#I’ve been swamped w work but thankfully I’ve almost caught it all up

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

two soul halves inside me one wants to use princes name in some dialogue in this prologue chapter bc it flows well/less awkward but the other wants me to continue saving it for the dramatic big reveal RAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

[saffronwritings]

C L U M S Y | S H I N S O U - P.2

S H I N S O U | P A R T  T W O 

[Part One]

C L U M Y  M A S T E R L I S T

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: As of 4/22/21 I have updated the first part of this series for Shinsou, I made some adjustments as I noticed some bigger plot holes. Please go give that a read if you read the first part already before. 

Shinsou had severely underestimated how hard Aizawa was going to be training him. Everyday it seemed like his body found new places to hurt and joints he didn’t know existed ached. After being pinned to the training mat once again, Shinsou let out a defeated sigh. “Get up.” Aizawa commanded him after releasing the hold he had on him, moving away from the defeated student. “You are never going to get better if you don’t train yourself at your fullest potential.” Aizawa spat at him harshly. “You won’t be able to protect citizens, colleagues, or even your loved ones if you just take the brunt force and never get back up.” 

Shinsou laid there a moment more, thinking over his words. Shinsou didn’t really have friends, all besides that annoying blonde buzzing idiot in class 1A. They were mere acquaintances and Shinsou barely paid him any mind, however, the boy was surely convinced he was friends with Shinsou. That, and Shinsou didn’t really mind his presence all that much. After the sports festival, it seemed that Kaminari was determined to befriend Shinsou. Sitting with him during lunch period, finding him and bothering him while walking back to Heights Alliance after school. Eventually Shinsou caved and gave the energetic boy his number and he practically texted him every day. Being stupid memes or asking for help when mid-terms had come around.  

When it came to family, he didn’t really rely on much from his deadbeat father and his emotionally distant mother. Even though he wanted nothing more to become a hero, did he even have the drive to save people he didn’t care about? That’s when his one and only motivator popped into his head. You. Through every hardship, every bully that had taunted him for his quirk, when he was put into the general studies class, even when he lost at the sports festival. You had always been there for him, and he would be damned to let you down. 

Aizawa felt the shift in energy when Shinsou had risen from the matt. The boy looked beaten to hell and probably felt even worse. However, he got in the stance that Aizawa had taught him and readied himself for impact. “Are you sure you want to continue?” Aizawa asked with squinted eyes. It had only been a week, but Aizawa could tell the boy was getting worn down. He was not used to this kind of training, being a part of the general studies course. The boy had been done wrong when he had not been put in either Hero course, however, with his lack of drive up until recently, the boy had not put in any extra training himself. 

“I’m more than sure.” He rasped out, his breathing uneasy but for once, his eyes filled with determination. “Let’s continue then.”

. . .

Aizawa had been summoned to this staff meeting by principal Nezu, along with a few of the other teachers that made up the staff of UA. He had sat himself next to Present Mic, even though he knew the repercussions of potentially sitting next to him. “How’s it hanging, Eraser Head?” The loud blonde shouted, gaining the attention of the rest of the faculty in the room. “Shut up, Mic.” He answered, rubbing his temples from the oncoming headache he felt building. Though, he really picked the only seat that wouldn’t drive him absolutely mad. There was an empty seat next to Midnight, and one next to Almight. He had to choose his battle of whether to be annoyed by Almight or Mic and the choice was easy.

Finally after what felt like a dragging twenty minutes, Principal Nezu had entered the room and the staff had quieted down. “Good afternoon, I am glad that all of you have joined me today. This meeting is about the potential moving of students from their current classes to either one of the hero courses.” Nezu stated, making Aizawa sigh in defeat. Great, another student for him to have to look after potentially. Didn’t he have to deal with enough with the troublesome class he already had? From villain attacks, to one of his students being kidnapped, it felt like Aizawa could not catch a break.

If he were lucky enough, the students would be advised to join Sekijiro’s class and leave Aizawa to just tend to the students he had. “However, as we know, most of the general studies students usually don’t get the hero training they need. So we need volunteers to mentor these select students and if their training proves their abilities to join one of the hero courses, we will place them in either class.” Nezu continued. There was no way that Aizawa was going to take on a mentor. He was already swamped with teaching his own class, having to watch over 1-A’s dorms over in Heights Alliance. Just the thought of taking on more work made Aizawa yawn. 

Thankfully, throughout the slideshow that was presented on a projector, most of the students were taken on by other staff members. None had really caught Aizawa’s attention or really stood out to him. That is, until Shinsou Hitoshi had appeared on the screen. “The boy with the brain-washing quirk?” He overheard the other teachers whispering. He remembered him going against Midoriya in the sport festival and how much he had improved after. He trained minimally with his other classmates in the general studies class. Aizawa had kept his eye out for the boy. Not just from seeing him fight his own students in the sports festival, but also because if he was right, this was the boy that his own daughter was dating.

Aizawa quickly took out his phone and scrolled through him and his daughter’s messages. After scrolling through their many messages, he found the picture he was looking for. A picture of her and the boy sitting together in a grassy field, her smiling and him with a blank expression and a peace sign. He looked back and forth from the picture and the one on the overhead projector. That was definitely the boy that was seeing his dear daughter. Aizawa didn’t hear a word that Nezu was saying about the student. However, when Nezu asked if there were any available teachers willing to train the boy, the room was quiet. 

That was, until Aizawa pushed his chair out with a dejected sigh and stood up with his hand raised. This made the other teachers stop talking and turn towards him. “I’ll take him on.” Aizawa said in a very even monotone. This was definitely a conflict of interest and if Nezu ever found out, then he would definitely be in a lot of trouble. However, if there was going to be anyone to train the boy who was seeing his daughter, it was going to be him. Making sure he was strong enough to always defend her. 

“Are you sure, Mr. Aizawa? I know you are already preoccupied with your teachings of class 1A and watching over their dorms.” Nezu asked with an eyebrow quirked at him. “I’ve seen his potential. He needs a strict teacher to help him really use his quirk to its best extent. Plus, I could use a good mentoring session after having to deal with all the brats in 1-A.” Aizawa yawned, before sitting back down. Principal Nezu nodded his head in agreement. “Alright then! Mr. Aizawa will be mentoring young Shinsou Hitoshi. We have one more student left I’d like the remaining staff to take into consideration.” Nezu continued on.

Although, he knew that the staff room was still in shock that Aizawa had taken on a mentoring position. It had been a long time since Aizawa had taken on a mentor if he had at all. He couldn’t remember if he had. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with Shouta Aizawa?” Present Mic whispered to him. “What are you babbling on about?” Aizawa asked in an annoyed tone. “I don’t think you have ever taken on a mentor. You always deny taking on any student since you see it as a waste of time.” Hizashi pushed, raising his eyebrow at the tired Aizawa. “Maybe it’s time to shake things up.” Aizawa said with a tone of sarcasm in his voice.

Except he was anything but joking. Hizashi wasn’t as dumb as he let on, and he knew Aizawa better than anyone in the room. He would later confront the tired teacher about the risks of taking on Shinsou as his mentor. However, Aizawa already knew these repercussions and even though his decision was hasty, he was set on his decision. The easiest part about hiding the fact that he was mentoring his daughter’s boyfriend, was the fact that he and his daughter did not share the same last name. 

That and his daughter seemed to avoid telling people about him. It didn’t hurt him, he almost preferred it to be that way. Being a well-known Pro-Hero he always worried about the safety of his daughter. He was afraid of people using her to get close enough to hurt not only her, but him as well. He never wanted his fame to sway his daughter’s friendships or future relationships. He had joked about meeting this boyfriend of hers but at the same time, he was glad that she was taking her time with it. 

Hizashi had once again warned Shota about how it could not only interfere with his teaching, but his relationship with his daughter. He knew his daughter would understand if he told her he was only training him to make him stronger for her. To have him be able to protect her in a way that Aizawa couldn’t. If it had ever become a subject of debate for them later, he would explain himself to her. He knew his relationship with his daughter was strong. However, he too worried that maybe this would eventually affect his relationship with her. 

…

It had been a few weeks since the last time you had seen Hitoshi in person. You were happily cheering for him on the sidelines, but you were also missing him. The both of you knew that this wasn’t going to be an easy process for either of you. It felt like the relationship was growing very one sided to you, with the very little interaction he was giving you. The few texts that you received from the tired boy were good morning and good night texts, and occasionally asking you how school was going. You also didn’t want to be overly clingy and blow his phone up when you knew he was working hard. He had offhandedly mentioned how his training had been very intense and that he felt pain in joints he didn’t know existed.

You always encouraged him to take baths to help ease the pain he was feeling, or to make sure he was stretching properly. He made sure to let you know that he was doing everything properly, it was just a lot more work than he was used to. “I have a complete disadvantage of being so behind on both hero courses. My teacher is doing his best to make sure I’m prepared for when I get tested to potentially join one of the hero classes. It’s just tiring is all, but I promise you, I’m doing my best for both of us.” He had told you during one of your now rare video calls after his training. 

Shinsou had known that he wasn’t being very active in chatting with you, and it tore him up inside, but he had to keep his focus on what he wanted. He wanted nothing more than to become a hero. The two of you had scheduled to see each other after school when you were both free. You sat patiently at the park you two had always met at. Swinging your feet anxiously on the bench, almost bouncing in excitement to see Hitoshi. You checked your phone for the time, noting that it was 3:15 p.m. and that you had been a bit early. 

[3:15 p.m.] y/n: Hey Toshi! I’m in our usual meeting spot! I can’t wait to see you today :)

You quickly shot him the text, smiling like a dork to yourself. However, when a half an hour had passed and you hadn’t even heard from Hitoshi, you began to worry. A frown settled itself onto your face as you pulled up his contact information. You hit the call button and you were quickly sent to voicemail. You left a quick voicemail, saying you were just worried since he hadn’t texted you. You also decided to shoot him a text.

[3:45 p.m.] y/n: is everything okay?

You felt anxious with him leaving you by yourself at the park like this. He had always made sure to go straight from the UA campus to the park nearby to meet you. He hated leaving you by yourself with so much villainous activities going on as of lately, especially with the league of villains.

[4:05 p.m.] y/n: Toshi?

[4:30 p.m.] y/n: I’m heading to the train station, I don’t want to get stuck out in the dark. 

You stared at your phone in disbelief that your boyfriend had stood you up as you tried one more time to reach Hitoshi, but once again you were sent to his voicemail. You didn’t bother leaving a voicemail this time and headed towards the train station. On the ride home from the park you couldn’t help but let a few tears escape, because you were extremely disappointed that even though the two of you had made plans, he had wound up standing you up.

When you arrived home, you went straight up to your room, not saying anything to your mother. You flopped on the bed and let the tears you were holding in out. This was a lot harder than you had originally anticipated, but you never thought he would ever stand you up. You sobbed into your pillow, feeling the hurt in your chest from being so let down by the boy you loved. Even though you know he would never do it on purpose, it didn’t make the sting hurt less. 

You had fallen asleep shortly after letting your emotions out, skipping out on dinner. You were woken up by the sound of your phone vibrating loudly. Snapping out of your sleep-like state, you had hoped that it was Hitoshi, but a frown spread across your lips when you saw it was your dad. Sighing, you sat up and declined the call. 

[9:03 p.m.] Y/N: sorry dad, i’m not feeling good. I'll video call you tomorrow after school?

[9:05 p.m.] Dad: hey kiddo, just checking in on you. I will call you when I’m done with my meeting after school, sound good?

[9:07 p.m.] Y/N: sure thing :) love you!

[9:10 p.m.] Dad: love you too kid

You flopped back onto your bed with a sigh, feeling more tired than usual. You had assumed it had been from you crying earlier. However, before you could lull yourself back to sleep, you felt your phone vibrating again. 

[Incoming call: Hitoshi Shinsou]

You quickly hit the accept button and held the phone up to your ear. “Are you not in the mood to video chat?” Was the first thing out of Hitoshi’s mouth when you answered the phone. “I could do better without the attitude, Hitoshi.” You snapped back at him, anger forming in your chest. “I was calling to say goodnight, but if you’re going to yell at me then I guess I’ll just hang up.” His reply left you in shock. “What on earth is going on with you, ‘Toshi? First you completely blow me off today, you didn’t answer my calls or text messages, but when you call, it’s all attitude?” You finally snap, letting all the bottled up emotions you had been feeling today go.

“I got held up with my training-” Hitoshi started to say before you cut him off with a scoff. “Why am I not surprised.” You bitterly stated, trying to not let yourself cry again. You had been blatantly ignored for almost a whole month because of his training. “I’m trying my best here, Y/N.” He had said with what sounded like a frustrated tone. “Are you really? Because to me it feels completely one sided. I want to support you Hitoshi, and I’m trying so hard to keep it together!” You yelled, but before you could even continue he cut you off. “This doesn’t sound like you supporting me!” He yelled back. “You don’t know what it’s like to be pushed to your absolute limits day in and day out!” 

“I get that this is hard for you Hitoshi-” “No! You obviously don’t. I had a feeling this was going to happen and that you weren’t going to support me the whole way through. I need to do this, and if I have to do it alone, then so be it.” Shinsou had snapped, making you freeze in your thoughts. “You don’t mean that.” You whispered, letting the tears fall down your face. “I can’t be hung up on making you happy when I have goals to achieve. We’re done.” Were the last words you heard him speak before he hung up on you. You sat there, completely and utterly in shock with what happened. You clenched your chest, feeling as if someone was ripping your heart out. 

[9:15 p.m.] Y/N: You are such a selfish jerk, Shinsou.

[9:18 p.m.] Toshi: The destination number you are trying to reach is blocked from receiving this message. ## Error - 30004

…

Aizawa was already on high alert when you hadn’t answered his call the night before. You had always made time to chat with him, even on your worst days. For you to claim that you weren’t feeling good was an obvious lie that was making him feel on edge. His students could feel the difference in his attitude, as he was being much more stingy and strict than usual. His advice and criticism for his students was more harsh and louder. He tried to not let his personal life affect his work life, however, there was something that was bothering him about the whole situation. 

He had managed to trudge through the whole day, but was determined to call you before he went to train with Shinsou. He dismissed his students and they left the classroom rather quickly, making comments on their teacher’s odd behavior today. Aizawa had pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a few deep breaths before reaching for his cellphone. He had looked to see he had a missed call from you and immediately dialed your number back. 

“Hey kiddo, everything alright?” Aizawa asked as soon as you picked up the phone. “No.” You croaked out and immediately, Aizawa was on the defense. “Do I need to come pick you up from school?” He asked, ready to beat up any kid who had made you upset. “No. I’m just going through a lot of emotions today.” You told him, sniffling on your end of the phone. “Do you think we can do something together this weekend, if you aren’t working?” You asked sadly and he wanted nothing more than to drop everything he was doing to come to your aid. 

However, he knew if he had abandoned his post at the Heights Alliance dorms he would never hear the end of it from Nezu. “Of course, we can go see a movie if you’d like.” He offered to you, and even though he couldn’t see you, he knew you were nodding. “What’s going on kid, talk to me.” He tried to push you into telling him what was wrong. “You don’t have to, I just want you to know I’m here for you.” He continued, trying to make you feel more comfortable. 

Before you had responded to his question, Hizashi had opened his classroom door and was quickly met with a glare from Shota. “Your daughter?” Hizashi mouthed, nodding to the cellphone in his colleagues hand. Shota had nodded his head and turned his attention back to you. “Hitoshi and I got into a fight.” You started, making Shota stop breathing. “And I’m pretty sure he broke up with me last night over the phone.” You continued, sobbing into what he assumed was your hand. Hizashi had noticed the entire energy in the room shift. 

“Dad, I need you to promise me you won’t do anything. I’m sure he’s just stressed.” You spoke up when you noticed your father had gone silent. “Okay. I promise. Look I have to get to my meeting, but I promise to call you after, okay?” He asked, gritting his teeth. “Okay, I love you.” You choked out, making his heart hurt hearing you so upset. “I love you too, get home safe.” He said before hanging up the phone. Aizawa took a deep breath before storming past Hizashi and headed towards the gym he was training Shinsou at. “Shota, I think you need to take a breather.” Hizashi had tried to say, warning him about what he was about might have consequences. Aizawa was seeing red and there was nothing that was going to stop him from reaching his target.

He whipped the door open to the gym and startled Shinsou greatly. He turned around and saw Aizawa, but noticed immediately the fowl mood that his teacher was in. “Uh, is everything okay, Aizawa-sensei?” Shinsou spoke up, but from the look on his teacher’s face he was going to regret asking. “No. Everything is not okay, but that is no longer your concern. I am revoking your transfer offer and cancelling your entrance exam for the chance to join the hero course.” Aizawa spoke quickly and furiously. The color had drained from Shinsou’s face, his eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, what? But I’ve been working so hard!” Shinsou spoke up, obviously confused from the sudden remark his teacher made.

Aizawa had stalked over to Shinsou and backed him into a corner. “It doesn’t matter how hard you worked! If you think you can go and break my daughter’s heart without consequences then you are sorely mistaken. You are not the hero I thought you could be, especially for Y/N’s sake.” He yelled, making Shinsou stop breathing. Before Shinsou could make any plea to his teacher, Aizawa had walked out of the gym, leaving Shinsou completely shell-shocked. 

“What have I done…” 

(To be continued)

[Part Three]

[lunarmessenger]

before anything else let me just say that i love all your content and im so glad that i found your blog!! okay now that ive already made myself sound like a fool would it be possible to get the rfa with an MC who confesses that she was sexually abused as a kid? (i totally get it if youre not comfortable with it btw)

Hi honey! Thank you so much for enjoying my content ^^ (also, u do not sound like a fool hush IT) that’s totally fine, I don’t mind your request :) - luna xx

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be heavy. If you are not prepared for that or in the right mindset for this particular request, I suggest preparing yourself, or just not reading it all together. I will be hiding the entire post underneath a cut in case somebody doesn’t bother to read my warnings. I, thankfully, have never been sexually abused as a child, but I know too many people who have been. I am so sorry to those who have had to go through this, and remember, you are never alone. I love you. - luna xx

Warnings: mentions of child sexual abuse, sexual situations, and trauma

MC Was Sexually Abused as a Child - RFA

Zen:

• You didn’t want him to find out because you were scared he’d think you were dirty or disgusting

• And the way he found out too; it was just so out of the ordinary

• You were backstage at one of his shows and after his performance he’d grabbed you and hurriedly shoved you into one of the storage closets

• He wasn’t trying to be sexual he just wanted a few minutes alone with you to celebrate in private since he knew you’d both be swamped by fans; the poor man was thinking really, wasn’t paying attention

• So when he finally realizes how you’re shaking, knees threatening to buckle as you held your hands over your chest while looking down

• “MC? Princess what’s the matter; is something wrong? Talk to me.”

• You were all too familiar with dimly lit storage closets; your abuser had taken you there for years when you had your music lessons

• When you finally explain to him what was wrong through your tears, he is so...angry

• Words cannot express how he wants to go back in time and strangle the person who did that to you

• He at first through you were hesitant to be intimate because you didn’t have much experience

• While that was part of it, it was so much deeper than that, much more sinister; that he just wasn’t expecting it

• “They just...it was every single lesson Zen. And I wondered; had I done something wrong? Something to make me stand out to them? I just don’t understand...” You were still shaking, voice quivering

• He stood there, fists clenched as he tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down; enough so that he could prioritize what really mattered. You.

•“It was not your fault MC. Remember that. That person was a sick fuck for doing that to you, and I am so sorry that you didn’t get the proper support you needed. It’s okay; we can get through this together.”

Yoosung

• The two of you were cooking together, the front of you facing the oven as you stirred the vegetables in the frying pan

• Then he suddenly came up behind you, hands stopping at your waist as he whispered in your ear

• “My precious MC, I love you so much.”

• You were no longer in the kitchen with Yoosung; you were in your living room, your parents outside with your aunts and uncles as your cousin played with you; alone

• “Here MC, just turn and bend over; we’re going to play house. Yeah, that’s it...”

• “Please don’t...” You whimpered, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggled to pull yourself out of the traumatic memory

• “MC? Oh no, MC! Are you okay? Honey look at me...”

• He had turned off the stove and carried you to the bedroom, placing you on the bed while he knelt down on the floor

When you’d calmed yourself down you told him what had happened between you and your cousin; and why you no longer speak to that side of your family.

• He was absolutely disgusted; how could someone do that to their own family?

• The thought of even trying to do that to Rika; it made him want to gag

• “I wish I was...I wish I could have...oh, God. I’m sorry MC, I’m sorry...”

Jaehee

• You were at a bar, enjoying a few drinks together after a long day of work

• “I have to use the restroom; I’ll be back, Jae.”

• She nodded as you went, and you were fine as you found a stall and calmly shut the door behind you

• But before you had the chance to lock it Jaehee was in the restroom and in your stall, cheeks flushed from the alcohol as she bit her lip

• “Jaehee...?”

• “I want you MC...right now.”

• “W-wait,” You stuttered, her fingers fumbling near your zipper on your jeans as she shoved you against the stall wall

• The action sent you back to high school, a student you barely knew dragging you into the stall and shoving you up against it

• She wasn’t nice; she was really rough. She told you to shut up and take it

• “If you tell anyone, I will be sure that you never see the light of day again.”

• “Get off, please get off!”

• You shoved Jaehee, HARD, the poor woman sobering up quickly as she slammed into the opposite wall

• “Huh? Wait...oh no, MC? MC wait!”

• You ran, straight out of the bathroom and out of the bar even, ending up at teh park nearby 

• The chilly air felt good against your hot cheeks, your breathing shallow as you tried to calm yourself down

• “MC! Please I, I’m so sorry. I was just trying to be spontaneous.”

• “No, Jaehee it wasn’t you, I just...”

• You told her everything. You sobbed. She held you

• She even had a few tears slip as she held you close, rubbing your back as you gripped her coat tight

• “I promise you MC. Nobody will ever hurt you that way again.”

Jumin

• You were visiting him in his office since he’d promised to have lunch with you

He asked you to close the door behind him and you obliged, setting your bag down in the empty chair beside you

• “I’ve missed you, darling.”

• “I’ve missed you Jumin.”

• He’d finished signing the last document on his desk and then he stood, walking over towards you

• You followed suit, standing while giving him a smile

• Just as you went to grab your bag he had grabbed you first, easily picking you up and placing you on his desk

• “May your darling boyfriend receive a kiss?”

• His request went ignored as you froze on the desk, your mind flashing back t o your teacher in high school

• “I know how badly you need to pass, MC. I teach you how to do math; what’s so different about teaching this? Now come on...down on your knees...”

• Jumin’s hands drifted down to your thighs and before you knew it your reflexes kicked in and you slapped him

• An angry red handprint formed on his cheek, his eyes wide with shock as he slowly turned his head back towards you

• “I...I...”

• You couldn’t think of any words to say, so you did what you had done back then; you ran

• “MC! Hold on, MC!”

• Of course you didn’t listen, keeping your head down while Jumin hurriedly ran after you

• He caught you in the elevator, pressing the emergency stop button before turning to you

• Your eyes were cloudy with tears as you shook your head

• “Jumin I’m so sorry I just—”

• “Just talk to me MC. What’s going on?”

• You caved and told him everything; from reporting your teacher to the court  cases that went on for almost three years

• “MC Oh God if I had known...I’m sorry. I promise I’ll be more careful; and we’ll get you some help, okay?”

707

• Surprisingly, he hadn’t triggered you when he found out

• He just noticed that at times you were a little, evasive when it came to intimacy with him

• While he really wanted o build this relationship out of trust, he just couldn’t get an answer out of you no matter how hard he tried

• So...he looked into your records. And what he found made him so angry that he’d thrown one of his many laptops against the wall

• “Saeyoung! Saeyoung what was that? Are you okay?”

• You walked in to see him squatting on the ground, head in his hands before he turned to you

• Tears were running down his cheeks as he hurriedly stood up and was in front of you, crushing you in a hug as you squeaked in surprised

• “Saeyoung...?”

• “I am so sorry that your father did that to you.”

• You were silent, a bit confused until reality sank in

• “So...you did some digging, huh? I’m sorry, I meant to tell you...”

• He nodded, and you couldn’t control it; you just burst into tears as he held you even tighter

• “I’m sorry Saeyoung, I just didn’t know how to tell you and it was so long ago but the thought of sex just...I just...”

• “Shh, MC. You don’t have to explain it to me. At least, not until you’r ready. Just know that I love you, and I will do absolutely do anything to help you get through this.”

[violecentstrs]

Memories of Us - Chapter 12

A/N: Guys, it is towards the end of my first year in uni, so I’m swamped with class assignments. To the point that I may sometimes forget to post the chapters. If I do end up doing that, I sincerely apologize in advance. I’ll try not to forget to post the chapters, all right? Thank you so much for tolerating with me. <3 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warning(s): Anger and angst Word Count: 3,294 Summary: Soldier Reader looks exactly like Linda, a woman Bucky used to love. Little by little, she uncovers his past with Linda and what had happened between them through her visions. As she does, her feelings for Bucky grew as well. But, one question remains: if Bucky returns her feelings, will it be for Reader or for Linda?

<< Previous Chapter  ☀

★ ★ ★

• • •

“Sergeant Brian Williams, this is my daughter, Linda.” My father introduces me to another young sergeant. I shake his hand warmly.

“Nice to meet you, Sergeant.” I say. The sergeant lifts my hand up to plant a soft kiss on the back of my hand. I shiver at the touch.

“Pleasure is all mine, miss.” His voice was so gentle and deep.

“He helped take over one of the Nazi bases in Austria. We managed to uncover some secret hideouts for important leaders. He’s truly a brilliant man.” My father gives him a solid tap on the shoulders. Such a high praise coming from father.

“Thank you for your service, Sergeant Williams.” I say respectfully.

Why is my father introducing me to this man? He would never let any of the soldiers get near me. So why this man is an exception, I don’t know. I catch a glimpse of Bucky sitting by the bar with Steve, talking to each other.

“You two enjoy the evening. I have to meet Colonel Phillips. Linda, be back at your tent at 2100, is that clear?” He says. I nod.

“Yes, sir.” I turn my attention back towards Bucky. My chest tightens as I see a couple of girls approaching both of them. Bucky’s expression changes into a lighter one. Ohh, did that hurt for me to see.

“So, Miss Rothwell, shall we dance?” He puts his hand out to me. I hesitate for a moment.

“I don’t dance well, Sergeant Williams.”

“Please, call me Brian.” He insists. I laugh a little nervously.

“Well, then, Brian. I don’t dance well.” I lie. I don’t wish to. I don’t plan to dance with anyone other than Bucky himself. But he seems to be distracted at the moment.

“Awh, come on. Your father told me that you’ve got some moves.” I let out a quiet sigh. Darn it. What to do? Make up an excuse?

“Come on, miss. One dance won’t hurt you.” He says.

I bite my lower lip. This guy is not giving me a chance to speak, is he? I look over at Bucky as he busies himself with one of the girls from Steve’s tour show. He’s flirting with them. I swallow a little before looking back at the hand.

“One dance won’t hurt.” I say.

~

I press myself into the wall. After two hours of intense dancing with Brian, I couldn’t anymore. I rest my forehead in my hand. I was lucky to get away from him as soon as I could.

“Are you all right, Linda?” I hear Charles’s sweet voice ask me. I look up at him. He looks a little concerned over me. I chuckle and nod.

“Yes I am. You’re not dancing?” I ask while looking behind him. I’ve lost sight of Bucky a while ago.

“I did. You and Sergeant Williams looked good together on the floor.” He says cheerfully. A shiver up my spine as I shake my head.

“I suppose. He was quite talented but too quick for me.” I chuckle while hugging myself. My eyes scour the area for Bucky, but it is like an ocean of soldiers in here.

“If you’re looking for Sergeant Barnes, he’s out in the back.” Charles winks at me. My face turns a little red.

“W…What? I’m not looking for him.” I lie while looking away. Charles’s chuckle is adorable.

“I know you have feelings for him, Linda.” He nudges my arm. I look at him with a face redder than a tomato.

“H…How?” I stutter.

“I heard you. That day in the tent. I left as soon as I hear the bed squeak.” He chuckles. My head is about to explode from the heat. My body shivers and my heart beating so wildly.

“I… I...” I stutter again.

“Don’t worry. I never told anyone.” Charles says with a genuine smile. I soften at the sight. He is kind and understanding.

“I saw him hang out by the pool table in the back with Captain Rogers.” I nod thankfully at him.

“Thank you, Charles.” I say before making my way through the crowd. I push through the dancing soldiers and flirting girls and into the back.

When I enter the separate room from where the bar is, my heart drops. Bucky is holding a girl in his arms, face inches away from hers. It’s that blonde girl who’s been throwing herself at him every chance she gets. He’s smiling at her and his hands are wandering all over the girl’s back and waist.

My heart breaks at the scene. I watch the girl laugh and snake her hands up to his cheek. I know well enough what they were about to do. Sure enough, their lips met.

I didn’t wait to see more. I walked right out of there.  

My heart crumbles in my chest as the scene plays over and over again in my mind. I walk out of the pub and make my way back towards the camp alone. The laughter and music fading away with every step I make. My chest tightens and my stomach twists. I don’t know what to think.

I ignored the bitter cold. I was hurt. Hurt at that very scene. I know he told me he likes to flirt with other girls, but that. That was more than flirting. He says that I’m the only one for him. Were those just sweet empty words meant to keep me around? Was there not a shred of sincerity in his words?

I stop and close my teary eyes. I want to shut my thoughts out. I don’t want to think about that scene just now. It hurts and I want this pain to stop. But I can’t. It was the only thing playing in my mind. I can’t stop seeing it behind my eyelids.

I can’t stop thinking about Bucky’s betrayal.

• • •

“RAZAK! I told you to stay down!” I yell into the mic. I shield my head away from the gun firing from above.

“Screw this!” He yells back into the mic.

I hear him grunting followed by an explosion. I look over the car to find smoke coming out from the building. The men who were shooting on the roof had gone inside. I curse to myself before running inside. I find one of my members leaning against the wall among the dust and rubble.

“Bella!” I run towards her. She leans herself into me. I look over at the wounds on her arm.

“Y/N!” I hear my other member call out. He runs over with rifles strapped around him. I hear gunshots coming from inside again.

“Horace! Get Bella back to the van! Treat her wounds! Where’s Razak and Maria??”

“Maria is stuck in an elevator and Razak was in the main office!” Horace says while taking Bella in his arms.

“Kelvin! How long before this building collapses??” I shout into the earpiece.

“You have five minutes, Y/N!” Kelvin says urgently behind the ear piece.

“Bring Bella back to the van first then go save Maria. Quickly! This building is collapsing! I’m going to Razak!”

“Yes, ma’am!” Without any more waiting, I rush up the stairs towards the office. The building shakes as another explosion goes off. This is back in Yemen all over again… Too soon.

Memories of that fateful day passes through my mind. I stop in my tracks. I’m getting dizzy from it. I take a quick deep breath only to cough it out when the dust fills up my lungs instead. I watch the walls shake as the building is slowly starting to collapse. I close my eyes and calm my nerves down before rushing through the dust.

~

I slap Razak with all my might, causing him to lose his balance and drop down on the floor of the van. The anger is boiling inside of me.

“Careless! I told you to work together, but no! Your stupidity nearly cost your other teammate’s lives!” I shout at him. The others are shivering at the tone of my voice.

“But we caught him didn’t we?” He protests while standing back up to chest up against me. I grab a handful of his collar vest while staring him down.

“We would have been able to capture him just fine if you had followed orders!” My fist shakes in anger. I really wanted to kiss his face with my fist right now. That slap was not enough.

I push him down again, this time, landing right on the crime boss. Both of them grunted in pain.

“Razak, listen to her. She’s the leader of this team.” Maria says while tending to Bella’s wounds.

“I know she is. But why wait and be quiet when you can get just capture them quickly and easily!” Razak protests again. I take a deep breath and face towards the door of the van. He’s still a kid compared to the rest of us. I take a deep breath to cool my mind off.

~

After we arrived, I took the boss to the interrogation room and reported to the board. I rest my head in my hand. I massage my temples gently with my eyes closed. My head is throbbing. Both from the anger I had and the yelling I received from the chief after finding out about my team’s performance.

This was my team’s third mission. And Razak disobeyed my orders yet again. The first mission, he caused for Horace to be trapped in a sinking car. The second mission, he was the one that caused for Maria to nearly lose her whole arm in a shredder. Now he went and threw a grenade in an old building, almost costing everyone their lives. He’s so reckless and wanted the title hero for it too.

“How did it go?” I look up to find Bucky and Steve standing in front of me. My heart drops and I look away quickly. Great. Just when my stress couldn’t get any worse.

After that day in the bathroom, my fear had grown. My mind was consumed with the very idea of another soul living within my body. Consumed enough that sometimes I’d see another person staring at me in the mirror. I was afraid.

I was afraid to the point that I didn’t even dare to look at Bucky or Steve in their faces anymore. I was tired of having these visions. Tired of having these dreams that caused for me to wake up sweating. I wanted them to stop. But they appear to me randomly. Like the life of another playing before my very eyes at random moments.

“Y/N?” Bucky calls out. I blink the thoughts away. They are wearing their combat gears. They must’ve just returned from their own mission. I brush the loose strands of hair from my face.

“Oh, uhm. We managed to capture the boss, but one of my teammates got injured. Again.” I look at the direction of the infirmary, concerned over Bella.

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You’ve done your best.” Bucky gestures towards me. He pets my shoulder gently. I winced back a little but it wasn’t enough for him to notice.

“Not good enough.” I say quietly as we make our way down the hall.

“What happened anyways?” Steve asks.

“Razak again. Disobeyed my orders.” I say simply. I hear a couple of laughter down the hall. When I recognize one of the voices, my insides boil.

“So, I was like, screw this and ran off! I threw the first grenade in the hall then another in the office. When I finally tied up the boss, I fought off the others with my bare hands.”

I watch Razak talks to two other girls near the receptionist desk. He’s still in his gears and carrying his weapons even though I told him to clean up and store away the materials.

I stomp my way towards him. He must’ve heard my heavy boots because of how his body tensed. The horror on his face grows when he saw the fire in my eyes. I grab him by his vest collar before shooting the girls a look.

“Make yourselves scarce.” I threaten. The girls whimper before running off down the hall. Bucky rushes over to me and pulls me back.

“Y/N! Don’t!” He calls. I push him away with my other hand before shoving Razak down to the ground as hard as I can.

“Talking like you’re some kind of a big shot, Razak? Like I didn’t find you shivered half to death with bullets ramming their way through that table?! If I hadn’t come on time, you would have been lying in a coffin instead of the floor right now!” I shout at him before kicking him right in his thigh. He lets out a yell before clutching it.

“Y/N!” Steve calls out, holding me back again. I struggle in his arms, but he was too strong. I quickly lunge forward to land another kick right on Razak’s behind. He yells out again and shivers.

“I’m sorry, Y/N!” He cries out in pain. Steve pulls me back further from Razak.

“Steve let me go!” I shout at him, but he kept me in place. Bucky steps in front of me and cups my cheeks. He pulls my face up to his to stare him right on his face.

“Y/N… calm down.” He says quietly with a pleading face. My heart jumps. My anger vanishes immediately out my chest at his voice. A flash of young Bucky’s face staring into mine replaces the scene in front of me. He was holding my face the way he is now.

When Steve senses that I had stopped struggling, he lets me go. Bucky pulls me in his arms and gives me a tight hug. I can feel myself shaking when reality returns slowly.

“That’s it. Take a deep breath.” Bucky’s voice is soothing. His hands run through my hair gently to put out the fire in my heart.

I breathe out a quiet sigh into Bucky’s chest. How did he calm me down? I would always stomp away in anger if anything happens. So the fact that he just literally made the anger within me disappear is surprising to me.

When my eyes catch a glimpse of Razak’s face, the anger returns again. I push myself away from Bucky and approach him. Bucky holds my hand tightly, keeping me from getting any closer to him.

“Until you learn to respect me as your leader and learn to obey my orders, you will not step foot out on the field. You will stay in the vehicle in Kelvin’s place. If you dare disobey this order, you will no longer be a part of this team. Understood?” I threaten him. The fear swirls around in Razak’s eyes at my statement. I pull my hand out of Bucky’s forcefully and turn around to go down the hallway.

“Y/N!” Bucky calls out as he catches up to me. I turn my face away from him. I was still in shock that he managed to make my anger fade away so easily for a moment. Not even Mike could do that then.

“Y/N! Stop!” Bucky grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop. I look at his metal hand holding my arm before up at his face.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“Just calm down, okay? Razak will obey your orders. I promise.” He says again with a gentle tone. I scoff.

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure of that, Bucky?” I ask while pulling my arm away from him. A small sense of regret falls over me when I saw the hurt in Bucky’s eyes after I pulled away from him. I shake it off, keeping my original emotion intact. I was angry that he stopped me from beating Razak up.

“Look, anger and threats won’t discipline the boy. You have to find another way to make him listen to you. You know he’s talented in the field, but his pride gets the best of him. Maybe if you’d just find a better way for him to exercise his strength in the fiel—”

“I’m aware that Razak is good with guns, which is why I have given him the position as a sniper. But he doesn’t obey my orders and decided to become the hero, putting everyone else, even himself, at risk. If any of them died, it’ll be in my hands, Bucky. You of all people should know that.” I say with a dark tone. He sighs out while brushing his hair back.  

“I know, Y/N. But he is still a kid compared to you. Train him to listen to you. Don’t scare him. The more you shackle someone down, the more they will rebel. You know that.” I stare at him. I don’t like being told what to do, even if there is some truth to what he had said. I look over to the wall in silence. Now I’m getting angry at Bucky.

“He will learn his lesson, Y/N. You know that violence isn’t the only answer when it comes down to this. There is always another way.” I blink. Those words��� sounds so familiar. When I look up at Bucky, another vision flashes through my eyes.

My eyes were teary and I was shouting at him. Pleading him to stop. We were in a dark room with a single light hanging from the ceiling. It looked like an old interrogation room. Bucky had an angry face on, but I was yelling something at him.

“Violence is not the only answer, Bucky!”

The words echo in my mind. I felt dizzy all of the sudden. My vision clears out and I find myself staring at Bucky’s face again. I furrow my brows. I’m tired of these visions coming out of nowhere.

“I respect your advice, Bucky, but this is my team. I’ll decide whatever discipline method that my team members will have when necessary.” I say quietly before pushing myself past him.

I won’t let him get through me again.

I can’t. I know myself. I know I would have shouted at him back for telling me how to do my things instead of agreeing to him. But my decisions and thoughts are no longer mine. I ended up doing things in favour of Bucky’s opinions. I’ve stopped listening to myself and listened to this other feeling deep within me.

With every thought, emotion, vision and dreams, I’m slowly losing myself. After that day, I was no longer that same person. I was different, and it scares me.

I enter my gear room before sitting on the long bench. I rest my head in my hands while taking a deep breath. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to live with this. Live with the idea of another person within my body.

The more I think about it, the more my arms go numb. The more my body grows limp. The more my head grows heavy. The more I feel like my body is no longer my body. I shed a few tears at the thought before straightening myself out.

I look up at the ceiling, listening to my boots scraping against the floor. Maybe if I find out the truth behind these feelings, it might even help me find peace. At this point, I may already believe that Linda is truly living within me. The only thing I need to do now is to figure out what she wants and what she needs.

Maybe then I can end these visions and dreams. Maybe then I can end these thoughts and feelings.

Even end this fear of losing myself.

★ ★ ★

☀  Next Chapter >>

A/N: All right. There you go. Quite intense there. A little rift between Bucky and Reader & Linda there. I wonder how it will all turn out~? I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. <3 

Thank you very much for reading and much love! <3

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