amount of SA shown so yeah be careful.

Anyway there you go you’ve probably seen a lot of the stuff on this list but this is what I could think of to watch next to somewhat keep the mood of Yellowjackets although of course we both know YJ is unique enough you’re never going to recapture that exact vibe 😉

If anyone else has recommendations also I’d also be curious! ❤️

Oh wait last thing my best friend Juliet Lewis plays another iconic traumatized girly with maybe worse daddy issues than Natalie even in Natural Born Killers. This is one of my favorite movies but it is NOT for everyone. You are signing up for unapologetic depravity & sympathetic serial killer villain main characters with a toxic relationship. Now for me those are selling points but it is a very messed up movie so yeah. Trigger warning for SA incest & basically every dynamic in the movie being the definition of toxic.

Okay that’s off the top of my head for watching after YJ I’m done now lol 🫶

****Edit I’m listening to music on my porch as I play on tumblr & I Know the End by my best friend Phoebe Bridgers came on & I remembered to recommend School Spirits it’s not exactly the same horror vibes of YJ but I just think you’d like it because it’s a delightfully creepy compelling & fun ghost story / mystery with absolutely wonderful characters fun cinematography exciting lore a good plot & a banger soundtrack ok I’m done now lmao go watch School Spirits it’s so great

[fahye]

hello fahye!!!

i’ve recently become rather obsessed with the last binding like i’ve been telling everyone i know to read it (i like to think i’m your number 1 promoter atm) i just love your series so much and i think it deserves all the praise in the world because it just encompasses queer joy and is exactly what i’ve been looking for in a book trilogy for the longest time

I just was curious about 2 things:

1. is the scene where mrs navenby possesses maud in a restless truth inspired by the scene in good omens where aziraphale possesses madame tracy because it reminded me a lot of that scene when i was reading it

2. if you can remember i’m very curious as to the exact william morris works featured in a marvellous light because i love that you included all the little references to art they make my little art historian brain feel very happy (i feel like you’d be happy to know that since reading a marvellous light i found myself a little william morris zip up pouch that i carry my e-reader around in)

anyway thank you sm i absolutely adore your books and i cannot wait to read a power unbound i don’t know how i’m gonna survive until november 😭

hello! thank you!

I won't say that it was a direct and deliberate homage, but certainly that scene is one of the main references in my mental lexicon when I think about a semi-cooperative possession of one being by another. good omens was such a favourite of mine for such a long time; I'm sure its fingers of influence are all through the things I write!

oh gosh. it's been some time but I think these are the main ones described or referenced:

maud's room in penhallick has strawberry thief wallpaper, and edwin and robin stay in rooms papered in the willow-bough design. I think the blackthorn design is the one I described for the main parlour; if not, it was one very similar, because I remember the small white flowers.

[honesttoblogjuno]

Just dropping by to tell you TSN is my favorite Wenclair fic out there. The way you write is so intimate and I loved the plot. I would’ve never guessed I could be this invested in publishing contracts or the planning behind PR stuff - yet here I am lmao.

I’ve read the fic some weeks ago and there has been a question on my mind ever since: it’s stated in the earlier chapter’s that Wednesday didn’t want to get married first and then changed her mind after she had a vision that it would help to narrow down the potential suspects if Enid would ever get murdered (or something similar- I can’t remember the exact words I’m sorry). And that Enid had a suspicion but never asked about it.

Now I am asking about it - what was the vision? What does it mean ? Or did Wednesday just said she had a vision as an excuse because she didn’t want to admit she changed her mind?? 😭😭😭

I’m sorry if you already answered it or if it was even stated in the fic and I missed it - perhaps it went over my head because I’m not an english native (or I just didn’t get it)… or if you want to keep your secrets as a writer and leave it open to interpretation 🙈. You totally don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

Anyways - I love you and your writing and I can’t wait to read whatever you write next ❤️❤️❤️

aha! I was wondering if anybody was going to circle back to that point 🙈

You didn't miss anything, I did leave it in as a sort of open-ended detail that I could connect later on 🤫 It is something I have been playing around with including in the middle timeline fic as I am plotting the storyline out, actually!

So, I am going to be coy and not share exactly what my image of the vision is, but I willlllll give some hints because I am just so overjoyed to get asks like this and I'm a big softie!! 🥰

In my little Wenclair cinematic universe, as I kind of tried to establish in CAAG, my headcanon is that Wednesday's visions functionally only show things that will certainly happen or have already happened (whether future events would have happened had she not had a vision and assumed they were inevitable is up to the reader's interpretation 🤭 how much is fate vs self-fulfilling prophesy?).

So, the vision would have been either a glimpse into what she understands as her preordained future with Enid, or information she didn't previously know about something in her, Enid's, or their shared past. She seems to be able to experience the thoughts and feelings of people in her past-visions in a way she can't in her real life for a number of reasons, so I will leave that tidbit out for consideration for anyone who might be playing around with their guess if she saw something that will happen or already did ;)

In terms of Enid's suspicion as to what she saw, I will drop a little detail about that as well! Enid suspects Wednesday saw their (Addams) wedding and found herself at peace with the idea once she had embodied it, having had the chance to feel all of the emotions (and possibly the bone-chilling presence of onlooking ghosts) firsthand for even just a brief moment. Her guess is that Wednesday was, as you said, being a little proud and didn't want to admit that she had lost a silent argument with her omniscient future self.

But, although I didn't describe this in much detail in TSN, Wednesday gave her a sort of peculiar look when she came to again after the vision and had just seemed to do a complete 180° about the wanting-to-get-married thing, so Enid assumed pushing the subject would just be "I told you so"ing her and decided against it. All's well that ends well, right? 😉

Thanks so much for your ask, your close reading of the fic, and your massively kind words 💞 it means so much to know you liked the story enough to think about a detail like this for weeks following!

[lemonthepotato]

So I finished Helluva Boss today. I like to make notes when I consume a piece of media. I never said those notes were peak maturity. Far from.

Enter.

Two seconds in: holy shit is that MORDERCAI?? 😰😰😰😰 no wayyyyyyyy.

And that kids, is how you traumatise a class of kids. I mean, I know I’m meant to feel bad for… whatever her name is, but those poor children 😭

HELP I LAUGHED LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN SHE THAT KID GOT CHOKEHELD IM A MONSTER OMG. IM SORRY 😭 it was just so funny 2 me I’m so so sorry.

She’s kinda hot tho when she’s a demon. Ngl.

I need the furry wolf’s number. IMMEDIATELY. I am DOWN BAD.

Is that fucking… stock horror music? HAHAHA- no no I’m imagining it, but imagine if it was.

HES BRITISH. THE BATHTUB GUY IS BRITISH. [ :) ]

BRUH. HES DOWN BAD, EVEN AFTER THE SHIT HES STILL RAMBLING ON?? HIRE A HOOKER!! GOD ITS ALWAYS… [ :) ]

HAHAHA. L. L MOXIE L. The family just died anyway that’s a fucking LlLlLlLlLlL.

Closing thoughts: give me the satanic wolfs number immediately. I am down bad rn.

Rating: 3/5.

It kept me entertained, and hooked.

Episode 2:

This song reminds me of a particular band, I just don’t know what. There’s a certain “style” that’s familiar to it. I don’t know what.

Yeah I just. I saw that exact thing coming. Something going wrong, and something going wrong fast.

Octavia is just like me except my dad hates me and is just as unstable as my mom.

Okay so here’s my question: his eyes. Uhhh, the British bathtub guy. I forgot. It’s full red, is that his iris? How huge is his range of vision? Because MINE? Hun-knee, I have visual snow syndrome and shit eyesight, I’m nearsighted, this [ :) ] fucker see I’m Irish so this is a personal attack on me.

If you become a demon when you die, are their kids biological or did they die too?… dark thought.

Is there another… character that isn’t Moxie? Because I don’t care to remember his name tbh. So I’ll call him ‘Not Moxie’.

Blitzo, Stolas, I get it mixed up. And I can’t tell who Moxie is and who… the other one is. Moxie has a high voice, right??? I don’t know. I’ll learn it eventually.

Imagine your dad loving you. Couldn’t be me. Ever. Now I’m shedding. Skin or tears? You decide. (I shed my skin when emotional, like a snake. HISSSS)

Thoughts: Poor Via.

Ranking: 3/5. I liked it, I guess.

Episode 3:

God damn it why are all the female demons so hot. Damn you episode. I mean, *ahem* hello senora. ;)

I think my favourite characters so far are uh… what’s her name? Something -ica, and uh…….. the asshole. What was his name? Is he Stolas or Blitzo? I keep forgetting. 😭

Can I call her Titanic? No reason. She just looks like a… Titanic. Surely there are kids called that. (Rereading this I had a reason for this but I don’t fucking remember what the fuck?)

Blitzo. Gotta remember that. Blitzo. Ok. I’ve got it.

…UH OH. IVE BEEN CAUGHT. HELP THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK CREEPED ME OUT OK IM SORRY FOR BEING A SIMP IM SORRY.

Overall thoughts: None.

Ranking: 5/5. It was my favourite episode so far.

Episode 4

Uh… I liked how the piano switched places just to fall on his head? Yeah this episode kinda was meh.

2/5.

Episode 5:

Yeah I didn’t care much for this either.

2/5. Maybe I’m not paying attention enough.

Episode 6:

Okay so Red girl (what I’ve been calling in my head) is called Millie.

“Ee-dough” it’s pronounced Eh-doe period. In Japanese, ‘e’ means the ‘eh’ sound.

Is that. I was right, that’s just House Of Leaves or whatever?? It’s not bad to use horror stock music just funny.

Ohhh, Stolas is the bathtub guy. I think I’m developing a sexual attraction to him. Not as much as I was down bad for Loona. And the other one. Ika. I’m calling her Ika. Wait, Verosika?

Episode 7:

Okay… I am now realising that Moxie and Millie are married. I’m kinda dumb.

Season 2:

Lmao M&M.

HELP STOP GASLIGHTING MOXXIE INTO THINKING HES FAT EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO HIM SHHSHSHS

Ah yes, the angel dust treatment. “Harder.”

Bro the pain of someone typing and then not responding.

Ok… why is season one episode 8 only out now? Huh? I don’t understand… (I checked the desc, nvm my words)

The mean girls reference XD.

I’ve heard of holding your breath, but not under honey?

The more I hear Kesha-

You: Her name is Beelzebub

Me: Anyway Kesha

The more I hear her, the more I might develop a Keshaccent. She’s cool but she seems like the kind of girl who would’ve bullied me for being autistic in high school.

So this takes place after uh… what happened again? I forgot. The night at the… lust club? Yeah whatever I forgot. Obvious from the start, just forget what exactly happened… anyway, how the fuck can Blitzo DIE ALONE?! HES IN HELL! You need a cold shower man…

Overall thoughts: I liked it. I’d give it a 7/10. I thought I wouldn’t like it, but I also thought that about XRA… I liked some characters, and even the ones that are like- beyond horrible people (like stella) I found entertaining to watch at the very least.

Pro’s:

- I liked the characters relationships with each other in various episodes. It made for comedic, or sometimes sad situations.

- I rarely found myself bored.

- It was pretty okay.

Cons:

- Some of the humour bordered on whiplash. Going from an emotional scene to comedic can be… really distracting. It wasn’t too much of an issue. I guess it’s intended as comic relief. Some of the humour was also immature which can throw some people off but I didn’t mind, I like vulgarity.

- Honestly, I can’t think of much else to critique. It was pretty good. It just didn’t impress me, or wow me, or make me feel much other than ‘oh, that’s sad’ or ‘oh, that’s funny’. But that’s okay.

Edit: I forgot to watch the pilot episode… and a new episode dropped today. So yeah, did that, been there. It’s been there did that, not… did that been- ugh why do I care about the semantics of this?

Edit: This post was a year and a half ago how was I this cringe? Never mind, I have some theories on why. You can really tell I wasn’t paying attention huh. I like how I refer to Stolas as ‘British Bathtub guy.’ It’s not inaccurate. It’s weird cuz I feel so neutral about Stolas now. Like they could never make me form an opinion on you. <3 Also I apologise for the British jokes. All comments have been replaced by a :) emote.

[kedsandtubesocks]

So im super stressed over my finals but reading you answering my ask made me giddy!!!

OMGS ANOTHER MYTHOLOGY GEEK WUUUTTTT

Im literally giggling rn!!!!!

Oh my gosh!!!thats so awesome seriously!!!!its rare to find people appreciate mythology!!!im so happy to find someone like me!!!!like,im always talking about mythology and my friends are like "holy shit how do you know all those?" And i have so many books about them!!!!

And your ideas are amazing!!!!omgs i cant wait!!!!! whatever you write I WILL READ WUTH MY SOUL!!!!

And about gojo,THIS MAN WONT EVER SHUT UP SPECIALLY IF HE FINDS SOMEONE HE LOVES!!!ITS JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO SHUT UP WHEN HE SPOTS HIS LOVE!!!

There are so many greek myths to explore with gojo!!!tbh,i dont usually read these kind of aus,or royal aus cause they kinda make me sad,but your fic gosh!!!!it didnt make me even slightly sad because i was giggling all the time!!!

Oh my the one part where gojo proposed??? I screenshot that part and sent it to my friend whining about whats the point if someone doesnt propose to me like that!!!

You're at fault for making my standards even higher

Ok ok im rambling but i seriously enjoy our talk about these stuff.

(imagine Calypso! Gojo waiting on that island for his love to come and get him :)))

I'll stop now!!!

(im picturing us in a cafe giggling over our favorite myths and having a cold drink gods its your fault!!!)

I hope you're doing well!!!with love,your number 1 fan

Ah hi sweet anon! I’m glad I could help ease the stress of finals cause oof do I not miss that lol but I bet ur gonna do amazing I’m rooting for you!!

Omg pls I completely understand and I’m glad i get to geek out with you about mythology cause I love it too!!

🥺 AND OH MY GOODNESS!!??? Please you really are too kind thank you thank you!!!!

And dude for real, I am the biggest believe of Love Sick Gojo™️, he’s a Sagittarius and yeah they’re big on being flirty but they love to talk and love fiercely and that is Gojo?? He’s ridiculous and loud but he’s lost so many people so when he finally finds someone, you said it perfectly, HE WONT SHUT UP LMAOO (and I hate/love him for that)

I get that AU’s even mythology ones aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and when I first started writing hades!Gojo I remember being nervous bcs it’s a niche thing too (all my ideas are usually weird / way too specific au’s as you will soon find out lmaooo 🤡) but I’m so happy you were able to get excited and enjoy 💖

OMG NOT U SCREAMING ABOUT THE FIC WITH UR FRIENDS I WANT TO CRY?!?!?! I’ve been in the exact same position with so many of my friends so to think you had that reaction to my little old fic?? I’m really honored 😭

And oooo calypso Gojo would be so interesting!! Look at you go anon I love it!!

I hope this giggling and warm energy keeps you going through finals! I’M ur biggest fan rooting for you and I’m wishing you a safe and wonderful rest of your day!! 🌸✨

[etherealising]

FIRST.. THE AL-ANON MEETING.. “I uh…I had a friend once…a best friend.” 💔💔

i beak my own heart with these stupid freaking chapters

“And then like the idiot he was, he gave Claire your number. He wanted to believe it wasn’t on purpose, that he had memorized your number so well it was the first he thought of when asked” SUCH AN IDIOT! 😭 CARMEN SHE’S GONNA CALL THE NUMBER!!

like cmon bestie you really think she asked for “your number” just to not call you???? real himbo energy

A chuckle left your lips as you leaned against the counter looking from Syd to Carmy, “I uh I stayed with the chef I was profiling.” You bit your lip trying to contain the grin threatening to split your lips, “I still have his number I could call him if you want. He kind of owes me a favor anyway.” WAIT…

🤭

You raised from your position against the counter, “Chef Luca?” Your voice trailed off a bit before the smile you were trying to contain finally made its appearance, “He’s this amazing pastry chef, who’s so passionate about his craft it was like watching a master at work!” OH?!?!?!?!!!!!

ohhh indeed bestie!

“Luca even taught me how to make this crazy dessert he was still perfecting, I mean mine was nothing compared to his but it was honestly the most fun I’d had in so long.” You reminisced about your time spent with Luca, “Oh, and my peach cobbler? Yeah, he taught me the simple syr-.” !!

had to give baby boy a cameo it’s what he deserved

“No yeah, I’m familiar with him.” Both you and Sydney were pulled from your animated conversation; the tight smile on Carmy’s face alerted you of his irritation. LMAO! 😭 idk why this reminds me of the scene from HSM2 (hopefully you understand or someone knows what i’m talking about) where ryan and gabriella had been hanging out a lot and ryan was going on about gabriella’s moms brownies and troy’s like “no yeah i’ve had them 😐” and everyone’s just like 🧍🏼🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏽😭😭 (i use a lot of emojis ‼️beware‼️) but her rambling about luca like girl i understand.. he’s yeah.. like give me him! can he bake for me? 🥲🙄

I’M SCREAMING I KNOW THE EXACT SCENE YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!!! CARMY IN HIS TROY BOLTON ERA 😭

Sydney watched the interaction play out between the two of you, a small smirk lining her lips as she watched how flustered Carmy got just by asking you a simple question. she’s so me.

everyone in that damn restaurant ships them

“Wait no, I don’t want Carmy to be mad at me.” The two of you looked in Carmy’s direction, the man still watching just as confused as earlier. omg fak’s so funny

i just had to give fak some of the spotlight he’s ridiculous at times but i love him!

“She was lying to you my love, we don’t massage each other's breasts.” With those last words, Nat shut the door on a disappointed Fak and a mildly annoyed Carmy. natalie makes my heart warm whenever i heard her say “my love” like ilysm mommm 🫶🏻

no but like she’s so mommy and i’m not even apologizing 🫶🏽

“I promise to do better Nat, I want to be around to help with the little gremlin.” auntie baby 🤍🤍

she’s the bestest!

“Oh, it’s me, uh…Claire. We lived down the street from each other as kids?” A gasp escaped your lips, surprised that she was calling you. I AM NERVOUSSSSS AGHHH I KNEW SHE WAS GONNA CALL AND SHE’S OBVI GONNA ANSWER (tbh if i was her… i honestly may have not answered cause i hate answering phone calls like girl just keep letting it ring it’s fine)

i was nervous writing this!!! but like the scene in the bathroom was literally me like i don’t answer numbers i don’t know/calls i’m not expecting so if it’s important they better leave a voicemail!!

You watched as Carmy ran a hand across his mouth, eyes wide your name slipped past his lips the dire need to get you off that call racing through him. You held your finger up to him signaling to give you a moment, too wrapped up in miraculously connecting with an old friend. (i’m dead. carmy is sooo like he’s in shock. AND HE’S TRYING TO GET HER TO HANG UP? like no no no carmy this is the consequences to your actions!!!! watch what’s going to happen!!!!)

carmy’s last two brain cells were working overtime trying to solve the problems he created

“You’re too sweet. You know how it is people change, they grow apart. I just think Carmy outgrew me.” It was becoming harder and harder to swallow your tears. OMG

poor babes : (

��Answer quickly Carmen, your little girlfriend is calling.” You knew it was petty and you shouldn’t be upset with Claire for chasing after what she wanted, but for once you didn’t want to be the one fighting for scraps of Carmy’s affection. claire is so quick??? like i honestly wish i had this much confidence to call up a guy like she’s chasing for what she wants.. girl how do you do that i can’t even dm the guy that i like

girlie really said this residency can wait i’m getting my mans!

“Why are you the way you are?” You were tired of putting Carmy and his feelings ahead of yourself, tired of running yourself ragged to accommodate your feelings for a grown man who was too scared of the truth. MY GIRL IS GONNA LET HIM HEARRR IT!!!!

i laugh everytime i read that line like girl is so tired of this man. but yes he will indeed get an earful!

“I have lived so much of my life for you and yeah I was stupid for that, but all I wanted was your happiness and all I wanted was happiness with you. I have given so much of myself to you Carmen I have lost pieces of u- of myself to you, Carmen.” The tears were raining down in full force. excuse me.. this is a lot like she’s going at him 😭😭 my poor baby

years of repressed emotion finally coming out full force 😭

“All I wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you…the way I will continue loving you after today because the way I feel for you won’t just go away Carmen it will be stuck with me forever! What I lost to you will be stuck with me forever! And…and we spend this amazing weekend together and I accept that you can’t commit to me and I give you the benefit of the doubt because Mikey just died and you…fuck.” 💔💔

i too am part of the broken hearts club : (

“You take my number that you’ve had for a year and you give it to some girl that you had some stupid pathetic high school fucking crush on. I’m not even worth a fucking phone call to you Carmen! And I…I’m not even supposed to be here right now but you wouldn’t fucking know because your too much of a fucking coward to allow yourself to be loved to be happy!” i need this to be added on to the bear tv show like they need to hire you and add this plot line because i just need to see this in live action on a tv. THE WAY YOU WRITE IS SO UNREAL LIKE 😭🥹

okay but stop because i cried reading this. you wouldn’t know but that compliment means so much to me because all i wanna do is write in whatever capacity i can like its my genuine passion and i know you were probably joking but it really just meant so much to me!!! 😭🥺

“I lost everything, Richie,” your voice was strained. “And I…I spared him because I knew he couldn’t handle it, you knew he couldn’t handle it…not after Mikey.” omggggg

sobbing as i read this reaction

“Why the fuck weren’t you there for her whe-.” “Richie!” Natalie’s stern voice caused Richie to harness some of his anger. “No.” The subtle shake of her head stopped his sentence mid-thought. HELLO???!!!!

BONJOUR???!!!!

Her hand fell to her stomach, eyes following suit, “Welcome to the family little one.” ME TO EVERYONE: YOU ALL NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FOR THIS BABY LIKE POOR NAT SHES TRYING HERE!!

Natalie deserves a break from these fucking cucks

And Uncle Mikey left us 'cause he was sick and I don’t want you to leave to Bebe.” this poor child oh my 💔💔

like why did i make eva do this to all of us she’s too precious

“What the hell was Eva talking about Baby,” I KNEWWWWWW IT WAS COMING!!!

surprise shawtayyyy 🥺

“I’m not disappointed in you Baby,” Richie’s eyes rose to yours. “But I’m real fuckin hurt and the shit you just laid on me was a lot to take in but I…I want to understand and I want to be here for you.” 😭🤍

these two are so much closer after this it’s insane!

What purpose did he have if he couldn’t even keep his last promise to Mikey? this HURTSSSSSS i hate this he’s thinking about himself like this!

not for long, i promise! RICHIE AND BABY WILL BE HAPPY IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!

Carmy’s eyes watered as he raised the initial pendant to his lips, a lingering kiss pressed into it, and a whispered “I love you,” filtered through the quiet of his room. A JOURNAL. THE POLAROID PICTURES. THE PENDANT. 💔 YUP. I THINK THIS WAS DEFINITELY ONE OF THE HARDEST CHAPTERS LIKE TEARS!!! OMG THIS SERIES IS JUST!! IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!!!!

it was definitely the hardest for me to write, like i hate having all of these characters so down like this, i think it’s time to cap the unlimited reserves of angst inside me and give all of these losers what they deserve! 😭

chapter six | didn’t i do it for you?

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | platonic!natalie berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!neil fak x fem!reader

summary: carmy knows exactly what he wants regarding you, but past mistakes always come to rear their ugly heads

warning(s): angst | hurt slight comfort | slight fluff | semi-jealous carmy | mentions of substance abuse | mentions of overdose | mikey | mentions of suicide | implied miscarriage | language | self-destructive behavior | arguments | forced love confessions | carmy’s sad boi hours | actions having consequences | more barby lore | children | no use of y/n | afab reader |

wc: 10.9k

a/n: hi lovies, this chapter may be a bit heavier than previous ones so please take the warnings extra seriously. if you are triggered by any warning please do not read this chapter i’ll literally message you a summary of the chapter if you need it. i may have missed some warnings so if that’s the case i do apologize it was not intentional. lastly please remember YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA COSUMPTION….enjoy 🩵

“You know, I-I don’t think my family meant to ruin it or anything like that, you know.”

Carmy was trying to be better, to be more open. And it was easiest at these Al-Anon meetings, no one knew him, and no one had any expectations of him.

“I-I don’t think they did it on purpose,” his hand subconsciously raised to the chain securely tucked under his crew neck, rubbing the metal through the fabric.

“I don-it’s not fair to blame them for everything,” a sardonic huff of laughter escaped Carmy as he thought of the words he was going to say. “I uh…I had a friend once…a best friend.”

“She was the first thing in life that I felt belonged to me,” Carmy frowned, having trouble articulating what he wanted to say. “And not li- I didn’t own her or anything, but she was my friend because she chose to be, not because she knew me through Mikey.”

“And then I…I fucked that relationship up myself…uhh and as I sat there trying to think of what provided amusement or joy in my life…I just thought of my childhood spent with her…by my side.” He cleared his throat forcing himself to remember that he would probably never interact with any of these people outside of these meetings.

Carmy’s hand dropped from its place where his covered chain sat, now gripping the armchair. “She’s uh she’s back in my life now and I…I want those things with her again I…I want to fix things with her, be the person she believes I am.”

Sydney’s curiosity the other day gave Carmy a lot to think about. He was so accustomed to looking at the picture above his stove daily, that he hadn’t even given it a second thought when he invited Sydney over. Her curiosity was understandable, the interactions you and Carmy shared hadn’t been the warmest but that Polaroid would suggest otherwise.

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m happy to be here.” Carmy sat straighter in his chair, if he could admit his wants albeit vaguely to a room of strangers, he could admit his feelings to you. “Thank you, guys. Thanks for letting me share.”

Then he saw you at the grocery store, comfortable in someone else’s arms. He wasn’t jealous, or at least he didn’t think he was. But reality slapped him in the face, so sure of himself that the two of you could pick up where you left off he didn’t stop to think that maybe you didn’t want that anymore.

And then like the idiot he was, he gave Claire your number. He wanted to believe it wasn’t on purpose, that he had memorized your number so well it was the first he thought of when asked.

Carmy left the meeting hoping Claire didn’t call the number he gave her, hoping that you would be open to rekindling whatever relationship was left between you two.

Your morning was off to a great start. Hayden surprised you with breakfast at the office and signed off on your article for The Bear as long as it didn’t get in the way of your work at The Tribune. The two of you even brainstormed the best way to go about telling the story.

Since your late-night grocery run with Hayden, the two of you had fallen back into the friendship you developed all those years ago. It felt good to be reconnected with him, and thankfully things weren’t awkward considering your past sexual history.

Neither of you admitted to it, but you both knew the opportunity to fall back into your old ways would soon present itself, you weren’t sure if it was an option you would take advantage of though. The two of you weren’t in college anymore and as pathetic as it sounded since your vulnerable conversation with Carmy the other day, your heart still held out hope that the two of you could build up the foundation for a romantic relationship.

Rounding the corner of Orleans Street you finally made it to your destination, happy to have taken in the fresh air mid-morning had to offer. You approached the door to the restaurant hoping someone would hear your knock and let you in.

You smiled as Sydney opened the door moving back to allow you in, you reached up to slide your headphones off as you greeted both her and Carmy.

“Good morning, is Nat in?” The text you received on the train ride over from the oldest Berzatto was pushed to the back of your mind until now.

The urgent ‘we need to talk,’ text had worried you at first, but you had rationalized that Nat could’ve been referring to anything.

“Uh yeah, she’s in the office.” You nodded at Syd giving her a small smile in thanks before turning to make your way to the back.

“Oh hey, do you like have a second or…” You stopped in your tracks turning back to face the two chefs looking between them curiously before nodding once more.

You smiled waiting for one of them to speak, “Uh yeah can we make this quick though I need to speak with Nat.” You did your best to sound nonchalant, the longer you stood out here the more your anxiety began to rise, mind racing with what Nat needed to speak with you about.

“Yeah yeah of course,” Sydney stepped away from the door moving near Carmy who had remained silent since your entrance. “We were thinking of sending Marcus to Copenhagen and I know you stayed there, not like in a weird way but because I read your articles you know.”

You nodded your head eyebrows raised as a signal for Sydney to continue. You did your best to ignore Carmy’s stare while Syd rambled on about their idea and how the trip would help to inspire Marcus.

“…So we were wondering if you had any suggestions?” Her raised eyebrows stared back at you.

“Sorry suggestions for what?” The confusion was easily readable on your face, Syd’s excitement at the prospect overwhelmed you.

You watched as the two chefs stared at you, Carmy’s signature blank stare and Syd’s slightly hurt reaction that you weren’t paying attention.

“Oh uh for accommodations…in Copenhagen.”

The question surprised you, eyes darting to Carmy before focusing back on Sydney. You knew Carmen spent time in Copenhagen, so the fact that they were asking you for suggestions seemed a bit redundant.

Albeit stunned by the questions you smiled moving towards where the two of them were sitting, memories of your month spent in Copenhagen playing in your mind like a movie. The trip was months before Mikey’s passing and now as you think about it, it felt like that was the last time you had fun, and lived life without the worry that so often filled you now.

A chuckle left your lips as you leaned against the counter looking from Syd to Carmy, “I uh I stayed with the chef I was profiling.” You bit your lip trying to contain the grin threatening to split your lips, “I still have his number I could call him if you want. He kind of owes me a favor anyway.”

Carmy’s arms fashioned themselves across his chest, a frown pulling at his eyebrows. There was so much he didn’t know about you including the fact that you had spent time in Europe with some mystery chef.

“Oh yeah? What uh-who was the chef you wrote about? Maybe I know him.” Carmy’s words surprised you, the look you exchanged with Sydney proved that he didn't come across as casual as he was trying to.

You raised from your position against the counter, “Chef Luca?” Your voice trailed off a bit before the smile you were trying to contain finally made its appearance, “He’s this amazing pastry chef, who’s so passionate about his craft it was like watching a master at work!”

Carmy watched as you gushed about his former colleague, annoyance clawing at his throat as he took notice of just how happy the memories made you.

“Luca even taught me how to make this crazy dessert he was still perfecting, I mean mine was nothing compared to his but it was honestly the most fun I’d had in so long.” You reminisced about your time spent with Luca, “Oh, and my peach cobbler? Yeah, he taught me the simple syr-.”

“No yeah, I’m familiar with him.” Both you and Sydney were pulled from your animated conversation; the tight smile on Carmy’s face alerted you of his irritation.

You nodded, feeling a little bad at your rambling, “Okay well I’ll just go see Nat now, let me know if you need me to make that call.” You drummed your hands against the counter before turning around to take your leave.

“Hey uh, Baby?” You turned your head before disappearing around the corner eyebrows raised as you looked at Carmy. “Do you think we could maybe talk later?” You watched as his hand came up to scratch the back of his neck.

Sydney watched the interaction play out between the two of you, a small smirk lining her lips as she watched how flustered Carmy got just by asking you a simple question.

Your lips tugged up into a small smile, “Sure thing Carm, I’ll come back when I’m done with Nat.”

Carmy was sure his heart was beating so loud Sydney could hear it, the nickname something he hadn’t heard spilled from your lips in so long. The small smile he briefly caught did wonders for his already lacking confidence, he was now sure more than ever that there was a chance to fix things with you.

You entered the office to see Natalie pouring over documents presumably to do with permits and money in regards to the restaurant. You took a step forward momentarily stopping at Nat’s voice.

“Close and lock the door behind you please,” The lack of eye contact was grating on your nerves, either Natalie was completely stressed about her role as project manager or you had yet again colossally fucked up.

You did as told not wanting to further irritate your very pregnant friend. The office was silent neither of you spoke up as Natalie finished looking over the latest paper she had picked up.

She looked exhausted and you felt horrible knowing you had potentially added more stress onto her already-loaded plate. Nat gave you a small smile though her eyes looked anything but happy.

“Cortez called me this morning,” Nat’s eyebrows raised as she pointedly stared at you. Your head fell back against the door a quiet ‘fuck’ mumbled into the air. “Said this was the third meeting you missed.”

Nat waited for you to return your attention to her, “I’m only going to ask you this once Baby, and I really need you to be honest with me.” Nat leaned forward in the chair, closing a bit of the space between you so you would hear her quiet voice, “Are you using again?”

You sighed leave it to Cortez to fucking snitch you out, you didn’t realize that being a snitch was a requirement if you were someone’s sponsor.

“Baby?” Your eyes connected with Nat’s the softness of her voice and the watery appearance in her eyes told you just how worried she was.

Your head shook back and forth rapidly as you raised your hand to massage your temples, “I’m not using Nat I promise. And I know that means jack shit coming from an addict but I promise I’m doing good.” You took a deep breath calming your budding agitation, you knew Nat was worried and it wasn’t her that you were annoyed at but yourself.

“I uh…I’ve been stuck on step eight since I joined this whole rebranding project, and I…I knew that Cortez would be persistent in me getting it done.” You grimaced at the fact that you had already missed three meetings, you hadn’t realized how far things had gotten, “It’s just things felt normal again and I guess I thought I could just pretend like everything was okay.”

Natalie nodded as she listened to your explanation, she hated it but there was always a part of her that would be apprehensive. She had seen the manipulation substance abuse breeds firsthand when she stayed with you in the hospital after your overdose, it hurt her to see you hurting. To sit back and watch as the withdrawal symptoms ate away at you as you would fiend for a fix that you took your pain out on her and Pete.

Nat quickly turned to where her purse was sitting pulling out a box the two of you were all too familiar with.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Your face scrunched up in anger, the emotion slowly residing as you watched Nat close her eyes and take a deep breath in. You felt like a complete asshole you knew Nat wasn’t doing this of her own volition and you had no one to blame but yourself for the predicament you were now in.

“Nat shit, I’m sorry you didn’t deserve that. But you really can’t expect me to take that here.” Your hand thrust out to the box that seemed to be taunting you.

“Baby you know the rules. I don’t like this as much anymore than you but when you just decide you don’t need to meet with your sponsor anymore, these are the measures we have to resort to.”

“Lead the way, Mom.” Natalie let out a small chuckle at your antics, thankful that you were being somewhat logical, “Wait is there a bag we can throw this away in, we can’t just leave the evidence in the bathroom.” The two of you turned to search through the office sure you would find a stray plastic bag lying somewhere.

You popped up, a plastic baggie securely in your grasp, “Does the toilet even work?” Nat shrugged, walking past you and making her way to the bathroom leaving you to follow behind.

“Aww yeah, party in the bathroom! Am I invited?” Nat stopped as Fak stood in front of the two of you hastily moving the bag behind her back doing her best to be inconspicuous.

“Sorry my love girls only, maybe next time,” Nat gave Fak a pat on the shoulder and her signature smile before maneuvering the two of you around him.

“Wait, is it that time of the month for us? Cause I think our cycles might be synced, I’ve been having the most insane cramps lately.” The words that left Fak’s mouth would never cease to surprise you.

“You know, I think you might be right Fak, my lower back has been killing me.” You indulged in Fak’s shenanigans, the man falling in line to walk with you as the two of you followed Natalie to the front.

Fak nodded along with you “No I’m like feeling it, should I invest in a heating pad?”

You snickered at Fak, “I usually just fill up a sock with rice and throw it in the microwave.” You shrugged like the conversation was a completely normal occurrence. “The first day is always the worst for me, my breasts get so tender.”

Fak raised his own hands to his chest cupping his pecs “Baby tell me about it, it’s just like one touch and I’m crying.” You could see Carmy’s confused look from your peripheral as your group finally made it to the bathroom.

“I could totally massage your breast Fak, but you would have to return the favor. It's only fair if you’re a part of the sisterhood.” You watched as Fak nodded his head rapidly, hands raising in the air and hovering in front of your breast.

“Wait, is this an actual thing?”

“Oh yeah me and Nat do it all the time, that’s actually why we’re going to the bathroom now.” Fak’s eyes darted to Nat before looking back at his hands inching closer to your breast.

“Wait no, I don’t want Carmy to be mad at me.” The two of you looked in Carmy’s direction, the man still watching just as confused as earlier.

You shrugged before turning back to Fak, “I can assure you Carmy would not give a single fuck if you touched my breast, Neil.”

The aforementioned man took in a gasp of breath before clearing his throat and slowly moving down the counter to get a better listen at what the hell the two of you were doing.

You, Nat, and Carmy waited to see what Fak’s next move would be, the smile raising to your face hard to keep under wraps, Fak was adorably easy to mess with.

Fak’s hands began to inch forward concentration clear as day on his face before a small shriek left his lips, “Baby I’m sorry, Carmy’s my best friend, I don’t think I can do this for you.”

You laughed at the disappointment in Fak’s voice, “Your loss babes, I know 16-year-old Fak would’ve killed for this moment.” Your hand raised to pat his cheek before you finally left his side and entered the bathroom as Nat held the door open for you.

“She was lying to you my love, we don’t massage each other's breasts.” With those last words, Nat shut the door on a disappointed Fak and a mildly annoyed Carmy.

Fak turned back to look at Carmy with an apology in his eyes, “I’m so sorry Carmy, teenage Fak was really fighting to come out right now but I know Baby’s your girl.”

Carmy frowned at Fak’s words, the irritation running through him at yours and Fak’s stupid antics. “She’s uh…she’s not my girl. Baby and I are just friends.”

Fak smiled widely in Carmy’s direction, “That’s great, you really should think about getting a girlfriend then, I just want you to be happy Carmy.” Fak began walking to the back to help move the appliances. Carmy let out a chuckle as he heard Fak mumble about missing his once-in-a-lifetime chance.

Carmy shook his head back and forth, having you back really was just like old times. He wouldn’t ever say anything out loud but Carmy was actually really glad he didn’t have to stand there and watch Fak fondle you.

“Pete said the two of you have a lunch date planned.” Your head shot up to Nat, the air had been a little stilted between the two of you since she had brandished the drug test.

A laugh bubbled out of you, “Doesn’t seem like the proper environment for a casual chat Nat.” You gestured to the dinghy bathroom you were in, emphasizing the urine sample sitting on the sink while the two of you awaited the results.

You watched the smile rise to Natalie’s lips, a somber look overcast on her face, “I’m not doing this because I want to Baby.” Nat’s voice took on a gravelly tone.

Natalie didn’t deserve this, she had already basically nursed you back to health once. And now here she and Pete were about to bring a life into this world, and here you were a grown adult still expecting everyone else to fix your problems. You knew Natalie didn’t need the stress and worry your life choices brought forth and if your overdose wasn’t a wake-up call enough, then Nat’s haggard appearance as you two stood in the bathroom sure was.

“I know and I apologize Nat. Really livin' up to my nickname aren’t I?” Nat chuckled listening to your apology. “There’s no excuse for my behavior. I know what’s expected of me I-”

Your words were cut off by the shrill ringing of your phone. The noise caused the two of you to jolt in the small bathroom. You quickly removed the device from your back pocket, it was a Chicago area code, but you already had everyone you knew here saved in your contacts.

“You gonna answer that?” Your eyes flashed to Nat, her eyebrows raised in question.

You took one last glance at the number trying to place it before clicking the power button and slipping it back into your pocket, “If it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail.”

“Anyway, I shouldn’t constantly depend on you to clean up my messes Nat, I don’t think I’ve been the best friend recently. And it should be you depending on me considering,” you waved your hand over her figure scared that if you spoke the word someone might hear. “I promise to do better Nat, I want to be around to help with the little gremlin.”

Nat raised her hand to wipe the few tears that were falling, making her way over to pull you into an embrace, “These damn hormones make me so emotional.”

You chuckled rubbing up and down Natalie’s back, “You’d be crying even if you weren’t compromised.”

The hug lasted up until the timer on Nat’s phone sounded, signaling the results were ready. The two of you pulled apart, with Nat sending you a reassuring smile.

It didn’t matter if you knew you hadn’t touched any substances since your hospitalization, you would always be nervous when it was time to read off the results. You waited with bated breath as Nat read over the testing stick, you would set up a meeting with Cortez as soon as you got the chance.

The sigh of relief Natalie let out stung you a bit, but you could understand her apprehension it wasn’t easy trusting a recovering addict.

“It’s negative Babes.” A sigh of relief left you.

A wide grin raising to your lips, “I told you so.” Nat rolled her eyes at the sing-song sound of your voice.

The two of you made quick work of cleaning up the bathroom, small talk about your future lunch with Pete floating around as you made sure all evidence was disposed of in the plastic bag.

Carmy watched as Sugar exited the bathroom the same drugstore bag from earlier in her hand. He sent a nod in her direction as she smiled at him before making her leave. Carmy was set to meet up with Syd in 30 minutes but he was hoping to speak with you before he took his leave, unsure if you would still be here later.

He returned his attention to the calendars with the timeline to open, checking off things that had already been taken care of and adding anything he wanted to double-check.

“You free to talk now, Carm?” He turned at the sound of your voice, a shy smile lining his cheeks as he took in the smile on your lips.

“Uh yeah, yeah if you’re free,” You nodded, coming to stand across from Carmy the old counter directly between you two.

Carmy’s eyes took in the sweater you were wearing, similar to the style in his but while his was a nice grey color, yours was a deep green. The familiarity of the crew neck finally dawned on him as he realized it was his crew neck you were wearing, the last time he saw it was the night he left you in his apartment all those months ago expecting to still see you there when he returned home.

It was silent as the two of you stared at each other, a giggle escaped your lips at the lost look on Carmy’s face. “What’d you wanna talk about Carmy?”

Carmy nodded trying to remove the memories from his mind, “I uh…I know I ruined our friendship and…and whatever was left of it.” He paused, eyes falling to the crew neck carefully wrapped around you, the memory of watching you get dressed after the shower you shared swimming around in his head, the extra pictures of the two of you tucked safely into his bedside drawer.

“Carm hey,” he watched as your knuckles knocked against the counter to bring him back to the present time.

“Yeah, I uh I just have a lot I think we should talk about Baby, and maybe the restaurant wasn’t the best place for it.” He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, nerves running haywire.

You nodded a serious look painted on your face, you were sure you knew what Carmen wanted to speak about but you also had secrets of your own you wanted to share with him.

“I…I want us to try and be friends again or at least be cordial with each other…if that’s not too much to ask.” Carmy huffs out a breath of laughter, eyes latching onto your figure in front of him.

He watches as you appear to be thinking, most likely retracing the path of your relationship through the years memories running through your head that he has absolutely no idea exists.

“Carmy, you’ve never not been my friend but a lot of your choices hurt m-.” Your phone rang again echoing off the walls in the front of the restaurant.

You gave Carmy a small smile before removing your phone, the number that’s calling you is the same one that called while you were in the bathroom with Nat earlier. You raise your finger to Carmy, gesturing that you need to take the call.

“Hello.” You wait as the other line stays quiet.

“Baby?”

You frown looking up at Carmy as he watches you hoping your call ends soon, “Uh I’m sorry who is this?”

“Oh, it’s me, uh…Claire. We lived down the street from each other as kids?” A gasp escaped your lips, surprised that she was calling you.

You move the phone from your mouth. Hand moving up to cover it as your eyes find Carmy’s “It’s Claire.” Your whisper takes a moment to register in his ears, too caught up in the bright smile on your face.

“Wow, it's so good to hear from you. Um, I hope I don’t sound rude but how exactly did you get my number?” You watched as Carmy ran a hand across his mouth, eyes wide your name slipped past his lips the dire need to get you off that call racing through him.

You held your finger up to him signaling to give you a moment, too wrapped up in miraculously connecting with an old friend.

“Oh um, this is going to sound weird. I uh…I ran into Carmy the other night at the grocery store and when I asked him for his number…this is the number he gave me.” You listened as Claire spoke, the smile quickly disappearing from your lips as your eyes found Carmy’s alarmed ones.

“Carmen gave you my number?” You watched the regret flash through his eyes.

“Mhm.”

“And claimed it was his?”

“Uh kinda yeah, it’s a bit weird but maybe he was just planning to call you or something.” A small laugh left your lips, if he hadn’t called you since he last saw you, you could bet he had no plans to ever call you.

“Yeah…fuckng bizarre.” You could feel the lump forming in your throat.

“Sorry if this is weird but do you think you could give me his number?” It felt like senior year all over again and you were the bridge between these two souls

An ironic smile rose to your lips as you stared directly at Carmy, the panic glaringly obvious in his eyes because he couldn’t hear Claire’s responses.

“Oh, Claire Bear I’m so sorry I haven’t spoken to Carmy in what’s it been?” You paused your glare on Carmy impenetrable.

“Five years, since high school graduation. I don’t even have his number.” The crack in your voice was evident to all who could hear, Carmy wished he could disappear at that moment.

“Oh no, is everything okay with you two?”

“You’re too sweet. You know how it is people change, they grow apart. I just think Carmy outgrew me.” It was becoming harder and harder to swallow your tears.

“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that Baby. But I heard you're back in Chicago, maybe we can catch up?”

“Claire I’d love that, hey before you go try Fak for Carmy’s number I’ve heard they’re extremely close now, have a great rest of your day!” You listened as Claire said her goodbyes quickly, hanging up and placing your phone back in its designated pocket.

It was silent as you raised your head to the ceiling, a disbelieving laugh escaped your lips as you felt the tears trace down your cheeks. You were getting fucking tired of crying.

“Baby hey, hey let me exp-,” Carmy’s pleas were cut short as both of your eyes shot to his now ringing phone on the counter. Neither of you needed to be a fucking genius to figure out who was ringing Carmy’s line.

“Answer quickly Carmen, your little girlfriend is calling.” You knew it was petty and you shouldn’t be upset with Claire for chasing after what she wanted, but for once you didn’t want to be the one fighting for scraps of Carmy’s affection.

You didn’t want to have to share.

His hand quickly shot out pressing the power button on the side silencing the ringing, taking the extra step and turning it face down as he watched you just stare at it.

“Baby I-,”

“Why are you the way you are?” You were tired of putting Carmy and his feelings ahead of yourself, tired of running yourself ragged to accommodate your feelings for a grown man who was too scared of the truth.

“I-” You took a deep breath to collect your thoughts. “I’m so hurt right now Carmen and I want to be angry, I want to be so fucking angry with you but I’m just hurt and exhausted, and I…I really don’t even want to waste my breath on you right now, but I’ve put up with a lot of your shit and I think I’m just done.” Carmy flinched at the sardonic laugh you let loose.

“It hurts Carmen…it hurts when the person you’ve been truly in love with for most of your life doesn’t even treat you like an option.” You ignored the sharp intake of breath that came from Carmen’s direction, surprised he even had the guts to listen to your rant.

The ringing in his ears along with your broken voice overwhelmed him.

“I have lived so much of my life for you and yeah I was stupid for that, but all I wanted was your happiness and all I wanted was happiness with you. I have given so much of myself to you Carmen I have lost pieces of u- of myself to you, Carmen.” The tears were raining down in full force.

It was one thing to cry when you were hurt but to cry out of anger and exhaustion would probably always be the worst feeling.

“All I wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you…the way I will continue loving you after today because the way I feel for you won’t just go away Carmen it will be stuck with me forever! What I lost to you will be stuck with me forever! And…and we spend this amazing weekend together and I accept that you can’t commit to me and I give you the benefit of the doubt because Mikey just died and you…fuck.” Your hand slammed against the counter top your thoughts all over the place.

“You take my number that you’ve had for a year and you give it to some girl that you had some stupid pathetic high school fucking crush on. I’m not even worth a fucking phone call to you Carmen! And I…I’m not even supposed to be here right now but you wouldn’t fucking know because your too much of a fucking coward to allow yourself to be loved to be happy!”

You could feel the oncoming migraine from how loud you were shouting, you did your best to ignore the gathering crowd, Nat and Richie at the forefront watching with worried glances, as Marcus Fak and the rest of the crew peaked through from the back.

A shuddering breath floated through your lips as you felt the lifetime of exhaustion catch up with you. “I almost gave you all of me Carmen. Please just leave me alone” The words escaped your throat in a hoarse whisper. You were so far gone that you couldn’t even see the look of heartbreak and despair marring Carmen’s features.

“Baby, hey!” Your eyes shot to Richie as he blocked your line of vision to Carmen's. Head shaking back and forth arms slowly reaching out before coming to rest on your biceps thumbs gently massaging into them. “Let’s take a break Baby calm down a bit yeah?” He nodded his head waiting for you to nod along before he led you to the back, making sure to block your view of Carmen.

You were shaking as the two of you made your way past Nat a whispered ‘I’m sorry’ leaving your lips as she was left to deal with the mess that was Carmy.

“Fuck!” The loud crashes of a heavy object slamming into the floor caused you to jump in Richie’s hold as he led you back into the office.

Little tremors shook through your body as Richie carefully guided you to sit in the lone office chair. Taking his position by your legs as he squatted in front of you, worry etched into his features at having never seen you react like that.

Your hands came to grip Richie's, the tear tracks on your face now dried, you were almost positive you had run out of tears to cry.

“I lost everything, Richie,” your voice was strained. “And I…I spared him because I knew he couldn’t handle it, you knew he couldn’t handle it…not after Mikey.”

Richie’s eyes squeezed closed as he raised your intertwined hands to his forehead, haunting memories of you forcing their way through. He dropped your hands delicately cupping your face to press a kiss on your forehead, “I know Baby.” The words were spoken softly against your skin.

The two of you sat in that position as you gained control of your ragged breathing.

“I’m a hypocrite, Rich,” you separated yourself from him, locking eyes. “I blamed Carmy for so much out there…but I’ve done something so unforgivable, I don’t think you’ll look at me the same.” You wanted to cry but the exhaustion ate away at you.

“Hey I’ve been through some shit Baby, we’ve been through some shit, nothing,” the firm grip on your chin reminded you of the lost soul who should’ve been in the room with you two. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. Nothing you say will change how I look at you.”

It was always weird to see Richie serious and the voice of reason, not that he didn’t have his moments, but seeing Rich without his signature smile made it feel like you had stripped him of something so personal.

“How bout this, Sug or I take you before you beat Carmy’s ass,” the sentence drew a small laugh out of you. “And then I’ll come over when I’m done here, pick up some dinner and we’ll have one of those nights like we used to when…when Mikey was still here.” You nodded your head not having enough energy to produce words.

Richie patted your knee rising to his full height as he headed to check on Sug and his idiot of a fucking cousin. “Oh hey, I’ll have Eva tonight, you don’t mind do you? She’s constantly on my ass about seeing her auntie Bebe.” Richie stood in the now open doorway awaiting your answer.

Your immediate response was yes, but you had to consider Tiff, unsure if she wanted her daughter around you considering your newly acquired title as recovering addict.

“I’d like that a lot, but I-I think you should get Tiff’s permission to bring Eva around me.” You knew your suggestion might upset Richie but it was for the best, and you would call Tiff yourself just to double-check.

“Hey no none of that shit, she’s my fucking kid too Baby.” The defensive tone in his voice immediately caused you to close your eyes, hands moving to massage your temples.

“Richie please, I just need you to do this for me okay? This isn’t about your parenting skills, Rich.” Richie watched you for a minute, the exhaustion noticeable.

He nodded sending you one last somber look before making his exit keen on chewing his little fucking asshole cousin a new one.

Richie could feel his anger rising in him as he walked past Marcus and Fak as they worked to remove appliances from the kitchen. He quickly sauntered toward the whispers of Sugar and Carmy becoming clearer as he finally made it to the front of the restaurant.

The first thing his eyes took notice of was the destroyed cash register lying in the middle of the floor, debris from the relic scattered across the room. Richie stood there taking in the scene, the two Berzatto siblings' conversation coming to a halt as Richie blew out a whistle, walking around the mess slowly clapping.

“You’re a real fucking piece of work Cousin,” Richie’s hand shot out to point in Carmy’s direction the younger man looking disheveled, the frown on his face almost comical.

Natalie felt her shoulders tense; she had known these two long enough to know nothing good would come out of this interaction. The fact that you were in the middle of all this would make whatever happened right now all the worse.

There were two things in the world Richie didn’t play about, little Eva; and you.

“Richie I don’t need your fucking bullshit right now.” Carmy moved to walk around the counter, hands fumbling in his pocket to get his cigarettes out, his focus on the door he was trying to escape through.

“You’re a piece of shit cousin.” Richie’s hands shot out to grip the collar of Carmy’s crew neck, shoving him into the counter.

Natalie’s shocked gasp of Richie’s name did nothing to tear the men away from each other.

“Get the fuck outta my face, Richie.” The shorter man shoved the man standing in front of him.

A rueful smile raised to Richie’s lips “That girl has bent over backward for your conceited ass time and time again, and you go and ruin the only good fucking thing you have going for yourself.” Richie’s hand raised thumb and middle finger moving to flick Carmy between the brows.

“You’re the last person that gets to talk to me about fucking ruining good things in my life.” Carmy’s free hand moved to swat at Richie’s.

“That empty fucking head of yours is so far up your ass you can’t see what the fucks been in front of you this whole time.

“Yo fuck you, Richie!”

The two loud voices echoed throughout the restaurant as the angry men tried to outyell each other.

“No you fucking listen to me! You don’t know what the fuck that girls been through. Where the fuck were you when shit went down Carmen! Huh!” Richie shoved Carmy again, the anger he felt for you pouring through him.

“Why the fuck weren’t you there for her whe-.”

“Richie!” Natalie’s stern voice caused Richie to harness some of his anger. “No.” The subtle shake of her head stopped his sentence mid-thought.

“You’re worse than the shit on the bottom of my shoe, and you don’t deserve to touch one pretty little hair on that girl’s head. And if I ever have to listen to her cry over you, watch her hurt over you again, you’re gonna wish Mikey was still here to save your ass.” Richie’s hand shot out to slap against the side of Carmen’s head, “Fucking bum.”

He removed himself from Carmy’s space, hands immediately raising as he faced Nat’s exhausted stare. “Sug I’m sorry, but get Baby home will you? I gotta finish up shit round here.”

Richie left the two Berzatto siblings to stand in the now quiet front of the restaurant, the sooner he finished his shit here, the sooner he and Eva could spend the evening with you.

Natalie looked at her younger brother scared of how this sequence of events would affect him. She took a step forward hand reaching out to Carmy before dropping it, “Hey, you okay?” The two siblings stood in silence, one worried about the well-being of her remaining brother.

And the other was trying to collect his racing thoughts, too many zooming through for him to even land on one.

“Where are we with the permits?” To Carmy’s ears, it sounded like he was underwater, his voice muffled, barely loud enough to be heard.

“Carm-.” Nat’s words were cut off with no chance of consoling him.

“Just get her home Nat and get back to me on those permits please.” Natalie watched as Carmy collected his phone and jacket, an unfocused wave of his hand sent in her direction before making his way through the exit, disappearing to who knows where.

Natalie watched as the front door latched shut, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for pushing you into this environment. If she had just let you re-acclimate yourself on your own time, maybe this situation could’ve been avoided.

Her hand fell to her stomach, eyes following suit, “Welcome to the family little one.”

The sound of your doorbell constantly ringing tore your stare away from the bottle sitting on your coffee table. You sat still for a minute before remembering the plans you made with Richie earlier in the day, your eyes shooting to the bottle before you quickly moved to hide it behind one of the couch pillows.

Since Natalie dropped you off earlier you had gone back and forth with the idea of finally coming clean to Richie. Your decision was led by your emotions from earlier in the day, but after finding the bottle of champagne you received in The Tribune’s welcome basket shoved in the back of your pantry, you were sorely rethinking your decision.

You adjusted the pillow to disguise any misshapen lumps before hurrying to the door to greet your guest. Hoping the forced smile was enough you opened the door feeling the once-fake smile begin to settle into a genuine one as you took in the father-daughter duo on your porch.

“Auntie Bebe!” You laughed, a lump forming in your throat at how big the young girl seemed to have gotten.

“Little E is that you?” Eva giggled at the exaggerated gasp you let out before throwing herself against your legs squeezing you tight.

She unlatched herself from you before gripping your hand and moving into the house, “Daddy bought us pizza!”

“Hey, Eva take your shoes off.” Richie gave you a small smile as he scolded the little girl, her huff of annoyance not going unnoticed by the two of you.

Richie finally walked through the door shutting and locking it behind him staring at you as he waited for instructions, “Hey E go ahead to the living room and pick out something to watch okay? I’m gonna help your dad real quick.”

You were rewarded with her adorable smile as she ran in the direction you pointed her to. You turned back to Richie taking the two pizza boxes from his hand to allow him to remove his shoes and jacket.

The two of you made your way to the kitchen setting the boxes down on your island with a clear view of Eva scrolling through your tv. You maneuvered around the kitchen for plates before brandishing them to Richie, eyes caught on Eva’s small figure in your living room.

“She’s gotten so big,” the tears you thought had run out earlier were once again making their appearance.

Richie’s head turned to you, “Aww Baby look at you ready to cry and shit, you just saw her a year ago.”

You listened to Richie’s intoxicating laugh, trying your best to find the humor in his words. The notion was hard though when the last memory you could’ve had of the sweet little girl waiting for the two of you in the living room was holding her at a funeral that could have just as easily been yours.

“You coming Baby?” Richie’s raised brows were aimed at you, he had already made his way to the living room setting the smaller plate in front of Eva.

You cleared your throat nodding your head with a forced smile on your lips. It was settled, Richie had every right to know that there could have been a universe where he had to survive without Mikey and you.

Eva was cuddled into your side as your fingers stoked through her blonde locks, her smaller hand playing with the rings on your free hand. The two of you sat staring at the paused episode of ‘The Dragon Prince’ waiting for Richie to return from the bathroom.

Sitting with Eva in your living room made your heart heavy with what could’ve been. A small sad smile traced your lips as you leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

Eva’s head turned to yours, her tongue poking out at you as you returned the gesture, the two of you going back and forth making silly faces at each other before she released a small yawn. You watched as her small hand rose to gently run her little fingers across the scars on your face.

“Auntie Bebe?” You made a small noise to let her know you were listening. “Are you going to die?”

Your brows pinched together, Eva’s hand prodded at the scar between your eyebrows that was now more prominent, “Hey hey, where is this coming from?”

Her hand lowered to her lap as she turned her attention back to your ring-clad hand. “Mommy said you were sick…like Uncle Mikey…and that you tried to be with him.”

The ache in your chest was instant, you knew Tiff had tried to explain why you hadn’t visited but you didn’t know Eva had such an understanding of everything.

She raised your hand so it was in front of the two of you, little fingers dancing across yours, “And Uncle Mikey left us 'cause he was sick and I don’t want you to leave to Bebe.”

“Little E, look at me,” you waited as she adjusted next to you small body, cuddling into you more as her face turned to you. “I was sick…just like Uncle Mikey, but I’m doing a lot better now. And I got hurt, that’s why I have these scars on my face but a lot of good people helped me, like Auntie Nat, and even your mom.”

You stopped allowing the child to digest your words, you were trying to explain things in the simplest terms, and the small girl next to you didn’t need to know any of the details. “As much as I miss Uncle Mikey I could never leave behind my Little E.”

Eva shrieked as you moved forward to tickle her doing your best to make a very tough conversation end on a light note for the sweet little girl who brought joy to your world.

“How about some ice cream, yeah?” You watched as the small girl nodded up and down excitedly, her arms coming up to wrap around your neck as she planted a small kiss on your cheek.

“I missed you, Auntie Bebe.”

Your hand reached out to ruffle the girl's hair, “I missed you too Little E.” She removed herself from around you laying across the empty couch cushions.

You let out a little laugh before grabbing the empty plates and moving to the kitchen to get Eva her ice cream. You jumped at the sight of Richie leaning against the island in your kitchen arms crossed against his chest.

“Why are you standing in my kitchen like a fucking weirdo Richie,” you laughed moving to place the plates in the sink before grabbing a bowl for the ice cream. “Eva’s okay to have ice cream right, I know it's a little late bu-”

“What the hell was Eva talking about Baby,” you looked over your shoulder Richie’s stern eyes focused on you eyes piercing through you as opposed to at you.

You sat the bowl and ice cream on the island before searching for your ice cream scooper, the silence droning on as you began scooping out ice cream for Eva.

“I fucked up Richie,” you finally looked up to Richie eyes wet with tears as you watched him tightly shut his eyes and begin shaking his head back and forth. Not prepared for what he was about to hear.

You quickly finished with ice cream, returning everything to its location and dropping the scoop in the sink before grabbing a spoon. You made your way to Eva sending her a small smile as you handed the bowl to her, “I need to talk to your daddy okay? Go ahead and finish watching without us mamas.” Your words went in one ear and out the other, her attention fully on the treat in her hands. You gave her one last smile before braving yourself for what the kitchen had in store for you.

“I uh…I was in a bad place after Chicago we had just buried Mikey and then…the hospital happened,” you stopped taking a deep breath to get through this conversation. “I should’ve come home Richie I-.” You couldn’t get the words out your throat felt like it was constricting. It felt as though if you tried confessing you would choke on the words before you could even come clean to Richie.

Richie sat next to you at your small circular dining table chair turned towards you, eyes flicking to Eva’s figure every few seconds to make sure she was okay. Richie wasn’t even sure he wanted you to continue, but a huge part of him needed to know what you went through, he thought he had already seen you at your lowest point but the gravity of your words assured him that was nothing compared to the confession you were about to lay at his feet.

“I overdosed Rich.” Richie froze having thought he hadn’t heard you correctly for a second but as he watched the despair take over your face, he knew he heard you right.

His hand came up to wipe across his mouth, the reality of your words barely setting in. “Baby no, no, no, no.” The laugh that accompanied his words morphed into a silent sob as he tucked his head into his hands.

You swallowed your cry fighting to escape as you turned to make sure Eva was still okay, a reprieve from the hard conversation you were having.

You moved from your chair standing in front of Richie so you could console him, his arms wrapped around your waist as his head settled against your stomach, the shaking of his body proof to you that cries were still wracking his body.

The silent sobs turned into quiet cries, his hands gripping the extra fabric of your shirt at the waist. Your tears could no longer be held back bending at the waist you rested your forehead against the back of Richie’s head.

While Richie was crying over the sister he almost lost; you cried over the lives you ruined.

“Auntie Bebe I finished my ice cream!” You took in a deep breath against Richie’s head moving your own from its previous position.

You moved to step out of Richie’s grip, his hands tightening around your shirt tears seeping through to dampen your skin. “I gotta help E, I promise I’ll be back Richie.”

The breath you took in choked you as you had to pry Richie’s clenched fingers out of the fabric of your shirt. You quickly wiped your cheeks before making your way over to Eva grabbing the bowl from her hands and sending her a forced smile.

“Can I spend the night Bebe?” The hope in her eyes made your chest heave.

“How about I call your mom tomorrow and we arrange something for another time, is that okay with you?” Your hands brushed across her forehead, clearing the hair from her face.

She pouted, sinking into the couch cushion, “E, hey you can come visit me whenever, but tonight just isn’t a good night for a sleepover.”

You watched as her eyes began to water, “But what if you try to leave again?” You hadn’t realized how intuitive children could be at times, you bent down to make yourself eye level with Eva.

“Listen, mamas, I’m just a phone call away okay? Anytime you’re scared I might be gone just ask your mom or dad to call me and I’ll answer every time, I promise.” Everyone knew making promises to children was a slippery slope, but you intended on keeping this promise with every ounce of your being, it was time for you to start taking some responsibility.

Eva nodded her head throwing her little arms around your neck and gracing you with a hug you weren’t aware you needed. You gave a small kiss to her temple before pulling away and setting the empty bowl on your coffee table.

“How about you lay down okay? Your dad and I might be awhile,” She nodded, moving and leaning against the pillow, her sudden weight revealing the champagne bottle you had hidden behind it, you quickly covered her with the throw blanket on your couch before picking up the bowl and bottle and making your way back to the kitchen.

You gently placed the bowl in the sink before making your way over to Richie whose head was still in his hands. His eyes found yours as he heard you take your seat, before skating across the unopened bottle you had set between the two of you.

“I’ve been sober for five months now,” watching Richie’s bloodshot eyes slowly blink at you as he drank your every word in felt like a knife being continuously shoved through your chest. “No drugs, no alcohol.” Your voice trailed off, this was the first time you had admitted your shortcomings by choice.

“Ho-How’d it happen?” Your eyes focused on Richie’s Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down, his face pinching together like asking that simple question was equivalent to swallowing glass.

“I uh don’t know the full story, just what the doctors told Nat and me,” you could see the hurt on his face that Nat was already privy to the information. “I didn’t tell her by choice, uh after my mom died my family kind of distanced themselves from me and so N-Nat became my power of attorney.”

He nodded his head, unfocused eyes floating around your kitchen, “Can you tell me?”

A tired sigh left you “Rich I don’t thi-,”

“I need to know Baby, please.” His hand shot out to grip yours, desperation you had never before seen seeping from his eyes.

You cleared your throat taking in a deep breath, “When I left Chicago, I just felt so…alone. It was like everywhere I looked there was either a reminder of Mikey or a reminder of…of what we lost.” Richie’s free hand returned to swipe across his mouth, eyes everywhere but you.

“The pills were prescription I…I can’t remember when I started taking them or when the dependency started but I-I know the alcohol started first. I deluded myself into thinking that I could do what Mikey couldn't…that I could numb the pain and function at the same time.

“It was like that for a while and then it just gradually got worse until I ended up hospitalized with no recollection of how I even got there and…and Natalie just crying and staring at me and the thing is I had heard those cries from her once before.” The same cries you listened to as she revealed Mikey’s fate to you.

“Um, the story is that I had been mixing drugs and alcohol which yeah I was. But that day I guess it finally went too far, for some reason I was trying to get to my patio and I guess I couldn’t figure out the door, I just…repeatedly threw myself into the glass until it shattered.” Your free hand moved unconsciously to pick at the scar lining the right side of your jaw, Richie’s hand quickly snatching it away urging you to continue your story.

“Wasn’t done yet though was I,” you looked at Richie expecting a chuckle out of him but the stoic look in his eyes told you he wasn’t in the mood for half-baked jokes. “I took two more pills and stumbled bloody through my apartment before making it out of my door and collapsing in a pool of my blood and vomit. A neighbor found me and called the ambulance.” You were glad you had no recollections of what would’ve been your final moments.

The silence in the kitchen was heavy, the words you had shared between the two of you more than anything Richie could have ever prepared himself for.

“Baby why…why didn’t you call me?” Richie’s hand covered his mouth in a fist as another cry escaped his lips wide teary eyes finally focused on yours.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.” Richie could feel his heart breaking as he listened to the crack in your voice as you spoke, you had been so scared to disappoint him that you had hidden a part of yourself for him for so long.

“How long have you been in Chicago? You avoided Richie’s gaze, not brave enough to see the look of hurt and betrayal.

“I spent a month in Wisconsin at a treatment facility, I’ve been in Chicago since December.”

“And Tiff knew about this?”

“Yeah…uh she kind of forced it out of Natalie, I guess Eva kept asking about me.” You watched as Richie’s head slowly nodded as he carefully let your words play in his head.

Richie leaned forward in his chair, elbows coming to rest on his knees as his clasped hands rested against his mouth.

“I’m not disappointed in you Baby,” Richie’s eyes rose to yours. “But I’m real fuckin hurt and the shit you just laid on me was a lot to take in but I…I want to understand and I want to be here for you.”

The tears that had subsided were now back pouring down your face in droves, “I’m so sorry Richie, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But I promise you I’m trying to be better, I will be better. I don’t think I'll get another shot at this after this one.”

Richie stood from his chair pulling you up with him, immediately tugging you into his chest hugging you tightly under the ambient kitchen lighting. He knew his hugs would never match up to Mikey’s, that his role in your life would never compare to Mikey's. But he loved you so much and learning that you had fallen victim to the same poison as Mikey made him feel like an utter failure.

Richie tilted his head down planting a kiss on the crown of your head, the saltiness of his tears passing over his lips.

What purpose did he have if he couldn’t even keep his last promise to Mikey?

Carmen’s day had come to an end hours ago but he just couldn’t get himself to fall asleep, all the words you had said to him playing over and over again in his head.

He had been so caught up in your argument that he blew his food-hopping plans off with Syd, and couldn’t even get himself to return any of the many missed phone calls he received from the number he knew to be Claire’s

Not that he even wanted to but he felt the girl deserved a proper explanation.

After leaving the restaurant and wandering the Chicago streets he found himself back where his life seemed to begin and end. Pouring what was left of him into helping the rest of the crew start the gut on the restaurant. He wasn’t proud that he let his emotions regarding your situation get the best of him, leading to an unnecessary and petty argument with Sydney. But he knew the two of them would work their issues out.

He couldn’t be sure that the same could be said for the two of you though.

The journal he had started a year ago sat open in his lap, the Polaroid he used to keep his place gently rested on his bedside table, the small lamp illuminated the two of you staring at each other eyes full of love as you wore matching smiles.

A teardrop landed on the ink-stained pages of his journal. The words he wanted to say to you easily poured out of him when he sat down to write to you. The journal began as a way for him to express what he felt for you, but as the months went on and the writing became a part of his routine they turned into letters to you he’d never have the guts to send.

His hand came up to swipe across his face before reaching for the pristine Polaroid and neatly tucking it between the designated pages. The journal was then safely placed in his bedside drawer. He knew he needed to give you space, he just wasn’t sure if there had ever been a future written in the stars for the two of you.

Picking up his phone he opened it to your newly saved contact, the need to hear your voice spilling more tears from his eyes. Your voice rang through his head as he thought about your words from earlier, Carmy couldn’t lie, he knew you loved him and had known for a while but hearing you say it aloud had finally awoken that part in him that would allow himself the pleasure of loving you back.

He couldn’t do it, couldn’t get himself to call you. A sob ripped through him as he locked his phone and set it down, the hope he had earlier to work things out with you was now gone, and he had no one left to blame but himself.

Carmy laid back in bed, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling, one arm bent at a right angle to support his head. He had really and truly ruined whatever relationship was left between you two.

Carmy’s hand dipped into the collar of his tank top, gripping the small pendant he found dangling from his chain after returning home from his shift the night you made your departure from his New York apartment.

His fingers had gotten used to tracing over the initial of your first name that he proudly wore around his neck. The closest thing he even had to you now.

Carmy’s eyes watered as he raised the initial pendant to his lips, a lingering kiss pressed into it, and a whispered “I love you,” filtered through the quiet of his room.

tag list: @saturnheart @r0s3mm @wheredidmycrowngo @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn @bunnysthngs @gabbycoady13 @randomhoex @mattmurdocksstarlight @shinebright2000 @royalestrellas @jam1esl0v4 @globetrotter28 @dankfarrick29 @flowersgirl02 @beingalive1 @fairytale07 @smoooore @ghost-timelord @xxxstormyninixxx

so i’ve reached the limit of people i can mention in a single post, i apologize if you asked to be tagged and were left off it was not intentional. i’m gonna figure something out to try and fix this…sorry : (

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

Calm Before the Storm

Existence in Real Time - Chapter 11 

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark! Reader

A/N: I’m so sorry it’s been so long guys I’m the worst 😭 Anyways updates will be quicker now I promise. The next chapter will be the finale and it’s coming very soon! I don’t have an exact date but this month for sure. I just hope you guys are looking forward to this as much as I am, love you guys so much! Hope you enjoy! 

Summary: Peter and you must decide what to do next when a warrant is issued for Norman’s arrest

Taglist

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

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“Oh yeah, Spiderman was super cool,” Flash smirked as he bragged to the class, “I was right there in the middle of it all, it was crazy.”

(y/n) rolled her eyes, “Is he ever gonna shut up about this?”

“Probably not,” MJ frowned, “We’re gonna be hearing this story until we graduate.”

“I can’t believe anyone believes him when the whole fight was caught on video, he wasn’t anywhere near the action,” (y/n) scoffed.

“Well at least when they bug him about it we get left alone,” MJ turned her attention back to her phone.

“Good point,” she sighed as the bell rang, “I’ve got enough to worry about right now.”

“Are you still having trouble sleeping?” MJ frowned as she tossed her backpack over her shoulder.

“My parents have been letting me stay in Peter’s room, which helps, but I think I’ll feel a lot better once Norman is locked up you know?”

“I’m sure you will,” MJ squeezed her shoulder as Peter approached them.

“Ready for lunch?” he smiled, taking (y/n)’s hand in his.

She nodded, “I’m ready for anything that gets me away from Flash, I seriously can’t listen to him for another second.”

Peter laughed and kissed the top of her head, “Yeah if I have to hear that same Spiderman story one more time I think I’m gonna go insane. I mean seriously he’s been telling the same story everyday in every class for the past week.”

“Oh this is nothing,” MJ smirked, “Last year he saw Drake at the airport and he didn’t shut up about it for a month.”

“Oh god,” (y/n) groaned, “I remember that, he kept trying to convince me to get him in contact with him so he could send him a track.”

Peter knit his brow and opened his mouth to ask who Drake was, but stopped when he saw Ned running up the hall towards them.

“Guys did you see the news?!”

MJ laughed, “No, we’ve been in class. What’s the big rush?”

“Look!” he shoved his phone into their faces, “We were watching it in my econ class, they just put out a warrant for Norman Osborn’s arrest.”

“Holy shit…” (y/n) squinted at the screen.

“Breaking news, a warrant has been issued for the arrest of Oscorp CEO, Norman Osborn,” the newscaster spoke, “The details of the warrant haven’t been revealed to the public yet so we can’t say whether or not this is related to the recent arrest of his son, Harry, but that seems to be what most people are speculating. Norman has failed to turn himself over to the police so far, but we’ll keep you updated as details arise.”

“Wow, about time,” MJ pursed her lips, “Hopefully he won’t try to flee or something.”

“He will,” Peter’s eyes were locked on the screen, his whole body stiff, “We should call Tony.”

(y/n) nodded and reached for her phone, “We’ll meet up with you guys in a minute.”

Peter followed (y/n) up the hall as she punched in her dad’s number, anxiously tapping his foot while she nodded and mumbled one word replies. It was obvious the call wasn’t going as she’d hoped, which made Peter worry something had gone terribly wrong. She finally set a hand on his bicep to stop him from pacing.

“Alright, yeah, got it, love you too,” she mumbled before shoving the phone into her pocket with a sigh.

“What did he say?” Peter grabbed her shoulders, his brows wrinkled in concern.

“Yeah, for now,” she sighed, “Look P, they just put the warrant out, for all they know he might just turn himself in. I know you want to be there, but for now we just need to wait.”

“He said it was a really last minute decision because they were worried he was about to flee. So they’re still sorting things out and waiting to see if they hear anything from him. For now he wants us to stay at school, but he said he’ll call us if anything changes.”

“He wants us to stay here?!”

“There’s no way he’ll turn himself in,” Peter scoffed, “If anything this is just gonna give him more reason to run.”

“It’s just a couple hours Peter, I’m sure Norman’s panicking and meeting with his legal team and scrambling to figure out what to do. He’s not gonna run away before the school day is over.”

He took a deep breath and nodded, “Fine, fine, we’ll wait, but if they go after him I’m going too. I want to be there for it.”

“I know,” she squeezed his bicep and pursed her lips, “He’s not gonna get away, we’re gonna stop him.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Peter had spent the rest of the school day on edge, bouncing his leg nervously and checking his phone religiously for any updates. Nothing came though, both the news and Tony were silent until he and (y/n) had arrived at home. Tony was waiting for them in the lab, ready to fill them in on what was going on.

“When are you going after him?” Peter demanded.

“Hold your horses,” Tony scolded, “How was school?”

“Dad,” (y/n) groaned.

“If he hasn’t turned himself in by tomorrow we’ll go after him. It won’t be the full Avengers team though, just Natasha, Peter, me, and some Shield agents,” he explained.

Peter went wide eyed, “I’m part of the team?”

Tony nodded, “I figure you’re gonna sneak in either way so I might as well bring you, but you have to listen to us Peter. If it ends up coming down to this it’s going to be dangerous, and we need this to go well. If we want him to stay locked up we have to do this by the books.”

Peter inhaled sharply and nodded, “I’ll listen, I just want to see him pay.”

“You will, but I need to know that I can trust you on this. If you want to help you have to let the professionals handle this.”

“I will,” he insisted, “I know I haven’t been the best at that in the past, but I want to be part of this, I’ll help however you need me too.”

“Alright. You’re going to be with Natasha and I the whole time, we’ll be the ones going after Norman directly. He’ll be heavily guarded, and it’s hard to say what that means. Possibly more genetically modified people like you, weapons no one’s ever seen, it’s hard to say really. If things end up going that way I’ll give you a better breakdown tomorrow. Just remember, you follow my lead, and we’re just there to keep them from fleeing.”

“Got it,” Peter nodded, “I can do this.”

“I know you can, I’m just hoping it won’t come to that,” Tony sighed, “But he hasn't said a word yet, so it seems like things are heading that way.”

“What can I do?” (y/n)’s cheeks flushed as she interjected, “I-I want to help too.”

“You’re not trained for something like this kiddo,” Tony tried to ruffle her hair, laughing when she ducked away, “You can stay on the intercom with Fury though, help him run things.”

“Okay...” she glanced at Peter before slipping her hand into his, “Norman’s gonna get locked up for life right?”

Tony nodded, “We’ll go for life when he’s convicted. If all goes well we won’t ever have to worry about him again.”

“So Peter will be safe?”

“From Norman at least,” Tony confirmed, “Safe doesn’t really come with the superhero gig though bug. But Peter’s part of the family, so we’ll always be there to look out for him.”

Peter’s cheeks flushed and he squeezed (y/n)’s hand in his, “Thanks.”

(y/n) cracked a smile and bit her cheek, “Yeah, thanks dad.”

“Yeah don’t mention it,” Tony sighed, “Why don’t you kids go try and relax for a little while? Put on a movie or something and we’ll get dinner when Pepper gets home.”

Peter and (y/n) headed to Peter’s room hand in hand, still on edge but hoping to relax for at least a little while. Peter couldn’t help but pace while (y/n) pulled up a movie, he had too much  on his mind to sit still. He knew there was no way Norman would go down without a fight.

“Peter come lay down with me,” (y/n) patted the bed beside her, “I know it’s hard not to think about it but we should try to forget all this, at least for a little while.”

“He’s gonna fight it,” Peter sighed, “I know he is, there’s no way he’ll turn himself in.”

She nodded, “I know, but they’ve got eyes on him, if they need to go after him earlier they will, until then we have to just wait. Dwelling on it isn’t good for you.”

He sat down beside her finally and set his hand over hers, “Do you think I’m ready?”

“I know you are, I saw how you handled Harry, you can do this Peter,” she assured him,

“I’m still scared though.”

“I’ll come back safe,” he promised before kissing her forehead, “How could I not when I’ve got you waiting for me?”

She buried her face in his chest, “I love you Peter.”

“I love you too,” he wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her hair, “I never thought I’d get this sort of chance.”

“I’m glad you get to, he should have to face you.”

He nodded, “I know, I always knew I’d meet him at some point, and I always hoped I’d be free already when I did. I never really thought I’d get all the answers I wanted though, and I definitely never thought I’d be able to hold him accountable for what he did.”

She cracked a smile, “Well you do get to Peter, and we’re going to make sure he never hurts you, or anyone else, ever again. Everyone’s gonna know exactly how evil he is.”

“You know what else I never thought I’d get?”

“What?”

“You.”

Her whole face started to burn, “Me?”

“Yeah, you,” he confirmed, “When I was in the bunker I always used to imagine what it’d be like to be in love, to have someone that made me feel the way you do. Now I do and it’s like you’re my whole universe you know?”

She nodded, her bottom lip quivered slightly as she struggled not to get too emotional, “I know what you mean Peter, you’re the center of my whole world.”

“Exactly,” he sighed contently, “And after tomorrow I don’t have to worry about losing that, we can just be normal.”

“You don’t ever have to worry about losing me or my love Peter, no physical boundary is ever gonna change that. Even if something separated us I would still love you, and we would find our way back together, I know we would.”

“Of course we would,” Peter nodded in agreement and kissed her head, “Nothing could ever keep me away from you.”

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Taglist:

@niallberry @namoreno @singerintheshower @juliannaamonroe @kaylans-imagines @petershbw @spideyspeaches

[captainaikus]

NO cause I wanna say thank you for tagging me in that Bachira gif 🥹🥹. I was literally just minding my own business 2 days ago and then BOOM that one specific Bachira clip start looping in my head and I became deceased on the spot 💀💀😭. AND I SERIOUSLY COULDNT FIND IT ANYWHERE I was so upset and then you being the angel you are just proceed to casually tag me with the exact post 😭😭😭. The way I wanted to tackle you in hugs at that moment asdfjkgffghjjhn ❤️❤️❤️. ALSO see there’s a reason I specifically avoid talking abt yandere Bachira because I know once I do then I’m just going to go phoosh and perish. Like I cannot even begin to think abt yandere Bachira or else I’d never leave that rabbit hole. That is too strong a concept for me to handle💀💀😭.

OH HO HO yandere one-shots you say?? 👀👀 I look forward to it 😌😌. Also you don’t have to apologize abt taking a bit to get to asks especially not mine it’s okay love I know you’ve been busy get to asks when you can. Rest and don’t overwork yourself okay? NO because the way Reo would actually be the worst/best yandere out of all of them. And that’s REALLY saying something considering the show is literally abt yandere soccer players 😭😭🤚🏼. Itoshi brothers are in no question yanderes literally both would be insane abt you.

Is figuring out ao3 going well? I adore ao3 so much everything so chill there and it’s super easy to navigate and the way I’ve found almost all my favorite fics on there *eyes the 500+ tabs I have open simply for ao3* Thevisername sounds very interesting. Did you make it up on the spot or is there a meaning behind it? I’m just curious.

How’s the second part of the Oliver coming along? Don’t push yourself into writing more than you can handle alright? Short and sweet is great too. Extending it to 7 parts sounds like a great idea. It’ll allow you to take your time and fresh out everything more. No cause I’m scared now that you said you cried writing part 2 😭💀💀. ALSO!!! YESSS A PLAYLIST OR SONGS FOR EACH CHAPTER TO SET THE MOOD WOULD BE AMAZING. I always love it when writers go out of their way to choose a song for their fic it just makes it a whole experience and I adore finding new songs through it.

How are you? How’s uni? Did you finish getting through those ancient textbooks? OH AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE COVER FOR VOLUME 31 FOR TR????? I tagged you in a post freaking out abt it but I don’t think you saw it 😭😭. Tumblr enough is enough 😐😐. Also I might have a solution for the tagging problem. I turned on tumblr notifications on my phone and I’ve been getting the activity and tags and messages and stuff now so maybe you could try that. Anyways. I hope you’re having a great day and that you sleep well!! *sends many tackle virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

*me sees Bachira gif* *clicks like* *tags you cause I knew you were gonna like it* Bachira just hits different when he... looks like that. *is getting ideas to write*

Ego made them yandere footballers. I can imagine if they are that passionate behind a ball, how passionate they would be behind a person... it would be terrifying but the yandere impulses are just. 🤌🏻✨ I- I have tabs open cause of fics that I like reading on ao3; still figuring it out, gotta wait like a week or something to change the username again and by that time i should be able to finish writing part 2 and a yandere oneshot - The username is actually gonna away spoilers for part 3 to Oliver's series based on a song that I grew up with. So you'll find out when the time comes As for the second part to the Aiku series... its going the way i want to... and it got emotional for me; you're gonna see why too *doesn't want to spoil part 2 cause there are so many things coming* And then while I was writing, there was more routes open in my head so i plan on keeping the actual plot upto less than 10 parts - but the number of chapters shows '?' on ao3 cause then I can make spinoffs on the series the title of the chapters for the series is based on songs- that remind me of the chapter and describes the plot of it in a rhythm and lyrics. I'm doing good! Binging childhood movies and series, uni's been annoying *has to do a secret santa and i managed to get the guy that no one likes - for good reasons too cause i gave him enough of chances and he wasted them. and i think he's being nice to me cause he wants me to get him what he wants for christmas... his present is coal. Santa told me to do it.* i took a break from the dusty books. didn't touch em for 3 days now oh... you tagged me? I'll take a look into it. Tumblr sent me a congrats post of getting 50 likes. me - tags post : # tumblr stfu, # i've done better than this, # rubbing it in my face first thing in the morning. *clicks post*, *receives* - oops, something must have goofed up. ao3 here i come *sending funny mood panels and big hugs*

Oliver, this is us about you - ಠ_ಠ

[riverstardis]

asylum:

“dylan you’re only doing a bit of locuming it’s not like you’re being sectioned” “okay okay i’ll do it for dervla” SKDKFKF

big mac’s first shift back in the ed

a woman setting a fire in an immigration removal centre

robyn being big mac’s mentor sjskdkfk

dixie calling iain jeff💔

a man asking dixie to help him die

LMAOO ethan trying to introduce himself to dylan and dylan interrupts him when he’s barely said anything and goes “i’m guessing you’re dr hardy” “assuming from what?” “just something zoe said” and ethan goes “oh” and smiles but then thinks about it like wait…

thinking about dylan saying he’d known ethan for 10 years lol ik he was either exaggerating for effect or just couldn’t be bothered to figure out the exact number of years but still sjskdkd

wait the person who started the fire is meant to be 18?? she looks older ngl

is max jealous of dylan sjskdkfk

AHAHAH THIS SCENE ethan: “this may be a bit sensitive but i need to ask about your periods, are they normal?” the girl nods. ethan: “are you sexually active?” girl: “what?! i’m like 14” her mum: “were you at that age?” ethan: “oh heavens no, i found girls utterly terrifying” rita: “think he still does”

can you believe this man now has a child. like, actual real life proof that he pulled😭😭

i think lily approves of dylan’s methods

ash getting angry at the girl for refusing surgery because she’s a jehovah’s witness

grace has been suspended from her new school lmao

“i thought you liked this kind of stuff, ethan, medical mystery”

LMAO dylan calling connie connie and her correcting him to mrs beauchamp and he looks surprised

she’s asked him to help ethan with his teenage patient

omg ethan suggesting coeliac disease as a possible diagnosis!!

i’m still waiting for the day casualty does some proper coeliac representation though

lmaoo ethan’s so confused because dylan didn’t tell him that connie had asked him to help he just walked up and started asking him questions skskdkf

ash: “i can’t just stand there and wait for her to die” rita: “who? oh jehovah’s witness lady” ash: “it goes against everything i believe in” dylan: “how exactly?” ash: “doctors are supposed to save lives” dylan: “by respecting patient’s wishes” ash: “it’s not as simple as that” dylan: “no it’s very simple. if she’s asked you not to give her blood then you don’t do it” rita: “are you always this cut and dry?” dylan: “yes always” SJSKDNF DYLAN MY BELOVED

ash trying to give her blood by force “a friend of mine didn’t get chance to decide whether he lived or died so you don’t get to throw your life away”😬

he throws the bag of blood across resus and it splatters everywhere

connie telling him she’ll suspend him if he doesn’t go to counselling

the parallels between this scene where dylan goes ahead treating the girl based on his suspected diagnosis before the actual test results have come back and ethan being like but you can’t be sure but dylan’s willing to risk it and last week’s ep where dylan wanted to go ahead with whatever procedure they needed to do on robyn without a scan and ethan being like we don’t even know how big the clot is. glad to see nothing’s changed skskdk

ben harding

connie seeing how important the girl is to her mum and going to pick grace up

dixie scattering jeff’s ashes😢😢😢

dervla ate all the other dogs’ treats at daycare sjskdk good for her

lmaoo ethan, max, and rita talking about dylan. ethan: “i feel like i’ve been run over by a bus. do you think he’s always like that?” rita: “probably” max: “ah you’ll be fine, you just need to man up, mate”